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188519 No. 188519
You are a Bonéka (according to my sources, that’s Indonesian for “puppet”.) You happen to specifically be a C[favorite Touhou character from the games] at level 5.
It is early morning and time to wake up. You yawn and stretch out your adorable tiny arms, accidentally sticking one through the thin leaf wall of your pint-sized dwelling. This is the fifth time you’ve done that this month – unsurprising, since this is the fifth day of the month. You make a mental note to find a better wall for your humble abode as you cutely nibble on a scrumptious acorn.
You live [by the Big Road, named for the large amount of mice that use it / in a miniature fishing village overlooking a vast freshwater ocean filled with tasty Magikarp / amongst perfectly ordered sunflowers that stretch as far as the eye can see].
And then you hear a million little voices screaming in disarray, arguing over your location and your species. In amongst strange cries of “start” and “up b” most of the voices seem to form coherent thoughts. Eventually, the cacophony dies down, with the voices in agreement that you are…
[x] a C[favorite Touhou from the list] that is living in…
-[ ] a shrubbery at the side of the Road of Reconsideration.
-[ ] a Bonéka village on the banks of the Sanzu.
-[ ] between flowers in the Garden of the Sun.

Remember, the list is here: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/13hV6pNVkhwwUgmvM1P9xHdNQeMWy8ywjNoN982vaegA/edit?usp=sharing
No. 188521
[x] cYuuka
-[x] between flowers in the garden of the sun.

It will be hard. To charactizewyour character if it is random, but I'm sure you know best.

In fact, I was going to vote for Clownpiece, if only to add her to the THP archive, but I thought it was an unwise curveball to throw.
No. 188525
No, go on ahead, Bonéka are incredibly hardy and can adapt to any environment. For example, no matter where you start, there's going to be a Komachi around.
No. 188527
[x] cYuuka
-[x] between flowers in the garden of the sun.

Good to see another story. Here's some tips for the future.

It's best to not write yourself in a corner where you have to break the exposition to place in the brackets or parenthesis. It breaks the flow and makes the overall writing seem amateur.

Other than that. It seems fine for right now.
No. 188530
[X] a CHina
-[X] a Bonéka village on the banks of the Sanzu.
No. 188531
File 146429069418.gif- (917.24KB , 250x251 , What are Okuu.gif ) [iqdb]
[x] a C[Okuu] that is living in…
-[x] between flowers in the Garden of the Sun.

I just can't not.
No. 188534
File 146429955554.png- (250.40KB , 758x831 , I couldn't help myself.png ) [iqdb]
-[X] Between flowers in the Garden of the Sun.

How can I not see what you do with her?

In the event nobody votes the same, you can also consider it a vote for [X]CYuuka, [X] CKogasa, or [X]CClownpiece.


[On the note of this suggestion, it's better to blend such things into the narrative. Have an example of what I mean.]

You flutter open your eyes, awakening from a pleasant dream, happy to have had it. Sitting up, you stretch out, accidentally poking a hole in your wall. You berate yourself for doing so again; it's the fifth time this month alone. Thankfully it's made of leaf, though, so it's not so hard to fix.

Mind you, it's [i/]also[i] the fifth day of the month.

For the umpteenth time, you make a mental note to find a better wall for your humble abode as you rummage through your nut supply, pulling out your prize: a tasty acorn the size of your [Insert comparison to x body part so as to showcase the size you perceive chibis to be. Trust me, it's not as obvious as you'd think, as everyone sees small differently.]

You live in a nice enough place, but the typical peace is broken by the sound of a million indecisive voices screaming in disarray, arguing over your location and your species. In amongst strange cries of “start” and “up b” most of the voices seem to form coherent thoughts.

But sadly, some also shout less useful things like [insert bad fanon jokes here].

Eventually, the cacophony dies down, with the voices in agreement that you are…

[Yes, I realize I effectively did what you did, and while I did see the irony in it, it's my favorite way to throw in my two cents while editing another's work.

Still, you get the idea, right?

Anywho, don't give up; far too many writers just give up, but I believe in you. You just have to stay determined. Back when I started writing, I was absolutely horrible at it, but with time and effort I effectively taught myself grammar.

Mind you, it took me a year of writing to do that, but still.

Still, you're on par with my second or third year of writing, and if you fix this little issue you'll be about as good as myself, give or take a bit! Can't wait to see what you do~]
No. 188538
-[x] between flowers in the Garden of the Sun.
No. 188543
[X] cYuuka
-[X] between flowers in the garden of the sun.

Another story, that's great.
No. 188544
File 146430683469.jpg- (153.56KB , 685x1598 , q0w8eVE.jpg ) [iqdb]
[X] cYuuka
-[X] between flowers in the garden of the sun.

We have enough stories with Kogasa.

In fact, I don't remember a single time we controlled Yuuka, even if it is a mon.

RIP Nemo ;..;
No. 188546
[X] cYuuka
-[X] between flowers in the garden of the sun.
No. 188547
[x] cSara
-[x] a shrubbery at the side of the Road of Reconsideration.

No. 188556
[x]a cClownpiece
-[X]between flowers in the Garden of the Sun

You know how many stories Yuuka's in? At least ten.

Know how many Clownpiece is in?

fucking none
No. 188557
[x]a cClownpiece
-[X]between flowers in the Garden of the Sun

Concurring with above anon
No. 188561
[x]a cClownpiece
-[X]between flowers in the Garden of the Sun

Let's get a story with the star-spangled fairy going!
No. 188567

Changing vote again, this time to [X]CYuuka
No. 188569
File 146433124568.png- (498.01KB , 1023x723 , fairy needs story badly.png ) [iqdb]
[x] a cClownpiece
-[X] a Bonéka village on the banks of the Sanzu.

> fucking none

...maybe I shouldn't have given her that reindeer outfit...
No. 188570
[x]a cClownpiece
-[X]between flowers in the Garden of the Sun

Best new fairy incoming.
No. 188577
Hmm. Looks like Yuuka and Clownpiece are tied at five each, but if I could get a second on that...

General consensus is that you live in the Garden of the Sun.

And that's when you realize you forgot something. But what is it?
Is it...

[ ] the star-spangled hat of a jester?
[ ] a large flower that you use to keep dry in the rain?
No. 188579
[x] the star-spangled hat of a jester?

Let this tie-breaker drive us to FREEDUM
No. 188580
[x] cYuuka
-[x] between flowers in the garden of the sun.
No. 188582
[X] the star-spangled hat of a jester?
feelin the freedum in muh bones
No. 188584
[X] a large flower that you use to keep dry in the rain?

Y'know, the fact that it's something so simple as her parasol is a good sign, if one likes the ever rare nice Yuuka~ Big if. Kidding.
No. 188585
[x] the star-spangled hat of a jester?

Tie broken again.
No. 188589
[X] the star-spangled hat of a jester?
No. 188591
[X] the star-spangled hat of a jester?

Just curious, why'd you use Indonesian for 'doll'?
No. 188594
Not the author, but that's the term used by one particular Touhoumon romhacker who happens to be Indonesian.
No idea why that guy's terms would be used over anyone else's; the Aichiya hacks are pretty much the only place where you see the term, outside of its use by people more familiar with those hacks than anything else.
No. 188606

Also not the author.

it also happens to be used in many Touhoumon stories and the like, perhaps in part due to people being used to it.

After all, in Bread of no Consequence and, uhh... ...I'm terrible with names. Anywho, in their spin, it was stated that they didn't use the term simply due to them not being dolls, and instead are flesh and blood, taking inspiration from Monmusu Quest/Monster Girl Quest.

In the end, really, it depends on what the author's aim is; if it fits with their goals, it is a commonly recognized term for them, and it does have a bit less blatant feel than saying Touhoumon.

Ignoring the fact that this story is likely based on Touhoumon Puppet Play, what with it being in the name. Which, if I'm not mistaken, doesn't actually use the term. However, as they are still puppets, it does still fit, as puppets can be construed as dolls.

So, while possibly not correct in the strictest sense, it still does make sense and could also even show us a window into the author's creative process. Ignoring the fact that it's entirely possible that the author is using the term without deeper thought, as it is commonly recognized.

Furthermore, familiarity with the mods themselves isn't the only way. If one hears a term enough, you begin to perhaps start using it yourself, as it's commonly accepted.

For example, I've never played the Touhoumon games at all, yet boneka is my preferred term, as others used it around me.

Although, now I'm curious about the author's motives in using it.
No. 188607
[X] the star-spangled hat of a jester?
Clownpiece is getting her story even if I have to fucking write it.
No. 188608

Why not two stories? Heck, maybe every character should be played by Clownpiece!

Dang it, now I want to write that. Imagining a Clownpiece Hecatia, Yuuka, Cirno and every Lunarian is hilarious. Ehh, maybe I'll toss the idea in suggestions.
No. 188609
I just had the greatest idea.

It's a fan animation in that low-detail chibi style. The plot is just a remake of one of the games, I don't give a fuck which. But every character is played by Clownpiece cosplaying as them.
No. 188610
I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not, but that does sound funny.
No. 188611
Huh, that's much more insightful than I expected. I had prepared for something along the lines of "Because it sounds foreign".
Anyway my curiosity is simply because I'm Indofag, and I didn't expect an Indonesian word, of all languages, to find its way here.
No. 188612
File 146439036954.jpg- (113.34KB , 850x889 , CiQ7RNrWUAA9NNO_jpg large.jpg ) [iqdb]
>Implying I could ever be sarcastic about the freedom fairy


No. 188613

Can't I be both?

As for the idea, it's what jesters do best: they mock. Although, I'm also now imagining her poking out everyone's eyes just to call herself King of Gensoukyou just for another story. After all, she's even better than the one-eyed man, as she's go two eyes. Maybe she'd declare herself god emperor, then.

As for the everyone is Clownpiece story, I'm thinking maybe it'd involve possession. Maybe something goes wrong with purification, and bam, back in time and split into bits. Obviously that's how it works, right? Still, after that, voters decide on characterizations for every scene.


Yeah, back when I first learned of the term I thought it was odd as well. And I do love to deconstruct things into how they may or may not work, so I just kinda kept talking and talking. I kinda do that.
No. 188614

Sorry, my bad; I assumed too much as to who was being spoken to.


Could always do Fairy Wars.
No. 188615

Aaaaand now I'm imagining a Starwars parody with fairies.
No. 188616
Nefer just call the votes here. Obviously this discussion proves Freedom Fairy's superiority over Youkai Moe and each post should count as a vote for Superior Fairy.
No. 188650
Alrighty then. Update... sometime. Give me a while to sort out the words and you'll have another smallish update that determines some fluff about you.
No. 188658
File 146445438839.png- (295.83KB , 1024x705 , 2016-05-27_08_00_36.png ) [iqdb]
That’s right. You are a CClownpiece and are proud of it. You grab your hat off the table and proudly wear it. With pride. You picked up your hat! You wouldn’t dare be caught dead without one outside of your own home. You say a prayer to your god, [name of Republican presidential candidate from 2016, 2012 and 2008 elections], and leave home. You smile and wave to the Komatchi that watches over the village.
And then the background music changes to this:
Looks like it’ll be a long day. You hear your neighbor, a CRika, squeak and frantically fire the little cannon on her little tank. It goes a foot before it meets the ground. However, that’s not the point: when she squeaks and fires her rinky-dink little cannon, that means that something’s going on in the skies. You get the feeling that you really ought to look up. You…

[ ] Don’t even bother with looking up. You instead go to the river and look at the reflection.
[ ] Look up at a 45-degree angle.
[ ] Look up at a 60-degree angle.
[ ] Bend over backwards so that your view is at a 90-degree angle.

(This vote determines how curious and attentive about the world you are.)

(Fun Fact: Magikarp are an invasive species in Gensokyo. Ever since Yukari Yakumo introduced them, they’ve invaded every waterway and have displaced all the other major fish species. The fact that Primeus can breed with any Bonéka and produce a Magikarp egg isn’t helping things either.)

(picture of current location taken on Touhoucraft server for Minecraft. You should go check it out, it's got most of Gensokyo in it.)
No. 188663
You say a prayer to your god, [X]Trump
[X] Bend over backwards so that your view is at a 90-degree angle.

Now I'm imagining Chibi Clownpiece overexcitedly looking up and falling over because she moved too fast HNNNG
No. 188665
[X] Look up at a 60-degree angle.
No. 188678
[x] Trump
[x] 90 degree
No. 188679
[X] Trump
[X] Bend over backwards so that your view is at a 90-degree angle.

Build a barrier and make the Hakurei pay for it.
No. 188703
[X] Drumpf
[X] Bend over backwards so that your view is at a 90-degree angle.
No. 188708
<Moral> >(This vote determines how [...]
<Moral> NO
<ReadFag> Cut him some slack~
<Moral> NO
<ReadFag> Yukkuri shiette ne~
* Moral is now known as FRUSTRATED_WRITER

Look. Look upon what you've wrought Nefer.
No. 188709
I really couldn't care less as long as the story is entertaining.
No. 188710
Keep in mind people in IRC use hyperbole because
No. 188718
This is now officially the story Gallus complains about.
No. 188758

Will OP get a certificate, trophy, plaque, title and/or a fief? Maybe a statue. Then birds will immortalize him. Who doesn't want that?
No. 188772
Look, Moral. How else am I going to show the player's location than by using Minecraft?
I also wanted to explicitly make the vote non-trivial.
No. 188775

Draw a map for each area and show our starting point, allowing you to use more flavorful pictures. It's what Luminous does.

Don't have to worry about photobombers, either.

Especially explosive ones.

Also, I'm now imagining a Minecraft/Touhou crossover just to make that guy throw a fit.
No. 188778
I don't have a problem with using MineCraft, but Moral is in supreme shitposting mode
No. 188809
File 146456801777.jpg- (163.29KB , 900x900 , I'd do it myself if I wasn't so slow.jpg ) [iqdb]
> Also, I'm now imagining a Minecraft/Touhou crossover just to make that guy throw a fit.

No. 188880

Fine, fine, I'll consider writing it after my current story is over, or maybe something quick and easy for Halloween. Mind you, I'm honestly not sure what to do. Well, aside from writing it as a post-apocalyptic horror story, but still.

I mean, if I can turn Tokiko making chocolate on Valentine's Day into a horror story, as well as Jason Voorhes winding up in the Bamboo Forest and stalking Mokou of all people actually be scary, I can certainly make a game as unsettling as Minecraft work as one. Still, I should probably stop hijacking this thread before OP gets mad or something. I just wish they'd update the dang story list already so people could find the former, as it's been complete since, well, February.
No. 188894
>I mean, if I can turn Tokiko making chocolate on Valentine's Day into a horror story, as well as Jason Voorhes winding up in the Bamboo Forest and stalking Mokou of all people actually be scary...

Demanding link.
No. 188896
Don't worry Soanoka, you can use your name here.
Anyway. Have some more... pictures. And an animated one. With sound.
No. 188897
File 146469754864.png- (9.70KB , 1024x705 , shit.png ) [iqdb]
Oh dear.
No. 188898
File 14646978897.gif- (1.23MB , 1024x705 , shit.gif ) [iqdb]
Oh shit.
Oh. Shit.
It's gonna hit the lake. It's gonna hit the lake and it's a belly flop.

It's gonna fall from the Hakurei Barrier, hit the lake with a belly flop and it's gonna be spectacular (by which you mean really really bad.)


You black out as the water overtakes you, pulling you towards Misty Lake.

[ ] Destati.
[ ] Wake up.
[ ] Awaken.
[ ] Open eyes.
No. 188899
By the way, the music that's supposed to be there is Sburban Countdown.
No. 188903
[X] Destati.
I don't know what this means but fuck it why not
No. 188908
[Z] ...five more minutes, mom...
No. 188909
[X] Awaken.
No. 189038
File 14649675596.png- (126.62KB , 1024x705 , 1.png ) [iqdb]
(Destati is Latin for ‘wake up’.)
You find yourself in a void, underwater, yet breathing. As you land on... something, a flock of doves bursts forth and reveals a gigantic stained-glass platform. You honestly don’t think you’re swimming anymore.
Suddenly, this voice speaks out of nowhere, and you are compelled to approach and press "A"! Because that is what video game protagonists do, they approach things and press "A"!
And then you abruptly wake up. You don’t know it yet, but your eyes are now blue.
(Bonus points go to whoever figures out what Let’s Player said that quote and what JRPG I’m giving a shout-out to here.)
(If you figure out the game, you can figure out the BGM here.)

Fun Fact: Thanks to the efforts of Erin Yagakoro, all of Gensokyo is now somewhat immortal due to irresponsible production of Hourai and subsequent environmental pollution.
No. 189039
File 146496769762.png- (22.70KB , 1024x705 , 0.png ) [iqdb]
The giant hermaphroditic parasitic male rapist giant electric catfish gets off of the fairy it was shagging and lumbers over to the outsider right next to you. And you’re not going to let it implant mermaid eggs into your new Mistress. It’s time to STRIFE.
You punch it right in the eye. That definitely got its attention. I guess this is your tutorial fight...
-[ ] Focus Shot (Dream, 30 PP Focus, base 40)
-[ ] Love Ember (Fire, 10 PP Spread, base 50)
[ ] BAG You don’t have a bag!
[ ] PKMN You’re all alone and you don’t have a team!
[ ] RUN Fuck no. Mistress’s virginity is on the line! You can’t run away!

Fun Fact: Female fairies that are fertile are much much rarer than male fairies. Fairies normally have a 16,000:1 female:male ratio, but only one out of every 32,000 females can actually give birth. However, if a fairy evolves into a youkai, they instantly become fertile... and any children they have are fairies. Case in point: Cirno’s mother Letty Whiterock. (Admittedly, they can be knocked up by Primeus, but that’s because the eggs are implanted into them.)
No. 189057
> (Destati is Latin for ‘wake up’.)
Italian, actually.

Even without that name-drop, though, "gigantic stained-glass platform" means it pretty much has to be this music:
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYq_haVGu_c

> what Let’s Player said that quote

- [X] Focus Shot (Dream, 30 PP Focus, base 40)
No. 189058
Alright. This shit won't fly.

First of all, >>188898 on this update you have choices for the same fucking thing. And, unless I'm missing out on some mega-deep story related plot point, there is no reason to do this. What does that even add to the story? Why bother having choices at all? What the fuck. The update itself is also short as heck but I'm going to dismiss that for now. Also.
>using *action*
I'm disappointed.

In >>189057 and >>189038 you basically do the same thing which is have most of your choices be completely irrelevant. This update is feels even shorter because over half of it is your commentary and fun facts. Commentary and fun facts are not a story, fuuuuck.
>[ ] BAG You don’t have a bag!
>[ ] PKMN You’re all alone and you don’t have a team!
>[ ] RUN Fuck no. Mistress’s virginity is on the line! You can’t run away!
why. If you wanted to Clownpiece to fight then just have Clownpiece fight, goddammit. What's the point of even voting?
>(Bonus points go to whoever figures out what Let’s Player said that quote and what JRPG I’m giving a shout-out to here.)
>(If you figure out the game, you can figure out the BGM here.
>Commentary detracting from the story
I'm doubly disappointed.

Now, I know that you have short updates. This comes down to writer preference and who am I to judge you if you want shorter, faster updates? But the thing is that you almost have more off-topic commentary than you do actual story. Yes, I know I have said this before, but come on. This barely qualifies as a story if you do that.

If this is some kind of ultra-ruse and I'm taking this too seriously, ya got me hook line and sinker.
No. 189059
First off, >>189057 ain't me.
Second off, yes, it is some sort of ruse. Not saying what, but it is.

Should I just pick a move? It's pointless what move you pick, because it's going to Catfish Quake you, but this is a personality check again.
No. 189076
[x] Love Ember (Fire, 10 PP Spread, base 50)
No. 189079
Meant to quote >>189039 but my point still stands.
No. 189169
TURN 1: Primeus used Catfish Quake! (Ground > Fire: It’s super effective!) CClownpiece was paralyzed!
(Catfish Quake: Ground, 10 PP Spread, base 100; accuracy 100, all-hit, paralyze 100%)
CClownpiece fainted!

Instead of getting brought back to your Awakening, your dream involves you floating in what would be Yukari’s Gap, except the colours are inverted. Thankfully, the disembodied voice from earlier shows up for some much-needed exposition...
“Um, oops, uh... this is the wrong area. I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume Gengetsu’s fucking around with the dreams again, so, uh, I can’t give you any new skills.”
“Wait, I can still give you limited scrying.”
“You might be wondering just what is going on. You see, a while back, a whole bunch of Bad Things happened at about the same time.”
“First of all, several of Alice’s dolls suddenly became autonomous, including the Goliath Doll. They somehow invaded Eientei and stole all of Yagakoro’s reserve Hourai Elixir, and absconded to the Nameless Hill with the stolen goods. From there, they started building an army powered by the Suzuran flower and copious amounts of Hourai.”
“Secondly, there’s the matter of the hermaphroditic parasitic male rapist giant electric catfish that is also the avatar of the Taisui Xingjun. Currently, it is living underwater in a cave with all of its captives, which it is using to breed mermaids.”
“So far, among its exploits, it has locked Kanako Yasaka, Eiki Shiki, Daiyousei, Shou Toramaru, Lilly White, and Kagerou Imaizumi up in its piscine sex dungeon, among at least fourty-five other youkai and thirty fairies.”
“Then there’s the matter of Sariel, Goddess of Hyperdeath and acolyte of Chara Rosemary. Currently, she is waging war against the city of Pandemonium, trying to overthrow her daughter Shinki and take control of Makai.”
“And then there’s the Ayakas---”

Nightfall approaches. BGM: End of Daylight (

It’s at this point you wake up in a tree with Mistress, and the first thing you sense is
[ ] an immensely powerful divine entity scolding the catfish that nearly raped Mistress.
[ ] an amanojaku that lifts you and Mistress up and puts you on the ground.
[ ] a sobbing shinigami headed off towards the Netherworld portal.
[ ] start9

[x] Name the fainted human. (10 character maximum)

Fun Fact: Every year, on the fifth of May, a wild Ayakashi appears in front of the actual tree. Yuyuko, always the sporting type, generally leaves it alone until the first poor sap comes along and inevitably gets their butt kicked by it. However, this year it seems the beast fought back with its new zombie servant (the Dryad part of the Bonéka.)

(Notice: After the next update, you will be able to control Mistress as well as your Clownpiece. It will also devolve into lists, but I'm a nice person and will add in-character diary entries just to keep things mildly interesting. It'll be a linguistic adventure of sorts, you don't really even have to vote; although some fun things are in store for taking some votes...)
No. 189171
[x] an amanojaku that lifts you and Mistress up and puts you on the ground.
No. 189235

It seems that OP is tied to the twitch plays pokemon community(if the start9 and input voices didn't make it obvious), which played one of Aichiya's hacks last year, so all his terms got caught in the community lingo for touhoumon.
No. 189273
[X] Start 9
No. 189292

Looks like we have a winner!
Indeed, Twitch Plays Pokémon is a smallish influence on this. (Soanoka, I'm looking at your Renko who somehow cuts vines with her boobs; if only because she's just as incompetent.)

Also, you guys seem to like Mistress being unnamed? Huh.

Well, prepare to meet the exact opposite of what you'd expect from Seija. At about... 3, maybe? Four hours, tops.
No. 189295

That depends on the definition of incompetent.

Renko is competently incompetent, as it were.

Or is she incompetently competent?

Incompetently incompetent?

I think I'll go with that.

Although, it's more like Twitch modding Undertale through entered prompts.
No. 189297
And then the voices in your head start up again. You really really want to scry on the divine entity right across the ridge, but you’ve been distracted by cries of ‘start9’, whatever the hell that means. Your only guess is that it means ‘freeze up’ because that’s EXACTLY what’s happening to you. You don’t even hear the anmojanku calling out to you, nor do you realize that she just picked you up out of the branches...

And to much of everyone’s horror, she puts you gently on the ground below. She proceeds to take the same action with Mistress, even offering some smelling salts to wake her up. You manage to snap out of your possessed trance long enough to catch her name...

Seija Kijin (atoningAnmojanku)
~~「The Anmojanku Atoning for her Crimes」~~

You think she can understand your ‘moonspeak’, as it’s called. Is there anything you’d like to ask her?
[ ] Clownpiece? (Write-in?)

Fun Fact: The Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom incident was solved in this timeline by Marisa, Sanae, Reisen... and Aya of the Mikami Shrine, standing in for Reimu while she was stuck in the Eridanus-Supervoid. (Aya didn’t stick around for the Extra Stage. She went right to Hatate and got the story published.)
No. 189713
File 146610567268.gif- (1.67MB , 1024x704 , epic battle.gif ) [iqdb]
You try to communicate, but you’re too shy to do so!
>Your spirit 2hu is Nitori Kawashiro.
Instead, your inquisitive self is distracted by some sudden shouting from over the ridge, and you go over to take a look. Much to your amusement, you see a rather vehement goddess in a fedora flipping her shit at that goddamn giant catfish. What makes it more surreal is the goddess’ pure white skin, her utterly unchanging face, and the fact that she’s obviously just offhandedly prevented her own rape... mainly based on how Primeus is limply hanging onto her arm like that, with seventy bruises already on its face.

“...remember what I said about my authority being higher than the Yama’s? I meant it.
“If I or anyone else catches you making any untoward moves on them, you goddamn filthy lolicon... the Yamas will be entirely unable to judge you. In fact...”
“But where are my manners? Well...”
... they’re certainly nowhere near YOU.

She then proceeds to smack it in the face thrice more, suplex it with just one arm, bite its massive oviductor/penis... implement-thing, thrash about like a crocodile that has caught prey...
...wait, what? Where’d that “FLIP THE SPRITE TURNWAYS!!!1!!” neon sign come from and why is she using it to stab the catfish???
You are so confused by this point, you just barely make out the declaration of a spell card and the emergence of several homing lasers. It takes the feeling of your face melting from viewing a sudden mushroom cloud and a lens flare to get you to hide from the intense, raw divine power being expended.
Thankfully, you’re not blind forever, because after ten whole minutes of ferociously rubbing your eyes you finally see Mistress wide awake and looking at a sheet of paper in her hand.

But what does the paper read?
[ ] "let no inventory go uncluttered"
[ ] “look to La Luna”
[ ] “you’re another of Yukari’s victims”
[ ] “cheesy write in”
No. 189782
[X] "I'm here to find love."
No. 189847
[X] “you’re another of Yukari’s victims”

Yukari is definitely fooling around, that's for sure.
No. 189965
[X]/at/ when?

Sorry to advertise in your thread, Nefer, but they did ask. Have a nice day~


Ahh, sorry. Missed your demands. The hostages okay?

Anywho, if you wanna see my, uhh... older stuff, ask for it in my Eastern Tale thread. Although, it can be found easily enough on Fanfiction.


As for the story I spoke of...

Sorry to advertise in your thread, Nefer, but they did ask. Have a nice day~

No. 190200
>THP Reader: Leave.
Later that night…
While Mistress is sleeping, you decide to try scrying on that divine entity. You watch her spend a good hour walking to the SDM, spend another half hour heading for the computers, and then boot up some sort of program. The maid drops off some tea after a single second of her being on the computer.

But that’s not the strangest thing. After three seconds of her playing, she suddenly vanishes for a split second (you estimate 1/60th of a second) and then... then... well, explosions. Not only is her computer vaporized (as well as the nearby computers,) but the goddess in the fedora is sent speeding through the walls vertically with an airspeed velocity exceeding most state and federal speed limits. She’s going so fast, she actually skips in the lake like a thrown stone!
And then she falls in a gap, which is quite fortunate since the giant catfish just surfaced.

SCRYING LEVEL UP!!! Scrying radius increased to 64 by 64 chunks (4096m.)
You spend the night healing.

You awaken to the sounds of explosions: someone’s been batting Alice’s dolls around like a Titan would a human. Obviously, Mistress wigs and heads for the lake... What a baka she is. (Then again, she was unconscious at the time, so you don’t hold it against her that she just nearly got raped again.)
Thankfully, Primeus receives a mouthful of KABOOM for his actions, giving you the time needed to pull Mistress out of the water and into the Forest of Magic.
BGM: Forest of Tohno
Mistress notices you, and promptly flees. You chase her about ten minutes into the Forest of Magic, startling a ZMarisa along the way (not like it really minded.) However, things get weird.
No. 190203
In retrospect, you have no idea just who you were put in a battle against, but apparently Mistress bucked up the nerve to command you in battle. It looks like you went up against a CKoshi, which (in retrospect) totally explains why you didn’t remember what trainer you fought.
Koishi Komeiji
~~「Hartmann no Youkai Shojo」~~

You happen to win the fight, but... you guess you forgot about the experience??? It’s all muddled and confused in there. Thankfully, a lover’s spat between a Seija and a Marisa breaks you out of your funk.
Normal-stage Touhoumon (including Yousei and nameless Bonéka) speak Japanese, rather than the Pokémon Speak they had as Chibi Bonéka. Mistress, for no reason at all, has somehow picked up Japanese, calling it “an old dialect of Kanto” and starts chatting up the victorious Seija, before the winner of the fight drags its mate off to... well, mate.
What an eventful day.
Mistress pulls out a futon and falls asleep to the tune of End of Daylight. You steal a free hug.
Pick ONE number: 1 or 2.
[ ] Uno.
[ ] Dos.
[x] Scry on...
-[x] that Seija No! You’re not that perverted, even if she has no hangups about being seen nude!
-[x] Koswhat was her name again?
-[x] Nobody You wish you had such eyes, to see Nobody on the road!

(In retrospect, I didn't notice anybody vote before I posted the first part of the update. I make it a point not to go beyond one page of Word 2012 per update post.)
No. 190555
(Well, seeing as I have gone ignored on the Internet yet again, I’ll assume you picked [x] Dos.)
You are now Mistress.
“Uuuuuugh...” You can’t really describe your feelings right now. You remember leaving Professor Kukui’s lab yesterday with a Rowlett, and then you fell into a something without your permission and then... then... um. You guess you... blacked out there?
A few hours later you woke up to some screaming and promptly were assaulted by a star-spangled foot-high winged humanoid that had the audacity to keep recapturing itself. You decided to try to swim away, but it hauled you off into the forest.
You recall meeting and beating someone, but the only thing you recall is that she claimed she was “your best friend”, so you suplexed her. The last six times someone did that, you wound up in prison for a whole year under “accomplice to grand theft” despite not actually doing a Arceus-damn thing. And each time you got out and went to a new region, it’d repeat itself and you wouldn’t get a trainer license due to having a criminal record in that region. (Your license happens to be from Jotoh, but you’re a native of Kanto.)
Umm... you then recall being witness to a lover’s spat between a four-foot tall witch and a four-foot tall demon {1}, and being able to do a conversation in an old dialect of Kanto with the victor. Oh, and then you fell asleep again, and woke up to some one-and-a-half-foot girl sitting on top of you, and captured it. You promptly fell asleep again.
You’ve woken up somewhere else, though. You’re in a house now, and you don’t know how you got there.
BGM: Love-Colored Magic
You hear a voice on the other side of the door. “Look to La Luna? What’s that mean???” Another one voices a reply: “I don’t know!” A third, nasally voice follows that one: “Perhaps we should ask Yukari. After all, the girl you dragged in was another of her victims.”
Someone opens the door: a shapely blonde with blue eyes and a frilly dress in blue and white, with red accents. She brings in a floating doll decked in blue.
Alice Margatroid
~~「World’s Least Ordinary Mother」~~
Shanghai Margatroid
~~「The Doll with a Soul」~~

{1} A reference to Thick as Thieves over on FF.net.
No. 190567

Just a heads up, but linebreaks make a story considerably easier to read.
No. 190989
Following her is a black-white witch at full size. And boy, does she look pissed. You find yourself roughly lifted off your feet by the back of your nape, as though you were a Growlithe cub being carried by its mother. So, you do the logical thing: you suplex her before she can even get a word out.

The doll then pulls out a lance (what?) from her pocket (how?) and points it at your throat and ---
Well, suddenly you’re surrounded by an army of floating dolls armed with lances, muskets, harpoon guns, tridents, katanas and miniature sniper rifles. The first doll speaks up.

“Missus, did you or did you not sign a contract with a blonde lady dressed in purple with either golden or purple eyes?!”

You have no freakin’ idea what the hell she’s talking about, and by hell you mean New Jersey. So, there’s your reply. The doll doesn’t seem swayed at all, and she reiterates her statement: “Have you or have you not seen a purple-clad blonde?”

The lady controlling the dolls seemingly twitches, and all the dolls head back to the shelves. She then takes the opportunity to grab the doll harassing you and chew her out. “She doesn’t know what you’re talking about, daughter! You shouldn’t press the issue, Shanghai Margatroid!” She then turns around and mumbles something to the words of “God Damn It, Yukari! You keep gapping in these outsiders, but at least you didn’t give this one a choice. Now Marisa’s going to be really conflicted about if she should kill you like the rest of the gappy scum.”

The witch on the bed, though, utterly screams out “GOD DAMN IT, YUKARI!!!!!”

You feel like this is particularly important.

Almost as if on cue, you hear a sound like several thousand people simultaneously saying "wop" and suddenly a blonde in purple pops up.
No. 190990
Yukari Yakumo

Well, to be perfectly honest, with a title like that, the outcome is inevitable. This leggy blonde is bad news. The girl dressed as a witch also seems to be in agreement with you, as she gets up and points an octagonal... um, an... octagonal... thingamabob / whatchamacallit / you-don’t-know-what-it-is-because-she’s-behind-you and you then hear this loud humming noise coming from behind you.

But you don’t care a bit, because you simply suplex the (new) blonde in the weird eye-portal thing, portal and all. This feat of strength garners you some slack-jawed looks from the living doll, the dollmaker, at least seventeen inanimate dolls, the witch you just suplexed, the (solid???) backside of the portal, your Bonéka, your purse (you actually kinda want to know how THAT happened) and for some reason, your left breast is inexplicably shocked that you just suplexed her.

Obviously, you are automatically thrown to the left wall by your own breasts. You are then treated to the sight of a rather cranky voice yammer on about buckets while throwing one himself through the portal and soundly clocking the blonde in the head with it. That’s... gonna leave a mark, for sure.

Marisa Kirisame
~~「The Black-White」~~

The witch on the bed speaks up, and introduces herself as Marisa Kirisame. She then segways off into a lecture about just what happened to get you here (you fell into a ‘gap’), your Bonéka (they’re puppets), hands you a letter, tells you to look out for salamanders (they’re friendly) and to put any fluffles {1} you see into a bag and return them for cash rewards. She promptly boots you out the door.

{1} The ever-present, fluffy, huggable, militant, cosplaying, inorganic, nonmagical, Epic Battle Fantasy-obsessed animate dust bunny shopkeeps and incident warning signs from FREAKING GENSOKYO over on FF.net. It's an odd and really silly story, something that TH-P just doesn't get enough of.
No. 191403
Day 1, 9:00 AM

You are outside Alice’s house. You see before you a salamander youkai. He is wearing a woven basket on his back, filled to the brim with mushrooms. He eyes you wearily, gripping a gunmetal hoe in his left hand.

He seems like an unimportant NPC. You don’t think he wants to battle a noob like you. You assume his weary face means he needs some help. Perhaps you can offer your assistance.

To your left, you see a pile of leaves. It looks… countable. To your right, you see a mail daemon of ambiguous gender leaving the area. It is partially obscured by a Troublesome Fairie, who is rummaging through the mailbox, stealing the mail. Shame on her!

There is nothing on the ground around you. SKILL LEVEL UP: Search (radius now 5 ft.) You feel your vision become slightly augmented. Despite your sharpened senses, you still do not sense any items on the ground adjacent to you.

You think you see a rather jovial, busty female tanuki a little farther down to the left. She looks just a few nanometers shy of a D-cup - mainly because she seems a millimeter over the cusp of size D breasts. The tanuki has this huge, shit-eating, dare you say criminal grin and is that a sniper rifle she’s twirling?

You are flat broke. Marisa has offered to pay you 100 [P] (whatever that is) for every fluffle you place in the bag of holding, but you wouldn’t know a fluffle if you saw one. The salamander looks like he could also give you a job as well. You have no qualms with mugging the mail thief, but it looks like she has a Bonéka on her.

[x] What do you do?
No. 191481
You decide to talk to the weary salamander.

Mushroom Farmer (stinkingShrooms)
~~「still farming those goddamn mushrooms」~~

@.player: Um. Hello there.
sS: *indifference*
@.player: Do you need any help?
sS: Oh, uh, yeah. You need a job? I can offer money for any mushrooms you find. I’ll pay 500 for any Tiny Mushrooms, 1500 for Huge Mushrooms, 5000 for Balmy Mushrooms, 4800 for Fly Agaric, and 10000 for Purple Fairy Clubs.

You then quickly mug and extort money (only five of these [P] things) from the mail thief. It’s not like her RFairy was above level two, anyway.

You then turn to the rifle-twirling, buxom tanuki and challenge her to a battle. Turns out that your CKaguya can run a Funbro set (its ability is basically Shadow Tag, it can recycle its Leppa Berry, and it can heal both teams.) And because of its ability, it entirely shuts down the opponent’s strategy: Baton Pass the Substitute onto the other Bonéka along with the Speed Boost from the Tanuki, which would allow the CMamizou to wipe your team.

You move on in the direction that the Tanuki came from, stopping to fight off the occasional Fairy, Grue, Sparrow or Bonéka on the way.

Day 1 - 10:30 AM

You stumble upon a giant electric catfish attempting to excavate some sort of cat using its belly, a near-invisible outline of a something, and a rather large drill-shaped something of special effects attempting to harm it.

Your CClownpiece yanks you behind a tree. Great, what will you do now?

[ ] Be all stealthy-like and sneak away
[ ] Why is this turning you---
>Your CClownpiece shoots a death glare at the small unfenestrated plane that you are obviously watching this story from.
No. 191839
[X] Why is this turning you on?

I figured I'd just be blunt, while making some horrible amalgamation of a vote.
No. 191916
Out of nowhere, three fluffles with tiny adorable little rinky-dink little spears and a massive (think an Adult Poptop from Starbound) fluffle rally themselves with a war cry of “WAAAAALL” and fling themselves at the outline. To the surprise of all, said outline does something that fills it in, revealing a four-armed bug-like pinkish-purple creature in a green suit and large hat that promptly applies copious amounts of drill to the immediate area.

This has the expected result of turning the attacking fluffles to dust. It didn’t seem to do much to the catfish, though. (You dash in to try to suplex the fish or something like that, but your CClownpiece pulls you back. Dammit.) After about five minutes of this tomfoolery, an armless blue-haired cyclops strolls by and what the hell did she just lift that entire catfish with one leg and walk away with it with a two-legged gait WITHOUT hopping or playing hackey-sack with it?!?

Just how many crossovers does this story have???

While all madness is going on, something sneaks up behind you. After a few seconds of surprise at seeing you, it begins to speak.
“Ha ha ha… Savant, you’ve played right into Lady Sariel’s hands. Now that you’ve revealed the secret to multiversal interdimensional travel, all we have to do is hack your program and hijack the Cybers---”

[ ] You. You are an eyesore. You must be removed.

You don’t like this person very much, and immediately begin choking the fuck out of this woman. You don't know this, but by choking her to death, you’ve just set back the plans of a couple of omnicidal megalomaniacs back by a few years, just enough to insure the possibility of their defeat. Yay, you’ve possibly saved the entire omniverse completely by accident!

Now all you have to do is save Gensokyo, Makai, and the Netherworld to get home. Hopefully.
No. 191922
[X] Contemplate the true meaning of good and evil, and where you fall on that.
[X]"Who is the real monster?!"
No. 191956
File 147641777226.jpg- (56.13KB , 640x480 , SON.jpg ) [iqdb]
Hi, son.
Little did you know yo, I browse around!
And to prove my validity, have a never-seen-outside-my-proofreader-circlejerk picture of a fluffle! (it's friendly...)

I also have no idea what is going on here even after extensive attempts, so uh...

[X] snuggle with the fluffstuffs

When I saw this here my jaw freakin' dropped, yo. Just checkin' up on the story list and SUDDENLY FLUFFLES.

next chapter batch is on the 16th son
No. 191961
Well, to be honest, most of the time when I'm just about to post, someone sneaks a vote in under me, aaand...

damn, I'll have to totally rewrite the whole next update.
No. 191965

But >>191839 was sitting there for five days.

Maybe it didn't refresh for you? I find that this site usually takes two reloads to show new things.
No. 192049
> You are now CClownpiece.

While Mistress is choking some sort of fallen angel to death, you notice that a large swarm of the fluffles have suddenly buried her in a dusty mass. Nobody but you really takes any notice of this event, so you just give your companion a confused shrug and begin to dig her out of the dust wombat pile, hoping to make a profit off these thousand or so fluffles.

Your dreams consist of personally kicking the collective asses of a sentient pinkish alphabet in an ancient ruin.
No. 192058
Day 2 - 8:00 AM

> You are now Mistress again. You wonder when the perspective will switch to that of a hat.

What just happened is very fuzzy to you. You remember calling someone an eyesore and then strangling them to death and - then blank greyness followed by a swarm of Unown. You search your mind to try to remember if such an event has happened to anyone else---


You know what happened now. The Mob had almost taken you as a host. You’ve (probably) just tracked the Mob to another world. GODDAMMIT YUKARI!!!


Almost as if on cue, Yukari pops up trying to tell someone not to hit her with a bucket. (Someone hits her with a bucket anyway, complaining that the gap hag is a filthy pervert that leaves such erotic objects everywhere.) You (foolishly) decide to go mano-a-mano and you actually fight the youkai to a standstill with your own fists.
Yukari begrudgingly admits your strength and hands you a marked-up newspaper.

Page break





(It's at that time you collapse into a fit of giggles. Why, exactly, does she need a Yvetal?)





















You can read any and all of the articles, but it’s going to take an hour to read one of these.
No. 192059
There are exactly 24 articles. It looks like any article that is not marked will return the same response. Three asterisks seem to be things of true importance, although the ones in two asterisks look like they are related. Those two articles surrounded by bullet points are really only going to be important to trainers.
No. 192175
No. 192176
No. 192404
NAUGHT BUT A WEEK AGO, one Cirno Crocker attacked the Tengu High Council under the pretense of defending the honor of one Ran Yakumo. The powerful Manipulator of Rhyme was extremely pissed off at demands to make the newspaper more lewd (like the now-defunct Bunbunmaru.) Obviously, there was an instant throwdown, with seven of the nine ending up in a block of ice (our Great Tengu fled to fetch our former leader, and the really lucky one actually took out the ringleader’s right-hand woman.) Mizako Otane and Himikawo Yatsume died in the skirmish that day, while the five impostors were brought out to trial. (The kitsune Kala Aito admitted guilt and accepted banishment underground in exchange for revealing the location of the corpses of the missing tengu.) The others, including a lecherous, incestous kitsune claiming to be Ran’s father, were all put to death, but two broke out before they could be exterminated.

The kitsune illusionist Kai Asuka, one of the tengu impostors, had slipped his bonds and headed towards Eientei. He was later found with copious amounts of the dangerous poison known as Anti-Hourai, planning to poison half the waterways in Gensokyo. An elite team of specialists, including Youmu, Reimu, Marisa, and Mamizou, were dispatched to deal with the bioterrorist. He was killed by Fantasy Heaven. (Reimu was later seen headed to Makai with two chain guns and all the Anti-Hourai.)

YET ANOTHER TRAVESTY HAS OCCURRED in the campaign against the giant hermaphroditic, sexually parasitic, omnisexual, rapist lolicon electric catfish Primeus. In addition to the kidnapping of Kanako Yasaka, he has now taken a second new victim in a single day. The capture of Shikieki, Yamaxanadu by this vile perverted piscine fiend is sure to greatly worsen the backlog of souls on Komatchi Onozuka’s plate; given the ferrywoman and only other full-time employee of the Ministry of Right and Wrong has fallen into serious depression and seized the mantle of the Yamas in her despair, the people of Gensokyo send her our deepest condolences.

Because Komatchi has abandoned her post as ferrywoman, no souls have been able to cross the River Sanzu. Komatchi is offering temporary part-time jobs to ferry souls at 100,000 [P] an hour. She is also seeking someone by the name of Yvetal (no last name given) and is willing to shell out a trillion [P] for any information on his/her location. (She’s offering a little something… extra for those that bring this Yvetal to her, and speculation outright states that she’ll swing both ways.The verdict’s still out on if this also means marriage or not.)

HINA, THE GODDESS OF FORTUNE, has recently been making truly absurd amounts of faith, in part thanks to the ever-present threat of Primeus in a world filled with girls. Hina, herself, claims she has a backlog to rival Komatchi’s. She has offered her services to repel both the catfish and the omnipresent fluffles.

Meanwhile, Toyosatomimi no Miko is again squaring off against Byakuren Hijiri over matters of the catfish. Both call for its death, but Byakuren appears to be calling it a crusade or a struggle (trying to appeal to the small Muslim fairy sect and the SDM staff) while Miko is trying to reign in support from the youkai. It's anyone's guess as to what's pushing the Taoists to work with youkai.

With the mad sexual rampage of the giant catfish comes far too many offspring. The amount of fairies it has repeatedly raped and/or seduced (let alone Daiyousei, who our field reporter Wakasagihime claims is “so pregnant that her womb must be taking up a sizeable amount of gap space, let alone space in this tiny little cavern.” That's a lot of eggs) is staggering. Given that everything it screws gives birth to an egg within the hour, it's safe to say that the mermaid city of R'lyeh, at the bottom of Misty Lake, is suffering from overpopulation. Already, one can see a few submerged skyscrapers beneath the surface.

Compounding matters is the sheer amount of Bonéka it mates with on a daily basis, which produces exponentially more Magikarp.

THANKS TO THE EFFECTS OF WAR AND DESPAIR, the dastardly little troublemakers known collectively as “fluffles” have been pushed from Makai and Higan, respectively. Komatchi isn't really happy after driving them out, and has actually expressed a little regret for doing so to the huggable dust wombats.

THANKS TO THE EFFORTS OF REIMU HAKUREI on the battlefield of Makai, the tide of war has been changed. As a matter of fact, the war has gone from an inevitable military defeat to basically an even battle. Our field reporter, ShinGoku, has this to say on the matter:
“I used to be a friend of that fallen seraphim, Sariel. I was there when a terrible void spoke to her, offered her infinite power and vengeance. I was there to chronicle her obsession with an unknown force called the ‘Cybers’ and her interactions with this ‘azure’ goddess. I was there when she channeled the void and waged war against her own daughter, Lady Shinki. I know what terrible ruin her powers make. If she could get to the fortress-city of Pandæmonium, she could make it cease to exist in this universe. Reimu… Reimu is basically a godsend. My only concern now is friendly fire, since Anti-Hourai is basically THE instant-kill poison, with no known cure.”
Well, thanks for the information.

ACE INFORMANT AND MIKAMI SHRINE MAIDEN AYA, our chief correspondent on news in the Outside World, has recently reported that a mysterious cyborg has been spotted in the tender loving embrace of one Chiyuri Kitashirakawa.

JUST ONE DAY AGO, a colossal swirling vortex-portal-gap thing tore asunder a rather large gash in the fabric of reality at 2 AM above the Scarlet Devil Mansion with the sound of a billion voices all saying “wop” in unison. Sadly, because of all the other incidents, we have not been able to organize any sort of exploration team. As such, any Trainer bearing the Frog Badge (obtained by defeating Suwako, required to use HM03:Fly) is allowed to bring twelve Bonéka with them into the portal. Already, seven people have disappeared into the depths.

A WAR IS RAGING IN THE NETHERWORLD. Roxas and Youmu Konpaku have gone on a small war campaign against the Ayakashi. The wretched Sakura Bonéka is protecting itself with a horde of Spirits and is being relatively successful in doing so.
(You get the feeling that there is more to this article, and actually scroll down.)
Some angels tried to get in the battle, but a nasty trap was sprung and Yuyuko is now out of commission.

SOME LOYAL FAIRIES OF EIENTEI have been spotted heading in disguise to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Opinion states that they are probably going to bust the vengeful divine spirit terrorist Junko out of her imprisonment.
No. 192405
This story has been canceled (for an indeterminate amount of time) due to things.

Thread Watcher x