Ok I'll go first
Hi, I was the omikuji translator! Well, it was only seven slips, not much, really. I expected to be totally snowed under with requests, but THP is a small board after all, and a fair bit has already been translated, so that was a relief.
I was originally going to be contributing as another writer's editor and translator, but he couldn't make the deadline. That was a real shame, because what he did manage to write was pretty good, but life happens, and it's not a big deal anyway. He'll finish it sooner or later, hopefully.
I'll state my bias upfront - even though they've been popular lately and are especially prominent in this year's contest, as only one story has no mention of it, I don't care for breeding fetishes and womb this and impregnate that. Erotic apeal matters to me a fair bit when it comes to lewd stories, so that will play a part in my vote. It's not fair at all, but it was never meant to be, was it? Can't be objective if sex is involved. Anyway, my thoughts were something like...
A Sheep In Wolf's Clothing
Good story! It's well-written and vivid, the environmental feel in particular is good. The ending is funny and even kind of hot, with Yuuma's smug attitude and all. It feels like a proper story too, and not just a bit of setup for a sex scene - which would have been fine, for the record, but not as engaging as literature. Nicely crafted overall. But the sex annoyed me like hell! It's not even really a matter of preferences, it's more about character interpretation. I guess Yuuma's greed being emphasized near the end is thematically sound, but she's not nearly dominant enough for how nonchalantly authoritative she appears outside of the sex scene. She's a mafia boss hitting on her subordinate, doesn't that invite thoughts of all sorts of exertions of power? I fully expected that young and proud eagle, that pretty slender thing, to get properly used and abused, and I was there for it! But no, it's just standard, kind of sweaty, largely vanilla sex. Almost makes me want to have a go at him myself... Okay, maybe it is a matter of preferences, whatever.
Kyouko Kasodani is not a Dog (Supposedly)
This one's quite plain. Which doesn't make it a bad story, not at all, it's alright. The use of Kyouko's ability is neat, and Kenta's interactions with other shrine officiants are pretty cute. It's nice to see Kyouko as a full-figured adult, too. Beyond being a better fit for a sexy story, it just feels fresh. The whole thing just didn't stand out to me all that much. It also felt like her fortune slip wasn't given enough attention - it's really just ZUN's comment that was integrated, unless the references are really subtle, straight up esoteric. Her boyfriend doesn't even seem like someone she can chant sutras with. She greets him properly, though, and doesn't parrot anything he says back, so that will bring her some luck.
[x] Afternoon Moment
Voting for it, I guess. It's actually not the best entry. It's decently well-written, but puts too much emphasis on the protagonist, which makes him a bit annoying, and the time-stopping mechanics raise a few questions - though, really, time manipulation magic is going to have that by default. It's just that it caters to my tastes in many ways. I like craftsmen and tinkerers, I like maids, I like the more casual kind of intimate relationship the two have, I like ability shenanigans, hell, I like karakuri automatons and how they're made, I like the attached image, even. The sex was fun and creative, too. I like seeing two lovers experiment. I kind of wish there were more descriptions of her body, though, you could have gotten a bit more lecherous with it, writer... Well, it felt nice nonetheless.
Rough Night
The premise is pretty good, it's probably the best use of both the assigned theme and the chosen characters here. The haziness of the lewd dream world is captured pretty well too, with the images shifting and all. Ending's kind of funny, not gonna deny it either. The story could use some editing, though. It states the obvious too much! For one, describing characters' outfits every time was excessive, especially because both the reader and Marisa are already going to know what each character is wearing. Or, to provide smaller examples,
>This time she would imagine Reimu was showing gratitude for her hard work in helping prepare for the festival.
There's really no need to give a rundown of what's going to be described in the next bit of dialogue anyway.
Or,
>"Mnahhh," Marisa moaned
The moaning part is already covered by "moaned", it's best not to write out nonverbal utterances like that.
Or her whole post-experiment assessment, actually - the first paragraph was kind of funny with her asserting she's not a sex slave for youkai, so I'd leave it, but the rest of it is basically just re-stating what's already clear to the audience. That put a damper on everything. Well, I don't like neither Marisa nor forceful dick-girls, actually, so that was going to be there anyway.
That bit about Cirno's wordplay fortune (最強/最凶) was pretty funny, by the way.
No Second Chances
Well, first and foremost, seeing my phrasings of certain bits of the fortune in the text was a bit embarrassing, but also very flattering. Thaaaaanksssss.
Another pretty good entry! It's really more of a romance story than a pornographic one. It's the longest as well, so it has enough time to flesh out the central relationship, and does that well enough. The writing is quite good, I actually enjoyed the onbashira festival, it felt nice to read. Quite lively, very Moriya-like.
But... I absolutely do not enjoy that kind of romance, so it was not to my taste whatsoever. I don't like it when gods are made to be so human as well - human enough to find human ideas of romance desirable anyway. It's just hard to suspend my disbelief for. The protagonist concerns me a little, too. It works out for him in the end, but neglecting studies like that to meet up with a girl is beyond irresponsible! Oh well, it's a question of preference and not of quality at this point. The writer did very well regardless. I think this one's going to get a lot of votes, actually.
Eightfold Right Paths, Eight-Times-Brewed Sake
I did say I don't particularly like breeding, but this entry stands out in that sense, because it feels like a proper pregnancy fetish story, and not just one that merely mentions ejaculating inside the womb as a kind of feature of a romantic relationship and/or a penis going inside a vagina. That's respectable! Despite my general taste, parts of it were even enjoyable - Byakuren's dream, for one, it's really erotic. It's pretty cool that both of them impregnate and get impregnated, a neat way to play with roles, for sure. Not for me, but it's got to be good to have it both ways in a pregnancy fetish story, probably.
As literature, it's quite a pleasant read, much like the first entry. The buddhist theming was done quite well too, and their little debates had a lot of charm to them. Well, I mean, I'm not sure how authentic and accurate it all is (I guess the sutras are), but it seems quite thorough. Suika being a lecherous old man of a girl is fun too. And... Happy to see Ikkyuu mentioned, haha. Good overall.
Basically, all entries were at least alright, no obvious duds, I'd say. The contest must have been fun for the writers, because they had a pretty good theme this year, one with a fair bit of opportunity. Makes you come up with all sorts of metaphors. Well, if you pick a good fortune, that is. As it's been pointed out above, not all of them give you enough to work with.
I guess that's what I have to say... I've been quite exhausted lately, so I could've missed something big here... Fwaaaahh
