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File 12886805248.png - (142.42KB, 611x512, Hooray!.png) [iqdb]
[x] NOBODY CALLS ME CHICKEN! NOBODY! (spin the wheel)

(When I asked for a tie-breaker, I meant the very next post will decide what to do. Sorry for not being very clear about that.)

You grab the very top of the wheel and pull down hard to make it spin (and spin fast).
You’re about to make this wheel your bitch!

Creepy carnival music beings playing from the wheel and it spins and spins and spins and spins and spins before coming to a halt. Aaaaand…

26- Gain a new trait

Sweet! You played with fate and won! You rolled that motherfucker like a new whip and came out on top! Fuck yeah!

“Very good sah! You have now gained a new ability of which to fight crime or evil or whatnot, enjoy your new power!” The silly man cries out triumphantly as if to proclaim that the wheel was a huge success and a crowd begins forming around you, the man, the wheel, Yuugi, and an oblivious Flandre still hugging the plushie.

Wait, what’s different?

“Well…I’m not quite sure, sah! This IS my grand unveiling of the Wheel of Fate, so I assume the participant would feel any new abilities once they rolled for it. It was all very clear in the instruction manual I procured from a good from of mine (mumble grumble)” The silly man starts to wring his hands in contemplation and starts to mumble and grumble to himself like an old British butler would do when encountering a frustrating situation.
You don’t believe he’s British or a butler.

You inspect yourself further and wait for this awesome new trait you were guaranteed. Predictably, nothing happens, so either you got your money’s worth or this new trait isn’t very flashy. A cacophony of gossip begins to swell throughout the crowd, and the unsatisfied onlookers starts to disperse when they see nothing happening to you. Panicked, the silly man twizzles his mustache in deep concentration, and with a bellowing, “WAIT!” the crowd turns back around to see what this man has to say.

“Don’t forget! Every participant gets ONE FREE SNACK for rolling the wheel of fate! You can choose either a bag of chips or a healthy apple!” He holds out both a bag of classic potato chips in one hand and an apple in the other. A disapproving groan comes from the crowd and they fully disperse the scene. You give him a pissed off look and he just gives you both items as an apology. Ah well, at least you got SOMETHING out of the deal.

“Oh, and one last thing…” He pulls out a black notebook from his back pocket (how in the world did it fit in there?) and hands it to you.
“I have this sudden urge to give this to you, but I don’t know why. Thank you for playing, sah.”

Hmm, the notebook is solid black and it looks like there was once a title, but it looks worn away and completely illegible. Oh well, might as well give it to Flan.

[x] Yep, give it to Flandre and eat the bag of chips while your at it. Oh, and give Flandre the apple too. Children need to eat healthy foods to grow up big and strong.
[x] Write your name in the in the notebook just in case you lose it so someone'll be able to return it to you. Then “I’ll take a potato chip…AND EAT IT.” Oh, and toss the apple. You don’t need that shit.
[x] Shove the notebook, the potato chips, and the apple up that guy’s ass, then walk away and destroy the wheel. In that order of course.
[x] Go back and open that freezer.

I didn’t get much of a chance to write today. I’m trying not to push myself too hard this week else strange things start happening in the story. *cough*freezer*cough*

(Oh, and thank you for your support guys. I really appreciate it.)
Yay! We didn't lose Yuuka, timetravel, lose an ability, have a child, die, etc.
[x] Ask for the man's name
-[x] Write his name in the notebook
New trait: God of the New World(?)
[X] Challenge Yuugi to a du- Eat the notebook. Paper's good for you! More better than a silly apple and gosh dang potato chips!

Seriously, Double-Hat, Joe is crazy. If George were to get anywhere near Joe, George's head would probably explode.

And... I feel as if the dice are conspiring against me. Despite my best efforts, I can't help but have my story eerily similar to yours... at certain points.
Eat the notebook?
Are YOU CRAZY?! We have the power of Kira! Hell, we ARE Kira now!

We don't need Kira's powers to be badass! We were badass before the notebook, we'll be badass after it!

But we can TAKE A POTATO CHIP AND EAT IT like Kira, and we can say "JUST AS PLANNED!" With an epic raep face.
[x] Ask for the man's name
-[x] Write his name in the notebook so you can remember to thank him later
[x] Yep, give it to Flandre and eat the bag of chips while your at it. Oh, and give Flandre the apple too. Children need to eat healthy foods to grow up big and strong.

Seriously guys.
[*] Give the apple to Flandre. Fruit's good for young children's development.
-[*] Write Yukari's name in the notebook. Use it to start your "To Kill/Beat/Maim" list.

Wow, no one thought of this? I'm shocked.

The death note only works on humans.
Ah, but who ever said it's a death note? Could just be some kid's old notebook. Or maybe even some magically-enchanted one designed to strip people. I'm personally hoping for something like the latter.
[x] Eat the notebook. Paper's good for you!
This story became incredibly bad once people started taking it seriously. Silly shit like the vikings and car scene need to make more appearances.
Listen to this man.

[X] Take a bite of this notebook...AND EAT IT!
[x] Share the chips, and give Flan the apple
-[x] inspect the notebook closer for any details
-[x] Look around the Crowd to see if anything changed

Shinigami eyes?
[X] Share the chips, and give Flan the apple
-[X] Inspect the notebook closer for any details
-[X] Look around the Crowd to see if anything changed
Changing to this:
[*] Eat the notebook. Paper's good for you!

Paper tastes pretty good, man.
[x] Share the chips, and give Flan the apple
-[x] inspect the notebook closer for any details
-[x] Look around the Crowd to see if anything changed
File 128875458826.jpg - (289.93KB, 1396x1884, komachi (14).jpg) [iqdb]
no one else has remembered that if this actually is the death note, then a shinigami will appear. and apparently they also love apples. Whats the closest thing we got to a shinigami in touhou?
My votes on komachi. Hat, bring on the delicious reaper.
Guys. Come on. At the very least we should give the notebook a look-over before deciding what to do with it.

Also: Apple for Flandre. She's a growing girl. Wait...
File 128879815723.gif - (9.45KB, 218x166, snorlax.gif) [iqdb]

Implying she's not sleeping.


Also, you guys are faggots, stop taking this shit so srsbsns so you can jack your shit.

We OBVIOUSLY need to eat the notebook to gain our new power, sheesh.
it's more like not acting like a retard; his name is Joe, not Ralph Wiggim.

Ghost Ridin' the Whip with a nekololi to impress her, when you hate kids.

Dancing at Yukari when Chen broke your ribs and taking her hat anyways, further pissing her off

This story was BUILT on retardation and awesome and manlyness, and since there was a h-scene now it's turning into Superman in Gensokyo: The Dating Sim, no offense Hat. I just mean that people are voting and acting way too conservativly and shit.

When was the last time we've voted to equip and abuse ANY title we've had other then god hand, and Moonwalker with Flan because I wrote that in.

tl;dr Joe's a psuedo-god now, and not just weaseling his way out of confrontation by being awesome.

Yes i'm implying being a god of manliness is not awesome. Also, cocks.
File 128886195246.jpg - (65.29KB, 850x598, sample-ee9f859e19194ef32334378ed2fa4d8a.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] Eat the notebook.

Hmm, there’s something about this notebook that you just can’t put your finger on…

“Well, at least you got something out of the deal, eh boss?” Yuugi says casually while looking at the silly man trying to (unsuccessfully) gather more participants.

“So what’s up with that bo-” Her words are cut short when she looks over and sees you tearing out a page from the notebook and promptly placing it in your mouth to consume. This also catches Flandre’s attention as people don’t normally snack on paper.
Well, at least you don’t.

“Uhh, why are you eating the notebook?” Yuugi asks you cautiously, as if you lost your mind.

Oh man, this tastes so good…
You take another bite of the paper and chew away.

“Really?” Yuugi says not believing a word you say and taking a few steps back to place some distance between the both of you, “What does it taste like then?”

Mmm, magic.
Another bite.

“Magic?” Yuugi’s interests are suddenly piqued and she cautiously walks up to you and takes a peek inside the notebook. She sees mystic runes and enchanted words of sorce-RIP
You rip the page out and eat that one too.

“Hey stop that! This is probably a magic spell book!” Yuugi tries to swipe the book out of your hands, but you spin around quickly and continue to eat. Its probably a magic cookbook that tastes like food or something. That doesn’t make very much sense, but it doesn’t stop you in any way. You continue eating and, before you know it, you’ve ripped out the last page of the book and are now in the process of chewing it away to oblivion. Well that was the shortest cookbook you’ve ever eaten…
You try to take a bite out of the front cover of the book but BLEGH, it tastes like leather! At least the pages were delicious…

You take a look back at Yuugi who, once again, backed up a few steps away from you as if you were volatile and then down to Flandre who’s giving you this look of horror.

“You’re weird!” Flandre cries out and she turns into a bat to fly away…
but not before grabbing her plushy.

You shout after Flandre but, strangely enough, she doesn’t heed your words and continues to fly away. Hey! She’s supposed to wait if you tell her to wait dammit! It’s only common courtesy!
Fuckin’…! Alright, if you were Flandre, where would you go? Well, you would probably head straight towards the Scarlet Devil Mansion to tattle on the weird guy eating paper who’s supposed to take care of you, but hey, that’s just your opinion and it probably doesn’t coincide with Flandre’s plans whatsoever…

“Yeah, I don’t really blame her for doing that.” Yuugi sighs and scratches the back of her head, wondering what to do with you. What? Even though you had a sudden and irrational urge to eat the damned book, at least it TASTED good, so it gave you a reason to continue eating the whole thing.

“But that still doesn’t change the fact that you ate an entire freakin’ book full of mystic runes and shit. What if that was some kind of powerful spell book and now its powers are of no use to you?” Yuugi starts to question your actions as if you made a bad choice. Pah! You never make bad choices! You tell her that you can’t cast magic, and shoot her down.
“Well, what if your new trait was being able to wield magic?” Yuugi puts her hands on her hips, further frustrated by your spontaneous irrationality and lack of common sense.

Ah…good point, but NOW’S NOT THE TIME TO ARGUE SUCH TRIVIAL MATTERS! You have a little girl, bat, thing that you need to chase down because she decided to flee before you had a chance to explain yourself to her!

“Pfft, as if you could explain why you ate an entire book…”

HUSH NOW! The hunt is on!

“Wait, she’s finally gone!?” Val, who you almost entirely forgot about up till now, pops out from under your hat and starts to do a little dance on top of your head while holding your hat up. You obviously can’t see her dance, but you believe its quite silly and uncalled for, so you push the hat back down on your head and tell her to hush too. You’re bringing Flan back after all.

“Awwww…” Val’s voice grows sad again and you can tell she’s gone back into stealth mode.

Alright! You begin to ponder how to retrieve your little runaway, but your stomach suddenly rumbles with power…

[x] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might.
If that doesn’t work, then shrug and give up because you tried your best. Then blow away all the money that Remilia gave you on booze and party with Yuugi because you still owe her that drink.
[x] That’s stupid. Start Running in the 90s ‘cause it’s a new way you like to be, all the way over to the Scarlet Devil Mansion and get there before Flandre does.
[x] Nah, why go through the trouble? Just drink the night away. What’s the worst that could happen?
[x] Go back and open that freezer.

Damn, sorry dude. I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but Komachi isn’t coming unless Joe fucks up big time.
Or unless he finds a way to summon her…

Don’t forget about the Rumia battle and the “Uproot a tree and knock a master spark into Rumia like a baseball” plan.
Seriously, I love you guys’ write-ins, but sometimes it really makes me think, “What the hell made you come to that conclusion?” I can understand most of the write-ins, but eating a notebook…
Ah well, I suppose the same can be said about me, so I really can’t say anything.
And about the conservative thing…I don’t know. Sometimes Joe’s a gentleman, sometimes he introduces himself by having a hoedown, sometimes he jams his head on spikes, sometimes he flirts with maids and compliments their breasts, sometimes he doesn’t want to acknowledge a certain appliance that keeps things cold, sometimes he snorts very suspicious mushrooms, sometimes he plays baseball with trees and master sparks, sometimes he’s really fatherly to his adopted daughter, sometimes he fucks her (and lets not forget how much people spazzed over that despite having several chances to avoid it), sometimes he bitch slaps shrine maidens, sometimes he carries them back in a kindly fashion after they are injured, and sometimes he gets blocked by them and he gives up almost immediately when brute force doesn’t work, sometimes he spins wheels that could possible BREAK THE STORY and ruin his entire life, and sometimes he eats notebooks. Its just how he rolls I guess.

Oh, and all of this is off the top of my head, so feel free to correct me or add some more random ass things that Joe did.
I can't believe we ate the book...

Better in his stomach than in the wrong hands.

[x] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might.
[x] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.

With this, we got the power to summon familiars to do our evil biddng.
[*] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.
-[*] While Running in the 90's backwards towards the bar with Yuugi
--[*] Treat the both of them to ale and merriment
---[*] In your drunken stupor, go open that freezer.

If we're doing this shit, let's do it right.
Ok, I laughed. This is the option of win and awesome.

[*] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.
-[*] While Running in the 90's backwards towards the bar with Yuugi
--[*] Treat the both of them to ale and merriment
---[*] In your drunken stupor, go open that freezer.

Nice to see some humor finally returning to this fic, by the way.
[X] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.
-[X] While Running in the 90's backwards towards the bar with Yuugi
--[X] Treat the both of them to ale and merriment
---[X] In your drunken stupor, go open that freezer.

Yes. The option was available for too long. The time has come to open said freezer, and we shall TRULY DISCOVER THE SECRET OUR BELOVED WIFE, YUUKA, HAS BEEN HIDING FOR US. But let us remember, no matter the horrors that we may find, we shall still love our beloved Yuuka all the same.
[X] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.
-[X] While Running in the 90's backwards towards the bar with Yuugi
--[X] Treat the both of them to ale and merriment
---[X] In your drunken stupor, go open that freezer. Bring Yuugi and Flandre along to help you with this.

Are ale and merriment strong enough? If not, try add oni sake to increase us being drunk as fuck.
I'm just waiting to see how the MC will die.
Probably in the most absurd and funny way possible.
And he will burst out of the doors of hell and came back to life.
I don't care...
[*] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.
-[*] While Running in the 90's backwards towards the bar with Yuugi
--[*] Treat the both of them to ale and merriment
---[*] In your drunken stupor, go open that freezer.
>>"[X] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.
-[X] While Running in the 90's backwards towards the bar with Yuugi
--[X] Treat the both of them to ale and merriment
---[X] In your drunken stupor, go open that freezer."

This is too stupid to refuse, but I kinda wnana know where Jewkari is so year.

[X] Running in the 90's to SDM
-[X] While holding your arm out to summon Flandre
--[X] While taking a swig of the hardiest, most viking ale

Man, if eating that new book imbued us with it's powers, it'de be fantastic if it was for summong a certain amazing guitarist so we can Moonwalker in the BC's with a beard.
[X] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.
-[X] Running in the 90's to SDM
--[X] While holding your arm out to summon Flandre
---[X] While taking a swig of the hardiest, most viking ale
[x] >>24294
[x] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.
-[x] While Running in the 90's backwards towards the bar with Yuugi
--[x] Treat the both of them to ale and merriment
---[x] In your drunken stupor, go open that freezer.
[x] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.
-[x] While Running in the 90's backwards towards the bar with Yuugi
--[x] Treat the both of them to ale and merriment
---[x] In your drunken stupor, go open that freezer.

yea, i can dig that

ive already said it but, I bet letty is in the freezer.
[x] Have Yuugi throw you at Flandre
-[x] Steer her back to the Festival
She's in bat-form, this shit will definitely work. It also doesnt use any of Joes idiotic powers, just sheer testosterone and balls.
Though I'm late to the vote, so it doesn't even matter.
This would work nicely
[x] Have Yuugi throw you at Flandre
-[x] Steer her back to the Festival

This vote's just crazy enough it may just work!
>>24293 Change to:

[x] Have Yuugi throw you at Flandre
-[x] Steer her back to the Festival

Dont start reading my mind
[X] Have Yuugi throw you at Flandre
-[X] Steer her back to the Festival

Wait a little while longer Mr. Hat Squared.
nooes, everyone stop voting for things i don't want to happen!
[*] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.
-[*] While Running in the 90's backwards towards the bar with Yuugi
--[*] Treat the both of them to ale and merriment
---[*] In your drunken stupor, go open that freezer.
[X] Have Yuugi throw you at Flandre
-[X] Steer her back to the Festival

[X] Have Yuugi throw you at Flandre
-[X] Steer her back to the Festival

Hopefully we don't miss. Or have Flandre attack us.
[x] Hold your hand out in the direction of Flandre and summon her back with all of your might. ALL OF YOUR MIGHT.
-[x] While Running in the 90's backwards towards the bar with Yuugi
--[x] Treat the both of them to ale and merriment
---[x] In your drunken stupor, go open that freezer.
File 128907165125.png - (254.83KB, 368x377, Daww.png) [iqdb]
[x] Have Yuugi throw you at Flandre
-[x] Steer her back to the Festival

(Okay, you guys can bitch and moan about me not choosing the majority this time, but in exchange I’ll tell you guys what that trait you gained was and even allow you to go to the freezer. Nothing good would have happened from giving Flandre alcohol.)

You have an idea.

“Hmm? And what’s that?” Yuugi looks at you with a curious little smile on her face. Not only are you strong, but you act so incredibly different from all the other men she’s been with and she finds that charming…

You tell Yuugi to pick you up and throw you as hard as she can at Flandre.

“What?!” And then you crossed that threshold from charming to insane.

Yeah, but you wonder if she can do it?

“Well…sure. I can sling ya pretty far, so hold on tight.” Yuugi then proceeds to firmly grab you by the back of the neck with one hand (you don’t exactly have a shirt on for her to grab), and the back of your pants with the other.

“Wait, WHAT?!” Val jumps out of your hat and vocally protests how insane and suicidal this plan is, but you keep a firm belief in…your ability to fly?

“Alrighty then…” Yuugi lifts you off the ground.

Wait, what exactly was your reasoning behind getting thrown at Flandre?

“Here…” She starts to spin around slowly with you in her hands. The crowd around you notices the insanity happening before them and forms a large circle around the both of you.
Oh well. You keep your legs completely straight and you spread your arms out like some kind of human plane. Hey, you’re no aerodynamics engineer, but if little girls have the ability to fly around here, then you should too!

We…” Yuugi begins to spin faster and faster and you begin to pick up speed as well. You feel incredibly nauseated as the feeling is similar to one of those whirligig things you used ride on as a kid in an amusement park. Only several dozen times faster of course.
Val whimpers pitifully as she clings to you with tiny fistfuls of hair and you keep your body rigid as you prepare yourself as best you can for this launch. After all, flying without feathers is not easy; your wings have no feathers. And, well, now that you think about it, you don’t have wings either. Wait, then that would mean…

GO!!!” Yuugi lets out a mighty roar and slings you as hard as she can at Flandre. Your face is being buffeted by the wind, but you keep your eyes straight onto your target and focus on her with all your heart and soul. Only for a single moment do you glance downwards at the earth below you (and one moment is all that it takes). You’re actually really high off the ground, especially considering that someone just THREW you all the way to this height. You’ve never been this high before (at least, not without aid from a plane) and your heart soars after viewing the spectacular sight of the festival from above. Now that you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return…

Oh yeah, Flandre, right. You were totally hamming it up with quotes back there that you momentarily forgot what you were doing in the first place. You see Bat Flandre a fairly close distance away and closing in fast (can bats really fly up this high?) and you hold your hands out in front of you to catch her. If bats can have a, “what the FUCK?!” look, you’re sure that’s the expression Flandre has on her face as she turns around for one moment (and one moment is all it takes) to see what’s behind her. She locks up in shock at the huge mass of man soaring straight towards her and you manage to catch her by her little bat feet, though to be honest she’s a bat the size of a child, so her feet are probably a little bigger than most bats.

Fuck yeah, you caught her! You have to remember to buy Yuugi another drink as her aiming is impeccable. Flan’s cataleptic state allows you to, somehow, break the laws of physics and gravity as you use her like some kind of twisted hang-glider to guide yourself back to earth. You slowly fall back to earth and you eventually see Yuugi on the ground in the same spot as before with that same huge crowd of people. It looks like you will be able to land somewhere nearby if everything goes smoothly…

Hang on…Is that guy brandishing a knife at Yuugi?
Well, you’ll be damned, he IS holding a knife to Yuugi! She doesn’t look very concerned, but it’s still time for some heroic deeding! You close in with your bat-glider and the crowd spots you and starts cheering, “Joe’s world, he’s the man! Joe’s world, he’s the man!” like some kind of holy chorus, which THEN causes both Yuugi and her assailant to look up at you coming in fast.

“Joe!” Yuugi shouts in happiness as you didn’t face plant several miles away, and you greet her by giving her assailant a Flying-Missile-Flandre-Bat-Hang-Glider-Drop-Kick. The thug, of course, doesn’t see this coming at all and you crush his face with both of your heels. You knock him out and stand heroically over his fallen form after you land on top of him of course. People begin cheering at both you and Yuugi, thinking this to be some kind of show, and you bow in a flair of showmanship. And the best part is, your hat is still magically on your head along with Val! This is almost like the scene from a movie! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQch-lhx0P8&feature=related)

Flandre, after recovering from shock, turns back into a humanoid and you carry her in your arms as she quickly falls asleep from exhaustion. Poor thing must have worn herself out with all that flying…

“Yeah, sure she did.” Yuugi puts her arm around your neck and squeezes tightly. “Thanks for saving me from that drunk, I totally needed your help.”

You roll your eyes at her sarcastic remark, but she suddenly comes up with a good point.

“Hey, what’re you gonna do about that kid?” Yuugi points at Flandre and you guess you’ll take her back to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. You don’t think she’s in any mood to enjoy the festival at this point.

“Aight, cause we can’t have her waking up while we’re having hawt raunchy, victory sex.” Yuugi squeezes you tighter and you slip out of her grip. No Yuugi, you can’t do that.

“Aww, come on. Everyone knows the hero’s supposed to get the girl in the end!” Yuugi seems to be desperately grasping for straws here, but you tell her that she didn’t even need saving in the first place. She sighs deeply and accepts her defeat.

“Fine...I’ll be here if you need me…” Yuugi turns sadly walks towards a bar and grill. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d4C1ZQKmw4). She sits down and orders a burger and a shot of something (strong you bet), and places her head on the counter in sadness. The man at the grill trips and impales a burger on her horn, but she doesn’t move at all. You feel a twang of sorrow as you sympathetically know how lonely she is, but you know she’ll find someone someday. Someone to make her happy…

Oh well, Scarlet Devil Mansion time. You walk towards the mansion and about halfway there, Flandre wakes up and stretches her arms. She looks up at you confusedly and blinks a few times to get the sleep out of her eyes.

“What happened?” She asks you sleepily and yawns to accentuate that fact. You weave a story about how much fun she had at the festival and how she wore herself out playing all sorts of festival games, like…uh…Wheel of fortune! Yeah… You show her the weird green cow doll thing you got her (you grabbed it while hang-gliding, because that was totally relevant to everything at that point) to prove how much fun she has and she accepts it.

You try to place Flandre on the ground, but she clings to you stubbornly and refuses to let go. She only compromises after you offer her a piggy back ride and you carry her all the way to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Meiling is asleep (again), so you just walk right past her and through the gate, past the courtyard, and into the main lobby of the Mansion.

You are greeted frighteningly quick by Sakuya but oh dear GOD.

“Is something wrong?” Sakuya says while smiling slyly at you. Her skirt is incredibly short, so short in fact that if she were to be in any position other than standing completely straight, you’d be able to see her panties.

Ah, no, uh, of course not, heh. You try to focus on something other than the lower half of her body, like her eyes. Yes, she has nice eyes. Nice, pretty, blue eyes…
Sakuya takes Flandre off of your back (which took quite a bit of convincing), places her on her feet, and bends over to wipe the sand out of Flandre’s eyes. This action gives you an AMAZING view of her ass and what an ass it is.
Must…focus…on eyes…
But goddamn does she have a nice ass…
Sakuya stands straight up again and turns towards you with a raised eyebrow.

“Are you sure nothing’s the matter?” Sakuya asks once again, enjoying all the attention she’s getting from you. Oh no, its nothing, she just has a great ass is all.

Sakuya puts a hand over her mouth to cover her smile, but nothing you can say will take back what you just said…

“It’s alright. You already told me I had a great ass, remember?” She flicks her hips at you, giving you another flash of her panties and you suddenly remember what you said. Damn, you transformed Sakuya from a perfect and elegant maid, into a cocktease. You’re not sure how you feel about that…

Never mind that! You ask her to see Remilia and agrees, but not before taking Flandre to her room. She leaves you standing there, but is back within the instant she leaves your sight. She then approaches you, bows, then turns around and leads you to yet another unfamiliar branch of the mansion. Godammit, how large is the place?! You also can’t help but notice the curves of Sakuya’s legs as you follow her from behind, all the way up to the top of her thighs and the bottom of her curvy buttocks…
STOP looking down

“We’re here.” Sakuya abruptly stops and you bump into her from behind. She gives out a startled yelp as you accidentally press yourself against her. You quickly apologize, and she opens the great double doors before you and stands to the side. You don’t dare look at her face after all that and you just quickly walk into the room.
The throne room, you should say.

It’s a huge, lavishly decorated room with a red carpet leading all the way into the room to the opposite side of you, up a slight staircase, and ending at the foot of a huge throne with a little girl sitting in it. This little girl is, of course, Remilia and she sits in a comfortable, yet unlady like position, swirling a glass of red wine and looking at it quite bored. She doesn’t notice you enter (the room is huge, and the walk towards the throne is quite a long distance away) until you’re several dozen feet away. She quickly adjusts herself, holds the glass properly, and gives you a surprised look.

“Well, I didn’t expect you to be back so quickly. Something go wrong?” Remilia looks at you with no hint of sarcasm or familiarity in her voice. Apparently this is serious business for her…

Nope, mission accomplished.

“Then why are you back so early?” Remilia continues to interrogate you with suspicion in her eyes.

She wore herself out. She can’t see the festival if she’s sleeping.

“Hmm…Sakuya?” Remilia calls out for her servant and, before you even realize it, Sakuya stands right next to her master and bows her head in servitude.

“Is Flandre asleep in her room?” Remilia doesn’t even look up at her servant, who responds, “Yes, she’s quite exhausted from tonight’s events. She must have really tired herself out.”

Remilia then gives you a warm smile and says, “Forgive me for not believing what you said, this really means a lot to me.”

Well, ah, its no problem but, just out of curiosity, how do you feel about Sakuya?

“Sakuya? What about her?” Remilia asks curiously.

Oh you know, how she’s wearing such a short skirt and all…

“I care not what she does, so long as she serves me obediently.”

Ah, okay… now about that reward…

“Ah yes, the reward…” Remilia takes the glass up to her lips and sips a bit before continuing (you have a bad feeling from the way she sips that wine…it IS wine, right?), “I could tell you where Yukari is, but wouldn’t you rather work for me instead of seeking vengeance?”

Nope, gotta kill Yukari, then you’ll live happily ever after with Yuuka.

“Ah, but your services will be of great use to the Scarlet family. I’ll give you a career as Flandre’s caretaker as you seem to be the only one other than Sakuya who can handle her successfully (heh…), and you’ll be given the power over the other fairy maids in the mansion, but you‘ll still be under Sakuya of course. If you work hard enough, I’ll allow you to personally tend to my whims and become my butler.” She takes another sip from her wine glass, “I’ve always wanted a butler…”

Well, you’d rather stay with Yuuka…

“Hmm, unfortunately, I cannot take Yuuka in. I’ve invited her here once for a tea party and all the guests fled from her immediately, including all of my servants except Sakuya.” She leans back, ever so slightly, and continues.

“Well,” She giggles softly, “You may have the illusion of choice, but you are fated to serve me.” You can faintly see a red aura pour out of her and engulf you in its power, twisting and warping your mind to whatever she sees fit. You struggle, but you find yourself slowly succumbing to her will. You threaten Remilia that Yuuka won’t let her get away with this…!

“Don’t worry. I won’t do anything to harm your precious Yuuka. She’ll simply find someone else to love dearly.”

You visibly blanch at that remark and struggle harder against the red aura. Well, Yukari won’t let her get away with this!

“Yukari won’t dare touch you once you’re under my protection. You shall know the power of the Scarlet Devil soon enough…”

[x] “Die monster! You don’t belong in this world!”
[x] Submit like a coward
[x]Go back and open that freezer.

(And the trait you got from the wheel is the spell eater trait. You now have a taste for anything magical and can gain abilities from eating them...Like spell books for example)
[X] "I wonder what batwing burgers taste like." EAT REMILIA'S WINGS!


And damn it, Double-Hat, Yor is insane.

Where's Tenshi now? We could use one of her rocks to break the mansion. And... oh boy... Sakuya... Sakuya... Sakuya...
or alternatively:
[x] Come up with a compromise that'll benefit both you and Remillia.
FUCK (despite how much I like Yuugi too)!
FUCK (despite how much I like Yuugi too)!
FUCK (despite how much I like Yuugi too)!
GAH! Sorry Double-Hat. Fucking Wi-fi.
*punts laptop at random guy down the street*
[*] “Die monster! You don’t belong in this world!” CHARISMA DUEL

You seem to have added some unnecessary parts to your first choice, Sombrero. At any rate, it's perfect.
[x]Submit like a coward. I don't think we'll leave this place alive any other way. Besides Yuuka could easily be replaced by the new and improved Sakuya.
[x] “Die monster! You don’t belong in this world!” CHARISMA DUEL
[X] “Die monster! You don’t belong in this world!” CHARISMA DUEL
-[X] Call for aid from sundry allies if needed.


Bad, bad! Delicious as neo-Sakuya is, we must keep Yuka.
insert generic bitching and moaning


[x] “Die monster! You don’t belong in this world!” CHARISMA DUEL
[x] “Die monster! You don’t belong in this world!” CHARISMA DUEL
This is turning into one of those good B-Grade films, in text form. Not one of those obscenely crappy ones but one of the deliciously absurd, unrealistic, but will be remembered for years type of one.

Now to the vote
[x] “Die monster! You don’t belong in this world!” CHARISMA DUEL
What allies the only one anywhere nearby is Val.
What this dude said.
this new Sakuya.. I want to take her home. For the first time, I want to take someone home not because of overwhelming moeness. Dear god.
[X] Eat her Aura
-[X] Suppress her aura and eat Sakuya's Dress
--[X] Stop/slow down time and GTFO
I don't think that would work. Joe doesn't even know what Sakuya's power is so we can't do anything to her. That's called meta-game knowledge.
you forgot the part about it being particularly stupid, even for this story.
Amidst all this talk of servitude and the immutability of fate, you have forgotten something of critical importance. A nagging, succulent detail, tantalizing and taunting in its prosperity.

Dat ass

This mere child can throw her powers at you all she likes, but in the face of a derriere of such supple, bountiful curves, her might is as a breeze in the wind.

We don't need to deal with Remilia's whiny bullshit. We have better things to be devoting our time to. Like ass', and revenge.
If it doesn't involve fighting, I'm in.
Entirely the reason I made it. I would honestly rather read 10 pages about Sakuya's ass than another droll fight where anon will pick the "coolest" options, and we will inevitably win, without fail.
votes like that prove the old stereotype that Anon has ADD in regards to women; have we forgotten about our lovely family?

Such stupidity is what everyone in /blue/ is raging about
>(Okay, you guys can bitch and moan about me not choosing the majority this time, but in exchange I’ll tell you guys what that trait you gained was and even allow you to go to the freezer. Nothing good would have happened from giving Flandre alcohol.)

So wait, it's fine by you to allow banging Joe's adopted daughter, but you can't find a way to make that write in good and hilarious without undue consequences? Excuse me, but what? Your choice in vote overrides leave much to be desired.
Please do not lecture me about the general shitstorm blazing about the site.
I started it

And to defend my vote a bit further. Who says this has to move past anything further than admiring her spectacular ass? My reasoning for making the vote is exactly as I outlined it in >>24342
[x] Stare and make the "Dat Ass" face.
[a] eat her aura
Or, alternatively
[a] charisma duel
With ... Can't remember the name... But that one trait that scares small children. It comes in handy.

We might net a Sakuya out of this...
[x] Stare at dat ass.
Dayum, that is some fine ass.
You're talking about Boogieman.
Anyway, don't you think those options would antagonize Sakuya? Making Remillia break out in tears may result in a lot of knives going in places where knives shouldn't go.
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[x] “Die monster! You don’t belong in this world!” CHARISMA DUEL

“It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute.”

Tribute?! You steal men’s souls and make them your slaves!

“Perhaps the same could be said of all religions…”

Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you!

“What is a man? (she throws her wineglass down next to you) A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk… Have at you!”

Remilia stands up and raises her hand in the air as if to signal the start of something, but nothing happens. In fact, the both of you stand there and stare at each other for about a minute before Sakuya speaks up.


“Hmm? Ah yes, where were we?” Remilia sits back down and straightens her dress a bit before returning back to her previous position. “I blacked out for a little bit. What was it we were doing?”

Giving you the whereabouts of Yukari’s house?

“Ah yes, eternal servitude under my name, thank you.”


“Now as I was saying…*sigh* Sakuya where did my wineglass go?” Remilia just now notices the lack of a wineglass and promptly looks at her servant for an explanation.

“You finished it and asked for red tea milady.”

“Ah yes, I remember that quite well now.”

You stare dumbfounded at your little host. You would have pointed out the puddle of red wine and shattered crystal glass next to you, but as you look down, its no longer there.

“Thank you Sakuya.” You see Sakuya handing her master a fancy teacup full of (presumably) red tea and you’re baffled by the speed of which she works. Something strange is going on here and you can’t quite put your finger on it…

“Hmm? What are you pointing at? Ah, good idea! Get on your knees so that you may swear you allegiance to me.” She takes a sip from her teacup and waits for you to get on your knees.

You politely decline her proposition and…

“I believe you are mistaken.” The red aura begins to radiate greatly from her again, and her voice seems to carry great influence over you. “That wasn’t a question, that was a command. Now, get on your knees and swear yourself to me.”

Hmm, that sounds like a good idea. You are quite tired after all and…
NO! You must resist her words!
Your legs start to shake, not from the pressure of the aura, but the incredible influence that you feel from her voice. You really want to listen to her, but you know swearing yourself to her would be a bad thing…right?

“Don’t be afraid of working for the devil. Look at Sakuya, she loves serving me as you will soon enough.” Remilia smiles ever so slightly, and you just can’t help but listen to her charming voice. You look over at Sakuya and see that she suddenly has on thigh highs and matching garter belt. And from this angle…


You fall painfully to one knee and you have to resist with all your might to avoid having your other knee succumb to the same fate.

“Genuflecting is good and all, but I need both your knees on the ground before I allow you to serve me. Symbolism for giving me all of your services instead of just half or something. Never bothered to read that handbook…” She takes another sip and gives you an unconcerned look. To the unwary eye it may seem like she doesn’t care much for the situation, but you can tell she’s using all of her power/charisma to conform you to her will. Her charisma is just too overpowering for you to handle, and if a miracle doesn’t happen soon, you’re going to lose this duel…

“Be proud of yourself. Very few people live to serve the Scarlet Devil personally. Take pride in that fact as you submit to me.” You can sense a hint of gloating in her voice as she knows she has won this battle. But you still continue resist to the very end…

“Hey lady!” Val pops out from under your hat and stands defiantly on your head with her little hands on her little hips. “You have a really nice castle!”

“It is a mansion, but thank you little one.” Remilia says casually, and continues to bear down on you with all of her might. Pfft, little one…she’s not so big herself…

“Uh huh, I noticed all the detail you put into this room! It even looks like there are carvings of you on some of the walls!” You can’t exactly tell where this is going, but it looks like Remilia’s eating it up.

“You’ve noticed! I hired the greatest artisans money could buy to decorate the interior of my throne room. You have quite a sharp eye little one. Perhaps I could use you as well?” Val completely ignores Remilia’s remarks and continues.

“And you are the Scarlet Devil correct?” Val asks questioningly and Remilia responds a little perplexed.

“Yes, but what…?” Remilia starts to ask, but Val cuts her off.

“Well then,” Val takes out a tiny pair of shades from her skirt pocket…
Oh no…
“I guess the Devil…” She puts on the shades and looks at Remilia with a smirk.
“…Is in the details.”

You hear a sudden crash, as if somebody dropped some glass, but you see that Remilia is, in fact, still holding on to her teacup.
Well kind of.
You see, Remilia’s face has a myriad of emotions. Anger, confusion, laughter, pain, surprise, horror, practically every emotion you can think of and more. Her whole body is trembling in confusion, trying to sort out all the emotions and tea begins spilling into her lap. It honestly looks like Val broke her.

“M-Milady?!” Sakuya, who was reeling back from Val’s terrible pun, rushes over to her master’s aid and tries to snap her out of her confused state. “Milady are you okay? What happened?!”

A loud voice rumbles from the heavens in a deep tone and says:

“Charisma CRASH

Oh, well, okay. That’s what happened. Val stands triumphantly on top of your head, or rather you assume she would stand triumphantly except for the fact that you can’t exactly see her. That and the red aura from Remilia’s trembling body is now going haywire and most of your sight is now flooded with red. You feel weightless for a moment, as if you were flying again high in the sky. In fact, you even feel the cold wind buffet your face like back when Yuug-


Ow, the fuck? Right when you were about to go into a glorious flashback about taking to the skies, you suddenly land on your ass painfully hard. You can’t see anything due to the red…aura thing covering your vision, and the cold wind still blows in your face as if you were flying yet you‘re sitting down. What the hell is going on? You feel Val sitting on your head as well with a little, “oomph!” and the redness clears from your sight. It looks like you’re on top of a large building and behind you is a large clock tower…

“I’m sorry Joe…” You hear Val sniffle pitifully and you lift her off of your head and hold her in front of you to see what’s wrong.

“I…I screwed up. You told me to keep the puns to myself but…” She covers her face in shame and tries to look away from you. “Now we’re stuck up here…and…and……”

You pat Val on the head and tell her its alright. She saved you from Remilia, so she deserves something nice. How about-


Okay, What the hell is with all these onomatopoeias interrupting things?! You turn around angrily and see Alice a good distance away grumbling about something and rubbing her lower back, as if she fell in the same way as you did. Oh hey its Alice! You haven’t seen her in a long time! You almost get up and greet her, but Val tugs on your hands and stops you.

“Wait…” Val says to you while visibly shaking in your hands, but you can tell she’s determined about something. “You said that I deserve something nice so maybe…” she floats out of your hands and lands on the ground before you, with her back to you.

“Disconnect me. I want to prove to master that I’m not a failure.” You look at Val’s tiny form, and then up at Alice who currently has her back to you. She’s scratching her head, probably in contemplation on why she’s up here and you figure she’s probably going to fly away or something soon if you don’t make your decision quick. But is Val really ready for this?

“Yes, I’m ready. Please disconnect me. I have to do this.”

[x] Disconnect Val and wish her the best of luck.
[x] Nope. Ruin Val’s moment by scooping her up in your hands and getting Alice’s attention.
[x]Go back and open that freezer.

Why would her wings have magic??

Why would you say that?


Nice, you called it.

I suddenly regret giving Joe the ability to eat magical stuff.

The difference between those two scenarios was that the majority (presumably) wanted a hawt Tenshi scene…so I gave it to them. This time the majority wanted that write-in to be “good and hilarious without undue consequences” and I honestly had no idea how to do that, at least with that write-in. SO, I decided to go with the write-in that I could have fulfilled the criteria with and apologized with the inconvenience (because I know it is impossible to please everyone). If you feel that you could have written something “good and hilarious without undue consequences” about that write-in, good for you! Go ahead and start your own story, because you’ll have my blessings and admiration.
That is, of course, assuming the “good and hilarious without undue consequences” thing WASN’T about the Tenshi scene. I couldn’t imagine writing something “good and hilarious without undue consequences” about that…

Hey man, there’s nothing wrong with admiring a nice ass. I might even bring Sakuya back later on in the story, just for that purpose.
[x]Wish her luck, you're proud of her.
-[x]Return home
This is something Val has to do on her own. We've given her all the instruction she needs to win the heart of her beloved Master and return to her dwelling, as the best doll in the collection. Intruding into this scene would be terribly awkward and rude.

>What is a man blah blah
OH BOY! It's like I'm really reading EoSD and a Scarlet Stained Memoir again! And it's even worse.
I'm not bitter at all.
[x] Disconnect Val and give her a hug. "You'll do fine."
[a] let her run to her master alone. Back her up if needed.
[a] figure out WTF just happened if you can.

Abwah? What just happened?
I think Val's pun was so awful that a proper lady like Remilia couldn't handle it at all.

[*] Disconnect Val and wish her the best of luck.
Val's more than ready to take on her final boss. Godspeed, Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andrt Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the third, godspeed.
[x] Disconnect Val and give her a hug. "You'll do fine."
[x] Disconnect Val and wish her the best of luck.
-[x] Stick around just in case things go badly.
-[x] Try talking to Alice afterwards.

I think we see Charisma OVERKILL.
[x] Disconnect Val and wish her the best of luck.

*Sniff* They grow up so fast.

And why not? Her wings should have magic... since... you know, Remilia has magic... maybe her wings have some magic in them? I don't know anymore! I want an excuse to have batwing burgers!
That's odd how people are raging over sex with a willing legal adult who we adopted as our daughter this week. The way I saw it, better us than some clumsy boy. In the end Joe has a win-win set up; a shapely wife and a slim figured 'daughter'

Now if it was Cirno/Rumia/etc in the 'daughter' spot, I would have been in the "AW HELL NAW" camp
Than you are a hypocrite in the extreme. At that point in time, Tenshi was acting and behaving as a very young girl. To have sex with her, was as to having sex with any other very young girl we could have imagined in the story, ex. Rumia, or Cirno.

This is of course ignoring the fact that Rumia and Cirno are typically depicted as having a body type that is described as teenage, in nearly all stories.
Young girls wouldn't be masturbating and horny as she was. Loli does not equal teenage at all. And in GH, Taisa said repeatedly "THE SCARLETS ARE TEENAGEISH IN BODY AND MIND". Guess what happened? The anti-flan fans didn't listen and resumed their "PEDOES!" shouting

For a site with its roots in 4chan, you folks certainly are repressed.
Okay. I'm not sure on where you stand on this.
Do you think it is okay to have sex with a loli? You specifically mentioned GH, and as Taisa said, the Scarlets were teenaged. They would still be considered loli's, though. Would it be okay to have sex with them? And conversely, would having sex with Cirno and Rumia not be okay, even though they are also teenaged, yet still considered lolis?
[x] Disconnect Val and wish her the best of luck.
-[x] Stick around just in case things go badly.
-[x] Try talking to Alice afterwards.

u nigguz gae
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Yes to everything.
Cirno and Rumia are generally seen as childish (at least mentally), little sister figures. Recent stories have shown Rumia in a different light due to making her more mature, and how easily her fans would jump on such a story. Rumia's fandom in GH was unexpected as Taisa was aiming for creepy.

GH Scarlets were teenagers in all senses of maturity, with Flan being more naive due to being locked in a basement. There wouldn't so much harm if sex was involved, same goes for GH Rumia. It's just that some people can't see it that way, leading to many many troubles.

Tenshi in this was very much normal (slim figured teenagerish, with a bratty teenaged personality) her 'regression' might have been her reaction to actually getting attention for once and wanting to play the part, but once she saw Joe giving Yuuka some grade-A sex, she was very much turned on and dropped the childish act. Perhaps at that point Tenshi had a different kind of love for Joe.

I only mentioned Cirno and Rumia as they're among the first names in "Little sister; do not fuck"
[x] Give Val a hug and wish her luck.
-[x] Fashion her a hat out of whatever you have in your inventory.
[x] Disconnect Val and give her a hug. "You'll do fine."
-[x] Stick around, just in case.

i touch my dick

Can we just drop the fucking subject already kiddies?
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[x] Disconnect Val and wish her the best of luck

(Pic isn’t really NSFW, it’s just spoiler heavy. Check it out after you read this update.)

If she says she’s ready, then you have no right to intrude upon this moment.

You wait until the light from the thread fades away before pulling it out. Val doesn’t stumble or hold her hands out like a tightrope walker for balance, but just simply stands there determined to meet her fate. She starts to walk towards her destiny, but you reach out and hug her one last time before she goes.
It’s not like a father watching his daughter take her first steps out into the world or anything like that, you just simply wanted to give her a good luck hug and stuff…

“Leggo, Joe! She’s gonna leave if I don’t hurry!”

Oops, sorry. You just wanted to wish her a lot of luck with that hug. You quickly place her back on the ground before watching her take a great big sigh (does she even have lungs?) and walk towards her master. You stand there and watch her trudge ever so slowly toward’s Alice’s lone form on the other side of the building top, and you suddenly realize something.
This is gonna take a while.

Val’s walking at a leisurely pace (or it would be leisurely if you didn’t notice her shaking ever so slightly) and you stand there patiently watching her plod along. She gets about a quarter of the way there when you sit down and continue to watch Val’s trek across the top of the building.

At the halfway mark, you notice that she’s slowed down considerably and you get fed up with her antics. Sure, she’s probably psyching herself up for the confrontation, but all these delays are driving you insane! You quickly run up to Val and push her the rest of the way, along with her constant protesting, until she’s standing just a few feet from Alice. Then you quickly retreat all the way back to the opposite side of Alice and lay prone Solid Snake style to conceal yourself. It would be rude for your presence to interrupt Val’s moment.

Val looks back at you angrily, but quickly turns back towards her master’s towering form and she calls out to her.

No response

You guess Alice couldn’t hear Val’s tiny voice, what with all the wind up here. Strangely enough, you can hear her clearly as if there wasn’t any wind. How utterly convenient…

“U-Um, Hello!”
Val shouts as loud as she can and Alice swings around, as if expecting someone to greet her. She looks straight forward and, when seeing nobody around at face level, she looks around with a puzzled look on her face. Strangely enough again, she doesn’t seem to notice you despite you laying down on the lightly red floor with no cover whatsoever. Once again how convenient…

“I’m down here master!” Val shouts once again and jumps up and down to get Alice’s attention. This seems to work as Alice then looks down with an even more puzzled look on her face at her tiny creation. She kneels down next to Val and stare’s curiously at her. C’mon, do something to impress her!

“Uh, um, Uhh…” Val stutters and stammers for the right words to use in the face of her long time goal and is unable to come up with anything to say. Goddammit Val, don’t screw up now!

“Uhh…I love you!” Val shouts and holds her hands over her head. Luckily Alice doesn’t respond to Val’s proclamation, but you still cover your face and groan painfully at Val’s mistake. Perhaps she can still impress Alice with some of her improved locomotive prowess? You keep your hopes up and continue to survey the scene.

“Uh, uh…I still can’t fly, but, um, watch what I can do, Master!” Val begins to dance fluidly about in front of Alice and you’re actually quite impressed with the progress that Val made from her training. That is, until she falls down face first into the ground, but she quickly recovers and finishes her dance with a cute little pose. You hold your breath and study Alice’s face diligently for any signs of disappointment. Her only response is a slightly amused smile, but you keep your eyes on her just in case. Val keeps her pose until Alice takes a quick scan of her surroundings (somehow missing you again) and then reaching out to pat Val on the head. You exhale greatly and lay your head flat down on the floor in relief. You nearly pissed yourself in fear of Val being rejected again. You’re glad she finally got accepted by Alice…

“Ow! Master! No! Why…?!” You hear Val cry out in pain and you quickly look up from your hiding spot to see Val dangling by her hair from Alice’s grip. Your heart leaps up into your throat as you’re paralyzed at the scene before you, unable to comprehend why she would do such a thing to Val. Alice starts walking over to her left and off the flat platform to the pointed peak of a connected rooftop where she hold’s Val over the edge of oblivion. You overcome your initial shock and run to Val’s aid, but you are unable to reach them in time and only hear their last exchange.

“B-but master, I…I…Why…?”

Alice brings Val close to her unusually cold (even colder than Alice normally is) face and she gives Val her answer.

You’re annoying.

Your entire body locks up as you see Val plummet down into the abyss, tiny tears falling with her, and you stare helplessly as she disappears from view. You look up horrified at Alice, of which you can only see the side of her face, and she has a bored look on her countenance. She doesn’t look at you, but you can see her eyes flash purple for a second.

[x] Run over to Alice and demand to know what’s going on.
[x] Do something incredibly brash, like tackle her off the edge of the roof and do a spinning piledriver on her.
[x] IT’S A TRAP! Getting anywhere near Alice would surely spell your doom! Find a way to get off this roof and get to Val’s aid as quickly as possible.
[x] Fuck that! Time is of the essence! Leap off the roof like some kind of majestic bird and shout “CA-CAW!!!” while soaring to Val’s aid.
Go back and open that freezer.
[X] Roar like some sort of lion and cry out for the aid of Valhalla and the Norse Gods, calling them out to save Val from oblivion and to fry Alice with a bolt of lightning.

If that fails...

[X]Leap off the roof like some kind of majestic bird and shout “CA-CAW!!!” while soaring to Val’s aid.
-[X] Use the impact when you land to hop back to the roof, right in front of Alice

We should become the next Norse God.
[x] "ALICE! What the hell are you doing?!" Jump out of cover with Spell eater and Godhand equipped.
[x] >>24372

We should focus on the important thing: saving Val.
[X]Leap off the roof like some kind of majestic bird and shout “CA-CAW!!!” while soaring to Val’s aid.
-[X] Use the impact when you land to hop back to the roof, right in front of Alice
> you can see her eyes flash purple for a second

Fuck you Yukari. Fuck you sideways with a Chainsword that's possessed by the Chaos God Khorne himself.

[X] Leap off the roof like some kind of majestic bird and shout “CA-CAW!!!” while soaring to Val’s aid.
-[X] Bitch slap Alice while you pass her
--[X] Use the impact when you land to hop back to the roof, right in front of Alice

Added something to the write in.
Okay, I'm gonna tell you guys this now so you won't blame me for it later, but you're not going to jump off the roof just to bounce off the ground back up to Alice. So, I'm just going to count these votes as "Leap off the roof to save Val".

But I will allow the bitch slap write-in.

Hey, one can dream.
Well, since nothing was mentioned about not being able to channel the power of Vahalla...

[X] Roar like some sort of lion and cry out for the aid of Valhalla and the Norse Gods, calling them out to save Val from oblivion and to fry Alice with a bolt of lightning.
[x] IT’S A TRAP! Getting anywhere near Alice would surely spell your doom! Find a way to get off this roof and get to Val’s aid as quickly as possible.
[x] Throw your magical thread over the edge.

Wait! You've seen this kind of situation before. If only you could remember what happened. Just what was it that the hero did to save his loved one from certain death via velocity?

That's right!

The perfect cast.

Its time for some nostalgia.
You have cheered me up after reading Sukima's tale. You are also a genius. I love you for both.

[*] Throw your magical thread over the edge.
[*] Break into a cheesy musical number with Val later.
[X]Leap off the roof like some kind of majestic bird and shout “CA-CAW!!!” while soaring to Val’s aid.
[x] Throw your magical thread over the edge.
[x] Throw your magical thread over the edge.
[] tie the magic thread around Alice's neck, and bungee jump to her aid
To everyone in this thread except for the author: stop namefagging.

It advertises the fact that you are either new, ignorant or an attention whore and you have already been warned against doing it in >>/gensokyo/6052.
Except that most of the people namefagging here are people with stories on here, so it's not actually against any rules.
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[x] Bitch slap Alice
[x] Throw your magical thread over the edge

(Sorry for the long wait. I wrote this update down a long while ago, but the internet went haywire and I couldn’t actually post the update)

“Joe! Long time no…” Alice spins around after noticing your approach, but you’re quick to interrupt her


“Wait, what…?”

Your hand connects with the side of her face, giving off a sound like a crack from a whip. The concussive force of the blow knocks Alice off of her feet and leaves her lying on the ground in a daze.

Alright, alright, alright, alright, ALRIGHT! Gotta save Val. Gotta stop Val from falling, how can you stop Val from falling? Maybe you jump! No, dumb idea, can’t fly, gotta stop Val from falling, maybe, maybe, maybe, peaches? No! Peaches for celebration! Uh, dance? NO! Dance later! After Val stop falling! Maybe, no, maybe, maybe, uh, Gun! Yes! Gun solves everything! Gu- NO! Not gun! Uh, bag! Yes! bag! Yes! Yes! What’s in bag what’s in bag… Matches? No! Bag, bag, bag…Partially filled water bottle? No!! Oil lamp?? NO!!! Wait, thread? YES! Thread, thread, thread, thread, THREAD!!!

In your panicked, hasty mind, you pull out the magic thread and unravel a bit to hold in your hand.
You saw this in a movie once.
This HAS to work!

You take the thread in your hands and relax your entire body. Your mind is still a little panicked, but you loosen up your body enough to get ready for what you’re about to do.

You place your feet a set distance apart, throw the thread in front of you at the 10 o’clock position…then 2 o’clock…quarter to three…Tour Jete…Twist! Over! Pas de deux! I’m a little teapot! And the windup…!

You wait a moment…

And you let ‘er fly! The thread soars outwards at an incredible distance and you are incredibly proud of yourself as you mimicked the entire thing motion for motion! Man, you loved that movie, and you can’t believe that it’s going to save someone’s life!
The perfect cast…

Unfortunately, the thread doesn’t go downwards, and instead the wind blows it to where its completely horizontal

“The perfect cast huh? That movie sure did suck.”

You spin around to see Alice with a huge red mark on the side of her face and a raised eyebrow. Her voice is not normal, yet it’s still her voice…

“It’s funny, because that little doll probably already hit the ground by the time you came up with that stupid idea.”

Well, at least you didn’t throw Val over the edge like a bitch!

“Oh yeah, I, Alice Margatroid, am a bitch. Yep. Totally me.”

You know that she’s obviously Yukari in disguise.

“Oh no, I’m not Yukari. I’m Alice Margatroid.”


“You know the more you argue with me, the longer your precious Val lies down there dying alone and in agony.”

Huh? Oh Goddammit!

“But don’t worry, I’ll help you get down there fast.”

Pfft, yeah right. Why would she help you get to Val?

“Because I’m your friend Alice Margatroid. And, in the spirit of movie references, ‘This is Gensokyo’.”

Wait, what…?

She kicks you in your chest and you fall over backwards into the abyss. You hear Alice cackling madly on the peak of the rooftop before she disappears from sight. Well damn, you totally walked into that one. Your mind is extremely calm for some reason and you just simply accept your fate and fall down until…WAIT!

You somehow manage to spin your body around until you’re falling chest first and you spread your wings (arms) out like a plane…no……like a BIRD! You start to flap your wings triumphantly in order to slow your fall and gain altitude.
This doesn‘t work, of course, so you try calling out like a great majestic bird you maybe unleash your animal side and gain the ability to fly.


Nothing. Well damn, now you’re completely out of options. Sure you probably look like an idiot trying to flap your arms and caw like a bird to stop your decent, but at least you TRIED something. You see the ground now closing in and you close your eyes to accept the sweet embrace of death.

That is, until you stop falling vertically and you now are now flying horizontally…and then upwards! You open your eyes to confirm this fact and yes, you’re no longer falling.

In fact, you’re flying! You’re actually FLYING!

You start laughing happily as you soar over the trees and into the night sky. You see the full moon, bright as can be and you feel your heart soaring along with your entire body. You laugh again like a kid and enjoy your flight to its fullest.

“What’s your problem, ze?!”

Huh? You crane you neck around and look up to see Marisa laying atop her broom with her arms around your chest. You can kinda see a large brown bag filled with many objects attached to the back of her broom with a bit of string. Marisa’s straining to keep a grip onto you and your laughing isn’t helping very much in her endeavor.

“You’re so, damn, HEAVY!” Marisa complains and continues to fly away from the mansion and over towards where you guess her house is. WAIT! You can’t go to Marisa’s house now! You have to save Val! You tell Marisa to turn around and head back to the mansion.

“Are you MAD, ze?! They’re going to kill me if they found out what I just did!” Marisa says while struggling to keep a grip on you. Uh, what exactly did she do?

“Huh? Eheh, nothing, ze. Don’t worry about that. We just can’t go back there, or at least I can’t, ze.” Well, that doesn’t matter, she has to turn around so you can save Val!



You can tell Marisa’s confused, but you just tell her to trust you. Marisa visibly weighs the options of going back to her house with the both of you and going back to the Scarlet Devil Mansion and risk getting caught with her bounty.

Come on Marisa…you really need her help right now. A life is on the line and if she doesn’t hurry, then Val may very well die.

“Argh, but Joe…”


“FINE! Jeeze, ze. You owe me big time for this.” She sighs heavily and just shakes her head unbelieving at what she’s about to do.

Marisa turns around and heads back towards the mansion as fast as she can push her broom. You thank Marisa heartily and command her to go “To Infinity and Beyond!!!” while holding your arms out like a certain cowboy doll being held by a certain spaceman superhero action figure.

“Wait, what…?” she queries.

Nothing, you tell her to focus on not dropping you before you get there.
Marisa takes you to the spot where she caught you and lowers down to the ground. She lets go of you and you find Val on the ground with her eyes closed and unmoving. You fall to your knees and gently call out to her.

No response.

You call out to her again and again get no response.

“Is..is that Val?” Marisa walks up quietly right beside you and looks down at Val.

You nod slowly but you cannot comprehend Val being dead.
She can’t be dead…can she? She doesn’t have any organs! She’s kept alive by magic! She can’t die!
Wait, magic! You pull out the magic thread and try to push it into her side.


The thread doesn’t go in, it doesn’t glow, and Val doesn’t move. She doesn’t open her eyes, she doesn’t get up, she doesn’t hug you or tell you how happy she is that you saved her or give you another bad pun about falling.

She just doesn’t move.

“I’m sorry, ze.”

Marisa puts her hand on your shoulder to comfort you, but you don’t feel it. You just simply stare at Val. She just can’t be dead. It can’t end like this for her! She had hopes and dreams like everyone else! She was…
She was…

“your friend?”

You nod. You look at Val’s broken and lifeless form and reach out to touch her lightly on the head. Rest in peace…friend…

Val suddenly coughs and your heart jumps along with the rest of your body. Maybe she’s okay?!

“Joe…Joe is that you…?” Val’s eyes open slightly and she reaches her little hands out in front of her.
“I can’t see Joe. Everything’s dark.”

You reach your hand out to hers and her tiny fingers wrap themselves around the tips of yours. You can tell she’s incredibly weak, but you tell her that it’ll be alright. She has to be alright!

“I’m sorry Joe. I guess I really didn’t deserve something nice…” Her voice is wavering, but she struggles to continue on. You tell her to stop thinking so negatively. You’ll get her some help and then maybe…!

“No, Joe. I can’t go on anymore. The thing that’s keeping me alive is gone…” She coughs some more.

“The back of my head is smashed open and I only have a little bit of life left in me…” Her grip starts to grow weaker and weaker, and you can’t do anything but listen to your tiny friend’s last moments.

“I-I’m scared Joe. It doesn’t hurt, but I’m really scared. I don’t wanna die…” You feel Val’s fear and you start to shake because you don’t want to lose her. In desperation, you tell Val that you’ve been referencing Disney movies, and that the sidekick never dies! At least, you don’t think they do…

“I…don’t know what you’re talking about.” She smiles slightly, but coughs again. “You make me so happy. I…I don’t want to be alone again.”

Its okay! If…if you do pass away, then you’ll just bust your way into the netherworld and…!

“But…I don’t have soul. I’m just a doll. A failed creation that couldn’t…” She coughs violently this time and you know deep down, despite your hope, that her time has come.

“But that‘s okay. I’m just happy that I met someone like you. Someone that accepted me for who I am. If only I was born a human, then maybe master wouldn’t hate me and maybe…maybe things could have been different…” She squeezes your fingers with the last of her strength and gives you a great big smile with tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Thank you Joe, for everything that you did for me. No matter what happens, I’ll always remember you.” Her eyes begins to close and her grip fades away. Val’s smile stays on her face, even after her final words:

“I love you…”

[Val has passed away]

You sit there for a moment and let the image of your fallen friend burn into your retinas forever. In her memory, you shall never stop in your quest until Val’s murderer has been brought to justice.

“Am I…interrupting something?” A familiar voice completely interrupts your moment and you turn your head angrily to see who it is. Her green hair and timid personality makes you want to instinctively stuff her into your bag and take her home for interrogation, but you try to remember who she is before doing such a thing…

“I, um, heard someone ask for a miracle, so…”

OH YEAH! You point at her and declare loudly.


[x] Demand from her a miracle to bring Val back.
[x] No, wait. As a final Disney reference, wish her back to life as a human!
[x] No, you’re too old for such whimsical wishing. Simply mourn your loss and go back home.
[x] Go back and open that freezer

Fun fact: I think this entire update was one big Disney reference, meaning I just pulled a reverse Bambi. You know, Bambi’s mother died and everything was sad, but spring comes along in the very next scene and everything’s all bright and happy? Well, this update started out all whimsical with all the (Disney) references and suddenly everything is all sad and depressing.

[x] No, wait. As a final Disney reference, wish her back to life as a human!
We've already got a Disney combo going, so this has to work! Val will finally be a real boy girl!
[X] Demand that REAL miracle from that stupid green-haired lady and WISH VAL BACK! AND CAPABLE OF FULLY SUPPORTING HERSELF!

Stupid Green-haired girl, GIVE US OUR REAL MIRACLE ALREADY!
There's no good reason to be namefagging when you're a participant in someone else's story, particularly when it goes against the established custom of the site. THP is not a forum, and people should not be bringing the posting habits and problems associated with forums--like trying to build e-cred--when they come here.

Cut it out please.
[x] No, wait. As a final Disney reference, wish her back to life as a human!

And yet you're the only person to be really bothered by it.

Just let it go.
[x] No, wait. As a final Disney reference, wish her back to life as a human!
[x] No, wait. As a final Disney reference, wish her back to life as a human!

Let it go. I see no problem with this. I already saw a lot of writers AKA known namefags/tripfags voting all the same. People never complained about it in the past, why start now?
[x] No, wait. As a final Disney reference, wish her back to life as a human!
I think that using a name without having a story would be a bannable offense. Maybe it's too much, but that's how I feel.
[x] No, wait. As a final Disney reference, wish her back to life as a human!
I honestly feel that this would cheapen the entire scene, but even I can't make a good write-in for this one.
[x] No, wait. As a final Disney reference, wish her back to life as a human!
Has been happening for a long time pal. No one gives a shit and niether should you.
[X] No, wait. As a final Disney reference, wish her back to life as a human!
See >>/gensokyo/6101

This is not really accepted here. I see that several readers of this story are using names, but this isn't the norm and it should stop. Look at all the anonymous voting and discussion going on around you. It doesn't matter that a particular vote or comment is coming from the guy who writes that other story or the guy who made that other vote earlier.

But it's weird because I remember that many users use name and trips when voting in the past. Then again, I really can't trust my memories on this matter.

I think it's useful since we can identify and know that other writers read his/her stories. Still, with sudden influx of newfags came recently, I say this is an appropriate action.

Thanks for the heads-up, Admin.
I can't really remember that happening but, regardless, I guess it's an official rule from now on.
Anyway, what's up with Yukari disguising herself as Alice?
So then can I complain about the mods using names?
You could, but it probably wouldn't be a very smart idea.
Some did, most didn't. It's never been strictly enforced, but it's always been encouraged.

I never vote using my name. I don't even use my name when I'm arguing about the site on /gensokyo/ or /blue/, unless I'm stating official policy.

Anyway, this is getting off-topic.
[x] No, wait. As a final Disney reference, ask herto _miracle_ Val back to life as a human!

Picture made it look like it was all happy, get to end, SADNESS.

Now all we need is evil Sanae and SCORN APPROVED.

Also, how about yall just stop posting outside of voting.

Sure, if we were all mature people, but that argument was more interesting than this story could ever hope to be.

Seriously, why is this story still here?
People are afraid they'll be banned if they jump the gun on crapflooding the thread.

That's some crap, it's a bad story. It had hope a little bit before Hat started taking all the stupid votes, now not so much.

/blue/, come in here already!
Shame too... as on top of the stupid votes, the whole quest for vengence has been loosing steam pretty badly. It might be better for Hat to end it on a sensible note before /blue/'s axe comes down, at least to save some face.
[a]Human Val must be human.

I donttrust sanae though.
He should end it quickly and start again at the point where we rapped it out against Yukari and leave all the overpowered bullshit out.
Maybe keep Val, i love that Doll.

See, it's infested with cancer. Kill this story, already.
The story shouldn't be closed just because of some newfags and retarded votes. After all, this is a chance for the story to take a more serious turn, don't you think?
>The story shouldn't be closed just because of some newfags and retarded votes.

I agree. It should be closed because it is utter shit and embarasses the site by its continued existence. /blue/ can provide a lengthier explanation if you need one.

Oh boy, chill out. This story is one of the more light hearted and silly stories, exactly what our original story WUiG started as. If you can't put up with an influx of more newfags, or don't like this story, don't read it.

At least, I hope they start to make more progress with learning how to spell and basic grammar, because that shit's grating on my nerves too. On a different note, I hate using the term newfags, but is there anything else to really call them? I've seen people call them newfriends, but that's just as stupid.
This story looks good.


Because its ripping the Mods a new Dark blowhole.
soon everything theese mods worked so hard for to upkeep will crumble under the sheer /B/ /jp/ this thread emitts, and a new era of creative hilairious writefaggotry will come in.

Writers this story will bring about Writenagrock

Be prepared.


There's a very large difference between silly and pants on head stupid. Also, the 'don't like don't read' argument? Really? Should we invite wiseman back while we're at it?

This story was just plain bad from the beginning, and then turned to shit. You can make the 'it was the bad votes' argument all you like, but assuming the votes that 'ruined' the story vanish, what happens? The story goes back to being 'just' bad? No. I'll wait for /blue/ to get started, thank you very much.

Also, quotation marks, everywhere.


Go to bed, random anon.
So now all the stories on here have to be serious at all times?

He's not calling it shit because of it's silliness, moron. It's terrible writing, plain and simple. A quick glance around the site and through the archives will show you a few not-so-serious stories that don't look like they were vomited onto a keyboard.
Okay guys, we should just stop arguing. Let's let Hat and the mods decide what to do.

You are quite new here, aren't you?
No...just seemed like a good thing to say at the time. Why? Did I do somethimg wrong?
I read some posts from /blue/. I get it now, sorry.
Hat should really come to IRC.
Update coming up after the internet stabilizes.
I'm tired of fighting it.
Internet stabilized yet, Hat?
[x] No, you’re too old for such whimsical wishing. Simply mourn your loss and go back home.

What's going on here guys?
Hey there, Double-Hat!6QkSimXYJg.
Since I began reading this I have thoroughly enjoyed this story’s humor and the way it has unfolded to us.
However there has been something that has bugged me, as I read through each thread of this I have noticed a Constant Reoccurring error in the story that I quite frankly believe that no one is actually aware of. At first I believed these to be minor errors in your knowledge of the subject but as the story progressed, it seems that you are totally blind to this.

This would be Joe’s use of Hokuto shin-ken.
You see when we got this awesome martial art, I was expecting you to use this to its full potential, sadly it seems you may have forgotten the main principles of how it works, so allow me to re-educate you.

Before I continue on to tell you on the times that we could have used in the story to help us, I need to re-inform you on the fundamentals of Hokuto shin ken:

1.Humans only use 30% of there body strength, Hokuto shinken is about mastering the other 70%:
Throughout the story I have constantly noticed that at times, Joe has been nearly overpowered, even without HS he would be extremely powerful but, I can’t help but notice that the amount of power he displays are more or less from the other aspects from his abilities as He knows the Martial art he should be able to use all of his powers to MAXIMUM LEVEL, and not just what he thinks he can use. In short Lifting up Youkai mountain should be somewhat possible for us (on estimate that is practically how powerful we’ve become, so why the hell not?)

2.The poison thing.
By God when this first came about, it brought my teeth to a grind. When Joe is constantly getting drugged up on multiple occasions you said that it was simply his willpower alone which was keeping him conscious the moment you said this, I knew that you had not done your homework,
Allow me to tell you:
In the episode of Fist of the north star when Ken went off to fight the general ( I believe that’s what they called him) before fighting the general, he fought the Colonel who used poisoned daggers. During the fight between the two the colonel lands a hit on ken and proclaims that the daggers have a certain paralytic poison in them believing to have the upper hand But then kenshiro manages to move telling him that Hokuto Shinken lets you resist Poisons like the one that was just administered to his body to a great extent (similar to the chuck Norris downing a bottle of sleeping pills joke no?) and then proceeded to Drown then kick his ass. In short Poisons can be resisted to a great extent using HNS we still are affected but very little by them,

3.Lack of knowledge on pressure points
There were times in the CYOA where we could have used HNS to solve MANY problems such as injuries, for example we could have pressed Ōchū or Aketsushū to do so yet when we first used HNS we only used this once on a side note, the amount you heal from these pressure points being struck is not minor in the slightest so stab wounds and pierced skin gets fixed up in seconds.

The whole getting laid issue
You know what I’m talking about. We’ve ended up in pickles because of this and we could have used HNS to solve this. Why? any person who has watched HNK should know in the first episode KEN FUCKING ERASED LYNNS MEMORY BY PRESSING A PRESSURE POINT. And we didn’t use this on Alice or Marisa because???? This could have saved our asses on multiple occasions and actually helped Reisen out when Eirin fired her by making her forget doing so.

And finally:

4.Hokuto no Shinken becomes more powerful the more sorrowful the user is.
Okay I’ll make this quick, if a Hokuto no shin-ken user has not experienced true sorrow or a sorrow in general (I.E sad story of someone close to user dieing) they will have a weak fist, the amount of power Joe has Displayed is that of Kenshiro after he had Yuria taken away from him and was left for dead by Shin, even though Joe has not experienced said amount of sorrow to be that powerful. Anyhow there is a way around this Joe could be a Prodigy in HNS and is at the level he his through sheer training. Anyhow after reading the last update I noticed something VERY important.

We just experienced true sorrow.
At what point you ask? Well when Remilia pulled her Fate manipulation shit, and made us work for her, she made the exact same mistake as Shin did. Allow me to explain:
Remilia has fated us to work at the SDM so for one this means we won’t be able to see our friends again and by the sounds of things neither our moe waifu sure we could be rescued but either way Remy just Fated us to work for her so eventually outside relationships will break and we most likely will become lonely as Remilia said before that she couldn’t accommodate Yuuka into the SDM in short Remilia has taken away from us what we hold dear.

So if you are going to go with Joe being a Prodigy and all then this means that we be at Musou tensei level in HNS and we WILL have to fight Remilia, as the conflict is inevitable, so it will either end in her death or defeat and she will let us walk free of course this will strain our relationship with the SDM crew but unfortunately this story has taken an unfortunate turn into DESPAIR so I’d like to get it back to being funny and enjoyable, with the recent death of Val, our fist is at its peak of power.

So in short, Remilia has fucked up and we will have to kick her ass.

Also heres my vote.
[x] Demand from her a miracle to bring Val back.
[x] No, wait. As a final Disney reference, wish her back to life as a human!

If these don’t work then ask if she can be reincarnated as a fairy.
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I salute you good sir!
Hat is already dead isn't he?
(Yes, I'm a horrible person for using those words in such a shitty way).
Alright, my internet connection has stabilized for the most part with a few hiccups every now and then, but it shouldn’t break down every time I decide to post the update. Unfortunately, the week or so I had no access to the internet reminded me of how much time I spend writing updates and how much free time I lost, free time I could have spent hanging out with my buddies or sleeping. Oh god, I missed so much sleep…

BUT, the time I spent away from the internet has given me inspiration to not only continue, but has given me some new ideas too. You see, the story was almost at it’s conclusion and I would say that it would have lasted between 5-20 more posts, depending on how much Joe gets distracted of course. Since I’ve been reminded of how much I enjoy getting a decent amount of sleep, I’m going to put in several pitfalls in the story that will give an instant (or maybe not so instant) bad end, kind of like how it was in the very beginning. In exchange, if you guys manage to navigate this literary gauntlet of bad ends, I will give Joe the happy end that I know a few of you desire. SO, are you a bad enough dude to cheat death twice?

Oh, and on a side note,
Wow, since you put so much thought and effort into this, I am going to try to affirm/explain some of your points. Good job pointing these out by the way.

1. While I am not going to argue on how strong Joe is (as it is entirely speculative), I will say that having Joe run around solving ALL of his problems with Hokuto would not lead to a very exciting story as all the conflict and suspense would be instantly ended by making everyone either explode or just walking right through their attacks unfazed by anything they throw at him. You see, I’m stuck in between the fans of different genres. The “CRAZY FUCKING AWESOME YEAAAAAAHHH!!!” genre and the “Serious Business” genre being the biggest ones (which basically translates to Action and Drama respectively). I try to balance this out by having Joe keep his crazy strong powers, but giving him conflicts that cannot be solved by brute force (AKA Eirin’s immortality, Remilia’s charisma, and Flandre’s raw destructivity). Of course I sometimes forget the extent of Hokuto Shinken, but I’ll get into that later. So while I could, say, have Joe lift up Youkai Mountain and drop it on Eientei to permanently bury Eirin and god knows how many other creatures under thousands of tons of stone, I’m gonna get a shit storm because I went too far to one side of the genre. Then again, I’ll get a shit storm regardless of what I do, huh?

Long story short: I’m trying to vary Joe’s situations. I apologize if it clashes with certain things, I’ll try to be careful next time.

2/3. Alright, you got me here. I’m sure Eirin’s face would have been priceless after seeing her tranquilizers have no effect on you. Hell, the mushroom would have had no effect on you and thus that entire scenario would have been avoided. Too bad nobody brought it up until now.

The Whole Getting Laid Issue: This maybe have been the most logical thing to do, but since when was Joe a creature of logic? I’m not going to recap how many completely absurd things he did (the most recent being to leap off of a rooftop and attempt to fly like a bird), but I am just going to say that using Hokuto Shinken is practically easy mode. Do YOU want this story to be easy mode? Probably, so that’s why I’m going to put in more situations where Hokuto Shinken will be useless (unless you find a clever way to get around it).

Also, erasing Marisa and Alice’s memory might seem inconsequential and may be a good thing to do, but it may actually pave way to some terrible things. What’s stopping you from raping everyone, then erasing their minds afterwards? “Oh, I’m never going to do that!” Well, that may be the case for you, but how many people would actually follow through with that? It’s like the invisible man case where someone can get away with practically anything because they are invisible, so they turn to a life of debauchery and crime. Now I’m sure that because I typed this out, people are going to be thinking of doing that exact same thing, but I assure you that I will NOT be giving anymore HS related actions, so it’s up to the reader to choose these things. After all, I just ramped up the difficulty.

4. I can’t reveal too much, but you have to remember that Joe’s bringing Val back to life and even as a human! He hasn’t experienced true sorrow.

This actually made me chuckle as I just now got the reference.

Oh, and update coming up whenever I finish setting up all the possible bad ends. I’m making them as obvious as possible so that the readers will choose it, thinking it too obvious to be a trap. And I’m not typing this to trick them into choosing a logical choice either because that may be a trap too.

Enjoy the rest of your day.
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Ah, it is good that you have taken what I’ve told you on board. Anyhow as for the mind wipe thing that I mentioned I’d think it would be quite comical if Joe went around like Will smith Mind wiping everyone. (Nah I only meant for us to use it on Alice anyhow Marisa was okay with it as far is I’m concerned.). As for the later use of Hokuto no shin-ken I think it would be best if you ask the anon’s as to whether they want FIST OF THE FUCKING NORTH STAR EASY-MODO or want it set around on penalty based system I.E have a power bar which using HNS will drain if used so that anon’s don’t over vote I say that would work best. After all you did give Joe THE ULTIMATE UNBEATABLE MARTIAL ART THAT ALWAYS IMPROVES so that would be a good idea for the future.

Also wait really? We haven’t cried enough manly tears to do Musou tensei? Either experiencing the equivalent situation to Ken and shins dispute and the death of a comrade really haven’t done this and you’re planning something or you’ve messed up again.

As for when you’re going to use ATATATTATAATA, I Suggest before an update check what you’ve written then match it up with the information on these links:


On these three sites you will find a list of practically what all the pressure points on ones body do, what happens when pressed, and where to press. So check if any are relevant first before posting.

Picture somewhat related.

As long as you have readers like >>24527 and >>24528, nothing's stable. Maybe not even then.

Face it, this story's a piece of shit.
Damn it, don't start this shit up again. Just let the guy write.
You were offered a chance to leave with some dignity left to you. You decided not to take it, so you have two choices now:

a. You give up on writing Repercussions of Evil--the Touhou edition and talk to the community outside of the circlejerk you brought in about what you did wrong. You then become butthurt and leave, or you try again and produce something that's not garbage.

b. We bomb your thread until you leave and give you a much-coveted spot on the THP list of pariahs, right up there with ReijiTabibito, J to E and Wiseman.

Your call.
Threats now? Isn't that a little extreme? I mean, it's just a story.

It's a terrible story, which is why it's being threatened.
Well, I won't say it's good, but I won't say it's terrible either. He did say he was writing some new parts, and they might make up for the earlier "terrible" posts. Just give the guy a chance.

He's had his chances, and he's wasted all of them.
I'll say that it's terrible for you, then.

This is fucking terrible story and a goddamn eyesore.
>right up there with ReijiTabibito, J to E and Wiseman.
Whoa. Wait a Minute. He may not be the best but don't group him in with those guys.
Wiseman alone needs his own group probably called so horrible you will cry for your mother and try to gouge your eyes out while reading.
Sorry but things are starting to look even worse and if he isn't planning on wrapping things up soon, then he surely does have the axe that /blue/'ll swing down on his head.
>Since I’ve been reminded of how much I enjoy getting a decent amount of sleep, I’m going to put in several pitfalls in the story that will give an instant (or maybe not so instant) bad end, kind of like how it was in the very beginning. In exchange, if you guys manage to navigate this literary gauntlet of bad ends, I will give Joe the happy end that I know a few of you desire. SO, are you a bad enough dude to cheat death twice?

Hmmm... maybe I should put that in my story.

All that just reminds me of one line J to the E said a long time ago:

>[22:36] <JtotheE> lulz, if Meta Knight made your skin crawl, then the rest of what I have in mind will make you constipated for life

I can't know that it's a good idea, but it was a bad idea for Hat to tell anybody what he was planning, because now the MC is more or less taken hostage.
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Touhou'd This
Hmmmm. Yeah, you're right, I thought about it for some time and decided that this wasn't a very good way to make my story any better.

It's actually one of the funniest stories at the moment. It's a story to relax and have some laughs.

So it doesn't have a plot like the others and it's almost pure nonsense. So fucking what? It's funny, and that's what this story is about.

Funny? You actually think this story is still funny? No wonder you're defending it, I'd defend something too if it was funny, but this isn't so I won't.

Back when this started, it was actually pretty funny, I'll agree with you there, but that was because it was just horrible enough to be good! Now it's just a big steaming pile of memes thrown around, as if doing that were somehow inherently humorous.

To put this simply - this story isn't funny anymore. It's not 'hilarious', or anything remotely like humor. It's the most grating bullshit trying to appear hilarious. Maybe it's because of Hat, maybe it's because of the readers, I don't know and I don't care now. This just needs to be crushed so badly.
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>You must be one of those stiff people that's always serious.
You must be one of those easily-amused people who are twelve. Not everyone thinks randomly throwing wacky memes into a story makes it funny, and it isn't because they're "serious".
Well, he better fucking fix the story, or just give up. If he continues writing the story this way, then I'm done. Not gonna read anymore of this cringe-worthy bullshit.
I used to find it funny and good, but it just seems like going through the motions resulting in all the suck but none of the redeeming good, and Hat's response to /blue/'s remark is a sign of bad things.
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>one of this stiff strict people that never take off their suit even at say a beach.
What the fuck, are you actually twelve? Are you talking about something you saw on TV?
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>mfw this thread
Let the guy write.

He's free to write as much as he wants.

Okay, everyone stop the arguing here.

We already went through all this on /blue/, and Double-Hat looks like he wants to improve(that's how it looks like to me, anyway).

If the anons want to discuss this further, go take this on /blue/ (again), not here.

That's really all I can say on that matter.
It seems more like "I'm not listening" and pulling a cheap stunt. You know shit that Wiseman and J to the E pulled. He's lucky that /blue/ has calmed down or else it'd have happened already.
Let it lie, man. Hat has posted exactly once since this all started, and he didn't address any "criticism," nor has he updated since that time.

Slinging shit at this point is beyond worthless. Just wait until Hat posts again, and act accordingly from there.
/blue/ raged mostly about Twitty.
But they also nicely raged about Hat, the only difference was that Twitty wrote in /th/ as opposed to an out lying board.
Interesting...very interesting.

Let's see what to address first:

1. >>24571
Well of course I want to improve, but it's kind of hard when a vast majority of the "criticism" has been people calling the story shit with little to no basis as to why. I'd just like something more to work with is all.

2. >>24556 >>24566
Ah hah! Finally something I can use!
I would personally love to go back to how I first started out. I kinda miss how posts were no more than a page long, took no longer than 30 min. to write, and people didn't have a conniption just because they didn't like the story. I realize the differences from then and now, but I've gone way to far into the story to just simply say, "Fuck it, redo". Unfortunately for me and a multitude of other people, I'm going to finish this story one way or another.

3. >>24564
Wow, you must have incredible patience to have sat through this far. I commend you and, since you are (or perhaps were at this point) a fan, I wholeheartedly apologize to you and all my other fans who didn't like the turn the story has taken. I've actually been thinking of doing a throwback to how the story has originally been by creating a completely new scenario with the same circumstances. Or, I could just do both that one and this story at the same time, but that'd be insane and mentally taxing on my part, so it's unlikely. Then again, I am mostly insane so maybe it's not so unlikely after all.

4. >>24562
And you don't have to be twelve to be easily amused.

5. My theory that "I'll get a shitstorm regardless of what I do" still stands. I shall now continue to observe to see if I get any more helpful criticisms and to see if I can turn my theory into a scientific law.
>I'm going to finish this story one way or another.
Allright. I am fine with this. But be sure to spread your choices a bit. There is no real difference between rape, fight, kill and fuck touhou x. The last part in the SDM with Val was not that bad. Try to read the first part of your story once again and let something that is missing now flow back into it again. Beat up, fuck, beat up, fuck is getting boring after some time. Get some crazy options and other amusing ideas, make them into choices or just concentrate on it being funny on the side.
I must say is there even a point in wanting revenge on Yukari ow? He's been able to do all sorts of things, most of which would have landed him in jail. Any sort of revenge would be solely on idiotic principle. If I was in his shoes, I'd be more likely to thank her. (Never mind about all the stupid shit I'd avoid doing)
That gives me an idea, when we have beaten Ran and Chen leaving them within an inch of life, make it to Yukari, fight her like Norseman did with his Viking (without the fucked to death part of course.)go to her realm fight and beat her there, and upon the final blow we express our anger towards her in epic speech, raise our fist to the heavens and thrust towards her for the final blow, we stop mid-strike and start laughing, Yukari confused and bewildered by this, asks why we will say:

"It's funny isn't it? Just a few weeks\\days ago, I had the absolute urge to kill you, wipe your face from existence. Simply put absolute contempt and hatred for you. and here I stand, ready to deliver the final blow, and now... well... now it's gone, not even the slightest bit of hatred left. Come to think of it, why were we fighting again?"

Yukari hearing this tries to reply but cannot answer as she too, has forgotten.

Then we say: "come to think of it when I was in the outside world I was an outcast, a nobody, I had alienated my friends and family and lived a life of seclusion, and loneliness..."

"Until of course, you sent that wonderful little catgirl of yours to come visit me."


"And for the first time in my life I felt like I was wanted, like I belonged."


"Since then I went through many hardships, and met people just like me, people who I could relate to, people who made me feel a sense of self worth."


"So I guess what I'm trying to say is, Yukari Yakumo, Is that I'm not here to hate you, but I'm really here to thank you."

"So, will you forgive this average Joe?"

You can guess the rest, happy music plays,
Yukari shakes our hand, smiling as we carry her to Ran and Chen and leave her to rest. Then we grab Yuuka and head off to live in peace and tranquility as little birdies close the curtains on the story as the sun sets.
Through all of this stories problems, throughout all of the stupid votes and voters, for all of the "silly" choices that were actually just stupid. I can safely say one thing.

I am glad you aren't writing this, because that was terrible
wtf is this shit
Seriously, that has to be the worst possible ending you could get.
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In memory of this awesome story.
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do we still have the "implacable man" trait
Mother of god you are retarded
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So, is this story still running, guys?
That's only funny AFTER a few months have passed. And even then its still a "hahahaha YOU'RE A FUCKING FAG" thing then "hahaha"
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