You awaken to the cries of cicadas, an indication of the blistering day to come. Rolling out of your sweat-soaked futon, you drowsily push the wooden window open, exposing your bosom to the sun and allowing the fetid air of your room to escape. The gardens stretch out in front of you, the small river glistens in the morning light as a mercifully cool breeze wafts lazily through the window. During a pause in the cicada's song, you hear the door to the hall slam shut.
"My apologies Ojou-sama." whispers a voice from behind you. "I had not realized you had awoken."
"Sorry Akane." You reply, stretching in a vain attempt to dispel your drowsiness as you turn to face the servant. "I couldn't hear you over that racket."
"You need not apologize Ojou-sama." she replied, head pressed against the tatami mats with a bundle of clothing to her side.
"You know you don't need to be so formal, you say with a chuckle as she raises her auburn head. As she does so, you catch a glimpse of white within her locks. "Ah, wait a moment!" you start, causing Akane to flinch as you rush to remove the alien hair. "You've got to be more careful you know." You say as you show her the strand, allowing a reassuring smile to slip onto your features.
"Th-thank you. Ojou-sama" she whispers, bowing to hide her crimson face.
"I've told you before." You say, raising her chin with a slender finger. "You can call me Mokou when we're alone."
"Yes!" she says with a smile, the morning sun complimenting her complexion.
After a moment, Akane regains her composure. Whereupon she asks you to dress prior to approaching the window again, lest the workers see.
After a quick bath to relieve yourself of the night's sweat, you decide against donning the pink, flowered kimono that Akane left at anothers behest. Opting instead to wear the crimson trousers and crisp white shirt that she left you tucked away inside the garish bundle.
As you leave your room you decide to:  Attend breakfast. While tea will be served regardless of the weather, you could use some food break your fast. - Prepare a cold drink first, drinking tea in the middle of summer is daft. - Do not prepare a cold drink, being lectured first thing would be a pain.
 Do not attend breakfast, snag something from the kitchen and eat away from the rest of them.
[X] Attend breakfast. While tea will be served regardless of the weather, you could use some food break your fast. -[X] Prepare a cold drink first, drinking tea in the middle of summer is daft.
Take it as a bit of friendly advise, but you might need to take a look at the advise threads in Blue. Oh, and you shouldn't break a line in the middle of a sentence. Just write them normally and the lines will break themselves when they need to.
>>25985 Also, on the same note. There should be at least one empty line between two characters dialog, it's easier to read. If you're using word and you see that extra line, then you should look for an option called Line and Paragraph Spacing and then Remove Spacing After Paragraph. If you're using 07 or 10 then there should be a Style which is called No Spacing. I recommend using that.
>>25989 Very nice choice of words you have in the OP, especially in the first few sentences. How can I learn to write like this? It seems like you use a special vocabulary, as every writing of quality that I see of such nature. I know there's a lot of sensory detail, but I don't know how to pick the right words to tackle it. It's almost like poetry.