Your name is Hakurei Reimu, and you have a headache.

You groan, your eyes opening to a hazy wooden roof. Your head starts throbbing as you recall last night, and how that little bastard of an Oni convinced you to try and have a drinking competition with her.

Oh, you're no lightweight, of course, but you're not a heavyweight drinker either. You can down a bottle or two, but then you have to stop or you lose all reason, which is not very good for you.

How Suika managed to convince you to do that is beyond you. "I'm going to get that little oni..." you growl underneath your breath, and stand up from the little futon you're lying on before stalking out to the main room.

Your head is still throbbing, and looking around the shrine, you're reminded why you sometimes still miss that robot maid you gave away: the shrine can get messy. Very messy.

And being the sole responsible resident of the Hakurei Shrine, the job of cleaning up goes to you.

Sighing, you walk to your front door, planning on going to the nearby shed where you keep the broom. You would keep it in the shrine, but you don't wont some youkai stealing it.

You open the door.

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>>/i/704 This will be filled quite heavily with some of my better edits after the month is over.

>>191322 Previous Thread
>>188147 First Thread

[X] Let the whappings begin. You find a certain deep satisfaction to this.
[X] Defend the flower after 4 whaps!
-[X] This all started for a bad joke you couldn't even finish!
--[X] And defending you like this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you.
---[X] Of course, that means you deserve a share in the whapping... Oh shit.

— - — - —

The first strike... Wow. That dented the armor. "Auntie, wait, stop, it's hard to get those dents ou—"

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You are Truthbreaker. You have some family issues.

You are almost sure that your mother, the self assigned "cruelest witch of the universe", loves you dearly, though her love involves far too much bodily harm for any person good. Having recently survived her latest genuine attempt to kill you by some struck of luck and a healthy amount of paranoia, you decided to abscond where she would be less inspired to demonstrate her very unique brand of love. As far as possible, and then some.

Your father, a celebrity in his own right, taught you everything you know about killing witches and saving damsels in distress, which has helped to endear you very much to your much loving mother. His relation with your mother, albeit genuine, is what any sane person would call "complicated". He tried to kill her the very first time they met, which is as far as you are concerned the proper reaction to her. Or maybe it was her who tried to kill him, the story was never very clear to you.
This makes family reunion understandably difficult.

You decided to take holidays in Gensokyo, purely to piss your arch-nemesis, Yukari Yakumo, off. You’re not quite sure what step two of the plan is to be, but the first step was certainly a reward in itself. Seeing the purple hag pass through seven different layers of apoplexy before glaring at you is a memory you will cherish for years to come. After digesting the idea, the same way she would digest a particularly rancid helpless human baby, Yukari assured you that, for as long as you did not make any trouble, you were welcome in Gensokyo. You certainly commend her for saying that with a straight face. The thousand of years worth of experience in lying, cheating and baby eating probably helped.

You assured her you had no trouble in mind and she topped it by saying that she wasn't a vindicative woman. That last quip probably made all the magical lie detectors of the region explode through sheer metaphysical potency.

Now that you are getting there, though, you can’t help but have the nagging feeling that you should be polite. You can thank your mother’s – brutal - teachings for that advice: people r

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THREAD ONE: >>185269
THREAD TWO: >>185998
THREAD THREE: >>186634

OKAY, REAL TALK FOR A MINUTE BEFORE I GET STARTED.

CLEARLY I CANNOT FINISH ANYTHING UNLESS I HAVE A DEADLINE ON MY ASS EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. THAT'S WHY I'M PUTTING A SWORD OVER MY NECK FOR THIS.

I WILL PUT OUT AN UPDATE EVERY DAY UNTIL THIS TALE IS FINISHED. IF I MISS A DAY, I'M KILLING THE STORY RIGHT THERE.

WE'RE IN GODDAMN SUDDEN DEATH NOW, FOLKS. UPDATES WILL PROBABLY BE SMALL. THEY WILL LIKELY BE SHIT. BUT BY THE EMPEROR, I'M GETTING THEM OUT OR I'M GOING TO DIE TRYING.

BUT THEN, THAT WAS HOW THIS WORKED WHEN WE STARTED, ISN'T IT?

HERE WE GO.

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>>169829


[x] Let Youmu have this chance to show her stuff!
[x] Use the Dex

Aw. It looks like there's no way out of this without fighting, huh? ...That's pretty disappointing, but... Well, Youmu seems to be pretty into it. She's sure ready to fight, so...

"...Um, go ahead, Youmu." You say, a little hesitant to actually authorize the violence that's about to proceed.

Youmu immediately moves in front of you, skidding up to the edge of the water and readying her sword as she stares up and out towards the Cirno who has been mocking your group, her whole body tensed like a coiled spring ready to release.

Mima only huffs for a moment before floating back to you and leaning on your shoulder, declaring that she's willing to let Youmu have dibs this time. Besides, she prefers actual challenges and not sacks of hot air.

Yukari remains wary atop your head, not actually going back to sleep as you feel her settle down to watch what's coming up.

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Bloody fucking rain. Of course it had to fall now of all times, heavy enough to guarantee I won’t have a dry or warm inch on me anywhere. The chill is already settling. To boot, I’m running upwind: the heavy raindrops blind me almost completely, I see nothing but a barrage of water.
This godawful city too. Barely any light in this stretch of wretched slum to navigate by, random garbage strewn all over the horribly uneven, muddy ground. Were I anybody else, I’d already be sprawled face down on the water with a broken leg or two. Even through the rain, I can smell the rot here, and the people living in it.
And what’s up with these fucking clowns, what do they think they’re doing chasing me in this kind of weather, in the middle of the night? I knew they were stupid, but this is something else entirely. They can’t even catch me when it’s bright and sunny, what are they hoping to accomplish? Anybody else in this city would have been left alone by now, for fuck’s sake. Many have, actually. I’ve offered bribes and everything else you’re supposed to do, what’s the deal?

It’s all shit. I hope this city burns to ash, that everyone in it gets taken by the kasha to burn in hell, that the ground where it stood gets salted, cursed and nothing grows on it ever again. I hate it all.


I grin.


Hop, hop. The idiots chasing me are already losing ground, and we’ve barely gotten started. Over puddles and holes, over cat-sized scurrying rats. Around the corner into a one-man-wide alley, over a fence, out again, around another corner. I stumble over a beggar trying to take shelter and leave him sprawled on the water. Tough luck, buddy.
I avoid climbing to the roofs: this part of the city is too poor for it. I’m more liable to step through a shoddy roof and break my neck than make a clean escape.
It’s not too long before the already barely audible clinking and yelling behind me fades completely, drowned out by the deafening white noise of rain. I slow to a jog, turning through a few more alleys just to be sure. What’s wrong with these guys? It’s been what, 5 years? They still haven’t learned that they have no chance o

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[x] Hina and then Merlin

[x] Software Engineer

~p+p~

First, you need to go and fetch the misfortune goddess. It’s only been an hour, maybe two, but it feels like it has been forever. Perhaps she might be able to calm down any crazy situations that might arise. With the decision in mind, you stroll up the staircase, keeping a watchful eye on every inch. Who knows whether a stray box or a loose sock may be looming, ready to send you spilling back down the staircase.

Your passage up to the top of your home does not take long at all, thankfully, and soon you are in front of the door to her temporary home. After a momentary hesitation, you reach up and knock at the door with a sharp rap. After a pause, the door handle turns and the door swings open.

Hina is currently kneeling on the ground, facing away from the door. You see one of her ribbons whip to the side and back around her arm as you enter in. She does not look up to acknowledge you, choosing instead to continue her study of the floor beneath her. “Hey there, Hina. What are you doing?” She does not respond immediately, and you can’t help but to clear your throat shortly. “If you’re busy, I can leave you be to it.”

“It isn’t so much. I’m just trying to ensure that I’ve gathered as much misfortune as I can.” The goddess turns her head, inclining it slightly and not meeting your eyes. She seems to be instead inspecting your feet. “I may have been a little over enthusiastic with my earlier actions… Your house may be a little overly full of it as a result.”

“Well, I did want you to take care of it. It may have been a bit much, but in the end, it worked. ...I think. Don’t think she’s caused any more trouble directly since then.”

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You button the last button on your immaculate white coat and pull down the brim of your matching hat. Quite the shock to find such a thing in your mail, but you will hardly complain about that. A promotion is never a bad thing. Suspicious, maybe, and concerningly vague, definitely. But, in and of itself, a promotion tends to be a good thing. "Captain Meira..." You smile a bit at the sound of it. You, a decorated officer. Funny how these things work out, huh? You chuckle a bit, deciding to look over your things before you get going for the docks.

Your sword may not be quite what they'd call standard, but you managed to dress it up to fit the look. They don't need to know that it's not that flimsy thing they gave you. ...Honestly, the sword's the only thing of real value in there. It's why you plan to keep its case by your side in transit. If you were to lose it, you would never be able to forgive yourself.

As you head for the door, luggage in tow, you take one last look at the picture hanging on the wall. Your cheeks tug back down for a moment, but you shouldn't be sad about it; it's been two years already. "Rest in peace, Mina." You give the picture a quick peck, before putting it away in the luggage. You don't want to forget this, do you? You did promise you'd never let her memory die, and you're not going to be proven a liar any time soon.

Inspired by another quest elsewhere, and considering Valentine's Day is only a few days gone, I feel like I can still safely try for something romantic without being too late. I don't promise swift updates – I write other things here that also deserve my time and effort, and frankly starting this story is a terrible, terrible idea on my part, but the idea was sticking with me and I want to see where it goes.

Now, let's get on with the show, shall we? Apologies ahead of time for this first update being on the exceptionally short end – an unfortunate consequence of character creation.

***

You have to admit, your days don't usually involve you being kidnapped, tied to a (exceptionally comfortable, you have to admit) chair, and stuck in a room black as pitch and only slightly less suffocating.

What makes this even more unusual is that, just a moment ago, you were doing something else entirely, and then WHAM, said the universe, YOU ARE NOW KIDNAPPED.

Right now, you're currently feeling–

***

[ ] Clueless: One moment you were dozing off on your flight back home to the States, and the next you were here. It's times like now you curse airport security; traveling unarmed always bites you in the ass whenever something like this happens. (Outsiders are hardly knowledgeable about Gensokyo and the dangers therein, but you have experience dealing with strange lands and stranger troubles, and possess an exotic air some natives will be fascinated by.)

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This is not going to be a serious quest but goddammit it's November and I should try to write something daily, contest or no.

LET'S SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR THIS TO CRASH AND BURN.

**********

It's really quite a surprise when you wake up again, considering your thoughts on the afterlife.

It's an even bigger surprise that you're firmly within nature's terrible grasp inside a forest, full of BIRDS and GRASS and SUNLIGHT, considering you were riding through an underground railroad when you got disemboweled.

If you were less reserved with your words, everything within a mile would hear you hollering something along the lines of 'choke on it, Death, NEO WINS AGAIN!'

Or maybe not, because when someone's all noisy in nature, that someone tends to get eaten by Grimm.

In any case, you pick yourself up, check yourself over, and scowl deeply, because your clothes are sporting a nice big cut across your stomach. On the one hand, you suppose you should be grateful torn clothing is the only sign anything happened to you at all, when by all rights your guts should be spilling out of the gaping hole that isn't there now but definitely was the last time you were conscious. On the other hand, that skull-faced bitch is in for a good shanking next time you see her.

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