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File 140808148347.png - (589.68KB, 1000x804, 5a78e1b61951cd97fb9b0cbc845a4f32.png) [iqdb]
13365No. 13365
HEY FAGGOTS GUESS WHAT TIME OF YEAR IT IS AGAIN

ALL SUBMISSIONS MUST BE ANONYMOUS. Non-anonymous posts will be disqualified.

Deadline is 15 September at 23:59 GMT (which, conveniently enough, is what site time is). Any submissions after that will be ignored.

The number of posts you can use maximum is two. MAKE VERY SURE THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY LINKED TO ONE ANOTHER. IN-THREAD LINKS ARE SUGGESTED.

Next, the categories. Veteran/newbie, normal/porn, the usual. We'll be dividing vet/newbie by a simple cutoff: if you've been writing here since before January 1st, you count as a veteran. All others are newbies.

I think you can distinguish between porn/non-porn yourselves.

Judging will be done the same way it was last contest: I will aggregate a list of the entered stories, and everyone will be allowed to vote for a story in each category: that is, non-porn/newbies, non-porn/vets and porn. I'm lumping the porn categories together due to low turnout for newbie porn. Voting will last another week, ending on 22 October at 23:59 GMT.
Expand all images
>>No. 13366
Threads are here:
Newbies non-porn: >>/shorts/1742
Veterans non-porn: >>/shorts/1741
Porn: >>/at/35888


OKAY GO FAGGOTS
>>No. 13367
>>13365
And by voting deadline I totally meant 22 September at 23:59.

Fuck October. It's a shitty month anyway.
>>No. 13368
One final thing to remember: if you don't title your story, I will.

And it'll be about butts.
>>No. 13369
>>13367
Deadline is September 22nd... That is more than a month. Do you believe people will remember about the contest after so long, considering their similarity to goldfish?

Oh well, I'll give it a shot regardless, try something I've never done before.

>>13368
>If you don't title your story, I will. And it'll be about butts.
So, like always.
>>No. 13370
>>13365
Do you count as a veteran when the only other time you wrote something on here was in another contest?
>>No. 13371
>>13369
That is how long the contest has always been, and that is how long it is going to be.

>>13370
You're terrible for not writing anything else, but I'll go with no, you don't, unless you've entered in all the contests, in which case fuck you you're a veteran.
>>No. 13372
Oh hell I'll give it a shot. I kind of flaked out on last years contest, mostly due to school.
>>No. 13373
Fuck it
After five years of zero contribution to this site I'll write something
>>No. 13375
>>13373
Yeah! That's the right attitude!

Now, let's see if I can get off my own lazy ass and write something decent this time...
>>No. 13376
So I've got a story idea with two discrete, clearly-differentiated halves that's also well under the character count of even one post. Would anyone particularly mind if I split it between two posts anyway, or is that some sort of faux pas?
>>No. 13377
>>13376
Go for it.
>>No. 13378
File 140824623375.jpg - (481.93KB, 1200x2200, a new beginning or is this the end.jpg) [iqdb]
13378
>>13377
IT'S GONE FOR

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH MOTHERLAND

(Why can't you spoiler an image on /shorts/? Was going to do that.)
>>No. 13420
A reminder to everyone still not done with their entries:

YOU HAVE LESS THAN TWO DAYS SO GET WRITING!
>>No. 13421
>>13420
25 hours to go and nobody's entered in the /at/ section. How the hell am I going to lie about what story's mine without anyone entering?
>>No. 13423
File 141073711245.jpg - (45.78KB, 488x656, Kappa.jpg) [iqdb]
13423
>>13421
>>13420

What are you talking about? The contest doesn't end for another week.
>>No. 13424
>>13421
Please take a look at >>13367
You wrote it yourself, so how could you misinterpret?
>>No. 13425
>>13424
>voting
the voting deadline is next week.

The entry deadline is 15 September at 23:59 GMT (site time)
>>No. 13427
>>13423
>>13424
Sweet baby Jesus are you fagmotrons illiterate? Did you read the posts you quoted?

>Deadline is 15 September at 23:59 GMT (which, conveniently enough, is what site time is). Any submissions after that will be ignored.

THAT IS 20 HOURS FROM NOW

>And by voting deadline I totally meant 22 September at 23:59.

>voting deadline

>voting

HOW CAN YOU WRITE IF YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF READING
>>No. 13428
File 141075718585.jpg - (55.90KB, 321x448, how about noakuma.jpg) [iqdb]
13428
>>13427
Actually, wouldn't mind an extension on my end. Work sprang up and curbstomped the supple back end of my /at/ short. I mentioned this in IRC, but I'm making a post here to officially request said extension, just to see if there are any likeminded souls out there who would also appreciate one.
>>No. 13429
>>13428
Agreed. It's like I decided to write for THP, and fate decreed that writing must be delayed due to RL business. Of course, I'd be adding to the new blood section, so take this as you wish.
>>No. 13430
>>13427

>>13423 here, it was a joke. I tried to pick out a smug enough pic to convey that in lieu of an emote, but I guess I failed, sorry.
>>No. 13431
>>13428
>>13429
I too would love an extension. Work has been kicking my ass and I will likely not get anything out before time is up.
>>No. 13432
I wouldn't mind. Like everyone else, I've been really occupied with college and I only managed to write my piece with the little spare time I had left. I could really use a bit of extra time to polish my work.
>>No. 13433
I'm all in favor of an extension, even if it's a short one rather than a full week. I'm having issues finishing a near-done piece.
>>No. 13435
Allow me to quote something I feel is relevant to the current discussion:

“HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.”

The deadline has been extended to the 22nd of September at 23:59 GMT, because you're all colossal faggots.

Now, the problem with this is, that voting would end the same weekend as AWA, which would mean that voting won't actually happen. Do you guys have a preferred way to handle voting? I am thinking about extending it to the Wednesday of the next week, because I sure as shit don't want to wait two weeks for results. A week and a half still feels too long but it'd be a terrible idea to shorten it.

And I swear to God, if all of you faggots who asked for an extension don't enter, I will fucking cut you.
>>No. 13438
File 141143107725.gif - (24.37KB, 270x220, smugasspacmanbig.gif) [iqdb]
13438
Story list:

Newbies

>>/shorts/1764 A Heartfelt Effort
>>/shorts/1765 Chatter
>>/shorts/1771 A Tsukumogami's Tale
>>/shorts/1776 (I'll let you name this one, Rabbit)
>>/shorts/1777 Malfunctions
>>/shorts/1780 Legend of the White Youkai

Veterans

>>/shorts/1743 >>/shorts/1744 The Wages of Sin Are...
>>/shorts/1758 >>/shorts/1759 Entry Team
>>/shorts/1760 Star Vamp
>>/shorts/1761 A Collection of Short Stories
>>/shorts/1762 Of Flower and Stone
>>/shorts/1763 20 GOTO 10
>>/shorts/1768 Fires
>>/shorts/1770 Gateway Beneath the Moon
>>/shorts/1778 Just Another Day In Gensokyo
>>/shorts/1779 Old Soldiers DOT DOT DOT

Porn

>>/at/36000 And Then They Fucked
>>/at/36022 The Heat's Getting To Me
>>/at/36024 Binding Rituals
>>/at/36040 >>/at/36041 Dragon Knightess
>>/at/36043 Insert Tabs A through G into Slot B
>>/at/36044 Summer Shade

Voting is open until 1 October at 23:59 site time.

Remember, since some of you were faggots in IRC, I think this deserves a reminder: anonymity is required until the end of the voting period. I will disqualify yo' punk ass.
>>No. 13439
File 141143159998.jpg - (26.63KB, 256x256, sanae is innocent.jpg) [iqdb]
13439
>>13438
>some
>>No. 13440
Voting for:

>>/shorts/1765 Chatter

>>/shorts/1743 >>/shorts/1744 The Wages of Sin Are...

>>/at/36044 Summer Shade

Reasons and reviews to come later. I already think I know the authors of about half the stories.
>>No. 13441
>>13439
You're alive?
>>No. 13442
Newbie: >>/shorts/1764 A Heartfelt Effort

Veteran: >>/shorts/1763 20 GOTO 10

Porn: >>/at/36000 And Then They Fucked
>>No. 13443
I'll have my votes right here just to make the vote count easier.

Newbies was a tossip between Chatter and the unnamed story, but my vote had to go with >>/shorts/1776 (I'll let you name this one, Rabbit)

Vets: >>/shorts/1768 Fires, because that ending is something fantastic. The Wages of Sin gets an honorable mention for being practically perfect, but Fires got to me more.

Porn: >>/at/36022 The Heat's Getting To Me, for being an excellent piece of work all around. Honorable mention to Summer Shade, which would have had my vote were it not for Heat, seeing as it's also about as flawless as you can get, if too short for my taste.

Now for my half-assed commentary!

Newbies: Sorry in advance for my shorter impressions on these stories as opposed to my talk at length on the vets entries.

A Heartfelt Effort was funny, but not outragously so, Chatter was a delightfully wandering piece of work that made good use of some underused characters, A Tsukogami's Tale had some punch but is let down by that flat ending, (I'll let you name this one, Rabbit) starts with a tense atmosphere and doesn't let up, Malfunctions had a decent concept but the prose and flat dialogue crush it before it could really start, and Legend of the White Youkai felt half-finished and confusing.

Veterans:

The Wages of Sin Are... is a magnificent piece of work, with excellent prose, characterization, and pacing altogether, although the ending confused me for a while until I sought clarification. All around, it's an excellent entry.

Entry Team is something I'll recuse myself from commenting on, being the one who wrote it.

Star Vamp is a funny ride all the way through, but the lack of proofreading and some of the turns the plot took hurt my opinion of it. Still an enjoyable read, though.

A Collection Of Short Stories never really grabbed me at any point while I was reading; the entire entry felt bland, for lack of a better word. Not to say it's bad, because it isn't, but none of the little stories really stood out. I did get a smile out of the ending, however.

Of Flower And Stone is a somber piece that gets the connection between the two characters across very well, although it seemed to lack that vital little spark of greatness.

20 GOTO 10 makes the absolute most out of its short word count, making me feel for a character with only five lines of dialogue. The entire story is meticulously crafted, and I'm impressed so much could be conveyed through so little.

Fires deftly illustrates the unique relationship Mokou and Kaguya share, although a few typos and little errors strike at the worst possible times, hurting the otherwise excellent ending.

Gateway Beneath The Moon is an intriguing take on one of the old youkai and his life, as well as his reasoning for staying Outside as long as he has. Little errors drag this solid entry down, but not by much.

Just Another Day In Gensokyo is, unfortunately, not good. It's a blandly-written collection of references slapped together in an attempt to ride on nostalgia where quality is absent. I got a smile out of one little part, but it's still a bad entry. Whoever wrote this needs to step their game up.

Then Old Soldiers came and washed the bad taste out of my mouth, being a nonstop thrill ride start to finish. The action is blindingly fast, the prose is vivid and in your face, and the thr ending is true despair. My only quibble is that it's hanging onto its relation to Touhou by its fingernails. When I have to look up the protagonist's name and find out he's a one-off background character from supplementary materials, you might have gone too far out of bounds. Still, an excellent piece all around.

Porn:

And Then They Fucked is a fun, funny, sexy, and surprisingly educational read, and I got a kick out of Akyuu's critique of common porn gaffes, some of which I'm guilty of. It's a good piece of work all around, although it falls shy of perfection with some repitition and a few little bits that didn't quite gel with me.

The Heat's Getting To Me is amazing through and through. From the descriptions to the pacing to to Satori herself, there is not a single part of this story I dislike. I'd say more, but really, I'm speechless.

Binding Rituals has a quality Mima, and is generally a solid piece all around. It's not my favorite of the entries, but only for its stiff (heh) competition.

Dragon Knightess gets points for length, but something about the whole thing just rubs me the wrong way. The RPG speak was fine, but I just couldn't get into it with the prose like it was. It felt too unreal (and I know the irony of saying this on a site about magical girls in frilly dresses, believe you me). The writing is technically competent, but it just lacks a spark of vitality.

Insert Tabs A through G into Slot B is a funny story, but not so much sexy. Yes, sure, there's some decent porn in there, but it falls short of greatness like some of the other entries. Work on your descriptions some more, really get into it, and I'm sure you can do even better next time.

Summer Shade is really good. I mean, seriously, goddamn. The entire story, while fairly short and light on the actual sex, is a carefully crafted piece of art, with fantastic dialogue, solid descriptive prose, and an ending that leaves me feeling warm and fuzzy. Also, Rumia a best.

-

And that concludes my terrible reviews of all the entries! Hopefully someone gets some entertainment out of this.
>>No. 13448
My votes?

Newbie-
Chatter as it was an intereting view at PC-98 life.

The others weren't bad but they were faintly related or very typically plotted.

Vets: Space Vamp. The fact it has such a spark narrows down the writers to a few.

Tough the gate under the moon was definitely interesting, Just another day in gensokyo was overly meta (though the fact a certain story got mentioned narrows the guesses down greatly as to who wrote it), 20 GOTO 10 gives food for thought.

Entry team? Not bad but the obvious /k/ interest is a nigh-giveaway.

Old Soldiers? INteesting bit on how the Lunarians influenced the world, though what would they have to gain from setting up communism.

Though whoever wrote Fires, did you time travel here from the past? As the concept is something that could have been taken from the dark ages.

Porn:

my Vote? The heat is getting to me. Nice arc and conclusion.

Summer shade comes close as well, all it really needed was some more time with things and some more foreplay and it'd be neck and neck.

And then they fucked was an amusing short on doujin logic but well it's in porn. As a normal short it's definitely above average in spite of the yuriness.

Binding rituals would be good, but could use some more foreplay and an actual conclusion.

Dragon Knightness wasn't bad, but the RPG talk was clunky and there wasn't a real conclusion. The Stuff with Meiling wasn't that bad though.

Insert Tabs seems to be very much a Rabbit story though he wouldn't have been this blantant for the contest as it's heavily inspired by the /at/ shorts of Favors owed, though the original shorts were better.
>>No. 13449
For my votes

Newbies: A Heartfelt Effort.

Most of the stories for this category didn't really stand out for me, but this one made me laugh.

Veterans: Fires.

I always like stories focused on Mokou and Kaguya's unique relationship. I really liked the way it was set up.

Somebody owes an apology for 20 GOTO 10, though. It's not fair to make me feel so sad with such minimalistic perfection.

Porn: The Heat's Getting To Me

The Heat's Getting To Me and Summer Shade were both amazing, but I had to give it to my girl Satori.

For Dragon Knightess, if I hadn't played the game the story was referencing, it would have felt awkward. Having played it, however, it was easy for me to grasp the situation and flowed a lot better than it would have otherwise. I liked it overall, but The Heat's Getting To Me was basically perfect.
>>No. 13453
Oh boy! Time to write too many words again! ... no sarcasm, I actually love this. Thanks to everyone for writing and participating!

Votes first, for ease of counting. It'll spoil things a bit but everyone loves votes! These were pretty tough decisions, all in all. The Newbie entries are all very close in overall quality and I could vote for most of them. Vets and Smuts are each easily separated into top and bottom halves, for me, but then they're really close within those halves. Big honorable mentions to The Wages of Sin, Entry Team, Star Vamp, 20 GOTO 10, And Then They Fucked and Summer Shade, but for me the winners are...

Newbies: A Heartfelt Effort
Veterans: Fires
UFOPORNOOOO: The Heat's Getting To Me

And now the longer versions, where I'll appear to savage stories and be entirely too harsh. Some general things I'm looking for, off the top: structure (a beginning, middle and end), clarity, a good opening hook to keep the reader's interest, "Show, Don't Tell,"

Newbies

>>/shorts/1764 A Heartfelt Effort
Good structure, but could be better. The opening is awkward and goes on too long without letting the reader know what the story is actually about. There's no reason to conceal the fact that it's a pet show for that long, we WANT to know it's a pet show, that would establish interest a lot faster and better than building up to some mystery event. I'm not a fan of the drunk Satori frame story either - I know you were trying to be cute there, but really, there's no need, it'd be fine to just go through events as they happen. If anything the framing weakens the impact of the final punchline. Prose is fine, better than average really, but a little dry. A lot of the fluff descriptions could just be cut entirely, or turned to Showing instead of Telling. And the ending's pretty abrupt. Other than all that though, I think this really is a Heartfelt Effort, and I wavered back and forth for quite a while on voting for it over the Doom 3 audio log. It's genuinely funny and easy to follow and envision. Well done!

>>/shorts/1765 Chatter
This is an odd duck. The prose and mechanics are excellent, better than most of the Veteran entries even, but the story, well... isn't. It isn't a story, it's more like something you'd find on a detailed RPG character sheet. There's no definite beginning, middle or end, no conflict, no action really. Just a lot of description and Orange and Kurumi rambling about... random stuff. It's true that Slice of Life is a genre, but Slice of Life stories still need to be stories, they just deal with more mundane conflicts. The only conflict going on here is the metastory playing on the reader's expectations and going "Ho HO, youkai eat humans even though they're cute and relatable! Grim darkness, what what!" That's ok and all, but since I never got into these characters in the first place I just shrugged at the end. But if this actually went somewhere, it'd be a slam dunk. Keep at it.

>>/shorts/1771 A Tsukumogami's Tale
Decent job establishing various scenarios. A little strong on the heartstring pulling, though. Like many (too many) other entrants, reader hook and interest here gets driven by the desire to find out wtf is actually going on. Relying on mystery like that is BAD mmkay folks. It's easy to be all "ooooh who could this character be, I'm not going to tell you their name, oooh what could be going on, I'm not going to tell you it's a pet show until halfway through the story" but it's also cheap and shallow. It's better to just put your story out there and interest the readers with what Actually Happens, unless you're doing a full on proper mystery story. That soapboxing aside, this is one of the better mystery-reliant entries because it DOESN'T rely solely on that and has a nice natural progression to figuring out what's going on. ...and then it just ends, question mark? Think about what you were trying to accomplish here and how you want the reader to feel and react as they move through the story.

>>/shorts/1776 (I'll let you name this one, Rabbit)
Hey! Something that isn't slice of life, wacky hijinks or meandering navel-gazing character building. This is good, anonymous writer person. You aimed high, and you mostly hit. Prose is a bit shaky, due to the weird formatting, but it's easy to follow what's going on here, you have a beginning, middle and end, vivid description and a good grasp of the genre you're aiming for. Perhaps too good of a grasp, there's the rub. The thrust of the plot is more than a little derivative and predictable, if one happens to be familiar with any sort of space horror movie, video game, or whatever. Or if one happens to actually read the Mary and Renko CD stories. Ultimately the predictability and paint-by-numbers feel prevented me from voting for this, although it was a very close second place. Flesh it out more, anonymous writer person, and I'd love to see more nuanced works from you, cause you've got the spectacle aspect down.

>>/shorts/1777 Malfunctions
A more than acceptable dose of wacky hijinks, sure. I think this one went a little overboard with Ran's perspective. Bland descriptive sentences abound about what she's doing or noticing, and the narrative voice jumps around between observed action and internal thoughts in a rather disorienting fashion. Best thing I can recommend for this is to go and do a very close read of some good writing, break it down sentence by sentence and paragraph by paragraph, and work on your mechanics and understanding of Why Put Word Here, This Sentence Good For Say That Thing. From there, move on to emotional reactions and how to engage your readers without yanking directly on their heartstrings.

>>/shorts/1780 Legend of the White Youkai
Uh. So. There's no Touhou in this one, other than the word "youkai." No real plot to speak of either. Reginald Character O'Dontsteal runs around a forest, and may be a monster, or... something? Is the farmer the youkai? Is there something chasing him? Shadowing him? I really couldn't tell what's going on. Now, it is far from the worst I've seen on these angles, but it's just not very interesting either. We need a connection with the character, something of interest, clear leads to follow, and a path of engaging action to have a story. Sad to say I came out of this confused. Go back to the drawing board, and actually write a storyboard and try to communicate more clearly. I can see there's something in the author's head here but it isn't coming through very well.


Veterans

>>/shorts/1743 >>/shorts/1744 The Wages of Sin Are...
Good character-centric work here. It does the whole mystery angle at first, but eases off it and becomes endearing enough. Well written, keeps the reader interested, general good times. I am a little confused about what exactly was going on at the end, though, that's the cost of being a little too subtle. There's the oar, the scythe, the sin stick and the paddle, something's going to get carved into something else but I'm not really sure what? And other than the end, there's not a ton of action - I'd like to see a bit more flesh on the middle parts where Komachi's ferrying people and doing her job, maybe something playing on her coin motif or her personality. She doesn't seem to be a slacker in this, quite the opposite really, but without that aspect from canon she doesn't have much characterization, so I'd love to see those blanks filled in more. Still, good work!

>>/shorts/1758 >>/shorts/1759 Entry Team
Whoooo, this is a ride. Other writers take note, this is how to do some effective action writing. I love how the subscenes move and progress. There's a logical flow here that sweeps up readers and takes them for a ride, while the events appeal to a visceral sense of spectacle. Two major caveats, though. First, the opening is weak. Too much gun porn, reminiscing, and some Show Don't Tell violations while awkwardly establishing the scene. THIS is the kind of short that could very easily use a cold start at the mansion entry and be better off for it, or at least cut down the fat at the opening quite a bit. Second issue is the repeating structure of the subscenes. Each encounter in the mansion goes, in general terms, the exact same way: enemy is encountered, enemy takes the upper hand with some attacks and wounds the squad, squad manages to pull through and create a distraction or trick to land a KO on the opponent. Repeat for Sakuya, hallway fairies, Patchouli and Remilia. I know that is one of the basic and most effective structures for action scenes, but even so there's room for some more variation. Repeating the structure so closely took away from some of the tension, because instead of thinking "Ooh, how are they going to beat Patch and Remi?" I'd already guessed and was just waiting for the hammer to fall. Sneak some sort of twist in there and this is perfect. I have some suspicion as to who wrote this and look forward to seeing more from them.

>>/shorts/1760 Star Vamp
Excellent comedy hijinks in space, don't mind if I do. I wish this was slightly better arranged, though. As is, the battles and various characters and punchlines are all there together in a big mashup, and while there is a progression in the plot, that progression isn't reflected in the comedy and character focus. It feels loose and meandery, like all the individual pieces are fine but they don't flow together as well as they could. I would compare it to watching scattered Whose Line clips on Youtube instead of entire episodes at once - the comedy is the same, but you're losing out on opportunities to stitch the parts together into an even better whole. Or like the scene just keeps talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no-one has a chance to interrupt; it's really quite hypnotic. Sorry if this critique is a little nebulous! It's good, it's funny, just lacking a little bit of spark to pull together and bring the house down.

>>/shorts/1761 A Collection of Short Stories
Sad to say these did not work for me at all. The individual scenes are too short, there's not really any progression in most of them, and they don't flow into each other well. Pervert Reimu is just weird and feels out of place with the otherwise introspective tone. The last two scenes are decent starts, though. Remi's trapped mansion is a great idea, Sanae interacting with her is cool, and the Satori scene almost works as its own comedy short. In fact if this entry was just the Satori scene, I'd like it far better. There's certainly potential here, the writing is fine and enjoyable, it just would have been better to pick a single one of these and flesh it out into a real short story.

>>/shorts/1762 Of Flower and Stone
In some of the earlier reviews, I mentioned an overreliance on mystery, a poor tendency to toss the reader into a murky pit of trying to figure out who the characters are and what's going on in a story. This here is a glaring example of that, and why it is not good. This should be a heavily emotional romance story, but it falls completely flat for me because I cannot figure out what's going on, and I'm forced to devote my mental energy to that instead of getting emotionally involved. It's short enough to give it a close reread, but even now, having read it multiple times, I couldn't say for sure if the girl here is Akyu or Komachi, or if the guy is genderswapped Komachi, or why they have a romance, or maybe it's Youki Konpaku and his wife? Yeah, I'm guessing it's probably Akyu and male Komachi but I really don't know. I don't know their situation or how their relationship started, or why I should care about them, so it just leaves me cold and a little frustrated. Especially coming in the same pack as The Wages of Sin, which leverages a very similar situation and emotional beat into something much more effective. Read that and learn from it.

>>/shorts/1763 20 GOTO 10
13 lines. 13 amazing lines and this knocks it out of the park. Well played. Even in that short of an entry, we have a clear beginning/middle/end, an emotional hook and reason to care, and implied conflict that (for once) gives us enough to start filling in the blanks. I was really tempted to vote for this. It could give a liiiiiittle bit more than it does, and I wish it did. That's all I can really say. Amazing work.

>>/shorts/1768 Fires
Wow. Nonstandard progression, repetition, these things can be dangerous writing traps... but this entry really knocked it out of the park. It's exactly the right length, communicates everything it needs to and no more, and packs changing emotional nuances into every one of the subscenes. This just gets better every time I read it. The only negative criticism I have is for the typos. Congratulations. Everyone else, read this and learn about tonal and emotional progression. And the importance of restraint in nonstandard structures, because this wouldn't work if it was any longer. And how to do the artsy mystery thing where you don't directly say who the characters are, while still making it 100% clear who the characters are and leaving no room for confusion about what's going on.

>>/shorts/1770 Gateway Beneath the Moon
See "Of Flower and Stone;" my comments on this are largely the same. It's easier to figure out what's going on here, but the loss of emotional impact is very similar. This tries to shoot straight in and assume the reader cares about the relationship between the characters, and I really didn't, because there's no setup or connection established. I'm not sure whether the guy is from Gensokyo or the outside world, or what the daughter is about. Finally, I hate to knock on this so blatantly, but... well, I've seen this episode of Doctor Who. C'mon now. Thanks for entering, though, and props for trying and experimenting with your prose.

>>/shorts/1778 Just Another Day In Gensokyo
Uh... I have to assume this is a joke entry. It's vaguely amusing if you get the injokes? But, uh, yeah.

>>/shorts/1779 Old Soldiers DOT DOT DOT
Well, this is certainly is, er, different. It does have good action and compelling prose. Really, really overwrought, though, to the point where it goes over the top into inadvertent comedy. "And still the moon, the damned murdering moon shone on, cold and inevitable." "I knelt in the Stygian pool, the silver moonlight playing on the bloody water as I wept for the last time." I can hear Mandus from Amnesia: Machine for Pigs narrating all this, and I honestly do not know what to say. It's impossible to take seriously, yet so earnest that it's hard to take comically. So instead I guess I'll say I didn't understand the plot. What exactly are the Lunarians doing here, why is Iwakasa opposing them, and is this really... I mean... what universe are we... I don't even. What's going on? At least, if you're going to be off in mystery land, this is a lot more enjoyable to read than an attempted romance. Good... good effort, author. You do your thing.


L.. Lewd...

>>/at/36000 And Then They Fucked
I loved the humor, and the cute relationship between the characters! And that's the problem as well as the strength of this piece. The writing can't seem to decide whether it's going for all out gonzo comedy, or trying to build a serious and sweet relationship, and it winds up veering between those extremes instead of picking one or finding a setting somewhere between the two. Would've liked the last third, where they get to actual sexings, to be longer as well. There's a LOT of potential in this concept that felt like it was only barely tapped into. I'm sounding a lot more negative about this one than I actually feel, though. I wouldn't mind seeing this expanded into some more posts, there seriously can't be enough cute yuri around here!

>>/at/36022 The Heat's Getting To Me
Good sir or madam, you have done it. You have written actual Satori mind reading porn that puts her powers to use. This is one of those concepts that has been forever begging to be written, and no matter how much there is, there can never be enough. On top of that, you've written it well, giving us a vibrant emotional insight into Satori, letting us feel and enjoy and understand her heat. For this, I grant you the boon of my vote, forgiving you your small sins of not characterizing the guy at all (like is he an oni or in love with Satori or what?) and stopping right when I wanted more. All hail. Write more, though.

>>/at/36024 Binding Rituals
Decently written, if a bit bland, at least for me. I get that this is going in hard on ghost/googirl fetish, but unfortunately that fetish holds no particular appeal for me. All the talk about her hot and featureless core just comes off as repetitive and disappointingly lacking in detail to me. However, for people who are into that sort of thing, I could see that being exactly what they want and totally hot. So I dunno if I can fairly judge it in that regard. I do feel confident saying that the beginning and end are abrupt, though, and could use more setup and a gentler leadout. Reimu being into it at the end was hot, I'd have loved to see some more of the relationships between the characters. Oh, and I get the feeling this is a first attempt at writing smut, so - thank you for participating! See, it's not that bad, you can do it. Write more!

>>/at/36040 >>/at/36041 Dragon Knightess
Ok, I was going to ask if this was referencing something specific, and looking at the other votes I see that it is. Alas, whatever the game or anime or whatever is, I'm not familiar with it, so it all comes off as a generic MMO and it's possible there's some injoke or big thing that I'm missing. That aside though... I'm not sure why the MMO stuff is there at all. Nothing happens that makes use of the setting being a game, other than a couple of throwaway jokes, and once the sexing starts all that stuff in the first post about combat and goats seems totally irrelevant. Could be any forest, or any setting. But let's be honest here, we're not reading this to gain levels or earn gil, we're reading this for the part where Meiling jumps the guy, and that part is fine, if a tad vanilla. In particular, the emphasis on her breasts is a standout, I'm not usually into boobs that much but I was able to get into them here quite nicely. So overall pretty good, although I'm still unconvinced on the relevance of any of the setting.

>>/at/36043 Insert Tabs A through G into Slot B
Like another voter mentioned, this is funny, and well written, but not really porn. The tentacle aspect, the bondage aspect, the S&M aspects, those were the things I was most interested in (just from natural reading, those aren't even my fetishes!) and sadly they don't get that much attention compared to Reisen and Tewi growling at each other and cracking jokes. Teasing is good, but better if the reader is in there getting aroused too. Cut the explicit factor by just a little, though and this fits right in as comedy in the non-lewd categories, and would rank pretty highly as such!

>>/at/36044 Summer Shade
Ha. I think I know exactly who wrote this, and it's about damn time. The setup and leadin are great, we have characters, we have emotion, sparks are flying, description is great, powers are used, thrills are had, everything's going wonderfully - "and then they fucked." NoooooooOOOOooooOOO! Why you got to do a thing? Why you got to skip out and gloss over all the actual banging? That is not enough. That's the climax of the story, in more than one aspect, and it deserves better than a couple of vague sentences. I know it's hard. But you gotta do it next time. Also it's funny how the ending of this is the same as Binding Rituals, which unfortunately illustrates for both stories that it's just a standard hook end. Gosh dangit though, if the last third of this was even half as good or detailed or existent as the first two thirds, that'd be great. Please keep at it.
>>No. 13454
Newbies
My vote goes to:

[x]>>/shorts/1776 (I'll let you name this one, Rabbit)
I want more of this. Please. I love this genre and your writing isn't half bad either.
By the way, name it already Rabbit. Something like "Space it easy!" or whatever.

Honorable mentions to

>>/shorts/1777 Malfunctions
>>/shorts/1764 A Heartfelt Effort

Because they're really on the way to become excellent stories. They have all that they need; they could use a bit of polishing.


Veterans

My vote goes to:

[x] >>/shorts/1758 >>/shorts/1759 Entry Team
I may be partial because I like the writer but whatever. It was entertaining, consistent and all around fun.


Honorable mentions to:

>>/shorts/1743 >>/shorts/1744 The Wages of Sin Are...
>>/shorts/1768 Fires

I like origin stories, does it show?

>>/shorts/1760 Star Vamp
Could you write more, please? I almost picked this one right off the bat but the other came before.


>>/shorts/1763 20 GOTO 10
Very Very good. This is how shorts are done.

Holy shit the veteran section was amazing this time around.
>>No. 13455
>>13454
I did name it.
>>No. 13460
Good run, everyone. Too bad I couldn't enter this year.

Lots of good entries, as always, and some tough choices to make. Here's my votes:

[x] Chatter
[x] Entry Team
[x] Dragon Knightess

And, some comments for everything.

Newbies

A Heartfelt Effort: Sorry, couldn't finish it. The humor made me cringe, and the prose was sluggish and repetitive. If you can get things moving faster, I your work will be a lot more enjoyable.

Chatter: The most entertaining of the bunch. Didn't have much of a plot, but it did some good characterization and interactions, and Orange was fun to listen to.

A Tsukumogami's Tale: The picture kinda gave it away. I like seeing things from non-human perspectives, but this one seemed like a dead end, content-wise. There's only so much a box can do. Try not to rely too heavily on single words; the repetition of "fed" really bothered me.

Smartass Name - Not bad, competently written, but not very original. I wasn't a fan of the script format, either; it made the dialogue and characters hard to follow, and it's kind of silly to have someone narrating everything aloud when they're stalking through a horror-filled space station.

Malfunctions: I didn't read it, but only because I didn't like the premise. Not your problem.

Legend of the White Youkai: You were brave to submit it. Keep practicing.

Veterans

The Wages of Sin are...: I liked the first part. Prose was sharp, and I could empathize with the protagonist. The second part hardly seemed necessary, though I did like the ending.

Entry Team: A lot of fun to read. Good, crisp descriptions and creative action for the fight scenes, though the final showdown was a bit anticlimactic. The twist at the end helped a lot, too. It was too bad that the squadmembers ended up without much characterization; we got a quirk for each at the beginning, and then their interactions were limited to some wisecracking before Alpha invariably told them to shut up. I guess there's only so much banter you can get from a bunch of mercenaries in the middle of an op, though.

Star Vamp: A fun, well-written little romp, but not especially funny or interesting.

A Collection of Short Stories: Couldn't finish. The plot didn't have anything to draw me in, and there was a lot of telling rather than showing.

Of Flower and Stone: Not a bad setup. Didn't confuse me as much as it did some other people, but I agree that it was a little too vague. It didn't really go anywhere, either; the ending suggested that there would be a resolution, but we never saw it happen.

10 GOTO 10: Amazing work. I ;_;'d.

Fires: Liked this one, too. Very good structuring, especially with the phrase they kept repeating.

Gateway Beneath the Moon: Didn't get what was going on in this one. Too deep for me, I guess.

Just Another Day in Gensokyo: At first, I thought it was going to poke fun at repetitive plots or high-school settings, and that seemed like it might be fun. But then the rest of it happened.

Old Soldiers...: The violence was very well-described, but the plot had me scratching my head.

Porn

And Then They Fucked: The funny parts made me chuckle, but I don't think you can do that and then drop a legitimate sex scene on top of it. Might've been better to go all-in on the comedy.

The Heat's Getting to Me: Not bad. We got a good look in Satori's head, and the man was in an enviable position. The descriptions were decent, though they could have used more detail. Watch that you don't repeat the same sentence structures, especially where "as" is involved. Using both strikethroughs and italics for Satori's forbidden thoughts was a little confusing, too.

Binding Rituals: I could dig it. Pretty good descriptions for the tail-sex, even though that's not my thing, and I liked the relationships between the characters. Watch out for run-on sentences.

Dragon Knightess: The game reference was a pretty puzzling choice, and the plot was weak, but I ended up liking it. Lots of good details in the sex scene, which I think made it more erotic than the rest.

Insert Tabs A through G into Slot B: The writing and dialogue were pretty well-done, but it wasn't really arousing. I could see where it was going about halfway through, and I kind of dreaded reading the rest. Maybe I just don't like reading S&M from the M's perspective. It was surprisingly heavy on the sadism, too.

Summer Shade: It had a good, cute setup, and I liked how the characters got along. I had to wonder how young they were, though, and the sexy parts didn't live up to their potential.
>>No. 13462
>>13448 Here and my votes if not clear

Chatter, space vamp, and the heat is getting to me.
>>No. 13486
Whoops, I thought I had voted already, but upon a re-recounting I found out I didn't, so here goes:

[x] Chatter
[x] 20 GOTO 10
[x] The Heat's Getting To Me

I feel like I should make a commentary on each entry, but honestly I can't think of anything that hasn't been said already. I can say that I liked most of the entries that have participated, and that I had a really hard time picking my vote for Newbies and Veterans. Also, that it's a shame that BSD decided not to submit his short, because it was glorious, but oh well.
>>No. 13487
Porn:
[x] The Heat's Getting To Me

Vets:
[x] Entry Team
>>No. 13496
Welp, time to put my votes in.

>Newbies: A Heartfelt Effort
While I did sight one notable editing error, the story had an amusing energy to it that most of the other entries lacked. Having a spark like that is important.

>Veterans: 20 GOTO 10
It does so very much with so very little. I am awed, sir.

>Porn: Insert Tabs A Through G Into Slot B
"It's not hot," the other voters say. "It's not porn," the other voters say. Well, I laughed, so fuck off.
Also there weren't any serious tentacle entries this year. I miss you, author of Black Lotus.
>>No. 13497
=== The part with votes ===

[x] >>/shorts/1771 -- A Tsukumogami's Tale
[x] >>/shorts/1763 -- 20 GOTO 10
[x] >>/at/36022 -- The Heat's Getting To Me

I feel I should mention up front that if 20 GOTO 10 had not existed, I would have gone with Of Flower and Stone, Fires, or Gateway Beneath The Moon.

>>13496
>I miss you, author of Black Lotus
That needs a continuation so bad.


This year's contest was brought to you by the letters /k/, Ei, En, Tei; the number 8 and the number tweeeest; the Touhou's Television Workshop, and readers like you.


=== The part where I love the sound of my own voice write lots of words ===


---- [The New and Weak] ----

>A Heartfelt Effort -- >>/shorts/1764
There's something just slightly off about this story, and I find it frustrating that I can't pick out what it is, exactly. Maybe it went on a bit too long, or it just got too Horrible Day Gone Wrong-ish, I don't know.
It would help if I could pin down exactly what it was, because there's a whole lot that's good about this story: The characters are good, the idea behind it is pretty interesting, the actual quality of writing is very good, and the way the story is told is very nicely done.
I'm sorry I can't give you my vote for this story... but I would still be very happy to see you writing more on the site. The title describes this story on more levels than one. Good work.

>Chatter -- >>/shorts/1765
I've been in love with the PC-98 era Touhous ever since I found out about them, and these two are some of the more obscure ones. You should feel good about having done this thing. The story was very slice-of-life, and the writing was very relaxed (which is sort of necessary for that). Got kind of maybe-dark at the end, but not in a bad way—that's how a youkai youkais, and you shouldn't expect anything different when that's the life you're treated to a slice of.
This felt very much like a PC-98 version of the original "Being Meiling" short, now that I think of it. Maybe a little less moping and a little more character-introduce-y. I would love to see this get turned into or be the basis for a full-sized story. Orange and Kurumi, just youk'in it up.
Minor addition: the "Laranja" thing threw me off a tiny bit. Is that Portuguese? From what I can remember, the word for "orange" in Spanish is "naranja", and Portuguese words tend to look like a messy slop of Spanish, so I was sort of curious what was going on there.

>A Tsukumogami's Tale -- >>/shorts/1771
I was split between this voting for this one and Chatter (>>/shorts/1765), honestly. In the end, it was the narration and the way this story was told that did it for me. I especially liked the fact that it's never explicitly revealed who the narrator was, although the image used and the filename make their identity fairly clear (I didn't actually read the filename until I'd finished it). I very much liked that "The clues are given in context, now figure it out" approach (which was also used in another story or two, this year), and if you had used a less-spoilery filename, it would have been perfect.
As for the content of the story, I do appreciate seeing Reimu suffer being more honest, more human... More genuine, I suppose. Like several other characters in Touhou, it's easy to work with just the surface traits and not dig too deep into who they are and what they're feeling. The tsukumogami's viewpoint was a very interesting one to tell a story from, and it's what really makes the story work. The notion of "hunger" and "being fed" was an excellent idea, and helped add the right touch.
This story was good and you should feel good.

>(I'll let you name this one, Rabbit) -- >>/shorts/1776
"Residead Spacevil Green Asteroid" sums this up. I liked the horror approach to it, and the story told here is a fairly interesting one. I have a hard time buying that the Watatsukis themselves would be the ones to check out the station instead of some kind of special ops team. They really shouldn't have been the S.T.A.R.S. of this story. Also, the whole yukkuri meme was a bit much to swallow, but to your credit, you worked it in in a way that was actually relevant and had meaning within the context of the setting (It brought to mind the pad reference in ASSM: A really stupid meme that was drastically reworked and then presented in a mostly serious way).
There was still a lot that was good about this. The concept itself is good, and the way the story unfolds is also done right. Survival horror has to be done right when it's only text, and this wasn't painful at all. The narration was reasonably solid, by and large. The overall plot was a scenario I don't think most people have considered, and I really liked it. Relying on a meme when it should have been chilling made it a bit sillier, instead, and that made the story take a hit.
You definitely have good ideas, but this was a genre that doesn't take well to random wackiness at the last minute.

>Malfunctions -- >>/shorts/1777
There's an art to doing "Yukari fucks with people for the lulz" and this story did not grasp the basics of it. In your defense, it's a long-overused theme in fanworks, so doing it justice is already a difficult task. You might have been better off with a different idea, or perhaps a different approach altogether. The plot was unimaginative—it's literally a combination of two items from the Forbidden Templates—and loosely strung together. It feels like it was the plot of a Bewitched episode or something.
Worse, there were numerous points in the narration where it felt like it was waiting for a laugh track that never played. Any single moment seemed like it could just be summed up with "Oh man, what a terrible predicament! How's Ran gonna get out of THIS sticky situation?!" and maybe a host with a mic and a bad corduroy suit from the 1970s grinning at the camera and waggling his eyebrows while Ran just suffers and suffers.
On that note: If I had to give you credit for something, it would be that in non-Chen scenes, the way Ran's narration was written was very fitting. Patient, polite, calm, and well-mannered, even despite all the shit that she's going through. Even while the plot overreacted, she didn't. All that went out the window any time Chen came up, though.
Ultimately... there were ways to play this sort of situation right, and those were not the ways you chose.

>Legend of the White Youkai -- >>/shorts/1780
Overall, an interesting idea, and a nice little twist at the end. The way it was written was good, and it painted the picture and told the story that needed telling.
It felt rushed, however, or perhaps over and done with far too quickly. I understand that due to what's being done by each party in the story, it can't be a story that lasts too long, but even despite that, it felt a bit shorter than it could have been.
I don't know if it was exactly a good idea to add that "To be continued, maybe, please love me" part at the end, there, though. I don't know why, but that seemed maybe not very cool to do.
...Despite what I just said though, it would be kind of interesting to see this turned into a story. The big scary softy wolf youkai, just living in the forest. It wouldn't make for a bad slice of life story, really.


---- [The Ancient and Decrepit] ----

>The Wages of Sin Are... -- >>/shorts/1743
This was a good story to begin the veteran's section with. It was written really well, and especially improvised a lot of stuff in believable ways, which is where I think it shines. I less of a problem with writefags making up details for canon if I can really be made to believe it. But then, that's what fanfiction's all about, isn't it? I was expecting some kind of interesting personal observation or minor internal revelation or feel-good scene at the end. What I got instead caught me completely by surprise, and was way cooler than any of that would have been.
In the interests of I'm-not-sure-what, I'd like to note that I didn't realize who was telling the story (or even that the speaker was female) until it was explicitly called out. And even after that, it took me a little bit longer to realize that this was an origin story, and not some sort of strange AU setting.
Good choice of an uncommon character, better choice in going for an origin story, even better choice in the writing and the details, neat as hell choice in how you ended the story. Good show.

>Entry Team -- >>/shorts/1758
While not a stunning masterpiece of narrative wonderment and awe, I still had a good time reading this. It set the atmosphere well, it established a pretty solid narration, the scenes were crafted well and were clear and easy to read, and the balance of Outsider vs. 2hus in combat was not a total curbstomp on either side. I saw the twist coming at Remilia's grin, though I wasn't expecting Alpha to know it, too.
Not every story has to be breathtaking descriptions and fiendishly brilliant plots—they just need to be compelling enough that the reader stays interested, and intriguing enough to leave a positive impression of the experience. This did both of those, and it did them well. What's more, you Tactical Actioned it up pretty thoroughly without making it feel nauseatingly tacticool, which is harder than it looks.
Additional note: If it's "BADGE Squad", then where does "Sigma" fit into that? Also, can't believe you didn't use make the obvious Blazing Saddles reference.

>Star Vamp -- >>/shorts/1760
This got way too silly, way too quickly. It was an interesting idea, and maybe I'd gotten too into the Serious Story mindset because of the two that came before it, but It was really hard to read this one. It tried too hard to be funny; maybe too hard. Relied a little too much on derpy fanon and WACKY memes.
Crazy Captain Flan and her crazy adventures isn't a horrible idea, but it should have been done with a lot less slapstick.

>A Collection of Short Stories -- >>/shorts/1761
First off, you at least get credit for a good pun with a hot image of one of the better 2hus. Don't expect it to work next time, though.
As for the actual content of the submission, I think you would have been much, much better off if the whole thing ended after the third paragraph of part two (Alice's and Patchy). It didn't exactly turn crappy or anything, but it did just sort of begin to meander aimlessly not too long after that point.
Didn't care for the third part (Sanae and Reimu) a whole lot, for some reason. The way it started kind of turned me off, I guess, and "moping Reimu" wasn't a great idea for a scene. It sort of seemed to wander and not go anywhere really interesting, kind of like the second part.
Part four (Sanae and Remilia) was a much more interesting read. It was maybe a little bit out-there, and I think it directly contradicts canon in a few points (though I don't recall where in canon her weaknesses were discussed—obviously, some sources are more suspect than others), but it was a very cool idea, and it made good explanations from little details that a lot of people probably never thought twice about.
Part five was a whole lot of setup for a clever punchline (and an interesting way of looking at things), but... too much setup, I think, and a bit contrived.
You've got a lot of good ideas, but I think you might have been better off picking one of these and giving it better treatment. Alternately, trimming a few of these down would have helped some. Keep at it.

>Of Flower and Stone -- >>/shorts/1762
This did what A Tsukumogami's Tale did, but one or two steps better. It was much more bittersweet, but I liked the way it was told as well as the "now solve it yourself" sort of mystery. It was a canon-handicapped-accessible mystery, too: there's a clue that hints at it for those who just know faces and roles, and then a much larger clue for those who know their canon. That was a smart move, from a writing perspective.
It was relatively short, poignant, and well-written. The way the narrative doesn't have any line breaks should have been more annoying than it was. It also seemed like a clever reflection of the overall experience, too, so maybe that's why.
This was clever, touching, and sad, all at once. You did fine work, here.

>20 GOTO 10 -- >>/shorts/1763
The picture this story paints is much, much greater than the small handful of words used to tell it. I think that breaks some kind of law of Story Thermodynamics. It hurts, like a baseball bat to the gut, yet does it with so little. I'd like to have been there when you came up with the idea for this story, just to see what kind of expression you were making.
I'd also like to note that this was a ballsy idea, and it paid off big-time.
Bravo, sir. You are awful and frightening and clever.

>Fires -- >>/shorts/1768
Memoknto, or something. It didn't have to be written like this, yet the fact that it was made it that much better. The repetition of the message, and how what it meant changed a little more every time while still remaining the same, was an excellent way to tie them all together. The nature of that mechanic also really captures the essence of the relationship those two have together in a subtle way. This was very smartly written and designed, and I really liked that about it.
Some part of me wants to complain that there weren't any scenes with Kaguya victorious, but I understand that would sort of ruin the point, not to mention the narrative flow.

>Gateway Beneath the Moon -- >>/shorts/1770
At first glance, this story looks sort of confusing, and perhaps lacking in any sort of coherent point, other than being a kind of "I appreciate the thought, babe, but I like my life here" to Yukari. Maybe it's a little bittersweet. But when I hit the end, I went back and reread it—and it became something else entirely.
Yukari can't into the "retirement" mindset at all, and doesn't even consider what the impact would be on his life Outside. She just wants him along. The whole thing feels like an illustration of "maturity" as it applies to youkai, or maybe it just highlights how differently you think when you're in the game versus when you're out. Yukari's still in, she's always been in, and for all her ancient ways, she doesn't yet have the mindset of someone who's ready to settle down and relax.
This story is some real heavy, curious shit. I liked it.

>Just Another Day In Gensokyo -- >>/shorts/1778
...I get what you were going for here, but it could have been written a little better. Maybe not so much with the Dick Clark-style "Remember when..." or "And who could forget how..." quickly-mentioned-and-then-ignored references. I miss those stories as much as you do, and the idea behind it was good. But you should have spent a little more time and detail on them, instead of moving from one to the next.
Also, "gap-hag" is about as dumb as "Uu~ Uu~" and "Fifth-grade loli".

>Old Soldiers DOT DOT DOT -- >>/shorts/1779
They just get a new Peterbilt? Sorry, wrong profession. I liked this, and liked how it was written. The panic in his mind, the sense of frantic urgency, and the language used to convey all of that were excellent. The action was intense, vivid, and powerful. It never fully left behind the rest of the story, that desperate, horrible, futile quest.
However, it felt like there was some history and implications I'd missed. Was Iwakasa was using Anastasia as a Horcrux phylactery, or something? Why are the Lunarians trying to fuck with human politics? What's he mean by "again"? This feels like the last chapter of a larger story that I'm very curious about, now.
And if that was indeed a Sailor Nothing reference at the end, mad fucking props


---- [The Debauched and Degenerate] ----

>And Then They Fucked -- >>/at/36000
Kosuzu x Akyuu is one of those pairings that I've acquired a liking for via porn and THP (only surpassed by Kosuzu x Mamizou), so seeing it in action was very, very nice. The truly remarkable thing, however, was that all the meta-saturated dialogue going on didn't really detract from the story or the porn. It made it amusing, informative, and over all, better than it might have been otherwise.
Oh, and "unplugging the story-Schiavo", while a pretty dated reference, was nevertheless priceless.

>The Heat's Getting To Me -- >>/at/36022
To be brutally honest, Satori isn't in my top ten. There are many more Touhous that I find more appealing, interesting, and attractive. She's often depicted as being a little bit boring or dull (albeit serious and sincere), as a person—that's why Koishi, her opposite in every way, is excitable, lively, and kind of hollow and empty.
But man, when there's porn of a boring or studious character where they cut loose, sexually? That is some of the best shit ever, and why I really, really like Satori smut. She's one of the most perfect characters in the series for that, and this story fucking delivers. It should also be pointed out that the use of formatting in this helped portray things very well; kudos for using that effectively. Image used really helped set the mood, too.
You deserve a gold medal and a complimentary round of hookers and bourbon for this story. There isn't nearly enough sex-hungry Satori in the world.

>Binding Rituals -- >>/at/36024
MIMA. PORN.
YES.
Not only was it for a character I've long been fond of, it was good. Clever and creative usage of abilities and unconventional anatomy/physiology is one of the more under-used elements in Touhou porn, and this story made sure to utilize plenty of that. You should feel very good about yourself and your smuttery talents.
"That only happened a few times" made me laugh. Also, did not expect sudden incest implications at the end. Would love to have seen more, but just Mima porn alone is enough of a gift.

>Dragon Knightess -- >>/at/36040
Oh wow, this was good. Good, solid intro, enough to set the scene and give the right vibe, even for those who don't know anything about whatever this was being crossed over with. I had the impression this was /ss/, but maybe that's just because of FoSL? Doesn't matter in any case, because Meiling porn is fine, fine stuff. Two posts long, too, which I definitely appreciated!
The one and only bad thing about this is that "Knightess". I would have gone with "Dragon Lady" instead. It even comes with a lord/lady pun too, as a bonus! That's not enough to keep me from really enjoying this story, however. You did great work, here.

>Insert Tabs A through G into Slot B -- >>/at/36043
At long, long, last, a continuation of the Jellyfish Saga. It needed more actual sex, but I admit that it wouldn't have been half as good as it was without the lavishly detail paid to the characters and the setting-up of the scene. The jabs and the sniping back and forth between Tewi and Reisen were almost as good as the porn itself.
There's also something dark yet gratifying about seeing Reisen getting payback against a Bitchy Trickster Tewi, too. I liked that maybe more than I should have. I don't like torture or violence in my porn very much, but there's something a bit thrilling about them liking the pulling of the ears. Stop making me horrible.

>Summer Shade -- >>/at/36044
This was more of a story than it was porn. It was cute, it was descriptive, and it was naughty. It's refreshing to see Rumia acting like something other than a little girl, too. Thank you for making that call.
I know this isn't as long or as gushing as the other reviews, and I should apologize for that. In a porn-thinking mindset, and there's not a lot of porn here to think about.
It wouldn't upset me at all to see this as a regular story, however. You could do a lot with a simple tale of a boy and his black girlfriend. ...I'm so sorry. Really though, it would be interesting to read.
>>No. 13499
File 141206856219.png - (98.73KB, 500x500, cat.png) [iqdb]
13499
Newbies: >>/shorts/1771 A Tsukumogami's Tale
Veterans: >>/shorts/1762 Of Flower and Stone
Adult: >>/at/36044 Summer Shade

Full reviews are written up, to follow once the contest is over and I can drop anonymity.

"Honorable mentions" go to just about everything. There was something to be said for and had with most of the stories, and even the stock-in-trade elements were used well. If I were to list my honorable mentions I'd basically be relisting the entries.
>>No. 13504
Votes~
Newbs [x] A Tsukumogami's Tale
Vets [x] Old soldiers
Pron [x] Dragon Knightess
>>No. 13505
I was holding off on my reviews because I didn't want to spoil which ones were mine. I could have reviewed my own, but fucked if I want to do that.

But then I realized that I could review the newbie entries because I didn't enter in that category, obviously.

So I wrote the reviews, and, uh. I may have said some things. But I assure you that I don't hate you, regardless of what I say in the reviews!

A Heartfelt Effort:

Things that were good: Your technical skills regarding writing are great. The setting wasn't bad either, and neither was the general idea for a story.
Things that were fuckawful: Most of your characterizations and your writing was awkward at times. Not grammatically awkward, just weeb as fuck and it hurt to read. I know you're new, and I feel like this is something that you'll just work through in time without having to really try at it.

I do want to see more writing by you, of course.

Chatter:

I love PC-98 characters for some reason. And I did like these characters. My problem with your story is almost the exact opposite of Heartfelt Effort: the characterizations were superb, the writing was serviceable enough, but nothing of note happened. Sure, it was slice of life stuff and the bar for a 'conflict' is set lower, but I don't think you actually even cleared that bar. Do hope you write more.

And the linguistic jokes are great.

A Tsukumogami's Tale:

I see what you were going for, but it was just short, boring, and bland. Hate to be so negative, but I wasn't really a fan of the giant pile of nothing that happened, especially when there were quite a few hints to more interesting things that were never fleshed out. You set your goal when you started writing of 'hey the donation box is a tsukumogami now', and you hit your goal, but... I don't even know if there was wasted potential there. Bored.

(I'll let you name this one, Rabbit):

Title was great.

Oh, you want more? Fine. Well, first and most irritating of all (to me, at least) is that that is not how quotation marks work for dialogue. Yes, you are supposed to drop the trailing quotation mark on a paragraph if you're continuing the dialogue on the next paragraph. However, you're also supposed to continue using the leading quotation mark on the next paragraph. Finally, you don't do any of this if you swap speakers, you close your quotation marks on one speaker and open them again on the next. I go into this level of detail because it illustrates the main problem I had with the piece: it was disjointed and confusing. Yes, I know, that was partially the goal, what with nothing but the radio transmissions to go on, but it was detrimentally so. Properly handling your punctuation would have kept the disjointed feeling without it negatively impacting the story.

As for the plot, well. Not bad, the characters were chosen well enough, but the delivery weakened it enough to bore me. Sorry, broheim.

Malfunctions:

Generally, a story premise with “Yukari did a thing because lol” is an unpromising start. And again, this is held true in this story, but I'm surprised at how well it was written anyway. Couple of problems, one specifically the “Ah Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeen!” just made me cringe, with a lot of the other writing being similar to that. It's awkward and unwieldy, and you write similarly to that throughout the entire story. If you read your lines aloud to yourself next time and fix the stumbles you'll make over the awkward bits, I think this can be significantly improved. Good news, though, is that the characterizations and plot were surprisingly good, despite the 'lol yukari' bits.

Legend of the White Youkai:

Needs some mechanical polish. Your writing is clunky and amateurish, but that's something that you'll fix with just more writing, so that's good. My main problem with this, however, disregarding the quality of the plot and characters entirely, is that this story has only the most tenuous of links to touhou. There is literally nothing beyond the usage of the word 'youkai' to link it. And as such, I can't even consider it in the running for my vote. Finally, the addendum at the end was tacky at best. Those sorts of comments should have been in the contest discussion thread, not in your entry.
>>No. 13506
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13506
I'm voting for nothing, because I literally didn't read a single entry and I cannot be fucking arsed to, despite having entered myself
>>No. 13508
>>13506
Fuck you, unironically.

Being loudly smug about being a lazy asshole is the absolute worst. The fact that I might have voted for your entry makes me sick.
>>No. 13509
File 141215245852.png - (100.50KB, 400x400, 1409150211541.png) [iqdb]
13509
>>13508
>>No. 13510
Fresh meat tier: Chatter

Christmas cake tier: Fires

I come on cat she hiss at penis tier: The Heat's Getting to Me
>>No. 13511
I'll have to similarly limit my vote. In the Newbies, section, I'll have to go for...

[X] >>/shorts/1765 Chatter

It was a choice between this one and "A Tsukumogami's Tale", but the latter ended up stumbling too obviously at the ending.
>>No. 13512
>>13511
You can vote freely, though it is considered to be in bad taste to vote for yourself. Rabbit was holding back on reviews to avoid breaking his anonymity.
>>No. 13513
New: [x] >>/shorts/1776 (I'll let you name this one, Rabbit)
This is the entry that piqued my interest the most. The others were all varying shades of good, though, and I hope to see more from everyone.

Old: [x] >>/shorts/1758 Entry Team
Similar to the above, I quite liked nearly all of the entries, but this is the only one that really engaged my interest.

Sex: [x] >>/at/36022 The Heat's Getting To Me
I came.
>>No. 13514
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13514
>>13510
>I come on cat she hiss at penis tier:
>>13513
>I came.

Truly the best compliments a porn story can receive.
>>No. 13515
6 Newbies, 10 vets, and 6 porn for a total of 22. For comparison, last year's entry count was 9, 16, 8, total 33. The year before was 8, 13, 6, total 27.

Right then, votes:
Newbies: >>/shorts/1771 A Tsukumogami's Tale. Honorable mention goes to (I'll let you name this one, Rabbit).
Veterans: >>/shorts/1743 >>/shorts/1744 The Wages of Sin Are... Incredibly stiff competition from almost every story in the category.
Porn: >>/at/36024 Binding Rituals. Very close choice with The Heat's Getting To Me.


I wrote all of these reviews as I read, so take that as you will.

>Newbies
All ranging from alright to really good, it seems we have some interesting new writers to look forward to.

A Heartfelt Effort: This was mildly amusing at points, but mostly just made me cringe for Satori. I didn't notice any glaring issues on the technical side of things. The writing and narration style was fine, with the flashbacks being a nice touch. I'm sorry to say that I didn't like it, but that stems more from personal preference than anything else.

Chatter: This one gave a look at two of the oft forgotten PC-98 characters. The reveal of who Orange was talking to was well executed, while the ending left me not really sure what to feel. A solid enough entry, if not very attention grabbing.

A Tsukumogami's Tale: I get the feeling not too many people appreciate a good image title, even a relevant one. Despite its importance, the Vampire Incident never seems to get more than a passing mention. The protagonist's unique perspective, the gradual change of mood, those plot threads hinted at, all of it comes together excellently. I look forward to whatever you write in the future.

(I'll let you name this one, Rabbit): Not just sci-fi, but sci-fi horror. Two genres that are difficult to do well, yet this story tackled them just fine. TORIFUNE is another bit of Touhou with really interesting implications, so it was really interesting to see that explored. I feel like the framing style made it obvious how the story would end once things took a darker turn, but it was refreshingly different. The yukkuri bit could've been taken out, but its presence wasn't really a bother.

Malfunctions: Being Ran is suffering. Ran's characterization felt spot on with her experimenting on what the power's parameters were. I could picture this sort of thing happening from time to time when Yukari is your master. Unfortunately, the Chen and especially Yukari parts felt weaker and the prose left something to be desired.

Legend of the White Youkai: The writer said this was a seed to a story idea and it shows. While short enough to not overstay its welcome, it didn't tell much of a story. There isn't a lot more to say about this one, save that I'll be waiting for that continuation. That writer comment at the end probably shouldn't have been there.

>Veterans
Some really good pieces here. It's obvious which of you really brought your A game.

The Wages of Sin Are...: An interesting exploration of Eiki and Komachi. The ending made me stop and think about it, then go back and read the whole thing again. Maybe that was my reading too much into the ending, but it was an excellent story either way. Your choice of images was excellent as well.

Entry Team: The single longest piece in the contest. Most of it was fight scenes, with relatively little plot, not that that's inherently a bad thing. The beginning felt the weakest, while the encounter in Remilia’s room was probably the strongest part. It was a fun read and the ending was especially entertaining.

Star Vamp: Batshit crazy and utterly hilarious. While it would clearly benefit from proofreading, it had me grinning from start to finish.

A collection of brief stories: Heh, title and image puns. The multi-short format pulled in too many different directions when taken together, but most of the underlying ideas were decent enough. The Remilia part and Alice parts were interesting, but could do with polishing. The Sanae/Reimu part was the weakest and brought down the entry as a whole. Any of the stronger scenes would do better with expanding upon on its own.

Of Flower and Stone: I wrote this one, so I'll hold off on saying anything about it for now.

20 GOTO 10: Proof that length and quality are unrelated, this one said a great deal in very few words, about a character most people probably have never even heard of. The time log was a masterstroke.

Fires: Mokou and Kaguya relationships tend to be either friendly rivalry or blazing hatred, but this piece shows how the latter might become the former. The choice of reverse order was strange, but I feel it made this story much more interesting than it might otherwise be. Repetition of events and dialogue just brought everything together wonderfully.

Gateway Beneath the Moon: A strange, minimalistic piece. Other than one or two typos, I didn’t note any issues. I love these sorts of stories where you get just enough detail to make sense of things, but still draw your own conclusions. The man’s past with Yukari and why he chose to decline her offer were well handled.

Just Another Day in Gensokyo: The single worst entry in the contest, this is an obvious troll. Unfortunately, it wasn't even entertaining as a joke, just bad all around. 2/10, apply yourself.

Old Soldiers…: In a millennia spanning conflict with the Lunarians, this is but a scene. Not really more than nominally related to Touhou, but this stands well enough on its own. The fight scenes are very evocative and your prose has a distinctive mix of purple and harshness that I very much love.

>Porn
I don't really have much of a sex drive, so reviewing this category is difficult.

And Then They Fucked: Good on the details and reasonably passable for premise. Comedy is always a plus too. That you covered some of the major pitfalls involved in writing lewds is excellent and much appreciated.

The Heat's Getting To Me: Formatting was excellent. You get major points for how well you handled the mindreading. Writing something from Satori's perspective is a great challenge, but you most definitely succeeded. Good choice of image as well.

Binding Rituals: Top tier image choice. You write a damn fine Mima. Additionally, you made weird ghost tail sex work in a scene and work well at that. The various inhuman bits characters have are usually just used as window dressing, something I find terribly disappointing.

Dragon Knightess: The MMO set dressing was an odd choice, one that negatively impacted the story. The fight scene part was well written enough, so no complaints there. The lewdness was fairly vanilla, but well written.

Insert Tabs A through G into Slot B: Your mindgames won't work on me, Rabbit. I know it's you. The banter and humor are, of course, comedy gold. Reisen's a total dick.

Summer Shade: A whole lot of setup and then you simply gloss over the sex itself. Both your narration style and your Rumia were pretty good.
>>No. 13516
>>13515
YOU AIN'T KNOW SHIT, YO

I DENY EVERYTHING CATEGORICALLY
>>No. 13517
>>13438
New: A Heartfelt Effort
Vet: Wages of Sin
Smut: Binding Rituals

Reviews to post later
>>No. 13518
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13518
And I have the results:

Newbies

5 Votes >>/shorts/1764 A Heartfelt Effort
6 Votes >>/shorts/1765 Chatter
4 Votes >>/shorts/1771 A Tsukumogami's Tale
3 Votes >>/shorts/1776 (I'll let you name this one, Rabbit)
0 Votes >>/shorts/1777 Malfunctions
0 Votes >>/shorts/1780 Legend of the White Youkai

Veterans

3 Votes >>/shorts/1743 >>/shorts/1744 The Wages of Sin Are...
4 Votes >>/shorts/1758 >>/shorts/1759 Entry Team
1 Vote >>/shorts/1760 Star Vamp
0 Votes >>/shorts/1761 A Collection of Short Stories
1 Vote >>/shorts/1762 Of Flower and Stone
4 Votes >>/shorts/1763 20 GOTO 10
4 Votes >>/shorts/1768 Fires
0 Votes >>/shorts/1770 Gateway Beneath the Moon
0 Votes >>/shorts/1778 Just Another Day In Gensokyo
0 Votes >>/shorts/1779 Old Soldiers DOT DOT DOT

Porn

1 Vote >>/at/36000 And Then They Fucked
9 Votes >>/at/36022 The Heat's Getting To Me
2 Votes >>/at/36024 Binding Rituals
2 Votes >>/at/36040 >>/at/36041 Dragon Knightess
1 Vote >>/at/36043 Insert Tabs A through G into Slot B
2 Votes >>/at/36044 Summer Shade

You're all a bunch of faggots, by the way.
>>No. 13519
>>13518
Which means the winners were:

Chatter

Entry Team/20 GOTO 10/Fires

And that goddamn satori story The Heat's Getting To Me.
>>No. 13520
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13520
Reviews! Good job everyone etc etc here's some stuff.

Voting was hard--I couldn't cinch anything on virtue of its writing alone due to a lot of technical proficiency, and I couldn't cinch anything on strength of ideas alone because ideas are cheap and easy, it's implementation that's the trick. I tried to strike a balance and to be perfectly honest I'm not sure I succeeded. This was probably the hardest contest for me to vote on yet.

NEWBIES
>>/shorts/1764 A Heartfelt Effort
This felt weirdly familiar somehow. Like I've read it, or at least the concept, before. The first thing that really stuck out at me was Orin saying she couldn't find "Koishi, the little master." Everyone present knows who she is--either call her 'the little master' only if status is a thing, or just 'can't find Koishi.' The whole thing felt like unnecessary exposition that made the moment clunky and unnatural. There was an awkward bit of tense juggling with the SDM flashback--"truly, the SDM was a depraved and scary place" would have fit better than "is," in my opinion. The "only good for one thing" wink-wink-nudge reference felt a bit stilted, though I suppose that comes down to personal taste. The ending was also abrupt and seemingly left-field. I suppose that fits Koishi, at least. Beyond all that, the general rookie writer tips apply--watch your sentence structure, try to show rather than tell, etc.

More positively, I liked the touches with Satori's mindread feedback, particularly Kaguya having zero malice when traipsing into the show. And while I'm not the biggest fan of the flashback/hangover/family guy anecdotal cutaway format, you wrote it well.


>>/shorts/1765 Chatter
I'm a fan of the conversational tone, though this one felt a bit sparse in the windups. Again, standard new writer advice goes here, the bit about showing over telling in particular. Remember to keep your formatting consistent--same number of linebreaks. In fact, I'd make the separations more distinct--use -----s or anything like that to make the shifts in perspective more clear.

Story-wise, not bad, took me until relatively late to catch on to what you were up to, so good show there. Nice to see some PC-98s and I enjoyed it despite not being my favorite kind of thematic. Keep it up.

>>/shorts/1771 A Tsukumogami's Tale
I liked this one. The tone and subject matter spoke to me and my personal tastes of Touhou "canon," if there is such a thing. At first, name aside, I thought that the perspective was the Hakurei deity, not actually the offering box. Unfortunately it was fairly bare-bones; then again, there's not much you really can do when your protagonist is an inanimate object. That said, I would have suggested that the complaints Reimu brought were explained out, along with her actions--how she rests against the box, how she cries against it, pounding it with her fist in futile anguish, how she splays out over it on warm summer days, and so on. I would have conveyed her pledge to change the world in concrete bits, piece by piece, and have her mood and mannerisms reflect the progress she's made. The end result is that I felt this was an idea piece more than a story. It was a damned fine idea, though, and I'd be delighted if you kept writing. Practice conveying those ideas of yours through compelling writing, and I think you'll wow us all.

>>/shorts/1776 (I'll let you name this one, Rabbit)
Huh. Cabin Pressure in the Woods. Interesting enough departure, though beyond the concept I have to say it didn't really grab me. The recurring "take it easy" felt silly, but as with above, I'm really not a fan of memetic reference, at least not so directly. Aside from minor grammar/typo issues, nothing particularly glaring, though with the chosen format of logs and transmissions, you need to be stronger with conveying goings-on. It's a hard balancing act, trying to express the action without entering Shatneresque autonarration. You had the right idea early on with the comms blackout necessitating the Lunarian describe what she was seeing. That sort of thing.


>>/shorts/1777 Malfunctions
...Well, it definitely had the tone of a Gensokyo incident, I'll say that much. Yukari "coding" reality to make her little macguffins was interesting. Writing-wise, it had a good few minor mistakes that careful editing and review would probably have picked up on. Formatting and grammar needed some work too, though overall nothing heinous enough to get you on the grammar nazi war crime tribunal. Content-wise, we basically had no real input from Ran outside of a few pieces, like the heavy blanket and rock-hard pillow. It felt more like she was a vehicle and we were driving her through the story, rather than her dealing with a day of ghetto Midas. Little details that make her feel more alive would help--picture something like Ran trying to get her hair to stop her pillow from petrifying, then trying to put her hat in the way, then her hat petrifying since it's no longer on her head serving as clothes, then Ran sighing and resigning herself to an uncomfortable night, etc.

The angry attack mushroom felt pretty random as a means for the truth to come out, too. Probably shouldn't really be a threat to any youkai.

>>/shorts/1780 Legend of the White Youkai
That last line confirmed what I basically expected--this was the start of something that might eventually be a Touhou story. Right now all it served as was a character piece with no actual interactions with Gensokyo beyond being loosely set in it. It could have been a New England forest, or the woods in 1000 AD England. I can understand being committed to an idea you want to express, but you'd be better served saving that for its own time. All we got out of this was an original character youkai who prefers nonviolence. It's a foundation, but it's not a story. Technically speaking, the writing was sound enough. By all means, write and tell us your story, just remember that a story needs more than characters and floating, disconnected action.


VETERANS
>>/shorts/1743 >>/shorts/1744 The Wages of Sin Are...
This entry was mine.

>>/shorts/1758 >>/shorts/1759 Entry Team
Tacticool versus the supernatural is old hat by now, and this certainly does it by the numbers. I thought the story did it well, for what that's worth, and it does do a good job expressing the concepts to the uninitiated; though by now I think that's roughly none of us.

That said, for all the above grump about seeing this before, you definitely did a bang-up job on it. The twist ending--which I guessed it might take from the onset, not that I mind--was a fun one and I'm glad for it. It took away the pall of deathly seriousness that tends to put a damper on these kinds of stories--it's usually just grim shootymans and sparklymonsters. You managed to make it fun, and no mistake, by the second part, you had my heart racing a bit. Writing-wise you reused "probing strikes" and whatnot a few times, and I caught at least one typo, but otherwise it's all very sound and strong. A damn fine offering.

>>/shorts/1760 Star Vamp
I was having a giggle at the banter, but then you just started pelting me with memes. That seems to be the running trend of the day. Generally I find shenanigans and dialogue go hand-in-hand, but this time, the shenanigans were not for me. Your character interaction and such is tons of fun, play that up more.

>>/shorts/1761 A Collection of Short Stories
This felt... pretty clumsy, if I'm honest. Sentences felt stiff, thoughts felt stilted. Like everyone was stopping to turn and look at the "camera," so to speak, and explain every little thing. You had a few tone shifts and dropped words, and you need to iron those out to consistency.

And, honestly, the elephant in the room is that your entry was more than one entry. I read through fully hoping they would all be interconnected, but each was standalone and that felt very off. I feel like you should have entered them each separately, or entered just one, more fully developed. What you had was cute--I liked the Satori one's punchline quite a bit, in fact. Your little details are nice, but your overall work feels overwrought. If you work on "naturalizing" the narrative, it would do you good.

>>/shorts/1762 Of Flower and Stone
Now this I liked. It was short and conveyed itself without being blunt-object direct. The Touhou was fairly subtle but not scarce, it was definitely there. The story itself was a little sparse, but I suppose it fit the ferryman's style of thinking. Almost Vonnegutian, and I find a talent for understatement and saying just enough instead of too much is very hard to come by.

>>/shorts/1763 20 GOTO 10
I'm not going to lie, I don't like these kinds of stories. Maybe it's because I've been exposed to way too many cheap, shlock attempts at garnering an emotional reaction with a suckerpunch like that. And I do mean almost exactly like that, it's become nearly formulaic. Someone pointed out to me the timer was accurate to how long it had been since robomeido had appeared in a story. Definitely a good touch and one that gave this one genuine legitimacy beyond other, similar overdone six-word-story tragedies.

>>/shorts/1768 Fires
I see what the hype's about. I saw the callbacks coming from the first repetition, but I rather liked the reverse-order here. Good show, you managed to capture a blood feud in retrograde, end it before it began, and still bring it all together. Nothing overly lofty or pandering about it, just two tired souls finding a way to live in the bug jar they've rattled each other around in for ages on end. I suppose the softie in me wants to see them atone for the innocents they've killed in their struggles, but I suppose in a way immortality itself is their penance. That message felt a bit lost with them enjoying each other's company and playing video games together, though. I guess it's damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't, since it would have taken away from the recursion, even as a momentary aside.

>>/shorts/1770 Gateway Beneath the Moon
An excellent story, if only it weren't impacted by the grammatical errors and the lack of clear punctuation. Melancholy and bittersweet, and I actually liked the callback repetitions, sort of like a steady marching rhythm. I see what you were going for with the lack of quotation marks, but the dialogue should have felt less like dialogue, in that sense. The linebreak for the thrown back part felt a little strange, too. It actually would have benefited from being on a prior line as an aside-thought after the offer.

Overall, good idea, troubled execution. Clarity and polish would have done this entry a great deal of good.

>>/shorts/1778 Just Another Day In Gensokyo
Yeah, I'm sorry, but referential metahumor to the rest of the site just isn't doing it for me. It mostly felt like potshots at big names to garner attention, and neither in good style or good humor. The memes, the memes, they burn. At the end of the day I suppose the core idea--a self-aware meta-Gensokyo with no fourth wall to break--has some merit, but this is definitely not the way.

>>/shorts/1779 Old Soldiers DOT DOT DOT
The connection to Touhou really did feel pretty sparse. One part of this story--the death of the last Romanov or the Touhou--feels bolted hastily on to the other. I felt like it was all very overwrought, as well. I could almost see it working after the death of Anastasia, play up that hollow and brittle feeling of dissonance in the wake of tragedy. But it ran from end to end and it felt a bit too clinical and verbose. There were a few minor errors and hiccups, but no more than the other entries and not unexpected from a quickly-written (relatively speaking) contest submission. At any rate, strong description is important, but an action-heavy piece needs to feel alive with motion, not simply report it. There was some of that, don't get me wrong, but our millennia-old protagonist simply feels too distanced from adrenaline and too caught up in detailing the make of his guns and the maneuvers he makes.

PORN
>>/at/36000 And Then They Fucked
"Fuck you in half" is a wonderful line. This felt kind of spartan, though as someone who's done the "educational sex story" thing a few times now, I can hardly fault it for that. It was cute and silly, though not really all that hot. People on THP seem to be of several minds about /at/ contest entries. Me, I prefer the submissions that are more... serious? Something people write with the intent of other people getting their jollies to it, I suppose.

>>/at/36022 The Heat's Getting To Me
This entry was mine.

>>/at/36024 Binding Rituals
Mima's always a rare treat, and the use of the tail was fun and unusual. Dirty mom Reimu was a different kind of "fun" in the twist at the end. I guess if I had to criticize this, I'd say I prefer my smut to be a bit longer. Still, very solid, well-written and described, enjoyable read. Rather liked Mima eating the sacred rice and salt and making a show of it.

>>/at/36040 >>/at/36041 Dragon Knightess
I suspect I'd have enjoyed this more if I'd played the game you were riffing. Even still, though, it was just this side of too silly for me, and it took me out of the action. What was there was well-written and possibly the most well-described smut in the contest, my own entry included. That said, I think there's a goldilocks zone for descriptiveness and, again, I feel like it went a bit far. Still, very good content-wise.

Also, I thought it was funny that everyone thought this entry was mine just because it involved Meiling. Is that my legacy, the Meiling Porn Guy?

>>/at/36043 Insert Tabs A through G into Slot B
This one also falls into the 'muh serious business pornography' thing, which is purely subjective. The action was amusing and even had brief moments of genuinely enjoyable porn, and I liked that Reisen found a way to still get her revenge on someone who is a better prankster and masochistic enough to enjoy being hurt. Poor tentacle monster working overtime, I hope he comes away from this incident healthy.

>>/at/36044 Summer Shade
This one was my favorite. Cute, short, and sweet. If it was missing anything I'd say I'd have had Rumia play up the naughtiness of the realization that she's strutting around naked and tease her lover a bit more with it, get him riled up.
>>No. 13521
Huh. I wasn't expecting Chatter to do so well, much less win. Particularly since I put it up knowing it was, generously, plot-thin. Surprises, yay.

Thanks, by the way, to the people who have given and are giving input on it.

>>13497
According to the Reliable Sources* that I looked at, yes, Laranja is Portuguese. That, combined with Kurumi's little bit on where she picked it up, actually date her if you know the right historical tidbits. Just an interesting note if I pick up on this.

*Wiktionary
>>No. 13522
Hello, readers.

I notice that four of you seemed to think my vets' entry this year - Fires - deserved your vote. I would be inclined to agree, if not for:
(1) a huge, HUGE error in structure in the fifth scene of six (which nobody else seems to have picked up on, hue),
(2) general poor editing/lack of a proofer, and
(3) the fact that it was an abject failure at conveying the idea I wanted to convey, which is that the fandom standard of Mokou and Kaguya being friends is outright fucking bizarre.
That was the whole reason I ran it in reverse - I figured if the horrifying gleeful murder was the freshest in people's minds, they would wonder how that kind of thing would be considered forgivable.

In other news, I apologize for Summer Shade. I was coming right up to the deadline and having an awful time trying to involve actual smut in the proceedings, but I didn't want that lead-in to go to waste...
>>No. 13523
Entry Team was my story for this contest, and I'm glad enough people liked it that I managed to tie for first! Still, looking back on it, I have to agree with everyone's opinions that the opening is weak. The story as a whole could stand to trim down everything before breaking into Remilia's room. If I had done that, I could have even gotten a Meiling fight scene in there between the Fairy Brigade and Patchouli. But no, I cut that in favor of a weak opening full of exposition. Truly I am a literary genius.

I poured my heart into writing the whole thing, but in retrospect, I seem to have missed the tub of lard that snuck in as well. If it weren't for that, I might've been able to wrestle the gold away from Fires and 20 GOTO 10. Still, it was a damn fun contest, and I've got no complaints about my competition for first. You guys earned it.
>>No. 13524
File 141221063228.jpg - (61.94KB, 500x500, cirno.jpg) [iqdb]
13524
...Oh right, I kind of posted my reviews without adding anything to reflect winning /at/.

Uh.

Thank you?

I really dunno what to say. I'm glad I won, of course, and I'm grateful for the votes. I'm also glad I almost made that tie a four-way with Wages of Sin near the end of voting period. Wasn't expecting to win, so I'll take that cheerfully. Competition was pretty stiff, and like my reviews said, most mistakes were minor, most of the technical aspect was sound, and it was actually damned hard to make my picks.

I guess that's all I've got. If anyone had questions or whatnot about my stuff I could answer it, but beyond that I dunno lol.
>>No. 13525
Also if you fucks thought anyone else wrote And Then They Fucked and Insert Tabs A through G into Slot B was anyone else, you're really not very good at pattern recognition, are you?

And now for a couple special mentions I wanted to make to reviewers!

>>13443
>Insert Tabs A through G into Slot B is a funny story, but not so much sexy.

FUK YUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>>13448
>And then they fucked was an amusing short on doujin logic but well it's in porn.

GET FUKED, NERD

>>13453
>I loved the humor, and the cute relationship between the characters! And that's the problem as well as the strength of this piece. The writing can't seem to decide whether it's going for all out gonzo comedy, or trying to build a serious and sweet relationship, and it winds up veering between those extremes instead of picking one or finding a setting somewhere between the two.

FUK U YO I PICKED COMEDY FROM THE BEGINNING

>Like another voter mentioned, this is funny, and well written, but not really porn.

FUK U

>>13460
>The funny parts made me chuckle, but I don't think you can do that and then drop a legitimate sex scene on top of it.

YES I CAN. BECAUSE I DID. GET FUCKED NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD

>>13496
>"It's not hot," the other voters say. "It's not porn," the other voters say. Well, I laughed, so fuck off.

FUCK YEAH

FUCK THEM

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>>13520
>Me, I prefer the submissions that are more... serious? Something people write with the intent of other people getting their jollies to it, I suppose.

WELL IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE WRONG THERE

BECAUSE YOU'RE WRONG

CATEGORICAL FACT

>This one also falls into the 'muh serious business pornography' thing, which is purely subjective.

FUK WHY AM EVERYONE SUCH NERDS
>>No. 13526
Of Flower and Stone was my entry this year. I thought to try something more subtle this time around and judging by the varied reactions I got, it was sort of a success, maybe. Some form of the premise was floating around at the back of my mind for almost a year, thanks to someone's idea in one of the story ideas threads prompting me to write a few thoughts on it back then.

Ultimately, I feel like the story could have used a bit more polish. The ending went through a number of different forms before I settled on what made it in. I'm still not sure if a concrete ending would make the piece stronger or weaker, but I can always write one later if the desire arises.

Thanks for all the feedback, everyone. Both the positive and negative input greatly helps me improve my writing, which is something that really makes entering the contests worthwhile.
>>No. 13527
File 14122124599.png - (67.40KB, 646x444, An actual Dragon Knight.png) [iqdb]
13527
Hello, I wrote Dragon Knightess. I should probably explain what the hell was going on.

The story is a crossover with Toushin Toshi 2, an RPG from AliceSoft (most notably the makers of the Rance series).

The main character is Seed. I never named him in-story for two reasons. First, his name is really dumb, even worse than "Custom" (the protagonist of the first Toushin Toshi). Second, he doesn't have a family name, or if he does, I can't remember it. I felt that'd make introductions too awkward. "I am the martial artist, Hong Meiling!" "I'm Seed." "Seed... what? Is that it?"

The basic premise is that Seed entered the Toushin City tournament to be with his love, Hazuki. Unfortunately, he is far too weak to be worthy of her, and was tasked by the master of his dojo to win the Toushin Toshi tournament; only then could he marry Hazuki. Entering the tournament requires a female partner; after each round of the tournament, the victor can do "as he pleases" with the defeated opponent's partner. Seed entered with Selena, while his rival Billnas entered with Hazuki.

This story takes place very early in the tournament. Seed has already defeated his first opponent and is training for the second round. The second round is against the Guardian Hero of the World, who is quite literally invincible. If you defeat him, he revives endlessly, like an RPG hero would (kinda).

And so, while grinding on the third floor, Seed runs into a Goat-san. A Goat-san is a type of galmonster, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Sexualized female monsters. Their importance is that you can use an item called an S&M capture rope and take them prisoner, then sell them for a good amount of gold. Each rope costs 100 gold, and selling a monster you've already sold one of already gives a drastically reduced reward, so there's no reason to go through the bother after the first time.

3F is some manner of underground forest. Or something. It's an RPG dungeon - it doesn't have to make sense. The most important thing on this floor is a way to learn magic. I completely glossed over this in story, but in order to defeat the Guardian Hero, you need to learn magic on this floor (or by another way, but I chose 3F, so I don't know exactly how Haniwaism plays out) and cast Item Ban to stop the Hero's ressurection bullshit. Seed has not yet learned magic. I was considering eluding to the process, but never got around to it. I'm not going to elaborate any further on this, as it's a spoiler for anyone that does decide to play the game in the future, but there's a good reason he doesn't know magic.

Goat-sans are, of course, the fucking hardest to capture and in no way worth it. Pic related. That's a Dragon Knight in-game, much less sexy than our dear Meiling. I overplayed their difficulty though; in the first game, they are literally impossible to defeat when you first encounter Goat-sans - all dragons are immune to damage except from a dragon slayer weapon, which you don't have yet. Also, you can't run away. So if a Goat-san plays her horn in the first game, you lose. Automatically.

On that note, a number of lines were lifted directly from the game. This includes the "(tootoodaloo tootoodaloo)", everything else Goat-san says, and "Fly awaaaaaaaay!!" from the Spring Fairy.

Other things of note:
JAPAN is a place. This is not a typo. Anyone who has played Sengoku Rance should be familiar with JAPAN, as the entire game takes place there. It's isolated from the main continent, where the majority of Rance titles take place, and thus has a completely different culture. Meiling obviously isn't JAPANese, but Seed doesn't know that.

Level is a thing in the Alicesoft world (at least for Rance and TT). I don't know exactly how it works with regards to other people, but everyone knows their own level. Experience is also a thing; there are a few references to defeating people to earn experience in-game, including from the Guardian Hero to Seed. I think one nice one was "You saved me. How can I repay you?" "Die and become experience for my next levelup." Anyway, leveling up is done by praying to your levelup goddess. If you played Labyrinth of Touhou 1, you've seen the levelup goddess in TT2. You pray to your goddess and if you have enough experience, you go up a level. This also heals you - the original plan was to have Seed pray to Agasa Kaguya to heal himself after Meiling's thrashing, but I scrapped that as it was just awkward as fuck. Instead he took some Seirogan and Ryukakusan. If it wasn't obvious, those are healing items. Seirogan heal 10 HP, Seirogan 2 heal 30. Ryukakusan restore stamina, which never runs out, hence my comments of them being useless.

Towards the end of the story, Meiling mentions "Some creepy old dude summoned me about twenty five floors below here." The creepy old dude is another spoiler character I won't elaborate on, but the summoning is through a "summoning gate". I don't know if they appear in other Alicesoft titles, but in TT2 they can be used to summon other characters from Alicesoft titles. They're also insanely fucking difficult and it's perfectly possible to summon someone that will kill you in a single hit, even if you're overleveled to the point where you can wipe the floor with the final boss.

So, the basic premise is: Mr. Spoiler uses a summoning gate and summons Meiling from Touhou. She kicks his ass and starts wandering around and makes her way upward, fighting monsters and sleeping with Galmonsters on the way. Then she finds the pleasant psuedo-outdoorsy 3F and lingers for a long time, sexing up a specific Goat-san. Who Seed runs into.

If you felt the ending sucked, that's because I do suck at endings. I couldn't have her come with him; it'd interfere with his grinding, the magic-learning story event, and she couldn't enter the tournament or anything anyway. So I just had him walk away and grind on a different part of the floor, to avoid the awkwardness of being around a woman he just slept with. At most I wanted to imply that she'd wind up at the same Inn and jump into his room a few times or something.
>>No. 13529
Writer of "A Tsukumogami's Tale" here. The feedback is, of course, appreciated. Now that I can look at my entry more objectively, I have to agree with with the general consensus that there wasn't much of a story to it. I really shouldn't be surprised though. The story began as a simple idea that I tried to fill out with more ideas. Really, I could have ditched the tsukumogami and focused on the creation of the spellcard system, since that is the only thing that gave it something resembling a plot.

Ah, well. Lesson learned.

>>13515
I can't tell if the first two sentences of your review are praise or criticism? They could easily be either.

>>13520
It's nice to know someone shares my head-canon. Also, more description in a story based on narration? Who would consider such a radical idea? Seriously though, that's probably the single most helpful review that I got.
>>No. 13530
>>13525
Wait so you're saying you submitted two entries in the same category?

FUK U
>>No. 13531
Aloha auinala. I'm the one who wrote Heartfelt Effort and I am deeply grateful for the amount of votes that my short story managed to get. I've always had confidence in the technical aspect of writing and the reviews I got mostly corroborate that. Similarly, I have always known that I lack in the 'storytelling' department and the comments to that effect certainly drive that point home. It seems I have a lot to learn.

I struggled for days to come up with something for this contest before I finally had an idea, wrote half of it, scrapped it, wrote that half again, and then scrapped it entirely. It was a darker piece revolving around Marisa but I was worried that I wouldn't do the idea justice since I haven't written anything in years. I decided that I wanted my first work on this site to be a little more laid-back and less serious. I'd rather have a mediocre comedic story than a bad dramatic one.

In any case, I sincerely appreciate the time several of you put in your reviews and I am hoping to take the criticism to heart.
With a small bit of luck and a whole lot of inspiration, I hope to be able to write a true story here soon.
>>No. 13532
Aaaah, I forgot about a question posed in an earlier review! Let me correct that!

>>13497

>Additional note: If it's "BADGE Squad", then where does "Sigma" fit into that? Also, can't believe you didn't use make the obvious Blazing Saddles reference.

For the first question, Sigma wasn't a member of the team proper; he was a support element, not part of the squad's regular makeup. As such, he doesn't get his initial in the squad's name.

As for the second, I have not watched Blazing Saddles past the song-and-dance routine, which was so amazingly effective at destroying my previous enjoyment of the film that I changed channels right there. Any ability to make references was similarly destroyed.
>>No. 13533
File 141222586811.jpg - (50.84KB, 524x343, yay.jpg) [iqdb]
13533
As pleased as I am by the tie, and as grateful as I am for the votes and comments, what I'm really tickled by is the fact that I made some people write more words about a thing than were in the thing itself. I don't know why, but that just makes me giggle.

Thank you, all of you.

Also, I apologize for nothing.
>>No. 13534
Well, since voting is over I can now say that I wrote "Just Another Day in Gensokyo".

I intentionally wrote it to be as horrible as I could stomach as an experiment. Given I got the reactions I expected, I'd say it was a success(?). It was really an attempt to see if "Bad Writing" could win votes if it shoehorned in references to popular (or sort of popular) stories. Obviously not, but it was just something I wanted to see for myself. I'll try harder to actually make something worthwhile next time.

Congrats to all the winners and participants. I look forward to seeing where the newbies go from here!
>>No. 13535
Author of Malfunctions here.
I want to thank everyone who reviewed my story and that your feedback is very much appreciated. I hope to put your advice to use sometime in the future, perhaps for the next competition. Until then, thanks for taking the time to read my story. It was fun for my first foray into writing and I can only hope you had just as much fun reading it, despite its flaws.

There are a lot of things I need to work on, a lot of which were touched on in the reviews. The main piece of advice I take away from this competition is that I just need more experience writing and that I should read more good writing to understand how I can improve.

About the premise, I really like the concept from the printed canon Touhou works that shikigami = computer. I wanted to explore the thought that since Ran is in essence a computer, she comes the with ability for the user (Yukari) to make changes at a whim and with that come risks of complications from buggy software. This "Yukari messing around" story could be phrased as "Yukari installs new software on Ran, new program interferes with other important functionalities (chores), works all night trying to write a workaround to fix it, turns out software isn't compatible with RanOS anyway, uninstalls it from Ran". Meanwhile, we follow Ran as she has to deal with the glitches, trying to avoid errors (disobeying orders) so Yukari won't need to debug her (punishment), all the while Chen.exe exasperates the problem by getting dangerously close to crashing (being petrified). Another day in the life of a shikigami.

Shikigami = computer, mouth = cd drive, bun = cd-rom. In retrospect, I wish I had used a donut instead of a meat bun.


>>13520
>The angry attack mushroom felt pretty random as a means for the truth to come out
Yeah, the mushroom was a bit of a last-minute addition. I needed something to force Ran to reveal her secret and I wanted her to get some actual use out of her power before it was taken away. Ran wouldn't normally go against Yukari's orders, so it had to be something urgent that she had to stop quickly without thinking. Natural disasters such as fire or flood were considered, but they would have been difficult to stop with her powers. A youkai attack was my next thought, but the location of their home is unknown, and with Yukari living there to scare youkai away, an attack probably wouldn't happen under normal circumstances. Progress was slow and I was honestly close to scrapping the whole story until the deadline extension gave me time to think of a compromise, having the threat brought into the house under the guise of being harmless. Being medicinal gave Chen a reason to bring it home with her and show it to Ran, coming from the Forest of Magic justifies why it was strangely aggressive mushroom with teeth, and as a bonus, having it be a result of her own lies added an element of guilt to further coax the truth out of Ran in the end. So yes, it was pretty random, but it was the only thing I could think of at the time that satisfied me.
>>No. 13536
File 141225035086.jpg - (105.91KB, 850x525, SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.jpg) [iqdb]
13536
I wrote the unnamed Lunarian story >>/shorts/1776, AKA "Residead Spacevil Green Asteroid", "Cabin Pressure IN SPACE" or "Fuck you Rabbit, you lazy bum, I hope you get thrown out of an airlock." I knew I should've listened to my uncle's advice. He used to tell me that if you have troubles naming something, set it on FIRE! It worked out well for him, except that time when he got kicked out of maternity ward. But I digress.

To be honest, I wasn't planning to write a sci-fi horror story at the start. The original story was set in Mayohiga, but it quickly became too long and too grimderp (even for a horror story), so I decided to scrap it and write about TORIFUNE and Lunarians at the last minute. Maybe one day I'll post the Fall of Mayohiga in /shorts/, if I find some free time.

As some of my reviewers have pointed out, I heavily drew some ideas from horror games such as Resident Evil, Dead Space and the such. But my main inspiration was 2001: A Space Odyssey, which I found strange that nobody noticed, what with the obviously haywire AI assassinating the crew. Or perhaps it wasn't that obvious? I admit I did deliberately left things a bit ambiguous to make you scratch your heads and think, though it seems that didn't work out too well on my favor.

The yukkuri thing that everybody rightfully complains about was initially a set up for a joke ending, but later I'd change my mind and go for a more traditional conclusion. I couldn't think of another "character" to fill in the role of "evil god trapped in an AI", so the yukkuri stuck. I apologize for that.

>>13497
>I have a hard time buying that the Watatsukis themselves would be the ones to check out the station instead of some kind of special ops team.
I consider Yorihime to be Reimu's equivalent; that is, the go-to person when an incident brews on the Dark Side of the Moon. After all, it's been stated that Reimu could become as OP as Yori if she actually put a mind on training. It's logical to think that, when there's an evil presence in an abandoned place, people send a miko/priestress to deal with it. However, as Yorihime herself pointed out almost at the end, her gods' power didn't reach TORIFUNE, and that was her doom.

Since I consider myself a writer of mostly wacky stories, I wanted to experiment with a completely different genre. I guess the result is acceptable, considering the relatively short amount of time I spent on it. Also, yes, I find TORIFUNE (and the rest of Merry & Renko CDs) to be a mine of really interesting plots that is so severely ignored, and I wish more people would notice it and write good stuff with it. And perhaps revive /eientei/ in the process, but that's probably hoping too much.

All in all, this contest was certainly a great experience. I learned many things that I'll apply for my next stories (i.e., basing dialogues on formatting alone is a no-no, and the quotation marks advice is duly noted), and I enjoyed reading all the other entries. Thanks to all of you who voted me, gave this little story an honorable mention and/or reviewed it, and I hope to see you guys next time!
>>No. 13537
So yeah, I wrote Star Vamp. As has been pointed out, it's not necessarily my best work. But, after two solid months of studying, and having just written a big exam, I wanted to write something silly and fun, and that's basically what I did.

Also, I hold it to be self-evident that Flan would be a fantastic starship captain.
>>No. 13538
>>13530
ey yo nigga it was established like four contests ago (and again in this one) that you could do that

it's just that nobody ever did
>>No. 13539
File 141229764286.jpg - (179.76KB, 1024x710, 1399071190079.jpg) [iqdb]
13539
I wrote "Old Soldiers." It was an idea I'd had kicking around for a while, for a full CYOA, one I'll probably never have time to run. Definitely not contest story materiel but frankly I didn't give a shit, I needed something to prod me into writing, and that worked. And in the end, I'm actually really surprised (and happy) at how it came out.

TL;DR the sister of the bitch goddess that fucked Mokou over granted Iwakasa eternal life as a way of balancing the scales; he devoted his eternity to combating the canonical efforts of the Lunarians to fuck up human society forever and always.

I'm tremendously amused by the wide range of responses to it. It was worth writing for that alone.
>>No. 13540
>>13537
Figures as such a style narrows it down to you and very few others.
>>No. 13542
Hello. I'm the one who wrote Legend of the White Youkai.
I just want to apologize for the entire thing, really. There's not much to say beyond that, except thanks for the lack of harsh criticism.
I was very scared to post it. I've never written a story before. (Although I guess you can say I still haven't...)
I started way too late because although I love competitions, I knew that even if I bothered writing something, it wouldn't be worth reading. So although I thought of something to write about, I didn't decide on anything until the competition was over...
Or so I thought. Turned out it got extended by a week. I actually thought up a huge story at that point, but that point was the day of the new deadline.
I wrote LotWY in 4 hours, and of course it was nowhere near finished, but I had written what I wrote, with only 60ish minutes left. I knew that I wouldn't be able something end-like, or give the story closure, so I spell-checked and posted it as-is, with the promise of making up for the abomination that is my entry.

TL;DR (Come on, people should be used to reading WORDS by now.)
I'm terribly sorry for what I did with my entry. It's horrible, and should not have been posted. It got posted, not because it should be, but because I felt like I had to post something.

If you want me to give you the full story, I'll write it down, but I think you're probably happier off forgetting about the entire thing.

Gave up my name and trip because I feel I'm not allowed an anonymous redo.
>>No. 13543
>>13542
It was bad. It wasn't Hitler. There's exactly one cure for bad writing, and that's writing more. You can either knuckle under and give up (you know you really don't gotta do this whole dogshaming thing about your entry because it flopped), or you can just stick to it, keep trying, and learn from what you do wrong.

Keep trying.
>>No. 13544
>>13543
This. Whenever I try to go back and read any of my early writing (whether it was for the site or elsewhere), it almost provokes physical pain. I got better by writing anyway.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't really call your story bad. Incomplete? Sure. Rushed? Definitely. However, it looked to me like you had something, and if you had more time to work on it and refine the details, it would have come out fine. What killed you wasn't you, it was the timeframe you were working in. In the past, when I've forced myself to rush, I've always been unhappy with the results, so don't use the quality of your writing while you're under pressure to meet a deadline as a measure of your general skill.

/shorts/ is always open, even without the writing contest. Why not try taking your time writing and post the story you wanted to write, instead of the one you were forced to by the deadline?
>>No. 13545
>>13544
>don't use the quality of your writing while you're under pressure to meet a deadline as a measure of your general skill.
I'd say my main problems lie with the fact that when I have no pressure, because there are no expectations or there is no deadline, I can think of a story, but not write it, while, when under pressure, can write rather fast, however my creativity becomes limited.
The only reason I was able to write what I wrote is because, when I thought the deadline had passed, the weight fell off my shoulders and I got some creative ideas, which I would work on when I heard the deadline had actually not been reached.
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