YAF !nmVOHsTRd. 2008/06/14 (Sat) 20:42 No. 11909 ▼
File 121347614725.jpg - (71.57KB, 480x640 , 27rb.jpg)
[X] "Or this will never end. You'll keep fleeing, you'll keep running, until eventually you're backed up against the wall. Maybe you can push back, just long enough to escape, to start running again before it all repeats itself. But eventually you won't have anything left, and all the things that you were running from will catch up with you and they'll crush you alive, Mary. And there won't be anyone left to help you then... if you keep running, pushing your friends away, then eventually they'll be too far to help you. Too far because they stayed and fought while you slunk into a corner, or because you tossed them to the wolves. Is that what you want, Maribel Han? To throw Renko and me to the wolves?"
What a stubborn thing. Even down, being pinned down, with no way to escape, she's still trying to run.
What is it that you fear so much, Maribel Han? Rejection? Mockery? Or is it... Your own mind? Are you afraid of being loved? Of opening to others?
"Or this will never end." you say in calm tone "You'll keep fleeing, you'll keep running, until eventually you're backed up against the wall. Maybe you can push back, just long enough to escape, to start running again before it all repeats itself. But eventually you won't have anything left, and all the things that you were running from will catch up with you and they'll crush you alive, Mary."
To emphasize those words, you squeeze her shoulders harder. She flinches, perhaps even letting out a pained moan. But you don't care. No matter what she does, she has to understand. Words didn't go through her. Even that closeness before, despite her being the one to initiate it, it still didn't work. Why did you do it in the first place? Why did you come and do what you did? If you had a craving for intimate contact, then why are you so hesitant to admit to it?
"That... hurts..." her weak voice. It doesn't matter. Even if it hurts, show must go on.
"AND" you raise your voice to catch her attention again "There won't be anyone left to help you then... if you keep running, pushing your friends away, then eventually they'll be too far to help you. Too far because they stayed and fought while you slunk into a corner, or because you tossed them to the wolves. Is that what you want, Maribel Han? To throw Renko and me to the wolves? Do you want to leave us? Let us fall for each other and be leave you behind? Do you want it? Do you want to run away, Maribel Han?! DO YOU WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE?!" unable to control your emotions, angered, frustrated, at your inability to get through to her, at her stubborness "From the very beggining, we've been so close to each other! Despite having met for the first time, we've been so close! On our first day here! Remember?! Why did I wake up in your lap?! Then, after that, why did I wake up with you curled up to me?! And the day after, why did you tell me to kiss you?! I love you, Maribel Han! Renko loves you! We both love you! We fucking love you and you can do fucking nothing about it! Understand?! WE LOVE YOU! WHY DO YOU NOT LOVE US?! OR IF YOU DO, WHY ARE YOU HESITANT TO ADMIT IT?! ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME, MARIBEL HAN!"
Shake, shake, shake. With every word, you shake her shoulders. Bumping them against the floor.
Tears well up in her eyes.
Her whole body is trembling. Spasm shant through it, you can feel her stomach muscles tensing and loosening.
Tremble. Treble. Tremble.
Her weepy voice reaches it's highest registers as she breaks in tears.
Like a child, letting it all out. Crying. Not holding back. Perhaps, it's too strong for her to hold back. Perhaps, she's been holding it back for so long that it became unbearable.
"I... I..." she pants out in between spasms.
Faced with her sudden weakness, you're confused. Unsure what to do. Your own hands let go of her shoulders and hover above her head, in a ponder, what to do. What to do. What to do. What to do in a situation like this?
You're feeling like a young parent, facing his child's first cry. Trying to figure out what to.
But you're not a parent. You don't know how to deal with that. You don't know. Your instincts are useless here.
In a simplest gesture one could ever think of, you pull her up.
And gently, yet affectionaly, embrace her in a hesitant hug.
Her sobs continue for a few minutes. Strongly, as if she could run at any moment, you continue to embrace her. Sitting on this cold floor. Letting her tears seep into your clothes.
Cry, Maribel Han. Let it all out.
Let this tension fall down like an unneeded curtain. Let your true feelings, a stage, filled with actors, be revealed.
Let it all out.
Soon, she calms down. Remaining in your arms, occasional spasms shaking her body. Getting less and less frequent.
Finally, she speaks.
"I'm scared." So it was that after all. Fear. Fright. Why? Why are you scared? She continues "I'm scared of... everything. Outside world. I don't like it. All the people... You're feeling the same, right? That world is hostile. Unfriendly. There is... no place for me there. That's why... When I discovered this world... I stared coming here as often as possible. To escape. I was stupid, wasn't I?" she lets out a fake laugh "Because, after all, I've always returned to the outside world. To that spiteful place. And then... I met Renko. She... She was the only one that would understand my strange powers. To see the Border. To see... those dreams... She would be the only one to accompany me... I thought I was happy... But then... She... She fell for me. Just like that, she started acting strangely. At first, I was happy, but then... I realized it could destroy our friendship. I was scared. Scared of losing my only friend. My only ally." her body trembles again "So, I decided to ignore it. To seal that compassion of mine in my heart. To act oblivious. And you know what? It worked. I didn't even feel guilty. Because, whenever I did, I would tell myself 'it's for your own good. Your and hers.'. And then... One day... You appeared. Out of the blue, an energetic, a bit mysterious young fellow. I felt... I felt that we'd met already, long time ago, but I decided to slip it by. But when I saw you fighting with Reimu, I... Couldn't stand it" tremble "An unknown feeling welled up in my head. 'He shouldn't be doing this. I should scold him like I used to'. That's what I thought. I was... Suprised. I mean, used to? We've only met a few hours ago, right? And then, you listened. Hearing my shout, you disengaged from your charge. Obediently. Like if I was your older sister, or something like that." she giggles in an unsure way "And then... When I was letting you rest on my lap, I realized that... That you're really... Attractive..." she pauses for a moment before continuing "Combined with that familiarity, it... It felt almost like if I was in love. Ridiculous, right? To fall in love with someone you've met just a moment ago. That's why... I was trying my hard to suppress those feelings. But... sometimes they were just too strong. That's why... I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to feel your touch just once, because... I knew I couldn't have you. If I was to... get a boyfriend, who knows what Renko could do? Then... That whole incident happened. I was out for a long time, and... When I woke up..." she falls silent for a minute or so. "When I woke up... I found out that Renko... That you've gotten close to her. That the two of you could... Could already be in love with each other. I was so confused I started making strange theories. If I tried to take you away, what would Renko do? She would be angry. Jealous. Sad. I feared that she would abandon me. So... I was doing everything to make you get closer to each other... Locking away my own feelings, I made all those ridiculous things... I'm sorry."