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File 128619372846.jpg - (492.91KB , 1600x843 , Undead.jpg ) [iqdb]
124487 No. 124487
Alright, first comes first, this is my very first CYOA. In fact, this is the very first fan fic that I have written. The idea apparently spontaneously popped up in my head yesterday and I somehow had the motivation to write and lo and behold, this was its fruit. Am pretty much posting this for fun though.

Enjoy, oh, and please give some reasonable criticisms.

After so long, so many years of searching, your journey is at it's end. Throughout your journey, you have encountered so many hardships, battles, and experiences that you wish to never remember.

Today though, you have finally reached your true goal, to slay the Undead Dragon of the Netherworld, Ner'Zathul (the name you find odd), the one who has brought so much misery, death, pain and darkness not just to you but to every people as well as the lands.

You were not alone on the entire journey, you were accompanied by several people, all
off different daces and attitudes. They were all your friends, not just your comrades. Despite your best efforts to protect them however, they were all slain in battle, all in the attempt to help defeat the
dragon itself. You did not want their efforts to go in vain, and so proceeded to kick some ass.

The long battle with the abomination has brought you into another realm of existence, one created by the dragon itself. However, the dragon has died and so the realm starts to crumble into darkness, unable to maintain its form anymore for its creator has perished. You fall down on your back, barely having any strength or energy left to escape, let alone move. As the area around you crumbles, you smile one last time.

"So I guess this is farewell then. Not a bad way to end, right?" you say just as you fall along to the darkness.

Everything fades to black as you lose your consciousness.

No. 124488
You slowly wake up from the darkness, being greeted by an orange sky and the faint ambient sounds as you regain your senses. You get up and start looking a bit around you. You realize that you are currently in a meadow located in a hill. "Wha...where the hell am I?". You wonder yourself how the hell did you get to such a place after falling through empty space in an ethereal plane.

"Aw!", you exclaimed after conducting your 1st failed attempt to stand up. You try again where you succeed this time but parts of your
body hurt like fuck. Your injuries, which include several small cuts on your left arm and
legs (that spell sure worked nicely), a slightly fractured (you assume) bone in the right arm, and a nice 1st degree burn near your abdomen (hurts a lot). You attempt to heal your
injuries with a healing spell but it was only able to heal a few of the cuts. "Damn!" you
say loudly, as you realise that your magical energy hasn't recovered yet at all.

You also recall that the dragon cast some sort
of spell on you but it doesn't appear to have any effects.

You then swiftly decide to look at your surroundings first. Wanna know the area before doing something.

To your left below where you are is a dense forest. Slightly to the right of the forest, you see what appears to be a lake though very far, you presume. In between them appears to be some small clearings but you can't tell due to the distance.

To your right is more open fields. Slightly behind you are tall mountains and in front appears to be a bamboo forest.


[]To the forest
[]To the bamboo forest
[]To the mountains
[]To the lake
[]Stay where you are
[]Inventory check

No. 124489
[x]Inventory check
[x]To the lake
No. 124492
[x]Inventory check
[x]Stay where you are

What are you using the write this? The text wrapping is off.
No. 124494
Yep, I just noticed. Am using notepad since I don't know what to use for writing right now. Any recommendations?

Will wait for more votes.
No. 124495
[x]Inventory check
[x]Stay where you are
No. 124497
[x]Inventory check
[x]Stay where you are
Deciding to check your inventory, you come up with:

[]A magical silver ring with a lapis lazuli stone embedded in it - Unknown effects
[]Small notebook - Contains the chantings of the spells you already know and some that you want to learn
[]An empty magic scroll with a slight scorch mark in the bottom
[]A lvl 1 sealing scroll - Not just for creatures
[]Slightly Burnt gray cloak *
[]Leather greaves, boots, & gloves *
[]Small dagger with sheath - Previously enchanted but was drained by the dragon
(* means currently equipped)
After checking some of your stuff, you decided to stay put, not knowing what you might encounter if you wander off. The sun is starting to set quick but as you don't know the area around you, you think that this is the safest place right now of all. Quickly sitting on the grass, you just gaze at the setting sun, noting how beautiful it looks. "Ahhh, sure is relaxing... Better find a place to settle at soon."

Suddenly, you hear rustling noises coming from the thick bushes nearby.


I do wish to encourage write-in's. They tend to be awesome.
No. 124499
[*]Wait, but keep your dagger close.
Dragon slayer MC? Interesting.

>Am using notepad since I don't know what to use for writing right now.
Notepad's fine, but I suggest only saving when you stop writing if you can help it. It saves the word wrapping as actual formatting each time. Otherwise you'll just have to check over it before you post it.
No. 124505
[*]Wait, but keep your dagger close.


Openoffice is good and free, as is Notepad+.
No. 124515
Thanks guys. Will check them out.
[]Wait, but keep your dagger close

Slowly and quietly, you wait, keeping your hands close to your trusty dagger. You feel tense, not knowing what horrors you might encounter in this place. After several seconds of nervousness, a large black sphere emerges, nearly ramming into you.

"What the fuck!?" you say as you nearly fell.

Immediately looking at the freaking sphere, you see it, moving & floating randomly in all directions, apparently bumping into the solid ground once. Your not sure what this... thing is but you assume it might be made from black magical energy. After your encounter with necromancers, your sure never gonna forget about black magic again. Thinking about it again gives you shudders.

'Oh, yeah, back to the sphere'. It has apparently stopped in front of you, floating nearby at around 5 feet.


[ ]Initiate attempt of conversation
[ ]Aggress

Oh yeah, forgot to mention that my time is GMT+8 so I'll be asleep in the afternoon.
No. 124517
[*]Initiate attempt of conversation
Rumia choice is only choice.
No. 124523
I'll wait for more votes if possible then will commence writing once I get back from my class.
No. 124525
[X]Initiate attempt of conversation
-[X] Circle it slowly and stay on your guard, just in case.
No. 124548
No. 124549
Writing right now
No. 124553
-[X] Circle it slowly and stay on your guard, just in case.

While your not sure if this blob of darkness has any sentience of some sort, if any at all, you try to talk to it.

"Ah...Hello?" you say as you slowly circle around it, being on your guard. This does remind you of previous experiences when you encountered an unknown entity of some sort but you were at full power at that time. Right now, your just an average human as your magic powers have yet to recover. You do still have your magic senses.

As you stay on your guard, you fail to realize that the sun has already set. As the clouds give way to the light of the new moon, the sphere that which is so dark starts to disintegrate.

You hold on to your trusty dagger, prepared to face off the horror that which this object holds within its darkness...

A little girl. Of all the things you have expected, it was just a little girl. She looks childish based on her very small frame and appearance. You note though of the ribbon tied in her hair as it's giving you some bad vibes but you put that off for later.

As you look at her, you realize that she is already looking at you with a surprised face.


No. 124555
Looks like I needed more time for a better update. This was one was just a rush since I was in the middle of writing only to realize I have very little time left before my breaks over and classes resume.

I'll commence writing after 6 hours at least if there is enough votes.
No. 124567
[*]Kindly greet the girl.
Getting new allies is a good idea.
No. 124570
[x]Greet the girl.
[x]Whilst not letting down your guard
No. 124571
[X] Greet the girl.
-[X] Whilst not letting down your guard
--[X] Leave the ribbon alone
No. 124573
[X] Greet the girl.
-[X] Whilst not letting down your guard
--[X] Leave the ribbon alone
No. 124582
Oh darn, looks like the spaces in the powers weren't included. Sorry for the slightly messy look.
No. 124590
Could you explain about the magic and elemental? I'm a bit confused on voting this. Should I pick more than 1 element? If I pick this vote, [F]Fire [W][M] then summoning is disabled, right? Can you demonstrate on how to vote?
No. 124594

I'm almost certain but I don't want to fuck up
No. 124609
Hmmm, it looks like it got a little confusing. Oh well, I guess I'll change it a bit. I'll allow you guys to choose two elemental powers this time even though they won't work well with each other, say like fire and water (steam?) and still get summoning. I don't want to make this too complex.
No. 124633
Decided to fix it a bit since it got confusing. Deleted the previous post.

For voting for powers, you can choose from the following


If you go for Elemental, you may choose 2 powers from the following list for the MC.


You can go for any combination but certain combination's may lead to more powerful attacks or spells such as the combination of water and lightning, which is of course obvious. I've decided to keep summoning instead and already integrate it into our MC. Depending on the element you choose, you shall be summoning the same elemental that is affiliated with the element you have chosen. Example is if you go for Lightning and Fire, you will have to choose either between lightning or fire for the affinity of your summon.

If you do go for non-elemental magic, you may choose from the following set of powers but you will not be able to choose any elemental powers. The same applies the other way around.


Actually, sound was here just for fun.

Alright, if you actually go for non-elemental magic, you will still have your summoning powers but you guys will need to vote and specify a specific creature or thing which we shall be summoning as our pet. You can do the same even though if you go for elemental magic but you won't be able to summon any elementals.

You may vote it like this:

[]'Name of Summon' (For example, Bahamut)

Just please give me a link describing that summon so that I can know a bit more about it. I don't care much if it is very broken (for fun!) Of course, you can still choose from the list of elemental or non-elemental powers but our MC will only be able to summon the one that which is specified and no more. Choose wisely.

Oh yeah, don't forget to give our MC a name and Gender (Male, Female)

[I'm not even sure why am making this harder for myself and for you guys with the slight complexity]

Big update after this once there is enough votes.
No. 124638
No. 124643

Wikia for Ark: http://www.finalfantasy.wikia.com/wiki/Ark

Vid for summon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdWifJioVoo

We need a Metal user since nobody in Gensokyo had mastered that element(except Patchouli since she's an elementalist). Do Metal and Lightning make a good combo?
No. 124652
-[x]Tails DollArk

Lightning + Metal = Magnet/Lightning rod?
Also briefly considered Anima, but that'd technically be necromancy.
No. 124699
Yes they do. Lol, is the r a mistake or intentional? I'll wait for more votes if possible. For now, I'll continue writing.
No. 124703
r seems intentional
No. 124709
Yes, it is. I'm not referring to certain someone from TLOTRs. Google Gandalfr and you'll see.
No. 124715
File 128637171989.jpg - (1.51MB , 2444x1860 , Sou_Nanoka________by_onikiri.jpg ) [iqdb]
Greet her. That's the very first thing that comes up to your mind. Your not sure if its such a great idea. Heck, she might not even speak the same language as you do back home but you won't know for sure till you try. While thinking of this subject matter, thoughts of who & what she might be starts to linger in your mind. Vampire, sorcerer, shapeshifter, necromancer, and all other things that which you have encountered before, once that which has tried to deceive you with different tactics, all started to gather up in your head easily messing up your mind and thinking for a bit. Shaking your head to clear everything up, you look again at the girl who hasn't budge at all from her position, still looking at you with an innocent & mystified face of hers. You decided to try greeting for real this time, still on guard in case she tries anything. 'Here goes nothing'

"Hi there." you say in a somehow very calm voice. She tilts her head slightly to the left. "Hm?". "Ah, my name is Gandalf and I am a magician. I was wondering if I may ask you some questions if possible." Apparently, the last sentence just came out of nowhere. Also, truth be told, your name is apparently Gandalfr {<-unless this was a typo} but you have difficulty pronouncing it and it sounds a little silly, especially when others hear of it. Oh boy, this just reminded you of how annoying those drunk adventurers got upon hearing the spelling of your name. Deep into your thoughts, you didn't notice that the little girl has already shorten the distance between you two and just as she attempts to take a bite at your right hand, you moved out slightly to the left, causing her to chomp into empty space. "What the hell are you doing?". "Trying to eat a part of you!~" she states in a slightly happy tone. Oh? Somehow, she not only understands what you have said but she can speak in the same language as you do. How odd but you immediately leave that out. "And why is that?" "Cause I'm hungry." "Ammm, okay...? But I'm not food, you know. I'm a human, a person." "Well, humans are food to me~!" she says just as you dodge another attempt of her trying bite a part of you off. Like you thought, this girl ain't normal at all. How the hell can a small little girl who tries to eat people be even considered normal?! She's starting to get annoyed as you continuously dodge her 'attacks', evident by her face which is getting less and less happier each second. Just as she is about to take another try at chomping you, you stop her by placing your left arm forward holding her on her forehead with your gloved hand. Her desperate attempts to get to you starts to look a little silly as she can't even escape from a simple thing. "Why can't I reach you?!" You assume that based on the way she is acting right now, she might not be very smart. It crossed to your mind that you may be able to trick her and get her to help you, that is if she can at all.

"You know, I might actually let you eat me" "Ehhhh? Really!?" she says happily. You never bothered to wonder if this is really a smart thing to do. "That is only if you answer my question." She nods cheerfully. "Alright, let me ask, do you know of any place where I could stay in?" She's in deep thoughts right now, you bet. "Well... I think there's a human village near the edge of the forest but I don't really know its exact location" Oh boy, that messed a bit. "A friend of mine does know its exact place." "Really?" "Yep, though she's probably sleeping right now since its night time". More setbacks?!. "Okay... Know any abandoned places nearby where I can settle for the night?". She nods then points directly at the forest below the hill. "Just straight ahead is an unoccupied house." She's acting cheerful again. "Alright, thanks. By the way, may I ask for your name?" "It's Rumia." "Thanks Rumia, see you at another time" "Alright!" As she goes to the opposite direction you are going, you immediately make a dash for it, not wanting her to remember the now broken... promise? You shake that off and start to walk just as you arrive at the edge of the forest. Its unusually quite. No sound of birds, crickets, or any sort of insects. "I hope this place ain't full of weird stuff." You steadily walk deeper and deeper in to the forest noting some bizarre mushrooms until you see what appears to be a slightly small clearing. Finally! A place where you can take shelter in for the night. Sitting in the middle is a run-down house. Its shape is a little similar to an L, size big enough to house 2 people. Thankfully, its roof is still intact, but its in a dire need of repairs. Entering the house, you closely inspect it, wanting to be sure that there's no place where odd critters may enter.

Doors still there, windows, no holes though its a little bit filled with dust and some slight webbing but this is better than nothing. You note of a door which leads to the bedroom and go through it. Unusually, a desk is still sitting at the wall but you come out with nothing after inspecting its drawers. Removing your greaves and gloves, you sit down on the floor, kneeling your back at the wall, being exhausted and tired. Thank god your injuries were bearable, otherwise, you'll already be experiencing extreme agony. For now, you just want to sleep, nothing else. Slowly fading to darkness, you start to dream.

[]write-in (yes)
No. 124717
Oh, ok. Failed to read the message before the update since I was busy typing. I'll fix the slight error in the way our MC states his name in future updates.
No. 124718
No. 124719
No. 124751
No. 124762


Different speakers, different paragraphs.

I mean, you've read books, right.

Different paragraphs.
No. 124775
Yes, looks like I messed up a bit. Still improving here.
No. 124783
File 128646237121.jpg - (108.17KB , 920x562 , windsor-castle-fire.jpg ) [iqdb]
Here. Should have improved a bit in my writing skills thanks to >>124762.

Death and Destruction.

That was the only thing that greeted you upon returning to Thyren, the city were you once lived. At the outskirts, you watch as the city burns to the very ashes. What has only filled your mind right now is utter shock. Charging straight inside to look for any survivors, what only awaited was a the many corpses of people, now lying everywhere.

"Ho-How did this happen..." You only stare with unbelief of such a cruel thing to be doen to them. "Who the fuck...Who the fuck will do such a fucking thing?!" you scream in anger. Right now, sorrow, anger, sadness, those are the only emotions that you feel right now, bringing you down to your knees, unable to control the tears filling your eyes. You can't believe what is happening right now, only wishing that it is all a dream. You know most of the now dead people, they were good people, one's who were like your friends, like a family. In the very center of town, you notice something.

A creature, one that is filled with extreme menace stands, being shrouded by the flames that which continue to burn.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't here help you guys before this all happened." you say in a voice filled with sorrow.

"I promise, I'll avenge all of you guys." You can only say those words with such a sorrowful voice.

You teleport directly in front of the creature using your dagger. It already knows that you are there, evident by the its evil laughs. " Whoever you are, I will never forgive you for what you have done." you grit your teeth with anger, preparing your very first spell. "Avera, Impaler of Darkness!!!" you scream while tears are still flowing from your eyes as you directly punch the ground with your right hand. A magic circle forms in the exact same spot on the ground, spears in different angles breaking through the ground immediately heading towards the creature.

Just before it could take flight, you activate another spell "Mithrea, Binder of Darkness!!!" Large numbers of chains begin to appear out of thin air around you, attempting to hold down the creature as they impale themselves through parts of the creature then towards the ground.

Suddenly, silence. Everything turns quite as a sudden force from the creature knocks you back for a distance and disintegrates everything around it for a short distance. As you regain your sight, you can barely see the creature about to launch a massive amount of black energy directed towards you.

'Is this how I will die?' you think to yourself.

'Huh, too bad. Nothing I can do I guess.'

Those are your thoughts just as you were about to get hit by the darkness


You wake up from your dream, feeling extremely tense and nervous. All those feeling of sorrow and anger, they're all flowing into you right now.

"That dream just now." you say as you lay your back against the wall, trying to calm down. After several minutes, you've returned back to a calm state. Looking through the window, the suns appears to be still rising.


Write-in's for the win! Oh well, I'm just too lazy right now and I'm tired. Need sleep badly.
No. 124798
[*] Go look for something to eat.
No. 124830
[x] Go look for something to eat.
No. 124866
Busy right now on some stuff so couldn't write today. I should have some free time tomorrow for writing.
No. 124998
Hunger. That's what strikes you as you stand up, stretching your stiff muscles for a bit. Reminds you that you haven't eaten anything yet at all since your fight and that was a day and a half ago. You remember that your last meal were several pieces of lembas bread and that was only enough to satisfy your stomach for several hours. You couldn't help it though since you had a battle to finish with Ner'Zathul on that time. "Better head out then."

Putting back your greaves and gloves on and making sure you haven't left anything inside the house, you head out. Upon stepping out of the house, the one thing you immediately noticed is that the concentration of magic energy in the air is quiet... high. You probably didn't notice yesterday since your senses for magic and such were still recovering from the massive strain you put on yourself on your last battle but it sure feels oddly different compared to yesterday. Another thing is that as you look at your injured arm, some of the cuts have started healing and the slightly broken arm doesn't hurt as much anymore. Looking at your burn though, it's another story as it looks nearly the same like before with no signs of recovery yet.

"I guess I can look at it later, that is if I can." You kinda want to heal it but your hunger is getting the best out of you right now and it doesn't hurt so much like yesterday. Placing it aside, you go into a random direction, looking for food. Thinking about it, you'd prefer if you can find something that which you can cook, like say a small rabbit or deer but you think that some edible fruits would be enough for now.


15 minutes later, after walking slowly to a random direction, you haven't found anything at all. No animals, no fruits in sight, no plants that which doesn't look poisonous or inedible, nothing, save for a few insects scattered around. Its like this place is almost devoid of life. One thing also is that the concentration of magic energy is getting steadily (but very slowly) higher the more you walk towards your current direction. Your not sure what you might find if you keep going though you suddenly had the urge to just fly towards it as your getting really bored and impatient right now.'!?' Just as you take another step forward, a large beam of light suddenly appears in the distance ahead of you, the bright beam heading towards the sky creating a spectacular hole in a cloud that it hit dead center.

You just stare at it as it causes the ground to shake for a bit, pushing all the air around it which in turns creating quite some nice wind speeds. It ain't enough to push you around though but the flying debris are a bit annoying.

The beam of light disappears after several seconds and everything goes very quite. "What... the fuck... was that?" you say in a slow manner as you wander what the hell was the thing that you just saw, completely forgetting about your hunger. It kinda looks like one of the spells you saw the Life Maker used during the great war but his was black and more concentrated, not widely spread out like the one just now.

However, having the knowledge that someone in this place might have a power level nearly close to that of the Life Maker, you begin to feel a bit nervous. You'd never want to fight that guy again after getting nearly killed by him during the war.


[x]Head towards the source of the light

[x]Ignore it, head towards another direction
[x]Go back


Oh well, writing sure went a bit slow as I got distracted by games and videos so sorry for the delay.
No. 125003
[x]Head towards the source of the light
No. 125109
[x]Head towards the source of the light

Curiosity gets the most out of you, a lot. You know that from your past experiences. Sometimes such curiosity leads to very rewarding finds. Other times, they nearly get you killed like say that encounter with the Giant levitating magic-resistant serpent.

Now, heading towards the light, you decide to crawl it all the way out, not wanting to make yourself an easy target just in case there is someone over "there". Getting down on your stomach in order to initiate crawling, bits of branches and debris make the trip somewhat hard and uncomfortable. Thank god for your leather equipment or the experience would have just been worse. It wasn't as far as you thought it was though as you began to hear someone screaming, possibly to another person. Based on the voice, its a girl and she's screaming about something being stolen and wanting it to be given back though you can't hear it clearly due to the trees blocking her voice a bit. As you get closer, you can see two people under the branches keeping you out of sight.

There's a girl on the left, who is screaming to another on your right. The one with purple hair (left) has a lavender attire which is something you can't really describe specifically well though it's style is somewhat similar to something like say, pajamas while wearing a nightcap on. The other one to your right looks like a witch with her hat and broom, like the students on the academy near where you lived in before. Her hat is black though and her attire is different.

The very first thing you assume about these two is that they might be very powerful. You don't know though who started that gigantic beam but as one of them is just floating effortlessly in mid-air while the other one is currently sitting on her broom, it's probably been casted by one of them. Your thoughts get interrupted by more screaming however.

"Just return everything you took already!" the girl on the left says.

"B-b-but, I'm just borrowing them, you know." a different voice says and grins nervously.

"I've had enough of this... If you won't give those back, then I'll just take everything you took by force!"

The girl on the left looks like she's going to do something. Taking out a card out of nowhere, she begins to chant something.

"Fire Sign..." A fire spell? Isn't that a bad idea here at this place? "Agni Radiance!"

A large whirlwind composed of small separated amounts of bits of fire appears in mid-air, heading towards the witch-like girl who at the same time started attempting to dodge in gaps between the attack while backing steadily at the same time.

"Hey! This is freaking dangerous, especially at this place!" She continuously dodges, to your surprise, with no signs of plans to retaliate. It looks like she wants to keep the large sack on her back safe. 'Guess that's where the things she took are in.'

In the middle of your thoughts, you never noticed that some of the flames are heading right towards your location! It's too close for you to think about what to do.


[x]Fly up

[x]Magic Barrier
[x]Something else (specify)

[x]Do nothing

No. 125344
[x]Fly up
No. 125345
-[x]Magic Barrier
No. 125384
Need more votes & that sure took time.
No. 125407
-[x]Fly up
[x]Graze a little
No. 125436
No. 125486
You act first, not wanting to think about any further action as you only have very little time before you get turned to ashes. Gathering magic energy, you fly up. The trip upwards wasn't funny with the branches of trees blocking your way and the fact that it damaged your robe a bit.

Alas, there are still some randomly flying fireballs around even after clearing the forest a bit...

Huh? Where did that come from. All of a sudden, you had the urge to 'graze' this fireballs no matter how stupid that sounds. As some of them head towards you, you dodge by moving a bit only to the side, the fireballs nearly hitting you. They're very very hot, but they ain't causing any bad things right now, thankfully. You graze, graze, graze, graze, until you feel a little dizzy. You can't keep up with just grazing though as there are just too many fireballs right now heading towards your direction.

Just as you prepare to fully dodge, the fireballs disappear before anymore gets closer to you.

Looks like the girl who created this torrent of fire has stopped it. You can clearly see both of the girls. The witch looks fine though the other one looks tired, unusually. Well, you guess that the spell just now was very consuming in magic energy, based on how tired she looks.

"You..." the girl states with an annoyed voice to the witch.

"Hehehe..." the witch says nervously. "Sorry about that."

Your not sure what they're talking about but it seems the witch did something to make the other girl stop her spell. Possibly a counter spell, or something.

"Then I'll just take those back with my full power!" She's very angry now.

"Wa-Wait! Are you crazy!?"

"Five Elements 'Philosophers St-'" She stops chanting suddenly, looking at you. Uh oh. You forgot to take cover and looks like you were found out. The witch was mystified as well as to why the girl stopped chanting and looking at the direction were she is currently looking at, she sees you and eyes on you as well.

"Who are you?" The 'lavender' girl says to you in a slightly serious manner.

No. 125545
[x] Praise her about her magic.
[x] Recompose and introduce yourself.
No. 125596
[x] Praise her about her magic.
[x] Recompose and introduce yourself.

good stuff so far.
but moving onto criticism. Be careful with what words you choose. They essentially describe the tone of the whole story and the manner in which the mc speaks/perceives the world around him. i would highly suggest that if you're going for a sort of wise, devoted mc, to go against using words like ain't, unless if you're going for a the sort of mc which was raised in a rural area of sorts, but this one dosnt appear as such. Also, try to add more detail into what the mc sees all around him, this is very important, and a lot of new writers forget to do this. You are trying to paint a picture in our minds as vividly as possible. other than that keep up the good work.
No. 125597
[x] Praise her about her magic.
[x] Recompose and introduce yourself.
No. 125649

Thanks for the tip. Right now, dragon age origins is keeping me busy & I have just barely started with the update.
No. 125713
File 128747332165.jpg - (246.07KB , 1024x768 , river-roe-limavady1.jpg ) [iqdb]
"Who are you?"

Her sudden question struck you surprised. You can't really think of what to say right now. Saying something stupid or offensive could just get you killed, especially with her probable bad mood right now and the fact that she might have already known that you were eavesdropping on her talk with the witch. That does remind you of the witch who is still looking at you with the same face, nervous and some what dumbfounded.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" the other girl says which brings your attention back to her.

Maybe a little compliment will help ease her mood? You clear your throat a bit as you are about to speak out your thoughts in... her magical powers? Oh well.

"That spell just now... It was quite powerful and intimidating. Having such great control in an element hard to control such as fire, you are quite powerful indeed.

"What?" She's probably surprised on what you just said due the fact that it had no relation at all whatsoever to her question. You start to feel very nervous. Your comment just now didn't appear to have any effect on her or she just isn't showing it. Better answer her question though.

"I'm sorry, where are my manners. My name is Gandalfr and I am a mage from... another land."

"Oh? A mage?!" the witch says enthusiastically. You didn't even notice her approach in the first place in that she is now floating just to the left of the girl, around 5 feet away at least. Looking at the other girl, she looks quite interested as well on who you are.

"Oh, by the way, I'm Marisa and this is-"

"I can speak for myself, Marisa." The witch or Marisa, as she says, lets out a nervous laugh.

"My name is Patchouli Knowledge and I am a magician. You can say the same for her as well. So I assume that you aren't from this land based on what you said" ...So they're both mages, just like you. Huh. They're probably in a higher level than you though with the power Ms. Patchouli has shown and the fact that Ms. Marisa hasn't been hurt by it. Maybe you could ask them a bit about this place.

"Yes, I came from somewhere else though how I got here is something that which I do not know of yet. May I ask you two at least about this place?"

"You may though I believe there is someone else better suited for this job. Her name is Keine Kamishirasawa, I think." Ms. Patchouli says.

"Yep, she lives in the human village to the south from here. I may lead you if you want." Ms. Marisa offers which surprises you.

"How about you Ms. Patchouli?" You ask.

"I will return to the Mansion as I have been away for too long now. They might be looking for me already and I need to tend to the library."

'A mansion? I guess I can drop the question for next time though.' you think to yourself. Did she mention a library by the way? You may want to drop for a visit sometime if possible. You'd like to see the books they have. Now, back to Marisa's offer to lead the way...

"Then, I shall accept your offer Ms. Marisa."

"Alright, lets go. And oh, you can just call me Marisa and leave the formalities be".

"Uhm, ok, I guess..." It might be a little odd though being that you have only just recently known her.

"I believe Patchy will be fine with it as well without the formalities, right?" Patchy?

She strikes a glare to Marisa who in turns grins back at her. You guess this two have an odd relationship with each other with the way things are right now. Your surprised as well that Marisa is somehow managing to get away with the book stealing Patchouli talked about previously.

"Before going, may you please return the book you stole?" So she actually didn't forget about it. And just when you thought she actually did. Kinda sounds like your the stealer when thinking like this.

"He he he" Marisa says nervously. "Can't I just return it sometime?"

"No, you can't. That one book you stole is something important and you won't be giving it back anyway once you take it home. Also, you can't just open that book easily."

Marisa sighs... "Alright then, here you go." She hands out the book to Patchouli. The book is quite thick and is probably heavy, having a number of pages similar to something akin to a dictionary. The one thing that catches your eye is that the cover appears to be highly decorated with five gems colors probably representing each of the main elements. Fire, earth, metal, water, & wood, you presume.

Wait... You catch a glimpse of the insignia engraved on the front of the book. It looks like the insignia back home at the Citadel tower owned by the Magus Council. Why does she have a book with the Council's insignia?

"I shall take my leave now." Patchouli flies off just as you were about to ask about the book.

"Now then, shall we get going?"

"I guess we should." Maybe you could ask about it next time if you ever meet her again.

You now head towards the village following Marisa right in front of you. Some questions fill your mind right now and you hope that this Keine can help answer a bit. Right now, you just take note of your surroundings as there's nothing else to do. Somewhere in the middle of the forest, you see a small river which extends to the mountains at one side and towards the lake on the other. Just after it though is more forest. Towards the edge at the forest on the right, you can barely see a sunflower field on a hill. On the other is pretty much the same. The ocean is probably just ahead a bit but your field of view doesn't extend towards it.

"Were here!" Marisa says cheerfully. "Better land somewhere at the outskirts, don't wanna attract any attention."

The two of you land in a small clearing on the forest which is just on the outskirts of the village. Upon landing, you feel tired, noting that you seem to have used a bit of your magic energy on flight. Can't blame yourself being the fact that the process of flight is said to be complicated, or that's what they say back home and so only very few powerful mages could fly indefinitely.

Marisa just looks at you then nods, walking towards the village while you follow behind. You reach it quicker than you thought though as it only took around a minute for you to get to the village.

"Alright, shall we go visit Keine?" Marisa states to you.


[x]No, do something else first
No. 125717

I like to finish our business then we can go tour around the village.

Oh yeah, why is Marisa's hair black? I thought it supposed to be golden/yellow.

And ocean, huh? Meh, must be Misty Lake.
No. 125722
-[x]Tour around the village.

Why not? I'm feeling a bit playful~
No. 125726

I believe you meant hat actually. If I did say that in my description, my mistake but I can't find it anywhere.
No. 125747
yeah, my mistake. Reread that part and yup it's her hat alright.
No. 125749
No. 125800
No. 125825
A darn. the hell. That part was supposed to have "assumed" being the fact that its too far for you to see. Oh well, writing right now.
No. 125832
Do forgive some mistakes on some descriptions as I tend to miss some of them such as the supposed to be "assumed ocean". I need to reread my updates more.


You nod to her in agreement. "Lets go!" She walks ahead and you follow as usual. Looking around the village, it's populated mostly with long narrow homes with the streets being narrow compared to the ones you usually see in the cities. You guess the architectural design here is different compared to the way people lived back home. Its filled with lots of people, some looking at you suspiciously due to the condition of your slightly burnt robe. Thankfully, they're only glances and no more. Looking around further while still walking towards your destination, you noticed a slightly darkish brown cat who just jumped up a wall then disappear. Wait, did that cat just now had two tails? How... odd? Maybe not so odd here though. Bah, there's too many unusual things your seeing right now and you can't take it all in at once.

"Were here." Marisa's sudden announcement took you out of your thoughts. In front of you looks just like a normal house though its slightly larger than the other houses and it has a 3 feet stone wall surrounding it, the only part not walled off is the front in which where you are standing in right now.

"So I assume this Keine lives in here."

"Yep, she's also the owner of the school just beside her house."

"Oh, so I guess she's a teacher." as you head in, Marisa just opens the door announcing both of your presence with glee.

"Morning Keine!"

In front of you is a woman with long silver hair wearing dark blue dress with short white sleeves. What gets your attention the most though is her hat. Looks somewhat like a house or a lunchbox of some sort.

"Yo, Keine!"

"Marisa, didn't I tell you already to never slam open someones door without knocking first."

Keine says, mildly annoyed by Marisa's antics.

"Ha ha ha, sorry." Marisa says, nervous.

"So, what business do you have here?"

"I came here to introduce you to someone." then she looks at you with a smirk on her face.
"This guy's name is Gandalfr and he's an outsider.

"Oh? An outsider. I see." She looks to be in deep thoughts. "So I guess you have a lot of questions right now. Well then, come inside so we may talk."

You head inside the house with Marisa at the same time. "Please, make yourselves comfortable." You sit at the floor just in front of a table located in the middle of the house, with both Keine and Marisa sitting next.

"So, Mr. Gandalfr. I assume you already know my name. Well, let me introduce myself again. My name is Keine Kamishirasawa and I am the guardian of this village. You probably already have a lot of questions right now so let me say this. The land you are currently in is Gensokyo and its a place where both humans and youkai live together though you can't say peacefully." Youkai? Your not sure what youkai is but maybe you can ask later.

"Now, may I ask on the circumstances on how you got here in the first place?" Keine asks.


Write-ins are fun and better in the first place. I think I may integrate some mistakes I commit though that will depend.


I got distracted way too much by other stuff so it took some time for me to write.
No. 125906
[x]"I'm not sure. The last thing I did before losing my consiousness was defeating the evil Undead Dragon of Netherworld together with my friends."
[x]Roughly explain the event about the battle.
[x]"After that, the dragon's lair/realm starts to crumble, I want to escape but the pain is unbearable and I just give up, surrender to fate."
[x]"I'm quite surprised at the fact I'm still alive after the battle, you know, with that place starts to disintegrate and I'm exhausted."
[x]"And that's it. I'm wake up to see that I'm still alive and still have injuries."
[x]Explain everything that happened after you woke up including the encounter with Rumia and the magicians.
[x]"Which reminds me, do you have food and medicines or something to treat my injuries? Any would be appreciated."

Took quite a while for me come up with something.
No. 125964
File 128771950492.jpg - (449.14KB , 1000x1250 , kiene (3).jpg ) [iqdb]
add a question in regards to the origin of her het and i think we're ready to roll.
[x]"I'm not sure. The last thing I did before losing my consiousness was defeating the evil Undead Dragon of Netherworld together with my friends."
[x]Roughly explain the event about the battle.
[x]"After that, the dragon's lair/realm starts to crumble, I want to escape but the pain is unbearable and I just give up, surrender to fate."
[x]"I'm quite surprised at the fact I'm still alive after the battle, you know, with that place starts to disintegrate and I'm exhausted."
[x]"And that's it. I'm wake up to see that I'm still alive and still have injuries."
[x]Explain everything that happened after you woke up including the encounter with Rumia and the magicians.
[x]"Which reminds me, do you have food and medicines or something to treat my injuries? Any would be appreciated."
[X]Also, pardon me but my curiosity has gotten the better of me, would you mind if i inquired about your lovely hat?
No. 125966


I'll start writing later. Busy at the moment.
No. 125995

waiting warmly. I expecting a wall of texts.
No. 126079
Still writing. The updates halfway done right now but distractions still hamper my progress.
No. 126241
Switching to first person point of view for now. Let me know your thoughts about it.




"Now, may I ask on the circumstances on how you got here in the first place?" Keine asks.

Ahm, how do I answer? I can't even remember anything after falling in some bottomless
pit of some sort. I guess I should tell what I can remember. She might even be able to help me get back to my "home" if she learns some of the details, that is 'if' it is possible in the first place.

"I'm not sure. The last thing I did before losing my consciousness was defeating the evil Undead Dragon of Netherworld together with my friends."

"Eh? A dragon & in the Netherworld?!" She looks surprised & so is Marisa. Maybe a Dragon and a self-made realm is defined very differently here. I just hope what I say won't result in some problems in the future. Better continue.

"Well, uhm... yes. I guess I should explain some details that I remember about the battle. First, me and my companions were able to track the dragon on the ruins of a city were I used to live in by following the... 'trails' that it left behind. The dragon pretty much had the advantage from the start of the battle when we initiated the fight. That was until..." I am reminded again of the sacrifice of my companions and it only results to more sorrow swelling up within me. I think my eyes are getting a little teary.

"If its making you uncomfortable, you may leave it out." Keine suddenly says which brings me back to reality.

"A-alright. So, after some time, I faced that thing off at its own realm after following it through a gateway which it opened up. I think it was trying to escape since it nearly lost all of its powers. We then met on the middle of its lair, which is mostly desert, then battle with our full powers.

The battle can be summed up as a contest on who can outlast the other while trying to hit each other with different spells. One thing that bothered me during the early parts of the battle was that the dragon hit me with some sort of spell, to be more precise, a thin line of blackness that pierced my heart from thin air. There wasn't any pain except for a feeling that which I can't describe. I managed to dissipate it immediately though. I'm assuming that the spell could have been a hex or something that failed to take effect. I just wish it won't have further effects on me as that spell was, odd."

"Maybe it was some sort of way to implant a curse!" Marisa suddenly blurts out, still her somewhat happy self.

"If it was, I would have already noticed after at least a day then you'll instead find me busy chanting spells for hours just trying to get the curse off." Keine looks serious though about this matter. I guess she doesn't take such things jokingly. I guess I can now see why she is considered as the or is the village guardian.

"So, continuing with my story, the battle was a stalemate until I managed to finish casting on what you can consider as my most powerful spell. That was the first time that I have ever used it. Initiating the spell took time being that it has an extremely complex magical structure ." I think this statement just perked Marisa's interest a bit more.

"While the spell managed to fell the undead dragon, it nearly consumed my life as well.
The spell, in order for it to initiate, somehow used some of my life force directly as an energy source to sustain some of the required energy as I didn't have enough magic at that time. Actually, I'm not even sure why it did that in the first place as spells shouldn't work without enough magic. It was my first time using that spell so I guess there might be some things that I don't know of it yet as I only found it on some book and didn't get much time to study its effects." The spell the best of me to be more precise. It just reminds me of the pain. Oh, the pain.

"Leaving that behind, the the dragon's lair/realm started to crumble. I wanted to escape but the pain is just unbearable so I gave up, surrendering myself to fate. I pretty much fell to the darkness afterwards then lost my consciousness several seconds later. I'm quite surprised myself due to the fact that I'm still alive, you know, with that realm starting to disintegrate and being that I couldn't get out with the excruciating pain."

"Quite an interesting battle." says Keine, with a content face? That's odd.

"I would have loved to watch it, that is while out of harms way. Also, you might be more powerful than I thought!" says the witch or mage, Marisa. How long can she keep that smile on her face?

"Looks like a person of great interest has arrived!" she cheerfully declares. I just hope those words won't attract any unwanted attention.

"What?" I blurt out.

"Ahahaha, it's nothing. Don't mind what she says." Keine states nervously.

"Ah, ok..."

"So, care to say any additional information about the events before getting here" I feel like she's interrogating me. Bah, maybe I'm getting way over my head. Better get to her good side though as I'd prefer to make friends here first before making enemies.

"To be specific, that's it. Afterwards, I woke up to see that I'm still alive, with my injuries no worse than before."

"How about after you got here?"

"Well, first thing after waking up is that I encountered this girl who at first was enveloped in a sphere of darkness after sitting around until it was night time. I think her name was Rumia though I only got to talk to her and know her name when she got out of that sphere of hers for some unknown reason."

"I bet she tried to eat you." says Marisa.

"She did so I had to trick her out of her attempts while getting her to help me at the same time. She directed me towards this abandoned house in the forest where I took my rest at for the night."

"Quite clever of you. Most outsiders who arrive here tend to get eaten by the Youkai before they get to safety. With your powers though, I don’t think you would have much trouble dealing with her." compliment by Keine. And did she mention Youkai?

“May I ask but what is a Youkai?”

“Oh? So you don’t know?” I nod my head.

“Well, Youkai are beings or creatures that is considered supernatural or one that comes from legends. Examples are vampires, fairies & the girl you met, Rumia.”

“I see. Thanks for the info”

“Your welcome, now, please continue.”

"Oh yeah, right. I woke up at dawn after some rest then I headed out in search of food. The next thing you know, I encountered Marisa and Patchouli. At first, I got attracted by this large laser beam that came from their location and so I managed to find them. I'm not sure who casted it though."

"That was actually me and that was my own trademark move, Master Spark!" Marisa says cheerfully.

"Oh? Continuing, I believe the two where fighting about Marisa stealing a precious book from her. It could have gone further if it weren't for the fact that I got discovered. That was the point where I have introduced myself to both Marisa and Patchouli. Patchouli was the one who suggested me to ask questions that I have to you, Ms. Keine, where Marisa then guided me here. And that’s how I got here."

"I see. You had a quite interesting welcome here at Gensokyo, I take it?" Keine asks.

"Yep, quite a bit scary as well to be honest."

"Its good that you didn’t get hurt in the middle battle. Now, I believe I should tell you a bit about some important things here in Gensokyo. First and the most important is the spellcard system. This is what allows people such as youkai to settle disputes through battles using spellcard. This battle which lack the elements of dangers such as dying but it will still hurt. Maybe a few demonstrations with spellcards will help but that'll be scheduled for a later time."

"How hard is it to learn, this spellcard system?" I ask.

"Its quite easy to learn once you grasp the rules. Most people can easily learn the spellcard system in less than a day. Creating spellcards is another story as you need to have power within you but it shouldn't be hard for someone like you.

I will discuss some more important stuff but that will be schedule for later. Now, is there anything else you need, Mr. Gandalfr?"

"That reminds me, do you have food and any medicines to help treat my injuries? Any would be appreciated."

"I have some herbal medicines and Nikuman if you like."


"Oh, its meat buns if you don't know. Let me get them" I don't. I wonder how it tastes.

“Ok.” Keine stands and heads through a door which is I assume the kitchen. Wait, I feel like someone is staring. Look around, I see Marisa who is doing so with a cheerful face.

“Hey, can you show some of your spells?!” What the!? Such a random thing to say but maybe its expected of her.

“Uh, maybe next time. When Keine is going to demonstrate about the spellcard system.”

“Just promise to do so. I’m eager to study some of your spells.” Oh boy. After waiting for at least a minute, Keine arrives with at least 4 meat buns and medicine. “Can I ask then what kind of spells you are using?”

“Ah, to frankly put it, elemental spells, mostly. Most of my magic is concentrated in metal and lightning element .”

“Those are something you don’t know see here everyday. To frankly put it, the only who uses metal element in Gensokyo is Patchouli.” Oh? “For lightning, I don’t think anyone uses it here and I never have seen any lightning spells yet. This just makes me more eager to see your spells.”

“You may eat first then I’ll help cure those injuries of yours.”

“Alright, thanks.” I take up one ‘meat bun’, taking a bite of it. Quite good. I then decide to eat the rest. Halfway on the last bun, I couldn’t resist the urge to ask about her hat. The more I look into it, the more I get, you know, ahhhh, mystified?

"Pardon me but my curiosity has gotten the better out of me, would you mind if I inquire about your lovely hat?”

“Eh?” Keine looks surprised by that question.
“Ah, well… To frankly put, well, its given to me by someone but that’s all I’m going to say.” I think she’s trying to avoid the subject. Well, we don’t know much each other right now so I can see why. “Well then, Mr. Gandalfr, what time do you wish the demonstration to take place?”

[x]Specify time

Took longer than I expected due to misplaced spaces after a copy paste from notepad.
No. 126243

Give us more time to heal.
No. 126245
And doing something.

>For lightning, I don’t think anyone uses it here and I never have seen any lightning spells yet.

Marisa forgot about Iku, the catfish messenger, I guess.
No. 126247
Oh darn, I forgot Iku. Sorry. I'll try to fix that in future updates. Really need to remember all the names and characters.
No. 126476
No. 126812
Sorry guys but I'm currently on a trip outside the country. Couldn't write until now and probably can't until Nov. 3.
No. 127796
And now on hold till I regain my bearings. I might start a new thread instead at a different section.