A Wizard Is You Sidethread Demetrious 2011/03/06 (Sun) 03:08 No. 824 ID: [Reply] ▼
After my joke update, I noticed a few people suggesting that the author of Compensation Adequate and I were the same person. Just to spite those people, I invited Soluslunes (author of Compensation Adequate) to write the next joke update.
I think he did the subject matter justice.
Things are not going well.
Yep, that about describes it. Fucking crocodiles. They exist as a convenient plot device to get rid of bodies, and they’re not even doing their goddamn job.
Well, at least the body count is only one. Come on, you’re a goddamn wizard! You can make ONE dead dame disappear!
You’ve done it with plenty of dead hookers before, if the number of taverns you’re barred from is any indication.
And she’s pretty heavy. All that tea apparently went straight to her hips. You set her down, say a few muttered words, and snap your fingers as Tenser’s Floating Disk relieves you of the burden of carrying a dead body.
Fuck it. There’s gotta be something good for getting rid of bodies in this mansion somewhere. Probably in the basement. Yeah. In the basement. That’s a good idea.
Now, what’s the fastest way to get to the basement without being noticed?
…Laundry chute. And there’s probably one in the bathroom.
You look around the bathroom, and lo and behold, there happens to be a laundry chute installed in the wall. And conveniently enough, it should be wide enough to dive through.
You motion the disk with the body to the chute, and tip it forward for Patchy’s body to slide off and down the chute. “Bottoms up, ladies first.” You groan inwardly. That was a terrible one-liner; your head hurts a little just from saying it. Patchy slides off the disk but twists a little, so that she’s stuck longitudinally in the mouth of the chute.
Biting back another long string of vitriolic invective, you push on her to get her to fit in the chute. Nope, not working. She’s doubled over on herself, and not going further than the couple inches you’ve managed to shove her in s
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