Archived Thread
File 132951519435.jpg - (201.47KB, 600x839 , Prepare to laugh.jpg) [iqdb]
At the border between the human village and the forest of magic, there is a small stand.
It's nothing much, nothing impressive, nothing pompous. It's just a small stand, selling grilled lampreys, and sometimes, just alcohol.
But for Mystia Lorelei, it was not just any stand, it was her stand. At first, it was just a hobby to pass time. And day after day, it changed to become her main occupation, and a stable source of income.

But that night was a quiet night. No customers, yet the forest was noisy, like it was every night.
Quietly waiting, Mystia Lorelei was humming her favorite song, while staring at the embers, half-hypnotized by the dancing pattern the fire was drawing.
So she couldn't hear him arriving. She only noticed him when he spoke.
"Cara Mia? That's a good song."
She jumped.
"W-where do you come from?"
"Hu? Well, from the town."
"The town..."
Mystia quickly observed the man. He was dressed with really strange clothes, wearing some kind of dark coat over his white shirt. In fact, his outfit was reminding her Rumia's own clothes. She briefly considered the possibility she might be facing Rumia's father, but quickly dismissed the thought as being silly. But the strangest thing about him was that folder he was holding against his chest, like if it was something precious.
"Oh, so you're a customer? What do you want?"
The man smiles.
"Give me some strong alcohol."
Mystia pulls a clean cup from the made-up sink, quickly wipes it dry, and put in front of the seating man. Then, she briefly considers what alcohol she should serve the Outsider, hesitating between the 'dragon-killer', and the 'miko-killer' alcohol. Finally, she decides to give him the strongest, and pulls the 'miko-killer' from the shelves.
"Here you go!"
She happily says, while filling the cup. Usually, you don't drink alcohol in a bamboo cup, but even with a decent income, Mystia can't really afford more than that.
"You're the best girl I ever met!"
Grabbing the cup, the Outsider drinks the whole cup in one breath. Even Mystia, being a youkai, is amazed by the Outsider's tolerance to alcohol. But then, he gestures for another drink, so she fills the cup again.
"Ya know, that will kill me...."
'Here we go', thinks the youkai.
"What is it?"
"That stuff will kill me, you know?"
Smiling, the youkai answers happily.
"I can't imagine anyone dying from alcohol."
The Outsider smiles too.
"And yet, my woman always told me that, you know?"
He drinks the cup. His speech instantly becomes more slurred, while Mystia fills his cup.
"My wife... always says that alcohol will kill me. Always said, I mean."
"She's not saying it any more?"
"Nope. She's currently visiting her mother, in the Kyuushu. Took my daughter with her."
"You have a daughter? She must be a real cutie then."
Mystia isn't really interested, even if outsiders are a curiosity. She just wants to be alone and sings for herself. But a customer isn't someone you can just shoo away if you feel like it.
"Yep. A real cutie. She's really cute, even if she's..."
He drinks another cup. Quickly refilled.
"If she is?"
"How do I say it? She's weird. Speaks to people not being here, speaks to birds, that kind of stuff. And she's really clumsy."
"The other day, she broke my car. She said she tried to build something. I just... wanted to send her to her room, so I pulled her, but she resisted, and resisted, and..."
"Arm broken. Would you believe that? She broke her arm because she resisted, and that's my fault. And that bitch is calling me a drunkard, violent, and said I'll never be a good father."
"You must have it rough."
"And you know the worse?"
"I actually love them both. They're both bitches, ready to gang up on me, and yet, I'll still do anything for them. 'Cause I'm a nice guy, you see?"
"Yes, I can see that."
"I would go through hell for them. I would even wrestle against an oni for them. Hell, I would even wrestle against a sumo if I need to!"
Mystia laughs along with the Outsider, before deciding he's been there long enough.
"Shouldn't you go back? Your daughter might needs you?"
He looks surprised.
"My daughter? Ha, right, I have a daughter."
Taking a huge note, he slaps it on the counter, and leaves, still holding the folder against his chest, while shouting ?keep the change!" Alone again, Mystia observes the note. It's obviously worth far more than her stand.
"What a strange human. I wonder if I'll see him tomorrow."

The day after, a very ordinary magician noticed something strange during her daily flight to the Hakurei Shrine. Something foreigner, something unusually coloured.
"Hahahahaaa, look like poor Marisa finally get her jackpot!"
Grinning, she comes down, landing next to the strange object.
"Oy, what's that? A folder? That's getting really interesting!"
Feverishly, she opens it, and take a quick glance at the papers contained in the folder.
"What? What's that crap? 'Medical notice'? 'Divorce notification'? What's that? What the hell is a divorce?"
She quickly goes through the papers, only interested in the last of the pile.
"Ha-ah! Finally something I recognize! Look like that cheap tengu paper! What does it says?"
It announced a catastrophe. Probably an earthquake or something like that, in the land of Kyuushu. Many people died that way, including a divorced woman, her daughter, and, in a way, the husband.

Mystia Lorelei never saw the Outsider again. She assumed he went home safely, and never cared more. Nobody else saw the Outsider, and nobody knows what happened to him. Sometimes, people just want a shoulder, and sometimes, they don't care if it's an youkai's shoulder or a human one.
Also, I'm going to change my trip soon, due to the fact that I wrote my name in the subject field, and only noticed that after posting.
Why would anybody want to pretend to be you?
I have no idea, but it already happened during a RL convention. A guy pretended to be me, and entered in a Hisoutensoku tournament.
Worst thing is that he wasn't that bad, but he still used my nickname.
>Prepare to laugh.jpg
>A hilarious short story

Oh no, I'm not falling for that this time.
So what's the point?
It's sad, but eh don't really care.
So, what's the moral of this story?
Cute Mystia makes everything better.
Is there a moral to this story?
In fact, yeah, there's one. Alcohol is bad. Don't drink.
File 133026183224.png - (2.61KB, 405x405 , Nothing unusual.png) [iqdb]
Was bored, so I wrote this.

"And with that, I'm done for tonight."
Happily speaking to herself, the red-haired girl covers the burning candle with her hands, causing the whole room to falls in darkness.
"I could almost feel like home when it's like that."
Easily finding her way in the black maze, the girl quietly walks toward her room. Well, calling it a room is probably overdoing it. It's just a closet with a blanket. But compared to sleeping in the maze, it's better than nothing.
Even if she never complained, she still clench her teeth unconsciously when she sees her 'room'. She used to have a better room, and now, she only have a closet in a corner of a giant library.
Clicking her tongue, the red-haired girl removes her skirt, and her blouses, keeping only her underwear. Then, she rolls the blanket around her body, to make sure not an inch of the cold wall or the wet floor touches her directly.

Finally comfortable, she tries to sleep, sitting against the wall, in her underwear, rolled in er blanket like a sushi.
Surprisingly enough, she can't sleep. She closes her eyes, try to count how many books she moved, how many visitors came, and yet she can't sleep. She's probably overworking. She needs holiday. Like that time when the Scarlet decided to put a pool in the library.
But no holiday for the poor little slave, hu? Fine, she'll have her own fun, her own amusement.

Focusing, she try to find who would be the perfect host to entertain her. What about that christian outsider who died a while ago? No, she already knows him. And those outsiders are all the same. They're boring. She needs to go further, she needs to pick someone new. HEY, she knows!
Raising her hands under her blanket, the red-haired girl summons the spirit of the priestess. There's a small whirlwind in the closet as the spirit comes back from the grave, assuming the form of a woman with long red hair, horns and glowing eyes. Of course, it's just an image. You can't touch her, and she can't touch you either. Images able to interact with the world needs more energy.
At first surprised to be here, the woman angrily looks around, before noticing the small girl rolled in her blanket.
"Who are you? And what am I doing here again?"
Totally unfazed, the cold-sensitive girl flaps her wings in anticipation.
"I've been through this many times, just tell me your story, and you'll be free."
"T-that's all? I tell you my story, and I'm free?"
"Yes. I'm just bored, so tell me your story until I fall asleep."
Feeling vaguely insulted, the horned woman ponders for a while. And when she understand that she doesn't have any choice.
"Urgh, fine."
Disappointed by her summoner's childish behavior, the horned woman tries to sit in a comfortable position, but finally decides to just float. That'll do.

It was long time ago, at a time where each village was an opportunity to seize mercilessly. It was a time where life was meaningless, and where only strength was important.
At a time like that, most youkai would gladly wipe whole villages just to have something to eat. But even at a time like that, there was heroes, ready to risk their life for someone else.
She was an powerless youkai, using illusions and treachery to achieve her goal, and impersonating stronger youkais, for she had horns, even through she wasn't an oni. She seized a human village, overthrowing the local ancient. She wasn't a bloodthirsty youkai, because she knew she needed 'her' villagers alive, but they hated her, telling stories about her. Nonetheless, she tried her best to protect 'her' village, using her illusions to hide it from the common world.

And then, he arrived. At first, she couldn't see it, for he was hidden under a fog, but when he emerged, she understood he wasn't anyone. That human wasn't a peasant, a merchant, or a fugitive. It was a monk, trained to hunt and kill other beings.
She heard about them. They were Buddhists, and yet they were killers too. The finest hypocrites in the whole land. And yet, this one was alone, and it wasn't the normal way. Usually, those murderers traveled in bands, cutting down everything in their way.
And this one was alone. He was probably a deserter, or a survivor. From her place, she observed him through magic. And she discovered many strange things. That warrior monk was undoubtedly a warrior monk, and yet, his hands were empty. She looked closer, and she was sure of that. He didn't had an armor, nor any weapons. He was as powerless as her.
She released her guard, as the dangerous human wasn't as dangerous as she expected. And it was her mistake.

The monk stopped here, in the middle of nowhere. He took a map from his pocket, and made sure he was in the right place. His mission was to capture an youkai, and to bring it to the Hakurei sanctuary.
This was the place, but there wasn't any village here. It was just a clearing. Nothing else. He waved his hand, trying to find out where the border started. He was really impressed, it was a really good border, here, almost invisible, even for him.
Sitting on the ground, he starts meditating. Forgetting his own corpse, he observes the area, and becomes the area. And then, he sees it. It starts... HERE! Pressing his full spiritual power on a very vulnerable point of the border, the monk prepares himself for the impact.
But nothing happens. When he pushes on the border, it simply retracts, to allow him a passage inside.
Returning to his body, the monk is disappointed. Why would an youkai retracts his border instead of making it explodes? It a border explodes, it can harm, or even kill the intruder. But the youkai controlling this one didn't. He just... opened it, like a door. As if he was inviting the monk inside. Why would anyone do that, asks the monk as he enters in the village.

The youkai was cursing her own stupidity. That monk didn't had weapons, because he didn't needed them! When he pressed his spiritual power against her border, it almost broke it, and she had to retract it. Otherwise, the border would explodes, harming everyone in the village. They hated her, and she hated them, but she needed them. She couldn't let anyone harmful happens to them. As long as they were here, hating her, she would live. That's how world works, and yet she feels like she's the only one understanding it.
Isn't that obvious that youkais needs humans?

The monk is welcomed as a hero as he enters in the village. He asks where is the youkai, the villagers quickly points at the house in the center of the village.

She's anxious. It'll be the first time in years that she fights, and this one opponent is scary.

The red-haired woman stops talking, and looks at the sleeping girl. She smiles. She'll have to tell the rest of the story another time. For now, she'll just be happy with disappearing into nothingness. That girl will summons her again.

Protip : Most youkai are evil
Emphasis on the "most".
Most youkais are indeed evil, bad, base, corrupt, depraved, heinous, immoral, iniquitous, maleficent, malevolent, malicious, malignant, nefarious, reprobate, sinful, unholy, vicious, vile, villainous, wicked, wrong, depraved, dirty-minded, filthy, foul-mouthed, gossip-mongering, lewd, malicious, nasty, poisonous, salacious, snide, spiteful, and venomous.
But some are just affectless, aloof, apathetic, cold-blooded, dead, distant, frigid, glacial, indifferent, inhospitable, lukewarm, passionless, phlegmatic, reserved, spiritless, standoffish, stony, undemonstrative, unfeeling, unmoved, unresponsive, unsympathetic.
And there's also the canny, cautious, contriving, crafty, cunning, designing, devious, Machiavellian, manipulative, politic, scheming, sharp, shrewd, sly kind of youkai.
File 133168958318.jpg - (45.70KB, 278x295 , 5HUT UP Y0U D0UCH384G.jpg) [iqdb]
RavingRabbit connected at 21h50.

RR: hey earl
RR: whats up Mari?
Earl: Nothing out of the ordinary.
RR: got those dreams again
Earl: Is that a question?
Earl: God.
RR: well of course is it
RR: i wouldnt bother with it if it wasnt
Earl: Renko, I know you're not very good with English, so are you sure you want to keep on using it?
RR: of course i am
RR: otherwise
RR: i wouldnt even use that
RR: speaking of that
Earl: You're probably going to ask 'Why do we even message like that?' and the answer is: 'it's simpler than a phone'.
RR: why do we message like that
RR: argh
Earl: Hahaha.
RR: how is this simpler than a phone
Earl: Is that a question?
RR: yeah
RR: no
RR: maybe?
Earl: Urgh.
Earl: Because we can use the logs later.
Earl: To remember what we talked about.
RR: i fail to see how its efficient
Earl: Do you remember when we visited that abandoned factory?
RR: which one
RR: the one near aokigahara
Earl: Yes, this one.
RR: vaguely
RR: we talked quiet often about that one right
Earl: That's the point. If we're using an online chat instead of calling each other, we'll be able to remember what we already talked about.
*RR ponders about the occurrence of the uselessness of such a thing*
Earl: Are you sure you don't want to speak Japanese instead of English?
RR: im sure
RR: dont know anyone to read over my shoulder
RR: dont want*
Earl: Anyway.
Earl: What's the next place to visit, Renko?
RR: oh yeah
RR: so I wondered

RR: what the
Earl: Oh, jesus.
RR: where do they come from
Earl: I have no idea. That chatroom is supposed to be private, nobody should be able to join.
RR: thats theory
Earl: Sadly, yeah. It appears that some individuals are able to go through our defenses.

PureAndHonestShameim connected at 22h01.
PureAndHonestShameim: Is this thing on?
RR: what the hell
Earl: Calm down Renko. How may I help you, PureAndHonestShameim?
PureAndHonestShameim: Oh, are you an outsider?
RR: cant you just leave us alone
PureAndHonestShameim: I need your help.
RR: you can help by clikcing on the red X on top at your righ
PureAndHonestShameim: Really? Thanks.
PureAndHonestShameim has disconnected.
Earl: Was that necessary, Renko?
RR: its my private time with yo
RR: we couldnt be alone today
RR: i just want some time with you
Earl: That's... really nice from you.

P???u????r????p?l???e?????Q????u????e????e??n???? connected at 0??????????????????????0?????????????????????h???????????????0?????????0??????
P???u????r????p?l???e?????Q????u????e????e??n????: Which one of you is Renko Usami?
RR: thats me
RR was kicked by P???u????r????p?l???e?????Q????u????e????e??n????
Earl: Hey! That wasn't nice!
P???u????r????p?l???e?????Q????u????e????e??n???? : Being aggressive toward a 'friend' wasn't nice either.
P???u????r????p?l???e?????Q????u????e????e??n???? : I'll be back if there's more trouble.
P???u????r????p?l???e?????Q????u????e????e??n???? has disconnected.

RR connected at 2??2?????:??1??0?
RR: what the hell
RR: just happened
Earl: I have no idea. I'm supposed to be the only one with administrator privileges.
RR: is that
Earl: I highly doubt so. Probably just a hacker.
Earl: Renko, do you have a anger problem with something?
Earl: I'm not sure, just a vague feeling.

WhiteWolfTengu connected at 22h12.
Earl: Calm down Renko. Can we help you, WhiteWolfTengu?
WhiteWolfTengu: ssorry
WhiteWolfTengu: I'm just starting with this thing
Earl: No problem. How can we help?
WhiteWolfTengu: In fact, I wanted to know about your outside 'christmas'
Earl: Calm down Renko, I'm calling you in a minute.
Earl: Starting that thing was a huge mistake.
Earl: I'll be right back.
WhiteWolfTengu: I'm just asking some questions.
WhiteWolfTengu: What's wrong with that?
WhiteWolfTengu: That didn't sounded very private.
WhiteWolfTengu: Are you angry after me?
WhiteWolfTengu: Well, I'm sorry if I butted in a private conservation
WhiteWolfTengu: From a land called Gensokyo
WhiteWolfTengu: I don't understand.
WhiteWolfTengu: Okay, it looks like it's hopeless.
WhiteWolfTengu: Thanks for your help anyway.
WhiteWolfTengu has disconnected.
Earl: I'm back.
Earl: ?
Earl: Jesus Renko, even if that person was ntruding, it wasn't a reason to be that aggressive toward him!
Earl: intruding*
Earl: Also, can you turn off your Caps Lock? It sounds like you're yelling at me.
RR: oh sorry it made the letter more visible
Earl: No problem. Listen, let's just...
Earl: ...give up on that chat thing. It's simpler to use the phone in the end.
RR: fine i call you
Earl: Okay.
Earl has disconnected.
P???u????r????p??l?????e???Q??u??e???e?????n??? connected at 0?0?????h????0??0???? .
P???u????r????p??l?????e???Q??u??e???e?????n??? : So apparently you can't learn.
RR: oh hey another fresh victim for my overgrowing army of butthurt idiots
P???u????r????p??l?????e???Q??u??e???e?????n??? : Are you always that aggressive?
RR: only when interrupted
P???u????r????p??l?????e???Q??u??e???e?????n??? : Fool.
P???u????r????p??l?????e???Q??u??e???e?????n??? has banned RavingRabbit (RR).
File 133191000091.jpg - (68.67KB, 86x454 , Transmetropolitan_18_p16.jpg) [iqdb]
"Business, Mister?"
You glance at the eight-years old boy. And you shake your head. This is wrong on so many levels you're not even going to list them. You don't have time for that. You have to find a plane. Anything will do. You just need to move.

Making your way through the crowd, you try to remember what she said. Something about time running out, and where you'll need to be then. She gave very accurate orders.
Not commands, not suggestions, but orders. Because, despite what she said, you don't have any choice. Freewill is past. Now you're just a puppet obeying blindly, without even knowing what you're doing.
She wants you in Japan? You'll go to Japan. You'll walk if you need to. But she wants you in Japan, now. So you can't walk. You'll take a plane.
In the alley at your right, there's a guy being murdered. Last time, you went and helped him. And now, you don't. Because you don't care about him any more. Even if you save his life now, he'll die later. That's how things go.
You can hear him screaming as his throat is sliced open. Too late for him. You should probably feel guilty, but you don't care about anything anymore. The only important thing is your order.
"Go to Japan, and find an old abandoned shrine."
She made things very simple. You do as she say, and she'll let you die.

The airport. An overly complicated building, with security camera everywhere.
You know exactly where every camera is. You know exactly the security patrols. You know everything about this place. Everything you need to know. But maybe this time, it'll go smoothly.
You walk to the Egyptian employee. Good thing you learned the language.
"A flight to Tokyo."
"Can I see your passport first, sir?"
Shit. You hope they haven't started broadcasting your face everywhere yet.
You show him your old passport. The one with your real name. Not that stupid nickname they gave you in the platoon.
"Everything's in order, milord. Here's your ticket. The plane take off in ten minutes."
You can hear sarcasm in his voice. Of course. Theoretically, people like you aren't travelling alone.

Through the window, you see Cairo slowly disappearing. At first, you hated that town. Everyone was looking at you as if you were some kind of colonialist asshole. It took a lot of work to gain their trust. And the second time, you just stopped caring about them.
You try to relax. Everything went fine this time. No curious security guard, nobody to point at you and say 'Hey I recognize that guy, he's one of them'. Hell, you managed to get in the plane without killing anyone. That's pretty nice. And once you're in Japan, you'll be able to truly relax. Nobody will follow you there.
Or not. After that, as she said, your time is running out. You won't have that much free time to frolic around. Finding an old and abandoned shrine in the land of the ?we have thousands gods and thousands shrines?. Sounds like something stupid and difficult.
You sigh. You should give up and sleep for now. Nothing can happens to you as long as you're in that plane.
"Watch out everybody! This is an hijacking!"
You sigh again, as you rise from your seat.
"Hey, you, the cool dude! Get back to your seat and nobody will be hurt!"
He's saying that while agitating a knife. You sigh again as you stare at him. He's so young, probably eighteen. What a waste.
"Do you hear me? Get back to your seat, mother fucker!"
He tries to slash your face, but you quickly grab his wrist, forcing him into dropping the knife. Then, you grab his head, and bump it several time against the closest partition wall. Each time, there's a loud metallic sound, until it's replaced by a wet 'crunch' noise
You drop the dead kid on the floor, and you walk back to your seat in a total silence. You just murdered a eighteen years old kid because he tried to hijack a plane in order to escape his shitty life, and you don't feel anything about it. You don't feel guilty, you don't feel like a murderer.
You stare at the window again, watching the world under you. You know you're going to have a problem with the police later, they'll want to know why you killed him instead of just knocked him out. You hope you won't have to kill a police officer in order to escape. Having the police after you makes things more difficult, and you don't have time to waste.

The whole plane is totally silent you killed that wannabe hijacker one hours ago. You weren't expecting congratulations or thanks, but you weren't people to be terrorized either.
Ha, hell, why do you even care anyway? You'll never meet them, and they're all going to die anyway. There are only two important people here. You, and Her.
And you hate Her. Because she's the one keeping you alive.

I wanted to start a new story based on an idea I got yesterday, and I wrote this. But since I'm kind of already busy with two stories right now, I decided to give up on it. And since it would be a shame to delete that, I'm putting this here. Maybe one day I'll resume it, and turn it into a proper CYOA.
File 133208617451.jpg - (83.74KB, 336x342 , Transmetropolitan_58_p19.jpg) [iqdb]
And of course you couldn't expect the local police force to leave you alone. They got you, and dragged you in an 'interrogation room'. At first, you considered shutting your mouth until they're tired and let you go, but when they inspected your passports, you reconsidered things.
People aren't supposed to have two passports. And that fact is branding you as a suspect. They won't let you go. What a bother. Either you kill them, either you cooperate. And killing policemen is not a good idea. You don't know how much time you'll spend here, but you know that having police after you is only going to complicate things.
Better to cooperate for now.

"You sure you don't want to explain why you have two names?"
"You know, we're not ungrateful. You saved many people today. We're just curious. Just answer our question, and you'll be free, Mister..."
"Sir British."
"Yeah, sorry. That's the name written in that passport, right?"
"A nickname I received when I joined the French Foreign Army. Turned into a name."
"Ooh, so you're a soldier?"
"And I see on that other passport that you're a lord."
"I was a member of the House of Lords. Only a name, in fact. I had no political power. In fact, I wasn't even expected to be present. It's just a title."
"What are you doing in Japan, Mister British?"
"Sir British."
"Sir British, sorry."
"Investigation. I'm looking for a shrine."
"That's vague. Why?"
"I'm interested in architecture."
The policeman isn't convinced, but asking again would be rude, so he doesn't. Good boy, be polite, and don't ask.
In the end, you managed to pass with just a fine. A slap on the wrist, considering you basically murdered a kid in front of the whole plane. But you're fine with that. No time to waste.
File 133225320547.jpg - (250.92KB, 1200x700 , Kissing throught a third party.jpg) [iqdb]
RavingRabbit joined the chat at 17:30.

RR: mind reminding me why we're still using that shit
Earl: Because of that dream diary you asked me to start.
RR: what with that
Earl: By using this application, I can tell you about my dream while writing it down.
RR: i still think thats stupid
RR: compeltely stupid
RR: but lets do it anyway
Earl: Nice to see you're seeing my point.
RR: yeah whatever
RR: i cant read those small letters
Earl: Don't use Caps Lock.
RR: ugh fine
RR: so
RR: you tell me your dream
Earl: Fine.
Earl: In my dream, there was a man.
RR: nothing unusual so far
Earl: But he was mad. Totally crazy. Even insane.
RR: totally unusual
RR: usually your dreaming about
RR: gensokyo
RR: right
RR: right?
Earl: Exactly. And that's why I want to write it down.
RR: still using that stupid chan thing
RR: i still think you like seeing me getting frustrated
Earl: Why would you think something like that?
RR: i swear i can hear you laughing from here
Earl: Perish the thought.
RR: yeah whatever
RR: dont use your fancy tea drinking language with me
Earl: I'm not English, Renko.
RR: i mean american
Earl: Wrong answer too.
RR: where do you come from anyway
Earl: That's a mystery.
RR: seriously
RR: are you from the moon
Earl: I doubt that. But weren't we talking about something else?
RR: wait
RR: are you dreaming
Earl: No, Renko, I'm awake. Thank you for asking.
RR: okay go on
Earl: So that man was mad, seeking only his own amusement.
RR: seems promising so far
RR: if you were writing a thriller of course
Earl: But, and that's the strange part, he cannot die.
RR: woa
RR: awesome
RR: i wish i could be like that

P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" joined the chat at 1???7??:???4????5?
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : I will remember that.
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" left the chat.

RR: what was that about
Earl: Oh, I dunno.
RR: doesn t latter
RR: matter
RR: tell me more about the dude that cant die
Earl: I'm not sure how, but there was a girl with him. And each time he dies, she rewinds time to revive him.
RR: rewinds
RR: like a tape
Earl: Precisely like a tape. And he remembers everything.
RR: so they were together
Earl: To be frank, I was under the impression that he was the girl's slave.
RR: woah
RR: imagine if someone else can rewind your own life
RR: you meet someone she doesnt like
RR: paff your rewinded into the past
RR: again and again until you give up
RR: can we make that alrday
Earl: No, Renko. We can fly to the moon, we can kiss each other through a third party, but we can't rewind time.
RR: kiss each other through a third party
RR: what is this
Earl: It was in a post I read several months ago. Basically, you kiss a robot, and the robot send the kiss toward another robot.
RR: thats retardfed
RR: retarded
Earl: I agree with you.
RR: so we cant rewind time hu
Earl: We can't.
RR: sounds like a job for those nerds of the science club
RR: ill ask them later
Earl: No Renko. Remember the last time you saw them? You tried to burn their room down because you think they insulted you. You're not going alone.
RR: im an adult merry
RR: i can do it alone
Earl: No Renko, you're not going.
RR: your my friend not my mum
Earl: Renko, go to your room or you won't have any desserts!
RR: hey
Earl: Hahaha.
File 133237486566.jpg - (93.39KB, 456x561 , Transmetropolitan_23_p14.jpg) [iqdb]
You silently stare at the little girl. You know what's going to happen. You already lived it. And yet, you still can't get used to it.
She breaks your neck and starts eating from your neck.

"Wake up."
Still the same nonsensical room. A giant clock to your left, some huge gate to your right, and darkness everywhere. You tried, really hard, but you never managed to understand this room.
"Still the same, hu? Why don't you change your tactic?"
And you can't understand her either. You can't understand that silver-haired girl, sitting in front of you, smiling happily like a kid finding a new toy.
"Anyway, here are my orders. You have to find a mansion. Near a lake. Find the maid in this mansion. That's all for now."
She extends her arm, until her hand touches your chest.

You blink.
You died again, right?
You raise your eyes.
It's afternoon again.
So she sent you back in time, just after you entered in that place. Through the shrine, like she said.
You groan. For some reason, each time you leave the shrine's vicinity, that little girl finds you and kills you instantly. You tried the stairs, she pushed you and you broke your neck. You tried the woods behind the shrine, she ambushed you and snapped your neck. You tried to find her and kill her, she overpowered you.
You can't die. Well, you can die, but that girl always brings you back to life, just before you died. And of course, each time, she feels the need to taunt you. Mocking your mistakes.
The first time, you asked. You were attacked and murdered in an alley for your money, and when you woke up, you were here. You asked, and received no answers.
And with time, you stopped asking. In fact, you stopped caring. If you do something she doesn't like, once you die, she'll send you back in time just before you did it. Again and again, until you agree to do as she wants.
And then, you stopped caring about anything. Why would you bother making friends? If she doesn't like them, she'll force you to avoid them. Why would you bother getting married? If she doesn't like it, she'll force you to avoid it.

She never exactly mentioned what she wanted. She wanted you to leave England, so you left England. She wanted you to have experience in firearms, you went into the French Foreign Army. She wanted you to go to Japan, you went. And now, she wants you to go to a mansion.
You'll go.
You don't know why, and you don't care. You are nothing, after all. She can unmake your whole life if she wants to, so life is meaningless.

You looks at the sky. And you smile. In the most polite way. You need to smile more. Apparently you can't survive alone in this place. You don't need friends, but you'll need people. You try to smile warmly, as you turn your face toward the shrine. It was rusty and abandoned. Now it's still rusty, but inhabited. Someone must be living inside this shrine. And you'll have to be charming.
Smile, my Lord.
You are the one they called Lord British.
> You are the one they called Lord British.

Well then. This is interesting.
And what the fuck Sakuya.
File 133245343634.jpg - (192.09KB, 769x900 , Everything will be alright.jpg) [iqdb]
RR has connected.

RR: merry i know youre here
RR: answer
Earl: What's the matter, Renko?
RR: you tell me
RR: you werent at school today
RR: i was worried
Earl: Aaaaw, that's so sweet from you!
Earl: But I couldn't come today. I wasn't feeling well.
RR: more dream
Earl: Yes. Bad dreams. Thing aren't going well.
RR: whats happening
Earl: Do you remember that dream I talked about before?
RR: let me check the logs
RR: you were right
RR: theyr handy
RR: are you talking about
RR: the rewinding guy
Earl: Yes.
RR: whats happening with him
Earl: He was given a strange clock from a maid. He's now able to travel in time, and he's no longer dependent from the girl.
RR: wow
RR: you know what you need
Earl: If you say ?hot lesbian love?, I'm going to punch you.
RR: hot les
RR: I mean
RR: go out
RR: in a restaurant
RR: eat outside once in awhile
Earl: Renko, we're students. We don't have enough money for that.
RR: burger king will do
Earl: That's so very romantic.
RR: if you want romantism
RR: i have some cheesy dvd movie
Earl: Fine then. Come at 19h30.
RR: ill bring the beer
Earl: I'll take care of the food.
File 133245469895.jpg - (35.26KB, 220x193 , Transmetropolitan_23_p21.jpg) [iqdb]
"I'm sorry."
She just said that.

You charmed the shrine girl into helping you finding your way to the mansion, you sweet-talked the guard into letting you talk to the maid, but when you saw her, you instantly froze.
She wasn't your tormentor, but she looked like her. Same hair, kinda the same body, and the same face. You were still shocked when she walked to you, placed her watch in your hands, whispered 'sorry', and walked away.

What does that means? Why is she sorry? Why is she giving you that watch?
You need orders. You need instructions. You need someone to tell you what to do. You don't know where you are, you don't even know how old you are. For the first time in centuries of slavery, you're alone with yourself. You're lost. What to do?

Of course, you know what you're expected to do. She's expecting you to die, like a good puppet, to meet her again and receive new orders.
But, on another hand, you can take your time. After all, you're going to die in the end, so why not try something different? But the question is, do you really want to try something different? In the end, everything will be erased, like it never existed. It doesn't matter if you create a masterpiece, get married and have 3 kids. By the time you die, she'll erase everything.
You sigh. Time to die, then. That gate guard looked strong, she'll be able to help you.

You smile.
The red-haired guard smiles back at you.
"Finished your business here?"
Your hollow smile charmed her. Everyone is seeing your smile, without noticing the emptiness hiding behind. And now, it's hiding your venom.
"Yes. But I admit I'm kinda disappointed."
The gate guard stretches her arms.
"I know, right? That maid is smaller than your expected, right?"
You can try to be good, but that doesn't trigger anything in you. You know you did something right, but you don't feel any better.
"I mean you."
"What do you mean?"
The only thing still affecting you is that guilty pleasure you feel when you hurt people.
"I just had to talk and lie to you, and you let me pass."
"You lied?"
Right now, you're hurting a woman. You should feel awful, like your parents, like society raised you to be. But you don't. In fact, you feel great.
"Every part of it was a lie."
Since everything will be erased, why would you bother being careful? It's faster to say the truth. And hurting people is fun.
"I lied about everything. From the very instant I saw you, I knew you were pathetic and powerless. As all women are. And you pretend to be a dragon? Don't make me laugh. Women are only good as furniture, to raise kids, and serve a cock shed."
After all, you remember someone who hurt you. Not someone who helped you.
"You're dead, human."
She moved quickly, punching you in the chest. You could hear your ribs breaking, all at once. And you still feel pain, despite how much you suffered before. How funny that with everything you lived, pain is the only thing still affecting you. Either yours, either someone else's.
"That... doesn't hurt... Hit harder... weak woman..."
You says, as you fall on your back. The furious red-haired woman raises her foot over your face.

Just a millisecond before she breaks your skull, you can distinctly see her face.
She's crying.
You're happy to see that.
File 133254753718.gif - (72.93KB, 191x132 , room117.gif) [iqdb]
RR: hey Merry
Earl: What is it, Renko?
Earl: Pretty fine, thank you for asking.
RR: how are you today
RR: cause yesterday you were tired
RR: i could feel it
RR: hu
Earl: Do what?
RR: how do you do it
RR: and again
Earl: I don't understand what you're meaning.
RR: how do you know what i gonna type
RR: argh
Earl: Yes, I think too.
RR: another weird dream
RR: ?
RR: wow
Earl: Yes you are.
RR: damn im good
RR: hu
RR: nvm
Earl: I'm waiting.
RR: im coming home
RR: we need to talk eye to eye
RR: or face to face
File 133259985718.jpg - (22.84KB, 200x175 , face.jpg) [iqdb]
That watch is pretty handy.
If you press the button on it, you stop time. If you wind it up, you go back in time.
And if you move the hands yourself, you can move in time. Either forward, either backward.
You don't know much about clockwork, but you know there's a specific way to move the hands on a clock. If you try to move them in the bad way, you can break the mechanism.
Be careful, that thing is very powerful, it's probably very fragile.

You raise your eyes from the watch. After receiving your instructions from your tormentor, you went around and played with your new toy, just enough to figure how it's working. After that, you thanked the shrine girl and the gate guard, and you went.
Your tormentor gave you a list. A very accurate list. Of people she wants dead. You were really disappointed when you heard about that. You were many things, and the world will only remember you as a murderer. But it's not like you have a choice anyway.
But you forgot something crucial. If you went with the shrine girl to being with, it was because you were systematically hunted and killed by the same girl. The one who ambushed you. The one who startled you hard enough to make you stop time.

You walk around her. She's really small. Your kind of girl.
Small, blonde hairs... Anyone could think 'hey, ain't that a cute little girl? Hey, come sit on my lap' or something like that. You, on the other hand, know that she's strong enough to break an adult's neck with ease.
You can leave her here. But you can also maker her pay.

File 133279196412.png - (65.93KB, 400x300 , hOnK.png) [iqdb]
And then His ball will break,
Freeing His emprisoned head,
And the big HONK will echo,
And another HONK will answer,
To Lord British's call.
File 133279787553.png - (741.21KB, 910x683 , 6b9e2aa816c1354450a9061701c1cb77.png) [iqdb]
RR: merry
RR: your really worrying me here
RR: answer me
Earl: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJv5qLsLYoo
RR: what the
RR: is this a joke
Earl: Sorry, Renko, that's the the only thing I remember from my dream.
RR: what
RR: a song?
Earl: More like someone spinning around.
RR: round
RR: round
RR: like a record
Earl: Yeah, exactly that.
RR: your having strange dream now
RR: is that why your not in class recently
Earl: No, this is related to my recent condition
RR: what
RR: tell me
RR: are you fine
RR: are you sick
RR: need me to come help
Earl: I'm fine, Renko. I'm just feeling unusually worried. And even if I sleep, I still feel tired.
RR: weird
RR: like when you found that door to the underworld
Earl: Yes, something like that.
RR: i remember you spent 16h25h30s sleeping
Earl: Your memory is impressive again.
RR: i had nothing better to do
RR: than to cunt
Earl: Excuse me?
RR: what
Earl: I think the word you're looking for is ?count?, rather than ?cunt?.
RR: oh
RR: shit
RR: anyway
RR: you fine
RR: ?
Earl: I am fine. Just had some weird dreams recently.
Earl: But to be frank, I'm not even sure I'm awake right now.
Earl: Are you a dream, Renko?

????????e???????????????????????????n???????????????????????????? has joined.
????????e???????????????????????????n???????????????????????????? : Now this is enough.
????????e???????????????????????????n???????????????????????????? : Go to bed, Maribel Hearn. You need to sleep.
????????e???????????????????????????n???????????????????????????? has kicked Earl (Reason: Seriously, I mean it).
RR: hey
RR: you again
RR: my archnemesis
????????e???????????????????????????n???????????????????????????? : Do you want to test your luck with you, young girl?
????????e???????????????????????????n???????????????????????????? : You'll regret it.
RR: cant be worse than playing chess with a cat
????????e???????????????????????????n???????????????????????????? : I shall remember this.
????????e???????????????????????????n???????????????????????????? has kicked RR (Reason: Do not try my patience, for I don't have enough for everyone).
File 133280080166.jpg - (36.24KB, 287x466 , Transmetropolitan_23_p20.jpg) [iqdb]
You have the whole situation under control.
Still, you have to admit that when she tried to charge you, you panicked. But luckily, someone jumped to your help, and quickly shoved the girl away by repeatedly hitting her with a book. More accurately, the book's edge. Right in the head. You guess that hurts.
Quickly regaining composure, you spun the tyre over your head, and threw it at the little girl. You masterfully trapped the girl's body right in the middle of the tyre, and you pulled the whole ensemble.

And now? You're taking it easy. You're currently spinning the whole rope/tyre/screaming-blonde-girl over your head, randomly crushing it against the ground, trying to knock the girl out.
You have to admit it, she's very resilient. Tough enough to resist some major shock, including being sent in a tree head first.
"Why don't you just drop dead, girl?"
"I'll kill you first!"
You take a quick glance at the guy who saved you. It's you.
Your future self opens his mouth:
"Hurry up.."
You nods, and you start spinning the girl faster and faster.
And then, you let go.
"Send me a postcard!."
"I'll get you next time, you dumbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass!."
She says, while flying away, a tyre around her waist. You guess that's humiliating.
Hey, you were forced by a girl to live many times, and now you're forced to travel time in order to kill three peoples. Who said you can't have your own fun?

You glance at your future self.
He hands you a book. On its cover, you can read the title.
"Mark Twain's Intimidating Book of Occultism Shallowness and Efficient Chatter? What a mouthful.."
Your future self scornfully stares at you.
"Two minutes ago should be enough.."
"Thank you.."
What an conceited braindead you will be in two minutes.
Sighing, you pull the watch from your pocket, and you wind it up.
Two minutes, hu? While carrying that Intimidating Book of Occultism Shallowness and Efficient Chatter? This will be two long minutes...

After witnessing your past self being proud for his victory over a little girl, you understand why your future self was so scornful. Well, present self now.
And your past self is quite an rapscallion. So much unceremoniousness!
You gives him the book you've been carrying, and, after listening to his uneducated comment toward that highly valuable book, you give him the time.
You deed being done, you have nothing left to do but leave the scene, and do what you've been ordered to. There's indeed nothing wrong with gratifying yourself some hilarity, but you don't want to be forced to hear to your tormentor's comment about the way you wasted your life.

>write update
>post update
>notice typo
>erase update
>erase typo
>reupload update
>nobody will ever notice the difference
File 133287748426.png - (92.81KB, 640x480 , Gone.png) [iqdb]
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" has joined the chat.
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : Renko Usami.
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : I know you are reading this.
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : I know you are sad about Maribel Hearn.
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : But you can't help her.
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : And there is nothing you can do.
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : Maribel Hearn isn't existing any more.
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : You're free to interpret that as you wish.
RR: what do you want
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : I want you.
RR: sounds gay
RR: im not in the mood for shenanigans
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : I'm serious, Usami. I want to hire you.
RR: that wont bring merry back
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : Honestly, I have no idea. And you won't know for sure unless you try, right?
RR: what do you mean
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : Death isn't something definitive. If your desire is strong enough, you can defeat it.
RR: tell me more in detaiml
RR: i mean detail
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : Maribel Hearn believed in afterlife, am I right?
RR: yeah
RR: something like a garden full of ghost
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : That was something to be expected from her. But I digress.
RR: hold on
RR: taking a cig
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : A cig?
RR: cigarette
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : You started smoking?
RR: yeah
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : Anyway, as I was saying, since Maribel was believing in afterlife, there's a way for you to meet her again.
RR: in the afterlife
RR: ?
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : Kind of.
RR: what do i need to do
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : Allow me to hire you.
RR: sounds shady
RR: your going to kill me once im not useful enough
RR: am i right
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : I admit it sounds shady, but I'm a very serious person.
RR: yeah right
RR: i would be laughing if i werent so sad
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : Do you want me to visit you? We can talk about it face to face.
RR: no i wont go out
RR: its not sure anymore
RR: since that border merry talked about broke
RR: people are disappearing
RR: my own parents disappeared last night
RR: without even a scream
RR: so im not going out
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : I can go and meet you at your house, if you're interested in my proposition.
RR: my parents are dead
RR: my best friend too
RR: what can i lose
RR: okay
P?????u???r????p????l??e??Q?????u??e?????e?????n?" : I believe you will find my proposition most interesting.
Now then, that thread isn't mean for anything than those fag-related shorts.
Hell, I should sagebomb it or lock it somehow.
Please don't just sagebomb this. :(
So you want him to sage bomb everything?
Okay, just a last one.


It was just a normal day for me, in Gensokyo. I woke up, stretched my limbs, and quickly decided what I was going to do.
"So, what am I going to do?"
But, frankly, I had no goddamn idea. Looking for food? Done and redone. Protecting my territory against intruders? The only one bold enough to stand against me was the Hakurei maiden, and even her wasn't stupid enough to face me directly.
So, what could I do? I wasn't hungry, I wasn't thirsty, I was just bored.
"Whatever. Let's go play with something."

And off we go!
Jumping and running and flying and landing loudly, on top of that big tree, boldly defying the Hakurei Shrine, I screamed my challenge.
"Hakurei Maiden! Bring all your possessions to me, and bow. And maybe I'll let you live for today!"
I said, while impatiently kicking the tree I was standing on.
And then it broke, and I said 'oops'.
And I fell to my certain death.
Nah, just fooling.

I just fell to someone else's death. Or should I say, ON someone else.
Well, maybe 'someone' is kind of rude. Maybe it would be proper to say 'a fairy'. Or maybe it would be properer to say 'that fairy'. No wait, is it 'properer' or 'more proper'?
So anyway, I landed on something stupid and flat as a washboard. Poking the unconscious person's nonexistent chest, I was horribly disappointed. How do you even call that a chest? You can put a flat wood plank under your shirt, it's the same goddamn thing! Well, except for the 'burning' easily part. I'm fairly certain that fairy aren't fuel. Unlike wood, that you can use to start a fire. Or to get revenge on someone you hate, but that's another story.
So, where was I? Ha, yeah, poking chest. Or should I say, poking wood. Since it's the same thing and stuff. Thinking about that, fairies are nature beings, right? Born from Mother Nature and Father Sun during a really hot night.
No, wait. Sun and night, that doesn't compute. I must be missing something important here. What am I missing?

Ha, right. I'm just a mantis. I can't think.
I've been bored so there you go.


It was an almost usual day. Back from work, just in time for the dinner. And just in time to see the frown on my wife's face as I come back from work earlier from usual.
"Honey? You all right?"
Choosing carefully her words, my wife answered.
"How can I say it..."
"Start from the beginning."
"My mother is coming here for the week end, I crashed your car, I accidentally formated your computer with all your works, and I slept with your best friend."
What what WHAT?
Unfazed, the woman stands against me.
"It's decided, once and for all."
"It's out of the question!"
"And no sex tonight, I have an headache!"
"That takes the cake."
"And I don't know why you suscribed a life insurance for me, but I'm going to cancel it."
I start walking.
"Really, honey?"
For the first time since I came home, her composed face finally broke.
"What are you doing with that knife, that pistol, that poison bottle and that bathtub filled with water?"
"I'm extremely decided."
"I forbid you to-"
I stab, shoot, poison and drown her.
"That'll teach ya to crash my car, bitch."
Then, I take her agenda, and I check.
"Ha, appointment hairdresser's at 3."
I call it.
"Hairdresser's at 3, how can I help?"
Taking a high-pitched voice, I start talking.
"Hello, this is Madam Murakami."
"Hello there, sweetie."
"Since when do you call me by my name, you cock-sucker?"
"Since I've been stroking your butt, honey."
Oh, you little... I'll take care of you later.
"Are there any other people out here stroking my butt, you asshole?"
"I dunno."
"Anyway, I'm going to kill myself."
"Woah, really?"
I hang up.

Okay, next step is to call the police. I heard the policeman is a really sharp one, I have to be extra careful. I dial the 999.
"Kotohime to the phone!"
Taking a sobbing voice, I start screaming.
"It's horrible!"
"No, it's the police."
"My w-w-wife just died!"
"Oh. Stay on the phone, I transfer your call to the superintendent."
I'm put on hold for a brief time, with a really nice and catching song.
Happy with my success, I start singing too.
"I hate a man, a coward who lacks a manly spark~"
"I just detest a man afraid to go home in the dark~"
"Superintendent here, speak."
"I'm a member of the Midnight Crew~"
"Excuse me?"
"I'm a night owl, and a wise bird too~"
"M-m-m-my wife just died!"
"What happened?"
"Ha, hu, b-b-b-b-but..."
SHIT, I forgot to make up a story! SHIT!
"S-s-s-she died from sudden death."
"Wow. Really?"
"Don't move, we're sending an inspector to your place. Don't touch the body."
"Don't worry, it's been years since I stopped touching her."
I hang up.

Wait... How is that inspector coming to my place, since I forgot to give my name?
'Knock knock'.
Preparing my crying face, I open the door.
"W-w-w-what is it?"
"Inspector Kotohime, I believe it's you I talked to on the phone?"
In front of me, there's a really nice looking girl. I wouldn't mind putting her in my bed, but not now.
"Excuse me, I believed I was talking to the superintendent..."
Keeping a serious face, the girl answers immediately.
"Limited budget. I have to be the secretary, the inspector, and the superintendent."
"So, what happened?"
"I dunno."
"Is she dead?"
"Most probably. Want a drink?"
"You walked over your dead body rather casually."
"You're doubting my sorrow?!" Have you forgotten our conversation over the phone?!"
"No, I even recorded it."
"Then play it!"
Pulling a small box from her pocket, she start playing the record.
?I hate a man, a coward who lacks a manly spark~?
It's my own voice.
"Can't deny it, sir, you're really the saddest man on earth."
"I-i-i-i have to go, I have to, hu, shave my goldfish."
"Don't mind me sir, but before that, I'd like to ask you a few questions."
"Ha crap."
"Did you killed your wife?"
"Why do you think so?"
"You've got blood on your hands, burned powder on your sleeves, poison under your nails, and water on your shoes."
"Please follow me to the police station, sir."
Beware the cute one.
File 133933159831.png - (712.87KB, 910x683 , It always makes sense.png) [iqdb]
Sometimes, you know.
You know what you're going to do, where you're going, and who you'll bring along. When it's the case, it makes each day wonderful. You are happy, as you're doing what you like with the person you love, and you have no reason to suspect that anything could go wrong.

And then, in a blink, things change, people die, the world itself changes, and you lose everything. When it's the case, you can't save yourself. When it's the case, you need someone else to help you.
And sometimes, that person is not human.

Tempting you with an optimistic fate, that purple person will take you as a servant, and, albeit in a limited sense, as family.
So, what else can you do? Is there anything you can do? You can't see borders, you can't stand your own against an youkai, and you're not smart enough to be a tactician. So, what do you do?
Simple. You act as a spokesperson. You're Purple's face, only carrying messages and delivering rewards.

This is not an interesting life, and yet, you still live, because you have nothing better to do in a ruined world but hang around and give a hand.
And yet, you still hope.
File 133979963661.jpg - (13.11KB, 613x328 , Oni House.jpg) [iqdb]
It was a very nice day in the Gensokyo High School. The sun was shining, the grass was growing, and, umm...
As usual, the members of the Ibuki fraternity were already drunk.

"Sakuya, what's the worst fraternity on this campus?"
Standing straight like a pillar, Sakuya Izayoi, leader of the Scarlet Fraternity, answered carefully to Miss Yakumo's question.
"Well that would be hard to say, miss. They're each outstanding in their own way."
Facing the window, the woman rudely cut her.
"Cut the horseshit, bitch. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of alcohol into the swimming pool? Who replaced sugar by salt for the lunarian tea party? Every cherry blossoms, the trees are filled with used condoms."
The perfect student hid a smile.
"You must be talking about the Ibuki fraternity, miss."
"Of course I am, you stupid DERP! But this year, it's going to be different! This year, I'm going to grab the oni by the balls and kick those lesbians whores out of the campus!"
For a second, Sakuya feared for her own safety. This time, the Dean was serious, dead serious.
"B-but what do you want to do, miss? They're already under probation."
Yakumo turned around, allowing Sakuya to see how much the Ibuki fraternity was hated. The Dean had bloodshot eyes, her hair was a mess, and she was breathing too deeply for a simple conversation with the best student in the school.
"OH YEAH? Fuck your rules, I'm putting them under DOUBLE PROBATION!"
"Double probation, miss?"
"Yeah! I'm the Dean, it's legal! Actually, scrap that, it's FUCKING TRIPLE PROBATION!"
"Miss, with all due respect, are you sure you're-"
Miss Yakumo slammed her hand against the desk, throwing the pens against the ceiling.
"FOR EVERY DUMBASS joining that shithole of a fraternity, am I clear enough?!?"
"Yes, miss."
"You've got that girl, Eiki, right? Tell her to keep an eye on that fraternity. That bitch is a sneaky little shit, just like you, she'll be perfect!"
"Thank you, miss."
After bowing, Sakuya Izayoi, the number one student, left the Dean office.
It's only after several minutes that she realized.
"Wait... I've been insulted!"


But up there, the Dean was already welcoming her second visitor.
"I don't think it's fair to extort money from such an ancient-"
"Listen to me Yakumo. Your gay parade will monopolize a large part of the town, stopping the flow. No flow, no money. And if it's not enough, I also must requires all policemen to watch over your little parade. So, speak about extortion one more time, and I'll have your legs broken."
Smiling nervously, the ancient gap youkai diplomatically surrendered.
"I'm sure I find use some emergency fund."
"Good. And one more thing: my sister will be visiting. I don't want her to see your drunkards students making out during your parade, am I clear?"
"I already have a plan to get rid of those morons."
And that day, the Ibuki fraternity was doomed to.
No. In Mario, there's no real plot, it's just "sorry but your princess is in another castle" multiplied by 8. I cannot turn that into a decent story.
I'd rather write a MASH crossover than a Mario one.
I see that you're not much of a Mario fan, are you Ddyk?
I am. But Mario is a game, not a story. I can make a story from a movie or a book, but not from nothing. Otherwise, I wouldn't be writing fanfictions, I would be writing stories.
Besides, I never really understood Mario. That guy is supposed to be italian, and I never saw him eating a pizza, driving a car, or doing typically italian things.
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Mokou appears.
Mokou starts walking.
Mokou jumps on a small rabbit.
Mokou takes the mushroom.
Mokou jumps.
Mokou jumps.
Mokou goes to the next level.
Mokou starts level 2.
Mokou goes to the warp zone.
Mokou goes to Final Level.
Mokou dies against Eirin.
Mokou swears.
Mokou retries.
Mokou defeat Eirin.
Mokou meets Reisen, who gives her the finger and says "sorry Mokoy, but our princess in is another castle".
Mokou reaches World 2.
Ddyk throws the game against the wall while swearing in german.
>implying Super Mario Bros is the only Mario game that has ever existed.

Besides, could you replicate Mario's humor, like in the Paper Mario games? I think not.
Since I never played that game, it's impossible.
So full of typos.
>she died soon after during a brawl
She died after of during the brawl?

No, Anon, you are the typos.

That sentence means that she died, soon after, during a brawl. If you think that's wrong, go back to English class.

I have no idea what you're saying.
>the youkais flooded the the world, finishing what we called the Human Age.

You got inspired by that story recently posted at the recommendation thread?

Also, "youkai" is already plural. No need to add -s in the end of it.
No. It's been an idea I had since I started working on Friction About Ground, but I couldn't describe it properly. I mean, Branwen doesn't care much about history (in fact, he doesn't really care about anyone else than Yorihime and himself), so it would be out of character for him to be interested by what happened on Earth while he was "absent".

>Also, "youkai" is already plural. No need to add -s in the end of it.
Thank you. But I'll rewrite that short anyway, I'm not entirely satisfied with Gideon's story. It's too short, and not giving enough details.
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"Hey, stranger. Mind spending some time with an young and innocent maiden?"
You quickly look at the small blond girl. She's kind of seductive, but she's still a girl, and that would be disgusting.
"Not interested.."
The girl removes her head, laughing at you.
"Oh, you little pervert. I didn't mean it that way! But it looks like you're lost, and you probably have an interesting story to tell.."
"Still not interested.."
The girl's smile goes wider.
"How about this? If you tell me your story, I'll treat you to an ice tea. That sounds lovely with that heat, right?"
You nod.
"There we go!."


"So, start already.."
Slowly taking a sample from the cold tea, you appreciate its fragrance. It's been a while since you had something that good. You guess she earned the right to listen to your story.
You point at the sky.
"During the night, there's a huge rock hanging from the sky. They call it the Moon." Lowering your finger, you point at the land exposed in front of you. "And this is Gensokyo, the former land of fantasy.."
You hear the girl nodding.
"Yes, I remember that. They created Gensokyo to imprison the worst youkai.."
"They did. But the border died along with the last Hakurei, and the youkai flooded the the world, finishing what we called the Human Age.."
"I remember that too.."
"Of course, there was casualties on both side. Humans fought hard, and youkai paid their conquest. When youkai tried direct approach, they were sent back home by firearms. When they tried to hide and ambush, they were smoked out and shot down. Of course, in the end, the humans were out of ammo, and they were promptly killed. But that's not my story, this is only what I heard, and I'm no going to suppose . What matters is that while the Hakurei border was breaking, a monk very strangely died. I know that her name was Byakuren, and that she wanted to help youkai, but when she felt that things were changed, she instead tried to help humans. It's still not clear how, but she was wounded during a fight, losing most of her followers. Finally, she tried to turn into a, um, "Sokushinbutsu?, by causing her own death by starvation.."
"I remember that too.."
"It's after this that her most loyal follower came back, only to see that things changed. Her name was Toramaru Shou, she was a bit clumsy and not very bright, but she was extremely loyal and totally devoted to Byakuren. She saw what happened to Gensokyo, she learned how Byakuren died, and in appearance, she was satisfied with it, calling it ?a noble death?, but the truth is that she felt that it was unfair, and, slowly falling into a blind rage, she summoned her god, Bishamonten, god of war.."
"Ha, Vaisvarana. It was bad news?"
"Yes. Bishamonten is a noble god, but he's practically living for war, and he's not too bright either. Bishamonten took over Shou's body to use it as an avatar, and decided somehow that the Moon was to blame for the Hakurei's death, and therefore for Byakuren's sacrifice. Bishamonten, using Shou's abilities to find treasures, gathered an army of youkai and humans alike, and he moved to attack the Moon, being helped by a celestial.."
"There's no doubt about it. If he really managed to unite the prey and the hunter, it was really Vaisvarana himself, not some false god impersonating him."
"Oh, yes, it was the real deal. I joined his army, offering him my abilities, and I was ordered to lead the human group. But in fact, I was never asked to fight, my main job was to protect the human from the youkai. In a way, I was in charge of the supply corps, while giving the occasional tactical advice.."
"Vaisvarana asking for advice? I don't remember that part of him."
"Bishamonten is a god of war. On a battlefield, he's one to be feared, but he's also too honorable. When he attacked the Moon, he was expecting a ?clean war?, as he said, without any civilians casualties. In short, he was expecting the war to be a series of duel, but that's not what happened. The Moon has several aces, the two of them being women. One was able to clear the battlefield by just moving her hand, while the other could summon many gods. Bishamonten clearly underestimated the Moon, and was defeated a first time. I clearly remember it."
"That's logical. Vaisvarana was used to war like that, as it was the case back in the days. Each general was fighting the other general in a duel."
"Yeah, but things were different back there. After preparing a camp in the peach tree forest, we moved to meet the enemy. We finally meet them, and we were greatly disappointed as there were only those two women. The youkai started laughing, but I ordered my men to be careful. That was brilliant from me, because the older woman just moved her arm, and, in a blink, half our army was rolling on the ground, screaming in pain as they were missing their arms, their legs, or even their chest. When he saw that, Bishamonten was furious, and he ordered to charge. But before we could reach them, the younger woman created an image of a man holding a long katana. After that, I don't really remember. I was knocked down , and I only woke up three days later."
"She summoned a god. Probably one of those lunar god. I don't really know them.."
"Anyway, I tried asking what happened, and it appeared that after I was knocked cold, Bishamonten ordered to retreat to the camp. We lived here for several years, occasionally starting skirmishes with the lunar forces, but nothing too serious. When Bishamonten ordered another attack, the younger woman -the one that summoned that god- has gone for the Earth, to find her old teacher or her husband, I'm not sure. Being alone against a whole army, the other woman was defeated and forced to retreat to the Lunar Capital, abandoning her mansion to the youkai army.."
"Hang on, she was fighting from her house?"
"No. Her house was built on a strategic point, on the way to the Lunar Capital. To reach the Capital, it was necessary to capture the woman's mansion. And it wasn't an easy task, as it was located right in a bottleneck. Bishamonten gave orders to the youkai to attack the house, while we human were ordered to build ships and sourround the house.."
"I see. And what happened after?"
"We were outflanked. The woman was still alone against an entire army, and she had to retreat, but she still managed to sink most of our hastily made ships. I can remember it clearly, I had that woman in my sight, ready to shoot, and I see her just moving her hand, and the ship next to us suddenly sinks, drowning everyone. Even that ghost died that day."
"A ghost drowning... That's interesting..."
"After we captured the woman's mansion, we were quite happy. We should've been ecstatic, but I think we were scared too. That woman injured a lot of youkai before retreating, and she killed a lot of my men, so we were all thinking ?if just a single woman can do that much damage, how are we going to deal with the Moon's finest warrior??. I think Bishamonten was wondering the same thing too, because instead of pressing his advantage, he decided to settle down for a bit, healing the wounded, and trying to recover all drowned people, probably to give them a decent grave or something. So, again, things calmed down for a bit, and we were kind of happy. But, one more time, Bishamonten decided to attack, but this time, his target was the Lunar Capital. Except that this time, we were outsmarted. While we were taking it easy and resting, the moon woman created something to assist her. It was one of the Moon's most disgusting creature, a depraved and shameless hybrid. When we walked to the Lunar Capital, our troops began exploding, one after another. At first, we thought they were using mines, so we slowed down, and we moved more carefully. But our men keep exploding, so I suggested it may be a marksman or a sniper using of the Moon's finest weapon, but Bishamonten ignored me, and ordered us to keep moving. So we did, we were still walking, leaving our wounded behind us, trying to ignore them as they were screaming in pain. And when we finally reached the Lunar Capital, we understood that the one in charge changed. Instead of facing one single woman standing in the open, we were facing hundreds of lunar rabbits, all armed with a rifle, organized in a battleline."
"Modern war, hu? How did Vaisvarana reacted to that?"
"He ordered us to charge. I ordered my men to take cover and shoot. The youkai charged, and quickly ran away when the rabbits started shooting back. And while the youkai were running away, we humans held the line. I think that Bishamonten wasn't expecting that, and, losing his temper, he forgot everything and charged by himself. It was the most impressive thing I ever saw, that tiger youkai, a spear in his right hand, a pagoda in his left hand, he charged, taking every shot. It's when he reached the lunarian line that things became funny and that I saw the one commanding the rabbits. At first, I was surprised, because he looked like an old friend of mine, but he didn't reacted when I called him. Anyway, even whole charging like that, the battle was still lost for us, and using the confusion, I ordered my men to cover me when I hit Bishamonten on the head with my rifle, knocking him out. Then, I grabbed him, and I ran away."
"You were either desperate, either stupid."
"Probably both, but when he woke up, Bishamonten couldn't care less. The war has changed, and he was facing an unfamiliar situation, where his combat skills weren't important. After that, he trusted us a bit more, but it was all for nothing, because no matter if you give an youkai a rifle or a hatchet, he won't be able to figure out which end is the shooting end and which one goes against your shoulder. So in the end, most of the youkai used their own abilities to sneak behind the enemy lines and caused havoc while we human were the bait. And, well, it could work against a normal opponent, but we were facing highly-trained rabbits using sophisticated firearms, while we were using old weapons raided from Japan Self-Defense's storehouse. We were very quickly kicked out of the house, losing our opportunity to attack the Lunar Capital directly, and, we were pushed into our original camp location. And when, that disgusting hybrid set the forest on fire, forcing us to camp on the beach. Caught between the Sea of Tranquility and the forest, we were doomed. But then, something unexpected happened. Someone found a letter while looking for food in the forest, and it was adressed to Bishamonten."
"That letter told him that the hybrid would be moving to plan his next attack against us. By using that information, we ambushed him, and we captured him. Bishamonten was furious after him, and he ordered the hybrid to be interrogated by an oni.."
"It went badly. I don't know who started it, but they all started calling him ?the hybrid?, so I guess the nickname stuck to him. After all, I'm not going to give you details, but the oni supposed to interrogate him broke his back, leaving him disabled. Unable to walk, the hybrid was useless to everyone, so we threw him away and we returned to the beach.."
The girl doesn't say anything, but you know what she's thinking. Torturing a prisoner and leaving him to agonize isn't something you should boast about, but she asked a story.
"He disappeared later. Someone said she was taken away by the gap youkai, another claimed that he killed himself by going in the Sea of Tranquility to drown himself. Honestly, I don't know. We couldn't find any traces, not even a footprint. It's like he just vanished. But the important thing is that the Moon was now deprived from its most brilliant tactician, Bishamonten was pleased with that fact, and he prepared a fourth attack.."
"And then?"
You take another sip of tea. It's getting warmer.
"The woman who fled to the Earth came back with her husband, to assist the Moon during the last battle. I couldn't help during the battle, I've been wounded earlier, so I spend the whole fight trying to heal while the youkai were fighting, and apparently it turned from a certain victory to a slaughter. We lost.."
"And what happened then?"
"Nothing. The woman's husband negotiated with us, and we left.."
"You're not giving me a lot of details.."
"I don't really want to talk about that. It's been a war, after all. It makes an interesting story, but there are still small details that I don't really want to remember.."
"So you're fine with giving me details about how you tortured someone, but a negotiation is a painful memory?.? The girl snidely remarks.
You shrug.
Still smiling, the blond girl stares at you.
"What happened after that? Why aren't you with the other veterans, boasting about how many enemies you killed?"
You shrug again.
"That tea is delicious, but not enough for me to give you the whole story, sorry.."
She laughs.
"Would you tell a poor goddess how she can hear the whole story, then?"
"If you tell me where I can sleep without being killed by an youkai, I'll come back to tell you the rest of my story.."
"What about Byakuren's shrine?"
"Don't really to see Shou's face again. Especially after spending 50 years serving her god."
"The Hakurei shrine?"
"Can't go here either.."
"Well, maybe the village? After all, they could use a veteran such as you to defend themselves.."
You smile warmly.
"The village then. I'll come back someday to pay you back. So long, and thank for the tea.."
Leaving the girl here, you start walking away.
"Don't be a stranger! If you look for me, call Suwako Moriya and I'll be here!."
You wave.
"I'll remember this! Thanks for everything.."
It has been a nice little chat you had here, but now, it's time to run again. Things are changing, but for the best. There's a world to rebuild, and you want to be a part of it. But just a small part.
Also, once the /border/ story is finished, maybe I'll start a vote here, as well as asking for advices before starting my next story.
An idea for your next Moonhoneys story, Ddyk.

Aliens invade the Moon. Stuff happens.
I said advices, not ideas. I already know what I'm going to write, what I'm missing are small details (where to write it, for example, and how to foreshadow something without shoving it in the reader's face).

But maybe I'll write a short about it or something.
It just so happens shoving it in the reader's face is generally the way to go; the ability for the reader to not think about things is astonishing.
I agree. I never think of stuff when I read stories. I just enjoy them.
Oh? Funny. Thank you for that, I'll be taking that into consideration.
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Between real men, there is sometimes a connection. Call it telepathy or whatever you want, it's here. Real bros are able to tell exactly what a friend is thinking.
And in this case, I can say very easily that all my friends are thinking ?IT'S HOT!" Hell, even the teacher is probably thinking the same thing, but he's focusing on his job. I try to convince myself that teachers are important and dedicated to their work.
"It's fucking hot today. Which one of you motherfuckers turned the heater on?"
Or not, but in this case, it's Him. Not a big surprise. It's Mr Maul, the class teacher.

When the year started, he was a very nice guy and a good teacher. Now, he's a pretty cool dude. Except when we're in school. The other teachers are repeating we changed him, but we keep repeating that he brought that to himself.
Mr Maul's fall is a sad story. It started in September, when we joined school and had him as a class teacher. Several weeks after class started, Fanfan arrived one morning and showed us his wallet while happily shouting that he managed to get rid of that condom he bought after a bet several months before. And then Mr Maul arrived and punched him in the face, screaming that his daughter has been having ?illicit relationship with some smartass from my retarded class?. And since that day, he's been kind of different. Bringing beer in the classroom, forgetting his tie, and constantly insulting and threatening Fanfan. And now, that thing in front of us is only a shadow of a past Maul. But, honestly, we prefer him like that. He doesn't have that ?I'm-a-TEACHER? aura around him, so when we talk to him, it's like talking to a real man rather than just an item.
Other teachers aren't as interesting as him, more of them are cynical and don't give a damn about us, so I won't bother about them either.

But perhaps I should explain a bit more before continuing, should I?
My name is Eduart Franz, but I'm called Donkey. When I asked about that nickname, I was told ?because you're a smartass, so it suits?. My hobby are psychology and religion. Nothing else to say.
That guy here, I mentioned him before, is called Fanfan. I don't know his real name, I just know that he repeated a year. He's after girls, and he never misses an occasion to mention it.
Now then, if you wonder why Fanfan is always mentioning his attraction towards girls, it's because of him. Bear is his nickname, and stinky is his reputation. I heard that he would gladly ?fuck everything with enough legs to stand by itself?.
I think that, at this point, you're already deadly scared, so I won't show you the rest of this pitiful gallery of villains and rogues. Know that our class is quite small, but has a horrible reputation.
And if you wonder what I'm doing here, in a class of delinquents, since I'm a smartass? This is something I'll keep for myself, for now.
"Hey, shut up Maul! It's hot enough without having you moving around."
Not fazed by the sudden hostility, Maul keeps talking. "Be happy, you useless punks. The whole class is traveling!"
"Oh no!"
"Ha fuck!"
"Too hot to move. Rejected."
"In Japan! Be happy!" At this point, Maul's happiness slowly turns into despair. Does he really want to leave that much?
I raise my hand and ask the simple question. "Hey Prof! Why do you want to leave?"
Maul's unease is palpable in the whole class as he quietly lies. "No reason. Everything is fine."
I briefly look around. Noticing Maul's strange tone, the class started paying attention. Some of them are smiling like sharks finding a large piece of meat, while others are just curious and staring at Maul.
"Donkey's right."
"Is there any reason to be quick?"
"Something troubling you?"
A hive mind is indeed something terrifying. Right now, all students are focusing on the same thing, and they're moving like hyenas, moving in circles, slowly cornering the target.
At that time, I'm really happy I'm not a teacher, otherwise I would be the center of attention. And being the center of that twisted class' attention is NOT good. You'll understand why later, albeit I think you already have an idea.
"N-No reason! There's just a school trip planned, and you should all be happy, like normal students are!" But he's not convincing anyone, not even himself.
Slowly, everyone stands and start walking toward the teacher, still asking the same question: ?Is there any reason you would like to leave this splendid country of us?"

I smirk at the weird situation. In our classroom, the teacher is a game, and we're all Zaroffs. Patiently hunting him down, slowly gritting him, and finally cornering him for the cur?e. That's what we all do, and we love that.
And currently, Maul managed to bleed enough to lure the whole class into a wild hunt. And when he started avoiding the topic, he was done for. Avoiding a question is like running away, you can't help but run after. It's instinct, so it's natural for us to follow a blood trail to its source and eat the wounded animal.
It's instinct, so don't blame me if I'm part of this violent group behaviour.
"That's right. Sounds like you really want to leave your house for a few days. I wonder why?" I whisper, while closing the distance to the unlucky teacher.

We're all circling him now. He tries to hide his nervousness by hiding his face behind a piece of paper, but his shaking makes the whole thing obvious. We're all ready to pounce and tear him into pieces (figuratively speaking) at the first sign of weakness.
Maul tries to stand firmly, still reciting what he's reading on the paper, trying to divert our attention. Poor sap, he doesn't even realizes he's reading the recipe to cook french toast.

A storm is coming. I can tell it. There's a really bad atmosphere in this classroom, we're all furious, and we're all waiting for an excuse to start a fight.
And why is that? Because we couldn't get Maul. He got saved by the Direktor, who passed by and saw us bullying a poor and innocent teacher. And of course, she couldn't help but help the poor lad. Did I mentioned that the Direktor is a woman? I think I did. So anyway, we got our prey taken away, so we're all a bit grumpy. To give you an idea, it's like chasing a girl for 2 weeks and when you're finally able to sleep with her, she says something like ?sorry, I'm not ready?. And then you find yourself alone to wank over the sink at the dead of night when it's snowing outside. And then you look at the streets through the window, you see the same girl hanging at some lad arm, smiling and laughing with him, and you think ?I'm going to kill that guy and rape his mother?.
Sorry, that wasn't the topic. I think I'll stop telling you about my life to report exactly what the Direktor said.
"Okay, you bunch of maggots. Apparently your class was chosen for some reason. Apparently we have too much money, so we're sending you in some lost country for a class project." That sounds a bit like 'we want to get rid of you at all cost', but that's just my interpretation. Anyway, time to suck a bit to calm her down.
I raise my hand. "Hey, Frau Direktor, where are we going?"
She smiles. Not in a motherly or warmly way, but in a 'I'm-so-glad-you-asked-because-I-want-to-see-your-face-when-you-understand-how-screwed-you-are' way. "Good question. You're going to Japan."
That declaration is followed by several screams.
"No way! That's impossible!"
"Fucking awesome, dude! I heard Japanese girls are sexy as fuck!"
"Breaking news: last time to get balls-deep into a girl is a faggot!"
Well, at least, they're happy to go to Japan. Nevermind the fact that the Direktor hates us and is probably sending us to the worst possible place in Japan. Probably Aokigahara Forest or something like that.
"Hey Frau Direktor! Where do we go exactly?!"
"In a small region called Gensokyo."
"Sounds awesome!"
Totally unmoved by the ambient happiness, Maul starts begging asking something totally laughable. "Hey, I want you to give a good impression of our country."
There's a huge silence as everyone stares at the teacher, and then everyone start talking at once.
"You want us to constantly insult the local food?"
"You want us to repeat that we won the '98 World Cup?"
"You want us to spend all our time drinking wine and eating bread?"
"You want us to sleep with every girl in Gensokyo?"
"Hey, actually, that sounds like a challenge!"

And that day, before our very eyes, we, students of the final year, from the class 'Nyarlatothep', we accepted what we'll call several years later the ?famous Maul Challenge?.
That day, we decided that Gensokyo would be utterly and completely changed by our visit. That's what school trip are for, right? Traumatizing people to make them think ?damn I'm glad our kids aren't like that!?, right?

And now for something totally different, I'm experimenting something. While having a single character as a narrator, the main character this time is a group. I'll see where I can get with that before being tired with it.
And, yeah, it's also an excuse to have a whole class of rampaging morons running everywhere while being drunk and blablantly ignoring Japanese customs.
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The picture is an accurate depiction of what would likely result.


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