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"And that's that," the miko's shrill voice commanded, "Now call off your 'Makai residents' from flooding my neighbourhood!"

Shinki slowly sat up, groaning. The palace looked liked a war had been fought in it, bits and pieces of crystal were floating around, some walls had collapsed, puddles of blood and sweat were plastered across the floor. The four intruders (plus turtle) had all converged in the center of the room and stared down on her with expressions varying between mockery and exasperation. In the other corners of the room, Shinki could see poor Yumeko and the three witches struggling to get up.

Such destructive power... an idea struck her suddenly. Why not swat two flies with one catcher?

"Ooh, to think that I would lose to ones such as you." she whined while standing up. "Directly interfering in a civilian business portal will give me a headache for decades to come and grant me at least two heresies to deal with. At least have some tea and a talk? I'm sure you are interested in relaxing after a hard-won victory? Perhaps you'd like to hear a counter-offer as well?"

She smiled when the four agreed. This might just work out for all of us after all.


Reimu found the tea to be strange but acceptable, the lemon-scented drink with the juicy taste was a welcome respite from the all-pervasive miasma that passed as air around here.

She carefully sat down her crystalline cup. It was instantly refilled by one of the little devil maids who flittered around the grand table, serving tea and snacks. She sighed contentedly and picked it up again. I could get used to this.

The other discussions at the table were slowly dying down. Mima and Yuuka had ended up in a discussion with Shinki about temporal and planar mechanics. They all had their own pocket realms after all and seemed to be comparing notes. Reimu couldn't make head or tails of the bits of their conversation that she unders
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>He's just a fag that doesn't write anymore because his mental instability and life issues got the better of him and came crashing down.
Who is 90% of THP's writers?
good thread
sage, nooblet - do you speaketh it!?

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Sakuya stood at the table at the end of the gathering room in the mansion, speaking to everyone seated on the benches opposite her, which consisted of Meiling and nobody else.

“I have an announcement for you. You are all to kiss Remilia’s hairy arse, and then storm the walls of the Human Village, but first, we must have an auction to sell this tiny little sword.” Sakuya reached behind the table to pull out what looked like a steel cocktail sword and put it on the table. One could hear the joints in her arm crack as she did so. “I can’t even see it it’s so fucking small. Is there any takers?”

“Uh,” Meiling slowly raised her arm, looking around the room as she did, “I.. have an offer… for the maid,” Meiling adjusted her beret by moving it up and down twice, “the chief… maid- in the, uh, weird hat, uh, I offer fifty yen, for that thing.” Meiling breathed in.

Sakuya looked incredibly offended, “Fifty yen!? You are a peasant, I want seventy-three!”

Seventy-three,” Meiling stood up from the bench, “FACKING YEN,” Meiling then proceeded to take the top half of her dress and undershirt off, the beret flying off with it.

YOU MUST BE A PHUCKING MADMAD, YOU MOTHER FUCK-” Meiling charged the table and leaped over at Sakuya-


I’m sorry.
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What I wouldn't give to find out what eggnog tastes like.

This the proper board?

Oh, well.


“Christmas? What’s christmas?”

You and Sekibanki simultaneously react to Kagerou’s ignorance of what is probably one of the most well-recognized dates of the year in the outside world by spitting out your tea. If Keine’s shouts of protest are any indication, you’ve both chosen the same unfortunate target for the synchronized spit-take.

“How can you not know about christmas?” you ask, turning to the direction Kagerou’s voice came from.

“Er, well… It’s not like I haven’t heard of it!” she protests, clearly sounding pressured. “They celebrate it at the Moriya shrine, I just don’t know what it is exactly.”

“It’s a holiday celebrated by Christians,” Keine calls out from somewhere near where you remember her kitchen to be. Most likely toweling off. “The Hakurei shrine already has to compete with the Moriyas, Buddhists and Taoists for faith so Reimu’s been making sure that no other religion from the outside world establishes a foothold.”

“If Gensokyo were a ship that means she’d be tossing missionaries overboard,” you muse. Of course, them being youkai who can fly the implication is lost on the three. “She’s not killing anyone, is she?”

“Well, there was that poet a while back,” Keine says as the sound of her shuffling to sit down beside you is interrupted by you spitting out your tea. Again. On her. “Seriously?!”

“Totally unrelated, that guy,” Sekibanki says. “Reimu’s not killing missionaries, she’s just been sending them back out quicker than the rest. That’s why Christmas never caught on in Gensokyo.”

But then, if she knows this, why did she also—?

“The tea was hot.”

“Ah.” She’s getting better at reading your expressions.

“I don’t understand, though,” Kagerou says. “Why is this ‘Christmas’ so important to you?”

That’s something that you can’t explain without going into religion, a topic you’d rather avoid in a place where different religions apparently wage war on ea
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I wasn't aware that eggnog was something you could make at home to be honest. Always thought that was something you could only buy in the states. Gotta love Asian Christmas.

I didn't even know they sold ready-made stuff. I must be getting old.
>Nemuno's THP debut
Actually, someone on /at/ beat OP to that.

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I should check more, but I had to make a decision. This is fine.


Laugh. Think. Believe the ideas created. Life can flourish on its own. But it needs to exist with life to do so.

Even with that white hair. Even with those eyes that will see everything in an eternity. I could stop. Like my footsteps. Just. Like. This. Or maybe, pause, do something different, defying what is considered logic. Defying “logic” and “reason”, as defined by others. Or whatever it is that's the argument. Or criticism. No, this is just a bit of my venting on something unrelated to her now. And even that wouldn't be right. Yes, this is pitiful. But what's important isn't the intention, but the existence of understanding the meaning behind two thoughts. Two thoughts. Right. Now I'm just exaggerating.

But really. If someone's annoyed by a bit of bamboo and can't observe the forest, then I don't quite understand it. But I suppose I see her annoyance the same way, on a tangent direction.

Someone might have noticed by now. But I can afford the time. I know, without certainty, that I will be able to escape. And even if I get caught somehow, there are no consequences for me. No. I'm not some almighty existence that defies the logic of power. I am not magically resistant and capable to overcome every challenge I face. Especially not in Gensokyo.

“I'm not lost.”

I hope that's all I need to say.

Even though her hands don't come out of her pockets, I know I've caught Mokou's attention.

“A human from the outside? Are you new? Follow me.”

...Or maybe not. Looking like a human peasant from the village would've helped, but even that disguise would probably fail.

I thought I was being as clear as I could.

“I'm here for you.”

I'd say her name, but anyone could probably figure it out with some research. So less words, more focus. I realize that this might place a target on my chest, but I'm not worried about that. If I was facing Satori, or Yukari, or even Remilia, maybe I'd be a bit concerned. Not because they'r
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The crunching of paper.

So wet. So moist.

Your tiny boat didn't stand a chance.

The water kept seeping in… You could feel it penetrating the borders.

Shriveling the skin. Turning the paleness into a sickly, wrinkled yellow.

The hat, ribbon torn by the current. Your skirt, shrinking and ripping as you claw for air.

Your arms burn, nearly ripping at the seams as you struggle to breathe. Struggle for the surface. Water invades your chest. So close. The sun is so close. Freedom.


You awake with a start, through your gasp doesn't come; your chest is too waterlogged to be useful for anything but coughing. "KOISHIIIII!!" You look around in greater alarm. That was your sister's voice! You attempt to rise, but find yourself flapping uselessly, a pair of clothespins keeping you in place. You shake your hair, trying to force some of the water off of your floppy form, but it's no use. You have a hard enough time seeing, though; your body is all wavy and wrinkly. You can barely see past your chin!

One thing's certain: you'll have to get down from here. You flop back and forth, trying to free yourself, but you feel so heavy. You try to bend up and grab at the pins, but can't reach. You're just too soggy; you certainly don’t have the strength.

And then you land on the floor with a splat when your arteries manage what you failed. It seems that they took your boot dagger and cut the line.

You lie on a floor you've never stood on, staring up at the ceiling you've never seen as you try to at least flatten out. It... doesn’t work. You’ll need the warm press of your comforters at home to do the job. However, you do manage to peel your head off the floor to look for your sister… wherever she may be.

You stand on legs that feel like they will break apart at any moment, taking in your surroundings. There's a floor, walls and a ceiling, sure, but this also seems to be a cell. The flat metal bars holding you within are proof enough of that. They’re not even nice eno
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“Woah Daiyousei, the view from your house is so awesome!”

At the end of a long day, along the shore of the Misty Lake, in the uppermost branches of a certain tree were two young fairies. At first glance, this would not seem to be such an unusual thing to find in the land of Gensokyo. Gensokyo was home to many trees, with many young fairies frolicking among the many branches, usually making mischief for any unsuspecting humans or youkai below. What made this particular tree so unique was the fact that these two particular fairies were not frolicking at all, but were in fact sitting. For this particular tree was planted in just the right spot, that the waterfalls and rivers of the Youkai Mountain could be seen reflected in the calm waters of the misty lake, set aglow in the beautiful oranges and yellows of the setting sun.

“Thanks Cirno. This view is the whole reason I picked this tree to live in.”

The two fairies sat close together, contentedly watching the sunset in silence. However, although the view was breathtaking, one of the fairies found it difficult to focus on it. For this fairy had something weighing heavily upon her mind.

This is it Daiyousei, the fairy thought to herself. You’re all alone with Cirno watching a beautiful sunset together. Now is the perfect chance to tell her how you really feel about her.

“Um… Cirno. There’s something really important that I have to tell you.”

“What’s up Dai?” Asked the ice fairy, quickly taking her eyes off the view to focus on her friend.

“Well… you see,” Daiyousei nervously began. “We’ve been friends for a long time right?”

“Sure have. For as long as I can remember.”

“Yeah,” Daiyousei continued. “And whenever I’m with you, we always have lots of fun together.”

“Sure do,” Cirno agreed.

“And whenever a strong youkai or someone scary like Reimu comes along, you’re always there to protect me. So even though I always get really scared when stuff like that happens, I know that everything will end
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"Graaaagh! I've had it!"

Luna Child punched the nearest available tree trunk in frustration, stirring up a cloud of startled insects.

"We've been wading, through a swamp, in the rain, for four hours. I'm covered from head to toe in mud, mosquito bites and bug guts, because some genius had the bright idea of swatting them with a giant exploding hammer!"

She slumped against the tree and slid into a half-sitting position.

"I wanna go home."

"We all do, Luna," Marisa replied, leaning tiredly on her sword.

"At least you're not up to your neck in river water," Luna shot back.

Marisa winced; as the shortest of the party, Luna was the worst off by far.

"These conditions do leave something to be desired," Kaguya agreed. Even covered in muck and sopping wet, she somehow managed to look dignified.

"We haven't even seen a single Ludroth yet," Luna groused. "How hard can it be to find a ten-foot lizard?"

"Not this hard, surely," Marisa agreed. She turned to look over her shoulder. "Something up your nose?"

"I smell disaster," Hina replied, still sniffing at the air.

"Please tell me it's not coming this way," Luna groaned.

"It's coming from over there," Hina said, pointing.

Marisa squelched to Hina's side and squinted through the downpour. The silhouette of a ruined ziggurat was barely visible against the clouds.

"Should we investigate?" Kaguya asked, shielding her face from the rain to look as well.

"If it gets us out of this bloody rain, I'm all for it." Luna punctuated her sentence by doffing her Great Jaggi cap and wringing the water out of her hair.

"Screw it, can't be any worse than this," Marisa said. "Let's go!"
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"...Why?" I ask.

The pale girl shrugs, cocking her head. "She was on fire and looked exceptionally angry with me, so she was probably a bad person."

"That... is actually not bad thinking at all," I admit. "Still, Mokou's weird and also immortal so basically it's okay to kill her in a fight, but-”

what the shit was that” says Mokou, sitting up as those holes in her head regenerate remarkably quickly.

“Should I shoot her again?” Altina asks.

“No,” I say immediately, eyes flicking between the smoldering phoenix and the not-quite-right girl training fingers on the former. “No, don't-”

Altina shoots her again, a flurry of blue lasers bursting from her fingers, blasting Mokou's face clean off. I cringe as the woman flops down again.

"I just asked you not to do that!" I hiss at Altina, who simply shrugs.

what the shit was that” Mokou reiterates a moment later, good as new, looking from Altina to me to her to me again. "I mean, I'll give her credit for being quick and spiteful, but what the shit was that?

“She can't understand you,” I say, switching back to Japanese just for the moment-

"I don't give a damn, she shot me in the head-"

Altina giggles, waggling her shooting fingers. "She sounds really extra angry this time. I should shoot her again, right?"

"Do not shoot her again-"

Altina shoots her again.

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Sunshine beats down on my head as I glower at the ashen remains of my stand. There's quite a bit of roasted forest all around me, but the Rabbit Fire Brigade stopped the worst of it. Small comfort for me when I'm gonna have to rebuy, oh... pretty much everything I owned, but, y'know, hooray for trees.

All this because I didn't turn off the stove.

Nice going, me.

I cover my face in my hands. "Ffffffffffffffffffff-"

There's a whumpfh of someone landing nearby.

"This one's not my fault," Mokou says, strolling up to study my wrecked business.

I glower sidelong at her. "Go directly to hell, Mokou."

"Hey, fire safety's important," she drawls, scuffing a boot through the ashes. "Look at me, f'rinstance." She spreads her hands, wiggling her fingers. "I'm magic, ooh~ I only set stuff on fire that I want to set on fire, aah~ I'm smart enough to turn my stove off when I'm done with it~"

"Shaddup, Mokou."

Mokou snickers at me - and then she stops as a very familiar sound pierces the air, right before she falls on her face, more holes in her head.

I turn around just in time for Altina, good as new, to grab my hand. "So I can't help but notice everything was set on fire! And she seemed like a likely culprit! Also she was being obnoxious, probably."

"Wha-" I manage. "You should still be in the hospital!"

"I heal really quickly~"

Mokou starts pushing herself up. "IS IT TIME FOR ROUND TWO ALREADY-"

Altina blasts her skull again.

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Old, wrinkled eyes stared back at seemingly younger, brighter ones; both of the two knew that this simply wasn't the case, but appearances are hard to ignore. Even to a youkai such as her. Or, perhaps it could be said that it should be the case. He was old — very old for a turtle. And, likewise, she was young for her species.

The young turtle of graying hair, and the old kappa of vibrant youth. An odd pair to consider as anything but elder and youth, though one would have to assess who to call which.

The great turtle that had long played the part of caretaker of the Hakurei wasn't sure what to think of the one that looked as young as his charge. Not when she was making eyes at him, or so he thought. In truth, being a turtle, he wasn't attracted to the features of any resemblance to a human. Flushed cheeks, a cute face, perky breasts and a sweet ass were all things she had in spades, and not one of these things truly appealed to him. Much like humans react to a dog, the old turtle could recognize these assets of hers from an outsider's perspective, but wasn't attracted one bit.


The aqua eyes turned downcast, and the kappa let out a held breath, as if that breath contained all of the hopes that she held. She did what she could to refrain from trembling or crying, but he saw that lip tremble once or twice. He knew.

As she turned to leave, Genjii sighed. "Wait." Before those eyes could once more fill with hope, he said, snuffing it like a candle, "I don't return your feelings. ...Well, that's not quite right. Thing is, you're a pretty young thing, but I'm just a turtle. And, well... none of what you have is any more attractive to me than a dog is to you." Quickly changing gears before she could think too deeply on that, he added, "Besides, even ignoring that: I'm old. I've lived a long life. All the way to the point of doubling the age any turtle should be reaching."

He didn't think it would work, but he had to at least try talking some sense into the girl. Sure, he'd take a thick,
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I dislike this on a level I didn't realize I could dislike fanfiction. Congratulations.
Would you say it was...shitty?

Absolutly not. It's very well done.

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Since I don't know where to put the "derp" that I think is this CYOA, here we go...

I was sitting down, trying to figure out what to eat for dinner… I had gotten nowhere, until I gave up, and thought, “Let’s just order a pizza.” And I did so, having to go through a minute or two of the hassle that was ordering a pizza through the landline. Eventually, I did get my order in, but, when I was about to hang up, I felt a poke in my side.


[ ] Try to get the mystery poker to stop
[ ] Ignore the mystery poker
[ ] Write in?
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[X]Boop them back.
This story is going places, I can feel it.
Guess not.

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"To what do I owe the pleasure?" The girl says, bowing mockingly. Her robes flow as she does, bringing to mind rustling flowers.

"You know exactly why, parasite." I shoot back immediately. The scowl on my face is unbecoming, but I really don’t care right now.

She smiles at me and spreads her arms wide to gesture at the endless field of lotus flowers surrounding us. A minute passes before she deigns to respond. "They are happy here. Everyone is happy here. Surely, you won't take that from them?"

That's what she always leads with. The happiness of her victims, as if she actually cares about them.

"I couldn't care less. Taking a few can be overlooked, even an entire island, like you used to. But you just had to get greedy, and spread like a damned weed. Now I have to deal with a shared dream the size of a nation! Do you have any idea how much of a problem that is?" I start shouting at her halfway through. Why can’t she just understand what she’s doing?

For the first time in years, Lotus’ carefree smile breaks. Her contempt is palpable now. “Greece is my land. I will not just give it up now that I have finally united it under my peace. Furthermore, it is your job to maintain the sanctity of dreams to begin with. I refuse to change at your leisure.”

That insolent—”It isn’t possible to keep something that size from interfering with other dreams!”

“And if it does, yet more would experience true peace. I see no wrong in that inevitability.” She doesn’t seem to understand at all. Her mask of tranquility has reformed, and she’s back to being hard to read.

What the hell do I say to that?

>Try to explain exactly why this is an issue. Even a brick wall can be brought down if it's hit hard enough, right?

>Just kill her on the spot. There isn't any reason to let her live after the trouble she's caused.

[This is just something silly I've had on my mind recently. It's not gonna be pretty, but it'll certainly exist, for certain. It's not going to
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Well, since nothing's happening I'll just go with the first vote.
Dead or nah?

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