Last bit, and then I'll talk a bit about my story!

---

22. just ignore this one
- It reads like an interesting creepypasta but okay!

23. Cyberpunk: Lunatic Red (Reinsen in Cyberpunk 2077)
- I'm not familiar with this franchise either. I wonder why Reisen took so many pills too, I thought she'd probably be more careful with those

24. (Unnamed Alice Short)
- I like the interview format, since you can imply so much about the interviewer and the interviewee.
- I like the interpretation that Alice is from Makai and that she was sort of made there, that when she went over to Gensokyo she was essentially already set as a person. I also like how Alice here is a bit fogged up with her memories, which suggests something magical
- The ellipsis use here is a little too much for me, but I like how it's used to show the significant pauses in the story, like the pause before 'big things'
- The characterization of Alice as having a bit of a mimetic desire is interesting. Her explicit denial of loneliness at the start is really nice as it shows she's probably very worried about being lonely. I get the impression that Alice is still very much seeking, and that's a nice melancholic feeling to evoke
- Overall an enjoyable melancholic short about Alice

25. Would you like to know more?
- I think this is the Starship Troopers style? I see the irony in it. I've never played Helldivers either, so I can't speak to that game, nor have I read any Warhammer 40K books
- I like the bits about recommended usage, since it evokes scarcity
- I'm not sure about the bits of speech interspersed since that makes me a little confused about the format. Is this some sort of propaganda broadcast being interrupted by a drill instructor? Also, I'm not sure why some terms are italicized and some aren't
- I like the recursive promotion of Reisen into infiltrator
- Overall, I'm not sure about this one.

26. One Shell Too Many

Sen here! Before anything else, 'tom' in the context of my entry is related to 'tomboy', so a 'tom outfit' is an outfit emphasizing more masculine, angular stylings. In my headcanon, it's the equivalent here of a woman with her hair cut short and wearing a turtleneck with pants, sort of the Audrey Hepburn look. Rabbit fashions!

I hope that clears up the mystery and I apologize for confusing everyone.

I vaguely promised a self-review somewhere up-thread. There's not terribly much to say since I've gassed on about thematic matter in responses to others, but I suppose I can make a quick remark about the writing process.

Unlived was a fairly deliberately written piece in a way that I feel other works of mine haven't been. I started from a fairly basic core conceit — someone looking up at the summer sky and feeling wistful — and tried to derive a narrative from that. The choice of Youmu as a central character came from a slightly murky place, but it was a sort of process of elimination of characters I felt could feel wistful about anything; I was also deliberately avoiding Mountain characters this time, as I hew rather close to them in writing. I perceive something of a purity and simplicity of feeling in someone like Youmu, and the starting place was that simplicity in drawing on the longing felt gazing up at the nighttime sky in summer. The rest was a question of what she would long for and how that would manifest, not to mention how to practically tie that up in a thousand words. I feel the construction of it was like an essay in some ways, and I wasn't very sure of it as a story as I was writing. As I've said elsewhere, I felt I may have been beating the audience over the head with thematic ties like the strings, cords, and so on, not to mention the endless severings and cuttings. There were certain bits where I fell victim to trying to be too economical with words in service to the word count, and I ended up being a little awkward in terms of wording. In some ways, I also feel I might have been a bit too simplistic in my approach to portraying things, but I also believe it was suited to the format. Anything more involved would have called for a longer story, so there was little I could really do in that regard.

Ultimately, I'm not sure of my prowess at flash fiction, nor do I feel an especial affinity for the medium, but I did have fun with it on some level. Being able to keep a certain strong focus on a single idea made writing, something rarely simple for me on a certain basic level, straightfo

>>18163
>>18164
Ah, shoot. That's what happens when you, ah, over-focus on, er, certain areas of the picture over others. An easy fix at any rate, if you at all care:
https://files.catbox.moe/el7p3u.jpg
>I had a more silvery hair colour in mind while I was writing it
My thought process went: eagle -> bald eagle's the popular depiction, innit -> so, a smoothed-down, white-ish dome with some kind of yellow/orange accent to evoke the beak. Come to think of it, perhaps looking at bald eagle pictures stuck him with yellow eyes in my head.
>August/September
I'll drop a note and pop the question somewhen closer to that time, then.
>AO3 version
Planning on that soon? I'd like to include a link once I chuck these up in the usual places, some time, finally, eventually.

>>18167
>an interpretation of the peanut trees
Admittedly a bit of an afterthought on my part, and I realise those nuts are the size of award-winning apples, but I wanted something visible there. Yanno?

>>18170
Human I remember your
>interpretation

That Doremy cosplay pic is almost criminally cute.

Just realized I forgot to say what it even is, Gensokyo D20 is a Touhou D&D 3.5 conversion.

Have you tried asking the Touhou Subreddit? Or maybe /jp/ now that 4chan is back online?

>>18013
I remember his posts. He's already been to both, as well as /tg/ and, IIRC, an altchan or two. From what I gathered, most of the rules were found saved elsewhere except for the ones he specified which unfortunately seem lost. About the only thing you could do is try tracking down the author for them, or do your best to homebrew up those monsters and magic items.

>>17973
People said the same about several touhous with little lore, and yet Satono/Mai and Nemuno produced very interesting discussions in the end, leaning precisely into the personal interpretation angle.

>>17976
Exactly!
Also, PC98 characters have the benefit of there not being all that much to know in the first place. Their in-game appearances are basically what they are, you won't even have to do a lot of reading or anything. Which is why I'm suggesting it! The barrier to entry is lower for people who may not really engage with the cast outside of a few favourites, but may still want to comment. And it's just fun! Old works are fun, th1 especially is very fun to talk and think about.

Well, are we going to get new characters to discuss? The irregular discussions thread seems to be active enough, even if people aren't writing huge posts every time. If Teruyo is fed up and doesn't want to run the discussion thread, should someone else take over?

>>17891
Mystery Celebrations author here. A huge thank you for taking the time to analyze the prose of my writing, and for rewriting the paragraph to illustrate your points. I'll definitely reserve some time to learn more about storytelling and rhetorical techniques. I think it'll be valuable knowledge for both reading and writing.
I wanted to focus on the house at the very beginning because I like to have a very good stage for whatever scene is in play. The house was going to be the main setting of my work, after all. I wanted to set the stage and the tone and hook at once. Hook? Yeah, the hook was intended to be the setting of Yukari's house itself, since its still a mystery in canon. But as others have said, thats a trapping of fanfiction - presupposing that your readers are familiar with the material.

>>17892
>But as others have said, thats a trapping of fanfiction - presupposing that your readers are familiar with the material.
My own issue with that mindset/approach is less about familiarity with material being adapted as much as a presupposition of investment by default in particular understandings/interpretations thereof. For instance, I'm not invested in, say, Alice and Marisa being friends unless a very good reason is established within the narrative; i.e., the onus is on the writer to show how that's true and why we should care, not simply tell us that's the case or take it all as a given.

My comments part three.

On Alcohol & Oceans

Sorry, I don't really get it. It's just not a very Touhou-like piece to me. Everything's so surface-level. I don't think Alice is the kind of person to waste emotions on berating herself for mis-timing the fuze on one doll, for example, considering how many she must go through a month. She care a lot about her craft, sure, but she's ambitious about it and, like, owns it in a way that I feel should indicate a more robust attitude towards setbacks. Maybe she just happens to be a sorry drunk, but that doesn't mean that any reason to be sorry is as good a reason as any other, you know? Or, like, Kokoro has personal pronoun confusion and doesn't understand what drinking is? I don't really buy it. Feels like it takes too much of a generic "artificial and/or alien plural-self ingénue" template. Murasa's depressed because she was randomly reminded of the ocean by a total stranger she wanted to fuck? It's all this superficial stuff that's way too easy to reach for, draped over characters who talk and think and act like they could be in fanfiction for any other piece of media.

It's just a bad match for me, I guess. I don't really have anything constructive to say. Maybe the same thing I said to the Ranout: Chen Buren author—try and go beyond just walking and talking and set dressing, and try to actually delve into being. Like... I can't help but compare it in my mind with Sinker, another Ichirin/Murasa piece from elsewhere on the internet. The Murasa there still kind of talks like a fanfiction character; I guess it can't be helped; but on a deeper level she doesn't think that way. Her background informs what she uniquely is and what she uniquely needs, and what happens in the story is driven by that. It's importan

Considering the entire theme of my story, it only felt fair for the contest reward to feature one last Satori fakeout.

But in all seriousness, thanks for being our artist, Kosu. The art you've provided for R/R and USiL both has been fantastic, and as I had no particular ideas on a Mystia story myself, I decided to outsource the problem. And, as per usual, Gooboi's done a terrific job with it - the misadventures of little tiger Mystia were a joy to both read and edit.

And with that... thanks to everyone who was part of the contest, thanks to Gooboi for hosting it, and I'll see you guys when I've got something else written. Until then.

>>17840
I, personally, loved it. Mystia is the sort of person to use the jeweled pagoda as a fuel source for her stove.

My one question is how Kyouko got sent to her.

I'm not crying, someone's chopping onions!

This was completely unexpected and it absolutely made my day, my whole week, everything.
I have to thank both of you, I can't find words to thank you enough, this meant a lot to me!

It's always a pleasure to draw stuff for the worlds you have gifted us, and I'm always happy to help you in any way I can.

Shit Fart Online sucked and VR is a forced meme.

Gensokyo is still not real and VR is shit.

As I'm busy preparing to go out of the country for the next month, I don't have that much time to deal with this thread, so we're going on hold yet again. The thread's near auto-sage anyway, so this is as good a point as any to drop off for now. See you in November with a fresh thread.

In all honesty, maybe you'll just offload the thread to someone else (again) instead of shutting it down?
It doesn't seem like much work to take on, simply post a first post with roll and a second one with collection of canonical sources, that's all for mandatory threadkeeping.

I'll be taking over the character discussion threads for the foreseeable future. This thread is almost auto-saged so new thread:
>>17620

Pretty quiet around here. Guess I'll take that as nobody else having much to say. In which case, here's the face reveal: I wrote The Problem with Civilisation.

In all honesty, it was a struggle to bring this piece to any kind of conclusion. I didn't start with much momentum, and life made it hard to ramp up to any degree. Various obligations that I couldn't put off left me with little focus or free time a lot of days, so there were many days where I simply made no progress at all. That I made it with a couple of days to spare so I could do a perfunctory self-edit and proofread was a feat in and of itself.

It all just underscores that I'm not a writer who can work quickly at all, nor can I very readily reconcile the basic conceptual matter of a story with actual written words. The concept of this piece took me close to a week to even nail down, for instance. I had initially felt like doing something involving tengu, based on one of the suggestions in the OP, but I couldn't come up with anything at all. I suppose the choice of Nemuno was largely due to the Character Discussion Thread. I still had a bit of the discussion about her kicking around in the back of my head by the time the contest started, so I guess she was just sort of an 'easy' choice at the time. She's also deceptively simple as a character. Deceptively.

I say that because I did struggle to feel as if I had a good sense of how to portray the mountain hag beyond the most superficial elements. The particular tone of her dialogue was simple enough, but figuring out what she would actually say, for instance, had me pulling out my hair at points. There were instances where I had to cut back on dialogue for her and try to use Byakuren to push things along instead. Then, when Kenji was actually awake and in the scene, I had to struggle to figure out how she would deal with him. Yes, yes, mommy hag and all, but I wasn't interested in taking the absolute easiest route possible. In that sense, my own struggle to reckon with Nemuno as a character is represented in some of the struggle she has wit

Same poster from >>17559

Otherworldly Flavor

A cute short that felt absolutely like a Touhou work, this one I enjoyed. The characters were used effectively, and I felt like I was reading Youmu and Yuyuko and people with similar names. The theme was simple but strong; Youmu was obligated to fulfill her master's order, and she took the opportunity to go out and party while still getting the job done.

My favorite short in this exhibition. The author had an idea, and they executed it well.

Eientei M.D.

I see the idea; you know how to leave clues, and throughout the story, I felt like I could figure out the mystery. To me, that's where half the fun is, feel close to solving the puzzle and I think you did fine from that angle.

I would like to see you hone your skill in making a mystery. The grammar could use work, but that'll naturally improve the more you write and read. You love House M.D? Watch the episodes and study them; Engage with the media you love and dissect it. You watched your favorite episode? Study and see why it stood out from the rest. Least favorite? Study and ask yourself why it leaves a weaker impact on you.

Be wary of giving a pre-existing character a child. It's a powerful hook and doubly so for someone like Mokou No Fujiwara. It creates intrigue and a lot of questions which is what you want for mystery fic.

Who's the father? Magic exists, so was it with a woman instead? What is the parents' relationship with each other? What is their relation to their daughter and etc.

But the fic wasn't about the daughter, so those questions are left unanswered because it wouldn't affect the actual story. It's a powerful trope so give it serious thought if you really want to make a child oc, or stick to the pre-existing character because in this situation, you could have Mokou and it would not have changed the story.

I hope I can see your writing again in the next exhibition; I'm making an assumption here, but I did feel like you enjoyed writing

Records of a Burdens

I like the story and it did tug at my heart, some things didn't stick the landing for me.

Despite the story's conflict happening because of Akyuu's sense of impending death from her curse, it's odd that it wasn't shown. The closest we get is her hand straining, but that's due to overworking. She tells us how her body reminds her that she should be dead by now, so show us what she's feeling. Keine says she looks haggard, but we never get a physical description of her body outside her writing hand. You can describe how messy her hair is or maybe she couldn't bring herself to put the brush on the paper.

To summarize: Show me what the characters are telling. A short paragraph about Akyuu's body feeling off would go a long way.

Otherworldly Flavors
This is my favorite and it's hard to suggest any improvement. If I could make one suggestion, I would like it if the story had a more prominent conflict. Youmu goes to get snacks for Yuyuko, but there aren't many obstacles that stand in her way. There was the tengu, but the fight was stopped before it started. When Youmu was flying back, I thought that was when the conflict would start and she now had to resist eating all the snacks while drunk, but that didn't happen either.

You could have it that when she was paying for her snack, Youmu realized the money Yuyuko gave her was missing, or she was more tempted to eat all the snacks before reaching home. Anything that would make the reader wonder if she'll succeed in her quest or fail trying.

The Problem with Civilization
I've seen you talk about your struggle in writing, and I want to say I am happy to see your writing in this exhibition. I also appreciate you taking the time to critique my work and show where I can improve. However, there's room for improvement as a writer and a critic.

For writing: Byuakren and her group's whole purpose in the story was to bind Nemuno and Kenji to

Anonymous reviewer. My opinions, humbly submitted for your perusal.

Takeo the Lucky, Written by Kosuzu Motoori for the Good Children of the Vi(scounty of Bragelonne)

WAHOO!

Nah, Kosuzu wouldn't write like this. I see what you're saying about the metafiction angle but it's distinctly purposeless at every layer of metafiction. Within the story itself it's just "flavourless OC dude gets doted on by out-of-character 2hu girls"; one layer up there's no hint of why Kosuzu would be motivated to write something like this or how it's received in-universe or anything like that; and at the top layer there's nothing being conveyed between you and I by the use of this device except that you liked some books you read that used it and you wanted to try it out for yourself.

Well, if you enjoy the conceit of meta-fictional works being purportedly transmitted to the reader through the author as an intermediary, I'd recommend maybe picking up, say, Don Quixote? Pseudotranslations were rather common historically, both as wink-wink-nudge-nudge sorts of affairs (as in the case of Don Quixote) and as deliberate acts of deception, since "older = better" was the default view on written works for such a long time. As far as more modern pseudotranslations go, there's of course a few famous ones by Borges, and (just off the top of my head) Michael Crichton's Eaters of the Dead, maybe? Anyone else wanna chime in?

Gamblers Deliᵹꞇ ~ Bꞃiᵹꞇ Fꞃiᵹꞇ

Tell tell tell you're telling too much and not showing enough. I dunno. It's just kind of bland? Like I'm reading "Sannyo REACTS to stuff happening in her gambling den". Stuff happens but I don't feel invited in at all because it feels like someone DMing their own roleplay or something. It feels like the investment is supposed to come from, like, who gets the social upper hand in this ex

Midtvinter

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LETTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY LIBERA ME FROM THIS SWEATY SUMMER HELL

Hmm. What do I say? There's frankly a lot of, like, uncanny phrasing and word usage throughout that feels like the sentences were worked over with tweezers and stitches rather than a brush, which sort of kills the flow and makes it kind of hard to follow. Like: "a puff from the kiseru twinned with a gesture [...] drew the eye and disabled the thinking mind". Classic garden-path effect—without commas setting off the reduced relative clause, "twinned" is apt to be read as a main verb, leading to disaster when the reader hits "drew". Or "it failed to register with the lascivious levity that was intended in the mind of the dazed man": "in the mind of the dazed man" is of course meant to modify "register", but the closer verb is "was intended", and it again takes a moment to correct the attachment. "deftly damped down on the red embers with fingers moistened by an ashen glob of saliva until it extinguished": "until it extinguished" meant for "damped down", but overtures made towards "moistened" instead.

Or in this sentence: "their focus turning to the >>seemingly<-effortless< manner {that she would turn her head {as if to follow her own enticingly private thoughts or to fix a wayfaring strand of light-colored hair {that happened to find its way across from the >>otherwise< orderly< gathered clump {that flowed from a royal yellow bow atthebackofherheaddownbelowhershoulders}}}}". The parts highlighted with >angle brackets< point out interjected low-content adverbs modifying adjective phrases which in turn are interjected between the "the" and the noun in noun phrases. These are non-trivial syntactic operations, which can be used for effect but which it's better to limit, particularly for low-content applications (unlike in e.g. "enticingly private"). They're kind of everywhere in this piece, and two in the same sentence

>>17455
There must be confusion here, the number of people who refer to Chinese characters as hieroglyphs on the internet should be non-singular.