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File 136219059161.jpg - (238.44KB, 850x1199, a nice day.jpg) [iqdb]
Hey all. So, I've written a couple of Meiling-themed short stories in the past and figured why not try my hand at a CYOA? Can't vouch for the overall quality, but no harm in giving it a try, right? I don't think it'll last that long, maybe a thread or so. Also, the format will be pretty much slice-of-life, Meiling's day-to-day experiences as a gate guard at the SDM. Might not be everyone's cup of tea, so just a head's up. Here's where my previous short stories are:


They're the set-up for this, so if you're curious, please take a look. Well, let's give this a shot.


Springtime. The grass is turning green, the trees are growing leaves, and Cirno is complaining about the lack of snow and ice. Also, Sakuya is hinting that I should forget the pants and just go with a dress for a while. I could be annoyed, but we just made up, after all, and at least Sakuya's being less blatant about it. Oh well. I guess I don't mind being appreciated, as long as she isn't leering or pressuring me.

Still, what a lovely day! Soon I'll have to get to work on the gardens. I already know what I want to plant, and there are plenty of seeds stored away. I give it three weeks, tops, before the gardens look as gorgeous as ever. Sakuya offered to warp time a little bit to speed things up, but I had to turn her down. There's no point in rushing things, after all. I find the garden to be at its most beautiful when things are just left to happen on their own.

This year, the Mistress wants to to put together a tribute to Reimu. I think she's strying to flirt with the shrine maiden. And by 'I think' what I'm really saying is 'I'm certain beyond a shadow of a doubt.' Fat chance, but that doesn't stop her from trying. Honestly, I kinda suspect it's all just Miss Remilia messing with Reimu. Then again, she does seemed dazzled by the local Incident Resolution Specialist, so... maybe it's all the same to her after a while?

You know what? I'm not going there. The less I know about the mistress' love life, the happier I am.

I wonder if I should go visit Miss Kazami and get some ideas for the garden this year? She did compliment them when she last came to visit-

Never mind. I just realized that I was actually thinking about actively seeking out Yuuka Kazami. Must've temporarily taken leave of my senses. I'm not that dumb.

...Hey, what's that in the sky? Looks like someone riding a-




"Heeeeeey, China!"


"Good afternoon Marisa," I say out loud, neutrally, as the witch hovers down in front of me. Looks like she actually wants to talk before blasting on in. Probably rubbing it in my face that I can't do anything about it. Bitch.

"Nice day, huh?" God I want to wipe that smirk off her face. "I was just flying around and figured 'Hey! What a great day to just sit in the sunshine and read a good book!' Ya know what I mean?"

I step in front of the gate and fold my arms, knowing that it will be meaningless. "Let me guess. You decided that you'd pay a visit to your 'old friend Patchy' and borrow some books."


"Despite the the fact that you have been told repeatedly to go away and never come back."

"Awww, you know she doesn't mean that! Patchy loves to see me!"

I don't know if she's just lying for the millionth time or is actually that deluded. And frankly, I don't care. "Go away, Marisa."

She seems surprised at this, bad her smirk quickly re-asserts itself. "Aww, c'mon China! What's got your panties in a wad? I'm just here to visit an old friend and borrow a few books, y'know?"

I honestly don't know why Miss Flandre seems to like her. Maybe it's their similarly destructive behaviour? When in doubt, blow things up? Although, Miss Flandre is a lot less destructive than Marisa, which is scary when you think about it. "You're not going in," I say firmly, glaring at her.

Marisa's smirk just seems to get even wider. "Oh-ho! In a bad mood, are we? I know just how to solve this!" Hopping down from her broom, Marisa spreads her feet wide, reaches into her pocket, aaaaaannnnddd here we go. Mini-hakkero, pointed right at me. Laser-themed painful defeat, incoming. Again. "How about we settle this the old-fashioned way, huh?"

And that's pretty much it. I've been studying and training, but while I've gotten a lot better at the whole danmaku thing (thanks for the notes, miss Patchouli) I'm still not going to be able to defeat her in a duel, and she KNOWS it. Oh, and I bet she's savoring this, too! You bitch! Are you enjoying humiliating me, calling me out when you KNOW I'm just gonna lose?!


You know what? No. This is not happening. Not today. I'm sick and tired of being pushed around by this stupid witch. I'm the damned gatekeeper! I refuse to be humilated one more time! Marisa's standing close to me, so if I move fast, I can do something before she can move. All right, Meiling! Time to regain your pride!

[ ] Punch her in the face.
[ ] Kick her into the lake
[ ] Grab her hakkero and make her jump for it.
[X] Punch her in the face.

Simple. Effective. Extremely satisfying.

Also, good on you. More Meiling is always a fine thing.
[x] Kick her into the lake

I don't even know why there are other choices.
[X] Grab her hakkero and make her jump for it.

Goddamn it, I know I'm making a three-way tie but I want this so much.
[x] Grab her hakkero and make her jump for it.

Kicking her or punching her in the face might be satisfying but this is a whole different level of humiliation. She is nothing without that mini-hakkero.
[x] Kick her into the lake
Doesn't everyone in Gensokyo fly?
[X] Grab her hakkero and make her jump for it.
[X] Grab her hakkero AND THE BROOM and make her jump for it.
Then put it on top of the tall cupboards in the kitchen


See? This guy gets it! I say we launch that shit, and watch her go Viktor Krum up in this bitch.
[X] Grab her hakkero AND THE BROOM and make her jump for them.
Pretty sure she can fly without her broom. That said, we should hopefully be able to play a pretty mean game of keep-away on home terrain. One addendum, though:
[X] Grab her hakkero AND her broom AND her hat and make her jump for them.
[ ] Grab her hakkero and her broom and make her run for it. Then shout for Sakuya for additional keepaway.

She's nowhere near as fast without her hakkero booster, right? While she still can fly if we just lift it above our heads.
[x] Grab her hakkero AND her broom AND her hat and make her jump for them.
I think Marisa can fly without her broom, but even if she can, I don't care because this is going to be hilarious.
[X] Grab her hakkero AND THE BROOM and make her jump for it.
Calling it. We'll be grabbing the hakkero. Writing now.
File 136224836750.jpg - (479.84KB, 844x1000, cute when unhappy.jpg) [iqdb]
Including the related write-ins due to hilarity. Here ya go.




Marisa blinks in confusion, not entirely certain what had happened for a moment. She looks at her now-empty hand, bewildered, then back at me. I'm smiling cheerfully, in a relaxed stance, holding her hakkero idly in one hand.

Wow, that was easy! I knew working on my speed was a good thing! She didn't even see it coming! I always knew there was an upside to specialising in hand-to-hand combat, and I think I just found it.

Marisa just gapes at me for a moment, horrified. Then her brain finally starts reacting. "Hey! My hakkero! Give it back, dammit!"

I think about it for a moment. "Mmmm... nah."

"Wha- stupid China! Give it back or I'll kick your ass!" Marisa's getting angry now, and settling into a fighting stance. Hey! She's adorable when she's angry!

"If you attack me I'm throwing it into the lake," I tell her pleasantly. That brings her up short.

"You... you wouldn't!" she yelps, turning pale. All of a sudden her conifdence is gone, and she looks very uncertain. I should feel bad about this, but you know what? After being repeatedly humilated by her, Marisa's not getting off easy this time.

"Okay, here you go," I say, holding the hakkero out with a smile. Sighing with relief, Marisa walks forward, reaching out to take it... which is when I immediately hold the small object over my head, as far as my arm can reach. Marisa glares at me, and reaches up to take the hakkero, only to realize that I'm a lot taller than she is. She gets onto her tiptoes, stretching, and even jumps a little bit, but can't quite seem to reach. As she gnashes her teeth, I giggle a little bit and lower the hakkero to within her reach. "Here you go." Marisa jumps for it and I jerk the hakkero away again. "Just kidding!"

Marisa sputters. "What the heck is the matter with you, you... you..." Suddenly an idea seems to spark in her head, and Marisa smirks again, seeming to shrug as she hefts her broom. I'm not sure if she plans to hover up on it or hit me with it, but it doesn't really matter. My arm shoots out and I snag that, too. Marisa's smirk vanishes in an instant and she chokes a bit in frustration. "Stop doing that, dammit!"

"Nope," I quip back. Oh gosh, she's POUTING now! Her face is all red, and her cheeks are puffed out! How adorable!

"Give those back, or I'll squash you like a bug!" Marisa all but screams, starting to throw a tantrum. Well, there's only one thing I can do, huh? Pulling my arm back, I whip it forward, throwing the hakkero into the lake. Well, not really. The hakkero never leaves my hand. But my arm moves so quickly that Marisa can't tell the difference, and she spins around with a yelp, running frantically towards the lake. Coming up on the shore, she scans the sky frantically, trying to figure out where her hakkero has gone. After a moment, she tilts her head in confusion, then slowly turns her head to glower at me. I wave the hakkero at her cheerfully. "STOP DOING THAT, DAMMIT!"

Steam practically pouring out of her ears, Marisa thrusts her hand forward, magical energy starting to accumulate. Oops, that's right, she has other spells she can use even without this little thing. Fair enough. I lunge forward at top speed, and have just enough time to see Marisa's eyes widen in surprise before I use the broom like a staff, pushing her hand harmlessly out of the way. She blinks at this and makes a grab for her broom, which I immediately yank away, which leads to her pushing another hand forward for an attack, which I push away with the broom, only to yank it away AGAIN... well, suffice it to say the next few minutes are a quick scramble as Marisa tries to get an attack off and grab her broom, but just doesn't have a lot of luck doing so.

"STOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPIT," Marisa kicks my leg in frustration, "YOW!" but I'm a lot tougher than she is.

"What is going on out here?"

Marisa and I both turn to see Sakuya, who his staring at the scene in bafflement. I toss her the hakkero. "Hey! That's mine!" Marisa yelps, bolting towards Sakuya. I deftly snatch her hat off of her head and plop it down on my head, over my own hat. Wow, this thing's really roomy! Sakuya sees what's going on quickly, and I swear she almost snorts with laughter. She's too elegant to let something like that out though. Instead, she merely smiles pleasantly at Marisa, and skips back out of her reach at the last second. Marisa swears up a storm, but Sakuya just keeps smiling pleasantly and lobs the hakkero back to me. Marisa spins around and-

"What the-?!"

-sees me wearing her hat, with broom in one hand and hakkero in the other. With a shriek of rage, she charges me, and as soon as she's halfway between Sakuya and myself, I toss she broom to the maid. Marisa screeches to a halt, and whips her head wildly between the two of us, before finally deciding to go after hat and hakkero first. So I toss both of them to Sakuya.

The next few minutes go by with Sakuya and myself tossing Marisa's things merrily, and randomly, between us, and Marisa herself getting very, very confused and frustrated. At the edge of my hearing I swear I hear some sort of clicking noise, but ignore it in favor of the game. Finally Marisa stops, stomps her foot on the ground, clenches her fists, and yells, "Stop picking on me dammit!" Oh, she started to tear up, too! Well, this game's gone on long enough. Just one last thing...

Collecting the rest of her things from Sakuya, I walk up to Marisa with the gentlest, warmest smile I can muster. "There, there, little Marisa. Don't cry."

"Don't patronize me, dammit! Stupid China!"

"No, it's Meiling," I correct her. "Say it with me. Mei-ling."

"Give. Me. Back. My. Stuff. I'm sorry, okay?!"

"That's not how you ask for something back," I tut. "You need to say 'Big Sis Meiling, please give me back my hat.' Like that!" Sakuya chokes with laughter and has to clamp a hand over her mouth to keep it in. Marisa just stares in horror. There's that click again.

"...You're joking." I smile. "No way!" I look significantly at the lake. Marisa winces, and sputters for a moment before staring at the ground, fists clenched.

"B-b-big Sis Ch... Meiling. P-please give me back m-my hat."

"Why certainly, little Marisa," I say happily, and plop the hat back on her head. She sighs in relief, and reaches up to touch it before staring at me, waiting. I look back at her expectantly.

"...You're joking." I just smile back pleasantly at this comment. "Damn it! You..." Marisa just chokes down whatever she was going to say and instead says "Big Sis Meiling, please give me back my hakkero," glowering all the while. I smile and hand it back to her, and I can tell Marisa wants to blast me with it, but doesn't want to go through that whole production all over again. Instead she just stares at the ground. "Big Sis Meiling, please give me back my broom. I hand Marisa back her broom and for the final blow, reach under her hat and ruffle her hair.

"Good job, little Marisa," I say approvingly. She freezes up and her face turns beet red at this. By now, Sakuya's holding her stomach as she desparately tries to keep from bursting into laughter.



The three of us turn to the sound and see a camera. Being held by a hand. Attached to a tengu. Who is named Aya Shameimaru. Who has a huge, dazzling smile on her face, eyes shimmering with delight. "This... is gonna be... the best story ever," she says dreamily, before shooting off at top speed. In her wake, I stare in surprise. Sakuya is practically squeaking as she tries to hold her laughter in. Marisa, eyes bulging, face glowing red, can only stare in the tengu's wake in absolute horror. She takes a deep breath.



About fifteen minutes later, Sakuya and I finally managed to stop shrieking with laughter. Marisa had rocketed after Aya, but never managed to catch her. The day continued to be magnificent. Next morning, the story was published in the Bunbubmaru times and sent Miss Remilia and Miss Patchouli into hysterics. Flandre wished she was there. I keep a framed copy in my room. Marisa wouldn't leave her house for a week, and has started trying to sneak in to the mansion, rather than just burst in through the front. She runs like hell whenever she sees me now. All in all, it was one of the best days ever.


Meiling sees a lot of people come through the front gate. What special guest should she see next?

[ ] Yukari Yakumo comes to visit Remilia.
[ ] Yuuka Kazami comes to inspect the gardens.
[ ] Slow day. Nobody comes by (Ohh~! Who's that pretty lady~?)
[x] Yuuka Kazami comes to inspect the gardens.

Now was that not the most satisfying thing ever? Bravo.
[X] Yuuka Kazami comes to inspect the gardens.

Oh my god, I love you, Anon.

[x] Yuuka Kazami comes to inspect the gardens.
[x] Yuuka Kazami comes to inspect the gardens.
Awesome. Loved the two shorts, and this looks good too.
[X] Yuuka Kazami comes to inspect the gardens.

Seems pretty fanonish now that I look at it (Marisa's raids), still bravo on not having a buttmonkey Meiling
[ ] Yuuka Kazami comes to inspect the gardens.
Yes. Yes. YESSS

Yep, pretty much total fanon here. I'll be deviating from canon here and there and have already put my own spin on things (Sakuya crushing on Meiling for instance). It's all in good fun, though.

Incidentally, what do people think on this for a name? I got it from Ghostbusters; y'know, a keymaster for a gatekeeper.
[ x] Yuuka Kazami comes to inspect the gardens.

I like Meiling. Non Butt-Monkey Meiling is even better. This looks to be fun.
[X] Yuuka Kazami comes to inspect the gardens.
File 136227539441.jpg - (338.71KB, 850x1060, wonder how people will react to this.jpg) [iqdb]
Well, that was pretty much unanimous. Yuuka it is!

Incidentally, this is the handle I'll be using now. I was originally just going to call myself 'Being Meiling' after my story, but that's just confusing. So, Keymaster it is. Anyway, enough talk from me.


You know what? I think I've really outdone myself this year!

It's been three weeks since the BEST DAY EVER where I finally got back at Marisa (I managed to get some copies of the pictures from Aya), and I've been working pretty hard on the gardens. I have a bit of help; the fairies have a knack for helping flowers grow and stay healthy, but for the most part the planning, planting and upkeep is all up to me. As Sakuya is to the inside, I am to the mansion grounds.

Though I could never wear a maid outfit. It'd be too embarrassing. Although I guess it could be kind of fun...

Well, never mind. The gardens are in full bloom and looking great! All the colors they appear in, all shapes and sizes, all placed to emphasize one another... it took centuries to figure it all out. But it was worth it. Martial arts and gardening: my two great loves, and I'm pleased to say that I excel in both!

I finally had to cave in and humor the Mistress. One of the flower beds, visible from the rear balcony, has been carfefully tended to look like a red-white yin-yang symbol. Pretty easy to do, all told. It didn't exactly please Mistress Remilia, though. She was hoping for something a bit flashier. Namely, flowers arranged to look just like her and 'Reimu sitting together like best friends, with just a hint of romance.' Yeah, Remilia doesn't really have a good grasp of what you can do with gardening. Also, I'm not sure that Reimu would be flattered by such a display. Creeped out, maybe.

Anyway, I'm working on a particularly important bed right at the moment.

"Those are quite lovely." Comes a voice from behind me.

"Thank you," I say distractedly, more focused on the flowers than whoever it is. I had sensed someone enter the grounds, but wanted to finish this task before I went after them. They hadn't seemed to want to do more than wander the gardens, so I figured that whoever it was could wait until I was finished. Not my normal procedure, but well... "You'll have to give me a moment. These flowers are very delicate, and if I don't finish planting them properly they'll die." Figures someone should show right during the five or so minutes I'd need. Oh well.

"They're that delicate? What do people call them again?"

"They don't have a name," I reply, "They're a species unique to Gensokyo. When young, they're extremely fragile. But as long as they have a chance to take root, they'll grow up to be very hardy. Sorry, I just need a couple of minutes to proplerly transfer them to the flower bed."

"How poetic," the familiar voice chuckles. "I commend your dedication. I apologize, it seems I showed up at exactly the wrong moment."

"No worries, I'm done now," I reply, standing up and dusting my hands off. Well, whoever it is doesn't seem to want to cause any trouble. But I wonder why none of the faires came to report to me? Oh well. These flowers will look gorgeous here in the garden. Now, I seem to have a guest to deal with. I turn around and...


"Hello, Miss Hong," the terrifyingly powerful flower youkai says to me, eyes glittering. "I noticed that your garden was ready for the year and just HAD to come take a look." She's still smiling. I'm terrified, but manage to keep a rigid smile on my face. Well, this explains where all of the fairies are. The probably took one look at Yuuka and ran like hell. Not that I can blame them.

Okay, look. I'm not a coward, alright? And I'd fight anyone to defend the mansion. But Yuuka is one of those youkai that you really hope that you never, ever have to do battle with. She's ancient, powerful, and absolutely bloodthirsty when provoked. According to Koakuma and Miss Patchouli, she practically razed Makai to the ground for fun. A strong opponent excites her, and it occurs to me that I've been adjusting to Gensokyo's dueling methods, and given that I humiliated Marisa OH GOD PLEASE DON"T LET HER BE HERE TO FIGHT ME.

However, Yuuka doesn't seem to notice my fear (well okay, bone-chilling terror, sue me). Instead, she's admiring my new flowers, an appraising expression on her face. Wait! There's Sakuya! Sakuya's coming this way, carrying a tray of tea and snacks! Maybe she can help me! Wait, she's seen Yuuka... what's that look on her face? Wide eyes... okay, now she's reaching into her pocket aaaaaannnddd she's gone. Thanks, Sakuya. You're a real pal.

"Could you give me a tour of the gardens, Miss Hong?" Yuuka's sudden statement makes me jump, and I quickly turn to her and bow.

"Certainly, Miss Kazami. Please, follow me." I gesture for her to follow me, desperately trying to keep a smile on my face. Yuuka just chuckles. Is she enjoying this?!

"Certainly Miss Hong. But please, there's no need to stand on ceremony. Call me Yuuka, I insist." She's still smiling.

"Well, in that case, please call me Meiling! Come on, I'll show you what I've done!" I really hope my terror comes across as enthusiasm. Not that she probably doesn't already know better. Oh man, I wonder how long I'd survive against a powerhouse like this? Even Mistress Remilia doesn't want to fight her! Nothing to do but show her the gardens, then. And hope that's enough for her.

Over the next half-hour, I take Yuuka through the gardens, showing her every last detail of what I've done. I have to hand it to her, as terrifying as her reputation is, she makes for pretty decent company. It's just that her constant smile makes me worry what she has planned. Oh god, please let the rumors of her fertilizing plants with fresh blood be false!

Wait! It's Mistress Remilia! Sakuya must have gotten her! She's watching us from a window! She's... got an expression like 'I want absolutely nothing to do with this.' She's turning on her heel and walking away. Wow. Thanks boss. Leaving me to the tender mercies of the flower youkai. The worst part is that I can't even blame her all that much.

A hand settles on mt shoulder. "Meiling, are you all right?" Yuuka's voice asks. I yelp and practically jump a foot in the air, startling her. She looks at me, baffled. "What in heaven's name is wrong with you?" She asks, starting to frown OH NO SHES FROWNING I MADE HER MAD OH GOD WHAT DO I DO SHE'S GONNA KILL ME.

"I-I'm really sorry Miss Kazami!" I squawk, bowing deeply. "I didn't mean to be disrespectful and make you mad or anything!" Oh god, this is humiliating, but you just don't agitate someone as volatile as this! "U-um, you're not too upset or anything, are you?"

Yuuka just stares at me blankly. "You're afraid of me. I did nothing to threaten you. You did nothing to offend me in the slightest. We were just having a nice talk. And yet you're so frightened of me as to make a fool out of yourself. You, the gatekeeper of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, who will supposedly fight anyone if they threaten the your home. Which I'm not, by the way." She says all of this in a monotone, like she can't believe what she's hearing.

I sigh. "Of course I fear you Miss Kazami," I say honestly. "You're immensely powerful, and have a reputation for being... well... bloodthirsty." She blinks at this, but I soldier on. No point covering up the truth, is there? "In a full battle between us, I'd probably die. Very quickly, too. And you might cause a lot of damage to the mansion, as well. So really, the best way I can protect everyone is to, well, placate you. I can't take the risk of offending you." She probably doesn't like how that sounds, but there it is. At least I was honest.

Yuuka just stares at me. "This is how you honestly feel?"

I shrug helplessly. "That's how most people feel. Just stay out of your way. And since I can't, well... this is all that I can do." For a moment we just stare at each other. I feel so helpless, so alone. I wonder what she's thinking about right now. I wonder how much getting clobbered by her will hurt. She sniffles.


Wait. What.

Yuuka sniffles again. She's started to tear up a little but wait what why is she tearing up what is going on. Yuuka sniffles again. "You... too..." she gets out, her voice thick with sorrow. "I thought... I just thought we could have a nice conversation. No one ever comes to talk to me. Everyone always runs away and I have no one to talk to. But you're such a good gardener. I thought we could just talk about gardening and that would be fine, but, but..."

And then she drops her parasol, covers her face with her hands and starts crying. "Oh god, I just want someone to talk to! Is that really so much to ask?!"

What is happening.

Why is Yuuka Kazami sobbing in front of me.

I made Yuuka cry.

...I think my brain just broke.

What do I do?

[ ] Offer her some tea.
[ ] Put a hand on her shoulder and speak soothingly.
[ ] Hug her.
[ ] Pat her head.
>...I think my brain just broke.

Not only yours broke, Meiling. Not only yours.

So... As for options, I would go for number 2 or 3, but which?
[X] Hug her.

Oh my goodness.
Keymaster is a good writefag.
Absolutely no idea what to vote for, but GOOD JOB.
Holy shit I love this.
[X] Hug her.

Flipped a coin. Combining #3 with that would be the most natural thing to do, but whatever.

On a side note, a high-speed story is great, but we've had many writers burn themselves out at this pace. Please don't burn yourself out, because you're the best writefag on /sdm/ right now.

No worries. Honestly? The only reason I'm updating so fast is because I had a free day. I'm taking some courses, so I won't be able to update like this all the time. On the other hand, I find writing like this to be fun and relaxing, so I'll probably do a little bit in the evenings to wind down. Posts will probably come every few days. Just depends on how well my studies go.

So yeah, this won't be my normal pace.
[X] Hug her.

>best writefag on /sdm/ right now.

I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU AND I HOPE YOU have a pleasant day as your opinion is entirely valid.

[X] Hug her.

Because I want to know what it will feel like to have my heart burst from adorable overload.
[x] Put a hand on her shoulder and speak soothingly.

Let's not trigger any knee-jerk reactions.
[ ] Hug her.

Youkai Moe~
[x] Hug her.

Never listen to the rumors. They exaggerate things. Hugs are always good.
[X] Hug the adorable crying elder youkai
-[x]Kiss and seduce Yuuka

I do wonder how patting her head would work out. I can see that going horribly wrong or horribly right. Like Remi's relationship (she wishes) with Reimu horribly right.
[x] Hug her.

No other options possible. But I wonder if this will develop into friendship or something more.
some twists aren't bad, just that certain things have become sort of dated in the face of revealed information. It's not a complaint but rather a statement.

[x] Hug her and speak soothingly.

I hope this works.
[x] Hug her and speak soothingly.
It's worth a try.
There is of course pretty good chance what she is simply "Teasing" but what the hell. Youkai moe.

[x] Hug her.
[X] Hug her.
File 136234585582.jpg - (593.02KB, 720x777, poor yuuka.jpg) [iqdb]

B-but I love your story! Seeing you write was what gave me the kick to write my own story!

Anyway, vote was pretty clear, so here you go!

I have no idea what is happening.

Yuuka Kazami is crying her eyes out in front of me because I hurt her feelings. Because she's lonely and wanted someone to talk to and I pushed her away. But, this is an extremely powerful youkai with a reputation for mass destruction and bloodthirst. She's...

A lot like Flandre to be honest. Little Flandre, unstable and destructive. Little Flandre, who when she's in her good moods is the sweetest person you would ever want to meet. Little Flandre, who can feel one of her moods coming on, and will actually lock herself in the basement whenever it happens. Flandre, who sometimes crawls into bed with me in the middle of the night and holds me tightly, and then leaves without saying a word. A lonely girl, who almost everyone avoids due to fear, no one trying to get to know her.

But at least Flandre has us. And Marisa, I guess. Yuuka doesn't have a family who loves her. I think I'm seeing the result. And dangerous reputation be damned, I can't stand to see another person suffering like that. So I do what I do whenever Flandre is feeling especially frustrated about her lot in life, whenever she needs someone.

I pull Yuuka into a tight hug.

For a moment she tenses up, and I wonder if I've misread things and overstepped myself. But then Yuuka relaxes and her hands fall limply to her sides. She presses her face into my shoulder, accepting the comfort I offer. "...Don't patronize me..." she mutters darkly, but there's no real malice there. Only frustration, and more than a bit of embarrassment.

"I sorry," I say quietly. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Forgive me?" I start stroking her emerald locks gently.

"...But why?" she asks thickly. "What did I ever do to deserve such a reaction? I just don't understand." She's still crying, tears staining my uniform, but that isn't important.

I sigh. "Well, the Makai thing comes readily to mind."

"THAT WASN"T ME!" she shouts suddenly, startling me. Yuuka takes a deep shuddering breath to calm herself, and I notice that she's holding on to my sides in a week hug. "Alright, I admit that I was there," she says after a moment. "I had heard that there were powerful beings in Makai and I was hoping for a good fight. But I didn't raze the place to the ground. That was that idiot Goddess' fault! Shinki, or whatever her name is. She was dueling the witch and the shrine maiden and unleashed magic that wreaked havoc on her own home! Just because I was there doesn't mean it was my fault!"

Huh. That does match stories I've overheard Reimu telling Mistress Remilia. A false accusation? "Fair enough, but you just admitted to enjoying battle-"

"Is that unusual? For Gensokyo? Do YOU not enjoy a good battle?" That brings me up short. She's right. One of the best ways to hone your skills is to fight a worthy opponent. And doing so is enjoyable. It's pitting yourself, mind, body and soul against another, and there's something deeply satisfying about a good match. I understand where she's coming from very well here. Hell, given all the duels that take place in Gensokyo over the silliest thing, I'm pretty sure that I'm not alone in that regard.

"Word has it that anyone who harms one of your flowers suffers a terrible fate." I continue, trying to explain to her why I fear her. Or maybe I'm trying to convince myself at this point.

"What do you do when people damage YOUR flowers?" Yuuka asks bitterly. I blink. Again, she's right. If some idiot comes by and damages my garden, I'm not going to be very happy with them. If they do it deliberately for some idiotic reason, well, I'm going to HURT them. Suddenly, I'm starting to see where Yuuka's going with this and beginning to feel very, very bad.

Yuuka sniffles again, but it seems like she's calming down. For such a mighty woman, I can't help but notice that her body feels very soft, and she's warm like a summer's day. "I care for my flowers, and deal harshly with anyone who harms them. If it was accidental, I let them off with a stern warning. That makes me no better or worse than many others. If someone comes after me seeking my life, I respond with full force, just as any other would. If someone just wants to talk to me, I would LOVE the company, but... but..." She swallows, and wraps her arms around me tightly. "Being powerful and willing to defend yourself, your children, and enjoying a good duel apparently makes me a bloodthirsty lunatic. I've tried to ease people's fears, lord how I've TRIED, but..." she sniffles, "Every last time, they just run away screaming. Or stand there quivering in fear until I go away." Just like I was doing. "And so, I'm left alone with my flowers, with no one to talk to, and I just... don't know... what to do"' She bites the words out bitterly. "I'm tired of being on my own all the time! I just want someone to talk to! But even you..." she trails off hopelessly.

I understand.

Red eyes to my green. Green hair to my red. Red dress to my green. Both of us tending a huge garden. Both of us alone outside with no one to talk to. Both of us understanding the simple pleasure of a good match between warriors. She probably thought that I was the ideal person to talk to. To make friends with. And I did everything but run screaming. God, I feel like crap.

I pull Yuuka tighter to me. "I'm sorry, Yuuka. I really am. I didn't give you a chance and I feel so bad about," My voice is starting to crack as I feel the woman's loneliness. She really doesn't have anyone. "Can you forgive me? Can we try to be friends?" Yuuka doesn't answer, just squeezing me tighter- but not nearly enough to feel painful, despite her strength- and turns her head away.

"D-Don't patronize me, dammit," she says again. Wait. Is she POUTING?! She IS!

Yuuka Kazami is pouting with embarrassment, and is absolutely goddamned ADORABLE!

I giggle I little, and Yuuka turns even redder. "I take that as a 'yes,' then." She doesn't answer, just nods fractionally. I smile, and continue on. "Well, why don't we leave me being stupid behind for now and pick up where we left-"


The Mistress's shout makes us both jump, and we turn our heads to see the forces of the mansion ready for War. Mistress Remilia is front and center, wearing an ornate, carefully cut gown with bright crimson armor plates engraved with runic symbols. Gungnir pulses in her hand, and her eyes are narrow slits, pulsing in time with her spear. Sakuya crouches at her side, eyes red, wearing an armoed bodysuit, numerous bandoliers festooned with knives at the ready. Behind them, Patchouli hovers, wearing an elaborate robe with magical symbols embroidered into the weave, tomes of magic hovering about her, arcane symbols engraved into the very air. Koakuma is by her mistress' side, wearing black, jagged armor wrought in fearsome designs, twin short swords in her hands. All about them the largest and strongest of the faires are wearing full plated armor and a dizzying array of swords, shields, polearms, you name it. The smaller fairies hover further back, armed with bows and guns. Furthest back, in one of the mansion's windows, I can see two more brightly glowing eyes, flanked by multicolored pinpoints of light. Flandre, ready to lend a hand if needed.

Sakuya and Remilia hadn't abandoned me. They were readying the full power of the mansion for a rescue attempt. I'd be touched if not for, well... The fact that Yuuka and I were still hugging. A fact that slowly dawns on my 'rescuers' as the anger flows out of them, to be replaced by confusion. There's a long moment of silence as the Mistress' accusing finger slowly wavers and falls. Finally she asks Yuuka, "...Why are you crying?"

With a yelp Yuuka leaps a full six feet away from me and spins away, furiously rubbing her eyes. "I-I am not crying! Stupid vampire! I was just talking about flowers with Meiling and things got heated! I-It's not like we're friends or anything!" Her bluster somehow makes the flower youkai even cuter, a fact that is terribly confusing to everyone else.

Remilia turns baffled eyes to me and I can only chuckle in embarrassment."Well, we were talking, and I said some pretty hurtful things to Yuuka, and we were just making up, you know?" She seems to take this in, nodding slightly, before responding with conviction.

"You know what? I'm not dealing with this." Thus said, my Mistress turns on her heel and walks back towards the mansion.

"And I'm right behind you," sighs Patchouli, clearly exhausted by the very concept of flustered flower youkai. She floats after Remilia. Koa raises her visor and gives me a questioning look. I shrug helplessly, and she shrugs back before turning to follow Patchouli. Back in the mansion's window, I see the red eyes blink before losing their glow and turning away. Flandre has clearly determined that there's no problem here. The fairy army shifts in confusion before collectively shrugging and wandering off, already starting to peel out of their armor. Sakuya gapes for another minute before coming back to her senses. A flicker, and she's back in her maid uniform, carrying a tray with tea and snacks.

...Is she pouting? Oh, geez...

"Tea?" Sakuya offers.


Yuuka stays for another hour or so and turns out to be surprisingly pleasant company, once you stop being so tense. Really, she's such a nice, well-mannered woman! I feel embarrassed for believing all the rumors.

After our visit, I escort Yuuka back to the gate. "I'm sorry for believing all of those rumors about you," I tell her sincerely.

"It's all right," she responds. "I should probably do more to let people know I'm not a rampaging, snarling beast. Still, I'm glad at least one person understands that." She gives me a grateful look, and I smile back, causing her to flush and quickly look away. Really, who knew she could be so... cute?

"Anyway, " I say as we reach the gate, "please feel free to visit me anytime. I really appreciate the company!"

Yuuka seems flustred. "W-well, alright, t-then," she stammers. "A-and the same to you, too! If you ever have a day off, feel free to visit the Garden of the Sun."

I smile again. "I will."

Yuuka blinks. "Well, good." She's silent for a moment, and gives me a warm, gentle smile, blushing slightly.


Wait what.

"Well, goodbye for now!" Yuuka chirps (CHIRPS!) happily before pushing off into the air. She waves... and waves... and waves before realizing what she's doing, flustering for a moment, and flying off. I watch her recede into the distance, thinking about that gentle smile, that blush. I feel Sakuya's jealous gaze stab into my back.

Oh, crap.


Congratulations! Yuuka Kazami now has a crush on Meiling! Now Meiling has two beautiful, powerful women with a crush on her! Too bad she's straight!

Anyway, the Scarlet Devil Mansion has it's share of unusual happenings. What unusual happening will Meiling have to deal with?

[ ] Remilia's date with Reimu.
[ ] Patchouli's got game.
[ ] Koakuma's getting desperate.
[ ] Trading places with Sakuya.
[ ] Flandre and the Forbidden Cabinet.
Yep. Yep. That was definitely my heart exploding, oh man. Yuuka is love.

Now, I'm torn between Flandre and Patchouli, but-

[X] Patchouli's got game.

Described like that, I can't resist.


>Seeing you write was what gave me the kick to write my own story!

wait what i actually influenced someone

Seriously though I'm loving every word of this, so keep it up! (Now I'm going to return to being anonymous in this thread to prevent things from derailing)
[X] Flandre and the Forbidden Cabinet.

It better be a liqueur cabinet.
[X] Flandre and the Forbidden Cabinet.

Dear god dat moe
[x] Patchouli's got game.

Patchouli as the SDM's reigning B-Ball Champion? More likely than you think.
[X] Patchouli's got game.

I must see this
Now Meiling has two beautiful, powerful women with a crush on her! Too bad she's straight!

My Hopes. They are in pieces.
[ ] Trading places with Sakuya.
[X] Flandre and the Forbidden Cabinet.


I think you should continue to use your pen-name. There isn't anything wrong with a little homolust between writefriends.
[X] Flandre and the Forbidden Cabinet.
[x] Remilia's date with Reimu.

I'm betting Remilia's the only one who thinks it's a date.
[x] Remilia's date with Reimu.

Oh boy this is going to be so one-sided
[X] Flandre and the Forbidden Cabinet.
[X] Patchouli's got game.

This sounds promising. Bring on the references to Space Jam.
[X] Trading places with Sakuya.

Piqued my interest juuuust a little more than any of the other options, they all seem like fun.
[X] Flandre and the Forbidden Cabinet.

As entertaining as the Patchouli option is, I have to vote for the Flan option.
[x] Patchouli's got game.

This seems far less typical of the options.

Nope as such a thing would likely interfere with voting. There's good reasons why THP discourages name using in threads.
Gonna go ahead and call it for Flandre. Writing will be done... sometime. I'm currently studying some pretty dense material, so the next update won't be as quick as the last few have been. Sorry about that.

FYI studying sucks the big one.

Patchy lovers, don't worry. They way I'm writing this story you'll still get your chance to see what Patchouli's been hiding all this time.
Man, thank god I catched up with this! This story is really something else.

Alongside the other two (three) stories here, SDM is once again the most powerful section!
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Hey, guess what? Writing is a great way to relieve stress!

"More flowers?"

I jump a little bit at Sakuya's voice and turn to her. "Well... you know." I chuckle helplessly.

"Ever since that day, she keeps dropping off packages for you and then scampering off like a schoolgirl," Sakuya says, shaking her head. "Not really what I'd expect from somone of her reputation." She seems disgruntled, and more than a little bit jealous.

"She's got hidden depths," I agree, looking at the bouquet of flowers I've just set up in my room. They're the latest set from Yuuka. 'Additions to my garden,' she'd tell me, while blushing and fidgeting. And then running off. It's somewhere between awkward and cute, and I don't really know how to let her down gently. I'm just worried that it'll escalate into chocolates and love notes. How do you tell a girl that you're into men? Last time that happened with Sakuya, well...

That makes me look at her with concern. Sakuya seems to understand the meaning behind my gaze and deflates a little. "Sorry," she says quietly. "I know I promised to stop pursuing you like that, and I intend to. It's just... I'm working on it, okay?"

" I know, and I appreciate it," I say, walking forward to give her a little hug. "But I can't help it of Yuuka looks at me this way. And how do I let her down without hurting her?"

"Especially someone as prideful as her, affairs of the heart notwithstanding," Sakuya sighs, giving me a squeeze before stepping back. "Well, I'm sure you'll figure something out. At least she seems too embarrassed to come on too strongly."

"For now," I sigh, remembering Yuuka's awkward, blushing face.

Sakuya shrugs helplessly. "Anyway, I need to go get some groceries. Hold down the fort while I'm gone?"

"You got it," I tell her, throwing a mock salute. "Can you get me some of those sour candies?"

She chuckles at this. "Sure thing. Later!" and with a flicker she's gone. I stretch a little bit, considering how damn odd my love life is. If I inclined that way, I'd probably be overjoyed at how things were turning out. As it is, I just wonder where all of the men have gotten to. For the past few decades. Oh well, it's just something I've had to get used to. I leave my comfortable room, closing the door behind me, and turn to walk down the hall-


-see Flandre walk through the wall in front of me-


-and through the wall on the other side of the hall.

What wait what just happened.

Hole on one side of the corridor. Hole on the other side. Flandre making them by walking through the walls like tissue paper. Why...?

I bolt forward and look through the hole, seeing Flandre standing in the middle of one of the mansion's countless sitting rooms, appearing to survey it. "Miss Flandre?!" I squawk, worried. Is she in one of her moods? She seemed fine this morning, so I don't think so. There's usually some warning.

"Meiling," Flandre responds, taking a drink from something. Her voice sounds a tad off. No more seems to be forthcoming, so I keep staring at the young Mistress' back. Then at the door about five feet the the left of the hole. Then at the hole on the other side of the corridor. Finally, back to Flandre. What is happening?

"Meiling," Flandre says agin, this time turing to face me. "You. Have breasts."


"Breasts," Flandre says again, pointing at my, um, endowments. "You have them." She hold her hands to the side in a 'what the heck' sort of gesture. I'm too confused to respond, but Flandre keeps talking. "Sakuya. She has breasts." That gesture again. "Patchy. She has breasts." That gesture again, like she's questioning the sanity of the universe. "Koakuma? She has breasts. Marisa? Breasts. Sorta. Even that flower youkai who wants your breasts." Urk! "She has breasts too. But me and big sis?" Flandre look down at her chest accusingly. "No breasts." She looks back up at me hazily and throws her hands up in the air. "Where's the justice in that?"

Oh dear god she's gone completely insane.

Then Flandre takes a long pull from a dark bottle and a horrified revelation settles over me. Large dark bottle. High alcohol content. Drunken by Flandre. Drunk Flandre. OH NO.

"Flandre," I say faintly, "Where did you get that bottle?"

"Wellll...." Flandre drawls. "there's this cabinet. See?" She point vaguely somewhere behind me. "And Sakuya and sis are always like 'don't get into that cabinet Flan,' and I'm like 'why not?' and they say 'just don't,' and I'm like 'okay!'" she squeaks this one in a high pitched voice and giggles a little bit before taking another chug of her bottle. I can only stare, mesmerized. Flan has basically two modes: sweet, cheerful, inquisitive little girl, and psychopathic monster. This is... new. New, and in defiance of all description.

"Anyway," Flandre says, looking at me sharply. "Know what I decided today?" She stares at me as though waiting for an answer.

"...You decided to take a look anyway?" I guess, voice sounding faint to my ears.

Flandre blinks. "Meiling, you're brilliant!" Flandre says with a dazzling smile. "That must be exactly why I did it!" She hiccups. So Flandre doesn't even know why she did it? Wait. She's drunk. Logic has died in her mind. "So anyway," Flandre rambles on. "I opened the cabinet, and there's all these bottles, and I get curious and take a sip, and it tastes TERRIBLE, but I remember that this is a grown-up drink, and I wanna be a grown-up, so I force it down, and I start to like it, and..." Flandre trails off, confused. "..and now I'm here.." She finishes. "I think this stuff lets me teleport. Cool!" Looking at her bottle with admiration, Flandre takes another long pull.

"...Why did you walk through the walls?" I ask, stunned by this disturbing vison in front of me.

Falandre snaps her fingers. "RIGHT! So." she sways a little bit. "IIIIIII came to this door. Aaaaaand it was locked. Soooooo I used the wall instead." Flandre nods to herself at her logic, and hiccups again.

"Flandre, most of the hall way doors here don't lock. You were probably opening it the wrong way. Also? This room also has a door. Also unlocked."

"Huh," Flandre mulls this over blearily. "Huh." Then she comes over and wraps me in a warm, gentle hug, sighing contendedly. "Meiling? You are smart and pretty and beautiful and my best friend and I love you." I blink, stunned at this sudden show of affection, and return Flandre's hug without thinking.

"Flan, thank you," I say meaning it. "But I really think you should stop drinking that stuff.

"Nah, it's fine. I think it helps center me. Or maybe spin me, wheeeeee!" Flandre staggers back and throws her head back, chugging the rest of the bottle. I gasp and make ready to catch her, but Flan steadies herself and regards her empty bottle with frustration. "Huh." Then she flings it over her shoulder to smash on the wall before pulling another one out from... somewhere.
"Anyway gotta go love ya bye." Spinning around, Flan walks towards the only other door in the room.

"Flandre that's a closet."

"Oh." Adjusting her route a few feet to the side, Flandre walks through the wall again.



Directly into a bathroom apparently in use by a fairy maid, judging from the sounds of the voice and the shower. "Very nice," I hear Flan say approvingly.

"Oh, thank you, Miss Flandre!" comes the pleased reply. I hear Flandre use the door to leave the bathroom. NOW she remembers how to use doors.


Flandre has turned into a good-natured, unstoppable, alcoholic vampire juggernaut. What the hell do I do?

[ ] Calmly try to get her to set down the booze.
[ ] PANIC.
[ ] Get help. (Specify who. Remember that Sakuya is out at the moment.)
[X] Calmly try to get her to set down the booze.
Okay, Sakuya's out, so Meling needs to be a big girl and save everything before Flandre destroys the world.
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[X] Calmly try to get her to set down the booze.

Drunk Flandre is love.
We'll make a man outta you Meiling! Swift as a coursing river! With the strength of a great tip...
lol jk

[x] PANIC.

When does this not lead to humor?
[X] Calmly try to get her to set down the booze.

In a perfect world we would have time to go grab Patchy and Koa but DrunkFlandre is too dangerous.
[x] Calmly try to get her to set down the booze.

You have a drinking problem Flan.
[X] Offer to show your breasts in exchange for relinquishing the booze
[X] Calmly try to get her to set down the booze.

Remilia would only make things worse.

Bravo on having a nice Flandre scenario.

I wonder where did all the guys go.... as in most stories they end up going for the maid or bookworm. I blame the Lake.
[X] Calmly try to get her to set down the booze.
[x] Get help. (Patchouli)

She's obviously got game, might as well enlist her aid.
[x] Get help (Patchouli)

Like >>55083 says, she's got game. Let's hope it isn't that game where we lose hue
Calling it. Calmly reasoning with the alcoholic vampire will proceed.
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Okay, calm down, me. Flandre is drunk. That's bad. Real bad. But I have to take care of it NOW, and panicking won't accomplish a thing. I'll just walk up to her, be the big sister, and explain that she really shouldn't drink alcohol. It isn't lady-like, or something. I'll figure it out. But first, I need to check up on the fairy.

I poke my head through the hole in the wall. "Hey, are you all-" aaaaand she's admiring herself in the mirror. Looks like Flandre's compliment really made her day. Fair enough, I'll just leave her to preen. Gotta find Flandre.

It actually isn't too hard to do.. Flandre has left a trail of destruction in her wake, including dents in the wall, overturned vases, and stunned, staring fairies. When I find Flan herself, she's hovering slowly down the corridor, veering left and right as though... well, she IS drunk. I start to call out to her when-


-my senses go off, alerting me to a presence closing in fast. Behind me...

I turn in time to see the window explode and the damned black-white burst in, hakkero out, and a huge grin on her face. "Heeeey, China! How ya been? Time to settle the score, don't ya think?"


"Marisa, your ass is awesome."

There's a long silence as the two of us process what we just heard. Flan's voice. Complimenting Marisa's 'ass.' We both lower our gaze. Marisa is hovering about ten feet in the air, and Flandre somehow zipped over to peer up the witch's dress, sipping from her bottle thoughtfully. Marisa's shrieks and lands on the ground hard, pulling down on her dress as though to preserve her modesty. Flandre lets out a disappointed 'Aw.'

Okay, here goes. "Flandre? You really shouldn't-"

"I mean just LOOK AT IT!" Falndre interrupts. She skips behind Marisa again to take another look at the goods, causing Marisa to yelp and spin around in embarrassment. "Now, see, you don't gotta react like THAT," Flandre tells her slurring a little. Well, a lot actually. "See, you. Have a great ass. I don't. Where's the justice?" Flan spreads her hands, eyes betraying baflement.

Marisa stares, slack jawed. "F-F-Flan? What-?" She looks at me for an explanation, and I just sigh and point the bottle in Flandre's hand. Marisa spies it and visibly pales. "Oh God No." Well, at least she gets it.

"I mean, what's wrong with having a great butt? I want a great butt, and great boobs, too. Why can't I have a dynamite body, I want one." Flandre pouts and takes another long pull of her whiskey. Okay, enough's enough.

"Flandre," I say, putting as much Big Sister into my demeanor as I can. "You really shouldn't drink alcohol like that. It's very... unlady-like."

"Totally," Marisa jumps in. "Really not something a young lady should do, Flan." Wow, she's sounding really serious about this. Wow, she's sweating. Oh, I am too. Well, this is a terrifying situation.

"So, would you please give me the bottle and promise to never do this again?" I ask her, holding my hand out.

"Huuuuuuuuh," Flandre muses, cross-eyed. She seems to be thinking it over. "...'Kay." She holds the bottle out to me. Well, that was easy.

"Thank you, Flandre," I tell her, unable to keep the relief out of my voice. Okay, great! Crisis averted- wait, I sense another intruder...

"Meiling! Are you all right?!"

And then Yuuka leaps into the hallway through the broken window.

"I saw the witch coming this way and I thought..." Yuuka trails off as she takes in the sight. Me holding a bottle of whiskey. Marisa standing by my side. Flandre swaying like she might tip over at any given moment. "...Um." It's alright, Yuuka. I understand completely.

And then Flandre speaks up. "If you wanna bang Meiling, she's busy."


"WHAAAAAAA?!" Yuuka squeals, backpedaling furiously. Her face has instantly gotten redder than her dress. Marisa's eyes bulge and she whips her head around to stare at me. Blushing myself, I groan and lower my face into my hands.

"I-I-I-I-I w-wh-wha..." Yuuka's beyond flustered, and desperately trying to form a sentence. Flandre, however, has no mercy.

"It's not like a can BLAME you," she slurs, staggering forward. "I mean, curves EVERYWHERE. I've seen her NAKED." Ohmygod Flan please stop. Yuuka's eyes are bulging. Marisa is staring in utter shock at everything. But Flan just keeps going. "And YOU. Have boobs and butts. Butt. I mean butt. As good as hers." She thinks for a minute, and looks between the two of us slowly. "That'd be fun to watch," She finally says.

Marisa chokes, I think Yuuka's about to combust, and I want to crawl into a hole in the ground. That's when I hear a camera go off.

"This place is great!"

Slowly, slowly, I raise my head to see that damn crow tengu taking pictures. Oh no. I was too distracted to notice her. No. No. Oh no. No.

"Man, I need to hang around her more often," Aya Shamemaru practically squeals with delight.


Flandre totters forth and gazes up at Aya. She nods slowly. "Not bad. Not bad at all." Oh Flan please stop...

Aya practically preens at the compliment, taking the meaning at once. "Awww, thanks! I do work to keep myself in shape, after all!"

"Not the best I've seen, but not too bad," Flandre adds.

"Hey!" the tengu sulks a little at this.

"But there's one biiiiiig problem," Flan hiccups at slowly points an accusing finger at Aya. "Your newspaper. Sucks."

In the sudden silence, I see Aya pale slowly. "What."

"Your newspaper. It's terrible. Everyone hates it. Everyone. Sakuya just uses it to start fires. I mean, the stories are dumb, it's just a tabloid, and people are sick of pictures of panties. You. Have ruined panties." Flandre's voice is like the tolling of a bell. Aya just gapes, looking like someone has inflicted a mortal wound upon her. "Also, your shoes and hat are dumb."

THAT gives her something she can focus on. "Hey! These are traditional tengu garb-"

"They're dumb," Flandre interjects. "Just like your paper. Which is also dumb." Aya stares at her, speechless, trying desperately to find a response to this emotionless, uncaring condemnation of her life's work. And then she starts to tear up.

"W-w-waaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!" the tengu wails. "You're so mean! People make comments, but they're always kidding!" No, we really aren't, Aya. "Th-th-that's just cruel!" Oh my gosh, she's actually sobbing! That paper must mean a lot to her.

"I'm really sorry," Flandre says earnestly, and Aya looks up at her hopefully. "But you really are a terrible reporter."

"WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Heartbroken, Aya flaps out the window, retreating tearfully. Aw, poor girl! She's so upset she can't even get up to full speed! Flandre watches her go thoughtfully.

"Hey, Meiling?"

"Yes Flandre?"

"I'm kind of a mean drunk, huh?"

"...Yes. Among other things."

"I think I'll stop drinking then."

"Thank you. We'd appreciate that."

Flandre nods and flops face-forward onto the ground, starting to snore almost immediately. Then Remilia zips around the corner.

"What in blazes is going on here?!"

No one replies. What can we say? Remilia slowly takes in the situation. Flandre, passed out on the ground. Yuuka, beet red and still trying to get a word out. Me, weary and holding a bottle. Marisa, looking stunned beyond words. Aya, still loudly crying in the distance.

"Nope," says Remilia, and she turns around and walks away.


Yuuka left immediately afterward, making some excuse about talking to me later. Marisa very slowly walked to the library and actually had a pleasant cup of tea with Miss Patchouli, before leaving peacefully. This left Patchouli very confused and made her ask about what had happened, which she immediately regretted. I put Flandre back to bed and trudged out to my post. Some time later, Sakuya returned, landing on the ground and walking towards me.

"I'm back! Did anything interesting happen?"

"Flandre got into the liquor cabinet."

Sakuya stops short, her smile freezing on her face. "How bad?"

"Don't ask. Please." I lower my face into my hands again.

Sakuya moans. "I'll get to work."

Flandre locked herself in her room for about a week afterward, partially due to hangover, partially due to mortification. Aya went on a drinking binge and had to be dragged back to Youkai Mountain. Publishing of the Bunbunmaru is currently suspended. Sadly, no one seems to care all that much.


Meiling's going to be staying outside for a while. What happens?

[ ] Marisa's revenge.
[ ] Cirno's War Machine
[ ] Nothing much, I think... (Waaah~! Look at the big house~!)
[x] Cirno's War Machine

It's such a pity the newspaper is suspended... oh wait no it's not.
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[x] Cirno's War Machine
[x] Cirno's War Machine
Drunken Flandre was awesome beyond belief. She really should go on a secret alcohol stash finding rampage some other day. But for now...

[x] Cirno's War Machine

Something about Nitori and Cirno joining forces by some sort of Moriya conspiracy?
[x ] Marisa's revenge.

Something I gotta see.
[x] Cirno's War Machine
[x] Cirno's War Machine

Poor Aya.
[X] Cirno's War Machine

As much as I'd love to see Marisa's revenge; this is too good to pass up.
[ ] Cirno's War Machine

[x] Cirno's War Machine

I love this story.
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Step it up Keymaster, it was on the second page of results.

That said, WHAT AN UPDATE!

[x] Cirno's War Machine
[x] Cirno's War Machine
Oh, man was that GREAT!
[X] Cirno's War Machine
Can't not pick this option.
[x] Cirno's War Machine

Poor Aya.... that was overkill what Flandre said.

Well since the last update had Marisa in it, why not see how Cirno's doing.

Hopefully we can see what Patchouli is up to another time.
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Holy shit, two updates in a day?! Well, don't get used to it. It's just that there was an overwhelming majority in favor of Cirno, and I had nothing else to do and felt like writing, so eh...

Ahh, another beautiful day!

The sun is shining down from above, causing the lake to glitter like a pool of sapphires. A gentle breeze makes the air neither too warm nor too cold. I can smell the myriad scents of my garden wafting over to me from the flowerbeds. The grass rustles around me as I move, driving my body to ever-greater perfection as I practice.

Punch. Punch. Kick. Spin. Leap. Thrust.

Every move I make is slightly more honed than the last. Every use of chi just so much more efficient. As I grow at peace with myself, my ability to touch the flow of magic increases. It will take effort, but I have time to spare. One day, I will be able to use my full power in a danmaku duel, without any fear of incompatibility between techniques. On that say, people will understand what it means to be the gatekeeper, the Guardian of the Scarlet Devil Mansion!

Land. Kick. Flip. Strike. Stop.

I stretch, relaxing from my routine. That day may be some time off, but I can wait. I have regained my pride. Even if other aspects of my life are... confusing, my pride in my ability as a warrior will never again falter. Also, I guess I can't take issue with my identity as a woman, given my admirers. I just wish some of them were men. Ah, well. Gensokyo, and all that.


What the-?!


I turn towards the familiar voice. Cirno? But what... is... she...


What the hell?

"What the hell?" I say out loud, stunned.

What stands before me is a giant. Fully ten feet tall, and blue as ice. Broad across the shoulders, it appears to be made of armor. Or maybe it IS armor? The plates on its body are jagged, like iron-hard bits of ice. The arms are long, ending in massive, bulky, clawed hands. The shoulders are spiked, and what look like crystalline wings extend from its back. The feet are as clawed as the hands, and it's face is low-set between the shoulders, looking bestial, yet expressionless, as though a demon were gazing down at you, judging you to be of no importance. An icy chill seems to radiate from it.

As I gape at this monstrosity, the head of the beast emits a 'CRACK' and seems to flip back on to the shoulders, revealing a very familiar face.

"Isn't it awesome?! I'm a genius! And awesome, too! Right?!"

Little Cirno looks back at me, a huge smile seemingly ready to split her head in half. Her eyes shimmer with sheer joy and excitement. It takes me a second to realize, but Cirno seems to be sitting in some sort of... cockpit? Some sort of space in the chest, anyway. "Cirno, what...?" I ask shakily.

The ice fairy giggles. "I call it the' Cirno-Mecha-Matic,'" She declares proudly. "I made it! Cool, huh?"

I approach the, uh, 'Mecha-Matic,' looking it over carefully. "Cirno, you made this?"


"How, exactly?" Come to think of it, it somehow looks EXACTLY like something that Cirno wold make.

"Magic!" Cirno declares proudly. "And ice!"

I blink, then look closer. "It's made out of ice?" Come to think of it, the... thing... is cold to the touch. Is it really compressed ice?

"Yeah, and magic!" Cirno seems absolutely giddy, but she's leaving a lot of details out. I have to get to the bottom of this.

"Cirno, sweetie, can you start over from the beginning? How'd you pull this off?"

"Oh, right! Well..." She clears her throat, and the... ice-mech... assumes a lecturer's pose. "See, I was reading these comic books, and I thought to my self 'Wow! These things are awesome! I wish I had one!' And then it hit me! I could just MAKE one!"

"...With ice and magic." I infer.

"Exactly!" Cirno nods her head excitedly. "And I saw a bunch of kappa tinkering around with something like that, so I figured 'Hey, how hard can it be?' So here's what I did." She looks at me very seriously. "I concentrated. I gathered a loooooot of magic. And then I made and shaped a buncha ice. And I made this." She nods, satisfied with her explanation.

I reel. "So, you just concentrated and put this thing together?"

"Yeah! It was really hard, but really fun! It took me a few days, but it was worth it!" She giggles excitedly.

Cirno the ice fairy just made herself a personal magical powersuit out of magical ice. Mainly by tinkering and not knowing just how impossible that was.



"Cirno this thing is awesome!" I laugh, looking the thing all over. "It's just like a comic book mecha!"

"I know," Cirno squeals happily. "See, I can make swords and sheilds out of ice, so why not something like this?"

"How strong is it? And how are you controlling it?"

"Oh, well..." Cirno clears her throat. "I'm sorta encased in ice right now. But magic ice! So whenever I move my body, the Mecha-Matic moves instead!" She waves a giant arm to demonstrate. "I packed the ice really hard, so it's, uh, really really tough! And it can even block lasers! And I'm super-strong in it, too!" She beams with pride over her creation. "And because it's made of ice, it's air-conditioned!"

"Does it have any weapons, or anything?" I ask excitedly. This thing is neat!

"Tons!" Cirno chirps. She raises the suit's right arm, and I notice what looks like a gatling gun attached to it. "You know those outsider weapons that spin around and only shoot bullets out of one tube at a time? Well, this one's even better! It shoots bullets outta SIX BARRELS AT ONCE!" To demonstrate, Cirno points the gun towards the lake. It begins to rotate, and-


-a wave of icicles shoot out into the water with huge force, causing the water to foam and churn. Cirno then holds up her suit's left arm. This one has a glassy tune attached to it. "This one fires a laser, but like, a SUPER laser." She thrusts her arm out, one the tube hums as energy visibly build in it.


A massive blue beam fires out, freezing a bunch of water into huge floating icecubes. "And I have missles, too!" Several armor plates open up, revealing pointy icicles. With a feral roar from Cirno, these icicles shoot out and explode, form a massive cloud of icy flak. "And, and, um, this, too!" Cirno's helmet clamps back down over her face and she tilts the suit back a little bit. With a sudden whoosh of air, a blast of blue frost bursts out of the mech's jaw, like a freezing flamethrower. "Eheh, I made sure not to freeze the grass in front of your gate," Cirno tells me. Her voice is slightly muffled by the faceplate.

This thing is the coolest- uh, the NEATEST thing ever! "How are you in hand-to-hand?"

"Awesome!" Cirno muffled voice boasts. The 'mech starts thrusting its arms through the air, and I can actually hear the glass-sharp claws cutting through the air. "An' if I want to smash something, I do THIS!" One of the suit's hands closes, looking more like a mace than anything thing else. Cirno brings this armored fist down onto the ground, leaving a sizable crater. Cirno pauses at this, and the helmet pops back, letting her give me an embarrassed look. "Uh, sorry. I kinda smashed your lawn."

I wave it off. "Eh, happens all the time. So, can you still fly?"

"Can I?!" With a proud smile, Cirno seems to concentrate, and the icy jagged wings of the suit (a lot like larger version of Cirno's come to think of it), start to glow brightly. Then, gusting frosty blue air downwards, the Cirno-Mecha-Matic starts hovering in the air, courtesy of it's magical ice-thrusters. "I mean, I'm a lot slower like this, but who cares?! Now I really am the strongest! And the smartest! And, uh... the most awesomest!"

Cirno has been getting a lot stronger like lately, but THIS... is... amazing! Made from sheer determination and hot-blood (does that term even apply to her?), I can tell the kappa will be pulling their hair out trying to duplicate it. Heck, Cirno clearly doesn't know how she made it; she just did!

Hmm, what should I say to her? Aside from letting her know how awesome this thing is?

[ ] Remind her that with great power comes great responsibilty.
[ ] She should show it to Marisa. That witch has been saying bad things about her lately.


[ ] That suit needs a new name. (write-in)
[ ] Hey, here's an idea for a weapon! (write-in)
[X] Remind her that with great power comes great responsibilty.

[x] Remind her that with great power comes great responsibilty.

Then we can have it fight Hisoutensoku!
[X] Remind her that with great power comes great responsibilty.

Because a Cirno who's Responsible with her power would just make Everyone go Wut?

Also, Ideas!

[X] You need something Awesomer! Like... Like a Gigantic Hammer! So you can shout Hammer Time at people, when you wanna get serious with them!

Name? Hmmm. Giant Mecha made of Ice, piloted by The Strongest....

Anyone got any ideas?
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Giant robot, has tons of dakka, powered by hot blood and unwillingness to believe in something as silly as impossibility?

Yeah. Okay.

[X] Remind her that with great power comes great responsibilty.


[X] And it shall be called Freezinger C

Why yes, I would like to see Super Fairy Wars be a Thing.
[X] She should show it to Marisa. That witch has been saying bad things about her lately.

Pissing into the tide, but oh dear god I can't pass on Best Day Ever, Mk.II
[ ] Remind her that with great power comes great responsibilty.
[ ] She should show it to Marisa. That witch has been saying bad things about her lately.

The witch has been saying bad things behind Cirno's back.
Cirno should defend her honor by being responsible with her power and fighting Marisa a honorable duel.
The Ice-Trongest?

[x] Remind her that with great power comes great responsibility.

Because a responsable Cirno is what we need for the thread's third Remilia's NOPE.
[x] Remind her that with great power comes great responsibility.
[x] Name suggestion: DaiCirno/DyCirno

Let's try to be a good influence.

Cirno really is the strongest.
>>55118 here


Man, DaiCirno. I should've thought of that. But then, it might end up offending Daiyousei!

Or flattering her. One of the two.

Still, great name.
[x] She should show it to Marisa. That witch has been saying bad things about her lately.
[x] Remind her that with great power comes great responsibility.

Be the mentor!
I still think that 'ICE-made-TRON-type-WESTern style machine' would be a better name. Oh well

[x] Spiderman quote
I realized that, hence the "DyCirno" alternate.

Yeah, fair enough.

>>55118 here, changing my vote for a name to DyCirno.
So, do people like the sound of DyCirno and her COLDION HAMMER?
Lets see, do we like a cute little ice fairy in a huge mech called DyCirno using a weapon called the COLDION HAMMER?

No, no we don't.

Of course we do!

Oh, I figured that. I just meant are people satisfied with me using that as the name and extra weapon.
[ ] She should show it to Marisa. That witch has been saying bad things about her lately.
Sure why not.
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Wait. Wait wait wait. I sense an opportunity here. Gensokyo is loaded with high-powered females who basically do whatever they want to because no one can stop them. At least, until Reimu comes along to have a say in the matter, and that's really just part of the problem. Now, with Cirno coming into her own in a very... unexpected way, I have a chance to shape her young mind.

It took me lifetimes to build my strength. Lifetimes of training, discipline, wherein I learned something very important that so few people have: respect. Respect for all others, no matter their place in life, for all must struggle in this unforgiving trial that is existance. One of my masters drilled that into me, and I really feel that it holds true. The youkai might seem carefree, but they're still hiding behind an impenetrable barrier, aren't they?

Maybe this is a chance to give Cirno a little bit of maturity, and respect for what she's accomplished.

"Cirno," I say seriously, "I want you to listen to me very carefully." She gives me a curious look. "What you've made here is awesome beyond words, and I'm very proud of you for it." This causes her face to light up, but I press on. "However, I need you to remember something. As strong as you are, remember how hard it was to get to this point. Remember that there was a time when people wouldn't give you the time of day." She looks uncomfortable at this. Cirno may like to boast, but deep down she knows that she's not the strongest in Gensokyo by far. I think this armor was an attempt to change that.

"I want you to think about what those people are like. I want you to think about how they treat others. And now, that you can stand on their level, do you want to be like them?"

Cirno hesitates, thinking it over. "Um... no. They're a buncha jerks. Y'know, the people who'd just uh, make me retreat, and then pretend they beat me or something."

Good enough. "Right. That's pretty terrible, isn't it? Having someone lord it over you just because they happen to be more powerful, isn't it?" Unfortunately, it's the way Gensokyo works, and I feel it's pretty damn unstable. Look at how hard Reimu has to work keeping everyone in line. If I can make things better, just a little bit, then I can rest easy tonight.

And yes, I know that Remilia is one of those who abuse their power. It's one of the reasons I'm here, other than loyalty. I feel it's my responsibility to try and keep her from going too far. The Scarlet Mist incident was bad, and we almost came to blows over it before Reimu and Marisa showed up. But I digress.

"Don't be one of them, Cirno. You've worked for and earned this strength. That's enough. You don't have to be like... like Marisa, flaunting it all over the place. Just be content with your strength, and others will come to respect you for it. Always work to increase it for times of need, but please, please don't abuse it. Use it to better yourself, and to help those in need, but don't become so obsessed with it that you forget who you are, what's important to you."

I stop talking, and hope my words sink in. Cirno is silent, considering. It looks like she's mulling it over. Remembering the insults of the past, the feeling of weakness, how others must feel. I see a look of fiery determination start to flare in her eyes, and she turns her gaze back to me. "Got it! From now on, the Cirno-Mecha-Matic will become a force for justice, protecting the weak! I'm gonna become a SUPERHERO!" Cirno proclaims this exuberantly, standing proudly in her battle suit.

You know what? Close enough. "That's fine Cirno. Just don't pick on people, okay?" Cirno nods an affirmative, and I realize that that's probably all that I had to say all along. Oh well. "Also, you need a need name for your armor."

"Huh?!" Cirno yelps, "b-but why?!"

"Cirno-Mecha-Matic isn't heroic enough. It needs to be simpler. Direct. Like... DyCirno or something! Oh, and you should have a huge weapon for a finishing move. Like, like... A HAMMER!" I'm getting into this, but so what? Serious time is OVER!

"That's BRILLIANT!" Cirno crows. "And I'll call it the, the, the COLDION!" Cirno nods proudly. "Got it! the DyCirno will now step forth to eradicate evil! No, I mean, protect the weak and helpless!" The helmet clamps back down over her face. "Thanks a million, Meiling!" The wing-thrusters fire up, and the DyCirno lifts into the sky, soaring to the horizon. I wave goodbye, a dumb grin on my face. Sometimes, Cirno can be so adorable. I wonder what she's going to do with that thing? I really hope she takes my advice and stays out of trouble...


I find out the next day. The Bunbunmaru Times in apparently back in circulation, and on the front page the headline yells "ICY AVENGER COMES TO GENSOKYO!" The picture shows Seiga, that weird hermit, diving towards the camera, an expression of absolute terror on her face. This terror probably comes from the DyCirno right behind her, smashing an enormous hammer made of ice into the ground. By the debris flying everywhere, it's hit the ground with massive force. In the background, I see Cirno's friends Runa, Mystia (in her waitress outfit), Wriggle, and Daiyousei cheering ecstatically. Well, Daiyousei looks frightened, but the others more than make up for her reaction. Oh, and I think Yoshika the zombie is in the picture too. The legs sticking out of the ground are a bit hard to identify.

Oh Cirno, what have you done? I try to disapprove, but realize that I'm eagerly scanning the article. Then I realize that I'm eagerly scanning an article in the BUNBUNMARU. What has Cirno done?!

A new champion has arrived in Gensokyo! Previously disregarded as a childish braggart, Cirno the ice fairy has shown her true might as the heroic pilot of the mysterious DyCirno, origin unknown! A mighty construct of vast power, this magical device was piloted into deadly combat against the villainous Seiga Kaku and her lackey Yoshika Miyako, who had descended upon local business-owner Mystia Lorelei's place of food stand. "It was terrible!" Lorelei relates. "That stupid hermit showed up, ate, and wouldn't pay her bill! Then she started threatening me and my friends when I asked for my money! What a jerk!" It was at this moment that the mighty DyCirno came to the rescue, utterly thrashing the skinflint Kaku.

The next pictures shows Cirno, in her battered and slightly-melted DyCirno laughing with her friends. Behind her, I can see Yoshika and Seiga frozen to a tree with thick ice. Yoshika looks blank, but Seiga appears to be shouting at the camera. I chortle. Can't say she didn't deserve this.

Cirno's friends are full of praise for her actions, calling her "Cool!" and "Awesome!" The DyCirno itself iss dubbed a "Sweet ride" by one Ms. Wriggle Nightbug. Cirno herself modestly refuses to bask in the praise , saying only "I was just helping my friends out, that's all! And that hermit sucks, anyway!" Said Sucky Hermit was livid at her capture, protesting that "I was short on cash! I forgot my wallet at home, and was just asking for a little credit! This is totally unjustified!" Still, this newspaper is a voice for TRUTH and will freely trumpet the fact that Seiga Kaku lost to Cirno the ice fairy, even with the assistance of her zombie guard. Cirno is truly a Champion of Justice.

At the moment, Shine Maiden Reimu Hakurei has no comment on this development.

I feel that Aya's hamming it up a little bit. Still, good job, Cirno!


As it turns out, Cirno's little escapade singlehandedly caused the Bunbunmaru's readership to soar, up until the point it went back to being, as Flandre in a state of intoxication would say, dumb. Still, Aya's enthusiasm would not be curbed, and she's taken to following Cirno around an awful lot. That disturbs me on multiple levels. Cirno, for her part, repaired her DyCirno and can often be seen flying around Gensokyo, 'looking for some justice to defend,' as she calls it. The kappa are complaining that she ripped off their ideas, and are even angrier that they can't seem to replicate her efforts. Finally, Sanae Kochiya has started up a DyCirno fan club. I'm member #2.

Go, go, DyCirno!


Time for another event at the mansion! Take your pick!

[ ] Remilia's date with Reimu.
[ ] Patchouli's got game.
[ ] Koakuma's getting desperate.
[ ] Trading places with Sakuya.
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That was beautiful. Just beautiful.

Fight, DyCirno, for everlasting peace! Hero to all fairies and children everywhere! Go, DyCirno, beat the Gap Hag into hibernation with winter's cold justice!

(And maybe bring your friends along.)

But the time has come. /Library/ Time.

[x] Patchouli Knowledge's Shut Up And Jam Gaiden/Got Game
[ x] Patchouli's got game.

That was indeed glorious.

Please led DyCirno show up again in the story.
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It's time for our CHARISMATIC leader to take the spotlight!

[x] Remilia's date with Reimu.
[X] Patchouli's got game
Just to clarify: Patchouli's scenario has nothing to do with sports. Just wanted to point that out.
[x] Remilia's date with Reimu.

Not giving up on this yet!
[X] Remilia's date with Reimu.

Because it's time for something completely different. And by different I mean hilariously awkward.
[x] Patchouli's got game.

it feels very good to see Meiling make a positive influence on things. I'm curious about this though the others will prove to be interesting as well.
[ ] Remilia's date with Reimu.

Trading places with Sakuya after the Charisma Arc that's bound to follow
[]Patchouli's got game I'm predicting a NEET Patchy
[x] Trading places with Sakuya.

Still looks more interesting than any of the others.
Oh tide! How I piss against thee!
[X] Patchouli's got game.

Pissing Into The Tide 5: The Tide Pisses Back
[X] Trading places with Sakuya.

I want to make her stand guard duty, dagnabbit.
Am I the only person who likes going to forums and the like and seeing words and phrases just sort of evolve?
It's one of the secret gems of this site.

[X] Patchouli's got game.
[X] Patchouli's got game.
[x] Remilia's date with Reimu.
Looks like Patchouli's in the lead, but I'll let voting continue a little bit longer, just in case.
[x] Trading places with Sakuya.
[x] Patchouli's got game.
[x] Patchouli's got game.
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Patchy it is, then.

Cirno has really been making a name for herself.

I'm sitting in the mansion's kitchen, drinking a beer, while reading the Bunbunmaru times. Once again, Cirno has made the front page with her escapades. This time, she squashed some sort of monstrous youkai in the Bamboo Forest of the Lost that was about to gobble up a bunch of the rabbits. There's a large full-color picture of Cirno, or rather DyCirno, looking triumphant as she pins a large, confused-looking beast down with her foot. All around her, pint-sized bunny girls are cheering. It's cute and all (and something to add to the fan club records) but I'm starting to worry a little bit. Not about Cirno beiong in danger, mind you. She can take care of herself, and death really isn't an issue for fairies. Rather, I'm a little concerned by how Aya seems to be trailing behind her all the time, looking for a story. The descriptions are getting a little... detailed, and I can't help but worry that the tengu's getting a little TOO interested in Cirno.

The only other object of note in the paper is an editorial by Aya herself. The title is 'Flandre Scarlet is a Jerk.' I resolve not to show it to either of the young Mistresses.

"Anything interesting in there?" I hear a melodic voice ask me.

"Only if you're interested in the amazing adventures of DyCirno," I quip back, smirking.

Koakuma chuckles as she comes to sit with me. "That little girl's going to need to patent that phrase," she notes. I have to hand it to her, Koakuma can make even her relatively modest clothing look good. Guess it comes with her nature, being a succubus and all. Still, she's a really interesting person; scholarly, but with a history as a makai soldier. Seductive at times, but tempered by a sweet nature. She's just about every man's dream girl. She notices my stare. "Something on your mind?"

I shake my head. "Nothing really," I take a long pull from my beer.

Koakuma winces. "Okay, Mei, what's wrong?"

I blink. "Huh?"

She points at the bottle in my hand. "Beer, Mei. You never drink beer. You drink tea. If you really want to get drunk, you drink wine. I should know, we've gotten drunk together a lot." True, that. "And there's only one thing the two of us get drunk over. You're upset about the lack of men in your life." She looks me dead in the eye and I can't help but squirm.

"...I can't help it," I protest quietly. "It gets lonely, you know? I mean, I love my friends, but..."

"I know, Mei." Koakuma's expression is warm and kind as she reaches out to squeeze my hand. "Remember? I'm a succubus. It's in my very nature to desire the company of a man. If there's anyone who can understand how unpleasant an empty bed can be, it's me."

I just sigh, and stare at my drink for a moment. Sakuya and Remilia would throw a fit if they saw me drinking it. Not lady-like enough, they'd say. Well, screw it, I'm borrowing this from Sakuya's stash. Her guilty little secret.

All of a sudden, I wince with pain. "Hey, Koa? Getting a little tight there."

"Oh! S-s-sorry!" Koakuma releases my hand quickly. During my contemplation she's gotten red-faced and teary-eyed. Oh, man.

"You okay?" I ask gently.

"I'm fine!" she replies a bit too quickly. "Just suddenly reminded, once again, of the fact that I haven't been with a man in decades and it's kinda getting to me." Poor girl. Aside from the emotional needs any girl has, shehalso has very pronounced, um, 'desires' due to her nature. Must be rough for her.

"Misery loves company, huh?" I chuckle weakly. "Sorry about that."

"Huh? Oh! No, I didn't mean that!" Koakuma is quick to correct me. "It's just... it's on my mind as much as it is yours, Mei." She sighs wearily.

"I know," I assure her. It just can't be helped. In Gensokyo, there's two types of men: youkai, and human. Most youkai men are gone, killed in battle with human monster hunters before the great sealing. They were always more aggressive than the females, always looking for a fight. Given the low birth rate of most youkai, their numbers never really replenished; any youkai male that is born gets snapped up pretty quickly. And the humans? Too wary, too much bad blood between human and youkai. It's been getting better, but most most humans just don't want to take the risk.

I don't get that stigma for the most part; apparently I'm nice enough that most people accept me as I am. But when your job involves standing guard at an out-of-the-way mansion all day long, you don't get to meet a lot of people. And Koa? Most men take one look at her and run screaming for their souls. Even if she's an absolute sweetheart who would never drain a soul unless under extreme duress.

Welcome to our mutual lives.

Koa breaks the silence first. "So, what brought on your trip down melancholy alley." I hesitate, then pull out a pink letter that was stuck in the gate this morning, addressed to me. Koa looks at it curiously, and begins to read it out loud. "Your hair is like roses, your eyes like the sky. Your dress sense is very nice, and I would love to go gardening with you. You are very... beautiful is crossed out and it says pretty, instead. And there's just this little, awkwardly drawn heart as a signature." There's a moment of silence as she mulls this over. "Yuuka?"


"She's not a very good poet."

"I think this is the first time she's tried. She's finally moved on to writing me love notes." I lower my forehead to the table.

"Which would be touching except for the fact that she's-"

"A woman, right. Which reminded me of my love life, or lack thereof, so I came in early to have a drink. And mope."

Koakuma thinks for a moment. "Me too." She goes to the fridge to get a beer for herself. Misery does love company.


Sometime later, Sakuya walks in and regards the two of us with surprise. "What's wrong with you two?"

"Haven't been laid in decades," Koakuma responds in a monotone. I nod in agreement.

"This again... you know, drinking beer is not very ladylike." Sakuya is disapproving immediately, the little hypocrite. Then she takes a closer look at our comfort of choice. "Hey! That's my- uhh..."

"Yes, Sakuya," I tell her wearily, "I'm drinking beer from your secret stash. I really need it, okay? I'll pay you back later."

Sakuya looks at the two of us long and hard. The she sighs herself. "Hell, I'll join you." That makes me look up in surprise. "What? You're not the only one with men problems."

...Implying that Sakuya isn't just into girls? Or am I only the exception? Well, whatever. Even if Sakuya's main source of frustration is me, she still belongs with the ancient sisterhood of mopey, lonely women. Who knows, maybe we'll get drunk enough to fool around and take the edge off.

...Nah. Never happen, and we all know that.

Sakuya's about to ask me something when the door to the kitchen opens yet again. "I thought I sensed everyone gathering in here."

We all suddenly sit up straighter. "Mistress Remilia!"

The vampiric lady of the house waves us off. "Oh, never mind that right now. But tell me why the primary ladies of my mansion are sitting around drinking that plebian swill?" She eyes are bottles with open disgust.

"Men worries," we answer in unison.

"Oh," Remilia blinks, then sighs. "Sakuya, wine." Immediately, a glass of wine appears at the table, and Remilia sits down before draining it all in one go. It's refilled at once. Sakuya again. "So what set you off this time?"

"Yuuka sent me a love note," I reply. Sakuya's eyes widen at this, and Remilia chortles.

"That would do it." The vampiress looks into her red wine for a moment. "I have the same problem, you know. Can't find a decent man. Can't even find a decent one-night stand." I straighten up at this. Remilia admitting to romance troubles? "They're all too terrified of 'the vampire' to even come close, no matter how much charisma I lay on. It's no fun to bed a man who's too busy trembling in fear to function." She grimaces. "Even worse are those who are overly aroused by my youthful appearance. Damned lolicons..."

Koa raises an eyebrow. "I thought you were into that shrine maiden."

"Reimu? I am. She's glorious." Remilia's eyes gain a wondering, far-away look before closing, her face looking melancholy. "But she doesn't seem to understand or care for my regard, no matter how much I try. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope there."

I nod slowly, and look at Sakuya curiously. She shrugs. "If they aren't put off by the demeanor, they like the maid outfit TOO much." She scowls, and I nod in understanding. Poor Sakuya and Remilia. No one wants to be lusted after by a pervert.

Poor me and Koa, too.

The four of us drink in silence for a time, together in bachelorettehood, when the door opens yet again. "Koakuma, I've been looking all over for you," Patchouli's voice sounds exasperated. "Where have you... oh." The magician floats over to the table, taking in our expressions. "...What in blazes are you all sulking for?"

"I am NOT sulking," Remilia sulks. Koakuma just look away. I sigh, not really feeling like explaining things for the umpteenth time.

It's Sakuya that finally speaks up. "If you are curious, Miss Knowledge, we were commiserating over our inability to attract companionship from men."

Patchouli frowns. "So you're all feeling hard up because you haven't had ex?" Urk. Not really what we're getting at, Patchy... "Well, go to the human village and find a willing young man for the evening, it's not that hard. Koakuma, just restrain your soul-draining powers, you know this."

Remilia rolls her eyes at Patchouli. "Patchy. We can't just walk into the village, grab a man, and bring him back home."

"Why not? It's what I do."


Wait what?

The four of us spin around in out chairs to goggle at Patchouli. She glares back at us irritably. "Oh, don't look so surprised, I have urges myself sometimes. When they get too much I find a man of decent intellect and appearance, sate those urges, and get back to work."

"You DO?!" Remilia and Koakuma are on their feet, looking flabbergasted. Koakuma presses on. "But how...? I mean, I've never seen you... and so easily?"

Patchouli rolls her eyes. "It's not like I advertise something like that. And most often, I just don't care. I haven't felt the urge in as long as I can remember. As to how, you just walk up to a man, state your intent, and off you go. As long as you're self-assured, they're putty in your hands."

"They ARE?!" I squawk. "You make it sound so easy..."

Patchouli stares at each of us, unbelieving. "I'm surrounded by children," she says wonderingly. Finally, the magician presses her hand into her face. "Look. I'm not really in the mood, but if it will get the lot of you to stop moping around like this, I will demonstrate. According to Marisa, one of the establishments in the human village is having a celebration of some sort or another. I wasn't paying much attention, but it's for humans and youkai alike. We'll go there, and get you your... companionship."

"YES!" Koakuma shouts, hammering the table. "I am totally behind this plan!"

"I have got to see this," Remilia says, staring at Pathchouli.

Sakuya and I stare at each other and shrug. Well, why not. Girls' night out. Wasn't like I had any real plans for tonight.

"Good," Patchouli says. "Then make yourselves presentable. We leave at dusk." She turns and walks away, the rest of us following after her, heading to our rooms.

Well. I wasn't expecting this to happen. What should I wear...?

[ ] Your normal outfit.
[ ] Something classy.
[ ] Something casual.
[ ] Something sexy.

DISCLAIMER: writefag makes no guarantees that his ideas of the above concepts are in any way sensible. Keymaster does not claim to have any fashion sense whatsoever.
[X] Something casual.

Oh god WHAT. This was not what I was expecting out of this. Not one bit. This can only end amazingly.
[x] Something casual.

Sakuya can just change into something casual if she wants to avoid perverts, and so should Meiling. Koa and Remi, however, should get a good disguise.
[X] Something casual.
[x] Something casual.

It's Meiling so something causal (or anything) will look good. Flaunting it would be just overdoing it. And if it's too classy, it might scare off guys.

Though the description of guys sounds very different than what's common on THP as there are men who would take the risk of being with Koakuma or youkai in general.
[x] Something sexy.

Somebody has to vote for it.
[x] Something casual.

Oh, THAT kind of game. Okay. Sure. I'll bite this clearly baited hook.
This is somehow even better than slam-jammer, Patchouli Knowledge.

[x] Something casual
Who knows, maybe we'll get drunk enough to fool around and take the edge off.

...Nah. Never happen, and we all know that.

Now your just fucking with me

[ ] Something classy
Be classy, get laid. Easy enough.
[x] Something classy.

. . . OKAY, did not see that coming AT ALL.

Oh man this is going to HILARIOUS.
[x] Something casual.

Casual clothes for casual fucks. And who knew the resident hikikomori was so bold as to go out hunting guys?
Who'd know it'd actually work? Maybe it'll save all the girls some trouble as instead of assuming "all guys are scared".

I'd be surprised if this ends up a failure for them as men may be fearful, but in regards to a beautiful woman, their capacity of reckless/stupid/etc actions increases dramatically.
[x] Something classy.

Come on guys, she hasn't had a man in some time so I figure shes going to put forth some effort. Sexy does seem like to much, but casual seems like shes not expecting anything at all.

Either way I'm predicting hilarious failure. So let's do this!
At the risk of pissing against the tide...
[x] Something classy.
I for one would find it hilarious. It'd be the genderswapped version of all those sitcoms starring four noobs who try too hard to get laid, and they finally ask 'that cool guy' for help to get some pussy. With youkai superpowers to boot. What could possibly go wrong?
It might just scare off the guys instead, as in "too rich for their blood" or trying too hard. I think approachability would be important.

Classy would work better for say Remilia or Sakuya than Meiling as Meiling's vibe is that of a more down to earth girl compared to the noble lady or her perfect maid.
File 136278115161.jpg - (220.25KB, 850x1202, a bit like this.jpg) [iqdb]
So I figure out a good way to present the previous choice just as soon as I start writing this update. Oh well.


As I start walking towards my room, Koakuma nudges me. "Hey, Mei. Whatcha gonna wear?"

"Me?" I think it over. "Well, can't I just wear my normal uniform?"

"That's no good!" Koakuma cries. "We're out hunting for men! You gotta wear something sexy, something that'll really catch their eye!" Sexy? Uh...

"Tut, tut, Koakuma," Remilia scolds the succubus. "In order to draw a man's eye, one must be classy and refined. If you don't respect your appearance, no one else will, either!" Classy? Is that really appropriate for where we're going?

"I really don't care what you all wear," Patchouli grumbles. "Just be in the lobby in one hour. That's entirely too much time, but I'm sure some of you will be running late anyway."

I look at Sakuya helplessly. She shrugs. "I'm going casual. No sense in getting too made-up, after all." Remilia and Koa scoff, but that's the best idea I've heard yet. Go as myself, not as my job, not as someone made-up and trying too hard. Yeah.

Anyway, I take the time for a quick run through the shower and brush down my hair. For clothing, I choose a long green dress and a white sweater. Simple, but effective. I head down to the lobby to find Sakuya already waiting there, wearing a tight pair of jeans and a sleeveless navy-blue top. It's... strange seeing Sakuya in casual clothing. She seems so different when she's out of her maid outfit. More relaxed, I think.

Sakuya smiles as I enter, looking at my outfit approvingly. "Looking good, Mei."

"Thanks Sakuya," I say brightly. "You look pretty good, too."

She smirks and raises an eyebrow. "I especially like the sweater," she tells me, pointing at my bust.

I blush. "Sakuya? Time-stopping or not, I will swat you if you don't cut it out."

She snorts. "Oh, please. Like you didn't know exactly what that outfir does for your figure." Urk. Well, maybe I did try to dress up a little...

"Looks good from behind, too," Koakuma quips from behind. I turn around to retort and... uh. Whoah. Koakuma has definitely gone for the sexy look. It's about as subtle as an explosion. Leather miniskirt. Leather thigh-highs. Leather halter-top. Even a leather choker. It highlights more skin than it covers, and Koakuma is playing it to the hilt, swaying seductively with every motion. Even her eyes look like they're ready to undress you with sheer presence alone.

"Uh, Koa, that's..." I begin.

"Excessive," Patchouli says wearily. She's walking beside Koa and looks much the same as she usually does. Her robe is a different cut, and looks more like a dress than pajamas. Kind of underwhelming, really. "It's way too much for the crowd we're going to mingle with."

"Oh, Master Patchouli," Koakuma laughs throatily. She's really getting into this. "This is exactly the sort of thing that will capture a man's attention and not let go."

"Had a lot of luck lately, then?" Patchouli comments dryly,causing Koa to sputter. At this, Remilia's laughter echoes through the lobby. We turn to her, and... yep. Long, tight red dress. Shiny and everything. She even left her hat behind. I have to admit, it makes her look like a very classy, attractive young woman.

"Ah, girls, girls... you just don't understand. If you want to capture a man's heart, THIS is how you do it." She gestures to herself to make her point. Patchouli just rolls her eyes.

"Yes, Remi. And I suppose you've secretly been having trysts left, right, and center, as opposed to having a bedroom as empty as anyone else's." Remilia glares, but Patchouli shrugs it off. "Never mind. Anyway, if we're all here, let's be off. I intend to hear the end of your moping tonight, one way or another." Patchouli leading the way, we all file out of the doors of the mansion, taking to the sky and heading for the human village.

I'm pretty sure I hear a few of the fairies making bets as we leave.


The place Patchouli takes us to is pretty lively. It's a place on the outer edge of the human village, decent-sized, that I recognize as being a pub by day. It looks like they rearranged the interior to make room for a dance floor, and otherwise spiffed things up to make a passable social club. The sign on the door declares free admittance, and the whole thing is being sponsored by Myouren Temple. Some sort of get-together to promote human- youkai relations. Huh.

Inside, the light are dimmed, with music playing from speakers the kappa have set up. The whole thing feels sort of like this nightclub I visited once on the outside, before the mansion was moved to Gensokyo. There's a lot of people here, both human and youkai. Men and woman are strewn about, talking, drinking, and otherwise socializing. I guess the temple's plan was to get Man and Youkai partying together in order to promote peace. Fair enough.

Remilia is the first through the door, striding confidently into the room. Patchouli and Sakuya are at her sides, with Koakuma and I bringing up the rear. We immediately get a lot of attention from all parties, and a few wolf-whistles come from the crowd. Remilia seems to preen at the the attention. Patchouli looks bored. Sakuya looks around the room curiously, and Koakuma... looks horny. I look around myself. Lots of men here... so, I'm supposed to just 'grab one' and take him home? That's... not really what I want out of relationship, but I guess we all have to start somewhere.

Patchouli leads us over to a table and we all sit around it. "All right," she begins. "The plan is simple. Find man. Get man. Leave satisfied. I notice that this place is renting rooms by the hour, so that's convenient." Remilia and Koa grin widely at this, while Sakuya and I are a little startled. Renting rooms? What the heck was Byakuren thinking?!

Maybe Sakuya read my mind. "Then Myouren temple is pushing aggressive negotiations between human and youkai?" She seems to be making the joke to cover her own surprise. Remilia chuckles, while Koakuma won't stop grinning."

"I don't know, and it's not important," Patchouli replies. "The key is, you have a chance to get back into the game, as it were. Regain your pride in yourselves as women, and go from there." I nod. Okay, maybe I won't find a life-partner here. But I could certainly go for some companionship. And who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky.

"My God, I want to get laid," Koakuma says at once. I choke a little bit.

Patchouli sighs. "First lesson: don't look so desperate. It attracts entirely the wrong sort of man. Here, let's get some drinks." She flags down a waitress, and soon we're all downing a bit of liquid fortification. "Not enough to lose your senses," Patchouli tells us, "But enough to build up your nerve."

Remilia just laughs at this. "Patchy, I in no way need to build up anything." She's brimming with confidence, and regarding the crowd like a predator. "In fact, I already see the man I'm bringing home with me... or upstairs, rather. If he performs well, then I'll take him home."

Patchouli nods. "Confidence. Good. Then you go first. Show us how it's done." Remilia nods and gets to her feet. She immediately moves towards her target: a well-dressed man who looks quite distinguished, watching the crowd as he sips his drink. He sees Remilia approaching and smiles. She's off to a good start!

"Hello, handsome," she says to him, placing a hand on her hip. "Here by yourself?"

He laughs, at pats Remilia on the head. "Why, hello there, little girl! You here with your parents, your older sister maybe?"


You can actually feel Remilia's smile freeze.

She holds position for a long moment, before slowly turning and walking stiffly back towards us. Her would-be target looks confused, then shrugs and turns away, Remilia immediately forgotten. Getting back to the table she sits stiffly in her chair, the rest of us wincing in sympathy. "I'm going to murder him."

Patchouli clears her throat. "Remilia, I'll be honest. That was pathetic."

"How is that my fault?!" Remilia shrieks, drawing some stares but not caring. "I hit him with everything I had!

"You chose your target poorly," Patchouli responds. "It's pretty obvious from the look of him that he wouldn't respond to you. Next lesson: choose your target well." Remilia mutters and downs her drink in one go, signaling for another one. "Now, who's next?"

"I'll give it a try," Sakuya says, standing.

"Good," Patchouli nods approvingly. "Just remember. Confidence. Be self-assured. And choose carefully."

Sakuya nods and starts marching towards her own target. And I do mean marching. Back straight. Eyes blazing. Full head maid mode. I hear Patchouli groaning already. What I see is Sakuya's target make eye contact with her and start cringing at once. This was going to be painful to watch.

Sakuya strides up to him. "You. I want you to buy me a drink." The poor man falls over himself buying a drink for Sakuya, pressing it into her hands, and getting the hell out of there. Sakuya looks genuinely confused as she makes her way back to the table. "What did I do? I'm sure I exuded confidence." She actually seems a little upset.

Patchouli is holding her head in her heads. "Sakuya. Confidence. Self-assurance. You don't walk up to them like you're about to give them orders."

She blinks. "I came on too strong?"


Sakuya looks disappointed, but Koakuma giggles. "Don't worry, Sakuya! I'll show you how it's done!" Patchouli mutters doubtfully, but nods as Koakuma stands up. Koa starts to walk towards her man of choice, a muscular, energetic fellow, and an inviting grin spreads over her face. Her winds spread. Her hands curls into claws. Her eyes start to glow with lust. Her grin spreads to become a menacing leer. She stalks towards her prey... and halfway there, said prey takes one look at her, yelps, and vaults over the bar, running like hell. Koakuma just stands there gaping while the man beside her stares long and hard at her breasts, grinning lecherously. Koakuma stares back at this new man a long moment before turning her back, wings arranged to block any view of her behind.

She sits down heavily. "I don't get it."

Patchouli grits her teeth. "Koakuma. You looked like you were going to devour him alive. You came on way too strong, just like Sakuya, though in a different way. The poor man probably feared for his soul."

"Why didn't you go for that man who was checking you out?" Remilia wonders.

Koakuma grunts. "Mr. leers-a-lot? I have some standards, Remilia."

"Well, at least you aren't that far gone," Patchouli says wearily. "I swear, I'm surrounded by amateurs." The others glare at her as she turns to me. "Meiling? It's your turn. Please, for the sake of my sanity, do better than them."

I nod slowly, and get to my feet. There's a nice-looking guy at the bar I want to talk to. My legs start moving before I get cold feet. Alright. I'm on the way. How do I approach this?

[ ] Seductively
[ ] Confidently
[ ] Shyly
[ ] Playfully
[ ] Friendly
[X] Friendly

Epic pick-up attempt failure gogogo :V
[X] Friendly

Best play to Meiling's strengths I suppose. Can't be worse than the others at least.
[X] Friendly
Don't think Meiling could get away with shy, and I'm pretty sure seductively wouldn't work.
[x] Friendly

We're Meiling. We've got this.
[x] Friendly

I don't see how a sweater could fail. I feel friendly is the best vibe that matches Meiling.
[ ] Friendly

We got sweater tits and the homely charm.
We can't fail.
[x] Confidently

Kind of curious how Meiling would play this. Has to be better than the confidence the others put forward.
File 136279906949.png - (972.54KB, 676x1000, shes got presence.png) [iqdb]
Why a I updating again so soon? Well, I think I see where the voting is going, and just couldn't stop myself from writing. Hope you'll forgive me.

Right. Be myself. Just be friendly. Say hello. There is nothing wrong with a woman walking up to a man and chatting him up. Like I'm doing right now. Right. Stop beating so fast, heart. This is totally normal.

"Hi there!"

I make my greeting, and the man in question looks over at me, blinking. He seems to take me in. Then he smiles. "Hi! Can I buy you a drink?"


"Well, if you insist," I chuckle. He nods to the bartender, who slides me a drink with a wink. Ah, on to me, is he? Well, that's fine. I have an opportunity, and I'm darn well going to take it.

"So," my target says as a take a spot next to him. "What brings a pretty girl like you to a place like this? Not that I'm complaining, mind you."

I shrug. "Just what you'd expect. A girl likes to go on the town every now and then, meet people, unwind."

He grins. "Believe me, I'm happy to hear it. Especially when it's a girl like you." Oh, gosh, I'm blushing now! I'm being chatted up by a guy and it's going well! He seems so nice, too! Over at the table, Koakuma shoots me a thumbs-up. Sakuya and Remilia are watching in fascination, while Patchouli is unreadable.

Okay, off to a good start!. Now I've got to press on, learn more about this guy. That's how it goes, right? Right! Besides, he seems awfully nice. Maybe we'll have something in common! Maybe this will lead to something more! Maybe-

"So, Meiling Hong, right?"


"I'm sorry?" I reply, surprised. "Have we met?"

He chuckles. "No, but a lot of people know who you are! Meiling Hong, the kind, beautiful, powerful guardian of the Scarlet Devil Mansion! Any man would be honored to talk to you." Oh gosh, now he's laying it on thick! I'm blushing, but... it feels nice. Having someone talk to me, compliment me like this... it feels good. "So, on that note, maybe we could make a deal." Hm? I look at him curiously.

"Miss Hong, I would be honored to buy all your drinks for the rest of the evening..."


"...if you'll introduce me to your friends over there!"


Wait. What?

"Huh?" I say intelligently. The guy (never got his name and somehow I think I don't want to) is giving me a dazzling smile.

"What a treat to have them all show up at once!" he says excitedly. "The charismatic Remilia! The perfect, elegant Sakuya! Patchouli, so intelligent and beauitful! Even that demon-girl is with you!" He seems positively giddy, practically bouncing with excitement. "I mean, the chance to meet them is just more than I could ever hope for! I might even have a shot with them! So, uh, how about it? Do we have a deal?"

Distantly, I notice the bartender smacking himself with disbelief, staring at this idiot with horror. The idiot in question is staring at me hopefully, waiting for a response. As for me, I'm presently reminding myself that muder is bad and I shouldn't do such a thing.

Remember how I said that not a lot of people come around the mansion? Well, it's true. But some still do, and they always stay and talk for a little while, seeming interested in me. Then they lose interest as soon as they so much as notice one of the other inhabitants of the mansion. Sakuya, Remilia... sometimes even the fairy maids. I remember all the times that it's happened, and how terrible it always makes me feel. I remember drinking with Koakuma, wondering what was wrong with me. I remember her telling me that nothing was wrong with me, that it wasn't my fault that the only people to come by the mansion were a bunch of airheads.

I suddenly realize just how braindead you have to be to approach the mansion of a vampire just to look around. And I realize that I approached this guy because he looked like those friendly, braindead souls I always see at the mansion. Usually coming because they're intrigued by the idea of getting bitten by Remilia.

...So, wait. What I'm getting from this is that there's nothing wrong with me at all. I'm just too used to dealing with the saps who come to the mansion just because they have some sort of vampire fetish. That... actually makes me feel a bit better. A bit. I'm still bitter about being totally passed over by this jerk and all of those like him. But at least now I know how to deal with it.

I lean forward, looking him dead in the eyes. "You will die alone and unloved," I tell him seriously, and walk back to the table, his stunned face and the bartender's booming laughter behind me.

I plop down in my chair with a sigh. Patchouli crooks an eyebrow at me. "I see you figured it out a little to late," she comments. I shrug wearily. This night is already starting to wear on me.

"Wait a moment," Remilia speaks up. "Patchy, how the hell can you just LOOK at someone and evaluate him like that?"

Patchouli holds up one finger. "Psychology textbooks." She holds up a second finger. "Bargains with Makai. You learn to read people very quickly. It just happens to have side-benefits." She gestures at the party in progress. Koakuma nods, conceding Patchouli's point.

"So let me get this straight," Remilia says, sounding irritated. "You are honestly telling me that you fancy yourself a better judge of people than I am?"

Patchouli gives her friend a wry look. "Remi, you're a good schemer, but you hold yourself so high above everyone else that you rarely look past surface appearances. Oh yes," she continues when Remilia starts to protest, "You're very good at figuring people out when you actually start talking to them, but I am far better at observation."

Remilia's skeptical. "Let me guess. You've had someone picked out as soon as you stepped in here."

Patchouli gestures covertly to a man on the other side of the room. "Him."

Remilia throws her hands up in exasperation. "Then by all means, oh great teacher! Show us poor fools, who cannot comprehend your ways, just how talented you are! Because I honestly don't think that you could romance a desperate succubus in heat if you had a guidebook." Koakuma looks a bit offended at that remark.

Patchouli shrugs, and stands up. "I'm not really in the mood, but if you insist." She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath...

And when she opens them again she's CHANGED.

It's nothing sorcerous in nature. It's subtle, like Patchouli's tapping into something that's always been there, neglected. Her way of carrying herself seems stronger. She has a charismatic aura almost as strong as Remilia's. And she has a smile that is all at once warm, knowing, and sensuous.

The rest of us can only goggle as Patchouli turns and strides steadily towards her target. Her pace is even, confident. She suddenly OWNS the room, and she knows it. And judging by reactions, so does everyone else. Conversation stops. Heads turn. Patchouli walks, unhurried, but fast enough to make her hair fly, shimmering and beautiful, out behind her. Her eyes are dazzling, enough to make a man's knees tremble. Her target has just made eye-contact with her, and can only stare, slack-jawed, as she comes for him.

Where the hell has she been hiding this side of herself all this time?!

Patchouli stops before the object of her attentions, still smiling, letting him bathe in her presence. Then she speaks. "You. Me. Upstairs. Now."

"Okay," the man nods, and the two immediately head for the stairs, Pathouli walking confidently, him staggering in her wake.

As soon as the two leave, the room is absolutely silent. The four of us stare, slack-jawed, unable to bring ourselves to speak.

"What," Remilia breaks the silence at last.

"The," Koakuma adds.

"Hell," I put in, feeling numb.

"Was that," Sakya asks wonderingly.

Around us, the party picks up again, people laughing and wondering at the mysterious woman they had just seen. You know what? If I hadn't known that it was Patchouli, I wouldn't have recognized her at all. And she spends all of her time in the library... who knew?

Remilia slaps the table. "Nope." She says standing up. "Being shown up by Patchy like that is where I draw the line. I'm going home, and I'm getting into the strongest liquor I have available. You are all welcome to join me."

"I'm in," says Koa. "That was just... yeah."

Sakuya seems dazed. "I think I just lost all faith in myself as a woman."

"Really?" I ask, "I think I managed to regain my faith tonight. But after that... I'm done. Totally."

Together, the four of us make our way out of the makeshift club and head home. It's been a bad night.


A couple hours later, the four of us are back in the kitchen, drinking. "So, I've come to a conclusion," I say out loud. "I'm perfectly fine. It's just that all of the men I meet are dumb."

"I could've told you that," Koakuma mutters.

"Try women," Sakuya says, not even trying to hide her interest. I'm starting to consider it.

Remilia sighs. "Did you all know that Flandre has a pen pal?" THAT surprises us, and we stare at her in amazement. "It's true. Since Flandre never leves the house, I thought it would be good for her to be in contact with SOMEONE. So I consulted the schoolteacher, and got Flandre a pen pal with one of the more inquisitive young men at the schoolhouse. Their letters are totally chaste, of course, but... very sweet. If circumstances didn't forbid it, I could almost see them dating."

Koakuma stares at Remilia long and hard. "You're saying that your childish, insane, shut-in of a little sister has more of a love life than we do?"


For a long moment, the kitchen is absolutely silent. Then we all start drinking. It's long time before we stop.

Patchouli finds us passed out in a heap the next morning. She has enough sense to say nothing about what happened, and we all solemnly swear never to speak of it again.

Incidentally, five fairies really cleaned up in the betting pool.


Poor Meiling. But, meeting people in clubs rarely goes well. Well, what should happen to take her mind off of things?

[ ] Aya's unhealthy obsession.
[ ] Yuuka's confession of love.
[ ] DyCirno vs the kappa.
[x]Remilia's date with Reimu

Oh well:
[x] Yuuka's confession of love.
[x] DyCirno vs the kappa.

You'll get your chance. I'm just spacing things out a little.
[x ] DyCirno vs the kappa.

Ouch. Well can't say we didn't see that coming.

Need a little Cirno action to cheer Meiling up.
You know what? I think Meiling should have just tried her luck with the bartender after that guy. Already sounded a lot smarter with his reactions.

[x ] DyCirno vs the kappa.
[x] Yuuka's confession of love.

This is your chance, Yuuka!
[x] Yuuka's confession of love.
[X] Aya's unhealthy obsession.

Lets deal with her before that obsession of hers makes her try and get a little Too close to our little sister analogue.
[X] Aya's unhealthy obsession.

Might as well do some good.

>"What a treat to have them all show up at once!" he says excitedly. "The charismatic Remilia! The perfect, elegant Sakuya! Patchouli, so intelligent and beauitful! Even that demon-girl is with you!" He seems positively giddy, practically bouncing with excitement. "I mean, the chance to meet them is just more than I could ever hope for! I might even have a shot with them! So, uh, how about it? Do we have a deal?"

Distantly, I notice the bartender smacking himself with disbelief, staring at this idiot with horror. The idiot in question is staring at me hopefully, waiting for a response. As for me, I'm presently reminding myself that muder is bad and I shouldn't do such a thing.

Remember how I said that not a lot of people come around the mansion? Well, it's true. But some still do, and they always stay and talk for a little while, seeming interested in me. Then they lose interest as soon as they so much as notice one of the other inhabitants of the mansion. Sakuya, Remilia... sometimes even the fairy maids. I remember all the times that it's happened, and how terrible it always makes me feel. I remember drinking with Koakuma, wondering what was wrong with me. I remember her telling me that nothing was wrong with me, that it wasn't my fault that the only people to come by the mansion were a bunch of airheads.

I suddenly realize just how braindead you have to be to approach the mansion of a vampire just to look around. And I realize that I approached this guy because he looked like those friendly, braindead souls I always see at the mansion. Usually coming because they're intrigued by the idea of getting bitten by Remilia.

...So, wait. What I'm getting from this is that there's nothing wrong with me at all. I'm just too used to dealing with the saps who come to the mansion just because they have some sort of vampire fetish. That... actually makes me feel a bit better. A bit. I'm still bitter about being totally passed over by this jerk and all of those like him. But at least now I know how to deal with it.

Did she even have a chance at all? Or was it all leading up to this goddamn sick joke?

I wonder if anyone's feeling guilty at reading that considering how that man? It's the typical /sdm/ voter, always overlooking Meiling for anyone else INCLUDING the fairy maids.

Now I'm a in mood to flip a country over!

No it's not anything personal to the author or his writing, it's just that he touched a very sore nerve of mine at least (if not some others who had to watch the same shit go down in various stories)

I'm also rather curious. Was there an option that would actually have succeeded, or was it doomed to failure from the start?

Also, just found this, awesome fic, words of extreme praise for the writefag, etcetc.

[x] DyCirno vs the kappa.
The guy was a moron. Doomed from the beginning.

Pretty much doomed from the get-go. Remember my original short-story (link at the top of the page)? Well, I'm just reinforcing something that always bugged me: Meiling getting CONSTANTLY passed over despite everything she's got going for her. The vote was mainly about the sort of guy she'd encounter and how she'd deal with things. Just a bit of character development for the poor gatekeeper.

Bottom line, Meiling needs a lot more love.
This sort of thing has been going on for a long time on the site (since the start of SDM LA run 2 where Meiling and Koakuma fans saw Sakuya fans zerg rush to have their way)

Koakuma has similarily bad luck as many seem to prefer her master over her by a vast majority.
[X] DyCirno vs the kappa.

I would like to take this moment to offer a sincere apology to all the Meiling fans. I've always skipped over her during any voting options because I've never even seen her with a fleshed out personality.

I now realize the reason for that is because nobody was willing to give her a chance: allowing the cycle to perpetuate itself.
To be honest it's partially some of the writer's fault, not putting as much effort into making her stand out, effectively showing their bias.

I dunno. SDMLA had a pretty good Meiling. So did A Fairy's Tale. Still, a tragically overlooked character, in my opinion.


Funny story? There was originally a line where Meiling wondered if she should've tried her luck with the bartender, but I edited it at the last moment. Actually, that gives me an idea...

Anyway, I feel like writing, so I'm gonna call it for the Amazing Adventures of DyCirno.
SDM LA 2 had Meiling fans ready to vote for her due to how good she was (that and Koakuma fans, but things between the two groups were pretty amiable) then SAKUYA FAN ZERG RUSH.

Then began the cases of Meiling not getting a chance.
That's because all chinese people are lazy and all that arr arr I'm so clever
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"Thanks for doing this for me," Sakuya tells me as I lift off the ground.

"No worries," I tell her. "I could use the exercise. Back soon!" Sakuya waves to me as I fly off, leaving care of the gate to a few of the smarter fairies. Sakuya's got a lot on the go lately, and asked me to take care of some grocery shopping for her. I figured that I could lend a hand, and so accepted a shopping list and a bit of money. It's nothing much really, just a few essentials, but Sakuya is busier than usual, and it's not like the gate can't do without me for an hour or two.

I sigh to myself as I fly towards the village. The party from a few nights ago is still in my mind. What a jackass. Actually, the others were very sympathetic and even apologetic when they learned just what exactly he had said to me. Not exactly their fault, though. After all, if someone can't appreciate me, then I want nothing to do with him to begin with! Or so I keep telling myself.

I did get a single red rose, though, with an attached letter. The letter read 'You're number one to me.' It was a touching sentiment, even though Yuuka's rising affections were starting to worry me.

As I fly, I notice something happening on the ground. It's Cirno, in full armor... and are those kappa? Concerned, I head down to take a look.

"...So quit ripping off our stuff!" I hear one of the kappa shout as I land. Nitori, I think? I don't recognize the others. They have a large wagon behind them, with a huge clutter of... things... loaded in it.

"I'm not ripping off anybody!" Cirno shouts back. She gestures to her armor proudly "This is all me! You're just jealous that all your stuff sucks, which only proves that I'm a million times smarter than you!" The kappa sputter at this, and start arguing over each other, each trying to dispute Cirno's claim and not making much headway as a group.

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy," I hear an eager voice from beside me say. Turning to look, it turns out to be Aya, and she's bouncing excitedly. She's also... leering? No, it's just a broad, excited smile, but damn if it isn't close.

"What are you doing here?" I wonder aloud.

Aya chuckles and puffs out her chest. "Pure and honest Aya Shameimaru is always on the search for the truth! And that gorgeous little ice fairy has single-handedly saved my career!" Theeeeere's the leer. "I should do something nice for her! Or get her something nice! Or both..." Aya trails off suggestively. I don't like the look in her eyes. For crying out loud, Cirno's only a child!

I'm about to have words with the tengu when I hear Cirno shout "Shut up!" causing everyone to jump and look at her. "Look, you stupid kappas. What do you want with me, huh? Spit it out, 'cause I've got justice to protect and evildoers to stop!"

Nitori steps forward. "Cirno! You're making us look bad! So we demand that you stop parading around in your fake technology armor at once!"

"No way!" Cirno shouts back.

Another kappa speaks up. "It's all magic, not technology! People are asking why our developments can't match what you're doing, and it's embarrassing us!"

"So make something useful for a change!" Cirno retorts. "You guys' stuff all sucks!"

The kappa reel, and Aya lets out a low whistle. Out of nowhere, Sanae Kochiya sets down beside me. "Oh," she priestess says. "That's a pretty low blow for a kappa." Wait, why is she here?"

"TAKE THAT BACK!" Nitori screeches. "Our research is top-of-the-line!"

"Eh, you guys just make junk. Everyone knows it," Cirno says with a shrug. The kappa turn red-faced at this, choking with anger.

I glance at Sanae. "What are you doing here?"

"Are you kidding?!" Sanae's eyes are practically glowing with excitement. "I heard that the kappa were going to confront Cirno, and I just had to be here!"

"What do you mean?"

"Just watch!"

Nitori seems to have gotten the kappa calmed down. "ENOUGH!" she shouts, pointing a determined finger at Cirno. "No longer will we tolerate you rubbing our good name in the dirt! We kappa challenge you to a duel! Face us and our creations in combat, and when you lose, you must give up on being DyCirno!"

I gasp in horror simultaneously with Aya and Sanae. Give up on being DyCirno?! Those fiends! "Don't do it, DyCirno!" Sanae cries out with dismay. Aya's camera is flashing non-stop. The kappa give Sanae a confused look. Cirno just chuckles and waves a hand dismissively.

"Never fear! For DyCirno shall never fall to villainous bullies such as these! Give me your trust, people of Gensokyo! For when I defeat these bad guys, they will apologize by MAKING ARMORED SUITS FOR ALL MY FRIENDS! SO WE CAN COMBINE!" The kappa gape at Cirno in horror. "Oh, but good suits. Not the junk you usually make."

Sanae squeals with excitement. "Awesome! I knew it would be a fight, but this is better than I imagined!" Aya is snapping photos like a madman... and is she drooling? Never mind, too busy focusing on DYCIRNO FIGHT!

"Fine!" Nitori finally snarls. "But you'll never defeat us! For we kappa shall show you the true power of kappa ingenuity!" The five kappa dive into their cart and begin rummaging around. Cirno snaps her helmet down and gets into a ready stance. After a moment, the rummaging sounds cease.

Then the pile of metal starts to move.

With a stomping of metallic feet, DyCirno's adversaries step forth to meet her. Five metallic suits of armor, clanking and whirring into position. They look like metallic kappa, iron plates riveted into place, their 'backpacks' clearly being some sort of power source.

"Kappa number one!" Nitori's voice calls forth. Her machine strikes a pose, what appear to be missile launchers mounted on her back and arms. "The Stormstrike!"

"Kappa number two!" The second machine strides forth, a heavy machine gun mounted on each arm. "The Iron Hammer!"

"Kappa number three!" This one hefts a massive gun, with tubes and wires running to the backpack. "The Lightmaster!" A laser?

"Kappa number four!" This one has, in place of hands, what appear to be nozzles of some sort. "The Infernolord!" Flamethrowers, then?

"Kappa number five!" The last kappa machine has a large shield and a massive sword, sparking with electricity. "The Volt Knight!"

"Together we are..." the five kappa machines assume a group pose, "The Grand Kappa Warlord Five!" A boom of thunder seems to come from one of them. Must have a speaker system set up.
Aya, Sanae and I gasp in awe. DyCirno seems to nod.

"Yeah, not like those things. Those things suck."

"THEY DO NOT SUCK!" Nitori screams back. Quite a set of lungs on her. "DyCirno! Today you've met your match!" The five kappa prepare to attack.

Aya takes to the air to get better pictures. Sanae's hands are pressed to her mouth in excitement. I have just a moment to shout some advice to Cirno. I'm her mentor, I have to say something! But how should I advise her...?

[ ] Be aggressive!
[ ] Fight defensively!
[ ] Focus on (name kappa mecha) first!
[ ] Write-in! (Needs to be short, Meiling only has a few seconds.)
I wonder how viable confusion tactics are as team work isn't the kappa's strong suite and if we can get one to hit another, they'd be too busy with each other to be a threat.
[X] Watch for a crack in their formation and strike!

Don't know if Cirno's smart enough to play defensively until she learns her enemies' attack pattern, and then attack their weak point. Or maybe it's too complicated for us to resume in a few seconds. But when in numerical disadvantage, I believe this is the best course of action.
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>kappa protomech point


This story has dramatically improved my mood today. I'm so glad you made a CYOA. Shine on you crazy diamond.


Wanna know something funny? What brought me to THP about a year and a half ago was a link to A Wizard is You.

I have come full circle.
I'm starting to consider it.
Okay. Know I know your fucking with me.
And if we consider the last guy to be the typical /sdm/ routefag, then this was all very meta. I think.

As for the current short....
Mechs. Kappa. Cirno. This is the greatest thing ever.

[]Convince Cirno to run into the middle of all of them, strike a pose, and then avoid the torrent of mech danmaku. Watch as they all shoot each other to death.
-[]Slam an Ice Drill into Nitori's face
[x] Fight defensively.

If Kappas are still kappas then I guess they'll self destruct unintentionally in, say, three minutes.

Unrelated but, I'm sad that no one really considers the 'Kappas are nervous when near their sworn friends' thing/
thing is that doesn't exactly apply towards most other Kappa and Wild and Horned Hermit showed that while skilled, Kappa are poor team players
[X] This isn't going to be your average fight, Cirno!
-[X] It's time to use THAT.

I have no idea if this is even a valid vote. But if it is, it will be awesome.
[X] Watch for a crack in their formation and strike!
I was referring to humans, I don't think I was clear on that part.
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So my story drew a new writer to the site? A GOOD writer?

Woo! The /tg/ influx has been vindicated!


THIS. Seconding this. So hard.
[X] This isn't going to be your average fight, Cirno!
-[X] It's time to use THAT.
[X] This isn't going to be your average fight, Cirno!
[X] It's time to use THAT.

[X] This isn't going to be your average fight, Cirno!
-[X] It's time to use THAT.

Considering the "logic" behind the mech, THAT would use similar "Logic"
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... Maybe I should do a DyCirno spinoff after I finish this story.

"This isn't going to be your average fight, DyCirno!" I shout out to the Defender of Justice. "You're outnumbered this time! It's time to use... THAT!" I put as much fire and determination into my voice as I can. The effect is instantaneous. The kappa five look at me in apparent shock. Sanae's head whips around and she stares at me. Aya starts focusing on whatever DyCirno has in store. DyCirno just nods in understanding.

"Got it. These junkbots won't get the better of me!" DyCirno starts to glow and pulse with gathering power. Panicking, the Kappa struggle to get into formation.

Sanae leans over. "Meiling... what's THAT?"

"Dunno," I say, smirking. "I just thought it up. But it's Cirno- no, DyCirno! She'll think of something." I nod confidently as a huge smile breaks out on Sanae's face. She nods excitedly and turns back to the battle. Ah, I knew Sanae would understand.

Meanwhile, DyCirno is glowing blue. Her body is quivering with barely-suppressed power. The kappa, however, are not about to take this lying down. "F-fire!" screams Nitori. "We have to take her down before she does... whatever she's doing! FIRE!" Cowardice! Four of the kappa open fire upon DyCirno while the fifth, the Volt Knight, braces itself. Clouds of dust spring up from the ground as DyCirno is deluged in a storm of bullets, missles, flames, even a massive laser beam. Sanae and I moan with concern as our hero disappears under this storm of kappa violence.

As the barrage ceases, Volt Knight lunges forward. "THE FINISHING BLOW!" she yells. It can't be! DyCirno...! But just as soon as fear touches my heart, a freezing blast of cold air blows the dust away. DyCirno stands, armor cracked and melting in places, but enormous, razor-sharp wings of pure magical cold emerging from its normal crystalline wings.

"MEANINGLESS!" Cirno shouts. "MY TURN! TAKE THIS! MEGA ATTACK!" DyCirno launches forward, arms back, new glowing wings spread oh so wide. "FROOOOZEN PHOEEEEENIX!!!" The sword-wielding kappa squeals and tries to take some sort of action- any action!- but DyCirno simply bowls here over. With a high-speed flying headbutt. The kappa goes down hard, and DyCirno goes after the remaining group of four kappa.

"Im-impossible," Nitori stutters. "That power-"

"Some sort of resonance with the ice armor," another Kappa shouts. "Look Ouuuuuut!"

DyCirno dives through the center of their formation, wings spread wide. The wings plow into the kappa machines, denting armor, dragging them along with it, before smashing them unceremoniously into the ground. Her enemies down, DyCirno screeches to a halt, disengaging the Frozen Phoenix wings. A blast of freezing steam surges form from the joints in her armor. "Hmph. As expected, I can't be defeated by such weak adversaries."

Sanae and I start cheering wildly, while Aya dives down for a post-battle interview. "She did it!" we cheer. "DyCirno won! DyCirno defeated the kappa! DyCirno is the-"


DyCirno spins around as the rest of us stare in shock. Slowly, the kappa five are getting back to their feet. "The... Grand Kappa Warlod Five... don't fall so easily!" There is new determination in the kappas' stance. They're here to fight!

"Persistent," DyCirno notes. "Well then. Are you ready?"

"Of course!" Nitori shouts back. "We're here to win!"

"Then allow me to act first this time!" declares DyCirno. Slabs of ice snap open, revealing her spiky ice-missles. "DyCirno Ice-Missle Strike!" A wave of missles surge from her body, exploding into a cloud of icy shrapnel.

"Wha-YEEK!" The kappa whirl into motion, struggling to get away from the cloud of razor-like ice-shards. Bur DyCirno was expecting this.

"Too slow! DyCirno Cannon!" DyCirno brings her gatling cannon around and opens fire on the Infernolord, who hard just gotten clear of the cloud of missle shrapnel... and directly into DyCirno's sights. Wailing and shouting, the kappa pilot is helpless as her machine convulses under the hail of gunfire, armor crumpling, joints creaking... and fuel-lines severing apart.

"EYAAAAHH! My fuels lines are ruptured! I gotta repair it it before it catches fire!" Frantically, the Infernolord draws back, seeking to prevent a disastrous malfunction.

"One down," notes DyCirno.

"O-o-open fire!" cries Nitori. "Hit her with everything!" Iron Hammer and Lightmaster strike first, letting fly with machine guns and lasers, but DyCirno just snorts derisively and turns to the side. Bullets and even the laser glance harmlessly off of her faceted sides. Nitori's Stormstrike goes next, firing a wave of missles. DyCirno's response is to let fly with her mighty freezing breath, causing all of the missles to fall out of the sky. They explode as they hit the ground.

But then! Through the cloud of dust comes the Volt Knight, ready to redeem itself! "This time for sure!" yells the pilot. "You can't dodge this! YAAAAARGH!" DyCirno watches the kappa come. She doesn't even try to dodge. Instead, the falling sword meets an open palm, the ice barely cracking. As DyCirno holds the sword in her closed hand, the blade crackles with the force of a thunderstorm, but DyCirno barely seems to notice. Instead, she simply draws back her mighty fist and slams it forward, knocking away the kappa's shield. The second blow is open-handed and rends armor-plating with diamond-sharp claws as it knocks the kappa away, severing vital power conduits. And then there were two.

But DyCirno uses the momentum to thrust forward her other arm, now free of the sword. With a shout of "DyCirno Beeeaaammm!" a bolt of blue energy surges forth and envelops the wailing Lightmaster, enveloping it in an icy prison. However...

"DyCirno, behind you!" Sanae shouts urgently. Too late. Stormstrike and Iron Hammer have used to distraction to maneuver behind DyCirno, and open fire upon her. High-caliber bullets tear away chunks of ice and the missles are about to hit... but at the last moment DyCirno's wings flare and she soars into the sky, safe from the explosions!

"Cowardly evildoers!" DyCirno roars. "Can't win in a fair fight, so you resort to cheating?! Time to end this!" In mid-air, DyCirno suddenly reverses direction, charging towards the ground with all the force of an avalance, foot extended. "DyCirno Kiiiiick!" There is no hope for the Iron Hammer, as DyCirno's falling kick slams into it, knocking it away and to the ground, motionless. But even as DyCirno stomps into the ground, she cocks her fist. For one brief, timeless moment, she makes eye contact with Nitori's Stormstrike.

Then the uppercut comes, and the Stormstrike flies into the air, crashing down in defeat.

DyCirno holds the pose for a few seconds before relaxing. As we cheer, she nods to herself. "It's so sad. For all their genius, they lacked the power of riendship, and so could never-"

"Not Yet!"

"Oh, come ON!"

DyCirno is starting to get visibly irritated as the battered kappa stagger back into a loose formation. Infernolord and Volt Knight have completed emergency repairs, while Lightmaster managed to break free from the icy prison. "This isn't working," pants Nitori. "We have to put individual goals aside... we have to work together for the sake of our pride!" The other kappa nod in unison.

DyCirno takes a step back in concern. "They've learned teamwork?!"

"It's time!" shouts Nitori, "Grand Kappa Warlord Five! Group formation! COMBINE!"

"No way!" shouts DyCirno. "You can't do that! I wanted to do that first!"

But DyCirno is thwarted as one kappa jumps on another kappa's shoulders. Then another. Then another. Then...another? And the last...? Joints merge as the kappa mechs, battered but still active, lock into position. The result looks sort of like a metal centipede standing on two legs. Volt Knight makes up the head with its sword and shield, while the other kappas' weapons stick out like arms. It looks... it looks...

"See, that. Right there. That looks stupid." DyCirno says flatly. "Stop it. You're embarrassing yourselves."

"Don't underestimate us!" Nitori shouts back. "With our powers combined, we are the mighty Shin Kappa Serpent!"

DyCirno sighs, clearly underwhelmed. I know how she feels. This is just sad. Still, the kappa could yet be dangerous with all of their weapons. What should I say?

[ ] Block! There's a lot of weapons there! Wait for an opening, then charge!
[ ] Dodge! Don't get worn down! Take them apart piece by piece!
[ ] Maneuver! That thing looks unwieldly! Make it trip over itself!
[ ] This thing is unworthy of DyCirno! Time to end this! FINISH IT!
They're on their last legs! While they may have learned Friendship, the fact remains that the Kappa are fighting for nothing more than their own pride!

They must be taught a lesson!

Go, DyCirno! Final Attack!
[x] Finish Them!

Hoping for a Perfect Freeze + Coldion Hammer, because that would basically be perfect.
[X] This thing is unworthy of DyCirno! Time to end this! FINISH IT!

Who makes a serpent? Come on Kappas, that's just lame.
They haven't read the overlord list. You do not turn into a giant snake.

[X] This thing is unworthy of DyCirno! Time to end this! FINISH IT!
Would that apply to them? They're not exactly overlords.
Don't diss combined snakes mang. You could get freaky shit like this: http://youtu.be/7yBnl_krN_U#t=04m07s
[X] This thing is unworthy of DyCirno! Time to end this! FINISH IT!

DyCirno's adventures would make for nice /shorts/ material.
[X] This thing is unworthy of DyCirno! Time to end this! FINISH IT!
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Yeah, I see where this vote is going.


To hell with it. These kappa went from 'potential threat' to 'trying too hard and failing.' Better to just finish this on a high note, for everyone's sake.

"DyCirno!" I call out, "Time to finish it!"

"Yeah, finish it!" Sanae echoes. "One mighty blow!"

"You can do it, DyCirno!" Aya calls out.

DyCirno hears us and nods.

"Stop making fun of us!" Nitori shouts, sounding offended. "The Shin Kappa Serpent is a state-of-the-art mechanism! We can't lose!"

"On the contrary," DyCirno tells her. "You can't win. 'Cuz you suck."

Nitori scream in wordless rage. "Enough! GROUP ATTAAAAAACK!!!" The kappa serpent lunges forward, firing bullets, lasers, flames, missiles. Even the electrical sword lashes forth, pointed at DyCirno's heart. But DyCirno will have none of it.

At the last moment, DyCirno leaps into the air, high above the striking kappa serpent. Quick as a whip, the machine rights itself, rearing back to make another strike at the airborne ice warrior. DyCirno is faster.

"DyCirno Perfect Freeze!" Glowing briefly with energy, DyCirno's freezing breath gusts out again, enveloping the kappa serpent. A coat of frost form over the machine, and it slowly grinds to a halt.

"Wh-what's happening now?!" Nitori cries in dismay.

Another kappa shouts out an answer. "The frost! It's locking up our joints! We're immobilized!"

"What?! Increase surface temperature! We gotta break free!"

"TOO LATE!" DyCirno roars. Her hands start pulsing with awesome blue power. "This is the final blow! I'm ending your foolishness once and for all!" DyCirno slaps her hands together, and in a burst of blue energy so cold I can feel it even from where I'm standing, an enormous blue hammer formed of ice appears in her grasp. She hefts it over her head-

"Crap!" Nitori screams. "Eject! EJECT!"

-and dives towards the mockery that the kappas call 'advancement.'


The kappas' eject systems activate, blowing them far from their doomed machine.


The hammer smashes into the head of the highest mech. And the next. And all the way down, effortlessly crushing armor, servo, and gyro. All the way down, it crushes the tall machine like tissue paper until the hammer strikes the ground with a thunderous crash, blowing bits of machinery every which way.

For a moment, there is a pregnant silence, a few pieces of scrap falling to earth the only death-knell of the kappa machine. Finally, DyCirno stands, holding onto the haft of her hammer as she stares cooly at the remains of her foe.

"How pointless," she sighs. "For all their genius, for all that they had finally discovered teamwork, they ultimately fought only for themselves. Thus, there was no way that they could win. Such a pity."

Sanae and I nod sadly at these words of wisdom. Aya quietly snaps pictures. Moaning in confusion, the dazed kappa pilots stagger to their feet, and take a moment to wipe their bleary eyes. Then they see what has become of their work, and stare in horror.

Nitori is the first to react. She takes a staggering step forward, and falls to her knees, tears of dismay trickling down her cheeks. Arms thown wide, she howls her emotions to the sky:



"Told ya I'd win! Now pay up!"

Cirno is smiling dazzlingly down at her conquered opponents, helmet flipped open. Nitori and the rest of the kappa can only stare in dismay at the ruins of their respective projects.

"How...?" Nitori hold a piece of metal with trembling hands. "How is this possible? Our hard work... our latest advancements..."

"Oh, please!" Cirno snorts. "Your machines were doomed to fail because they were powered by foolish pride! Now, if they were powered by justice and friendship, we'd have had a fair fight."

"What does that even mean, you blue weirdo?!"

"It mean I'm the strongest! And smartest! And bestest in Gensokyo!" Cirno beams.

"You don't know the first thing about engineering!" Nitori is all but pulling her hair out.

"Then how'd I beat you on your own terms, huh?"

Nitori goes rigid, her face turning blank. She slumps in defeat. "...Fine," comes her quiet reply at last. "You win. The kappa five are at your disposal. And we'll use out smarts to create the strongest machines possible for your friends. A deal's a deal, after all."

"Great!" Cirno nods. "And I'm gonna be watching you the whole time so they're good machines, too! Not like that silly junk you guys were using!"

Nitori flinches. "...Fine," she hisses through clenched teeth. "What do you want, exactly?"

"Hmmm," Cirno muses. "Well, of course, you guys are gonna have to let us use one of your garages to maintain our suits. And I'll be watching the whole way to make sure you aren't building anything dumb. Like those things I just busted." All of the kappa twitch, but keep silent. "Anyway, Rumia needs something that'll turn invisible. And some kinda sonic gun for Mysty. Oh! Wriggle should have a buncha smaller robots she can control! And, and lotsa speed and a huuuuuge sword for Dai!"

As Cirno rambles on and on about her demands, the kappa look increasingly horrified at what they've gotten themselves into. Sanae giggles. "Leave it to an ice fairy to get the kappa to work together like that!"

I nod. "They don't normally work well together, do they?"

"Nope," Sanae shakes her head in agreement. "They're very clever individually, but they just don't make a good team. But with Cirno driving them... who knows what'll happen?"

I nod. "Cirno with her own super team... cool."

"Yeah," Sanae sighs happily, "I knew I'd find incredible things in Gensokyo. This is a dream come true." There are stars in her eyes as she gazes at Cirno rambling on excitedly. But at least Sanae's only thrilled about Cirno's adventures. I look up at Aya, who's got entirely the wrong sort of interest in the scene.

"...Keep an eye on Aya, okay?"

"I know," Sanae says seriously, "I'll let you know if things get too troubling."

We nod, and go back to enjoying the scene.


In the end, the kappa were forced to turn over a garage to Cirno, and begin working on armored suits for her friends. After a while, they started to enjoy the research, though Nitori still grumbled and they never worked fast enough for Cirno's liking. Kappa being kappa, I don't expect Cirno's friends to have suits of their own any time soon. I think they're bit relieved about that.

Aya's article expounded on DyCirno's virtues once again. Flandre has become a member of her fan club, and I'm pretty sure that I saw Sakuya with a membership card too, although she denies it. DyCirno gets more and more popular every day.

Fight, DyCirno! For Peace and Justice!


So, what does Meiling have to deal with next?

[ ] Remilia's date with Reimu.
[ ] Koakuma's getting desperate.
[ ] Trading places with Sakuya.
[x] Remilia's date with Reimu

Cirno is adorable.
[x] Koakuma's getting desperate.

This is amazing, honest.
[x] Remilia's date with Reimu.

This time for sure.
[x] Remilia's date with Reimu.
This we HAVE to see.

Oh Being Meiling is becoming one of my favorite stories on this site. Please continue.

Also I fear updates are going to slow down as school starts back.
[X] Trading places with Sakuya.

Because I Really want to see how Meiling and Sakuya react to each others jobs. Hilarity is Bound to Ensue!
[ ] Trading places with Sakuya.

Oh sit com set ups. Status Quo is God, but I'll never stop setting up positions to defy it.
[x] Remilia's date with Reimu.
[x] Remilia's date with Reimu.

This thread keeps going places.
[X] Trading places with Sakuya.
Honestly, I just think this will be more interesting than a date between Reimu and Remi.
[X] Remilia's date with Reimu.

So Keymaster, what happens when we exhaust these last three options?

He makes up new ones. Or starts a "being" thread centered on a different Touhou. Or rides off into the sunset with his strategist/wind mage of questionable sexuality.

[X] Remilia's date with Reimu.
that's assuming he doesn't have more planned.
[x] Remilia's date with Reimu
[x] Remilia's date with Reimu.
[X] Trading places with Sakuya.

Still looks best.
[X] Remilia's date with Reimu.

Something about a vampire failing horribly to romance a miko amuses me.

Well, I do in fact have a few more ideas that I haven't put up as options yet, and will probably put up new ones as they occur to me. I've mainly been alternating between mansion residents and otherwise as to what I write about next.

As to what happens when I run out of ideas? Well, I've already got something good in mind for how I end this story. After that, it's off into the sunset,' as you said. Really, I said up front that this wouldn't be a long story, and I meant that. I'd rather have a short 'completed' story than one which rambled on and coughed to a halt.

The end won't happen right away, though. I'm having fun with this. Hell, I'm about to get a second thread, and I never dreamed that would happen! (Seriously, thanks for such a great response to this story. 15 votes? Damn!) After that? I'll take some time to think things over, and maybe start up another story. Something about DyCirno? Maybe another touhou I like that doesn't get a lot of attention? We'll see. Anyway, Being Meiling still has some life left in it yet.

Calling it for Remilia. Update might be delayed. Studying, and I want to plan this one out a little bit so it's fun.

Failing? We're talking about the most charismatic person in Gensokyou here! I have no doubt that Reimu will be utterly swept off her feet, and will spend the evening having to manualy control her orgasms from being in the presence of such a graceful, noble lady.

I remit to >>55195 to support my hunch.
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Cloudy today. But not terrible. The sun may be hidden, but its warmth still makes its way through the clouds. The breeze feels warm, and the gentle susurrus it makes as it blows through the grass and leaves is unbelievably relaxing. It's peaceful enough for me to take a nice nap, leaning against the gate with the brim of my cap pulled low, basking in the gentle sounds and sensations of this pleasant day.

At least until my hand jerks up to grab Sakuya's wrist.

I crack open an eye to glance at her. "Nice try~," I sing.

Sakuya snorts, withdrawing her hand. "I even stopped time. How the hell did you do that?"

"Line of the Dragon," I say primly, "A trick like that is nothing against my senses."

"Line of the Dragon my foot," Sakuya laughs, "You're as descended from dragons as I am from a clock."

I look at her with new consideration. "...That would explain so much about you." Sakuya laughs and swats me, and I find her laughter contagious. "All right, all right," I chuckle, "Maybe my ancestor wasn't literally a dragon. But they were closely associated with dragons and that does something to your bloodline." I glance at her again.

"Not a word about clocks," she warns me, and I grin. "I was going to scold you about not putting on a good face for the mansion, but I guess that would be pointless, huh?"

"Completely," I say cheerfully, and Sakuya glares at me before a smile overtakes her again.

"Fine, fine. Anyway, any sign of the Mistress?" Sakuya looks at the skies.

I shake my head in response. "None. She left pretty early this morning, huh?"

"Yes. She said she was going to take advantage of the cloudy day to go visit Reimu. That's fine, and I can see her taking all day with a visit, but it's supposed to clear off this afternoon. I hope she makes it back before the sun comes out again."

I shrug. "I hear you, but this is Remilia we're talking about. The worst she needs to worry about is a slight sunburn."

Sakuya glances at me. "Who do think has to hear her complain about it until it heals?"

I wince. "Youch."

"Yep." Sakuya smirks a little. "Still, it can be kind of cute to watch her fuss about it. 'Sakuyaaaa, where's the Aloe creeeeeam?'" I can't help but giggle at this imitation of Remilia, and Sakuya joins on. We love our Mistress, true, but it's just so easy to make fun of her habits sometimes.

The two of us stand there together for a while, just enjoying the day. After a while, I notice Sakuya's eyelids start to droop, and I consider teasing her about it. Ah, sweet revenge! On the other hand, it wouldn't be a bad idea to just drape an arm companionably around her shoulders and just enjoy the day. Maybe she'd take it the wrong way... but she's been better about it lately, and we just don't spend enough time together. Enjoying a relaxing day with a friend... what could be better?

My ruminations are interrupted the the sensation of a powerful being approaching. Not the Mistress... I'd know. This one still feels familiar to me, though.

I've just about figured it out when Yuuka Kazami lands in front of me, face set in a determined expression.

I blink and stand up straight. Sakuya shakes her head to clear it and also straightens up when she notices Yuuka. The flower youkai glances at my companion, but seems to have eyes only for me. For a long moment, we only stare at each other.

And another.

And another?

I share a confused glance with Sakuya as Yuuka just stands there, fidgeting uncertainly. Despite the look on her face, her body is rigid, betraying extreme nervousness.

"Yuuka?" I begin.

"Yes?!" she yelps, face flushing.

Sakuya steps forward. "Welcome to the Scarlet Devil Mansion, Miss Kazami. How may we help you?" Yuuka hesitates for a long moment before speaking.

"Well... you see. That is. You. Meiling. I. Flowers. Pretty. You know?" Yuuka is struggling helplessly, face bright red, to convey her thoughts. He hands flap uselessly as the flower youkai somehow manages to look awkwardly adorable. Really, for someone so powerful to look so cute... it defies all sense! Finally, Yuuka manages to get her breathing under control.

"Right." She nods to herself, seeming to gather her courage. "Meiling," she looks me straight in the eyes. "Please hear me, I must let you know my feelings."

Uh-oh. Oh crap, how do I deal with this?!

With a deep breath, Yuuka opens her mouth, ready to deliver the words I dread to hear... and hesitates when she looks at Sakuya. But she shrugs it off, struggling to find her voice. Our eyes lock. Her fists clench. Yuuka prepares to unveil the secret kept in her heart for so long-

-but stops when we hear the sound of singing.

Wait, singing? I blink, and Yuuka glances around, confused. Sakuya seems to hear it too, and frowns. What an earth...?

I see it first, and point it out to the others. Yuuka and Sakuya turn to look...

...It's Mistress Remilia, flying back to the mansion. She's singing, and looping around in the air. is that a pirouette? Is she dancing in mid-air? Something really good must have happened at the shrine. I never knew she could sing that well- did she just do a barrel roll?

Remilia lands before us all and beams, face betraying a joy so pure it seems like the sun itself shines from within her. "I'm baaaaack~!" She sings. And then she grabs Yuuka and begins to dance.

"Wha-wait-what?!" Yuuka sputters, utterly confused by Remilia's behaviour. Remila just twirls her around, relentless in her joy.

"Such a beautiful day~! Such a beautiful daaaay~!" She's still singing, too. Remilia suddenly releases Yuuka and grabs Sakuya, lowering her into a dip.

"M-mistress, wha-?!" Poor Sakuya looks absolutely baffled. Remilia simply raises her back up and spins her into Yuuka. Then it's my turn.

"M-Mistress Remilia, please stop!" I beg as she twirls me around. But it is no use. Remilia's joy will be stopped by no one. Nothing.

After about five minutes of dancing around with us, alternating partners so quickly that none of us have the chance to escape, the happy, rampaging vampire finally releases us and leaps to the front of the gate. "Meiling and Sakuya, I will need to see you inside, chop-chop!" She actually claps her hands while saying this. She next turns to Yuuka. "Miss Kazami, I am so very sorry, but I fear things will be very busy around here for the foreseeable future. Can you come back in two... no, say, three days time? I will be a much better hostess then, I assure you!"

"...'Very well," Yuuka mumbles, still stunned.

"Splendid! Well then, excuse me!" With this said, Remilia returns to the mansion. By twirling the whole way. She's still singing as she closes the door.

In the ensuing silence, the three of us can only stare in shock at what has just transpired. What in hell got into her?

Yuuka takes a deep breath. "..." she says, summing up all of our thoughts. After a moment, she turns and leaves without another word, baffled expression still upon her face. I imagine I look much the same. Sakuya certainly does. I can't blame Yuuka for leaving, though. After that, anyone would want to get away from ground zero. Regrettably, we work here. And speaking of which...

Sakuya and I share a look. "Guess we have to go in there, huh?"

"Guess so," she agrees. We sigh, and trudge on into the mansion, dreading whatever madness has befallen Remilia.


"I have a date with Reimu~!" sings Remilia.

Wait what?

We're in one of the halls, and Remilia is addressing all of us, even the fairy maids. The maids start whispering among themselves in wonder, Flandre gasps and her hands fly to her mouth in wonder, while Sakuya, Koakuma and I stare in disbelief. Patchouli raises an eyebrow. "How the hell did you pull that off?" she asks.

Remilia chuckles at her friend's question. "Ah, Patchy. Upset that you're not the only one with knowledge in the ways of love? Why, of course Reimu finally found herself falling for my feminine charm! My ageless beauty! My abundant charisma!" My-"

"So you just kept badgering her until she said yes, possibly offering her food as well?" Patchouli interjects. Remilia sputters, trying to regain her poise.


"Anyway, that's beside the point!" Remilia declares. "the point is that Reimu will be coming here tomorrow to spend the day, and I will be showing her a wonderful time! So!" She trails off, and suddenly looks uncertain. "So... help?"

We all blink, startled. Did she just...?

"I... really want this to work," Remilia says quietly. "Reimu's amazing, and... I really, really want her to like me. So... can I count on your help? I... can't do this on my own. I've tried and failed, so... please?"

I'm floored. I've never seen Remilia look so vulnerable before. She really must like Reimu after all. I have to say something.

"Go for it, Mistress!" I shout out. Remilia looks at me startled, and Sakuya immediately takes up the cry.

"You can count on us, Mistress!"

Koakuma wolf-whistles, while Flandre squeals excitedly. Patchy chuckles, smiling despite herself, and the fairy maids start cheering. Remilia looks ready to cry with relief.

"Th-Thank you all! Well then! Preparing this place for Reimu takes top priority! I'll be counting on you all!" Remilia seems to regain her poise before she adds: "And, um, I'll take any suggestions you have on how to make this thing work." Naturally, the maids all start hollering out suggestions. Sakuya starts trying to organize them, while I start thinking.

What are some good activities for Reimu?

[ ] A good meal, of course.
[ ] Use the indoor pool!
[ ] Tennis lessons?
[ ] A stroll through the garden?
[ ] Sakuya can paint. How about a portrait?
[ ] Write-in! (Strongly encouraged!)


So, here's the story. Originally, as some have suspected, this was going to be a doomed-to-failure scenario, with Remilia ultimately being consoled by the mansion after a catastrophic failure. But then I realized: that's boring. So here's what we're going to do.

The success of the date will depend on the voting. Good write-ins that really impress me will score points with Reimu. Depending on how impressed Reimu is, Remilia either gets friend-zoned, or gets some hot miko-loving.

This means that more than one option may be chosen; Remilia's just trying to set up a day that Reimu will enjoy. Let your imagination run wild here, and feel free to be creative.

Chances are that this scenario will consist of more, smaller updates.

So, are you a bad enough dude to help Remilia land the red-white?
[ x] A good meal, of course.


[x ] Write-in! (Strongly encouraged!)

We could combine the meal choice with maybe a friendly danmaku duel. Thing is I'm not quite sure how you will write Reimu, so I'm a little worried there.

All and all, hoping for a hilarious trainwreck, but this works much better. Somebody needs some love in this CYOA.

Let's rock!
Holy shit. Fuck. I haven't been this nervous since the 'Guess who the true villain is, you have one chance' write-in in the final thread of 'A Norseman in Gensokyo'

But... if we managed to pull that off, we can do this!

First: what she likes? What she doesn't have in the Shrine: Food. Money. A bit of luxury-without being extravagant. Sake. Non-annoying company.

Alright so a not-so-luxury banquet is a given, but what else?
As for Remilia's attitude, she should definitively drop the 'clingy' aspect asap. I can't imagine Reimu liking this one bit, specially with Yukari annoying her 24/7. Speaking of which, Sakuya should mind the gap(s) in case they want to spoil the party.
[x] A good meal, of course.
[x] Write in.
-[x]Get advice from Patchouli before the date starts.
-[x] After the meal, have a friendly danmaku duel outside above the yin yang orb flower display. Even if the weather is sunny just use a parasol for this duel because we need to show that Remilia is not a vampire cooped up in the mansion all day afraid of the sun.
-[x] have Sakuya do a landscape painting of the duel in secret which we surprise Reimu with.
-[x] After the duel relax by the pool, with drinks.
Wow, got quiet all of a sudden. I scare everybody off?
Probably homework. It is that time of year for most people.
Considering Reimu hasn't made an appearance in the story yet most people are probably unsure of how to approach a write in like this. The only thing we have to go on personality wise is that Reimu reluctantly agreed to the date under the promise of food. This lack of information makes it somewhat difficult to give a detailed write in as is required here.

Perhaps it would be helpful if you did a mini update of when Remilia was asking Reimu out to give us some personality development to go on here?

Hm... not a bad idea. Yeah, I can work with that. I'll put together a page or so, try and give Reimu some characterization.
People are likely thinking as well as this isn't exactly a simple matter.
Thanks. It's just... Reimu varies so much from story to story.
File 136305365628.jpg - (165.81KB, 850x877, unappreciated.jpg) [iqdb]
People mentioned that maybe I should have given Reimu a bit of characterization before having a vote about her. Fair enough, chalk that up to a simple mistake on my part. Hope this helps:


As the fairies chatter around me, I walk up to Remilia, who already seems lost in thought.

"Miss Remilia?" ask her.

"Hm? Oh! Meiling." she nods to me. "Sorry, I was thinking. So... any ideas yet?"

"Maybe, but I was a little curious." I smirk. "How exactly did you Reimu to agree this time?"

Remilia glares at me a little. "Meaning what?"

I giggle. "Well, I know you've asked her over before. I'm just curious as to what changed this time. What's the story?"

Remilia shuffles from foot to foot. "Well, if you really want to know..."


Reimu takes another sip of her tea as I look on. She's beautiful; dark hair like midnight, liquid brown eyes that you could fall into, delicate skin tanned by her time outdoors. She seems so delicate, so frail... and yet there is such strength within her. With all of my heart, I just want to reach out to her, to hold her close... but she would probably just push me away, call me a child. She doesn't understand that despite my body, I FEEL adult. I AM adult. I just wish she'd understand that.

Unrequited love is not as fun as stories make it out to be.

"...Remilia? You there?"

I jump a little as Reimu waves a hand in front of my face.

"Oh! Sorry, uh, just wondering about the weather. I'd hate to have to fly back through the sun."

"Eh," Reimu shrugs, "if it comes to that, you can stay here until your maid comes looking for you. Or I'll lend you a parasol, should be one around here somewhere..."

I can feel my face flush a little at this. "You'd do that for me?"

"Not like it's a big deal or anything. Why would I mind?"

Why indeed. Blast it, Remilia! Stop acting like a schoolgirl! Focus! "So, er, you were saying? About the ice fairy?"

"Oh, yeah." Reimu sighs heavily. "So, DyCirno, or whatever she's calling herself. I talked to her, and I guess she's not that big a deal as far as I'm concerned. Not starting any trouble, and is even keeping some of the troublesome youkai in line. Good enough, and makes my job easier. The problem is, people are starting to pay more attention to her, and forget about me. Even more than they have."

"No appreciation, then?" I ask sympathetically. Poor Reimu. She works so hard to keep this place stable, but no one seems to appreciate her efforts. It might have something to do with her rather aggressive investigation style, but that is simply how Gensokyo functions! Her biggest crime is associating with youkai and other beings such as myself, but I truly fail to see how that is a problem. After all, it was her friendship that caused me to become such a kind magnanimous soul as I am today!

"Same as always," Reimu says quietly, jarring me from my thoughts. She looks into her tea as though searching for the answers to life, the universe, and everything. She seems... sad. Hurt. Alone. "I devote my life to a job I inherited, one I never asked for. I repeatedly save the people here from disaster, and a lot more mercifully than my ancestors ever did." True, that. Honestly, I feel that Reimu's informal policies have done a lot to calm to tensions between human and youkai. At least, from what I've seen since I arrived here.

Reimu takes another sip of her tea. "My reward? Barely enough donations to get by, and absolutely no gratitude from anyone." She rolls her eyes. "Unless you're Yukari or Suika, but their view of 'support' is a bit to hands-on. Literally, if you get my meaning." Ah. So she would prefer people respect her personal space. Understandable.

Reimu sighs again, and this time she seems... vulnerable somehow. "I don't know, Remilia. I don't know what I have to do to get a little respect around here. If only someone would just come up to me and say 'thank you for what you do,' I'd feel like it was all worthwhile. Right now... it's hard to see it as anything more than a chore I have to do."


I've never seen Reimu like this. Under her often cool exterior, there is, after all a young girl, one who has lived much of her life all by her self. One whose closest acquaintances include a kleptomaniac witch, a drunken oni, and a mysterious youkai who is as suspicious as a fox in a henhouse at the best of times. All that, and barely any concern for her feelings, for her as a person... it must wear one down after a while.

...I'm no different, am I? It's no wonder that Reimu always kept me at arm's length. Did I ever see her as anything more than 'that impressive shrine maiden?' Did I ever see her as Reimu Hakurei? I don't think I did. But now that I do, I'm filled with the desire to help her, to give her just a little happiness in her life.

I always admired her, but I feel that this little sign of the vulnerable girl beneath Reimu's exterior is giving me something else to care for. It's gone now, of course. Reimu's defenses are back up, and she's trying to pretend that little moment of weakness never happened.

"Of course, donations would be nice, too," Reimu notes, trying to sound unconcerned. Like so. Trying to pretend that she was never vulnerable, that she never let anything slip. But I remember, Reimu. And I think I understand, now.

"I appreciate what you do Reimu," I say, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Not many people could do what you do. And you do it well. So, thank you for taking on the task that no one else wants. Keeping this madhouse in line." I chuckle a little bit. "Sorry, by the way. I guess I didn't help out when we first met, did I?"

Reimu giggles, and when she looks at me, there is real warmth in her smile, enough to make my heart beat faster. "It all worked out in the end. After I smacked you around a bit." She giggles. "But, it's nice to be able to talk with someone without having to fight them."

"You bring that on yourself, you know."

"Eh, it's what works in Gensokyo." Reimu looks me in the eye. "Thanks, though. For thanking me, I mean. It's nice to feel appreciated." Her voice is gentle. "It... doesn't happen often, you know?"

I'm good at reading people, whatever Patchy says, and for a moment, I understand what Reimu is feeling. Just an ordinary girl at heart, with an onerous task forced upon her, unable to take just a day to live life like an ordinary girl. Defined by her role, not by who she is.

I know what that's like. And I know what it's like to feel alone. But I have a mansion full of people that I can trust and rely upon. Many of Reimu's acquaintances are... less than reliable. Her life isn't easy, is it?

...Maybe I can help with that.

"You should spend the day at my mansion," I tell her, and she rolls her eyes.

"You've asked that before," she points out.

"Yes, but there's no need to feel obligated to me afterwards!" I tell her, smiling. "I am simply offering a dear friend of mine a one-day vacation, with free run of my mansion! There's all kinds of things we could do there! I could teach you tennis, we have a swimming pool, um..." Reimu seems intrigued by the thought. Maybe it's because I'm not making it sound like an official visit this time. Like I just want something out of her. "Oh! And you could come early! Sakuya is a fantastic cook, you know. Big breakfast sound good to you?"

THAT gets her attention, Poor Reimu hasn't been eating well lately. "Well," she says hesitantly, "Some good food WOULD be nice... but!" She points at me sternly. "That doesn't mean that I'll go easy on you if you get out of line again! I have a job to do, after all."

So she did think I had an ulterior motive. Such a fool I've been. "I say again Reimu: I'm offering my friend a vacation. You deserve it."

She hesitates, then nods. "Well, okay. I guess I can humor you, if only to get you off my back." She looks away, feigning disinterest, and I realize that I've done it! I've finally gotten Reimu to agree to visit my mansion! I... I have to make things perfect for her!

I'm so excited, I wind up singing on the way back to the mansion.


"Don't forget the dancing," I quip, and Remilia blushes.

"Yes, well... I was excited," she mutters.

I suddenly feel very solemn. "I never knew Reimu felt that way."

"Nor I," Remilia nods sadly. "It's why she never accepted my invitations. She always thought I was trying to use her. Maybe... maybe I was." Remilia then looks at me fiercely. "But that's changed, Meiling. Reimu deserves a little comfort in life, and I aim to give it to her. If that's all she will accept, then..." Remilia trails off hesitantly, then sighs. "...Then I will have to accept it. But, I have to take this chance, Meiling. I... care about her. And I want her to know that. I WANT a chance to be more than friends than her but..." she spreads her arms helplessly. "All I can do is try, right?"

I nod, slowly. Wow. I had no idea that Remilia felt that way. Or Reimu for that matter. She's really trying hard...

"So!" Remilia says, changing the subject. "Any ideas for me?"

[ ] Previous vote goes here.


Any better?
So same person here changing my vote a bit.

[x] A good meal, of course.
[x] Write in.
-[x]Get advice from Patchouli before the date starts.
-[x] Ask Reimu what SHE wants to do. Don't make today about what you want to do its about what Reimu wants to do on her day off.

-[x] With that said I suspect Reimu wont know what to do on herself on a day off so suggest a friendly danmaku duel outside above the yin yang orb flower display. Even if the weather is sunny just use a parasol for this duel because we need to show that Remilia is not a vampire cooped up in the mansion all day afraid of the sun.
-[x] If the duel happens have Sakuya do a landscape painting of the duel in secret which we surprise Reimu with.
[x] A good meal, of course.
[x] Write in.
-[x]Get advice from Patchouli before the date starts.
-[x] Ask Reimu what SHE wants to do. Don't make today about what you want to do its about what Reimu wants to do on her day off.

If she wants a Danmaku duel for fun, then we should let her have it, have it painted too. But- I'm just guessing here- Reimu's coming to relax and to get away from the whole Always Fighting thing. I'm not sure how much swimwear she's brought with her, seeing as Gensokyo's largest body of water is the Misty Lake, and that gets pretty darn cold. So, a plan!

[x] We have a bunch of fairy maids as well as a number of familiars, and Remilia is a rich-as-all-get-out aristocrat. So go for the full spa treatment. Massages, everything. But at a leisurely pace. Ask Patchy if she'd be willing to share the safer, more entertaining books in Voile. (After her stunt at the bar, she almost definitely has some) This time, Reimu's a full guest of the mansion, not just a visitor.

[x] And, Mistress, try not to act so much like... The Mistress of the house, when Reimu's around. Trust is a two-way street, you know!

Go bravely, daughter of the night, give your friend the best darn day off she's ever had. And make sure to know that, if she ever needs to take a break, the Mansion's doors are open.

Because everyone needs a place they can go to relax with friends, to get away from work. Even the Invincible Hakurei Shrine Maiden, even the girl who carries the noble name of Scarlet.
From what I read... No duel. A stroll in the garden, should be fine, but perhaps avoid the yin-yang orb motif.

[x] A good meal, of course.
-[x] Something unusual for her. Not flaunting luxury, but something she would find interesting and delicious at the same time.
[x] Write in.
-[x]Get advice from Patchouli before the date starts.
-[x] Ask Reimu what SHE wants to do. Don't make today about what you want to do its about what Reimu wants to do on her day off. Propose activities, tell her there's no hurt in giving it a try if she looks interested, but don't push her.
--[X] If she picks swimming, ask Patchouli for swimsuit advice too. Something too flashy will push her back, but something too boring won't raise her interest in you either.
[x] And, Mistress, try not to act so much like... The Mistress of the house, when Reimu's around. Trust is a two-way street, you know!
[X] Come evening, perhaps some activities she would never had the chance to do anywhere else. Perhaps music, trying out dresses (how often can Reimu dress like a young woman instead of her miko clothes?)... And if the mood is in if she's in a dress with music on, perhaps a proposal to teach her how to dance?

Remember we need to push a little out of the comfort zone too. Too much in Reimu's comfort and Remilia will still be friend-zoned, even if closer to Reimu. Remilia also needs to appear mature to Reimu.
Much better Keymaster!

Your headcanon Reimu gives me an idea for my own story if I ever get my lazy ass around to typing it.

So I'm going to go with what this guys says. We gotta make this day nice for Reimu.
Damn it how do you quote a reply? I meant to choose the write in that would ask what Reimu wan't to do.

[x] Write in.
-[x]Get advice from Patchouli before the date starts.
[x] A good breakfast outside, despite Remi's condition
[x] A tour of the mansion and the gardens.
[x] Fun in the pool before midday.
[x] Lunch in the main room.
[x] A thank-you from everyone 1, Patchouli: History books about Gensokyo's origins and the role of the Hakureis. If possible, with illustrations.
[x] A thank-you from everyone 2, Koakuma: Beauty tips, for the woman inside the iron peacekeeper
[x] A thank-you from everyone 3, Meiling: A big flower arrangement F1 champion style.
[x] A thank-you from everyone 4, Flandre: A plushie... and lots of Alcohol
[x] Time to dance!
[x] A thank-you from everyone 5, Sakuya: A painting of Reimu... alongside everyone else if she wishes to.
[x] A light dinner and a friendly game of poker.
[x] A final drink in Remi's balcony, under the midnight moon.
We'll make her feel appreciated, and she will know who's to blame...

That said, if this doesn't sound too romantic it is because it isn't. Remilia will be doing all of this just to make Reimu happy, no ulterior motives. Why? Because that's the feeling I get after reading the last update. The elder Scarlet wants to make her happy more than she wants to satisfy her own, selfish desires. Which is, I believe, the first sign of true love.
Maybe this is more than a crush.
[x] A good meal, of course.
[x] Write in.
-[x]Get advice from Patchouli before the date starts.
-[x] Ask Reimu what SHE wants to do. Don't make today about what you want to do its about what Reimu wants to do on her day off.
-[x] Be humble but helpful in terms of helping her take advantage of the mansion's features. She did like Tennis and swimming.
[x] A good meal, of course.
-[x] Something unusual for her. Not flaunting luxury, but something she would find interesting and delicious at the same time.
[x] Write in.
-[x]Get advice from Patchouli before the date starts.
-[x] Ask Reimu what SHE wants to do. Don't make today about what you want to do its about what Reimu wants to do on her day off. Propose activities, tell her there's no hurt in giving it a try if she looks interested, but don't push her.
--[X] If she picks swimming, ask Patchouli for swimsuit advice too. Something too flashy will push her back, but something too boring won't raise her interest in you either.
[x] And, Mistress, try not to act so much like... The Mistress of the house, when Reimu's around. Trust is a two-way street, you know!
[X] Come evening, perhaps some activities she would never had the chance to do anywhere else. Perhaps music, trying out dresses (how often can Reimu dress like a young woman instead of her miko clothes?)... And if the mood is in if she's in a dress with music on, perhaps a proposal to teach her how to dance?


If Remilia's viewpoint can be trusted, than focusing on Reimu's status as the Hakurei shrine maiden would just make her unhappy. She seems to want to be appreciated but for who she is and not just her position.

...Besides, being constantly thanked like that would probably get just a tad bit creepy after the first time or two.
[x] A good meal, of course.
-[x] Something unusual for her. Not flaunting luxury, but something she would find interesting and delicious at the same time.
[x] Write in.
-[x]Get advice from Patchouli before the date starts.
-[x] Ask Reimu what SHE wants to do. Don't make today about what you want to do its about what Reimu wants to do on her day off. Propose activities, tell her there's no hurt in giving it a try if she looks interested, but don't push her.
--[X] If she picks swimming, ask Patchouli for swimsuit advice too. Something too flashy will push her back, but something too boring won't raise her interest in you either.
[x] And, Mistress, try not to act so much like... The Mistress of the house, when Reimu's around. Trust is a two-way street, you know!
[X] Come evening, perhaps some activities she would never had the chance to do anywhere else. Perhaps music, trying out dresses (how often can Reimu dress like a young woman instead of her miko clothes?)... And if the mood is in if she's in a dress with music on, perhaps a proposal to teach her how to dance?

Think we got a winner folks.
[x] A good meal, of course.
-[x] Something unusual for her. Not flaunting luxury, but something she would find interesting and delicious at the same time.
[x] Write in.
-[x]Get advice from Patchouli before the date starts.
-[x] Ask Reimu what SHE wants to do. Don't make today about what you want to do its about what Reimu wants to do on her day off. Propose activities, tell her there's no hurt in giving it a try if she looks interested, but don't push her.
--[X] If she picks swimming, ask Patchouli for swimsuit advice too. Something too flashy will push her back, but something too boring won't raise her interest in you either.
[x] And, Mistress, try not to act so much like... The Mistress of the house, when Reimu's around. Trust is a two-way street, you know!
[X] Come evening, perhaps some activities she would never had the chance to do anywhere else. Perhaps music, trying out dresses (how often can Reimu dress like a young woman instead of her miko clothes?)... And if the mood is in if she's in a dress with music on, perhaps a proposal to teach her how to dance?
I am impressed by these write-ins, and think Reimu will be, too.
File 136312091821.png - (508.71KB, 627x1000, probably not this.png) [iqdb]
I nod at Remilia. "Yeah, actually. For her meals? Starting with breakfast? Make it something unusual for her."

Remilia blinks. "Unusual?"

"Yeah," I say, "She's probably used to japanese food, right? So, make her something western, something she isn't used to. Don't shove the mansion's luxury down her throat, so to speak, but give her something new that'll intrigue her, but taste good at the same time. Way to the heart is through the stomach, and all."

Remilia chuckles, and turns to Sakuya, who is just walking up. "Sakuya, did you hear that? Do you agree?"

"I do," the head maid confirms. "Excellent idea, Meiling. How about the basics? Scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, hash browns... I'm sure Miss Reimu would enjoy something different. Not to mention filling."

Remilia giggles, her spirits clearly lifting. "Knowing Reimu, she'd probably dive mouth-first towards anything with meat in it." We share a laugh at that.

"I'll keep that in mind," Sakuya chuckles. "Anyway, the rest of the meals can be much the same. Something different, something nice, but not something that shoves the mansion's wealth in her face."

"Good, good," Remilia says, nodding in contentment as Patchouli and Koakuma walk up. Flandre is still gazing in wonder at all of the activity. "Walk with me, all of you." We follow her down the halls.

As we walk, Remilia continues. "So, that's all well and good so far. But that's just meals. What can I do to make Reimu have a good time?" I hesitate for a moment, thinking, before turning my head to stare at Patchouli. So does everyone else, for that matter. She looks around at the sudden attention, and sighs.

"...So I'm the expert in love, all of a sudden?"

"Yes," we all reply in unison.

Patchouli shakes her head in dismay. "I was afraid of that." She ponders a moment, then gives Remilia a level look. "Remi, answer this question: why did you invite Reimu here?"

"What?" Remilia blinks. "Well, you heard me earlier. Of course I want a chance with Reimu, but primarily, I just want the poor girl to have a chance to relax. I mean, really relax.She needs it."

Patchouli nods approvingly. "Good. Then keep that in mind. What you intend is Reimu's day. Not yours. Reimu's. Since it's about her, give her activities she could try out, then let her decide. Don't push her into anything."

Remilia considers. "I was thinking about challenging her to a friendly duel above those yin-yang orb flowers I had Meiling set up. Maybe have Sakuya paint the whole thing."

"I wouldn't mind one bit," Sakuya speaks up.

"Maybe," Patchouli quickly puts in. "But maybe Reimu is tired of fighting all of the time, and just wants a relaxing day."

I nod. "In other words, Miss Remilia can show her the display, and suggest the duel..."

"But let Reimu decide," Patchouli finishes. "The same for if she wants a painting. It's her call. Show her a good time, but let her call the shots. It's all pretty basic, really."

As Remilia seems to digest this, Koakuma takes the chance to speak up. "What about if we all showed our appreciation for her hard work? You know, if we all got her something?"

I frown at this. "I dunno, Koa, sounds a little contrived, right? And this is supposed to be about Reimu the person, not Reimu the shine maiden."

"Good point," Remilia agrees. "It's a vacation for her, not her job. Yes, these all sound like good ideas. But what about specific activities?"

I spread my hands wide. "The sky's the limit. There's all kinds of things to do here, after all."

Sakuya starts listing things off on her fingers. "Games, the gardens, the hedge maze, the tennis court, the pool... there's no shortage of things to do here. Maybe there's some things she's always wanted to try, but never had the chance. What about, in the evening, letting her try on dresses and teaching her to dance?"

Remilia's gait slows, and she stares into the distance. I see her mouth the words 'Reimu,' 'dresses,' and 'dance,' and a silly smile starts to from on her face. Oh boy. I share a wry glance with Patchouli. Yep, she's totally gone.

Something occurs to me then, and I shake Remilia's shoulder gently to draw her out of her daydream. "Mistress Remilia, one last thing..." She looks at me curiously. "When Reimu's here, try not to act like... well, like the Mistress of the house. Don't be Remilia Scarlet. Be her friend, Remi. You want to earn her trust, so you need to show it, too."

"Ah..." Remilia stops walking outright at this, and looks at me for a long moment, considering. After a time, she turns her gaze to the distant end of the corridor, nodding. "...You're right, Meiling. I'm not used to it, but for her, I'll set my pride as a noble lady, as a vampire, aside. For her, I'll just be Remilia." She nods to herself, and the rest of us share a pleased look. This could really work!

"Right, then!" Remilia claps her hands and turns to face us, suddenly all business."Meiling! I want you on internal duty tomorrow! Show Reimu around, escort her when the rest of us are otherwise busy. I want your help with this. And, uh..." she shifts uncomfortably. "Maybe try to figure out what she thinks of things? What she'd like to do?"

I giggle. "Certainly, Mistress!"

"Good! Sakuya! I need you to be in top form tomorrow! Anything Reimu wants eaten, you prepare! I may need your help in other things, as well."

Sakuya bows deeply. "Naturally, Mistress."

Remilia then turns to Koakuma and Patchouli. "I guess all I can do is ask you to wish me luck. Oh, and... maybe set aside a few novels, in case Reimu wants to do some light reading?"

Koakuma smiles cheerfully. "I'll pick something nice out and leave it by the door."

Patchouli smiles warmly at her friend. "Good luck, Remilia. I'm rooting for you." Remilia nods slowly.

"Right. Well! I'm off to figure out what to wear! Get cracking, everyone!" The Mistress wanders off to her room, and Sakuya and I nod to each other. We get cracking.


That evening, the mansion is a flurry of activity as fairy maids fly everywhere, making sure that absolutely everything is spotless. I've been conscripted myself, helping to clean and prepare things. As I clean the pool, I vaguely wonder what it would be like to wear a maid uniform. Heh, Sakuya would certainly like that. Probably Yuuka too, for that matter.

"Hey, Meiling?" I turn to see Flandre looking up at me with wide eyes. "Can I ask you a question?"

I smile warmly at her. "Sure, Flan! What did you want to know?"

Flandre hesitates. "Well, Sis is gonna have a date tomorrow, right?"

"Yep! We're all gonna try real hard to make it a success!"

"Yeah, me too!" Flandre says quickly, "I really want Big Sis to be happy! But, um, her and Reimu, are they gonna... well..."

"What is it, Flan?" I ask encouragingly. I feel it's a good idea to encourage her curiosity and answer her questions. It helps her mind grow stronger, I feel.

"...Are they gonna have sex?"

I scream internally.

"Uh. Well. They. Um." ToostunnedwhatdoIsayohgodWHYwaitdodgethequestiondodgedodge... "I think it's way too soon to wonder about that, Flan," I say distantly, hoping that she'll change the subject. Ohhhh, I don't wanna talk to Flan about the facts of life! Especially not as to how they pertain to her sister!

"But, but, if they have sex and get married, does that mean Reimu will be my Mommy? She's younger than me!" Flandre seems on the verge of panic. Oh god, marriage is somehow even worse I don't want to have this conversation stop stalling Meiling answer her.

"...Again, it's way too early to think about that, Flan," I chuckle weakly, "But IF they'd got married, Reimu would be you sister-in-law."

"Oh." Flandre seems to calm down at this. "...Would I be a bridesmaid at the wedding?"


"Would I get to wear a pretty dress?!" Now she seems excited.

"Yes, but not as pretty as the bride's. Either of them." Please drop the subject, Flan, this is way too awkward.

"YAY!" Flandre cheers suddenly, throwing her arms up into the air. "I gotta go oick out a nice dress, then!" She suddenly spins on her heel and begins running off.

"Ah, wait Flan!" I shout desperately, reaching out uselessly. " They're not even-"

"Oh, I know, but I wanna be prepared! Kay, thanks, byyyeeee~!" Flandre runs out the door and is gone, leaving me rooted to the spot, wondering what had just happened.

I hold that pose for a long moment as my brain reboots. It's forced to restart by a gentle tap upon my shoulder. Slowly, I turn my head to look at Sakuya, who gives me an awkward look. "Hey."

"Thanks for your help," I say flatly.

Sakuya shrugs. "Better you than me." She's got me there. Had our positions been reversed, I would have run like hell. "Anyway, come with me. The Mistress wants to see us both in her room."

"About what?"

"Picking out an outfit."


Sometime later, we both stand in Remilia's room. The Mistress herself stands in the middle of her massive wardrobe, clad in a dressing gown, and looking totally lost.

"I can't figure out what to wear for tomorrow," she says wearily. "Patchy would be of little help here. Any suggestions?"

Sakuya and I glance at each other. What should we suggest?

[ ] What you normally wear.
[ ] Something casual from the Outside.
[ ] Maybe something a little classy, to show off just a bit?
[ ] Write-in? (writer can not into fashion)
[x] Something casual from the Outside.

Probably for the best if Remilia wants to set aside her noble woman persona for a day.

Also that bit with Flandre was hilarious. Though we should probably do something about that, might come back to bite us.
There will be time for Being Fancy later! Besides, if Reimu wants to go to the pool, Remillia will need something that's less... Extravagant.

[x] Something casual from the Outside.
[x] Something casual from the Outside.

Hmm...It's gunna get pretty awkward if Reimu shows up in semi-casual though...
The thing with Flandre seems like it will only get worse the more we try to stop it. We should relax and let it run its course. Controlling and making everything happen perfectly on this day is exactly what we're trying to avoid.

Also I think it will be really funny when Flandre eventually asks when Remilia and Reimu are getting married.

[x] Something casual from the Outside.
[x] Something casual from the Outside.
Don't lay it on too thick on the first date.
[ ] What you normally wear.

Anything else is just too unlike Remi. It would seem as if she's trying to hard. Also, if they go swimming, there's the chance of a silly scene with Remi and frilly dresses that are a pain to take off.
So I already voted for casual but thinking about this again >>55369 brings up a good point, remi's casual wear is her standard outfit so therefore wearing anything else isn't casual. With that in mind vote change to

[x] What you normally wear.
Does Reimu HAVE casual clothes? If she arrives dressed as usual and we're casual...

Switching votes

[x] What you normally wear.
Hey, if you guys are switching votes, make sure to either delete the old vote or clarify which vote is being switched, okay? Makes tallying things easier. Thanks.
[x] What you normally wear.

There's be plenty of excitement and new experiences lined up already. No need to give Remi a different outfit on top of that.
No worry on my side. I'm >>55371 and I deleted my previous vote.
[x] Something casual from the Outside.

I doubt Reimu would wear her usual outfit on a vacation day.
To clarify these two were me.
[x] Something casual from the Outside.
[x] What you normally wear.

To clarify, this is a totally new vote, not a change of mind.
Okay, tallying. That's 7 for 'casual' and 5 for 'normal clothing.' 1 anon changed his vote but deleted the original, so that leaves things unchanged. Another anon did not delete his original vote, so that's 6 for casual, and 5 for normal.

Close vote, but calling it for Remi Casual. Which is fine, because I just had an idea regarding that.

Also, holy shit, autosage? I get a second thread?? Then, after writing, update will be posted in a new thread. Should be later today. Probably.
File 136320272012.jpg - (196.78KB, 850x1133, labelled for convenience.jpg) [iqdb]
New thread: >>/sdm/55386

Pic related: pretty much what Remilia's wearing.
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