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File 124555838789.jpg - (140.09KB , 1023x727 , train ride.jpg ) [iqdb]
88820 No. 88820
You’ve already decided what you must do. After that message that Yuka left on your phone you have no choice but to check out her shop. Leaving Mokou behind, especially after that whole scene, isn’t really an option.

“Alright,“ Turning to face Mokou, you begin, “Well, there’s something I need to check out, and--”

Mokou holds up a hand, stopping you mid-sentence. “I know you’re probably about to invite me along on whatever little misadventure you’re about to run off on, but I can’t go with you. I’m already late for work as it is. Given that the owner gave me this job as a favor to my mom, there’s no way I can miss. He’s going to be mad enough as it is that I’m late.” Pulling her cell phone from her pocket she glances at the time displayed on the front. “Ah, good, I should just be able to make the train. Call me tonight! Or else!” Smiling at you briefly, Mokou turns and breaks off into a run towards the train station.

The grin sends a shiver down your spine.

Well, damn. So much for bringing her along. Glancing at your own phone you curse inwardly. You’re going to have to run if you want to catch the train. Turning, you run off in the opposite direction.

Panting and sweating you push your way onto the train. After your run through the mazelike corridors of the streets, you really don’t want to be dealing with this many people. Still, You’re just glad that you made the train at all. The sound of the doors sliding shut behind you only serves to reinforce this. Grabbing onto a hand hold you pull yourself through the crowd. The train lurches forward causing you to stumble slightly and tighten your grip on the handhold. It would seem that the trains on this line are older than those that you’re used to taking.

The ride is largely uneventful, punctuated only by people getting off the train at the various stops. While it is boring, it does allow you to snag a seat after about the third or fourth stop. Several stops later, you look up to see that you’re the only person left on the train. Odd. While Yuka’s shop is well out from the hub of the city, you didn’t think that it would be so far out as to result in an empty train. Your head nods a few times and the next thin you know you’re being rocked back and forth violently. You swear you hear someone yelling at you.

“Damn kid. Wake up!”

A sharp stinging in your face brings you back to your senses.

“This is the last stop.”

Looking around, you see that the train is still in the city.

“You can’t stay on this train. If you don’t have anywhere to go, that’s not my problem, just get the hell off of my train. I‘d like to get home before midnight.”

Stumbling to your feet you shuffle off the train while the conductor who threw you off grumbles something about homeless people and damn kids. A fog still envelops your head as you stumble down from the train platform, but a quick shake of your head seems to clear it some. If that was a dream, it was a bizarre and strangely realistic one. You shake your head again and set off towards Yuka’s shop once again.

It’s late evening by the time you finally arrive at Yuka’s shop. You now fully realize why Patchouli had the four of you driven when you visited last time. She never would have survived that walk.

The shop itself seems largely undamaged, excluding the obviously smashed in window on the door, and the police tape wrapped around said door. You spend several minutes searching around the front of the store for any clues that might have been missed by police. Seems that luck isn’t with you in that there’s nothing that you can identify as being a clue out front. That means that there’s only one thing left to do. You’ve to get inside that store and see if you can find anything. Stepping up to the door you swallow hard. Since the police are gone, you don’t think that there could be anything harmful inside, but you’d also be trespassing on a crime scene. That’s not really a good idea either, but you need answers. Steeling your courage you go to reach through the shattered window on the door, when you see a light being cast on the inside. Shit, there’s someone else here! Leaping back from the door, you quickly run and hide behind a car parked nearby the front of the shop. From your vantage point you’ve an excellent view of the front of the store.

The door rattles a moment as it’s unlocked from the inside. Swinging open it reveals a young girl, about your age. Green hair, wearing a plaid vest and matching pants, she has a parasol and a flashlight tucked under one arm as she fiddles with a set of keys to re-lock the door. She’s obviously not a police officer, given that she seems to be sneaking around. With the dream from the train fresh in your mind, you wonder if you should reveal yourself to this girl, or if more could be learned by observing.

[ ] Reveal yourself
[ ] Stay hidden

>> No. 88825
[x] Stay hidden

Oh, good. Never wanted to get involved with her in the first place.
>> No. 88826
[X] Reveal yourself
I love Yuuka too much.
>> No. 88827
[x] Stay hidden.
[x] Try calling Yuka's cell phone number. The girl may be carrying it on her.
>> No. 88828
[X] Stay hidden

If we hide and yet she still somehow manages to find us out, we're stuck with her. But, if we remain hidden and she leaves us without incident, then she and us were clearly never meant to be.
>> No. 88829
[X] Reveal yourself.

>> No. 88843
[X] Stay hidden

This is one hell of a retcon, god damn.
>> No. 88844
Now I'm lost, what have we done up to this point? What hasn't been done?
>> No. 88846
As far as I can tell, we're back to just after the point where Reimu was taken to Kaguya's, we were left alone with Mokou and made the choice to go check out Yuka's shop. As far as I can tell, the only significant difference in the update itself is the absence of the dream-meeting with whoever the hell it was last time.
>> No. 88847
[X] Reveal yourself
>> No. 88852
Disappointingly, I had gotten warmed up to the mahou shoujo shtick. Our dream warning vanished and I don't know what to make of that.

[+] Stay hidden
>> No. 88863
[X] Reveal yourself
>> No. 88864

Why does Reimu look so sad??
Makes me kinda depressed...
>> No. 88865

Looks more like she's sleeping.
>> No. 88867

Maybe the image is relevant to the story?
>> No. 88890
[X] Reveal yourself
>> No. 88891
not particularly. First pic I found of Touhous on a train.

Also, quite a bit has changed from this point on. What's already happened has already happened, but many many many of the things that you didn't see are now gone, and far more has been removed from the yet to see. This is, essentially, a comple and total re-working of the story. It's just that most of it you won't be seeing.

Tied vote. Need tiebreaker.
>> No. 88892
[X] Reveal yourself
>> No. 88894
Revealing it is. Writan will commence soonish, but probabally won't be done until tuesday. I've a full day tomorrow and tuesday I'll be back in the afternoon.
>> No. 88895

Don't overexert yourself. You'll just retcon it away anyway.
>> No. 88896

Sure do love to threadshit don't ya?
>> No. 88901

>> No. 88917
No more of that (9) squad magical girl bullshit?
>> No. 88919

Goddammit, I was sort of looking forward to that.
>> No. 88971
I still wouldn't mind Magical Girl Fiery Mokou-tan, though.
>> No. 88972

>> No. 88994

>> No. 88995
I wouldn't mind this story actually going somewhere/being updated at least somewhat regularly. I think the whole hiatus thing ruined it.
Of course, I'm a giant faggot and suck dicks.
>> No. 89022
No, I agree with you wholeheartedly. I really forgot the characters with the long hiatus, and could really hear their voices anymore. That's another part of the massive reton that came. I've been spending the time since I posted this working on writing and re-familiarizing myself with the characters again. I've also been working on cleaning up my writing style, leaving out unnecessary things and working in the things that give you stuff to go on from the start. But yes, the time gap is one of the largest problems with this story. It's supposed to be five days in, but those five days have taken almost a year to complete and that's really quite unacceptable. I'm working on paring down the length of the updates with out sacrificing quality. I'm also working on getting a regular schedual set up for writing, so I should be able to get at least 1 update every other day at the start, and I'll see if I can't work it into getting more updates out. It all really depends on the speed of voting, I suppose, and how quickly I can turn those into the next update.

tl;dr: Update coming soon.
>> No. 89025
File 124582276219.jpg - (241.33KB , 472x699 , yuuka.jpg ) [iqdb]
The girl is still fumbling with the keys as you make your decision. Coming out from behind the car, you do your best to sound stuffy and officious. “Excuse me, miss, but what do you think you’re doing here.”

The girl drops the keys and whirls to face you, brandishing the umbrella in your direction. Her eyes quickly scan over you, trying to figure out the identity of this mysterious new appearance. “Mn? And who might you be?” She gives you another appraising glance, “Here to finish what you started, perhaps.” It’s more of a statement than a question, though thoroughly unaccusing in tone. “Or maybe. . .” trailing off she affixes you with a hard glare. “So, please, would you kindly explain yourself?”

You’re not quite sure how to respond to that, not that it stops you from trying. “Uh. . . I was here hoping to meet with the owner of this shop.” A blatant lie.

“Really? Is that so. This lat at night, there’s really only one assumption I can make. So, do you charge hourly or do you stay for the whole night?”

“What are you. . .” You finally figure out what the girl’s talking about. Blood rushes quickly to your cheeks as a flush spreads across your face. “W-what?! No! NO! Nothing like that! Where would you even GET such an idea?!”

A giggle with a light lilt to it fills the air. “I didn’t. Not really. I just wondered how you might react. But given the late hour, I can only assume that you’re here to figure out what happened to my mother.”

Shock evident on your face the girl continues.

“And I assume that you also didn’t know she had a daughter. Well, that at least rules out one option then...” The girl turns and retrieves the keys. “Care to take a look?” The door swings wide with the girl standing there looking at you curiously.

[ ] Go investigate.
[ ] Something’s wrong here, leave.
[ ] Talk to the girl some more.
>> No. 89026
[X] Talk to the girl some more.
>> No. 89029
[ ] Go investigat--wait a minute, something's wrong here.
[ ] Talk to the girl some more.
>> No. 89030
>This lat at night
>> No. 89031
[ ] Talk to the girl some more.

>> No. 89033
[X] Something’s wrong here, leave.

Okay, see, foul-mouthed ill-tempered Yuuka Jr. I can understand, but this one? Her mom just disappeared after some apparent violence at her shop, and just as she's finishing up looking the place over some strange kid shows up, and she's going to just let this unknown person inside in such a pleasant manner? There is no way this isn't a trap of some sort. The second we step inside she'll lock the door, force us against a wall, and threaten to jam her umbrella up our urethra if we don't tell her what she wants.
>> No. 89034
After reading this post, there's only one clear option.

[X] Go investigate.
>> No. 89035
[X] Go investigate.
>> No. 89036
[x] Something’s wrong here, leave.
>> No. 89037
[ ] Go investigat--wait a minute, something's wrong here.
[ ] Talk to the girl some more.
>> No. 89038
[x] Go investigat--wait a minute, something's wrong here.
[x] Talk to the girl some more.
>> No. 89051
Don’t mind if I . . . Wait a minute, something is very off here. If this girl is Yuka’s daughter, your eyes flick over the smashed window and police tape, and she’s this calm about it. . . There’s only two conclusions that you can draw from this. Either this is a trap to get you inside, or she already knows what has happened. If she already knows, you could save yourself some time and potentially trouble if you can get it out of her.

“Ah, Are you sure? I mean. . .” You’re not really sure what you mean but you try and bluff your way through it anyways. “I mean your mother just vanished, and you don’t seem particularly worried about this fact.”

The girl’s eyes narrow, affixing you with a steady gaze. Her lips purse slightly. After a moment she begins speaking slowly. “Don’t you think you’re clever.”

The door swings shut behind the girl, and she locks the door in earnest this time. “My mother is the least of my concerns at this point, and if you’re involved with the same matters as her, the least of yours as well. As my mother can take care of herself. You, on the other hand. . . I really can’t say. Good instincts on you, I‘ll give you that.” She steps down onto the sidewalk in front of you and gives you one last appraising glance.

“But that’s not enough. You’re free to look around, if you think you can get in with out alerting anyone that is.” A small smirk appears on the girl’s face, before she screams bloody murder.

You almost fall over backing away from this girl.

“Good luck” She takes off running down the street, leaving you to face the music from that girl’s scream.

[ ] Try to break into the store.
[ ] Chase after the girl.
[ ] Forget this. Go home!
[ ] Act like you’re looking for the source of the scream.
>> No. 89052
[X] Chase after the girl.

>> No. 89053
[X] Sit on the stoop.
[X] Whoever comes by, before they can say anything, ask them if they've got a quarter. Or a cigarette. Probably good to fumble around your pockets as if you're looking for something, too.
[X] The goal is to totally derail whatever they're thinking.
[X] If that doesn't work and they're totally fixated on the scream, tell them the truth. "I dunno. Some weird girl. Came out of that store right there and screamed for some reason. I dunno. Not my business, probably. No quarter, huh? Damn. Eh, I'll pick something up at home, then."
>> No. 89054
[ ] Chase after the girl.

Chase then proceed with rape.
>> No. 89055
[x] Forget this. Go home!
>> No. 89056
[ ] Match her scream and shout that she tried to rape you.


[x] Forget this. Go home!
>> No. 89057
[X] Forget this. Go home!

Screw you, bitch. I'm going home.
>> No. 89058
[X] Forget this. Go home!
>> No. 89059
[x] Forget this. Go home!

>> No. 89085
>[x] Forget this. Go home!

in b4 a squad car rolls up alongside you

[x] Act like you’re looking for the source of the scream.
>> No. 89093
[ze] >>89053
>> No. 89095
[x] Act like you’re looking for the source of the scream.

Uhhhhhhhhhh. I have a bad feelin either way.
>> No. 89119
[X] Chase after the girl.
>> No. 89121
There's nobody here.
Why should the scream deter us?

Also, since the window is smashed in, unlocking the door will be a piece of cake.

However, I'd rather rape Yuka.

[X] Chase after the girl.
>> No. 89142
Calling it for go home. I has a guest this weekend so updates monday.
>> No. 89535
So I didn't quite make monday, but it's only barely tuesday.
Enough is enough and enough is too much. This girl. Ugh. There’s nothing that can be said. You cast your gaze skywards, wondering which particular god you’ve pissed off THIS time. Down the street slightly three rather large men emerge from what must be a bar, given the state of inebriation they’re in and the fact that one’s still holding his mug of beer. Watching the girl flee down the street and you just standing there, the three men saunter up to you like they’re going to pick a fight.

As you watch the men approach, your mind works rapidly, a plan forming in your head. When the man with the beer mug gets close enough, you snatch it out of his hand and down the entire contents in one gulp.

“Ah. Thanks. I needed that.” You wipe your mouth with your sleeve.

The large man looks rather pissed that you just drank his beer. “You got a death with or something, punk?” He grabs the front of your shirt and pulls you up towards him.

“No, Not really. That’s why I just broke up with my girlfriend. You know, the psycho that just screamed bloody murder.”

The men look confused as if they’d forgotten the scream.

Seeing your chance you continue. “Yeah. . . Crazy is fun at first, but then it gets a little more crazy. The other day she tried to make me a eunuch because I wouldn’t buy her the stuffed doll she wanted.”

“Oh yeah! I know what you mean buddy.” The smaller guy in back laughs and rubs his nose. “I dated a crazy girl in high school. Tiger in the sack, but not enough to keep me there.

You shake your head and laugh with the guy. The men seem to be relaxing as well and the large man puts you back down on the ground.

“Hey, yeah. Well, today was the last straw. She wanted me to break into this store and fuck’er just because the shopkeeper was supposedly murdered in there.” s

“Man, that sucks”

“Yeah, really.”

“So I finally broke up with her. She said that she was going to make me regret it, too. She probably ran off to get a cop after that little scream.”

As if on cue, a policeman comes running up to the small group. It seems that this police officer is not really very experienced. From the young looking face, to the fact that he’s nervously brandishing his flashlight as a weapon, you may still get out of this in one piece. “Ok, which one of you is the rapist?!” His voice cracks slightly as he waves the flashlight back and forth.

“Man, there’s no rapist. It’s just this kid’s girlfriend. She’s apparently quite the psycho.” The large man waves his hand in your direction.

“Ah HA! So you’re the perpetrator of this heinous crime!” The cop swings his flashlight in your direction. “You’re going to come with me now!”

“Man, I just TOLD you. There’s no rapist! Don’t you listen?” The large man saunters up to the cop, towering over the much smaller police officer.

“Ah, but the young woman was quite insistent. . .” The officer smells the man’s breath as he looms over him. “Have you been drinking?”

“So what if I have?”

“That’s public intoxication! You’ll have to come down to the station with me!”

“You and what army?”

The officer gulps.

This is getting ridiculous. “I’m outta here.”

“Wait!” The cop calls.

“Thought you were taking me down to the station?” The large man steps between you and the cop.

“Ah. All of you have to come with me!”

You just wave to the guys who wave back as you leave.


A short while later you arrive at your house, lit up like a Christmas tree. Your father must have taken your sisters out or there’s a party going on in your house. Listening intently at the front steps you can tell that it’s most likely the former rather than the latter.

[ ] Go inside.
[ ] Go see if Mokou’s home yet.
[ ] Wait outside for a bit.
>> No. 89536
[x] Go see if Mokou’s home yet.

Gotta talk to BROkou.
>> No. 89538
[X] Go see if Mokou’s home yet.

I am in severe need of some Mokou.
>> No. 89539
[X] Go see if Mokou’s home yet.
>> No. 89540
[ze] Go see if Mokou’s home yet.

I liked this update. got maybe a little shaky at the end, but it was nice to see a protagonist who thinks on his feet and is good with improv.

I'm hoping he'll keep that skill.
>> No. 89546
[X] Go see if Mokou’s home yet.

Well that worked out alright. Lets go see if Magical Girl Fiery Mokou-tan is home.
>> No. 89547
Calling it on the unamosity that is BROku.
>> No. 89595
[X] Go see if Mokou’s home yet.
>> No. 90133
Kira, have you announced a hiatus on IRC and foot to tell us here, or are you being lazy?
>> No. 90152
No. Hadn't announced a Hiatus, but Yeah, This is probabally going on Hiatus. I just don't feel it right now, and I can't really get into it like I used to be.