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File 150235416839.png - (514.65KB , 700x800 , Forbidden Shitpostery.png ) [iqdb]
15055 No. 15055
Disclaimer: This is my personal guide on how to write and any tactics that I employ may not work for you and if you think I’m some authority on writing magical girl literature, you’re a fucking loonie. Also, any advice I give is worth jack shit because I don’t follow my own advice over half the time.
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>> No. 15056
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15056
Chapter 0 – HOW THE FUCK DO I WRITE?
_______________________________________

There comes a day in every writer's life where they tell themselves, “I want to write about magical flying girls in frilly dresses.” But the question is—how? The answer to that is FUCK IF I KNOW, FAGGOT. Nobody knows how to write properly. I sure as hell don’t. That's not important. The most important part is that you tell yourself that you will and then you actually do.

Oh, you already know how to write? Well, why didn't you just say so? Here's the 【ADVANCED GUIDE】 to make a successful story!

ADVANCED GUIDE
      Step 1) Write well
      Step 2) Keep writing well
      Step 3) Keep writing
_______________________________________

Okay, there you go! Good luck!

...What? I thought you said you knew how to write?
>> No. 15057
File 15023545867.jpg - (296.42KB , 850x1202 , Chapter 1.jpg ) [iqdb]
15057
Just before we start, I'm not here to teach you how to make a story that’s good. If I could do that, then I'd be out writing my own fucking good stories.

Chapter 1 – WHERE TO START
_______________________________________

Where to Start on Where to Start

Oh, man. Where to begin? Writing is the most convoluted, grueling process known to man. Writers spend eons in their little black boxes, planning every fucking micro-centimeter—no, millimeter—of their characters, settings, and plots.

OH WAIT, NO THEY DON'T.

I'll tell you right now: I am not even close to being either the most prolific or the most eloquent writer on the site. I, however, do have a special writefag talent: I don't fucking think twice before I post or publish anything.

Have you written anything for fun? Because you saw that amazing fanfic of your favorite ship (which is shit, by the way) and you absolutely needed to follow up on that? Chances are, you have. Now, have you slapped that shit onto THP or fanfuckers.net? DOUBT IT, BECAUSE YOU HAVE STANDARDS. But I'll tell you now: Take those standards, cherish them, and tuck them safely in the deepest crevices of your heart. Your first story (or the story after that or even the story after that or the story after [...]) will not be God's gift to mankind. It might not even be good! It might be dogshit. Don't let that discourage you because you're on this site—you're already dogshit!

Go ahead. That terrible idea you had about a fairy protagonist rising up to defeat a Mecha-Reimu gone haywire? Post it. The overly-specific fetish smut adventure that you and two other people find hot? Go nuts. The story where you take all the characters in Touhou and replace them with their OC daughters? Die in a fire.

Now you're ready to write.

Myths to Consider

Just kidding. First, we have to go over some background. Yes, this is the shitty exposition and yes, you have to listen.

1) Writing is fun

We need to first dispel the idea that writing is fun. Writing is like taking the biggest shit you've ever had, except when you're done, all you feel is the vague, empty feeling that you’ll have to do it again. There is this image of a writer feverishly rattling off a thousand pages through a stream of genius. They sit down and, after much struggle and turmoil, they dish out their magnum opus. This image is wrong, wrong, wrong. You’re always going to have distractions, and therefore, I guarantee that you’re always going to be tempted to distract yourself. Face it—there are a fucking million different ways that you’re going to distract yourself. We have the power of the motherfucking internet at our disposal: thousands of articles, games, and other THP stories are all at your fingertips and can be accessed in a matter of seconds (that is, of course, unless you have dial-up).

2) Writing comes in bursts of inspiration
This is somewhat related to the first myth, but I must stress this: Writing is a slow and arduous process. Sometimes (read: most of the time), it’s hard to find the right words for what your brain wants to describe. Maybe the sentence is too long. Maybe a word feels out of place. Maybe you don’t know whether a paragraph should even exist. Ultimately, writing speed is completely up to you—but if you’re dishing out five thousand words in an hour, you are one of these things: the world’s most prolific writer, a Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing speedrunner, an author with no proofreader, or fucking batshit crazy.

3) Writing must be original
As a wise man (and the dude who copied him) once said: “Good artists copy. Great artists steal.”

If you can steal, fucking steal it. Yeah, that’s right. It pays to be original, but swiping up all the good ideas yields dividends. If you liked how an author used a particular phrase or word, eat that right up. Chances are, you might use it for your own purpose in your stories. Keep remembering all the things you’ve stolen, and eventually, you’ll build your own repertoire and style. Of course, do not abuse your copy-powers: Use the things you’ve imitated sparingly because you will not grow if you only copy. You’ll just become a worse version of another author.

Also, plagiarism is bad and you should never (I repeat: never) steal entire excerpts.

4) Writer’s block
(synonyms: The Bubonic Plague, Ultra-AIDS, The Devil’s Cancer, Video Games, etc.)
The infamous disease. Intensity of ailments vary but the general gist is this: You have a hard time writing. Unfortunately, it’s such a prevalent issue for writers everywhere that we must clarify what the fuck it is—even if it isn’t really a myth.

If you’re out of ideas, force yourself to try one more time. Then, after that, if you’re really out of ideas, throw some words onto paper and hope something sticks. If that doesn’t work, then consider taking a break from writing and concentrate on something else (play some video games or something because that’s fun, unlike writing).

If you have writer’s block for a week, you’re in a slump.

If you have writer’s block for a month, you’re just lazy. Yeah, that’s right. Get the fuck back to writing, you peon. All jokes aside, there is a clear difference between writer’s block and burnout. Burnout is simply mental fatigue—you’ve written too much and too often that it makes you too exhausted to wrack your brain for any more ideas. Now, when you’re in this state, you may feel an insufferable desire to keep writing. Don’t. Rest is a part of writing.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish my video game backlog because I have writer’s block.
>> No. 15058
Good post! And good luck with your writer's lazyness.
>> No. 15059
How do you tell the difference between burnout based fatigue and a temporary thing that you should be just powering through?
>> No. 15060
>>15059
>How do you tell the difference between burnout based fatigue and a temporary thing that you should be just powering through?
Good question. It's pretty hard to tell because everybody's threshold for burnout is different. There are people who can go through a thousand words a day and be just dandy and there are people like me who can't get through five hundred words without feeling like they lost a part of their soul. However, there are some obvious indicators of burnout such as:

1) Having multiple ongoing works (or one very lengthy one) and feeling the compulsion to update all the time.
2) Feeling the need to at least open your documents and try to get a few words in.
3) Thinking about writing all the time, distracting you from other business.
4) Wanting to write but feel immediately exhausted when you actually start.

Of course, these are not always signs of burnout but they are the most common and the most obvious. Believe it or not, I had a hard time struggling with burnout before I decided I needed to take a break and unwind. inb4 >Moral >ever updating enough to get burnout
>> No. 15068
>【ADVANCED GUIDE】
>      Step 1) Write well
>      Step 2) Keep writing well
>      Step 3) Keep writing

TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE YA GIT
>> No. 15069
>>15060
I see, I probably have a case for that then. I'm not writing well and falling behind on things that I want to do (both writing and otherwise), but the idea of not updating fills me with dread. I also feel awful for prioritising one project over the one I have here, but inspiration is just easier with one versus the other.
>> No. 15074
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15074
>>15068
>TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE YA GIT
>Disclaimer: This is my personal guide on how to write and any tactics that I employ may not work for you and if you think I’m some authority on writing magical girl literature, you’re a fucking loonie. Also, any advice I give is worth jack shit because I don’t follow my own advice over half the time.
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I'M A HYPOCRITE AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

>>15069
I feel you, man. Sometimes words just don't come out for one particular project, but then they do for another. I wish I had control over my own occasional bursts of inspiration.
>> No. 15076
>>15074
>pic
rly mks u thnk
>> No. 15082
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15082
>>15056
>Step 3) Keep writing
If you can make a thread like this while not updating, then I can keep not updating for another three months. I will not be directed by a man who denies other men their awoo.
>> No. 15083
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15083
>>15082
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE A FUCKING DWEEB, THAT'S WHAT. At least I update every month. Roughly, that is.
>> No. 15084
>>15083
You've only done two full-sized updates in seven months. This qualifies for the "not even trying" award.
>> No. 15085
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15085
>>15082
How is that any better than a man who denies people their spider Moe?
>> No. 15089
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15089
The same upon a surface examination. A more intimate look, however, would reveal one of the two to have not bothered – or been bothered – to write since three months ago in May. This, in likelihood, has led the lazy basterdt the poor man in question to slowly lose interest in and, very possibly, motivation to complete the story as well. Might be, counter to his much better judgement, he is perilously fingering the idea of even more “Sekibanki,” even as we speak. Might be. All an uneducated, partial guess, of course. No way to tell for certain.

But, let’s stop talking about dork dark things! This thread is for yanking on Moral’s chains. I yank them hereby. Update, you updateless dog – else I call you Im-Moral!
>> No. 15090
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15090
>>15084
>You've only done two full-sized updates in seven months. This qualifies for the "not even trying" award.
WELL I MEAN UH UM.
...you're right.

>>15089
I have all these ideas, see, and I'm writing another story, and my cat is on fire, and I need to make some progress on this script I made for THP, and I'm working 25 hour shifts and [more generic excuses here]. I'll get back to writing more A-Who, I promise.
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