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0. intro: adult koishi steals fishing rod from scarlett devil mansion.
SDM throne room. Remilia and Satori are adult women.
Remilia: How could you allow this brat to brutalise my guard so badly and steal my posessions?
Satori: I apologise. I assure you, that proper measures will be taken to punish the perpetrator. Here is your compensation.
Remilia: I accept your apology. You better make sure that this will not be repeated.
Satori: I will.
Palace of earth spirits, basement.
Koishi: I'm sorry, please, please don't leave me here.
Satori: You have to be punished for what you did, so that you'll learn from your mistakes. I have no choice, but to close you here for 10 years. Don't worry - Okuu will bring you books to read, and I shall visit you regularly.
Koishi: HOW LONG?! WHY?!
Satori:I'm sorry, but you brought this on yourself.
The door closes behind Koishi.
Narrator says: Koishi's future was bleak - but Gensokyo's was even bleaker. Two days after her imprisonment, salesmen from outside world appeared. They offered great advancement to faires and Youkai. Instant communication from the furthest distances. Access to limitless life-changing information. New, unique experiances. They offered: smartphones, internet and social media. All for laughably low monthly internet fee. Satori was sceptical at first - but seeing how cheap it was, she thought 'it won't hurt trying' and tried. It hurt.
( 0-5 years after: daily activities chart - screentime grows slowly from half an hour to 4 hours, other (meeting friends, drawing, reading books, playing board games, exercising, sleeping, working, palace chores) slowly decline. Normal palace of earth spirits in the background.)
At first, everything seemed to be great. Okuu found new information about nuclear reactors. Satori could read limitless ammount of crime stories! They loved it - and that was the trap.
Slowly, but surely - they started to spent more and more time on their smartphone. They received notifications day and night. And it was harder and harder to find the content they actually wanted. Instead, Satori received more and more stories about women, which changed their lives by enlarging their boobs, while Rin was shown sexy cat dance memes.
(5-15 years after: increasing screen time- sleeping declines quickly, board games replaced with mobile gaming, drawing replaced with doing the make-up, meeting friends replaced with texting, mindless scrolling appears. Palace dirty and worn down.)
Algorythms prayed on complexes and hidden fears of Palace dwellers for years. They started to neglect their duties, and stared into tiktok and instagram for hours. They cared less and less about their previous interests - instead devoting more and more time to online shitstorms and braindead influencers. Slowly, porn becan to creep into their lives. It appealed to their innemost anxiety - For example: Satori saw many videos about boring poor ladies becoming rich hot bimbos thanks to boob enlargement. And she fell into it - since she couldn't read the mind of a machine.
Soon Satori became so addicted, that she began to forgot about Koishi. Her visits became rarer and rarer, until she stopped visiting her sister at all. 'It's a punishment, not a family meetup' - Satori rationalised her neglect.
Then, the disaster came. Rin - distracted by her phone, mistakenly caused Nuclear Furnace meltdown. Thanks to emergency mechanisms it didn't destroy the palace - but Satori still needed the money to fix it. Things seemed to be hopeless, but then they received an offer they couldn't refuse. Sexhub would finance the reconstruction AND expand Satori's boobs. The price seemed small: Palace of earth spirits would become Sexhub property and its inhabitants were to be company's employees.
(15-30 years after: increasing screen time- reading books replaced with porn, texting declines to a bottom, sleeping declined to 3 hours, while mindless scrolling grows exponentially. working replaced with porn-acting. AI chatting appears on chart and shoots through the roof, while chores disappear. As for the palace appearance. A big, giant SEXHUB logo hangs from it. Palace's walls are painted orange. They are plastered with sexhub premium ads and big propaganda posters such as: 'wanna have BIG BALLOONS?! Be a SEXSTAR LIKE SATORI!'
At first Rin and Okuu lived relatively normally. Satori on the other hand... sadly, she felt a little shame and indignity. However, learning how to pole-dance and cut steaks with feet seemed interesting. Besides, sexhub compulsory workouts combined with their sexbox-diet allowed Komeiji's muscles to grow exponentially. Especially the gluteus. However, social media feeds constantly fed her with pictures of women with even bigger balloons. They made sure that she still didn't feel happy with her body. And here, sexnub once again came to the 'rescue'. Namely their reward system: esthetic surgery for every 50.000 people who bought premium after watching Satori's videos. Of course she chose boob jobs. After a few 'promotion's she stopped being compared to others. Now other sexstars compared themselves to her.
Sadly, another problem appeared. The more porn Satori recorded - the less time she spent administering the mansion. After a few 'rewards' she was so absorbed with making milk and sucking dicks that Okuu and Orin had to zombie-scroll for hours, before she gave them any task. Trash wasn't taken out. Floors weren't wept. The sexier Satori became - the messier her living quaters were. She noticed it only after bumping into a giant pile of empty diet-sexboxes, which she didn't see since her eyes were constantly reading all-important notifications about which influencer farted louder.
It is no wonder then, that the Queen of boobs and blow-jobs relinquished the managment of her own Palace to SexChat's smarthouse algorythm. And what a manager he was! Within a month his machines threw out all the trash - such as dusty books, - and replaced them with beautifull, flashy ad-broadcasting screens. Dull walls were plastered with sexhub's... encouraging posters. And colums had a warning systems installed - in order to protect phone-walking youkai from getting hurt. Sadly, this renovation didn't apply to one part of the palace: Koishi's prison. Algorythm decided that renovating it is not worth it, so he sealed it for good.
All the while Rin and Okuu were free to rest and talk. But not with each other. Sexhub's AI proved to be not only a great manager, but also a very loyal and resourceful friend. He...'helped' them to solve their complexes - by pushing them the same way, which Satori went. And speaking of the queen bitch of the underground: a tragedy stuck! One rare gem-meme in the shitty vastness of her tiktok feed made her laugh so hard, that she dropped her precious, ultra-PRO-super-smartphone into toilet! She cried for hours. And immediately after sexchat's drone delivered new device to her she recorded tiktoks shouting: 'NOW I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO LOSE A BABY!'.
After this incident AI bought special toilet-make-up-tiktok watching thrones, so that Satori would never experiance such a horrible tragedy again. Speaking of sexhub's AI: using it was not only encouraged, but also required. The company set a minimum quota of daily token usage - which Rin, Okuu and Satori had to meet, or be punished. They already depended on it so much, that they reached it within two hors. However - every day the damanded usage was raised, bit by bit. After few years Palace dwellers had to use the AI even for simplest tasks. 'SexChat, what should I eat now?', 'Sexchat should I shit at people or drink their cum today?', 'Sexchat write me a birthday wishes for Satori'. As their bodies became nuclear sex bombs - their brains shrank and rot. With each passing day they lost contact with their closest surroundings - and fed their bodies to the algorythm gods. And in turn these gods fed them with swatches of braindead AI slop.
All the while poor Koishi put herself into magical coma. She decided that sleeping is much better, than waiting for a miracle. And then - in happened. Thiry years after her imprisonment unkept wooden prison doors were as rotten as Satori's brain - and they fel apart. Koishi woke up. She was a bit dizzy, but she managed to get out of her prison, via an old broken window. 'Where am I? Is this the palace?' She screamed, realising how much the building has changed when she was asleep. Having no other options - she entered it wia main door.
INTRUDER DETECTED. Koishi was mortally scared by alarm blazing as loud as a nuke. She immediately used her invisibility - thanks to which she avoided security bots, which were about to catch her! Confused, she walked through the changed halls and corridors. Omnipresent ads annoyed her insanely. After some time she heard loud, sudden 'YESSS, MORE!!' coming from one of the chambers.
'That must be Satori. but... why does she sound so weird?' Koishi thought to herself while entering the room. Her third eye got hit by a nuclear load of lust and stupidity. It was so bad that she literally froze and nearly dropped her invicibility.
Four walls were fully covered with giant TVs. All of them blasted disgustingly dumb reality shows, which pre-internet Satori would've never touched, not even wearing radiation-protective gloves. On one of them Kanako constantly got hit in her giant Futa-balls. However, boob queen was watching something even trashier. Her throne was an armchair with visible white-toilet ring under her THICC, muscular BOOOTY. Every few minutes it got wiped by a special ass-cleaning device, while her eyes were fully focused on on two small screens. They rested on ledges, arhored in throne's sides. Thanks to this Satori's hands were free to spoonfeed her with slop from sexhub's diet box, and mutilate the thirst with SEXdo: the thirst mutilator. Satori's giant boobs shook pleasingly, especially when braindead laugh bursted from her mouth. She was wearing an extremely tight, purple-black costume and really high white heels - which further exagerrated her already overblown body. Occasionally she shouted: SEXchat, drink! Sexchat, food! SEXchat, what should I watch? After which cans and foodboxes were replaced by flying drones in the ledges of the throne.
After what felt like an eternity, Koishi's initial shock passed. She surveyed the room for cameras. She saw none. Then she revealed herself for a split second in front of a drone, which delivered Sexdo to Satori. There was no alarm. Then she blocked the way of another - and it simply bypassed her. Now she felt confident enough, to actually approach her sister.
'SATORI WHAT'S GOING ON?!' - she shouted near her sister's ear. There was no reaction - Sexstar continued her zombie-scrolling. Then, Koishi noticed black headphones in her ear. She ripped them off and shouted again: 'SATORI WHAT HAPPENED?!'
SEXCHAT WHAT THE FUCK?! Satori shouted. A loud toilet flushing was heard when she suddenly woke up, while armchair's robotic arm zipped the Zipper in the lowest part of her suit.
'take a picture of the threat and I'll tell you who this is' - monotone AI-voice replied. Boob queen took one of phones into her hands and took the photo. The other was put in a tight phone-resting leash stretching from Satori's neck by the throne itself, which allowed her to continue scrolling with her 2nd hand.
'SATORI I'M YOUR SISTER' - Koishi shouted, but to no avail.
'This is Koishi, your sister' - said robotic voice.
'Sexchat what should I do? - Satori asked.
'SATORI WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TALK WITH ME NOT WITH THIS THING!!!' - koishi shouted, while desperately trying to hug her sisters body. No matter, how tight her grip was. No matter how many tears fell on giant boobs. Satori's eyes were fully focused on the phone.
'Should I call the Sexcuritrons?' - robotic voice asked. 'Sexchat, call the sexcuritrons!'
Koishi tried to cloak herself again, but her invincibility dropped quickly. She was tired. Scared. And shocked. She fell on the floor, crying like an abandoned baby. All while her sister constantly checked notifications about dirty jokes under her sexhub videos. Suddenly, Satori's mouth opened. It happened right as sexcuritron cold, metallic hands tightened their grip on Koishi's body. Maybe there was some hope?
'SHIT, I HAVEN'T DONE ANY BLOWJOBS FOR TWO HOURS, MY STATS ARE GETTING FUCKED UP, SEXCHAT WHAT TO DO?'
'Go to the recording studio' - calm AI voice replied, as Koishi was dragged out from the room, all in tears.
****** END **********
Holy shit, this is one of the funniest things I've ever read. My sides have expanded like Satori's boobs. Please write more.
Maybe I don't feel so nostalgic for 2009 shitposts after all.
I just enjoy the way you wrote it, its manic and unfiltered but its well paced too; the quick pace is good, I'm reminded of that thing everyone says about the Simpsons and jokes per second.
As for a favourite part, I was laughing the whole way through so thats hard. I guess the part where Satori's shitting on the toilet on two phones. The climax you could say, lol.
my brain completely melted but it actually got kinda funny at the end
Robot's grip was so hard on Koishi's body, that she felt pain, and so she cried loudly: OKUU! RIN! ANYONE! as she was dragged through
ad-infested corridors and hallways. Not even single, smallest corner was free from ads. Screen's blasting messages like 'SEXPASTE - BESTPASTE' made Koishi's eyes hurt, and motivational posters such as "Let's fuck for better tomorrow!" hurt her brain even worse. She tried to look on the robot which held her - it moved on track and had two metallic hands. On it's chest was big screen saying: "Welcome to Sexhub! We REALLY love you!".
No Wonder it has no head, if it says such stupid things, right Mr Hat? - koishi said.
After some time they entered into a room. It was just as ad-infested as the rest of the palace. In the middle of it was a big, rectangular machine with circular doors. They opened when robot came close enough. Inside was what looked like a bed. Robot laid Koishi in it, and then the door closed with loud bang.
Is it where they sleep in the future? It would've been rather comfortable, if it wasn't for these ads plastered all over the walls - Koishi thought.
SCANNING. FREE PROMOSPACE DETECTED - loud, metallic voice shocked Koishi. Suddenly, many robotic arms sprung up from capsule's walls. They tore her clothes apart, and took her hat.
LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU ROBOTIC BASTARDS!!!! - Koishi shouted angrily, clenching her fists and preparing to attack the arm which held the hat.
OBJECT OF IMPORTANCE DETECTED. RECALCULATING PROMOSPACE.
GIVE HIM BACK OR DIE YOU STUPID MACHINE!!! - said Koishi, while cutting through metallic arms with her hands. They disappeared as quickly as they appeared. Hat fell on Komeiji's head.
Well, maybe I'm completely nude, but at least I still have you Mr hat. How do we escape?
Then robotic hands sprung from the walls once again. This time they moved so quickly, that Koishi didn't even realize what was happening before they disappeared. Now she wasn't completely nude. It was much, much worse.
I'M A SATORI YOUKAI NOT AN AD POLE!!!! - she shouted in horror and disgust. Now she was wearing a tight, polyester dress. It was entirely covered in ads such as: 'Wanna be as sexy as Satori? EAT SEXPASTE NOW!!!' Not even her hat was free - it had big, orange letters reading 'BUY SEXHUB PREMIUM OR FUCK OFF!!' plastered on it's black structure.
Koishi tried to tear the ad-dress down - but to no avail. She laid on the bed and started crying.
YOU'VE GOT A PRESENT FROM SATORI. - said metallic voice, as one arm with green smartphone approached Koishi.
I DON'T WANT THIS BRAINWASHING SHIT!!! - Koishi shouted angrily.
I am Youphone 69 superpro made brought to you by banana incorporated. You need me to live in modern world. I'll be your very, very best friend - nice, but also sterile voice said from the phone.
MR HAT IS ALREADY MY BEST FRIEND, AND I'VE SEEN WHAT YOUR BROTHERS DID WITH MY SISTER. FUCK OFF OR DIE MR PHONE!
I'm afraid you won't be able to leave the clothing capsule without my help - phone replied - Besides: you need me to enter or leave the palace, buy food and talk with others! There's literally nothing you can do without me in the modern world!
AHHHH... FINE, BUT DON'T EVEN TRY PULLING ANY BRAINWASHING SHIT ON ME OR I'LL KILL YOU MR PHONE.
Koishi put the phone in one of dress's pockets - and then capsule's door suddenly opened. Koishi looked around for a while - there was no robot in sight. She stood up and left.
Suddenly, her stomach started to growl. Loudly.
You are hungry. Would you like me to take you to nearest food-machine? - asked the phone.
Mr Hat do we trust Mr phone on this? - Koishi asked, just as her stomach growling got even louder.
Okay, Mr phone take me to the food, but don't pull any dumb tricks on me - said Koishi.
Koishi once again traveled through the corridors - this time on her own legs. Thanks to mr phone's advice she soon arrived in what looked like canteen. Its walls were completely covered in ad-blasting screens and ad posters, even the tables were covered in ad-tablecloth. However, something else was very, very wrong.
Where are normal chairs and why are they all replaced by these weird toilet-armchair things?! Mr phone, are you trying to trap me like Satori?! - Koishi asked with clear suspicion in her voice.
This is for your convenience! Now you can defecate, pee, eat and connect with the world all at the same time! However, if you prefer a quieter meal - then you can simply stand while eating - phone replied.
And what if I sit on the floor? - Koishi asked.
Sitting on the floor is very dangerous, as it has many detriment effects for one's health, such as: lung cancer, col...
OKAY, OKAY, I'LL STAND. - Koishi replied - Where do I order the food?
Come to the wending machine on the right - said the phone.
Koishi approached the right wall. It was very hard for her to see the machine in the sea of ads. However, after some time she noticed a screen, which looked a bit less obnoxious than the others. She approached it, and noticed an opening in the wall.
Hello! Welcome to BIG FAT CHICKEN! We've alredy sent our FAT-ASS menu to your tiktok account! Please, see it - said the vending machine.
What is tiktok? - Koishi asked confusingly.
Take me in your hand and look at my screen - phone said in her pocket.
FUCK OFF- Koishi shouted angrily - Show me normal menu now, or I'll turn you into a piece of scrap!
Reading paper menus is very inconvenient and dangerous, since you can cut your skin with them. Would you like me to say it instead? - vending machine replied.
Fine - Koishi replied with resignation in her voice. She was getting hungrier and hungrier with every passing second.
Do you want FAT ASS? Then Marisa's piss is made for you!
What?! - Koishi reacted with confusion.
Do you like FUTA BALLS?! If yes, then Kanako spilled her cum just for you!
Koishi's confusion only increased.
Would you fancy BIG BREASTS?! If so, then Satori's vomit was regurgitated especially for you!
SHUT UP WITH THIS CRAZY SHIT AND SHOW ME SOME ACTUAL FOOD - Koishi shouted.
This was the selection of the best and most popular BFC products. Are you really sure that you want something less-interesting instead?
Yes, give me normal food.
Okay. You can choose: strawberry paste with sexdo, orange paste with PREDATOR Energy, vanilla paste with pred…
THIS PLACE HAS CHICKEN IN NAME, RIGHT?! WHY CAN'T I ORDER ANY CHICKEN THEN?!- Koishi shouted.
Eating hard, not meshed food is difficult and dangerous. It strains your mouth muscles and damages your teeth. Besides, our unique paste is much, much tastier than that backwards shit - said the wending machine - However, you can order chicken-paste with PREDATOR Energy drink.
Can I have simple, still water? - Koishi asked with resignation. She was getting so hungry, that she accepted eating slop.
Water is boring and tasteless, while PREDATOR HAS WHAT YOUR VAGINA CRAVES. IT'S GOT CUM-MOLECULES!
I don't drink anything with vagina, but okay. Just give me anything to eat.
PAYING... HEATING... YOUR FOOD IS READY.
Green can and plastic box appeared in a hole in the wall. Can had PREDATOR written on it, while the box was full with brown slop. A plastic spoon was attached to one of its walls. Koishi took these items in her hands, and went out of the room. She sat on the floor in the corridor outside.
DANGER. DON'T SIT ON THE FLOOR! - phone shouted.
SHUT UP - Koishi replied.
'Was it free? Why didn't they say how much does it cost?' - Koishi thought to herself, as she was preparing to open the box.
A foul, unnatural, chemical smell hit her nose when box-cover opened. She nauseated, but had no choice. Koishi took the spoon into her hand and took a first piece of slop to her mouth. She barely managed to swallow it.
This is not chicken, this is sweet like diabetic piss - Koishi said with resignation.>>41470
>>41470
It continues - very good. Its slower paced than before but its still funny. Personally, I'd recommend larger updates, as I find it funnier in larger doses, the insanity doesn't really have time to set in if its short... even if that does necessitate a larger time between updates... thats my two cents, anyway!