IT'S RIGHT HERE WHAT ARE YOU BLIND?
JUST TAKE A SLICE >[x] See if you can tie her horns to the bottom of the gate arch. When she falls, she'll be hanging in the air from the gate by her horns.
It takes a little doing, but after a hefty donation, the shrine maiden is willing to part ways with some ornate rope kicking around in her storehouse. Isn't this supposed to be sacred? ...Oh well, it's for a good cause. Sort of.
Scaling the gate isn't too hard--you've done a little mountain climbing in the free time your wealth has provided you. Once on the top, you pull the rope back up after you, leaving it lassoed to one side of the gate. Now, to business.
Carefully you creep past the drunken oni and tie the rope to the other side. Still plenty of slack--perfect.
You nearly jump out of your skin when you feel a tug on the back of your leg. Suika's awake.
"Whatteryu...whashgoinonn?" she mumbles thickly.
Thinking quickly, you press her gourd into her hands. "You need another drink."
"Eh? Never say no to a..." she doesn't even finish the sentence before the gourd is to her lips (with a little assistance from you.) After a long pull (does she even breathe?) her eyes droop and her head sinks back down. Whew.
Okay. Tying loops around her horns is nervous work, but the last drink put her out again. Carefully you snug them on, giving them each a second loop just in case, knot them, and then, bit by bit, remove most of the slack on one side and then the other.
Now the hard part. Climbing back down without your rope. It's hard and perilous, and takes the better part of an hour, but finally, you reach the bottom again.
Now to start throwing shit at her until she wakes up.
Miss, miss, hit! ...She's not moving. Goddammit
she's a heavy sleeper.
It flies end over end and clocks her square in the face. She snorts and rolls over with the bristles in her face. ...She mumbles and flails a bit, this could be it--
...dammit! She just pushed it off and it fell over the side.
You actually throw a little to the left, but when it hits the gate it makes a resounding clang. Suika yelps and starts awake hollering something about beans. After a second she gets her bearings. Squinting, she looks around wildly, murder in her eyes.
"Who threw that? Who threw that?!"
She locks eyes with you. You wave.
With a roar she leaps from the top of the gate like an animal. Her predator's lunge falls short, however, when the rope runs out of slack a quarter of the way down. Her head snaps back and cuts her howl off sharply and she swings like a teru teru bouzu.
You laugh your fool head off at her helpless flailing.
...Until, that is, she strains her neck muscles as hard as she can and rips the gate out of the ground.
As she falls she wheels the whole thing around like a reverse swingset and brings it down on your head. SMOOTH AND
FLAT END - TERU TERU BOZO