You are Parsee Mizuhashi, a Persian (hashihito) who became a bridge princess (hashihime) for the sake of a wicked pun, although it's also likely that it actually goes the other way around. You're no longer sure which is which.
That's it, though. While the whole Hell - Hell whole? - knows you as the sulky, jealous overseer that tends to that fancy bridge yonder, they tend to overlook your single passion in this dark, musty place: cracking awful puns. You could even say that it's more than a mere passion interest to you, considering that your species and/or your cultural identity is somehow based on a play on words.
As usual, today's not a very exciting day to guard the sole passage between the surface world and the Old Hell. Even though you're going to turn away any coming visitors anyway, you can't help but feeling a bit lonely being here by yourself. Sometimes you just wonder if you and the bridge you're guarding are separated at all, both of you having to stand in the middle of nowhere for all eternity.
Well, you then quietly assess, the bridge is probably better than you, since she can't feel angry - nobody crosses her anymore, after all.
And there's no "have to" on your part to guard the bridge too, you further thought. This is a self-imposed task you're placing on yourself, isn't it? If you want to, you can totally go to the surface or deeper to the Old Hell. Maybe you should...
[ ] ...go higher, find that spider and insult her mother. [ ] ...go lower, find that oni and see if she'd like to play card games. [ ] (Write-in*)
*For the write-in choices, it's essential that there's a pun, horrible or otherwise, that underlies Parsee's activity. Otherwise, she might just lose interest. It's probably good for you to explain the pun in spoiler tags too, since I may just not get it. I'll explain the puns if you ask.
Motorcycles? What sort of contraption is that? You could Harley be bothered about such things.
Still, your thoughts stray toward Yuugi as you start to make your way toward into the city of Old Hell. It's a tough decision to make, to be sure - you can hear your sub-conscious protesting with each step you take. What are you thinking, she says. Yuugi annoys you. Do you know why Yuugi annoys? Because she can't stay quiet.
You sigh at your punny mind. Alright, you've never liked that boisterous oni that much, but you don't really have too much choice at this juncture. You've drilled the point that you're bored for so many times, and you want some sort of company, even if it's in the form of Yuugi Hoshiguma. Who knows, you hastily tried to reassure her, maybe it wouldn't be that bad.
Well, here we are, you thought. The same old, same old part of the town. Empty, run-down houses are crowding the sides of the street, now looking too wide with no other pedestrians in sight. There are no Prismrivers around, but you can be sure that there's abandoned capital right here.
Not so much, though, you sigh. You reluctantly said hello to the enthusiastic oni running toward you, who must've spied you from a direction away.
"Why you've never come to visit me, huh? Huh?!" She places your head in a lock before you could react, leaving you to struggle haplessly.
Sorry, sorry, you hastily blurt out. Yep, this girl is as crazy - and drunk - as ever.
"Heeeeey, it's alright," she said, finally letting you go. You straighten your hair and frown disapprovingly. "It's all water under the bridge, am I right? Heh, it's funny because your name--"
Shut up, you say, leave the puns to the expert. You're here just because you have nothing better to do, so you're wondering if she has anything interesting to do, since she looks so damn happy all the time. Maybe a card game, or something--
"A spellcard game?!" Her eyes sparkle with delight. It's almost terrifying.
What the hell, you exclaimed, and you're not describing your geographical vicinity. No, no, you're looking for something much less violent. Maybe poker or--
"Poker?! I hardly knew 'er, aaaahahahahaaaaa!" She chortles with such mirth, while you feel like you want to cry.
It seems like she's not going to settle for any lesser games. You...
[ ] ...Whine at her. Speaking of whine, suggest that you two should go and have a drink instead. [ ] ...Shoot at her. It might be an aimless game, but you won't know what you're missing otherwise! [ ] (Write-in*)