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File 144882850246.png - (419.62KB, 600x800, kokorooo.png) [iqdb]
1901
Wanted to get some practice with action scenes. Adapted this from a certain scene in a certain movie.
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“Agh, what a pain…”

Rei, the two-colored heroine of justice, stands defiant atop the roof of Eientei. Though she has the solid, small-chested body of Reimu Hakurei, its control is shared between the priestess and her partner, Reisen Udongein Inaba. Small burns and tears mar her half-red, half-purple catsuit, signs of the many battles she’s faced just to reach this point. Her red right eye flashes, and Reisen brings the right arm - her side’s arm - to her chest. “Please, Eirin, we don’t have time for this! Let us through!”

On the other side of the roof, Eirin Yagokoro hides her chuckle behind a pale hand. Her imposing, unnaturally-pale figure stands a foot taller than Rei, and her red-and-blue robe strains to contain her bust’s jiggling as she sweeps her arm dramatically. “I will not allow anyone to stop the Princess now, not even you. Soon, all of Gensokyo will share her terrible fate!” Pulling another arrow from her quiver, she aims her bow at the heroine. Massive wards etch themselves into the air around Eirin, crackling with strange and alien powers. However, her display pales in comparison to the earth-shaking rumbles of magic that wrack the entire Bamboo Forest; far above, at the peak of the transformed Eientei’s tower, a far more terrible power pulses and grows with every second.

“We’ll have to make this quick,” Reimu mutters. Clenching her fists, Rei squares her stance and flexes her powerful legs beneath the skintight leggings. The air itself grows tense as the two two-colored warriors stare each other down, anticipating the furious battle about to occur…

“Wait, wait. Stop.”

… When suddenly, a flat voice interrupts the scene. A small red token clatters down and rolls noisily across the roof, bumping one of Rei’s soles before it finally tips over. Eirin narrows her eyes in confused suspicion, and Reisen focuses on her opponent while Reimu reaches down to pick the item up.

“This is…?”

“Ah… sorry, that’s mine.” A short pink-haired girl jogs to a stop at Rei’s side, then doubles over to catch her breath. She wears a plaid blue shirt fastened with oddly-shaped buttons, and her long orange skirt is ringed with face-shaped holes. A blank white mask sits on the side of her head, loosely fastened by a thin red cord.

“… Here.” Reimu flicks the token through the air in a perfect arc, spinning it neatly into the other girl’s quickly-outstretched hands. The newcomer catches it, examines it briefly, and then bows in gratitude.

“Thank you.”

“It’s… dangerous here. You have to run,” Reisen stammers.

“Ah… no, that’s okay.” Drawing herself back up, the shorter girl produces another two tokens from her skirt and reveals a strange tri-slotted buckle on her waist. Rei and Eirin both widen their eyes at the sight. “You’re in trouble, right? Let me help you.”

In a sudden flash of movement, the girl slots the three tokens into her belt and cranks it into a diagonal position. Then, she pulls the mask from her head and strikes it over the belt’s face. Three rings of magic burst from the tokens: one red, one yellow, and one green, all accompanied by bright chimes.

“Henshin.”

https://youtu.be/-4ChMwT-D7E?t=4m39s

Her suspicions confirmed, Eirin fires at the newcomer… but her arrow bounces off of one of the many colored, glowing masks that suddenly spin around the girl’s glowing form.

HAWK!

TIGER!

GRASSHOPPER!

TA-TO-BA! TATOBA TA-TO-BA!

Seconds later, a brilliant tricolor lightshow subsides to show that the girl has changed. A red mask in the shape of a hawk’s face now adorns the side of her head, her shirt has changed to a rough tiger-pattern chest-wrap, and her skirt has become a tight-fitting piece of green bikini armor with matching leggings. More than that, she stands taller than before, and radiates an inhuman serenity.

“You… what are you?!” Eirin grunts and fires four arrows in a row, each tipped with a venom potent enough to kill a hundred men. Kokoro sees the first from the corner of her eye, and swats it from the air with a flick of her arm - and a spectral claw that emerges from her wrist. Throwing herself into the motion, she jumps and sweeps both feet through the air, kicking the next two arrows to the ground with her armored legs. The fourth is caught by a claw on her other hand, the tip stopped and turned away just inches from her eye. Calmly, she turns her head towards Rei.

“My name’s Kokoro. You can also call me… OOO.”

“OOO…?” Rei steps back, eyes widened in surprise. She could have dodged that attack easily, but blocking it required a hawk’s perception…

“Another costumed young woman come to bother me? Not bad… Not bad!” Eirin exchanges her poisonous arrows for a different set, and draws her bow again. Narrowing her eyes, Kokoro focuses her vision to see a black powder coating the arrowtips. Right before the next arrow strikes the ground at her feet, she launches herself several stories upwards - just in time to dodge the violent explosion the arrow ignites. Rei stumbles away from the blast, nearly falling backwards off the roof.

Eirin adjusts quickly, turning about as Kokoro flies over her head. She nocks a second arrow, but Kokoro lands and jumps again before it strikes. The same goes for the third arrow, and the fourth. The Lunarian’s left gritting her teeth as she beholds the four smoking holes in her mistress’s roof… but not for long. Pushing her frustrations aside, she quickly devises a plan while Kokoro vaults through the air.

“Hmm… Jumping like that, you’re wide open. If you’re so fond of circles…”

Eirin extends her hand, calling on the wards that surround her. A dozen stacked rings of Lunar magic appear on the roof, centered around Kokoro’s next landing spot. The girl sees it and flails in the air, but there’s no changing her trajectory - she crashes right in the middle, and the rings tightens around her with a fierce pressure that pins her arms and legs together. She calls out in a loud, emotionless voice as the purifying rings begin to eat away at her clothes and sear her bare skin.

“How’s my Astronomical Entombing? I don’t normally purify mortals like this, but you’ve caught my eye…”

Kokoro’s mysterious strength is no match for the Lunarian’s binds… but she hasn’t given up. With the small bit of freedom she has, she pulls a new token from her pocket and switches it with the one in her belt’s center. A flick of her head drops her mask into her hand, and she awkwardly smacks over her belt. Three rings appear from the buckle once again: red, lime, and green.

HAWK!

MANTIS!

GRASSHOPPER!

With another flash of light, Kokoro’s chest-wrap becomes a green, carapace-like armor-bikini. At the same time, two glowing spirit-blades sprout from her wrists and cleave right through her restraints.

“W-what!?”

This time, Kokoro jumps straight at her opponent. Propelled by the mighty strength of her legs, she shoots across the roof like a cannonball and slices one of Eirin’s barrier-wards in half. Suddenly bereft of her range advantage, Eirin can only try to duck away as Kokoro dances around her, cleaving through one barrier after another. When the final one falls, Kokoro aims a mighty kick straight at Eirin’s stomach; the ferocious impact sends the genius bouncing and spinning to the other end of the roof.

“I can beat her. You go fight the princess,” Kokoro says.

“Ah… alright! Thanks!” Reisen says. Reimu somehow produces a signaling ward from her skintight outfit and holds it aloft.

“It’s fine. Good girls should help each other,” Kokoro says, conjuring a glowing blue naginata.

“I… will not be humiliated… by a lowly earthling like you!” While a battered, clothing-damaged Eirin pushes herself to her feet and draws her bow with fierce determination, Kokoro throws a trio of silver tokens into her weapon and slides her mask across the side.

TRIPLE SCANNING CHARGE!

“Haaaah… Seiyaaa.”

In the same second that Eirin fires her arrow, Kokoro swings her blade in a wide diagonal arc. Everything before her - the arrow, Eirin, the castle, Gensokyo itself - is rent in half by a glowing purple cut, and begins to slide apart… before violently reattaching.

“Princeeeeeeess!” While the world reassembles itself safely, Eirin and her projectile don’t share the same luck. With a roaring scream, the doctor explodes in a brilliant shower of maple leaves.

Behind the rainbow cloud of magic, Kokoro can just make out the shape of Rei’s jetbike ascending the tower.

“Good luck.”
Fighting scenes are one of the hardest things to translate to text, but it seems like you did a good work. I like it.

Descriptions are key and you have enough-but empty dialog lines are a pet peeve of mine. I'd say that they should be integrated to the story; at least with a short sentence explaining the tone and feelings that those words are trying to convey.


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