Reformatted, looks much cleaner now! Like I said, first story, criticism yadda yadda.
Suddenly, I am born. To do so is nothing but the highest afront to everything my people stand for. To be born, is to die. To die is to live. To live is to sin. To sin, is to be impure. Mom says I shouldn’t do that, sin I mean. She says it will lead me to things I shouldn’t do. Like great aunt. I can see why she ended up where she ended up.
I really should stop sinning so much.
My name is Ugayafukiaezu no Mikoto, but that’s a mouthful. Everyone calls me Anon, because I am a male. I think. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of men, at least I don’t see them. Most of the people I’m around are girls.
I don’t complain, girls are great to look and touch! The bunnies are like buttons which make noises when you press them, it’s fun!
The other women are great also, but they aren’t as fun in the usual way. They are prettier to look at, always prim and proper, and they smell great too! But they are always so serious, and focused, and dismissive. But that’s fun too.
My favorite is my aunt, - my other aunt - she’s so cool, all day, every day! She’s always like, ‘do this’ ‘do that’, all commanding and in control. And her hair is always flowing, and the color is pretty. She also looks great always, she has a great butt too!
It’s a shame she’s such a stick in the mud.
“Ugayafukiaezu no Mikoto! I’ll assume - considering how you are so carelessly lounging - that you’ve finished all your chores,” Yorihime, my dear aunt, says whilst rudely irrupting my place of tranquil.
“Y’know, you are the only one who says my full name, you gotta use the nicknames, Yocchan!”
“That name was given to you by your mother, you should wear it with pride.”
“Well, mama calls me baby, you can do so samely.”
“You are not distracting me with your scandalous comments nor your words with wrong meaning. Finish your chores.”
“But I already finished them!”
She cocks her delicious hip to the side. “Truthfully? Show me then.”
I rise up from my lounging space. “Yeah, come here!” I usher her inside the house. “I did that exorcism thing.”
“Practice in evil spirit banishment 1. You had to expel a poltergeist from a simple vase.”
“Yeah, yeah, for sure. Over here, right this way.” I open the door to my room, luckily, I had cleaned.
“Where is the vase?” Yocchan went inside and I, naturally, shut and locked the door, to promptly get out of there.
It took about two seconds for auntie dearest to utterly obliterate the poor door, who’s only sin was being in possession of the sinner. Tragic door, much sadness.
She looked very much, as you may say, not amused. She zeroed in the open front, from which she assumed I had escaped. She didn’t run, so much as disappeared, leaving behind naught a gust of wind.
Now, my dear friend, you may ask, ‘But how do you know about the parts you weren’t in?’ Well you see, I was in, very much in. Well, I was behind the door (in power may it rest). Dear, oh so dear Yocchan, in her lunarian wisdom, did not look behind her. Mama always said I was lucky.
So now, what do I do?
Oh, I know just the way to procrastinate in the best way. Without much effort too!
Let’s go bully some cute bunnies, who are also funny!
I duck and weave my way through the main streets of the Capital, like I had done a million and two times before. It is very easy when no one acknowledges my existence on account that I’d, well, kill them.
I reach the buildings reserved for the best bun-buns. And Reisen. Reisen is not the best, she is, in fact, not even good.
However, I like her, not for her smarts, brawns, skills, looks, lucks, marksmans, or other stuffs. I like her more as how one likes an investment gone bad, sunk cost fallacy and such.
I get to her door. It is locked. So I open the door and I am greeted by a bullet grazing my left cheek, which is my second favorite cheek, right behind my right cheek.
“Lousy shooting, my dear,” I say, not at all bothered by the attempt at my life.
The cyan haired shooter drops her gun and her whole self to the ground, kneeling. Her, not her gun. That’d be a poltergeist. “Lord Ugayafukiaezu-”
“No, no, none of that Uguyaya nonsense, you shall address me as doctor, or you shall not address me at all.”
“Hum, but Lor- Doctor, you ordered me to call you Lord…”
“Well, I am now ordering you to call me doctor. So call me doctor.”
“Doctor, what brings your absolute godliness to this servant’s humble abode?”
“You see my dear, I am in a hairy hare situation.”
“A hairy hare, doctor?”
“Yes, I am the tortoise, auntie dearest is the hare, and you are the goal.”
“I do not understand, doctor.”
“But you see, cute bunny, I do not intend for you to understand. The only knowledge you must hold is this.” I lower myself to the lower, and whisper lowly. “I. Am. Bored.”
The bunny responds with a lopsided smile, red heat adorning her cheeks. “Of course, my lord. What am I if not a servant.”
“Then rise, my dear. And go onwards to your goal, hare.” She quickly raced to the door on the end of the hallway. I, on the contrary, took it very slowly. Tortoise and such.
So very slow, in fact, that I take time to peruse her living quarters, the stark white walls, the ajar cabinets, the packs of instant food- and I got bored of perusing. One thought appears on my head, We oughta pay them more. No, they oughta work harder!
I reach the bathroom, now why that room? It is right next to the bedroom, hare waiting. I press the side of my head to the left wall and listen to the pitter patter of the very nervous bunny.
Patters turned into whines.
Whines turn to: “Wait… wasn’t I the goal? He never makes sense.”
I make my move.
“Did I keep you expecting?” I burst open the door, gently (comparatively).
“Doctor!” Reisen whips her head so rapidly it almost makes me fear for her neck’s health. “Of course not! Your time is most important compared to this humble servants”
“Even so, galavanting around whilst an appointment is had is disrespectful, even for a God.”
“And what were you doing, Doctor?”
“Gallivanting around. You see, my dear, respect from me to you is irrelevant, right?”
“Of course!” Reisen nods her head most excited.
“But is that true the other way?”
Reisen grows paler. “Doctor! I would never give you anything but the utmost respect and reverence.”
“So you claim, however, you’ve disrespected once already this lovely evening.” Reisen looks outside and almost points out how it wasn’t evening, but knows better.
She grows paler still, choosing to remain silent. Quite smart on her part.
“You might remember how I am to be referred.”
“Doctor, yes. But you’ve disobeyed.”
Paler ever so.
“You have called me lord. Called me lord in spite of my direct orders.” A wicked smile grows on my features.
Reisen does not get paler, she regains color and mirrors a smile, if lopsided. “Doctor, how clumsy of this dumb bunny!”
You see my friend, I may appear as a snobbish prince, that’s fair, warranted even. Even I understand such an absurd request was to be expected to fail. I know.
She does as well. “Please, have mercy upon this dumb, useless bunny, who can’t even follow a simple order,” she pleaded, barely containing her ever growing excitement.
“Hum, I wonder which punishment befits the crime,” I pace while faux-pondering. “Ten whippings?” I graze her left shoulder with the back of my hand. “Harsh labor?” I walk to her other side and get up close to her ear. “Should I make an example?”
“What? My lord-” Reisen snapped out of her stupor at the scandalous suggestion.
“Lord?” I raise a single eyebrow.
“Doctor, I– you can’t do that!”
I remain silent, letting her grow pale once again.
“I– I misspoke–”
“You are half right, my dear,” I walk away from her and keep talking whilst my back is turned. “I CAN do that. I can do any desire I may have. However,” I turn my head to give her a side glance, “I’d never do that. Do you know why?”
Reisen looked to the mattress, looking for an answer, then, as if illuminated by a God, “Because I am yours alone,” said with glee.
“Yes, you’ve got it.” I do not approach, I appear in front of her, she doesn’t flinch. “And this impurity and sin is to be witnessed to one such as myself only. Why only I could bear it.”
“Truly, you are doing me a favor! How magnanimous of The Doctor!”
“How much excitement, how much eagerness, for what?” I appear behind her, holding her shoulder and whispering in her ear. “For sin.”
I roam my hand ever so slowly,caressing the back of her neck, wrapping my hand around it; she feels a tingle at just how big my hand is, to be able to wrap her delicate neck. Moving on to her shoulder, yet again moving my hand in lazy motions, further into her forearm, but why? Well, my friend, so I can feel her skin grow ever more excited. I go against the pattern and move up to her still-clothed modest breast, I squeeze on irregular intervals while closing my eyes, as in thought. “Hm, how peculiar,” I say.
“What - ah - is it Doctor?” Reisen snaps out of her own stupor momentarily.
“In spite of how much kneading I’ve done, these mounds do not appear to enlarge one bit.” I raise my second hand up to my chin and knead that as well(it also doesn’t grow, sadly.) “Perhaps yeast will do the trick.”
Reisen looks back at me in concern. “D-doctor-!” I plug her mouth with two pondering fingers and move her head back in front. As a reflex almost, she licks and suckles on them.
“Hm, such an investment I have made, and yet, your chest is just as barren as the day I met them.” I think to the more endowed women of the capital, why mother’s bosom, auntie’s hips and more! Lunarian women are superior in every way, but I already knew that. Truly, it’s my fault for even comparing the two, a foolishness such as comparing a piece of crap to grade a manure.
“Hmm~” escapes her mouth, I pinch her nipple in slight frustration.
As I roll my fingers and she worships its brothers with her mouth, I can’t help but sigh. “Why do I have to be so kind? To accept a chest, no matter how disappointing, it’s the mark of a weak ruler. A ruler of any kind should make it mandatory for women to have big breasts! But alas…” I roughly grab a handful of her ‘modest’ breast. “I am far too kind.”
Reisen becomes desperate with her mouth. “I’m sowwyyy.” Despair is not the correct word, excitement is more correct. She licks my fingers as if they were the most delicious candy, making vulgar noises.
Why are they like this? The more degraded they are treated, the happier they become. Is it genetic? Learnt behavior? Or was it just meant to be? To serve under Lunarians appears to be a bunny’s main desire. Why, I would bet that even if one were to escape her bondage, she’d look for the nearest Lunarian master to serve!
But enough thinking, enough foreforeplay, time for foreplay!
I remove my hand from her rough-handled chest and quickly move it to her nether regions. Without waiting, I shove two fingers into her soaked entrance - her rabbit hole, if you will. Her whorish self accepts with no issue the sudden intrusion.
Well, her body does at least, she yelps in surprise and does so again after I begin pumping in and out quickly.
She sucks, licks and kisses my fingers like a maddened woman, letting out cute muffled moans. Her walls feel pleasantly tight and warm on my fingers, good since it was cold today!
She looks to have gotten somewhat used to the jackhammering technique by now… time to surprise her again!
I stop my fingers inside her all of a sudden. She whines and moves her hips, so desperate for stimulation the thought of offending me by doing something without my permission never crosses her mind. This lust-drunk defiance, although - well - defiant, is endearing in its own way, so I let it slide.
Left, right, she moves her hips in a somewhat hypnotic fashion. She is so focused, she even went as far to neglect my other, poor, fingers on her mouth. Now that’s a tad too far in my book, why is she even so naughty?
“Come on,” she says. “I’m so close…”
Oh. That’s why.
“You think I don’t know that, my dear?” I say, snapping her out of her stupor like a bucket of cold water. “To have food in front of you while starving, and yet refuse to eat unless given permission is a sign of loyalty. This was a test, which you have failed.” She is still. “You desire an orgasm, but that would be a reward, something you clearly don’t deserve.”
Her hands which were diligently glued to her sides slowly rise and grasp my wrist, she pulls out my fingers from her mouth. Great, now they feel cold.
She gently turns to look at me without my permission.
“Please Master,” she says, ignoring how I wish to be addressed. “Master, I - NEED - to be bred, I beg you…” Her side profile gives an air of sultry, with her rose tinted cheeks, half-lidded eyes screaming for sex, and her lips with a saliva trail to my forgotten fingers. Not only her eyes, her whole body screams, begs for sex - no - to rut like animals.
This… damn rabbit has not only disobeyed my command to stand still! Not only addressed not as doctor! Not only has she LOOKED at ME out of turn!
This fucking rabbit has aroused me.
This… inferior being has managed to make me lose composure. Oh, if mother could see me now or Lord forbid father! He would laugh himself hoarse.
My face blisters with rage and indignation, and yet this… this bitch keeps looking with the same whore face. How could this be?
I try to clear my head, but the uncomfort on my groin and her face calls me.
I smell… something…
That’s it! That must be it! She has somehow slipped some kind of aphrodisiac in the air! That’s why I lost it, and who could blame me? Chemical reactions are not my fault. Or, or! Last Reisen had maddening sight, this one must have maddening scent!
It’s not my fault when I take out my finger from her cunt.
It ‘s not my fault I throw her to the floor. Besides, she looked prepared, as she landed on all fours presenting!
It’s not my fault I rip her panties to shreds. Her fluids drip to the floor shamelessly.
It’s not my fault I take my hardened member and line it up to her entrance.
It’s- what am I doing?
I stop myself, mere inches to committing something truly debasing-
She looks back with a smile on her whore face. Left, right, she moves her hips in a hypnotic fashion.
It’s not my fault.
“It’s not my fault,” I say as I sheath myself in one swift motion.
She lets out a shameful, guttural moan, as a hunger she felt was suddenly satisfied. I bite back the grunt, sneakily trying to escape me.
I stop for a second, feeling the amazing warmth, tight and moist hole I had now been inserted into. Somewhat stunned, I think back to all the times I had teased this very place in the past with my fingers. I believed I had an idea how it would feel if the tease of sin was to go all the way.
Suffice to say, I was dead wrong.
I am brought back to reality by movement. She is moving her hips, fucking herself on me. Now she intends to use me as… as a meat dildo?!
I must punish! Yeah, a punishment!
I grab her hips and prepare myself. She giggles, truly unaware this is punishment and nothing more.
Without giving her time to prepare, I drive myself into her with all my might. The sudden fucking makes her give a shrill moan and I feel her walls contracting. That must be the orgasm she was talking about earlier.
If she thinks we are done I have some bad news.
I keep going, in and out, roughly messing up her insides while she makes incoherent noises, and Lord how I wish I had positioned ourselves in front of a mirror so I could see her whore face contort.
Vulgar noises of wet flesh slapping together fill the room as that smell steadily grows. Her fluids splash against my crotch and dirty me, but I am not bothered, I smile, thinking how I’ll make her clean it with her tongue.
“Harder!” she demands. “Harder!” she DEMANDS!
She demands of me! Has she learnt nothing? Well, I wasn’t even trying hard, if anything, I should commend her own hardiness.
I laugh. “You’ve asked for it!” I take one hand off her hip and put it on her face, smushing her against the ground and her own saliva. I then put one foot on the ground while the other stays kneeling and I take a deep breath.
I look at her face. She is manic, truly lost in her lust.
And I am lost in my own eros. Dancing with sin has dangers, this I knew, and yet I foolishly thought myself strong. It’s a mistake therefore.
Not my fault.
I don’t drive, I ATTACK her insides with all my godly might, going as deep as I can. Each powerful thrust elicits a moan from the both of us as I give rough kisses to her cervix, which I could swear was almost kissing back, as it appeared hesitant to let go of the head.
Her insides tighten once more, a second orgasm coursing through her and making her scream. I don’t slow down a second, and just keep reshaping her wet, sloppy cunt in the form of my dick.
Such a vulgar scene! Such a show of impurity! Sounds as proof of this; everyone in the building already knows what’s happening, but it doesn’t matter to me right now.
I spank her ass, and find the way the jiggle combined with her already jiggling behind as I fuck her to be funny looking. So I give her a couple more for good measure. She clearly enjoys it if her moans are anything to go by.
I rough and hit and mess the entrance to her unprotected baby maker over and over again. This is not sex, as I look into her crazed eyes, it’s not what she intended either. This is mating, pure animal rutting.
And like a fucking animal, I go feral on her. I can feel my own climax approaching, but I use all the willpower I saved from not doing my chores to hold it back.
I must not lose!
I spank her ass three more times, but she doesn’t seem close yet…
Seeing defeat around the corner, I move my hand to her front and place it on the upper of her entrance. Ah, that magic button that makes women go crazy, out of all the garbage father taught me, this one is actually useful… I must find it first… I have found it! The clirotis!
I begin just kinda pressing on it - I wish I had actually paid attention now. Reisen gives a surprised moan and then laughs somewhat creepily. “You have found something reaaaally dangerous Master~”
Anyway, I keep playing with it and her moans go up another octave it seems. Good, since it has become painful to keep holding on.
But I must, I can’t lose to a simple rabbit.
I think of war, of horrible things to delay the inevitable, but there is only so much one can distract oneself when the proof of reality is moaning loudly, slapping against you and you can feel your cock bulging through her stomach.
“Yes! YES!!! HAHAHA!!!” she says. “MASTER! MASTER!” Her walls begin to contract and I damn near fainted when I too released.
Reasonable thought abandoned long ago, I drive myself as deep as possible and let loose the biggest load I had ever done in my life, flooding her insides of semen. She closes her eyes and enjoys the sensation of being inseminated. A spark of reason has me praying it’s only a sensation.
I sigh, releasing two more strings of creamy cum inside her and I, at last, feel relieved.
She pushes me to the ground as I am distracted and I end up back on the floor. Reisen with amazing speed and dexterity impales herself on my quickly softening cock before it turns truly limp.
Confused, I babble, but I shut up as she puts her hands on my shoulder and moves her hip, torturing my poor penis. “Ma~ster,” she says in a singsong voice. Her gentle rocking hips still hurt, as I just came. “Ma~ster, I lo~ve you.” Before I can voice my confusion she assaults me with a kiss.
Such a crime! To assault a member of royalty like that! She should be hung, tortured!
But I find myself kissing back.
She breaks the kiss and looks at me with truly insane eyes. “I need more Master~”
“R-Reisen”, I stutter, “I’m gonna need a minute-”
The barrel of a gun points at my face. Welp, the bun-bun has a gun-gun somehow. “That won’t do Ma~ster. It’s your own fault~ one must never touch a rabbit’s secret button, stupid Master~” she giggles innocently. “Master tries to make everyone believe he’s so smart, but he’s just a lazy bum who says nonsense to confuse people. And every~one knows it.” Now, that’s hurtful. “I bet you are here hiding from Princess Yorihime after blowing out your studies, am I right? Am right~”
I try to save face. “Maybe.”
Reisen giggles again. “I kne~w it. You made me call you Doctor to make yourself feel smart~ oh Master.” She takes the safety off. “Ma~ster, you have 5 seconds to get hard again or I sho~ot. Don’t worry, you won’t die.”
It would be painful.
Five seconds later, no one heard a gunshot. They did, however, hear something else all night long.
Suddenly, I am awake. To do so is nothing short of the highest to my restful slumber. But that’s not it, I think. This slumber wasn’t restful at all! It was downright fitful! What with the hard floor on my back, the dry saliva on my face, the feeling of pure and absolute drain and the warmth on top of- oh…
I remember what happened, due to a certain warm reminder currently hugging and sleeping like an angel who didn’t point a gun to my face 2… 3…? Some hours ago.
Feelings of shame wash over me, to think I would fall into my own eros that easily; my own damn fault too, shouldn’t have danced with sin and not expect to get brought along for the ride.
And all that for this warm rabbit. Her and her pretty hair, her cute breaths, her smell-
That’s right, the smell! It was all the maddening smell! Nothing more, just a cheap parlor trick which I will never fall for again.
My composure restored, I begin the tedious process of untangling myself from the sleeping semen demon without waking her up. Because dealing with her would be a pain of course nothing more.
I realize something funny, my penis is still inside her. How did that happen I wonder? Anyway, taking it out is as simple as moving her upwards slightly.
That was my mistake, for you see, my penis was acting as a dam for what must be liters of cum!
Well, I exaggerate, but it was still just bubbling outside her well used cunt. The most curious part is the consistency it has, since the semen comes out in solid blobs of pure cream.
All the amusement is lost in me however, as all I feel is disgust at said blobs falling to my pelvis, thank Lord at some point during the… incident I took off all my clothes. Or maybe she did, no one will ever know.
At last, I am free. I slowly lower her to the ground and sigh. “Need a shower badly.” My voice sounds a tad broken, probably screamed too much last night. I grimace about this.
I head to the bathroom and turn on the shower, only to turn it off again and just put on my clothes smell and all. I prefer this to showering with cold water.
I look out the window and see rabbits going about their commands and chores. All of them. All of them must know. They must’ve heard, I’m sure of it.
They won’t talk if they know what’s good for them, but someone won’t be able to help themself. Rabbits spread rumors and gossip like plagues. I am not worried however. I’ll just deny anything and, as an example, I’ll burn this building with everyone inside except Reise-
A traitorous thought crosses my mind, just as fast it came, it went.
I look back at the vulgar body, sprawled on the hard floor like a bloated corpse, her gaping bitch hole leaking seed far too good for her and she’s shi-shivering?
As I walk out of the room, I almost trip on a blanket. Enraged, I pick it up and throw it over my shoulder, not caring where it lands and I don’t look back.
Now, I still need to escape responsibility, I should…
 go back home and eat some peaches, I am famished.
 hide in the endless halls of pointless bureaucracy and paperwork at the palace.
 wander the streets, surely aunt won’t find me if I blend in.
This is basically just wish-fulfillment for the writer, which is fine in principle, but it isn't that entertaining to read. Reisen just sort of immediately bends and twists to the narrator character's whims "because reasons" and then it descends into pretty whatever smut. There's not much other than the general situation to give any sense that she's any character at all, so you could basically swap the names to any other 2hu and it would be about the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is basically pretty bland smut with a 2hu wrapper thrown loosely on top, which is pretty standard for newbie writing, especially when attempting porn. Sorry if that's not very specific, but I honestly don't have the interest to write massive walls of in-depth critique.
Unfortunately, you're just sort of stepping on a typical landmine, which is trying to write "porn" (read: cataloguing your own wank fantasies publicly) as a newbie writer. I'd strongly recommend reading non-porn literature (that is, books, not fanfiction) to get a good sense of what good writing looks like, and then maybe try writing non-lewd for a bit to get more experience.
What I'm saying may sound a bit overbearing and harsh, but I'm not pushing you to give up or even stop with this story, necessarily. Just saying that this is not my bag because it is very characteristic of newbie writing I've seen a million times; others will probably gladly read it. Anyway, if you're serious about writing, don't give up, keep learning, and keep trying. You've done your maiden piece, so you've already made the first step.
>>41301 Ah, dangit. I actually tried to avoid this very thing you are saying, clearly I still got a ways to go before managing to write something not "amateur".
For what it's worth, the point of this chapter was to show the domination and the narrator's phony personality deteriorating. You may not believe me, but this wasn't my wish-fulfillment, that will come once Yocchan gets her turn. As for Reisen bending to his whims, I wanted to be inferred that they had a prior relationship, but I can see how that is disappointing to someone wanting to read some Reisen smut.
Well, you live you learn, I don't intend to stop any time soon! Thank you for reading and taking the time of commenting!
>>41302 Sure, and I'll add that I'm not that inclined towards smut in general, so I wasn't likely to take to this in the first place. Still, I try to give everything at least a fair skim on the site and encourage new writers, but ultimately I am just a random arsehole with an opinion and immense prejudices, so take and leave everything I've said as necessary.
I hope others come in with their own (perhaps dissenting) opinions as well.
Hey all! Got back from a small family vacation, now to get back to the thick of it.
The palace won, so get ready for some Sagume moan hiding.
In hindsight, using Reisen first might have been a mistake for this fic, considering how all we see of her in canon boils down to Reisen escaping the moon for half of the manga and then being relegated to the background; this situation of her acting under the orders of a Lunarian master never appeared, so it stands to reason why she appears OOC.
No matter, Sagume should be more recognizable as Sagume next chapter and not just some faceless female to wank to as that other anon put it.
The best hiding places are those not only confusing, but a dreg to look into. A dreg and confusing, the two best adjectives to describe the Lunar bureaucracy!
My goal in mind, I take a breath and walk out of the building to the street with a step and a skip, waving at every rabbit and citizen I come across.
Surely, I think, if I act normal no one will notice the smell of cum, lady-cum, spit and tears I carry around. You’ve done it again Anon, you sly bastard!
Walking down the main street, people rudely avoid my gaze as I try to greet them, but who cares about them, the palace should be just around this corner!
The other corner I turn, the palace I find.
“Finally,” I say upon getting face to face with the magnificent opus of architecture. Though I’d normally spend a couple of minutes gawking at the structure, it is far more pertinent to hide from dear Yocchan!
Determined, I push open the massive doors to find myself in front of the sprawling halls full of ancient tomes; high ranking rabbits going to and from quickly holding Lord knows what and Yorihime, who until now was talking with an official looking fellow, is now staring daggers into me.
The Lunar Capital is undoubtedly a marvel of construction and structure. Its nature of blending advanced tech and magic leaves one wondering whether the incomprehensible things one sees are a perversion of the natural rules or a mastery of them.
So I ask, was it magic or tech that closed the fucking door behind me.
Such questions are the mark of a true scholar, an intellectual. To ask useless questions and waste time when the immediate problem is stomping up to me.
“Auntie!” I open my arms wide in a welcoming gesture. A wiser man would have ran. A merely smart man would have kept his arms down.
She stops mid-stomp and covers her nose. “What is that smell?!”
“I, uh…” the smell from my armpits reaches my nose, “hum…”
“I am afraid to ask where you were and what you were doing,” she says while making a disgusted face. “You are gonna come with me, you are gonna take a bath, and you are gonna run laps until your legs fall off!”
This is it, my sins have caught up to me. I shall learn my lesson or suffer-
The world always has a way of helping me avoid chores, fate I call it.
“Lady Sagume!” I wave high, but think better of it and glue my arms to the side as she approaches.
“Lady Sagume.” Aunt turns to greet her, yet I think she still has an eye on me despite her turning back. I do get a nice eyefull though. “I apologize for the commotion. This child has never been taught the correct way to behave.” Rude, you were the one stomping. “I shall drill those onto his flesh if I need to.”
“Hum, continue on then.” Sagume dismisses the issue too easily, ever the woman of few words.
My face turns to worry. I thought her arrival would buy me some needed time to escape and regroup, but not such luck. Sweat runs down my brow.
“Actually, Princess Yorihime,” Sagume says. “I happen to have a need for Anon.” What is she doing?
Yorihime crosses her arms. “Truly? What good is this lazy boy for you?”
“Your sister’s husband has requested he be present during today’s hearing to learn about the intricacies of ruling.”
“It can’t be today. He has skipped training and must be punished. He also… smells.”
“It has to be today. His father already arranged for him to take his spot, it would be a hassle to reschedule. And the smell shall be… tolerated under this circumstance.”
“That man…” Yorihime said, “he never takes into consideration anyone’s plans but himself!” She huffs. “Fine. But you!” She turns back to me, in the process whipping me in the face with her hair. “Don’t think for a second you are free, you’ve merely a stay of punishment!” And went back into the depths of the palace.
“Heh,” I chuckle, “she likes me.”
Sagume leads me down some other confusing hall. “I’d hope she does, she is your aunt.”
I, again, chuckle. “I would say there is far more than that!” I - well - chuckle. “To spend her entire day looking for me!” I boisterously exclaim before chuckling too much at this sentence.
Sagume took a second to respond, perhaps she was in awe! “You do know she wasn’t looking for you, right?”
“… she wasn’t?”
“Obviously not. After you ran away she went on with her day.” She dismissed it with the back of her hand. “Honestly, you should take your lessons more seriously. The only one who ends up suffering is you when the tests come.”
“But, but!” I object. “When she saw me earlier she came right at me! Clearly, she expected me to come here and laid a trap!”
She snickers. “We should put her in scheming then, to lay a trap using a scheduled meeting from 2 months ago, truly enlightened! She knew you would somehow find your way to the exact place and the exact time she was readily accessible and not in some dark room in the palace.”
The clever rebuttal of pointing out how Yorihime was about to throw everything away in order to punish me, thereby proving just how important I am to her, doesn’t come out of my mouth. “Grr.” comes out instead, and then silence.
Sagume, satisfied with her victory, remains in her usual silence the rest of the way, only stopping to hum as she checks something on a strange device.
This woman! She says five things everyday and two of them are some snide remarks! As I grumble, we finally reach our destination, a grand door before me.
I remember a detail. “Say Lady Sagume, there wouldn’t happen to be showers around here?”
She slowly turns her head to me and stares in an uncomfortable silence. “There aren’t.” She finally says.
“I can’t appear before Lord Tsukoyomi smelling like this!”
She keeps staring with an indecipherable expression. “Eh, you’ll be fine.” And drags me by my sleeve inside.
A truly grand amphitheater lay behind those fittingly grand doors. Ornate, giant tapestry with gold rims adorns the walls, depicting scenes of godly heroics. There must have been hundreds of seats, all laid out in steps much like a - well - theater; on each one sits some lunar bureaucrat.
A giant golden throne at the middle of it all; a round ornate table in front. That’s where The Lord and the other high heavenly gods sit. However, one can only see black silhouettes, as that whole place is covered by a silk veil.
Something, something, purity cannot be seen by the unworthy yadda, yadda.
Hogwash! I have seen everyone at that table be summoned by aunt to do menial tasks, and yet they claim I am unworthy! At least aunt can’t force me to do anything… not easily at least.
My grievances, however, are put aside as I see those two empty seats at the edges of the table, normally reserved for Sagume and father.
Finally! I get to sit at that table and claim my birthright, denied for a decade! The smell can be ignored, it’s not that bad honestly.
All my hopes are quickly crushed as Sagume drags me away from my deserved spotlight to an unimportant corner of the room.
“W-what-? But-!” I stare longingly at those two empty seats.
“Silence fool,” she says and forces me to sit down. “Lest you wish to embarrass yourself further.” She sits besides me.
I quietly seethe at all this disrespect Sagume began spewing all out of a sudden.
My seething, thankfully, stops once I hear The Lord announce the beginning of the hearing.
For everything everyone can say about me, I at least I’m truthful about how enthusiastically government matters I take.
There is something just so impressive at how one man can command so much respect from so many people; how enthralling it feels to know all the secrets, all the ins and outs regarding your city’s way of life, as they say, to know how the sausage gets made.
My own fascination is my folly though, as these wild fantasies cloud my mind and oftentimes make me miss the actual hearing.
But still I soldier on and put on a hundred percent focus on the Lord’s speech.
Forgotten my smell.
Forgotten my indignation.
Forgotten the hand sneaking up my inner thigh.
Forgotten Reisen and my unresolved thoughts.
Forgotten the feeling on my crotch.
Forgotten aunt and her training.
Forgotten father’s schemes.
Forgotten the zipping sound.
Forgotten- it’s cold all of a sudden.
Indeed, I feel a chill down my waist, sadly, the seats come with a handy table attached to support whatever files one might need.
I can’t see what is happening down there. I can, however, infer it.
“What do you think-?!” My exclamation gets shushed.
“Don’t speak while The Lord is in session,” Sagume calmly states. I can see how her right arm is currently reaching for something down there.
But my folly is true, so I decide to bear it instead of making a scene. I pay attention to the hearing, cock and balls in the air.
This is probably the correct move, considering how I catch Sagume somewhat frustrated from the corner of my eye.
Smugly, I decide to ignore the sensible course of action of putting away my privates, instead letting them hang free, taunting the quiet girl.
My concentration gets broken once more as the cold I felt is replaced by warmth.
Moving warmth specifically.
I briefly gaze at Sagume, and sure enough, her right hand looks to be moving ever so slightly.
“Working on it?” I can’t help but taunt.
Sagume looks forward, not dignifying me with a response.
No matter, I shall still beat her and remain focused.
I keep hearing intently at The Heavenly Gods’ presentation about their plans and schemes to ensure our eternal greatness. Faintly, I feel Sagume - to put it crassly - give me a handjob under the table. At least trying to.
I laugh at her frustrated noises. No matter how much she fondles and fondles, me and my little friend remain calm.
In truth, I probably couldn’t have done this hadn’t it been for Reisen - ahem - training my resistance to carnal activities. One does not enter the rabbit hole and leave, only to get aroused by a dry hand.
As if she reads my mind, Sagume takes her hand off my member and brings it to her mouth, covering it and adopting one of her iconic poses. However, me being right by her, I can hear her spitting on her hand.
And also sniffing. That made my penis twitch, but she must not know.
Quickly she brings it back down and continues on her foolhardy endeavor.
Vulgar noises can be faintly heard, as Sagume plays with the orbs, massages the top of the rod and then straight up masturbates me, all in vain.
I see her face going from annoyed to downright confused. “What the…?” she says and looks down to my still soft penis.
A part of me almost expected her to go down on me in the middle of the hearing! But that would be WAY too crazy.
So instead she just keeps jerking me off. As usual.
That game of dominance came to a close alongside the hearing.
In truth, it wasn’t all that interesting, just reassurance of everything going to plan, slight changes and such. It felt routine. It almost makes me mad how father chose THIS to be my lesson on politics.
However, as I look at Sagume and catch that small twitch of her eye, the anger leaves me.
She really thought she could beat me! ME! I chuckle and fix my pants which had been open the entire time.
Joining the masses of petty, low-level politicians, I leave the room. Sagume walks alongside me, always in a perfect straight posture which makes me correct my own.
Finally free, plans of how to celebrate beating Sagume and avoiding aunt wander my mind. Perhaps I should go thank Reisen-
Another treacherous thought appears and gets interrupted, not by my own doing, rather by a hand forcefully pushing me aside and into a janitor’s closet.
Being lost in my own head, I am unable to do anything but fumble and fall, as the mysterious pusher locks the door.
The pusher, who you probably guessed who it was, speaks. “Congratulations, you passed.”
I shift my position on the ground from ‘I’ve fallen’ to ‘casually laying down’. “Of course I did.”
She gives me a meaningful look.
“Tell me what I passed.”
She rolls her eyes. “You’ve managed to pay attention to the hearing. There was some doubt you could do even that much with the higher ups, but your father assured them you’d be capable.” She crosses her arms and looks weirdly annoyed.
Why does she look like that if me passing was the point? “Was I NOT supposed to pay attention?”
“Of course you weren’t you imbecile! Now he has proof you can be trusted! He’s got leverage and he’s gonna use it!” She angrily exclaims. “He’s gonna do everything in his power to put you in a higher seat and use you as a puppet.” She stops for a second and looks up. She sighs.
I bet she was trying to use her ability, but that future appears to be a bygone conclusion. “So… you don’t think I could ever…” I lower my gaze.
Sagume’s face quickly changes. “No, no that’s not what I mean.” She kneels beside me and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You are just… not ready yet, okay? That man is just being impatient and wants his power as soon as possible, ignoring everyone else.”
How me getting promoted would affect her own influence - which was already on thin ice since she ignored direct orders during the last invasion - went unsaid.
“Once you are properly educated and prepared, I will be happy - nay - ecstatic to be the first one to grant you a seat beside me and your father.”
Mother did say Lady Sagume vouched for me and my skills before.
“You are a brilliant boy Anon, you lack discipline is all. Maybe even that is wrong, considering how you didn’t even flinch back then.”
I look back up at her. “Why did you do THAT to distract me?”
She gives a nervous laugh and looks to the side. “Well… I thought about how to best distract you and… giving you a hand seemed the most amusing, hehe…”
“Why didn’t you just use your ability to jinx me?”
Sagume gets quiet for a second. “I wanted to at least give you a chance to impress me.”
She looks genuinely apologetic. She probably didn’t expect me to be hit this hard by her sabotage. I should…
comfort her. Even though she tried to halt my progress for her own gain, she still clearly cares for me, as a woman who knew me, cared for me, taught me, should. Besides, she probably thought I didn’t care about this sort of stuff anyway.
take advantage of her. No matter how she feels now, or whether she didn’t think I cared, she still used me as a mere pawn in her own political games without telling me. Besides, I bet a big part of her wanting me to ‘wait’ is so she can gain more leverage of her own.
Originally the chapter was gonna be way longer and address what they would do in the closet, but then I thought to give you guys more control of how the story and characters progress.
Also, I am happy you guys chose Sagume, as she is the most "blank slate" of the four moon girls Ugaya can interact with. Toyo is always his mom, Yori is her hardass aunt and Reisen is all "master, master" but Sagume can be taken pretty much anywhere.
Will you try and gain her affection, proving her worries wrong?
Or perhaps you will play the politics game and play her as well?
Find out in a day or two when there are enough votes.
[X]take advantage of her. No matter how she feels now, or whether she didn’t think I cared, she still used me as a mere pawn in her own political games without telling me. Besides, I bet a big part of her wanting me to ‘wait’ is so she can gain more leverage of her own.
...did you just forget who Sagume is? Not only she speaks in blatant disregard of her ability - I see here a few sentences that will trigger it, and I highly doubt that's all intended - but manner of speech of "Sagume" here, ridden with unnecessary and parasite words, is entirely at odds with canon. I fail to see anything of canon Sagume Kishin here.
So what the HECK is going on in this story? The mention of "the last invasion" implies that it's set after the events of 15; certainly it's set after Bougetsushou; but Ugayafukiaezu is somehow still unmarried? Has he divorced his aunt? Have they had the child together yet or no? Why does he have any relationship with his father at all? Is it a step-father; did Toyohime remarry after the crocodile incident? And how the heck are the Watatsukis able to summon anyone of the slightest consequence among the Lunarians for the sake of "menial tasks", given the state of their reputation after the Hourai shenanigan? >>41314 But he's right, though. It's not fun if the characters aren't themselves.
>>41315 That's true, but the way he commented on it was unnecessarily hostile. Besides it was stated this was their first story so errors are expected, hostile criticism is more discouraging than helpful.
Also, these aren't errors that can't be fixed especially when caught early on so it isn't a big issue.
[X]take advantage of her. No matter how she feels now, or whether she didn’t think I cared, she still used me as a mere pawn in her own political games without telling me. Besides, I bet a big part of her wanting me to ‘wait’ is so she can gain more leverage of her own.
I think this was really fast really fast. The beginning is too fast so much so that we don't even know the age of the main character. I thought he was a boy until the sex scene and it still leaves me a little weirded out. I still don't know how old he is. And his personality, although a bit clear doesn't give much leeway. It really took more time for this.