-  [Settings] [Home
[Show or hide post box]

[Return][Bottom]
Posting mode: Reply
Name
Email
Subject  (Reply to 25981)
Message
Captcha
File
Password (for post and file deletion)
  • First time posting? See our frontpage for site rules and FAQ
  • Further overview of board culture in this thread.
  • Supported file types are: GIF, JPG, PNG, WEBM, WEBP
  • Maximum file size allowed is 4096 KB.
  • Images greater than 200x200 pixels will be thumbnailed.
  • View catalog

File 140468018021.jpg - (266.28KB, 1600x900, wallpaper-1458453.jpg) [iqdb]
25981No. 25981
You awaken to the cries of cicadas, an indication of the blistering day to come.
Rolling out of your sweat-soaked futon, you drowsily push the wooden window open, exposing your
bosom to the sun and allowing the fetid air of your room to escape. The gardens stretch out in front
of you, the small river glistens in the morning light as a mercifully cool breeze wafts lazily
through the window.
During a pause in the cicada's song, you hear the door to the hall slam shut.

"My apologies Ojou-sama." whispers a voice from behind you. "I had not realized you had awoken."

"Sorry Akane." You reply, stretching in a vain attempt to dispel your drowsiness as you turn to
face the servant. "I couldn't hear you over that racket."

"You need not apologize Ojou-sama." she replied, head pressed against the tatami mats with a bundle
of clothing to her side.

"You know you don't need to be so formal, you say with a chuckle as she raises her auburn head. As
she does so, you catch a glimpse of white within her locks.
"Ah, wait a moment!" you start, causing Akane to flinch as you rush to remove the alien hair.
"You've got to be more careful you know." You say as you show her the strand, allowing a reassuring
smile to slip onto your features.

"Th-thank you. Ojou-sama" she whispers, bowing to hide her crimson face.

"I've told you before." You say, raising her chin with a slender finger. "You can call me Mokou when
we're alone."

"Yes!" she says with a smile, the morning sun complimenting her complexion.

After a moment, Akane regains her composure. Whereupon she asks you to dress prior to approaching
the window again, lest the workers see.


After a quick bath to relieve yourself of the night's sweat, you decide against donning the pink,
flowered kimono that Akane left at anothers behest. Opting instead to wear the crimson trousers and
crisp white shirt that she left you tucked away inside the garish bundle.

As you leave your room you decide to:
[] Attend breakfast. While tea will be served regardless of the weather, you could use some food
break your fast.
-[] Prepare a cold drink first, drinking tea in the middle of summer is daft.
-[] Do not prepare a cold drink, being lectured first thing would be a pain.

[] Do not attend breakfast, snag something from the kitchen and eat away from the rest of them.
>>No. 25982
[] Attend breakfast. While tea will be served regardless of the weather, you could use some food
break your fast.
-[] Do not prepare a cold drink, being lectured first thing would be a pain.
>>No. 25983
[x] Attend breakfast. While tea will be served regardless of the weather, you could use some food
break your fast.
-[x] Do not prepare a cold drink, being lectured first thing would be a pain.
>>No. 25984
[X] Attend breakfast. While tea will be served regardless of the weather, you could use some food
break your fast.
-[X] Prepare a cold drink first, drinking tea in the middle of summer is daft.

Take it as a bit of friendly advise, but you might need to take a look at the advise threads in Blue.
Oh, and you shouldn't break a line in the middle of a sentence. Just write them normally and the lines will break themselves when they need to.
>>No. 25985
>>25984
Thanks for the heads up. With regards to the line breaks, I forgot to disable the word wrapping in vim.
>>No. 25986
[x] Attend breakfast. While tea will be served regardless of the weather, you could use some food
break your fast.
-[x] Do not prepare a cold drink, being lectured first thing would be a pain.

Mokou is always great
>>No. 25987
>>25985
Also, on the same note. There should be at least one empty line between two characters dialog, it's easier to read.
If you're using word and you see that extra line, then you should look for an option called Line and Paragraph Spacing and then Remove Spacing After Paragraph. If you're using 07 or 10 then there should be a Style which is called No Spacing. I recommend using that.
>>No. 25988
[x] Attend breakfast. While tea will be served regardless of the weather, you could use some food
break your fast.
-[x] Do not prepare a cold drink, being lectured first thing would be a pain.

Well, okay.
>>No. 25989
votes called for:
[x] Attend Breakfast
-[x] Do not prepare a drink

I'll start writing in either an hour or when I fix some linux issues, whatever comes first.

>>25987
Thanks for the feedback
>>No. 25990
>>25989
sage goes into e-mail, not subject.

No point at the moment as there's not really another running story.
>>No. 26420
>>25989
Very nice choice of words you have in the OP, especially in the first few sentences.
How can I learn to write like this? It seems like you use a special vocabulary, as every writing of quality that I see of such nature. I know there's a lot of sensory detail, but I don't know how to pick the right words to tackle it. It's almost like poetry.
>>No. 26421
>>26420
Please make of sure of using sage when posting in threads that haven't been updates in a while. Thanks!
[Return][Top]


[Delete or report post]
Delete post []
Password  
Report post
Reason  


[Switch to Mobile Page]
Thread Watcher x