⋮ No. 38472 ► File
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While my brain is on the fritz, I've decided to try my hand at porn. It will be (semi) fast and furious, not to mention lacking in high standards of quality control! However, if you wish it, you just might end up doing something truly lewd. Depravity beyond your wildest dreams!
For you are effectively a newborn, who has no concept of lewd.
This story will either be short, incomplete, or sporadically updated in the longer term. I'm mostly in this because I hate not writing.
0o0o0
Your eyes open to the sight of mister sun, who didn't seem so happy to see you, what with the way he was returning your stare with searing pain. "Ouch!" Wisely, you decide to avert your gaze from that intense, burningly bright smile.
It burnt with the intensity of at least two candle, maybe more. Of course, with candles that sadly were pressed uncomfortably into your eyes. Thankfully, being what you are, pain wasn't the greatest of issues.
However, pain still hurts, and Miss Sukuna laughs at you when you show off just how tough of a youkai you are. Someday, maybe she won't laugh! Maybe!
Still, with your gaze averted from the brightest star of all (because, if there's one thing you are familiar with, it's the sky above and watching the shrine explode in some manner) you roll off of your pedestal. However, one thing you still have trouble comprehending is that whole movement thing.
And, more importantly, gravity, and how moving can lead to it coming into play.
0o0o0
[ ] Flail pitifully! AHHHHH!
[ ] Use your fluff for cushioning! Thank you, brain!
[ ] Call for help! Because you know Reimu cares enough to save you!
[ ] Turn to stone! Show gravity who's boss!
⋮ No. 38482 File
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[X] Call for help! Because you know Reimu cares enough to save you!
0o0o0
"Reimu, he—!" You land face-first before you can get the words out. Rubbing your hurt nose, you let out a little whine before climbing back up.
"Reimu, h—!" Once more, you land painfully on your nose.
Once more you climb up, this time standing up properly on it! And then you cannonball off, trying to get as much air time as possible. "Reimu, help!!"
You land again, though at least are satisfied that the impact was to your butt, and not your nose again. Your butt takes a beating much better than your nose! It has padding, after all!
0o0o0
[ ] Sniffle! She never came...
[ ] Shift blame! Show the ground who's boss!
[ ] Shiftily look around. Nobody saw that, did they...?
[ ] Repeat the process closer to Reimu! She must be sleeping!
⋮ No. 38505 File
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[x] Repeat the process closer to Reimu! She must be sleeping!
-[x] If that doesn't work! Move closer!
--[x] If you fall on Reimu, make sure you land on butt. It has cushion.
0o0o0
If at first you don't succeed, keep trying till you do! ...That's how it goes, right? Well, you're sure you at least got it half right, so it's probably more right than wrong! As such, you storm into the shrine like a fluffy hurricane! A fluffy hurricane that it trying to not be heard, but a hurricane nonetheless! You like it more when Reimu praises you than when she beats you up, after all! As you pad deeper into the shrine, you gasp. You forgot to take off your geta! You make double sure to kick them out the doorway, and ignore the cry of pain that sounded suspiciously cat-like.
You hate cats.
Soon enough, you are upon Reimu, who was indeed sleeping. She looks so peaceful and so cute. You just want to lay on her face and snuggle her, but manage to resist the great urge to suffocate her tenderly. You need to call for her help, after all. She never came, so you figure doing it closer will get her to come, especially with how short the distance is. You need height, however, so you fly up to the ceiling.
Take that, gravity.
Still, your sticking it to the gravity is short-lived, as you soon let it reclaim power over you. "Reimu, help!" You land on your bottom, and quickly look to Reimu, espectant.
She's still sleeping. Somehow.
You obviously must repeat this, or else she'll never hear you. But, as she didn't hear you, you also need to be closer. As such, you fly over her, trying to keep your face near at the same time. This amounts to standing on the ceiling, of course. Thankfully you understand the concepts of shoes and dirty feet, so it remains cleaner than if that dirty cat did the same, you're sure.
And, from your precarious position, you drop like a rock in water. Probably. "Reimu, mmph!"
You land horn-first on her butt.
The ensuing beating is biblical in proportions, you think. She's a priestess, so it is by default, right? Soon, she has you seated in front of her and wanting an explanation.
0o0o0
[ ] Explain how you fell off the pedestal.
[ ] Explain why you fell on her.
[ ] Puppy eyes.
[ ] Blame the cat. Even when it's not her fault, it's her fault.
⋮ No. 38514 
[x] Puppy eyes.
0o0o0
You stop blinking, and look up at her with your widest, biggest eyes possible. Before long, wet joins the words to describe them, as blinking is weirdly important now. However, you've long since realized this (at least a week!) and have learned how to instead weaponize it.
"What... No, don't you even start this."
Your fluffy little eyebrows get into the thick of things, too, half-rocketing into your bangs..
"No. Just no. I'm counting to three, and if you don't stop, I'll..."
Your lip begins to quiver, causing Reimu's ever present scowl to erode. Erosion is something you know well, after all, being a big, cute lump of rock.
She catches her hand as it tries to reach towards your very pettable, very fluffy scalp. "...There will be no dinner for you if I hit three."
Your tail all but dies, flopping limply to the ground, before wiggling its way under you.
"One..." Her cheeks are turning pink.
Your eyes are tearing up.
Her eyes widen at how pettable you are. "Two..."
0o0o0
[ ] Go for that graceful coop by whining! You're sure you got it wrong, but no word should be said and spelled so different. It's a wonder you can even read to begin with!
[ ] Shrink down and give her puppy eyes from under your fluffy bangs!
[ ] Fall backwards and show your belly. Maintain eye contact no matter what!
[ ] Try not to cry, or at least make like it.
[ ] The jig is up! Initiate plan B for blame the cat. No matter what, the cat deserves it anyways.
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[X] Try not to cry, or at least make like it.
0o0o0
And then the sniffling begins. A single tear rolls down your cheek, but she wipes it away while sighing, before giving you a pat on the head. When your eyes continue their erosion, she adds a ruffle. You lean into it, accidentally knocking her down with your enthusiasm for ruffles. Ruffles are just too good to pass up, and doubly so with Reimu's magic fingers.
Sighing, she says, "Aun, get off. You're heavy."
0o0o0
[ ] Get up.
[ ] Get down.
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[X] Get down.
0o0o0
You could obey her. You really could. But, at this particular moment, you feel more like cuddling her. So, that in mind, you lie down on top of her, nuzzling her cheek affectionately.
"Oww! Hey, watch your ear!" However, you do listen to that at the very least. A Shrine Maiden needs her eyes to see you smile! How could anyone bear not seeing you...? That'd be so sad! "Ugh... Fine! I guess this is fine, too..."
Being your favorite person in the whole wide world, you snuggle your hair into her face, enjoying the feeling of her warmth.
Or, at least you would, if there weren't suddenly an intruder. Always something...
Ka klick[i]
Not missing a beat, Reimu says, "Sicc 'em."
An annoyingly birdish voice you find all too familiar says, "Wait, what."
And, just like that, you have graduated from loving pet to projectile.
0o0o0
[ ] Do as told! Latch onto the crow!
-[ ] Go for the throat!
-[ ] Go for the flash box!
-[ ] Go for the legs!
-[ ] Go for the wings!
-[ ] Just bite the first thing you can!
[ ] REIMU WHYYYYY!
[ ] Wait, obviously she's doing that thing that Yukari does to Ran, who also does to that [i]other stupid cat. SPIN TO WIN!
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[x] Do as told! Latch onto the crow!
-[x] Go for the legs!
0o0o0
"The dog?!" In the split second you have to decide, you begin spinning your tail to push yourself just a bit lower. And, a split second later, you BITE DOWN WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT, latching on. "OWWOWWOWWGETOFFOFMYCROTCHWHYDOESEVERYDOGDOTHIS"
Reimu pads over to you, reaching under the screaming bird's skirt for the express purpose of petting you. Your tail starts wagging, and you grin, even if your mouth is full. "Good girl. Now heel."
Aww. You thought you would at last get to eat the bird. Ohh well. Releasing your beartrap-like grip, you ask, "Did I do good?!"
"You did very good." And then she rubs behind your ears! She's the best. The very best. You love Reimu very much, at least when she's being nice. And not beating you. Because that's when she's not being nice.
Peeking an eye out from under the skirt, you see Reimu snatching the camera. Aya, of course, shouts, "My camera!"
Reimu's having none of it. "That's what happens when you take pictures with a grin like that."
"You wound me, Reimu! I had nothing but pure intentions!" Yeah right.
"You were drooling." Hey! That's my job!
"That's just because you two were looking cute."
The crow is reaching a hand towards you. She wants to pet you?! ...But do you want her to?
0o0o0
[ ] How dare her! Growl threateningly.
[ ] Reimu doesn't seem happy! Bite the hand that pets you.
[ ] Begrudgingly let her. Only wag if it's good.
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[X] How dare she! Growl threateningly.
-[X] Begrudgingly let her. Only wag if it's good.
0o0o0
As she reaches towards you, your lips peel back at an equal rate. However, as your lips are much smaller than the distance, you also have to throw in your eyebrows going down after that, not to mention the ever increasing growl emanating from your throat. And, when it gets closer still, you take a fairly lunging-ish posture as your fur starts fluffing up and standing on end.
It leaves you looking a bit like a porcupine.
However, for all your great enthusiasm for threatening her without words, her hand still ends up on your head, going between your uncurled spikes to scratch your now unprotected scalp.
At first, there is little effect, but slowly your fluff wads start to curl back up, followed by a bit of relaxation coming to your posture. You lose the appearance of lunging, but you do not let your guard down, nor do you wag your tail. It may turn traitor at inopportune times, but your tail is in agreement with you that this crow is bad news. Next, your throat turns traitor, going from growl to small purr. Why, throat? Why? But not only that, you feel yourself begin to relax into the scritchies, your brow returning at first to neutrality, but then too turning on you, and going up. As you feel your body parts one by one turn traitor, you are left there in horror as your plastered snarl turns into a small smile.
"...Aun, I think you're crushing her hand with your hair." You feel blood dripping down your scalp, so Reimu seems to have a point.
Aya seems to not mind one bit, saying, "I'm used to worse~ Who's a good girl?" What is a good girl? What makes a girl good or bad, when their own body won't respond to their great desire to end the petting and scratching and rubbing? "It's you! You are!"
0o0o0
[ ] Wag tail. You're a good girl! You are! And she agrees on this matter! Maybe you shouldn't eat her after all!
[ ] Resist! She may break your body, but your will is solid stone! ...Ignoring that your body is also solid stone, and has been so easily broken already.
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[X] Wag tail. You're a good girl! You are! And she agrees on this matter! Maybe you shouldn't eat her after all!
0o0o0
You take in a sharp gasp, Aya wincing from a little extra crushing happening to her poor hand. "I am?"
"You are!" She has a giant, disgustingly smile on her face. "You're the best girl, in fact!"
Your tail starts wagging. "I'm the best!"
"You're the best!" Her grin grows larger by the sentence.
"I am!" Your tail is practically a blur, and your smile approaching Mr. Sun in its burning brightness.
She adds in another sacrificial hand, safe from the iron maiden of fluff. You're getting ruffles while you get ruffles, and your tail may be lifting you off the ground just a bit, not that you mind!
While you're busy loving every second of Aya's affection, you spy the cat. She looks so smug and you hate it. Why is she looking smug while you are getting loved?
0o0o0
[ ] Give chase! THIS CAT
[ ] Pointedly ignore the cat! The cat has nothing on your fluff! Be proud!
[ ] Show up the cat! You're technically like a lion-dog-dragon, so smug better than her!
[ ] Make her jealous! Give Reimu puppy eyes till she pets you as well! If you get double teamed, maybe the cat will finally go home!
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[X] Make her jealous! Give Reimu puppy eyes till she pets you as well! If you get double teamed, maybe the cat will finally go home!
0o0o0
You sharply turn your head towards Reimu. Soon, your body catches up.
"...What?"
And then the puppy eyes begin. Your eye moisten, intensifing Aya's pettings, even if you heard a loud crack from her trapped hand.
Reimu simply averts her gaze. She's blushing, however.
So you scoot over to where she's looking, dragging Aya for the ride. And, plopping down, you afix her with your begging gaze, your lip quivering.
Once more Reimu averts, though she's grumbling now. This is a good sign. Definitely.
You scoot into her gaze another three times, Aya joining you each and every time, and eventually are getting it from Reimu as well. While she ruffles your fluff, you turn your gaze to the cat.
She's still smug. Dammit.
0o0o0
[ ] Give chase! THIS CAT
[ ] Pointedly ignore the cat! The cat has nothing on your fluff! Be proud!
[ ] Show up the cat! You're technically like a lion-dog-dragon, so smug better than her!
[ ] You'll show her! Get the cat to join in! If she pets you, you win!
[ ] Danmaku! You have spellcards! And are older than her! Probably!
[ ] Run off crying, your tail between your legs.
-[ ] Maybe the teensy one can give you pointers on being cute.
-[ ] Maybe the turtle can share wisdom on being cute.
-[ ] Trip over the oni and ask her how to be cute.
-[ ] Spook the jingly girl. And then ask her how to be even half as cute as her.
-[ ] Ask your fluffy competition for a potion of cuteness.
-[ ] Just keep running, a trail of tears in your wake.
⋮ No. 38586 Called.
>>38585 Sadly it likely will not be a super long story.
However, I will likely do another story like it in the future, once it does end.
⋮ No. 38587 
[x] Show up the cat! You're technically like a lion-dog-dragon, so smug better than her!
0o0o0
You may identify as a dog more than a lion or horny dragon, but you still are proud of your fluffy mane. And a mane is one thing she doesn't have. So you win by default, don't you?
You put on your best smug, aimed directly at her.
She starts licking her crotch, aimed directly at you.
Your smug is resolute, however. You're getting pets, and she's... doing that. You're not entirely sure why cats do that, though. Maybe you should try that some time. You heard it's some sort of cleaning ritual, and being the dog of a shrine, one of the things you consider yourself most knowledgeable on is rituals.
However, the way she's making eye contact while doing so is a little weird.
0o0o0
[ ] Is she challenging you?! Two can play this game!
[ ] Is she mocking you?! Growl!
[ ] Is she insulting you?! Give chase!
⋮ No. 38594 [x] Is she mocking you?! Growl!
The cat will learn her place.
>>38593 Aun is too pure for this world. That smile must be protected at all costs!
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[X] Is she mocking you?! Growl!
0o0o0
You get on all fours, and your mane fluffs up, Aya's hand making a few more snapping sounds.
The cat stops mid-lick, and stares at you, tongue half-out. Your growling seems to be doing the trick.
And then she runs off.
Aya breaks the silence by asking, "Ohh, can I keep her? She's just adorable!"
"You already have one." Reimu, of course, doesn't sound keen.
"But mine isn't sweet and cute! And she'd hit me if she heard me claim ownership of he—"
And then, in the blink of an eye, another dog appeared, mid-punch. Aya goes flying through the window, and you go sailing with her. Which is probably for the best, as it would take ages to get a hand out of your mane.
However you have more important matters to attend to. You seem to be flying uncontrollably across Gensoukyou.
0o0o0
[ ] Aim for the lake!
[ ] Aim for that other shrine!
[ ] Aim for the temple!
[ ] Aim for the red house!
[ ] Aim for the glowy forest!
[ ] Aim for the spikey forest!
[ ] Aim for the spooky forest!
[ ] Aim for the upside-down house!
[ ] Aim for the village!
[ ] Aim for the village full of cats for some reason!
[ ] Aim for the village full of birds and dogs for some reason!
[ ] Aim for the river!
[ ] Aim for a crack in the ground!
[ ] Aim for a hole in the ground!
[ ] Aim for the spooky river!
[ ] Aim for the yellow flower field!
[ ] Aim for the pink flower field!
[ ] Aim for the top of the endless stairs!
[ ] Aim for the sky!
[ ] Aim for the moon!
[ ] Get knocked into the past by proxy!
[ ] Aim for the shrine, after aiming at none of them long enough!
⋮ No. 38616 
[x] Aim for the temple!
0o0o0
"AYAYAYAAAA!"
"AHHHHHHHHHH!"
As the you get dragged through the air by your glorious mane, you try to stop yourself, as your brain is too larger than a pea. However, as fast as you are going, fluffing up your mane like brakes isn't working, nor is blowing on your thumb to try and inflate it.
You had to at least try it.
You seem to be on a collision course with a mountain, and while you can't stop, you do have a tail. So, as such, you blindly steer away from it, your tail a fluffy rudder.
0o0o0
[ ] Land on the spear!
[ ] Land on the smiley woman!
[ ] Land on the cloud!
[ ] Land on the what!
[ ] Land on the mouse!
[ ] Land on the fluffy tail!
[ ] Land on the shrieking!
[ ] Land on the
[ ] Land on the tongue!
[ ] Land on the sailor!
⋮ No. 38624 [X] Land on the tongue!
Surprise!
>>38614 Aim for the moon bunny. If you miss, you may hit a star fairy. I think.
⋮ No. 38627 File
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[X] Land on the
0o0o0
The safest option is always to not drop a huge statue on someone's head from a great height, and so you attempt to avoid any injury in the seconds you have left by aiming for .
When you land, you use your cushion wrapped in fluff to cushion your cushion. While Aya shrieks in pain from a razor sharp puncturing her right in the, your crater is minor at best.
However, on second glance you realize you actually landed on! But what was 's name... Maybe it's her? ...No, definitely not her; Reimu would hit you if you called that. And then hit , just to be sure, what with the vaguely samey hair color. You remember those days well. Maybe even vividly, as you were bored out of your mind. You silently watched as Reimu took her own balls to her face over and over, leaving you wincing a statuesque wince with every blow.
Which is to say not at all, as you were solid stone.
And that was just her trying to get ready for battle! You never saw what came after, but Reimu came back bloody and bruised with her at her side.
"ARE YOU OKAY DOWN THERE?"
You look to the lip of the crater, spying another dog.
"OHH MY GOD KOISHI ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! OHH, AND I GUESS THE REPORTER GOT STABBED, TOO!" You wince at the sheer volume of her even louder shouting. ...Wait, that's it! Her name was Koishi!
...Wait, but who's this?
0o0o0
[ ] Sniff butt. It's only polite.
[ ] Don't sniff butt. You're feeling rude.
⋮ No. 38634 [X] Don't sniff butt.
Not to be rude, but we have other things to do, such as not killing two youkai with one stone.
>>38630 Wouldn't that have been the "what" option?
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[X] Sniff butt. It's only polite.
0o0o0
You start scurrying up the side of the crater, while the loud dog stares down at you, tilting her head. Her big floppy ear on that side dangles floppily, as one would expect of a big floppy ear.
Her tail isn't wagging, however. You will need to get it wagging, just like yours is.
"WHY ARE YOU BEING SO QUIET IT'S WEIRD!"
When you reach the top, you take no time to begin your task, sticking your head up her skirt. "EEK!?!" In your enthusiasm, you knock her down, but that only makes your greeting easier to administer. "W-WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU STICKING YOUR NOSE?!" Judging by the smell, she seems to be eating well, though how fat her butt is tells you that maybe she should actually be eating less well. "HIJIRI HEEEELP A SCARY DOG IS SNIFFING MY BUTT AGAIN AND IT'S SCARYYYYY!!" Your ears ring, but you have yet to finish your greeting, and so you keep at it.
That is, until you get picked up by the collar, and are brought to eye level with an extremely pleased-looking pretty lady. "Good komainu, why do you violate one of our own?"
She called you good! You smile, as you are as pleased as she looks. "I'm saying hello!"
That smile does not flinch, nor does it falter. "Your people greet others through anal violation?" When you nod, she drops you next to your fellow dog. "Carry on, then." Somehow, her kindly smile grows less oppressive.
"HIJIRI WHYYYYYY!" But her tail was wagging!
0o0o0
[ ] Well, you don't want to be rude. Keep sniffing till you are satisfied that she has thoroughly greeted you.
[ ] Complain that she's rude! Dogs need to sniff butt, and she isn't! That's just the rules of nature!
[ ] You feel like that's enough pleasantries. As neither of them sniffed your own rear, introduce yourself with words!
[ ] Ask if Aya can be bandaged up. She's bleeding pretty badly and seems to have been knocked out during the impact. Maybe see about a cast, too. She needs her broken arm to pet another day after all!
[ ] Ask Koishi if she's okay. You know she's normally unconscious, but she seems extra unconscious right now.
⋮ No. 38640 >>38639 makes a very compelling argument.
[X] You feel like that's enough pleasantries. As neither of them sniffed your own rear, introduce yourself with words!
[X] Ask if Aya can be bandaged up. She's bleeding pretty badly and seems to have been knocked out during the impact. Maybe see about a cast, too. She needs her broken arm to pet another day after all!
[X] Ask Koishi if she's okay. You know she's normally unconscious, but she seems extra unconscious right now.
⋮ No. 38644 
[X] You feel like that's enough pleasantries. As neither of them sniffed your own rear, introduce yourself with words!
[X] Ask if Aya can be bandaged up. She's bleeding pretty badly and seems to have been knocked out during the impact. Maybe see about a cast, too. She needs her broken arm to pet another day after all!
[X] Ask Koishi if she's okay. You know she's normally unconscious, but she seems extra unconscious right now.
0o0o0
"I'm Komano Aun! I'm a komainu, and guardian of the Hakurei Shrine!" You give them your best smile. Even if the other dog is rude for not sniffing your butt.
"UMM... I'M KASODANI KYOUKO AND I'M A YAMABIKU!"
"And I am Byakuren Hijiri, the head monk of the Myouren Temple. It's a pleasure to meet you, good komainu." She called you good again! Your tail is wagging up a storm! "How is the Hakurei maiden, if I may ask? I hope there is no ill will after the 'war,' as some have called it."
"She'll forgive anything if you just wag your tail at her!"
"Wag my..." She pauses a moment, obviously thinking. "...Good komainu, I have sworn a vow of celibacy." Your tail wags, as you are a good girl!
"HIJIRI SHE DOESN'T MEAN LIKE THAT STOP WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD!!"
Smiling, you ask, "Also, umm... My friend seems to have been stabbed. Do you know how to unstab someone?"
Clapping her hands together, the ever smiling Hijiri answers, "Why, no. However, I know how to treat such injuries, as Koishi is at times a tad rambunctious with roses."
Looking in the crater, you ask, "Ahh, right. Koishi, are you, uhh... okay? You look a little extra unconscious!"
She doesn't respond.
0o0o0
[ ] Open the eyes of the friendly neighborhood rock to check. Aya's probably had worse!
[ ] Bandage your favorite nuisance. Koishi's obviously fine.
[ ] Ignore them both!
-[ ] Something weird is watching you. Greet it!
-[ ] You spy a fluffy tail. You must touch it!
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[X] Ignore them both!
-[X] You spy a fluffy tail. You must touch it!
0o0o0
While you could make sure Aya is okay, and you could check if Koishi has somehow made herself worse off by closing even more of her eyes, you spy a wagging fluffy puffy huge thing! And, being a good girl, you run off to investigate its threat to your own fluff! The fluff magician's fluff may be greater, but you'll be damned if you let yet another person beat you! Between the fox and her, you feel inadequate enough as it is!
It helps that your fluff is technically stone, but still.
So, as such, you pounce on the fluffy tail with a great roar! Your greatest roar! Sure, Reimu's roar is greater, but Reimu is Reimu, so expecting to beat her at anything but fluff is just silly.
Of course, the bearer of the tail seems to be looking at you.
And the bearer of the tail seems to be drunk.
And the bearer of the tail also has maybe dog ears.
0o0o0
[ ] Sniff butt.
[ ] Don't sniff butt.
[ ] Demand she sniff your butt. That last dog was such a party pooper!
[ ] What's that what that's spying on you with the rude dog?
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[X] Don't sniff butt.
[X] Investigate the fluff and possibility of her being a dog.
[X] What's that what that's spying on you with the rude dog? Unable to do so at this moment.
0o0o0
While the stench emanating from her tail-end is fairly sunshine-like, you doubt she eats it. But if she did, you wouldn't be surprised.
However, you don't stick your face up her skirt, as she reminds you of a bear more than a dog, and sniffing a bear's butt would be rude.
...Even if her tail, which is bigger than you, also reminds you of not a bear. Which makes you wonder just what bear that isn't a bear could she be. Maybe a koala? A panda? Maybe even Meiling?
Wait, no. No, Meiling is obviously Meiling.
However, though you don't delve into her skirt, you do decide to journey to the center of the tail.
0o0o0
[ ] You smell a familiar scent. ...It reminds you of when you were born! It's a very door-like smell!
[ ] You smell another familiar scent as well! Like... eyeballs, sunshine beyond sunshine and kitty litter?
[ ] Escape and look for the rude dog and what thing.
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[X] You smell a familiar scent. ...It reminds you of when you were born! It's a very door-like smell!
0o0o0
You take a long whiff of the sunshineish smell. In one direction, eyeballs and treats. In the other, wood, rice and... metal?
Who smears rice on a good door?? Reimu'd give you a beating if you did! This is blasphemy! This is madness! This is... actually very familiar! And, as such, you go in this most blasphemous of directions. Once you reach the less fluffy center of the giant floof on the maybe bear's butt, you look around and you find a door! One of those weird doors like at the devil's house.
Thankfully there's no rice smeared on it, but you have some concerns about how this is even possible. Already you feel like you have traveled far more within this tail than there even is tail.
While you reach for the knob, you decide that the reason is...
0o0o0
[ ] Magic! No fluff can be this great without magic, so it must be! Just look at yours! Stone should never be soft, but it is! And yet it also isn't, what with how you're dragging Aya around still!
[ ] She must use shady shampoo from a shady location! You've heard of the thing called shampoo, but where would she get it? And where can you get some?
[ ] Someone must be fooling around! Someone always is, and Reimu beats them up! Does this mean that someone is fooling around with the maybe bear's butt?
[ ] A fluffy conspiracy! But who could be the culprit...? Who would conspire against fluff?! That's just wrong!
⋮ No. 38673 
[X] Someone must be fooling around! Someone always is, and Reimu beats them up! Does this mean that someone is fooling around with the maybe bear's butt?
0o0o0
You let out a gasp, hesitation taking over your hand just shy of finally grabbing the door's handle. You retrieve that hand, as you need it for the great task of realizing that something is very wrong. You use that hand's finger to tap your lip in thought.
A very important task, indeed.
The reason as to why this is the case is surely because of funny business. Not the sort you'd expect the clown under the shrine to do, as she's more scary than funny. But you've been told that clowns are funny, so they surely are masters of funny business.
And, because of that, she must obviously be the culprit. You'll have to, uhh... ...get Reimu to beat her up. While you bravely cheer her on.
Because, seriously, that clown is scary.
With that destination in mind, you ignore that in favor of the very interesting door, pulling it open.
...Pulling it open...
PULLING IT OPEN!
...It won't open.
0o0o0
[ ] Wait, you remember how doors like this work! You need to knock first.
[ ] Wait, no. Maybe you need to turn the knob?
[ ] Ohh, wait! A key! You remember them involving keys! ...But where would you get a key? Ohh! You need to go see that kappa! Sniff her out and borrow her key!
[ ] But if you saw the kappa, you'd probably get distracted... Maybe if you just force your way in? You remember the witch talking about doing that a lot, so she must be an expert on door manners!
⋮ No. 38681 
[X] Wait, no. Maybe you need to turn the knob?
-[X] And maybe you should push it as well, just to be sure.
--[X] And knock on it. It's only polite, and you've seen Reimu do that as well when she's being nice.
0o0o0
You remember how doors work! You think you first had to knock to make sure they are ho- Wait, no. No, that doesn't come first.
You feel a little silly, now.
First you open the door. But, before you can do that, you have to turn the knob. Doors are tricky like that, as they need thumbs.
And before you can knock, you have to actually make good on that twist by pushing it open!
With that simple enough task taken care of, now you knock, rapping your knuckle on the wooden door. The door doesn't seem too happy about this, as you're getting your hand full of splinters, so you stop doing so.
You may have knocked too hard, too. You aren't quite sure how doors work, not that this is news to you.
Still, within the door, you see an extremely regal-looking lady on some sort of poop-smelling chair, looking at you none too pleased from over her newspaper. "Who the hell are you?"
Ohh! Ohh! You know this question! For once you can answer a question! "I'm Komano Aun!"
Wait... you recognize her smell now! It's the backdoor mama!
0o0o0
[ ] Hi, mom!
[ ] Have Aya introduce herself as well. If she continues to be limp, do it for her!
[ ] Introduce the rude dog, who seems to have followed you. She obviously is too rude to do it!
[ ] Ohh! It's the maybe bear! She should introduce herself as well! Wait... How is she here??
⋮ No. 38685 
[x] Hi, mom!
-[x] This is my new dog-friend! She's rude, but she's also a fellow dog.
-[x] This is my bird-friend! She's a little limp right now for some reason.
-[x] ...and hi, Miss Maybe-Bear. How in the heck did you get here?
0o0o0
You beam up at the woman sitting upon her throne. "Hi, Mom!"
She blinks a few times, seeming to have something in her eye. "...Mother?"
You choose to cover more pressing matters. Such as greetings and introductions! She isn't a dog, so this is easy enough. "This is my new dog friend!" You motion to her in all her rude glory.
"WHAT WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN"
Next, you motion to your hair decoration. "And this is my bird friend!" When Aya is silent, you add, "...I think she's sleeping right now."
"WHY ARE YOU IGNORING BOTH OF US"
Mom answers, "Hush, small loud girl."
"OKAY"
Next, you motion to the bear that may or may not be a bear. "And this is, umm..."
The drunk maybe bear helpfully offers, "Mamizou. I'm a tanuki." She has the oddest smile. Weirdly amused, and weirdly something else. It's not angry. You're pretty sure, as she's not hitting you.
"Mamizou, the fluffiest raccoon! She's very flexible, maybe!"
The fluffy-butted dog thing corrects, "Tanuki."
This leaves your mother to give her own. She bows as best she can from atop her throne, saying, "Ahh, I see. You may call me Matara Okina, sage and the Ultimate, Absolute Secret Goddess of the Backdoor." Wow! She sounds almost as cool as her title sounds dumb!
Your feathered friend, however, seems revitalized by the introduction. "Did someone say secret?!"
0o0o0
[ ] Yes, Mom is the, uhh... Ultimate Ab Salt Secret Goddess?
[ ] Tell mom how much you missed her, even if you've not really met her before!
[ ] Lick mom's face!
[ ] Wait, if she's your mom, she must be a dog as well! That must be part of the secret! Sniff her butt!
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[X] Yeah! She's the, uh, backdoor master!
[X] Tell her how much you missed her, even though you have never meet her before.
0o0o0
"Mom's the Backdoor Master!" Was that how it goes?
Aya, whose dried blood seems to be rushing back to its home, seems excited! "Backdoor Master?!"
Your sorta mother averts her eyes, answering, "You cannot prove that I use my doors that way."
Aya seems excited. "That way?!"
"Never mind."
"Never mind?!"
"Are you just repeating everything I say?"
"Are you just repeating everything I say?!"
"ARE YOU JUST REPEATING EVERYTHING I SAY" Your rude friend seems to be feeling left out.
"Hush."
"Hush?!"
"HUSH"
0o0o0
[ ] ...Is Aya okay? You don't remember her hitting her head, but...
[ ] What's so bad about using the back door? You wish you had a doggy door to use, but Reimu insisted that you'd never fit! As such, you have no choice but to use Reimu's front door!
[ ] Drink with the fluffy butted woman while they discuss doors. Reimu seems to really like sake, but you'd never tried it!
[ ] Why does that chair smell like poop, anyways?
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[x] ...Is Aya okay? You don't remember her hitting her head, but...
0o0o0
You know, all of this excitement makes you realize something. Before mom, and climbing in mom's back door, Aya got stabbed. There was a lot of stuff that smelled deliciously like blood.
And, more importantly, not long before that, Aya got punched a very long distance.
So hard, in fact, that you went with her.
"Aya, are you okay?"
She gives you a ruffle, which gets your tail whapping someone particularly noisy in the face. "AHH NOT IN THE FACE PLEASE NOT THE FLUFF" You think it's the rude dog. If not, you'd be surprised.
"Aya is okay."
Ohh no. Aya's talking in the third person now. "Aya is not okay."
"Aya is not okay."
And repeating everything you say!
0o0o0
[ ] You're a good girl! aim your butt her way till she starts making more sense!
[ ] You're a baaaad girl! Take advantage of the situation and make her say things that are silly. Feel guilty all the while.
[ ] Wait, is the rude dog sniffing your butt?
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[x] Wait, is the rude dog sniffing your butt?
0o0o0
You almost do something baaaaad, but distraction takes precedence. Your tail was smashing the rude dog in the face. But how? Your tail is glorious, yes, but it is not very long. It shouldn't be reaching her face.
You peek behind your floof, and find the back of your shorts bulging by a head stuck under it. The rude dog's tail is wagging, so unless you grew another (and very weird) tail, you think it might belong to the rude dog!
You also feel her hot nose-air puffing on your butt, which can mean only one thing!
0o0o0
[ ] The rude dog's not rude! She's shy!
-[ ] Sniff her butt some more!
[ ] She wasn't a dog at all! She was a pervert!
[ ] She's hiding from something! But what...?
⋮ No. 38726 
[x] Everyone is looking at you strangely! All you're doing is returning the greeting!
-[x] They must be concerned you're not sniffing them!
--[x] Promise them you'll properly sniff the others soon!
0o0o0
After your first whiff of that aromatic aroma that is not so rude dog butt, you peek an eye out from under her skirt. It seems that you've become a spectacle, or maybe it's the well mannered but shy dog's odd sniffee posture. She's all bent over weirdly, like she wants something.
But you aren't a boy, so you aren't sure what that it.
However, more importantly, you have to quell their obviously great concerns for their own butts. You never realized that they were so interested in doggy culture. "Don't worry, I'll get to you all next!"
From on top her stinky throne, mom asks, "What?"
Sticking your nose back where it goes, you answer while sniffing about, "You all seemed so sad I wasn't saying hello to you! I'm sorry; I didn't realize you all were so into our culture!"
"That... isn't... ...I'm growing confused."
The fluff butt explains, "She seems to think she's a dog."
Aya scritchies you just right while you're busy. "And it's adorable!" Your leg kicks and your tail whaps her in the general vicinity of her face.
Of course, you do have to amend, "Plus, mom's a dog too, so obviously I need to get to her!"
You hear a yip and a splash. It was a very mom-like yip, and a very tiny splash. Peeking back out, you find that mom turned into a dog.
She looks either extremely excited, or extremely upset.
0o0o0
[ ] Isn't she a goddess? Does that mean nobody likes her?
[ ] Obviously she was just wearing a disguise and was a dog all along. Everything makes sense now!
[ ] Wait... 'God' and 'dog' are reversible. SEARCH AND DESTROY EVIL ARROW WOMAN
⋮ No. 38736 
[x] Wait... 'God' and 'dog' are reversible. SEARCH AND DESTROY EVIL ARROW WOMAN
0o0o0
"Ohh no!" You stand tall, lifting the shy dog atop your shoulders! "I have to go!" As you go, you swear you hear someone crying about their head boot being chewed on.
The shy dog, of course, shrieks, "WHY AM I SO HIGH STOP IT" However, you have bigger fish to fry. Or should you say bigger amanojaku?! "OWW MY FOREHEAD" You galop out of the room, sniffing for evil as you go, Aya dragging behind you like a surprised cowboy! "WHERE ARE WE GOING OHHGODNOTASTICKERBUSHAHHHHH OHH WAIT I WAS ABOVE IT" You like the way she's gripping your horn for dear life.
Aya groans, "I wasn't..."
Your nose has lead you to the Hakurei shrine!
0o0o0
[ ] PURGE THE EVIL!
[ ] HAVE REIMU PURGE THE EVIL!
[ ] Dog sense tingling... You smell another party member!
[ ] Share your dog friend with Reimu!
[ ] Ooh, shiny!
⋮ No. 38742 
[X] PURGE THE EVIL!
[X] No wait...HAVE REIMU PURGE THE EVIL!
[X] Hold on, your dog sense is tingling... You smell another party member!
[X] Share your dog friend with both Reimu and the new party me-
[X] OOH, SHINY!!!
0o0o0
With a great roar, you barge on inside, pure outrage fueling you. "ALRIGHT, WHERE IS THE AMANOJAKU?! I'MMA EAT HER!" You demonstratively nip at the air in your most intimidating of manners.
"OHH MY GOD YOUR SHOUTING IS AS LOUD AS IT IS DISRUPTIVE TAKE ME NOW" You think you may have broken your dog friend now as well. She seems to think you're a boy, and while you do admit that you aren't wearing a skirt, you think that the colors are more pretty than handsome. Maybe you need to do girlier things, like getting into drunken brawls. It seems to work well for Reimu, as nobody ever asks her to do things like that.
Reimu just looks up at you, as does some white dog. She looks annoyed, as well as wearing a collar. ...The dog, not Reimu. "Ohh, thank the gods! There, she's back! Can I go home now?"
She's stolen your job. That bitch isn't a very nice person...
But more importantly, you have a ruckus to raise. "WHERE IS SHE?!"
Ignoring you, Reimu answers, "No," before answering your far more pressing question. "And she's with Shinmyoumaru, so watch where you step."
"YES, MA'AM!"
With that, you charge forward some more, the confused dog wanging her head again on your way back out of the room, before being flung into a bush when you come to an immediate stop not long later. "I'M OKAY"
It's Seija, the pointy menace herself! And she's waggling her eyebrows at Shinmyoumaru! AND SHE REEKS OF ILL INTENT! "YOU!"
Seija looks up at you.
And then Seija ignore you, going back to her eyebrow waggling.
She may have a point. You're not intimidating at all. "REIMU, SEIJA'S BEING MEAN AND NOT BEING INTIMIDATED BY MY HUNGER!" Your belly rumbles demonstratively. She may not have heard it.
Reimu calls back, "Shut up, I'm drinking tea!"
"OHH! SORRY!"
"I said shut up!"
"OHH SORRY" Did your confused dog friend just echo you? The bush seems to be wagging its tail quite a lot, so you think so.
"You too! Both of you shut it!"
You look back to Seija, who seems to have left, stealing Shinmyoumaru. ...She can keep her, so you head back inside, confident that you have done your job well, even if you're still hungry!
Ohh, wait.
First you yank your friend out of the bush, and carry her in. She hits the doorframe once again, though. She needs to stop doing that. You close the door behind you, but find something in the way, so drag your ornamental friend in first.
You sit down at the table, the loud dog in your lap. "I'm back~ And I made a new friend!"
"Stop stealing people's pets, Aun."
"B-but..."
"Am I going to have to get out the newspaper?"
Ohh god!
0o0o0
[ ] Puppy eyes!
[ ] Expose your belly!
[ ] Offer the loud dog as a sacrifice!
[ ] Mention the kidnapping that Seija did!
[ ] Distract her by asking about the pet she also stole! Misdirection! Subterfuge! ...You have the oddest urge to nibble yourself.
[ ] Crawl into her lap and sleep! Assuming she will let you!
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[x] Mention the kidnapping that Seija did!
0o0o0
"But Reimuuuu..." You put on your most petulant and upset of faces. "You let Seija kidnap that tiny angry creature just now!"
She doesn't even bat an eye. Or maybe she does? She could have gotten a bat and gone underground again while you weren't looking! "I don't care what those two do behind closed doo- Wait, kidnap?"
"Yeah, she was waggling her eyebrows really, really hard." You thought they might fall off, but they didn't.
"Ohh, god dammit." Reimu bursts out the door seconds later, pain stick in hand. "Stop screwing on my property!"
0o0o0
[ ] Give chase!
[ ] Lose all meaning in life until she returns!
[ ] Help the white bitch escape! Then Reimu will be yours and only yours! Ignoring half the population!
[ ] Is that the cat?! THIS CAT!
[ ] You smell burning hair! Investigate this senseless destruction of fluff!
[ ] Wait, is the loud dog waggling her eyebrows at you? Wait, could they have actually been caterpillars this whole time?! You need to rescue her from them! If there's one thing you're good at, it's chasing butterflies, infant or otherwise!
⋮ No. 38767 >HERE COMES THE CAVALRY!
[x] Equip saddle, bridle, etc.
-[x] Give chase!
--[x] Equip Reimu!
---[x] Give further chase!
Just see it now! Cresting the horizon, kicking up a cloud of dust. The bandit flees, and yet lo, the Ranger yet pursues. And as she reaches the apex, Reimu rears back on her gallant steed Aun before the two gallop forth over the top of the hill, the sun glinting on the star pinned to Reimu's chest. And, as they continue their valiant pursuit, the camera pulls back and pans over the land of Gensokyo as the William Tell Overture begins to play and the title appears. ...Although, one should tell the Prismrivers not to sit on them; they might knock one of the letters over.
