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File 132971784933.jpg - (75.05KB, 534x401, cave-11-facade.jpg) [iqdb]
I ran. It was all I knew at that moment; the feeling of lead feet and heavy breathing, the pain and terror wracking my body as I moved. One foot after the other, I ran as fast as I could.

The tears were flowing down my cheeks, pressuring me to close my eyes or wipe them away but I couldn’t. Stopping was impossible when I had to keep moving. Tiny scratches littered my arms as I swung them from side to side, smacking aside branches and other foliage as I barged my way through the forest. My eyes flickered side to side, watching for towering tree trunks even through my tear fogged vision.

I tripped and stumbled plenty of times, my clunky boots catching on all sorts of bushes and roots in the darkness of the night. I had landed on my face countless times, dirt filling my mouth and forcing fresh tears to fall. I sobbed and whimpered but didn’t cry or scream my frustrations even as I pushed my bleeding arms underneath myself. I simply got up and kept running.

My mind raced as quickly as my legs did. Why is this happening? Why me? What happened to momma? Why are they doing this? Why? Where are they now? They’re coming, they’re coming! Why? WHY? THEY’RE COMING!

The branches above me shook so I screamed in absolute panic and pumped my legs harder. The branches above continued to shake. I felt them above me, flying or hopping or something right above me and ready to pounce and dive and swoop on me just like they did to daddy, cackling with glee as they ripped and tore at the screaming pile of flesh. I would have been gone forever so I ran faster and faster!

A sudden grip on my leg startled me, tripping me and sending me to the forest floor once more. I sobbed as fresh pain shot through my limb, a claw having ripped away at my exposed calf. I flipped onto my back and stared up at the creature in horror.

Its eyes were a sickly red – demonic and hungry. Its dark form was large and hunched, clawed hands and crooked legs unnoticed because of those eyes, those eyes! Wide, pointed teeth gleamed in the moonlight that managed reached through the trees as it spoke.

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I wasn't really trying to argue to be honest. I was merely pointing out that these things were not 'odd' 'random' and had 'consistency.'

Sorry if it came off as something else.
File 134284809332.jpg - (24.95KB, 479x380, cannon.jpg) [iqdb]
One thing that strikes me from the story (and to a lesser extent the discussion): This version of Alice has a very strong mind already.


"Canon" refers, in context, to original works which fan fiction is inspired by. "Cannon" is a type of artillery piece.
Also, you don't need to capitalize things like "demon", "devil", or "oni", since they're species names and not proper nouns.
Other than that, your technical writing is quite good, and I don't remember seeing any mistakes in it.

>Demons and devils
There are few, if any, consistent features between demons. It's impossible to even tell whether several characters are or were even supposed to be demons or not. (Alice's status as a former human seems to have been a retcon, as she was based on an Alice from another series who was a demon. YuugenMagan, one of the least physically humanoid named characters in Touhou, is also probably a demon.)
However, devils have consistently been winged humanoids with bat wings on their backs. Koakuma had them originally in fanon, and later in a cameo in a canon comic. Three devils, two of which are vampires and all of which are powerful, have also displayed the ability to turn into bats.

>Oni and vampires
The kanji writing of the Japanese word for 'vampire' contains the kanji for 'oni'. Remilia points this out in her route in Immaterial and Missing Power, and in so doing claims to Suika that she is also a type of oni. This is reinforced by the soybean weakness.
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File 134298208655.jpg - (4.37KB, 133x107, this-was-so-funny.jpg) [iqdb]
Relax guys, we’re all friends here, whether you like it or not.

My apologies for the wait on the update. There happens to be a certain Beta event going on that has sucked my time dry.

>Technical writing
Ah, this makes me feel better. I end up doing the drafting and proofreading on my own so I can get a bit paranoid about quality. I can admit that there are errors you might not have noticed, but I’m not going to point them out.

Also, I always split the drafting and the editing of story updates across multiple days, but I don’t put the same effort into these comments. If these seem chock full of errors, that’s because they are.

Just gonna rant about stupid creative works from books to video games that have ingrained the bad habit of capitalizing non-human race names into my boyhood psyche. I try and correct it when I see it, but sometimes I slip up.

>Pig fetus
Well I’m not sure about you, but in my old school system dissecting things was a standard experiment all the little kiddies got to enjoy. They started us off with frogs early on and moved on to the big stuff later.

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Finally, you all are gone. Intruders, fighters, you don't belong here. A life of peace and harmony I hoped to live seamlessly here was destroyed, if only for a moment, all because you had something you deemed important. You overlanders.

Because being "under" someone is something that you humans strive to avoid.
Because being "under" someone is deplorable to your selfish hearts.

I know that the youkai in your realm would never be like that It doesn't matter whether I am underground or not; we're all equals, whether it be food, or as friends. It feels weird, but after being trapped down here with nowhere else to go, those who I’d been taught were enemies are the ones that I now trust.

A loud voice interrupts my thoughts.
"Hey, Naikan!" It's that boisterous oni again. She's probably at the entrance to my burrow; her voice is so loud I can hear it in my bunk.

She was the first to befriend me, and only because I was interesting to her. But, I wasn't acting this way to please her. I choose always to act on my own thoughts, and to reveal myself with my actions. There's nothing I don't hide.

I reply back. "Did you need me for something, master?"

"Get out here, loner," Yuugi exclaimed. "It's like you're trying to kill yourself or something! I haven't seen you in days!"
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[x] "Including your wife?"

Doesn't have the slightest idea about what's happening in this story.
That should be enough votes. Closing votes now, and writing.
Posting from my phone because I haven't been home in awhile.

Anyways, trying to upkeep all of my projects caused me to relapse so not only do I not have a computer, I don't have strength to stand at times. The absence of an update is due to a hospital visit plus rest. I feel well enough to type this up, but don't expect anything from me for at least two months. I need to really slow down, and unfortunately, my health is more important than my story.

Keep it real, and I'll catch you on the flipside.

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File 132421284026.png - (462.39KB, 656x1200, Yorihime is that awesome.png) [iqdb]
[x] Ask Kaguya:
-[x] About the Royal Family and how it works. Is she Yorihime's cousin or something like that?
[x] Try to contact Renko or the fox lady.
[x] Try to contact the reanimated Miko.
-[x] Ask for information and/or assistance.

“Okay. So one more thing, Kaguya.”
“I'm listening.”
“You said something about Yorihime being part of the Royal Family, and you're a princess yourself, so are you blood-related?”
She chuckles for a bit.
“In a way, we are. But 'Royal Family' is rather a loose term, as it applies to every lunarian noble.”
“So it doesn't mean anything?”
“Actually, it means something. How to say it? Lunarian nobles who aren't part of the Royal Family are more or less outcasts.”
“Oh. So Toyohime and you aren't related?”
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How about not-saging? Is that particularly smart?
I forgot.
4E 65 78 74 20 73 74 6F 72 79 20 69 73 20 61 62 6F 75 74 20 74 68 65 20 4D 6F 6F 6E 2C 20 74 68 65 20 6C 75 6E 61 72 69 61 6E 73 2C 20 4D 6F 72 69 61 72 74 79 2C 20 61 6E 64 20 69 6D 6D 6F 72 74 61 6C 69 74 79 2E 0D 0A 0D 0A 0D 0A 4F 68 2C 20 61 6E 64 20 4D 65 69 72 61 2E

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Where Tenshi may at last be put into prose
and where comes to completion the journey of “Garion.”

※ ※ ※

NOW A TIME CAME when even his feet gave under him of the day’s wear.

The young, stern-faced man halted and heaving fell beside a stout dripstone spike bulging from the rugged stone of the cave-floor. The caves had those in many: even as mushrooms sprout after rain, these also grew in each such place where water seeped from atop through the porous rock. ‘Twas the only sound in these dark passages; the water came down in drips from the jet-black ceilings and almost sonorously crashed on the cold stone floors. And it came to pass just so, that one such drip had made its life-goal to reach where none had reached before: down the young traveller’s collar.

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>If this is going to end how I think it ends, YAF might get chased from the site again.

If YAF gets chased out of this site but Kahi is not, there is no justice in this world.
I’ll go off on my own.
Please don't

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※ ※ ※

There was neither star nor moon when they cleared the confines of the twisting caves.

And suddenly there were no dark walls, no more black ceilings hanging ponderously aloft, a weight of a thousand tonnes of earth and stone bearing down on one’s head from every square inch above. And the world was tall and wide, beautiful and limitless. The evening was in full wane now, and the night was in reign, cold, though warmer still than the deep underground.

Garion breathed deeper the cool rain-scented air.

A long time had passed since last he had seen the trees and the mountains, the grass and the sky. A long time it had been since he walked in the surface world; and such was his wonder that he paid but the scantest attention to the yawning chasm whence they arose, which loomed now behind: a rent in the green expanse of beech- and oak-wood. The eyes of the blond man and his roguish cat-eared chauffeur, however, were locked ahead: where a distant hill loomed and glowed, like a star borne from dark earth.

And what a star that was!

The hill itself sparkled with dozens of lamps and small fires, but even at its foot snaked a comet-like tail of even more lights: tens, hundreds of stalls and attractions spread along the meandering highway that joined the shrine and the town and the rest of the Land. And now that grey highway glowed with cheer and merriment, and even from so afar the music and the talk of dozens of adults and children alike could be heard, carried for miles by the wind.

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I also am troubled by that. I fear that either Garon or our author have fallen ill of mind.
I think you've fallen ill of the mind.
in after

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Please refer to >>/shrine/33238 before reading on. Thank you. And now for your unscheduled update.


※ ※ ※

It was later that Garion rose finally from the steaming water of the bath, braced now, warm and invigorated.

As he climbed from the sumptuous tub and sauntered, dripping, to wipe himself on one of the downlike towels, he recalled again yet that which had transpired after the concise exchange between him and his hostess; for it caused him great perplexity – so great in reality he had spent all bath turning it over in his mind.

“I'll take these to your room,” said to him the tiny woman. She had stood by then, and helped him remove his rucksack and coat. Shamed though he was, Garion was weary, and he did not push her away, though he might wish. “Go and bathe,” she ordered next, even as she still undressed him; “you smell, Garion, and I wager you are dead on your feet from all the hiking and tramping. Cold, too, I bet. Get it out of your bones. And don't be afraid to take your time. I'll go to the kitchen and see if I can round up everything you'll require in the meanwhile. See me there when you're done. I'll be waiting. Why? I thought I'd like to watch as you work, Garion, that's all. I might just learn something myself... well, among other things. Oh, and please, don't let it bother you—not at all. I can wait. I'm quite good at that, actually – wouldn't you agree? No, don't answer, please; I wouldn't want you to wrick your tongue assuring me of your best intentions. Anyway, I'm pleased to say that my sister has returned—finally, I might add—and so has my other pet, Utsuho – so that'll be all five of us eating tonight, counting you. A lot of work to make food for that many, isn't it? But don't worry – I won't fit in all that much, I don't think. I've been feeling as if I had a brick sitting in my stomach ever since last night. I wonder why. No, don't speak; I don't really care to know. Anyway, that's it. Go, Garion,
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Huh. I was thinking more along the lines of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FW02c5UNGl0
File 133080242786.jpg - (18.45KB, 533x72, Clipboard02.jpg) [iqdb]
Oh man, musicals! Love em. Just wait for my My Fair Lady reference.

Also, hope you're satisfied, Herr Doctor.
I am satisfied. No more V2 for you.

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>Well, only one way to get rid of something like this...

Urgh, one thing's for sure, you can't stay here in Rin's presence. Not right now anyways. Your mind is in an awkward phase right now. It would be best to leave her be for now since she seems intent on sleeping a while. You should check on her later though as she still seems a bit under the weather.

You walk out of the bedroom and gently close the door shut tight. Afterwards, you head out into the living room and lay out on the love seat, feeling rather exhausted. This is all too much for you to handle. You swear you're about to burst. It's horrid enough there's some serious moral issues going on here. I mean, what are you gonna tell Satori? Hi I'm fucking your pet cat? You swear, if you ever muttered that phrase in the human village, you'd be hanged. Not hung the way you are now, of course. You can't believe Rin has degraded your standing to this. Your urges, your desires, your...lust. You could go on and criticize the girls you know, Marisa for being too childish looking, Alice for being too lanky and proper, and Keine-sensei for simply having two gigantic marshmellows you could suffocate in. Rin's body is practically perfect. Admittedly, it's probably the first female body you've seen naked in a very long time. But...still.

Even against all the repression you can't help but feel that maybe there is some sort of genuine attraction to Rin going on here. I mean, while you get along really well with Marisa, and talk occasionally with Alice and Keine-sensei, with Rin, it feels so...natural. Talking with her is pretty much always fun and never boring, and although you haven't taken Rin out much since the invident with Marisa, the times you did were an utter blast. You look forward to taking her to the human village again, even if she herself had to repress all her ugly talk about death around the people. You two started off on odd ends at first, but after you got to know each other, it got a lot better. Especially after you got over your stubbornness with not wanting to get along with her, brought on by the fact that you
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Well it's something new here and something Rin would do once she found out about this holiday.
Jajjaja, poor Satoshi. He'sno match for Orin's.

Still was a fun read; gj Sukima

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It's the dawn of a new day. The morning sunshine leaks in, filtered mainly by your curtains. Your room is that of a highly victorian style, looking like it came straight from england.

Oh, right. England...you only just recently learned of the existence of the outside world. Yet you're already quite used to the idea. Gensokyo is only but so big. The world outside must be even bigger. Supposedly they're much more technologically advanced too. Gensokyo went through it's industrial revolution a while ago. Factories, clockworks and steel run the majority of the land now. Youkai are still as prominent as ever though, despite the fact that they used to be against this kind of revolution.

The central city, the capital Risou, is where everything happens. All the work, circulation, everything. You just happen to live in one of the upper quarter areas with your parents and little brother. Your house is actually several stories tall, but it's divided into three separate living quarters, other people happen live in the other two. You live in the quarter highest up, not to mention your room is on the top floor, so your balcony gets quite the view. Your parents are but ordinary workers, your father is an engineer, much like your grandfather, and your mother is a stay at home mom for the most part. You yourself are but 14 years old, with your little brother coming in at half that, 7. Your parents are somewhat young for having children such as you and your brother, but it was something of a wish of your grandfather.

You choose to think about your grandfather a little later. You need to get up. You hop out of bed and open the curtains. Another beautiful morning. The sun is still rising. The people in the lower quarters must still be living without direct sunlight. The streets, though small, are empty. Transportation in the capital is limited strictly to small steam powered trains, mainly used for mass transport. Any other method of getting around has to be done on foot without any help from wheeled mobiles and such, so the streets are fairly thin. As a result, a lot of buildings are often packed and knit closely together. You could probably throw something into the
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And I forgot my fuckin' sage. Don't post completely out of it kids.
I tried voting. It came through with a fatal error, and it showed before and I totally forgot to put it back in again till now.

[x] Happy. You think you want to cry some more.
[x]Determined. Things can't continue like this.

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Silent night,

"You idiot, Okuu!"

Holy night,

"Immoral cat!"

All is calm,

"You big-breasted clumsy three-eyed oaf!"

All is bright,

"And you're an unlucky cat always in heat!"
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Hmmmm interesting. I always thought "A/N" ment "author's note", but The Oxford Dictionary of Abbreviations actually defines it as "advice note".
File 132477142556.jpg - (185.73KB, 600x1400, c82b32c2ff1c41d4ebe050a503e962ee.jpg) [iqdb]







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> "Satori, you know that story you told us?" Satori nodded. "Didn't that happen two weeks ago?" And Satori nodded. Utsuho realized that Gensokyo was never going to be the same again.

> All those other short stories across the image board

Everything is coming together.

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[x] Create a deadly neurotoxin to spend time.

“Eureka! Saw that, idiot rabbit? Of course you can't! I just created something strong enough let you die in a fearsome and painful way! And what you understand? NOTHING! Freaking nothing! I envy you sometimes, being idiot must be a blessing. But I do enjoy that genius brain of my. Thanks to it, I could create.... THIS!”
Raising the bottle over your head, you scream in joy. What you made is something horrible, a disgusting poison from your twisted yet wonderful mind! A wonderful poem, to death, and torture! A disgustingly perfect and slow death! This is what you made, by mixing average neurotoxin to aphrodisiac! According to your prevision, the victim will first feel horny its body will slowly goes numb, and in the end, be totally paralyzed, leading to a death by asphyxiation! Of course, you're still alive during the whole process, to make things worse! But isn't it better to die while having a boner? Hey? Besides, you're pretty sure that hanged peoples died while ejaculating! How elaborate from you, because, in the end, anyone being poisoned by this will leave this world in an orgasm. Man, you are so horrible and twisted, you actually love yourself for being like that! Now, if you could just turn this liquid into a gas, everything would be perfect. Perhaps if you use another toxin?
Oh. Someone spoke. And that's not Reisen. Nope. That's that chain-smoking brown haired girl with a nice hat, Renko Usami.
“Hello Renko. Hey, it rhymes. So what's up? Wanna have an innocent and totally not suspicious drink?”
For some reason, she's avoiding your eyes, not looking at you directly. That's not bothering you, since you're far more bothered by the fact that she's smoking in the laboratory. But you're not going to lecture her, she's old enough to know what she's doing.
“He's coming.”
“Mmm? Who? Zalgo? The Antechrist? Reagan?”
“The one you're supposed to get rid of.”
And with that, she disappears. Just like that. You just blink, and “poof”, she's no longer here. That's funny, when you t
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.... Fucking brilliant.
that ".sock" made my day.

For no reason.
Next thread at: >>8433

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