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46062 No. 46062
DERP WARS
Duuuuude, everything’s really pretty!

Featuring a brand new, freshly-painted and re-stuccoed fourth wall!

Why try and break cliché when you can follow it so hard that it breaks by itself?

Don’t get mad; get glad! And then make combustible lemonade.

Only you can prevent forest fires!
>> No. 46063
Sadly, the update speed of Derp Wars must slow down due to me not being able to write at work anymore; the boss just stressed the urgency of always finding things to do to get the backlog taken care of. Such is life. Que sera sera.

CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER:

[OK!]Meiling: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC

[OK!] Koakuma: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 3 FOC

[ ] Patchouli: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Premise: Your big alchemy presentation is tomorrow, but your housemates are very inconsiderate of this fact. Find ways to get them to leave you alone!

[OK!] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC

[ ] Remilia: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: You don’t care how deviant your housemates think you are; you are having a romantic date with a very eligible bachelor tonight, and you are going to enjoy it. Show these preschoolers how a real woman gets things done!

[OK!] Flandre: 3 POW, 2 SPD, 1 FOC

[ ] Sunhilda: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 1 FOC
Premise: Today’s your twenty-first birthday, and everyone knows what that means, right? You could care less about what happens tonight; a girl’s got to live it up to the max at least once in her life!

[ ] Monica: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
Premise: Everyone is picking on you for reasons you don’t understand. You don’t care if it’s just a joke; you don’t think it’s very funny!

[ ] Tullia: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: All the upperclasswomen are out of town for the night, leaving you in charge. Make sure the other girls don’t get into too much trouble while they’re gone!

[OK!] Wendy: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 1 FOC

[ ] Therese: 1 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Premise: You are Iron Man. You are Spartacus. You are Morpheus. You’re the goddamn Batman. WHO THE HELL DO THEY THINK YOU ARE?! Use your shapeshifting for maximum hijinks!

[ ] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: In the distant past, you emerged victorious in the war of “Francesca versus the Telephone”. But now, how can you hope to win the war of… “Francesca versus the Internet?!”. It’s a good thing your friends will be on this “Internet Relay Chat” thingy to help you out!

[ ] Sapphire: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: Remilia promised that tonight would be a vampire-girl’s night out with just you, her, and Flandre, but only if you get all your chores finished to her satisfaction. The quicker you’re done, the more time you’ll have to rock the hell out!

[OK!] Natasha: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC

[OK!] Koishi: 0 POW, 3 SPD, 3 FOC

[ ] Princess Tepes: 1 POW, 1 SPD, 1 FOC
This just isn’t going to work now that I’m out of college and am busy as all getout.
>> No. 46065
[X] Tullia: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC

>Don’t get mad; get glad! And then make combustible lemonade.
Actually, I'd rather prevent other people from making combustible lemonade. Do not want house burned down.
>> No. 46066
[X] Remilia: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 2 FOC
>> No. 46067
[x] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
>> No. 46068
[ ] Remilia: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 2 FOC

>[ ] Princess Tepes

Damn, that would have been interessing.
>> No. 46069
[x] Remilia

>Sadly, the update speed of Derp Wars must slow down

Depression.
>> No. 46070
[x] Remilia: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 2 FOC
The ending to Koishiderp was good. And appropriate for her.
>> No. 46072
[x] Remilia: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 2 FOC
That ending.
>> No. 46073
[x] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
>> No. 46075
[x] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
>> No. 46079
[x] Monica: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
>> No. 46089
File 131362619068.jpg- (400.61KB , 724x1000 , She never saw it coming.jpg ) [iqdb]
46089
Called for Remilia next, then. Update not today because among other things there was a new episode of Kaiji Season 2 out today. If you are not among the few and the proud who have had the honor or experiencing the intensity that is Kaiji: Ultimate Survivor, you are doing yourself a grave disservice my friends. Itou Kaiji is without a single doubt in my mind the greatest protagonist I have ever seen.

>>46071
>That was disturbingly funny, and yet sickeningly sweet at the same time. Is this all just one giant shipping fanfic disguised as a quest thread?
There are not nearly enough crack pairings for this to be any sort of serious shipping fanfic, despite the fact that basically every Derp has had a romantic subplot in it. I mean, come on, Meiling x Sakuya? Koishi x Flandre? Boring and old and unoriginal and overdone. If I was really trying to give you some quality romance I'd have come up with far more interesting pairs. Now pardon me while I update my shipping wall...

>>46068
>Damn, that would have been interesting.
Indeed. It really was a cute idea: I'd take pictures of my everyday surroundings like some kind of first person adventure game and overlay a bogus HUD onto them, then you'd give me equally bogus commands like "PUNCH WALL", "Retrieve arms from desk drawer", or "wake up in Gensokyo." I would then relay the results in a classic and derpy fashion. The complication is that each update might span only minutes of "fake reality time" but a full day passes in actual reality, and the room/area I'm in might have changed since then or even be unavailable to take a picture of. There's probably also other reasons I'm forgetting which makes it more time-intensive than I have time for right now.

Though, now that I think about it, the lack of perfect continuity in scenery could probably be written off or derpily ignored, and the time it would take me to set up the pictures would probably be about equal to the time I spend fussing with Photoshop right now, so I think maybe I could still give it a try, provided there's no massive outcry to this potentially self-gratuitous idea. Self-inserts are often annoying and no one really likes it when you use them, Andrew Hussie.

>>46070
>The ending to Koishiderp was good. And appropriate for her.
I’m quite glad you enjoyed it that way, and I’m glad that I realized this is the way it needed to end before I ended it differently.
>> No. 46090
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46090
When you were a child, you talked liked a child, you thought like a child, you reasoned like a child. Now that you have become a woman you have put childish ways behind you.

Then life conspired to surround you with children.

The name on your birth certificate reads Henrietta Genevive D'Albret, but unless legal documentation requires your legal name you tend to go by the moniker of Remilia Scarlet, a far more concise and romantic title to be sure. All vampires should know the value of a name, and you're certainly not going to go flaunting yours out in the open where prying eyes can see. Besides, the mention of your last name stirs up memories of your parents, and that's a rather sore subject you don't like to be reminded of on a daily basis. But you are a well-adjusted young lady and have come to terms with your past, unlike some people.

You currently head up the only chapter of the sorority Sigma Delta Mu in existence; an exclusive house of sisters of the highest caliber, except when the other pledging members vote in inferior candidates by a two-thirds majority against your wishes, which is often. Though it’s been some years since you’ve graduated college with an acting degree you continue to live in the house, as you actually own the building itself and see no reason to leave. As a traditionally-raised lady you take great pride in the name of your house and see to it that it is taken care of and flourishes.

You awake in the late afternoon hours of a balmy Friday in early autumn. Though your particular race of vampire tolerates the sunlight better than most you see no reason to press your luck, and here in the progressive twenty-first century it’s quite easy to adapt to a nocturnal lifestyle without complication. You currently have a very plush job as the co-hostess of a prestigious night club and dinner lounge, which gives you the wiggle room in your schedule you need to audition for roles in whatever movie or stage performance meets your fancy. You haven’t made it big just yet, but you’re still young, and plan to stay that way for quite some time. Being a vampire sure is fun~

This particular evening you have decided to finally accept the request of one of your many suitors that you tend to attract while at work. A woman in your position is free to pick and choose her escorts as she wishes, and you rarely humor the common “clubbers” a pretty face and slim figure draws the eyes of, not even to sup on their blood. More often than not it positively reeks of cheap liquor, and no self-respecting vampiress should ever call such blood potable. However, this young man shows great promise. Chemical Engineering, doctorate student, currently studying some of the lesser-known applications of dragon’s blood; Patchouli introduced you to him. He was quick-witted enough to make it through the gauntlet of your first conversation, but you’ll have to really give him the business tonight if he thinks he has what it takes to be called your boyfriend.

You’ve got a few hours to prepare yourself before the appointed meeting time at nine. He claims to have made all the arrangements, but you’re prepared to use your connections to see if that’s true or not. Much to your inconvenience, however, Friday nights bring out some of the more embarrassing sides of some of the sisters, and as the head resident you may be forced to “deal” with any unsightly behavior.

Your charisma level is ”Smug.”


[ ] Call your “connections”. He’d better have made the correct reservations or face your passive-aggressive scorn.
[ ] Call a house meeting. Make sure everyone knows not to try anything for the next three hours or so.
[ ] Activate Flandre’s door lock. Don’t even give her the chance to screw this up.
[ ] Take a shower. You can’t doll yourself up unless you get this out of the way first.
>> No. 46091
[x] Call a house meeting. Make sure everyone knows not to try anything for the next three hours or so.

This will totally work. I almost want to lock Flan it, but then she might do shenanigans out of spite instead of just doing them because it is funny to her and Koishi and that wouldn't be right.
>> No. 46092
[x] Call a house meeting. Make sure everyone knows not to try anything for the next three hours or so.

This will totally work. I almost want to lock Flan it, but then she might do shenanigans out of spite instead of just doing them because it is funny to her and Koishi and that wouldn't be right.
>> No. 46093
>>46091
>>46092

Fucking memory error how does it work. Passwords too.
>> No. 46095
[x] Call a house meeting. Make sure everyone knows not to try anything for the next three hours or so.
>> No. 46096
[ ] Take a shower.

Obligatory bathing vo... wait, what? A shower? You're a vampire, flowing water is one of your weaknesses.

[X] Take a bath. You can’t doll yourself up unless you get this out of the way first.

There. That's better.
>> No. 46099
[ ] Call a house meeting. Make sure everyone knows not to try anything for the next three hours or so.
>> No. 46103
[x] Call a house meeting. Make sure everyone knows not to try anything for the next three hours or so.
>> No. 46105
Called for "house meeting". If I stop wasting my breaks at work and get committed to writing I might still have a chance of getting semi-fast updates out.

>>46096
I'm going to man up and admit I made this mistake. For just about five minutes I got confused on vampire lore and thought that they would drown if entirely immersed in water, forgetting the "flowing water" caveat completely. The truly derpy part is that I specifically did not have Remi take a shower back in A Fairy's Tale for this very reason.
>> No. 46109
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46109
You like to think that you're well adjusted and can handle a little troublemaking every now and again, but an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of... something. Cure? Or was it a gallon? You really never did like the English system. Regardless you're going to excersize your executive authority and call a house meeting. These girls need to be told straight out that the typical Friday hootenanny shall not be permitted on account of you needing to prepare for a date tonight. Perhaps some might consider it extreme, but these girls have a penchant for annoying behavior at the worst of times and you will not stand for it tonight. It won't do to show up for your date unprepared; otherwise that man might win. Men winning is not permissable.

You make the rounds of the house and call everyone out of their rooms for a quick house meeting. They at least have enough respect for you to not dally in these regards. Among those missing in action are Meiling (soccer game), Patchouli (Metallurgy research lab), and Fran and Flan (location unknown). You're not quite sure whether Flandre not being here to listen is a good thing or a bad thing, but you'll take it as it is.
>> No. 46110
File 131371716071.png- (42.98KB , 234x337 , Derp Remi 3.png ) [iqdb]
46110
You figure you might as well get a few other things out of the way since you're having a meeting anyways, such as reminding the girls about rent payments, start thinking of float ideas for Homecoming, and clear up once and for all how the bathroom-cleaning schedule is supposed to work. However, you don't beat around the bush or let the girls start taking the meeting off on tangents; one of the key factors in having large amounts of charisma at your disposal is that you can't just expect everything to go your way automatically. You have to make it go your way.

You explain very simply to the girls that you have a date scheduled for nine o' clock, and that their glee-filled merriments--whatever they may be--must be postponed until after you leave. You require solitude and comfort to get yourself sufficiently prepared, because when you go out you're not just representing yourself, but the entire house as well. The quality of your performance tonight directly reflects the quality of the house's behavior, and surely they do not want to look like a gaggle of uncivilized floozies, do they? You additionally inform them that Sakuya will be keeping an eye out for any bad behavior during the times you are indisposed. Granted, you haven't actually informed her that she'll be doing this yet, and as a perfectly normal resident it's not like she owes it to you but because she's your loyal maid you know she's good for it.

There is dissention among the ranks. Sunhilda is vocal in her opposition, and persons you can't pinpoint support her stance. She asks you why you've gotta go imposing your politics on everyone else. Just because you're straight doesn't mean you deserve special treatment! It's no one's fault that your biology works that way; what, are they going to start giving kappa government handouts just because they're born green? At this rate they'll be letting straights serve in the Gensokyoan military, and then what will happen to our national defense?! Why can't you just accept the fact that your glorious motherland has its customs backwards and find a nice girlfriend to settle you down once and for all?

You are not even going to consider dignifying that with a response.
>> No. 46111
File 131371724364.png- (16.99KB , 190x319 , Derp Remi 4.png ) [iqdb]
46111
The crowd eventually disperses and leaves you to your business. You inform Sakuya that you're quite serious about this and do not wish to be disturbed. She's somewhat resentful for not being given any forewarning since she has plans of her own tonight, but she promises to do what she can. You really don't know what to do with that girl; with an attitude like "I'll do what I can" it's a small wonder she has such low self-esteem. You're hard on her for her own good; she'll thank you one day.

Your charisma level is ”Shaken Not Stirred”.


[ ] Get on the phone and make those calls.
[ ] Write down the meeting minutes and post them clearly so that the late arrivals have no excuse.
[ ] Take a bath; getting yourself prettied up will take forever.
[ ] Get Sakuya in a better mood so she'll actually be of some use to you for once.
>> No. 46112
[x] Take a bath; getting yourself prettied up will take forever.

>Sunhilda is vocal in her opposition, and persons you can't pinpoint support her stance.

Is Kay lurking about?
>> No. 46113
[X] Take a bath; getting yourself prettied up will take forever.

>She asks you why you've gotta go imposing your politics on everyone else.
Sunny, this isn't about politics, it's about who owns the house. And the homeowner wants some peace and quiet. Don't like it? I hear cardboard boxes are quite... charming.
>> No. 46114
[x] Get Sakuya in a better mood so she'll actually be of some use to you for once.
>> No. 46115
[x] Get Sakuya in a better mood so she'll actually be of some use to you for once.
Useless maids everywhere.
>> No. 46120
Called for obligatory bathing option because A) It reached two votes first, B) It was voted for last time too, and C) That cool guy called me out on my faux-pas on vampire lore. Update probably today unless it isn't.

Useless fun fact: At a garage sale yesterday I bought an old Sega Genisis game called "A Faery's Tale". Sadly I don't actually have a Genesis to find out what the game's about. I should get on that since that same garage sale also got me Sonic, Sonic 2, Echo the Dolphin, and the vastly superior Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine.

>>46112
We've had bloody well enough of Kay for a while, I think. Remi just can't tell exactly who said what over Sunny's loud complaints.

>>46113
Why live in a box when she can just move in with her girlfriend? That's exactly her point!
>> No. 46121
>>46120
It wouldn't be charismatic for your Remilia to say, "the room is ripe with the stench of bitches" at all, right?
>> No. 46122
>>46121

Charismatic, yes. Proper, no. Ladylike, certainly not.
>> No. 46124
>>46120
>old SEGA Genesis games
You just reminded me that I never finished S3&K all the way.

;_;
>> No. 46125
File 13138520849.jpg- (24.77KB , 347x230 , 1276556231967.jpg ) [iqdb]
46125
>>46120
Get Sonic pinball, Sonic 3, S&K and Sonic 3D Blast so you can finish the collection. Just, don't play the last one.
Also, I never finished Sonic 3. Stupid carnival level...
>> No. 46126
>>46125
3D Blast was okay. It was better than any other attempt at Sonic going 3D up to the present day. Also, good music.
>> No. 46133
>>46125
That fucking barrel. That was an utterly dick move.
>> No. 46134
>>46125
Protip: use "up" and "down" to control the barrel. Took me months to figures it.
>> No. 46135
>>46134
You can actually use timed jumping to do it. I should know. I did it that way EVERY SINGLE TIME because jumping on it immediately has a visible effect, whereas using Up/Down takes ages to get any momentum. And you still need to jump on it to get going anyway.
>> No. 46140
File 131397680930.png- (13.54KB , 317x189 , Derp Remi 5.png ) [iqdb]
46140
Hopefully your forceful speech has inspired respect and reverence in the hearts of the other residents, at least for a short time. Despite your vague influence on the threads of fate you know that it’s inevitable one of the girls will see fit to not take you seriously as some point in the night. However, with your words still fresh in their minds you should have bought yourself enough time to take a proper bath, and at least with that out of the way you’ll be a little more able to deal with any mischief. It’s far easier to slap some sense into someone in between combing your hair as opposed to shampooing it.

Returning to your room, you peruse your international stock of soaps, bath salts, and the like. You are the wisest of world-wise college girls and know that the only way to keep your hygiene possessions safe is to hide them in your room and not in the community areas where anyone’s filthy paws might take just a dollop and assume that no one will notice. Kids today… no respect! They always think that it’s not illegal until you get caught. While this technically may be true, it’s a house-of-cards philosophy that is begging to tumble down upon itself, and you’re certainly not going to give them another card if you can help it. But you always catch them in the end and give them what-for. It’s for their own good; many of these fey-folks were literally born without spines, and that just won’t do.

Tonight you think you will go for a wintry theme: chill soaps and scents that are fresh and invigorating, but sharp. Too many girls that you’ve known take the easy road and pour on the rich floral and herbal aromas for the first date. You intend to make your suitor work for his wages tonight; the aura you cast should be harsh yet fair, like you. He is the one that should be impressing you, not the other-way round. Why should you lather yourself with lusty and exotic scents until you feel he deserves such a sample of your elegance? Honestly, sometimes you feel like you should have gotten into the relationship-counseling business instead of acting; you’d be an international guru of love in no time. But with that kind of fame they’d probably expect you to write a book, and you just don’t have the disposition for that sort of thing.
>> No. 46141
File 131397682921.png- (14.29KB , 129x189 , Derp Remi 6.png ) [iqdb]
46141
Gathering your bathing supplies and bathrobe you head downstairs into the basement. It’s a little known fact that despite the cold air and dank atmosphere the basement bathroom is the best in the house, and you intend to keep it that way. Though it’s smaller and not as lavish as the ones on the higher floors, it also receives far less traffic, and you know Sakuya cleans that one personally. Flandre’s usage of the facilities might be a little off-putting to other people, but you’ve both got the same germs, so it’s not really that much of a problem for you. Cooties are only contagious from the opposite sex anyways.

Ahh, bathwater… Such a simple yet effective remedy for stress. Though it may only be a temporary reprieve of twenty of thirty minutes, while you’re inside your troubles all seem to wash away. Like the dirt and grime one picks up over the natural course of living, you may enter the water with problems and quickly regain those problems upon leaving, but in between is a little piece of purity that you wish could last forever. You’ve heard of the many tawdry ways in which those fetishistic simpletons in popular culture have demeaned and oversexualized that which is the bath, and you can do nothing but roll your eyes and sigh at them. They know nothing of subtlety and very little of sexuality; there are far richer and more tempting ways to show the allure of a woman than just copious amounts of mere flesh. Why can a bath not just be a bath anymore?
>> No. 46142
File 131397690641.png- (18.44KB , 129x190 , Derp Remi 7.png ) [iqdb]
46142
There is a knock at the door; you affirm that the room is occupied and will be for some time. The voice on the other side is Sapphire’s, and she bears a missive which she does not wish prying ears to hear. Though this is interrupting your comfort and solitude, you allow her entrance; in addition to being very respectful of you on account of you giving her some of your blood, she is also one of the ladies in the house you know to be straight, and so her intrusion is somewhat less awkward in that regard, if only somewhat. You know that she would not bother you unless it was relevant.

Whispering into your ear, she tells you the she overheard Sunny and Therese vehemently discussing your unjust oppression, saying that you’re imposing your morality on them and never let them have any fun ever, and on and on. They pay their rent and do their chores and work hard all week; they should be allowed a little mischief on the weekends; that’s what fairies were meant to do after all! You just don’t understand! Sapphire is afraid that judging by the tone of their voice they may shortly be causing some havoc just to spite you. She tried to intervene peacefully but to no avail; she holds no authority other them and didn’t want to risk anything physical since that’s precisely what you want to avoid. She is troubled and is hoping that you, as her mentor and big sister figure, may give her peace.

Your charisma level is “Fresh and Smooth”

[ ] Dry yourself off and deal with this at once; wounds left to fester will infect and spread if not remedied.
[ ] Give Sapphire permission to deal with the situation at her discretion; it will show that you are quite in control and can still solve problems without having to address them in person.
[ ] Get Sakuya to take care of it; a temporal solution is rarely elegant but always effective and efficient.
[ ] Continue your bath; gossip and dissention is not evidence of betrayal. Remember, you must look your best tonight.
>> No. 46144
[x] Give Sapphire permission to deal with the situation at her discretion; it will show that you are quite in control and can still solve problems without having to address them in person.

The way to show control is to give up control. Brilliant!
>> No. 46146
[x] Give Sapphire permission to deal with the situation at her discretion; it will show that you are quite in control and can still solve problems without having to address them in person.
Makes sense. Delegate, my dear, delegate. That's what leaders do.
>> No. 46148
[x] Give Sapphire permission to deal with the situation at her discretion; it will show that you are quite in control and can still solve problems without having to address them in person.

Remi never said they couldn't do hijinks at all, just not while she's getting ready.
>> No. 46149
[x] You're boxed in. Quick, jump out the window!
>> No. 46150
[ ] Get Sakuya to take care of it; a temporal solution is rarely elegant but always effective and efficient.

Woah! Effective AND efficient?! What else could one wish for in such time of need?
>> No. 46151
Called for Sapphire. Update whenever. I’m putting off writing the Priceless update because I want to write this instead, and nobody's really chomping at the bit to read that anyways. I really do need to go back to the old philosophy I held during A Fairy’s Tale, which was never write unless I feel like it. True, this did make AFT take 15 months to finish, but I think I was definitely the better for it, and the story was too.

Didn’t beat Ten Desires this weekend, but I didn’t really try all that hard. I keep forgetting that playing Touhou makes me very high-strung and ornery, and I’m already high-strung enough from work as it is. I did at least make it to Toyosatomimi, though; her final boss theme sounds very much not like a final boss theme. Also why does it feel like the stage portion of Stage 6 keeps becoming more and more of a joke as these games go on?

>>46149

But you’re underground.
>> No. 46152
>>46151
>I’m putting off writing the Priceless update because I want to write this instead, and nobody's really chomping at the bit to read that anyways.

If I could kick people over the internet, I would kick you so hard you would become sterile.

I still love you. Just less, I guess.
>> No. 46154
Let me put it in perspective, then. When I take it easy and don’t push myself, you get AFT. When I work too hard and write all the time, you get ASSM. Just sayin’.

I’m glad you like Priceless though.

D’awww~
>> No. 46155
File 131405772424.png- (18.49KB , 129x188 , Derp Remi 8.png ) [iqdb]
46155
This conspiracy against you is troubling, but you can't lose your cool over it. At the forefront of your mind must be your date preparations, and they should only be postponed if these domestic problems directly and physically affect you, or perhaps if they are causing irrevocable damage to your house. The best way to show troublemakers that they are being ineffective is not to demean them, but simply to ignore them; a fire without air to consume will quickly extinguish itself. You are a paragon of elegance and charisma, and will not play their stupid games.

Still, the matter should not go unanswered, and Sapphire is looking to you to set an example. You thank her for her diligence, and explain your thoughts to her. As she was once a fairy herself, she should know quite well that this is simply a plea for attention. Fairies are childish creatures; playful and optimistic, but selfish. They want to be loved and to love others, to laugh and have others laugh with them. While Thérèse is a textbook example of this, Sunny is far more independent and proactive, no doubt trying to emulate Meiling's self-confidence which she idolizes so much.

With this in mind you tell your protégée to keep her eyes and ears open for now and use her own discretion in intervening should the uncouth start to happen. These girls may have their minds set on pranks, but their hearts are still in the right place; they mean you no real harm. She needs to act like a vampire, and like a lady: Quiet. Reserved. In control. And yet dominant, ever-ready to show your power when the time comes. Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent; you must show that you are truly greater than your sisters by rising above their level rather than beating them within it.

Sapphire is grateful for your advice and bows to you, leaving on her mission emboldened by your words. You sink yourself back into the warm bathwater and bubbly soap. Ahh, to be young again. The girl is nowhere near your level as far as elegance and wisdom are concerned, but she does try so very hard to impress you. She parallels Sakuya in those regards, but where Sakuya has a young human’s insecurities, Sapphire has that fairy’s go-getting spunk which makes them so volatile. You really do love having a daughter around for a change…
>> No. 46156
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46156
Your skin and hair sufficiently fresh, you towel off and exit the bathroom, hovering slightly in the air so your damp feet won’t pick up dust of the floor. The house is noticeably quiet as you return to your room; seems the more respectful girls are taking your words to heart. Perhaps you’ll have to give them a treat in the future for their courtesy; good behavior should be rewarded just as much as bad behavior should be punished, after all. You honestly don’t want to punish Sunhilda for her opposition, but if she’s committed to blatantly defying the head resident and owner of the house you’ve got no choice. That will be a bridge to cross upon reaching it, however. You really must start working on your hair; it’s unique shade and shine makes a far more immediate first impression on passersby, especially if they don’t get a good look at your face.

After combing out the initial watery tangles you put in just a few hair rollers while it’s still damp. Nothing lavish, just something to give a little bounce to the ends of the strands. You’d prefer a very formal and straight look to your hair to match your no-nonsense wintery theme, but sadly your naturally wavy hair is very defined and it takes far more effort than you can give right now getting it straight. You do the best you can with what you have to work with, and even then it’s still generally better than the best others give. Appearance is everything to a vampire; appearance lets you blend in when you want to blend in, and stand out when you want to stand out. She who is in control of her appearance can just as easily control the weak-minded individuals who care for nothing but appearance. And there’s more and more of those every day, it seems…
>> No. 46158
File 131405784262.png- (23.96KB , 317x271 , Derp Remi 10.png ) [iqdb]
46158
There is a ruckus downstairs; a slamming of doors and a stomping of feet. A familiar voice says your name loudly, inquiring your presence. Patchouli is home, it seems, and judging by her entrance she must be quite adamant about something. She must also have forgotten to taken off her heavy protective boots after whatever experiment she was running in the metallurgy lab. You do not respond and see what she will do; she clumps her way up the stairs, calling your name again, and eventually raps her knuckles on your door. You curtly respond that you have a prior engagement and are busy preparing. Though she is out of breath she curtly responds back that it’s a breakthrough and she needs a vampire to run tests on to confirm. You tell her to find another one, because this one is busy getting ready for a night on the town with a hot date, and if she would have been there for the house meeting she’d have been aware of this.

It is at this point which Patchouli reminds you that she’s the one who set you up with said date in the first place.

Your charisma level is “Oh snap.”


[ ] She’s got you by the wings now. Might as well let the baby have her bottle; it’ll be easier in the long run, knowing her.
[ ] Use your magical sisterly intuition to find out where Flandre is and tell Patches to test her out instead.
[ ] Perhaps a half-vampire would add a much-appreciated variable to the equation; Sapphire’s in a good mood right now, after all.
[ ] Stay on target. Science can wait, and damn those video game-playing hipsters who say it can’t.
>> No. 46159
[x] She’s got you by the wings now. Might as well let the baby have her bottle; it’ll be easier in the long run, knowing her.

If anything, this will make Remillia seem even more... impressive. Even though she said she doesn't need to be. Besides, SCIENCE!
>> No. 46160
[x] She’s got you by the wings now. Might as well let the baby have her bottle; it’ll be easier in the long run, knowing her.
Yeah let's skip unforseen consequences and just finish this
>> No. 46162
[x] She’s got you by the wings now. Might as well let the baby have her bottle; it’ll be easier in the long run, knowing her.

Metallurgy experiments needing vampires? Sign me up.
>> No. 46163
[x] She’s got you by the wings now. Might as well let the baby have her bottle; it’ll be easier in the long run, knowing her.
>> No. 46164
x] She’s got you by the wings now. Might as well let the baby have her bottle; it’ll be easier in the long run, knowing her.
>> No. 46172
[ ] Use your magical sisterly intuition to find out where Flandre is and tell Patches to test her out instead.

Uh, guys, this experiment might ruin Ramilia's date. Patchouli should know how important this is to Remi, so she shouldn't do somethign that might ruin it for her.

Also, Remi just had a bath. Let's try and avoid getting her dirty again.
>> No. 46173
File 131423315899.png- (24.52KB , 317x272 , Derp Remi 11.png ) [iqdb]
46173
The initial shock of Patchouli's "oh snap" leaves you initially at a loss for words. It's fortunate that you're behind a closed door so that no one can see you falter; that would be quite embarrassing. You quickly snap out of it and start considering the situation, however. In all honesty, all she did was introduce you to the man; he was the one that amused you enough to get the date. You certainly don't owe her enough from that to warrant the breaches of privacy, personal space, and general awkwardness her magical science experiments generally entail. You've already given her plenty of your blood for her bloody tests over the years as it is; shouldn't a smart girl like her have found a way to reuse the samples?

Sadly, you know what Patchouli can be like; she is the kind of girl who doesn't really care, except when she does, and she definitely appears to be caring right now. As much as you hate encouraging the madness brought about by science, it is one of the very few things in life which truly gives her joy. And she definitely needs the joy; she had a rough childhood and was forced to grow up very fast. Even on a night such as tonight, you will humor her. After all, Patchouli is different from the other residents; she is not an unfamiliar underclassman housemate, nor college acquaintance, nor even a family member. She is a friend.

But you're still not going to let her just walk all over you.

Still working on your hair, you tell her she will be permitted to have her required vampire, but you will continue with your date preparations despite her scientific machinations; surely blood samples and skin samples and the like will not require your full attention one hundred percent of the time. She will also not be permitted to drag you into her lair; she can come in your room if she's so adamant about it. Your room has fresher air and softer carpets anyways; it'll do her some good.

She must really be in "the zone" tonight; she doesn't even bother arguing and agrees at face value. A lesser individual would say that since that's the case you could have bargained better and gotten your way from the beginning, because that's how an immature, stuck-up, bratty aristocrat who tempts fate would think. But you are none of those things and know better; fate doesn't work that way. What happens happens and it happened that way because it happened that way; if it didn't happen that way then you wouldn't be there to realize it happened in the first place and it's a moot point. Fate is sort of like time travel in that respect, expect fate is less of a science and more of an art. Besides, you don't tempt fate, you coax her.

Patchouli gives you a few minutes of peace while she grabs her testing supplies, which is more than enough time for you to tidy your room so that she won't accidentally mess up anything you don't want to get messed up. When she knocks on your door again you remind her to take those horrid metallurgy boots off her feet; she'll ruin the carpet. Whether or not she actually did forget to take them off (you wouldn't put it past her on some days) she comes into your room without them, her long hair hastily tied into a thick cord with bailing twine and stuffed out of the way down the back of her shirt. Science is never very fashionable, it seems.
>> No. 46175
File 131423325187.gif- (30.77KB , 316x187 , Derp Remi 12.gif ) [iqdb]
46175
She sets a case full of various testing tools and a backpack on the bed with your permission, then asks where she might place the dozen or so other sciencey objects she's been levitating around her since she entered the room. You are busy readjusting the curlers in your hair and just tell her some place out of the way from anything she might break, stain, burn, or vaporize. Predictably she asks you for your arm so she can take a sample of blood; you are so glad that your magical skin heals all blemishes, else you feel like you might look like some kind of heroine addict. You still think you should get a drink from someone before you leave tonight, though; can't be taking any chances.

The next hour or so is rather awkward, in a peer bonding sort of way. You try your absolute hardest to ignore that Patchouli is really even there and focus on choosing the right dress, shoes, jewelry, perfume, and makeup; they can't just be elegant by themselves, they have to look beautiful as an ensemble. Patchouli for the most part works around you much like a tailor would, poking you and measuring you with different instruments in between strapping a metal band on different parts of your legs, arms, and neck, and then asking you which sample looks brighter to you, the left or the right? Her job is made more difficult by the fact that she has to keep chasing you around the room as you test the mobility of different shoe/dress combinations, or leaning around you from different angles as you crane your body to see how you look. Mirrors of course don't work for you, and it's not like you can ask Patchouli how you look. That girl wears socks with sandals; she's hopeless.

You are making excellent progress and have picked out your outfit; a long-sleeved, high-necked silvery-blue dress that’s well-made but lacks a lot of ornamentation. Again, you’re dressing to impress tonight, not seduce; you intend to let your talking do the talking tonight and not your looks, which also explains your lack of high heels, or even any jewelry aside from a simple set of pearl earrings.
>> No. 46177
File 131423353439.png- (20.57KB , 316x188 , Derp Remi 13.png ) [iqdb]
46177
You are in the middle of finding a good icy-fresh perfume when Patchouli wonders if she might impose by stabbing you with a knife. According to her results it should be perfectly safe.

You stare at her with a blank expression on your face for a while as she holds said knife raised in her hand, totally serious.

You ask if the knife is silver.

She looks at it for a second or two and says that there is some silver in it…

You think that this situation definitely classifies as awkward now.

Elsewhere in the house there is the sound of breaking glass, clattering furniture, and things slamming into walls.

Your charisma level is ”The Honeymoon Is Over.”


[ ] That witch is going to owe you big time after this…
[ ] Just a small stab, then, somewhere inconspicuous; wounds from silver don’t like to heal instantly, and you’ve got a date tonight.
[ ] YOU. YES, YOU. BOX. YOUR STUFF. OUT THE FRONT DOOR. PARKING LOT. CAR. GOODBYE.
[ ] Abruptly change the subject by discussing this ruckus.

Also pick one-a these:
( ) Keep getting ready; Sakuya and Sapphire can handle this.
( ) Go find out why your loyal maids are not doing their jobs.
( ) Deal with the troublemakers yourself; you warned them.
>> No. 46178
>heroine addict
Gotta watch out with those heroines. First it's just a superhero comic here and there, then you start hitting the Greek stuff, and before you know it you're addicted to Touhous and you can't go back.

>Derp Remi 12.gif
It took me a few re-watches to realize that that wasn't Patchy's clipboard on fire in the last frame.

[X] Just a small stab, then, somewhere inconspicuous; wounds from silver don’t like to heal instantly, and you’ve got a date tonight.
(X) Go find out why your loyal maids are not doing their jobs.
>> No. 46179
[x] Abruptly change the subject by discussing this ruckus.
-[x] Deal with the ruckus yourself.
Time's up magician, better luck tomorrow.
>> No. 46180
[x] Just a small stab, then, somewhere inconspicuous; wounds from silver don’t like to heal instantly, and you’ve got a date tonight.
(x) Keep getting ready; Sakuya and Sapphire can handle this.

Derp.
>> No. 46181
[X] YOU. YES, YOU. BOX. YOUR STUFF. OUT THE FRONT DOOR. PARKING LOT. CAR. GOODBYE.
(X) Deal with the troublemakers yourself; you warned them.

Real friends don't intend to stab you with something potentially lethal. Not even for SCIENCE.
>> No. 46184
[x] Just a small stab, then, somewhere inconspicuous; wounds from silver don’t like to heal instantly, and you’ve got a date tonight.
(x) Keep getting ready; Sakuya and Sapphire can handle this.
>> No. 46186
Called for "small stab". "Deal with it yourself" and "Keep getting ready" are tied, so that means they both win. I'll find out how to make this work later.

>>46178
>heroine addict
This is the proper and classy way to call an author out on their typos. Or at least to call me out on them. I approve.

>that wasn't Patchy's clipboard on fire
But it would have been just as good if it was on fire.

I was going to add more props and more frames to the gif, but then I remembered that this is Derp Wars, and production values are purposely kept low for your amusement.

>>46181
In This Derpiture Enrichment Research Procedure, Your Weighted Companion Patch May Threaten To Stab You And, In Fact, Often Speaks. We Apologize For Any Inconvenience This May Cause You In The Near Future, And Ask You To Remember That: You, Are A Terrible Person.
>> No. 46198
File 131440624144.png- (20.42KB , 316x187 , Derp Remi 14.png ) [iqdb]
46198
If you're being perfectly honest with yourself, this is not the most inane thing she's asked from you. It's not like silver is instantly fatal or poisonous to you anyways, but the wounds take days to heal rather than seconds, so they are noticeably inconvenient and make you feel more like a human than you'd prefer. Still, you've been a good sport about her tests thus far, and you know Patchouli values the friendship you two share; she wouldn't suggest something like this if she felt it would actually be harmful to you. Besides, she knows her stuff. If she didn't she wouldn't have been able to figure out a way to successfully vampirize Sapphire; you tried it by yourself at first and it just didn't work.

You feel it's pertinent to ask her why she wants to stab you first, before allowing this invasive procedure. She gladly explains: For the past several weeks she's been working on alternative silver, platinum, and mithril alloys, and gauging their level of effect on various supernatural creatures. This particular sample has been showing promising results; by magically alloying silver with steel and other neutralizing elements, the resulting metal seems to have a noticeably dampened effect on non-human entities, and should theoretically see a decline in the ability to bypass magical regenerative qualities. The eventual application would be to isolate exactly what properties of silver make it deadly to these creatures, and in doing so better grasp the supernatural rules their bodies play by.
>> No. 46199
File 13144062581.png- (19.74KB , 316x187 , Derp Remi 15.png ) [iqdb]
46199
If you don't cut her off she's going to keep talking about that knife for a good five more minutes, so you save yourself the trouble and just stab yourself in the thigh with it instead. There should be no reason for you to be showing that much leg tonight anyways, and if through some odd "coincidence" your date manages to see that high up your dress he’s not going to be getting a second date. It stings a little, as knives often do, and you ask her how long science recommends you keep it in for. After getting over the initial absurdity of you stabbing yourself she replies that it should probably come out now; science says that knives are detrimental to your health.
>> No. 46200
File 131440627088.png- (26.00KB , 316x187 , Derp Remi 16.png ) [iqdb]
46200
Patches' face lights up like a joyous little girl when she sees that the wound bleeds barely at all and doesn't look the least bit inflamed like a silver wound normally would! The theory is sound! You are ecstatic with apathy and can barely contain the enthusiasm within your totally unenthused face; you hope she's satisfied. Meanwhile, your "Auroran Midnight" perfume seems to have gone missing from its place in your beauty cabinet, so you must have loaned it out to one of the other girls at some point in the past. Why they would have wanted that specific perfume you have no clue, but it probably made sense at the time. You will have to go out and reacquire it and then chastise them for not taking good care of the bottle; it'll probably be covered with smudges from unwashed hands touching it.

You spend a little bit of time putting some ointment on the wound and bandaging it properly, just on the off-chance that Patchouli's calculations are wrong and it doesn't heal before your date. Patchouli is chattering excitedly around you and scribbling on her clipboard; you think you hear her ask if she can stab you in a few other places to get a larger sample size. You drown her out as you tie the bandage, listening instead to the clattering in the hallway outside your door. It sounds like some number of troublemakers are running through the hall breaking light fixtures and end tables, possibly playing Frisbee. And if that's the case...
>> No. 46201
File 131440631491.png- (50.12KB , 315x496 , Derp Remi 17.png ) [iqdb]
46201
You open your door into the face of an unsuspecting passerby. She fails to catch the Frisbee and loses all the points. You timed that just about right, you'd say.

Your charisma level is "Bitch please".


[ ] Play it off as if nothing happened. Go find your perfume.
[ ] Just sort of glare at them all aloofly. Then go find your perfume.
[ ] Pretend like you didn’t mean it and get under their skin by acting all apologetic and sappy about it.
[ ] Give Sunhilda the business; really lay it on thick.
[ ] “Sakuyaaa! Come here so I can kick you in the shins!”
>> No. 46202
[X] Give Sunhilda the business; really lay it on thick.

"Three hours. Three hours of peace and quiet was all I asked for, and then you could do your shenanigans. But you couldn't even manage two."
>> No. 46203
[x] Give Sunhilda the business; really lay it on thick.

Giving her the business.
>> No. 46204
[y] Just sort of glare at them all aloofly. Then go find your perfume.
>> No. 46208
[x] Just sort of glare at them all aloofly. Then go find your perfume.
>> No. 46210
[X] Play it off as if nothing happened. Go find your perfume.

Whoops! Door in your face!
>> No. 46211
[x] Just sort of glare at them all aloofly. Then go find your perfume.
>> No. 46212
[X] Give Sunhilda the business; really lay it on thick.
>> No. 46214
[x] Just sort of glare at them all aloofly. Then go find your perfume.
>> No. 46236
Called for "glare". Time is ill-defined and not a fixed construct so the update will be now, for extremely broad values of "now".
>> No. 46239
File 131475322350.png- (47.03KB , 319x373 , Derp Remi 18.png ) [iqdb]
46239
This spectacle is unsightly. Sunny and Therese running amuck in the halls playing Frisbee, their poor aim denting walls and breaking light bulbs all around them. They're even intruding into other people's rooms so they get more distance on their throws! A shameful display. Three hours. Three hours of peace and quiet was all you asked for, and then they could do their shenanigans. But they couldn't even manage two.

You have no response to this, and you will make none. Silently you glare at the troublemakers scornfully, your eyes heavy-lidded with disdain. Your disapproval emanates from you like the heat of an oven, making your point clear. They both try to look at you nervously while at the same time trying to avoid eye contact. They've been caught red-handed testing the limits of your patience. It seems neither of them dare to speak unless they are spoken to, and as the seconds drag by without you uttering a syllable the tension in their demeanors continues to mount. What could you possibly be thinking? What scathing remark or subtle witticism is brewing in your mind at this very moment? How much will getting thrown through drywall hurt?!

You think you'll let them stew in their own juices for a while~
>> No. 46240
File 131475324974.png- (38.60KB , 337x146 , Derp Remi 19.png ) [iqdb]
46240
Stepping over the still-prone Sunny you start heading to Sakuya's room; she's the most likely aficionado of perfume after yourself. You pass by Saphhire on the way, who still seems rather conflicted about herself. You're not sure exactly what she did or didn't manage to do while she was away, but you pay it no mind for now; the racket is not her fault, and perhaps she was just trying to imitate your calm elegance by not making a scene, albeit poorly. However, a scene already has been made, so there's not point in being subtle about it anymore; you whisper in her ear to "give them the business" and go along your merry way. Ladies don't go around dirtying their hands, after all; that's what subordinates are for.
>> No. 46241
File 131475328178.png- (34.37KB , 293x327 , Derp Remi 20.png ) [iqdb]
46241
Sakuya's door is open halfway already, so you think you'll just nudge yourself into the doorframe and lean against it for a while until she recognizes your presence. She appears to be chatting online with someone or someones on her computer, and as she has her earbuds in she's rather oblivious to your proximity, or the proximities of Frisbees for that matter. Silly, silly girl; you told her she was on call tonight, didn't you? How quickly humans forget the simplest of things. You're not going to waste a lot of time waiting for the song she's listening to to end, so you tiptoe around her room instead, looking for your perfume. This is your house and you'll invade people's privacy if you want to! But you don't usually want to, because that's very unladylike.

You find your expensive scents without much trouble, on a shelf amidst other beauty and hair-care products. The glass feels a little sticky to the touch; the Philistine was probably in a hurry and applied the perfume and hair spray at the same time. You'd wipe it off on some of her hanging clothes as a lesson to her, but you don't know where they've been, or more importantly the last time they've been washed. You swear, Sakuya is one of the worst time mages in the history of time mages. Forgetful, procrastinating, disorganized, lazy... All of these problems could easily be fixed by exploiting her time-stopping abilities, but does she do it? Not nearly as much as she should, in your opinion. She should be ashamed of herself.
>> No. 46242
File 131475336595.gif- (15.75KB , 207x314 , Derp Remi 21.gif ) [iqdb]
46242
The silly girl in question finally turns around and realizes you're in her room. She is taken aback and quickly minimizes the chat window, trying very hard to stave off a blush. Honestly, girl, just stop time until you compose yourself! You tell her to wrap it up with her girl-and/or-boyfriend out there in cyberspace; she promised to help you out, and since thus far she has not, she owes you. Her friend is probably lying about his-and/or-her gender anyways, or is not real. There are many things that are not real in Gensokyo.

Sakuya asks you why Patchouli keeps stabbing you with that knife. You tell her she is busy sciencing; don’t encourage her. You’re not wearing your good dress yet so you couldn’t care less.

Your charisma level is ”Stay on target”.


Your charisma can force Sakuya to use her powers to accomplish multiple objectives! However, the more she does, the more scatterbrained she gets while she does it!
[ ] Have Sakuya help you apply your makeup; you can’t use a mirror
[ ] Have Sakuya clean up the aftermath of the hooligans.
[ ] Have Sakuya wash and wax your car; your date isn’t meeting you at the house so you need to arrive in style.
[ ] Have Sakuya clean up her own room and person; a slobby servant indicates a slobby master.
[ ] Have Sakuya call and check the reservations; you’ll give her the secret passwords to get her corrected to the right people.
[ ] Have Sakuya…? (A long time ago, in a CYOA far, far away... WRITE INS)
>> No. 46243
[x] Have Sakuya help you apply your makeup; you can’t use a mirror
[x] Have Sakuya clean up the aftermath of the hooligans.
[x] Have Sakuya wash and wax your car; your date isn’t meeting you at the house so you need to arrive in style.
[x] Have Sakuya clean up her own room and person; a slobby servant indicates a slobby master.
[x] Have Sakuya call and check the reservations; you’ll give her the secret passwords to get her corrected to the right people.
[x] Anticipatory vote for any write-ins made after this post.

Full-retard.
>> No. 46246
[x] Have Sakuya help you apply your makeup; you can’t use a mirror
[x] Have Sakuya clean up the aftermath of the hooligans.

I doubt anything else is that badly in need of assistance.
>> No. 46248
[X] Have Sakuya help you apply your makeup; you can’t use a mirror.
[X] Have Sakuya clean up the aftermath of the hooligans.

Wash the car? That won't work without running water, so she can't do it using time stop. And expecting her to remember passwords is out of the question. At the very least, she needs to act the part of the lady's maid and fix what she was supposed to be preventing.
>> No. 46249
[x] Have Sakuya help you apply your makeup; you can’t use a mirror
[x] Have Sakuya clean up the aftermath of the hooligans.

It is maid time.
>> No. 46250
[ ] Have Sakuya help you apply your makeup; you can’t use a mirror
[ ] Have Sakuya wash and wax your car; your date isn’t meeting you at the house so you need to arrive in style.
[ ] Have Sakuya call and check the reservations; you’ll give her the secret passwords to get her corrected to the right people.

The really important stuff.
>> No. 46254
Called for "makeup" and "aftermath". Ironically a multi-vote option still ends up with a clear majority. I'll proably throw in other things that got two votes if events conspire to do so. Updating maybe not today because of KAIJI and maybe other forms of televised entertainment which are inferior to KAIJI.

>>46243
How I would have enjoyed writing this. Overworked scatterbrain Sakuya is one of my favorite characters I've made; she just feels so pitiably pathetic and endearing like Yowane Haku~. It's a shame I hadn't yet gotten into my groove when I wrote her Derp.

>>46248
>That won't work without running water, so she can't do it using time stop
Wow, you actually remembered this? I must have mentioned it, like, once in AFT, and maybe again in A Maid In Voyage. You get all the points Sunny lost from failing at The Frisbee.
>> No. 46265
File 131492651135.png- (30.45KB , 186x315 , Derp Remi 22.png ) [iqdb]
46265
Sakuya has been slacking off entirely too much tonight. Friday is not the day you slack off; Friday is the day you do your work so that you can slack off Saturday and Sunday instead. You are privy to this secret information, but it does you no good because you're already out of college, and it does no one else any good because they don't believe you. Regardless, she is flirting with a felony charge based on a greivous breach of the Good Samaritan law, and she must now atone for her sins with hard labour!

You are from England so you are allowed to spell labour with a u. Probably.

After updating Sakuya on the shenanigans that have been taking place while she was listening to her fresh jams, you tell her she has seven seconds to clean up all the messes the kids made and also to give you a status report on where they and Sapphire are right about now. She attempts to protest and says she doesn't have enough information to solve the problem, but you are oblivious to her excuses and whining and continue the countdown. As per usual, when you've finished off your count you have no clue if Sakuya has done anything, other than the telltale signs of weariness she carries after hard work, which any decent time mage would hide by resting before returning to the real world. You have since learned to always check what she said she did immediately after she said she did it, on the off chance that she actually didn't.
>> No. 46266
File 131492657036.png- (15.46KB , 314x135 , Derp Remi 23.png ) [iqdb]
46266
Patchouli has finally tired of her sadism and returns to her fortress of solitude to compute her data and win the Nobel Prize. As you tour the hallways observing the trail of destruction that doesn't exist, you ask Sakuya what the little whelps are up to now. Sakuya says that Sapphire seems to have dragged them outside and is pelting them with danmaku, and from the direction everyone is facing she seems to be chasing them away from the house. You ask her if her patterns look elegant and tight-knit like you've been teaching her; Sakuya thinks they seem nice enough but the bullets still look pretty boring. You'll have to work with her on that; fairies have poor imagination when it comes to danmaku patterns, and if Sapphire thinks she wants to be a cut above she's going to have to start learning some more style and less substance.

You see nothing in the common areas that draws your concern, and what happens in people's rooms is their problem until they complain to you and make it yours. You give Sakuya some light praise on a job well done, and will remember to put a dog treat on her desk when she's not looking. This has caused no end of complaints from both her and the other residents that think you're making fun of her, but you know that secretly she hordes them in a little ornate box in the closet as a symbol of her competence. That or she really does have some kind of a thing for dogs; you've never asked her, and she wouldn't give you a straight answer if she did.
>> No. 46267
File 131492660957.png- (20.27KB , 314x185 , Derp Remi 24.png ) [iqdb]
46267
In the same breath as telling her she did a good job, you tell her that she needs to help you put on your makeup. Once again you ignore her vague protests and apathy, because if she cares enough about her image to borrow your expensive perfume, she cares enough to be able to help you with makeup. You return to your room and make sure your knife wounds aren't bleeding (which they aren't and have practically reduced themselves to light bruises by now), then snuggle up into your dress so you won't smear your artificial face by putting it on later.

It's an awkward experience having someone less apt than yourself putting makeup on your face, but significantly less so than what Patchouli was doing earlier. You've had Sakuya do this a number of times before so she's used to it by now, as well as used to the fact that you often like to grab the prettification tools from her when you think she's doing it wrong, before she meekly tells you that you're only making it worse. Sometimes you wonder why you even bother when your face is already naturally young and beautiful, but being a gothy pale vampire is apparently still off-putting even in the progressive 21st century. Which is absolute rubbish as far as you're concerned, because not two hundred years ago a pale complexion was the height of aristocracy, and what's two hundred years here or there?
>> No. 46268
File 131492663782.png- (12.58KB , 188x316 , Derp Remi 25.png ) [iqdb]
46268
After spritzing on your newly-reacquired perfume and brushing your hair nice and bouncy once more, you’re looking quite the elegant young lady, and not at all foxy, delicious, or other adjectives which really make no literal sense when you think about it. You thank Sakuya again for her efforts and let her go about her way, whichever way that ends up being. You coast down to the first floor and hear the little cuckoo clock chime the half-hour; is it eight-thirty already? The anticipated rendezvous draws closer.

Your charisma level is ”Right Proper”.


[ ] Head down to the restaurant already; there is no “on-time”, only early and late, and you will not be late.
[ ] Check your reservations; if something fell through you’ll need to prepared scathing remarks beforehand.
[ ] See what ended up happening to Sapphire and the two hooligans.
[ ] Check in on Patchouli; surely she’s fabricated the anti-silver sublime by now, it’s been like forty minutes.
[ ] Drop in on little Monica; now would be a capital time to explain dating to her.
>> No. 46269
[x] Drop in on little Monica; now would be a capital time to explain dating to her.
>> No. 46270
[x] Drop in on little Monica; now would be a capital time to explain dating to her.
If anything, she can be fashionably late
>> No. 46271
[x] Check your reservations; if something fell through you’ll need to prepared scathing remarks beforehand.

Do not want bad surprises.
>> No. 46272
[x] Check your reservations; if something fell through you’ll need to prepared scathing remarks beforehand.
>> No. 46276
[x] Drop in on little Monica; now would be a capital time to explain dating to her.

Monica~
>> No. 46277
[X] Check your reservations; if something fell through you’ll need to prepare scathing remarks beforehand.

>Sakuya thinks they seem nice enough but the bullets still look pretty boring. You'll have to work with her on that;
Says the woman who uses scarlet versions of generic bullets and knives (a trademark of her servant). At least the ghost princess can claim her butterflies are unique.

>Sometimes you wonder why you even bother when your face is already naturally young and beautiful,
>you’re looking quite the elegant young lady,
How can you tell all this when you have no reflection? What, do you blindly trust what everyone says?
>> No. 46279
Called for "Monica", because it hit three first and it's a more entertaining thing to write anyways. Ironically, that Monica option was just something I threw in there at the last second because I felt like four options wasn't enough. Shows how much I know.

>>46277
>Says the woman who uses scarlet versions of generic bullets and knives
Let's not be too harsh on the first Windows game now. Nobody had hitboxes or the ability to collect items by moving vaguely close to them, either. It was a simpler time back then. A time when points actually meant something for the casual player, bosses dropped entire lives, and Master Spark was the "I win" button. Plus it's not like it's that easy to represent her ability with danmaku; what kind of lame power is Heart Fate anyways?

At least Red The Nightless Castle has a nice name. Plus you can't hate SPEAR THE GUNGNIR.

>How can you tell all this when you have no reflection? What, do you blindly trust what everyone says?
She can tell all this because she has CHARISMA.
>> No. 46342
The legitimate reason I am not updating is because of Labor Day weekend, then me forgetting my flash drive at work two days straight.

The real reason is because my sister's been playing Mario Kart Wii lately and I forgot how much stupid fun it is.

People online aren't as ungodly good as I thought they would be. Most of the time.
>> No. 46349
File 131552682012.png- (16.54KB , 187x316 , Derp Remi 26.png ) [iqdb]
46349
Perhaps it would be best if you head down to the restaurant already, but... You can't help but remember a small fuss Francesca and Monica made a while back when Sapphire had gone on one of her dates. They seem to have both led pretty sheltered lives before college, and don't really understand what the fuss is about courting people of the opposite gender, or even the same gender for that matter. You can't really blame them; Patchouli has a theory going that fairies do not actually have a default sexual orientation and only pick one up as they mimic whatever surroundings or acquaintances they find themselves living with, as fairies are wont to do. After seeing countless examples of the awkward obliviousness of these creatures, you tend to agree. And whilst Francesca seems to be breaking out and discovering things for herself (scandalous wench), dear Monica is still in that tenuous stage where she's being bombarded with new information on all sides and doesn't really know what to do with it all. You just hate to see the younger up-and-coming crowd getting swept away by the wiles of the world. Perhaps now would be a good time to explain the real deal to the young girl; she must be wondering why all this racket is being made over a simple Friday night outing.

The house remains pretty quiet as you tiptoe up to the third floor, making sure not to ruin any of your delicate preparations. Monica is currently sitting on her bed watching her aquarium fish drift around in their little home. The door is open but you knock on it anyways; it's the polite thing to do, and you are always polite to polite people. She is surprised to see you, as always, and looks taken aback by your improved elegance and chill appearance. You have no time for small talk right now, but it's not like you have to be blunt; there's more than one way to cut to the chase. You ask her motheringly if she knows why everyone is making such a big deal over your date tonight. She says not really, kinda sorta maybe? She just assumed it was important and stayed out of everybody's way; that's what she usually does when she's unsure about something. This probably explains the copious amount of time she spends either in her room or away from the house.

You sit down on the bed next to her and affectionately rub her shoulder. She's a good kid, you tell her, and there's a sad few of those around these days. Everyone's getting desensitized by loud music and pandering politicians and questionable movies and internet artists with too much time on their hands. You wish that there were more fairies like her that can keep their playful optimism without conforming to the ways of the world. Dating, you tell her, is a way of getting to know someone that you think you might actually love; a different kind of love than loving your friends or your sisters. You tell her she probably hasn't felt that kind of love yet, but perhaps some day she'll understand what it means. Sometimes if you date for long enough and love someone enough, then you'll get married and spend the rest of your lives together. She asks does that mean you think you love and want to marry whoever you're going to date tonight?
>> No. 46350
File 131552684825.png- (16.35KB , 187x316 , Derp Remi 27.png ) [iqdb]
46350
You whisper in her ear that just between you and her, no~ You really don't feel like getting married or falling in love right now in your life, but a young lady in your position is expected to date attractive and eligible men. You have a reputation as a romantic to keep up, and if you don't toy with the affections of younger men like this no one will take you seriously as a bachelorette. You tell Monica not to worry, for love is a very strange game, and even most who play the game have absolutely no idea how to play. Fools dabble timidly and only set themselves up for failure, while many others think that the only winning move is not to play at all. Millionaires in "love" marry and divorce each other every month, and unscrupulous youths change the object of their affections as often as they change their undergarments. You know Monica will not truly appreciate the subtext of that statement, but it bears a rather uncomfortable truth all the same.

Ruffling her hair, you stand back up and tell her to just take life as it comes. If you feel like you need love, look for it. If you don't, don't. Everyone is different; no two people are the same. Some people are romantics. Remilia is a romantic. Some people are loners. Patchouli is a loner. Some people are Flandres. Flandre is a Flandre. You see? Everyone is different; not two people are the same not girls with world-altering magical powers.

Monica is put at ease and grateful for your thoughtfulness; you have done your good deed for the day. But now you must scurry out the door so as not to be shown up by your not-boyfriend who you are humoring to see how many dates it takes before he realizes your standards are too high. Making sure you have your handbag with you (a fashionable lady in the 21st century apparently cannot be caught without one), you head out the front do-
>> No. 46351
File 131552689726.png- (21.95KB , 317x297 , Derp Remi 28.png ) [iqdb]
46351
NO. NO, FLANDRE. NO SHE CANNOT SLEEP OVER TONIGHT. NO WE CANNOT DOUBLE-DATE WITH HER. NO YOU CANNOT JUST TAG ALONG.

Your Charisma level is irrelevant.


[ ] Curbstomp these bitches. But, with dignity.
[ ] Sakuya! Stop cleaning your room and help! Respect your mistress who does not speak Engrish while asking you this!
[ ] Stay on target. You'll deal with these rapscallions when you get back. They haven't done already wrong yet.
[ ] Screw it. Quit while you’re ahead; cancel the date.
--( ) Call ahead and give a charismatic and elegant reason for your absence.
--( ) Leave him hanging. He’s not that important.
>> No. 46352
[X] Sakuya! Stop cleaning your room and help! Respect your mistress who does not speak Engrish while asking you this!

"And stop that babbling about country names!"
>> No. 46353
[x] Stay on target. You'll deal with these rapscallions when you get back. They haven't done already wrong yet.

INB4 house is burned down.
>> No. 46354
[X] Sakuya! Stop cleaning your room and help! Respect your mistress who does not speak Engrish while asking you this!

Mistress will not even try to smile until the tactless, mooching satori is gone.
>> No. 46355
[ ] Stay on target. You'll deal with these rapscallions when you get back. They haven't done already wrong yet.

Stay on target always stay on target.
>> No. 46361
[x] Curbstomp these bitches. But, with dignity.
Goddamnit Flandre
>> No. 46363
[x] Stay on target. You'll deal with these rapscallions when you get back. They haven't done already wrong yet.

Never let it out of your eyes.
>> No. 46364
Going with "Stay on target" then. I'm actually quite surprised as to how on-target these votes have been; usually something manages to distract you. Well done.
>> No. 46365
We stay on target because we have 3 Foc... I mean 2 focus. Yeah.
>> No. 46404
File 131577367623.png- (20.93KB , 316x233 , Derp Remi 29.png ) [iqdb]
46404
Where does she get the gall to even suggest that you would tolerate that... thing in your house?! The so-called "Kay" is rude, nosey, has no respect for personal space, no concept of morals or propriety, the list goes on and on. If you weren't so concerned about your image you'd curbstomp that bitch in a second, and you probably still could and no one would blame you.

However, you are actually going to try something unprecedented for once and trust your sister. Yes she's hyperactive and continues to barely maintain her loose grip on reality, but no one knows better than you that she works very hard every second of every day to just live a normal life. You alone have the privilege of remembering what a dear sweet girl she was before the accident, and despite what it may seem she really does look up to you as an older sister. A pox upon that Kay girl for thinking she knows more than you do about your own sister; there are a lot of things that girl just doesn't understand. If anything she's the one with the loose grasp on reality. You look your sister in the eyes and tell her you'll be going out on a date tonight; look after the house while I'm gone, and just take it easy. Sapphire will probably be dragging an unconscious Sunny and Therese back into the house at some point; they got what was coming to them, don't worry about it. If you feel like you absolutely must have alcohol, please please please stop drinking that discount beer; there's some absinthe hidden behind the cooking sherry in the kitchen and for God's sake do not use the generic brand sugar cubes with it! I'll be back before one A.M., love you, bye.
>> No. 46405
File 131577383043.png- (173.77KB , 405x262 , Derp Remi 30.png ) [iqdb]
46405
Feeling decently satisfied with how you handled that, you get in your car and drive to the restaurant. Of course you could just fly there, but you don’t want to risk messing up your dress, and besides, your wings aren’t out right now. The dashboard clock reads 8:57 as you pull into the parking lot; sadly, the restaurant your date got reservations for does not have valet parking. -10 points: making a girl walk through a parking lot is shameful, as is not picking her up in the first place. Perhaps he’s one of those Sakuya-types that thinks too hard and forgets about the little things; such a man is not the kind of boyfriend for you, to be sure.

Your suitor waits for you inside the lobby of the restaurant, certainly not in his Sunday best, but at least it’s better than business casual. -5 points; he should have been waiting for you in front of the restaurant so that he could open the door for you. It’s a nice well-to-do Italian place, but you’ve not eaten here in several years if you recall. You remember the red wine being far too sweet, but the bread was more than tolerable. Perhaps you’ll see if they’ve changed at all since then. Your date does remember to pull out your chair for you, at least. +0 points: you win nothing for doing what you’re supposed to do. You only win points when you go beyond expectations.

The food garners no complaints from you, though the wine still hasn’t improved. The man feels very Sakuya-like indeed, trying very hard to be courteous and suave, but underneath most likely nervous as all get-out and afraid he’ll make a mistake. It seems you did a good job of imposing your high standards on him when you accepted his invitation. He is at least not fool enough to drown his nervousness in his wine, which you can also tell he doesn’t like and probably only ordered to try and be high-class. Water is a perfectly-acceptable beverage for cleansing the palette, but God help him who orders soda pop or beer and thinks he’s getting a second date from you.
>> No. 46406
File 131577387391.png- (333.68KB , 505x380 , Derp Remi 31.png ) [iqdb]
46406
The meal is finished and your date pays for the bill; like a true engineering student, he leaves the socially-acceptable 15% tip on the table. His faux-pas, however, is that he rounds down to the nearest dollar rather than up. -5 points; servants are always worthy of their service, and without them where would you be? This is certainly not the worst date you’ve ever had, but mediocrity is equally insulting in its own way.

The man asks if you’d like to go see a movie, or perhaps just mill about and talk for a while. He’s a little curious about your history with Patchouli, as the two of you don’t seem like the kind of folk who would get along with each other.

You charisma level is “Better than the other guy”.


[ ] Call it a night. If your attention isn’t grabbed by the first act, you’re walking out of the theatre.
[ ] Walk around downtown. Indulge his queries and see what he’s like when he believes to be in control of the conversation.
[ ] Walk the boardwalk. Be firm and don’t give him any quarter. Make him show his determination.
[ ] Go to a movie.
--( ) Let him pick the film to see what he thinks you’ll enjoy.
--( ) Insist on the romantic drama, “Date With Destiny”. Can this man handle girly movies with feelings and emotions?
--( ) Insist on the hit blockbuster, “The Silvertounge”. You know it’s overblown and overhyped, but does he?
--( ) Insist on the raunchy college flick, “Free Ride”. What will he do if he thinks you enjoy drunken frat parties and boobs?
>> No. 46407
[X] Walk around downtown. Indulge his queries and see what he’s like when he believes to be in control of the conversation.

No movies on the first date. He has to prove he can be entertaining on his own.
>> No. 46408
[ ] Walk the boardwalk. Be firm and don’t give him any quarter. Make him show his determination.

He needs to shape up. Or rather, Remilia should shape him into a real man.
>> No. 46409
[X] Walk around downtown. Indulge his queries and see what he’s like when he believes to be in control of the conversation.
>> No. 46427
[x] Walk around downtown. Indulge his queries and see what he’s like when he believes to be in control of the conversation.
>> No. 46430
[x] Walk the boardwalk. Be firm and don’t give him any quarter. Make him show his determination.
>> No. 46431
[x] Walk around downtown. Indulge his queries and see what he’s like when he believes to be in control of the conversation.
He failed at the start by being normal, let's see how he does if he's given a bit of control.
>> No. 46491
File 131596034726.png- (238.67KB , 499x319 , Derp Remi 32.png ) [iqdb]
46491
As far as first dates go you think this man has held himself relatively well. He is gentlemanly, calm, and respectful. Which is precisely why you are thus far totally unenthused by this date. There's just no hook. Dinner and maybe a show? That might be acceptable on, say, the twentieth date after he's long since proved his worth, but what good is it to you here? Take you out dancing, or a concert, or maybe a sports game, a place with some excitement. Heck, you might even settle for drinks and karaoke at a bar if he was interesting enough to pull it off; even if he made a fool of himself at least it'd put a smile on your face. As far as you're concerned the first date is like a job interview, and the job is you. They need to sell themselves. What can they bring to your company that someone else can't bring? You could find any bum on the street that could take you to dinner. They still wouldn't get a second date, but that's kind of the point you're trying to make here.

You'll give him one more chance. Rather than go to a movie, you think you'd rather just walk around downtown and chat for a bit. Maybe his personality is more impressive than his ability to think of interesting things to do. After all, he is an engineer; you can't expect them to really know anything about socializing in the first place. He agrees, and the two of you walk down the main drag, admiring the evening lights and little shop windows that are open even at this late hour.

He again asks about Patchouli, so you indulge him. The two of you met many years ago at an elementary school science fair; she was the new kid in school and had no friends, but her project on the four basic elements was quite impressive for a fifth grader, especially the interactive Venn Diagram. You saw the spark of excellence in her, so the next chance you got you volunteered to be her partner for a class project, and lo, she now had exactly one friend. She really helped you get through the bad times after your parents died, despite all evidence of her personality to the contrary; it's a relationship that can't exactly be put into so few words. He hums and nods and says that he sees how that might be so; Miss Knowledge is always hard at work whenever he sees her, saying hardly a word and never found asking for help.

You let him talk however he wishes, answering questions and nodding mostly, occasionally making a comment here or there but never outright ask him a question about himself. For the most part he asks all the common things, what are your interests, what do you do for a living, what's it like being not a human, etcetera etcetera. He then talks for a while about his dragon's blood research project, saying that since you're a vampire and all you might find it interesting. The premise is intriguing, but it's clear to you that he doesn't know how to explain it to a non-engineer; he spends too much time on the fine details and the research, and not enough time on the things a normal person would actually find interesting. What does it do? How will it help society? Are the market possibilities only for the private investor, or for the general public? He eventually gets around to answering these questions, but they're buried in paragraphs of explanations you only know how to sort through because you're used to listening to Patches. And at least she knows how to interface with the common person. Sometimes. After you tell her

Besides, if he's supposed to be researching all these things about dragon's blood for his PhD, he should have known that vampires take very little interest in it at all. No self-respecting dragon would ever allow a vampire to get that close to their neck in the first place, and no self-respecting vampire would try. Dragons outclass you in nearly every way, and even if the rumors of its exotic taste is true you're not going to risk your life to find out. When you sup on those weaker than yourself, you are a predator, but when you sup on those stronger than yourself, you're nothing but a leech. How horribly unflattering. For him even to suggest that you'd be interested is borderline insulting. You know he means well, but his mind is clearly not of a caliber worthy of your voluntary company. It was a nice effort, Patchouli, but next time just take him yourself. Lord knows it's been long enough since the last time she tried. She can keep saying she doesn't need to be in a relationship, but it's your job as a friend and a romantic to keep teasing her about it~

Well, this night has pretty much been a wash. When you were younger and the date went bad you generally just bit the guy, but this dress is simply too nice to get all messy. You'll have to improvise.

Your charisma level is "Bored, but in, like, a superior way".


[ ] Tough it out. If you try you might be able to find something he's good at.
[ ] Let him know how unenthused you are and just leave him hanging as you walk away.
[ ] Spin some vampire BS about having to be home by midnight to take your blood or something. Nobody ever questions "medical conditions".
[ ] What you need is a diversion. Call in a favor.
--( ) From Sakuya
--( ) From Patchouli
--( ) From Flandre (but no shenanigans)
--( ) From Flandre (shenanigans preferred)
>> No. 46494
[x] What you need is a diversion. Call in a favor.
--(x) From Flandre (but no shenanigans)

I take it this is the extra shenanigans choice.
>> No. 46495
[x] What you need is a diversion. Call in a favor.
--(x) From Flandre (shenanigans preferred)

Fuck it, let's go all out.
>> No. 46496
[X] Let him know how unenthused you are and just leave him hanging as you walk away.

This date is over. Sorry guy, you tried but you didn't make the cut.
>> No. 46497
[X] Let him know how unenthused you are and just leave him hanging as you walk away.

He didn't do bad enough to deserve Flandre of all people.
>> No. 46499
[x] What you need is a diversion. Call in a favor.
--(x) From Patchouli

It's her mess so she should clean it up.
>> No. 46500
[x] What you need is a diversion. Call in a favor.
--(x) From Francesca

He seems to like to explain things, and Fran likes to understand things. I CAN'T SEE THIS GOING WRONG. Fran has Plot Armor anyway so she'll be fine, even though she'll be much more educated in dragon's blood than she may ever wish to be if you didn't call her in for a substitution.
>> No. 46506
Called for "walk away" because there's no consensus anywhere else and also because I wrote a third of the update already banking on the hope that there're wouldn't be any more votes, and there weren't. Update most likely today, barring laziness or emergencies.

The below may be relevant to owners of the popular hit video game system, The Wii.
If you’re into puzzle platformers, consider looking into “Lost in Shadow”. It’s basically ICO, except on the Wii and side-scrolling rather than free-roaming. Beautifully-artistic little game here, and has quite the intriguing game mechanic to it. It’s even showing signs that it might actually be a Metroidvania puzzle-platformer rather than just a normal puzzle platformer, so that’s cool too.
>> No. 46530
File 13160511592.png- (237.67KB , 498x318 , Derp Remi 33.png ) [iqdb]
46530
A real woman does not run from mediocrity, but faces it and exposes it for the lukewarm middle-of-the-road that it is. You've tolerated this man's uneventfullness for quite long enough you'd say; he's gotten a small sample of a high-class woman, but it's time to get back to reality. He's not cut out for you, and you're not cut out for him. Besides, you really should get back home and make sure "those two" aren't making a mess of things, even if that mess is just a small thing like spilling absinthe all over the living room carpet. That stuff would probably eat through the shag like acid.

You stop your ex-date in the middle of his explanation about how even small projects can have big impacts lorg-term. He seems to be getting more comfortable with things now that he's more in his element, but it's too late now; he needs to be cut loose. He can think of it as an opportunity to look inside oneself and reevaluate what's really important in life. Some people would call this being a bitch; you call it giving people perspective.

"Yes, yes, that's nice dear; I wish you the best of luck with that. Now look here, I think this has gone on long enough, don't you~? I was humoring you up until now but it just isn't going to work out, do not interrupt me I am talking to you. Yes, this date is over, no, I am not going to call you back, yes, you may call me, no, I will not answer, no, I do not have any friends I can introduce you to, I told you do not interrupt me, I am still talking! I do not need a reason to leave you here, but for your own good I shall explain. Your demeanor is passable but you fail utterly to entertain your escort. You are a thinker, not a lover, and must either change yourself or change the type of girl you date if you wish to impress her. Play to your strengths, and choose activities which are amusing while at the same time showing her exactly what kind of person you are. Also, should you again choose to date someone not of your own race, presume absolutely nothing about their nature, not even facets that you would normally assume certain. This is the real world, and things are rarely as they seem to be. Now if you will excuse me I must attend to my house, for I left it in a rather uncertain state. May the remainder of your evening be a pleasant one."

Sometimes you really do love to hear yourself talk~
>> No. 46531
File 131605118832.png- (237.53KB , 500x319 , Derp Remi 34.png ) [iqdb]
46531
Your drive back home is perhaps a little awkward, but that's to be expected; you didn't exactly come out of that date smelling like a rose either. That's the risk you take, dating people you don't really know. Sometimes you get lucky and find a gem, but they’re usually pretty commonplace. You sometimes wonder if you’ll ever find someone you might actually fall in love with, but that’s something that just seems to “happen” whether you want it to or not. You don’t really need to worry about that yet. You’re young and full of life still, so why not tease the men of this world while you have the chance, mmm~?
>> No. 46532
File 131605123967.png- (34.32KB , 494x314 , Derp Remi 35.png ) [iqdb]
46532
Your house is still standing when you get back, and not even partially on fire; a good sign. It’s nearly midnight by now, so even though it’s a Friday night you don’t make a big spectacle of coming through the front door; some of the more reserved residents might be trying to get to sleep already, and far be it for you to be someone that causes a ruckus after all you went through this afternoon. Looks like some of the girls are in the middle of a movie in the living room, but they pay you no mind, and you pay them none. The interior of the house looks equally undisturbed; veeeery unsuspicious…
>> No. 46533
File 13160513787.png- (15.91KB , 279x186 , Derp Remi 36.png ) [iqdb]
46533
Peeking into the kitchen you find your sister sitting at the counter with the aforementioned absinthe. However, it seems that rather than letting herself get whisked away to a magical green land of fairytales, the liquor is pushed off to the side getting stale in an untouched tumbler while Flandre tries to see how many sugar cubes she can balance on an absinthe spoon over an empty glass. She’s completely serious and focused, like one would be whilst playing Jenga. Ohh, that sister of yours~… You’re in a fair mood right now so you softly slip into the chair across from her so her concentrated gaze might happen to meet your eyes while she stacks.

Hi.

Hi.

Where’s Kay?

Got bored. Went home. How was your date?

Got bored. Went home. I’m not going to call him back.

Mmm.

You even drink any of that?

Nope. This is more fun.

Indeed. Saph back yet?

Yeah.

Sun and Ter?

Sore. Sleeping it off.

Mmm.



After it falls you want to take turns?

Sure. Record’s fifteen.

Thanks. Love you.

Love you too, sis’.


NICE END.
>> No. 46534
File 131605144596.jpg- (438.61KB , 800x1112 , Did I mention I like plainclothes Touhous.jpg ) [iqdb]
46534
DERP WARS
Double enchilada recipe, please!

Note: If you’re not completely satisfied with the pre-planned Derp ideas, feel free to suggest your own! If I think they have better potential, they might just become the new face of Derp!

CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER:

[OK!]Meiling: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC

[OK!] Koakuma: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 3 FOC

[ ] Patchouli: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Premise: Your big alchemy presentation is tomorrow, but your housemates are very inconsiderate of this fact. Find ways to get them to leave you alone!

[OK!] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC

[OK!] Remilia: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 2 FOC

[OK!] Flandre: 3 POW, 2 SPD, 1 FOC

[ ] Sunhilda: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 1 FOC
Premise: Today’s your twenty-first birthday, and everyone knows what that means, right? You could care less about what happens tonight; a girl’s got to live it up to the max at least once in her life!

[ ] Monica: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
Premise: Everyone is picking on you for reasons you don’t understand. You don’t care if it’s just a joke; you don’t think it’s very funny!

[ ] Tullia: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: All the upperclasswomen are out of town for the night, leaving you in charge. Make sure the other girls don’t get into too much trouble while they’re gone!

[OK!] Wendy: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 1 FOC

[ ] Therese: 1 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Premise: You are Iron Man. You are Spartacus. You are Morpheus. You’re the goddamn Batman. WHO THE HELL DO THEY THINK YOU ARE?! Use your shapeshifting for maximum hijinks!

[ ] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: In the distant past, you emerged victorious in the war of “Francesca versus the Telephone”. But now, how can you hope to win the war of… “Francesca versus the Internet?!”. It’s a good thing your friends will be on this “Internet Relay Chat” thingy to help you out!

[ ] Sapphire: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: Remilia promised that tonight would be a vampire-girl’s night out with just you, her, and Flandre, but only if you get all your chores finished to her satisfaction. The quicker you’re done, the more time you’ll have to rock the hell out!

[OK!] Natasha: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC

[OK!] Koishi: 0 POW, 3 SPD, 3 FOC

Princess Tepes: 1 POW, 1 SPD, 1 FOC
This one’s back on the table, but let’s not pick it until we’ve exhausted all the other options, okay?
>> No. 46539
[x] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: In the distant past, you emerged victorious in the war of “Francesca versus the Telephone”. But now, how can you hope to win the war of… “Francesca versus the Internet?!”. It’s a good thing your friends will be on this “Internet Relay Chat” thingy to help you out!

Let's see if Francesca will experience Innocence/Sanity loss.
>> No. 46541
[x] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
>> No. 46542
[x] Monica: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC

Monica! Wanna know why picking Monica~
>> No. 46546
Another sweet end? aaawww, you make me want to hug younotgay.
[x] Sapphire: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
This trio has potential.
>> No. 46551
[x] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
>> No. 46554
[x] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC

I have been waiting for this.
>> No. 46556
[x] Tullia: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC

I want to play as mom.
>> No. 46564
[x] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
>> No. 46578
[x] Sapphire

Tempted to choose Princess Tepes, but I'ma too nice guy for that now.
>> No. 46580
All right, Fran it is, then. I’ll post the intro later today and then will promptly forget about it until Monday or Tuesday so I can remember to do Priceless instead. Here’s a question for you as a heads-up: Does anyone care as to whether they’d read Francesca’s IRC logs as plain text versus an image with colors and other formatting? If no one cares I’m going to be lazy and do plain text.

>>46539
The question is not if, but how much. Unless you don’t actually surf (a.k.a., you know exactly what site you’re using and you use only that site), you’re bound to catch the fallout at some point.

>>46546
It has more potential when you realize that “rocking the hell out” could mean going over to other vampires’ houses, setting up lounge chairs in their front lawn, and making fun of them because they’re written by writers who think vampires dissolve in sunlight.

>>46578
Well, it’s not like you picking it would have made it win in the first place, so you wouldn’t have been as not nice as you might have thought you would have been. Besides, I’m going to eventually do this one anyways, it’s just a question of how long it’ll take to get through the rest of the Derps first.

If you really wanted to be not nice you’d time it so that the Princess Tepes Derp happened during winter, and then keep voting for me to go outside.
>> No. 46582
>>46580
Plaintext. Reading images is a pain.
>> No. 46596
File 131621932582.png- (14.04KB , 281x187 , Derp Fran 1.png ) [iqdb]
46596
You are somebody. Which is to say, everyone is somebody, so you're not all that special. At least you don't think you are. They say that everyone is special in their own way, but that's never really made you feel any better. Maybe not being special is what makes you special? Your friend and housemate Flandre once said that you're extra-special because you're a perfect "main character" type, but you really don't understand that either. You try not to take too much of Flandre's advice to heart; she's "special".

When you're not feeling insecure and existential, however, you're Francesca Friday, mild-mannered girl about campus. It's your first year in college, and everything's been quite a whirl for you so far. You grew up in the country like most fairies do, so all this technology and structure is a little off-putting to be honest! But you've put a good face on it and ask plenty of questions, so you think you're getting the hang of things now. You were also lucky enough to get into this nice sorority house even as a freshman, and all the people here are really helpful!

It's Saturday night, and though you had a pretty fun day at the beach with a bunch of other freshmen, you really need to get started on your homework for "Modern Cultures". It's a standard class they make everyone take regardless of their major, so the lectures are big, impersonal, and hard to understand, which is kind of a shame since you think learning about the different cultures of today might be pretty enlightening. Due Monday is a rough draft of your term paper, the topic of which was chosen semi-randomly, based on your student ID. Much to your chagrin, your topic is: "Discuss how the internet has changed the face of popular culture, both domestic and worldwide." To other people this paper would be a walk in the park, but you're a country girl; where you came from you were lucky to even get electricity! You've been dragged kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century these last several months, and though you've finally got your feet under you, you don't know nearly enough about the internet to write a paper on it!

Fortunately your head resident is looking out for you, in her own roundabout way. She said the best way to learn about the internet is to use it, but rather than running into your housemates' rooms every five minutes to ask questions when you get stuck, you should ask them over the internet; pretty smart if you do say so yourself. Of course she's not going to be around to help you tonight, but out of the eleven remaining housemates you're bound to get help from someone.


[ ] You might be at this for a while. Better get some snacks first.
[ ] Log into that "Ayarsee" program like Remilia told you to. You've already forgotten what it stands for.
[ ] Do some research by yourself to start. See how far you can get.
--( ) The Google
--( ) The Wikipedia
>> No. 46597
[x] Log into that "Ayarsee" program like Remilia told you to. You've already forgotten what it stands for.

Let the madness begins.
>> No. 46598
[x]type this in: http://www.touhou-project.com/sdm/res/46062.html nothing can go wrong!
[x] Log into that "Ayarsee" program like Remilia told you to. You've already forgotten what it stands for.

As fun as an infinite recursion loop would be, I feel those days have passed.
>> No. 46599
[x] Log into that "Ayarsee" program like Remilia told you to. You've already forgotten what it stands for.
>> No. 46600
>>46598
aaawww

[x] Do some research by yourself to start. See how far you can get.
--(x) The Google
>> No. 46602
[x] You might be at this for a while. Better get some snacks first.
>> No. 46603
[X] You might be at this for a while. Better get some snacks first.

You can't do research on an empty stomach.
>> No. 46606
[X] You might be at this for a while. Better get some snacks first.

Sitting in one place is hard work.
>> No. 46607
>>46580
>Well, it’s not like you picking it would have made it win in the first place, so you wouldn’t have been as not nice as you might have thought you would have been. Besides, I’m going to eventually do this one anyways, it’s just a question of how long it’ll take to get through the rest of the Derps first.

That's what you think. I'm the mayor, my vote can overrule all others when I use my executive powers.

>If you really wanted to be not nice you’d time it so that the Princess Tepes Derp happened during winter, and then keep voting for me to go outside.

Now, that's an idea. You're in the north hemisphere, right? Winter isn't that far off.
>> No. 46610
[X] You might be at this for a while. Better get some snacks first.

Hunger demands it!
>> No. 46672
[x] Log into that "Ayarsee" program like Remilia told you to. You've already forgotten what it stands for.

Interesting option.
>> No. 46721
[x] Log into that "Ayarsee" program like Remilia told you to. You've already forgotten what it stands for.
>> No. 46722
And "Ayarsee" takes it at the very last second after a heated contestation. I’ll get this up tonight and will probably take tomorrow off for vague birthday-related reasons.

>>46598
Good man

>>46607
>You're in the north hemisphere, right? Winter isn't that far off.
Indeed. But I’ve got 7 more Derps to get through before Tepesquest would finally que up, and at my current rate of about one Derp a month I wouldn’t get to it until April. We still have snow in April, mind you, but not enough to be uncomfortable by that point.
>> No. 46723
Is this before or after Flan's meta misadventures?
>> No. 46724
>>46723
The fourth wall was rebuilt after the end of Natasha Derp, responding to reader criticism, so it no longer matters. For all practical purposes continuity now resets at the end of every Derp and each can be taken as their own short story.

Besides, Flandre breaking the fourth wall isn’t actually that funny. What is funny is watching Flandre hopelessly pounding her little fists on it when we all know it ain’t gonna break, then giving up and doing a wall-kick off of it so she can reach the ledge above and get the Star.
>> No. 46737
File 131656213391.png- (25.34KB , 279x186 , Derp Fran 2.png ) [iqdb]
46737
No sense beating around the bush, you guess; you're going to need all the help you can get. You turn on your computer and boot up your word processor; you like to keep your computer off most of the time because it saves electricity, and every little bit helps! After typing up a rough title page, you click on the "FaIRC" icon Monica helped you install a little while back. You're more than a little embarrassed that the little sprite knows so much more than you do about technology. It feels like she practically picked up the knack overnight, and here you are still struggling just to log in to a simple program! It's asking for your "Nickname"; do you even have one of those? Sometimes the girls call you Fran, maybe that's the right answer? The program keeps running afterwards and doesn't yell at you, so you guess you did it right. Crisis averted. For now...

YOU (Fran) have joined #SDMazing
<BestDayEver> I haven't gotten that far yet.
<SparklyLilith> OH SNAP
<BottleFairy> Sparks, hide the booze!
<Fran> Hello.
<Arc_Anna> Oh look, it's Fran.
SparklyLilith downs the rest of the Jack.
<Daisangen> Hello, Fransesca.
<SparklyLilith> Hidden~!
<Petoo> hi fran!
<BestDayEver> Hi also!
<BottleFairy> YOU SAW NOTHING!
BottleFairy is now known as GoodGirl
<GoodGirl> Hiii~ :>
<Fran> Do I know you?
<Daisangen> Let her, breathe, girls, it's her first time.
<SparklyLilith> That's what she said
SparklyLilith was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb (No.)
<Petoo> yeah!
<BestDayEver> Wait, she's still running that kick script?
SparklyLilith has joined #SDMazing
<GoodGirl> Apparently?
<SparklyLilith> Had to.
<Arc_Anna> No, you didn't.
<SparklyLilith> YES I DID.
<Daisangen> Children, please. This isn't helping.
<GoodGirl> :T
<Francesca> Who is everyone?
<BestDayEver> Sunny
<Daisangen> I'm Meiling.
GoodGirl is now known as Sparticus
<Petoo> monica!
SparklyLilith is now known as Spartacus
<Sparticus> I am Sparticus!
<Spartacus> I am Spactacus!
<Arc_Anna> Stop that.
Spartecus has joined #SDMazing
<Spartecus> I am Sparticus!
<Sparticus> I'm Sparticus!
<Spartecus> I'M SPARTICUS!
<Spartacus> I'M Spartacus!
Mode #SDMazing +m by Daisangen
<Daisangen> THIS is why we don't let you two have hops.
<Daisangen> Francesca's actually here for help on her homework, girls. Show some respect.
<Daisangen> Fran, in case you're wondering why you can't respond, it's because the channel is muted. I'll turn it back shortly.
<Daisangen> And to answer your question, "parklyLilith" is Flandre, and Therese just sort of keeps changing her name around. She was "BottleFairy" and "GoodGirl".
<Daisangen> "Arc_Anna" is Sapphire, and "vnurpewdcnb" is Koa.
<Daisangen> Now, are you two going to behave, or is she going to have to start doing her thing?
Mode #SDMazing -m by Daisangen
Sparticus is now known as Beehive
Spartecus has left #SDMazing
Spartacus is now known as SparklyLilith
<Daisangen> Good.
<Arc_Anna> Thank god.
<SparklyLilith> You know I just realized that the first four letters of my handle are the same as Spartacus?
<SparklyLilith> So, like, I'm already halfway there already.
<Fran> I'm sorry if I don't type fast.
<Petoo> don't worry about it!
<BestDayEver> Yeah, it's not big. I guess we can slow down for you.
<SparklyLilith> YOU can.
<SparklyLilith> I actually cannot physically slow down.
<SparklyLilith> So boo, and also yah. What-evah, ahduwhahayewahnt!
<Beehive> Yeah, you can just, like, ignore her as much as you usually do, Fran.
<Beehive> Also get a better name. You're doing it wrong.
<Fran> What?
<Petoo> its just what you do online, fran
<BestDayEver> Get with the times! Silly names for all!
Beehive is now known as Jabberwocky
<Petoo> just pick something you like
<Jabberwocky> Twas bryllyg, and ye slythy toves, did gyre and gymble in ye wabe.
<Petoo> it doesnt even have to make sense!
<Arc_Anna> Observe the meaningless string of letters P-E-T-O-O.
<Petoo> hey! :<
<Jabberwocky> All mimsy were ye borogoves; and ye mome raths outgrabe.
<SparklyLilith> I see what u did there.
<BestDayEver> No no no, Arc! It's a laser gun!
<BestDayEver> Pchew, pchew, pchew!
<Jabberwocky> ~
<Petoo> actually its just short for petunia. i like them!
<Fran> That's a good name.
<Jabberwocky> I bet you could think up a better one.
<Fran> I'm not very good at that.
<SparklyLilith> True story.
<Daisangen> Manners, Lilith.
<SparklyLilith> Only because you called me Lilith, Dai~


Enter new nickname:
[ ] Frejya
[ ] SmallFry
[ ] TGIF
[ ] MissFrankenstein
[ ] (Please please find a better write-in than these, which are not very good)
>> No. 46738
[x]princesstepes
[x] Try asking The Google for help. Ask what good nicknames are.
>> No. 46746
[x]MissHumble
>> No. 46761
[x] Try asking The Google for help. Ask what good nicknames are.
Muhahahaha
>> No. 46762
[x]Freya Crescent
Frey(j)a sounds kinda like Fran so that makes it automatically a good name. But lacking a reference or a 'cool' last name is a capital crime for nicknames.
Also, I liked not knowing who the fuck was talking half the time in that conversation... just like irl irc uc?
>> No. 46764
[x] AchillesHeal

Fran loves going for the heel.
>> No. 46794
File 131667255723.jpg- (6.56KB , 220x229 , rebeccablackumad.jpg ) [iqdb]
46794
[x] RebeccaBlack

Whether she genuinely believes that it's a good nick or actually pulling an unexpected trolling move on the channel, I leave it upon you.
>> No. 46798
Well, I’m not feeling any amazing “pizazz” from any of the suggested names (no offense), so I’ll go with the majority vote and have Fran ask The Google, which I actually think is something Fran would probably do. Great write-in, you two.

By the way, apologies if I screw up the formatting of the IRC logs. I’m trying to keep it as true to form as possible, but I’m also not going to be going over it with a fine-toothed comb looking for typos and errors.

>>46772
>Also, I liked not knowing who the fuck was talking half the time in that conversation... just like irl irc uc?
No matter how hard I try, I cannot possibly capture the true inanity and lack of structured conversation that is IRC. This is but a shallow facsimile.
>> No. 47005
For those of you who're wondering, the lack of updates can be blamed on my general laziness, automobile shenanigans, and me fiddling around too much with pen-and-paper RPG character creation. The IRC logs are a piece of cake once I finally sit down to write them, I just haven’t been doing that lately. Hang tight.
>> No. 47007
>>47005
Don't worry, it's easy to hang on when you aren't moving.
>> No. 47152
File 131742367855.png- (25.35KB , 279x186 , Derp Fran 3.png ) [iqdb]
47152
Well, this is already becoming informative. It seems that "Fran" is not a nicknamey enough nickname for The Internet; how were you to know? You certainly want to be on the cutting edge here and fit in with all your friends. "Petoo", or maybe Monica (which one are you supposed to call her by...?) said you can pick anything you want, but... what if it isn't Internetty enough? Looking at all the other names of your friends, you really can't seem to find a pattern with them. You don't have a clue what all the hip Internet trends are, so how can you hope to emulate them?

Acting on impulse, you take the advice given to you in the past by most of your underclassmen friends, and go to Google.com. They said that if you type in what you're looking for in the word box and click the blue links it gives you, you'll be off to a good start indeed. You're not really sure how it works, but apparently it does! Maybe it's a kind of Internet magic. You type in what you think is a pretty simple question, "What is a good internet nickname?" and click the first link like they told you to. "Nickname Generator" it says; this sounds promising! It's fully automated and gives you a nickname as soon as the page loads! Boy, the Internet sure is convenient!
>> No. 47153
File 131742373963.png- (89.61KB , 1652x872 , Derp Fran 4.png ) [iqdb]
47153
...Beauty Fox?

Apparently this website says that you are a beautiful fox. You're not exactly sure why--there's no explanation of how the website works--but it says it right there in big bold letters, so you can't really deny it. It certainly sounds pretty nicknamey to you. Foxes are beautiful, you guess; they have nice fluffy tails and are pretty smart from what you've heard. You don't mind being a Beauty Fox; it's one less desicion you need to fret over, in any case.

<Fran> Okay, I have a nickname now.
<BestDayEver> Yay!
<SparklyLilith> I see no nickname. I see an abbreviation of a real name.
<SparklyLilith> SHUN THE REAL NAMER.
<Fran> How do I change it?
<Petoo> what is it?
<Jabberwocky> SHUN!
<Daisangen> What IRC client are you using?
<Petoo> shes got fairc.
<SparklyLilith> SSSSSHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
<Arc_Anna> Stop that.
<SparklyLilith> NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
Jabberwocky is now known as CharlieTehUnicron
<Daisangen> Type "/nick" then space, then type in your new nickname.
<SparklyLilith> YOU FAIL ME YET AGAIN, STARSCREAM.
<Petoo> oh, you cant use spaces!
<Fran> What?
<CharlieTehUnicron> MEGATRON IS DEAD, I'M THE NEW LEADER!
<Petoo> spaces dont work with names.
<Arc_Anna> Such as my name. You have to use an underscore in place of it.
<Fran> What's an underscore?
<SparklyLilith> omg, u r soo000oo00 R37AR73D. XD
<Arc_Anna> You're doing it again.
<CharlieTehUnicron> That's just... not cool, Sparks.
<Petoo> its like a space but there's a line at the bottom. like_this_fran
<CharlieTehUnicron> That's not cool at all.
<SparklyLilith> Sowwy~
<Fran> Where is it?
<Arc_Anna> Near the backspace key. Hold shift then press the dash key.
<SparklyLilith> HOLD SHIFT FOR FOCUSED UNDERSCOREMENT?!
<BestDayEver> ...what?
<CharlieTehUnicron> Yeah, you lost me too.
Fran is now known as Beauty_Fox
<SparklyLilith> It's a shmup thing, you wouldn't undthat is a new nickname that is a nickname.
<BestDayEver> Beauty Fox?
<Beauty_Fox> Did it work?
<Petoo> it worked.
<Arc_Anna> You can't even be bothered to finish your sentence?
<Petoo> why beauty fox?
<SparklyLilith> I'm working on that, hang tight.
<CharlieTehUnicron> Make it quick.
<Beauty_Fox> It is not a good name?
<BestDayEver> We're just curious.
<Arc_Anna> Must you harass her so?
<Petoo> i like it!
<CharlieTehUnicron> What's in a name?
CharlieTehUnicron is now known as FoxyBeauty
<SparklyLilith> Watch yourself, Tear. Nurp's still online.
<FoxyBeauty> Oh like I care.
<FoxyBeauty> Foxy ladies are too beautiful to care~
<SparklyLilith> Also it's not a direct reference to anything.
<SparklyLilith> Petoo, you're her girlfriend. Does she like foxes?
<Petoo> what?!
<Daisangen> That's uncalled for, Flan.
<Beauty_Fox> Hey! She's not my girlfriend!
<SparklyLilith> That's... what... SHE... said!
SparklyLilith was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb (Those ellipsis won't work.)
<Petoo> hmmph!
<BestDayEver> She's got alt-forms of it set up to kick too?
<FoxyBeauty> Nurp's better at Internet that people'd give her kind credit for.
<Beauty_Fox> Who's Nurp?
SparklyLilith has joined #SDMazing
<SparklyLilith> Oh, she's good.
<BestDayEver> Nurp's short for vnurpewdcnb. It's Koa.
<Beauty_Fox> Oh.
<FoxyBeauty> She's got about a thousand phrases blacklisted that kick you automatically.
<Beauty_Fox> Why?
<SparklyLilith> I'd kill her, but I'm not going to, because she's just too much fun~
<BestDayEver> Because she hates you, Fox.
<SparklyLilith> And it's more like a hundred variants of a dozen phrases.
<SparklyLilith> Mostly cause of me. So good to be lvoed~
<SparklyLilith> ANYWAYS.
<BestDayEver> Anyways...
<Daisangen> Let's get back on topic.
<FoxyBeauty> What IS the topic?
<Daisangen> Fran needs help with her homework.
<BestDayEver> *Beauty_Fox
<Petoo> what kind of help?
<Beauty_Fox> It's a report about the Internet.
<SparklyLilith> Well that's an unhelpully broad topic.
<BestDayEver> What KIND of Internet?
<FoxyBeauty> Cinnamon raisin internet.
<Beauty_Fox> Hang on, I'll type it out.
<SparklyLilith> That internet isn't internet enough.
<BestDayEver> Is this for some pointless gen ed?
<Petoo> i think so.
<FoxyBeauty> How would YOU know what internet is internet?
<SparklyLilith> Girl, you do NOT want to go there.
<SparklyLilith> I could internet the internet all day.
<FoxyBeauty> You're not internet enough to internet the internet.
<SparklyLilith> Not INTERNET enough?!
<SparklyLilith> Bitch I AM the internet!
<SparklyLilith> AND SO CAN YOU!
BestDayEver golf claps.
<Beauty_Fox> Discuss how the internet has changed the face of popular culture, both domestic and worldwide.
<SparklyLilith> Well that's an unhelpully broad topic.
<Petoo> that's a hard question.
<BestDayEver> More like that's a BIG question.
<Beauty_Fox> I know.
<Arc_Anna> It changed it for the worse.
<FoxyBeauty> That's a little harsh.
<SparklyLilith> Harsh but fair, and don't try to deny it.
<SparklyLilith> Never will you find a more wreched hive of scum and villany.
<Beauty_Fox> Isn't that from a movie?
<Petoo> i think the internet made a whole lot more popular culture
<Arc_Anna> The first Star Wars movie.
<BestDayEver> FOURTH Star Wars.
<SparklyLilith> FIRST Star Wars. What the hell movies YOU think came before A New Hope?
<Beauty_Fox> But isn't there always more popular culture?
<FoxyBeauty> Did Lucas DO anything before A New Hope?
<Daisangen> Girls, please. Let's try and keep on topic, okay? You know Fran's new to these things.
<Daisangen> Baby steps.
<SparklyLilith> We ARE on topic. This IS the internet. Alive and in the flesh.
<SparklyLilith> The rotting, rock-hard, luminous flesh.
<BestDayEver> She's got a point, there.
<SparklyLilith> Just like vampires~!
<FoxyBeauty> ...I don't even know why we live together anymore, Sparks.
<Beauty_Fox> No, it's fine. The paper's not due tomorrow yet.
<SparklyLilith> Because you promised you'd marry me, Therese.
<SparklyLilith> YOU PROMISED! ;_;
<SparklyLilith> YOOOOUU SAAAID YOOU LOOOOVEED MEEEEE!
<SparklyLilith> All right, done.
<SparklyLilith> Being serious now.
<Arc_Anna> Finally.
<Daisangen> Thank you.
<Petoo> so what do you need help with?
<Beauty_Fox> Everything, I guess. I don't know where to start.
<BestDayEver> How about the start? Like, the start of the internet?
<SparklyLilith> It's a freshman gen-ed humanities course, Bead. You're allowed to phone these things in.
<Daisangen> The paper isn't about the internet, though. It's about the change of popular culture.
<SparklyLilith> "Phone it in = Perform an act in a perfunctory, uncommitted fashion, as if it didn't matter. She sang the National Anthem, but she was just phoning it in as far as I could tell." Urban Dictionary dot com circa 2003.
<SparklyLilith> In case you were wondering, Fox~
<Arc_Anna> That's an interesting point, Dai.
<FoxyBeauty> 2003?
<SparklyLilith> Yeah, I don't get that either.
<Arc_Anna> Fran, write that down, what Dai said.
<Arc_Anna> *BeautyFox, whatever.
<FoxyBeauty> Whatever?
<FoxyBeauty> WHATEVER?!
FoxyBeauty is now known as ARoseByAnyOtherName
<Beauty_Fox> Okay, Anna.
<SparklyLilith> You do know that you're just proving her point with that name. :|
<ARoseByAnyOtherName> Oh...
<ARoseByAnyOtherName> Well dang.
ARoseByAnyOtherName is now known as WellDang
<BestDayEver> You done just got TOLD, girlfriend~
<SparklyLilith> Hellz yeah, nigga.
SparklyLilith BROFISTS BestDayEver


[ ] Be assertive; get this conversation on track so you can get your homework done!
[ ] Keep doing what you're doing; eventually things should fall into place, right?
[ ] Sit back and just watch the girls talk. Observe the internet in its natural habitat.
[ ] Go with the flow; joke around like they do and just have some fun with it.
>> No. 47154
[x] Sit back and just watch the girls talk. Observe the internet in its natural habitat.
-[x] go back to the Google in the meantime. It seems to be able to answer your questions rather well.
>> No. 47160
[x] Be assertive; get this conversation on track so you can get your homework done!
>> No. 47166
[x] Keep doing what you're doing; eventually things should fall into place, right?

Protagonist powers, go!
>> No. 47168
[x] Sit back and just watch the girls talk. Observe the internet in its natural habitat.
>> No. 47248
[x] Sit back and just watch the girls talk. Observe the internet in its natural habitat.
-[x] go back to the Google in the meantime. It seems to be able to answer your questions rather well.
IRC: always unhelpful at anything ever.
>> No. 47349
Called for "Sit back and watch" with the The Google write-in. Watch in awe as I magically fail to adhere to whatever bogus update schedule I said I'd keep a month ago!

>>47248
More of a double-layered gradient, in my experience. As the number of people on IRC increases, the chances of you finding someone who’s current interests match yours also increases, but at the same time your ability to capitalize on that interest decreases due to the extra chatter and distractions larger groups bring. PMs can help a lot in this regard, but Beauty_Fox doesn’t know how to use those, now does she?
>> No. 47463
File 131777420511.png- (170.84KB , 940x614 , Derp Fran 5.png ) [iqdb]
47463
This is certainly shaping up to be something interesting. The conversation is moving a mile a minute and it's taking all your efforts to keep up, but you think you might be learning something maybe? You know now that the Internet has certainly changed the popular culture of nicknames, at least! Still, you'll need more than that for your paper. You need to find out about things like movies or music or video games; that's popular culture, right? A glance at your computer clock amazes you; you can't believe that a half-hour has already passed by, and you've barely gotten anywhere. At this rate you'll be up all night!

You appreciate the help of your housemates, but it's really quite stressful for you to try and wade through all the jibber-jabber these girls are capable of. It might be a better idea to stop trying to push the conversation and just let them do their thing. You need a more consistant source of information for the time being; something to get you on the right track. That Google gave you a nickname; maybe it can help you out again?

<BestDayEver> Hey, Lilith, how come YOU never change your name?
<BestDayEver> Tear does it all the time; you gonna let her one-up you?
<SparklyLilith> Don't go there girlfriend.
<WellDang> Because that's my thing, Bead. That's what I DO.
<SparklyLilith> You talk about the logic behind handles, all hell breaks loose.
WellDang is now known as OneUpMushroom
<SparklyLilith> It's like asking someone their real name or what they look like in real life. You just don't do it.
<SparklyLilith> Taboo, girl. Taboo.
<BestDayEver> Sheesh, just asking...
<BestDayEver> Seemed like the kinda thing you'd be into is all.
<SparklyLilith> http://oi52.tinypic.com/2rc0lqs.jpg
<Daisengen> To each their own, Bead, to each their own.
<Arc_Anna> Flandre's ways are her own. That train of thought is a question with either no answer, or a very, very long one.
<OneUpMushroom> That picture looks Photoshopped.
<OneUpMushroom> That's SO not you.
>> No. 47464
File 131777423393.png- (287.54KB , 1189x646 , Derp Fran 6.png ) [iqdb]
47464
<Petoo> ooo, that outfit is nice!
<Petoo> you should wear it more!
<BestDayEver> Hypocrite.
<SparklyLilith> It's Arc's~
<Arc_Anna> What?
<SparklyLilith> I "borrowed" it~
<OneUpMushroom> !
<BestDayEver> Snake!
<Petoo> really?
<Arc_Anna> Why would you say that?
<OneUpMushroom> What a scandal!
<Arc_Anna> That’s not even close to being true.
<Arc_Anna> You also never “borrow” anything, because you never “ask”.
<BestDayEver> :3c
<SparklyLilith> That’s true~
<OneUpMushroom> Is that an iPod NANO of all things…?
<SparklyLilith> Arc’s arms are too short for me to wear her shirts. Also her waist is too big; her skirts won’t stay up on me~
<OneUpMushroom> !
<Arc_Anna> Flandre!
<OneUpMushroom> What a scandal!
<Petoo> hey, beauty_fox, you still there?
<Daisengen> Play nice, you two.
<Arc_Anna> I don’t go blurting out YOUR secrets, Flandre!
<SparklyLilith> 25-19-27
<Beauty_Fox> Oh, yes, I’m here.
<BestDayEver> Who sizes are THOSE~?
<Arc_Anna> No one’s.
<Beauty_Fox> Why is my computer beeping?
<SparklyLilith> Are they mine? You don’t know!
<Daisengen> Someone used your name.
<Daisengen> It’s an alert system.
<BestDayEver> It means people are talking about you.
<SparklyLilith> They’re mine.
<Petoo> you kinda stopped talking there.
<Arc_Anna> …Whatever. I’m going out.
<BestDayEver> Ragequit?
<Arc_Anna> Bye.
Arc_Anna has left #SDMazing
>> No. 47465
File 13177742775.png- (222.25KB , 1203x661 , Derp Fran 7.png ) [iqdb]
47465
<OneUpMushroom> Byyee~
<Beauty_Fox> I’m doing research. Sorry.
<Petoo> research is a good idea.
<SparklyLilith> She means she’s checking Wikipedia.
<BestDayEver> Getting anywhere?
<Beauty_Fox> I think so.
<SparklyLilith> She means no.
<OneUpMushroom> Ten bucks her browser’s on Wiki right now.
<SparklyLilith> Fox, you’re not gonna get anywhere like that.
<SparklyLilith> You need INSIDER INFORMATION!
<SparklyLilith> Let me show you how to Internet.
<BestDayEver> LIKE A BAUS!


[ ] Globalization sounds pretty official, like what yoru professor would say. Read up on this stuff!
[ ] Google.com looks confused. Maybe you need to type in better searches?
[ ] Take Flandre up on her offer to show you the ropes.
[ ] Talking to a screen just isn’t working for you. Maybe if you had someone in the room WITH you to help you out?
-- (Insert name of resident you want real-world coaching from)
>> No. 47468
[x] Take Flandre up on her offer to show you the ropes.

Full speed towards crazy hijinks!
>> No. 47477
[x] Globalization sounds pretty official, like what yoru professor would say. Read up on this stuff!
>> No. 47478
[x] Talking to a screen just isn’t working for you. Maybe if you had someone in the room WITH you to help you out?
-- Remilia
>> No. 47479
>>47478
Remilia's not around, remember?
>> No. 47487
[x] Globalization sounds pretty official, like what yoru-sensei would say. Read up on this stuff!
>> No. 47512
[x] Take Flandre up on her offer to show you the ropes.
>> No. 47515
In a semi-desperate attempt to get back to updating faster, I'll call it for globalization now. Which basically translates to Fran scrolling through pages of some kind of macroeconomics while I get to go all-out with more meaningless discussion from the girls. I’ll throw some Flandre ropes in there too to make >>47512 the tiemaker happy. You little sneak, voting during the one minute I’m writing this and not refreshing the page.

>>47487
Oh yuo
>> No. 47951
[x] You're boxed in! Quick, jump out the-oh....never mind.
>> No. 48146
File 131889582933.png- (344.77KB , 1070x684 , Derp Fran 8.png ) [iqdb]
48146
While "Globalization" doesn't exactly seem like it's talking about the internet, it still sounds like pretty smart stuff. Worldwide economy, reducing country barriers; maybe there's some stuff here you can use. After all, didn't Daisangen say that your paper is more about culture and less about internet? She sounds like she knows her stuff, whoever she is; you've already started to forget who's who in real life. It's worth a shot, at least. You think that it's a more trustworthy direction than letting Flandre "show you how to Internet", whatever that means. "Internet" isn't something you do, it's something that is! What's she talking about, anyways? What are any of them talking about?! Maybe Arc_Anna had the right idea when she left the conversation...

<Beauty_Fox> I'm fine by myself I think.
<SparklyLilith> Laaaame.
<Beauty_Fox> For now I mean.
<Daisangen> Do what works for you, Beauty.
<Daisangen> We're here if you have questions.
<Petoo> phone call, back in a bit
<OneUpMushroom> My dear Lilith!
<SparklyLilith> Oi?
<OneUpMushroom> I have a question!
<SparklyLilith> Do you now?
<OneUpMushroom> I do!
<OneUpMushroom> It's a question about the Internet, even!
<SparklyLilith> Oh boys, the Internet!
<OneUpMushroom> My question is simply this:
<BestDayEver> What is love?
OneUpMushroom is now known as ThePiderMan
<ThePiderMan> How, do I shot web?
<SparklyLilith> Why Peter Parker, that is indeed a question!
<SparklyLilith> But I must respond to your question with a question.
<BestDayEver> Can you has web?
<SparklyLilith> *Do you has web
<SparklyLilith> But that's beside the point.
<SparklyLilith> Which Peter Parker are we talking about here?
<SparklyLilith> Do you have the canisters, or the biological webs?
<SparklyLilith> Are we saying classic continuity, Ultimates, guest writer, one-shot? Movie continuity? NEW movie continuity?
<SparklyLilith> Before, or after Brand New Day?
<SparklyLilith> Is this Earth 616 or Earth 615.9?
<SparklyLilith> WAIT.
<BestDayEver> ...there's a 615.9?
<SparklyLilith> ...you're not Spider Man, you're just Wade Wilson pretending to be Peter Parker again!
<BestDayEver> Gasp!
ThePiderMan is now known as TheDeadpool
<SparklyLilith> No.
<SparklyLilith> Don't you dare, Therese.
<TheDeadpool> ?
<SparklyLilith> Don't you fucking dare slander his name.
<BestDayEver> Woah, Sparks, easy.
<SparklyLilith> DON'T, YOU, FUCKING, DARE!
<Daisangen> Flandre.
Patches has joined #SDMazing
<Patches> Good evening, ladies.
<SparklyLilith> vnurpewdcnb, I will behave myself on this channel for a week if you ban that heretic right now.
<Patches> Perhaps this is a bad time?
TheDeadpool was banned from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb ( )
<vnurpewdcnb> Not fucking likely.
<SparklyLilith> Thank you.
<BestDayEver> ...what?
<vnurpewdcnb> Oh look, it's my biannual "Trust This Cunt With The Internet" day.
<Patches> It appears that this is in fact the perfect time.
<Daisangen> Hello, Nurp.
vnurpewdcnb blows a fucking party whistle
<SparklyLilith> I'm being serious here.
<BestDayEver> Wait, what just happened here?
<SparklyLilith> I cannot allow Deadpool's name to be used so lightly.
<Daisangen> Are you all right, Flan?
<SparklyLilith> Not even by my best friend.
<SparklyLilith> I'm fine, Dai, I'm fine.
<Patches> vnurpewdcnb, you're talking? That's rather uncharacteristic.
<vnurpewdcnb> Fuck you.
<SparklyLilith> I just... sorry, one of "those" moments.
<BestDayEver> I'm so confused >.<
<SparklyLilith> I promised I'd be a good girl.
<Patches> Giving our resident troll the benefit of the doubt for once, are you?
<Patches> That's quite large of you, vnurpewdcnb.
<Daisangen> Did you really NEED to ban Tear, though?
<SparklyLilith> Yes.
<vnurpewdcnb> Go on, bitch. Make a "large" joke about my chest. You know you fucking want to.
<SparklyLilith> No.
<SparklyLilith> Beauty_Fox.
<Daisangen> You at the lab, Patch?
<Patches> Yes. I'll be asking for objective viewpoints some time tonight, most likely. Working now.
<Beauty_Fox> Oh, what?
Patches is now known as Patches|Working
<vnurpewdcnb> By the way, I give you thirty-three hours before you default on that bullshit facade you're putting on
<BestDayEver> Define "objective viewpoints".
<SparklyLilith> I'm ready to actually help you with the Internet now, Fox.
<SparklyLilith> In a helpful way, this time. If you want me to, that is.
<Patches|Working> Nothing too difficult you won't be able to provide, Bestday.
<Beauty_Fox> I don't know, SparklyLilith.
<SparklyLilith> Just make it Lilith, Fox. Sparks and Lil work too.
<Beauty_Fox> Oh.
<vnurpewdcnb> And YOU talk about slandering a fucking bullshit comic book while you're over there playing light with a famous psuedo-historical demon whore.
<Beauty_Fox> You kind of confuse me, Lilith.
<Beauty_Fox> No offense.
<SparklyLilith> None taken; it's true.
<SparklyLilith> But in all honesty, internet culture, or pop culture in general, is a hard thing to just pick up on by reading articles.
<BestDayEver> Well, not THAT hard.
<SparklyLilith> We're talking about a huge chunk of society at large here.
<Beauty_Fox> Yeah.
<BestDayEver> Just read, like, Cracked or reddit.
<SparklyLilith> I think--correct me if I'm wrong--you're problem is that you basically lived in a vacuum up until now.
<SparklyLilith> *your
<Beauty_Fox> Vacuum?
<SparklyLilith> I'll take that as a yes.
<Daisangen> It means you grew up outside of normal society, Beauty.
<SparklyLilith> Now, if you were a spineless jerk who works the system, you'd whine to your professor that this paper is discriminating against your socially-oppressed race.
<SparklyLilith> This is called being a loser, and is to be avoided. You still following, Foxy?
<Beauty_Fox> More or less.
<SparklyLilith> Aaanyways…
<SparklyLilith> Where should we begin?


[ ] Let her explain things her way. She seems to be calm and collected right now.
[ ] Ask her if globalization has anything to do with Internet culture.
[ ] You keep hearing about TV and video games. Is that important to the internet?
[ ] Sunny/BestDayEver is more on your “level”. Ask her to pipe up and give you the basics.
>> No. 48147
[x] Let her explain things her way. She seems to be calm and collected right now.

Serious Flan? I must see more.
>> No. 48149
[x] Let her explain things her way. She seems to be calm and collected right now.

I shouldn't have been so suprised to find out your Flandre likes deadpool. And Koa is as 'pleasant' as ever.
>> No. 48160
[x] Let her explain things her way. She seems to be calm and collected right now.
>> No. 48164
[x] Let her explain things her way. She seems to be calm and collected right now.

TV and video games are extremely important to the Internet.
>> No. 48296
[x] Let her explain things her way. She seems to be calm and collected right now.
After so much fun and games it's hard to forget that she has... issues.
>> No. 48511
Apologies for the sudden lack of anything in Derp Wars. Been feeling burned out from work a lot and have been writing other non-THP things in my bits of free time lately, as inspiration strikes me. As with most periods of uncertainty and stress, I feel it’s best not to overdo it if I’m not “in the mood”. I feel awful leaving you all in the lurch, but as I’ve said before, I’d rather write and feel good about it, instead of feeling like I owe it to you to keep on truckin’. In the words of the great philosopher Rocky Balboa, “Friends don’t owe. They do because they wanna do.”

This post is mostly to just ease my aching conscience and let y’all know I’m still thinking of you, even if I’m not writing for you at the moment. I’ll get back to it when I get to it.
>> No. 48513
File 131958660336.png- (325.97KB , 600x450 , 14975061_m.png ) [iqdb]
48513
>other non-THP things
I'm interested. Please tell me more.
>> No. 48517
>>48513

He is talking about his Naruto and Twilight yaoi crossover fanfic. You should check it out sometime.
>> No. 48873
File 132001145268.jpg- (656.76KB , 1500x1300 , sticking it to the man.jpg ) [iqdb]
48873
>>48517
Philistine! You think I’d stoop that low?! I have far more class than that! It’s a Puella Magi Madoka Magica/Welcome To The N.H.K. crossover. Because neither of those shows were depressing enough by themselves.

>>48513
It’s nothing major, I assure you; as long as I’m still in the middle of both Priceless and Derp Wars, I’m not going to start any new projects. It’s just random unstructured snippets of story ideas; maybe a character archetype here or a story setting there, isolated pieces of plots that are attached to absolutely nothing, etc. I suppose I’ve also been writing little bits for my roleplaying group to flesh out character backstories.

In regards to the Derp Wars update schedule, I just learned that the new Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword hits shelves in three weeks. It’s safe to say that once I get it my free time for at least a month will be devoted to that game, so I’ll try my hardest to finish Francesca Derp before then so we can at least not be stuck in the middle of something.
>> No. 48990
File 13201036521.png- (242.10KB , 1241x685 , Derp Fran 9.png ) [iqdb]
48990
<BestDayEver> At the beginning?
<Daisangen> It’s just a midterm paper, Bead.
<Daisangen> Not a thesis.
<Beauty_Fox> Where do you think we should begin, Sparkly?
<vnurpewdcnb> If any of you bitches say porn I am going to fucking kill you in your sleep.
<SparklyLilith> Hmm, begin…
<BestDayEver> More than half of us can’t die, Nurp.
<SparklyLilith> Well, you got your classic five-paragraph Intro-Topic-Topic-Topic-Conclusion structure.
<vnurpewdcnb> You’re certainly trying to be human hard enough, damn whelp.
<SparklyLilith> A little junior high for my tastes, but it’s a rough draft, they’re supposed to look like that.
<Beauty_Fox> Five paragraph?
<SparklyLilith> Thinking out loud, ignore that.
<SparklyLilith> All right, start taking notes now.
<Beauty_Fox> Okay.
<SparklyLilith> You see, the internet is like a big truck.
<SparklyLilith> And people dump stuff on that truck.
<BestDayEver> Oh god no…
<SparklyLilith> The stuff can be anything. Comics, videos, music, games, pictures of cats eating cheeseburgers.
<SparklyLilith> It all goes onto the truck in one big pile.
<Beauty_Fox> Wait, cats eating cheeseburgers?
<BestDayEver> Sparks, really…?
<SparklyLilith> And the truck drives around the world every nanosecond of every day.
<SparklyLilith> And when you use the internet, the truck magically stops at your house like a big garage sale on wheels.
<SparklyLilith> Then you jump on the truck and look through the pile.
<Beauty_Fox> Okay.
<SparklyLilith> And you find everybody’s old junk from all around the world.
<Daisangen> This is actually an interesting comparison.
<SparklyLilith> Maybe you know what you’re looking for, but you never know just what you’ll find on the truck.
<SparklyLilith> So you find what you like and you take it off the truck and put it in your house.
<BestDayEver> It’s not a comparison, it’s a subversion!
<SparklyLilith> But the truck never gets any emptier, because people keep putting new stuff on it.
<BestDayEver> They specifically said the internet is NOT a big truck!
<SparklyLilith> Then after a while, your house is full of random junk from the Internet.
<SparklyLilith> Some of it is useful, but most of it just ends up taking up a lot of space.
<SparklyLilith> Are you getting all of this?
<Beauty_Fox> A little bit, but you’re going kind of fast.
<SparklyLilith> You can reread it later; I’m on a roll. Can’t stop the rock.
<Daisangen> Bead, it’s not like the internet was ever “a series of tubes” either, you know.
<Daisangen> That’s the point.
>> No. 48991
File 132010370252.png- (751.10KB , 1239x658 , Derp Fran 10.png ) [iqdb]
48991
<SparklyLilith> So, you’ve got your Internet garage sale truck.
<SparklyLilith> Now, before the internet, there was no truck.
<SparklyLilith> So how did people get their random junk before trucks?
<BestDayEver> Lollerskates~
<Beauty_Fox> I don’t know. How?
<SparklyLilith> Well, they had to walk. Obviously. Go door to door looking for garage sales.
<SparklyLilith> Garage sales still EXISTED, but it was harder to get to them.
<SparklyLilith> So that means less people had less of everyone else’s stuff, and it took longer to get it.
<Petoo> back. sorry!
<SparklyLilith> Do you understand?
<Petoo> what’d i miss?
<Beauty_Fox> I think maybe a little.
<BestDayEver> This is a travesty.
<SparklyLilith> Now obviously this is all a metaphor. See, the stuff on the truck is a symbol for popular culture.
<Daisangen> Hardly, Bead, hardly.
<Petoo> i think i missed a lot.
<SparklyLilith> You can find the sociopolitical allegory yourself, because explaining it is boring as hell.
<Beauty_Fox> Okay.
<BestDayEver> You missed a meme dragged behind the woodshed and SHOT.
<SparklyLilith> The meme caught the rabies, Bead. I’m putting it out of its misery.
<vnurpewdcnb> Dammit, Flandre, stop making me feel like you deserve respect.
<SparklyLilith> I don’t. That explanation was terrible.
<SparklyLilith> Somewhere, an internet is crying.
<Petoo> fran, is she helping you allright?
<Petoo> i mean fox?
<BestDayEver> No.
<Beauty_Fox> Yeah, I think so.
<BestDayEver> She is the worst help.
<Daisangen> Now that’s harsh, Bead.
<Beauty_Fox> But what’s a meme?
<SparklyLilith> A capital question!
<SparklyLilith> Good miss, harken unto me, and I shall tell you forthwith!
<BestDayEver> Here we go again…
<SparklyLilith> So you’ve got your internet magic garage sale truck.
<SparklyLilith> We’ll go ahead and pretend that that’s still a good metaphor.
<SparklyLilith> So, when you go to garage sales, you know how there’s always “those things” that are, like, always there?
<BestDayEver> Yeah, you keep pretending there Sparks.
<SparklyLilith> Like, cardboard boxes of paperback romance novels, old headphones with the foam earpieces, grandma decorations that serve no real purpose? Baby clothes, rusty golf clubs?
<Beauty_Fox> Not really.
<SparklyLilith> A meme is like that.
<SparklyLilith> Wait, no?
<Petoo> yeah, you lost me too.
<BestDayEver> Sparks, you assume she’s lived in a city all life.
<Beauty_Fox> I haven’t been to many garage sales.
<SparklyLilith> Ahh for the love of explitive deleted!
<SparklyLilith> All right, umm…
<SparklyLilith> Screw it. Wikipedia.
<BestDayEver> How the mighty have fallen~
<Petoo> can i help?
<SparklyLilith> A meme is “an idea, behaviour or style that spreads from person to person within a culture.”
<SparklyLilith> Wait, that definition sucks.
<BestDayEver> Yeah it does.
<SparklyLilith> Ignore that, Fox.
<Beauty_Fox> Do you have an idea, Petoo?
<SparklyLilith> The communal knowledge of the internet fails us yet again.
<Petoo> i could try!
<SparklyLilith> No. I was in line before you. >:Y
<BestDayEver> …what the heck is that?
<BestDayEver> A duck with Elvis hair?
<SparklyLilith> It’s like that cheek-puffed face.
<SparklyLilith> You need to anime harder.
`K has joined #SDMazing
`K was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb ( )
<BestDayEver> No, you need to anime LESS hard.
<Petoo> i dont think anime is something you can do…
<SparklyLilith> You’d be surprised, kid.


[ ] See if Petoo can explain this any better. Flandre talks too much.
[ ] Flandre’s doing okay; let her keep going.
[ ] You wonder… could you get Koakuma to give you her advice? She’s really mean, but she’s really smart too.
[ ] Wait… `K…?
[ ] Take a break. Visit someone else; watch them “anime” for a while… whatever that means.
--( ) Pick a character who’s currently home to “job shadow” (Remilia, Sakuya, Wednesday, and Patchouli are not home)
>> No. 48992
[X] You wonder… could you get Koakuma to give you her advice? She’s really mean, but she’s really smart too.
>> No. 48995
Ffffff! I want to choose all of them!

[x] Wait… `K…?

/query Koishi, learn about the unconscious part of the Internet.
>> No. 48997
[x] You wonder… could you get Koakuma to give you her advice? She’s really mean, but she’s really smart too.
Bitchy succubus needs her spotlight
>> No. 49006
[X] You wonder… could you get Koakuma to give you her advice? She’s really mean, but she’s really smart too.
>> No. 49010
[X] You wonder… could you get Koakuma to give you her advice? She’s really mean, but she’s really smart too.

Face time for hatecubus, please.
>> No. 49013
[x] Wait… `K…?

We're voting for two different kinds of bitch here.
>> No. 49016
[x] You wonder… could you get Koakuma to give you her advice? She’s really mean, but she’s really smart too.

She's never been too mean to Fran, sure she's rather mean at times, but that's nice compared to how she is towards the scarlets and Patchouli.
>> No. 49017
>>49013
More like we're voting for 'porn' vs 'anything but porn'
>> No. 49018
>>49017

The real question is which option is which.
>> No. 49019
>>49018
That's easy.

><vnurpewdcnb> If any of you bitches say porn I am going to fucking kill you in your sleep.
>> No. 49051
[x] You wonder… could you get Koakuma to give you her advice? She’s really mean, but she’s really smart too.
>> No. 49053
[x] Wait… `K…?

This option, it calls out to me.
>> No. 49054
[x] You wonder… could you get Koakuma to give you her advice? She’s really mean, but she’s really smart too.

I love your Koakuma.
>> No. 49056
You know, Koa is winning and I've already voted. A shame, since I wanted to see if Kay would be the same over the internet, especially after koishiderp.
>> No. 49057
>>49056

I voted for 'K, but I'm sort of interested to see if Koa will open up at all. Or barring that, if she'll make Fran cry. So really, win win for me.
>> No. 49058
>Kay joins
>Kay gets booted immediately

Isn't it sad, Koishi? ;_;
>> No. 49123
Well, didn’t expect that option to win; sure, we can go with Nurp. To be honest I really do hate having to write all the excessive cussing in her dialog (as I’d never use any of that in real life), but it really is the only way to show how much she disrespects the world. Anyways, update out either today or tomorrow. I’ve found that it definitely is harder to write the IRC logs as opposed to the normal style of update, mainly because it doesn’t just roll right off the tongue. As a side note, my workplace has cracked down on internet security and THP is now blocked there, so I can’t check votes in the middle of the day.

>>48995
There’s nobody stopping you, you know; some of these choices aren’t mutually exclusive.

>>48997
And how.

>>49017
This just made me realize that this same exact scenario with a “normal” Koa would be totally poised for a cybering scene. Do people even do that anymore?

>>49018
Funny how that works with nonstandard character interpretations, isn’t it?

>>49054
Thank you. I try~

>>49056
There’ll be another chance, don’t worry.

>>49058
You just know she’s done something to deserve it.
>> No. 49270
File 132037029037.png- (298.65KB , 1236x689 , Derp Fran 11.png ) [iqdb]
49270
This is already turning into quite the experience, you must say! It’s all still whizzing by at far too fast a pace for you, but a lot of life is like that. You just wish you could say what you want to say as fast as you think it; typing properly is hard! But, you’re making progress. You’re not yet sure how you’re going to write everything down, but it definitely feels like a big thing about the internet is that it brings everyone together, making stuff smaller and bigger at the same time. It really is a kind of magic when you think about it; with just a few words and a little waiting, all this information appears out of nowhere! Where does it all even come from?

You’re still not sure about this IRC stuff, though. Everyone’s always talking all at once and making jokes you don’t understand or using words that don’t mean anything. Aren’t you supposed to be polite and not interrupt when you talk to people? And what’s the deal with vnurpewdcnb doing all this “booting” and “banning”? It sounds pretty important and powerful online; you thought that Patchouli was supposed to be keeping her… it… her? In check. You never really worked out what pronouns to use for Koakuma either; whenever you use one Koa’s like, “I never said I was a girl” or “I never said I was an it.” You’re got to be one or the other, right? Maybe that’s something you could look up online sometime.

But you’re got to give her credit where credit’s due; for an extraplanar creature she sure seems to be on the cutting edge of technology. From what you’ve gathered even Flandre seems to be giving her some strange sort of subservience. And even though she uses words that everyone says are not very nice and always feels like she’s angry at everyone, every time you talk to her you come away with a better understanding of the world around you.

Well… more or less.
>> No. 49271
File 13203703589.png- (508.55KB , 1130x688 , Derp Fran 12.png ) [iqdb]
49271
<BestDayEver> I’m too busy internetting to anime.
<SparklyLilith> Did I ever you couldn’t both?
<SparklyLilith> I pretty sure you totally both.
<BestDayEver> Verb license get revoked again, Lilith?
<SparklyLilith> … yes ;n;
<Petoo> do you want me to try, fox?
<BestDayEver> You’ll get over it.
<Beauty_Fox> I’m not sure.
<Patches|Working> If I may interrupt…
<Patches|Working> I require information from those who do not have a conflict of interest.
<SparklyLilith> About seventeen, give or take.
<BestDayEver> Mmm?
<SparklyLilith> Totally go for it; you’re there anyways and it’ll save time in the long run!
<Daisangen> Lilith, let her ask the question, come on.
<SparklyLilith> >:Y
<Patches|Working> Thank you.
<Patches|Working> To remove bias, I’ll not explain the details.
<Patches|Working> In three words or less, describe immortality.
<Petoo> hmmm…
<BestDayEver> “Life never ends”.
<Beauty_Fox> Describe it to who?
<SparklyLilith> Too many words :|
<Patches|Working> Just answer the question as given, Fox.
<Daisangen> “Unending languish”
<Petoo> how about forever and ever?
<BestDayEver> Can we do more than one?
<Patches|Working> As you wish.
<BestDayEver> “It kinda sucks”.
`K has joined #SDMazing
`K was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb ( )
<SparklyLilith> Inevitable Indefinite Floccinaucinihilipilification.
<SparklyLilith> Beat that, girlfriends~
<Beauty_Fox> I can’t think of one. That’s a hard question.
<Patches|Working> These will suffice. Thank you.
<Patches|Working> Continue debating the validity of what may or may not be verbs.
<SparklyLilith> Nah, that’s already boring.
<Beauty_Fox> Excuse me, vnurpewdcnb?
<vnurpewdcnb> What the fuck do you want?
<SparklyLilith> Play nice now, Nurp~ It’s her first time~
SparklyLilith was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb (Go fuck yourself.)
BestDayEver sighs.
<Beauty_Fox> I was wondering if you would help me with my report
SparklyLilith has joined #SDMazing
<vnurpewdcnb> Why the bloody hell would I want to do that?
<vnurpewdcnb> It’s your damn report. Write it yourself you little cunt.
<BestDayEver> Now you’ve done it, Fox.
<Beauty_Fox> I just thought you sound like you know a lot about internet things is all.
<vnurpewdcnb> I know a damn well more that any of you ignorant shits at the very least.
<SparklyLilith> Pride goeth before destruction; a haughty spirit before a fall~
<vnurpewdcnb> The day that you are justified in lecturing me about a damn thing, Françoise D’Albret, will be a very sad day indeed.
<vnurpewdcnb> So piss off and go back to fingering yourself.
Mode #SDMazing +qo Patches|Working by ChanServ
Mode #SDMazing –o vnurpewdcnb by Patches|Working
<Patches|Working> That’s quite enough of that.
<SparklyLilith> !
<Patches|Working> There’s no reason why you can’t help Francesca out. I know you have no pressing obligations.
<SparklyLilith> WHEN SUDDENLY! JUSTIFICATION!
<vnurpewdcnb> Maybe I just don’t fucking want to.
<SparklyLilith> THE DAY OF RECKONING IS UPON YOU!
<SparklyLilith> REPENT! REPENT!
<Daisangen> Flandre.
<Patches|Working> There are a myriad of things none of us want to do at the moment, one of which is listening to you make unfounded accusions about our sexual promiscuity.
<vnurpewdcnb> Don’t you preach to me about unfounded accusations you heartless witch.
<Patches|Working> So either let it go, resolve your dispute with Francesca privately, or continue your current tirade and force my hand further.
<BestDayEver> ITC: SRZ BSNS
<Beauty_Fox> Why is there a blinking vnurpewdcnb on my window?
<Petoo> a blinking thing?
<Daisangen> It’s a private message. Click on it.

Conversation with vnurpewdcnb
<vnurpewdcnb> Fine, you little starry-eyed worm. You want my fucking help, you got it.
<vnurpewdcnb> Let’s just get this over with.
<Beauty_Fox> What is this?
<vnurpewdcnb> It’s a private conversation, idiot. See the pretty little title up there that says “Conversation with vnurpewdcnb”?
<vnurpewdcnb> God damn it, you fairies are so mentally retarded. No wonder you’re all dying out.
<vnurpewdcnb> Rule #1: Never under any circumstances acknowledge that bitch Koishi’s presence.
<vnurpewdcnb> You give her an inch, she takes a motherfucking mile, so don’t encourage her.
<vnurpewdcnb> She’ll fuck your computer the way she fucks your head. Don’t ask me how, I don’t goddamn know.
<vnurpewdcnb> Cocky little bitch knows how to get around my IP blocks so she keeps trying to come back.
<Beauty_Fox> Koishi is online?
<vnurpewdcnb> What did I just tell you, cunt?
<vnurpewdcnb> Shut up and listen. I’m trying to “help” your ass like the slave-master said.
<Beauty_Fox> Sorry.
<vnurpewdcnb> Popular culture is a fucking mess and always has been.
<vnurpewdcnb> Humans have no goddamn clue what they like. They’re all sheep.
<vnurpewdcnb> One person on their high horse takes the initiative to make some piece of shit they call “art” and everyone else follows the pretty lights like a fucking moth to a flame.
<vnurpewdcnb> No one has a bloody clue why they care about this shit, but they like it because everyone else does. And here’s the two-cent question: If nobody on earth knows why they like it, who’s the bastard telling them they do?
<vnurpewdcnb> Then in comes the internet like the goddamn Antichrist to send us all to hell, like we weren’t already there.
<vnurpewdcnb> Here’s a quote to put into your cute little second grader report:
<vnurpewdcnb> “The internet didn’t make people stupid. People were always fucking stupid. The internet just let us see them all.”
<vnurpewdcnb> Now there’s a million high horses instead of one and they’re all still dumb as hell, but no one can shut them up because they’re just a fucking couple of letters on a screen.
<vnurpewdcnb> Your precious “popular culture” goes from a fucking mess to a mess that fucks itself and breeds pigs like rabbits.
<vnurpewdcnb> Everything feeds off everything else and Flandre’s precious memes get passed around like venereal diseases.
<vnurpewdcnb> All heaped up into a giant fucking boulder picking up speed, rolling down a hill that never ends, disintegrating everything it touches.
<vnurpewdcnb> You say you want my help? Then you get the fuck out.
<vnurpewdcnb> Do your godamn report, be a good little student and get your A++, and never come back.
<vnurpewdcnb> It’s a cesspool. A disease. A damn landfill of everything I’ve always hated about this fucking world, and it’s all right there for you to see, just a few muscle twitches of the fingers away.
<vnurpewdcnb> You still think you’re going to melt my heart with a smile and a hug? Then you get the hell off now, or it’ll only take you a hundred years to get this way instead of the fifteen hundred it took me.
<vnurpewdcnb> Class dismissed. Be sure to fuck your teacher for an A on the way out.


[ ] Go back to the main channel and see what you missed. Smooth out the rough edges on your pop culture research.
[ ] Ask one of the other girls to clear up what Koa/Nurp told you (Specify who)
[ ] You don’t think mentioning Koishi could possibly be THAT bad… right?
[ ] …maybe… Maybe that’s enough internet for one night.
--( ) Start writing all this down while it’s still fresh in your head.
--( ) Step outside and get some fresh non-technological air.
--( ) Have a friendly internetless chat with one of your housemates for a change. (Specify who and/or about what)
>> No. 49273
[x] You don’t think mentioning Koishi could possibly be THAT bad… right?
-[x] see if you can figure out how that private conversation works. If you can, ask Flandre about it first.
>> No. 49274
[x] Go back to the main channel and see what you missed. Smooth out the rough edges on your pop culture research.

Let's not make Koa hate us even more than usual. Koishi will surely manage to pop in anyway.
>> No. 49280
Poor kid must be in joke. Just one more help and we'll have enough, I think.

[x] Go back to the main channel and see what you missed. Smooth out the rough edges on your pop culture research.
>> No. 49281
[x] Go back to the main channel and see what you missed. Smooth out the rough edges on your pop culture research.
>> No. 49283
( ) Have a friendly internetless chat with one of your housemates for a change.
The first person we can.
>> No. 49304
[x] …maybe… Maybe that’s enough internet for one night.
--(x) Have a friendly internetless chat with one of your housemates for a change. (Ask Monica about the Internet and what Koakuma said.)

I really don't want to go back to the channel now. Koa would see and she'd be all "This little bitch is ignoring me." and I don't want that I don't want that at all.
Also Monica is cuter in person.
>> No. 49309
Are you telling me to have sex with Flandre? Because I'm pretty sure I don't want to ha-oh right you were being a bitch again.

I get so confused sometimes, Koa, I don't know what to do with you.
>> No. 49328
[ ] …maybe… Maybe that’s enough internet for one night.
--( ) Start writing all this down while it’s still fresh in your head.

All the swearing will only make the report more complete. It can do evil.
>> No. 49534
god damn I cant remember weather I have voted or not.
>> No. 49542
>>49534
Select all votes and press "delete" If one of those was yours, then it will be deleted and you can revote.
>> No. 49633
File 132079981682.png- (154.41KB , 829x658 , Derp Fran 13.png ) [iqdb]
49633
You’re pretty sure that was what some people like to call a “sobering experience”. Most of your conversations with Koakuma tend to turn out that way. You are feeling rather confused and small, like there’s a giant war going on right outside your house and you didn’t even know it was there to miss. Apparently Koa thinks the internet is just about the worst thing ever, and coming from a creature who’s seen the worst of things in this world, that means a lot. Granted, she says stuff like this about pretty much anything anyone does; it’s how she manages to cope with it all, or something like that. Sometimes you wonder if she really means it, though; some of the other, more mature girls have said that all her profanity feels a little fake. Could it all just be for show?

But that’s a problem for another time. You’ve still got a paper to write, and you need to sort out all the information you’ve received. The internet has brought the whole world together; check. The internet allows peoples and cultures to exchange information easier; check. This means that everyone has more culture; check. Something about meme videos and cheeseburger cats, umm… mostly check? But Koa’s giant rant is harder to decipher. You know there’s some good stuff in there, but sorting through all the hate and swearing isn’t easy. She was saying something about, how people follow other people, and how… popular culture eats itself? Guess you’ll have to look at that later.

You’re more or less confident that you can write about the basic points of the topic, but you remember your professor always saying, “Cite your sources! Give specific examples!” You really don’t have any specific examples to give yet, and you’re afraid that since you don’t know about the internet you can’t just do a The Google search, because how do you know if the example is specific enough? You feel sort of bad staying online after Venurpederb (How are you supposed to pronounce that anyways?) told you to get off, but you’re just talking to friends. That’s not really online, right?


<Beauty_Fox> Why is there a blinking vnurpewdcnb on my window?
<Petoo> blinking?
<Daisangen> It’s a private message. Click on it.
<SparklyLilith> Oh God Nurp’s PMing her.
<SparklyLilith> Well we’re all screwed now.
<BestDayEver> Can’t be any worse than talking to her in person.
<Petoo> come on, its not that bad!
<SparklyLilith> At least now she can’t use her hands.
<SparklyLilith> If you know what Iiiii’ll just log myself off and save Nurp the trouble of doing it for me.
SparklyLilith has left #SDMazing
<BestDayEver> Nooo! Flan, don’t leeeave meeee!
`K has joined #SDMazing
<`K> Oooh, the third time really is a charm~!
`K was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb ( )
<Petoo> im confused now.
<Patches|Working> That is natural. Don’t worry.
<BestDayEver> Maybe it’s because you’re on your phone.
<BestDayEver> And I thought you were working, Patch?
<Petoo> yeah, that’s true…
<Patches|Working> Said work does not require vast amounts of focus.
<Patches|Working> You wanted me to talk to the house more. Here I am.
<Petoo> i want one with a bigger screen but its expensive.
<Daisangen> At least you have what you have already.
<Daisangen> Appreciate the little things in life.
<BestDayEver> Petoo’s a little thing~!
<Petoo> i guess so!
<Petoo> :>
<BestDayEver> …I completely forgot what were were talking about.
<BestDayEver> *we
<Petoo> were we talking about anything?
<Patches|Working> The conversation was largely centered around Francesca and her internet-related questions.
<BestDayEver> No, I mean like before that.
<BestDayEver> Ahh whatever. I’ma go downstairs and bug Tear.
<BestDayEver> Want me to tell Sparks she can come back?
<Patches|Working> It makes no difference to me.
<Petoo> if you want
<Daisangen> I’m sure she’ll come back on her own.
<BestDayEver> Mkay.
BestDayEver has left #SDMazing
<Petoo> its really quiet now…
<Patches|Working> By comparison, you mean.
<Patches|Working> Channels several hundred strong are chaos compared to ours, even on our worst of days.
<Beauty_Fox> I’m back.
<Beauty_Fox> I was talking to Koa.
<Daisangen> Welcome back.
<Petoo> did it help?
`K has joined #SDMazing
`K was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb ( )
<Beauty_Fox> A little I think
<Petoo> that’s good!
<Beauty_Fox> I’ll need some time to study it though.
`K has joined #SDMazing
`K was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb ( )
<Patches|Working> Understandable.
`K has joined #SDMazing
`K was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb ( )
`K has joined #SDMazing
`K was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb ( )
<Beauty_Fox> I have some more questions if that’s okay.
`K has joined #SDMazing
`K was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb ( )
<vnurpewdcnb> Oh for fuck’s sake you oblivious little twat!
`K has joined #SDMazing
`K was booted from #SDMazing by vnurpewdcnb ( )
<vnurpewdcnb> You know what, fine, burn, see if I care.
<vnurpewdcnb> They never listen.
vnurpewdcnb has left #SDMazing
<Petoo> umm…
<Patches|Working> Fox, what happened?
<Patches|Working> What did she tell you?
<Beauty_Fox> Huh?
<Daisangen> This does not bode well.
<Patches|Working> I am very serious.
<Patches|Working> vnurpewdcnb is hardly ever is annoyed enough to log out.
<Petoo> how come, dai?
<Beauty_Fox> She told me the internet was bad.
<Patches|Working> That can’t be everything. Please think carefully.
<Beauty_Fox> She said I should get the hell off now.
<Patches|Working> Thinking…
<Patches|Working> May be good, may be bad.
<Beauty_Fox> What’s wrong?
<Patches|Working> Need to check.
<Patches|Working> Coming home now.
<Patches|Working> Too tired, have to walk.
Patches|Working has left #SDMazing
<Daisangen> Ahh dear, it’s another one of “those” nights.
<Beauty_Fox> What’s going on?
<Daisangen> In a word, life.
<Petoo> you think shell come back dai?
<Daisangen> Yes.
<Petoo> ohhh… :<
<Daisangen> I can keep booting her if you want.
<Beauty_Fox> Do you mean her her?
<Petoo> no its fine
<Petoo> i should get off anyways
<Daisangen> All right. Take care.
<Petoo> sorry foxy. ill explain later I promise!
<Beauty_Fox> Explain what?
Petoo has left #SDMazing
<Daisangen> Yes, Fox, “her” her.
<Daisangen> She likes to play tricks here, just like in real life.
<Daisangen> It’s hard to explain. Again, like in real life.
<Beauty_Fox> What should I do?
<Daisangen> Exactly.
Daisangen has left #SDMazing
<Beauty_Fox> Hey wait!
<Beauty_Fox> Where is everyone?
<Beauty_Fox> I don’t understand.
<Beauty_Fox> Can anyone hear me?
`K has joined #SDMazing
<`K> Someone always can~
<`K> Oh, no one to talk to~?
<Beauty_Fox> I’m here I guess.
<`K> Yes, but you don’t say anything~
<Beauty_Fox> They said I shouldn’t talk to you.
<`K> And they’re right. But you’re going to anyways, because you don’t really believe them~
<Beauty_Fox> Your mind things can’t hurt me because I’m not really here!
<`K> Aren’t you~?
<Beauty_Fox> What does that mean?
<`K> You are absolutely pointless. It’s not even a challenge with you~
<`K> Why don’t you go put Flandre on the line; that’s a good girl~
<Beauty_Fox> She doesn’t want to talk to you.
<`K> Is that what she’d want you to say, or is that what you want her to say~?
<Beauty_Fox> It’s what I want me to say!
<`K> You’re so cute when you pretend to resist~
<Beauty_Fox> I’m not scared of you!
<`K> Now see, this is why I hate books~
<`K> I know exactly what you face looks like right now, but seeing it would be so much more satisfying~
<`K> Wouldn’t you agree~?
<Beauty_Fox> How do I know you aren’t hiding in my room and can see my face anyways?
<`K> You don’t~


[ ] Don’t believe her lies! She’s just words on a screen! You can beat her!
[ ] Try to be nice to her. Maybe she’s not as creepy when she’s not actually here.
[ ] Ask Koishi about the internet. Maybe you’ll get lucky.
[ ] Just forget it. Talking to Koishi only ever makes you paranoid and confused.
--( ) Ask someone in person about specific internet examples instead (specify who)
--( ) Go tell Flandre Koishi’s looking for her. Maybe she can explain this mess.
--( ) All this internet business is getting a little heavy. Find out where Monica is and just chill.
>> No. 49634
[x] Ask Koishi about the internet. Maybe you’ll get lucky.

Because any reason to cite a "Manipulative Bitch" on a college paper is a good one.
>> No. 49635
[ ] Just forget it. Talking to Koishi only ever makes you paranoid and confused.
--( ) All this internet business is getting a little heavy. Find out where Monica is and just chill.

Be ware of the monsters, little girl. Specially when the monster is another little girl.
>> No. 49637
[X] Try to be nice to her. Maybe she’s not as creepy when she’s not actually here.
[X] Ask Koishi about the internet. Maybe you’ll get lucky.


Oh, there is no way this could possibly end well.
Of course, that's what makes it fun~
>> No. 49638
[X] Try to be nice to her. Maybe she’s not as creepy when she’s not actually here.
[X] Ask Koishi about the internet. Maybe you’ll get lucky.
>> No. 49639
[x] Just forget it. Talking to Koishi only ever makes you paranoid and confused.
--(x) All this internet business is getting a little heavy. Find out where Monica is and just chill.

Nothing good comes of dealing with Koishi so it's best just to log off and finish the report.
>> No. 49640
[x] Shower her with an unadulterated stream of your undying love for her.

Because she expects one of those other options.
>> No. 49641
[ ] Just forget it. Talking to Koishi only ever makes you paranoid and confused.
--( ) All this internet business is getting a little heavy. Find out where Monica is and just chill.
>> No. 49651
[x] Ask Koishi about the internet. Maybe you’ll get lucky.
--(x) All this internet business is getting a little heavy. Find out where Monica is and just chill.

I want these two maybe mutually exclusive things! K for more creepiness and Monica for when it doesn't need to be so creepy.
>> No. 49669
[x] Ask Koishi about the internet. Maybe you’ll get lucky.
>> No. 49696
[X] Try to be nice to her. Maybe she’s not as creepy when she’s not actually here.
[X] Ask Koishi about the internet. Maybe you’ll get lucky.

Koishi is love.
>> No. 49772
File 132140573927.gif- (13.64KB , 279x186 , Derp Fran 14.gif ) [iqdb]
49772
Aww great, now you feel terrible. You’re doing exactly what they told you not to do! You might not be an expert on Kayology, but anyone with a little sense in their brains can tell she’s a devious one from just a few conversations. Sort of like Flandre, but you’ve lived with her long enough to know that she’s actually not a bad person. Koishi, though… Well, you’re not so sure on that yet.

Still, you’re not a mean person; you like to give everyone a chance! Koishi is weird, but once you get used to it she’s really not any meaner than Koakuma is, and you’ve dealt with that before. You find you’re not as creeped out by her now that you can’t hear that lilted sing-song voice of hers, or have to look at her perpetual almost-smiling-but-not-really face. She’s got that little squiggly thing at the end of her sentences, but that’s nothing to be afraid of, right? Honestly, you’re not really even sure what it’s supposed to mean.

You figure you’ll give her the benefit of the doubt for a while and just chat. She always says that you’re extremely predictable and not worth her time, so you like to believe that means she doesn’t mess with your head as much as she might. Maybe she could even help you with your homework! There’s a sinking feeling in your gut that says you shouldn’t trust a single example she gives you, but… well, you can always ask the others later if you’re not sure!


<Beauty_Fox> Well I’m not going to turn around and look.
<Beauty_Fox> You wouldn’t be there anyways if I did.
<`K> Maybe I would be~
<Beauty_Fox> I’m not falling for that again!
<`K> Don’t blame me when your neck starting itching, then~
<Beauty_Fox> Did you want to talk about something?
<`K> I always want to talk about something~
<Beauty_Fox> We could talk about my homework.
<`K> Oh, asking me for help, are you~?
<`K> I thought you didn’t trust me~
<Beauty_Fox> I don’t trust Flandre either.
<`K> How adorable~ You’re trying to be philosophical~
<`K> How many of your movies did you steal that idea from~?
<Beauty_Fox> They’re not my movies.
<Beauty_Fox> So do you want to talk about my homework?
<`K> Do you want to talk about your homework~?
<Beauty_Fox> Shouldn’t you already know the answer to that?
<`K> You tell me~
<Beauty_Fox> Or does it not work on the computer?
<`K> Little girl, whatever do you mean~?
<Beauty_Fox> Well, whatever.
<Beauty_Fox> My homework is about the internet.
<`K> What a delightful prospect~
<Beauty_Fox> You’re not being very serious.
<`K> I’m always very serious~
<`K> Or have you forgotten Flandre’s propaganda about how I’m a heartless monster who feels no emotion~?
<`K> Personally I think you’ve been listening to the demon~
<Beauty_Fox> She’s not a demon.
<`K> I never said it was a she~
<Beauty_Fox> Hey! That’s not fair!
<`K> Nothing is fair~
<`K> Which means everything is~
SparklyLilith has joined #SDMazing
<SparklyLilith> I’m back from my time out chair, Mommy~
<`K> Well look who it is~
<SparklyLilith> Hey Kitsune.
<Beauty_Fox> Hello Lilith.
<`K> Will you be ignoring me again today like you told everyone else to, Flandre~?
<Beauty_Fox> Who’s Kitsune?
<SparklyLilith> You. It’s a word that means things sometimes.
<SparklyLilith> Did the netpocalypse happen when I was in the corner?
<Beauty_Fox> Huh?
<`K> That’s okay~ I’m used to being ignored~
<SparklyLilith> Ignore that.
<`K> I do some of my best work when I’m ignored.
<SparklyLilith> I’ll just assume things blindly and not tell anyone. That way the press can’t misquote me.
<SparklyLilith> Fact of life: No matter what political party you belong to, you will always complain that the media is in the pocket of another party.
<`K> I wonder what I could say and get away with now~
<Beauty_Fox> Lilith, you’re doing that again.
<SparklyLilith> I knows. Eyes is burnings the times.
<Beauty_Fox> What does that mean?

“Don’t worry, ma’am! I’m from the Internet!”
>> No. 49774
File 132140581874.png- (36.16KB , 279x190 , Derp Fran 15.png ) [iqdb]
49774
You are startlingly interrupted as “The Internet” ceremoniously swings open your bedroom door, as The Internet is wont to do! In your opinion, The Internet looks a lot like Flandre. She’s got her fancy expensive laptop with her and plops down on your bed with it. When you ask her what exactly is the special occasion for this intrusion, she explains that out of concern for your well-being she simply cannot allow you to be on IRC with Koishi unsupervised. That Freudian floozy might try to “pull a fast one on you”, and with your utter naiveté towards all things dot com, you’d be powerless in her grasp! Which honestly isn’t much different than dealing with her in real life when she puts it like that.

The conversation online continues more or less as it had been before Flandre came into you room. You and her continue to make pointless small talk, and the vampire continues to act as if Koishi isn’t even in the room. Flandre “allows” you to continue talking to Koishi however, saying that with only three people logged in there’s not a whole lot she can do, especially not if she’s your “ace in the hole”. Apparently even Flandre hasn’t found out yet if Kay’s subconscious weirdness works through the internet, but what’s more important is her “leet haxxors skillz, bro” that let her do things like see your computer screen or pretending—

Aha! Look, she’s doing it right now! You’re getting a private message from SparklyLilith, but you can clearly see on Flandre’s laptop that she’s not the one sending it to you! How devious! You can just imagine what sort of shenanigans she could get away with like this! Fortunately Flandre is on top of things and suggests it’s only fair that since Koishi is pretending to be Flandre, Flandre should pretend to be you! Truthfully you don’t have much say in the matter; she just sort of slides you off of your computer chair and sets her laptop over your homework notes so she can still pretend like she’s still being Lilith at the same time as being Beauty Fox. The entire situation makes you wonder if you can really trust who anyone is on the internet, if it’s this easy to pretend to be someone else. Maybe you could fit that into your report somehow.
>> No. 49775
File 132140585798.png- (33.99KB , 279x186 , Derp Fran 16.png ) [iqdb]
49775
Conversation with SparklyLilith
<SparklyLilith> Hey.
<SparklyLilith> Hey.
<SparklyLilith> You.
<Beauty_Fox> Me?
<SparklyLilith> You’re acknowledging her presence.
<Beauty_Fox> Huh?
<SparklyLilith> Yeah, didn’t they tell you not to do that?
<SparklyLilith> That’d probably be a thing they would probably say.
<Beauty_Fox> I didn’t know.
<Beauty_Fox> She’s not doing anything wrong, though.
<SparklyLilith> She never looks like she’s doing anything wrong.
<SparklyLilith> Believe me, she’s doing something wrong.
<Beauty_Fox> So what’s she doing wrong?
<SparklyLilith> Well, talking to you, for one.
<SparklyLilith> That’s no good.
<Beauty_Fox> I thought she didn’t like to talk so me.
<Beauty_Fox> She calls me boring and predictable.
<SparklyLilith> Well, you are, but that’s beside the point.
<Beauty_Fox> That’s not nice.
<SparklyLilith> Yeah, I’m like that.
<SparklyLilith> Truth hurts. Welcome to the internet.
<Beauty_Fox> I thought the internet was full of lies.
<SparklyLilith> Is that you talking, or the imp?
<Beauty_Fox> Who’s the imp?
<SparklyLilith> You know, that blacky-thingy who hates everyone.
<Beauty_Fox> Wendy?
<SparklyLilith> No, not her. That one girl, the boobie lady.
<Beauty_Fox> Sapphire?
<SparklyLilith> Girl you are so not a les.
<SparklyLilith> Ruin all my fantasies why don’t you.
<Beauty_Fox> Flan, you’re not making any sense again.
<Beauty_Fox> I’m supposed to tell you to stop.
<SparklyLilith> Gah, fine, I’ll call her Koakuma then.
<Beauty_Fox> I thought you call her Lilligan.
<SparklyLilith> And I thought I called you Frank.
<Beauty_Fox> And I thought you said Koa wasn’t a she.
<SparklyLilith> You sound like Kay.
<Beauty_Fox> Well you sound like Kay!
<SparklyLilith> Well maybe I am Kay!
<Beauty_Fox> Well maybe I am Kay too!
<SparklyLilith> That’s unpossible!
<Beauty_Fox> Wait, if we’re both Kay, then who’s `K?
<SparklyLilith> A better question is why are we talking to each other.
<Beauty_Fox> I think you’d know better than me.
<SparklyLilith> That is a distinct possibility.
<Beauty_Fox> I’m confused now.
<SparklyLilith> We’ll have to solve the confusion with a Turing Test, then.
<Beauty_Fox> A what?
<SparklyLilith> We have to find out which one of us is really Kay!
<SparklyLilith> Just like The Thing!
<Beauty_Fox> What thing?
<SparklyLilith> It doesn’t matter, because I know that you’re Kay.
<SparklyLilith> Thanks for playing, better luck next time~
<Beauty_Fox> Wait, what? I’m Francesca.
<SparklyLilith> Well I know I’m not the alien, so that only leaves one solution.
<Beauty_Fox> Can’t we both be us and Kay is Kay?
<SparklyLilith> Nope, I’m onto your game now.
<SparklyLilith> And stop bugging Francesca while you’re at it.
<Beauty_Fox> Flan, stop it. I am Francesca.
<SparklyLilith> That’s exactly what the alien would say.
<SparklyLilith> Just admit it, Kay. You always do this.
<Beauty_Fox> But what if that’s exactly what the alien would say too?
<SparklyLilith> Oh, so that’s how you’re going to play, are you?
<Beauty_Fox> I don’t want to play. It’s stupid.
<Beauty_Fox> I just want to do my homework.
<SparklyLilith> If you really wanted to do your homework, you’d be doing it right now~
<SparklyLilith> Ergo you want to play~
<Beauty_Fox> Okay now that sounds like something Kay would say.
<SparklyLilith> Pssh, like it’s that hard to act condescending and add tildes to everything~
<Beauty_Fox> I don’t know what that means.
<SparklyLilith> It means I’m winning and you’re Kay.
<Beauty_Fox> Wait a minute.
<SparklyLilith> 59
<SparklyLilith> 58
<SparklyLilith> 57
<SparklyLilith> 56
<SparklyLilith> I’m already bored.
<Beauty_Fox> If it’s not hard to pretend you’re Kay, then even if you’re not Kay you’re Kay, because you’re acting just like she would!
<Beauty_Fox> Right?
<SparklyLilith> Well shit.
SparklyLilith is now known as Kay
<Kay> Guess I can’t win then.
<Beauty_Fox> No, now you can’t win.
<Beauty_Fox> I thought you knew Flandre better than that.
<Kay> I know her better than you do, because I am her.
<Kay> It was me! I was the Flandre all along!
<Beauty_Fox> Apparently not well enough.
<Beauty_Fox> SparklyLilith doesn’t change her name.
<Kay> Says you.
<Beauty_Fox> Says her.
<Kay> Fran, it’s IRC. It’s what people do. Trust me on this one.
<Beauty_Fox> You’re not tricking me on this one Koishi.
<Kay> I’m Flandre, not Koishi :|
<Beauty_Fox> No, you’re not. I am.
<Kay> I thought you didn’t want to play this game~?
<Beauty_Fox> I don’t.
<Beauty_Fox> Not if you’re not going to admit you lost.
<Kay> Well, nobody likes to admit they’ve lost.
<Beauty_Fox> Pot calling the kettle, Koishi, pot calling the kettle.
<Beauty_Fox> Need I bring up that little incident with your home address?
<Kay> Don’t.
<Beauty_Fox> Exactly.
<Beauty_Fox> pwnt, bitch.
<Beauty_Fox> You done got served.

Flandre finally wheels away from the desk on your swivel chair as you wonder exactly what just happened. You were reading the conversation over her shoulder and you think they must have been playing some kind of game; something where they were trying to get each other to say who they really were? Except, did Koishi know that Beauty Fox was actually Flandre all along, or did Flandre actually fool her? You’re very confused right now.

The younger Scarlet tells you that this is about par for the course on the internet. You can research and you can chat and you can has all the cheezburgers you want, but if you don’t know how to think without the internet, you’re not going to know how to think with it. And no matter how much you talk and no matter how many The Googles you do, nothing will ever be as clear as you’d like it to be, not even if you know the person you’re talking to. The internet is nice, but it’s no substitute for reality. She says if you’re smart you should be able to work that into your report too.

You point to the computer and ask her if you should try to make sure there’s no bad blood between any of you three. She tells you it’s not worth the effort. You explain to her that it really should be! Koishi hacked her computer and told a bunch of lies and stuff! That’s wrong! Flandre gasps in shock and awe! Someone is wrong?! On the internet?!
>> No. 49776
File 132140592478.gif- (37.57KB , 380x240 , Derp Fran 17.gif ) [iqdb]
49776
http://mirrors.rit.edu/instantCSI/

YOU CAN’T END! THEN SHE’LL KEEP BEING WRONG!
A STRANGE GAME. THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS NOT TO PLAY.
>> No. 49777
File 13214064061.jpg- (134.69KB , 850x601 , additional plainclothes touhous are required.jpg ) [iqdb]
49777
DERP WARS
Daily excitement! Radical peeps!

Note: Derp Wars will be on hiatus for as long as it takes me to satisfactorily complete Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. Probably around a month, but don’t hold me to that. Just vote for the next Derp in this thread and I’ll get to it when I get to it.

CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER:

[OK!]Meiling: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC

[OK!] Koakuma: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 3 FOC

[ ] Patchouli: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Premise: Your big alchemy presentation is tomorrow, but your housemates are very inconsiderate of this fact. Find ways to get them to leave you alone!

[OK!] Sakuya: 2 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC

[OK!] Remilia: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 2 FOC

[OK!] Flandre: 3 POW, 2 SPD, 1 FOC

[ ] Sunhilda: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 1 FOC
Premise: Today’s your twenty-first birthday, and everyone knows what that means, right? You could care less about what happens tonight; a girl’s got to live it up to the max at least once in her life!

[ ] Monica: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC
Premise: Everyone is picking on you for reasons you don’t understand. You don’t care if it’s just a joke; you don’t think it’s very funny!

[ ] Tullia: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: All the upperclasswomen are out of town for the night, leaving you in charge. Make sure the other girls don’t get into too much trouble while they’re gone!

[OK!] Wendy: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 1 FOC

[ ] Therese: 1 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Premise: You are Iron Man. You are Spartacus. You are Morpheus. You’re the goddamn Batman. WHO THE HELL DO THEY THINK YOU ARE?! Use your shapeshifting for maximum hijinks!

[OK!] Francesca: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC

[ ] Sapphire: 1 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC
Premise: Remilia promised that tonight would be a vampire-girl’s night out with just you, her, and Flandre, but only if you get all your chores finished to her satisfaction. The quicker you’re done, the more time you’ll have to rock the hell out!

[OK!] Natasha: 2 POW, 2 SPD, 2 FOC

[OK!] Koishi: 0 POW, 3 SPD, 3 FOC

Princess Owen: 1 POW, 1 SPD, 1 FOC
Premise: It’s maybe kinda like Homestuck, only with a less fictional and more boring protagonist, lazy photographs, and user commands that actually work. Let’s not do this until we’ve done the other ones, okay?
>> No. 49779
>Honestly, you’re not really even sure what ~ is supposed to mean.
Lilt. ~ means add more lilt. There can never be enough lilt.
>Internet not a substitute for reality
I will never understand how people turn the Internet into a magical fantasyland that is somehow separate from reality.
>that ending
Ragh. Wrong!

[x] Monica

She is the cutest fairy! IT is her!
>> No. 49781
File 132140769947.jpg- (107.90KB , 597x600 , tumblr_lp03ozh7281qiog4o.jpg ) [iqdb]
49781
[x] Tuesday's child is full of grace;
>> No. 49793
File 132141104255.jpg- (388.97KB , 600x848 , pachuli saber SP.jpg ) [iqdb]
49793
[x] Patchouli: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC
Premise: Your big alchemy presentation is tomorrow, but your housemates are very inconsiderate of this fact. Find ways to get them to leave you alone!
Because THP could always use more Patchouli.




Taisa, I know you're reading this! I stand by my words! We could use more Patchouli!
>> No. 49799
[x] Sunhilda: 3 POW, 1 SPD, 1 FOC
>> No. 49803
[x] Monica: 1 POW, 3 SPD, 1 FOC

Let's go with cuteness.
>> No. 49804
[x] Monica
>> No. 49806
[x] Princess Owen: 1 POW, 1 SPD, 1 FOC

Fuck the police! I want that sweet bonus content right now!
>> No. 49809
[x] Patchouli: 2 POW, 1 SPD, 3 FOC

Patchouli is love. Also, the thought of just how exactly we might accomplish our goal fills me with smiles.

Royal flaring a fairy isn't murder since they re-spawn, right?
>> No. 49904
[x] Princess Owen: 1 POW, 1 SPD, 1 FOC

Winter is coming, Owen.


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