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File 154616167730.png - (23.90KB, 192x262, image.png) [iqdb]
200170 No. 200170
"Seriously, I want Hawaii. And I'm a physicist, I'm done being shot at. You understand that, right?"

"It's time to choose."

"You're threatening me, you took my weapons, and you're a fucking time lord. This is bullshit."

Everything's green again, big surprise. And now it's all black. Wonderful.

"Wisely done, Mr. Freeman. I will see you up ahead. Although... I may have to... call in a favor, in the meantime."

The hell is this guy talking about? I agreed to his stupid job offer, right? Why is everything still black? Did I die and this is my own personal hell? Because that would suck.

"Oh, this is unexpected. To what do I owe the honor?"

Wait, that's a woman talking. Not anyone I recognize, I don't think.

"Mrs. Yakumo, I wasss hoping to... cash in a favor, if you didn't mind."

Yakumo? Don't know anyone by that name... sounds Japanese, maybe.

"Really? Does it have anything to do with your... 'client' here?"

Client? Are they talking about me? I can speak for myself, assholes!

"You see, thissss... individual, was chosen by my, employers. However, he has proven to be most... unorthodox. I hoped that you would be, willing to... 'watch over' him until he is needed, again."

Great, they can't hear me... Wait, "watch over"? What am I, a fucking child?

"Hmm, I'm not sure, he'd probably cause all sorts of trouble in Gensokyo..."

Gensokyo? Sounds Japanese again. Oh, Christ, I'm not gonna have to learn Japanese, am I? I already know like four languages, and after the day I've had, I don't think I can bother with learning another one.

"But that means he would, fit in perfectly, yesss?"

Oh right, my future is being decided while I literally can't say anything about it. This is just the worst part of being a kid again.

"Oh, alright, you've convinced me. But only because I owe you, okay?"

"Thank you, Mrssss. Yakumo. I shall retrieve him... when the time is right."

Welp, looks like I'm going to Japan. Wait, this could be a great thing, actually. I'm a fugitive, now, so having an instant trip out of the country? Sign me the fuck up!

"So, Mr. Freeman, is it?"

Oh, wait, she's talking to me now. Shame I can't fucking TALK BACK. Or even see her, for that matter.

"Ah, sorry, you can't really do anything like that, can you?"

What the hell, is she reading my thoughts?

"Let me just-"

Oh, I can see now. Still a giant black void, but now there's a woman standing there. Blonde, late twenties, probably, old-fashioned dress, umbrella...

"Who the fuck are you?" Oh, real smooth, me.

"A fair question, and you said it just like I expected. I'm Yukari Yakumo, and I will be overseeing your move to Gensokyo."

"Right, yeah, I heard that." Calm down a bit, Gordon, this is the break you need to not end up in federal prison. "That's in Japan, right?"

I don't like the way she's smirking at me. "Yes and no. You'll learn the details in time, but the short version is that it's a magically sealed off land where youkai and other magical creatures live."

"Yeah, sure, fuck it, why not." Survive an alien invasion, including going to their world and killing their god, and now I get to live in a foreign country where apparently magic is real. Am I still high on morphine?

"You sound... oddly accepting of magic, for a scientist."

"Lady, after half the shit I had to go through the last couple days, this sounds like a vacation." Plus, we had fucking teleporters that I didn't know about. Teleporters. The sky's the limit, now.

"Well, in any case, we should see to dropping you in. Now-"

"Wait, don't say 'dropping me in', I've seen how that turns out."

"Ah, sorry, figure of speech. Anyway, did you have any questions for me?"

Well, I have plenty, but I better stick with the more immediate ones for now. "I'm not gonna have to learn Japanese, am I?"

Again with that damn smirk. "Of course not, I've already taken care of the issue. We're speaking it right now."

...wait, what? That doesn't make any sense. "But we're clearly speaking English."

"Are we, Mr. Freeman?"

"¿Estás jodiendo conmigo ahora?"

"No te estoy engañando, no."

"Yeah, bullshit, you just spoke Spanish!"

"Language can be seen as just a matter of perception."

No, that's not how it fucking... wait... "Oh, this is that magic thing, isn't it?"

She's not saying anything, but she doesn't have to. God, I'm tempted to just punch her in her smug mouth.

"Any other questions, Gordon?"

"Fuck it, just throw me in. I'm getting a headache already."

"As you wish." She waves her hand and- huh, that portal looks a lot scarier than the ones I went through.

"Enjoy your stay in Gensokyo. And try not to die."

"Wait, can't I get there some other-"

Oh god she actually did throw me in.

At least the trip was short, I only spent like a second screaming before the landing made me stop. At least it wasn't very high off the ground.

Well, I'm in a forest now. It's not New Mexico or an alien world, so that's already putting it well within my standards.

Okay, inventory time. I'm still wearing this suit, so that's nice. No idea if I can still be tracked or not, but better to have it anyway, probably.

Still had no weapons, since that CIA guy took them. Disappointing, but I can work with it.

Oh wait, there's something in the bush over here. A note?

Thought I'd give you a souvenir from Black Mesa. -Y.Y.

Oh, it's a crowbar. Very funny, Yukari. Well, at least now I can beat things to death if I have to, so that's a plus.

I'm kinda hoping that, maybe, just maybe, everyone won't want to kill me now, but who the hell knows.

Right, so... What now?

[ ]I can hear some waves nearby, but it doesn't sound like the coast. A lake, maybe?
[ ]Maybe if I go deeper into the forest, I can find some mushrooms that get me high.
[ ]You know, two days worth of killing and trying not to die really takes it out of you. A quick nap now should keep me awake later, when it matters.

A friend talked me into making this so now it exists.
Expand all images
>> No. 200171
[X]I can hear some waves nearby, but it doesn't sound like the coast. A lake, maybe?

You capture Ross's Freeman voice very well. Gonna try to reach kappa.
>> No. 200172
[x] I can hear some waves nearby, but it doesn't sound like the coast. A lake, maybe?

Bad end at a -100% discount. Buy now for a free gravestone!
>> No. 200173
>>200171
[X]I can hear some waves nearby, but it doesn't sound like the coast. A lake, maybe?
>> No. 200175
This story makes me smile
[x] Get high on shrooms.
>> No. 200177
[X]You know, two days worth of killing and trying not to die really takes it out of you. A quick nap now should keep me awake later, when it matters.

First of, this is the last story I ever expected to be a thing. Second, I think I love you. Third, we have no shelter, so being less sleepy when night comes should help us not be manhandled by maneaters.

Also, I can't not read this in his voice.

I'm reading everything I type in his voice, too, somehow.

Thank you for that.
>> No. 200178
[x]You know, two days worth of killing and trying not to die really takes it out of you. A quick nap now should keep me awake later, when it matters.

Goddamn now I'm going to have to spend new years reviewing Freeman's mind. I hope you're happy.
>> No. 200179
[X]Maybe if I go deeper into the forest, I can find some mushrooms that get me high.

What can go wrong? Everything!
>> No. 200187
I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED THIS UNTIL NOW

[X]I can hear some waves nearby, but it doesn't sound like the coast. A lake, maybe?
>> No. 200191
File 154674662698.jpg - (162.77KB, 850x850, shark.jpg) [iqdb]
200191
[X]I can hear some waves nearby, but it doesn't sound like the coast. A lake, maybe?

Bodies of water are usually a good sign of civilization. Plus, then I can actually see where exactly I am. Unless it's actually a swamp or something... but wait, then I wouldn't be hearing waves.

Doesn't matter, I was right. Pretty decent size lake here. Damn, the water looks nice enough to swim in. I probably won't, though, for all I know there's a cthulu monster hiding at the bottom of it, and my orange suit is just gonna alert it to chow time.

Oh hey, there's a mansion on the other side, too. Looks more European than Japanese, but what do I know. And if there's a mansion on the other side, that means either it's an island with a bridge somewhere, or it's just on the other end of the lake. Either way, I'm just gonna keep following the shore for now.

You know, this is actually... kinda nice. I'm not being shot at, facehuggers aren't crawling out of the dirt to try and smooch me, and I can just take in the sounds of nature. I was never a fan of it before, but I'll gladly take it now.

Wait, is someone singing? Sounds like a girl, too. It's not any song I know... Seems like they're close by, though. Should be somewhere in this direction...

Oh jeez, I just realized, I probably smell like hell, don't I? I mean, I did get to go swimming at several points, but there's only so much that can do against being drenched in blood and God knows what other fluids. I guess I could try and scrub down a bit in the lake here-

"H- Hello? Is someone there?"

Dammit, I got noticed. Guess I'll just have to hope I don't smell too much like death.

Just walk through these bushes, make sure crowbar is put away...

Well, I was right. Blue-hair girl sitting in the water, staring at me in shock. Wait, are those... fins on her head?

Also she's in the water but still fully clothed for some reason. Maybe that's a culture thing, I dunno.

"W- Who are you?"

Okay, Gordon, first impression time, don't fuck this up. "Oh, just a wanderer 'round these parts. How are you?" Eh, not my smoothest work, but it should do.

"Oh, uh... I'm fine, thanks." The word that's coming to mind is 'adorable', and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Also she isn't trying to kill me, so already this is looking up.

Hold on, she's looking confused again. "Are you an Outsider?"

What the hell does that movie have to do with- oh, right, Yukari said this was a sealed off place. "Uh, I guess. I'm kinda new around here."

"Oh, you really shouldn't be wandering around the forest, then. There's a lot of dangerous youkai that wouldn't hesitate to make a meal of you."

Now there's some familiar territory. Everything trying to kill me, just like old times.

Actually this is technically worse, because I'm not carrying enough ordinance to wipe out half of a city. "So, uh, where should I go to be safe?"

"Oh, you could go to the Human Village. But..." No please don't look down you're too cute already. "I... don't really know how to get there."

Human Village? Well at least it's not all monsters here, then. But wait... "Aren't you human?"

Now she's confused again, but it passes quick. "I'm a youkai, mister." Holy shit, she has a fish tail, too.

Wait a second, did I just- "You're a mermaid?"

"Yep! I live in this lake." Okay now that I know she's not human I don't know if I can trust her cuteness anymore. At least this means I can get her pot of gold.

Wait, no, that's leprechauns, shit.

"...huh. I was told there was magic and shit going in, but this is already not what I expected."

"What did you expect, mister?"

God, I can't stand being called 'mister' like that, it makes me feel old. "My name's Gordon. And, I dunno, I'm not sure what I expected. Like that mansion over there, I didn't expect to see that."

She seems a bit less happy to look in that direction. "Oh, yeah... The Scarlet Devil Mansion." Wow, that sounds metal as hell.

"It would be better to stay there than out in the woods, right?"

Why does she look so shocked? "No! I mean, I guess? It's better than nothing, but-"

"Perfect! I'll head over now." Just gonna take a deep breath, assume diving position, and-

"Wait!" Oh, now what? "A vampire lives there."

Of coooourse a vampire lives there. Nothing can be easy, can it? "Then what do you suggest instead, miss...?"

"Wakasagihime."

Christ, that's a lot of syllables. Gonna have to shorten that if I'll ever have a hope to remember it. "I'm gonna call you Waggysaggy instead."

"O-okay..."

"So, Waggysaggy, what should I do?"

At least she gets back to being happy again fast. "If you go a little deeper into the forest, you might find another human living out here. She can take you to the Human Village."

"I thought the forest was dangerous for humans?"

"Well, it is, but I could go with you to help keep you safe?"

I'm calling bullshit on that. Even if this wasn't a plan to catch me off guard and eat me... "Can you even leave the water?"

"Yeah!" She's crawling up on shore, should I stop her before she- oh okay she's floating. "I can't fly near as well as most other people around here, and I'm stronger in the water, but I can at least do this."

Deep breaths, Freeman, deep breaths. Remember, you already saw teleportation firsthand, and you're talking to a mermaid. Logic and normal rules of physics don't have to apply anymore. Your degree is now even more worthless than your dad said it would be.

"Uh, cool. So, you don't, uh, have to wet your gills or anything?"

"What are gills?"

New plan, never ask for answers about any of this ever. "Nevermind. Say, what if I decided to try my luck at the mansion anyway?"

Now she's scared. Good. "Uh, I guess I could... go with you anyway? I really don't like going there, though."

I take back what I said. This place is only slightly better than Black Mesa.

Now to figure out if I should trust this possibly-maneating mermaid or not...

[ ]Sure, why not. I've escaped death enough times, I'm sure I can do it one more time if she tries to eat me.
[ ]I'll pass. Going alone has worked so far, why stop now?
[ ]The phrase "everyone dies but me" comes to mind. And hey, it's not murder if they're not human, right?

As for where I'm going...

[ ]Vampires can usually be reasoned with, right?
[ ]If there's another human in the forest, I should probably find them. And hey, Waggysaggy said it was a 'she'.
[ ]Both of these options are bullshit, I'm gonna go in the forest and keep walking until I'm out the other side.
>> No. 200192
[x] I'll pass. Going alone has worked so far, why stop now?
[x] Both of these options are bullshit, I'm gonna go in the forest and keep walking until I'm out the other side.

What could possibly go wrong?
>> No. 200193
[x]Sure, why not. I've escaped death enough times, I'm sure I can do it one more time if she tries to eat me.

Waggysaggy joins the party!


[x]If there's another human in the forest, I should probably find them. And hey, Waggysaggy said it was a 'she'.

Alright physicist, time to meet a magician.
>> No. 200194
[x]Sure, why not. I've escaped death enough times, I'm sure I can do it one more time if she tries to eat me.
[x]Both of these options are bullshit, I'm gonna go in the forest and keep walking until I'm out the other side.
>> No. 200195
[x]Sure, why not. I've escaped death enough times, I'm sure I can do it one more time if she tries to eat me.

Hime is fine
[x]Both of these options are bullshit, I'm gonna go in the forest and keep walking until I'm out the other side.

I see no problems with this plan
>> No. 200197
[X]Sure, why not. I've escaped death enough times, I'm sure I can do it one more time if she tries to eat me.
Because after Black Mesa, Gordon has a lot of trust issues to work through. A genuinely friendly mermaid is a good place to start. Seems he's not confusing her for a siren either.

[X]Both of these options are bullshit, I'm gonna go in the forest and keep walking until I'm out the other side.
Because that's Gordon.
>> No. 200198
[x]Sure, why not. I've escaped death enough times, I'm sure I can do it one more time if she tries to eat me.
[x]Both of these options are bullshit, I'm gonna go in the forest and keep walking until I'm out the other side.

Trust the Waggy
>> No. 200200
[x]Sure, why not. I've escaped death enough times, I'm sure I can do it one more time if she tries to eat me.
[x]Both of these options are bullshit, I'm gonna go in the forest and keep walking until I'm out the other side.
>> No. 200201
[x]Sure, why not. I've escaped death enough times, I'm sure I can do it one more time if she tries to eat me.
[x]Both of these options are bullshit, I'm gonna go in the forest and keep walking until I'm out the other side.
>> No. 200202
[x]The phrase "everyone dies but me" comes to mind. And hey, it's not murder if they're not human, right?
[x]Both of these options are bullshit, I'm gonna go in the forest and keep walking until I'm out the other side.
>> No. 200209
File 154698419987.jpg - (145.29KB, 850x1098, ice.jpg) [iqdb]
200209
[x]Sure, why not. I've escaped death enough times, I'm sure I can do it one more time if she tries to eat me.
[x]Both of these options are bullshit, I'm gonna go in the forest and keep walking until I'm out the other side.

Dammit, I have a feeling I'm gonna regret this later. But for now, fuck it. "Yeah, you can tag along, I guess. But we're going where I say, alright?"

"Uh, okay."

"So, where did you say that human in the forest was?"

She takes some time to think about it. "I think... somewhere that way?"

"Alright, cool." We're going the other direction, then.

"W- Wait! Gordon! That's the wrong way!"

"Yeah, I know. I said we're going where I say, remember? And I say we go somewhere else entirely."

She doesn't really have an answer for that. She's still going with me, though, hovering just above the ground. Huh, it almost looks like she's swimming through the air. Muscle memory, maybe?

"So, uh, Gordon, what happened to your ear?"

Oh right, I almost forgot that happened. Apparently the bandage fell off at some point, so now I just have a chunk of my ear missing. Wonderful. "It got shot off, nothing big."

Now she's panicking. "Are you okay? Can you still hear out of it?"

"Yeah, hearing's fine, it only knocked off the outer part of the ear." You know, for someone that could very well be planning to eat me, she's being awfully worried about this.

Maybe... she doesn't want to kill me?

Naaaaah. Nothing good has happened to me yet today, why start now?

Conversation died there, but I still have a few questions. "So, other than man-eating creatures like yourself, anything else I should know about Gensokyo?"

"I don't eat humans!" That sounds like something a human-eater would say. "And... Well, you might need to look out for fairies. They aren't too dangerous, but they like to play pranks on... well, everyone, sometimes."

Fairies, vampires, and mermaids, oh my. I'm starting to think the term 'youkai' is less the species and more of an umbrella term for anything not human around here. "Pranks are a lot better than getting shot at or eaten, so I'll be fine."

Now she looks almost sad. What did I say? "What did you do in the Outside?"

"I was a theoretical physicist."

Now she's just staring at me. "A what?"

Huh, guess they don't have those around here. "A scientist."

"Then why were you getting shot at?"

"See, that's what I was saying the whole time! It was bad enough that fucking aliens started invading, but then the military is too damn stupid to know what a 'rescue' operation is, so they just fucking shoot everyone! So now I have to shoot them first so I don't get capped by Johnny Marine and his inability to understand orders!"

Shit, got a little worked up there. It looks like I'm close to scaring Waggysaggy off.

"But, uh, it's fine now. I got sent to the alien world and killed their god, and then I got hired by the CIA, so I guess it's all good now."

"...that doesn't sound... believable."

"Yeah, I'd say the same thing, but look how that turned out." On the bright side, it turns out it's pretty easy for me to kill people now. I should probably be a little worried about that, but that can wait until I actually have to deal with consequences.

She's just silent now. Fine with me, it looks like the forest is clearing up a bit now. Looks like my plan of wandering aimlessly actually paid off! Hell yeah.

So, I guess the question remains, what to do with Waggysaggy once I reach that Human Village? Because now that I think about it, if she really wanted to kill me, she would've done a better job of it if she got me into the water with her. And not once during our trip through the forest did she do anything to attack me.

Maybe... maybe I am being a little paranoid?

Not like you can blame me, though. She literally told me youkai eat people, and then a moment later told me she was a youkai. What else was I supposed to think?

Eh, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on her. It's clear she's... well, I don't want to call her 'stupid', but she's clearly not all there. People seem to think I hate all stupid people, and while that's not a bad conclusion to reach, it's also not entirely true. I only hate stupid people if their stupidity hurts me in some way, or if they're stupid but they think they're not.

Waggysaggy might not be the smartest, but I can at least say she knows it, I think. She hasn't tried to lecture me on anything she actually has no goddamn clue about, so that's a plus. Now if only-

"AAAAH WHAT THE FUCK COLD!"

WHAT WAS THAT? DID SOMETHING GET IN MY SUIT?

"WHO'S LAUGHING AT ME? I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Gordon, calm down!"

There's the fucker that did this. Girl in a blue dress, floating in the air some distance away with weird crystal wings, laughing her ass off at me. Dammit, I can't reach her when she's that high! I need my guns back.

I can still yell at her, at least. "The fuck was that for?!"

"It was hilarious!" And now she's laughing again.

"Waggysaggy, throw me."

"W-What? I can't-"

Wait, there's a second one now. Has more normal wings, green hair, and is saying something to the blue one. Blue one apparently likes what she's hearing, and- oh good, she's coming closer.

"You think you can beat me up? Good luck, I'm the strongest thing here, I won't lose to a human!"

She's just barely out of crowbar range, and I don't think I can talk her into getting closer. "Did you really have to throw ice in my suit?! That shit was cold!"

"Well, yeah, ice is cold. Are you stupid or something?"

"RAAAAAGH!"

Fuck, I missed, she took to the air again. "Too slow, human!"

"GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE! I JUST WANT TO TALK, WITH MY CROWBAR!"

Someone's pulling on my arm. "Gordon, please! It was just a prank, remember?"

Oh, these are fairies then? I guess they look the part, now that I know that. Plus, I think the green hair one is doing the same thing as Waggysaggy, trying to talk her friend out of pissing me off even more. That's good, the green hair one gets to live.

"Waggysaggy, would anyone be upset if I killed a fairy?"

She looks conflicted. "I mean, fairies die all the time, and they regenerate a bit afterwards... But still, let's just ignore them and keep going."

Oh, so they don't die when they're killed? So I can kill someone and not have to face consequences for it later?

Well, apart from the dozens of soldiers I killed already.

Still, I very much can't fly. Without guns, I just have to hope she gets close enough. And if she's throwing ice at me that whole time, even with this suit, she could actually maybe kill me, eventually.

[ ]Fairies can die and come back, so literally no one will care if I beat one to death right now.
-[ ]Take it slow, stay calm. If I can bait her close enough, I can get a good hit in, then I can finish her.
-[ ]If I keep going after her, eventually she'll fuck up enough that I can beat her fucking skull in.
-[ ]NO ONE EXPECTS A CROWBAR PROJECTILE
[ ]Maybe I should listen to Waggysaggy. This would be like shooting a kid who egged my house with a tazer. Sure it was probably justified, but I doubt it would look that way in court.
>> No. 200210
[x] Maybe I should listen to Waggysaggy. This would be like shooting a kid who egged my house with a tazer. Sure it was probably justified, but I doubt it would look that way in court.

no bulli
>> No. 200212
[ ]Maybe I should listen to Waggysaggy. This would be like shooting a kid who egged my house with a tazer. Sure it was probably justified, but I doubt it would look that way in court.
>> No. 200213
[x]Maybe I should listen to Waggysaggy. This would be like shooting a kid who egged my house with a tazer. Sure it was probably justified, but I doubt it would look that way in court.

Now is not the time for pain. That will be later.
>> No. 200214
[x]Maybe I should listen to Waggysaggy. This would be like shooting a kid who egged my house with a tazer. Sure it was probably justified, but I doubt it would look that way in court.

Better to put her on the shit list and see how we're feeling when we have guns, anyway.
>> No. 200215
[X]Maybe I should listen to Waggysaggy. This would be like shooting a kid who egged my house with a tazer. Sure it was probably justified, but I doubt it would look that way in court.
The Taming of the Gordon
>> No. 200220
[x] Maybe I should listen to Waggysaggy. This would be like shooting a kid who egged my house with a tazer. Sure it was probably justified, but I doubt it would look that way in court.

Not that Gordon flying into psychotic fits of rage isn't entertaining, but let's show restraint this time. I want to make him suffer through dealing with Cirno for as long as possible.

Also this could let us talk to Daiyousei on better terms, which could be nice.
>> No. 200221
[x] Maybe I should listen to Waggysaggy. This would be like shooting a kid who egged my house with a tazer. Sure it was probably justified, but I doubt it would look that way in court.
[x] Also, threaten revenge! Boast about your accomplishments.
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