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160326 No. 160326
The following is based on the insane musings of the currently mentally unstable author. This story should not be taken seriously nor should EVER be put into someone’s head canon. Attempting to take this story seriously will cause an increase in migraines, WTF moments, and overall, flat-out wut.

Please do not try to.

This has been a public service announcement by the Danmaku Engineering & Repairing Party.

Take it easy.


.....


You are a danmaku maker, one of the most coveted, behind-the-scenes professions in Gensokyo. A crafter of magical bullets, your job is what allows for the existence of the danmaku battle system.

What?

You didn’t really think that danmaku just appeared when spell cards were called now did you? No, of course not. That’s just plain silly. Those bullets need to come from somewhere to begin with. And everyone should know that. After all, danmaku is the handiwork of these legendary men. It’s common knowledge as well as common sense.

Anyway, as a recently initiated member within the mystical order, you are entitled to many things. First, danmaku is enchanted so it does not hurt you. You may touch it, but otherwise it does not harm you in the slightest. It is simply a precaution from the past, when danmaku makers would often injure themselves from merely working with the very bullets they toiled long and hard to make. The unluckiest ones back then were those that mishandled explosive danmaku. Many a danmaku maker was lost to those treacherous designs… such a tragedy.

Ah, right.

Second, the fellowship has a private lounge hidden in a secret location (It’s under the Hakurei Shrine parking structure). We are technically a non-profit organization and currently accept charitable offerings through a donation box located above ground. Donations received are usually collected promptly after patrons to the shrine gift shop place money in the box. These donations help fund our work designing new and more elaborate danmaku. As well as help pay for stocking the lounge’s fridge with snacks and drinks.

Finally,

You are no longer bound by common sense. At ALL.

Now then, moving on.

We’ve called a meeting at the lounge to discuss what to do with the large amount of alcohol donations we’ve been receiving lately. You on the other hand, have just finished your first delivery of danmaku to the good people of Moriya Shrine. Organization meetings are mandatory, so you’re free to take as much time as you like before attending.

But the question now is-

How are you getting to the Hakurei shrine empty lot above the lounge?

[ ] Fly of course. But today, let’s change it up by flying BACKWARDS.
[ ] Catch the bus to the Hakurei shrine country club.
[ ] Hail a cab.
[ ] Take Momiji for a walk.
[ ] Take Aya for a walk.
[ ] Take Suwako home instead.

>> No. 160327
[♂] Take Suwako home instead.

gonna get taken home
>> No. 160328
[X] Fly of course. But today, let’s change it up by flying BACKWARDS.
Why not?
>> No. 160333
[x] Take Suwako home instead.

Because the image of Suwako perched on our head with a flat look is just too adorable.
>> No. 160338
[x] Take Momiji for a walk.

I enjoy myself some Momiji.
>> No. 160341
[x] Take Momiji for a walk.
>> No. 160342
[x] Take Momiji for a walk.
>> No. 160346
[X] Drive a bus backwards while taking Momiji, Aya, and Suwako home to walk them in a cab.

Let's go for insanity.
>> No. 160357
[X] Fly of course. But today, let’s change it up by flying BACKWARDS.
How can we not be crazy?
>> No. 160358
[x] Take Suwako home instead.
>> No. 160369
[x] Take Momiji and Aya for a walk... BACKWARDS, while surfing a cab.
>> No. 160375
[x] Take Momiji and Aya for a walk... BACKWARDS, while surfing a cab.
>> No. 160376
[x] Take Momiji for a walk.

Just because you aren't bound by common sense, doesn't mean there aren't any good reasons to practice it anyway.
>> No. 160381
Calling it. We walk Momiji.

[x] Take Momiji for a walk.

>>160346
>>160369
I am scared of the possible story I would have to write to explain the pure awesome and lunacy that are those options.
>> No. 160390
File 13443074608.jpg - (368.85KB , 1024x935 , ed60cac222d6a62f56f35fa784a1803b.jpg ) [iqdb]
160390
The following is derived from the warped machinations of the as-of-now, psychotic author. This literature should not be taken literally and should not be incorporated in an individual’s imagination. Doing so will result in hysteria, lack of breath, and potential light headedness.

Please take caution.

This has been a public service announcement by the Laser Observation & Logistics Incorporation (LOLI).

Take it easy.

.....


[x] Take Momiji for a walk.

You check your watc-OH MY GOD, LOOK AT THE TIME. A huge, goofy smile forms on your face when you realize what that time means.

IT’S WALKING TIME.

Pulling out the leash you keep at all times for this exact purpose, you begin a mad dash through the tengu village. Ignoring the strange looks that each passerby gives at your overly blissful expression, you keep running towards the entrance at a blistering pace. You have a particular wolf/dog tengu in mind that you REALLY want to walk this fine day.

Nearing the gates, you spy your target. Right now, she’s completely unaware of your presence, looking out over the landscape of Gensokyo below. Perfect. Keeping very quiet, you sneak as slowly as possible behind her. You don’t want to startle her.

The white wolf’s ears twitch suddenly, making you freeze. You remain still, sweating nervously, as those soft, snow-white ears continue twitching for several more, painfully long moments.

Finally, the tengu reaches to scratch at what appears to be a simple itch. Whew. Relieved, you close in, inching the collar towards the wolf’s exposed neck. Now, with fastening the collar the only thing remaining, you carefully slip the two ends slowly around the front of her neck and –SNAP!

“WHAT THE HEEEELLLLLL!?”

Momiji does a 180 as you stand there smiling, holding the strap at the other end. Noticing the collar, the surprised look on her face turns into a vicious snarl. She eyes your hand on the leash, and growls.

“What are you doing?”

With a grin, you reply, “Why you silly dog, I’m taking you for a walk.”

“I’m NOT A DOG!” She literally spits the words out, sending flecks of saliva at your face. “And take this stupid collar off me, NOW!!!”

She doesn’t look particularly happy that you’re taking her for a walk which confuses you. Don’t dogs like to be walked? She must be grumpy, a walk should cheer her up.

“C’mon, let’s go for a walk, Momiji!” You exclaim with glee, tugging on the leash. Momiji however, looks unamused, crossing her arms as she pouts. The face she’s making right now just makes you squeal with excitement on the inside though. It’s just so darn CUTE.

With you now pulling on the leash, Momiji plants herself on the ground, less than pleased about the idea of you taking her for a walk. After a few minutes of tugging, you fail to get any sort of response from the sullen wolf guard. Finally, you give up and begin dragging the tengu (Don’t worry, the collar is solid metal, more like a chok-… uh, never mind.) behind you.

“Ooh, a scoop, a scoop.”

You’d know that voice anywhere. As you glance above, you find yourself looking at the Bunbunmaru reporter, furiously jotting down notes for her next big article. Taking a picture, the crow tengu swooped down, a strong gust accompanying her landing.

Aya Shameimaru stared in mock surprise at the two of you, her hand barely concealing the large smirk on her face. “Oh my, Momiji, I didn’t know you were into that sort of thing.”
“NOOOOOO!!! You’ve got it all wrong! T-this… guy! He wants to take me for a walk like I’m his dog!” Momiji scrambled desperately on all fours towards the reporter, nearly in tears. She grabbed Aya by the collar of her shirt as she pulled herself up. “Please, please don’t write about this in the newspaper!”

“I don’t know Momiji, this is a pret-ty big story. I think this might be a front-pager, even.”

Hearing this, Momiji began weeping inconsolably and collapsed in a heap. “WAAAH! That’s not fair, Aya!”

As the two continue arguing, your attention wanders off. You feel like you should be doing something important right now, but there’s a lot of other stuff you want to do, like-


[ ] Ignore Aya, let’s walk Momiji!
[ ] Aya? Let’s walk her too!
[ ] While we wait, let’s dance!
[ ] Throw. Shit. EVERYWHERE.
[ ] Put Aya on a bus.
[ ] Let’s just wait for these two to finish arguing.
>> No. 160392
[x] Aya? Lets walk her too.

You gonna get walked.
>> No. 160393
[x] Aya? Let’s walk her too!

Like there's any other choice.
>> No. 160394
[ ] Aya? Let’s walk her too!
>> No. 160397
[x] Aya? Let’s walk her too!

Pictures. We should take them. But only because it's adorable. Obviously.
>> No. 160400
[x] Aya? Let’s walk her too!
So she can properly document the experience, of course.
>> No. 160401
Aya on a bus is fun, but...
[X] Aya? Let’s walk her too!
Double win
>> No. 160404
[x] Aya? Let’s walk her too!

we shall walk ALL the touhous.
>> No. 160405
[x] Aya? Let’s walk her too!

>>160404
>walk ALL the touhous.

There are good ideas...

There are great ideas....

But every once in a blue moon, we get ideas like THIS.
>> No. 160409
[x] Aya? Let’s walk her too!

why not ?
>> No. 160413
[x] Aya? Let’s walk her too!
This must be. We must walk all the Touhous. To the bus stop. While dancing. And flinging shit everywhere.

Oh, Resonance, have you any idea what you have unleashed?
>> No. 160414
>>160413
Another story that will be inevitably dropped halfway through its first thread?
>> No. 160416
Holy unanimous vote batman!
>> No. 160419
I don't even need to call this do I?

>>160414
I'm still working on the others. I'm simply reevaluating my writing style first (Who am I kidding? I don't HAVE one.) before I continue the other story. For now though, I'm writing this.

[x] Aya? Let’s walk her too!
>> No. 160428
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160428
The following is centered on the demented contemplations of the emotionally perturbed writer. These public service announcements are beginning to irritate the crap out of them and they wish that they would cease immediately. If you feel irritated by these droll announcements as well, check for the following symptoms. Symptoms of irritation from announcements include, but are not limited to, unbelievable amounts of disinterest, uncontrolled screaming, and the serious urge to punch whoever came up with these stupid announcements in the first place.

.....

This has been a public service announ-enough of these.

Just… Take it easy.


.....


[x] Aya? Let’s walk her too!

As you sit and wait for the two tengu girls to stop bickering, you reach into your pockets for something to entertain yourself with. Sifting through various danmaku blueprints, a pagoda, and some other precious things, you eventually retrieve… another leash.

It occurs to you then that you could always walk one more. And walking only one tengu, honestly, isn’t enough for you.

With Aya still talking with Momiji, you sneak a brief look at that delightfully unprotected neck of hers before gazing back at the roughly-made collar in your hands. Then back at her neck. Then back at the collar. Sadly, she isn’t attached to the collar. But if you snuck around behind the tengu you could tie it to her… Which is what you decide to do.

You’re going to walk Aya.

As they continue to argue, cautiously, you ease your way around the pair slowly, making sure to stay out of their visual range. Still unnoticed, you close in on Aya’s backside, collar ready to be fixed around that exposed neck of hers.

Meanwhile, the wolf tengu is practically begging at the reporter’s knees right now. “C’mon, please don’t put this in the Bunbunmaru, Aya!”

Aya shook her head, stubbornly refusing. “Nope. As the honest and truthful reporter that I am, I must report this so that all of Gensokyo will know.”

“Half of those stories are embellished though…”

Nooo, they happen to be written with added… Pizzazz.” Aya dramatically flourished a hand to emphasize her point. Momiji however, doesn’t seem the least bit impressed.

“How is exaggerating a story supposed to be truthful?” The wolf lifts an eyebrow, as she spots you reaching around Aya. You halt for a moment before she eventually winks at you, cueing you to continue with your secretive task. She doesn’t say anything to the oblivious reporter; clearly, she wouldn’t mind having a companion to walk with.

Aya, still unaware of you, continued her argument with the wolf.

“A non-reporter wouldn’t understand. That happens to be the most importa-SNAP-… Ayayaya?” The crow froze mid-sentence, surprised, and stared blankly at the loud noise. She probably guessed what that snapping sound meant. Apprehensively, she brought a hand to her throat, feeling the shape of a solid metal ring, encasing her neck.

“Aw, shit,” the Bunbunmaru reporter grumbled, looking glumly at Momiji, who was doing her best to stifle her laughter.

Now you had two leashes. One for the wolf, the other for the crow. And now you were going to walk ‘em both. Today was turning out to be AWESOME.

Aya meanwhile, looked rather annoyed at the foreign object surrounding her neck. “Hey, I can understand Momiji, but why are you making ME wear one too?”

“You fly around too much,” You reply, shaking the leash with your hand. “If you don’t walk around, your legs are going to wind up shriveling and falling off.”

“Uh, well, I’m a crow tengu. Flying’s how I get everywhere I need to, quickly.”

“Nonsense,” You reply, waving her off. Even if she doesn’t want to walk with you, YOU want to walk HER. “Let’s go, to the human village!”

“Oh, no. I’m not going ANYWHERE with this thing on my neck.” The tengu crouched low before making a powerful leap, as she attempted to fly away from you. Flying up, the leash went taut, snagging her, and preventing her from escaping into the clouds. You held on firmly to the strap, the tengu now dragging you across the stone road. Momiji simply stood alongside you, a smile forming as she watched Aya struggle frantically with the collar, overhead.

At least SHE seemed to be enjoying her walk now.

Dragging you back through the tengu village, Aya was causing more of a scene by resisting. Residents were beginning to stare at the strange sight of the reporter and guard tied to you. Aya didn’t seem to even realize it, until many of the villagers began laughing. The other tengu couldn’t even believe this. The Bunbunmaru reporter, the fastest in Gensokyo, caught by this… strange, awkward-looking man? THIS was funny, and Momiji, seeing the rest of the village crowing (bad pun, I’m sooo very sorry), couldn’t hold it in anymore either.

Aya, with the entire village now laughing at her expense, landed softly, drooping from the humiliation and marched indignantly over to you.

Grabbing you by the shirt collar, she shot you a tearful glare. “Let’s finish this walk quickly then, okay?”

Overjoyed, you jump up and do a small heel click before running back towards the gates. Aya followed sullenly with Momiji behind her, who was now hysterical as tears streamed down her face from uncontrollable laughter.

Well, now that we have two tengu to walk, what should we do?

[ ] Make like Lily White and announce the news, FUCKING. EVERYWHERE.
[ ] We appear to be forgetting something at Moriya Shrine. Let’s go retrieve it first.
[ ] Ride Momiji down the stairway to the bottom of the mountain.
[ ] Ride AYA down the stairway to the bottom of the mountain.
[ ] Grab a sled or large flat board to use and make a tengu sled team. MUSH!
[ ] Before we begin, we need to document this NOW. Do I sense a Kodak moment?
>> No. 160429
[ ] We appear to be forgetting something at Moriya Shrine. Let’s go retrieve it first.

We seem to have forgotten our frog to walk. Lets go and get her!
>> No. 160431
Poor Aya.
>> No. 160433
[x] Before we begin, we need to document this NOW. Do I sense a Kodak moment?

This one is going on the mantle. Forever. Just as soon as spare copies are stored away somewhere secure anyway.
>> No. 160434
[X] We appear to be forgetting something at Moriya Shrine. Let’s go retrieve it first.

We are going to walk everyone.
>> No. 160438
[X] Grab a sled or large flat board to use and make a tengu sled team. MUSH!
>> No. 160446
[X] Grab a sled or large flat board to use and make a tengu sled team. MUSH!

Oh God, yes please.
>> No. 160447
[X] We appear to be forgetting something at Moriya Shrine. Let’s go retrieve it first.
Even gods need to be walked every now and then.
>> No. 160448
[X] Grab a sled or large flat board to use and make a tengu sled team. MUSH!
-[x]Take pictures as you go down!
>> No. 160449
Wait, do you accept multiple votes? Because I have a sudden urge to use a Tengu sled team to visit Moriya Shrine and take Suwako for either a walk or a ride on the Tengu sled.

...I should probably stop now.
>> No. 160450
[x] Use Aya's camera to take pictures on the way down while...
[x] Grabbing a sled or large flat board to use and make a tengu sled team. MUSH ONWARDS TO...!
[x]Moriya shrine where we seem to have forgotten something.
[x]Announce it at the top of our lungs all the way.

Dashing through gensokyo on a 2 tengu open slay, announcing it loudly, snapping pictures all the way. Collars on Momiji ring, making spirits bright. What fun it is to troll and sing this mushing song tonight!
>> No. 160451
[x] Grab a sled or large flat board to use and make a tengu sled team. MUSH!
[x] We appear to be forgetting something at Moriya Shrine. Let’s go retrieve it first.
Because Suwako would totally be up for a ride on a tengu sled.
>> No. 160455
[x] Grab a sled or large flat board to use and make a tengu sled team. MUSH!

This shall go into the history books as greatness.
>> No. 160456
Haha nice update.
>> No. 160459
[₧] We appear to be forgetting something at Moriya Shrine. Let’s go retrieve it first.

> We appear to be forgetting someONE at Moriya Shrine. Let's go retrieve her first.
remember, our goal here today is to walk ALL THE TOUHOUS.
>> No. 160460
[X] We appear to be forgetting something at Moriya Shrine. Let’s go retrieve it first.
>> No. 160463
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160463
>>160459
>walk ALL THE TOUHOUS

My god, you guys were serious...

I'll still write this story though. Calling it once I finish work.
>> No. 160467
>>160463
We are walking Touhous.
There is no fooling around.
>> No. 160471
[X] We appear to be forgetting something at Moriya Shrine. Let’s go retrieve it first.
We are doing this. WALK THEM ALL!
>> No. 160472
[ ] Grab a sled or large flat board to use and make a tengu sled team. MUSH!

This. This all the way!
>> No. 160474
>>160463
How else will we eventually get a full sledding team?

[X] We appear to be forgetting something at Moriya Shrine. Let’s go retrieve it first.
>> No. 160476
Called.

[X] We appear to be forgetting something at Moriya Shrine. Let’s go retrieve it first.
>> No. 160500
File 134454771846.jpg - (183.08KB , 800x1363 , 2f8ba7065795188a30babbe948a0a89f.jpg ) [iqdb]
160500
CAUTION
The following contains moments of lol and utter stupidity. If you are a person with a serious disposition or has someone who does, looking over your shoulder, it is strongly advised that you refrain from reading this. There will be lolis, rainbows, overly dramatic narm, and a guy who as of now, is on a quest to walk all the Touhous like his pet dog.
CAUTION

CAUTION
This has been a message from the author.
CAUT-Stop that.


[X] We appear to be forgetting something at Moriya Shrine. Let’s go retrieve it first.


Before you reached the entrance of the village, you slowed, then skid to an abrupt halt. Something’s not quite right. Your tengu followers looked confused as they finally caught up to you.

“What are we stopping for?” Aya asked, still unsettled by the idea that she had to walk with you.

Putting a hand to your chin, you scratched, thought a moment, then replied, “Something’s… missing. We need ONE more thing before our walk is perfect.”

“Can’t we just go and finish the walk?” Momiji questioned, annoyance beginning to resurface on her face.

NO. WE NEED THIS.” In a huff, you headed straight for the Moriya Shrine. It was there, it had to be. Nothing else was anything like it. And your walk would NEVER be complete without it.


That awesome googly-eyed hat.


You can’t imagine taking this magnificent walk without wearing that extraordinary hat atop your head. The only problem, between you and it, was that loli goddess. You needed to engineer a way to take it from her.

Bowling over the line of temple-goers, you made your way towards the shrine steps. Reaching the first step, you spotted the glorious hat, Pyonta. There was a brilliant glow that seemed to radiate off of it as you stared longingly. A single tear slid down your cheek from gazing upon such marvelous beauty.

And then you spotted the goddess underneath.

The blond, loli goddess, Suwako, sat at the top of the steps, greeting each and every one of the worshippers in line as they approached her. Beside her, sat Kanako, the other goddess of the shrine while the miko, Sanae, stood behind the pair.

Searching the crowd in front of you, you hoped to find some sort of way to sneak up on Suwako and claim that hat. Eventually, you noticed one particular spot at the fringe of the mob that put you near the goddesses. Shoving your way through, you soon made it to the edge of the group, as well as rather close to the frog.

You waited, several minutes in fact, for the crowd of worshippers to subside. Looking out towards the torii, you could see that the line continued to grow. And there wasn’t any sign of the mob dying down.

Finally, without much choice, you decided to take the hat anyway. With so many people around, you needed to be quick about stealing Pyonta. You waited for a moment when the goddesses turned their attention away from you.


Now.


Rushing at the goddess, you blindly lunged for the hat and immediately took off, clutching your plunder with both hands. The shrine maiden and her goddess, surprised at your sudden, and seemingly stupid decision, instinctively loosed a flurry of danmaku at you, sending the crowd running for cover in a panic.

You, however, didn’t even need to bother hiding. Danmaku maker, remember? The bullets flying after you hurt no more than a tossed feather would have. As you continued towards the exit, Sanae and Kanako watched, dumbfounded, as their entire repertoire of danmaku literally bounced harmlessly off your backside.

.....

You didn’t stop running until you noticed that the danmaku wall behind you had disappeared. At last, out of the shrine grounds, you slowed down to catch your breath. You had caused more of a disturbance than you hoped for, but in the end, you had gotten what you wanted. PYON-

Auu~

That’s strange. Since when did Pyonta talk? Lifting up the hat, you notice that you didn’t JUST grab the amazing Zun hat… You also happened to grab the goddess underneath. Gripping the eyed hat tightly, the frog loli whimpered as you stared blankly at her… adorable… baby… face.

*Pedophile status achieved*



Oh well. Who cares?

Tucking the goddess under your arm, you tore the hat from her grasp and placed Pyonta upon your head. NOW you could walk the tengu (which, for the convenience of the author, you happened to have tied to a rock right before you went to grab the hat) to your heart’s content.

Returning to the location that you fastened Aya and Momiji, you quickly untied them and gazed out towards Gensokyo’s vast landscape below. It seemed that Finally, FINALLY, you could begin your walk.


[ ] Sleigh. Now. Down the stairs we ride. AlL tHe WaY dOwN.
[ ] Sleigh. Up. Through the sky we fly. HO HO HO!
[ ] The mood is set. PHOTOGRAPH. EVERYTHING.
[ ] Perhaps a method down, that’s more… unconventional? NA NAAAAAA NA NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAAA~
[ ] I hear there’s a dojo nearby. LET’S FIND IT.

Note: We WILL walk all the Touhous. Just not necessarily together.

Also, we need a name. Nothing TOO crazy but it can be slightly outrageous.

.....

Note 2: I apologize for lying about there being rainbows.
>> No. 160501
[X] Perhaps a method down, that’s more… unconventional? NA NAAAAAA NA NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAAA~

Only instead of the superman theme we go with the Nyan cat theme

No rainbows? then let us make our own rainbows bitch!!!

want a name? how does this sound?

[X]Valentinez Alkalinelia Xifax Sicidabohertz Gumbigobillo Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the Third
>> No. 160502
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160502
[→] The mood is set. PHOTOGRAPH. EVERYTHING.

Not only shall we walk the touhous, but we shall photograph them as well. Then, we shall put them on the wall next to their respective walking photographs.

It will be glorious.
>> No. 160503
[x] I hear there’s a dojo nearby. LET’S FIND IT.
>> No. 160505
[X] Sleigh. Up. Through the sky we fly. HO HO HO!

...A touhou-powered flying sleigh? THIS MUST HAPPEN!
>> No. 160506
[S] Perhaps a method down, that’s more… unconventional? NA NAAAAAA NA NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAAA~
>> No. 160509
[x] The mood is set. PHOTOGRAPH. EVERYTHING.
[x] Sleigh. Up. Through the sky we fly. HO HO HO!

Just do it already. Goddamn.

>NA NAAAAAA NA NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAAA~
Den Katamaris man.

>Name
[x] Barry
What? That's an outrageous name.
>> No. 160514
[x]Sleigh up.
[x]Acquire hat, ditch wearer

Dan "Danger" Maku.
>> No. 160524
> Note: We WILL walk all the Touhous. Just not necessarily together.

Not if we can help it.

[X] I hear there’s a dojo nearby. LET’S FIND IT.
>> No. 160525
[S] Perhaps a method down, that’s more… unconventional? NA NAAAAAA NA NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAAA~


[→] The mood is set. PHOTOGRAPH. EVERYTHING.

Roll up all dem touhous. And take screenshots.
>> No. 160526
[/\] Sleigh. Now. Down the stairs we ride. AlL tHe WaY dOwN.
[\/] Sleigh. Up. Through the sky we fly. HO HO HO!

We shall carve a glorious sine wave across Gensokyo.
>> No. 160543
[x] Sleigh. Up. Through the sky we fly. HO HO HO!

Come on guys, this has to happen. It has all the craziness we need.
>> No. 160609
Calling it.

[x] Sleigh. Up. Through the sky we fly. HO HO HO!

We will be referred to for now as Dan "Danger" Maku.
>> No. 160622
File 134476798539.jpg - (518.98KB , 865x1225 , 995349ab57fc9653507bec2d6347f623.jpg ) [iqdb]
160622
I decided to write this as a poem when I couldn’t figure out a way to write a normal story. I’m honestly not quite sure what I was smoking when I did this though.

[x] Sleigh. Up. Through the sky we fly. HO HO HO!






‘Twas the noon of one August and high above the land

Stood Mr. Dan Maku (In Japanese it’d be Maku Dan)

A sleigh he constructed with such speed and such zeal

Made only out of balsa wood, spit, and one orange peel


Two tengu were harnessed, tied to the sleigh’s front

To which both white wolf and black crow let out an irked grunt.

A frog loli Sir Dan had abducted with care

Stared longingly at her former hat which returned said stare


Finally prepared, he let out a shout

Grandly yelling, “TOU!” he plotted his route

Not down the stone stairs which meandered below

But up to a black dot asking childishly, “Is that so?”


Target in sight, Mr. Dan Maku raved

About walks, Touhous, and how to avoid being caved

Aya and Momiji thus flew quickly as they rushed

Shitty sleigh that followed looked as if by hammer had been crushed.


Higher and higher, the ensemble went up

Except for the driver, they were all from a SHMUP

Preparing a leash, fashioned from a strong rope

Dan, now a pedo, also fantasized a slight grope.


Black dot, finally realizing them there

Released a fuckwad of danmaku up into the air

The tengus cowered but Mr. Maku held fast

Though it was unclear how much longer the sleigh might last


Sensing their fear, Dan stood and he thought

He decided to rouse them, let some kind of word out

About how ridiculous they looked, quaking in fear

And how he’d let ‘em have it and kick ‘em in the rear


“Momiji, you’re a guard, Aya you’re the fastest one!”

“No Suwako, it’s my hat, this conversation is done.”

“So she’s attacking you, so what? What are you doing?”

“You both have spell cards, now get with the shooting!”


Now invigorated, or at least coerced at best

The tengu sent two cards, ironically, due West

A “Wind God Girl” and “Expellee’s Canaan” flew forth

And collided with Rumia, shattering the dark orb(th?)


The darkness youkai, unconscious, now descended with speed

Trying to catch her, Dan subsequently followed her lead

Diving low, the sled began to break apart

But just in time, they caught the girl, pulled up, then headed back to the start


Tying the collar firmly around Rumia’s neck

Dan whooped triumphantly, he’d won! Aww, heck.

Looking below, his sleigh of immense pride

Had apparently broken, fell apart, said, “Goodbye”


As the sled disintegrated from under his feet

Dan Maku grabbed hold of the leashes, attached to his small tengu fleet

He grasped the lolis with his other good hand

And the group descended slowly, soon meeting Tengu Village land


Now back on the solid, safe ground

Dan gave it a kiss, making a loud smacking sound

His entourage, of now four, all looked displeased

It had only gotten worse when Mr. Maku had had them seized


Looking back out across Gensokyo, Dan needed an idea

He’d already captured three, no four, to walk via

Collar upon neck (Though Suwako was free)

He’d think of a plan following a good spot of tea



Ahem, well anyway, the sleigh is busted. What now?
[ ] We should check out that dojo.
[ ] It’s getting hot. Let’s travel in Rumia’s darkness bubble!
[ ] Slide down the trail on Momiji’s shield!
[ ] Head down NORMALLY and then-
[ ] visit the school. You forget if you passed kindergarten or not.
[ ] Myouren Temple. More holy ground to defile? OH BOY!
[ ] search the base of the mountain.
>> No. 160629
[x] Head down NORMALLY and then-
-[x] search the base of the mountain.

To maybe find a Kappa who can make a sturdier sled. Or possibly a few goddesses whose power we can harness.

Also: Rumia is acquired. This makes me happy.
>> No. 160631
[x] It’s getting hot. Let’s travel in Rumia’s darkness bubble!

Bumping into things is what darkness is all about!
>> No. 160632
[x] Head down NORMALLY and then-
-[x] search the base of the mountain.
Must get kappa.
>> No. 160635
[X] Slide down the trail on Momiji’s shield!

We've been crazy so far! why stop now!
>> No. 160643
[♪] Slide down the trail on Momiji’s shield!

[♫] Myouren Temple. More holy ground to defile? OH BOY!

Do collars work on ghosts?
>> No. 160647
[X] It’s getting hot. Let’s travel in Rumia’s darkness bubble!
[X] Myouren Temple. More holy ground to defile? OH BOY!
>> No. 160648
[x] It’s getting hot. Let’s travel in Rumia’s darkness bubble!

We need to give our Rumia a test drive to make sure she is functioning properly.
>> No. 160651
[x] It’s getting hot. Let’s travel in Rumia’s darkness bubble!
[x] Slide down the trail on Momiji’s shield!

They're totally not mutually exclusive. Nope.

[x] Myouren Temple. More holy ground to defile? OH BOY!
>> No. 160656
[x]Its getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes.
[x]Visit the school.
>> No. 160668
[x] Slide down the trail on Momiji’s shield!
[x] search the base of the mountain.

Kappas get good mileage, I hear.
>> No. 160679
[x] It’s getting hot. Let’s travel in Rumia’s darkness bubble!

and then . . .

[x] visit the school. You forget if you passed kindergarten or not.
>> No. 160680
[ ] Slide down the trail on Momiji’s shield AND in Rumias darkness bubble to the the school. You forget if you passed kindergarten or not.
>> No. 160682
Dammit. Didn't even realize the post screwed up. Well, it didn't matter in the end anyway.

Called.
[x] It’s getting hot. Let’s travel in Rumia’s darkness bubble!

Pity we didn't have one more vote for this though. Haven't had a tie on this story. Yet.
>[ ] Slide down the trail on Momiji’s shield!
>> No. 160705
File 134498209935.jpg - (1.21MB , 1250x1050 , a9c8937bc6f619ffc036c2afeac7a484.jpg ) [iqdb]
160705
[x] It’s getting hot. Let’s travel in Rumia’s darkness bubble!

Whew. Did it just get really hot around here? Shielding your eyes, you glance up towards the sky. Not one, not even one teeny. Tiny. LITTLE. CLOUD is passing by. Made worse by the Sun being on bake mode or something.

How did it get this damn hot so quickly?

“Uurrgh… So. Very. HooOoOOoT.”

A look at your posse tells you that you’re not the only one feeling this heat. Aya is sweating profusely, despite causing what looks like hurricane winds with her fan in an attempt to cool off. Momiji, meanwhile, appears to be hyperventilating as she lies sprawled out on the stone path, panting doggedly. Your frog loli goddess, Suwako, also appears to be suffering as well, draped over a nearby rock jutting out of the mountainside. And Rumia-

Wait. What about Rumia?

Looking above, you find yourself facing the darkness youkai’s black sphere of… well, darkness. You can’t tell if she’s alright in there; you can’t see her and you don’t hear any sort of complaints coming from the shady ball. Reaching towards the bubble, you put your hand into the inky void to try and check if she’s okay.

Huh?

Wow, that is very nice and cool.

Cool is an understatement, actually. Rumia has freaking air-condition in that sphere… and you want some for yourself. Pulling on the leash, you pull the ball closer until it’s barely off the ground before jumping into the refreshingly-cold darkness.

Aaahh, that’s SOO much better.

You can’t really see anything though.

“Mr. Maku, you’re in my personal space…”

Reaching out, you try and feel for Rumia. “Uh, sorry, where are you?”

Something smacks you in the face.

“Don’t touch there!”

“Sorry.” You pull your arm back.

“Hey! Let us in too!” Aya, Momiji, and Suwako all yell out in unison, having taken notice of how comfortable the shadowy orb looks.

Something brushes up against your back. Then to both of your sides. The small bubble is getting a tad cramped as you feel the three others squeeze into the comfy shade.

Rumia does not sound pleased by this at all. “Urmph, too… many, people…”

The others don’t seem to care. Frankly, you don’t either. It’s WAAAAY cooler in here than outside, completely exposed on a scorcher like today. No way are you getting back out into that oppressive heat.

Now then, you probably should get going. A black ball in the middle of the road will certainly look strange and would probably be an obstruction to people walking by. The only problem is, you can’t even see a measly centimeter in front of you.


Hmm, what shall we do?
[ ] Shoot that shining bastard in the sky. Yeah, that’s right, FUCK YOU SUN.
[ ] Go forward. na naaaaaa, na na na na na na naaaaaa~
[ ] Go left.
[ ] Go right.
[ ] Go back.
[ ] Take flight.
>> No. 160707
[ ] Go forward.

Forget walking touhous, we'll roll them all in a ball of katamari darkness.
>> No. 160711
[x] Go forward.
Mission change: Walk all the touhous -> turn all the touhous into a giant katamari
>> No. 160713
[◙] Go forward.

>>>NEW OBJECTIVE<<<
Walk all the Touhous
-Roll all the Touhous
>> No. 160714
[x] Go forward.

Toohoo Star
1. Youkai (76%)
2. Humans (11%)
3. Goddesses (7%)
>> No. 160716
[x] Shoot that shining bastard in the sky. Yeah, that’s right, FUCK YOU SUN.
[x] Go forward.

Aiming would be a bit difficult, I'd imagine, but screw logic.
>> No. 160746
[X] Shoot that shining bastard in the sky. Yeah, that’s right, FUCK YOU SUN.
[X] Go forward.

We better check up on Utsuho afterwards. She did eat a Sun God, and killing the Sun may do bad things to her.
>> No. 160786
[X] Go forward.
>> No. 160880
[x] Shoot that shining bastard in the sky. That's right, FUCK YOU SUN.
[x] Go forward.
>> No. 160881
Called.

[x] Go forward.
>> No. 160893
Ugh, my schedule is killing me. I'll get to updating this, but it's gonna have to wait until I get everything straightened out.
>> No. 160969
File 134569557177.jpg - (250.73KB , 1075x867 , 3a18d8b1d705efd640ccd30e561391b6.jpg ) [iqdb]
160969
[x] Go forward.

So what if you’re blind? That doesn’t mean you have to be cautious. You will stroll forward fearlessly, unafraid of what awaits in front of you.

With five people all crammed into a small, tiny, dark sphere, it would be a challenge to try and turn around anyway. It doesn’t help that you can’t really see anything and no one seems to want to stick their head back out into that awful heat. You’re confident about this though, and you’ve got a good feeling of where you’re going.

Slowly, your group moves ahead as you drag them by the leashes. It’s a slow process, with all ten of your legs competing for dominance with every step.

“Ow, hey!” Someone kicks you in the heel, making you pause, clutching your foot as you hop along to keep up with everyone else.

Aya’s voice responds, “Sorry Dan.”

You gently lower you foot as it continues to throb. “Careful.”

Those tengu clogs really hurt.

.....

It’s been a few minutes since you began moving and you STILL have no idea where exactly you’re headed. Despite not being able to see, you can imagine the weird glances you’d get from pedestrians. In fact, you’d probably laugh too if you could see what you all looked like right now.

As the five of you continue on, it faintly occurs to you that the last thing you were facing was the stairs down the mountaaaAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!

OooH CRAP!”

Falling, your head emerges from Rumia’s shroud just in time to catch a nice glimpse of the stone steps rushing towards your face. You’re going to be viewing that masonry in obscenely high detail very soon. As you tumble headfirst, your hand yanks hard on the leashes, pulling the others along with you as you begin cart wheeling down the trail.

WHUNK

Landing face first, you flip end over end, bouncing ungracefully as your motley group follows closely behind. The stairway of Youkai Mountain is incredibly long, filled with winding turns and many sharp drops in the path. You haven’t even made it to the first bend and already you regret walking blindly off the mountain. This journey down is going to suck.

The first twist arrives, far too soon for your tastes. Fortunately, your group hits a rock on the corner of the turn, saving you from plummeting off the mountain.

Unfortunately, it hurts like hell and you begin rolling down the rest of the turn, further down the stairway as you regain momentum.

As you bounce, you catch occasional views of the path before you. You can make out two figures in the middle of the trail, one is a girl with long brown hair tied into twintails. The other is a girl with a green hat and blue dress. Both seem to be unaware of the mass of people thundering down at them.

In your current situation, you’re unable to say anything more than an occasional, “Umpff!!”, or, “Aurgh!!”. Nothing like, “Look out!”, or, “Get out of the way!” which would be far more useful things to say to warn them about the incoming danger. The two do finally notice you though; right before impact.

“What th-”

WHUMP

Crashing into the pair, the entangled mess of people continues on, rolling past several more bends before finally, finally coming to rest near the bottom of the stairs. Sprawled out in a ruffled heap, you begin to pick yourself up. Aside from a missing tooth, a black eye, and what might be a couple of fractured ribs you feel GREAT.

The two newcomers on the other hand do not look pleased at the rough encounter with the four of you.

Hmm…

Four?

Looking around, you fail to spot your frog loli. She must have not been pulled down with us since we never did get to putting a leash on her. You take another glance around before finding Pyonta; bruised, but overall fine. At least you still have Suwako’s hat though.

“AHEM?”

The girl with twin tails gives you an annoyed glare. Her name is Hatate Himekaidou though you preferred just referring to her as “Gensokyo’s other reporter”. The other one, the kappa in blue and green, is known as Nitori Kawashiro; an inventor-gadgeteer.

Hatate, turning an interesting shade of red, repeats herself once more, “AHEM? What’s going on!?”

“Sorry, we were trying to cool off in Rumia’s darkness bubble,” Aya replies offhandedly as she scribbles a note or two. Seems she’s given up trying to escape and instead decided to make the best of it. By writing an article about it.

“Wha-?” Hatate looks pretty confused as she looks toward the tengu guard. “Momiji, what’s going on?”

The wolf tengu simply gives a forced chuckle as she picks herself up. “A-haha~ Well, Mr. Dan Maku has been running around and well-” She lifts the leash up to show the Kakashi Spirit News reporter. “-taking us for… a walk.”

The twintailed tengu stands there in silence for a moment; gaping numbly at Momiji.

“A WALK?!?” Hatate drools a little at this before pulling out her own notepad and writing furiously in it. “AHAHAHAA!!! FINALLY! Something I can write in my own newspaper and use against you Aya! Now, where is Mr. Dan Maku so I can inte-SNAP!!! …Hatatata?”

Second tengu reporter getto.

Aya looks amused, though she doesn’t even glance at her rival as she continues writing notes down. “Mr. Maku, where on earth do you keep those leashes?”

You smile mischievously as you reply, “I’m afraid I can’t tell you that.”

Aya lets out a short chuckle. “Fair enough, you can keep your secrets for now. I will find out sooner or later though.”

Meanwhile, Momiji pats the distraught Hatate on the back. “Well, at least you can write an article while you walk with us, haha~”

Nitori however, simply raises her hands in surrender. She probably thought it was futile to flee from someone who had already caught two CROW tengu.

“I’m not even going to try and run. But I’m not wearing one of those.”

Smart girl.

“Fine.” With a wave, you gesture towards the intersection further down the road.

“ONWARD!!!”


[ ] To the village. School is going to be dismissed early.
[ ] To the cemetery. You’re in the mood for a surprise.
[ ] To Myouren Temple. Sutras to recite, monks to kidnap.
[ ] To the Misty Lake. Legend tells of one known as, “THE STRONGEST”.
[ ] To the Scarlet Devil Mansion, more specifically Voile Library. There’s a particular bookworm you’d like to ‘borrow’.
>> No. 160970
[X] To Myouren Temple. Sutras to recite, monks to kidnap.
>> No. 160973
[X] To the Scarlet Devil Mansion, more specifically Voile Library. There’s a particular bookworm you’d like to ‘borrow’.
Patchy time!
>> No. 160974
[x] To the cemetery. You’re in the mood for a surprise.

I just love surprises. Don't you?
>> No. 160980
[x] To the cemetery. You’re in the mood for a surprise.

I, for one, adore surprises.
>> No. 160982
[X] To the cemetery. You’re in the mood for a surprise.

as much as I would love to put Patchouli on a leash, I want to see the 13 group! they don't get no love
>> No. 160983
[X] To the Misty Lake. Legend tells of one known as, “THE STRONGEST”.
The tide rolls in
>> No. 160985
[x] To the cemetery. You’re in the mood for a surprise.
>> No. 160987
[ ] To the cemetery. You’re in the mood for a surprise.

Does Kogasa's power trump Dan's ability to defy common sense?
>> No. 160989
[x] To the Misty Lake. Legend tells of one known as, “THE STRONGEST”.

Where is frog loli!!!
>> No. 160996
[x] To Myouren Temple. Sutras to recite, monks to kidnap.

We can get a monk, and mouse, and a tiger all in one!
>> No. 161012
>>160987
>Does Kogasa's power trump Dan's ability to defy common sense?

Hmm, well if it was so obvious that it was common sense that we'd win, then perhaps we'd lose?

I shouldn't think about such things. I think I just logic broke myself.

Anyway, called.

[x] To the cemetery. You’re in the mood for a surprise.