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File 164324242225.png - (257.58KB, 364x506, unknown.png)
unknown
This is you.
Your reflection, but also you.
"Hello, you." He says.
You don't answer, and you get the little satisfaction of seeing his smile grow a bit forced.
"Hello." He says again, in a happy tone that doesn't sound forced.
"Hello there!" Says your tie, in a British accent, like in that one movie you watched once, when things were still pleasant.
"How are we doing today?" He says.
You close your eyes, and briefly remember.
The white coats, the medicines, the coworkers. It was tough. Not that patients would die, real life wasn't as dramatic as TV shows, but you'd often see the same faces, coming for two weeks or a month, just enough to get the alcohol out of their system. You would put a smile on your face, say something pleasant, and usually mess up by adding "glad to see you again", and your coworkers would cringe.
They would come, spend a few weeks, and leave, thinking that their problems were behind them. Then they'd come back after one or two months, and you'd see it. The red on the nose, the pink on the cheeks, that little shaking in their fingers.
Sometimes they would smile, lie, and swear that they were serious this time, but once the trial was over, they'd leave and never come back.
And then she left, and you began to notice your coworkers' smiles. When you realized what was going on, it was too late.
You force your eyes open before the memories start piling you, and you breathe deeply. You take a deep breath, puff your cheeks like a child, and expires slowly.
"Feeling calm, now?" Your reflection asks.
"I feel nervous."
"It's understandable, mon ami." Your tie adds
"You are alone." Your instinct screams.
"Lost." Your sense of orientation adds.
"Hungry." Your stomach objects.
"And you might have pissed yourself." The warmth in your pants adds with a sorry smile.
"You also are no longer in Revachol." Common Sense says, always the smug one.
You look around.
Then you look around some more.
Then you lower your head and puke in the puddle that was just talking to you.
There is no ocean. This isn't an island. This is a continent, and you can't see the ocean.

Where the FUCK are you?
"Weee!! It's an adventure! We're been abducted by ayylmaos!" Screams your imagination, always so active. Sometimes you can't keep track of him, through his voice is so high-pitched, you sometimes wonder if it's a she.
"Are we the new Adam? Quickly, find Eve and break her legs, we need to repopulate the human race! That means doing it proper this time, don't put it in the wrong hole this time!" Says your groin.
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You look around.
"I'm burning!" Your eyes scream. You blink a few times, slowly taking in the fact that rather than being gray and covered in clouds, the sky is instead a pure blue.
For a few blessed seconds, there is silence. All of you are staring at the sky. You swear that your smile is briefly genuine.
Then your own smell hits your nostrils and you sigh.
"I have good news," says the warmth in your pants. "We're clean down here. Well, except for..."
"Sorry about that. Been a while since we touched a woman." Groin says in a sarcastic tone.
You start walking.

[] To the forest. Maybe there's some game you can get. You have your gun, right? Ammunitions will be a problem, but, hey, you ate worse than that.
[] To the lake. Maybe there's some fish you can catch. You have your tie, right? He'll object to the operation, but starvation is an annoying condition.
[] To the bamboo forest. You don't see it and you can't think of a good reason to go there, but the player has to know, doesn't he? Hey, you do, right?
[] Imagination suggests going somewhere else. Where to?
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wat
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>Disco Elysium quest starring the Mentally ill cop
We have an adventure ahead of us.
[X] To the bamboo forest. You don't see it and you can't think of a good reason to go there, but the player has to know, doesn't he? Hey, you do, right?
Meds. Now.
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[x] Forest (not the bamboo one)
I want try the magic mushrooms first.
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[X] To that cave leading Underground.

It's got the good booze down there and a mindreader we can mess with. Not to forget the Oni that love to Paaaaarty!

Don't you want to Party drunk? Don't you want to find yourself a big muscled woman that you can party and party with?

I'm sure you do, ignore common sense's ramble about man-eaters, those are everywhere anyway! Nein, go for them big ladies instead of dumb little girlies.


Party PartyPartySEXPartyPartyPartyParty!
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[X] To the forest. Maybe there's some game you can get. You have your gun, right? Ammunitions will be a problem, but, hey, you ate worse than that.
Trees are nice
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get tf out of my way type way - casey frey_disco e
>[x] To the forest. Maybe there's some game you can get. You have your gun, right? Ammunitions will be a problem, but, hey, you ate worse than that.
Conserve bullets though,we might need em later.

>>68515
Seems to be a mentally ill Doctor this time.
And if we aren't Mr.Tequila that means we have our own Skills,wonder how they work?
The Shivers equivalent is sure to be an interesting one,whether it is Revachol's distant voice or Gensokyo's 'Outland Empire'.
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[X] To that cave leading Underground.
You have my sword.
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"I'm hungry!" Says Hunger.
You look around, and see little traces of civilization.
"Look at your feet, you moron, there's a trail." Says Observation.
You feel embarrassed.
"Cringe, yikes!" Says that part of you that you wish you abandoned on the side of the road on your way to your eighteenth birthday.
"Go to the forest! The call of the wild must be answered! We shall hunt and eat!" Says a manly side of you, who goes without name for now.
"Watch where you walk, a lot of predators use noises to locate their prey."
Thank you, kind stranger!

Following her advice, you make your stumbling way to the forest, a smile plastered over your face. You cannot get rid of it yet.
"Are we there yet?" Asks Impatience.
"We've only been walking for thirty seconds." Answers Mathematic.
"Correction : we've been walking for ten seconds, and stumbling for twenty. Now we've stopped." Says Self-Deprecation, always so eager to point things out.
You lean against a tree, the world suddenly spinning. Yet despite the sudden curvature of the land, you find yourself quite comfortable, the sun is pretty pleasant...
"Okay, nobody panic, but there is no sun. We're under a tree." Says Observation.
"Why are we warm, then? Are we-" Asks Fear.
"Touch the back of your head." Says Vague Memory.
You carefully, gently touch the back of your head. You feel a sharp pain, and a pleasant liquid warmth on your fingers.
Your smile doesn't break, even as your fingers start shaking, then your hand, then your entire arm.
Whatever you do, do not panic.
"PANIC!" Says Panic.
"PANIC!" Says Fear.
"PANIC!" Says Loathing.
"AAAAH!" Says Las Veg- wait, what are YOU doing here?

You slowly, slowly sit on the ground, back to the tree, your hand machinally holding to your wound.
"You're having a concussion. Keep pressure until the blood stops." Says Vague Memory of a Distant Past.
"Shouldn't we wash the wound? Infection might-" Survival Instinct asks, in a worried tone.
"No." Says Vague Memory, clearly irritated by the panic.
"But we saw water earlier!" Asks Survival- or is it Self-Preservation? Survival should have a better head on his shoulders.
"Correct, the water we saw was a muddy puddle." Answers Observation in an equal tone.
"Exactly. We'd need running water. In fact, I daresay we'd need running that was boiled, to lower infection chances." Vague Memory starts ranting, becoming Sharp Memory for a moment.
Your vision goes blurry.
It hurts to remember.
It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts.

You open your eyes again.
Sharp Memory is gone, your past is a blur
You stand up, a hand still on your wound, just over the nape. You're glad Vague Memory isn't freaking out right now, all the others are already picking up what kind of wood you should get for your coffin.
"Excuse me?" Says a new voice. Is she-
Your look up. There's a girl. Floating.
Observation, please? "Huh? Ah, huh, she's floating." Thank you, Observation. "Sorry, I'm kind of coping with the fact that she's floating. Is she coming down?"
"Does she know we can see her panties?" Asks Lust.

[] Act natural. Fail at it.
[] Ask for help. Grovel.
[] Don't ask for help. Use Authority.
[] Anyone else has an idea? KILL HER AND RAPE THE BOD- No, you're not doing that. Not now, and not later.
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[x] Ask for help, Grovel.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODSSSSS.

It's a flying missy detective, she can fly and that's amazing and oh my god she can fly and that's amazing, but how can she fly? People can't fly because people are people! If we could fly we'd have fucked the shit out of that whore of an statue back home! That sexy statue mouth aside, you know what else is sexy? PANTIES! Get on that ground right now detective and make yourself look submissive and breed able! With our luck, this will trigger her motherly instincts and make her take care of us and treat us like those well-endowed little boys in dirty Japanese bookies, grovel right now! Grovel in a sexy way! Do it for the panties, do it for the mommy treatment! Be the little spoon detective!
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[x] Ask for help, Grovel.
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File 164470920463.jpg - (141.29KB, 800x800, catastrophe.jpg)
catastrophe
"Let's never talk about this ever again." Says your Pride.
Everyone else agree. Even you. Rolling around on the ground and crying was unbecoming.

"Are you okay, now?" The girl ask.
You nod, before wiping a few more tears and chasing some dust off your clothes. You're fine. "I'm fine."
"G-Glad to hear it!"
"Her voice is hesitating, and she's faking enthusiasm." Notices Observation.
"You're making her nervous." Notices Common Sense.
"Makes sense, a grown-up man and a little girl..." Lust starts, but is abruptly cut.
"No, not because of that. She's more nervous that she'd make you cry again." Someone says.
"Her eyes aren't directly watching you." Says Observation.
"Did you get in a fight with a friend?" You ask.
"W... What? How did you know?" She looks at you, completely flabbergasted, her hands freezing in the air. Figuratively freezing, of course.
"Wasn't that obvious?" Asks Common Sense.
"She looks guilty." Says Observation.
"She's walking on eggs around you because she doesn't want a repetition. She screwed up something and feels lonely ever since." Says Empathy.
Everyone else answer with confusion.
"Why not just apologize?" You ask.
"Why not order the other party to apologize?" Asks Authority.
"Why not tickle the other party's with your..." Lust wants to ask, but is interrupted.
You hazard a guess.
"You don't want to apologize because it'd be admitting it's your fault, don't you?"
"I-It's as you say." The blonde girl blushes, hiding her face behind her hands. "I wasn't meant to know that her diary was in there, after all!"
"Oh fuck, it's a girl's diary story. Run away." Says Common Sense, sound half-blasé, and half-scared.

[] Just have her give you the book, you'll do it.
[] Sucks to be you, lol. Now, where are we?
[] What even is her name? You forgot to ask.
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[x] Just have her give you the book, you'll do it.

Do good. Be nice. Show locals that you just might not be deranged by some capacity.
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Sameposting like a fag now, but also be sure to contact admin to post story to the story list. We seem to like that around here.
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[X] (Common Sense)What even is her name? You forgot to ask.
[X] (Observation) Can you tell us more? we'd like to help if we can

Wouldn't be surprised if the first option has the detective just take the book and deliver to Alice and all that but would that really fix the issue here?

We don't even know her name and our first impression was of us crying on the ground so perhaps talking a bit more could give more info and make us seem more trustworthy.
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There's a tie. Not the kind you make a molotov with.
I'll wait some more.

>>68539
Can I wait until I have the plot really settled down?
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[X] (Common Sense)What even is her name? You forgot to ask.
[X] (Observation) Can you tell us more? we'd like to help if we can
Work out what you're getting into first.

>>68541
Should probably do it soon. It'll help the handful of people too lazy to check the bumped thread list find it.
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[X] (Common Sense)What even is her name? You forgot to ask.
[X] (Observation) Can you tell us more? we'd like to help if we can
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[X] (Common Sense)What even is her name? You forgot to ask.
[X] (Observation) Can you tell us more? we'd like to help if we can
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[X] (Common Sense)What even is her name? You forgot to ask.
[X] (Observation) Can you tell us more? we'd like to help if we can

"What even is us more? We'd like to help if we ask."
The Blonde Scholar eyes you with sudden attention.
Then everyone starts talking at once. "You moron, you whiffed it" seem to be the usual consensus, but Observation silences everyone with a soft-spoken "She's not afraid of us."
There's a brief silence that you observe, except for a giggle and a nervous cough. She picks up the message, thankfully.
"I'd appreciate that, but honestly, I fear you would get hurt if you went there. She's pretty friendly, but the maid..."
"She's shivering," says Observation.
"Fear?" Asks Empathy.
"Naan, that's lust. She got her ass demolished by the maid, that's-" Lust starts speaking, but is cut.
"Maids are no matches for us. Tell her you accept the quest." Authority says.
"Wait, wait." Common sense speaks. "That girl can fly, live by herself, and she's telling us that she's worried. Shouldn't we worry about the food chain here?"
"Just beat the crap out of her. If we can beat her, we can beat that maid!" Says Authority.
"We are NOT beating up a little girl, do you hear me?!?" Common Sense shouts, silencing Authority, and leaving everyone flabbergasted.
You speak. "I... I'm sure if I just explain, we'll be fine, so thank you for your concern..."
The Blonde Scholar observes you.
"Her eyes are full of doubts." Says Empathy.
"Marisa's worried about you." Says someone.
You add. "So really, don't worry about me, Marisa."
"How do you know...? Are you a psychic?!"
"She jumped to her feet." Says Observation. Thank you, you noticed.
"Woah nelly, calm her down, she looks excited! Like, ready to open you with a rusty scalpel while screaming science, but in German!" Says Imagination. You swear, that kid's been playing too much I Have No Mouth.
"Tell her you're not psychic!" Says Common Sense.
"I'm not German!" You say.
Everyone groan.

[] Accept the quest. Bring back the slab, and don't suffer the... You mean bring back the book, and hopefully don't get attacked by a maid. Does she throw swords or knives?
[] Ask more question, abuse her hospitality, and be a dick.
[] Leave for more adventures, in the dank forest where shrooms are growing. Maybe you can cook yourself some good shit, naan?
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[] Accept the quest. Bring back the slab, and don't suffer the... You mean bring back the book, and hopefully don't get attacked by a maid. Does she throw swords or knives?
Ah, yes. The common German maids that throw swords at guests they do not like.

I highly enjoy that I can only hear authority as TF2 soldier.
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[X] Accept the quest. Bring back the slab, and don't suffer the... You mean bring back the book, and hopefully don't get attacked by a maid. Does she throw swords or knives?
Dandandandaan she things you're a naa-zii!
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[X] Accept the quest. Bring back the slab, and don't suffer the... You mean bring back the book, and hopefully don't get attacked by a maid. Does she throw swords or knives?

"Nod. Say you accept her quest." Authority says, his voice a bit shaky, but firm still.
"Wait, how do we know where to go?" Asks Observation, suddenly nervous.
"We can ask, can we?" Common Sense chides in.
You nod. "If you don't mind telling me where to go, I would love to repay your hospitality by bringing that book back."
There's silence, and finally, Lust speaks. "He's learning! Look at him go! It's like going in your son's room and seeing him jack off to Slammed In The Butt By The Handsome Sentient Manifestation Of Election Day!"
The girl -Marisa- suddenly looks at you, before making a complicated expression. "...are you about to puke?"
"She's disgusted." Says Observation.
"Hey, you're relching! Stop it!" Common Sense panics.
"Quickly, make an excuse!" Says Authority.
"Sorry, I was thinking about gay butts."
There are a lot of angry sighs and moans as the girl -Marisa- looks at you with a strange glint in her eye that Empathy identifies as amusement. "You won't like it here, many people are gay."
"ASK HER IF YOU CAN WATC-" Lust starts to speak, but is silenced by the vocal equivalent of being pounced on by several people.
Finally, Authority speaks again. "We have a mission! Get the book, and be on your way!"
Common Sense adds. "I agree, being around little girls does us no good."

You extend your hand, and gently grab the book she's holding.
"I just have to bring that back, right?"
She starts shaking while shrieking.
"SHE'S ATTACKING US! ASSUME COMBAT FORM!" Authority panics.
"She is laughing. It's something human do." Observation adds.
You swear you can hear Authority cough a bit.
"No, not that one. That one's my cooking book. It's that one."
She hands you a book, it's-
"Red, small, but with a really thick cover, clearly more than a girl's little diary." Observation completes.
You flip the book to read the name on the cover, it says...
"What language is that?" Asks Common Sense.
"Looks like Elvish." Says Your Inner Nerd.
"You're holding the book upside down. It says Patchouli Knowledge." Says Observation.
"What kind of name is Patchouli Knowledge?" Asks Your Inner Nerd.
"The name some kind of douchebag parent would pick. Patchouli Knowledge, pfah. Why not Flower Oil Cooking?" Authority complains.
"Or Straberry Syrup Enema." Adds Lust.
"Or Big Green." Says Your Inner Nerd.
"Or maybe it's a nickname." Says Common Sense.
After a little pause, Authority speaks. "We should ask how to deliver the book, now."

"How do we-"
[] "There's a hole in the wall. You can sneak in through it."
[] "You can climb a tree and jump in, just don't land on the super expensive flowers of the gardens."
[] "If you can defeat the gatekeeper in a physical duel, she'll let you in."
[] "I have explosives here. Just blow a hole in the wall and go in."
[] "I can drop you in."
[] "Or you can try asking nicely, but who would want to do that?"
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[X] "If you can defeat the gatekeeper in a physical duel, she'll let you in."

You know what women like Detective? Strong men!

You know what women like as well? Wounded men!

Women love a sick child or a healthy animal; A man who is both itches them like an incubus Detective! And oh boy do you qualify! So go get some gate-keeper!

Unless they're a dude, or gay. If so then fuck, I mean not! Do not imagine the sensation of wrestling a sweaty, well toned muscled man into the ground. Both of you struggling to overpower one another as you both progressively become less and less clothed. That feeling of raw rivalry that one can only feel with a man.

No sir, oh no Detective, worst case scenario we've got that Marisa who's going to be really grateful and some other girl who's parents don't love her.

The one's with daddy issues are always the most kinky too, that Patchouili's waiting for a big strong men to waltz into her room and give the attention that an well-built and well-aged man never gave her.

Fight for it Detective, fight for justice and pussy!
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I've been giving it some thoughts, and I think I don't have the skills to write the story I wanted to.
Give me a few hours to collect my ideas, and I'll post a short resume of what I had in mind.
Sorry about that.
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PC Computer - Disco Elysium - You Harrier Du Bois
If the nurse was to follow the plan for a physical altercation with Meiling, he would be presented a few options. All of them would end up in Hong kicking his ass to kingdom comes until he brings the book up and explains what he's doing exactly. The only option that would've ended up in a tie would be to let Authority take over, but giving him full control would result in Authority decaying a bit and seeming weaker, suggesting barking orders rather than physical fights.
Making his way through the garden (and likely overanalyzing said garden by commenting that the soil is unusually poor, and that the garden is full of flowers, suggesting that the mansion's owner prefers appearance over pragmatism, since a practical person would grow vegetables or wheat, suggesting that the nurse comes from a land where ressources were scarce), he would enter the mansion, and try to obtain help from the passingby fairy maids, while trying to keep Lust in check. They wouldn't be a great help, and the nurse would end up lost. From there, different options would be available, one of them would lead him to Remilia's bedroom's door, only to be interrupted by Sakuya. The second would bypass Sakuya, and land him directly to the library. The third would lead him to the basement, and would either end in a meeting with Sakuya, or a horrible death.
If the nurse meets Sakuya, the perspective would change to her, deciding whether to help the smiling man or impete his progress. Her personality would be based on the phases on the moon, with full moon being the goddess Sakuya's based on, while New Moon would be her beasty, bloodthirsty lunacy.
If he isn't killed or kicked out by Sakuya (leading the story to uncharted territory), the nurse would then makes his arrival in the library. From there, there likely would be a huge intermission as some of the personalities want to stop and read, while the more honorbound ones like Authority or Common Sense want to deliver the book first. Whether or not the nurse stops for a quick reading, he will come face-to-face with Koakuma who, without a word, immediately attacks him. The correct way to defeat her would be to throw a forbidden, biting book at her face, and run away. Anything else would end up in Koakuma tearing him apart and taking his soul. I haven't decided if that end would have an epilogue in which the nurse is reincarnated as Koakuma's slave in hell after she overpowered Patchouli and dragged her down as well (in a more light-hearted note, Patchouli's penitence as a slave would have her wearing a maid outfit and recite everything Koakuma asks her, essentially being a living, sexy library). I'm not sure if including that would've been a good idea, since I want Koakuma to be a danger to the nurse, but the idea that fucking up and dying would mess the statu quo in Gensokyo interested me.
The nurse is ultimately saved by either Patchouli or Sakuya. In Patchouli's case, she locks Koakuma in a bottle and leave it in the fridge for "a few hours, until she learns to control herself", while Sakuya would just freeze Koakuma in time. For the nurse, it would appear to not last a second, but Koakuma would be completely insane, and explained that she spent years blocked in place, unable to move even her eyes. Depending from the reader's (or readers, but let's be honest, everyone left) choice, the nurse would either show disgust or fascination for the punishments.
As the sun set, the nurse finally returns her own private diary to Patchouli, which she gracefully accepts, before suggesting he leaves before Remilia wakes up, commenting that "she doesn't like carriers". The nurse would partially understand the comment after fighting with Memories Best Left Buried, while Authority would have him comment that he worked in a makeshift war hospital for three years before returning to civilization and peace, and that Remilia doesn't scare him. Patchouli sighs, and Sakuya comments that "they're all the same". That would lead to an argument between the nurse and Sakuya, which devolves into name-calling from both parts, which Sakuya winning because she stays calm and collected while the nurse get angrier and only humiliates himself, while commenting to himself that staring up close at the maid is a difficult experience, with Lust pounding him from behind while Sakuya's insults wear him off from the front.
If the reader keeps up the insults, Sakuya eventually stops time, deliver a brutal verbal beatdown, and drags the unmoving nurse to the entrance, before letting him stuck in there for a few hours, until time resumes. That would lead to an internal discussion to understand her powers, and the conclusion that time is still stopped for Sakuya, not in the same way that it was for Koakuma and the nurse, but still stuck in an unmoving world. From there, either the nurse talks to Meiling to enter the mansion again, leading to a confrontation with Remilia who attacks him in the same fashion than Koakuma, and from here I haven't decided yet, but would likely end up with him getting traumatized of vampires and trying to avoid them, and trying to settle in the forest, away from civilizations.
Or, to finish the story, the nurse would head to the Lake, and meet Komachi, who would offer a trip to relinquish "all the others". The story would end there.

Deciding to return to the mansion to help Sakuya would end up in the nurse getting violently ejected out, and running away back to the forest, telling himself that a few nights of camping totally made him ready to live alone as a survivalist. In a comical fashion, after three days of arguing with himself, and scaring all the game away, he would be found passed out by Alice, and recruited by her as a guinea pi- as an assistant, to help with creating the perfect doll.
I planned to have something subtle here, in which the newly created doll acts like one of the nurse's personality that went missing, leading to the female voice who namedropped Marisa to confirm that Alice is indeed siphoning the nurse's souls to put in her doll. From there, all options would lead to a fight with Alice, ending up either in the nurse being killed and his personalities put in different dolls, or an accident with a blowtorch and a doll blowing up the whole atelier, putting Alice out of the race, and later infuriating Marisa and Patchouli as Alice losing her Atelier jeopardizes their plan.
After that, I haven't had an entire thing planned, but the idea was that the wizards and witches of Gensokyo were trying to form a covent to create their own pocket dimension in Gensokyo, where the world would be theirs to experiment, with Marisa's logic being that she wants some of the Outside World's comfort, Alice's being that she wants a world where getting ingredients and materials is easier, and Patchouli just doing it to see if she could. They'd probably also have a few unnamed witches to help, but I haven't decided yet if they had names and identities or were just extras, since I don't like having too many original characters, but having all the planning and intrigue done by the named characters would be boring.
At any rate, Marisa ends up abducting the nurse, and asking if killing the nurse would work, since "he ate so many souls". Patchouli thinks blood magic would work, but also thinks that Marisa doesn't have the guts to kill anyone, leading to a brief altercation between the two, with Patchouli acting like a grandma and Marisa acting like a child.
Then Alice arrives and announces she's ready to kill the nurse.
Then Reimu arrives. And hell breaks loose, with Patchouli casting magic and summoning demons, Alice using her dolls, and Marisa just standing there and going "I don't want to kill anyone". It ends up with Reimu beating the witches, flying down to Marisa, whack her over the head, and tell her to "not do it again", before eyeing the nurse, causing the panicked female voice to thank the nurse for his help, and "find other gaps to nap in". Reimu orders the nurse to stop feeding on souls and let them pass away, before she flies away.
From here, the nurse has the option to interrogate Marisa, tie the passed-out Patchouli and Alice to the slab, or just leave. He'd go to the lake, now covered in mist, and meet Komachi. One by one, the nurse would relinquish all his personalities, regaining his memories as he dies, remembering Authority as a sergeant he met in the hospital who died of alcohol poisoning, Common Sense as a young boy who got his leg torn off, Lust as a rapist he accidentally murdered, and so on. Upon asking why they were so two-dimensionals, Komachi would comment that hosting too many souls in one body leads to them being incomplete, and thus every person forfeiting huge parts of themselves. The nurse lost his memory, Authority forgot his personal life and his pet dog, Lust forgot he was a decent folk who just made a bad decision out of loneliness, and so on.

Then the story ends as the nurse decides to refuse Komachi's offer for a ride, but gives her all the pocket money he had to pay for "his family", and turns around to live, "alone but whole", with Komachi saying that "for a soul-eating monster pretending to be human, you're a fine person".
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Sadly, yeah. While I had a basic idea of how the story would go, there are still a lot of plotholes, like Koakuma or Remilia's aggression seeming unjustified, or the fact that the nurse would never meet any other youkai. Or that Sakuya's issues are never addressed.
But more than that, I feel I don't have the skill to write as subtly as I like, and I really hate have to tell because I feel like I can't show well enough.

Moreso, I think the thing that broke my confidence was the fact that nobody seemed to react to the female voice who knows fully well who Marisa was. I think it's a pacing issue : I wanted to make it clear that none of the other voices had any clue what Gensokyo voice, except that one who knows it well.
It was fairly obvious it was Yukari, due to her love of gaps, but the fact that nobody even picked that incident as relevant and commented on it made me realize that I was either too subtle, or not subtle enough, and that I therefore lacked the skills to keep writing.

Sorry to anyone who got interested.
Also, on an unrelated note, I actually don't like Disco Elysium and I couldn't bear 2 minutes of it, but I loved the idea.
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got too ambitious, typical newbie mistake. really, really, really simplify your next idea and you'll probably succeed. unless you get lazy like most of thp.
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>>68561
To be honest, if I picked a plot that matched my skills, it'd be some slice-of-life from a villager's perspective.

Also how do I sage here.
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>>68562
Sounds like a pretty harsh self-assessment, my dude.

The trick is to think about what you really want to write and focus on one little aspect of that. It takes a lot of thought and doesn't lend itself to quick action, which is why a lot of newer folks don't do it. It's up to you whether or not to do it, of course, but there's no harm trying again after nursing your bruises.

>Also how do I sage here.
The simple answer is 'you don't', since it's not a functionality here anymore for various reasons.
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>>68563
Yeah, I'll come back later, once I stop recognizing my writing when I look at a review of Disney's Star Wars movies. Probably with an easier story too, one that doesn't involve remembering how a soul-stealing youkai passing as a human acts when under pressure.
I'll still have conspiracies. I fucking love conspiracies. And plots.
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