OCD COMPELS MEEEEEEE
BackupWeasel !lxvQH8B7mU 2011/12/22 (Thu) 17:14
Note to everyone: Keine is a name of two syllables. Which really only matters for poem parodies like this.
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through that day
Not a creature had stirred, no, not even a fae;
The braces were set by the doorway with care,
In case she had to make a midnight dash there;
Keine Kamishirasawa, snug in her bed,
Let sweet visions of working legs dance in her head;
Much without feeling, long after the bones had snapped,
She had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
She fell out of bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window she crawled with panache,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to her wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little blue driver, all covered in snow,
Goddamnit she'd reached the booze. Fucking Cirno.
More rapid than eagles her curses they came,
Keine let loose a torrent of bleeps in God's name;
"Cirno's gotten into my booze and gotten hammered!
I was saving that for tomorrow, God damn her!
I'll have to stop her before she drinks it all!”
And to her wheelchair Cripple Keine did crawl.
As drops off a waterfall arc through midair,
Keine dropped down her house's two flights of stairs,
She levered into her wheelchair with a grumble,
Those damn stair always gave her a wicked tumble.
And then, in a twinkling, she heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
Royally pissed, and preparing to crawl back up,
Down the chimney fell Cirno, with a full beer-cup.
She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot,
And her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bottle of Vodka in her other hand,
She took a great swig and attempted to stand.
Her eyes unfocused --- Keine's liquor she carried!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!
Her mouth's corners widened, drew back in a gasp-
She knew she was now in the lair of the asp.
Keine growled as she went in for the headbutt,
Towards Cirno she dragged herself, by hand, not foot;
Cirno scrambled away from death slowly approaching,
She realized upon whose booze she was encroaching.
And then Cirno laughed, quite in spite of herself,
As Keine levered herself up onto a shelf;
A wink of Keine's eye and a twist of her head,
If Cirno had been slower, she would have been dead.
The sword only missed her by one tiny bit,
For she had jumped back from where Keine did sit.
Swiftly, Cirno jumped up and poked her in the eyes,
And pushed her off of her shelf, down from her rise.
As Cirno ran away tears sprang to Keine's eyes,
Alone in the house, on the floor, she cries.
But she heard Cirno shout, vaulting over the ditch,
”Got you good, you beer-hogging old crippled cow-bitch.”