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File 149827760688.jpg - (137.53KB, 850x1239, __kisume_and_sekibanki_touhou_drawn_by_baba_baba_s.jpg) [iqdb]
“Who’s Kisume?”

“You’re about to find out.”

All your mental alarms go off simultaneously, but you refrain from acting to avoid making a mess of the situation. You silently reach out with your senses, but all you get is the echoing gloom of the cave—


“...don’t ya fecking dare!” It’s faint, but you can hear Sekibanki slipping into her Irish accent from somewhere behind you.

“Seki?” You turn around to try to get a better head on her location, Yamame temporarily forgotten as you listen for—


Drop into a crouch and immediately feel something go flying past you, ruffling the hairs on the top of your head, and impacting on something with a painful-sounding “GAH!” from two voices.

Three words completely summarize the thoughts racing through your head right now.

“What. The. Hell.”

As you straighten up, a set of angry footsteps storms past you, followed by the sounds of a minor struggle. You ignore this, for now, and focus on the groans of pain coming from where Yamame sat. Akane, who is coiled around your arm, guides you so that you don’t grab anything ‘unfortunate’. Your hand lands upon a familiar mess of hair, and you carefully pick up Sekibanki’s head.

“W-Why?” she asks, dazed.

“Hell if I know,” you shrug. You do give Seki a few pats on the head to try to make her feel better.

“Et tu, Kisume?” Yamame mumbles.

You hear a muffled squeak from where there were once sounds of struggle, followed by footsteps going in your direction. The footsteps stop in front of you and a pair of hands takes Sekibanki’s head from your grasp.

“Ah, much better,” she says. “Now, where’s the little shite?!”

Something quickly zips past your and Sekibanki’s shins towards the sound of Yamame’s voice.

“I’m fine, Kisume, I’m fine,” she says. “Don’t cry, I know you didn’t mean it.”

In the meantime, you offer out a hand to help Yamame up—

“I’m already standing, you know?”

—and quickly drop it back down.

Sekibanki’s cape swishes against you as she storms towards Yamame’s voice. You hear a silent “Eep!” followed by the sound of something wooden lightly tapping the stone ground.

“Alright. C’mere ya little bastard—”


“Ah! Kisume! Wait!” Yamame suddenly says, her voice fading as she runs away from your unknown assailant. “I know you didn’t mean it! Come baaaaaaack!” The sound of Yamame’s footsteps slowly get farther and fainter as she chases after her companion.

Before Sekibanki can continue her pursiut, she’s stopped when you quickly clamp your hand down on her shoulder while slowly shaking your head.

“What?! But she— Grr! Fine!” she rolls her shoulder and smacks your hand away. Maybe a normal person would be offended (you hear Yamame whisper “what crawled up her ass and died?”), but knowing Sekibanki, you just give her some time and space to calm herself. You hear Kagerou calling out to her and running to her while you hear Keine sighing somewhere to the side.

Yeah, you agree with her. This is getting tiring.


Several minutes of walking and a ranting Sekibanki later, Akane pushes against your arm an you stop, observing any changes in the surroundings.

For one thing, you can no longer feel or hear the wind blowing in through the cave and every sound echoes. It feels colder now, much colder, and the ground feels rougher beneath your feet. You resume your progress with Keine and Kagerou’s footsteps trailing behind as they are forced to listen to how Seki ended up having her head launched out of a bucket.

That’s something you quickly found to be surprisingly normal by this point.

Looks like Gensokyo’s finally getting to you.

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Hopefully once you completely get used to this place you can start avoiding all those unnecessarily painful confrontations.

“Read the sign asshole.”

Maybe you should try walking around the village more and familiarize yourself with the place. Walk around until it gets to the point where you can map it out mentally and go out without relying on Akane (who you promised to return to Elly the next time you see her) or Keine to prevent you from running into walls or stands.

“H-Hey! The hell do you think you’re doing?!”

You feel a hand grab you by the shoulder.


“Don’t ignore me, dammit!” A new voice says.

“Sorry, I spaced out. Did you need something?” you ask as you turn to face the direction of the angry voice.

“I— Oh… Nevermind. Carry on.”

Before you can say anything else, a set of footsteps rushes past you down the wooden bridge with hollow sounds. After a while the sound, though now a bit faint, transitions to something more solid and a door being thrown open.

“I honestly do not know whether I should be impressed that you got Parsee, of all people, to pity you, or if I should feel depressed that you actually got Parsee to pity you,” Keine says.

“Don’t be sad,” you say, “No use being sad about what you can’t change. What’s so impressive about this ‘Parsee’ pitying me?”

“She’s a bridge-hime consumed by jealousy.”

“Is this one of those ‘it’s in her nature’ things, or is there a story behind it?”

“Everyone here has a story behind them, Wash,” she says as her voice and footsteps draw nearer. “But yeah, it’s in her nature.”

And with those words, she continues past you.

You sense that she might even have a story behind those words, but you won’t pry… yet.

Keine’s footsteps pause a step away from where you heard the wooden sound (and therefore the bridge you’ve unknowingly crossed as you spaced out) ends while you wait for Sekibanki and Kagerou, whose footsteps are considerably slower, as though they are proceeding with caution.

“What’s taking so long?” you ask as Akane extends for you to lean against.

“Shut it, it’s been a while,” Sekibanki replies. “Didn’t exactly leave peacefully the last time I was here.”

You raise an eyebrow.

“Oh, me? I just don’t want to go back,” Kagerou says, catching on to your gesture.

You sigh as you point Akane forward again, who retracts to a manageable length, and follow after Keine, whose footsteps resume, and eventally the wood beneath your feet changes into worn stone.

As Sekibanki and Kagerou’s footsteps follow, they are stopped by the bridge guard.

“Oh, I remember you two,” she says. “The little sister’s been looking for you.”

“Shit,” Seki curses. “How hard is she looking?”

Parsee (that’s her name, right?) doesn’t say anything, but going with what Kagerou shouts, you can guess that she was pointing to—


“Read it mutt. It clearly says ‘Missing’.”

The two don’t say anything else. Their footsteps hurry towards you and next thing you know, you’re being hurriedly pulled along by Sekibanki. Keine’s surprised yelp tells you that she’s being rushed too.

“Something you two aren’t telling us?” you ask.

“Nothing that you won’t find out eventually if we keep hanging out,” Seki replies. “Anyway, we’re nearing the palace so let’s just hurry?”

Well, you don’t exactly have a reference for how close you are to the palace, but you can definitely feel signs of life around you. Alcoholic scents similar to the ones coming from the hidden compartment in Keine’s kitchen (which she probably thinks you don’t know about) fills the air, but more potent. Along with that is an overwhelming combination of spice, herbs, smoke and meats.

You hear chatter around you, lots of it. Haggling, friendly banter, orders being shouted, drunken singing, and much more, which tells you that it’s crowded too. Lots of bodies brush against you as Sekibanki and Kagerou lead you and Keine through and it’s surprising. You didn’t think that the underground of Gensokyo would be this lively.

It reminds you of the village except more energetic. Everyone just sounds so carefree here and you’re willing to bet that most, if not all, of the faces have smiles plastered on them. Hell, you can even hear a wedding ceremony nearby with the minister finishing the ceremony in the name of Looooooove (exact wording).

“Oh, if it isn’t Sekibanki and Kagerou!” somebody from the vicinity of the wedding says. “Would you like some tacos?”

“Maybe later,” they both reply as they continue to pull you along.

Maybe you’ll go out later and explore once these two have calmed down.


“Oh, shit,” Sekibanki mutters.

[] You hear a series of loud and heavy footsteps approaching. Holy shit, the ground’s shaking too!

[] You feel gusts of hot wind coming from above. Something lands softly on your shoulder. A feather?
[x] You hear a series of loud and heavy footsteps approaching. Holy shit, the ground’s shaking too!
[x] You hear a series of loud and heavy footsteps approaching. Holy shit, the ground’s shaking too!
[X] You hear a series of loud and heavy footsteps approaching. Holy shit, the ground’s shaking too!

I was wondering if someone would mention tacos when they went underground.
[x] Oni option

I sure hope he suddenly learns martial arts
>“Actually, I remembered something Yuugi mentioned last time we were there,” Sekibanki mumbles. “Kagerou, remember how Yuugi was talking about the few times she’s ever been beaten in a fight?”
>“Didn’t she say that one of them was a member of the Todoza?”

...well, I wonder what should I choose. Hmm...
[X] You hear a series of loud and heavy footsteps approaching. Holy shit, the ground’s shaking too!
[X] You hear a series of loud and heavy footsteps approaching. Holy shit, the ground’s shaking too!

Time to channel the ancient martial arts that all blind people know.
[x] You feel gusts of hot wind coming from above. Something lands softly on your shoulder. A feather?

Wherever I go, I must also tidepiss.
[x] You hear a series of loud and heavy footsteps approaching. Holy shit, the ground’s shaking too!

I'm still a little confused on what happened with Kisume? Did she try to cold-clock Wash and hit Sekibanki?
I think she tried to use Sekibanki's head as a projectile but hit Yamame instead.
[X] You hear a series of loud and heavy footsteps approaching. Holy shit, the ground’s shaking too!
File 149837542381.png - (899.25KB, 635x903, Oh Shit.png) [iqdb]
[X] You hear a series of loud and heavy footsteps approaching. Holy shit, the ground’s shaking too!

“Wash, don’t ask any questions. I need you to run.” Sekibanki speaking with that serious tone of voice is surprisingly unnerving.

“She’ll catch him in no time!” Kagerou says.

“Well what do you want me to do?! Nothing we do can distract her!”

“Uh, what exactly is going on?” Keine asks.

“Well— GAH!” You don’t know what it is that interrupted Sekibanki, but the footsteps have been getting louder until her yelp. You hear the sound of three bodies hitting the floor off to your sides and suddenly things become very scary!

“Hey,” a deep but oddly feminine-sounding voice says disturbingly close to your face (and for some reason you smell alcohol. Lots of it). “Remember me?”

“Er,” you take a step back. “Can’t say I have?”

Another footstep pounds closer and you can feel her closing the gap between you two. Akane swiftly retracts herself and for some reason is coiled up at your back.

“Well, I remember you,” she says, whatever it is she’s talking about. “1776. Small bridge on the countryside.”

Holy shit she’s still getting closer! You have to keep stepping back! Where the hell are your friends?!

“Admittedly I don’t remember all of my fights, but I never forget a lying cheat! Especially one that beats me because of it! You promised me a fair fight!”

“A-And how exactly did I cheat?” Your footsteps and hers are painfully loud to you as you realize that a hush has fallen over the crowd. Then, to your horror, your back hits a wa—

Something flies past your head, almost too fast for you to react but you can’t really do anything. It’s only centimeters away and a loud ‘CRACK’ slams into your right ear as well as a few small fragments of the wall bouncing off your neck.

Yeah… That wall punch really has you worried now!

“HOW DID YOU CHEAT?!” she growls. “You… you fought me…”

Another deep growl creeps from her throat, sending chills up your spine as you and the crowd wait with baited breath and pounding hearts for the reveal of your (falsely accused) crime.

“...while I was sober.”


Hold on a second, your brain has to process this.



...what the hell?! And why did everybody gasp?!

“The fuck?” you mumble before you can stop yourself. “Is that it—







...oh. You just got sent flying into another wall.


Oh, Jesus! She’s still mad!


Congratulations! You’ve managed to avoid having countless bullets being shot at you and only have to dodge the punches of a wrathful woman scorned!

What do you do?

[] Nope the fuck outta there

[] Stand Your Ground (and pray like you’ve never prayed before)
[X] Stand Your Ground
So he need to consume something to be able to fight? How is that a 'fair fight'?
And did she just assumed that humans live 250+ years?
[X] Stand Your Ground
Well, it's the Oni. They're always drunk, so fighting while sober is like fighting while drugged for them.
Running away? Yeah, as good as Akane is, we ain't gonna make it far before Yuugi took three steps.

[X] Stand Your Ground.
Go, Wash. Ichi's spirit is right behind you!
[x] Stand Your Ground
[X] Nope the fuck outta there

Do you guys WANT to die or something? Run while you can!
[X] Nope the fuck outta there
[X] Nope the fuck outta there
You sure we can run?
[X] Stand Your Ground (and pray like you’ve never prayed before)
[x] Stand Your Ground

Aw shit I missed a vote while THP wasn't letting me in.
[x] Stand Your Ground
Running will just cause her to chase us. Better to stand our ground and point out that attacking a blind, amnesiac human is hardly a fair fight.
Unfortunately, by the time you’ve slid off the wall and pushed yourself back to your feet, you hear more of those stomping footsteps and a grunt of exertion. Akane pulls downward and you dive out of the way in time to hear a terrible ‘CRASH’. A light spray of tiny wall fragments pelt you as you scramble to your feet, being helped up by a stranger from the crowd.

“Is this sort of thing normal?!” you ask. “Why isn’t anyone doing anything?!”

“Where’s your sense of pride?!” Someone shouts.

“Picking a fight with a handicapped Oni?! How dare you!”

“Stand up and take it like a man!”

Oh Jesus, they’re riled-up and against you! What the fuck is even happening? Is anyone listening?!

“Yeah… You’re not getting out of this,” says the stranger who helped you up. “Sorry bud.”

He then spins you around and lightly shoves you towards the sound of your assailant yanking her fist out of whatever it is she punched through when you ducked.

Fuck this is gonna hurt, but you’re going to have to try and survive until one of your friends wakes up or someone with a lick of sense shows up.

“Akane!” you call, and the living scythe extends from your back to your hand. Akane continues to extend as the loud footsteps resume, slow at first but gradually building up speed. You’ve got to time this right, so you pay close attention to the intensity of the tremors they cause and how loud they are until, at the loudest step and most intense tremor, you dive and swipe to the side with the extended Akane.

Something pushes hard against the wooden shaft and the ground shakes as something falls over hard. You scramble to your feet and hold Akane defensively in front of you, waiting and listening and trying to ignore the frantic beating of your heart.

“You…” your opponent growls.

The crowd is getting much rowdier now but you can still hear your opponent's footsteps among the noise as she circles you. Muscles tense, you do your best to track her movements, but before you know it there’s a loud step and tremor from right in front of you and you barely raise Akane in time before a blow that was meant for your head slams into her.

The shock is heavy and your arms feel sore, but your opponent is apparently just fine since she swiftly follows up with another punch from the side that you barely dodge when Akane signals you to back away.

Before she can throw another punch, you take the opportunity to swing Akane as hard as you can, trusting her to adjust to your non-existent aim, at your opponent’s face.

Your heart drops when you do hit something, but that something completely halts your swing.

“That all you got?!”

“Pretty much,” is all you can say before you find her foot smashing against your abdomen and sending you skidding away—


Ah, not good. You’re still barefoot and that slide across the stone ground just ensured that once this blows over, you’ll need to get your feet looked at.

“Look lady, I don’t know who you are—” Doing your best to fight off the pain in your feet, you straighten up. “—but I am NOT the man you think I am!”

Akane jerks upwards and you end up blocking another punch, which only suceeds in knocking you back again.

“Nonsense! I’d recognize your eyes anywhere!”

“How the fuck does that make sense?!”

“It doesn’t! Neither did the… I forgot how many bottles, but who cares?!”

To recap, ever since stepping foot in Gensokyo, you’ve been shouted at, shot at, accidentally poisoned, booby-trapped, blindfolded, shot, and a myriad of other things that you assume would pose a severe challenge to anyone’s patience, but you’ve persevered because of the thought that it’ll all pay out in the end. For that, you can be shot at. Shouted at.

But you draw the line at drunkenly attacked.


A loud footstep right in front of you and Akane frantically pulling away.

“Fuck. Fine.”

You twist to the side to dodge the punch and and take a massive swing at the direction of your attacker’s head. Once again, she proves to be surprisingly resilient, but your strike isn’t stopped abruptly and you hear her grunt.

“Now that’s more like it!” she shouts.

What happens next is something that, if you thought about it, would likely surprise you later. You’re pissed off, there’s that, and Akane does her best to signal your dodges and openings for a strike. The ground cracks again and you duck, feeling your opponent’s punch graze the top of your head, and you thrust the tip of Akane’s shaft up her chin.

She responds by smashing your abdomen with a knee strike hard enough to send you flying in addition to knocking all the air out of your lungs and again when you land. As you force yourself to stand, leaning on Akane, you take as many deep breaths as you can, trying to drown out the cheers of the crowd as your fight speeds up and focusing on every sound, every shift in the air that your opponent makes.

There! A heavy footstep to your side. Akane tugs downwards and you lunge low, feeling a punch zoom right past your head. You feel the weight in your hand shift as Akane shortens to allow you a fast strike. You swing downwards, hearing a satisfying ‘CRACK’ as your opponent backs away from your head strike. Akane’s weight shifts again as she extends, and you twist, swinging her down as hard as you can.

You feel an impact on the very end and hear another ‘CRACK’. Footsteps stumble slightly away from you.

“Ptoo!” you opponent spits. You catch on to the faint sound of something small and light hitting the stone floor.

Next thing you know a fast punch catches you in the jaw and sends you reeling. It hurts, to say the least, and you can feel more than just spit flowing inside your mouth.

“Ptoo!” You too spit out a tooth now and wipe away the blood dripping from the corner of your mouth.

Then, you realize that you lost a tooth.

Now, when you were abused earlier during your stay in Gensokyo, you mostly came out fine, if not in pain. A bruise or two from getting shot too many times, some light scratches from Kagerou, and that was it.

For some reason the fact that you just had a tooth punched out of you is REALLY FUCKING ANNOYI—

She just sent you flying again.



C-Can’t breathe!


Somebody whistles appreciatively beside where you lie.

“That’s a new corpse launch record!”

Oh, wait, you recognize this voice.

“I’m still alive,” you say to the stranger from earlier as you force yourself to stand.

“Not for long,” he replies, shoving what feels like a large cup into your hand. It smells of alcohol.

“How the hell is this supposed to help me?”

“Oni tradition. If we ain’t drunk, we’re not in top form and it’s not an equal match.” He then gives you a rough pat on the back. “Even if it doesn’t actually help, it’ll numb the pain at least. Good luck!”

With that, you hear him scurry off and his footsteps fade into the sound of the crowd cheering at the quality entertainment. You can hear Yuugi’s (that’s her name, right?) footsteps approaching and it honestly hurts to even breathe. You were so frustrated and angry earlier that it’s only now that your injuries start to rear their ugly heads.

“Heeeeere’s Yuugi!”

Oh, shit. Right.

Akane tugs to the side this time and you dive, also being forced to drop the . A rush of wind blows past you as you assume Yuugi passes by and you take a few steps back, previous aggression from annoyance drowned out by your body’s protests. It’s a miracle you’ve somehow lasted this long, but that’s where your luck ends.

This time, you’re not fast enough. Akane gives a violent jerk and you’re caught off-guard. She’s forced back and, having extended, ends up bashing your face.

“GAH!” You stumble back further and are left reeling. Before you can reorient yourself, something yanks you violently by your collar and you’re flying again before pain consumes your entire back as you crash through another wall (which felt and sounded mercifully wooden). The contents of the room? Still feels wooden but you crashed through a lot of it and now you can barely breath.

“My booze storage!” you hear someone shout in the distance as strange liquid keeps pouring from from somewhere (likely damaged by your crash) and unto… your… face…









When you wake up, you’re sore all over and your body hurts.

Then you realize that—

[] You’ve lost your body. Again. Fucking shite.

[] Your forehead, therefore your pride and ego as well, is heavily bruised. Time to avenge yourself.

[] Your neck’s all itchy! What the hell is this— Oh, gods! A collar! That can only mean that she is close!

[] Something familiar is pressing up against you. You wouldn’t mind dying right now.
[X] Your forehead, therefore your pride and ego as well, is heavily bruised. Time to avenge yourself.
POV choice of Sekibanki, Keine, Kagerou, and Wash (maybe)?

[X] You’ve lost your body. Again. Fucking shite.
Because the purpose of this story is angry Irish 'Banki.
[X] You’ve lost your body. Again. Fucking shite.

Always got time for more Angry Irish Banki.
huh. I want all of the choices here. At the same time.

[x] Your neck’s all itchy! What the hell is this— Oh, gods! A collar! That can only mean that she is close!
[x] Your neck’s all itchy! What the hell is this— Oh, gods! A collar! That can only mean that she is close!
[X] Your neck’s all itchy! What the hell is this— Oh, gods! A collar! That can only mean that she is close!

We though we owned the dog, but now we shall become the dog.
[x] Your neck’s all itchy! What the hell is this— Oh, gods! A collar! That can only mean that she is close!
[X] Something familiar is pressing up against you. You wouldn’t mind dying right now.

It's good to see the Oni being mildly unreasonable for once.
[X] Something familiar is pressing up against you. You wouldn’t mind dying right now.
[X] Your neck’s all itchy! What the hell is this— Oh, gods! A collar! That can only mean that she is close!
[X] Something familiar is pressing up against you. You wouldn’t mind dying right now.

Tis a good death.
[X] Your forehead, therefore your pride and ego as well, is heavily bruised. Time to avenge yourself.
[X] Something familiar is pressing up against you. You wouldn’t mind dying right now.
[x] You’ve lost your body. Again. Fucking shite.

Every. Single. Vote.
Welcome back. You'll need more than that if you was Angry Irish Banki though.
[X] Your neck’s all itchy! What the hell is this— Oh, gods! A collar! That can only mean that she is close!
File 149867710830.jpg - (191.88KB, 850x1283, __imaizumi_kagerou_touhou_drawn_by_umino_anesthesi.jpg) [iqdb]
[X]Your neck’s all itchy! What the hell is this—

...a collar?





Oh, gods!

she’s here!

No, no, no! Why?! Why now?!

Wasn’t she supposed to be molesting the buddhists?!


...okay, calm down! Just calm down.

Bank. You have to find Banki! She’ll know what to do!

The problem is, where is she?

“Who’s a good doggy?” A hand begins petting you, and you freeze. “You are! Yes you are!”

Slowly, jittery, you turn around, hoping that who you see isn’t who you think it is, and breathe a sigh of relief.

Granted, Reimu’s pet oni isn’t much better, but at least you won’t be ruined for marriage by being with her. What was her name again? Suika?

“Please stop that,” you ask.

She does not.

Hell, she even picks you up and lays you down on your stomach on her lap as she sits on the ground.

“—And I’ll feed you, pet you (just like I’m doing now), love you, and you shall be my new drinking buddy!”

Oh, gods. You do NOT want to be perpetually drunk!

You try to stand, but then Suika pushes you down and starts rubbing your back—

Ohhhh that feels good!

A little higher…

Just a bit…


Wait! Wait a minute! Banki! You have to find her! You also have to get your tail to stop wagging because it only seems to be encouraging Suika to grope pet you more, but it’s easier said than done.

You almost miss your long hair. Would’ve dampened the worst of the petting.

Maybe Wash won’t notice if you try to bury Akane somewhere discreet? Either way he certainly won’t be able to look for her once she’s gone.

...sorry Wash. Bad thought.

“Sing for me? Sing for me!”

First, how to get away from Suika, who’s taken to ruffling your hair again.

What was it that Orin used to say? Yuugi’s the violent (comparatively speaking) drunk and Suika’s the…

Ah! Persistent drunk! She’s persistent!

And there’s only one surefire way to get a persistent Oni like Suika away from you, even if only temporarily.

“Oh, hi Reimu!” The moment those words leave your mouth you’r unceremoniously dropped (though not from very high. You barely feel it) to the cold stone ground. You catch a glimpse of a tiny Suika (Oh, right. She controls density!) running and hiding under an empty teacup.

You take this opportunity to bail yourself out of more pettings and run as fast as you can.

You can’t remember exactly how long it’s been since you’ve been underground, but everything is still familiar to you (which is a marvel of Oni engineering considering how this place gets wrecked thrice daily. More on the holidays!). You go for an erratic route to try to throw of Suika, which means passing through anything that might distract an Oni who’s spent a lot of time above ground. As you run, you see lots of other Oni and youkai drunkenly strewn about on the streets, but you’re confident that they’re too drunk to recognize you.

First, you pass by the local Hotel/Bar/Nightclub (you can’t remember what it's called. Crazy Walrus or something like that). The normally large and bright sign has been torn off and appears to have been sliced-up beyond recognition.

Then you pass by the Taco Restaurant/Wedding Chapel. You’ve been there yourself a few times and Wakasagihime became a widow on the same day she was married there.

Poor Hime-chan.

Finally, you run by one of the busier bars in the Underground. Being a werewolf, you’re more sensitive to smells and at the moment your nose is being threatened by the sheer smell of alcohol coming in from a hole in the wall of the side, where the alcohol is, rather was stored. It looks as though somebody crashed through the wall and the liquor started disappearing from there.

You run away from that place as fast as you can.

You’ve settle on taking refuge near the entrance to the reactor, where the heat makes the Oni uncomfortable and with the entire underground between you and her if she really happens to be here.

Just to be sure, you take the offending collar off your neck and look at the tag.


Yep. This is from her alright. You can tell because it has that stupid fucking name she ripped-off from an outside world picture book (manga, Sanae called it).

You want to toss it into the reactor. You really do want to toss it into the blazing fires of the reactor. Unfortunately, Okuu will probably just pick it up during her regular maintenance rounds and you can’t risk being spotted by her. Okuu may be a birdbrain but you don’t fancy your chances against her if you have to make a fighting retreat.

Anyway, Banki. Keine too, now that you think about it. Last thing you remember was a large shout and being swatted aside by...



...Yuugi! Right! Yuugi was mad for some reason and was—


Oh, shit.

“Wash!” you exclaim. The last you saw him was before you blacked out when he was being backed-up against the wall by Yuugi! Drunk Yuugi! Which means Violent Yuugi!

Oh, what to do?!

Maybe you should find Banki? If Yuugi’s still drunk, then the two of you should be enough to handle her!

No, wait. Maybe you should finde Keine! She’s a teacher and a were-hakutaku! Surely she’ll be able to help!

No, no, no, what about Wash? Don’t you have to find him as soon as possible?

Agh! What to do?!

[] Go find Bank! Stage 2 and Stage 3 bosses like the two of you should be enough for an unnatural phenomenon like Yuugi!

[] Go find Keine! She’s an EX midboss! Surely—

”Heyyy, Inu-chan! It’s your loving owner!”


”Oh? Can’t have this writing on the 4th wall now, can we?”

[] Go fi_d Ban_! Stag_ _ and ___ge 3 bo__es li_e __e two __ you sho__d be en____ f_r an unn__ur_l p_e_om_non like Yuu__!

[] Go f___ K___e! She’s an __ m___oss! Surely—

”...eh, I’ll just have Orin-chan clean up the rest of it. Tally Ho!”


Let's be insane and unpredictable like a werewolf should be.

[x] Take the third option and go find Satori to calm Yuugi down.
I second that notion
[x] Take the third option and go find Satori to calm Yuugi down.
[X] Go find Keine! She’s an EX midboss! Surely—

Always vote for cavings.
[X] Go find Keine! She’s an EX midboss! Surely—
[X] Go find Bank! Stage 2 and Stage 3 bosses like the two of you should be enough for an unnatural phenomenon like Yuugi!

Banki will save the day!
[x] Take the third option and go find Satori to calm Yuugi down.

Honestly I had expected Wash to be turned into paste within seconds.
Ah, sorry. There was actually another small part but I fell asleep before I could post it.

Again, sorry all. Continuation in the next post.
File 149870228086.jpg - (73.97KB, 750x1000, gappy.jpg) [iqdb]

”Ow! Why’d you hit me?!”

“Stop messing with the fourth wall! I have to fix that every time somebody breaks it!”

Fine, fine! I’ll fix wall thingies!”


After one hell of an ordeal, you wake up, only to find that—

[] You’ve lost your body. Again. Fucking shite.

[] Your forehead, therefore your pride and ego as well, is heavily bruised. Time to avenge yourself.

[] Your neck’s all itchy! What the hell is this— Oh, gods! A collar! That can only mean that she is close!

[] Something familiar is pressing up against you. You wouldn’t mind dying right now.
[X] Your forehead, therefore your pride and ego as well, is heavily bruised. Time to avenge yourself.
[x] You’ve lost your body. Again. Fucking shite.



Well get over here and help then!
[x] Your forehead, therefore your pride and ego as well, is heavily bruised. Time to avenge yourself.

Today on WWE: A blind man with a walking stick against a legendary drunken oni with a grudge!
Correction: A blind man with Elly's living scythe masquerading as his walking stick vs a drunk Oni who may or may not be a tad confused.
[x] Your forehead, therefore your pride and ego as well, is heavily bruised. Time to avenge yourself.

Ah, 4th wall jokes. I could have gone another thread without you.
Gaps. Trolling mikos and maintaining the 4th wall since [REDACTED]
[x] Your forehead, therefore your pride and ego as well, is heavily bruised. Time to avenge yourself.
[x] Your forehead, therefore your pride and ego as well, is heavily bruised. Time to avenge yourself.

Looks like we're getting a multi-actor novel, hmm. The resolution of this fight's gonna be very interesting...
[X] You’ve lost your body. Again. Fucking shite.

[X] You’ve lost your body. Again. Fucking shite.

Bring Sexy Back 2: Underground Boogaloo
[X] You’ve lost your body. Again. Fucking shite.
[X] You’ve lost your body. Again. Fucking shite.
[x] You’ve lost your body. Again. Fucking shite.
[X] Your forehead, therefore your pride and ego as well, is heavily bruised. Time to avenge yourself.
[X] Your forehead, therefore your pride and ego as well, is heavily bruised. Time to avenge yourself.

Calling it here so I don't have to rewrite everything because of a sudden comeback.

Also I might not be upgrading as frequently soon because reasons.
File 149918917079.jpg - (148.65KB, 472x472, AAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!.jpg) [iqdb]
You feel a stinging pain in your head. Part headache, part something that you never thought would happen/though that anyone would be stupid enough to do. You lightly touch your forehead and recoil as the pain sharpens. A glance at a large, reflective piece of broken glass confirms your suspicions.

[X]Your forehead is heavily bruised.

Therefore, your pride and ego has been bruised as well.

This shall not be tolerated. You get up and send a death glare to every Oni and youkai (who all immediately stiffen, drunkenness and hangovers suddenly forgotten) in the vicinity.

“Who.” It’s not a question, it’s a mission statement.

They all point in the same direction, and that is where you storm off to in search of the red-horned Oni you briefly remember.

Time to avenge yourself.

Now, what shall your victim adversary’s punishment be?

Well, Mokou’s still missing s you can’t burn her clothes off in public.

Full moon’s passed already so you can’t punish her that way until the next one (though you will eat this moment and make sure it never comes up)

Oh, wait.

Ohohoho... Now you know what to do!

But first you have to find Wash and make sure he didn’t die.

Yeah, you really should be more worried.

Then again, it’s not exactly hard to look for him. You have no idea where Kagerou or Sekibanki went, but you definitely know how to find Wash.

All around you the city is in disarray (and had you been anything other than a were-hakutaku, your inner schoolteacher would be bursting a vein right now), but there’s a particular trail of destruction going through that just seems different. Maybe it’s the building that’s cleanly sliced in half?

You’ll have to talk to Akane about that later.

“Wash?” you call out.

Debris and unconscious Oni are strewn everywhere and some of them, you assume they are that way because they were caught in the crossfire of a massive fight.

How else would that poor Oni over there have his head shoved into a wall?

“Keine! Keine!”

Oh, that’s Wash! Why is he whisper-shouting?

Ah, there he is. You find him in the shell of a wrecked build—



“...Mister Washington, I do not know if I should call you the luckiest or unluckiest outsider to survive this long in Gensokyo.”

All things considered, your opinion leans more towards “lucky”. Especially given his current position.

“Yeah, call it what you like,” he says. “Can you get me out of here?”

Well considering how he was being spooned by the target of your desire for revenge (who you recognize from Reimu’s impromptu drinking parties), yes. He shall be helped.

But first, your revenge.

“Hey. Yuugi.” You give her a few hard slaps to her face. Wash gives you a raised eyebrow (no doubt he heard those slaps).

“Oni,” you simply say before going back to rousing Yuugi. “Oi, rise and shine.”

Finally, you get a response. Her grip slackens and she groans. Wash takes the opportunity to slip out of her grasp. You give her a few more slaps to really get her awake.

“Huh?” Ugh, her breath smells like the Hakurei Shrine’s expired Sake stash (to be fed only to certain Gap Hags and Oniloli). “Oh... It’s you. Hi cowtits.”


“Get up.”

You grab Yuugi’s (AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!) hand and haul her to her feet. You note that Wash scurries away, hiding behind the closest solid mass he touches, which happens to be another unconscious Oni.

“Oh. Thanks,” she says, sounding very dead. “God I’m thirstyyy!”

You roll your eyes and try to usher her away from Wash and to somewhere appropriate for you to “discuss” her wrongdoing with her.

Then she grabs your breast.

“Huh? Where’s the milk?”


A lamp post.

She was tied to a FUCKING lamp post!

Yes, cursing is Sekibanki’s job but hell if Kagerou is not pissed off. Of all the indignities she’s suffered, this has got to be the worst. Reduced to gnawing on a leash tying her to a lamp post in an attempt at freedom—

Oh, it’s Keine. She’s hauling something over her—

Holy shit that’s Yuugi. She’s all cruised and her clothes are in tatters.

Oh God her horn is cracked too!

Then Keine tosses her off her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Next thing anyone knows, Yuugi’s nailed to the wall of a building by her horn and is hanging with both feet off the ground.

Keine then dusts off her hands and walks off, as though she just posted the day’s homework on her school’s bulletin board.

Wow. That’s the power of an Extra Stage boss for you.



Well, with that taken care of, your next objective is to—

[] Find Akane. Yuuka and Elly will kill you if you’ve lost her!

[] Find your hat. Deliver justice to the culprit when necessary.

[]Find your body. Again. Fucking Shite.
[X]Find your body. Again. Fucking Shite.
[x] Find Akane

Seki Is the best characternin this story, but I love being a contrarian
[X] Find Akane. Yuuka and Elly will kill you if you’ve lost her!

Better option.
And here I thought the fight's gonna get an awesome conclusion with some kind of powers awakening in Wash from oni's sake. Well, a comical way works too, I suppose.
[X] Find Akane. Yuuka and Elly will kill you if you’ve lost her!

Good to see that I was right in guessing that forehead = Keine.
[X]Find your body. Again. Fucking Shite.
[x] Find Akane
>A building was sliced cleanly in half
Holy shit I didn't think Akane was that strong.

A slight nitpick, one that that's probably the result of me reading entirely too fast, but it's sometimes hard to understand what's going on in Wash's POV. I know it's intentional because of his blindness, but I hope it's not too much to ask for a slight increase of sound descriptions in lieu of visual descriptions. Though rereading earlier posts slower I didn't have the same problem, so it's probably only me.

I still love this story, man. Keep it up.
I shall assist you.
[X]Find your body. Again. Fucking Shite.
[x] Find your body. Again. Fucking Shite.
[x] Find your body. Again. Fucking Shite.


It's about feckin' time!
[x] Find your body. Again. Fucking Shite.
Damn, we missed the end of the big fight
[X]Find your body. Again. Fucking Shite.
File 150047978336.jpg - (285.09KB, 742x1000, Other Way Around.jpg) [iqdb]
Just want to apologize for the long (really long) delay! College will do that to you.

That being said I definitely won't be able to update as frequently once things get really busy but I have no plans on dropping this yet.

Anyway, let's get on with the show.


[X]Find your body. Again. FUCKING Shite.

Of all the damn times fer it to—

Fuck. If it’s gone and gotten married... again—

No matter. It’s only the FUCKING Gensokyo underground. Not like there’s tons of piles of debris to go over because of the FUCKING Oni and their FUCKING super-strength bullshit.

And holy shite there is a lot of rubble! Even more than the last time your head floated around this place!

You’re glad to see that the Taco/Wedding place is still standing. You make sure to swoop in and swipe a taco off the table with your teeth. You perch on top of one of the taller buildings nearby and that’s where you eat it as you try to spot your FUCKING body from the vantage point.

Nothing much to be seen as you take a bite out of your taco, but some more collapsed buildings and some outright missing. Yuugi (FUCKING bitch) has been unceremoniously pinned by her horn to the wall of a building in the busier part of the underground.

Then there’s the one building in the distance that appears to have been sliced apart.


“Welp. That’s one place to search, I suppose.”

You finish the last bite of the taco and levitate towards the direction of the sliced-up building. As you descend back to street-level, several Oni and other youkai gawk and point at the mysterious floating head making its way through.

“Oh, gods, not again!” one says.

“Hey, take it easy,” his friend replies.

Well, looks like some of them still remember the last time you were here. Good.

Last thing you need is some gods-damned drunken moron mistaking you for a ball of mochi in this state.

You arrive at the former building. Whatever had happened, it happened fast and was probably incredibly awesome to watch. Sadly you didn’t see it happen. You do give an appreciative whistle at how neat the cuts are. There aren’t that many blades in Gensokyo capable of neatly slicing an Oni-built building like that.

Which means that one of them must be close by.

You almost don’t see it, but out of the corner of your eye you spot what looks like a wooden shaft sticking out of a barrel. Upon levitating closer it becomes apparent by the strong smell that it once held something very alcoholic inside.

You peer inside. Yep, that’s Akane alright. You reach out to—

...oh, right. No FUCKING hands.

“Oi. Wake up,” you say.

The living scythe doesn’t offer so much as a twitch in reply.

Fuuuuuuuuck this is gonna suck

You open your mouth and clamp down on her shaft.

Immediately she begins flailing around. Problem was that Akane’s blade was out and anything unfortunate to be in her way is swiftly and cleanly cut.

“Fecking shite! Calm yer tits you stupid stick!” you say as soon as you let go of her. “It’s just me teeth!”

Damn stick’s looking at you now. Blade out, facing you head on as if to say “did you seriously just say that?”

“What, you mean to tell me that all those years with the gatekeeper of one of Gensokyo’s most bloodthirsty youkai and you’ve never been bitten?!”

Akane’s blade swings side to side.

“Un-fecking-believable. This scythe’s a fecking virgin!”

...In all honesty you never thought you’d hear those words at all in your extended life, much less coming from your own mouth.

“Whatever. Where the fuck is Wash?”

What follows is a series of wiggling, posing and miming gestures that you can barely make heads or tails of, and Akane shows no sign of stopping. Maybe if you;d known her longer than a FUCKING day, you could decipher her message.

“Fuck this, I’ll find him myself.

With that you turn and levitate away without looking back.

Then you get swat out of the sky.



When you next wake up, you’re in a FUCKING fishbowl. Again. This time with ducktape covering the opening.

“Ah, balls.”



“Shit. Elly’s gonna kill me.”

Not only have you lost your sentient scythe companion and any chance of finding her now that Keine’s wandered off, some cheeky fucker stole your sunflower seeds.


But again, no Akane.

Well, when in doubt, trust your senses (not like you can trust anything else).

[] You can hear whispers. Something about being reminded of a reaper?

[] You catch the faint and familiar scent of sunflower seeds. You also smell feathers and birds. FUCKING BIRDS ARE EATING YOUR SEEDS!

[] Why the fuck is there a ring on your finger?
[X] You catch the faint and familiar scent of sunflower seeds. You also smell feathers and birds. FUCKING BIRDS ARE EATING YOUR SEEDS!

[X] You can hear whispers. Something about being reminded of a reaper?
[x] You can hear whispers. Something about being reminded of a reaper?
[X] Why the fuck is there a ring on your finger?
[X] You catch the faint and familiar scent of sunflower seeds. You also smell feathers and birds. FUCKING BIRDS ARE EATING YOUR SEEDS!
-[X] What the fuck are birds doing in the FUCKING UNDERGROUND!?
[X] You catch the faint and familiar scent of sunflower seeds. You also smell feathers and birds. FUCKING BIRDS ARE EATING YOUR SEEDS!
[x] You can hear whispers. Something about being reminded of a reaper?
[x] Why the fuck is there a ring on your finger?
[X] You can hear whispers. Something about being reminded of a reaper?

A fish bowl? Wtf?
> “Hey, take it easy,” his friend replies.

I lost it.

[x] You can hear whispers. Something about being reminded of a reaper?
[X] You catch the faint and familiar scent of sunflower seeds. You also smell feathers and birds. FUCKING BIRDS ARE EATING YOUR SEEDS!
[X] You can hear whispers. Something about being reminded of a reaper?
File 150290199015.png - (429.10KB, 420x700, Werecat.png) [iqdb]
[X] You can hear whispers. Something about being reminded of a reaper?

That can only mean one thing: Akane is close by.

With that, you begin blindly stumbling towards the sound of the whispers (unfortunately, it seems that your motor functions might be slightly impaired from last night, not that you remember exactly what happened).

The city is waking up, though. In addition to the whispers, other sounds in the background start to cut in. You can hear yawns and groans, among other things, and the smell of alcohol is everywhere.

Once or twice you even accidentally kick or trip over a drunken oni/youkai/whatever in your quest to find the source of the whispers (and by extension, Akane).

Oddly enough, despite there being a lot of background noise, you can still clearly make out the whispers. Your route is still an improvised one, however. You feel debris brushing against your feet and even have to climb over a few piles of it or find ways around it, but you still haven’t located the source of the whispers.

It’s a time like this where you really miss Keine, Seki and Kagerou. Sure, you’ve only known them for a few days and you’ve gotten injured/intimidated by them more than once, but they were nice enough to guide you around and make sure you didn’t hit anything.

Like this foul-smelling wheelbarrow—



You’re on your face again, having tripped over—

Wait a minute.

“Corpses?” Well, asking that was actually kind of worthless. The smell hit you long before the thought even occurred to you, but now as you reach out you can feel something cold and dead that feels like a hand.

Then you realize that it isn't actually connected to an arm when you end up picking it up because it's so light.

“Holy shit!”

You toss the hand aside and scoot backwards away from the corpses as fast as you can while something hisses in a catlike manner.

“Oh~ My corpses! Are you okay?” a young girl says while… purring?

Is there such thing as a werecat?

Actually, nevermind. Best ask Keine about it later when you find her.

“Hurts… Hurts…” something whispers, and you put two and two together.

Ah, so that’s where the whispers came from. Good to know that you’ve been listening to the regrets and mutterings of the spirits of the dead all along.

Then, as you stand, somebody (the girl, you think) shoves you and you trip on a rock and fall again.

“Who do you think you are, the Yama?!” she shouts. “Actually no, Yama doesn’t know shit about cheering up someone who’s just died! Get the hell away from my corpses! Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep these souls happy?”

You hold up you hands in self defense.

“You wouldn’t hit a blind person, would you?”

A smack to your head answers you question.

“Okay, maybe you would, but can you blame me?!” you protest.


The fuck? “Why?!”

“Because I put yellow tape all over the place, so you can’t have gone near my corpsies if you didn’t intend to do something!”

Well, admittedly you were quite lost in your thoughts, but you did trip on something, and you assume that it was the whee—

Oh, wait.

You reach down towards your ankle, ignoring the werecat as she rants about the difficulty in keeping the souls of the departed happy, and feel something slick wrapped around your ankle. You can’t say for sure that you remember what the material (or yellow tape, for that matter) even is, but you do give it an experimental tug—

“Shit!” somebody shouts in the background, immediately followed by the sound of things breaking. “Aww, dammit!”

The werecat isn’t ranting anymore.

“You placed it too low—”

“Shut up,” she hisses, but her tone has the barest tinge of embarrassment.

A wooden tapping sound comes from behind you, as if someone was poking a board with a stick.

“Oh! How could I forget!”

You push yourself up, grumbling about unhelpful and irrational werecats as the girt tends to whatever it was that made the tapping sound.

Hopefully it's not one of the corpses. Last thing you need is—

Slight change in the air. Faint breeze. Hairs standing on the end.

You reach out and the end of a wooden pole slams into your palm, and a familiar feeling extends the rest of the way into your grip. There’s only one sentient wooden object that you know can do this, and that means that Yuuka and Elly aren’t going to kill you!

“Ah, it's good to have you here, Akane.”

Something slumps to the ground at your feet, which are then kissed suddenly.

“Please forgive my insolence, Shinigami-sama!” the werecat says. This was the same werecat that, not moments ago, was shouting at you for tripping over her wheelbarrow of bodies and hissed at you, shoved you, and told you to shut up. Your next words sums up your state of mind perfectly.

“...eh?” Holy shit, she’s groveling at your feet.

“Please forgive Orin for shouting at you and pushing you and playing with your scythe and doing horrible impressions of shinigami with it to make these poor souls happy!”

Again. “Eh?”


...Holy shit that was long.

“I’ll do anything!” she finishes.


[] Be honest. “I’m not actually a shinigami…”

[] Be a troll. “I don’t know… You were questioning Yama-sama’s competence. That’s not something I can let slide…”
- ”Anything, you say?” (Write-In)

[] Be Indecisive. “Er… Just don’t do it again and—”
- ”—we’re good.”
- ”Anything, you say?” (Write-In)
[X] Be a troll. “I don’t know… You were questioning Yama-sama’s competence. That’s not something I can let slide…”
-[X] "Unless, of course, you take me to your leader..."

One path straight to Satori, coming right up!
[x] Be honest. “I’m not actually a shinigami…”
[X] Be honest. “I’m not actually a shinigami…”
[X] Be a troll. “I don’t know… You were questioning Yama-sama’s competence. That’s not something I can let slide…”
-[X] "Unless, of course, you take me to your leader..."

bullying is good for society
[] Be Indecisive. “Er… Just don’t do it again and—”
- ”—we’re good.”
- ”...Actually, you wouldn't happen to know where I could find Satori, would you?"

On one hand I want Wash to remain somewhat consistent with his past choices but on the other hand this story might not update anytime soon and the plot needs to pick up soon.
[X] Be a troll. “I don’t know… You were questioning Yama-sama’s competence. That’s not something I can let slide…”
-[X] "Unless, of course, you take me to your leader..."
Random thought, would Rin be okay with a Reaper asking where her beloved Master is? You sure she wouldn't maybe think said Reaper wants to send her Master to the afterlife?

Because if a Reaper suddenly asked ME where my favorite person was, I sure would get suspicious!
Well I have midterms next week but I will still try to update as soon as I can. Then again, college. Can't make any promises but I will try my hardest.
Wouldn't Satori just be able to read his mind though?
You say that like the resulting wacky hijinks aren't half the fun of this quest.
Satori doesn't seem to be immediately present to tell Rin that.
[x] Be a troll. “I don’t know… You were questioning Yama-sama’s competence. That’s not something I can let slide…”

I can easily see Wash getting his troll on after all the crap he's been hit with lately.

But we don't know what she'll see. No memories, remember? For all we know Rin might be right...
Wait, you're implying that Wash might be a shinigami?
[X] Be a troll. “I don’t know… You were questioning Yama-sama’s competence. That’s not something I can let slide”
-[X] "Unless, of course, you take me to your mistress..."
[x] Be honest. “I’m not actually a shinigami…”

Wash must play the straightman, not be caught up in the madness.
[X] Be a troll. “I don’t know… You were questioning Yama-sama’s competence. That’s not something I can let slide…”
-[X] "Unless, of course, you take me to your leader..."

Why do you think we came to the underground?
File 150302877139.png - (381.57KB, 409x750, ___you get this.png) [iqdb]

Why not? So far it's been implied that he's a) not a youkai b) been around since the age of sail c) beaten Yuugi so badly she won't let him refuse a rematch and d) apparently quite attractive to sentient scythes.

When you put all of those together...
Didn't Yuugi just mistake him for Zatoichi someone else?
File 150505717273.png - (65.57KB, 275x155, 275px-Th135_Palace_of_the_Earth_Spirits.png) [iqdb]
There’s something nagging at you deep down, compelling you to do the right thing. Do what you’ve always been doing ever since… Well, whatever you’ve been doing as far as you remember, and that is to clear things up as much as possible.


Then again, there’s another thing that’s telling you to amuse yourself every once in a while. To hell with the consequences, if Gensokyo’s gonna make things weird for you, you might as well enjoy it.

Considering how your day started and how it will probably go, the latter argument wins. Hey, might as well make things entertaining!

[X] “I don’t know,” you say, cupping your chin and trying to look thoughtful. You feel Akane tense in your grip, but you reply with a reassuring squeeze. “You were questioning Yama-sama’s competence—quite harshly, I might add—and that’s not something I can let go…”

The werecat starts to sniffle. Normally, you’d be concerned and call off the farce, but you find yourself oddly amused.

“S-Shit,” she whispers, “I-I-I’m sor—”

“IF you take me to your mistress,” you interrupt, throwing an unseeing pointed glare down towards the sound of her voice, “I’m sure we can work something out.”

“E-Eh? B-But… Satori-sama will—”

“That’s a shame, then,” you say, turning around with a flourish. “Let’s go, Akane. Yama-sama will want to know that her list should be updated.”

Truth be told you don’t know if this ‘Yama’ person even has a list, but given how terrified werecat was, Yama updating a list in relation to her behavior would do the trick.


And yep. There she is. Arms wrapped around your waist and clinging for dear life. It’s actually getting a bit hard to breathe, but showing weakness like that in front of the sufficiently-intimidated werecat won’t do.

“F-Fine! I’ll take you to Satori-sama…”


Rin, who you learned is actually a Kasha (whatever the hell that’s supposed to be) when she (nervously) introduced herself, did not waste any time taking you by the hand and dragging you through the city.

You decide to ignore the fact that she just left her wheelbarrow of corpses in the place where you found her. While she seemed to be in a hurry, Rin’s hand was still lightly trembling.

Something else that you notice is that the underground city seems to be awake and back into the festive and drunken atmosphere, you don't actually know what time it is, but just earlier the streets contained more sleepy breathes and snores than the laughter that once again fills the air.

Smells of cooked food and Sake already permeate the air. More than once, you feel Akane pull towards a particularly strong scent, but you keep her in your grip and whisper ‘later’ when she does. She sags, but not for long.

Eventually you feel Rin come to a stop. Of course, you can’t actually tell where, but the area sounds relatively secluded. Most of the laughter and ambient background noise comes from a distance now, and the direction she faces has nothing but an eerie silence.

“W-Well, here we are!” she nervously says. Shit, is she still afraid of you?

She tugs you along gently before pausing again.

‘Knock Knock’

Wooden doors. Quite solid if the sound was anything to go by.


Heavy too.

Then again, given how much debris and destruction you tripped over earlier this morning, the doors would have to be if they were to survive even one night.

Rin mumbles a quiet ‘thank you’ to whoever opened the door as she pulls you along. You step on something fuzzy and keep stepping on it, most likely a carpet. Would explain Rin’s muffled footsteps.

“Watch your step,” she says. A quick tap to the floor in front of you with Akane reveals the first of what would be a long series of steps you’d have to carefully step over.

If Rin is still scared of the Shinigami she thinks she’s guiding, she does a good job of patiently suppressing that fear as you slowly make your way up the stairs.

Akane shudders in your grip as Rin slows to a halt.

“H-Here we are,” says Rin. “Please wait here while I inform Satori-sa—”

“A Shinigami that has business with me will know that in unnecessary, Rin. Come in.” a voice calls out.


Hmm… Odd sound for a cat to make.


Smaller set of double doors this time.

Rin gently tugs you into a room. It’s definitely more spacious than the entrance since her steps and yours echo around you. You can hear something clattering against ceramic, a bowl most likely, and a familiar smell…

...Oh, hell no!”

Your see—

“Oh, are these yours?” the suspiciously-young voice asks as the sound of another seed cracking reaches you. “Forgive me. Okuu gave this to me. I suppose I should have noted the fact that she ‘found’ it on one of the sleeping residents, but I didn’t expect the owner to actually attempt to reclaim these. Forgive me.”

“So you say, but I—”

“—went through much to acquire these. I know,” she interrupts again. It’s actually rather annoying. “You call it annoying, I call it convenient.”

“For the love of—”

“Stop doing that?” She’s smiling right now. You bet your seeds that she’s giving you a stupid grin as she watches you fume.

“Come now, what is a little teasing every now and then? I am, indeed, smiling. This is because compared to the last guest that Rin brought to me, you are much more civil. What was his name, Rin?”

Rin, whose hand you just realized is still caught in your clenched grip, shivers. More so than when she assumed that you were a Shinigami.

“Nyaa... With all due respect, Satori-sama, I’d rather not remember.”

“Canyoueven Carry, I believe?” What the hell kind of a name is that supposed to be? “It was a very stupid name, fitting for a man whose head was full of more muscle and delusion than brain cells and common sense. Let us forget about him. I believe you’ve come here for a purpose, Mister Washington?”

Well that depends. Will she let you finish—

“If that is what suits you, then I will.”

Calm thoughts…

Calm thoughts…

“Please. Have a seat.”

Rin guides you closer to the source of the voice and over to a chair that you carefully lower yourself onto, Akane still trembling but firmly clutched in your left hand as Rin lets go of your right..

You hear the sound of something clattering as it slides across the table. Feeling along the surface, you’re pleasantly surprised to feel the familiar smell of your sunflower seeds in a bowl as the girl giggles.

“I have a name, you know.”

Well, it’s not like you can read her mind like she can with yours.

“Oh? And you’re sure that is my ability?”

Well, how else is she replying when you can’t even finish—

“You are correct. I am Satori Komeiji and I can, in fact, read your thoughts.”

Then she must know what it is you came here for.

“You wish to know more about yourself.”

You want to remember everything.

“I cannot do that.”

Oh? Why not?

Your fists are clenched.

“Think of it like this. If one were to drop a heavy load onto a table, the table would definitely collapse. If one adds the weight gradually, the table will not break unless more weight than it can carry is added.”

Why does everything have to be in riddles?

“If you remember everything that I can sense inside you all at once, your mind will break.”



...oh. That makes sense.

“I must say, it has been quite a while since I’ve seen a person’s thought represented by those strange dots. By the way, you are free to leave, Rin.”

You hear the faint rustle of clothes followed by Rin’s receding footsteps.


And finally, the door is shut.

Akane is really fidgeting now.

“Your scythe appears to be nervous.”

You shrug. Akane’s not your scythe and your methods of communication are rather limited.

“Well, there’s not much I will be able to do about that. I suppose Elly is doing well?”

So she knows Elly, huh?

“...my, my my, she has been busy.”

Busy is one way to put it.

“To think that after all these years she still does that in her sleep…”

Wait, what?

“Oh, don’t mind me.”

Akane’s renewed struggles tells you that maybe she would've been better off waiting outside with Rin.

“Embarrassing secrets aside, let us begin.”

You hear a chair scrape against the floor followed by a series of light footsteps that stop in front of you.

Something’s floating in front of your head now, you can feel it. Even if you can’t see it, it feels rather unnerving.

“I get that a lot.”

Oh. Sor—

“Don’t. ‘Tis natural, after all, for a being who can read your every secret to be treated with suspicion. Worry not, for I do not hold it against you.”

You’re sure that Satori read the action in your mind before you actually get around to doing it, because when you gently raise a hand, you feel the top of her head lean into your grip as you pat it slowly.

“My, my, my, you have quite the experience giving these, don’t you?”

You wouldn’t know.


In the back of your mind you can visualize three different paths. You’re aware that you can only take one at the moment, as per Satori’s warning, and on each path is something vaguely familiar.

Which path do you take?

[] The Sea: You feel a familiar presence

[] The Rifle: Your scars ache

[] The Lantern: Something you wouldn’t mind forgetting, but cannot
[X] The Lantern: Something you wouldn’t mind forgetting, but cannot

If we can't forget, might as well remember. Also, I see what you did there and am now sad that we'll never get a proper conclusion to the adventures of Doyou Evenliftimus. I get the feeling that he and Wash wouldn't get on too well though...
[x] The Sea: You feel a familiar presence

Familiar presence eh?
[X] The Rifle: Your scars ache

Great to see this back.
[X] The Sea: You feel a familiar presence

Is this the part where we select the route?
[X] The Sea: You feel a familiar presence.

I hope this is the Banki option.

What do we so with a head-less you-kai?
What do we so with a head-less you-kai?
What do we so with a head-less you-kai
Early in the morning.
[x] The Sea: You feel a familiar presence

This seems most relevant as of now.
[x] The Sea: You feel a familiar presence
[X] The Sea: You feel a familiar presence

I'm loving the references you put in this, it leaves me giggling like a schoolgirl every time.
> Canyoueven Carry

My fucking sides.

[x] The Sea: You feel a familiar presence.
[X] The Lantern: Something you wouldn’t mind forgetting, but cannot

Damn, now I can't stop imagining a Texan with a cowboy hat and an AR, firing at a wolf Tengu patrol while yelling AM I BEING DETAINED?
File 150524282085.jpg - (136.80KB, 850x283, The Sea.jpg) [iqdb]
Back in the day, there wasn’t a lot for a man to do when he had only half of his vision with him. Luckily for you, the worst your damaged vision would do for you in this job was you’d accidentally knock over a container that you didn't see as you reached for it.

Then again, considering how strict was the need to ration supplies on a ship at sea, it was still a Job where you couldn’t afford to make mistakes.


That said, this Chinaman was really starting to get on your nerves.

The merchant, however, persisted—

—persists in his vague gesture of holding his hand out, palm facing upwards and expecting an unspecified amount of payment.

“Jesus Christ,” you moan, settling for a few dollars that you slap unto his hand, conversion be damned. You pick up that slab of salted pork before he can offer protest, with two men behind you hauling a crate of live chickens.

The Chinaman shouts something indistinct from somewhere behind you, but he doesn’t give chase as you return to the ship, ignoring the awed stares of the locals (either because of your eye or your blood), walking up the gangplank, down into the lower decks and into the storage, where you slam the door shut in frustration once you were sure that the men placed the chicken in the appropriate part of the ship.

“God as my witness,” you mutter, continuing the curse in your thoughts as you curse the captain to the fiery pits of hell for being so damn soft.

People often underestimate the logistics involved in keeping a ship stocked for a journey, logistics that you care little for yet have to pay attention to if you want an honest pay by the end of it, which is why you do not appreciate having to account for the needs of random stowaways in addition to the crew.

You see them as you open the door, seated there, staring hungrily at the door you just emerged from.

“We’re taking them home,” the captain had said.

Honestly you don't know what difference it would make. Slanted eyes, language that involved more tones than should be allowed, writing system that uses brush-strokes so complicated that you have to wonder what demons possessed the man who came up with it.

That said, the two women stood out quite a bit.

“Irish?” you grunt as you return to the salt pork you were hanging.

“Half,” the older of the two replies. “Japanese.”

Ah, the isolationists. Lars knew about them and was one of the reasons the crew could communicate with the castaways.

Not that you care.


The ship never intended to stay long. Long-enough to resupply, and that was about it. You’d be out on the water year-round with this merchant vessel and the captain preferred to avoid mutinies when possible by keeping the crew well-fed, and you’ve already stocked on what supplies you could. You’ve already been on for quite a while. It’s nice, most days. The gentle rocking motion of the hull as it sails through the waves, the light smell of salt in the air, the breeze.

Of course, this is all assuming you don’t get caught in a storm the area seems to be notorious for.

After the ship sets out to sea, you set about taking enough rations to begin working on the next meal, to a small audience if the castaways watching through the doorway, including the Irishwoman, but you ignore them. If they want food they will settle for what you’re willing to prepare once the hardworking men who've actually contributed to the journey are fed. Your eye scans over each ingredient but you identify mostly by the smell in these low-light conditions and your compromised vision.

Salted pork to the left, beef to the right. The rum doesn't begin stinging your nose until you head further in, but it's still obvious among the salts of the meat and the sea around you, only held back by wooden walls.

Amidst the creaking of the hull and you digging through the supplies, a series of footsteps, likely belonging to the castaways, walk away from the door, having given up staring at you in hopes of receiving a treat.

When you turn around to close the door, however, the brat is still there peeking from behind the wall.

“Off you go,” you say, walking up to the doorway and waiting for the girl to leave.

She doesn't leave.

“...get out.”

She still stares at you.

Specifically, she stares at the ingredients that you have with you, but you shake your head.

“You want to eat, you’ll wait your turn.”

She sadly casts her gaze away as you exit the room and set the rations down, where you get to work cutting them up and measuring each ration for each crewman, but you can't help but look back.

Personally you couldn't care less about transporting castaways, but there was admittedly something about the girl that made you question just what it is she’s been through. Rough and tattered clothes, matted red hair, and not an ounce of fat on her.

Now that you think about it, considering just how isolated their destination is, you can’t help but wonder just how the hell this girl, and by extension the other stowaways, got out in the first place.

Then there was the haunted look in her eyes. That was a look you’ve seen on only a few men (and admittedly you saw half of it in the mirror). You wonder what that look is doing in a girl who can't be older than 16 based on her appearance.

Just what is it the girl’s been through?

Maybe it’s because of that, that maybe an ounce of pity remains in you, but something compels you to grab her shoulder when she moves to drink from a bucket normally used when cleaning the deck.

For a while, the two of you just stare at each other, the girl looking mildly confused while you (also feeling the same) wonder what it is you wanted to do once you did that.

The castaways were sleeping, or the ones that were below deck were including her mother, convinced that you wouldn’t feed them until later on. There was nobody else below decks.

“Damn it all,” you mutter as you reach for a flask.

Its full, and the smell is strong. Not mixed with any water. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea, but those damned merchants were difficult to deal with and as a result you weren’t able to restock the drinking water as much as you’d liked.

“Here.” You shove the flask into the girl’s hands and turn away to resume preparing the meals. You don’t need to see the girl to know that it took a bit of curious examination before she would actually drink since she isn’t—



“Can’t hold your rum, can you?” you toss over your shoulder as the girl continues coughing. “Better get used to it.”

God knows, you’re going soft for doing that, but at the same time there’s something else in the cold empty chest cavity of yours. A sense of amusement when the girl started coughing. Something you haven’t felt in quite a while.

Best not to think about it.

The meals are handed out eventually and once the crew is fed, you begin feeding the castaways while the captain watches. He doesn’t say a word when the girl hands back the empty flask, her hands lingering on yours as she holds onto it a few seconds longer than you’d think was necessary.

“Thank you,” her mother whispers as she passes by you.

The captain raises an eyebrow, but you respond with a hard glare. His only response is a short laugh before he leaves you to your business.

Maybe now that you’ve the time you’ll prepare those seeds you bought off one of the merchants. God knows it's been too long since you’ve had those.

Not since—


Slowly, your eyelids flutter as your vision comes back into focus.

[] It takes a while, it always does after a nap. Now, how the hell will you get out of this collar?

[] No good. It’s still blurry… Wait a minute! Why are you flying towards that net so fast?!
[x] No good..

[X] It takes a while, it always does after a nap. Now, how the hell will you get out of this collar?
[X] It takes a while, it always does after a nap. Now, how the hell will you get out of this collar?
[X] No good. It’s still blurry… Wait a minute! Why are you flying towards that net so fast?!
[x] No good. It’s still blurry… Wait a minute! Why are you flying towards that net so fast?!

Sounds like someone is having a ball.
[X] No good. It’s still blurry… Wait a minute! Why are you flying towards that net so fast?!
[x] No good. It’s still blurry… Wait a minute! Why are you flying towards that net so fast?!
[X] No good. It’s still blurry… Wait a minute! Why are you flying towards that net so fast?!

For a second I thought that Satori was finished with the mind-read, but then I realized we can't see.
File 150539469165.jpg - (124.17KB, 646x656, Crappily drawn Sexy+Wash.jpg) [iqdb]
So I drew this stuff.
[X] It takes a while, it always does after a nap. Now, how the hell will you get out of this collar?
I love it. OTP of the year, all years.

You sir, you the best.
File 150553751648.jpg - (104.57KB, 559x471, Sekickbanki (2).jpg) [iqdb]
“My, you have quite an interesting story, I must say.”

Well, you can’t really say for sure. All you saw was a brief glimpse, yet somehow you’re starting to remember more things than what was shown in the memory. Feels like your head’s been split open, though. That sucks.

“Yes, that will be a side-effect of your mind being tampered with. Whatever it is that caused such damage to your brain and memories was very potent indeed.”

Your mind flashes back to Keine’s explanation to your amnesiac self and makes a mental note to visit Marisa and ask her what the hell she put in that damn potion of hers.

“Ah, yes. The Great Hakurei Barrier does have that effect on outsiders who don’t go in through the proper passages,” Satori says. “You’re quite lucky in that regard. While most outsiders don’t wander here, I’ve heard stories of just how severe the psychological damage can be. Other than that, I find that it is no surprise that Marisa somehow got herself involved in your amnesia.”

So she knows Marisa?

“Everybody does. I’d go into detail about just how… ‘unique’ and ‘interesting’ her thought process is, but there’s something else you must do on your mind?”

Huh… Is there?


Slowly, your eyelids flutter as your vision comes back into focus.


[X]No good. It’s still blurry… Wait a minute! Why are you flying towards that net so fast?!



Fecking shite that fecking hurtwhatthefeckin—

“Man, this outside world sport is fun! Where’d you hear about it from?”

Unfortunately, your face is still burning from being stopped by a FUCKING net while going mach 1, so you can’t do much as an oni, clearly drunk (again), picks you up and holds you under his arm.

Ugh… And you thought Kagerou on a rainy day smelled bad…

“Y’know that miko that came by before?”

“The armpit miko or the bouncy miko?”

“Bouncy. She came by and showed me how to play!”

OhsweetmotherofGod, you’ve seen Sanae’s FUCKING ballgames before and on that day you swore that you’d crash every game you see.

That said, your face doesn’t hurt as much anymore.

“Flying Head "Ninth Head"!”


Instantly, eight copies of your head appear and start indiscriminately firing lasers and bullets at the Oni gathered around the FUCKING game, which you notice took place in one of the many public parks where there’d be less private property to demolish.

That also means less obstructions for your heads and less places for the oni to hide.


Ah, indiscriminate Irish fury, how you’ve missed the feeling of being able to let loose! To fly! Hear people scream as they’re hounded by disembodied heads with frickin’ LASER BEAMS being shot at them. The oni must’ve been drunker than usual because instead of fighting back they started panicking and running away.

“AWWW, WHERE YE GOIN?” you taunt, “TAKE IT EASY!!!”

If anything this seems to rile them up even more and before you know it, you’ve turned the public park into a trench-and-crater-ridden no man’s land with your heads flying everywhere acting as border patrol while your true head rests in the center.

“Ahh, that felt good—”


One of your heads zooms past and is promptly and deeply embedded in the nearby wall before it de-materializes.

“Oh, hello Keine.”

Your remaining 7 heads all begin flying around erratically, panicking and sometimes colliding in midair as Keine makes her way towards you and plops down in front of you.

She tiredly glances at the surrounding landscape, at the scorchmarks, craters, and this one trench where your heads are peeking over that they duck back into when Keine looks their way.

“Rough day?” she asks.

“I could say the same about you.”

Keine merely shrugs and spends the next minutes with you in silence. Eventually, your cowering heads de-materialize and you feel the strength coming back to you. You figure now is as good a time as any to get moving, and you wordlessly levitate with Keine following by standing up.

Right now, you want to find your body.

But first you want to confirm something.

“By the way, you wouldn’t have anything to do with what happened to Yuugi, would you?”

‘Tis simple curiosity. You only know a few people capable beating one of the four Devas, but there’s only one person you know capable of completely CAVING one of them.


Hollow look in her eyes. Time to back the FUCK off.

You slowly increase the distance between Keine and your head by floating off to the side. If she notices or is offended, she doesn’t say anything.

Now, where the FUCK did your FUCKING body go?

Before you got knocked out (by what was probably Akane trying to stop you from leaving her now that you think about it) you managed to get a good view of most of the underground city, but not all of it, so you prepare to levitate highe—

“Oh my gods!” Keine shouts, “they killed kenny!”

“Argh! You bastard!” says an Oni playing Shogi in the background.

Huh. Weird.

But, you see what Keine was talking about. Up ahead you see a familiar corpse wagon that appeared to have been knocked-over at some point since some of the cadavers were still on the ground. Keine runs towards it and crouches down in front of one particular corpse.

“Who the fuck is Kenny?” you ask, floating over to her.

“A villager that went missing years ago. Granted, he was a dick and nobody liked him, but we never found his body until now,” Keine says, eyeing the rest of the corpses around her.

“Who could’ve done this and killed all these people?!”

You have to stiffle a giggle at the irony of a history-eating/creating were-cowthingy schoolteacher being clueless about the whole thing. Orin might have a corpse fixation, but the last thing she’ll be is a murderer.

Ah, good ol’ Orin. Under better circumstances you’d visit her, but you don’t want to be recognized by too many people.

It’s weird though. Orin’s really careful with her corpses, so why would they all be strewn-about? Why’d she just leave them like—


Oh shite!

If she recognizes you there’s a good chance that you’ll be brought back to the goddamn fishbowl if she happens to be underground!

Then again, there’s only one person currently in the underground who could trip over an obvious and completely avoidable wagon like this and leave it intact (a drunken Oni would’ve walked right through it). Could Orin happen to know something?

But… fishbowl! Do not want!

[] Save her from being CAVED

[x] Save her from being CAVED



> “Oh my gods! They killed Kenny!”
> “Argh! You bastard!”

Ded. Send help.

[x] Save her from being CAVED.
>“AWWW, WHERE YE GOIN?” you taunt, “TAKE IT EASY!!!”

I can feel the spite coming out of this. Good 'ol Irish fury. I love it.

Good shit my man. Say, would you mind if I digitally coloured this? I'm not terribly good, but do want to contribute to this thread and story.

[x] Save her from being CAVED
Sure, give it a try!

Sorry Orin, better you than us! Also there's a small part of me that wants to see just how bad Orin's day can get before she finally snaps completely and goes on a rampage of her own.

Misery loves company and all that.
Gentlemen, it appears we are at a stalemate.
File 150575914160.png - (514.60KB, 600x700, keinepls.png) [iqdb]


All my yes.
File 15070379068.jpg - (142.67KB, 841x708, IMG_5372.jpg) [iqdb]
Laptop broke so I had to rewrite this on my iPad. Fun.

In other news, my second term schedule appears to be more merciful than the first, so hopefully I can update more often!


Oh shit it’s Rin! If she recognizes you you’re done for!

Sorry Rin, but there’s no fecking way in hell you’re going back to the fishbowl!


“YOU!” Keine shouts.

“YOU?!” Rin shouts, pointing at you.

“YOU!” You say, nudging Keine from behind who promptly clamps down on Rin’s shoulders.



Oh, that’s gotta hurt, but at the very least you’re safe for the time being.

Now that Rin’s been incapacitated, your next priority is to find your body, wherever the fuck it went, then find Wash, wherever the fuck he went, finally Kagerou, wherever the fuck she went.

Fuck’s sake why does everyone keep getting lost?!

But first…

“Hey Keine. Go grab that rope, will ya?”

Minutes later you have Rin bound, gagged, and hidden inside the wheelbarrow full of corpses. It took some convincing to prevent Keine from fully CAVING her and a lengthy explanation about how, despite her habit of stealing corpses, Rin is not, in fact, a murderer.

“So you mean to tell me that you’ve just set me upon someone innocent?”

Oh gods her forehead vein is bulging!

“Technically, I called her a corpse-stealer!” you hastily say as Keine takes a step towards you. “I didn’t say anything about murder! This is all on you!”

Your outburst gets Keine to stop advancing on you but does nothing to abate her anger. Even as you float off in search of your body you can feel her. Glaring silently. Probably muttering curses. Maybe even planning to eat your history when you all return home, whenever that will be.

Still, she follows as you search for your body. You search bars, hotels, family restaurants, houses, and even the Taco shop/Wedding Chapel, which was in the process of having the debris surrounding it cleared.They only had the entrance clear when you entered, and there’s good news and bad news.

The good news is that you don’t find your body in the chapel.

The bad news is that apparently, your body’s been through there, according to witness accounts.

By that point, you’ve searched almost everywhere in the underground except for the Reactor, which you will never go to under any circumstance whatsoever, and the Palace of the Earth Spirits.

“I still don't understand why you refuse to head to the palace,” Keine says as you exit.

“I just don’t want to go there,” you reply, and try to leave it at that. “I wonder though, where the FUCK is my body?!”

“Why didn’t you just find Kagerou and have her track your scent?”



Somewhere, a hand raised itself and sped towards the head of its owner at record speed for the loudest of facepalms, only for it to hit nothing but thin air.


“You didn’t say anything about this earlier, why?”

Keine cocks her head to the side in mock confusion.

“You didn’t ask.”

That bitch.

Wipe that smug grin off your face, bitch, nobody’s being fooled.

“Fuck you, i’m looking for Kagerou.”

Or so you say. You don’t really have any leads as to where she is. You could always try combing the underground again, but you doubt it'll turn up anything new. Kagerou isn’t exactly subtle anyway.

Then, you see it.

A message, scratched on the wall that the Oni seem to think is decorative graffiti if the appreciative nods are anything to go by. The pile of debris next to it tells you that it was covered up when you went in and interroga— er, interviewed the patrons still inside.

You float over, Keine trailing behind you.





“A circle with a line going through,” Keine mumbles. “I have no idea what this is.”

You’d think that she’s be more focused on the creepy-as-hell message, it you can’t really blame her. You're focused on the drawing too. Unlike Keine, you know what it is.

You also know where your body is now.

“Well, shit.”



“Yes, I know. She’s done it again.”


“There’s no need to apologize. You and I couldn't have known about the catnip.”


“He’s where the other one is as well. I figured that I may as well save our guest the trouble of looking for her.”


“It will be fine. Just get the cookies ready. The ones from the Chocolate jar.”


You’re in the dark again.

Then again, you’re always ‘in the dark’. It's just that the nothingness before you is much darker than it was originally when you were kindly led out of the room by Rin, who was off getting high, last you heard.

“Tell me, friend,” you say. “Where are we?”

“My favorite part of the palace!” A young, eager voice replies. “I was wondering when we’d get here!”

She let's go of your hand and runs towards… something. You hear a click, and suddenly your perception brightens a bit. Taking a few tentative steps towards the direction of the girl’s footsteps, you hold a hand out that she grabs eagerly.

“I’ve always wanted a friend to show this place to!” She happily says.

“You mean I’m the first?”

The barest rustling of fabric.

A light wind being fanned towards you.

“Are you nodding?”

More light wind.

“You know, if it weren’t for the hat I assume you're wearing, I wouldn’t know this, right?”

A quick step.

Something small slamming into your chest and latching around you. Tightly. There’s something else too, something round, squishy, and connected by chords being squished between you two, but that’s the last thing on your mind right now.

“People never liked me!” she admits in a disturbingly happy tone. “They used the throw things at and hit me!”


“Oh, yeah! They threw that too sometimes! I don’t blame them, though. Apparently, people thought I was annoying!”

Why is she so happy?

“I don’t think you’re annoying,” you offer.

“Are you sure?” She asks. “Really sure? One-hundred percent sure? From the bottom of your heart? Subconsciously so?”


A minute of silence…


She separates herself from the hug you subconsciously returned and leads you onwards.

“You might think I’m not annoying now, but back then I was different. People thought my personality was annoying, or whatevers. So I changed it!”

The sound of a door opening.

“And you know? People didn't think I was annoying anymore!”

“That’s great!” You mean it, too. She may have gotten lost while guiding you after Rin left to get high, but you just can’t be mad at this girl. Especially when she sounds so chipper while telling her depressing backstory.

“Then again, maybe it’s because they forgot I existed when I did…”

Oh. Shit.

“So everyone just ignored you?”

“All except you! That makes you my new best friend!”

You chuckle as her footsteps shift into the sound of uneven skipping and the girl begins humming a tune. She’s a nice girl. You can’t imagine why anyone would hate her.


...you spoke too soon.

“Silly Holo! Nobody can hear you scream down here!”

“But this name tag says “Inuyasha!””

Fuck’s sake. Everything was going so well too.

“That’s right Ein! Who’s a good doggy?”

“HEEEE— Oh! Hi Wash!”

“W-What’re you staring at me for?!”

“U-uh… hmm… GAH!!! I can’t take it anymore!”

“The irony of the intensity of this blind man’s gaze is not lost on me!”

You can only tiredly sigh.


There’s two ways that what is about to go down will go down, and there’s no avoiding it.

[] Quick and painless. You want to get it over with.

[] Slow and horrible. Might as well have some fun while you’re at it.
[X] Slow and horrible. Might as well have some fun while you’re at it.

RIP laptop
Cracked screen, believe it or not. Easily replaced (and ready for pickup tomorrow).

Made things easier to see from Wash's perspective. Made it harder to actually write it down.
[X] Quick and painless. You want to get it over with.
[x] Quick and painless. You want to get it over with.

So, we are in the room with the werewolf, the blind satori and... nobody else, right? The last three dialog lines threw me off.
[x] Slow and horrible. Might as well have some fun while you’re at it.
[X] Quick and painless. You want to get it over with.
[X] Quick and painless. You want to get it over with.

No sense in drawing things out unnecessarily.
[x] Quick and painless. You want to get it over with.

> “The irony of the intensity of this blind man’s gaze is not lost on me!”

The fact that I can't figure out who said this only makes it funnier.
[x] Slow and horrible. Might as well have some fun while you’re at it.

To fit in with the rest of Wash's adventure so far *rimshot*
“Aaaaaand done! I gotta show you to sis! It’s not every day one can claim to have a sentient scythe as a pet!”

You can hear Akane protesting by tapping against what sounds like glass.

“In the meantime, c’mon Zwei! It’s time for walkies!”

“NOOOOOO!!! Help me Wash!”

You merely fix you most deadpan stare in Kagerou’s direction before you sit down against the wall. Fuck this, you’re gonna take a nap.

“Wake me up when you’re done.”

“WAAAAAaaaaa…..” All you can think is that Kagerou must be desperate to rely on a blind man such as yourself to beil her out of whatever situation she’s gotten herself in, but that doesn’t matter. You’re not gonna get involved.

Nope. You’ll just sit here, wait till this all blows over, and take a damn nap.

“We’re back!”

...or not.


Well, shit. Here you were hoping that you’d never have to see the stupid FUCKING pet room again, or at least the one for pets that aren’t “house trained” (which means any that don’t belong to Satori). Of course, knowing her and the kind of shit she usually brings home means that Satori had this room fortified after the 1856th rebuild. No windows, solid walls, and a bunch of heavy-duty cages, both glass and metal, as well as other means to keep things inside.

You’ve seen eldritch abominations locked and chained behind the bones of the damned in this room and seen devils feeding off the regret of unburied corpses in the pits at the corner to keep them sated. Truly, the means of capturing and securing a being her the sake of giving her some companionship and amusement would not be out of place in a youkai exterminator/exorcist’s hideout.

You? You were carried in a FUCKING fishbowl.

“Say hello to Mami!” she says. You only have one though.


“Mami?! I thought you named me Celty!”

“No, silly!” she says, pointing over to something. “Celty’s over there!”

And there it is. You FUCKING body tied to a FUCKING pole by an ankle chain. How the fuck that happened is beyond you.

You’re not surprised to see Wash here, though. No matter what happens he always turns up in the strangest of places. You wonder where Akane is until you see the sentient scythe coiled up like a snake in a terrarium, furiously thrashing about and doing hilariously little damage, assuming those building-ribbons outside were her and Wash’s doing.

“Seki?” He says, standing up and wandering towards your direction.

“Nope! Celty!” she says, holding you forward.

“What the fuck?! I THOUGHT I WAS MAMI NOW!”

“No silly! That’s Mami!”

Again, she points at your FUCKING body, which futily tugs at the chain keeping it bound to the pole.

You can’t believe you stuck yourself in a fishbowl again for this shit.

“Even Banki’s here… We’re doomed.” Kagerou mopes.

Looking back you really wish you hadn’t had to tell Keine to lay low. Unfortunately, not only did Rin wake up sooner than expected, she remembered that Keine was the one who attacked her, which by extension meant that Satori would recognize her as well. Also there’s the fact that the reason she woke up was because Utsuho found her and (last you saw her) is eating seeds with Satori. As tough as Keine’s forehead is, you figure it wouldn’t do anyone good if she tried to headbutt a living nuclear reactor.

So yeah. This escape plan is all on you.

Well now the question is how the FUCK are you supposed to escape again while breaking out your FUCKING body, Kagerou, Wash, Akane, all while trying to keep her from nuking you and everyone with her dick missiles.

Yes. Dick Missiles.



Dick Missiles.

With heart-shaped heads because ‘Freud was right’ or whatever the hell she meant when she said that.

“Lunch time!”

Oh shit! In your daze as you remembered the sheer ridiculousness of the


Dick Missiles.

You didn’t notice her putting your fishbowl down on a table beside Akane’s terrarium.

“Say “Ah!”

And like a FUCKING idiot, you look up…

...and she shoves a can of fish food into your FUCKING mouth.


Oh gods it tastes horrible! All flakey and vile and fishy!

Also you can see an expiration date and a bunch of other things on the can. While you can’t tell how long the fish food’s been in here in relation to time in the outside world—it’s not Kappa-made. That stuff tastes better (not that you’d know!)—there happens to be a tiny square of paper stuck to it (a sticky note, if memory serves. Kourindou sells those). It had a message written on it that you can barely read as it is both upside down and you are being force-fed.


Get rid of this can before I bring Wakasagihime back from the vet. She doesn’t have to know that you sold her expired food.


Oh fucking shit you can’t even do anything. Desperate, you catch Kagerou in the corner of your vision and establish eye-contact, hoping that she would get the FUCKING hint.


Oh, fuck you Kagerou you bitch (it’s not an insult because that’s what she really is) this is how you express your damn gratitude to your rescuer?! By allowing her to be abused by the one person you’ve sacrificed to much to get away from?!

Fuck this shit, it’s time to get out.

Only problem is how? You can’t exactly gnaw through the ankle chains around your body and Wash is only good as a meat shield in this sort of situation, so that leaves two options.

[] Get Akane out. Eirin will kill you for ruining her hard dental work but it’ll be worth it if you can grab her and get her to Wash.

[] Get Kagerou out and pray that she can run fast enough to get to Keine. Hopefully she can scare Rin away as well.

[] Any other creative ideas for escaping?
[X] Get Akane out. Eirin will kill you for ruining her hard dental work but it’ll be worth it if you can grab her and get her to Wash.

Rescue best girl first.
[x] Get Akane out. Eirin will kill you for ruining her hard dental work but it’ll be worth it if you can grab her and get her to Wash.
[X] Get Akane out. Eirin will kill you for ruining her hard dental work but it’ll be worth it if you can grab her and get her to Wash.

Scythe time!
[x] Scythe option.
[X] Get Akane out. Eirin will kill you for ruining her hard dental work but it’ll be worth it if you can grab her and get her to Wash.

Is there any other option?
File 150941841556.jpg - (1.18MB, 2592x1936, IMG_5408.jpg) [iqdb]
To apologize for the long delays between updates ever since classes started, have this thing that I drew real quick.

Happy Halloween!
"Wash, you're blind! For all you know, I might be wearing my most terrifying expression!"
"I can feel the halloween spirit in my heart, Seki. And I can feel that you're not exuding enough of it."
"Fucks sake Wash."

So, is that how Mr. Irving canonically looks like?
I drew wash to be as generic here as possible since I don't want my crappy-ass drawing changing anyone's mental image of Wash.

The only set thing about Wash is his scars and eyes. Beyond that you're free to imagine him looking however you wish. This is just so I could say Happy Halloween.
As a Dullahan/Rokurokubi/Nukekubi, life is full of tough decisions. Hell, it's a tough decision just deciding what FUCKING species of Youkai you are and how the hell you can be the latter two when you’re part Irish and some other European thing, but that’s a decision for another existential crisis.

Right now you’ve got to make a choice that will determine whether you’ll float free, or a fish you shall be (either way you’ll be drowning a copy of your head for that gods-awful rhyme).

So. The big decision.

Do you free Kagerou, who was one of your first friends since you entered Gensokyo and has unquestioningly given you and Hime her love and support, and rely on her to get out fast and get help, or do you bust out the living stick?

It’s not much of a tough decision, really.

“Wash! Head’s up!”

—is what you want to say, but what really comes out sounds more like “Waph! Ed’s Ah!”

Not your best pre-escape line, but you can come up with a better one later.

The can of fish food, along with whatever is in your mouth, is burned away as you send a beam out, causing her to recoil and pull her hand away.

The plan is simple. Break out of this FUCKING fish bowl, blast that stupid-looking terrarium, grab Akane with your teeth, get her to Wash, get the FUCK out, and hopefully forget that all this bullshit ever FUCKING happened.

Or, at least, the plan was supposed to be simple.

“Oww!” she says, “Bad Louis!”

Yeah… Unlike most Gensokyo natives, since you’re not exactly a local, you actually understand that reference.

Suffice to say that, despite NOT being a Limey, your homeland (or one of your ancestor’s anyway) is close enough theirs that you picked up on a few things. This, combined with some previous experiences from before (and a few after) you came to Gensokyo means that you are NOT FUCKING pleased by that FUCKING reference.


You fire your strongest non-spellcard shot at Akane’s (surprisingly large) terrarium, but fail to break it.


You spit a continuous beam at it this time, but the glass doesn’t show any sign of breaking. Akane does look mildly uncomfortable though, if that’s what the frantic flailing meant.


You generate three copies of your head and start simultaneously bombarding the terrarium with streams of shots and steady lasers.


And the FUCKING terrarium is un-FUCKING-scathed.


The Dick Missile gets you from behind, and everything goes black.



Finally, the cacophony of shots and lasers dies down for the briefest second—


—Before Sekibanki does her thing.

Then you hear ANOTHER shot getting thrown followed by the sound of it hitting a ball of flesh that you assume to have been her head, which then thuds against the floor.

You crack open another Sunflower seed. It sure was nice of Satori to let you refill your pouch—


“Holy shit!” You drop the seed in surprise and groan at the prospect of having to search for it. You can’t help but wonder what it is that broke so suddenly to—

“Ah! My terrarium! RUINED!”

...the same one Seki was trying to nuke?

You turn towards the last direction you heard Kagerou from and adopt the most questioning expression you can manage.

“Ah.” Thankfully, Kagerou apparently received your message. “It… Uh… It fell off the table.”

The terrarium that Akane had, for one reason or another, been unable to pierce or cut through, that withstood several seconds of pure, unfiltered Irish fury, fell off the table and broke.


The sound of your palm meeting your face is the only sound that is made other than what sounds like the sound of feet stepping hurriedly against the floor, no doubt as your friend from earlier rushes over to inspect the damage.

Having given up on ever finding the poor, lonely, wasted seed that you dropped earlier, you crack open another one.

“Oh hey! You’re alive!” she said. “Why are you extending like that though? You’re gonna hit someone!”

Wait, what?

“OW!” you shout as something hard nails you in the forehead.

“Wash!” Kagerou says, “That’s Akane! Brab her and get us out of here!”

You turn towards the sound of her voice.

“Aww, you’re leaving already?” you friend says.

You turn towards her voice.

“Don’t listen to her!”

Kagerou’s voice sounds really desperate at this point. Part of you wonders if maybe there’s a good reason for that. The other part of you is wondering why the hell she’s so scared of your new friend. Is she really on a leash?

“Well, nobody listens to me anyway so I won’t hate you if you don't!”

Her voice (Holy shit you can just imagine the sad smile of her as she says this) is way too fucking cheerful for such a depressing statement. Her humming a cheerful tune doesn’t exactly help.

“What are you waiting for Wash?! I don’t wanna live my life on a leash! Please!”

Kagerou again.

“We’re waiting for the COOKIES to finish baking!”

Her again.



“It’s Church!”



Fuck everything’s getting louder.


Louder, and really, really, really annoying.



[] Cut the leash, if anything so you can get Kagerou to stop shouting.

[] Fuck this, you’ve been through too much! You could use a FUCKING cookie.
Save the useless awoo, or have some cookie with the lonely satori? Tough decision, but I'll go with
[X] Cut the leash, if anything so you can get Kagerou to stop shouting.
[x] Cut the leash, if anything so you can get Kagerou to stop shouting.

Damn, let's get out of here already.
[x] Cut the leash, if anything so you can get Kagerou to stop shouting.

Go to hell, Koishi.

...oh, right already there. Carry on then.
[x] Cut the leash, if anything so you can get Kagerou to stop shouting.
[X] Cut the leash, if anything so you can get Kagerou to stop shouting.

Right, that's it. I've never had much patience for Koishi's bullshit to begin with, but it has officially run out. Time for a jailbreak!
[X] Cut the leash, if anything so you can get Kagerou to stop shouting.

In all honestly you wouldn’t mind staying for a cookie, especially now that you can remember that you quite liked those in your past. Then again, Akane was locked in a terrarium (whatever the fuck that is) and your new friend was tied to a post.

Inwardly, you promise to your new friend that you’d be back to visit some day (you have to, either way for more sessions with Satori).


“I’m sorry for this!” You swing Akane towards the direction of Kagerou’s voice, trusting her to cut the leash and not (last you heard back in Yuuka’s mansion) her hair… fur… whatever.

“No! Bad Momiji!”

“WRONG WOLF!” Kagerou screeches. You register the rapidly-approaching sound that is the shuffling of feet, but cannot move fast enough before you are tackled away from where you stood.

The heat wave that washes over you from that direction tells you that this is probably a good thing.

More shuffling sounds come from Kagero, then she hastily hauls you to your feet.

“RUN!” she shouts.

“Come back! The cookies aren’t done yet!””


When you come to, you’re being shaken awake. That’s the first thing you realize. The second is that your head is actually connected to something, which is nice.

“Seki! You’re awake!” Kagerou says as she finally stops FUCKING shaking you.

“You had Kagerou worried,” Keine chides. “I saw her cradling your head while running out of the palace.”

At that, you scowl at Kagerou. “You realize that all you had to do to wake me was reattach my head, right?”

The dumbstruck expression on Kagerou’s face makes you want to facepalm, but you don’t in fear that you’ll do it to hard and launch your head off somewhere.


But as you sit up, you remind yourself that the important thing is that you all managed to get away from—

Wait a minute. You just realized a third thing.

“Kagerou? Where’s Wash?”


For once, it’s not you who says that.


“My, that wasn’t very nice of her, was it? Running off without you like that!”

It wasn’t very nice of this girl to lock her and Sekibanki up, but you refrain from voicing that thought. Just because she doesn’t sound angry doesn’t mean she isn’t.

After the last time you got blasted by Danmaku, you’re not eager to go through that again.

“Anyway, onward, trusty friend!” she says, “We have cookies to find!”

“Uhh, yay?”

Reluctantly you allow yourself to be dragged along by the other hand as she guides you through the turns leading to the pet room. Akane is still with you but has taken to coiling around your arm and hiding as much of herself behind your back as she can.

At this point you don’t really know whether you should be worried about escaping or if you should just not care anymore.

“So what about you?”

For the first time, your friend (a title you’ve starting to have doubts over) abandones her usual chipper tone for one that is naturally more curious.

“What about me?” you ask.

“What about what about you?” she replies, her tone shifting to a playful one.

You sigh. You don’t want to play this game.

“What did you want to know?” you enthusiastically ask.


You wait.

“Hmm… Mmm mmm…”

You wait some more.

“Hmm mmm mmm… Mmm…”

She manages to hum an entire song before she finally speaks.

“Do people hate you too?”

Regardless of whether she still holds your hand (she is) or whether she’s still moving (she is), you pause.

“Why would they?” You’re genuinely curious about how she came to that train of thought.

“Your face makes you look like you headbutted a belt sander.”

...a what?

“Why would they hate me for that?”

“Well, you’re different. You’re blind. You can’t do things normally like other people.”

Her tone is blunt and annoyingly oblivious. You huff, feeling offended for the first time since you’ve met her (which isn’t really that long).

“What about you, then? Why do you think people hate you?”

Your friend doesn’t say anything. In fact, she’s completely silent, not even opting to hum like she did earlier. You don’t hear her move, you can feel the wide open space around you but she hasn’t moved an inch. Perhaps you’ve gone too fa—


Why are your cheeks moist?

Why are you crying?

Why are you feeling like this— WHY IS

Why is she crying?

Why do your eyes itch


IT HUrts


“Open your eyes.”

[] Open your eyes.

[] Keep them closed.
[x] Open your eyes.

[X] Open your eyes.

Look up to the skies, and see.
[x] Open your eyes.

This is going better than expected so far, wonder when the other shoe will drop.
[x] Open your eyes.

[x] Open your eyes.



useless piece of shit!

The words scream into your head yet nothing rings out loudly. You see brief flashes but nothing solid. Your eyes are clenched shut, even though it really shouldn’t make a difference. Not knowing what to expect, you [x]open your eyes.

Immediately, everything clears. Everything is shapeless again, and all you can hear are the footsteps of your friend approaching you. Wordlessly, something is gently placed into your hands, something soft. Warm. Moist.

The moment you take it in your hand something appears. Not so much appears but an image is clear in your mind, almost as if you’re actually seeing it. A dark blue ball. A small, closed slit along the middle with droplets slowly streaming from within. It quiver.

“Open your eyes.”

Slowly, gently, you feel around the eyelid, gently coaxing it open.

It stares into your—


It’s Night.

The candle flickers as you gaze into its flame, watching, waiting and utterly entranced.

“Are you listening to me?!”

You don’t bother to look up as something smashes into the back of your head. Your face plants just short of the candle and you can feel it’s heat over the stinging sensation and the flow of something. You like to think that whatever it is flowing down the back of your head is also what’s flowing from your front unto the table.

A drunken grunt later and he’s stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. It’s finally sake for you to raise your head and stop pretending.

”Dammit,” you wearily sigh.

It’s late, and the candle continues to flicker. It’s best that you retreat to your quarters, before he gets back, but you’re tired.

So very tired…

You slowly lower your head and close your eyes…


Your eyes snap open.

You don’t see anything.

You can feel something, though. Whatever the hell that was is nothing but a faded picture that continues to keep fading, but you know what you saw. It was like and unlike Satori bringing out your memories, either. Deep down it doesn’t just seem familiar but something that’s a part of you that you weren’t supposed to ever see again.

Subconsciously, you touch the back of your head, prepared for a sting and expecting something wet, but your hair is still dry and your head doesn’t hurt.

“What the hell was that?”

Nobody replies.

Apart from Akane, You’re completely alone.

Perhaps it’s for the best. You can understand just a little bit why people developed an aversion towards your friend.

Hold up… Did you really just think that? When she’s been nothing but chipper?

But then again, if Kagerou’s actions were anything to go buy she actually shot at you when Akane cut through the leash. Something dug into you. Was rooting around in the deepest recesses of your mind just to bring that image out.

Did she do this all the time before?

Then again, if she did why would she feel remorse and “change herself?”

You’re alone with nobody but Akane to accompany you.

Again, you touch the back of your head, expecting to feel the slick sensation of something.

You feel Akane’s coils shifting around you followed by a nudge to your shoulder. A few more nudges. Is whe worried?

“I’m fine,” you say. “Let’s…”

Although you have no need to do so, you turn your head ever so lightly, as if glancing behind you. Of course, you don’t see anything and that’s the weird part because of how natural the action felt. You don’t remember a lot but you’re sure that a blind man like yourself would’ve outgrown that habit.

You’re surrounded by silence.

“...let’s go.”

Akane shifts and snakes her way to your arm, where she stiffens into her usual scythe length, and guides you forth.
File 151391633496.jpg - (165.66KB, 850x607, __luna_child_star_sapphire_and_sunny_milk_touhou_d.jpg) [iqdb]
Apologies for the short update. Thread 4 will be up most likey after the holidays. In the meantime.

Merrry Christmas!
Komeiji Koishi Needs More Love.
Holy shit the plot Dickens. I mean, thickens. Whatever, it's Christmas!

Happy Holidays writefag!
Watch Your Step: Holiday Edition now up in /shorts/!
File 151459454456.png - (223.07KB, 646x656, Watch Your Step.png) [iqdb]
I have no excuses for taking this long. I'd wanted this to be a Christmas present, but my laziness got the better of me, again. It's a bit unorthodox, I hope you won't mind this belated Christmas gift. Or maybe early, if you're celebrating the Orthodox one.

Few changes to the original, the biggest being that Wash has arms now, making him slightly less handicapped. Banki's bow also received an upgrade to fluffiness. Minor changes include Wash's ear placement and shape, the shape of his scar and Banki's cape creases. New logo and background coming as soon as I can. Let me know if there's anything else I can change.
Words cannot express how’s grateful I am
The original drawfag here( >>197908 ), and holy shit I'm glad you made it so much better.
(I'll be taking notes on how you colour it)
If I may ask: What program are you using for that? SAI?
You're very welcome. If it helps keep your motivation I'd be more than happy to do more of these. Heck, I might even draw some of these myself. Keep being awesome, man.

I had a good base to go off of, so it was a team effort, really. Though, you might've made Wash's jaw a tad too much Ayy Lmao like.

I figured since Wash is Irish(?) that he wouldn't have black hair, so I made him brown-ish. I also researched what 19th century Irish(?) peasants used to wear but I really didn't have much to work with,t hen I said "fuck it" and went with the 2hu route of him having a primary (brown) and secondary colour (black). Brown being symbolic of him being the most down-to-earth out of the four, and black since he's blind (lul). If I had to choose a colour for his pants, I'd probably be the same brown as his necktie thing.

I used "Paint.net" for this. Though, I probably would be using SAI if I had a drawpad.
Well, I won't give up anything regarding Wash's nationality (yet) but I like the way you and original drawfag imagine him to look like!

And I can say with full confidence that I am, indeed motivated to work on Watch Your Step more. However, there's a lot of things happening IRL that keep me from working on it at the pace I did when I first started, so regretfully it may still take a while for me to come up with new updates.

Rest assured though that Thread 4 is coming soon. Most likely before the month is out.

Thank you (and all the people following this story) for being an awesome reader!
Thread 4 is up!

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