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File 14457336284.jpg - (171.42KB, 850x904, someone's about to have a bad time.jpg) [iqdb]
62415No. 62415
Thread 1: >>61559
__________

I cannot, in good conscience, sentence one of my subordinates to certain doom. Nor can I let a... friend of mine be diced up by friendly fire, no matter how much she may freak me out at times.

This only leaves one option, cramped though we'll be.

I grab Nia's wrist, dragging her along even as I fling myself at Koa. The specifics are lost on me, but our corkscrew dive leaves us all on a lower bunk, Koa on her side below me (oh god all of her she's so soft), me flat on my stomach atop her, and Nia completing the pile on my back.

“Scrunch up!” I order, trying to draw my legs up so they're not dangling over the foot of the bed; unfortunately, with the fairy/devil sandwich I've placed myself in and how I'm on my stomach, I can't quite manage to get both my legs underneath the top bunk's protective barrier. Koa has a bit less trouble with that despite being taller than me, by virtue of being on her side, which lends itself well to letting her curl up.

I'm stuck listening to the bladestorm falling on our heads, knives thudding dully against wood and bedding and fairies too, if the pops of them being annihilated is anything to go off of.

“Oh shit oh piss oh gods oh hell,” Nia squeaks, latching so tightly onto me that it feels like she's trying to glue her body to mine. “Don't you roll over I swear I'll kill you if you roll over don't throw me out of this bed.

“I won't-” I start, before several inches of steel ram into the backs of my feet, whatever words I had in mind replaced by a shriek as I instinctively spasm in sudden agony. I squeeze my eyes shut to ward off the wave of unbidden tears, and pray for the barrage to end quickly. Thankfully, it does, and the moment the knives stop falling is the moment Nia springs off me, but I don't have it in me to get off Koa.

“Karin?” she says, cracking an eye open. “Are you hurt?”

“Knives in my feet, oh gods, knives in my feet, ow, ow, ow!” I say, my voice cracking. “Nia, get them out, please please please get them out!”

“Oof,” Nia says from out of sight. “This is gonna hurt, bosslady.” That's all the warning I get before the hell that is my feet rewards me with another massive dose of pain; I white out for a moment, and when I come to, Koa's face is wet with my tears. It's all I can do to take deep, strained breaths, fists clenched so hard my knuckles pop, but I can already feel the wounds closing up a little.

I don't roll so much as slump off of a wide-eyed, trembling Koa, landing face-to-face with her. This gives her the chance to stretch out, and the first thing she does is reach over, wrap her arms around my shoulders, and pull me close in a hug that leaves my chin resting on her shoulder.

“Oh my God oh no I'm so sorry I'm so sorry you didn't need to cover me-” she says, her words blending together into a panicked babble as she runs a hand through the back of my hair. I'm still too stunned to do much more than lay there and take it, but the feeling of her against me is – soothing.

Yes, that's the word.

I think I had any memory of pleasant things stabbed out of me for a minute there.

“Oi, Tittor!” Nia says, rapping her knuckles against one of the top bunk's support poles. “We're both real grateful to the bosslady and all, but we still have that thing to catch!”

That causes me and Koa to jerk back, our mission taking priority over – whatever this is. She hastily rolls out, but I find it hard to muster the same enthusiasm. A glance down at my bleeding feet doesn't help, and I wince as I think about how to get up without putting any pressure on them.

“Karin?” Koa asks, looking down at me with worry clear on her face. “Do you want help getting up?”

“...M'legs still work,” I grumble, already knowing where this is going to end. “But I won't say no if you wanna land me a hand.”

Koa nods, then circles around the bed while I lay around and stew in my uselessness. The process of getting me up is both painful and embarrassing, but she eventually manages to haul me up into a (oh gods) bridal carry; she's stronger than she looks, which I think is the devil part of her at work.

“This means nothing,” I say, gravely serious, as I try my damnedest to keep a stoic expression and meet with limited success. Sure, my feet may be hurting like hell, sure, I'm still all teary-eyed from the above, and sure, I've got my arms around Koa's neck to support myself, but that doesn't mean I'm going to start swooning over any pretty lady that holds me close.

“Sure it doesn't,” Nia drawls, smiling crookedly. “After all, it's not like you're a-”

“Nia?” Koa says, her tone cloyingly sweet. “Finish that sentence and I will hurt you.”

Nia's jaw clicks shut.

I figure now's as good a time as any to take a good look around the barracks, now home to approximately every knife in Sakuya's arsenal, blades embedded in the floor and the bunks and resting in scattered piles of fairy dust. The maid herself has descended by this point, flitting around the beds in search of a punctured Tupai.

“Where are you?” she asks, another knife in hand in case the chupacabra needs a skewering. “You can't have gotten far, you little-”

Tupai emerges from beneath a bed near the doors, screeches victoriously, and takes off running for the now unguarded exits.

“Are you for real?!” Sakuya yells, nigh-hysterical. “How? How does this happen?”

“Because you're a moron!” I shout back, in no mood to deal with her attitude after what just happened.

That gets her to finally look my way, and her expression of horrified surprise at my state is a reward all its own. She wordlessly takes off after Tupai, who zips out through one of the many doors open thanks to the sudden fairy evacuation (not that I blame them for running). The rest of us give chase; more accurately, Koa gives chase with Nia sticking close, and I'm just along for the ride.

Not that I plan on being a load for any longer than absolutely necessary (no matter how nice it might feel). “Koa? Can you let go now?”

She purses her lips as she looks down at me, before it spreads into a little smirk. “Mmm... no.”

I give her a squinty glare. “Koakuma.”

With a roll of her eyes and an “All right, fine,” she reluctantly lets go, letting me plummet for a moment before I arrest my fall into a hover. I wobble around until I steady myself, then launch forward as though I didn't have spikes driven through my feet just a minute ago. I quickly take the formation's lead, followed by Koa and Nia and-

“Yo, guys!” Eloshi calls out, and I glance over my shoulder to see the little redhead waving merrily as she flies for us. “I want in on this!”

“I don't mind backup,” I say, as she takes up Nia's flank, “but how are you alive?”

She grins, and pats the truly magnificent welt on her forehead. “Well, after I headbutted the wall, I crawled under a bed to hide in the dark and deal with my headache! The fact that this meant I avoided Sakuya popping everybody else”-her glare at the chief maid could melt bricks-“was just a nice bonus!”

“Shut up before I cut you!” Sakuya snaps, not bothering to look back.

Eloshi throws a spastic salute. “Yes'm!”

Sakuya's the first through the door, and I'm hot on her tail, wings buzzing hard as I speed through the narrow opening into the mansion's hallways. Everyone else slows down to fit through the doorway, leaving me to accompany Sakuya as she decorates the corridor with more knives than I can count.

Tupai, damn his little black heart, is a lot better at dodging than he has any right to be, even when I thrust my palms out and add my danmaku to Sakuya's own, sending dozens of steel-grey projectiles flying. This doesn't help at all.

“Have you tried aiming?” Nia yells, coming up just behind me with everyone else trailing her. “I think aiming would help here!”

“Oh, please!” I say, scowling at her over my shoulder. “Show us how it's done!”

“I was gonna!” she says, thrusting her hands out, screwing her eyes shut, and-

Okay, there's really no dressing this up. She manages one garishly pink bullet, about as big as she is, that zig-zags through the air and hits a wall before even nearing Tupai.

“...Pink,” I say, the corner of my mouth twitching up. “You play up the tough girl angle and pink is the color you shoot off?”

Nia pouts, folding her arms together and looking away. “Shut up, it's cute!”

“Eyes forward!” Koa warns, and I jerk my eyes ahead in time to spy Tupai hang a right at the next intersection. We all make a hard turn to follow, and I bleed enough momentum in the process that Koa and Eloshi join my side as well.

Sakuya, meanwhile, for all that she's tirelessly lobbing knives about, is no closer to hitting Tupai than when we started. “Can I get a little help here?!” she demands, a hysteric edge to her voice, and I shudder; the last thing I want is for her to snap again and fillet us.

“You heard her!” I say. “Everybody, blast that little rat!”

“Gladly!” Koa says, unleashing a formidable barrage of blue orbs.

Eloshi pitches in with a cheerful bellow of “I CAST FIST!” Following that up is, indeed, a small rain of red magic fists. They fail to hit anything, sure, but at least she's trying. Not that trying is doing us much good, because Tupai is just flitting between bullets without showing any signs of stopping. We are gaining on him, though, so at least we've got that going for us.

Of course, that's when we pull another turn and reach a hallway that's home to a single towering door of metal, which, because my life isn't bad enough already, chooses now to swing open. Out pops a slender blonde in a red dress, branchlike wings jutting from her back decorated with a Christmassy assortment of crystals. She's pushing the door open with one hand in a feat entirely at odds with her size, a stuffed bear dangling in the other.

“Why is everyone making so much noise?” Flandre shouts up at us, looking very cross indeed right up to the point Tupai banks hard and leaps for the stairs, tearing past and at Flandre as he goes. She shrieks, jerking back just in time to avoid Tupai gouging a chunk out of her arm as he sails down the stairwell.

Her bear, however, was not so lucky, because his head just fell off.

Flandre's staring blankly at her decapitated toy when everyone, sans me, touches down in rapid succession, Koa and the fairies hanging far back while Sakuya and I take the front.

“Mistress?” Sakuya says, voice thready with panic as Flandre gives the toy a little shake. “Are you hurt?”

“Son of a bitch,” Flandre says tonelessly, dropping the bear. “I'm gonna kill him.”

“Um, Mistress?” I say, and Flandre's eyes (so, so red) flick to me; it's with a jolt of dread that I realize she's staring at my neck, bloody bandages and all, and I hastily clamp a hand around it. That just causes her to look down at my equally bloodied feet, which I can't hide nearly as easily.

Everyone else edges away from me.

Flandre blinks, and the next time she looks me in the eye she's gone from emotionless terror to little girl. “So, uh,” she says, brow raised. “You look like crap, you know that?”

I blink, the tension ebbing out of me at her (surprisingly calm) reaction. “Aren't you- but-”

“Oh, please,” she says, airily waving me off. “Just because I'm a vampire doesn't mean I'm going to jump ya the moment you bleed in front of me. Besides, I'm not even thirsty!”

I decide to not ask what she'd do if she was thirsty, because it seems pretty obvious.

“Anyway!” Flandre says, grinning wide enough to show off all her very sharp teeth. “I've got a whatever that thing was to kill! Who's with me?”
__________

[X] Flandre, we'll handle the chupacabra and deliver vengeance in your stead. Just- just go relax, all right? Somewhere else?

[X] This adventure's already one huge mess, so sure, Flan, we'll roll with you. At least this way we can keep an eye on you, too.

[X] [WRITE-IN]
Expand all images
>>No. 62417
[X] This adventure's already one huge mess, so sure, Flan, we'll roll with you. At least this way we can keep an eye on you, too.

Flan-chan is in!
>>No. 62418
>>62415
[X] Flandre, we'll handle the chupacabra and deliver vengeance in your stead. Just- just go relax, all right? Somewhere else?
You don't need to sully your hands on this filthy creature mistress.
>>No. 62419
[X] This adventure's already one huge mess, so sure, Flan, we'll roll with you. At least this way we can keep an eye on you, too.

Cluster all the fucks.
>>No. 62420
[X] This adventure's already one huge mess, so sure, Flan, we'll roll with you. At least this way we can keep an eye on you, too.

We're already rolling with Izayoi "POP EVERYONE" Sakuya. What's the worst that Flan-chan could do?

... Don't answer that.

... Except you, writer. You? Answer that.
>>No. 62421
[X] This adventure's already one huge mess, so sure, Flan, we'll roll with you. At least this way we can keep an eye on you, too.

More backup can only help. It's not like we're having much success without her.
>>No. 62422
[X] Flandre, we'll handle the chupacabra and deliver vengeance in your stead.
-[X] Besides, it IS your sister's pet. She might get pissed if you kill it.

At least she can get the fuck out of the mansion if Remilia gets mad. Flandre kind of lives here.
>>No. 62423
[X] This adventure's already one huge mess, so sure, Flan, we'll roll with you. At least this way we can keep an eye on you, too.
>>No. 62424
[X] This adventure's already one huge mess, so sure, Flan, we'll roll with you. At least this way we can keep an eye on you, too.

She probably won't kill it once she finds out it's Remy's pet anyway.

Maiming though? Maiming is fair game.
>>No. 62425
[X] This adventure's already one huge mess, so sure, Flan, we'll roll with you. At least this way we can keep an eye on you, too.

I'd add the "let's keep going and see what happens" pic, but I think it's a tiny bit late for that.
>>No. 62426
[X] This adventure's already one huge mess, so sure, Flan, we'll roll with you. At least this way we can keep an eye on you, too.

Mention that it's Remi's pet.

Maybe Flan won't kill it to avenge her poor teddy.

Maybe.
>>No. 62428
[X] This adventure's already one huge mess, so sure, Flan, we'll roll with you. At least this way we can keep an eye on you, too.
-[x] Just, uh, don't kill it when we find it, 'kay? Your sister won't be too happy, to say the least.
>>No. 62824
File 144985052680.jpg - (912.82KB, 1197x1349, a bit peeved.jpg) [iqdb]
62824
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY EATS UP CREATIVE ENERGY?

WRITING UPDATES EVERY DAY FOR ANGRY MARINES

Anyway, now that I've fallen off that wagon, have a thing I should've finished like a month ago.
__________

Yeah, okay, there's no way this can end well, but leaving a miffed Flandre upstairs while we chase the target of her wrath is probably just gonna end even worse. Besides, I'm not exactly filled with warm and fuzzy feelings towards the little rat anyway. If Flandre wants to have a bit of fun with it before we pack it away, more power to her.

“I'm with you,” I say, admirably managing to keep my face straight when I say it. “You know the basement better than us, too, Mistress; I can't think of anyone better to lead the way.”

“If you're trying to butter me up, get stuffed,” Flandre says, all smiles. “Now shaddup and let's roll, people!”

She spins on a heel and hurls herself down the stairs, tumbling downhill without a care in the world. It's certainly a... unique mode of descent, I'll give her that.

“So, uh,” I say, looking at everyone else. “If you don't want to follow the Mistress through the basement, now's your chance to bail.”

The other fairies grow pale but don't object, Sakuya takes this development in stride, and Koa puts on her best smile when she notices me looking at her.

“Hurry it!” Flandre yells back at us, voice faintly echoing up the stairwell.

“Oh hell,” I say. “You heard her, let's go!”

I'm the first down the stairwell, jetting past Sakuya for the right to be on Flandre's heels, and only after I'm halfway down do I realize that I'm going to be right behind Flandre.

Clearly, I did not think this through.

A glance back reveals everyone taking after me, Sakuya rapidly taking the stairs by foot and everyone behind her opting to fly instead; considering how narrow the stairwell is, this means they keep bumping into the walls, so maybe Sakuya has the right idea of things.

I slow down a tad, which leaves the head maid tailing me by a handful of steps. I figure now's as good a time as any to broach the subject. “Sakuya?” I say, being extra careful to not accidentally bump my feet against the steps as I descend, because that would just be a whole new world of pain, I know it.

She emits an inquisitive “Mm?”

“If I ever end up as collateral damage from one of your knife tricks again,” I say, making sure to affect a pleasant voice, “I am going to bury my axe in your skull. Are we clear?”

“Absolutely.” She sounds appropriately chastened, so I leave it at that, and not just because we reached the bottom of the staircase.

Flandre's waiting for us, impatiently rocking back and forth on her heels, wing-crystals silhouetting her in the dim light. “Oh my God you are all so slooooooooooooow.

“Sorry, Mistress,” I say, giving her a strained, apologetic smile. “But it was either that or-”

“I don't care come on let's gooooooo!” She takes off just like that, and I've got no choice but to hasten after her.

“First time chasing the young mistress?” Sakuya asks, her tone wry as she takes up flight at my side.

“How'd you tell?” I ask, glancing towards her.

Sakuya just sighs, smiling faintly. “It's... an experience.

I frown thoughtfully as I consider this. “It must be, if it got you down from being psychotic just now.”

“Hey!” She scowls at me, but there's no heat in it. The conversation, such as it was, dies there. Ah, well, we just caught up with Flandre anyway. She's sniffing along like a bloodhound (hah), bent over as she marches along the red-carpeted corridors.

“Are you sure that's helping, Mistress?” I ask, watching this frankly undignified display with disapproval.

Flandre shoots me a glare over her shoulder. “It helps me, so shaddup!”

I decide that maybe getting some distance is a good idea, and give up the lead to Sakuya. The fact that this leaves me with Koakuma for company is unfortunate, but I'd rather deal with her than an annoyed Flandre.

“So!” Koa says, side-eyeing me as we go along. “This is exciting, isn't it?”

I'm wired awake after everything that's happened, but, truth be told? “I'd rather be back in my bed, honestly.”

Koa flutters her eyelashes. “Oh, so would I!”

“...Why are you always incredibly inappropriate?” I ask. “What happened to the nice librarian lady that used to be my co-worker? I want her back.”

“And you can have her any time, wherever and however you want!” She winks, aaaaaugh.

I am filled with the entirely rational urge to punch her, but rein it in. “Koa? Can you maybe put this on hold until after we catch that rotten little bastard?”

Her lips curl down momentarily, but flip back up right after. “I suppose!”

“Howdy ho!” Eloshi says, taking up my right. “So! Flandre's basement! This is the place we're in!”

“Yes?” I say, not sure where she's going with this; she's positively thrumming with nervous energy, though, so maybe this is just her outlet.

“It's pretty big!” she says. “Like, why would one person need all this space?”

“I dunno!” Flandre replies. “Why do fairies need to have the great outdoors? Maybe it's a mystery to all involved!”

Eloshi shuts her mouth rather than risk provoking Flandre, which is the first smart thing I've seen her do all night.

“Oh, by gods and grass,” Nia says, filling the slot above me. “What the hell is taking us so long?”

That bizarre statement demands my full attention. “Gods and gr- aw fuck ow,” I hiss, because I was so distracted with her that I bumped a punctured foot against the floor, and it was like Sakuya just stabbed me all over again. “The hell does that mean?”

“You're a fairy,” Nia says, dragging the word out with intent to shame. “You should already know!”

I don't, but I'm not sure telling her that would help my case at all.

“I sure don't!” Eloshi cheerfully pitches in. “Like, what, is that your element? You're a fairy of grass? That why you're swearing by it?”

Nia gives the other fairy a flummoxed glare. “What? No! It's- it's a turn of phrase! Because we're nature fairies, you know?”

“Speak for yourself!” Eloshi thumps a hand against her chest. “I am fists!”

“What,” Nia says.

“What?” I concur.

“Huh,” Koa adds.

“Don't be silly!” Flandre calls back. “Fairies can't be fist-elementals! I mean, duh, that's obvious!”

“I'm forced to agree with the Mistress!” Sakuya chimes in.

“Screw the rules!” Eloshi says, glowering at all of us in turn. “I'm made of fists and no one can tell me otherwise!”

“You're not made of fists,” I say.

Her eyeballs nearly pop out from their sockets. “WHAT DID I JUST SAY?”

Wow, she's got some pipes on her.

“All aboard the Shut Up Express!” Flandre yells, blissfully unaware of the irony as she stops in front of a slightly ajar metal door. “We have arrived at our destination! Please wait while I rip and tear a stupid freaking little chupacabra into bits!

She kicks the door off its hinges and storms inside, and the sounds of gratuitous violence quickly follow. Sakuya's the first to peek inside, and the rest of us join her to see Flandre literally bouncing off the bedroom's walls. So's Tupai, for that matter, and oh god no Flandre just spiked him through a dresser.

“Flandre!” I say, politely raising my voice. “Much as I hate to say it, we need him alive! Remilia-”

“Will totally understand!” Flandre retorts, pulling Tupai from the wreckage by his legs and spinning the little rat above her head like a lasso.

“My goodness,” Sakuya breathes out, as high-pitched, inhuman shrieks fill the air. “Should we- we should do something here, surely?”
__________

[X] THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR ANYONE BUT ME, BUT I'LL DO IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE CLEARLY I HAVEN'T SUFFERED ENOUGH TONIGHT

[X] Yeah, nah, this is outside my pay grade. Does anyone have snacks? Snacks would be great right about now.

[X] Shut the door. Disavow all knowledge. RUN.
>>No. 62825
[X] THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR ANYONE BUT ME, BUT I'LL DO IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE CLEARLY I HAVEN'T SUFFERED ENOUGH TONIGHT

Being Karin has and always will be suffering.
>>No. 62826
[X] THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR ANYONE BUT ME, BUT I'LL DO IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE CLEARLY I HAVEN'T SUFFERED ENOUGH TONIGHT

should have realized you were the one writing the angry marine thread, you have a control of the caps lock key like few other writers
>>No. 62827
[X] THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR ANYONE BUT ME, BUT I'LL DO IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE CLEARLY I HAVEN'T SUFFERED ENOUGH TONIGHT
If FUCK GENSOKYO ever gets to the SDM, there NEEDS to be a Karin cameo.
>>No. 62828
[X] THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR ANYONE BUT ME, BUT I'LL DO IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE CLEARLY I HAVEN'T SUFFERED ENOUGH TONIGHT

The more we get injured, the more Koa can nurse us back to health.

FWIW I want more of this a lot more than angry marine.
>>No. 62829
[x] Peace out

Uh, guys, as a fairy we punch above our weight as it is. If you want to try and stop Flandre, we might as well save some time and pain and jump into one of Sakuya knives.
>>No. 62830
[X] THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR ANYONE BUT ME, BUT I'LL DO IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE CLEARLY I HAVEN'T SUFFERED ENOUGH TONIGHT

FUCK YOU MARINE, GET IN THERE AND-

Wait, wrong story.

FUCK YOU SOLDIER, GET IN THERE AND HANDLE IT! REST IS FOR THE WEAK!
>>No. 62831
[X] THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR ANYONE BUT ME, BUT I'LL DO IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE CLEARLY I HAVEN'T SUFFERED ENOUGH TONIGHT

Must choose caps option.
>>No. 62832
[X] Pass the popcorn.

You were my first guess for FUCK GENSOKYO's author, but then the unfunniness, grammarfaggotry and dick-kicking threw me off. Well played.
>>No. 62833
File 144989278650.jpg - (62.45KB, 558x600, 137380462632.jpg) [iqdb]
62833
>>62832
>unfunniness
fite me
>>No. 62834
>>62833

Karin beating up a rampaging Patchouli? That's funny.

Doyou beating up Satori and Koishi? That's not funny. That's more like domestic violence. Not my cup of tea at all.
>>No. 62838
[X] Yeah, nah, this is outside my pay grade. Does anyone have snacks? Snacks would be great right about now.
>>No. 62840
>>62834

To be fair, he did notice that you (I'm assuming it was you) noticed.

He just stuck most on Dick-Destroyers who earned a little smack-up and masochist who enjoy a little smack-up. Heck, if it doesn't actually end, the hurt might even stop eventually.

After all, what's a marine to hit when literally everyone on the planet is loyal to the god-emprah by proxy of being said marine's pet?
>>No. 62848
>>62834

I don't think I'll ever understand people who get all bent out of shape over things they read on the internet.
>>No. 62850
That was magnificent.


[X] THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR ANYONE BUT ME, BUT I'LL DO IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE CLEARLY I HAVEN'T SUFFERED ENOUGH TONIGHT
>>No. 62851
>>62848

It is the era of safe spaces and triggers after all. Apparently, males can't hit girls, even supernatural, more powerful then human men girls, because blah blah blah misogyny, something about literally being raped, etc.

[X] THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR ANYONE BUT ME, BUT I'LL DO IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE CLEARLY I HAVEN'T SUFFERED ENOUGH TONIGHT
>>No. 62865
[X] THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR ANYONE BUT ME, BUT I'LL DO IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE CLEARLY I HAVEN'T SUFFERED ENOUGH TONIGHT

You still alive writenig?
>>No. 62870
File 145362767872.png - (710.83KB, 1600x600, this was an awful idea.png) [iqdb]
62870
I'm going to intensely regret this, but I've got that damned combination of competent and expendable that makes me perfect for the job.

“All right, someone needs to go in there, obviously, because if-” Flandre flings Tupai into a wall, where he bounces off and lands in her waiting grip to be thrown yet again, “-more things keep happening to Tupai,” I say through grit teeth, “then I'm pretty sure none of us are going to have a home at the mansion once Remilia finds out.”

“So, uh, do you have any ideas?” Koa asks, giving voice to everyone's unasked question.

I shut my eyes, take a deep breath, and sigh.

“Just... stay here, would you?” I say, and then – oh gods help me – I hover in. I'd shut the door behind me too, but, uh, it's kinda on the ground.

Flandre is grinding Tupai's head underfoot, but that doesn't mean she doesn't notice when I enter. “I'm kinda busy, ya know?” she says, continuing her chupacabrassault with gusto.

“I noticed,” I say, feeling just the littlest tinge of pity for the rat-monster. “But, Mistress-”

“Don't you be Mistressing me, young lady,” Flandre says, fixing me with a frown as she continues her work. “This little turd decapitated Sir Bearington, and I'm exacting righteous vengeance.”

“Be that as it may,” I say, clasping my hands together and affecting a diplomatic tone, “you still kind of live here? Alongside your older sister? Whose pet that happens to be?”

One of her dainty golden eyebrows disappears into her hair. “Yes, and?”

“Well, you're the only one out of all of us that can't really leave?” I say. “And if you, uh, break him-”

“Kill,” Flandre says, frown flipping into a half smile. “You can say kill, you know.”

“...Right,” I say, maybe a little worried by that. “Well, if you keep going the way you're going, we're all gonna be in trouble,” I gesture at everyone peeking through the doorway, “and you're probably gonna be locked in the basement for, like, a century.”

“So the usual!” Flandre says, cocking her head as she guilelessly stares me down. “What're you volunteering to make me stop?

I don't think I like the smile spreading across her face. “Um.”

“Because if I can't mess around with this little prick,” she says, and then she punts Tupai headfirst into a wall so hard he's embedded in it, “then I'm just gonna need something else to vent on!”

That's all the warning I get before she lunges at me, and the only thing that stops her from getting a hand on my neck is how I throw myself sideways – not that this stops her from brushing her (so sharp) nails across my leg.

“Flandre!” I shriek, seriously not in the mood for this as I whirl on her. “This is not okay!”

“Aww, c'mon!” she replies, teeth glinting in the dim light as she springs for me again. “You're a fairy, it's fine!”

“You speciesist!” I do not yelp as I flit aside from this latest pounce, leaving Flandre to hit the wall and springboard off it for me, but I stop dead in the air and she flies inches from my face. “I'm not a toy!”

“Oh, suuuuuure!” Flandre's giggling is horrific to hear, because it heralds nothing but bad times. “If you weren't, you wouldn't be so good at this!”

My next panicked spin leaves me perfectly placed to see Sakuya phase out of view from the doorway, then back into view with a concussed Tupai in her arms. She vanishes again a moment later, leaving only Koa and fairies to watch as my latest dodge comes up short and OH GOD MY FEET

Flandre!” I screech, the pressure of her slender hands on my punctured soles akin to if Sakuya decided to come back for several more rounds of 'Lacerate the Fairy' with acid-dipped knives.

“Round and round we go!” Flandre cheerily announces, spinning around (as implied by her words why am I thinking this) before she pitches me headfirst into a wall.

CRACK

...

I blink, working through ringing ears and blurred vision to figure out why I'm laid flat on the ground.

Did I black out?

I think I blacked out.

A head of gold leans over mine, teeth gleaming, and cheerily declares “That's a skull fracture for sure!”

“Oh hell,” I slur, before Flandre grabs the front of my nightgown and hauls me to my knees (she's a shorty, after all), where she looks me eye-to-eye.

“You know I gotta work out my frustrations, right?” she says, her smile approaching apologetic. “I thank you for volunteering on behalf of chupacabras everywhere. Your service will not be forgotten.”

“Huh?” I say, trying to work through both the delirium and the blackness in the corner of my eyes, but I'm sure that even if I didn't just get my braincase pulverized I'd still be confused.

“I'm gonna beat you up until I feel better,” she clarifies, smile widening until it is decidedly not apologetic.

“Oh.” I blink. “Oooooh.”

“Unhand her, fiend!” Koakuma shrilly declares, and Flandre looks aside just in time to catch a shirt to the face.

“What?!” she shrieks, releasing me in a blind panic as she tears at the garment. This is about when a hollering Nia and Eloshi slam into Flandre in unison, sending her sprawling even as Koa, decidedly shirtless, skids to a halt in front of me just as I start tipping over, because my head hurts and everything's too loud and I think a nap would be good about now.

-----

Karin's eyes roll up as she topples, but I'm there to catch her before she hits the floor, immediately sweeping her up in a bridal carry because oh Gods above there is no time to be lost.

“Leg it!” I shout, taking flight for the door, propelled onward mainly by the thought of how I'd really rather Flandre not catch us.

“No shiiiiiiiit!” Nia howls, her and that other fairy speeding after me while Flandre flails around in her shirtly prison; I'm gonna have to make sacrificing that thing up to Karin, but that comes after we make our exit. I twist through the doorway, slowing just a bit to ensure I don't beat my cargo up any more than she already has been, and I'm quickly followed by the fairy brigade.

“I'll get you for this, you lil' shits!” Flandre yells, her tone promising bad times for all as we speed off.
__________

[X] It's time to hide, because there's no way we're making it to the exit before Flandre catches us. Then we'll just have to hope really hard Sakuya'll come back!

[X] Staying in the basement? With Flandre prowling? Yeah, no. Make for the exit!
__________

>>62865

Of course I am! I'm just terrible.
>>No. 62871
[X] Staying in the basement? With Flandre prowling? Yeah, no. Make for the exit!

Fuck hiding! Get out!
>>No. 62872
[X] Staying in the basement? With Flandre prowling? Yeah, no. Make for the exit!
>>No. 62873
[X] Staying in the basement? With Flandre prowling? Yeah, no. Make for the exit!

Flandre really needs a spanking. But, sigh, it's not her fault. I guess.
>>No. 62874
[X] Staying in the basement? With Flandre prowling? Yeah, no. Make for the exit!
>>No. 62875
[X] Staying in the basement? With Flandre prowling? Yeah, no. Make for the exit!
>>No. 62876
[X] Staying in the basement? With Flandre prowling? Yeah, no. Make for the exit!

Considering that the chupacabra tried hiding in the basement and Flandre litterally sniffed him out, yeah, no, we're not hiding out down there.
>>No. 62877
[X] It's time to hide, because there's no way we're making it to the exit before Flandre catches us. Then we'll just have to hope really hard Sakuya'll come back!

I must vote the fun option.

The Flan-is-the-movie-monster option is the fun option.
>>No. 62878
[X] Staying in the basement? With Flandre prowling? Yeah, no. Make for the exit!

Koa is now holding Karin to her naked chest. This is a vital detail.
>>No. 62879
File 145376396345.png - (337.51KB, 536x645, this went OFF THE RAILS.png) [iqdb]
62879
“So does anyone have a plan?” Nia asks, both fairies flanking me as our terrified little group speeds on.

“Get out of the basement and lock the door about covers it, I think!” I reply, swerving around another corner, clutching tightly onto Karin's limp form; the fact that I'm holding her close like this would be a lot more exciting in practically any other situation, but right now everything's secondary to not becoming a punching bag for the young mistress.

“I meant for if Flandre catches us, you dunce!” Nia says, voice thready with panic and anger in equal measure.

“I'll hit her with this!” Eloshi says, the little redhead clutching my book close to her chest (I really have to thank her for picking it up).

“And then explode?” Nia acidly retorts.

“Well, yeah.” Eloshi replies. “It's not like I'm gonna survive this mess, I already know that much.”

Nia's struck speechless by that, which is fine because this is about when Flandre announces her presence with a shout of “Hellooooooooooooo!” I risk a look back over my shoulder to see Flandre closing the distance at a truly remarkable rate, which doesn't bode well for us in the least.

“I'll see y'all in hell!” Eloshi cheerily announces, a manic edge to her voice as she turns around and charges Flandre with her book held high. I can't tear my eyes away from their meeting; Elosh spins as she swings to add momentum, but Flandre nimbly twists out of the way and rams her fist clean through the fairy's head, her resulting pop covering Flandre in dust and otherwise not slowing the girl down at all.

“So, I recommend we go faster!” I say, following my own advice and trying to extract every last ounce of speed my wings can manage.

“Really?” Nia snarls, her wings practically buzzing as she flies level with me. “I hadn't thought of-” She's explosively interrupted by a single red bullet slamming into the back of her head, and she plummets to the floor with a bellow of “SONUVABITCH!

I don't pause to help her, because that venture's doomed from the start, and instead flee as fast as I can while Nia screams curses in my wake. I don't know how many regenerations she has in her, and I'd rather get as much distance as possible while Flandre finds out.

“Four of a Kiiiiiind~” Flandre merrily calls, and I look back again to see two of her flying down to assault Nia while the other two speed after me, damn it.

So much for gaining ground while she was distracted.

On the bright side, the next corner I round has the stairwell in sight at the far end of the corridor! On the less bright side, it's at the far end of the corridor, and Flandre's giggles in stereo are gaining at an uncomfortable rate.

Still, I dare to feel hope as I fly onward, the exit growing large and larger with every passing second. If I can just get inside-

And then Flandre suddenly swoops up from below me, interposing herself between me and the stairs, a massive grin splitting her face.

“I'll take her, thank you!” she says, lunging forward, and to my great horror she snatches Karin cleanly from my arms before darting back. I've hardly time to react to that when a cry of “Heyoooooo!” comes from behind. I spin around reflexively, bringing my arms up just as the other Flandre collides with me, her hands landing on-

“Aiiieeee?!” I shriek, before I hit the ground hard, the impact driving the breath from my lungs and the sense from my head. Everything's out of focus for a few moments before I shake my head to see Flandre straddling me, a peculiar expression on her face as she stares at what her hands are (far too) firmly grasping.

“I've gotcha, you- you- you- wow, you are soft,” she says, a blush spreading across her cheeks, and then she squeezes.

Flandre?” I squeak, both extremely worried about where this is going and absolutely mortified. Both those feelings intensify as one of her hands shifts down, and my breath hitches when she hooks a finger under my bra's connecting bridge.

“I didn't even know underwear came in sizes this small,” she murmurs, her face (and mine!) growing increasingly red as she idly tugs the little strip of cloth up and down, up and down. “I mean, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're almost asking for someone to try and take these off.”

“I- that- that was the idea?” I say, my every little breath coming in fast and shallow as I pray this doesn't go where I think it's about to.

Flandre's eyes flick up to my own, her mouth popping open in a little 'o', the ensuing blush lighting her whole face up. “My goodness, you're dangerously lewd, aren't you? Like-” She blinks, realization of some terrible thing flicking across her features. “Oh my God, is that why you threw your shirt at me?”

All I can say to that is a mystified “What.”

“You're a real freak, ain'tcha?!” she says, her voice tremulous. “You terrible seductress, trying to take advantage of me! I oughta- I oughta-”

“Get your hands off?” I carefully suggest.

Flandre's jaw closes abruptly as she looks at her hands, then back to me, and I had no idea it was possible for someone's face to get that red even as her eyes screw shut. “Ohmygodohmygodohmygod-”

She continues on that note, but for reasons beyond me, her hands remain firmly in place... not that I entirely mind how they feel, but that's a whole other issue that I'm going to have to think very deeply on once this is over. I spare a look around while Flandre keeps chattering in panic, and spy the other trembling Flandre hiding her face in her hands with Karin laid out next to her. Good to know, but back to the situation at hand!

“Flandre?” I hesitantly prod, as the small girl atop me quivers in full-body embarrassment.

There's a desperately confused look on her face when her eyes open again, and then I'm hit with the rapid-fire barrage she's been charging up. “You feel so soft and nice and I've been wondering what this was like because a girl starts to think after a few centuries about what she's missing out on you know and now that it's actually happening I don't wanna let go but at the same time this is all really awkward now that I'm thinking about it especially the whole beating everybody up thing because that was kinda terrible of me but I was really really upset and needed an outlet but doesn't make it okay and and I'm being a big dummy but I can't stop talking and-”

All I can do as she spews this torrent of words is fidget uncomfortably.

Maybe I should do something?
__________

[X] If just this was enough to stymie Flandre, I wonder what giving her a hug would do?

[X] I'm kinda freaking out here and I don't think Flandre's in any state to do anything, so maybe I'll just geeeeently push her off and get outta here.

[X] Stay still, stay quiet, and let Flandre just work this out on her own. That seems safe, right?
>>No. 62881
[X] If just this was enough to stymie Flandre, I wonder what giving her a hug would do?

This will end in blood and tears but oh god I'm curious
>>No. 62882
[X] If just this was enough to stymie Flandre, I wonder what giving her a hug would do?

This will either be great or terrible. I'm willing to gamble.
>>No. 62883
[x] ...Flandre, do you need me to get you a book?

I mean, Koa does work in the library.
>>No. 62884
>>62879
[x] I'm kinda freaking out here and I don't think Flandre's in any state to do anything, so maybe I'll just geeeeently push her off and get outta here.

Be gone with you!
>>No. 62885
>>62879
[X] If just this was enough to stymie Flandre, I wonder what giving her a hug would do?
This is an absolutely terrible idea and I can't wait to see where it goes.
>>No. 62886
[X] If just this was enough to stymie Flandre, I wonder what giving her a hug would do?

On a scale of 1-10, this is roughly a 9 if we were to determine how bad a move this is.

That's not stopping me though.
>>No. 62887
[X] If just this was enough to stymie Flandre, I wonder what giving her a hug would do?

Flan too cute. Also, this could clear the way for Nia route.
>>No. 62888
[X] If just this was enough to stymie Flandre, I wonder what giving her a hug would do?

Hopefully Remilia won't go after Koa for 'corrupting' her 'pure and innocent' little sister.
>>No. 62890
[X] If just this was enough to stymie Flandre, I wonder what giving her a hug would do?

haha time for seducing flandre
>>No. 62892
[X] ...Flandre, do you need me to get you a book?
>>No. 62893
[X] ...Flandre, do you need me to get you a book?

Changing my vote to this (deleted my old one). Clearly a trashy romance novel is what's needed here.
>>No. 62894
[x] ...Flandre, do you need me to get you a book?

The pseudo-non-sequitur calls to me.
>>No. 62895
[x] Do you need a book?
[x] Give Karin a "LEG IT" look
>>No. 62896
[x] If just this was enough to stymie Flandre, I wonder what giving her a hug would do? 

Objectively best option.
>>No. 62897
[X] If just this was enough to stymie Flandre, I wonder what giving her a hug would do?

Maybe this will make Karin jealous. You know, if she notices through the haze of mortal agony. There's a chance, right?

No.
>>No. 62898
[X] If just this was enough to stymie Flandre, I wonder what giving her a hug would do?

Flandre needs hugs.

(Also this quite possibly mean horrifying love triangles)
>>No. 62899
[x] Do you need a book?

I know they just revive and all but geez, didn't your friend just died a minute ago?
>>No. 62901
This isn't an update, and I'm very sorry about that, but I got totally derailed by several different ideas, and I've been working on one in particular for most of the time since last update. And, now that I've completed it, have my apology for the delay in the form of >>/shorts/1917

I'll try to get Anchorage back on schedule soon, folks. Thanks for your patience.
>>No. 62902
>>62901

It's okay, I myself know how hard it is to motivate yourself to do longer projects. I just hope that you manage.

Dont worry, i will always wait for the fabled filthy fairy porn that you mentioned once upon a time. For that i will brave the hiatus and protective services.

Because filthy fairy porn will arrive someday, and i will read it. And it will be hot (or cold, ice fairy is fine too).
>>No. 62913
File 14571584087.png - (818.13KB, 1600x1350, WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW.png) [iqdb]
62913
“Flandre?” I say, but she's too caught up in her own stream of babble to really notice anything I'm doing, so I'm kinda stuck tolerating the occasional squeeze as she rants on; I don't think she's even aware she's doing it. Now, I could just lay here and let her work things on her own, but letting her keep accidentally(???) molesting me is (tempting) not the best use of my time.

Instead – and I realize this is incredibly stupid – I sit up.

Flandre has a brief moment to be surprised by my sudden movement before I wrap my arms around the girl and pull her headfirst into my chest, because it's not like there was anywhere else her face could go at that height. She goes very, very still, which is what I take as my cue to hug her a bit tighter, patting the back of her head; her resulting muffled scream of horror is all the warning I get before she breaks loose with one mighty shove, leaving me flat on my back yet again.

“Um,” I say from the floor, as Flandre falls on her butt, hands clamped over her mouth, the rest of her face positively incandescent as she keeps screaming in little hushed bursts. She releases one hand to point at me, shrieks (still muffled), then swivels her pointing finger over to Karin, shrieks again, and the other Flandre spontaneously explodes out of pure shame.

“I don't know what you're trying to convey here,” I say, propping myself up on my elbows.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” screams Flandre, although it comes out more like “MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM” with how hard she's holding her mouth shut.

I figure now is probably my best chance to pick myself off the floor while the young mistress is busy venting her horror, even if I am a bit offended at her reaction. Still, she doesn't try to stop me, so I scurry over to Karin, who's starting to stir from her Flandre-induced concussion.

“Whaaaaat the hell's happenin'?” she manages, eyelids fluttering rapidly as she tries to get me in focus.

“I'm unclean!” Flandre says, before I can explain anything, and I look over my shoulder to see her pointing a trembling finger at me. “Soiled! Molested!

“Hey!” I say, scowling back at my accuser. “You're the one who grabbed me! If anything, you're the molester here!”

“It doesn't work like that, you- you devil!” Flandre screeches, wide-eyed and outraged as she hugs herself. “Mine was an accident! You did yours on purpose!”

“So that's why you didn't take your hands off me?”

“It felt nice!” Flandre's mouth clamps shut when she realizes what she just said, and she bows her head in shame, covering her eyes with a hand.

“Awwwww gods, shaddup,” Karin hisses, trying valiantly to sit up and making it maybe a tenth of the way there before her arms give out and her head thunks against the ground. She bites down on a pained little whimper, eyes screwing shut, and this is much more worthy of my attention than Flandre, so I scoop Karin up before she can protest, spring into the air, and stop dead because when did Sakuya get back with Remilia in tow?

They're at the foot of the stairs, Sakuya looking faintly sheepish and the nightgown-clad Remilia studying the situation with a flat, half-lidded stare, red eyes wandering over me, then Karin, then Flandre, and finally back to me.

“Um,” I say, not sure whether to be embarrassed that even the lady of the mansion herself has now seen me in my underwear or elated that she's here to save my hide. “...I can explain?”

Remilia holds up a finger, overlarge white sleeves billowing with the motion. “Shh.”

“But-”

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

I shush, which gives Flandre the perfect chance to flee to Remilia's side, half turning to level an accusing digit my way. “She's a molester, sis!”

Remilia's eyes widen fractionally as they shift to Flandre, and I glower at the young mistress. “You're the one who said I- I felt nice and wouldn't let go!”

Remilia blinks at this, and a lazy smile crosses her lips as she lays a hand on Flandre's shoulder, cutting off whatever reply the blonde had in mind. “Flandre,” she drawls, looking the younger girl red eye to red eye. “Do you need me to get you a book?”

“...What?” Flandre asks, outrage out of commission after confusion took a club to its kneecaps.

“Licentious literature,” Remilia explains, a knowing nod setting messy blue hair to shaking, her smile not shifting a millimeter. “Perfect for the growing girl.”

Flandre processes this for several seconds, her face turning a shade of scarlet that gives honor to her family name. “Remi?” she squeaks, her horrified gaze dissuading her sister not in the least.

Remilia, for all she's maintaining the same expression, still exudes this air of smug triumph. “There's ones with pictures, too. Very detailed. All the close-ups you could possibly want, if that's your kind of thing.”

“Remi, stop, I don't wanna hear it!” Flandre whines, cringing away from Remilia – except her escape is thwarted by the older girl's ironclad grip.

“Sure you do, Flan. After all, you can't say you wouldn't like some...” Remilia leans in until her lips brush Flandre's ear. “Filthy. Fairy. Pornography.”

Flandre is utterly still for one long, dragging second, her mouth hanging open as her eyes grow so wide I swear they could take over the rest of her head, and then she breaks free of Remilia and rockets off down the hallway, zooming past me with a piercing, whistling kind of scream like a melting tea kettle.

“Aaaaaah,” Remilia says, sagging in contentment. “That felt nice.”

It takes me a few tries to find my voice, but when I do, my first word is a shaky “M-mistress?”

Sakuya picks now to clear her throat, hiding her mouth behind the back of her hand. “You did give milady an excellent opportunity, you realize?”

“I couldn't not take it,” Remilia concurs.

“I- that wasn't my intention, you know?” I say, torn between wicked amusement and pity, because Flandre's never going to live this down, I can already tell.

Remilia shrugs. “Well congratulations, you gave it to me anyway, and for that you have my sincerest thanks.” She straightens up, smile fading. “And, now that Flandre's too busy trying to dig herself a hole to hide in, I really have to ask what lead up to everyone being down here – it isn't something that just happens, you know?”

Karin picks now to crack her eyelids open again, and spits out a wheezing “Chupacabra.”

“Yes, yes, I figured that part out when I heard Sakuya trying to stuff the git back into his cage.” Remilia looks back at the maid, who's studiously counting out cracks on the ceiling. “And as for why you tried to do it without letting me know, that's an issue for another time.”

“Of course, milady,” says Sakuya, straight-faced until Remilia looks back at me, at which point she presses knuckles against her forehead in pained acceptance of what she'll have to deal with.

“So!” Remilia says, folding her hands together at her waist and fixing me with a curious look. “Why was it so difficult for everyone involved to catch Tupai that the entire fairy barracks was ruined, my sister got involved, and your friend there is a bloody mess?”

I share a meaningful glance with Karin, whose squinty glare threatens to bore through Remilia, Sakuya, and straight out the basement besides. She sucks in another breath, probably to speak, and I get the sudden feeling that she's probably not going to be in a charitable mood.
__________

[X] Karin? It's your show now, you concussed, furious, magnificent woman.

[X] I should probably head this off before Karin gets really angry and says things she'll regret in the morning.
__________

>>62902

Your faith in me is admirable. Misguided, but admirable.
>>No. 62914
[X] Karin? It's your show now, you concussed, furious, magnificent woman.

There is literally no way this could go wrong because no matter what results I'll be happy with it.
>>No. 62915
It continues!

[X] Karin? It's your show now, you concussed, furious, magnificent woman.
>>No. 62916
>>62913
[X] Karin? It's your show now, you concussed, furious, magnificent woman.

Always good to see this story still kicking. And speaking of kicking, ho boy, is Karin about to kick Remi's ass around the block. Verbally.
>>No. 62917
[X] Karin? It's your show now, you concussed, furious, magnificent woman.
>>No. 62918
[X] Karin? It's your show now, you concussed, furious, magnificent woman.

Yay, updates!
>>No. 62919
[X] Karin? It's your show now, you concussed, furious, magnificent woman.

She's more than entitled to vent off.
>>No. 62920
[X] Karin? It's your show now, you concussed, furious, magnificent woman.

Karin shall become the avatar of fairy fury.
>>No. 62921
Just read all of Don't Lose Your Head & this over the past 2 days; keep it up, Clear Sights!

Also, [X] Karin? It's your show now, you concussed, furious, magnificent woman.

Because there's absolutely no way this could end poorly, at all.
>>No. 62922
File 145739648117.jpg - (1.17MB, 1020x1020, my goodness that fairy has a dirty mouth.jpg) [iqdb]
62922
I've only a very brief window to stop Karin from speaking her mind, and yet, funnily enough, I can't bring myself to do it. Maybe it's sympathy for what she's had to deal with, maybe it's me being a little grumpy too at what I've gone through tonight, and maybe I'm a little bit curious to see how Remilia is going to take the resulting tirade, but whatever the case, I keep my mouth shut while Karin opens hers.

Ffffffffuck your asshole chupacabra, Remilia,” she says, and I immediately suck in my lips and try to look innocent as Remilia's eyebrows vanish into her hair and Sakuya tightly shuts her eyes so she doesn't have to watch.

“Pardon?” Remilia asks, in the tone of one politely confused.

Fuck him,” Karin reiterates, holding a hand to her bandaged neck. “He started this godsdamned mess by attacking me in my sleep, and now my bed's ruined and I'm out this nightgown and this was real silk, do you know how hard it is for me to get one of these things?”

“Putting material costs and labor times into account, that would be...” Sakuya says in a voice barely above a whisper, eyebrows scrunched up in thought as she puzzles this out.

She made a mistake by talking, because that just got Karin's attention on her. “And you! Fuck you for losing your mind and annihilating everything in the barracks, including my feet, you shit! You're like some- some kind of deranged living knife tornado, and this is why none of the maids like you!”

Sakuya sucks in a breath in offended outrage, but Karin's already turned her eyes back on Remilia, who's watching the spectacle in vague incomprehension. “And you know what? Fuck Flandre for thinking that taking her frustrations out on me is okay when I tried to stop her from squashing your little rat-faced bitch of a pet!” She throws her arms up. “Why is he even a pet? All you do is keep him magically asleep in a cage! How'd he even wake up?!”

Remilia scratches her cheek, glancing away in mild embarrassment, unlike me, who's completely embarrassed on Karin's behalf, and also a bit terrified for her continued existence. Not that she's trying very hard to preserve it.

“And you know what?” Karin says, her voice cracking in nigh-hysteria. “Let's cap it all off! Fuck you, Mistress, for not keeping that terror beast under better guard! It's your fault this all happened in the first place! If it weren't for your awful decisions, I wouldn't have been stabbed and beaten and chewed on, and I definitely wouldn't have my brain trying to worm its way out through the little cracks in my skull and this really goddamn hurts!

Karin sags back down, letting her arms dangle limp as she pants for breath, heedless of Remilia's stony glare.

“Are you quite done?” Remilia asks, when it becomes clear it's up to her to speak.

“I think I burned up the last of my hate just then, yeah,” comes Karin's muted reply.

“Good.” Remilia purses her lips, nodding faintly as she looks upwards and mulls this over. After a few moments, she returns her gaze to Karin, who matches eyes with the vampire with only a little flinch. “I was going to tend to your injuries, but clearly I'm not wanted here.”

Karin's eyes pop wide open in alarm. “Huh? Wait, I didn't-”

Remilia holds up her hands, palms out, bearing an expression of pained acceptance. “No, no, you've made yourself clear. I'll simply leave you be – after all, you do heal faster than most, don't you? Surely you'll be fine without my help?” Her cocked eyebrow and patient expression are practically daring Karin to say no.

Karin's grinding her teeth so hard I fear they might all shatter at once. “...Yes.”

“Ah, excellent!” Remilia holds up a finger. “Also, I would fire you for that outburst just now, but Patchy's your boss, and I don't think she'd take kindly to it. But you do have a room of your own as a perk of your station, correct? Consider that rescinded, alongside food and drink rations. My hospitality is reserved for those who don't blatantly insult me.

Karin makes a noise like a puppy being strangled, and that propels me to finally speak up on her behalf. “She was important in getting Tupai back, Mistress.”

“Excuse me?” Remilia asks, and I try very hard to not blink as her eyes meet mine.

“As in, I don't think you'd have Tupai if she hadn't thrown herself at Flandre, so maybe taking her room is a bit much?”

“Are you telling me what to do?” Remilia's unsettlingly quiet voice is really not doing my nerves good here.

“I'm asking, Mistress.” I swallow, idly wondering what she has in store for those who irritate her. “Please?”

Remilia bites down on her cheek, eyes narrowing at me, before she sighs deeply. “...Oh, fine, fine, she can keep the room, but I'm holding to the other things, you understand?”

“Y-yes, Mistress,” I say, nodding hastily.

“Good.” She turns her eyes to Karin. “And don't you ever shout me down again, or I won't be nearly so generous, understood?”

“Of course, mistress,” Karin says, still quiet.

“Glad to hear it.” Remilia turns to Sakuya. “I think we're done here.”

“...Why're you sleeping at night, anyway?” I ask before I can stop myself, because I've been wondering about that for a while.

Remilia shoots me a glance over her shoulder. “I'm on a day cycle, what else? Now, Sakuya, if you would?”

Sakuya lays a hand on her arm, nods at us, and the two up and vanish, which I won't ever not find weird, but at least it leaves me and Karin alone. Speaking of whom, she's staring at the ceiling with a troubled expression.

“Koa?” she says, very quietly. “I think I screwed up.”

“And what a way to screw up!” I say, trying to find brightness even here (besides the fact I get to carry her in the first place, oh yes).

Karin just shuts her eyes. “Koa, please.”

My smile withers and dies. “...Right. Sorry. I guess we should-”

Aaaaargh,” says Nia, and I look over my shoulder to see the fairy flying drunkenly towards us with a lot more bruises than she started out with. “Whassup? You not dead either?”

“How're you still alive?” I ask.

“Ditto,” Karin concurs.

“Flandres exploded,” Nia explains, eyes vaguely crossing each other. “I'm. Going upstairs. To bed.” She flutters past us, bumps into the wall next to the staircase, and falls flat on her face. “...This is fine too.”

She doesn't make any move to get up, which is both funny and kind of sad. “Well, like I was saying, I guess we should head back to sleep?”

“That sounds nice,” Karin says, nodding faintly, “except for the part both I and my bed are torn-up messes.”

Oh. Oh yes. “...I have my own room too, if you don't mind sharing,” I say, trying to sound neutral on the topic. “There's even an attached bathroom, if you wanted to clean up.”

Karin's face scrunches up as she squints suspiciously at me. “...I'll say yes, but only if you don't try anything funny, you got that?”

“I'd never dream of it!” I trill as I make my way to the steps, the whole night suddenly worth it because oh goodness I will have Karin in my bed. “Hey, would you mind if I joined you in the tub?”

“Go die.”
__________

Semi-success?

Remilia has locked Tupai up very tightly!

Sakuya is embarrassed about her part in all this!

Koakuma is exceptionally satisfied with the end result of this situation!

Nia regrets tagging along!

Karin is really wishing she'd kept her mouth shut!
__________

Time for something new (after the recovery period, of course)!

[X] Flandre in constantly in search of new hiding places, the better to avoid Remilia's relentless teasing. Unfortunately, there's one person Remilia would never suspect her of going to for help.

[X] Meiling is a sane, grounded individual, and spending some time patrolling outdoors and practicing with her seems like a good way to wind down.

[X] You know what's enjoyable? Playing host to a man who single-handedly tore through the mansion, broke your jaw, turned the librarian into a flaming lunatic, and then proceeded to get maimed while helping defend the mansion, which is both admirable and deeply confusing when considering the first three parts.

[X] The SDM used to get visitors fairly regularly, but that died down in the aftermath of that one... incident. Still, it seems like we've finally got someone poking around again, and a Celestial, no less! Celestials are polite guests, right?
__________

Thanks for all of your responses, everyone, even if my slowness doesn't deserve them. And it only took forever, but we're finally free of that arc!

>>62921

Oh god you read DLYH I'm deeply sorry that it's so bad.
>>No. 62923
[X] You know what's enjoyable? Playing host to a man who single-handedly tore through the mansion, broke your jaw, turned the librarian into a flaming lunatic, and then proceeded to get maimed while helping defend the mansion, which is both admirable and deeply confusing when considering the first three parts.

Because AE & Karin interacting is fun!
>>No. 62924
>>62923
Seconded. Also, won't Sakuya apologize for getting our MC full of holes?

[x] Play host to A "Mages are brightly colored punching bags" E
>>No. 62925
[X] You know what's enjoyable? Playing host to a man who single-handedly tore through the mansion, broke your jaw, turned the librarian into a flaming lunatic, and then proceeded to get maimed while helping defend the mansion, which is both admirable and deeply confusing when considering the first three parts.

Best to leave the Flandre situation to simmer for a while. We're not quite ready to attempt a quiet break from the Scarlet Devil's Wild Ride with Meiling yet. And between AE and, presumably, Tenshi, let's start with AE.
>>No. 62926
[X] Meiling is a sane, grounded individual, and spending some time patrolling outdoors and practicing with her seems like a good way to wind down.

poor china. she has to win a vote at some point, right?
>>No. 62927
>>62922

> Oh god you read DLYH I'm deeply sorry that it's so bad.

What the fuck am I reading.

[x] You know what's enjoyable? Playing host to a man who single-handedly tore through the mansion, broke your jaw, turned the librarian into a flaming lunatic, and then proceeded to get maimed while helping defend the mansion, which is both admirable and deeply confusing when considering the first three parts.

AE is the best damn thing to happen to THP whose name isn't Keymaster.
>>No. 62928
>>62922

>>62921 here, and I mean hey, I enjoyed it; didn't think it was 'so bad', lol.

Anyways...
[X] You know what's enjoyable? Playing host to a man who single-handedly tore through the mansion, broke your jaw, turned the librarian into a flaming lunatic, and then proceeded to get maimed while helping defend the mansion, which is both admirable and deeply confusing when considering the first three parts.

How could I not?
>>No. 62929
File 14574064972.png - (547.43KB, 800x800, 1429493606611.png) [iqdb]
62929
The change of perspective kind of confused me. Were we always Koa?

[x] Play host to etc
>>No. 62930
I'm not calling it just yet, even if the result seems fairly obvious, but instead I'll answer questions!

>>62924

Sometime in the future, most likely!

>>62926

ha ha ha ha ha ha

HA HA HA HA HA HA

>>62927
>>62928

Oh, I won't dispute that AE and company themselves were fun, but DLYH in general is just bogged down by a lot of bad decisions, a lack of technical skill until close to the third thread, unneeded grimderp on top of the sensibly grim bits, and the fact I didn't plan shit when writing it. As such, I cannot honestly look back at it and call it good as a whole by any stretch, even if there's plenty of good parts to it.

>>62929

Now, if you're reading the updates all in a row without several months downtime between them, the shift to Koakuma's perspective is well defined. But, since it's hardly fair to ask people to remember fine details when I take this long to update, the shift to Koakuma's perspective happened several updates back when Flandre knocked Karin clean out. To quote!

>This is about when a hollering Nia and Eloshi slam into Flandre in unison, sending her sprawling even as Koa, decidedly shirtless, skids to a halt in front of me just as I start tipping over, because my head hurts and everything's too loud and I think a nap would be good about now.

-----

>Karin's eyes roll up as she topples, but I'm there to catch her before she hits the floor, immediately sweeping her up in a bridal carry because oh Gods above there is no time to be lost.

And that's where the perspective shift happened. I try to make it clear as possible with line breaks and quickly identifying the new viewpoint speaker, but again, this was several months back.
>>No. 62931
[X] Meiling is a sane, grounded individual, and spending some time patrolling outdoors and practicing with her seems like a good way to wind down.

Wow, wouldn't have voted to go to all that trouble if I'd known what an ungrateful asshole Remilia was. Karin needs to get revenge.
>>No. 62932
[X] Meiling is a sane, grounded individual, and spending some time patrolling outdoors and practicing with her seems like a good way to wind down.

As if winding down is ever going to happen.
>>No. 62933
[X] Meiling is a sane, grounded individual, and spending some time patrolling outdoors and practicing with her seems like a good way to wind down.

Maybe with these new votes the tide could possibly change? Karin needs a break right now and I doubt AE's visit will be helpful for that.
>>No. 62934
[X] You know what's enjoyable? Playing host to a man who single-handedly tore through the mansion, broke your jaw, turned the librarian into a flaming lunatic, and then proceeded to get maimed while helping defend the mansion, which is both admirable and deeply confusing when considering the first three parts.
>>No. 62935
[X] You know what's enjoyable? Playing host to a man who single-handedly tore through the mansion, broke your jaw, turned the librarian into a flaming lunatic, and then proceeded to get maimed while helping defend the mansion, which is both admirable and deeply confusing when considering the first three parts.
>>No. 62936
[中] Meiling is a sane, grounded individual, and spending some time patrolling outdoors and practicing with her seems like a good way to wind down.
>>No. 62937
[X] Meiling is a sane, grounded individual, and spending some time patrolling outdoors and practicing with her seems like a good way to wind down.
>>No. 62938
Your subordinate just went through several deaths and a significant amount of mental trauma (including having someone threaten to torture her for several hours) to recover something for you for no real benefit to herself. She then has a perfectly understandable outburst brought about by said mental trauma, and your response is to tell her in no uncertain terms to fuck right off?

That's a dick move, Remi. Maybe we need to hang out with people that aren't dicks.

[X] Meiling is a sane, grounded individual, and spending some time patrolling outdoors and practicing with her seems like a good way to wind down.
>>No. 62939
[X] The SDM used to get visitors fairly regularly, but that died down in the aftermath of that one... incident. Still, it seems like we've finally got someone poking around again, and a Celestial, no less! Celestials are polite guests, right?

Please write Tenshi as she is in SWR and not as the fanon garbage retard everyone else makes her out to be.
>>No. 62940
[X] Meiling is a sane, grounded individual, and spending some time patrolling outdoors and practicing with her seems like a good way to wind down.

At least Kyouko didn't steal this vote.
>>No. 62941
[X] The SDM used to get visitors fairly regularly, but that died down in the aftermath of that one... incident. Still, it seems like we've finally got someone poking around again, and a Celestial, no less! Celestials are polite guests, right?
>>No. 62942
[X] Meiling is a sane, grounded individual, and spending some time patrolling outdoors and practicing with her seems like a good way to wind down.

Every. Field.
>>No. 62943
CHINA IS STRONG, CHINA MAKES A COMEBACK, CHINA WILL STAR IN THE NEXT UPDATE

>>62936

youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

>>62938

Whoa, hey, you might have everything else right, but Karin never died during this outing; she's made of tougher stuff than that by far! ...This might also mean she could have gone through Flandre's playtime without ever going pop either, which might be even worse, considering.

>>62939

Luckily for you, I've actually beaten all the routes in SWR! So I have firsthand experience with Tenshi, don't you worry.

>>62940

Ooh, topical! Ten points.

>>62942

>not putting your vote as [Meiling] Meiling

ABSOLUTELY DISGRACEFUL
>>No. 62944
>>62943
IT'S NEVER ENOUGH FOR YOU IS IT DAD

P.S. Meiling
>>No. 62945
>>62942
>tripcode isn't some corruption of Meiling
5/10
>>No. 62946
>>62945
> http://minichan.org/triptest?name=%23Meiling
>>No. 62947
File 145786309920.jpg - (155.05KB, 500x706, happy chinese noises.jpg) [iqdb]
62947
Autumn's chill is just starting to poke at the edges of summer's fading warmth, but it's still remarkably pleasant out in the mansion's back gardens, with clear skies and warm breezes if you fly higher up; today's paradise for a fairy in search of fun times. Unfortunately, I'm not the usual kind of fairy, which means I've been stewing on the topic of Remilia being an ungrateful bitch ever since that mess with Tupai a few days back. Sometimes I think Cirno might've had the right idea with that strike; gods know I've got a legit complaint here. Maybe that's something to check out when-

“Karin?” Meiling asks, and I'm jolted out of my thoughts to hastily stand at attention; the redhead is looming over me with a green watering can in her arms (does she have it that color on purpose to go with her dress?) and a raised eyebrow casting judgment on me. “You looked like you were going to start ripping out all the flowers and stuffing them into your mouth.”

I try to think of something to disprove that, fail, and sigh, falling from my stiff parade-rest as I hang my head. “...That's an awful specific example.”

“Believe me,” she says, amusement clear in her voice, “I speak from experience.”

I can't stare at the ground the whole time, and that sentence demands my attention, so I force myself to look her straight in her bright blue eyes. “That's an actual thing? That actually happened?”

“Yup!” Meiling says, in that damnably cheerful manner she brings to every problem I've seen her face.

“Wow.” Be that as it may, her job springs to mind. “...Aren't you supposed to be keeping an eye on the gate?”

“I got a few of the fairies to fill in for me while I tend the gardens.” She demonstratively lifts the watering can. “This is a thing I do, you realize?”

Oh. “Right. Yeah.”

Her smile doesn't shift at all. “So if you could maybe move?”

Oh. I speedily remove myself, and she graces me with a pleased hum as she takes my place, bending at the knees as she douses the flowers – and from here it looks like she decided pants would go well with her dress today. Can't say I blame her, but now I'm wondering what it'd feel like to try one of those qi-whatsits myself.

“So!” she says, not taking her eyes off her work. “Lemme guess – you're still feeling down about that whole Tupai thing?”

“Oi!” I squawk, folding my arms and scowling at her with all the power my indignation can give me. “I totally have other things to be grumpy about! Even if you're ri- aaagh.” I wince, screwing my eyes shut as a sharp twinge stabs through my head – my braincase may be knitting itself back together through the power of fairy regeneration (I do not actually know if that's how it works but I'm not going to question it), but it's not exactly pleasant.

“You okay?” Meiling asks, and I'm pretty sure that's concern in her voice; kinda hard to tell, ow.

I exhale sharply through my nose, hesitantly opening my eyes once again, and I'm filled with relief as the pain subsides. “Just – working through the head trauma. It'll pass.”

The look Meiling's giving me is a distinctly uncomfortable one as she pauses in her work. “Are you sure you're okay? I know Tai Chi, and pressure points, and other things that go on in a body. Just say the word and I'll-”

“I just said it'll pass, okay?” I reflexively cringe as the words leave my mouth, because that came out way harsher than I meant for it, and now Meiling's looking like I just spat on her; not good when she's got arms that could be distant relatives to tree trunks. I raise my hands, palms out, and affect a strained, apologetic smile. “Sorry, I'm sorry, it's just- I'm a little bit on edge, lately. I shouldn't be lashing out like that, but there it is.”

“Well, s'long as you apologize,” she mutters, moving on from this patch of golden flowers to stroll along the path, spreading water to all her thirsty subjects. “Humor me about something else, if you don't mind. I don't usually see you out here, so why'd you ask to work outside?”

“I wanted to get away from the library,” I say as I follow, armor clanking with every footfall. “At least out here I don't have to deal with Lady Patchouli or Koa or, gods forbid, Remilia when she decides to visit – and that sounds ungrateful of me, doesn't it?”

Meiling chuckles. “Believe me, you don't have to explain that part; I know the Mistress can be hard to deal with. But you mentioning Patchouli reminds me of something I've been wondering about for a while. Stop me if this is going too far, but... you're kinda a freak, aren'tcha?”

I stumble mid-step, teetering on one foot for a moment before I regain balance and stomp the other down. “Excuse me?”

She abruptly shifts her can to one hand, fixing me with an apologetic smile as she waves off her offense with her free hand. “Sorry, sorry! That was bad phrasing on my part.”

“I hope so,” I say, my scowl softening to something more akin to a pout. “Hurting my feelings like that – you're lucky I don't challenge you to a duel right now, Meiling.”

“Hey, I'm always open for one, if you think you're hard enough.” The teasing lilt to her voice takes any potential insult out of her words. “Still, you're not exactly what anyone'd expect of a fairy.”

“Hmph. S'true, I guess.” I sigh, squatting down at the edge of the path, resting my arms on my knees as I inspect some daffodils that're growing so high as to actually reach said knees; I don't know what Meiling does to these things to make 'em so big, or how she manages to keep them blooming out of season, but whatever it is, it's effective.

I reach out, gently pinching the stem of one between metal fingers, and lean in to take a sniff. A heady, spicy kind of scent is what I get in return, and it brings both a faint smile to my lips alongside a soft ache to my heart. “...I used to be so small that I could stand on my tip-toes and these'd still come up to my waist. Can you believe it?”

I may not be able to see Meiling's face, but I can definitely hear the surprise in the little “Hm?” she makes.

“I know, right?” I say, twisting to look at her from the corner of my eye; she's paused in her work yet again to look my way. “Bet you don't remember me in particular playing around out here – I was just another fairy out of hundreds, after all.”

“I... don't remember you, no.” Meiling seems genuinely distressed by this, stroking her chin as she wracks her brain for any trace of me.

I rise, unfolding to my full height as I turn to the troubled gatekeeper. “I figured you wouldn't. But hey, at least now I'm someone you can talk to on an equal level, and not just in terms of height.”

She considers this, eyebrows furrowed in thought, before she nods. “It does make it easier to keep you in mind when you're one of, like, five other people here who aren't pint-sized, true.”

“That's one of the better upsides of my promotion, it's true.” I exult in my triumph for a moment before it all comes crashing down, and my shoulders sag as I sink into morose reminiscing. “...Still, sometimes I think I made a mistake signing up to be Lady Patchouli's test subject. Sure, I can actually sit down and read through a book without losing interest three pages in, and I'm better, faster, and stronger than any fairy could have ever dreamed of being, but...”

I make a frustrated noise as I try to find the words, but at least Meiling's set the watering can aside, attention fully on me. It takes an awkward few seconds before I figure out just what it is that's bothering me. “I'm a lot... angrier, nowadays. I mean, anyone would be, dealing with what I do, but- it's like I can get mad a lot more easily, and stick with it. That never really happened to me before”-I vaguely wave a hand around-“all this.”

“You think?”

“Mm-hm. I didn't have any responsibilities or anything before I volunteered.” I eye Meiling up, sucking in my lips as I debate whether telling her this'll backfire somehow. “This is a secret, okay?”

Meiling makes a show of looking around the garden, then gives me a thumbs up, teeth practically glinting as she smiles. “Looks like we're alone, so whatever you want to say is safe in my thick skull.”

“Heh.” I look up eyes on the bright blue sky. “Would you believe me if I said the reason I signed up was because I thought the maid outfits were cute?”

Meiling snorts. It's really undignified. “You? Really?”

“Insane, right?” I drag my gaze back to Meiling, and reciprocate with a small smile of my own as I lay my hands on my chest. “Here's Captain Hardass in her big metal suit, saying she likes prancing around in a little maid uniform being cute. And it was... it was fun, even if the cleaning was boring and Sakuya was scary at times. And I could've walked away at any time and just gone back to messing with people and playing around with other fairies. I was a lot more carefree, and I don't think I appreciated how nice that was back then. But now?”

I heave a sigh, smile turning into a little frown as I let my arms hang at my sides. “Now I have a job where I get hurt a lot, lately by the people I'm supposed to be working for, even. Patchouli losing her mind and setting me on fire, Sakuya throwing fits and also knives into me, Flandre slamming me headfirst into a wall – all this stuff is like... why? Why do I put up with this? But at the same time, I keep jumping straight into those situations in the first place, so why do I do that, either?”

Meiling's smile gradually droops into nothingness as I lay out my complaints, but she cocks her head, fixes me with a guileless stare, and asks “Well, why do you?”

I shrug. “Because I'm expendable, I guess? I'm a fairy, after all – blow me up or something and I'll just come back later.” My frown deepens. “Theoretically.”

Meiling narrows her eyes in... concern? I think it's concern. “Theoretically?”

I rub the back of my neck; the gauntlet's soothingly cool against my skin. “Yeah. I don't think I've ever actually popped since I got, uh, augmented. No matter how much of a beating I take, I just don't go...” I spread my hands, palms open. “Poof. It's weird as hell, I tell you.”

She nods, “I wouldn't know.”

“Right, you're a-” I pause, thinking about this. “Something.”

Meiling's face lights up with an expression I hesitate to call smug, but it's definitely something that's well-acquainted with smugness. “Dragon-blooded.”

I fold my arms, leaning back as I squint at her. “So does that make you a dragon youkai or what?”

That's a mystery.” She winks, the scandalous wench.

“Oh, you tease,” I grumble. “Anyway, continuing off of what I was saying, I'm still not quite used to actually needing to recover; it's kinda weird being stuck in bed feeling terrible for several days.”

Meiling huffs, an amused little smile on her lips. “Welcome to the world of adults, Karin. Enjoy your stay.”

Haw haw,” I retort, glowering at her without any heat to it.

We fall into companionable silence as I think about what to say next. I probably shouldn't keep her too long; we're still on the job, after all, but... it's nice just talking like this, instead of constantly having to worry about my head getting blown off.
__________

Pick two to chat/complain about, and maybe Karin'll get some insight on the people in question! At the very least, she'll be able to vent.

[X] Remilia's a pretty nasty piece of work sometimes, isn't she? I threw myself at Flandre for her, for God's sake, and look where that got me!

[X] I knew Flandre was always a bit volatile, but wow, she really is something. I don't think this'll be the last time I'll deal with her, either, so... any tips?

[X] Patchouli is – well, Patchouli. She's really into her books, and I get that, I do! But at the same time, she's really dour and something of a jerk. Also she set me on fire and broke my face, and I'm still a bit mad about that.

[X] Okay, this is kinda embarrassing, but Koakuma freaks me out with how she's all but throwing her clothes at me. Any advice?

[X] Sakuya's really, really high-strung, you know? Even with the massages – did I ever tell you I give her those? Because, yeah, that's a thing. Anyway, she's a maniac, and I think you know her better than I do, so, help?

[X] There's something else I can't quite put my finger on that's been bothering me... [WRITE-IN]
>>No. 62948
[X] Remilia's a pretty nasty piece of work sometimes, isn't she? I threw myself at Flandre for her, for God's sake, and look where that got me!

[X] Patchouli is – well, Patchouli. She's really into her books, and I get that, I do! But at the same time, she's really dour and something of a jerk. Also she set me on fire and broke my face, and I'm still a bit mad about that.

She needs to vent.
>>No. 62949
[x] Koa

[x] Sakuya

Let's choose the ones that doesn't deserve her anger... that much.

I'd say both of them need to get laid, with Karin, if at all possible (who could use some relaxing herself) but, since my words can't reach her, I'll leave it to Meiling.
>>No. 62950
[X] Remilia's a pretty nasty piece of work sometimes, isn't she? I threw myself at Flandre for her, for God's sake, and look where that got me!

[X] Okay, this is kinda embarrassing, but Koakuma freaks me out with how she's all but throwing her clothes at me. Any advice?

Punching Remilia seems to be off the books, so this is as close to catharsis as we're going to get. Also, Koa.
>>No. 62951
[X] Remilia's a pretty nasty piece of work sometimes, isn't she? I threw myself at Flandre for her, for God's sake, and look where that got me!

[X] Okay, this is kinda embarrassing, but Koakuma freaks me out with how she's all but throwing her clothes at me. Any advice?
>>No. 62952
[X] Okay, this is kinda embarrassing, but Koakuma freaks me out with how she's all but throwing her clothes at me. Any advice?

[X] Sakuya's really, really high-strung, you know? Even with the massages – did I ever tell you I give her those? Because, yeah, that's a thing. Anyway, she's a maniac, and I think you know her better than I do, so, help?
>>No. 62953
[X] Remilia's a pretty nasty piece of work sometimes, isn't she? I threw myself at Flandre for her, for God's sake, and look where that got me!

[X] Okay, this is kinda embarrassing, but Koakuma freaks me out with how she's all but throwing her clothes at me. Any advice?

Venting about the boss, and my dreams of a Koarin ship.
>>No. 62954
[X] Okay, this is kinda embarrassing, but Koakuma freaks me out with how she's all but throwing her clothes at me. Any advice?

[X] Sakuya's really, really high-strung, you know? Even with the massages – did I ever tell you I give her those? Because, yeah, that's a thing. Anyway, she's a maniac, and I think you know her better than I do, so, help?

This seems like a good pair of choices.
>>No. 62955
[X] Remilia's a pretty nasty piece of work sometimes, isn't she? I threw myself at Flandre for her, for God's sake, and look where that got me!

[X] Okay, this is kinda embarrassing, but Koakuma freaks me out with how she's all but throwing her clothes at me. Any advice?
>>No. 62956
>>62955

And hey, maybe Remilia hears it, challenges us to a fight and we can vent by means of violence and proving our faerie superiority, elevating us to final boss status or something.
>>No. 62957
>>62956
There's no way this could end poorly!


[X] Remilia's a pretty nasty piece of work sometimes, isn't she? I threw myself at Flandre for her, for God's sake, and look where that got me! and
[X] I knew Flandre was always a bit volatile, but wow, she really is something. I don't think this'll be the last time I'll deal with her, either, so... any tips?
>>No. 62958
[✞] Remilia's a pretty nasty piece of work sometimes, isn't she? I threw myself at Flandre for her, for God's sake, and look where that got me!

[⚢] Sakuya's really, really high-strung, you know? Even with the massages – did I ever tell you I give her those? Because, yeah, that's a thing. Anyway, she's a maniac, and I think you know her better than I do, so, help?

I am of course hoping to incite feelings of jealousy in Meiling that we have our hands all over Sakuya and not her. There are two possible readings of that sentence, and I will be satisfied with either.

>>62943
I apologize for nothing
>>No. 62959
Right, I'm gonna call it here to actually give myself a deadline on updating for you folks. Karin's gonna complain about Remilia and Koakuma!

>>62958

YOU ARE GOOD AT THIS
>>No. 62960
File 145916681426.png - (167.28KB, 611x800, ancient chinese secrets being dispensed.png) [iqdb]
62960
“...Maybe I've been dwelling on this too much,” I say with a sigh, eyes up; at least Remilia can't take the sky from me, if I wanted to leave. “Level with me, okay? I'm not the only one who thinks Remilia is such a bitch sometimes, right?”

There's a curious noise from Meiling at my words, something like a hoarse “hourgh.” I glance her way to see her puckering her lips like someone just shoved a lemon into her mouth.“Are you-” she manages, glancing around apprehensively before fixing me with a serious frown. “I'm speaking from a position of utmost concern here. Are you absolutely certain you want to be saying these things about her where anyone could hear it?”

I gesture aimlessly around. “I thought the only people here were me and your thick skull, remember?”

Meiling pauses to consider this, expression softening. “Point. Still, keep it down a bit.”

“No!” Now there is heat in how I'm glowering. “Tell me, have you been stabbed-”

“Yes.”

I blink, but try to rally. “Beaten-”

Meiling's smile isn't smug at all, which just makes it come off as even more smug, somehow. “Oh, yes.”

“Maimed?” I try, because she's just taking all the wind outta me here.

Meiling raises a hand, flexing her fingers. “Flandre tore this arm off!”

I grimace, folding an arm across my belly as my other hand covers my mouth. “Shit, that's right.”

She pats said arm's bicep. “Sometimes it feels a lil' funny when I overstretch it, but I guess that's the price I gotta pay for Remilia sticking it back on.”

“...Did you yell at her? I can't imagine that was pleasant.” There's a bit of desperate hope there so I can try to have one up on her.

“I said some unkind things while she was working, so she threatened to slap my mouth off, this is true.”

“But did she take anything away from you?” Come on, say-

“Nope.”

Ngahhh! “Okay, how's that fair?” I fling my arms wide open, fixing the full power of my irritation on Meiling, who shrugs it off like a light drizzle. “I got stabbed and beaten and chewed on! I was fully justified in yelling at her when the whole damn thing was her fault for not keeping a better eye on her pets, and yet I get in trouble for it?”

Meiling winces. “So you shouted at the Mistress. Tell me, was anyone else around?”

My arms fall against my sides with a rattle of metal on metal. “Sakuya brought her there, way too late to help out, mind. And then there was Koakuma sticking up for me, so she counts too, I guess.”

Meiling's expression has grown exponentially more pained as I mention these things. “...So you shouted at Remilia with witnesses around.”

“No, no,” I say, “I swore at Remilia with witnesses around.”

I can't help feeling a little bit embarrassed by what Meiling's cringing grimace says about her opinion of this. “Right. Didn't you expect there to be any blowback from that? Like, I've had my problems with Remilia, but at least I brought it up with her alone. She's a lot more understanding that way, I've found.”

If I was feeling any shame before, it just vanished with those words, and I level one angry finger at her to really let her know it. “Here's my counterpoint; that's a load of crap. If I hadn't thrown myself into that mess, her little hell-beast would be in tiny bits from Flandre deciding to vent on him! Instead, Flandre and Sakuya managed to hurt me more than Tupai did! All Remilia had to do was not be incompetent and this could've been avoided!”

“While that's a good retort, I'd still say this is on you-”

The sound that comes out of my mouth is a frustrated, disgusted “Rurrrrr.

“-in her eyes,” Meiling says, nonplussed. “If you have to make a case against her, I'd recommend a private meeting; at least that way she won't have to worry about saving face if you decide swearing's the way to go again.”

“That – seems reasonable,” I grudgingly say, even if it's not really satisfactory at all. That's probably the extent of help I'm gonna get from Meiling with regards to Remilia, so I cast my thoughts around for something else to complain about and oh goodness would you look at that Koa's the first thing that springs to mind. “So...”

“What, you need talking points for when you meet her?”

“Appreciated, but no. I was actually gonna ask how well you know Koakuma?”

She blinks at the change of topic, but shrugs. “Kinda? She's okay, I guess. Always been nice to me, but I don't see her much. It's not like we've got much overlap in work zones, you know?”

“Right. Well.” Inhale. Shut your eyes. Count to three. Exhale. Brace.

“Karin?” Meiling asks, her words punching through the hesitation trying to stop me from talking.

This is a bad thing, because I still hadn't really decided on what to say, so it all comes out. “So I saved her from Patchouli when she was setting everyone on fire and now Koa wants inside my armor all the time and she's been watching me a whole bunch when we're on duty and also off-duty and she broke into my room apparently?”

“Uh,” Meiling says, but I'm building momentum and she's not gonna stop me that easily.

“Anyway it's frankly kinda freaking me out and I've told her as much because good communication is key when dealing with this kind of thing and she's toned it down a little but every time I have to talk with her I have this feeling that if I let down my guard she's going to try and get my hands in here and it's really annoying-

Meiling claps her hand on my shoulder, which goes to show how distracted I was that she got so close without me stopping her in the first place. “Hey, you listening?”

I take a deep breath, hold it, and nod. “Right. Yes. What is it?”

“Do you like this girl?”

Aaaaand there's the crux of the issue. I sigh, shoulders sagging, and avoid Meiling's eyes. “No- yes, but not like that? I think?” I puff up, blowing away hair in my eyes; it's been growing out a bit lately. “I don't know for sure, and I'm having trouble figuring it out... not that she helps by practically throwing herself at me.”

Meiling nods, pursing her lips, brows stitching together in thought. “So she wants your hot fairy body.”

“Excuse me?” I croak, jerking free of Meiling's mighty grip in embarrassment.

She crosses her arms, rolling thick shoulders in a shrug. “That's what it's sounding like to me.”

“Hrrrrmphg.” Grumbling aside, she's got the right of it. “...So what's it you're suggesting?”

“First, I want to know what you think you can do about it.”

I suck in a breath, puffing my cheeks out as I look anywhere but Meiling. “Don't know. That's why I switched out here for a while – it's easier to think out here when I don't have to worry about her creeping on me.”

“Well, here's some advice.” Meiling holds a finger up, eyes shut, and it gives her a sort of sagely air. “Take her damn clothes off and see where things go from there.”

First I go “Hrghhrrgh,” because I just managed to choke on air, and then I grind out an exasperated “You're not helping!”

Meiling frowns at me, her teacherly vibe destroyed. “Well, excuse me, but I still don't know why you're so opposed to the idea in the first place.”

“I just said she's a creeper!” I hiss. “Half the time I feel like she's watching me, and she's been giving me way too many flowers, and-”

“I supplied her,” Meiling says, and those words possess such dense levels of what the shit that their gravitic pull nearly yanks my eyeballs from their sockets.

Instead, I force out a hoarse “God damn you, Meiling.”

Her answering smirk is even more infuriating. “That's a bit harsh, don't you think?”

“You enabled her!” I say, making little strangling motions with my hands as she deftly hops back, balancing on one foot.

“I had plenty of spares,” she says, shifting her weight to her tip-toes and folding her arms behind her back, other foot pressed against the side of its partner's knee. She makes it look effortless, but I know that if I came at her with harm in mind, I'd get my face kicked off.

“You- you-” -my strangling of the invisible man intensifies- “are the absolute worst.

“Whoa there!” Meiling leans forward, balance shifting minutely to accommodate her new pose. “Keep this up and I might think you want a fight!”

“Are you trying to bait me into a match?” I growl, because the way this is going, I'm only going to be too glad to oblige her.

Meiling abruptly hops to her other foot, reversing her pose with all the effortless ease of a bird in flight. “I could use the practice.”

I smack my hands together, metal crashing against metal. “Oh, you are on!”

“That's what I like to hear!” Meiling smoothly transitions back to both feet on the ground, a fierce little grin on her lips.

“And when”-if-“I win, I want actual, proper advice! No messing around with me!”

“Sure, sure.” She quirks an eyebrow, cocking her head just slightly. “And when I win, you take that suit off.”

I freeze up, privately considering where a girl could hide a body at this time of day. I have the axe and everything, so I could chop her up and then-

“I'm joking, I'm joking,” Meiling says, her smile now apologetic as she holds her hands up, palms out. “If you're making this a betting game, though, then I'll... have you go actually talk to Koakuma instead of just running away from her. And Remilia too, for that matter.”

I groan, covering my eyes and peeking out at her through my fingers. “No. No, no, no. I came out here to get away from them, I don't-”

“In that case, it'll be the suit for real.” She points at me, as if I didn't get the idea already.

“You people are obsessed with me taking this thing off, aren't you?” I ask, running a hand down my face and just barely suppressing the urge to take a gauntlet off and beat her upside the head with it. “...Fine, I'll go talk with both of 'em if it comes to that. But that counts as you giving me advice, so when I win... well, I'll think something up when we get there.”

“Yeah, sure.” Meiling doesn't seem concerned at all by the potential threat there as she bounces on her heels. “Now, much as I'd like to get started here and now, I think we should move it somewhere we're less likely to trample everything. Front courtyard sound good to you?”

“That oughta work out,” I say, nodding agreeably.
__________

Now a fight's definitely gonna happen, but the specifics are still up in the air.

[X] Meiling's not unbeatable in the realm of hand-to-hand, I've seen that much myself. Just gotta hit hard and fast and use my armor to soak up hits; it worked for that one guy, it'll work for me.

[X] I'd rather use the axe for this one, honestly, and I know Meiling's good with polearms; she can grab one of those and make it a fair fight.
__________

hurf, getting sick is a bitch and a half
>>No. 62961
[X] Meiling's not unbeatable in the realm of hand-to-hand, I've seen that much myself. Just gotta hit hard and fast and use my armor to soak up hits; it worked for that one guy, it'll work for me.

Somehow, neither seem like a good idea. But we've gotta' pick something.
>>No. 62962
[X] Meiling's not unbeatable in the realm of hand-to-hand, I've seen that much myself. Just gotta hit hard and fast and use my armor to soak up hits; it worked for that one guy, it'll work for me.

Fairy type beats dragon type. This fight is as good as over.
>>No. 62963
[x] Axe

She is Doomed either way but hey, it is not a bad thing
>>No. 62964
[X] Meiling's not unbeatable in the realm of hand-to-hand, I've seen that much myself. Just gotta hit hard and fast and use my armor to soak up hits; it worked for that one guy, it'll work for me.
>>No. 62966
[X] I'd rather use the axe for this one, honestly, and I know Meiling's good with polearms; she can grab one of those and make it a fair fight.

Last I checked AE only had a chance against Meiling in hand to hand because of bullshit power armor, and crushed Karin while in it rather easily.
>>No. 62967
[X] I'd rather use the axe for this one, honestly, and I know Meiling's good with polearms; she can grab one of those and make it a fair fight.
>>No. 62968
[X] Axes have a weapon triangle advantage over Lance-type weapons!

I'm almost tempted to vote for hand to hand just to see Karin lose, but...
>>No. 62969
[X] I'd rather use the axe for this one, honestly, and I know Meiling's good with polearms; she can grab one of those and make it a fair fight.
>>No. 62970
File 145948220769.png - (3.50KB, 493x600, Labrys-symbol.png) [iqdb]
62970
>>62960
[ȹ] Let me axe you. A lot.  
>>No. 62971
[X] I'd rather use the axe for this one, honestly, and I know Meiling's good with polearms; she can grab one of those and make it a fair fight.

Karin's going get turned into a fairy pancake.
>>No. 62972
[X] I'd rather use the axe for this one, honestly, and I know Meiling's good with polearms; she can grab one of those and make it a fair fight

This option bumps Karin's chances up from certain smushing to only probable smushing
>>No. 62993
>>62970
>>62958
Where do you get all the neat symbols from?
>>No. 62994
>>62993
Uh. The Unicode Consortium?

... I'm honestly not sure how else to answer that.
>>No. 63089
[X] I'd rather use the axe for this one, honestly, and I know Meiling's good with polearms; she can grab one of those and make it a fair fight.

Update! Update, god damn you!
>>No. 63090
[X] I'd rather use the axe for this one, honestly, and I know Meiling's good with polearms; she can grab one of those and make it a fair fight.
>>No. 63094
Why is there a Unicode symbol for lesbian?
>>No. 63095
>>63094
Why are you bumping a thread that hasn't been updated in over 3 months?
>>No. 63109
Oi, Sights, getcher ass back in here, boy!
>>No. 63351
SIGHTS YOU GODDAMN FUCKBOY COME BACK ;_;
>>No. 63475
[X] Meiling's not unbeatable in the realm of hand-to-hand, I've seen that much myself. Just gotta hit hard and fast and use my armor to soak up hits; it worked for that one guy, it'll work for me

One year late vote, coming in hot
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