FOREWORD: The rest of the story (it is in progress) can be viewed at :https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8494423/1/Black-Ice
It was a relatively peaceful night in Gensokyo. Of course, the word peaceful is used here in the most generous of terms. Gensokyo is quite the dangerous land. But on a night like this, one might mistake it for just another relaxing island of the coast of Japan. Crickets chirped their tunes and leaves rustled in the cool breeze. But despite this peace, it would be a sleepless night at the Hakurei shrine.
Reimu Hakurei let out a scream as she jolted awake.
Another nightmare…
The nightmare marked the 6th this week. One nightmare, every night had plagued her for the past six days. She didn't remember them; in fact all she could recall from the horrid dream was a sense of horrible nausea and cold. Reimu rose to her feet uneasily. She still felt nauseous, and stumbled to the back of the shrine. After a few minutes of dry heaving, she had exhausted herself. Maybe it would be a good idea to head to Eintei in the morning. She crawled back into bed
Reimu stared at the stars to stay awake. She didn't want to face her dreams again, but not even the maiden of the border could escape sleep. For a brief moment, one of the stars streaked across the darkness above her then disappeared beyond the horizon. She decided to pay no attention to it. Making wishes upon stars was a child's game she had given up long ago. Slowly and surely, she fell into slumber's cold embrace.
It was 6:00 in the morning. Reimu had woken up, not due to insomnia or inability to sleep, but because of the cold. It was freezing. The warm summer air had dropped to that one would expect only to see in the later months of winter. With a tired groan, he shrine maiden turned in her kotatsu, and stared at the wall. She pulled the bedding tighter.
Her discomfort was only intensified when a certain ordinary magician nearly broke the sliding door barging in.
"Reimu, you gotta come see this!"
The Hakurei maiden turned over in her bed, flopping onto her stomach.
"…Don't wanna."
"It might be an incident!"
Why is she so damned persistent?!
"It's too damn cold!" exclaimed Reimu
Marisa, tired of Reimu's complaining, literally dragged the groggy priestess out of the kotatsu and outside.
"What the hell Marisa!? What did I tell you abou…"
Reimu's words trailed away as she looked out from her porch. Past the torii and the forest beyond it, a pillar of light stretched into the sky, illuminating the horizon.
Reimu sighed, "…fine. Let me get dressed."
It wasn't long before the two of them had prepared and taken flight toward the brightly glowing beam. They reached the source of light and saw where it was coming from. A massive crater had appeared in the ground, and from it, a pillar of light was being projected. Marisa was first to land, eager to investigate. The two descended toward the edge, and looking into it, noticed it was much larger than it had appeared from the air.
Marisa descended into it, sliding down the curved edges, with Reimu close behind. As they approached, the pillar of light began to fade; revealing what looked to be some kind of strange meteor in where it had been.
Marisa Kirisame gazed at the object in front of her. It was a giant rock, crystalline; almost like an amethyst. Obsidian-looking protrusions jutted out of it at odd angles. As she approached it, she shivered. The air around it was cold, almost unbearably so, and the object's mere presence felt wrong. She looked at it, and noticed that it had something inside. She looked closer, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw that a living creature lay within. Marisa tapped the crystalline structure, curious about what it was, and immediately drew back. The object was cold, so much that it almost burned her fingertip. She stared into the object again, looking at the creature.
KRIK
A crack began to form and inch it's way upon the fallen object. Marisa slowly reached for a spell card, ready to defend herself. As if hit by an invisible hammer, the object shattered into a million pieces.
No. 179342
Please give feedback, I take all of it into account so as to improve my writing! |
No. 179343
Way to rip off Imperfect Metamorphosis. Besides that, it looks better than your previous attempt at writing back in 2013, for what that's worth. |
No. 179347
Hey. you improved. |
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No. 179354
Hehe. It's weird to see you in two places at once~ Just earlier you sent me a PM on Fan Fiction! Anywho, I'll definitely get around to reading this sooner or later. We'll see if it's better this time. Not that it was terrible the first time or anything ...Also, in no way can I imagine this being anything like Imperfect Metamorphosis, so don't listen to that guy. |
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You know, it makes one feel very self conscious when you stare that intently, >>179359 |
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No. 179436
So, over all, I'm getting mixed signals; did I, or did I not, break the rules? Luminous gave me a rundown of the rules months ago, but I suppose he may have missed something. |
No. 179437
It would've been better to post in /shorts/, probably. |
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>>179436 |
No. 179439
>>179436 here. I'm >>179354 , not OP. I was just wondering, because people got into a bit of a shit storm over me apparently breaking the rules. And then someone said I'm not actually breaking the rules? I'm utterly confused by this point. |
No. 179440
Whoops! Forgot to sage. Silly me~ Sorry about that! Didn't mean to bump the thread... |
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No. 179458
New chapter coming soon. also, it would be nice if people held this debate somewhere else. |
No. 179460
Chapter 3 uploaded. Also, it would be nice if somebody could go over my writing before I upload it, because I suck at writing casual dialogue. Anyways, I don't think it is as good as the first or 2nd chapter; but that is just my opinion. The fic gets awesome near the end though. I have some written down already so expect more updates in the near future. |
No. 179461
>Using this site merely to advertise a ff.net story |
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No. 179465
Ah screw it all. FINE. I'll do it. No update thread. But seriously, it would be better to read on the other site because of italics and such. I'm not going to the trouble of putting in all the [/insert format here] |