You are YOUMU. Swordswoman, Gardener and currently Cook. Right now you are preparing YUYUKO some DINNER in order to prevent her from devouring the world in her hunger. You have two POTS bubbling away and now need a third POT to continue. Perhaps in that convenient CUPBOARD...
(some of you will know how this works. The rest of you can just pick it up. Votes are not counted, I will merely pick whichever vote(s) I find most interesting or amusing from those suggested. Votespam will not help in the slightest. Ladies and Gentlemen, Go Wild.)
>Find someone to kiss that owie better. It hurts, damn it! >Have Myon do it if no one else will. Sigh
Perhaps this OWIE is affecting your judgement! You decide to get it kissed better... only you don't wish to disturb YUYUKO and the PRISMRIVERS are likely playing far, far away so as to not also disturb YUYUKO. You suppose MYON will have to do.
You lose one (1) owie! But gain MYON'S FIRST KISS... and a good dose of EMBARESSMENT.
(Third attempt to post this without cocking it up)
>Search kitchen for HARD LIQUOR. The solution is all in the name.
You search the kitchen and eventually find some HARD LIQUOR. A mere sniff of the stuff is enough to make you light headed, you hate to think what drinking it would do. Carefully you add it to your LOOT REGISTER - whatever that means.
You also note that MYON is avoiding you out of EMBARESSMENT.
>View LOOT REGISTER. >Pour two GLASSES of HARD LIQUOR.
You open your LOOT REGISTER. Taking your HARD LIQUOR you attempt to pour two GLASSES but are forced to stop because you have no GLASSES and are unwilling to simply tip the liquid on the floor as YUYUKO will no doubt make YOU clean it up.
>Inspect BIZARRE SPATIAL ANOMALIES manifesting in the IMMEDIATE SURROUNDINGS as strange smudges.
You examine the SMUDGE on the PAINTING. Clearly this SMUDGE is the direct result of your FACE hitting the PAINTING during your ill-fated attempt at being an action hero. Hopefully YUYUKO will not notice as it is her PAINTING you damaged.
>Drink HARD LIQUOR hoping that the situation is somehow remedied while you are shitfaced drunk.
Since you can't see how things could get worse right now, what with you having just wrecked part of the kitchen, you decide to take a good GLUG of HARD LIQUOR. Hopefully things will seem better while shitfaced drunk.
Due to your SOFTNESS the HARD LIQUOR takes effect quickly...
You are KISUME, Youkai of Pots, Pans, Buckets and other shit that can be dropped on people's heads. You are currently trying to take over THE WORLD with your superior evil intellect and terrible cuteness while you wait until YAMAME calls you for DINNER. Unfortunately that damned hell-cat has absconded with a VITAL COMPONENT of your CUNNING PLAN.
>The SUSPICIOUS TRAIL is obviously a DECOY. Head the other way.
The SUSPICIOUS TRAIL seems far too suspicious for you. As if this would fool someone of your superior EVIL INTELLECT! As you head the other way you hear a hissing sound followed by a mad scramble. Arriving onto the scene you find another TRAIL and some abandoned FISH BONES. Curses! That HELLCAT must have been here and sensed your coming! And with your pathetic ZIPPINESS you simply aren't going to catch up to her in a straight chase!
>Take FISH BONES for unspecified MASTER PLAN and proceed down SECOND TRAIL.
Taking the FISHBONES you make haste (as much haste as one with such poor ZIPPINESS can manage at least) along the TRAIL left by that damn HELLCAT. Soon you arrive at the BRIDGE between your rocky domain and the UNDERGROUND CITY beyond the great CHASM. PARSEE is here and, as usual, she does not look happy. In fact she looks less happy than usual - if such a thing is even possible.
You are now left facing an ANGRY PARSEE. She declares loudly, "Because of that I'm not going to let YOU or ANYONE pass here!" She bemoans her worldly woes as you deal with the remains of her SPELLCARD. "It's bad enough SATORI is getting some new AWESOME PRESENT from ORIN! Why don't I ever get any gifts like that? I'm so JEALOUS!"
She glares at you. "Maaaaybe if you got me a PRESENT that was even better than SATORI'S, I might think about letting you past! Something from the SURFACE - that would really show SATORI who's better!"
[x] Use your power over pots and pans to conjure a top-quality chef's WOK. [x] Give the WOK to PARSEE. -[x] If she is not happy, use your EVIL INTELLECT to create a recipe for DELICIOUS STIR FRY (no doubt the evilest type of dish in existence, next to apple crisp.) -[x] Go retrieve INGREDIENTS for the DELICIOUS STIR FRY. -[x] Prepare the INGREDIENTS in the WOK. -[x] Give the DELICIOUS STIR FRY to PARSEE. -[x] Cross while she is eating.
/ Inform PARSEE that you just so happen to have a PRESENT from the SURFACE, in fact it's the SUPER BEST MOST AWESOME SUPREME PRESENT EVER, and it's MAGIC to boot. However, PARSEE must close her EYES and turn away, because if she were to LOOK upon the SUPER BEST MOST AWESOME SUPREME PRESENT EVER the magic would disappear and the PRESENT would turn to DUST in an instant. But so long as she keeps her EYES closed, no matter what, it will be hers and hers alone for all time, forever.
Assuming PARSEE falls for it, SNEAK past her and BOOK IT across the BRIDGE.
>Inform PARSEE that you just so happen to have a PRESENT from the SURFACE, in fact it's the SUPER BEST MOST AWESOME SUPREME PRESENT EVER, and it's MAGIC to boot. However, PARSEE must close her EYES and turn away, because if she were to LOOK upon the SUPER BEST MOST AWESOME SUPREME PRESENT EVER the magic would disappear and the PRESENT would turn to DUST in an instant. But so long as she keeps her EYES closed, no matter what, it will be hers and hers alone for all time, forever.
You are blown away by the DANMAKU and crash into some ROCK, where you discover that, though you are HARD enough to cause some damage it's HARDNESS is still greater than that of your soft, easily owie-d skull!
You awaken from your HARD LIQUOR induced coma and examine the room. Curses! It seems getting SHITFACED DRUNK hasn't helped the situation at all! Except for MYON at least. It has got over it's EMBARRESMENT and has apparently been watching over you since you collapsed. Good MYON.
[x] Grope MYON for being good [X] Check SINK to determine HARDNESS of TAP WATER. If TAP WATER is sufficiently HARD, consider it's use as an alternative to HARD LIQUOR or an intermediary before moving on to HARD LIQUOR.
>Pat MYON for being a good blob. Then send MYON to check the NOISE.
You give MYON a quick pat - or at least you sort of waggle your fingers over MYON, which you hope is a good pat substitute for something you cannot physically touch. Then you send MYON to the living room where it finds... NOTHING.
It seems YUYUKO had been in here at some point playing one of her VIDEO GAMES.
[x] Go outside and STALK YUYUKO until she reaches that LAMPREY STAND in the FOREST OF MAGIC [x] Wait for YUYUKO to distract that darned SPARROW [x] Steal two POTS [x] Equip one POT on head [x] Take advantage of your ZIPPINESS and return to HAKUGYOKURO
>Check what the square thing balancing the table is.
It appears to be some kind of DIARY. You consider removing it but quickly realise how unstable it would leave the table and television. You decide to leave it for now, until you have something to replace it with at least.
>Place NOTE inside LOOT REGISTER >Check out the EXTRAS >Erase YUYUKO'S SAVED GAMES to increase your HARDNESS and EVIL INTELLECT
You take the NOTE, it fits neatly into your LOOT REGISTER. You fiddle about with the VIDEO GAME for a little while, checking out the extras. They seem to mostly be out-takes and alternate scenes from the original game. Since you've not played the game they mean little to you. An EVIL THOUGHT occurs to you and you find yourself deleting YUYUKO'S saved games! This will teach her to be so lazy when you're working your rear off making DINNER! You feel somewhat HARDER and more EVIL after doing that...
>SEARCH for CD-CASE or BOOK to replace DIARY. READ DIARY afterward.
You substitute a number of CD-CASES for the BOOK under the table. The CD-CASES start to crack under the weight but frankly your EVIL INTELLECT is high enough for you to not care. They belong to YUYUKO anyway. You add the book to your LOOT REGISTER, discovering that it seems strangely familiar...
Checking your LOOT REGISTER you examine the bo- Ye gods! It's your missing DIARY! It went missing from your room days ago! You quickly open the book to check its veracity then slam it shut. It's the real thing! No way in hell were you going to read this out here! Who knows who could be spying on you right at this very moment! No. This is something you can only read in ABSOLUTE PRIVACY.
Ignoring your DIARY you use your minute HARDNESS to edge the TELEVISION away from the wall so that you may look behind it. Unsurprisingly behind it is some WALL and the back of the TELEVISION. Oh, and a MYSTERIOUS GAP which one of the TELEVISION LEADS vanishes into. Had you been anyone else your would probably be horrified but given YUYUKO'S friendship with YUKARI you have long grown used to the idea of random holes in the fabric of reality.
That still doesn't mean you're willing to stick any part of you in there though.
Exactly! Flee the scene of the crime! Maybe you can claim it happened while you were away.
Away from the SMOULDERING TELEVISION REMAINS you find yourself calming down enough to enjoy the scenery. A right you often feel you have earned given that you were the one who made the scenery look so pretty with your GARDENING skills.
From here you can see blue skies, blossoming cherry trees, and of course YUYUKO'S HOME. In the distance you can just make out the NETHERWORLD GATE, and the breeze carries the gentle sound of PRISMRIVER MUSIC.
Hey there, everyone. Just thought I'd drop in and remind y'all.
>Votes are not counted, I will merely pick whichever vote(s) I find most interesting or amusing from those suggested. Votespam will not help in the slightest.
While your votes for what is a delightful option that I would totally vote for are likely appreciated by the author, they won't help it win. At all. Rather than that, I'd recommend trying to come up with another also-delightful option, since it's also been shown that he's capable of blending votes more than once.
Feel free to ignore this post completely, of course, as it's essentially asking people not to vote and that's bad bad bad.