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179466 No. 179466
Ok, So let's do this. I still would rather have you read the one I am posting at ff.net, since it is probably going to be more active, but what the hell.

No. 179468
It was a relatively peaceful night in Gensokyo. Of course, the word peaceful is used here in the most generous of terms. Gensokyo is quite the dangerous land. But on a night like this, one might mistake it for just another relaxing island of the coast of Japan. Crickets chirped their tunes and leaves rustled in the cool breeze. But despite this peace, it would be a sleepless night at the Hakurei shrine.

Reimu Hakurei let out a scream as she jolted awake.

Another nightmare…

The nightmare marked the 6th this week. One nightmare, every night had plagued her for the past six days. She didn't remember them; in fact all she could recall from the horrid dream was a sense of horrible nausea and cold. Reimu rose to her feet uneasily. She still felt nauseous, and stumbled to the back of the shrine. After a few minutes of dry heaving, she had exhausted herself. Maybe it would be a good idea to head to Eintei in the morning. She crawled back into bed

Reimu stared at the stars to stay awake. She didn't want to face her dreams again, but not even the maiden of the border could escape sleep. For a brief moment, one of the stars streaked across the darkness above her then disappeared beyond the horizon. She decided to pay no attention to it. Making wishes upon stars was a child's game she had given up long ago. Slowly and surely, she fell into slumber's cold embrace.

It was 6:00 in the morning. Reimu had woken up, not due to insomnia or inability to sleep, but because of the cold. It was freezing. The warm summer air had dropped to that one would expect only to see in the later months of winter. With a tired groan, he shrine maiden turned in her kotatsu, and stared at the wall. She pulled the bedding tighter.
Her discomfort was only intensified when a certain ordinary magician nearly broke the sliding door barging in.

"Reimu, you gotta come see this!"

The Hakurei maiden turned over in her bed, flopping onto her stomach.

"…Don't wanna."

"It might be an incident!"

Why is she so damned persistent?!

"It's too damn cold!" exclaimed Reimu

Marisa, tired of Reimu's complaining, literally dragged the groggy priestess out of the kotatsu and outside.

"What the hell Marisa!? What did I tell you abou…"

Reimu's words trailed away as she looked out from her porch. Past the torii and the forest beyond it, a pillar of light stretched into the sky, illuminating the horizon.

Reimu sighed, "…fine. Let me get dressed."

It wasn't long before the two of them had prepared and taken flight toward the brightly glowing beam. They reached the source of light and saw where it was coming from. A massive crater had appeared in the ground, and from it, a pillar of light was being projected. Marisa was first to land, eager to investigate. The two descended toward the edge, and looking into it, noticed it was much larger than it had appeared from the air.

Marisa descended into it, sliding down the curved edges, with Reimu close behind. As they approached, the pillar of light began to fade; revealing what looked to be some kind of strange meteor in where it had been.

Marisa Kirisame gazed at the object in front of her. It was a giant rock, crystalline; almost like an amethyst. Obsidian-looking protrusions jutted out of it at odd angles. As she approached it, she shivered. The air around it was cold, almost unbearably so, and the object's mere presence felt wrong. She looked at it, and noticed that it had something inside. She looked closer, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw that a living creature lay within. Marisa tapped the crystalline structure, curious about what it was, and immediately drew back. The object was cold, so much that it almost burned her fingertip. She stared into the object again, looking at the creature.

KRIK

A crack began to form and inch it's way upon the fallen object. Marisa slowly reached for a spell card, ready to defend herself. As if hit by an invisible hammer, the object shattered into a million pieces.
No. 179469
Shards of crystalline matter grazed Marisa's flesh, tearing through her clothes and cutting into her skin like glass. She screamed.

Reimu ran over, shouting her friends name and kneeling next to her.

The dust began to clear, and the two saw that the creature within now lay upon the ground, curled in a fetal position. It was wheezing, almost asthmatically; gasping as if trying to catch its breath. Slowly it arose and turned to face them.

It was humanoid and tall, almost 7 feet, but its features were still obscured by the dust kicked up from the explosion. Reimu stepped forward and raised a spell card.

For a long time, there seemed to be nothing but dust and smoke. No sound. They stared at the motionless silhouette that stood before them. The quiet was shattered as the creature jumped, cutting through the fog and gripping Reimu by her neck, lifting her to it's height. Marisa's eyes grew wide as she saw its face, or rather lack thereof. The…thing had barely any facial features. Only small depressions where it's eyes should've been, and jagged vertically positioned cuts for a mouth. It brought the petrified miko close. could feel its breath through the gashes where it's mouth should have been.

It cocked its head to the side a bit, and seemed to study her, scrutinize her. Then it began to loosen its grip and drop her to the ground. It didn't have long to do so however. The force of a sudden master spark sent the creature, and Reimu, flying. Reimu crumpled to the ground, unconscious and unmoving. The monster however, stood upright, and darted to the edge of the crater, scrambling up its edges with ease.
Marisa wanted to chase it, but couldn't risk leaving her friend behind.
For now, she had to let it go.
No. 179471
The creature spread its limbs and let it's body collapse on all fours, then skittered under the wood paneling. Under the porch of a house situated the edges of the human village, near where the town ended and the fields of crops began, it hid and waited.

Hours passed, and the day finally gave way to the inevitable dark of night. Then, like a statue being brought to life, the creature shifted. It turned its head. Despite having no eyes or ears, the creature had heard, and soon saw what it had waited for.

The creature gazed past its shimmering tendrils of glass-like hair at a young boy, a famer's son probably no more than 12; walking from the field.

The creature advanced, slowly, until it was right at the base of the porch. The child reached the first step. It waited until it could hear his footsteps. Then…

SKRIK

The creature grabbed the boy's feet with its massive, bony arm and lashed out, leaping out from from under the deck, pinning him against the ground as he fell. The boy tried to scream but found that no voice would come. It was as if a suffocating vacuum had taken all the sound from him. The creature didn't strike him, however. It merely held him there.

Then, its face slowly began to distort. The glass-like hair retracted and thickened, changing color and thickening until it was a dark brown. The pale skin gained color, and eyes formed on its featurless face. Soon, the boy was gazing into a mirror image of himself. And then, it let go. Free of the iron grip, cried and ran into the house.

It was high noon, and Marisa had just arrived at the human village. Reimu would've accompanied her, were she not recovering at Eintei. Still, despite the meteor impact yesterday, people went about as usual, and the human village was lively as ever. She decided she would visit the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Maybe it's residents would have some books that could tell her more about yesterday's incident.

Nearly two hours had passed before Marisa reached the Voile library proper. Despite arriving at the mansion's gates earlier, her ill reputation there had caused quite a stir. After a few heated danmaku fights however, she was permitted entry.

"Yo, patchy!" Shouted Marisa, completely disregarding that one should be quiet when in a library.

"Go away, Marisa."

"I need to borrow-"

"No."

"Can ya at least let me explain first?"

"…If it will make you leave quicker"

Marisa wasted no time in explaining the previous day's events.

"I see…I think I might have something."

In the human village, a boy in field clothing stopped at an intersection somewhere between the market and the residential district. He know that it was not safe to remain out at night, and thus the boy decided to find somewhere to take refuge.

Spotting a building more sizable than the others, he decided that it would do for the time being, and entered it. He made his way down it's long corridors, until he heard voices.

The "farmer's child" looked about, trying to find the source of the voices that so faintly permeated the otherwise quiet atmosphere. He finally came to a room at the end of the hall, and, letting curiosity take a hold of him, entered it.

The interior was rather plain to say the least, and bore great resemblance to classrooms one might find in older schools; not that it mattered to him. Two women sat in chairs at the far end of the room, conversing with each other and occasionally laughing. He stepped closer. Immediately their conversation was cut to a halt. The one wearing red and white attire looked somewhat agitated at the interruption. Her friend stepped forward.

"Hello there." She asked in a soft yet firm tone, "You should know that the school isn't open at these hours."

The boy was silent.

The other woman glared at the boy, "Hey, you deaf or somethin'? She asked you a question."

"Mokou!" snapped the woman who stood before him, sometimes she just couldn't stand her friends attitude.

Taking the boy by the hand, she guided him out of the building.

"Sorry about that." She said, "My name is Keine, what is yours?"

No reply.

"Well, if you don't want to tell me your name, can you at least tell me where you come from? It's late out and you should probably be getting home."

The boy's eyes welled up with tears and he began to sob. Keine stared in confusion at him for a brief moment, then knelt in front of him and wrapped her arms around him, letting him cry into her chest. After a while, his breathing slowed and evened out, and Keine realized the child had cried himself to sleep.
No. 179472
DAMMIT. I just realized a mistake I made on the third chapter during the keine-mokou dialogue thing. Before mokou says "are you deaf?" keine should be asking "Is there something you need?"
No. 179481
Err does this have choices?
No. 179482
>>179481

No. It's a regular story.

See >>179341


>>179466

>Ok, So let's do this. I still would rather have you read the one I am posting at ff.net, since it is probably going to be more active, but what the hell.

You might want to post the link here for people who don't bother to check the other thread, OP.
No. 179483
>>179481

Technically, it doesn't have to. Nothing in the rules say the stories posted here have to be CYoAs.
No. 179484
>>179482

Noted.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8494423/1/Black-Ice
No. 179486
Also, please offer up some critique if you can. My updates to these kinds of thinks are slow because I take time to try and make my writing worth reading. Commenting and giving suggestions on what I could improve upon in the story would allow me to study in that skill; and in theory increase the rate of uploads and my skills as a writer.
No. 179487
>>179481
>>179483

>Technically, it doesn't have to. Nothing in the rules say the stories posted here have to be CYoAs.

Indeed, one of the THP's most well regarded stories had almost no choices at all; Palingenesia over in /underground/.
No. 179488
>>179487
Thanks for pointing that out, but please; I'd rather have this thread be for critiques and the posting of chapters. This isn't a discussion thread. If I came across as rude during this post, I'm sorry.
No. 179503
>>179488
>critiques and the posting of chapters
Well I have nothing against posting chapters here but as for critiques or comments/discussion, I don't know how much you'll get.
One of the reasons I migrated away from ff.net is that there is no room for discussion because of the hugbox mentality, and because its difficult to critique a story chapter by chapter. At the very least, if your story is shit, or if you have a shitty personality, anon will happily let you know. And if you're really shit, reach for the pitchforks and torches.

The best thing I can say is that if someone does start critiquing or discussing your story here, then absolutely respond and converse with them. Just communicating with you readers means they'll stick around and keep reading, and keep giving you feed back. The community that builds around a story is one of the best parts of the website.

Considering you're not running a CYOA, it's harder for you to find and retain readers or discussion, since there aren't votes to get anons talking. The best thing I can say is to just write much as possible and keep this story active. It'll make sure the thread is noticed.

Personally, I can't actually give a decent critique until I've read some more chapters and get a better understanding of your writing, so I'll have to hold off any opinions for now.

tl;dr welcome to THP; good luck with your story; ur a fagit
No. 179505
>>179503

You forgot to mention the community that built around some stories in the past have been the absolute worst part of this website.

I guess authors just gotta roll the dice and cross their fingers when it comes to their fanbase.
No. 179525
>>179505
I know this an am fully prepared for it. I do doubt I will get many critiques, comments or reviews, but when I do, bad or good I will respond with as much tolerance as I can. I write not for self-gratification but rather for the enjoyment of others.
No. 179528
Marisa and Patchouli walked through great hallways of the library. Eventually, they stopped. The purple-clad magician turned and pulled one of the countless books that adorned the wall from the lower shelves. Like the others on the shelf, it seemed faded and worn. Marisa wondered how this librarian was able to distinguish it from the others.

Marisa watched as Patchouli thumbed through it, various symbols and glyphs that held no meaning to her skimmed by in a blur. Then she stopped on a large diagram, like a blueprint of sorts.

“Here.” She pointed to the text below it, “This is what you’re looking for.”

“Lunarians?”

Marisa looked skeptical. After all, those that lived on the moon were known for their avoidance of human or youkai interactions.

“So it would seem.” Patchouli replied.

She closed the book, and handed it to Marisa.

“Against my better judgment, I’m entrusting you with it.” She said, handing it to Marisa, “Bring it to Eintei. The doctor there is likely to know more about it.”

“Thanks, Patche.”

“Whatever.” The librarian replied, “Just leave before I change my mind.”

And so Marisa left the scarlet mansion, and the voile library was silent once more. She needed to stop by her house, as it was nearly morning and she was in need of sleep.


Men and women in masks stand over you. The blinding light above you seems to burn your eyes. As you squint your eyes as to block out the blinding glare, one of the women reaches somewhere to your left. You try and turn your head to see what she is doing, only to find that your head is belted down and forced into an upright position. She returns with a saw, and raises it over your arm. You try to move, to call for help, but your limbs feel like they are weighed down by lead. She brings it down. Hard.


You wake up with a scream. Looking around, you find that instead being strapped to a cold operating table, you are in a bedroom of some sorts.

Just a nightmare…

Now you must make a choice. What do you do?
===================

[ ] Make your choice.
No. 179529
sorry for the short length of this chapter. I'm still sick so I aren't in the best of conditions for writing
No. 179530
also, chapter 4 and next chapter are probably going to be the only CYOA chapters of this fic. That may change later
No. 179531
>>179530
Is that allowed? To have a fic here where there's only one or two places with CYOA choices I mean.
No. 179532
>>179531

Yes.
No. 179542
>>179531

See >>179487.
No. 179543
>>179532
>>179531
You know what? I don't care anymore. Derail the thread all you want. I'm not going to juggle around both a CYOA and a straight up story. I was trying to give people here the freedom of choice for a bit, but since there seems to be no interest whatsoever in this fic, what is the damned point in writing it?
No. 179546
>>179543

>You know what? I don't care anymore. Derail the thread all you want.

Firstly, this is hardly a derail; more like the bumping of going over an old rail line. They're still talking about your story even if it's "Should this be here?" instead of the actual content. It's really only a derail when they start posting about things unrelated to the story.

>but since there seems to be no interest whatsoever in this fic, what is the damned point in writing it?

Secondly, relax. THP is notoriously slow at the best of times. Most stories, even the really good ones, often don't get more than five votes over the course of a week, and your latest post has only been up two days. Even in the relatively fast /th/, it's pretty unreasonable to expect much from anon so quickly when they have other stories to read and other things to do. If you're complaining about the lack of commentary by anon, then that's because anon are just random people trying to have fun, and most people can't be bothered to think up and write well thought out critique. Combined with your request in >>179488, most anons just don't really have anything to say. Maybe you'd get more interest if you let them discuss your story, maybe not.

..Well, since I already wrote this, I might as well address one more thing:

>I write not for self-gratification but rather for the enjoyment of others.

A lot of writers would tell you you're doing it wrong. If you're not writing a fic because you enjoy writing it, then you probably shouldn't bother. If you don't enjoy writing a story, writing only to please others, then you'll lose your motivation to write if people don't give you feedback, and if you lose your motivation to write you won't improve and people won't be interested enough in your story to povide feedback. It's an endless cycle of self-defeat. So write as you enjoy, is what I'm saying. If you still can't get any votes, revise your work and improve it, try again. If even that doesn't work, then anon is clearly not interested so just shrug your shoulders and either continue writing elsewhere or try writing something else.

Forgive me if this came out somewhat incoherent, my doctor started me on some new meds the other day and they're messing me up something fierce.
No. 179549
>>179546, bless his heart, is attempting to soften the blow with very convincing white lies.

People aren't paying attention to your story because you have a really annoying habit of bumping your threads with pointless crap, and most people have probably hidden this thread by now.

Also, people don't come to this website to read straight up fanfiction. Plain and simple.
No. 179554
[X] look for the woman
No. 179555
You're too controlling. "NO DISCUSSION AT ALL," is a great way to get people to dislike you. Same goes for the opposite of "ALWAYS HAVE A DISCUSSION." Hell, look at Teruyo.
In conclusion stop being a bitchy faggot and chill or GTFO.
No. 179556
>>179554
Sorry, but because switching writing tactics is not a good...writing tactic; I am just going to write this on FF.net. Maybe I'll post it here occasionally. But your choice was taken and will be used. Thanks.
No. 179566
>>179555
Fine.