>>1792
FUCKED UP THE SPOILER TAG LIKE YOU FUCK UP EVERYTHING ELSE

OKAY SO I JUST FINISHED READING THIS AND WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SOME FUCKIN' WORDS

>"Skin hard as steal and blood burning hot. Makes for comfy winters! It's going to take a lot more than a fairy to break down an old warri-"

>STEAL

HOLY SHIT YOU GODDAMNED ILLITERATE DO YOU NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PILFERING THINGS IN A PROBABLY LESS-THAN-LEGAL MANNER AND A HARD METAL

>"NO." Goddammit it Summerfree

>GODDAMMIT IT

WHAT THE FUCK

>"Got it, got it. So, Miss Kazuko" he asked

>>1794
>this many is just laziness.

Dude, it's Hal. It was probably on purpose because he is terrible. Don't worry Hal, I still love like am okay with you.

LUNARIAN KINGDOM

These recordings are protected under the provisions of SGB/273/ST, paragraph 87, of 7 September 1024


STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL


OFFICE OF EXTERNAL RELIGIOUS SERVICES
INVESTIGATIONS DIVISION


REDACTED
AUDIO LOGS OF INVESTIGATION

"I want you to eat this."

Yukari motions towards the meat bun on the table. I glance up at Yukari for a second, but her face is plastered with a calm smile; I can't get a read on what she's thinking. If she's putting in effort to hide her intentions, I can't help but feel reluctant accepting this "gift".

I take the meat bun in my hands. The weight seems fine, and upon inspection I can see nothing that indicates this bun is anything but ordinary.

"C'mon Ran, hurry up and eat it! The whole thing." That frozen smile tells me there's no way I'm getting out of this, so I buckle to her whims and take a bite.

Mmm. Not bad. Actually, this is pretty good. I take a few more bites.

Hmm? Oh. Oh no. Why is my mouth suddenly on fire? Oh no.

I stop chewing and clasp my free hand over my mouth. I glare at Yukari through tear-filled eyes. From behind her back, she produces a glass of water. I reach out to take it, but she pulls it away, pointing at the half-finished bun in my hand.

Damn it.

Something was near.
He couldn't see what it was yet. Leaves didn't rustle more than usually and there were no unexpected movements in the corner of his eyes, but there was a faint hint of unmistakable awareness in the air. He didn't know what the other being was, but it didn't matter. No matter the size of an interloper, the intent of a forest creature walking by or the amount of danger that anything could pose, something was there, so his body changed accordingly.

There were no different levels of change. Over the course of the years, the... beast he transformed into looked more and more threatening, gaining traits from many a predator who had stumbled upon him, as was his nature. While his entire body rapidly grew to a monstrous size, razor sharp teeth sprang from his widening maw and two imposing tusks started to form at the sides. His skin tightened, so that rippling muscles revealed itself to any who looked upon him. Horns sprouted from his forehead, towering above the lower branches of the leaf-roof while claws extended from his forearm, ready to tear apart anything that threatened him.

As the transformation came to its end, he spotted something looking at him a good distance away, nearing his beloved home. The creatures attention was however undoubtedly drawn but the noises his growth made. He straightened his body, making himself as tall as possible, and let out a bestial roar...
____________________________________

He was lost. Hopelessly lost.
He shouldn't have gone into the forest, heck, he should not have gone near the forest, but with only two days left to pay the colossal debt, there were only three options left. Pay with his life, give up the farm or pay in rare goods... Youkai...
His life was obviously out, and when you only have one option, you have no choice, as his late father used to say.

Of course he ran at the sight of the first youkai he encountered, he was no warrior, he was a goddamn farmer! He ran into the woods, accepting the temporary safety the trees offered in return for his way home, losing all sense of direction in the endlessly twisting forest. Of course<

She comes to see him in a year. He does not remember which it is anymore. The humans say it is Meiji 18 and 1885 and one begins to sound as well as the other.

You've grown a few grey hairs, she says.

He pretends to laughs.

---

Once upon a time, there was a youkai who opened a doorway to the moon. She promised conquest, and she promised power.

He wanted neither, but he followed her anyway. She was just that kind of person, even if she wasn't a person at all.

---

I didn't think I would see you again, he says. He is sitting on the veranda, and so is she. The door is open behind him. He would rather it be shut.

“Reimu~!” The black-white witch calls as she bursts dramatically through the shrine’s wall. The shrine maiden in question simply sighs and sips her tea, starring out the newly formed window. “Wanna play?” The blonde witch asks, ignoring Reimu’s blank stare.

“No,” Responds the shrine maiden, her attention turning back to a book sitting on her kotatsu. “Can you believe what Yukari wants us to do?”

“Huh? What’s she want us to do?” Marisa sits on her broom as it floats around the room.

“She wants us to go back to school.” Reimu sighs, turning the page. “How many times is this now?”

Marisa snags a tangerine from the table as she floats by. “No clue, I stopped keeping count.” She floats by and picks up another one. “Why’d we stop going the first time anyway?”

“Flandre and Patchouli.”

“Oh, right. That was fun.” Marisa winces as she picks up a third tangerine. “Oh, did you hear about Keine’s boyfriend?”

Reimu looks up with a grin, “You mean Mokou?”

My mount was flagging, and I was running out of time.

I'd left the Czechs a half mile behind, spraying lead to cover my mad dash through the roadblock. Now I spurred my steed through the ghostly streets of Yekaterinburg, the meager moonlight playing on half-glimpsed street signs and the shadowed bulk of landmark buildings. My horse's sides heaved raggedly but I spared not the whip, knowing it was useless all the while.

I was within sight of the hillside when my steed finally gave up, slowing to a stumbling canter. Yanking my boots from the stirrups I hit the ground running as it collapsed, muzzle wreathed with foam. Up the street I sprinted, my heart thundering madly in my ears as I reached for that house on the hill with every mote of my soul.

They're going to murder the children.

The war, the great nation, the fulcrum of my existence, even the fate of humanity itself hung in the balance. But as I bolted up that street only one mad screaming thought filled every chamber of my being.

They're going to murder the girl.

I saw my goal at last, the harsh dark line of a tall wooden fence cutting across the bright white facade of a large house. There would be sentries, but I had a silencer and a wire, and of course my old friend. As long as I was on time, Dear Iwanaga, tell me there was still -

- the muted crack of pistol reports came drifting down the street.

Aw. That's sweet.

So Reimu's new habit is drawing people?

>>1756
Sure, why not? Seems like this should be a thing, so now it's a thing.

Bravo good sir, bravo.

I applaud you, good sir. This is truly one for the books.

Pic related.

An absolute masterpiece. If there's one regret I had it's that the Touhou lore makes it slightly less amusing to the uninitiated, but for fans like us it has quite the opposite effect.

I can't wait to see what monstrosity you write in the future. It will be glorious.

>>1735
Well. This is horrifying. Hope there's a continuation later.

>>1737
I'll agree that this story was brilliant, but I think a direct continuation would cheapen it.

>>1738
Not really, I think it can work out, if done correctly.

>>1718

Yea that's why I didn't read it. I didn't want to ruin the glorious head cannon I built up in anticipation for this story's progression.

>>1717
Hmmm, that's unfortunate. I would have enjoyed reading such a tale of suffering.

>>1719
Oh, what sort of headcanon was that? You've piqued my curiousity...

>>1720
To be honest, it would have been fun to write! Well, some of it. (Mainly just certain scenes with Rumia.) But yeah, a lot of it would have been beyond my abilities. Maybe "one day" I'll be able to write a true tale of despair.

>>1705
Easy mistake, man. You've all got the same name!

>>1704
Looking forward to it.

>>1704
>Would you mind terribly if I wove it into the quasi-continuity I’ve got over at >>752? That would spare me the effort of building everything from scratch.

I'd love that

She fell in love with him at first sight.

It would be incorrect to say that it was like any other day in Hakugyokurou, but until that moment, it would have also been incorrect to say that it was a unique day. That day marked a changing of the guard; after many years of loyal service, old Aoi had finally gone to join Tetsuo in the flocks of souls resting within her domain.

Just like every other time, the princess had already had her friend Yukari contact Aoi’s son from the minute her retainer had sagely noted the imminence of her passing. While the princess had felt a little sad, knowing she’d miss the little things that distinguished Aoi from all the other Konpakus before her – her unique habit of smoking flower pollens, her tendency to default to a throaty chuckle to fill silences in conversation, her drive to decorate every panel in the mansion with a unique painting, her treatment of the Hakurouken as a reluctant burden and symbol of position rather than a treasured family weapon – she had also felt a little excited, knowing that she’d get to learn all the inner quirks and idiosyncrasies of a new servant. And since he had already married, that meant the house would be lively once again; while it had been comfortably tranquil with just her and Aoi, after Tetsuo had passed away, she had been ready for a change of pace.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t known anything about him. After all, she had been Aoi’s midwife, and she had watched the couple raise their son into his teenage years, even helped them. But just like every other Konpaku born and raised in Hakugyokurou, he had returned to Gensokyo as soon as he had come of age, before his own service would be required.

What would he be like? There was no question that would take after his mother to some degree, as the half-phantom bloodline always ran true. Of course he would have white hair – unless he chose to dye it like Sancha had – and be accompanied by a phantom “half” in the form of a misty white wisp. But beyond those few guarantees, what would his personality be like? Would he take after his mother, staying up for days on end to finish his latest masterpiece? Or perhaps he’d

When Yukari came to take Noa back to her village to be buried, Youki asked the princess if he and his newborn daughter could go with her. It was absolutely unheard of for a Konpaku to abandon their charge, but there were extenuating circumstances, after all.

Deep inside, she could not bring herself to deny him his mourning in private. Not when she was at fault for his grief.

She had thought a single day of waiting between servants was uncomfortable; but after ten, and then a hundred, she had revised her opinion of solitude.

It was not merely uncomfortable. It was torturous.

She tried to cook meals for herself to pass the time. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know how. After all, not every Konpaku arrived in her domain as an expert in every single field needed to fulfill their position as her servant. And while Yukari could always bring in tutors for things like carpentry or gardening, the one skill that the princess would have to teach herself would be cooking, as only she truly knew her own tastes in cuisine.

But without anyone to share the meal with, the food might as well have been ash. Her appetite shriveled to nothingness.

Could she have asked Yukari to keep her company? She could have, and knowing her friend she would have caved to the request. But doing so would mean asking favors But she grit her teeth and suffered through it, staring out at the endless fields of cherry blossoms that without a companion to appreciate them with seemed dull and lifeless.

Eventually, she gave up on the gardens altogether. She attempted to immerse herself in the works of former servants: paintings, sketches, ceramics, poetry, stories. But walking through the mansion only reminded her how empty it was, of the absence of people who had made each and every brushstroke whether on canvas, porcelain, or parchment, and the pain, the crushing loneliness, was simply more than she could willingly bear.

The Hakurei Shrine doesn't get very many visitors. The stairs are long and steep, almost half a day's walk from the village. Of course, most people can fly. Strange then, how he, a normal human, regularly made the trip.

The sun was nearing its apex when he arrived at the shrine. He shivered at the lingering cold. Winter, it seemed, had not yet released the mountains from her icy grasp. Here, snow had not yet given way to flowers.

But that was unimportant. He wasn't here to complain about one of the bizarre weather patterns the Hakurei Maiden solved roughly once per year. No, he had come to see a girl.

Trudging through ankle-high snow, he deposited a few coins in the donation box.

"Weren't you just here two days ago?"

Noticing a bit of red poking out of the snow, he went over. "Good afternoon, Miss Hakurei. I'm here to visit-er, what are you doing?"

Reimu Hakurei, almost completely submerged in snow, replied, "Enjoying the last bit of winter. I had planned to make a snow angel, but the snow is really soft and comfy. I haven't managed to motivate myself into moving."

"Just how long have you been lying there?"