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File 136424421649.jpg - (264.51KB, 600x1024, beware of tengus.jpg) [iqdb]
Good Lord! A third thread?! How'd that happen?! Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

Thread 1: >>/sdm/54956
Thread 2: >>/sdm/55386


Nice day today. Warm sun, decent breeze, and lots of fluffy clouds. They look like marshmallows. Which is kinda fitting, given what I'm reading.

Oh yeah, I'm reading the Bunbunmaru Times, much to my dismay. It's not that I really want to support Aya's scandal rag, but it usually has some articles about DyCirno in it, and collecting those articles in a scrapbook is a fan club priority. This article, however, makes me groan a little bit, mainly due to personal association.

"DYCIRNO OVERCOMES FOREST ARSONIST," the headline screams. "Yesterday, the mighty, the lovely, the awe-inspiring DyCirno came to the aid of the innocent inhabitants of the forest of magic. A massive blaze had enveloped a good part of the forest, causing animals and youkai alike to flee for their lives. While at first the suspect was known ruffian Marisa Kirisame, she was later seen engaging in a domestic spat with her new fairy wife (see related article). Regardless of the danger, or the miscreant responsible for this act, the heroic DyCirno dove into action! Glorious in action, divine in her loveliness, our beloved hero saved the day by using her delightful freezing powers to chill the wood of the forest until the blaze went out. This brought her into conflict with the cause of this blaze: a simple, unassuming fairy, apparently a rogue from the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Of course, the lovely DyCirno is no bully, even against evildoers! Instead, the flame-loving fairy was quickly subdued by our sparkling heroine, and brought to justice for her deeds. She has currently been assigned to help restore the forest she helped set alight, under the stern supervision of Yuuka Kazami. When questioned as to why she performed such a nefarious act, the fairy's response was 'What's the big deal? I just wanted to roast marshmallows!'"

I groan upon reading the article again. Honestly, that little lunatic caused us no end of trouble! I had to explain to several youkai that she was acting on her own, and the mansion had nothing to do with her little rampage. Fortunately Yuuka took my side, and that pretty much cleared out any protestors. No one really wants to get into an argument with her.

As awkward as the whole thing was for us, the rest of Aya's article worries me a little. Not the bits about Pam and Marisa; the related article reveals that they were simply getting up to their usual shenanigans: Pameel hanging on to Marisa while the witch tried desperately to ignore her. Judging by the attached picture, that wasn't working too well for her.

No, what worries me is how the main article goes on and on about Cirno. It's a little creepy, to be quite honest. Aya starts off describing Cirno in glowing terms, then goes on to talk about her personal beauty, and finally starts speculating about very personal things about Cirno. Measurements, likes and dislikes, that sort of thing. It's less what you'd expect from an admirer, and more what you'd see from a stalker. Kind of like someone rambling about their crush in print form. Given that Cirno is a child, this really bothers me.

I sigh and set aside the paper, resolving to talk to Aya about it later.

The day wears on, and I start to doze a bit while reflecting on things. Sakuya and Yuuka are still hanging around me an awful lot, though they aren't being as blatant about their attraction. They're just being ordinary friends, and I find I really enjoy their company. A part of me suspiciously wonders if that isn't part of their plan, but I dismiss it as paranoia. That's just impossible! Seriously, like they would ever-


I yelp, jumping a little as a voice blares loud enough to make my eardrums ring. Sheesh, I was just dozing off! They damned near gave me a heart attack! Who was it anyway, it sounded like-

The thought barely crosses my mind before Aya Shameimaru touches down I front of me, broad smile on her face. "Hey there!" she says cheerfully, "How's my companion in DyCirno-worship?!"

I sigh. "Aya, if this is about that fairy setting the forest on fire-"

"Oh, nonononono!" Aya says quickly, waving her hands in negation. "That story's yesterday! Literally! Although it has DyCirno in it, so it's still awesome! But no, I'm not here about that crazy fairy."

I shrug. At least Aya doesn't seem all that interested in me. "Alright, so what did you want to talk about? Or do you have business inside?"

"It's you I want to talk to," Aya confirms, nodding excitedly. She steps forward and leans in close. Actually, a little too close. I'm starting to feel like my personal space is being violated. Aya's expression isn't helping things. Her eyes shine brightly, and her smile just looks wrong somehow. It looks like she's hungry for something that isn't food. I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. "I wanna talk about Cirno," she tells me eagerly.

Protective instincts well up in me, and I narrow my eyes. "What about Cirno?" I ask warily.

Aya doesn't notice my disapproval. "Exactly!" she cheers, jumping a little in excitement. "You're like, her big sister figure, right? So gimme some details! Things you taught her, things you talk about, taking baths with her!"

"Wait, what?" I blink. One of those things is not quite like the others...

"Training together, sleep-overs, picking out clothes and underwear," Aya practically drools at the later.

Wait, WHAT?!

"Ahh, I wanna be Cirno's Bis Sis," Aya sighs, hugging herself and actually trembling a little. "I wanna do all that stuff! And I have so much to teach her, too!" she starts blushing, and I have a sick feeling.

"What kind of stuff do you want to teach her?" I ask flatly, and Aya just squeals with embarrassment.

"It's too embarrassing to say!" she insists. "But, ah, how I envy you, Meiling! I wanna hug Cirno! And play with her! And put her in cute outfits, and take pictures of her posing, and take baths, and have sleepovers... I wanna teach her all about life!" Aya giggles at the last, and gets a very far away look in her eyes, drooling a little. "I wanna make adorable little Cirno a woman!"


"Hey, did I ever tell you about my Cirno wall?" Aya suddenly asks, enthusiastic again.

I stare at the tengu with all the wrath I can muster, willing the pervert to die on the spot. "No," I say flatly, "What is this 'Cirno wall' you're talking about?"

"Well, I've been following Cirno all over, taking pictures of her, right?"

Oh no.

"All kinds of pictures! All the time!"

Oh god.

"Cirno in her armor, Cirno outside of her armor..."

She's drooling.

"Cirno in her normal clothes, Cirno in the clothes I sent her as a gift..."


"...Cirno dressed in those clothes that are just like mine, Cirno in a blue outfit sorta like Reimu's, Cirno in a traditional tengu outfit..."


"... Cirno eating the candy I gave her..."

You're fulfilling all the stereotypes, you lolicon tengu predator!

"...Cirno getting changed..."


Aya giggles. "Blue stripes," she says dreamily, now definitely drooling.



"...Cirno taking a bath, Cirno sleeping... got some close ups of those!" Aya keeps rambling on, and it just gets worse and worse.

"I'm gonna take her home and get her to pose for me one day!" Aya declares, and immediately goes into a day dream about it. A daydream involving a lot of blushing, excited giggling, and lustful chuckles. It's like I'm not even there anymore, as this... this freak continues to fantasize about innocent little Cirno and all the things she wants to do to her!

No. No way. I will not stand for this. I will not allow her to stalk Cirno for one second longer! This ends RIGHT NOW.

[ ] Slap. Her. Shit.
[ ] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.
[ ] Get Flandre. Get booze. It's the only way to be sure.
[x] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.
[x] Get Flandre. Get booze. It's the only way to be sure.

You know what? One option is not enough for her. She needs to get bound to a chair and with the help of Flandre get brought back to her senses.
[X] Get Flandre. Get booze. It's the only way to be sure.

Who else but our resident little sister to explain why being Cirno's Big Sis is a bad idea?
[x] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Get Flandre drunk if you have to.
[X] Get Flandre. Get booze. It's the only way to be sure.

Flandre is going to develop a serious drinking problem at this rate.
[x] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.
[x] Have plan B (Drunk Flandre) ready to at a moment's notice.

I'm hoping it won't need plan B.
[x] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.
[X] Get Flandre. Get booze. It's the only way to be sure.
[ ] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.
[ ] Get Flandre. Get booze. It's the only way to be sure.

Dude. Drunk Flan is my go to choice for far to many applications.
[ x] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.

Meiling should handle this herself. Flandre should be saved for more dire situations.
[x] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.
[X] All of the choices. ALL. OF. THEM.

Yeah, I really despise pedophiles and perverts when it comes to kids. Around here, you get caught doing that? You ain't gonna be havin' an open casket funeral, if they find you.

Props to making us pissed off BTW. Good sign we're getting into the story.
[X] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.

Does Meiling even have any diagrams?

She'll make some. This is our little sister's innocence on the line, here.
[X] All of the choices. ALL. OF. THEM.

>>55807 here. I'd like to replace my vote with the following write in.

[x]Move Aya to The Room. Bring in everyone and make sure you leave an impression.
-[x]Yes, that does include Flandre; drunk or not is her choice. Yes, that includes Remillia. If Yuuka is in the area, have her join in too.
[x] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.
You lost me.
[x] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.

If case this doesn't snap her out of her, uh, Cirno-induced daydreaming, then we can start considering the other options, I feel.
[X] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.
[X] Have plan B (Drunk Flandre) ready to at a moment's notice.

Hopefully she can see some semblance of sense. More hopefully, she will have heard of Flandrunk and will see that as a legit threat.
X] All of the choices. ALL. OF. THEM.
She straightens out or there's going to be an unmarked grave in the forest.
she's been on the receiving end of Drunken Flandre who verbally tore her a new one, basically saying her paper sucks and that she "ruined panties".

I do get the feeling Flandre will have her own remarks on the subject as well.
[X] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.
[X] Get Flandre. Get booze. It's the only way to be sure.

I get the feeling that Flan will pull a Chris Hansen on Aya.

"Hey Cirno! You here? I brought the candy!"
"Why hello, Aya. Why don't you have a seat over there."
[X] Grab her, force her into a chair, and carefully explain why this is very, very wrong. Use diagrams if you have to.
from [Tengu2fast4u]: DO YOU HAVE ANY CONDOM
decoy: no
from [Tengu2fast4u]: I MUST GO SHOPPING
[x] Alert DyCirno that there's a creepy stalker peeping on her, and tell her who it is once she's convinced of their evil doing.
[x] Chill back as DyCirno sorts things out FOR GREAT JUSTICE.


Man, it was so easy. How did you not think of that?
[X] All of the choices. ALL. OF. THEM.

While I am not sure if whole "Child" deal outside of China perception of Cirno... Whatever.

I feel bloodthirsty.
File 136432673588.jpg - (115.33KB, 850x992, aya stop it.jpg) [iqdb]
I take a deep breath to steady myself. As much as I want to punch her, that would accomplish nothing. I have to deal with the problem at its source. I have to turn Aya from this twisted path, for Cirno's sake. "Aya, would you like to come inside?" I ask her.

"Hmm, what for?" Aya queries, jolted out of her horrible daydreams.

"...To talk about Cirno."

"I'M SO THERE!" Aya squeals, eyes shining with excitement. "Tell me everything you know! I'm all ears!"

Assigning a fairy to watch the gate, I lead Aya inside to one of the sitting rooms. On our way we pass Sakuya, who gives me a curious look. I take her aside to whisper in her ear. "Aya's obsessed with Cirno. In the creepy stalker way. Might need backup. Keep an eye out, okay?" Sakuya turns rigid, and nods carefully, giving Aya a cold glare that the tengu completely misses, being to eager to start our 'talk.' It's not surprising; Sakuya can be strict when she needs to be (as I understand from personal experience), but on the whole she tends to be pretty caring towards the fairies in her charge. The thought of someone acting like a creepy pervert towards one of the more youthful fairies is understandably upsetting to her.

"Come oooooon," Aya whines, "I wanna talk about Cirnooooooo."

I nod to Sakuya and continue to lead Aya down the hall, the maid watching us go. When we reach the room, I pull a chair out to the center of the room and have Aya sit down in it, before leaning against a table. "So, Aya," I sigh, "Cirno's pretty cute, right?"

"I know!" Aya squeals, "She's like, adorable! Cute and cuddly, and innocent-"

"Right," I say quickly. "That's what I'm getting at. But she's also young, right?"

"Well, fairies can live a long time..." Aya muses.

"Not that," I say quickly, "What I mean is... well, consider Remilia. She's youthful, right? Due to being a vampire. But she looks about fourteen years old, and has the mind and personality of an adult. That's why no one has a problem with her relationship with Reimu, it's between two consenting adults, even if one looks a bit young."

"...Okay," Aya says slowly.

"It'd be the same with Flandre, except her personality isn't stable. Sometimes, she can be witty and mature, just like Remilia. Other times she acts immature, and sometimes... well, we have to lock her up. But with Flandre, it's just the psychology that's the problem, as opposed to maturity, really."

"...Okay," Aya nods slowly.

"With the house fairies, we have a mixture. Some are like children. Then you have Marisa's new 'wife,' Pameel. Pam is excitable, and small, but she looks like a grown woman on a smaller scale. She's also about as mature as a fairy can get, just a little obsessed with Marisa. Then we have Cirno. Cirno looks and acts like a ten-year-old. She really is a child, Aya, no matter how old she actually is."

Aya pounds her fist into her hand excitedly. "So I have to make her a woman as soon as possible then! That's what you're saying!"

I rub my suddenly aching temples. "...No, Aya. That's not what I mean." Out of the corner of my eye I notice Sakuya peeking into the room, face a mask of disbelief. "What I'm saying is that Cirno is a child, who would neither understand nor appreciate your attentions, and that's something you need to get through your head."

Aya nods solemnly. "You lost me."

I twitch a little. "Excuse me," I say hurriedly, and rush out of the room, closing the door tightly behind me. As I choke back wordless snarls of outrage, Sakuya stares at the door in disbelief.

"She's joking right? She has to be. She's joking. Right?"

I shake my head at Sakuya's query. "No. No she's not. I just can't figure out if she's dumb or actually suffering from brain damage." I take a deep breath and head back in, distantly noticing Remilia approaching the room.

"Alright, Aya," I say, taking my position at the table again. "Consider this: you see a child lost in the woods. What do you do?"

"Well, I help the poor little one get back home!" Aya says sympathetically. "Human or youkai, it doesn't matter! You've gotta look out for the kids! I'd carry them home myself!"

I blink. That's... a surprisingly good answer. Weird. "Alright... so, instead you see a young child who has fallen and scraped their knee. What do you do?"

"Clean the wound, bandage it up, and tell them jokes until they cheer up," Aya says immediately. "Come on, that's what any decent person would do!"

Okay. Also a good response. So then... "You see Cirno. She's lost in the woods and has hurt her knee. What do you-"

"Take her home, lick the wound clean, give her a bath, put her in a cute outfit and take pictures!" Aya's drooling all of a sudden.

I excuse my self from the room again.

"What... the... hell..." Remilia says slowly, looking a little green. "What in god's name in wrong with that tengu?"

"You know," Sakuya says slowly, "I could make sure that no one ever found the body." She locks eyes with me for a moment, and I slowly shake my head.

"No, no. There's something weird here. Aya seems to only be creepy when it comes to Cirno. Any other children, she's fine. Hmmm... Sakuya, I need to borrow a couple of fairies..."


I put the first fairy in front of Aya, a cute little pink-haired girl. "Hi! Aya says cheerfully, and the fairy giggles in response. I put the next fairy in front of Aya, one with blue-hair who looks perfectly womanly, just four feet tall. Basically a miniature woman. Once again, Aya exchanges polite greetings. Finally, I pull out a picture of Cirno and show it to her.

"Eheheheheheheheheh..." aaaaaaand she's drooling again, and her eyes have impure thoughts dancing in them. Immediately, my two fairy assistants clutch each other in terror. I hide the picture, and Aya goes back to normal. Return it... and pervo mode again.

I step outside the room again, the two fairies running in terror, and blink in surprise at the new arrival outside the door. "Yuuka? What are you doing here?"

The flower youkai shrugs. "I noticed Aya come in with you, and noticed you had a particularly dark expression. What's going on? Did the tengu do something?"

"You could say that," Sakuya mutters. "By the way, Meiling, I've been taping this conversation just in case you need evidence for something. Like a restraining order. Or an execution."

"...You know, I could alter fate so that something terrible happens to her," Remilia offers.

"Maybe later," I sigh. "I just worry about how far this rabbit hole goes. Hang on, I need to try something else." I walk back into the room Aya still waiting patiently, smile still on her face.

"Okay, Aya? Remember that cute fairy from earlier? Imagine she's sitting on your lap."

"Aww, how cute," Aya coos happily.

"Right. Now pretend that fairy is Cirno."

"Is she in a bathing suit?! A really small one?!" Aaaaaaaand there's the hungry look in her eyes again. Yep, that's about as much as I can take. I step outside the room yet again to be greeted by identical expressions of horror and disgust on Remilia and Sakuya's faces.

Yuuka's face is dangerously blank. "One blast. All I need is to hit her with one blast, and there will be no sign of her, no evidence."

"Don't tempt me," I mutter. "Okay, so-"

"Hey guys, what's going on?" I turn to Koakuma's voice and see her, Patchouli, and Flandre walking towards us with curious expressions.

"Aya Shameimaru is a pervert lolicon, but only when it comes to Cirno the ice fairy," Remilia tells them flatly. That brings them to a screeching halt.

"What." Patchouli says.

"Observe," Sakuya speaks up. A flicker, and she's holding out... a dog collar and leash? "Show her this, and gauge her reaction. It's the surest way to see what we're dealing with." Oh god. I understand what she's trying to say. Stomach churning, I take the leash and head back inside, the stares of the others heavy upon my back. I stand in front of Aya, looking at me curiously, and hold out the leash. Aya stares at it in confusion for a moment before slowly, horribly, her eyes glaze over as she goes into a daydream.

"Eheheheheh... Cirno~, it's time for walkies!"


"Ahhhh, I want Cirno to walk me like a dog..."


"Eheheheheheh... Cirno, I've been a bad girl~... gimme a spanking, 'kay?"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I screech, finally losing my temper, "Aya, for god's sake, you're lusting over a little fairy! A child! Have you no idea what's wrong with that?! It's creepy!"

Aya frowns. "Explain further."

I lean over, trying not to throttle her. "Aya! She's a little girl with no idea of the things you have in mind! What you're doing is wrong! You're taking advantage of a little girl! Why can't you at least go after someone older? Anyone older?!"

Aya blinks in confusion. "I don't get it."

"Oh for... how would you like it if you were a little girl, and an adult version of Cirno told you she wanted to take you home, take pictures, and make you a woman?!"

Aya's eyes light up.


"But it totally would be!" Aya protests. I scream in rage and storm out of the room, slamming the door behind me. In the sudden silence, I breathe heavily, thinking.

"...There's a place in Makai," Koakua comments, "that's pretty much a den of the worst vices you can imagine. Only the worst deviants in Makai go there. I saw it once from a distance, and that was too much." She winces. "This is somehow far worse. I mean, what the fuck is wrong with her?!"

"Cirno is fantastic news," Yuuka tells her, "and that has combined horribly with her passionate nature and drive for success into an unhealthy obsession with the ice fairy. Throw in apparent closet masochism, and you have a perfect storm of perversion. Possible cures include punching her in the head for three days straight- with a gauntlet- and massive induction of electricity."

"And that will 'cure' her?" Remilia asks skeptically.

"No, but it'll make me feel better," Yuuka says, looking ill. "Honestly... I feel disgusting just listening to her."

"Can I kill her now?" Sakuya asks.

"I can make her go 'kyuu,'" Flandre offers, and there is no hint of madness in her eyes. Only grim, sure purpose.

"No," I say slowly, "No, that will just cause more problems. We need to neutralize this problem on our own." I turn and face those gathered around me, all with expressions of determination and discontent on their faces. Even Flandre is clearly in full possession of her faculties right now. We have seen the enemy, and she is an incredibly messed-up tengu. We have her in our grasp. Now, the question is what to do with her.

[ ] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.
[ ] Slap her shit straight.
[ ] Initiate Flandre protocol.

Note: due to previous voting, there will probably be some Flandre involved regardless. This just indicates the focus of your response.
[x] Initiate Flandre protocol.
[x] Make her promise not to harm her.

>Even Flandre is clearly in full possession of her faculties right now.
The rest is either for killing or seriously hurting her. Flandre is not mad or otherwise out of it at the moment so she knows what to do. I trust her to come up with a plan to cure Aya because she has the knowledge.

But just to be on the safe side: Make her promise not to hurt her in any way.
[X] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.

I'm not too sure of the effectiveness of drunk Flandre against Aya's blatant pervertism when it comes to Cirno. I also have no idea how Aya can be changed to stop this behaviour, but something amusing should occur. That aside, even if "Initiate Flandre Protocol" sounds really awesome I'd like to see Keymaster's Momijii in this story. Besides, drunk Flandre has been used as a weapon already, time to give another option a try.
[X] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.
[x] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.
[x] In the meantime, let anyone that wants to give her a piece of their mind at it.
-[x]Request that she be left alive. There are others that might wish to speak their minds, after all, and it simply would not do to spare Aya.
Good job making me want to use balefire on Aya. It takes skill for a writer to evoke emotions in their readers

[X] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.
If that doesn't work
[X] Initiate Flandre protocol.
[x] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.

Maybe we lack the proper cultural knowledge to explain to Aya why this is wrong.

Or maybe this is perfectly acceptable tengu behavior. In which case, it'll be fun to watch how Momiji reacts.
[X] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.
[X] In the meantime, let anyone that wants to give her a piece of their mind at it. Just don't let them kill her.

I presume that if this option is chosen, we'll get to hear the comments as we're out. Hopefully. I'd like to see Sakuya's efforts to not knife Aya into oblivion.
[X] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.
[X] Initiate Flandre protocol.

And just for kicks--

Ultra Mean Option Ahead!

[X] Inform Hatate
[X] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.
[X] In the meantime, let anyone that wants to give her a piece of their mind at it. Just don't let them kill her.

I still think it's too soon to use THAT.
[X] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.

In the mean time while that is happening:
[X] Initiate Flandre protocol.
I'm thinking someone like Yuuka would know if it's normal behavior or not, seeing how she's been around for a while. Regardless of her feelings on the subject (which we know for certain), she would have at least said something about it
[x] Initiate Flandre protocol.

I didn't think we'd have to use this.
[x] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.

While this is a bad enough situation for Drunk!Flandre, there is a little too much chance of murder at the moment. What Aya wants to do to Cirno is wrong, but murder is also wrong.
Drunk Flandre isn't violent... at least physically. She seems to prefer words to do her violence.
[X] Get assistance from her colleague, Momiji, and search her house for evidence. Let the tengu deal with this blight on their honor.

As funny as Drunken Flandre is, I don't want to just immediately go to it. Don't want it to become boring.
File 136435313862.jpg - (424.38KB, 1200x675, too good for aya.jpg) [iqdb]
"Right," I say, "I'm heading to Youkai Mountain."

Remilia raises an eyebrow. "Going to consult with the tengu?"

"Yeah. Isn't there a wolf tengu she's associated with somehow?"

"Momiji Inubashiri," Yuuka confirms. "My understanding is that they know each other and are somewhat friends... though it's a somewhat exasperated friendship, coming from the wolf at least."

"Yeah. I'm gonna go get her input on this, maybe see if there's anything we can do. Maybe the tengu won't care, maybe they'll consider this dishonorable, I don't know. But I want to find out."

Remilia nods. "Given the circumstances, I'm not going to raise a fuss about you going off on your own. Sure you don't want me to mess with her fate a little?"

I smile darkly. "Mistress, I have a much better idea. Flandre?" I turn to the younger sister, and she nods solemnly as a moment of understanding passes between us. Flandre holds out a hand to Sakuya, who flickers... and a small bottle of whiskey appears in Flandre's hand. As Flan pops off the top and begins to drink, Remilia closes her eyes and turns away. Yuuka pales and steps back reflexively. Patchouli and Koa looks on in fascination.

Sakuya, for her part, hands me a recording device. "Aya's 'testimony,'" she tells me, "Good luck, Mei." I nod grimly and make my way to the front door as a wobbly Flandre makes her way into the lounge. As the others file in behind her, I hear Flandre's first words to Aya:

"You still suck."

"Not agaaaaiiiinnnn!!!" Aya wails, audible even from the furthest parts of the mansion.


It doesn't take me long to fly to Youkai Mountain, and en route I ponder what I'm going to say. 'Hey, Aya's getting a little too interested in a little ice fairy, make her stop?' Or maybe 'Hey, this thousand-year-old crow reporter is something of a lolicon, and it's creeping us out.' Yeah, that'll go over well. But as I see a white-haired figure rise to meet me, I realize that I'm just going to have to wing it.

"Halt!" the wolf tengu shouts, "State your business in approaching the mountain!"

"I apologize for this intrusion," I state formally, "But I seek Momiji Inubashiri of the tengu."

"I am she," the wolf responds. "Meiling Hong, yes? Of the Scarlet Devil Mansion?"

"I am."

Momiji nods. "Then I welcome a fellow defender. What business do you have with me?"

"It's about Aya."

Immediately, Momiji slumps over in mid-air, looking exhausted already. "What's she done this time?" she asks wearily, clearly dreading the answer.

"Have you been reading her paper lately?" I inquire.

"Regrettably. But I like to keep tabs on what she's up to, just in case." Momiji perks up a little bit. "I have to admit, though, reading about DyCirno is pretty fun."

I smile. "I know! Isn't she-" Nonononono, keep on target, Meiling! "Uh, that's just it, actually. You know how Aya seems a little... interested in Cirno lately?"

Momiji rolls her eyes. "Ugh, don't remind me. Cirno is all Aya will talk about now, and at length. Honestly, it's starting to get creepy."

"...Yeah," I say slowly. "About that. I have here a recording of an interview I just had with Aya. Um... I think you should listen to it with me." Momiji raises an eyebrow in confusion, but nods, and I press the play button. At once, my discussion with Aya begins to play.

At first, Momiji is bemused at the conversation, even rolling her eyes. Then Aya talks about making Cirno a woman, and her heads whips around to stare at the voice recorder in shock. As the rest of the interview plays, Momiji's mouth grows wider and wider as her face assumes a look of utter horror and disgust.

"Oh. Dear. Gods." she croaks out when it finishes.

"So," I say hesitantly, "I don't know much about tengu culture- you're a pretty reclusive people and all- but is this considered... acceptable, among you?"

"HELL NO!" Momiji shouts, appalled at the very idea. "No way! This is just- I mean Aya's only been- but this...!" She suddenly stops mid-sentence. "Wait. So that time Aya suggested that I put a leash on her and take her for a walk she wasn't insulting me, she was serious?!"

"Yuuka identified her as a closet masochist," I shrug. Momiji at this point is looking rather green.

"Where is Aya right now?" she asks quietly.

"At the mansion, getting yelled at."

"Good," she nods.

"Anyway, do you mind if her home is investigated? I really don't like the thought that she has a collection of pictures-"

"Her home is this way," Momiji interrupts, "Follow me."

As I move to follow, I can't help but ask, "Is it really okay for me to enter your territory like this?"

Momiji slumps. "Aya's house is on the edge of our territory anyway. And I'll make an exception, given the circumstances."


"AUUUUUUGGHHHH!!!" I scream.


So, we're in Aya's house. Momiji frowned as soon as we entered, and apparently followed her nose to this place, a room in the back.

Aya's shrine to Cirno.

Cirno everywhere. Cirno in armor. Cirno out of armor. Cirno with friends. Cirno alone. Cirno in various outfits, and without. Not just one wall, but all the walls, and the ceiling as well. It was an insane, obsessive temple to the little ice fairy, and it was just... THERE. It was like a train crash; horrible to behold, but you simply couldn't tear your eyes away from the horrid, insane majesty of it all. This was beyond obsession, this was... this was...

"I have no words," I say faintly, staring around.

"At least Aya hasn't started stealing her clothes," Momiji mutters, wide-eyed.


"...Yet." The wolf tengu walks forward slowly. "I don't believe it. A full thousand years of service... and she does THIS? Our honor will never be clean after this..."

I think for a moment. "Can I burn everything in this room, please? Maybe the room itself?"



"If you and yours swear never to mention this to ANYONE, I'll even help you."

"And Aya?"

"We'll take care of her. She clearly needs some serious psychiatric help. We'll set her on the straight and narrow again."

"What does it entail?"

"Back-breaking labor without people yelling at her all day."

"Oh. Good." I look around the Temple of Cirno once more. "Can we please burn this place down now?"

"Yeah, sure."

So, Momiji and I burn down Aya's house.


"I mean, if she was just a little older, I wouldn't mind!" I exclaim as we head back to the mansion.

"I know, right? I mean, there's plenty of fish in the sea! I don't know what was wrong with Aya." Momiji shakes her head in dismay.

"Yuuka said something about Cirno revitalizing her success, and getting some mental wires crossed."

"Still..." Momiji mutters.

"Totally. What a bird-brain."

"You have NO idea," Momiji sighs as we land at the front door.

A few minutes later, we find Aya cowering in her chair as a group of powerful women surround her and express their displeasure with her interests.

"I've seen the worst parts of Makai, and that's still better than what you're doing!" Koakuma tells her.

"Are you truly incapable of finding relief on your own, that you have to prey on innocent children?" Patchouli asks sternly.

"I've met people like you in my life. They're not worth feeding upon." Remilia shakes her head in disgust.

"You shame your people," Yuuka tells her.

"Disgraceful," is all Sakuya says.

"Waaaaaahhh!" Aya wails, tears streaming down her face, "You'e all so MEAN! You just don't understand true love!"

The Flandre hammers the final nail into the coffin. "You're a creepy pervert and Cirno would never like you. Or your newspaper, which is also creepy and perverted."

"WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Inconsolable now, Aya cries on her chair helplessly for a moment before noticing us in the entryway. "Momiiiiiiii! Help meeeeee! They're being mean to meeeeeeee!"

Momiji stares at Aya for a moment before glancing at Sakuya a request in her eyes. The maid nods, and a moment later Aya is tied up and gagged for easy handling. "Thank you," Momiji tells Sakuya gratefully, and walks forward to heave Aya over her shoulder. "My thanks for bringing this to our attention. You have my assurances that the tengu will deal with this rogue behavior of Aya's"

"As long as she's being dealt with, I never want to think about this ever again," Remilia says wearily."She's all yours." Momiji nods politely and turns to depart. However, as she goes to leave the room, she freezes, sniffs the air, and stares at the crow tengu in shock.

"Are you... are you getting off on this?!" Momiji sputters. Aya looks away, blushing. "Ah, come on, Aya!"


The next day, I'm standing guard at the gate, trying very hard to forget about Aya Shameimaru when-

"Hey! Meiling!"

-Cirno herself plops down in front of me, beaming.

"Oh, hello Cirno," I say with a smile. "What brings you here?"

"Well, the kappa are dragging their feet and being dumb, so I thought I'd head over here and say hi! Also, I was wondering..." Cirno trails off and looks closer at me. "Hey, is something wrong? You look tired."

I sigh. "Trouble with Aya," I say simply.

"Ugh, that gross tengu?!" Cirno makes a disgusted face. "What a weirdo! I can't stand her either!"

I blink. "Wait, really?"

"Yeah! I mean, she kept giving me stuff, which was pretty cool, but it got a little weird after a while, right? And the clothes were pretty, but didn't really fit right, and I didn't like wearing them. So anyway, I just started giving it all away." Cirno makes a face. "I don't like her. She always looks at me funny.One time she tried to hug me, or something."

I start at this. "What really?!"

"Yeah! It was so weird! So I kicked her up high, like you taught me, then hit her over the head with an ice hammer! Then I froze her to the ground! But she was still smiling! What a weirdo! If I ever see her again, I'm freezing her solid!" As Cirno shakes her head in frustration, I feel a smile and a sense of relief come over me. Cirno was never in any danger. Cirno could read people much better than that. And if Aya really did pull something like that, Cirno would have just clobbered her. The cute, spunky ice fairy had things under control the whole time. Just like a hero would.

"Anyway, can you show me some moves? I wanna have a new set of moves to use on evildoers!"

I smile warmly. "Sure thing, Cirno. We can train together as much as you want!"



With Aya in tengu custody, the Bunbunmaru shut down indefinitely. Aya herself could be seen tearfully doing hard labor under the stern gaze of Momiji. However, DyCirno coverage did not falter! Hatate Himekaidou, of Kakashi Spirit News, turned out to be an enthusiastic (and mentally sound) DyCirno fan, and eagerly picked up where Aya left off. Her reports on DyCirno proved to be very entertaining to read, and quickly launched Kakashi Spirit news to popularity.

DyCirno can be seen cruising the skies of Gensokyo, always on the lookout for evildoers. She's got thing under control.


Let's go back inside.

[ ] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...
[ ] Flandre has a bad dream.
[ ] General Flandre plays Risk.
[ ] Girls' night in the city.

Why two Flandre options? Because she's fun to write for. As a side note, I like Momiji almost as much as I do Meiling.
[X] General Flandre plays Risk.

I must see this.
[x] Flandre has a bad dream.

Seems like the cute option.
Did I accidentally post my e-mail? Sorry about that. Any way you can delete that and keep my 'Girl's night on the town' vote?
[x] Flandre has a bad dream.

Flandre has had too much to drink, now it haunts her in her dreams.
[x] General Flandre plays Risk.
[X] General Flandre plays Risk.
Because this option amuses me. Also the scene with her previously was great, and it would be nice to see more of that. I don't mind any of these choices though, it's going to be entertaining anyway.

>As a side note, I like Momiji almost as much as I do Meiling.

[X] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...
[x] General Flandre plays Risk.

[x] General Flandre plays Risk.
[x] General Flandre plays Risk.

This will be revolutionary.
[x]General Flandre plays Risk.

This is just too good to pass up...
[X] General Flandre plays Risk.

The more important question is: CSA or Union.
>CSA or Union

I have a suspicion as to the answer for this.
Taboo 「Four of a Kind」
[x] Girls' night in the city.

Well that was something and pretty big in the scheme of things.
Taboo 「Four of a Kind」

Ingenious. She can roleplay as Grant, McClellan, Stonewall, and Lee. At the same time.

[x] General Flandre plays Risk.
This is now the only choice I can pick.
File 136436576293.png - (1.28MB, 1010x991, js_owen.png) [iqdb]
[c] General Flandre plays Risk.

Alright, let's do this.
[x] Flandre has a bad dream.
[x] Girls' night in the city.
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Sounds like that was moments away from becoming a perpetual slapstick routine.

[x] Girls' night in the city.
[X] General Flandre plays Risk.

She's the very model of a Modern Major General.
[::] General Flandre plays Risk.

Seems like the right point in the story for this. I'd like to imagine that she was still in costume for the scene with Aya, too.

Also, it's really hard to make the votebox thing there look like a die.

General Flandre giving Aya a dressing-down.

Why did I not think of this?!
File 136440964664.jpg - (128.50KB, 850x1137, i would totally follow general flandre.jpg) [iqdb]
I sigh wearily, looking up at the sky. Rain. Rain, rain, and more rain. Good for the soil, not so good for poor put-upon gatekeepers. I should be used to it, but you never really get used to curtains of water pouring down on you at your post. At least I have a big umbrella. There's certain tricks I've picked up over the years to keep myself dry, in any case, mainly involving forcing my chi outward to ward off any stray raindrops. It's a bit tiring though, and does nothing for the cold and humidity. Oh well. And least there's no wind. Or lightning.

With a soft tap, someone sets down on the ground next to me. "What a miserable day it is." Oh, it's Yuuka. She's been coming by more often since the incident no-one talks about any more. Uncomfortable attraction aside, she's good company.

I turn my head to her. "Yeah, but rain is good for the flowers-" I stop in mid-sentence. Whoa. Protected by her umbrella, Yuuka is wearing a gorgeous white sundress with green and gold embroidery. It's cut very nicely, and simultaneously highlights her figure while making her look...cute. The effect is somewhat spoiled by the rainfall, though. It would look so much nicer in sunlight wait why am I dwelling on this?

"Um... nice dress..." I manage.

Yuuka smiles wanly. "Thank you. I wanted to try something new, and get your opinion... but then this rain came along." She sighs. "Good for the soil. Not so good for a lady in a dress. Such a pity." She shakes her head in regret.

"You'll have to show the dress when it's sunny. It looks very nice," I offer before I can stop myself.

Yuuka's face lights right up, and she blushes fiercely. "Uh, th-thank you," she stammers. "Um, when it's sunny, I'll definitely come by and... let you have a look I mean get your opinion. Right."


"Meiling!" I nearly jump out of my skin as Sakuya materializes next to me. "Oh, sorry. Hello Yuuka," Sakuya apologizes to me and greets Yuuka in the same breath, looking hurried and... excited? "Meiling, I swear, you have got to come see this! You too, Yuuka!"

I blink, and share a confused glance with Yuuka. What's all this about? With a shrug, I let Sakuya lead us inside.


All I can do is stare in shock. Yuuka looks around in fascination. "Did you do this?" she asks Sakuya.

Sakuya nods proudly. "When Miss Flandre gave me a diagram with the instructions, I was a little uncertain at first. But I put my back into it and... voila!" Voila, indeed. Sakuya has clearly altered the space of the room. It's the size of a gymnasium, and all furniture and decoration has been removed, in favor of a giant map of the world laid out on the floor.

"How did you make that?" I wonder.

"Maid's secret," she tells me primly.

I notice then the the map looks a little odd. Each continent is colored differently, and there are lines arbitrarily dividing them into different regions... wait. "Is this a Risk board?" I wonder aloud.

"Got it in one, Meiling! Gold star!" I look up at the sound of the voice and see Flandre. Once again on a stuffed horse. Once again wearing an American Civil War union general's uniform. And carrying a riding crop. She looks extremely happy about everything.

I'm utterly speechless at this point. It might be Flandre. It might be the room. Or possibly the fairies dressed in Union uniforms. But either way, my voice has abandoned me. Yuuka speaks in my place. "Good day, Miss Scarlet. What have you got here?"

"Oh, hello Miss Kazami! That's a very pretty dress!" Yuuka blushes happily at the compliment. "And this... is RISK!" Flandre utters the name proudly.

"Risk?" Yuuka asks, not quite understanding.

"Yeah! It's the game of global domination! A popular board game from the outside."

"Oh." Yuuka considers the room and fairies. "Rather large board. And playing pieces."

"Yeah, the original is just a board game. I've been working on sprucing it up a little, but I can't find anyone to play with me! Patchy and Koa are too busy, so's Sakuya, and Sis won't play after I trounced her that once time." Flandre smiles happily. "But now you two are here! So, wanna play with me! You get to wear neat uniforms!"

I bring myself back to my senses and find my voice. "Wait, huh? You want us to wear uniforms?"

"Well, yeah!" Flandre insists. "You're gonna be generals, after all! You gotta get into character! Oh, and how about this: winner gets to take a prize from the losers!"

"Absolutely," Yuuka agrees at once. "I'll gladly play, but you'll need to explain the rules to me."

"Sure, no problem," Flandre tosses a Yuuka a small pamphlet, which the flower youkai immediately starts to read through. "So, how about it Meiling?" She gives me a look brimming with hope.

Awww, how can I say no to a face like that? And if I win, I'll get a favor? Hmmm, maybe Yuuka can help me improve the gardens? And if Flandre can selectively obliterate a few areas, I might be able to make a nice terraced design... yeah. This looks fun!

"I'll do it!" I tell her eagerly.

"Yay!" Flan cheers. " All right, I'll call the rest of me in! Hey, guys!" The rest of her? Then a door opens, and Flandre proudly walks in, wearing a confederate general's uniform.

Followed by Flandre wearing a British general's uniform, looking smug and superior.

Followed lastly by Flandre wearing a French general's uniform, looking ready to kill someone.

"Good news, everyone!" Union Flandre says, "Meiling and Yuuka are gonna play with us!"

"Splendid," Confederate Flandre says, "I look forward to meeting them in honorable battle." She nods politely to us.

"Mmmhmmhmm," British Flandre chuckles, "My, my. So they seek to oppose me in battle? Well, I shall simply have to show them what they're dealing with!" She gives us a superior look.

"I WILL BATHE IN YOUR BLOOD!" French Flandre roars. The others don't seem to pay her much attention.

Oh, she's using that trick.

"This looks fun already!" Yuuka chirps. She just chirped. I won't ever get used to that. "So, where are our uniforms?"

"We have some stored away," Sakuya says, "follow me and I'll show you."

"Anything Chinese?" I ask hopefully.




Sometime later, Yuuka and I have gotten dressed, and are regarding our respective troops: fairies, dressed in military uniforms appropriate to their general's 'nationality.' I had no idea Remilia had so many of these things stored away. I knew she was a packrat, but this is ridiculous!

Some fairies are standing by antique cannon. Others are dressed up like horses, with other fairies sitting on their shoulders. Racks of weapons line the walls, ranging from muskets to spears, of various quality. The generals, meanwhile, are addressing their troops, encouraging them in their own special way.

"All right everyone!" Union Flandre cheers, "Fight your best for me, okay! Let's win this thing!" Her fairies cheer enthusiastically.

Confederate Flandre paces in front of her soldiers. "Ladies. We have a great task in front of us. Your opponents will be just like you, and will be merciless. You must be the same. Trust in your comrades, and in your training, and we will yet prevail this day!" He fairies salute her, faces solemn.

British Flandre gazes over her troops from upon her own horse. "Very well, my loyal soldiers. Fight today for honor! For glory! In the name of the noble house Scarlet! Fight well, and you shall be richly rewarded!" Her fairies cheer at the promise of reward.

"KILL EVERYTHING!" French Flandre screams at her troops, who are too terrified to cross her.

General Yuuka smiles at her troops, simultaneously warm and motherly, yet with a confident, iron core beneath. "Very well, everyone. We come to the field of battle seeking a victory. Such we shall obtain. I'm relying on each and every one of you to do well out there, to fight to your best ability. Have faith in my wisdom, and in your own strength, and none shall stand before you!" Her fairies nod approvingly.

Now it's my turn. My fairies look at me expectantly. What do I say to them?

SPEECH (determines Meiling's play style)

[ ] Let's have fun out there!
[ ] I have faith in you all. Fight hard, and be not afraid!
[ ] Crush your enemies! See them driven before you!
[ ] Write-in.


[ ] Completely optional vote. If no one cares, just assume Meiling is wearing something Prussian, and Yuuka is in a Russian uniform, all appropriate to the time period. If you have a preference, go for it.
I will wait for someone to come up with a FOR THE MOTHER RUSSIA write in.

>"I WILL BATHE IN YOUR BLOOD!" French Flandre roars.
Perfect. Just perfect.
[x] I have faith in you all. Fight hard, and be not afraid!

Aw, Yuuka didn't pull out her clone trick.
[X] Comrades, today we do battle with many a great foe. It will by no means be an easy battle, but we shall not go quietly into the night! We shall stand our ground and fight! No matter what is thrown against us, we shall persevere! No matter what happens we shall stand firm! For the Glory and Honor of the Scarlet Devil's Mansion!

Which unit is the Marshmellow Fairy in?
[x ] Write-in.

How about a little Henry the V? Specifically the St. Crispen's day speech?

"We band of sisters" and stuff like that.
Nitpicking here, but shouldn't we proclaim the honour and glory of whichever country's uniform we are dressed up as? Not that SDM isn't good as well, but we should stay IC for the country we're fighting as. I do think that write-in is good though.
Got it covered, anonbro.

[x] And the Marshmallow fairy shall ne'er go by from this day until the ending of the world but we in it shall be remembered! We few, we happy few, we band of sisters, for she today who sheds her blood with me shall be my sister! Be she ne'er so vile, this day shall gentle her condition, and maids in the Scarlet Mansion now abed shall think themselves acursed they were not here, and hold their womanhoods cheap whilst any speaks, that fought with us upon this glorious day!

Or something like this. Feel free to improve it.

That's perfect! I wasn't sure how to condense that entire speech. Though it didn't actually happen IRL at Agincourt, still an awesome speech.
Thank you. Honestly, I was going to put Prussia, but I didn't want the thunder to be taken out of the speech by a random Fairy asking "Who's Prussia?"

If you guys think it would be better to replace Scarlet Devil's Mansion with Prussia, or whatever country Meiling ends up playing as, then go for it.

[X] Comrades, today we do battle with many a great foe. It will by no means be an easy battle, but we shall not go quietly into the night! We shall stand our ground and fight! No matter what is thrown against us, we shall persevere! No matter what happens we shall stand firm! For the Glory and Honor of the Scarlet Devil's Mansion!

With a Soviet Uniform of course.
Could it be something in that vein?
[X] Comrades, today we do battle with many a great foe. It will by no means be an easy battle, but we shall not go quietly into the night! We shall stand our ground and fight! No matter what is thrown against us, we shall persevere! No matter what happens we shall stand firm! For the Glory and Honor of the Scarlet Devil's Mansion!
>Prussian Uniform

[X] The battles of the time are decided not by speeches and votes of the majority, but by blood and iron.
[x] Let's have fun out there!

I know this isn't going to win but my gut says to vote this.

Aaaaaand there's the vote I was waiting for.

[X] The battles of the time are decided not by speeches and votes of the majority, but by blood and iron.
[X] The battles of the time are decided not by speeches and votes of the majority, but by blood and iron.
[X] The battles of the time are decided not by speeches and votes of the majority, but by blood and iron.

Sure, why not?
[X] The battles of the time are decided not by speeches and votes of the majority, but by blood and iron.
[X] The battles of the time are decided not by speeches and votes of the majority, but by blood and iron.
[X] The battles of the time are decided not by speeches and votes of the majority, but by blood and iron.
[X] The battles of the time are decided not by speeches and votes of the majority, but by blood and iron.
[X] Prussian uniform.

The pickelhaube is an awesome hat.

Ah, a fine write-in indeed! Writing now.
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I take a deep breath and straighten out my Prussian uniform. Right, let's be honest. I really don't do speeches very well. So I may as well be honest with my troops and be as to-the-point as possible with them.

"Ladies," I say, "You know who I am. And you now that speeches are not my forte. Combat is. Defense. The protection of those close to me. So let us dispense with any grandstanding. For the battles of today are not won with speeches. They are not won by a majority vote. They are won by blood and iron. The blood pumping in your veins. The iron you wield. Let that blood drive you. Let that iron you wield, in your hand and in your heart, strike down our enemies. For the Scarlet Devil Mansion!"

My fairies let out a cheer, and I notice Yuuka give me a nod of approval in her Russian uniform. Personally, I think I did pretty well.

"Okay, everyone come on over here!" Union Flandre calls out. "I've got some cards and sticks to determine starting territories and order of play!" The six (?) of us then take turns drawing card from a pile and sticks from a jar. Looks like I'm going last, and my territories are mostly in Asia. Fitting, somehow. "Okay, now to your horses!"

Horses...? Oh. There are a total of six taxidermied horses in the room, one for each general. That's not weird at all. Seriously, where did we get all of these things?!

I hesitantly settle into my saddle. Dammit, Sakuya, stop giggling! I shake my head and start organizing my troops across the lands I hold. Looks like this works a bit differently than the board game, not that I'm an expert. Wait, so cannons and cavalry don't technically count as more troops...?


Wha?! Oh, French Flandre is attacking me. But does she have to be so ferocious about it?


Guess so.

And then a fairy hands French Flandre some white fuzzy dice, each about three feet across.

Wait, what?!

"Here ya go, Meiling!" one of my troops cheerfully says, passing me some red fuzzy dice. They're as large as the white ones. It's not easy to keep a grip on them. How do we roll these, anyway?!

"I WILL HAVE A GOOD ROLL, OR HEADS SHALL ROLL INSTEAD!" French Flandre sort of juggles her dice around before flinging them onto the board. She shrieks with rage. "THAT IS A TERRIBLE ROLL! I SHALL TEAR YOU ASUNDER!"

"Don't," says confederate Flandre. "Those are the only dice we have."

"GRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!" French Flandre screams in hate, and the others turn to look at me. Oh, right, dice. I somehow manage to hurl them onto the board, and get a pretty decent roll! This does not make my opponent very happy. Anyway, from our dice rolls, each side gets issued certain weapons from the side-boards, mine being of better quality than Flandre's.

"Cannons, take aim!" Sakuya suddenly shouts. Oh, she must be acting as game master. In response, the cannon units point at the opposite sides. "Fire!" And with a crack of danmaku fire (oh, they've been modified to fire magic), the cannons fire bolts of energy at the opposing side. Fairies scatter, and vanish into clouds of magical mist. I notice that my forces are a little depleted, but on the other hand, so are Flandre's.

"Soldiers, ready to attack!" Sakuya calls out.

"Defensive posture!" I shout.

"CHAAAAARGE!" screams Flandre, "EAT THEIR HEARTS!" And Flandre's terrified infantry surge forward, while the cavalry holds back, shooting guns at their enemies (apparently cavalry units are ranged, while soldiers are melee). The results are... confusing. Flandre's terrified troops hurl themselves against my own steady fairies. Then things break down, with fairies hitting each other with their weapons, hitting each other with the wrong side of their weapons, dropping weapons and just tackling each other, sometimes hitting the wrong side, and sometimes just tickling each other into submission. A couple of cavalry go down when someone tackles the 'horse.' Finally, the confusing 'battle' peters out, and my own troops are standing. French Flandre howls with rage, and I take a deep breath, That was... actually pretty exciting!

"Is it my turn yet?" Yuuka asks with a broad smile. She looks rather eager.


Over the next few turns, each of us goad our troops on to ever further deeds. Union Flandre ecstatically urges on her troops, Confederate Flandre is a solemn leader, British Flandre is constantly laughing an aristocrat's laugh, and French Flandre... is bloodthirsty. As for Yuuka, she is enjoying the melee and seems to be catching on to the rules rather quickly.

French Flandre is the first to fall. Her aggressive attacks gain her much territory, but she leaves her flanks exposed. Ultimately Confederate Flan and I take her last lands, and she simply sits there, glaring at the board.

"Uh, are you okay?" Union Flandre asks, worried.

French Flandre is silent for a moment. "Excuse me," she says quietly. "I need to go to my room."


Somewhere along the way, Remilia entered the room to watch the spectacle over a cup of tea. She looks worried now, as does Sakuya. As I probably do. This is not good.

"Something wrong?" Yuuka asks me as French Flandre heads for the door.

I sigh. "Looks like that one is having one of her 'moments,'" I say. Why it's only that Flandre, I have NO idea.

"Oh." Yuuka nods in understanding, then hops off of her horse to go after the suddenly worrisome Flandre.


I vault off of my horse and run after Yuuka desperately. Does she even know what she's doing?! I reach the doorway at the same time as Sakuya and Remilia, the three of us watching in horror as Yuuka taps French Flandre on the shoulder. Deliberately focusing the unstable vampire's attention on her.

Flandre whirls on her. "WHAT?!" she screeches shrilly.

And Yuuka punches her in the head.


As in, Flandre hits the floor hard enough that the mansion shakes, hard. The three of us gape in disbelief as Yuuka leans over Flandre's still body. "Are you feeling better now?" She asks in a warm tone of voice. She's smiling. Flandre stirs, sits up, shakes her head, and...

"Yeah, I'm fine," She replies.





"Excellent," Yuuka says warmly, helping her up. Side by side, the two of them return to the game room.

My brain hurt. What why.

At least Remilia and Sakuya look as shocked as I do.


After I start to think properly again, I return to the game room and things start up again. French Flandre, for her part, is sitting and drinking tea with Remilia, seeming to enjoy the game.

I'm holding my own pretty well, marshaling my forces while Yuuka gets a hang of things and the three remaining Flandre's attack each of us (and each other) in turn. British Flandre is the next to fall, having overextended herself. Twitching, she also excuses herself from the room. I follow.

"Hey, Flandre?" I call out to her.

"Yes... Meiling...?" British Flandre rasps, trying to keep a hold of herself.

I punch her in the head.

Hard, with chi behind my punch, in the exact same spot that Yuuka did. Flandre hits the floor hard enough to shake things, and doesn't move. "Hey, Flan?" I hesitantly say after a moment. "You alright?" Flandre stirs, and slowly sits up...

"I'm fine!" she says brightly. "Wow, that really works, huh? I'm gonna go sit with Me and Sis and have tea, okay?"

"Sure," I say distantly as Flandre skips off. Well. That's certainly something. How did Yuuka know to do that? At least Flandre is tough enough to take a blow like that. Was that really all we ever had to do?

Anyway, as I reclaim my place upon my horse, I scan the board. My position is solid, but there are places I can exploit in the three remaining players' defenses. Who should I focus upon...?

[ ] Union Flandre
[ ] Confederate Flandre
[ ] Yuuka

NOTE: Good news! Meiling has learned the 'Get A Hold Of Yourself Punch!' Whenever Flandre starts to flip out, Meiling can set her straight again with just one blow!
[ ] Yuuka
I go for the dangerous one.
[x] Union Flandre

Go for original Flandre. Best would be to team up with Yuuka, temporary, and then duke it out after taking care of the Flandre's.
File 136450481983.jpg - (172.46KB, 700x476, like this but with fairy maids and frills.jpg) [iqdb]
[X] Union Flandre

I'd say Yuuka, but I actually want her to get stronger on the off chance she clones herself and reenacts Russian history with a revolution. Then we'd have Bolshevik Yuuka quarreling with Tsarist Yuuka, and that's fantastic.

That and I don't want Union Flandre to burn the board down.
[X] Union Flandre
I second this so much. That would be amazing.

so: [X] Union Flandre
[x]Confederate Flandre

If Yuuka wins, she's gonna demand a very specific favor, I hope you all know.
[X] Yuuka
Cause she will ask us for a kiss or something if she wins and it will be awkward as fuck all get out.
[X] Confederate Flandre

This is what we want.
[X] Union Flandre

Hopefully Yuuka will win.
>If Yuuka wins, she's gonna demand a very specific favor, I hope you all know.

Yuuka learned that she will not get far with any lewd wishes. Remilia learned too and look where it got her.
That'd be cool.

[X] Union Flandre
Union seems like the most enthusiastic, so why not?
[X] Union Flandre

Because Patton Flandre will give the Best fight!
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I scan the board, thinking. One way of playing a game is to pit your opponents against each other. Union and Confederate Flandre have had a bit of a rivalry going on, sort of like French and British Flandre had. Trying to inject some history, I guess. But that also mean that they aren't paying as much attention to Yuuka and myself. Expecting us to fight one another? I look over at Yuuka, and see her gazing back at me. A moment of silent communication takes place, and we nod at each other. Right then.

From that point on, Yuuka and I start fighting each other carefully, neither committing too many troops at a time, and lands being exchanged one a one-for-one basis. Union and Confederate, meanwhile, are warring against each other with everything that they have.

"Whoo! Go, little fairies!" Union cheers.

"Once more into the breach!" Confederate commands.

It's a little hard to get used to, really.

Meanwhile, the other two Flandres have gotten changed back into their usual clothing and are watching the game with interest. "Hey, Yuuka!" one calls, "You can do the duplication trick, right? Do the Russian Revolution!"

"My," Yuuka replies, "Isn't that a little inaccurate to this point in history? And it would be so unsporting!"

Going up against two Yuukas? That would be horrible.

"Aw, no problem," the other Flandre at the table calls out, "Just divide your forces in two! It'll all even out!"

"No way!" shouts Union Flandre, "She'd get twice the cards! That's no fair!"

"Oh... right." The Flandres at the table look abashed. I feel confused. So many Flandres...

Then Yuuka gets a mysterious smile on her face and floats into the air a little bit. And splits into two identical figures.

"Dog of the Czar!" one shouts, "Your days of oppressing the proletariat are at an end!"

"Worthless rebel!" the other declares, "You owe your livelihood and fealty to the Czar! LONG LIVE THE ROMANOVS!" And then the two get into an aerial fistfight. Until Sakuya tosses them both sabers, whereupon it becomes and aerial swordfight. The Flandres start cheering, and Remilia is laughing her head off.

Okay, that tears it. Yuuka and Flandre are a bad influence on each other. And I'm totally putting my money on Bolshevik Yuuka.


After a while, the two Yuuka's shake hands and agree to unite like 'true russian gentleladies,' and go back to the game. Immediately afterward, we put our differences aside us and tear into the two remaining Flandres. I go after Union Flandre.

"Hey, Meiling! Are you being sneaky?" she asks me, looking excited.

I shrug, smiling back. "Looks that way. Give me everything you've got, all right?"

"Okay!" Union Flandre giggles.

"How deceitful," Confederate Flandre sighs as Yuuka arrays her forces.

"Now, now," Yuuka chides her, "All's fair in love and war, as the saying goes." Confederate Flandre shrugs, not commenting. With the new battle lines drawn, battle commences anew. My own troops take quite a pounding from Union Flandre's enthusiastic troops, while Yuuka... does very well, actually. The fairies on either side seem a little intimidated by her. It's like she's giving off some sort of intense aura...

Anyway, the end is never is doubt. Within a few turns Yuuka and I are the last two players on the board, the Flandres having been taken by surprise and routed.

"Nice thinking, you two!" Union Flandre giggles, not bothered at all. The two Flandres still in uniform change into their normal clothes, head to the table with Remilia and themselves, and revert to one Flandre again. So, did they all have duplicate sets of clothes...?

Thinking about it is really confusing.

Anyway, it's down to myself and Yuuka. I have more troops, but Yuuka has concentrated most of hers on choke points between lands we control. I spend a couple of turns whittling down her forces and taking a couple territories while Yuuka just sits there smiling, until...

"So, tell me," she asks Flandre, "These cards... I can use them to get extra soldiers, yes?" She holds up a huge fistful of cards.

"Yep!" Flandre replies. "Sakuya can get some fairies in uniform in a heartbeat!"

"Ahh! Splendid!"


Yuuka hasn't used any of her cards all game long. She's been playing a waiting game, just like me, but now...

With her forces swelling to twice my own, Yuuka smiles sweetly. "I do hope you won't begrudge me my favor." I don't have a witty reply. Darn.


"Game to Yuuka!" Sakuya shouts as the flower youkai takes my last territory. I sigh. It was a hard fight, and I gave better than I got, but in the end Yuuka just had too many resources on her side.

"How delightful!" Yuuka says happily. "World domination feels so good! I have such a feeling of accomplishment!"

"Please keep it to the realm of boardgames," I request of her.

Yuuka chuckles as she steps off of her mount. "Not to fear. Actually running a nation is not one of my interests."

"Suit yourself," Remilia comments, looking wistfully at the board.

"Anyway, I notice the rain slowing down, so I should really get changed into my regular clothing," Yuuka says as she heads for the door.

Remilia smiles wickedly. "Oh, so that nice dress is going to be your new regular outfit? I'm sure that will draw a lot of positive attention!" She smirks at me, and I blush a little bit. Please don't go there, Mistress.

For her part, Yuuka turns red and flusters a little bit. "Er, well, I have in fact gotten some compliments on it..." She furtively glances my way.

Wait, is she talking about me?

"I'm not surprised!" Remilia declares, "It looks quite lovely indeed!" She winks at me, and I blush a little more. Please stop, Mistress...

"Um, well, if you'll excuse me..." Embarrassed, Yuuka retreats from the room, me close behind her.

Also, Sakuya's pouting while looking at me. Come on Sakuya, give me a break here!


"I'd like to thank you for having me," Yuuka says as she stands in the front doorway, back in her cute little sundress DAMMIT ME. STOP THINKING OF IT AS CUTE.

"Not at all!" Remilia chirps, "Feel free to come back anytime! You're always welcome here."

"Yeah," Flandre cheers, "You're a lot of fun!" Yuuka smiles gratefully at the compliment.

"I'll see you around, Yuuka," I tell her, mindful of Sakuya looking a bit jealous. Come on, Sakuya! It's not like it's a competition! I like men, remember? This is getting so dumb...

"Oh, don't forget, Meiling and I owe you a favor!" Flandre reminds Yuuka. "Well, I owe you four, technically," she adds after a moment.

"I'll me sure to collect yours later," Yuuka chuckles. "Oh, and Meiling?"

"Hmm, yes?" I ask.

Yuuka steps forward and kisses me.




Warm. Strong. Soft. Smells nice. Like summer day. Kiss. Mouth. Tongue? Tongue. Holding me tight. Gentle. Safe. Nice...

Yuuka lets go of me, blushing furiously. "Wellfavorcollectedthankssorryokayseeyougoodbye!" she blurts out and dives out the front soor so fast it kicks up a breeze. As she recedes into the distance, my mind struggles to catch up with what just happened.

Remilia is grinning hugely. Flandre is staring with wide eyes. Sakuya is gaping in horror. I think she whispers something about it not being fair. I'm not sure. I'm having trouble thinking right now. Brain no work good. Kiss. Nice kiss. But woman kiss. Not man kiss? So why me likey? Like men. Not women.



Congratulations! Meiling is now feeling VERY CONFUSED about her feelings! Yuuka had quite an impact on her! She still prefers men, though.

Anyway, let's let Meiling cool down outside for a little while.

[ ] Is there someone there...?
[ ] Meiling goes for a drink.
[ ] DyCirno vs. Yukari.
So predictable. But in a good way.

[X] DyCirno vs. Yukari

Because we've yet to see the gap hag youkai.
[X] Meiling goes for a drink.

Need alcohol to make sense of Meiling's confusion.
[x] DyCirno vs. Yukari.

As much as Meiling may think she needs a drink after that (or we think she needs a drink), how can one pass up Yukari?
[X] Meiling goes for a drink.
[X] Meiling goes for a drink.

Yeah. She Needs it. Plus, I wanna let the Yukari fight simmer for a bit, there's that one option that's been there since near the beginning, and we haven't picked it yet. But first, Alcohol. She likes Men, right? Right?
[x] DyCirno vs. Yukari

Whatever happens in this route, I'm sure it'll be yet another matter for Meiling to drown on alcohol later. Let's crank up the madness before we give our gatekeeper a respite in the bottom of the glass.
[X] DyCirno vs. Yukari.
[X] Meiling goes for a drink.
[x] Is there someone there...?

The mystery is driving me crazy.
[X] Meiling goes for a drink.

Like, right now.
[X] Is there someone there...?
What's in the mystery box...?
[X] DyCirno vs. Yukari
[X] Meiling goes for a drink.
We need alcohols all the now.
[X] DyCirno vs. Yukari.

Yes please.
[ ] DyCirno vs. Yukari
hag please
[X] DyCirno vs. Yukari
We have been ignoring the mystery options for a while now...but we have a Cirno option.

[X] DyCirno vs. Yukari.
[X] Meiling goes for a drink.
[x] DyCirno vs. Yukari
Way to go Yuuka.
[X] Meiling goes for a drink.
[X] Is there someone there...?

We've been ignoring this option for far to long! I must know what it means.
[x] DyCirno vs Yukari!

Because there is no other choice before the war of frost and gap.
[X] Is there someone there...?
Is that you, Koishi?
Feeling inspired, so I'm gonna call it for DyCirno and Yukari and start writing.
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Yuuka kissed me.

She kissed me.

It's a nice day today. Bright and sunny. Not a cloud in the sky. It's warm. Like Yuuka. Who kissed me. Flowers are nice. Roses are red. Like Yuuka's gentle eyes. Yuuka who kissed me. Grass is so green. Like Yuuka's hair. She kissed me. Sky is blue. It holds the sun. Which is warm. Just like Yuuka. Who kissed mOKAY STOP THINKING ABOUT IT ALREADY.

Yes, I have to stop thinking about how nice it was. Because I like men. Careful consultation of certain books within the library confirmed that, much to my relief. It's just that whenever I think back to that kiss with Yuuka, I can't help but remember how nice it was... how gentle-


Things have been weird since that day. I haven't seen a sign of Yuuka, but some of the fairies say that she's been seen peeking at the mansion from a distance, looking nervous. Possibly a little too embarrassed to come and talk to me. I certainly don't know what I'd day to her. Ask her if we could try it again, so I could see what I really feel about it-?


Remilia won't stop chortling whenever she sees me. Flandre keeps asking if we're going to get married and have babies (her attention has shifted completely from Reimu and Remilia). Koakuma giggles whenever she brings it up (which is always) and Patchouli has offered me advice on 'technique.' I somehow have managed to keep from punching her. The fairy maids keep coming up and asking me what it felt like, sometimes with notebooks. They seem to feel that I'm currently the resident expert on romance.

As for Sakuya... things have gotten weird there. They aren't tense like they once were, but things are definitely off a little. I know that she and Yuuka had some sort of agreement going to try to 'bring me around,' to open me up to the possibility of a relationship with one of them. Then Yuuka went and kissed me, apparently vaulting ahead, at least in Sakuya's opinion. I don't know if Sakuya's jealous, hurt, or just feels like she lost, but she's been keeping a certain distance from me while giving me wistful looks.

It really bothers me. Sakuya's one of my closest friends, and I really miss hanging out with her. I wish she'd get ovrt things and just talk to me, because I'm really curious what it would be like to kiss her-

CURIOUS WHAT SHE THINKS ABOUT THIS KISS THING. Yes. That's exactly what I meant. I'm curious as to what Sakuya's opinion on everything is. What she thinks is going on in Yuuka's mind. If she thinks Yuuka is going to start ramping up the pressure. If she would be as soft and warm as I think she wouldSTOP THINKING ABOUT KISSING SAKUYA.


I'm so very confused.

Anyway, that's why I'm standing stock-still at my post beside the gate, trying to make sense of my life, and wishing that my emotions would hurry up and resolve themselves. I wish that something, ANYTHING would happen to take my mind off of things.

And that's exactly when DyCirno touches down in front of me, in full armor.

"Hi, Meiling!" she cheerfully greets me from behind her mask.

I feel a genuine smile grow on my face. This day just become great! Cirno, and especially DyCirno, always cheer me up! "Hi, DyCirno! What can I do for the Great Defender of Justice?"

DyCirno puts her hands on her hips and 'hmmms,' looking up at the sky. After a moment, the head of the armor flips open, and Cirno starts to wriggle out of her icy cradle.

"Just a 'sec," she mutters, "Wanna... umph... talk to ya face to face..." After a moment, Cirno wriggles out of her armor and hops down to the ground in front of me, stretching. "Ahhh, that's better. Anyway, Meiling!" Cirno focuses her attention on me. "I really really need your advice on somethin' important!"

I smile warmly. "You got it, Cirno! What's on your mind?"

"Well," Cirno frowns, "I'm kinda sorta bein' threatened by the gap-lady."


"What." I say numbly.

"The gap-lady," Cirno repeats. "Ummm... Yukari! That's her name! Yukari Yakumo!"

I stare at Cirno in horror. "You. Are being threatened. By Yukari Yakumo."

"Yeah, I think so," Cirno shrugs, "And I hear she's really strong! Like, strong enough to give even ME trouble!"

"Yukari Yakumo controls borders," I say numbly, "Her power is nearly godlike. It's believed that there isn't anything she CAN'T do. Her influence over Gensokyo is second to none." I pause. "Except maybe Reimu."

"Yeah." Cirno actually looks a little worried. Not really a bad thing when dealing with Yukari. "I've seen her in battle once." THAT surprises me. Cirno apparently notices my expression. "Yeah. I followed Reimu... or was it Marisa?... doesn't matter, don't remember. Anyway, I followed them one day and saw them fight that Yukaru lady. She's got moves. A lot of 'em." Cirno looks off into the distance. "Even as DyCirno, I'd have a really hard time. I might even lose."

Okay, when Cirno is being this serious about something, it's a little scary. However, when dealing with Yukari, serious is better. By far. "What do you mean she's threatening you?" I need to know.

"Chen gave me this letter from her one day," Cirno explains. "It was fulla weird language. She said she admired me, and liked what I did, which was cool an' all. But then she started talkin' about being 'special friends,' or something weird like that."


"Anyway, I asked Chen if she meant like what Aya was trying to do with me, and Chen went and asked her, and brought back a letter which was written a crazy and urgent-like. She said 'no, nothing like that.' But a lot. In big letters too. And a buncha other stuff, and she said nasty stuff about Aya, so I guess I got that wrong."

Oh thank god. It's not that. But then...

"Anyway," Cirno sighs,"Apparently Yukari wants me to do things for her, and if I don't, she says that I might have some hard times, and so might my friends. I think she might be threatening me."

My fists clench unconsciously. Of course. The gap-hag was trying to get control of the newest incident-solver in Gensokyo, and was willing to play hardball with her. How typical. "What did you say?" I ask.

"Nothin' yet," Cirno replies. "I mean, DyCirno does not give in to threats! But this is new. No one's ever threatened my buddies before." Cirno sighs. "So I gotta beat up Yukari so save justice an' all, but I don't know how."

I look at Cirno helplessly. What can I say? Yukari is immensely powerful; no one knows exactly what she can do. And if she's threatening Cirno, what can I do? It's not like Cirno could nicely ask Reimu to go beat Yukari up for her and make her leave the ice fairy alone. "...I'm sorry Cirno, I don't know what to tell you." The admission makes me sad.

"Yeah, it's a toughie," Cirno agrees, sitting down on the ground next to me. "You mind if I sit here and think for a bit? It's easier to think when I'm near you."

Awww. "Sure thing, sweetie," I tell her, "You just take your time." Cirno nods, and starts thinking.

For a long time, there is silence as Cirno thinks. It's actually kind of relaxing. Cirno's presence is calming somehow, and I feel my fears and frustrations just... slipping away. She really is like my little sister-

"Meiling, I need some paper and a pen," Cirno says suddenly.

"Huh?" I blink, startled out of my daze.

Cirno leaps to her feet. "Meiling, I need some paper and a pen, right now!" The tone of command in Cirno's voice is so strong that I find myself running for the mansion before I even know what I'm doing. When did Cirno get that powerful of a presence? A few minutes later I've found some writing materials, raced back, and handed them to Cirno. "Thanks, Meiling!" Cirno tells me, then rapidly starts scribbling on them, completely focused.

I can't quite tell what she's writing about. It looks like a list, and a diagram...?

After a moment. Cirno looks up at me with a smile. A bold, confident, triumphant smile. "I got it."


"I know how to beat gap-lady!" Cirno fold up her papers and marches over to her armor, starting to struggle into it. "Meiling, can you come with me? I uh, need your help to carry some stuff. Nothing exciting, but, you know..."

I stare at Cirno. "Absolutely." I have GOT to see this,

Cirno smiles dazzlingly. "Thanks! Okay, let's go!" Helmet sealing down over her head, DyCirno's wings flare with energy and she takes off into the sky. I shout and one of the fairies to take over for me and follow. Whatever happens, I have GOT to see how this all turns out.


After a while, we set down in front of a cave system, one I'm pretty sure leads down to the underground city. DyCirno marches up to the cave mouth. "Helllooooooo!" she calls, "Is there anyone in there?!" For a moment there is only silence. Then, I'm pretty sure I hear the sounds of somebody moving around, coming this way...

"Hello, is someone there?" A female voice emerges, soon followed by a women. Someone wearing a brown dress, and with blonde hair tied up into a ponytail.

"Greetings, citizen of Gensokyo!" DyCirno declares, "I am DyCirno, and this is my friend, Meiling!" I wave. "May I ask your name?"

The woman gapes at DyCirno. "Uh... Yamame. Yamame Kurodani... ma'am?"

DyCirno nods. "Good! I hoped it would be you! I've heard a lot about you! You're a good carpenter, yes?"

"Huh? Uh, yes, yes I am," Yamame still seems bewildered by DyCirno, but is now on firmer ground. "Actually, I can make things of both wood and stone, depending on what you need..."

DyCirno thrusts a paper out at her. "I need this! Or something like it, at least. Can you help me?" Yamame takes the papers, blinks, and considers them.

"I see..." she says slowly. "So basically, you need it this size, and it has to rock... huh." She nods after a moment, pulls out a pencil from somewhere, and starts scribbling on the paper. "Yeah, but I'll have to do this... wood should be fine... yeah, a bit bulky, but I can pull it off... is it a rush order? Yes? Alright, just give me a couple of hours, and I'll have it done!" Yamame nods confidently.

"Thank you, miss Yamame!" DyCirno bows in gratitude. "You're as skilled as you are kind and pretty!" Yamame giggles and blushes. Ah, DyCirno is as gracious as she is mighty! "In any case, I shall see you in two hours! Meiling and I have other preparations to make! Till then!" With a whoosh of cold air, DyCirno lifts off, and I follow close behind. Yamame has already run off to gather materials. DyCirno really does have a commanding presence.


Our next stop is Kourindou. Cirno quickly scrambles out of her armor and rushes inside. "Hi mister Rinnosuke!" she calls, "Sorry, can't stop! Need to get a couple of things... ah!"

Rinnosuke himself looks on in bewilderment as Cirno rushes around, picking up what looks like a portable music player, a set of speakers, some kind if recorded music, and a toy that looks like some sort of flying mouse. Kappa-made, I think. Rinnosuke must be branching out.

Cirno quickly pays for these things and runs out of the store back to her armor, hurrying back inside of it. The shopkeeper stares at me in utter confusion, and I can only shrug. I honestly have NO idea what Cirno is up to.


After our stop at Kourindou, DyCirno and I head to the human village, where she is immediately swarmed by excited children and more than a few adults. Apparently she's even more popular than I thought! After taking the time to speak with the people, DyCirno makes her way into a shop. One which sells... beds? DyCirno comes back out and hands me a heavy bundle.

"Sorry," she apologizes, "But this is some of the stuff I need you to carry." I nod and take the heavy package from her. It feels like a futon...?

DyCirno's next incomprehensible move is to purchase something from a food vendor. I can't see what. And then it's back to the cavern mouth.

Yamame has already finished and is ready for us. I... can't really describe what I'm seeing. It appears to be some sort of wide platform, with the base strangely curved somehow.

"All done!" Yamame says brightly. "I tested it out myself! It'll rock just the way you want it to!"

"Thank you, Miss Yamame," DyCirno bows again, "I truly appreciate your assistance to the cause of justice!" Yamame beams at the compliment. Where did Cirno get this sort of presence anyway? Does it come from being a hero.

Regardless, after paying Yamame DyCirno starts looking around. "Hey, Hat-lady? You you there?"

"It's Hatate!" I hear a voice call from some trees. "Hatate Himekaidou!" She was following us?!

"Great!" DyCirno nods in approval, "Make sure you keep with us, okay? It's really important!"

"Of course!" Hatate's voice shouts back, "I wouldn't miss whatever this is for the world! You can count on me to be reliable and discreet!"

"Thanks!" DyCirno hefts the strange construction over her head. "Let's go, Meiling!"


"So, where are we going?" I ask DyCirno after a couple of minutes of flight. I'm pretty sure that I can see Hatate following from a distance behind us.

"It's called Mayohiga," DyCirno replies, "And it's where Yukari lives."

"Mayohiga?!" I sputter, "But Cirno- I mean, DyCirno, no one knows how to get to Mayohiga!"

"I do," DyCirno says simply. "Us fairies can get anywhere in Gensokyo. We found out about this place a long time ago. We just usually don;t go there, 'cuz the fox-lady always shoos us off. But that's not important right now!"

I blink, startled at this latest revelation. "Then what is?"

"How am I gonna enter Mayohiga?" DyCirno 'hmmms' in thought once more.

...How should she barge into Mayohiga?

[ ] Very stealthily.
[ ] Just walk in there.
[ ] Attention, citizens! DyCirno has arrived!
[x] Very stealthily.
The element of surprise.

Also I'm anxious about this.

Foot through wall. Then preferably, through Yukari's face. And then the other wall.
[ ] Very stealthily.

Which is the same as [ ] DYNAMIC ENTRY
[x] Very stealthily.

Lets not loose any possible advantage.
Have you all forgotten who we're dealing with here? This is DyCirno, defender of Gensokyo!

There is only one choice!

Flat board on top, curved bottom.


Music player and flying mouse.


Well played, Cirno. Well played.

[x]Just walk in there.

DyCirno does not compromise her principles for stealth!
-[x] ⑨

Super Robots aren't exactly stealthy things. Do you see Shin Getter or Mazinkaiser sneaking about? Hell no! Do you see Genesic Gaogaigar or Daizengar sneaking about? HELL NO!

If there are any other kinds of entry, I don't want to hear about them.

Why does no one ever mention Shikieiki? Last time I checked Yukari couldn't beat her even with Reimu and Yuuka behind her.
It's a bit ambiguous whether Shiki's power is completely absolute, or if she's just the kind of person who you could never stop from lecturing you, no matter how much you tried.

There's something about inevitability of death there, too, but eh. Celestials and hermits do a pretty good job about dealing with Death. Though maybe that's more beating the Shinigami and thus never needing to meet the Yama?

Either way, I'm wary of considering her power as particularly absolute since she's unlikely to ever really wield it unless pressed or within her jurisdiction to do so.

Meanwhile, Yukari can do basically whatever she likes, within her own rules (and as far as Reimu will let her). Gensokyo is kind of her stomping grounds- so I suppose it's more of a matter of her being able to more readily use the power she has compared to other powerful Youkai.

Yukari's by no means absolute, though. The previous moon invasions are proof. She's a pretty good schemer regardless- which some might say is her real strength.
Calling it now this is all some ridiculous 9ball misunderstanding because Yukari used to many big words in her letters.

I can't resist.
[X] Attention, citizens! DyCirno has arrived!
The real flaw behind the invasions being she went up against two canon sues. Little difficult to win when the moon bitches have gone sue mode.
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"Well, we could always sneak in..." I muse.

"Pffft, that's so boring!" DyCirno complains.

"...Plus it probably won't work," I admit. "This is Yukari's home turf. She probably has countermeasures or servants that immediately know when someone's intruding."

"You really think so?"

I shrug. "Well, I know whenever someone intrudes on the mansion's grounds."

"Hmmm," DyCirno nods in thought. "Alright!" she finally declares, "Then we'll do this the old-fashioned way!"

"What's that?"

"Barge in shouting!"

"Uhhh, are you sure..."

"Too late! I see Mayohiga right now!"

I blink, and look ahead of us. It dawns on me that while we've been flying, DyCirno has been leading me on a strange, twisty pattern through the air. At first I thought it was just her struggling with her awkward burden, but now...

"DyCirno, is this why we've been flying so strangely?"

"Yup!" she nods in reply. "This place is kinda secret and hidden away. It took us fairies a while to figure it out, but you can fly in if you know what you're doing. And I know what I'm doing!" She finishes proudly. "Anyway, look! Do you see the town?"

I follow DyCirno's gaze and see what appears to be an abandoned village. It looks very lonely, but somehow well-maintained. Like a ghost town with regular janitor service. I guess that fits, if this is Yukari's home. One house in particular stands out, being extremely large and more than a little bit ostentatious.

"That big house. Is that her home?" I ask the leader of the group.

"Yup!" DyCirno confirms, "I've snuck in and watched 'em before. Kinda boring, though. All fox-lady ever does is housework, and all gap-lady ever does is sleep. Chen's fun, but she never wants me to hang around; she says I'd just get in trouble. Don't care today, though."

Huh. So much for the Yakumos' aura of mystery.

"Anyway," DyCirno continues, "I need to make a flashy entrance. Can you hang on to this thing for me? Please?" I look askance at the strange construction, then shrug. It's not like I don't have the strength for it. I readjust by burdens, finally slinging most of the bags over my shoulders before accepting the strange platform, balancing it over my head. DyCirno nods when she sees I have a good grip on it. "Thanks. Sorry to do this to you, but I gotta make a heroes entrance. Speaking of which!"

DyCirno abruptly pulses with frigid power and dives for the ground with all of the force of an avalanche. I carefully follow behind her, noting that Hatate has managed to keep up with us. Neither of us manage to be anywhere near as dramatic as DyCirno.

Imagine the aforementioned avalanche. Tons of snow and ice breaking off of a mountainside to slide down into a valley. Imagine how much force there has to be in that wave of snow, after falling so far. Imagine all that power, all that cold, compressed to a point and hitting the ground with all of its might. That's DyCirno's entry. A blue armored warrior hitting the ground hard enough to make a crater and shake the entirety of Mayohiga like an earthquake, a wave of cold spreading out and leaving a layer of frost on everything. Last to come is DyCirno's voice, as she stands there in the middle of the crater, hands planted proudly on her hips.

"ATTENTION, VILLAINS!" Her voice booms forth loud enough to shake the walls of the village. "COME FORTH AND FACE THE DEFENDER OF JUSTICE!"

The front door to Yukari's house slams open to reveal a very shocked figure with nine fluffy tails. Ran Yakumo, who is wearing what appears to be oven mitts and an apron, while holding a mixing bowl and spatula. She must have been in the middle of cooking. I notice a small, feline girl peeking around from behind her. Chen, with her eyes wide and tails bushy with fright.

Ran gapes at DyCirno, barely noticing either me or Hatate as we set down (Hatate immediately diving for cover behind a house). "Wh... wha... who... wha...?" Ran can't seem to form a complete sentence. She certainly wasn't expecting THIS. "Who are you and how did you-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" A woman screams as a window is literally punched out of its frame. "I'M TRYING TO GET SOME GODDAMNED SHUT-EYE HERE!" A head leans out of the window in question, blonde hair in disarray, eyes bleary and enraged. It's Yukari herself, and it looks like she just just out of bed, judging by the nightdress and general look about her. Yukari breathes heavily for a few moments, glaring at DyCirno in a rage. As her breathing slows, however, realization slowly dawns upon her. She gapes at DyCirno. Glances at me. Looks down at herself and goes red with embarrassment. Finally Yukari pulls the drapes over the window.

"Ran, close that door and get over here!" I hear her whisper from inside, "I need to get presentable!" Ran blinks, apparently still thrown by everything that has happened, before slowly looking down at herself and realizing her own state of dress. With a fox-like yelp of surprise, the embarrassed kitsune slams the door shut, leaving the three of us outside to wait. Distantly, I hear the sound of Hatate taking pictures.

DyCirno glances down at the crater she's standing in and carefully shuffles forward a few feet to get out of it. "They'll just be a minute," she hisses at me. I nod back.

After a few minutes, Yukari emerges in styles, one of her gaps opening to allow her and Ran to gracefully float to the ground. Ran has a stern look upon her face while Yukari seems amused and in-control. Gotta give them points for composure, at least.

Yukari chuckles. "Well, well, well. If it isn't-" Yukari looks my way and freezes, eyes widening in bafflement at all of the strange things I am carrying. She rallies after a minute. "...If it isn't DyCirno. Whatever brings you to my humble home?" Ran's still staring at me, visibly confused. I shrug back. At this point, I'm just going along with things.

"As if you don't know!" DyCirno declares, pointing an accusing finger at Yukari. "I got your letters! You old pervert!"

Yukari's composure breaks at once. "I'm not a pervert!" she yells, "I told Chen to tell you, it wasn't like that at all! You got the wrong idea!"

"Oh," says DyCirno. After a moment, she presses on. "Then how about the threats, gappy?!" Yukari fumes at the nickname, while Ran frowns for a moment. After a bit of thought, she looks at DyCirno in shock. I understand completely. Cirno already knew that Yukari hadn't meant her letter in a suggestive way. Did... did she just get one over on Yukari and get her off balance?!

But then, Yukari would never expect it from Cirno...

Yukari pulls a fan out of a gap and opens it to shield her expression. "...Threats?" she says smoothly, "My, my, my. You misunderstand me! I merely thought that such a great hero as yourself cold help to maintain the stability of our mutual home!"

"That's what Reimu's for," DyCirno points out.

Yukari twitches. "Reimu... is being mean lately." Yukari looks mournful for a moment before shaking it off and favoring DyCirno with a dazzling smile. "But you! You're so popular, and are doing so much good. Why, you even found your way here, which no one is supposed to be capable of!" There's an inquiring look in Yukari's eye as she probes for information.

"Everyone knows how to get here," DyCirno tells her blandly.

"What." Yukari stares blankly at Cirno as she gets more than she bargained for.

"Every fairy, anyway." DyCirno shrugs her massive shoulders. "We figured it out a long time ago. I've been here a couple of times, from a distance anyway, just to check things out. It's pretty boring. All you guys do is sleep and housework! It's so dumb!"

Yukari and Ran stare at each other for a moment, trying desperately to process this.

"But never mind that!" DyCirno shouts, "I'm not gonna be your minion, running around when you tell me to!"

"Oh?" Yukari rallies again, probably finding herself on familiar territory. "But my dear, think of all the good you could do! And then there's your friends..."

"Stop threatening me!"

Yukari tuts. "Now, now. It's not a threat, just a statement of fact! Gensokyo is full of so many dangers, even for youkai..." She smiles at DyCirno in a way that has probably silenced many a critic in the past. DyCirno doesn't even notice.

"Enough of your games! I challenge you to a duel, on my terms! Win, and you get what you want! Lose, and I get what I want!"

Yukari laughs outright at this. "Really? You wish to duel me, even knowing who I am? Very well! This could be fun!" Her smile turns menacing. "I might even let you survive for thirty seconds!"

"Great!" DyCirno nods approvingly, not paying attention to Yukari's threat. Instead, she gestures me over and takes the strange wooden construction from me, setting it down between her and the gap youkai. It's a wooden platform about twelve feet to a side, and it rocks slightly when DyCirno stands upon it. She gestures to Yukari to do the same.

Bemused, the gap youkai carefully steps upon the platform. "So, when do we duel?"

"We've already started!" DyCirno tells her. "But I made the challenge, so I get to go first. Meiling, hand me some of that stuff, will ya?" As Yukari stares in confusion, DyCirno lays out a comfy-looking futon on the platform. Then two fluffy pillows. Then a warm-looking blanket. The music player is set beside it with the tape inserted, and speakers plugged in. DyCirno nods at the arrangement in satisfaction, and presses the 'play' button on the machine. Then, she begins to slowly shift her weight from side to side.

As the platform begins to move in a slow, gentle, relaxing rocking motion, the speakers begin to play some gentle, soothing music. And DyCirno begins to sing.

"Rock a-bye baby, in the tree-top~,"


"Wind the wind blows, the cradle will rock~."

She's singing a lullaby.

"When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall~,"


"And down will come baby, cradle and all~."

Yukari plops face-forward onto the bed, already snoring.

I stare in shock.

Ran stares in shock.

Chen slowly walks up, staring in shock.

Hatate snaps pictures, presumably also shocked.

As the lullaby music continues to play, DyCirno gently lays the blanket over the slumbering Yukari and pats her gently on the head. Yukari mumbles happily and curls up under the sheets, fast asleep.

Nect, DyCirno takes the next-to-last bag from me, the one from the food vendor. Then she leaps to land in front of the stunned-looking Ran, who rears back in surprise. "I can't have you waking up your master, so... lookit this!" DyCirno reaches into the bag and pulls out a box of food, opening it up. Ran immediately goes rigid.

"Is... is that...?" The kitsune's eyes are fixed upon the food, which smells absolutely delicious. I think she's drooling.

"Fried tofu!" DyCirno says brightly, "A special recipe, with five kinds of spices! Wanna try?" She backs away slightly. Ran's stomach rumbles loudly, and she steps forward.

"...Gimme," the kitsune says, visibly drooling.

"Want some?" DyCirno teases, backing away.

"Gimme!" Ran demands, marching forward, all but the fried tofu forgotten.

"Come'n get it!" Cirno laughs, running away now.

Ran charges after her. "GIMME!" she demands.

For two absolutely unbelievable minutes, Ran pursues DyCirno, desperately trying to get at the proffered food. As the chase continues, things get faster, and faster, until DyCirno finally stops in front of a solid-looking wall, holding the food off to one side. Seeing her chance, Ran lunges with all of her might, DyCirno yanks the food away-


And Ran bounces off the wall, unconscious.

In the still silence that follows, DyCirno walks back to me, and takes the contents from the last of her bags. The strange wind-up bird-mouse. She turns to Chen.

"Hey, Chen! Look at this!" The nervous-seeming nekomata perks right up, eyes suddenly locked on the toy. Slowly, DyCirno winds it up, then throws it as hard as she can, the machine making a rapid squeaking noise as it flies off-

"NYAAAAAAAAAAAA!" - and Chen tears after it, feline instincts completely taking over.

Yukari snores away. Ran lies unconscious on the ground. Hatate takes pictures. I try to process what has just happened. DyCirno nods proudly. "All in a day's work!"


"This is not happening." Yukari asserts, voice flat.

She and Ran are restrained, side-by-side, in shackles of ice. They can't move so much as an inch. Staring into space, Ran uses her one free tail to slowly move pieces of fried tofu into her mouth. Cirno was kind enough to give her an ice-pack.

"This isn't actually happening," Yukari asserts again.

"Okay, got it!" Cirno declares. She's slipped out of her armor, and has been carefully writing up an agreement, with me looking over her shoulder to check her spelling. Gotta hand it to the little ice-fairy. She's really thought this one out. Humming cheerfully, Cirno skips over to Yukari. "Okay, here's the deal! By signing this, you assert the following. One, I beat you! Two, I'm the strongest, bestest, and smartest in Gemsokyo! Three, compared to me, you suck! Four, you'll never try to get me to work for you by any means, from threatening me, to threatening my friends! And that means nothing! Finally, if you try and mess with me, Hatate tells everyone what happened! She's got pictures!"

Yukari slowly swivels her head to glare at Hatate, who stares back. "You. Don't. DARE." the elder youkai hisses.

Hatate hesitates for a moment before standing tall and proud. "But I do! For the greatest evil is done when people refuse to stand up to it! Though it may mean risking my life, I do so proudly! I shall place copies of what happened all over Gensokyo, and check on them regularly! For to do so, is in the defense of JUSTICE!" Proudly, Hatate salutes Cirno, who salutes her back with a beaming smile.

Yukari slumps in place. "This isn't actually happening to me," she notes, eyes looking dull again. She glances at Ran. "It really isn't you know. It's just... not." Ran doesn't answer. She just eats her tofu.

Cirno holds a pen out to Yukari and releases the manacle over her writing hand. "So, we gotta deal?" The little ice fairy beams. Slowly, Yukari turns her head back to stare at Cirno. Slowly, she takes the pen. Slowly, she signs her name. "And a witness!" Cirno tells Ran, releasing her hand as well. Not taking her attention away from her tofu, Ran takes the pen and signs her name. "Thanks! And that's that! I win!" Whistling happily, Cirno stores the contract away and clambers back inside her armor.

"Farewell, citizens!" DyCirno declares, "And remember! Whenever Injustice rears its ugly head, DyCirno will be theeeeeerreee!" With this final proclamation, the hero of Gensokyo soars off into the sky, Hatate following after her.

Yukari watches them go, staring blankly. Finally she turns to her servant. "Why is this happening?"

"You're unfathomably lazy?" Ran responds, more interested in the tofu.

"...Shut up, Ran."


Yukari sighs and looks at me. "What just happened?"

I shrug. "DyCirno." Then I fly away. What else needs to be said?


I touch down in front of the Scarlet Devil Mansion that afternoon, feeling like I had just witnessed something amazing. That totally took my mind off of everything! I'm totally not worried anymore about-


-Sakuya. I blink and turn my head to look at the head maid, who has just appeared at my side, looking contrite. "Hi," she says.

"Sakuya-" I start.

"I'm sorry," she interrupts me. "I'm doing it again, huh? Something jostles my dreams, and I completely shut you out, huh? I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." Sakuya smiles at me, warm and happy. "Because I'm not uncertain and afraid anymore. I know how I feel. And I won't lose."

Then Sakuya gently takes my face in her hands and kisses me.



Gentle. Soft. Sweet. Hands everywhere. Wow. Touching me. Heart beating. Feels nice. Tongue. How does she. Wha. Wow. Brushing my hair. Stroking my leg. Feels nice. Sakuya. Whoa.

Lets me go after a million years. Please don't. I mean do. I like men. But that was nice.

"I love you," Sakuya tells me, blushing, and disappears.



I... I like men. Really.


Looks like Meiling's getting a little curious about certain things! Anyway, choose one:

[ ] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...
[ ] Flandre has a bad dream.
[ ] Girls' night out in the city.
>I shrug. "DyCirno." Then I fly away. What else needs to be said?
What just happened.

[x] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...

I wonder how things are proceeding for the two of them.
File 136467672494.jpg - (19.01KB, 320x204, tumblr_m7p95uvt4g1r506lj.jpg) [iqdb]
[ ] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...

You, I like you. From your Yuuka to your Cirno and especially your Meiling. This is hilarious, keep up the good work my friend! If you are ever on the IRC I'd love to chat with you about where you get your ideas and inspiration to write. Well that and you seem like a cool guy.
That was amazing.

Just, I don't even.

Poor Yukari, she knows now not to tempt the mighty fist of JUSTICE! And fairies. Fairies are nature itself, after all.

And now, adorable things.

[ ] Flandre has a bad dream.
[x] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...

I don't even what is this.
[X] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...

Yeah, lets throw Remi a bone here. It's about Time she got some, after how many centuries, exactly?

Go Remi! We'll protect your private time with Reimu from your Sister!
[X] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...
[x] Girls' night out in the city.
[X] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...
[X] Girls' night out in the city.
[x] Girls' night out in the city.

Patchy's funny when she does stuff.
[X] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...
[X] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...

Because we need to see that flustered Reimu face again.

Also, we're probably going to have to choose between Yuuka and Sakuya at some point...
[ ] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...

Yessss.... Excellent.....
Why not both?
[x] Girls' night out in the city.

This Cirno may be the smartest...
[ ] Reimu's been in Remilia's room an awfully long time...

Meiling's been getting a lot of action lately. Time for the mistress to get some too!
[x] Girls' night out in the city.

Dude finding adventure is go.
File 136476352676.jpg - (117.59KB, 850x850, just playing piggyback.jpg) [iqdb]
I stare into space, unthinking. It's a bit hard to think, really. Every time I do, I remember Sakuya. Her gentle, knowing lips. Or Yuuka's warm, strong presence. Then I think back to the pile of books I borrowed from a section of Voile primarily frequented by Koakuma, and remember that yes, I do in fact like men. That's not in question.

It's just that I happen to regard Sakuya and Yuuka as particularly good kissers. That's all.


I'm so very confused.

And that's why I'm staring blearily into space, trying to find a point in my mind to focus on, an elusive meditative focus that simply will not come to me. Because every single time I withdraw inside myself, I find... them... waiting.

It wasn't so bad. I guess.

I just wish they were men, instead.

Hm. Yuuka and Sakuya as men instead of women? What an intriguing yet utterly disturbing thought.

I'm so lost in my thoughts that I barely remember to acknowledge Reimu when she sets down in front of me.

"...Hi, Reimu," I murmur, absentmindedly opening the gate for her.

"Hey, Meiling!" Reimu says, smiling brightly. She's always in a good mood these days. Must be because of Remilia. As she starts to enter the grounds, Reimu suddenly stops and looks closely at me. "Hey, Meiling? You okay?" She looks concerned.

"Yeah," I shrug, "Just trying to make sense of the madness that my love life has transformed into."

"Sakuya and Yuuka?"


Reimu nods slowly. "Need some advice?"

"How much will it cost me?"

"This time's free."

I give Reimu a skeptical look and she shrugs. "Remilia keeps me well fed. I'm not starving like I used to be." That's true; Reimu's figure had been looking much healthier of late, and she seems very happy. Guess that's love for you.

"...Two women are all over me and making me question my orientation," I tell her, "What do I do."

"Ignore them."

I blink. "Huh?"

Reimu turns to me. "Just what I said. They're letting you know how they feel. But them giving you their feelings doesn't mean you have to change your own. It's a little surprising, I'm sure. But you need to accept it and move on. Look inside yourself and figure out what YOU want. Not what they want you to want. And if you find that there's no part of you that wants anything of what they're offering, that's fine. You'll know, and they'll realize this and understand, I'm sure. However, finding those answers is something only you can do for yourself." Her piece said, Reimu turns and walks away.

Alone with my thoughts, I can't help but wonder at what Reimu said and wonder if she was implying that there's a part of me that's just a little... curious. Which there is. But not that curious. Really.

...I need a drink.


Later that evening, I wander around inside the mansion, lost in thought. Reimu's words keep coming back to me. I DO want Sakuya and Yuuka's friendship, that's for sure. And... they're good kissers, I can't deny that. Nor can I deny that their offer of companionship is... tempting. But is that something within me talking, or just a desire for ANYONE to be by my side?

On another note, which is surely not an excuse to stop thinking about this, why are those fairies whispering to each other outside of Remilia's room?

"Hey you guys, what's up?" I ask, strolling up to them.

"Oh, Meiling!" one of them says, turning to me. "Good timing, we don't really know what to do about this."

"What's wrong?"

"Well... it's almost meal-time, but Miss Remilia gave strict orders that she and Miss Reimu were not to be disturbed no matter what. The thing is, they've been in there for several hours!"

I stare at the door for a long moment. Hours? What could they-




"Uh, we should probably leave them be," I tell the fairies, blushing like crazy. "They're, uh, probably busy. Preoccupied. Yeah, that's it."

"Preoccupied? With what?"

"Um... each other...'s problems. Yeah. They're probably talking. Yeah."

"For hours?"


Then I hear a muffled squeal from behind the door. The fairies gasp. "Oh no! Is something wrong in there?!" The fairies hurry to the door and I immediately block the way. Remilia, you owe me for this so much!

"Ahahahahahaha, no need for that, I'm sure! They're fine! I just know it!"

"But it sounded like someone is in pain!"

"Your imagination!"

"...Why are your blushing?"


"Then Sakuya appears. "What is going on here?" she asks quizzically.

"NOTHING." I stare at her as hard as I can, willing my meaning into her brain by sheer force of will. "Everything is fine here. They just need some more... time in there."

Sakuya frowns. "Time for what?"

Then a muffled moan comes from behind the door. Sakuya's face immediately turns as red as mine. The fairies look even more worried. "You see, Miss Sakuya?! Something weird is going on in there!" I doubt Reimu and Remilia would agree... "They need help in there!" I REALLY hope they wouldn't agree. "We need to get in there and at least check up on them!" PLEASE let that not be their fetish.

Sakuya stares at the door. At me. At the fairies. "We'll take care of it. Please leave."

"But..." the fairies start to protest.

"NOW." One dose of head-maid voice is enough to send the fairies packing, leaving me and Sakuya alone in front of the door. For a long moment, we just stand there, listening to the sounds of the mansion: fairies bustling around, the wind in the eaves, a faint whimpering coming from inside Remilia's room.


What are they doing, exactlynever mind. I can guess. And I want to stop thinking about it right now, thank you. I look over at Sakuya. "What do we do?"

The maid stares at the room, red-faced. "Leave a room-service tray outside their door? I'm not interrupting them."

"Me neither." I nod in agreement. "Let's just... give them some privacy. Right." Sakuya nods absently, eyes fixed on the door... though occasionally glancing my way while chewing her lip. Dammit. Now THAT's on my mind STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

And then Flandre shows up.

"Hey, what are Big Sis and Reimu doing in there? It's taking forever!"


[ ] Lie your ass off.
[ ] Tell her the truth, brace for impact.
[ ] Distract her with all of your might.
[ ] Panic.


Quick question. So, I don't like the moon-sues very much. Apparently not many people do. And I was toying with the idea of doing an April 1st special, from Cirno's point of view, where she gives them the DyCirno treatment. The thing is, it occurred to me that we just did that joke with Yukari. Want me to do it anyway? Or should I stop beating a dead horse and just reference it in a Kakashi Spirit News article, if that?
[x] Tell her the truth, brace for impact.

Telling a lie would be funny at first but Flandre will figure things out even faster than Sakuya.
[x]Yes to more DyCirno.

[x]Tell her the truth, brace for impact.
[x] Distract her with all of your might.

I don't need a written Watatsukis special.
[X] Tell her the truth, brace for impact.

I don't need any extra DyCirno right now.
[X] No to Moonbitches

It's not that they don't need the shit kicked out of them, they do. But I'm rather burned out on Cirno for the moment.

[X] Panic.

Meiling needs more mental breakdowns.
[x]Tell her the truth, brace for impact.
[X] Tell her the truth, brace for impact.
[X] Give Cirno a rest for a bit.
[X] Distract her with all of your might.
Well now, if you're gonna do an April First special, you need to do it and then let us figure out that, hey, it was April First!

Telling us about it just spoils things.

As for Flandre--

[x] Distract! As hard as possible!
[ ] Tell her the truth, brace for impact.

Well... Flan already knows about sex since she read those books on "Vampire and Human Procreation" so no sense lying.

And no to Moonbitches.
Some other thread maybe in the future.
[X] Give Cirno a rest for a bit.
[x] Distract her with all of your might.
[X] Tell her the truth, brace for impact.

Flandre's a big girl, she's apparently read enough porn to know what Big Sis and Reimu are doing in there. Even if she doesn't, she needs to learn the facts of life at some point.
[X] Tell her the truth, brace for impact.

Let DyCirno take some well-earned R&R, at least for now.
[X] Tell her the truth, brace for impact.

Flandre's a good girl, she just might make a bridesmaid dress or something.
[x] Tell her the truth, brace for impact.
-[x] And remind her she isn't going to be an Auntie anytime soon.

Because Flandre needs to know that the asexual reproduction field isn't that developed in heterosexual pairs. At least if they don't resort to a forbidden template.

And I for one wouldn't mind a Watatsuki special, but it's true that DyCirno has been hogging the spotlight a lot lately, so if there's a way to write about the moonbitches without involving the resident hero of justice...
[x] Distract her with all of your might.

As far as the idea, I like it but does it really have to be on April's Fools? It doesn't sound like it has to be on April's fools, not like a scenario of Flandre pranking the SDM.
It's.... perfect. It makes me love her even more.
Calling it now, Marshmallow Fairy will be the Big Bad of this series, and Meiling, Yuuka, Sakuya, DyCirno and Yukari must join forces to stop her from turning Gensokyo into a literal Marshmallow Hell.
Remember the BIG fairy at the very end of Mokou's stage? Well...
File 136483271563.jpg - (217.43KB, 850x850, 3 days without marshmallows.jpg) [iqdb]
...Re-posted due to a couple of glaring errors I made that were driving me up the wall.


I love marshmallows!

They're the best! Sweet and puffy, and tasty, and fluffy, and white and tasty... did I say tasty already?

Who cares? It's true!

I can't get enough of of them! Ever since I found a bag in the cupboard in the mansion one day!

But know what's even better than marshmallows?

ROASTED marshmallows!

Okay, so that's kinda a trick question. NOTHING'S better than marshmallows! But roasted marshmallows are, like... marshmallows plus! Marshmallows made just a bit better! Marshmallows, uh...

SUPER marshmallows!

Yeah, that's it! Roasted marshmallows are SUPER marshmallows, charged by the power of fire!

Fire's pretty too. All hot and glowy, and warm and dancy, and roasty... Fire's cool, because it roasts marshmallows! Or is it, fire's hot because it roasts marshmallows? Or, fire roasts marshmallows because it's hot...

Thinking's hard.

But that's okay! You don't need to think hard to eat marshmallows! You just open your mouth, eat, and enjoy! Roasting's easy, too! Just take a branch or a thin little metal bar, light something on fire, and hold the marshmallow over the fire! Not too close, and not too long, though. You gotta get it juuuuust right. It's an art, ya know?

Ohhhhh, but setting stuff on fire's important, too, right? I mean, the bigger the fire, the more marshmallows you can roast! That's called logic. It just makes sense! The more things you burn, the more marshmallows you can roast. And fire's pretty, anyway. So that means fire is good!

Lotsa fire! Fire EVERYWHERE!

Not everyone thinks I'm right, though. Dummies. Miss Meiling wouldn't let me burn stuff. Neither would the other fairies. That ice fairy in the giant ice monster made me stop, too. And Miss Kazami. Apparently I was bad, 'cause I was roasting marshmallows, so now I have to help look after the forest. Miss Kazami's mean. She said no more marshmallows until I've learned my lesson.



Oh! Wait!

I just had an idea.

Marshmallows are good.

Fire is good.

People who keep me from marshmallows are bad.

People don't burn all that well. But that's fine, 'cause burning people is bad.

People's CLOTHES burn. And that means people can roast marshmallows off of themselves!

Oh yes! I got it!

Miss Yuuka is mean. Miss Meiling is mean. Stupid Cirno is mean. But they wear clothes. So set clothes on fire, and roast marshmallows off of their clothes! Make THEM roast marshmallows off of their clothes, and make them see!

Make them roast.

Make them eat.

Make them see.

They WILL see.

No matches, though. But I have magic! So... I need to learn to burn things with magic! Yeah! Then I can roast marshmallows whenever I want!

I can burn EVERYTHING!

Everything burning! Everyone roasting! Marshmallows! Marshmallows roasting everywhere! Sweet smells in the air. EVERYTHING BURNING!

Hm. Should see if I can get that lady from the bamboo forest in on this. The fire-lady. I bet bamboo roasts really nice.

Yeeeessssss. Set the forests on fire. Use their twigs to roast marshmallows. Then, fan the flames and BURN THINGS. So I can roast marshmallows! Better start learning how to burn things with magic!

So I can burn things.

Roast things.


Those who keep me from marshmallows.









...And then everyone will be happy!









Forgive me. I had to.

Anyway, calling it for telling Flandre the truth, and giving DyCirno a rest. Similar option may come up later, though. After all, Meiling is the star of the story.

Actual update probably later today.
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For a long moment the two of us stare at Flandre, neither daring to speak first. How do we explain this to her? 'Flan, Reimu and your sister are likely engaging in carnal behaviour that you are too emotionally young to understand.' Yeah... no. I don't think that would work.

Can't lie. She's too perceptive. Can't distract her. She'd pick up on that, too. Nothing left. What to do? She's waiting for an answer. Sakuya has the same deer-in-headlights look that I do. What to say what to say what to say-

Okay. Calm down. Flan looks fairly lucid right now. It's probably fine to tell her the truth. Probably. She can handle it. Probably. And if not, I learned from Yuuka how to deal with her. Yeah. Right. I just gotta be delicate about it. Right.

"Well, Flan..." I say slowly, "Your sister and Reimu have been in there a long time. Quite awhile, really."

Flandre shrugs. "I knew that. But what are they doing, exactly?"

I hesitate, then decide to blurt it all out. "Wethinkthey'regettingintimate," I blurt out in a rush. Sakuya stares at me in shock. Screw it, Flandre can handle this revelation. I hope.

Please don't let her dig out the bridesmaid dress.

Flandre stares at me for a long moment, trying to parse what I just said. Then understanding starts to dawn upon her. Her eyes grow very, very wide, and her face turns a deep red. Then a huge smile forms on her face.

"They're having sex?!" Flandre squeals happily.

"Shhh! Shhh! Shhh!" Sakuya and I desperately try to shush the giggling vampire. As a terrible counterpoint to this, a loud moan makes its way past the door to the bedroom. It does not go unnoticed.

"They are! This is so great!" Flandre cheers, "I gonna be an Auntie!"

"Flandre, we need to let them have some privacy," Sakuya desperately tries.

"Give who some privacy for what?" Asks Patchouli.

Wait, who?

I slowly turn my head to the side and discover that Pathouli and Koakuma have walked up while the three f us were distracted. I take a moment to try and figure out a way to explain what's going on to the two of them without getting Flandre even more excited. Sakuya breathes in, an explanation already upon her lips. Flandre beats us both two it.

"Sis and Reimu are making babies! I'm gonna be an Auntie!"

Dammit, Flan!

Patchouli just raises an eyebrow at this. Koakuma... moves so fast that she practically teleports to the door, pressing her air against it. Her ears twitch at the sounds inside. Koa, get that perverted grin off your face! For her part, Patchouli glances at said door with an interested expression.

"About time. I wondered when they'd get to it," she muses.

"You're not surprised by this?" I ask.

Patchouli shrugs. "Why would I be? They've been building up to it for a while now. They're both adults, Remi's appearance notwithstanding. They can make their own choices." Sakuya and I mull this over for a minute. She's got a point there.

"I wonder what the children will look like?" Flandre wonders out loud. "Like Remi? Like Reimu? Hmmm, probably something in-between. Ah, it'll be so cute if they look like Remi and wear Reimu's outfit!" Flan giggles, stars in her eyes. "Ahhh, I'll have so many things to teach them! I can't wait to be an Auntie! Hmmm, I'll need to have a lot of self-control so I can teach them danmaku when they're old enough..."

"Um, Flandre?" Sakuya tries, "Are you sure it's not too soon to be wondering about their children? Assuming they have any?"

Flandre stares at her. "...Yes? I mean, Reimu's gotta have kids some day, right?"

"Yes, well..." Sakuya struggles with her words. "A vampire and human... there could be difficulties, you know? And more importantly, they're both female."

Flandre waves her hand dismissively. "No worries there. I've been researching it! I totally know how it can work between a vampire and a human! It used to happen all the time, actually. Besides, children between two girls is easy, with the right magic."

Sakuya is suddenly very interested. "Really?" she asks, leaning in close. I don't like that look in her eye.

"Oh, sure! If you wanna know, I've got diagrams and formulas you can look at..."

"Well, I mean, just for curiosity's sake..."

"SAKUYA!" I shout in protest. The head maid has the good grace to look a little embarrassed.

"It's just for... for the sake of supporting the mistress! That's all!" Patchouli just rolls her eyes at this statement, and I'm inclined to agree. Come on, Sakuya. I'm not that gullible

...Who would carry the childENOUGH WITH THAT TRAIN OF THOUGHT.

Koakuma has been paying a great deal of attention to the goings-on within the master bedroom. Her brow is furrowed in thought. "Hm. I wonder what they're doing in there?"

"Koa..." I groan.

"It's a prefectly valid question!" the succubus protests. "I can't hear a lot, and I don't smell anything either. Maybe they're just making out."

Oh. Well, there's a thought. Maybe we were getting worked up over nothing-

"What?!" and now Flandre's the one getting worked up. She looks quite frustrated. "That's no good! If they aren't making babies, I'll never be an Auntie! Or a bridesmaid!" She throws her hands up in frustration. "Okay, that's it, I'm heading in there."

"WHAT?!" Sakuya and I shriek in unison. Patchouli stares at Flandre blankly.

The younger sister plants her hands on her hips, a look of determination on her face. "I wanna be an Auntie!" she declares. "And a bridesmaid! And that won't happen as long as those two are messing around!"

"Sounds like they're messing around an awful lot," Koakuma quips from the door. I vaguely hear some high-pitched moaning from within. Nope, not thinking about it. At all. So there.

"Well, they're not doing it enough! Or doing it wrong! Either way, I'm going in there and giving them a pep-talk!" She glances at the succubus. "Koa, you come with me, give them some pointers."

Koakuma shrugs. "Okay.

"KOA!" I protest.

"What?!" she cries, "I know where all the sensitive spots are, I can help!" She pauses. "...Also, this is the closest I'm gonna get to a relationship of my own. I need to live vicariously through them, dammit!"

I groan. "Sakuya?"

She nods. "Right." The maid reaches for her watch...

"No interrupting the Auntie train!" Flandre declares. In own quick motion, she grabs the watche and pitches it down the hallway. With a yelp, Sakuya hurries after it. "Koa, now!" The succubus nods, and Flan and Koa brace themselves to barge in on Remilia and Reimu's...whatever it is.

Sakuya's running after her watch. Flan and Koa are about to break open the door. Patchouli has taken a step back, washing her hands of this situation. There are only seconds. I have got to preserve the Mistress' privacy! What do I do?!

[ ] Punishment Kick!
[ ] Get-a-Life Chop!
[ ] Sensibility Suplex!
[ ] Tackle of Terror!
[ ]Down to Earth Headbutt

[x] Sensibility Suplex!

I've been wondering: is bisexuality unheard of in Gensokyo? It sounds like Meiling's leaning that way.
[x]This hand of mine glows with a sensible power! It's shining grip tells me to stop you! TAKE THIS! My understanding, my embarrasement, and sense of privacy! SHINING FINGER CHI BLAST! GO! GO! GO!

Hopefully the group will barge in before Meiling finishes than incantation... just to catch Remi and Reimu doing something completely mundane and not perverted.
[x] Sensibility Suplex!

Both Sakuya and Yuuka claim to be bisexual. They simply prefer Meiling.

As for Meiling herself, she seems be slowly coming around to making an exception for just those two. Otherwise she's straight, as far as she can tell from her own research into what gets her going.
[X]This hand of mine glows with a sensible power! It's shining grip tells me to stop you! TAKE THIS! My understanding, my embarrassment, and sense of privacy! SHINING FINGER CHI BLAST! GO! GO! GO!
[x] Sensibility Suplex!

It is called Meiling-sexual.
[x] Sensibility Suplex!

You can never have too many suplexes.
On one hand, I'd love a G Gundam reference. But also, SUPLEXES ALL DAY ERRY DAY

[x] Sensibility Suplex!
[X]This hand of mine glows with a sensible power! It's shining grip tells me to stop you! TAKE THIS! My understanding, my embarrassment, and sense of privacy! SHINING FINGER CHI BLAST! GO! GO! GO!

references woo
Or defy expectations and be doing *really* adult things.

Like jumping on the bed. Without parental supervision. Under a large rotating fan.
Or you know, freaky sex.
[X]This hand of mine glows with a sensible power! It's shining grip tells me to stop you! TAKE THIS! My understanding, my embarrassment, and sense of privacy! SHINING FINGER CHI BLAST! GO! GO! GO!
I am in agreement with that statement.

[x] Sensibility Suplex!
[x] Sensibility Suplex!

They're just watching porn. From Patchy's stash.
that comes real easy seeing how men are rare and Meiling isn't hard to find.
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No time to think. Only time to react. So I do. Mistress Remilia and Reimu deserve their privacy, their alone-time. And a desperate Makai succubus and over-eager vampire sister will not change that.

With all of the speed I can muster, I surge forward and wrap my arms around Flandre and Koakuma's waists. Then, the flip. "SENSIBILITY SUPLEX!" I roar, and slam them both head-first into the ground. For a moment, I hold the pose, making sure that the two of them have gone still, before carefully straightening up again. Patchouli is watching the spectacle with a raised eyebrow.

"'Sensibility suplex?'" She wonders out loud.

I shrug, feeling awkward all of a sudden. "It was all I could think of," I say defensively.

"At least they're out cold," Sakuya notes as she walks back, glancing at the two voyeurs' crumpled bodies. Flandre lets out a groan. "...Well, one of them is, anyway. Come on, let's get them somewhere secure so that they don't interrupt... the special moment... going on. Right now." Sakuya finishes her statement a bit awkwardly, starting to blush again. As a loud moan echoes out, I can't help but agree. I mean, sure those two are entitled to privacy, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to it!

...Actually, I don't want to listen to it. "Then, let's get out of here," I say, moving towards the fallen Flandre and Koakuma.

Then Flandre flips nimbly to her feet and starts giggling.

Not good.

"...You... won't stop me..." the dazed vampire mumbles, trying to focus on us. "Not all... twelve you... or whatever." Flandre smacks her self in the face a couple of times. "I... wanna be an AUNTIE! You will not stand in my way!" Flandre stands tall, her face set, eyes burning with determination to see the Scarlet family grow. Admirable, if she were only doing it differently.

Sakuya puts on an expression I've seen before, when Flandre has started to get out of hand. The Stern Face of Maidly Disapproval. It's been enough to humble Flandre before. "Mistress Flandre," Sakuya intones, "I cannot approve of your behavior. Please go to your room. Now." Sakuya's words fall with the finality of a maid who Will Not Be Denied.

Flandre looks at Sakuya, eyes locked, unflinching. For a moment, just a brief moment, Flandre beams with all of the charisma and command of her sister, and I realize that she truly is a scion of House Scarlet. Her words fall with the finality of The Mistress's Last Word. "No. I will not."

Sakuya blinks. That was pretty much her whole repertoire. She glances at Patchouli, who shrugs. Dealing with youth was never the magician's strong point. Then they look to me. I sigh.

"Flandre, if you don't behave, it's the head-punch." I ready my hand for the motion I'd learned from Yuuka. Might not work in this instance, but hopefully the threat would at least be enough to get her to see sense.

Flandre throws her hands up in frustration."Why is this such a big deal?!"

"You want to watch your sister while she does stuff with Reimu!" I sputter, "That's just... perverted!"

"It is not perverted!" Flandre protests. "All I wanna do is make sure they're doing what they should be, and maybe give them some advice! And maybe take notes! I wanna get married too, someday!" Flandre nods, satisfied with her reasoning.

...Yeah, logic doesn't always work with Flan. So be it.

I take a deep breath and reach out to the natural flow of energy in Gensokyo, as Patchouli taught me. I bind it to the chi flow that pulses within my chest. Two forms of power, made one. I give it form; shaped by my understanding of the situation, empowered by my sheer embarrassment that this was happening at all, and directed by my desire to give two lovers their special moment. My eyes lock on Flandre, and a rainbow aura begins to form around me. Waves of pressure stir up currents of air in the hallway.

"Um, Meiling?" Flandre looks a bit worried.

I raise my clenched fist. "This hand of mine glows with a sensible power!" I yell, bolts of rainbow lightning arcing around my fist.

"...It looks rainbow." Flandre points out. It's meaningless.

"It's shining grip tells me to stop you!" my voice reverberates down the hall.

"Er... is this what I look like when I-" Flandre suddenly seems uncertain.

"TAKE THIS!" I shout, pointing my finger at Flandre, giving her my everything. "My understanding, my embarrassment, and my sense of privacy! SHINING FINGER MAGICAL CHI BLAST! GO! GO! GO!" Three rainbow bolts of pure power shoot out at Flandre who has barely enough time to open her mouth in shock before-





-the bolts of power and decency blast her, juggle her, and smack her into the ceiling hard enough to crack the tiling. As the power fades, Flandre falls to the floor, eyes spinning, totally out of it. I let out a breath. "Regrettable, but necessary," I say.

Sakuya looks impressed. Patchouli nods in approval. "Well done," the magician tells me. "You have learned to channel magical streams to empower yourself. Very impressive indeed."

I look at her gratefully. "It's all because of those notes you gave me! I've been practicing and-"

Remilia's door opens.

Because Koakuma just opened it.

Koakuma, who had come to her senses while we were all focused on Flandre.

I stare at her. Sakuya stares at her. Patchouli stares at her. Flandre mumbles something about pretty rainbow stars. Koakuma looks a little defensive. "Well, now I'm just plain curious!" she tells us. Then Reimu's voice comes clearly from within the room.


There's a moment of shocked silence, then Koakuma shoots into the room, followed by myself, Sakuya and Patchouli. We have to stop her! This is so dumb! What is she even-

Reimu is laying down on the bed, writhing in ecstasy. Remilia is sitting next to her, a smug smile in her face.

Both are fully clothed. Except for Reimu's bare feet.

Remilia is giving Reimu a foot rub.

Foot rub.



Remilia blinks, and glances up at us. Her face flushes a little bit, then turns to annoyance. Which starts sliding into outrage as Flandre staggers in.

"Mmmmm... Remi," Reimu sighs happily, "That feels sooooo good! My feet have been killing me for so long!"

"Um, Reimu darling?" Remilia mutters, glaring at us, "We have some company-"

"That's not right at all!" Flandre shouts angrily, "You two need to be making babies!"

Reimu shoots bolt upright in bed. Her face and Remilia's take on a shade similar to Reimu's clothing. Whether it's anger or embarrassment, I can't say. I've already left the room, my own face beet red.

"A little privacy," I hear Remilia hiss, "All we wanted was a little privacy."

Reimu chuckles darkly. "Ruining our private moment? After the week I've been having? No. Nonono. There's only one possible punishment for this."

As I walk slowly down the hall, away from the sight behind me, I hear Flandre chuckle nervously. "Ummm... I have some diagrams you could consult, which would really improve-"

Miko and Mistress scream in outrage, and begin to clobber the intruders. I just walk away. Nope.


After releasing their frustrations, Reimu and Remilia went back to being remarkably sunny and cheerful. It was actually cute to see them together. I kept to my post, not saying much as Reimu left.

Remilia was doing that for hours?

Flandre and Koakuma got a severe scolding, and I was thanked for my efforts. I managed to mumble a response. Patchouli shrugged and went back to her books, while Sakuya kept giving me a peculiar look. She finally confronted me that evening.

"All right Mei, spit it out." she says to me.

"Hm?" I blink, partway though my late-evening sandwich.

"Don't give me that." Sakuya looks at me curiously. "All that was going on in there was a footrub. Admittedly, a very long footrub, but still. You've been blushing ever since. What's going on? It's not like we saw them doing anything."

I swallow carefully. "...You know that, due to my training, I know a lot about nerves and pressure points in the body, right?"


"You remember that look on Remilia's face?"

"She was clearly enjoying the effect she was having on Reimu."

"Right. And Reimu's response?"

Sakuya snorts. "She was certainly enjoying her footrub. A lot."

"Yeah. So, being a vampire, Remilia knows a lot about the human body and its reaction. Centuries of experience, and all that."

Sakuya frowns at me. "So, what's your point?"

"Did you know that there are nerves in the feet that are connected to just about every single part of your body?"

Sakuya stares at me for a long moment. As understanding sinks in, she slowly turns a bright shade of red. Understandable, that. No wonder Reimu was enjoying herself so much.

Remilia Scarlet. Master of covert lewdness.


Had to use that write-in. Too good not to.

Anyway, combining options:

[ ] Is there someone there...?
[ ] Meiling goes for a drink.
[ ] Flandre has a bad dream.
[ ] Girls' night out in the city.
[X] Is there someone there...?

One of these days, we might get to see a Koishi... I hope.
[X] Is there someone there...?

We've ignored this one for too long. Maybe Koishi can convince Meiling to partake of the sweet, sexy flower youkai maid ladies. BOTH OF THEM.
[X] Is there someone there...?
[X] Is there someone there...?

It's been waiting since the start, Koishi option is go!
[x] Is there someone there...?

Maybe the poor girl will finally get to meet a guy.
[x] Is there someone there...?

I am curious.
[x] Is there someone there...?

You guys its totally Mima.
[X] Is there someone there...?
Mystery option GO GO!
[ ] Is there someone there...?


God, I hope it's Mima

[ ] Is there someone there...?
[X] Is there someone there...?

I was joking dude. You might not want to get your hopes up.

I can dream.
[x] Girls' night out in the city.

you might want to check this for vote spam. I'll laugh if that choice is NOT Koishi.
I've already got my Mima fix in another story. I'm hoping for Koishi, tbh.

[X] Is there someone there...?
[X] Is there someone there...?

This most likely is Koishi.
We also most likely won't notice her.
Unless dragon powers.
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[x] Is there someone there...?

My bet is that Keymaster's initial plans didn't involve Koishi, but because everybody is asking for her, he/she'll feel forced to change the plot to shoehorn her.

And you guise are all wrong. It'll be a huge surprise.
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I flip through the pages of my book, thinking. There's no real rhyme or reason to my thoughts. Just anything that so happens to enter my head, really. What the fairies are up to, plans for the garden, how that one marshmallow-obsessed fairy is doing. Yuuka hasn't been by lately, so it's hard to tell.

Yeah, I haven't seen much of Yuuka recently. I mean, I see her at a distance, but then she notices me looking at her, blushes, and scrambles off. The poor girl is probably mortified at having kissed me like that.

...Yeah, let's be honest, my thoughts keep coming back to my love life.

Reimu and Remilia make a cute couple, and I try to forget things by watching them. They really are cute, even when they're having a lovers' tiff. Of course, Remilia keep finding ways to get closer to Reimu, or making excuses to 'accidentally' let her hands wander, but Reimu never seems to mind. Hell, for all I know she's encouraging it.

But that brings things back to me, and the two women interested in me. I miss the old days, when my biggest problems were waves of vampire hunter throwing themselves at the mansion, barely preventing the place from being razed to the ground, or even preparing myself to engage Remilia in mortal combat when her plans had gone too far.

...Okay. This is actually a nice step up. When your biggest issues are people being extremely interested in you, things are pretty good in your life. It's just confusing, in so many ways.

La la la, la la laaaaaaa~.

Hell with it. I'm just going to get some exercise and take my mind off of things. Meditate with a clear mind, and seek the revelations inside. I'm thinking WAY too hard about all of this.

La la- oooohhh~! What a big house~!

I stash my book away in its niche and take some deep breaths to clear my head.

It's even bigger than home~! I wonder what's inside~?

Some stretches to warm up; don't want to pull something while practicing.

Maybe I'll just take a looksee- hm?

Ahhhh. A good stretch just feels so good!

Oh. WOW. Look at her! NICE~!

I assume a low stance and stare out over the lake, letting my mind empty of all thoughts. The stance would be uncomfortable to many, but my body is honed, trained. I can stay like this for hours if need be.

There is no thought. There is only action. There is no confusion, nor even knowledge. There is only understanding.

Mmmmmm~. Legs, boobies, butt~. Pretty eyes and hair. Nice and toned body, too! Oooooh! And a whole buncha mental hang-ups, too! She's even nicer than Okuu~!

A lot sexier, too!

I feel my face turn a little red, but ignore it. Might just be some sunburn; the sun is pretty intense today. I can ignore it. My body is all but forged from iron. Some discomfort is nothing.

Hmmmmm~! Should I~? Shouldn't I~? I'm curious! What does she feel like~? Good, I'll bet! All of her! Every last bit! I wonder what it would be like to bounce dem boobies? Or use them as a pillow?

Only one way to find out~!

I do not think. I only let my body react, finding its own way through the motions. My body knows what it needs to do. It has its own wisdom. I silence my thoughts, and let body and soul act as one.

Here I cooooome, pretty lady~! I promise I'll be gentle! Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy...

My body tenses. I focus on my moves, my martial arts. A sense of defense comes up within me, deep within. Very well. I will focus on my defensive routines today. I tense my fist-

... Bouncy, boun-

-and strike.



Huh? What was that?

Ow, dammit, that hurt!

Did I hear someone? I felt like I heard someone. And hit someone for that matter. But... there's no one there.

Why the heck did you do that?! I just wanted to... bounce...

Wait, how did you do that?

Oh. I must be really deep into it now. My mind is so deep into a meditative trance, that it is even creating enemies for me to fight! So be it! This is a chance for enlightenment that I cannot pass up! I will yield my conscious thoughts to the link between my body and soul. My body shall be the guide in truth, while my mind simply observes. And learns. I take a pose and close my eyes.

WOW. Legs! Those legs! Never seen legs like that! Long! Silky! Niiiiiiice~!

I'm gonna stroke them for a bit, okay, lady? You just stay there- like that- and DON'T MOVE, okay? Heheheheh, don't worry~! I'll be reeeaaaaal gentle!

I hold the position, not daring to move. My body is as a marble statue.

Good girl~! Come to K-



I keep my eyes closed, feeling my surroundings with my other senses. I'm so deep in meditation that the illusory sounds still keep coming. I ignore them.


What. Just. Happened.

How the hell did she- OOOOHHHH! You can see everything from down here! Eheheheh... that'll keep me warm tonight!

I leap into the air and fall into a diving kick-


- bouncing nimbly away to land at the water's edge.


I hold steady.

How the heck is sheBUTT! THE BUTT! Wow, that's a great backside. Okay~! She's facing away and not doing anything, so I'm gonna GRAB ME SOME TONED BUTTCHEEKS-

I spin around and launch into a rapid-fire kata, lashing out at my nonexistent opponent with my full strength, smashing the phantom around, before dropping it to the ground with the might of a Dragon.



I hold my pose, waiting.

How is she... How are you doing this?! How can you see me?!

The wind blows, causing my hair to billow out in the breeze.

Um, hello? You can hear me, right? No? Then how can you- Know what? Never mind! You asked for it lady! I don't usually do this, but you made me mad! How dare you keep those goodies for yourself! I think you're gonna be doing a martial arts striptease for me!

Man, that sounds so hot.

I start sliding into some recreational tai chi, letting the motions stretch my body.

Yeahhhhhhh, just like that. Oh ho ho, you're all sweaty, too~! Well, it is a hot day! Ouch I still hurt... Anyway! TAKE IT OFF!

It's such a hot day today. Good thing there's a nice breeze. No matter. Heat is as nothing to me.

...Anytime now. Anytime. Right now. Or now. Now's good. Or now. Take it off. Hello? You're really hot, in multiple senses of the word! You really want to take... it... off. Um.

Why is her subconscious empty? Is this a martial arts thing? Oh, dammit, I bet it is! Some empty mind crap, or something! Great! Just great! Miss mega-dynamite-body here is some sorta freakin' Zen master, and is just gonna flaunt her stuff, and I can't even touch her! No fair!

Forbidden fruit really is sweeter. Well, screw it! And screw you too, lady! I'm just gonna poke around your mansion and maybe sorta probably raid your underwear drawer for souvenirs! Actually, wasn't there a sexy maid and succubus in this place? Heeeeey~! Nothing wrong with those~! Later, mean lady, I'm gonna go look around and grab me some goodies! You're missing out~! Later~!

My focus is absolute. My will is iron. I let my body charge itself with power, and leap forward-

La la laaaaa ouch that hurts, la la laaaaa~.

-and STRIKE.



I exhale slowly, letting myself rise from my trance. That was good! Really good! I feel like I accomplished something! Action without thought! Understanding without knowing! A taste of enlightenment! I open my eyes, smiling in triumph-

-Um. Why is there a girl sprawled out on the ground? And why does the wall looked cracked?

[ ] Um, hello?
[ ] Oh my gosh, are you all right?!
[ ] Wait. How did you get here without knowing?
[ ] Why do I feel suspicious of you?

Well, I just died laughing. Good show!

[X] Wait. How did you get here without me knowing?
>My focus is absolute. My will is iron. I let my body charge itself with power, and leap forward-

Okay I laughed.

[x] Oh my gosh, are you all right?!

And she has found another woman who will fall in love with her. But maybe due to her M sides.
[x] Oh my gosh, are you all right?!
[x] Oh my gosh, are you all right?!

Seems like the Meiling thing to do.
[ ] Um, hello?
[ ] Oh my gosh, are you all right?!
[x] Oh my gosh, are you all right?!

Nice Koishi.
[X] Why do I feel suspicious of you?

Dragon senses, tingling.
[x] Oh my gosh, are you alright!?
Kick! Punch! It's all in the mind!

[x] Oh my gosh, are you all right?!
[x] Oh my gosh, are you all right?!
[x] Why do I feel suspicious of you?
[x] Why do I feel suspicious of you?
[X] Why do I feel suspicious of you?

[ X] Wait. How did you get here without knowing?
[x] Oh my gosh, are you all right?!
[X] Why do I feel suspicious of you?
[x] Oh my gosh, are you all right?!
That poor girl looks really hurt.
File 136510695022.jpg - (361.55KB, 800x1100, just wants to help.jpg) [iqdb]
I take a good, long look at the girl. Sort of silver-green hair, yellow shirt, green skirt, a black hat... some sort of blue ball-like accessory... wait a second. I think I know who this is. But more importantly-

"Oh my gosh! Are you alright?!" Half-panicked, I rush over to the girl lying sprawled on the ground, moaning incoherently. Oh, geeze... she can't focus on anything, and she's covered in bruises! Did I do this while in my trance?! Oh man, this is so bad! So terrible! I-

"Yyyyylllgggg..." the unknown girl asks.

"Huh? Are you all right? Can you talk?" I kneel down next to her, concerned. The strange blue ropes twitch a little (are they part of her body? She's probably a youkai) and her eyes struggle to focus on me.

"Llllgggggssss," she murmurs again.

I sigh and gently lay my hands on her forehead and chest. Now, just let the chi flow into her... there. That'll numb the pain and speed her body's natural healing. Ohhhh, I can't believe I did this! Poor girl, I... am curious as to why I didn't even sense her presence before, can barely sense her presence now, and what's with this feeling of suspicion and wariness. Nevermind. I push it all aside; someone is hurt, and that's what important!

"Y-your..." my patient manages, focusing on me.

I lean in closer. "What is it? What do you need?"

"Your legs..." she tries again.

"What about them?"

The girl (Komeiji. Her family name is Komeiji, and she's a satori from the underground. I've heard Mistress Remilia mention them) smiles gently. "Your legs. Let me stroke them."


"Sorry, what?" I say blankly.

"Your legs are gorgeous," the girl (Koishi! That's it!) still smiles that gentle smile. "Let me stroke them. It'll speed my healing."


Okay. That sounds like total bullshit. However, it seems that I just accidentally beat the living hell out of someone, so I feel that I owe them a favor. "...All right," I say hesitantly, "If you're sure. Just... don't get too grabby, okay?"

Smiling a little too broadly, the satori reaches out and begins to gently caress my bare leg. It... doesn't feel too bad, really. This girl's pretty good with her hands. Okay, now she's rubbing her cheek against my thigh why is she doing this what is going on.

"Eheheheheh... nice and soft~!" the girl coos happily. She glances up at me. "You should totally let me bounce your boobies!"

I glare back at her. "Yeah. No."

"It'll speed up my healing~!"

"I doubt that. And I don't see your body healing any faster right now."

"Not my body! My soul! Spiritual healing, you know~!"

My eyes narrow. Okay, so this is what happens when I try to help someone? Enough of this. I scoot back and stand up, allowing the girl to flop over on the ground. "Awwwww!" she complains, "Oh well. She was getting jealous, anyway."

I blink, confused. "Who was getting jealous?"

The satori points, and I follow her gaze to a set of bushes... is that Yuuka peering out over them? Her cheeks are puffed out in a pout... oh, she just saw me. And there's the blush. Aaaaand she's now running at top speed outta here. About as expected.

"Poor girl," my visitor sighs, "she wants you SO badly! But you just won't give her the goodies! Good idea, by the way. Don't give it up so soon, make'em WORK for it! Makes it all the sweeter in the end~!"

I groan and facepalm. "Who are you exactly?"

"I'm Koishi Kemeiji, a satori from the underground! And I'm in a whoooole lotta pain right now because of you, sexy lady!" She smiles cheerfully despite her words.

I color a little at the 'sexy lady' comment, but stay on target. "My name is Meiling Hong, and I'm the gatekeeper of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Now, I'm sorry if I attacked you accidentally, but why exactly were you getting close to me while I was training?"

"Well..." Koishi carefully sits up. "I saw this place and was curious, see? And then I saw you and was like WOW! Hot stuff! So I decided to slip it and grab a squeeze while you didn't notice me. Or maybe a few squeezes, whatever."

I roll my eyes, suddenly feeling less sorry for the girl. "And then?"

"You clobbered me. So I went for your delicious legs, and got clobbered again. Then I went for your butt, and got clobbered. Then I said to hell with it and tried to go indoors. You clobbered me again." She points to the cracked wall. "Really hard."

"...Suddenly I feel less sorry for beating you up," I note.

Koishi nods. "Not surprising. If you want, you can feel me up!" She lifts her skirt invitingly.

I stare at her. "No thanks."

"Awww..." Koishi looks genuinely disappointed. "And you've got magic fingers, too..."

I shake my head, feeling embarrassed again. "So, how come I didn't notice you? Some sorta power?"

"Yep! I affect the subconscious! People don't notice me unless I want them too! Except you, for some weirdo Zen reason rt something." I think this over for a moment, then deliberately glance away from the satori- whoa. I'm already forgetting she's there. Interesting. I deliberately blank my mind and turn my gaze back to the would-be molester, who shrugs. "Like that. Not bad, by the way. Not a lot of people can control their minds like that."

I shrug. "Harmony in mind, body, and soul. Anyway, if there's nothing else, I'd like to invite you to leave." I glare at her. "I do NOT appreciate people feeling me up without permission."

"So if someone got your permission it'd be okay?"

"Uh..." I start blushing at the implications. "What do you-"

"Hmmm..." Koishi muses, carefully standing up and putting your hat back on. "What about if someone kissed you without permission? Would you hate them then? That's way more than groping you. That's really intimate. So, if you don't like me feeling you up, someone kissing you without permission's gotta be terrible, right?" She looks at me for confirmation. However, I... suddenly have a hard time finding words. What she's saying... it's not wrong, but... but...

"What do you know?" I ask quietly.

Koishi frowns and folds her arms. "It's hard to explain. I can sense the subconscious, but I can't really read minds. I can still get glimpses of what's going on deep in your brainy-meats, though, and it's pretty obvious that you're having serious questions about your sexuality." As my face flares up with embarrassment yet again, the satori girl idly reaches out to grab my backside, which I quickly intercept. Koishi glances up at me. "That's really unnecessary, you know."

"You are not groping me," I tell her firmly, "And what's this about me questioning my... you know!"

Koishi stares at me. "Sexy girl? Look me in the eyes and tell me that you aren't."


Okay. That's harder than I thought it would be.

"See what I mean? Now, I happen to be an expert on this subject!" she tells me proudly, "And I would be happy to give you some free counseling on the subject. However, in order to let my helpful ideas flow freely, I have to let my Id get its fill. In other words: let me squeeze your butt, and I'll help you work through this."

I stare back at Koishi. "...You want to squeeze my butt... to help you think... while you act as my psychiatrist?"


I stare at the serious looking girl. This has to be a joke. Do I even want her help? I mean... she seems to have a good grasp on what I'm going through, even if I don't... And she is a master of understanding the subconscious mind, whereas I have NO idea what my mind is trying to tell me lately. Do I really want to do this?

[ ] Well, I have been awfully confused lately...
[ ] I want your help, but NO TOUCHING.
[ ] Go away, Koishi.
[X] Well, I have been awfully confused lately...

Just lie back and think of England, China.

Oh, poor China.

[x] Well, I have been awfully confused lately...

Though I'm also kind of leaning toward No Touching. Hm.

>think of England
>Opium Wars likened to rape of China's sovereignty


[X] I want your help, but NO TOUCHING.
[X] Well, I have been awfully confused lately...
No pain, no gain.
[x] Well, I have been awfully confused lately...

Welp. Might as well go for it i guess.
[x] Well, I have been awfully confused lately...

Well. Meiling is confused and it is (a bit too often) brought up that she is confused about her sexuality. It is getting kinda old. She needs to find a clear answer now. Either she likes Yuuka or Sakuya, or both, or she does not!

This would be a good chance to figure things out even if it involves a bit of butt groping.
[ ] I want your help, but NO TOUCHING.

Pissing against the tide.
Its more fun with a confused Meiling
[x] Go away, Koishi.
[X] Go away, Koishi.

Have some pride Meiling, maybe make a new foe on the side. We need someone to replace Marsia.
[x] I want your help, but NO TOUCHING.

Not that I think it'll make a difference at this point.
File 136511171847.gif - (801.68KB, 500x600, tumblr_mgn4t1FoVp1rucb65o1_500.gif) [iqdb]
[X] Go away, Koishi.

Unexpectedly, I don't like this perverted Koishi. It just feels... off?
Yeaaaa. Lets get molested for advice. Wait what?

[X] Go away, Koishi.
[x] I want your help, but NO TOUCHING.

Gotta save Meiling's butt-rubbing-virginity for someone she loves.
[X] Well, I have been awfully confused lately...
[X] Well, I have been awfully confused lately...

[X] I want your help, but NO TOUCHING.

If write-ins are allowed: [x] Vaguely promise something akin to touching and then use wordplay to get out of the molestation.
[x] Go away, Koishi.

Meiling don't need no handouts.

She's not a part of your system.
File 136512095087.jpg - (25.17KB, 425x351, nono.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] I want your help, but NO TOUCHING.
[X] I want your help, but NO TOUCHING.

Keep your hands to yourself.
[x] Open Koishi's third eye.
[x] Well, I have been awfully confused lately...
[X] I want your help, but NO TOUCHING.
[x] Well, I have been awfully confused lately...

I feel this must be done for our own sake.
[X] Go away, Koishi.
[X] I want your help, but NO TOUCHING.
[x] Go away, Koishi.
File 136515854079.png - (1.37MB, 1800x1400, 398eab19c8f18c0f2d6e15164305dbcc.png) [iqdb]
I think we might need to get a votecheck.
Wow. Quite the response. Okay, so I'm gonna call it here. Overall trend seems to be taking Koishi's advice... but people aren't totally fussed over her 'terms.' I can work with this.

Next update will be in a new thread.
>getting help in exchange for getting groped

This is exactly like my rape doujins.
File 136518636269.jpg - (239.53KB, 850x1063, amateur therapist.jpg) [iqdb]
New thread: >>/sdm/56153

Never expected this, to be honest.
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