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"Goodness, it's a wonder you're alive. Really, now... picking a fight with Rumia is just asking to lose a limb at best." The hottie of a doctor crossed her arms under that generous pair of red-blue boobs, fixing me with a surprisingly intimidating pout. Was enough to draw my eyes from 'em, that's for sure. "You're lucky I had regeneration serum already made, or else you would very likely be missing that hand for the rest of your days."
Her words just got a groan out of me. Never liked making mistakes, and liked owning up to them even less. Who'da thunk some squirt would have a bear trap for a mouth? "Yeah, yeah. Can it, Doc; I already know I screwed up bad. How was I supposed to know? Bitch looked like a freakin' brat!"
She give me a look that could flatline a geezer in a second. Jeez, gave me the heebie jeebies! "For one, by not punching that 'brat'." She let out a sigh I knew too well. My mom always made one just like it when she saw my grades while I was growin' up. "And, more importantly, realizing that the vast majority of such small children can and will do that or worse."
"You shittin' me?" Seriously, what? The hell kinda kids they raisin'??
"No, I'm not 'shitting you'. The fate of an outsider is bleak, and unless you reach the human village, it'll only get worse when the sun dips low and the youkai roam." She uncrossed her arms, grabbing for the clipboard at the end of my bed.
"The hell? Youkai? ...You must be smokin' some good shit..." I let out the best chuckle I could, but after last night it wasn't easy. ...That said, it's actually a little worrying, as she's my doctor. Even an idiot like me can tell that a doctor shouldn't be on anything while on the clock. Do that shit at home for cryin' out loud.
Hated that look in her eyes; pitty, clear as day. "Then tell me your account of why a small child bit off your hand. Please, I would love to hear it." She didn't even bother looking up from the clipboard.
Guess she's got me there... "...Well, maybe I was seein' things? Coulda been a shark or somethin'." Seriously, mistaking a bear or somethin' for a kid is the best I've got. But then she just started giggling. I wasn't normally one to blush, but it's pretty damn easy when a hottie like that was doing it. "Sh-shut up!" Dammit... I'm looking like a wimp in front of a fine piece of ass. Ain't no way she'll bone me after this. I blew it!
Wisking a tear from her eye, the doc said, "My apologies. That was just rhetorical is all."
Ugh... I freakin' hate when eggheads use stupid-long words. Was rhetorical... when you ain't expectin' an answer? Sounds kinda right, I guess... "Well, don't ask, then!"
She didn't even bother paying me any mind for a while. When she eventually stopped reading that chart of hers, she said, "Still, on the matter of your health, your hand should finish growing back within the hour." She eyed my freakishly tiny, very pink and veiny hand. "...But if it doesn't, just tell the rabbits and I'm sure they will assist you." Putting on a goddamn sexy smile, she added, "And if they don't, threaten them." Holy shit! It's like I'm a worm under her foot! ...And I kinda like it? The shit?? "...Well, isn't someone healthy..." When she started chuckling, I followed her eyes, and quickly put two and two together, bending to cover my boner. This bitch is hard to get comfortable around... Well, ignoring getting too comfortable.
And, before I could even begin to settle down, the door clicked shut, the doctor having apparently gotten away while I was busy with my dick. ...Well, guess I'm finally alone, huh...? Still, I can't exactly get up just yet. I'm as hard as a rock, and it's never a good idea to wander around a hospital packin' heat. So I sat there a good while. Ten minutes passed, then twenty minutes, and finally thirty more.
...Shit. My hand is still tiny and pink.
My buzz killed and my thoughts taken off of those tits from before, I finally got up. Having nothing better to do, I left the room, looking for some sorta rabbit. I was expecting some sort of not-rabbitness to be involved, but apparently not! Found a goddamned rabbit just lounging around.
Well, fuck it. Might as well try. "Hey, uhh..." Dammit, I can't tell if it's a male or female bunny. "...miss. Mind pointin' me to help?" My reasonin' is that miss is safer than mister, as callin' a woman a man just might get me eviscerated. Bitches are crazy like that. A dude I can probably at least make see reason, but I don't exactly wanna lose something else, and doubly not to a freakin' bunny.
The rabbit just twitched its nose all adorable-like. Y'know, the shit that drives women wild. Makes 'em start shriekin' and shit.
The bunny looked up at me. Finally some recognitio- Dammit, it looked away.
The fluffy furball started doing that hop-scoot that rabbits do, obviously tryin' to get away.
Okay, enough's enough. "Hey, bitch! I'm talkin' to you!" Aaand then it started running off. "Get back here you little-" And then the wall next to me started giggling like some sorta girly instrument. A harp or somethin'. When I looked, I found the rice paper panel slid open just enough to see inside, and inside was a pretty face looking at me with just one eye. Also had the corner of a sexy smile.
The door slid open the rest of the way, and a woman in more silk than any one person has any right to be wearing stepped out. "Sir, I'm afraid you may have misunderstood something. The rabbits are just that: rabbits. No matter how you try, they will never speak."
Her eyes were a beautiful brown, and her hair as much like silk as it was like tar or some shit.
Her smile was friendly and inviting, while her body was just... shapely. Shapely save for one important area.
Her tits were nonexistent.
She was like some kinda hot pear.
...Not to self: don't say that. Gotta act cool.
Took off my sunglass, slicking back my hair with my free hand. "...Yo." She looked like the kinda girl you'd remember for the rest of your life.
Letting out the most pleasant giggle ever, she returned, "Yo."
I was pretty sure that meant she wanted to get it on, but I was also kinda speechless. "You're... pretty." ...And my silver tongue turned to lead, too.
It didn't stop her from smiling, though. "Why, thank you, sir." Was a pretty, genuine thing, her smile. ...Not often I saw anything like it. "Would you perhaps care to join me for tea and snacks?"
Her words got me chuckling all goofy, like I'd been hit in the head a few times too many. "...Yeah."
She motioned me inside, stepping out of the way. Now that my attention was on it, I realized it was... far simpler than I expected a girl's room to look. Nothing fancy, just a futon, some pillows for sitting, and a goddamned kotatsu. Freakin' love those thing. It drew my eyes as much as she did, though her beauty had a certain... gravity to it, too, even if it fell short of the appeal of a kotatsu. It just sucked me in and wouldn't dare let go. When she sat down, she gracefully slipped what I assumed to be legs under the toasty prison and reached for some fancy bell. All gold and wood, with a long shiny handle. Thing looked more expensive than the entire room's contents combined.
While I made my way to join her she rang her little bell, and I was surprised when the door opened not five seconds later. Looked that way while easing myself under the cloth, finding a weirdly out of breath rabbit-eared... business woman or some such? Girl had a suit and tie and all that, though those eyes of hers were just... painful to look at. Like... they were more red than any red, and more eye than any eye. Shit was crazy. Although, she had some crazy hair, too, not to mention her crazy crinkly rabbit ears. ...Must be who she meant.
"Yes... Princess...?" Girl was huffing and puffing, looking about ready to keel over.
The apparent princess smiled at her bunny, requesting, "Tea and mochi, if you would please."
Suddenly the door snapped shut, followed by me hearing an odd creak from above and the pitter patter of someone running off. Looking up, I saw nothing but a ceiling fan. Wonder what made that sound?
Leaning her chin on her palm, the princess asked, "Now, whatever brings you to our humble manor?"
"Well... I kinda got my hand bit off." Set my baby hand on the table's top, tapping my still soft nails on the hard surface to get her attention.
It, of course, did. She looked shocked by it, but not exactly repulsed or anything, which put up more than one red flag. "Is... that the hand you lost, or is your hand always in such a state? I do not intend rudeness, but I don't wish to assume."
Gave a hearty chuckle, though her words did sting. "That red-blue doctor jammed a thick needle in my arm and it grew back. But, well... it kinda stopped. Doc said to talk to rabbits if it did."
The princess gave a nod. "I'll have Reisen fetch Eiren after she brings our tea and treats. My apologies that my servant did such a poor job in assisting you."
"You a princess or something?"
"My, how astute." She smiled, giggling behind a sleeve. "I am 'a princess or something', yes. Princess Houraisan Kaguya. A pleasure, to be sure. That doctor was my retainer, Yagokoro Eirin, and the rabbit was... well, just call her Reisen. It works for any lunar rabbit, but her being the only one here simplifies things greatly."
"Kaguya? What, like from the stories?"
"The one in the same~"
While I was left looking at her like she grew another head, suddenly the ceiling fan fell on top of her with a sickening crunch.
I was left gaping and confused, my mind going a mile a minute. Not a second later I shot up, running over to get it off of her. The thing was damn heavy, and in the process of moving it, suddenly her neck made a sickening crack.
"Ohh shit ohh fuck ohhmanohhmanohhma—"
"Princess, are... are you alright... in there?" Suddenly huffy puffy was back, speaking through the door.
In an instant, I did the only thing I possibly could without even thinking. "O-Ohh, yes. Just give me a moment, Reisen." I had put on my girliest, most nasally voice in a last ditch effort to not be found out. If they find me with their dead princess, I'll be executed on the spot!
I grabbed at the poor woman's robes, untying them and pulling them wide open. The sight beneath them was enough to get me harder than steel, but I had to act fast. I next undressed my own clothes, and dressed her up in them fast as lightning. They didn't fit at all, but they had to go somewhere. After that, I shoved her under the kotatsu and started putting her clothes on in their place. I had never fastened the damn thing from this side, but my little sis's festival kimonos gave me plenty enough practice to tie it right by the third try.
Reaching under the kotatsu, I grabbed her by the hair, ripping a good chunk of it in half, followed by chucking it into the air, watching it rain down like a silk storm. Felt a little bad for it, but the bitch is already dead. What's she gonna do, haunt me?
The door slid open with the help of bunny butt. After she nudged the door shut, she looked at the hairy situation before her, and she looked about ready to crap herself. "P-princess, your hair!" You've gotta be shitting me. "Who did this to you?!" She... has to be blind, right? I thought this was my only option, not an option that'd actually work
I let out my most girlish sigh, answering, "That brute, of course. Were it not for the fan falling in the struggles, I dread to think what he might have done to me..."
The rabbit girl gasped, looking pretty pissed. "The outsider we just released?! After all we did for him, he tried to...?"
I gave her my most princessish grim nod, doing my best to pout cutely all the while. Not that she must see that, as bad as her eyes must be. Seriously, I'm not exactly a small man, let alone anything approaching princess material.
The rabbit reached into her jacket, pulling out— Holy shit is that a silly... gun? Is that a gun? It looks like Baby's First Gun or something. "You wait right here, Princess. We'll make sure to lock things down and make sure he doesn't get away with this."
I nodded, putting on as relieved of a smile as I could muster. "Thank you, Reisen." I gave her my kindest smile, half expecting her to burst out laughing and pop a... whatever in my ass. A goddamned bubble? "See that you do."
Her eyes widened and her cheeks reddened enough to match her eyes. "Th-thank you for the praise, Princess! I'm not worthy!" ...You know, that makes her sound like she's starved for attention.
That hardly will do.
"Reisen." As she was about to step out, she stopped in her tracks, turning to face me. "Come here a moment."
She paused, though eventually did as I asked, nearing me. When I patted the nearest pillow, she sat her ass down, thankfully not slipping her legs all that far under the kotatsu.
And then I gave her head a pat.
She melted into it like a whiny cat or something, so I added in a bit of ruffling, mussing up her hair. When her eyes started to lid, I started scratching her behind the ears, which got a damn moan out of her.
I was quick to hide my boner under the kotatsu, as good lord was that a sexy face she was making.
"Truly, I thank you." I could get used to this, ignoring the princess crap.
When I finally stopped, and she shook away her daze, she said, "Th-thank you, Princess. I... ...Thank you." She had the biggest grin on her face now, those crinkled ears standing much taller than before, as if I just revitalized them with the power of love. ...As if.
I'm gonna have to fucking spoil the shit out of her if I'm not dead soon.
After a moment, the rabbit regained her senses. "But, erm... why are you in such a good mood, Princess? I've failed you again... I should be punished, shouldn't I?"
And then my hand magnetized to her ears again, scratching her just right. While she drooled, I answered, "And yet you put in such effort to return so quickly, did you not?" Talking like a princess is easier than I expected. "Your attentiveness is to be commended." Shit, now I'm using big words, too. It's hard again.
And, with that, her ears finally uncrinkled. No idea what that means, but I had a hunch it meant she was happy. No idea why, other than the bliss plastered on her face. "Shank yooouh..." ...And now she seemed more like she was drunk, so I stopped. When I did, her lidded eyes shut the rest of the way, before opening bright and cheerful. "Alright! I'll go find this bastard now, Princess! Just you wait!" She looked infinitely more cheerful than she had the first time I saw her. Damn, I didn't know my ruffles were such a potent weapon...
And then she sproinged into the air, doing a flip out of the room, and kicked the door shut before I could even register that all that had even happened. "...Good luck." I let out a deep sigh, finally able to breathe again. Acrobatic or not, she must have been blind as a bat or something. Now alone, I took the time to check up on my tiny hand.
Yup. Still tiny.
After that, I looked down at the tea and snacks I was left. The tea was still steaming, so I figured it was plenty hot. The snacks, though, looked so damn good. Been a long time since I last had mochi, so I couldn't not cram a couple in at once. Chewing them up, I moaned at how tasty they were. They were freshly pounded, I'll bet. Nothing like the cheap shit I was used to, that's for sure. After swallowing, I washed them down with some tea, followed by mochi, followed by tea, and I kept stuffing my face and guzzling until both cups and the whole pile were gone. I have a feeling I wasn't supposed to eat all that myself, but I was honestly pretty damn hungry. Thirsty, too, apparently.
And then there was a rapping at the opposite-facing door, to which I answered, "You may enter."
Not a moment later, an angry-looking albino chick slammed open the door. It being on a track, it didn't put a hole in the wall, but the sound of it did startle me real good. "Kaguya."
...Shit. I don't know her name. "Good evening." Had to say something safe. That said, I put on my best 'annoyed princess' look, figuring I looked mildly irritated enough to be convincing.
"Nothin' good about it, you unapologetic bitch."
I flinched at her words, and I wasn't even acting; I was genuinely surprised by her hostility. "...My apologies."
"Can the peasantry; we both know full well that you don't mean it." She cracked her knuckles, eyeing up my not-so-lengthy hair. "The hell happen to you? You look like something mauled your hair." ...Y'know, I'm actually a little upset by that. "And the hell is that black thing on your face?"
"Black thing...?" I felt my face, and instantly paled. How the hell did I miss that I was still wearing my shades?? "A-ahh, erm... They are- H-hey!" She plucked them from my face, trying them on.
"...Moon crap always does the most useless things, huh?"
"They're supposed to keep the sun out of your eyes, now give 'em back!" I felt naked without my shades.
She gave me a smirk. "Why don't you make me?"
I just shrugged, rising to my feet. "If I must."
And then I punched her in the gut, plucking my shades from her face when she doubled over, coughing out the contents of her stomach. "You..." She gasped for another breath, finishing, "...bitch...!"
And then I sat back down. "Perhaps you will listen to my request next time." Nobody touches my shades.
We spent the next few minutes to the tune of wheezing as she tried to regain the wind I knocked out of her. Slowly but surely, the sound of her wheezing settled down. "You're gonna pay for that, Kaguya..." She stood up, her eyes blazing with as much anger as her hand blazed with fire.
A few seconds later, I found myself blasted clean out of the room and through the door she entered from, though I didn't go far before the bamboo started to slow me down one snap at a time. By the time I stopped, I was pretty sure I broke a rib or something, but at least I survived, and could even move.
And move I did, as I was back up in a jiffy. Being in my line of work, I was used to this sort of crap, so I spit out the blood in my mouth and took a fighting stance. I'm not about to care more about my princess level than my life. "Well, then, why don't you get over here and make me pay?"
That was enough to get a snarl out of her, and she kicked off the tatami with a smokey blast, clearly trying to ram her fist down my throat. That said, at that distance I had plenty of time to time my avoid, sidestepping her when she was too angry to realize what was behind me. Not a moment later, it was her turn to be the one making a path of snapped bamboo.
When she finally stopped, I called out, "You okay?"
Could see her breathing, but I was a bit relieved when she glared at me from under her heap of hair. "Go to hell... K-kaguya. Don't pretend you suddenly care."
I cleared my throat, getting back to acting like a princess. "I hope you don't mind if I decline your offer."
That got a good snort out of her. "Like it would matter. You know we can't die." ...Good to know. With that said, I heading towards her. "What now?" She just glared at me, clearly out of steam after that.
And then I hefted her up unto my shoulder. "You're hurt." She was pretty battered after her run-in with the bamboo thicket.
"I'm bringing you inside."
"...Get your hand off my ass."
"We're both girls." Never thought I'd use that lie, but man was it worth it.
"Well, stop fondling my ass!" I could practically feel the heat of her blush, not that I could see her face.
"Very well." I couldn't help but smirk at my victory over the apparent immortal.
With that said, I began marching my way inside, finding the bunny girl in a bit of a panic over half the room being in shambles.
...Aaand the charbroiled corpse of the princess now out in the open.
Her eyes were wild with shock that was settled on me. "Princess?! I-I thought that you had been burned alive!"
I shook my head, answering, "No, nothing of the sort. I see that you have managed to find the culprit, however."
"Huh?" Her eyes settled on the corpse. "N-no! It wasn't me! I just came running and thought that Mokou had torched you alive again..." Shit. Note to self: don't piss off fire girl.
I gave her my best wry smile. "Do I truly look so masculine?"
Rabbit ears waved her hands in front of her, clearly sent into a panic. "N-n-no! You look far more feminine than this brute!" Oww, my pride.
"The hell's goin' on?" Toasty was unsurprisingly in the dark. Not that I was expecting her to see from that side anyways.
I gave fire girl's ass a smack, enjoying the sound of her yelp, and answered, "I must thank you for catching this horrible man, Mokou."
She wasn't quick to respond, but eventually asked, "...Horrible man?" I pulled her off my shoulder and into my arms so she could see what she had done, and I was surprised when she gasped. "Where did he come from??"
It was Reisen who answered, "I... think he was hiding after ripping out the princess' hair."
I nodded, answering, "I never saw which way he went in the confusion. That he was still here all that time is a frightening prospect."
Mokou let out a snort. "Yes, because you're ohh-so-delicate that a man's a big deal for you."
"I am hardly so loose."
The fire chick's nose spouted flames, and her cheeks matched their heat. "Not like that, idiot! Jeez!" She let out a long sigh to settle her nerves, before adding, "Just saying that some human wouldn't stand a chance against that stupid-looking twig of yours." Note to self: look for stupid-looking twigs.
Reisen jumped to my defense, saying, "The jeweled branch of Hourai is not 'stupid-looking'. It's a weapon of utmost beauty!" Note to self: look for stupid-looking gaudy twigs.
I held up my hand, and Reisen backed down. "Now, are you alright, Mokou? You did take quite a tumble."
Once more her cheeks burned. "Since when do you care??" Shit. "I'm fine! Just have a few broken ribs is all." Well, I might as well try to make her in a less shit mood.
"Reisen, please see that Mokou is taken care of—"
I was left blinking in surprise as Mokou crumbled to ash in my arms. It took a few seconds to register that Reisen killed her, as she was blowing smoke from her megaphone thing. Dusting the Mokou off my robes, I pinched my brow. "I meant medically, not lethally."
"O-ohh." Blushing, she meekly said, "Sorry, Princess."
Mokou's ash suddenly suctioned back together, clumping and becoming human once more, surprisingly returning to her place in my arms. After another moment, I ordered, "Reisen, see that Mokou is clothed." Damn, she sure came back to life fast... Wait, she's naked. Shit! I'm probably straight!
Mokou grabbed Reisen by the tie from where she was lounging in my arms, pulling her nose to nose. "The hell was that for?!"
The bunny whimpered, shrinking under Mokou's gaze. "I was just trying to follow orders..."
"Our deathmatches are none of your concern! Now, git!" She tossed the rabbit aside, who then scrambled off the moment she hit the ground. She didn't go far, that said, as she seemed to be gathering largely intact clothes from a closet I didn't notice I had. Or, well... the princess had.
She then scrambled back over to us, more frazzled than I'd seen her thus far. The clothes in hand, she held them out towards the naked hottie. "Wear this."
Mokou pushed her hands back. "Why should I?"
The parcel was thrust out again. "You're naked, Mokou."
That got a reaction out of mokou, who looked down at herself. At first she was pretty blase about it all, but then the air around her started shimmering at how fierce her blush got.
I was about to insist, but I was left surprised blasted back outside, then made to dodge out of the way as a bolt of fire or six whizzed by me.
"You saw, didn't you?!"
I looked over my shoulder, just staring at her like she was an idiot. "No shit."
The fire died in her hand, as she was left completely speechless, with the rabbit mirroring her reaction.
"I-I mean, erm... my apologies." Shitshitshitshitshitshitdon'troastme!
Mokou didn't seem to be listening, as she was just silently dressing in my torn and burnt clothes.
Reisen seemed to be just letting out a sigh of relief, though she did send an odd look my way while I was busy staring at them and all but praying they were complete numbskulls.
When the dust finally settled and Mokou was dressed up, I complimented, "You look lovely, Mokou."
"Like hell I do; I look like I was set on fire."
"These things are not mutually exclusive, Mokou."
Mokou opened her mouth, though a moment later she closed it, averting her eyes with a grumble. Must not be sure what to say to that.
This time it was the doctor showing up, a bow and arrow in her hands. "Is everything alright? I heard an explosion, and it seemed to be inside. I- Ohh, you were burnt alive. Lovely."
I climbed back up to get a better look.
She locked eyes with me.
Her eyes lowered to the rest of me.
I laced my fingers, trying to look at innocently princess-like as possible.
She looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh.
I was left blushing, shrinking a bit under her apparently functional eyes. This may be a problem.
"I see that you are alright..." She began to snicker. "...'Princess Kaguya'." She then nodded to Mokou and Reisen, greeting, "Good afternoon, you two."
Mokou was first to answer, asking, "The hell is so funny?"
Sheathing her bow, the doctor answered, "Ohh, nothing important." She eyed the burnt corpse while saying this, her eyes looking to me with wry amusement, though I couldn't help but think they were seeking an explanation, and that the owner was more than prepared to laugh.
Meanwhile, Reisen returned, "Good afternoon, Master." Shit. The doctor's into some freaky stuff.
And so I offered, "There was a bit of an incident with a brutish man." While she started stifling her laughter, I continued, "He ripped out my hair, and I thought fled when the ceiling fan fell, but it seemed he only hid under the kotatsu."
Mokou added, "Then she pissed me off, just like she always does, and I guess I saved her by trying to murder her? Whoops."
The doctor seemed to be struggling to keep a straight face, and she answered, "Well, that will not do." The blood drained from my face. "It seems I shall have to rejuvenate her hair again. The brute seems to have somehow..." She began to snicker again. "...stripped it of its sheen, not to mention given her a nasty case of dandruff. Clearly I shall have to fix such a thing, just as soon as I have treated these issues.
Reisen gave her dominatrix a questioning sorta look, asking, "But didn't you teach me that such things fix themselves?
Mokou pointed out, "I dunno, my hair still grows and I gotta cut it."
"But don't you also have your hair right now...? I just disintegrated you..."
Her amusement ending, the doctor asked, "Disintegrated, Udongein?"
And now it was the rabbit's turn to go bone white. "A-ahh. Erm... I mistook an order from the princess for a request to kill Mokou."
"And how, pray tell, was it that you killed Mokou, Udongein?"
The rabbit swallowed a rabbit-sized lump, timidly answering, "W-w-with the weapon you gave me, Ma'am."
And then Eirin made like a farmer and hoisted the rabbit onto her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "We shall continue this discussion shortly. It seems that my apprentice is in need of a correction in her callous use of such a splendidly devastating weapon."
As the doctor made her way back out the door, Reisen cried, "Please spare my bottooom...!"
...Huh. I guess that means that she's not a dominatrix, the girl is just a doctor in training. "Well, alright, Eiren." Then again, she's about to dole out a spanking from the sound of it.