You know it's cute as hell of you to write out your little interactions with Kokoro as a co-host

Boo. Mask-ot. Not funny, didn't laugh.

(It was quite funny and I did laugh).

Asking for the one THP writer living in Gensokyo right now - this is going off US time right? So 28th US time would be 29th in Gensokyo (Japan) time, if I'm working this out correctly.

Glad this theme got chosen, I was mulling over ideas for it.

I can feel Kokoro's dead-eyed stare when you ask her not to look at you.

Can't wait to see what everyone comes up with!

Whoa, what a spooky coincidence. I once wrote a story about Kokoro at the Gensokyo harvest festival!
Damn, now I'll have to think of something else...

Twenty Days Remain. Have you got your story ideas ready? No need to feel anxious yet if you don't, of course...

>>18621
Got a nice response back to my draft but I also got an additional very cool idea I want to work with so I might end up writing two entries.
If so, then I'll just have to choose which one to post and which one to keep in my back pocket for later.

Ten Days Remain. Everything going okay?

No need to panic yet, but the clock is ticking...

It's going to take a lot more effort, both just to finish it and to polish it too. But i hope the end result is good and people enjoy it.

>>18696
I ended up shelving idea 3 alongside idea 1. So I stuck with idea 2 and finished it. After that I passed the draft around some more and, I looked at someone's else's draft.
It was pretty fun.

Three Days Remain. If you feel like you'll need an extension, now's the time to let us know!

There's no shame in it, and the winner of last contest even asked for it themselves. So if you need it, just ask away.

I think that I'll need that extension.

Can we have the same submission window extension to november 4th as last year?

Alright, an extension has been requested. And I'm happy to grant it.

The submission period will begin on the 28th as before, but it will last until November 4th! Make the most of your extra time, okay?

Submissions are now open.

Once again, you can find it in shorts: >>3334 Just as a final reminder, you have until the 4th of November to submit.

Do your best, everyone. I'll cheer you on with all my power.

Whoops, apologies. The link is actually >>/shorts/3334

Just got up. Posted my entry.
God speed to every one else.

I think it's pretty clear now that I'm not making the original deadline, so thank you to whoever slid in and asked for an extension! Let's see if I can make that.

I'm really fond of this idea, I'd like to do it justice.

Three Days To Go. Make sure to get your submissions in by the end of the fourth!

I'm eagerly awaiting more stories. We've actually got a submission in by the original deadline this time.

Not gonna lie, the World Series going 8.2 games has cut into my writing time a bit. Gonna buckle down and try to finish now.

As for me, I spent Halloween trapped in a room with the three scariest things in the world: a beginning I like, an ending I like, and a middle I cannot for the life of me figure out.

I'm so sorry to do this again, but I've gotten the due date for some coursework mixed up and the time today and tomorrow I thought I had to finish my entry are completely taken up working on it... could I request another extension to this Friday?

The entry is 90% ready but I'm falling asleep. I'll have to post it late.

> I'm so sorry to do this again, but I've gotten the due date for some coursework mixed up and the time today and tomorrow I thought I had to finish my entry are completely taken up working on it... could I request another extension to this Friday?

Alright, considering that everyone seems to be running late on this... and I am still in no position to judge... I'll allow an extension to Friday the 7th to finish off the submissions. But this is the last time.

Aw, I hammered out everything left last night for nothing?

... yeah, fair enough! I'm not gonna complain about more time to edit and fiddle around. Best of luck to everyone still at it, and my sympathies, I know how crushing coursework can get.

>>18769
And I could have been working on my for (almost) two weeks longer!
I even noticed an embarrassing error afterwards lol. I'm not sure if I can or am allowed to delete my post to fix that.
[timer=25/11/07 23:59]

>>18770

Considering your entry got in with the original deadline, I'm fine with you deleting and resubmitting in the extra time if you wish. You'll need to speak to the mods if you want to delete the posts, however, they've likely long passed the grace period.

>>18771
Thanks, I'll resubmit later. . .

One more day, for real this time! Get your entries in while you still can!

...Wait, who said that?

Ugh. I finished what should have been my last editing pass, except I'm too sleep-deprived to trust my own judgement. I guess I'll sleep on it and take another look in the morning. Twenty-four hours from Gooboi's post there, is it?

I should be excluded from deadline extensions. I clearly can't be trusted with them.

>>18777 I'm certainly thinking I'll just set a first deadline for november 4th next time.

But yes, twenty-four hours from that post, more or less. Nine and a quarter as of this one.

Let's see if I can get a timer up...

[timer=25/11/07 23:59]

>>18776
Wow, thanks for the reminder, strange voice in my head! Story is up.

Good luck to all contestants!

Going to be tight, but I'm going to try to get an entry in. We'll see.

I'm posting now!!! Please don't cut me off!!!

As it is now the end of contest applications, I want to offer a congratulations to my fellow applicants , and a further one to everyone that tried but didn't have the time to write or finish their entry.
It was fun writing for this and I'm sure voting will be spirited.

Annnnnd... time!

Submissions are closed, everyone. I hope you've all enjoyed; by my count, there are six entries this time-

No, seven. We got one late arrival.

Really? So we do. ...Alright, I'll allow it. But only because you finished submitting before I did.

Without further ado, the entries are:

🌊Lazy Harvest🍡
🧟Culture of the Dead🏫
🥀The Harvest of Hieda No Akyuu♿
💈The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa👹
🍖This Year's Harvest📚
🏺Liberation Day🎊
And last but not least,🐍The Harvest Gods🐸

...Lots of Kasen, huh? Komachi and Kosuzu too.

And the only ones that don't contain any of them have Keiki and Kanako onstage instead. Everyone's got at least one K in their name.

...But what about me?

Uh, well... anyway voting begins now. It'll continue until the end of the 14th of November.

We're going to adjust the rules a bit in response to the great turnout. You get two votes per person, okay? You don't have to use both, but you can't put them on the same person. Make sure to read everyone's work, they've put a lot of effort into this.

Every vote is worth one point. But if there's a tie, the one which has received more first votes will beat the one with more second votes, so the order of votes does matter.

And we're not extending the deadline for voting. The date's run far enough ahead already.

We're in the final part now... good luck, everyone.

With this many entries, you're gonna need it.

I've taken the time to read all of the submissions at least twice over. I'll give my thoughts on each story, save my own. At the end of this post I'll provide my vote.

>Lazy Harvest
Despite the title, BombaBomba worked hard to ensure that this story was submitted on time and with a lot to consume. It's a well-written piece of work and I spotted no major grammatical or spelling errors. I enjoyed reading about the interactions between Kasen and Komachi. The characters felt like they were true to canon (or at least, what I remember). If there's something I'd change - I'd rework or remove the discussions between the Sages. It didn't really capture my attention or make me think like the conversation between Komachi and Sakuya. It's also a bit long for my tastes and doesn't feature characters I like - but that's a personal gripe and does not reflect on the author in any negative way. This story easily makes it into my top 3.

>Culture of the Dead
The perspective kept shifting from a third person perspective following Seiga and a first person perspective from Yoshika's POV. I appreciate the use of shifting perspectives to get into the minds of these complex and very messed up individuals, but I found the story a bit hard to follow. The time-skip between the confrontation in the kitchen and the festival was also a bit jarring. I feel that it could have been eased into a bit better with like a transitioning paragraph. For positives, I do like the concept, I like the way Yoshika's speech impediments were written and it was also a well-written story without any major spelling mistakes.

>The Harvest of Hieda No Akyuu
No comment.

>>"...But what about me?"
Don't feel sad, Kokoro, you got a cameo in this one.

>The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa
I don't get this story. I've read this one a few times and I still don't understand it. Why is Yukari Gaelic? Why is Kasen a barber's child? I feel like I've shown up to the final exam of a history class without having read the textbook. As far as I understand it's about how Kasen becoming an Oni? It doesn't help that "Maeri" speaks in an exceeding cryptic manner. For positives, the story is very well written and touches on concepts that I just can't seem to grasp. There was clearly a lot of effort put into this work - It's just not for me and that's ok. My inability to click with this story should not reflect negatively on the author's skill or effort.

>This Year's Harvest
I like this one a lot. It's a short story that's easy to follow. I like that it focused on only two characters since that meant more time to develop each deuteragonist. I could feel Kosuzu's youthful naivete turn into fear and then into something more inhuman. Mamizou was also well-written and she sounded old-timey without overdoing it. That's quite a difficult thing to do and I'll certainly be taking inspiration from this portrayal of Mamizou in the very near future. It's well-written and has a great payoff. Reminds me of a good Zounose story, which is good since I am a fan of his work. The characters speak like they do in canon (as far as I remember) and I like that it was Kosuzu's own folly and obsession with youkai which turned her into a youkai obsessed over human meat.

>Liberation Day
When I first read this, I thought it was a parody of the movie Independence Day. I'm glad I reread this, because this story by ContestAnon is not a base parody but is a very heartwarming story about a daughter getting their workaholic mum to enjoy a surprise birthday party. I like that Mayumi's thought process is artificial without being annoying. You get "Terminator trying to act human" vibes from reading her dialogue. Marisa's in this one, which is a plus for me. Despite being a long story, it also kept my attention the whole way through the second time round, which is a testament to how well-written it is and how engaged I was with the core idea of this story.

>The Harvest Gods
This one made it just before the bell and it shows. I found several stylistic errors that could have been caught on a second pass. For example (this is not an exhaustive list and I'm not doing this to be malicious or to throw shade in any way):

>>"It was rare to see them out in the open at the SDM." - Use of the acronym "SDM" without first defining it. That could confuse readers who aren't familiar with the lingo used by the fandom...which to be fair, I'm quite sure most people on this site are familiar.
>>"lady Kanako" and "lady Suwako" - sometimes the title "Lady" is not capitalized. This also happens with Suwako is likened to a Preta. "Preta" being the name of a creature should also be capitalized ;
>>I find it strange that Sanae refers to Kanako and Suwako by their first names but then refers to Yuiman and Ariya by their last names. While she referred to Hecatia by her last name, she used an honorific "Lady" before the last name. If Sanae was meant to refer to Yuiman and Ariya with the same degree of respect, I didn't get that.

But I did like the story overall. It featured characters that I liked, it held my attention the whole way through and I did enjoy the subplot where Sanae considered the changing nature of technology and the role of humans in Gensokyo. I did feel that characters talked like they did in canon, although Kanako seemed a little too businesswoman-like. When Kanako talked about trying to break into a sector of the market I had to stop myself from laughing. Overall, it was a good read but really needed like 10 minutes to pick out minor mistakes.

I will now vote for the two stories I liked the most. I won't vote for my own.

1. This Year's Harvest
2. Liberation Day

Going to sleep, need to post this. Might comment further later.

Culture of the Dead by Anonymous
I enjoyed a more empathic Seiga. I've seen a lot of cruel one, or ones who merely seek to keep themselves entertained, so that was rather novel and I liked it. Kasen's appearance also felt nice, but I felt like the impact Seiga's words had on her could have been emphasized more, it could have just been me but it felt like she would have answered yes to the question of whether Yoshika should be dead, Kasen can be rather ruthless and she's long lived so killing Yoshika now just means she'll reincarnate sooner–if Yoshika the zombie is the same person as Yoshika the overoworked public official.
I got what you were going for when we saw Yoshika's PoV, but I didn't find it very compelling, although I did like how she interacted with Seiga and Kasen, seeing a more mentally intact Seiga at the end was nice as well. I'm sorry but I don't read a lot of zenofiction so I can't say much there, but I think I would have preferred if Yoshika's final PoV was a reveal that this was her writing down the accounts of her (un?)-life. Still including the festival at the end of course.
Neutrally, I'm a bit surprised that the life of Miyako no Yoshika wasn't brought up. The real life counterpart died due to overwork and I think that there's some irony there that she was so devoted to her work as a public official she neglected her Hermit training and ended up failing.
I feel like it has a tenuous link to the theme of the project.

The harvest of Heida no Akyuu by Aroden
As someone who's been having to help care for a dementia riddled elderly relative lately, I feel like I can relate to this. The loss of appetite, false memories, the distance. It was a short narrative, but I was a bit confused by the ending. Did Kosuzu write all of it? As in word for word. It's just something minor but maybe another division line there could have helped.
Other than that I found the descriptors weak, I found some unnecessary, there were also word choices I didn't like, or descriptions that I thought were too short. For instance, I get why you described the lights as ephemeral, ephemeral means short lived or temporary, but I feel like that fails to communicate how the lights are literally blurry in Akyuu's vision, not temporary.
I would have preferred different word choices, but I understand that's minor.
Decent tie in with the theme of the project.

The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa by Anonymous
Very, very interesting. The sentence structure feels complex and hard to parse. It feels like it could have used another editing pass, but I do like it. Maribel Hearn, presumably after losing Renko and something becoming stuck in the past, as her sister is an interesting choice. I was a bit confused by making Okina a sister, despite her lack of appearance. Similarly I find it hard to believe that this Kasen would become the Ibaraki-douji that joined with Suika, becoming a real monster that would delight in the death of humans like what will see with Ibaraki Douji's arm.
However, I did still like it and contrary to a lot of the trite writing on Kasen's past, I find this one very novel.
I feel like it has a tenuous link to the theme of the project.

This Year's Harvest by Anonymous
Strangely expository narration, I don't think I like it, I and presumably all readers here would be familiar with the characters. They don't need an introduction. This is a predictable take on a worn out topic I don't find compelling, although I guess it was easy to read and competently put together. I don't like to comment of characterization so I won't.
I think I've just read too much Zounose.
It adheres to the theme of the project successfully.

Liberation Day by Contest Anon
I prefer my Mayumi's slightly less emotional, but only slightly. I always love to see newer 2hu's get some love and the writing was generally easy to follow. Not much to say here other than I really liked it and as a tactics gamer I felt Keiki's pain when she was stressing over unit production and what to outfit her units with. Oh yes and the work too, and the work, constantly busy. . .
I feel like the scene with Ruri could have been shorter, but in general I really like the idea of giving the animal realm some more love, especially the human-centric portions of it.
This gave me a big smile and I think wonderfully adheres to the theme of the project successfully.

The Harvest Gods by Anon why put the name in the wrong spot.
I feel like it's competently put together, as you said it could use another editing draft. Other than that I think the connection, aside from the setting, between the first and second half is weak. Heca feels like she comes out of nowhere, same thing with Sanae's revelation and talk.
This needed more time and I preferred the other idea you had, although I think focusing on the human cost of Gensokyo is a better idea then a crisis of faith in Gensokyo–that just feels silly to me. I feel like this is a symptom of you being strapped for time.
Nevertheless as I helped with earlier drafts I will refrain from voting or commenting on it for the sake of morality.

In conclusion, my votes, in order, go to.
>Priority vote: [X] Liberation Day
And
>[X] The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa
To explain my votingI think Liberation day does a good job of staying on theme and being novel, it highlights newer characters which I also like. A good runner up was Culture of the Dead. If I was just judging by favorability I would choose Barber's Girl, but it's difficult to read and it being more tangential to the theme pushed it down for me.

>>18791
>Why is Kasen a barber's child? I feel like I've shown up to the final exam of a history class without having read the textbook.

for those curious, this is a surprisingly accurate sentiment. There’s multiple stories as to Ibaraki-Douji’s Origins; being raised by Shuten-Douji is one, but the barbershop and love letters are parts of the others. You can read more online if you’re curious./i]

[x] Culture of the Dead
It's cute.

>>18793
>/i]
Kokoro. . .

Alright, high time I read everything and voted. Commentary below, votes at the end. (Had to split this in two because of post length.)

Lazy Harvest
The dialog just feels a bit off. It's hard for me to put my finger on why, but I think the biggest point that felt wrong was the environmentalism angle coming off as preachy. I can see a little justification for Kasen the animal trainer being concerned about it, but the execution feels like I'm just being hit over the head with "humans are ruining the world, how awful!". This feels more like Kasen being a mouthpiece for an author viewpoint than it does being something Kasen would actually do and say, and that's a real shame.

The other thing bothering me about the story is the lack of payoff. You've got Kasen working on an incident, which she just blabs to Okina at the first opportunity, and then doesn't tie into anything after that. I'm also a bit confused as to why Yoshika is brought up as the person Kasen's looking for and then never mentioned again.

It's a shame because I do like some of the ideas you've brought to this. Kasen causing an incident of her own is something I could get behind, as is the idea of her wanting to add to Gensokyo, making sure it grows instead of becoming stagnant. An actual Sage-like task for someone who often feels like the distinct lesser of Okina and Yukari, instead of their equal. But I'm afraid for me the story just didn't come together.

Culture of the Dead
I quite like this. I'd never really thought of a more caring take on Seiga, but her trying to turn Yoshika from mindless zombie to an actual person again is pretty interesting. I appreciate the determination tinged with despair from Seiga, and the gradual recognition of concepts from Yoshika feels pretty good.

The one thing I'd complain about is that this feels like the journey is incomplete. The Yoshika perspective in the final section doesn't quite feel connected to the immortal poet Seiga cared for, and that makes the happy ending feel like it wasn't quite earned. I really wanted to see both a brief burst of lucidity, Yoshika sounding poetic outside of her own head, and some recognition of how far she still had to go, that she's still going to recover more of herself as time goes on. Without that, it kinda feels like Seiga has only won half a victory - Yoshika is happy to be alive, but she's not the same poet that had once lived.

Also, while it's a good short, I question whether it's a good short for this contest. A festival is mentioned in the closing section, but neither that nor the concept of reaping plays a major role here.

The harvest of Hieda no Akyuu
So, I think this story is missing one big thing, and that's setup.

See, a character losing their memory and having that slow decline is a good story concept and fits the theme of reaping nicely. I actually think that Akyuu could be the perfect fit for the role, too; she's known to be a character with a short lifespan, and the character renowned for her perfect memory finding herself forgetting things and then eventually being unable to remember anything at all is excellent horror.

But there's an obstacle. Which is that you started pretty much at the bottom, when Akyuu's memory is already gone. There's no explanation for how the Memory of Gensokyo lost her memory, and you also miss out on a potentially very strong scene where Akyuu and those close to her first realize she's losing it. The reactions there would be strong, they'd be compelling, and the dwindling hope that they'd figure something out, find a way to reverse or at least stall the decline as her health and memory gets worse would be a much more effective gut punch.

The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa
This is difficult for me. It’s well written, and you have the ability to turn phrases in artistic ways that I lack, but it’s also difficult to read. The prose is purple enough I find it difficult to parse, and I think I only got about half of the implications in the story. I only understand about half of Merry’s mindset here, and the half I do understand I despise. Not in the sense of it being badly written, but in the sense of disagreeing vehemently.

“Be yourself” is one thing, but “be a monster, for that is what you are” is quite another! Yes, we’re different, and sometimes different is better, but sometimes different is worse. Rejecting the pressure to conform to what is normal is what gives rise to both the greatest heroes and the worst monsters. Both the terrible and the wonderful are anything but ordinary. Combined with Merry’s fatalism, the idea that she just let her adoptive parents die because it was fated to be that way (with it being unclear if her ability played some greater role in the tragedy of this village)… frankly, I’m with Kasen on this one. Closing hands around her neck seems a very reasonable response.

Kasen herself comes through clearly, though. For all that I struggled to understand what was happening, or how Merry’s mindset was a bit too alien for me to grasp, Kasen’s struggle to be human as her oni nature emerges and tragedies continue to happen is compelling. And I think it holds the piece together, despite me not getting all of it.

As far as the parts I don’t get go… I think to some degree that’s unavoidable when you go this deep into imagery and symbolism. I think enough of it comes through to a casual reader for it to still work, with one exception, and that’s the ending. I really have no idea what that final meeting between Merry and Yukari is supposed to be, and as such it falls flat for me. The part before it where she goes full oni after eating a man is enough of a conclusion that I don’t think it’s fatal, but I’d have found the piece stronger without that last section.

In conclusion, it’s dark bordering on horror in ways that I find genuinely unsettling. Well done. (Oh, and as an aside, I’m about 90% sure I know who wrote this. There was a piece in the last contest that had a very similar feel to it… though for the record, I liked this one better.)

This Year’s Harvest
As a horror story, I think this works reasonably well. The transformation of Kosuzu into a youkai is a little quick - I think it has to be to make the story work, but I’d have liked to see a touch of foreshadowing, a mention early on in the story about how stuff like this is a possibility. However, I think both the reveal of the horror and the payoff at the end work nicely. Youkai eat people indeed.

What bothers me is characterization. This dark of a take on Gensokyo isn’t one I usually like, but I can see it as valid. Kosuzu’s character also feels fine; after reading Forbidden Scrollery, her extreme carelessness around youkai has always made me think that her turning into one is more a matter of “when” than “if”. What bothers me more is Mamizou.

I think the intent was that Mamizou was genuinely corrupting/tricking Kosuzu. That the initial alarm and “human harvest festival” was to alert Kosuzu something was up, that she intentionally let slip the youkai harvest festival’s existence, and allowed Kosuzu to follow with the hopes of events playing out exactly as they did and turning the girl into a youkai. If that’s not her plan, she made way too many unforced errors for a character as intelligent as she’s supposed to be.

The thing is, what does she gain from corrupting Kosuzu into a youkai? Not only is Reimu is going to be on the absolute warpath, but the climax of Forbidden Scrollery is Mamizou saving Kosuzu from this exact sort of fate! She’s not even making her into a tanuki, it’s some other type of youkai, and this comes off as a scheme that will burn major bridges for questionable gain while ruining the life of someone I thought she was friends with.

In conclusion, while the story is well-written, I find that plot hole rather jarring. If Mamizou masterminded this, I can’t see why she’d do such a thing, if it was an accident, then it feels incompetent on her end.

Liberation Day
So, funnily enough, this story came together at the last minute. Until a deadline extension was requested, I figured I wasn’t going to end up submitting anything, and I didn’t even start writing until after the initial deadline had passed. (For the record, I was not the one who requested the second extension, but thank you to whoever did, I needed it.) This ended up being impactful, because my original idea was something completely different featuring Komachi, but I pivoted after seeing her featured in the contest’s first entry.

So, my story. As far as the origins of the idea, I both wanted to do something unusual with a festival, and use the idea of “reaping what you sow” in the positive manner. While the classic version is to sow the wind and reap the whirlwind, and no shortage of ways to make poor choices haunt the fool who made them, I wanted to go heartwarming, and instead have good deeds result in an unexpected reward.

This is what led to focusing on Keiki and the Animal Realm. Keiki’s existence is based around protecting humans, after all. That’s what she does, it’s what her haniwa are built for, and it’s what she works tirelessly for. Furthermore, the human spirits in the Animal Realm are completely discounted in terms of being able to accomplish anything. As such, them doing something of note, even a festival to celebrate their goddess, would come as a genuine surprise.

So that was the initial concept. However, there’s no named human spirits in the Animal Realm, and I didn’t want to focus the story around OC’s. Hence the slight change in concept - rather than just the humans showing gratitude for Keiki, Mayumi’s the one leading the charge and it’s everyone under her, haniwa and human spirit both. Marisa was brought in to give Mayumi that little extra push to actually hold a festival, and the story started taking off from there.

There were a couple of false starts. In my initial attempts at writing, I had the beast gangs pressing a lot harder and Keiki’s overwork being a lot more serious instead of just self-inflicted deadline pressure. I had a loose scene concept of Mayumi making Keiki finally sleep via committing high treason (switching her coffee to decaf), and having her wake up to the party… but it just didn’t work logically. Holding a party is an incredible failure of priorities if the situation is genuinely desperate, after all. On top of that, Keiki overworking herself so badly that Mayumi has to actively sabotage her attempts to stay awake crosses the line from “you need a break” to “you need serious help”. Which would undercut the heartwarming ending quite a bit.

Since having the story be heartwarming was the point, I softened those blows accordingly. Hence why Keiki’s overwork is now more administrative and voluntary than military-related and deadly serious. And despite it all happening very last minute, (the entire second post was written the last day of the contest), I think it came together well. Between the time crunch and some last minute changes of plan, I’m really glad the reception so far has been as positive as it is. So regardless of how the rest of the contest plays out, thanks to everyone who’s been reading, voting, and offering feedback.

The Harvest Gods
This feels a bit meandering, I’m afraid. There’s nothing wrong with anything of the individual scenes, and I appreciate writing in a couple of TH20 characters, but while it’s thematically consistent (via Sanae being a buzzkill with heavy questions instead of enjoying the party), neither Sanae’s worries nor the final answer she gets felt connected well enough to leave much of an impact on me. It just seems to me like vague worries about the future for mostly unspecified reasons, and the answer is similarly unsatisfying. Perhaps that’s the point, as Sanae doesn’t feel like she’s resolved anything even after she gets her answer, but that doesn’t make it more satisfying for the reader.

So with all the pieces addressed… I had to think about it for a while, but my choices are as follows:

Primary Vote: The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa
Secondary Vote: Culture of the Dead

Ultimately, while their ties to the contest theme were more tenuous than most of the entries, these are the two pieces I felt were the best written, and the ones that made the most impact on me when I read through them. Good job to both of you.

>>18809
>something completely different featuring Komachi
Wow, it looks like she really is popular this year.

Three Days Remaining. Remember, everyone is welcome to vote.

>>18813
>everyone
wait, you mean everyone who wrote or everyone everyone?

>>18814
Everyone, everyone.

>>18814
Everyone, everyone. I’m surprised this misconception is as common as it is, because you’re far from the first person to ask.

It’s been brought up that the original wording might have implied a connection from votes to stories, but that’s never been the intention. I’ll have to make sure the rules are clearer next time.

Two Days Remain,, so don’t forget to vote.

I wanted to write a detailed reply, but insomnia has destroyed my ability to function as a human being. So fuck it, at least I'll vote before it's too late. Maybe I'll find the strength to write a review later, maybe not.

[X] Culture of the Dead <- priority vote
[X] Liberation Day

Writer for The Harvest Gods here.

Lazy Harvest

> "Sweet potato?" Yukari offered. Next to her, Yuyuko chuckled, and Youmu followed suit tentatively, looking lost.

Youmu! So cute…

> "Hello, Miss Shinigami, jacking off as usual?"

How did this get past your editor! You should have a stern word with them.

> "SAKUUUUYAAA!" Remilia's voice cut through the festivities as she stood up in her highchair, waving at the pair. In Sakuya's absence, Alice had joined the SDM staff. Both of the witches and Koakuma had books open, comparing the contents. Komachi couldn't hope to guess what their argument was about.

Clearly they’re engaged in a heated powerscaling discussion. Does Santa Claus from the 1994 Power Rangers Christmas special have enough HAX to avoid getting speedblitzed by Tom from Tom And Jerry? Remilia is on Tom’s side, obviously, and Patchouli doesn’t have the will to conjure an argument against Alice’s pro-Santa analyses.

It reminds me a lot of an official Touhou printwork – the plot, pacing, writing, everything. I like the Touhou printworks, they’re comfy, this is comfy, so thats a plus for me. However, like some of the print works it relies more on the presentation of interesting ideas and character chemistry for reader attention than the plot.

I proofread it, so there’s not much else to say – if there was, I’d have left it too late! What kind of proofreader would I be? I would have liked some more descriptive imagery, though.

Culture of the Dead

Quite bittersweet. Yoshika hasn’t made a full recovery, but she’s able to live happily. Seeing the process was really nice, even if her ‘growth’ moments were all sparked by fuckups on Seiga’s part and not, say, Seiga putting trust in her, though that is narratively interesting. Are they like a patient and her good doctor, or like an experiment and her controlling master, who having let slip the leash is surprised to see her subject hasn’t turned on them? Is it even Yoshika? Perchance.

I suppose its linked to the theme? It ends with a celebration of Yoshika’s recovery? It was good regardless.

The harvest of Hieda no Akyuu

Don’t Fear The Reaper…

We’ve went from someone recovering from (something like) dementia to someone succumbing to it. BUMMER! I’ve got too many relatives with dementia and brain damage, good God if it isn’t heartbreaking. I think I’d rather die than live with it, uh, much like our Akyuu did.

I do think it ought to have been longer to have more emotional impact, like ContestAnon said. The previous entry is a great example of this, if that story has an upward slope of recovery and successes, this would be elevated by a downward slope of decline and failures. As it is now, it’s a good ending with no beginning or middle. And just how did Akyuu lose her memory? Did she lie about that too, that perjuring so and so…

The Barber’s Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa

It’s excellent, purely excellent. I’d like to argue that in detail, and hold every detail up to the light, but the Clock’s menacing finger tap tap taps at the voting deadline.

> Why is Yukari Gaelic?

I think it’s because she’s based on Koizumi Yakumo / Lafcadio Hearn, who had a Greek mother and a father of Irish and English descent. He was abandoned by the both of them. The author has presumably applied this backstory to Maribel / Yukari.

The setting of a medieval Japanese post town is very good too. It was sad to see the characters die, even though they weren’t very developed. I suppose they were the harvest in this story?

The personification in the story bring to mind Shinto animist beliefs, especially the description at the end with the mountain weeping. The way that repetition is used was quite effective too, very harrowing – isn’t repetition a feature of traditional Japanese horror stories, too?

Yukari / Maribel interestingly denies both Buddhism and Christianity. She says that she’s ‘seen the other face of the world. The hidden space betwixt one reality and the next where all the poems remain when the paper is burnt’, is that her ‘heaven’? Its something like the opposite of Darwinism, I think.

That overwhelming and overpowering aspect of Yukari melds with Maribel’s tendency to give sincerely and enthusiastic lectures very well, A wonderful synthesis between the two characters – though nothing like the present Yukari. Her message of ‘be the monster you are’ seems to conflict with her direction of Gensokyo in its present form. I suppose both of these reflect the years and years of change between the times that would turn her into the Yukari we know.

This Year's Harvest

Not to my taste, I’m afraid. The plot was a minor variation on something I’ve seen many times before and none of the other aspects – the dialogue, the prose, the character chemistry – helped that.

I think if you’d have been more descriptive in your work it would have been quite good. As it is its lacking in imagery. As a start, your use of just proper nouns for the types of yokai isn’t something I’d recommend, Its quite flat and doesn’t tickle the imagination in the same way a vivid description of these horrific creatures would. As a bonus, readers can play a fun game where they try to identify them just based on their descriptions, maybe before Kosuzu names them at the end of her description!

Maybe I’m just numb to cannibalism.

Liberation Day

Everything just feels far too mundane. Yeah, we’re in some kind of conflation of Buddhist hell and Buddhism’s concept of an ‘Animal Realm’ fighting endless swathes of vicious beasts who seek to utterly destroy us and enslave our wards, there is no stronghold to retreat to and we’re the only people who’ve managed to stand up to these animals in known history… But Keiki’s degree of overwork and worry seems comparable to the heights you or me (touch wood) will experience in student and working life. It’s like some kind of sanitized and workmanlike account of a war. I like my animal realm to be hellish! And I don’t know if your depiction of Keiki is true to her origin, I haven’t read much about the character, but to my tastes she is a bit too human here.

With all that I’ve written you may think I’m against your positive turn of ‘reaping what you sow’, but I think that this is quite novel and good. I think a grimmer and more strained setting would’ve made the payoff excellent.

The Harvest Gods

My entry. As others inferred, it was rushed. I spent a lot of time looking at the document and not getting much writing done, and I think it was due to several factors: Poor choice of workplace, not having anything to read (and steal from) at the time, my indecisiveness at the conclusion and overarching conflict of my story, burnout and assignments I thought were due for next week suddenly being this one. Excuses excuses, but I think I ought to just list them so I remember how to get myself in the mojo for next time. You know the funniest thing is that I’ve wrote while balancing studies before and I was able to manage, but this time I couldn’t.

It was originally planned to be a sort of family drama, with Kanako being too much of a striver and pushing Sanae too far to achieve, and Suwako not being present enough pushing Sanae to latch onto the parental duo of Remilia Scarlet and Sakuya Izayoi, only for her to be separated from them by the Moriya gods, who feared the SDM’s influence on her. A bit later I thought that was stupid, but kept flip-flopping back onto the idea (Which I’m kinda thankful for, it influenced how I wrote Kanako). The next one would be to have Sanae have a crisis of faith – its a foreign festival, right? What vetter way to set up a crisis of faith than to have a foreign religion (or in this case god) come in and start deconstructing your worldview? The problem there is that, um, the gods are right there. You could say they’re just manifestations of human belief like yokai, but ehhhhhhh. The only proper foreign god in Touhou is Hecatia, who for one resides in Buddhist hell for some reason and two wouldn’t give a damn about DEBOOOOOOONKING Shintoism. Anyway after Sanae gets pwned she goes up to Remilia Scarlet who is a pagan in my story and she helps her cope by being a Shinto apologist.

So it was this indecisiveness that led to my story being kind of a meander. I’m glad to hear that people enjoyed it, though. >>18791, Your laughter at Kanako’s business speak warms my heart.

VOTES!

Primary Vote: The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa
Secondary Vote: Culture of the Dead

Thank you everyone! I hope discussion this year is lively even beyond voting!

I wanted to have some commentary to give with my votes, but in the event what I have is scattered notes, not enough presence of mind to put them together, and a pressing time limit, so that'll have to come later.

[X] Liberation Day
[X] Culture of the Dead

>>18820
No, pressure, you can still post commentary after voting.
At the same time, it isn't mandatory so feel free to do whatever you like.
I might end up talking/responding here once voting ends.

Dawn of the final day of voting.
Vote now or forever fold your piece.

It's the final day of voting.

The counts so far:
This Year's Harvest - 1 Vote (1 Priority)
The Barber's Girl - 3 Votes (2 Priority)
Liberation Day - 4 Votes (2 Priority)
Culture of the Dead - 5 Votes (2 Priority)

Pole Position is incredibly close. Culture of the Dead was the last of the vote-getters to start getting votes, but it seems to have broad appeal

To all those who only got time to vote and not compose their full thoughts, keep it in your back pocket. I'm curious about your thoughts as well.

Author of This Year's Harvest, submitting my comments.

Lazy Harvest
To be honest, I didn't really care for this one. It sets up interesting ideas (Kasen's incident, the Outside World's pet youkai, the conflict with the moon), but then doesn't pay them off in any sort of satisfying way. It just sort of stops with the threads all dangling. If I didn't know it was the first story submitted I would think it was unfinished due to time constraints. It would really benefit from an ending that brings things together and lets the reader know what the point of all this was. Otherwise it feels less like a story and more a meandering grab bag of subplots and idle talk. One of those subplots should have been elevated to main plot and brought to some kind of conclusion.

Culture of the Dead
It's cute SeiYoshi content, I'm always in favor of that. The scenes with Seiga rehabilitating Yoshika were really strong, especially the parts from Yoshika's POV. I liked inhabiting that alien mindset. I kind of wish we could have lingered there a little longer, maybe told the whole story in the past with Yoshika's perspective continuing to develop rather than the abrupt flash-forward at the end to where she's more "normal". That ending almost felt like it was tacked on as an excuse to have a harvest festival and satisfy the condtions of the contest. But up to that point the story hangs together well, the writing flows and the characters are likeable (which is a nice feat for a wicked hermit and a hopping zombie!). I enjoyed this story a good bit.

The Harvest of Hieda no Akyuu
Not exactly a fun story to read, but a heartfelt one. Kind of a throwback to all the buzz last year about Akyuu's death. Very focused on a single emotional note rather than constructing a melody, it didn't feel like there was much thematic progression. Closer to a vignette than a story. Maybe a little more development between Kosuzu and Akyuu, possibly in flashback, would have fleshed things out? As it stands we come in already at the end of Akyuu's life and rely on canon knowledge to establish the characters. That's not a fatal flaw in a fanfic, but I think it's better if your story is able to justify its own emotional stakes. I appreciate a short short that knows what it wants to do and doesn't beat around the bush, at least. Overall a solid piece.

The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa
There was a lot to like about this story. There was strong, visceral imagery, particularly in the disaster that struck the village. The characterization of Yukari through the lens of Kasen was compelling, and I know Yukari is a tough character to get a handle on. But in the end, the piece was dragged down by its overwrought prose style. The clearest example is the gratuitous use of Japanese terminology. Whatever nuance you gain from writing "kyoumachiya" instead of "shop", it's outweighed by forcing the audience out of the story to consult their Japanese-English dictionaries. But even beyond that, it felt like every line was trying to be poetry, every line was clamoring for attention, taking attention away from the story itself. It ended up like an overspiced dish, impossible to taste the flavor of the meat. I think there's good meat here, and it would have benefited from a more workmanlike presentation.

This Year's Harvest
My story. Zounose is a huge inspiration to me as a fan creator, so I wanted to try my hand at a Zounose-style meat story. A Halloween writing contest seemed like a good opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and try to write some body horror. Once I had the core image of the human flesh nagashi somen, everything else fell into place around it and I was off to the races. I'm pretty happy with how the story turned out, but I can understand the content might not be to everyone's taste. I appreciate all the comments on the piece, but I do want to respond to >>18809 specifically. Mamizou's intentions were meant to be ambiguous, with "it was her plan all along" being a possible interpretation supported by evidence in the story. I don't think it's too out of character for Mamizou. Remember, she thinks being a youkai is pretty great, actually. She's having a grand old time in youkai paradise! She wouldn't think of it as ruining her friend's life, but rather helping her friend blossom into what she was born to be, even if she has to grease the wheels with a little dishonesty. The climax of Forbidden Scrollery was a different sort of scenario: in FS, a separate youkai was possessing her, threatening to overwrite her sense of self. Mamizou would see that as losing her friend, and try to prevent it. I wasn't able to directly clarify this in the story itself since it was written from Kosuzu's POV, but Mamizou's final line was meant to suggest she was welcoming her friend to an exclusive club, not deliberately ruining her life.

Liberation Day
A well-constructed story about a couple characters I'm happy to see get some love. The plot was a pretty ordinary and predictable one, standard fluff with the corresponding standard story beats. But when you use an orthodox story structure like this, the challenge becomes filling the framework with something worth reading, and here that's the characterization. Keiki and Mayumi are both pleasant to read while being believable to their canon characters, and that's a tough line to walk for Mayumi in particular. It's easy to make her overly robotic, or just turn her into a generic soldier girl. The aside with the human spirit potter was nice, and if I have a criticism of the story it would be that there should have been another couple of vignettes along similar lines, to sell Mayumi's efforts to set up the party and to give more opportunities to characterize her. But overall I liked this piece a lot. If The Barber's Girl was overspiced meat, this story was simple but filling homecooked comfort food.

The Harvest Gods
This one is kind of a mess. It has a big cast of characters, most of whom don't seem to do much to advance the story's plot or themes, leaving it incoherent. When the climactic encounter with Remilia comes, it doesn't feel like it has much connection with the story to that point. And then, Remilia doesn't really feel like Remilia, but more like an author mouthpiece to say what the author wants to say about the story's themes. Unfortunately, I really don't think the story works at all, I don't know what you'd do to begin to try and fix it. The best you can do is pick out some of the bits that work on their own, like the banter with Shizuha, and try to slot them into a story where they actually fit thematically.

My votes are:
#1: Liberation Day
#2: Culture of the Dead

Thanks to everyone who wrote or commented, and especially to Gooboi the organizer, this was a fun event.

>>18824
Getting included into the killed by Reimu club is pretty exclusive, after all she hasn't killed a lot of people.

I'll try to comment later, but I want to get in my votes now before the deadline

my votes go to

[#1] The Harvest Gods
[#2] Liberation day

[X] Liberation Day
[x] The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa
No comment, at least for now.

>>18817
i made it! guess i'll vote first.

[x] priority - The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa
much wordy; brain hurty. overbearing, overwhelming and insane. heart-ripping. haunting.
and uhhh... i have trouble picking now. brb.

[x] secondary - Culture of the Dead
i guess novelty wins me in the end. it was hard between this and liberation day. as far as i'm concerned, they're both 2nd.

3rd would be lazy harvest.

Time is up.

The Final Scores are...
- In joint 4th place, The Harvest Gods and This Year's Harvest.
- In 3rd place, The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa.
- In 2nd place, with 7 votes but only two priorities, Culture of the Dead.
Meaning, with 7 votes and 4 priorities...

The winner is ContestAnon's Liberation Day!
Congratulations to the Winner, ContestAnon. Your prize is a prompt of your choosing, within the confines of the theme, and written by our host.

The other podium prizes are half of a prompt each. Each of you may choose one character, or an interpretation of the contest theme, and the piece which comes out will be a combined work.

Now, because this came up when one of the frontrunners approached me last night: if anyone wishes to forfeit their prize, whether because they can't think of a good combo or for some other reason, they can do so. By default, this means it will go to the next person in line, but you can ask to pass it to a specific person as well.

You can also just delegate the prize behind the scenes some other way. Like, if you ask your friend to give your part of the prompt, you've effectively passed your prize to them, and we'll never know.

Thank you everyone for participating. In terms of overall quality, this felt like the entries were particularly strong this year.

We hope to see you all again next year. It'll feature a new host, as well... Maybe someone on-theme this time.

Thank you all again, and for those who missed out on their chance to speak, I hope to hear your feelings soon.

For all our competitors, thank you for participating, congratulations to the winners, and I hope you'll join us next year.

I didn't know we were supposed to review our own stories, sorry about that. I'll make sure I will next competition...
But seeing as all votes have been cast I'll bundle together my thoughts on my own story and my responses to the commentary posted so far. Happy posting
>>18791
Thanks, I had a lot of problem with characterization earlier on–with Sakuya in particular–I feel like Kasen suffers with this to a degree as well, but Kasen is already a moralist who likes to give lectures. The cut off lecture she gave to Yukari and Okina. I really wanted to keep that conversation since it felt like I was abandoning Kasen, but in retrospect I agree, it would have been better to remove it. Then I'd probably extend Komachi and Kasen's conversation at the end. I think Lazy Harvest could have done with a bit more work in the Sage's section, but at the same time I felt like I already turned it in, so I didn't want to change my entry that much.
Although I do twist Komachi's character here to be more inhumane/anti-human when she's described as being more sympathetic to them.
Thanks for the commentary.

>>18808
Kasen is too preachy! What's next! Is your lobster too buttery! Your steak is too juicy! /jk
But more seriously I think there's a balance I just didn't manage to hit. Tried to aboid any explicit mentions of climate change as a buzz word, although Kasen says–
>part of the changing climate
–and only had Komachi–the more inhumane of the two–say anything bad about humans while Kasen thinks they should be guided. Although honestly I think it's out of character for Kasen to be as non-judgmental (by her standards), maybe I didn't gor far enough. Anyway, in the fic the thing she is worried about–humans experimenting with youkai–isn't connected to environmentalism and is more of a mad science thing, funded by the japanese government. Perhaps I should have made that more clear. Her complaint there isn't even on the principle of them experimenting on Youkai, but how they're going about it. I thought it was sufficiently understandable why she would be worried about that, but maybe I should have shortened her explanation or had Komachi cut her off so they could go to the shrine a bit earlier...
As for my personal politics, I confess I'm not really an environmentalist but I am suspicious of mad scientists who try to do ??? to snake gods.
There's some irony here I could have made more explicit, but Lusca's are man eaters by nature. Well they probably are given the mysterious and sudden disappearances that have happened in blue holes. Of course Kasen is going to raise Yamato on a non-human diet, I imagine they're a bit like Chupacabra's where they eat humans opportunistically and not due to dietary restrictions.
On Yoshika, I originally mentioned her by name but removed it to make the connection more vague. It's partly me just being self indulgent, but I was also trying to characterize Kasen. Yoshika is a person Kasen wants again, but going out of her way to march into hell and do something overly dramatic for the sake of her own emotional self-satisfaction isn't something Kasen would do, which is why she isn't looking for Kasen. I think I could have made that more clear, but when Kasen says she's just a human– and the narration mentions death and reincarnation–It's basically Kasen going.
>Well I'm sure I'll meet one of her future reincarnations one day.
Kasen is a person who has an immense amount of faith, both in people and in the system of the whole, so the thought of Yoshika having failed her hermit training AND being turned into an undead isn't something she would think of. Irony of ironies, Yoshika is in Gensokyo. Although that's a pretty cruel joke on Kasen. In retrospect I could have also mentioned Seiga leaving before Kasen arrived. I think I could have also done with making Kasen less wordy to give off less of an impression of lecturing.
Personally I think Okina's mention of the "Three-body Problem" is worse, given her implicit comparison between the Lunarians and Trisolarians, as well as the further implicit comparison between the Sages and the Wall Facers. That and I thought the mention of Eiki but her not appearing was more egregious as well, it comes it at the last minute for the sake of a joke.
Other than that, I won't say the lack of any real conclusion was on purpose, but while writing I didn't really think the story needed one? If that makes sense.
Ran handles the mad scientists. She's shown to be worried about them, and in retrospect I think I should have added some things to assure the reader that she'll handle them fine.
The plot of a Touhou game happens. Reimu fights some tropical and nautical themes 2hus, Kasen in the extra stage or as a 5th stage master mind, and then they all get drunk after the fact.
And the Lunarians continue on doing what they do best, be annoying.
I'll try to do better next time and hold in my reflex to include every little thing I'm familiar with.

>>18819
>How did this get past your editor! You should have a stern word with them.
I regret to say, you did make me panic and check. Just imagine me shaking my fist in the air.
>Clearly they’re engaged in a heated powerscaling discussion. Does Santa Claus from the 1994 Power Rangers Christmas special have enough HAX to avoid getting speedblitzed by Tom from Tom And Jerry? Remilia is on Tom’s side, obviously, and Patchouli doesn’t have the will to conjure an argument against Alice’s pro-Santa analyses.
I was actually thinking of the argument of what to call pepper/paprika from I think "Ladies of the Scarlet Devil Mansion." Luckily I managed to restrain myself and not reference it more explicitly here.
>It reminds me a lot of an official Touhou printwork – the plot, pacing, writing, everything. I like the Touhou printworks, they’re comfy, this is comfy, so thats a plus for me. However, like some of the print works it relies more on the presentation of interesting ideas and character chemistry for reader attention than the plot.
Yeah, that was admittedly my intent. I was to emulate official touhou works. I didn't have a strong plot here, so I ended up using a bunch of things I already knew about to string some things I already knew about into a story, of course that's a double edged sword, lol.
But seriously, it was fun working with you. I enjoyed it a lot.

>18824
I think you're right on the money, it's not a story and is a bunch of meandering idle talk. It's a bad habit of mine, let my ideas flow onto the page and figure something out later. Although I fell like the resolution to the things you mentioned is all pretty straight forward.
An incident will happen and it will be resolved like it usually is, Ran will handle the government backed mad scientist in the outside world (Maybe I should have made that being mad science and it being sponsored by the Japanese government more obvious), and the Lunarians will keep being annoying and keep spying on Gensokyo like they usually do. I think Teuryo said something similar with that 1000 word word fun thing a while back, where I wasn't writing a story, just expressing my passion for something. Something that's also pretty dead on the money, I like writing, but that doesn't mean I'm a writer.
I should have written more of certain things, and cut others, espically after the deadline was extended and I started looking at my story more critically and having a lot of the same thoughts about needless tangents. But once I hit the first deadline I didn't want to write much else, so I don't have anyone to blame but my own laziness.
On that note I think it's wordiness and how many ideas it has contributed to the lack of resolution. I got to 5K words and resolving every idea I introduced felt like it would take too long. That and as I said above I felt like the ideas I introduced were a given on how they were going to end, next time I'll try to have a more definitive conclusion.

>>18831 (cont.)
>"Ladies of the Scarlet Devil Mansion."
I found the doujin I was thinking of and turns out it wasn't LotSDM, it was "Another Peaceful Day at Scarlet Devil Mansion" by Megumiya

Also I fgorgot >>18824

Congratulations to ContestAnon for winning with Liberation Day. It was a great story and it definitely deserved to win - I certainly thought so! Now, I've held off on commenting on my own story until most people have had a chance to comment on it.

The making of and General feedback
I was originally going to let the contest pass me by until I saw a piece of artwork on a booru where Kosuzu was mourning Akyuu. I realised that I had missed out on all the buzz last year when Akyuu totally for real died, only for ZUN to go "Haha actually she's 30 forever." Then it got me thinking, "What would the lead-up to Akyuu's death actually look like?" before I realised "I have to write this out". Panic almost immediately followed inspiration as I realised how close I was to the deadline. I ended up writing this short in-between daily hour long lunch breaks at work.

To make matters worse, I scrapped my initial version after my editor told me that they "couldn't quite get emotionally invested in the work." The original one had a greater focus on the theme of a harvest festival, featured many more characters (Minoriko, Cirno, Marisa, Reimu and Komachi actually had a speaking role), had a lot more dialogue and had an ending that I prefer over the one I came up with for the current iteration. I still have the old version on my computer and might post it someday.

The general consensus from readers here is that the short was too...well, short. I agree that there should have been more emotional build-up where Akyuu goes from healthy to unhealthy. I would have liked to give my story a lot more time in the oven, but for reasons stated above I couldn't do so. I might revisit this story someday but I don't want to keep killing off Akyuu. She's one of my favourite characters and it gets old killing off the same character over and over again...unless its Mokou. Then it's funny.

In my head pic related is how Akyuu's encounter with Komachi really ended.

I am glad to see that readers generally felt that there was an emotional sting to the story and that Akyuu's decline was realistic and not cartoonishly contrived. (Well, it is contrived. I gave her brain damage so I could write this story, but that's besides the point). Readers also wanted to know how and why Akyuu was getting weaker - I chose not to elaborate on that so that readers could fill in the blanks with their own interpretation, but I can see that the lack of description makes the story weaker too.

Specific feedback
>>18792
>Did Kosuzu write all that?
Well, honestly no I don't think that was intended. I really just needed a way to tie all three segments together and I thought interspersing quotes from a biography written by Kosuzu might be a good segway between each bit. It would also lightly foreshadow how Akyuu would deteriorate next (loss of memory, body shuts down, death). I can see why that would cause confusion though.
>ephemeral
Yeah uhh I should have caught that one - myself or my editor. Thanks for pointing that out.
>Weak descriptors and different word choices
Not much I could do about that before the deadline given my lack of time to work on it properly. Maybe a revisit will fix it, but I've also got to improve as a writer too. There's a certain level of flowery descriptive language that I can't muster yet which I would have liked to apply to this story, but couldn't.

>>18808
I do agree Akyuu was perfect for the role in this story. I agree with what you said, except I don't think Akyuu or her friends would try and reverse or stall it. At this point Akyuu's been reincarnated 8 times. She knows what to expect and I think she wouldn't fight death as it approaches...even though it ravages her mind and body. Its complete head canon, but I think immortals and reincarnators approach death with a degree of flippantness and heck-care attitude than we mortals do.

>>18819
Well, I'm glad you thought it was a good ending. I didn't intend for Akyuu to come off as lying about losing her memory, but it puts the story in a rather different light if she was lying about it the whole time, don't you think? Perhaps Akyuu wanted to use the veneer of senility to break down the class barriers that exist between herself, a noblewoman and Kosuzu, a commoner, to tell Kosuzu how she truly feels. Or perhaps Akyuu's just full of it and was faking illness for her own twisted amusement.

>>18824
Yes, this piece was focused on a single emotional note. After my editor told me that they didn't feel emotionally invested enough in my original draft, I specifically wrote the short for to deliver an emotional gut punch. Also yes, I don't tend to beat around the bush when I write. Perhaps it's a result of gaming via play-by-post for such a long time - you learn very quickly to get to the point, making your character's actions clear without obfuscating it in prose. I might need to re-learn how to write a long story...

This isn't related to your comments on my work, but I'm happy I called the Zounose inspiration in This Year's Harvest first. I do appreciate that you've clarified what your Mamizou was thinking. Unlike others in the thread, I didn't think that Mamizou was being actively malicious here. I think that she was being dubiously helpful - in the sense that she was trying to help Kosuzu be the best version of herself, just that that best version was best from the point of view of a youkai in a youkai sanctuary. I'll definitely be taking notes. Wish someone could draw Youkai Kosuzu...

Thank yous and Shilling

Anyways, a big thank you to my editors for reading my fanfiction on such short notice. I apologise in advance but you'll have more work coming your way in the very, very near future.

I would also like to thank everyone else in this thread for informing me on the DEEP LORE that I've missed out on, such as Yukari and Kasen's real life inspirations.

If you want to read more of my work, I'm working on a crunchy, crossover quest. It is loosely based on Touhou, the world and rules of Pathfinder Second Edition and takes heavy inspiration from A Wizard is You. Dice rolls play a huge part of the progression and you can too, by voting on choices that directly influence the MC's stats, personality and ancestry. You can find Barbarian in Gensokyo at: >>/others/70198

Now, back to actually writing the update...

>>18833
I'm sorry Aroden, but picrel is the best you're getting.
While I don't like how Mamizou was portrayed in that story, it wasn't due to me thinking her actively malicious. In my mind it's the same sort of contradiction that happens at the end of Monster Sub Rosa where I feel like it conflicts with the story of the print work it's drawing on.
As was said, FS ends on her turning into a Youkai being prevented, even if its said Mamizou only stopped that due to Kouszu being possessed it still feels like there's some contradiction there. Not to mention the scene with Yukari in FS, where she explains she wouldn't want Reimu to kill or have to feel like she has to kill Kousuzu so intervened to help stop the situation–in her own Yukari way. Of course there's an explanation here with Kosuzu is no longer a human villager and if the villagers don't find out then it's fine, then Mamziou would leverage Kosuzu's friendship to make sure Reimu doesn't kill her, but I don't see Mamziou as someone selfless enough to where she'd burn bridges or risk encouraging peoples wrath just to help a friend who wasn't in immediate danger. Although that makes me wonder how Byakuren would react to Mamzious doing this?
That and Mamziou feels like somebody who has a significant understanding of humans, that I don't think she would think that traumatizing Kosuzu, ruining her friendship with Reimu is a good idea, and her relationship with her parents is a good idea.
That and while Mamizou loves being a Youkai and is afraid of being human, I don't think she'd be an enthusiastic about humans abandoning their humanity then a former human or former half-human like Suika and Kasen probably are.
Although that's just after the fact reasoning for my dislike of the story. It was just a lot like things I've already read, the second Mamziou mentioned the harvest I could see the ending in my mind and was unsurprising, unshocked, unhorrified. While not having an interesting spin or strong enough execution to interest me. I think horror needs to be at least a bit suprising. Although I don't think it's bad objectively speaking, just really not to my taste.
Also, as always with man-eating Youkai, I think the Inaba are overlooked. People always go for the obvious options or just generic youkai but never the rabbits for some reason. Tewi and Reisen being vegetarian is just fanon, all Reisen ever complained about is humans eating rabbits while Tewi doesn't seem to care that much either way, although she does see humans as annoying gluttonous animals.

Hello, writer of Culture of the Dead here.

I want to begin by thanking everyone who voted and commented. Didn’t think people would like it so, thank you for proving me wrong. As well I would like to thank all the people who helped me in writing this entry, and Gooboi in particular for hosting.

About the story. When the contest got announced, I was taking a break from Touhou in general. Decided to watch some season-appropriate movies… So, yeah, the only way this could’ve been more of an obvious Day of the Dead homage would be if I let Kasen channel more of captain Rhodes and take over Yoshika's recovery effort (“I’m running this monkey farm now, Frankenstein, and I want to know what the fuck you’ve been doing to my poet!”). Her choking on baozi being cut was truly a loss to us all.

Jokes aside, I’m glad that you’ve liked this Seiga. I tried to make her more like how I saw the original Qing’e, as I think it’s a very underutilised part of her character. Very fanony as well, but it’s fanfiction at the end of the day, so not a big deal I suppose. Definitely will write more of this characterisation in my future stories.

I do regret that I didn’t do more of how Yoshika actually is when not being a hopping, mindless corpse. Partially it was because I was worried that, while probably fine in a vacuum, I shouldn’t be leaning on my prefered interpretations too much in a contest, so I tried to be subtle about them. Again, glad to be proven wrong, since I overdid it. Most of my interpretations, and some things I misremembered as my interpretations (like Bomba noted >>18792, thank you, still kicking myself over that one) got so subtle that they’re not even in the story anymore. Then again, some of the scenes are very in-your-face. Looking back on it, my priorities were all over the place about that.

A common criticism is the ending, and I agree. This was one of those rare moments when the middle of the story was much clearer to me than the beginning or the end. Which is terrible, since the whole story hinged on the ending. The way I saw it, ‘harvest’ can be interpreted as the big payoff after a lot of hard, time-consuming, potentially fruitless work. So without any visible results there would be no harvest, just culture, some tiling. I thought the finale taking place in the present, with Yoshika fully conscious (even with her memory issues and her talking like she does in TD; I think she’s much more lively there than people make her out to be), was more than enough to show that Seiga's labour wasn't a waste, Kasen’s worries of her creating a philosophical zombie aside. Didn't come out that well. It also being during the harvest moon festival was very much a last moment addition.

One thing that didn't make it into the story that I wanted to share was Seiga's senkai, not in detail, that is. Since she is hunted by the Ministry, I thought it made sense that she ought to stay mobile. So originally she was supposed to have a ship to travel in and out of her senkai like she's Shang Tsung or something, collecting fresh bodies and mortally wounded soldiers off of Genpei War battlefields for those initial attempts at ‘positive reinforcement’. But it felt like it was diluting the theme, so I decided not to write it. Maybe some other time.

About other entries. I'm sorry, but I don't think I can offer any constructive comments on them. Too many personal biases. Maybe as the conversation keeps going I’ll join in. For now, I'll comment on the stories I voted for.

I gave my secondary vote to The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa. I'll admit, I'm a sucker for purple prose. I also respect this kind of view on Touhou, even if I don't enjoy it. It's a bitter pill, if you will.

I gave my primary vote to Liberation Day. Honestly, I don't like the Animal Realm and all the associated characters. But this story made me forget that for a second. Not sure what is it about it, but I just plain like it. Good job.

Now, time to plug my main story if that's fine with everybody. I'm currently writing Shinobi no Bakemono, a fever dream I had about Sekibanki being a youkai of three clandestine tasks (she's a ninja, alright?) that I'm making a reality. The schedule may not be the most consistent, but I am sticking with it; I'd rather die then abandon it. I would appreciate you having a look, maybe giving some feedback. You can find it here: >>/shrine/44370

>>18837
Don't be sorry for having your own interpretation of a character, this is fanfic we stray from canon as a matter of course and unless it's something that feels notable. Besides it's not that out of character and I think it's a relatively minor complaint, Seiga being even more charismatic or Kasen coming across as even less resolved, I guess would strengthen it in my eyes but I think it was still a very strong story overall.
That and while I didn't mention it, even if the ending was a bit weak compared to the rest of the work, it did have the desired effect on me. I was happy to see that Seiga efforts with Yoshika hadn't gone to waste.
But personally, I don't mind hearing your opinion, even if you think it's too tainted by your own biases, I don't know about others, but I'd love to hear them.

I have to say, I didn't think I'd pull it out this time. I'll admit, I was refreshing like mad over the course of the voting period for both votes and commentary, and was legitimately hyped when time ran out and I pulled off the tiebreaker. Both The Barber's Girl; or, Monstra Sub Rosa and Culture of the Dead were great entries, and it really was anybody's race.

As for the prize... well, Gooboi knows the characters I like. I'll leave the decision up to you, surprise me.

Thanks again to everyone who participated and voted, and hopefully I can get back to a faster pace of USiL updates soon!

Congratulations! Liberation Day and Culture of the Dead both thoroughly deserved their high places! I really enjoyed (and voted for) both of them, so I'm glad to see others did too.

I still don't have time to properly write out commentary, so I'll have to ask you all to be patient with me on that. Sorry, and thank you!

And I'm glad people enjoyed my entry (as at least two people I know of correctly surmised, The Barber's Girl)! Third place is pretty good and, more than that, I'm just satisfied to know people enjoyed reading what I enjoyed writing.

Hm, for my half of the runner-up prize... well, tentatively, I'm thinking about another idea I had and didn't follow up on, deriving from the versions of the Haseo Soshi where the oni is our girl The Oni of Rajoumon instead of an unknown resident of the Suzakumon gate. That's the story where the oni collects parts from hundreds of corpses to make a 'perfect' woman; a decent summary is on Ki no Haseo's Wikipedia page, or I can probably get anyone who wants it access to a more thorough academic article on the subject.

I don't necessarily mean that specific story, just the idea of 'harvesting' parts to make a person and/or graverobbing as a kind of harvest.

But before I submit my choice, >>18837, you wanna get in touch on Discord or somewhere and whenever we both have time, we can work together to hash something out?

>>18838
I'm not really bothered about straying from canon, it's more that I was worried that there wouldn't be much common ground between me and the readers. Again, I was wrong in thinking that, and it very much negatively affected the story. Next time, if there will be one, I won't tie myself as much.
>>18840
Sent you a message in the DMs. Congratulations by the way.