Shadow of an Eastern Wonderland
phantomgamer11
2015/11/23 (Mon) 15:33
No. 186150
▼
File 144829278393.png - (28.07KB,
1100x1008, Phantomgamer.png)
Hello there, welcome. This is going to be updated often if i can help it. This first choice is the first important one, so choose carefully
You have been waiting at this light for what feels like forever. It's times like this you wish you could just shadow travel home. But alas, you can't even use your powers for that. This reality has already reached a ridiculous tech level when it comes to monitoring people. You think to yourself, 'when i eventually leave this reality, I'm going too call it big brother world.' that will be astute. But for now you just want to go- oh the light changed. "finally" you mutter as you go home. After reaching your little cottage on the edge of civilization you unpack the car and walk up the stairs to the front porch.
As you use your shadows manifest to make your door key, you feel a shiver go down your spine. 'something unusual is going to happen today.' you hear go through your head. You don't know where the thought came from but you know better to write it off. You open your door and bring your groceries to the kitchen.
After unpacking the groceries you go into the living room. What were you going to do again?
[oh crap, you for got the fish in the trunk!] Gap path
[lets listen to that Hollywood vampires album] Scarlet path
[I'm wiped, time for alcohol] Shrine path
[what's that sound in the kitchen?] Idiot path
Anonymous 2015/11/23 (Mon) 17:03
No. 186154
Using words I can not even bring across how incredibly sad it is to use a picture of your persona or whatever to start your story. Just wow.
phantomgamer11
2015/11/23 (Mon) 18:45
No. 186157
that was the prototype for the main character, yeah. it is based off my avatar though. I had no idea what to do with him though so my faceless avatar made the perfect stand in, seeing as the MC and my avatar have similar styles in clothes.
Anonymous
2015/11/23 (Mon) 20:32
No. 186161
Having found some of your other work, I'm going to implore you to delete this thread and please lurk for a while. You're already at risk of getting ripped to shreds as it is, so it'd be best to just start from scratch after coming to grips with what makes decent writing. I should emphasise that this is not FF.net. Our standards may not be spectacularly high, but work that passes for average on FF.net tends to fall well below them.
Also, one word of advice: Don't give information that's easy to Google around here or any imageboard. Anonymity encourages... rather shitty behaviour towards those who stick out.
Anonymous
2015/11/23 (Mon) 23:13
No. 186173
I sense potential for you as a writer. With a little polish and a bit more thought and a lot more lurking, you could do well here.
Best of luck too ya', and welcome to the club.
Anonymous 2015/11/24 (Tue) 01:35
No. 186182
[X] [I'm wiped, time for alcohol] Shrine path
Are you guys really going to perpetuate the Elitist Jerks thing? The OP isn't even that bad.
Anonymous 2015/11/24 (Tue) 02:31
No. 186183
I think you need to lurk a bit more, friend.
Everyone has already said it, but being anonymous is vital here, so I suggest you change your name if you're gonna start another story.
As for this one, I'm afraid it seems to be below our (low) standards. Typos, grammar mistakes and the like, are frowned upon (I speak from experience, my English sucks) and so are clich'd story elements.
I apologize, I don't want to be rude, but it would be unfair to our current writers if I didn't, at least, point these things out.
Anonymous
2015/11/24 (Tue) 03:06
No. 186190
▼
File 14483343932.png - (167.94KB,
500x500, never give up sheep.png)
>>186182
Not that bad, true...
... But not that good either.
Room for improvement is there, and making a quick judgement from the opening, the author is perfectly capable of improvement.
We do not tell him his story isn't that good to tell him to leave and never come back.
We tell him that he may improve upon his writing.
My first story here was garbage. ABSOLUTE garbage, to be honest.
I'm a writefag here now.
You don't always start your writing career good, but that doesn't mean you have to end it bad, you get me?
In short, though the crowd is tough, we want you to entertain us! NEVER GIVE UP!
the slow start
phantomgamer11 2015/11/24 (Tue) 05:15
No. 186194
my intentions are to try and learn as I go, this story will be an adventure for me as much as you guys, you get to decide where it may go, and I get to learn from more experienced writers.
I know I suck, and I know my work on ff.net is garbage, but I WANT to learn from you guys, while hopefully making you guys smile as much as I do when I read a good story.
getting my6 thoughts down in a clear concise manner is my greatest failing point, but by doing a story like this I think I will learn m ore than I could anywhere else.
Anonymous
2015/11/27 (Fri) 07:57
No. 186328
Welcome to THP! The unholy spawn of /jp/ and /tg/'s story threads!
Here are some informal guidelines from a current writefag.
1. Posts should be at least four paragraphs in length unless it's an experimental story.
2. Introduce your main character if he/she/attack-helicopter has powers at the start. Characterization should be on-par with non-internet stories.
3. We like our protagonists faceless until they have enough story to warrant a picture.
4. Proper grammar and spelling is a must. Textspeak and emoticons are VERY VERY STRONGLY discouraged.
5. Proofread. Run your posts through Word at the minimum. Ideally grab one of the lazy writers on this site's IRC channel to proofread your stuff for you. They act as beta writers and are more than willing to help.
6. Vote formatting is [] Choice here. The brackets are checkboxes.
7. Just go on IRC and ask around. Don't be afraid to just talk. Some of the writers are actually willing to take time off of their vidya discussion to help newbies.
8. This isn't FF.net. Numbers don't go in names.
I hope you'll stay and keep writing! Don't give up even if you think your story sucks, just remember that it only takes one good post to get a story that everyone will love!
