And go along we shall. Good choice.
A primitive striking a bargain with an omniscient entity? You decide to play her little game out of curiosity. “And what help would you require, MooMoo?”
You catch a glimpse of her disapproving frown at her new nickname but she soldiers on all the same. “Help with some outside trouble. A youkai has recently taken to disturbing the villagers. I tried to drive it away time and again but it’s not taking my efforts seriously due to my dual heritage.” She keeps drawing ever closer with every word and you wonder if this is some sort of perverted habit of hers. You hold your breath and let her finish. “So how about it? You deal with it and the villagers reward you handsomely.”
You run a quick search on this human ‘deal with them’ idiom. The results come up quickly: kill, annihilate, destroy, exterminate, erase, genocide, etc. You pick the most violent one for fun. “Deal. Where is it?”
“Usually loitering about the cultivated fields east outside the village.” She gives you a worried look before you can break free from her fetid breath. “Um, try to keep the ruckus down to a minimum and don’t tear the place up too much.”
Eastward then! You turn to find the exit, only to realize you don’t remember how to get out. Giving the wall next to the window a light kick, you make a new exit. MooMoo watches you destroy her precious wall wordlessly as her eyes tear up. Walking through the fresh hole in the school, you wonder what’s up with her sad face.
You proceed to make your way towards the eastern fringes of the village, simultaneously playing your role of doomsayer to the villagers as you do. Most of them don’t seem to care, but you do earn a couple of fearful gazes from the older inhabitants. In contrast, the children seem nonplussed by your predilection for Armageddon and joyously cloister around you as they follow you on your way out, pulling your hair and clothes playfully. “Where bound, nee-chan?” one asks.
You think better about swatting the whole mob of pestering juveniles aside. That could drop your popularity rating around here. “Heading to the fields to ‘deal with’ a prankster. By the way, you juveniles want to convert to the faith of the Binary?”
“I wanna watch!”
“You hear that? She’s going to mess up the youkai!”
“It tried to eat my dad the other day.”
“Haha, you show ‘em!”
“Let’s go tell the others!”
The cascade of high-pitched chatter dies away as they disperse, leaving you to escape in relative peace. You make haste to the edge of the village before the mob of midgets think about returning and soon enough, the golden waves of carefully-tended wheat draw into sight with the vanishing hustle and bustle of the populous settlement. Half expecting to find some farmers or such primitive field tenders, you are instead greeted by an empty expanse of roiling yellow punctuated by crudely constructed scarecrows here and there, but no sign of the purported pranksters. Everything looks peaceful and quiet so far.
The status quo wouldn’t last. Darkness gradually envelops the undisturbed atmosphere, prompting you to think that evening had fallen until you notice the sun still high above. A few seconds later, the last vestiges of the burning orb is hazed over by a dull cloak of black. In confusion, you spin around aimlessly, looking for the source of the anomaly. Day had essentially turned into a dimly-lit evening of sorts. Interesting.
A clammy, cold hand of childlike proportions grips your shoulder, accompanied by an equally frigid female voice. “How nice. Food just walks-“
“ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA!!!” Blazing fists fly as you make an abrupt turn to face your probable quarry, only to hit nothing but thin air as your antagonist melts away in a glob of impermeable dark with a short laugh. Fumbling about in the dark, you try to grope around with your bare hands. Nothing but thin reeds of wheat meets your probing search. Giving up, you try to assess the situation. Dark all around now. Curious. The artificial darkness seems thinner in most other places, being mostly concentrated in a blob of black circling you cautiously. You reason that your antagonist would logically be in the midst of the impenetrable dark.
Without warning, the concentrated mass of black lunges towards you, giving you scant seconds to sidestep the attack. You do so easily, triggering a brief bout of frustrated rage in your antagonist. “Stay still, food!” she rants at you heatedly. You dance around on one leg and wave your arms like an idiot to annoy her instead. Roaring her fury which betrays her childish voice, she comes at you once more.
Ripping the nearest scarecrow free from the ground with the cross-section still intact, you toss the makeshift spear effortlessly into the centre of the charging black, half expecting an impaled corpse to drop out from the speeding blotch of dark. To your opponent’s credit, she executes an impressive side-dash of her own before veering quickly into the air to evade your retaliating missile and hanging suspended there for a moment, taunting your futile effort childishly as she does.
Hmm. You thought you would have an easy time with a lousy Stage 1 boss. Glancing around for anything else you could use, you’re struck with a sudden idea on seeing a bleached boulder some distance away. Waving your arms and dancing on one leg, you mock her again before running away towards the boulder. She takes the bait, and predictably charges towards you mid-run. The youkai is a few feet short of reaching you before you shout to the Machine God. “O great omniscient A.I., give me a Za Warudo!”
Skynet v1.06b complies, and renders the palpable darkness into a stark monochrome. Your antagonist finally turns visible in the dual contrast the world is rendered in and you take a moment to marvel at what the primitives are so easily intimidated by. Nothing but a slip of a child wearing black and white offset with short-cropped and golden hair. This was the horrible man-eating terrorist the village was afraid of?
You scoff in disdain as you proceed to roll the boulder over into her dive-bombing flight path and step back to watch the ensuing hilarity. The monochrome film leeches away as time returns to its tracks and your erstwhile attacker proceeds to slam head-first into the bleached boulder with an audible squish, ricocheting off the rocky protrusion before somersaulting once, tumbling forward into the rows of wheat beyond and flattening a veritable path of destroyed reeds in her unmitigated landing. The dark rapidly dissipates, marking your first victory over these primitive mutants.
Humming to yourself, you jog over to the fallen youkai. She is writhing on the ground in obvious agony. You reason her unintended collision might have cracked her skull or something. At the very least, her new-found fear of you is clearly mirrored in her expression as she turns to face your hunched figure next to her. “Mercy!” she begs.
“Now what do you think I’m going to do with you?” you query her cheerfully.
“Uh… eat me?” you get the timid reply. Disappointed, you shake your head.
“…Let me go?” she tries hopefully. You give her your middle finger and her face falls.
The subdued youkai widens her eyes at the thought which just crossed her muddled head. “Is it… atatatatatatatatatatatata…?!”
“FO’ THE EMPEROR! ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA!!!!!!!”