Work on your grammar and use a spellchecker. Also, separate main text from your own comments with, for example, "-----". >>7190
"heart a crumb of sympathy is tugging at your heart" A hearty example of bothersome word repetition examples
"True you are a complete prick but you not a complete dick" You are a synonym for penis, but you are not a synonym for penis. Also, commas after "true" and "prick" would make this read a ton better. Also you forgot the latter are.
"they’ve pissed you of in any case" It's "piss OFF", unless you have something to extract from piss... Furthermore, the "in any case" is somewhat superfluous
"The C4 would work but killing everyone in the process might demean the whole point" Comma after "work". Poor point to have it's honor so crushed.
"saving the kid and well you think" Commanist goes to break points. After "well".
"so you aim high and fire" Aim high? Doesn't that usually indicate a warning shot?
"The shot hit’s the monster in hits shoulder and did little more then get its attention and piss it off." Hits, I assume the latter "hits" is a typo. There is also a mismatch of grammatical tenses, the first part is in present form, and the latter is imperfect. Fix by changing "did" to "does". Also, it's.
"speed. You are slightly surprised by its speed." Restructure or use synonyms to get rid of repetition.
"It stands there and so do you staring at one another. Its larger up close." Am I reading Full Life Consequences here?
"yokels" Amused note. Don't know if this is flavour of character or an honest fuckup.
"swerved at the last second avoiding and has lurched" Avoiding what? Has lurched? Tenses are important, keep them consistent.
"It falls to the ground dead leaving only the impression" Commanie supremacy after "dead".
"Human what do you think you are doing?" Human commanist.
"But it looks like she has already has already" A short pause after writing and then re-reading what you'd just writting massively clears these out.
"the bold face lie you watch her face" I'd sure FACEpalm here.
"It pisses you off that you went and saved someone without little more then a thank you let alone being called a human." What?
"It’s insulting but you have" Comma after "insulting", reads clearer. >>7204
"You blink absent mindedly at the witch" Absentmindedly.
"Besides, you already know your great" You're.
"Yeaaaaah sure, lets go with that." Let's.
"gives you a odd look" AN odd.
"Who the fuck picks mushroom?" MushroomS.
"strong she has some how" Somehow.
"become delusional to the falsity that she is indeed strong" "delusional to the falsity"? wtf?
"rambles on about something about eating" It's about time we do something about all these things about.
"your not paying attention" You're, god damn it, short for "YOU ARE", "your" is possessive as in "your writing skills"
"not paying attention, when you notice" Sure is perceptive for not paying attention. Attention to /what/?
"She yelps loudly as her flying stops and body hit’s the ground." Hits, also, what body hits the ground?
"even better then using your" Than.
"kindness is warring very thin" Wearing. Unless your kindness is of a warring type.