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[x] Ask them about your stuff, where you are, and the usual starting questions.
The girl is still confused! Time to strike! For glory, wealth, shit and giggles! Put yourself together, grab your balls, and ATTACK!! SHOW ME YOUR WAR FACE!
It works pretty fine! She's even more confused! Now it's time to receive answer!
“Where's my stuff? Answer to me, or I'll scream!”
“That's the most ridiculous threat I ever heard. But anyway. Your stuff, as you said, is still on you.”
The enemy tries to confuse you! Don't give in! Don't look at yourself!
And you did it anyway. You fool. You're wearing a yellow suit, very suited for speleology. You also have a lamp, an- who the hell am I kidding?
You're not a speleologist, you're an adventurer! Just like in old legends, you're dressed like an adventurer! You have a whip at your belt, a rope around your chest, and a hat. The hat was completely unnecessary and makes you look like a fool, but it's cool so it's okay! You have large boot, even too big for you, but it's okay, because you can hide in those big boots of you! Like, for example, little rocks! Well hidden indeed! Nobody will ever look in your boots for them! Best hideout ever! If you have to play hide-and-seek one day, you'll obviously hide in your boots!
“Where's my self?”
Fumble on social skill! You can't even speak japanese, you moron! Now the magical girl-cat is confused, just like the three-legged raven, but the “red-thingies” girl is just fine! She's obviously wearing a magical object, granting +5 resistance to nonsense! That, or maybe she can read minds.
She's wearing a magical object, there's no other explanation. Your logical and Cartesian mind cannot accept a mind-reading little girl, so it's obviously a magical object!
“Well, in fact, I'm a sat-”
“LALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I DON'T HEAR YOU!”
A magical object. Nothing more.
But yeah, back to the topic. Where are you? In a room, genius. What kind of room is your poor and temporary crazy self? Look like a hall. Underground.
Well, that's a dream, that's not supposed to make sense. Or maybe it's just you. Thinking about that, before putting your nose in this hole, you think you saw a bunny witch somewhere in the wood. You wonder what she's doing now. Probably beating the crap out of people with rocks and socks. Ha ha ha, as if. Silly you, you can't beat people to death with sock. Or maybe yes. You never tried anyway. You should try, someday.
“Lady Satori, why is he undressing?”
“I'm not sure.”
Oh! Right! There are peoples here! They must know where you are! You should ask them, don't you think? Looking at the “red-thingies” girl, you try to speak in some kind of awful language:
“En mi casa.”
Oooh, so the girl speaks spanish! Good, very good! Too bad you don't know what “casa” means, something tells you it could help. Just like that time in Spain, where you were trying to survive in some kind of Hell. There were demons everywhere, speaking nonsense, like “Hola”, “¿Cómo es el clima?”, or even “¿Por qué estás durmiendo en ese bote de basura?”. Just thinking about it makes you scared.
BACK TO MAIN TOPIC! Where are you? After two unsuccessful attempt, you still don't know where you are. Maybe you should press F1 or something? Call the hotline? Beg Anon for direction? Ask the writefag what to do?
Silly you, you're not a story hero! You can't count on anyone else than you. You are alone, facing a dangerous situation. Dangerous meaning in this case: “being surrounded by two little girls, and a raven”. Very dangerous indeed. If a policeman were to come, he would gladly break your arms off, pull something sharp in your ass, and beat you to death with a gold trophy.
But you're a professional. You have standings. Standing still, standing motionless, for example.
Very good standings, by the way. The latter helped than you faced a saber tooth tiger, 25 years ago, in this museum. Like a hero, you stood motionless for 3 hours, until someone came and took the tiger away.
You were a hero. Even if everyone was repeating “it's a stuffed tiger, you moron”, you were a hero. No, you ARE a hero. You faced many dangers in the past, tax inspector, stepfather, the neighbor’s dog, your own wife. And you're still alive, despite everything! You're a motherfucking hero! You won't die so easily! So, try to figure where you are!
“You are in Old Hell.”
Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaw! D-don't be unfocused! She's playing with your mind! Focus on something! Think about something stupid!
“Lady Satori, why is he running in circle, singing 'paint it black'?”
“I have doubts, but I think he's trying to confuse me.”
DARN, SHE FIGURED OUT! Time to change your tactic, soldier! Now think about a brick wall. There's this wonderful and red brick wall. Think about the brick wall. There's a fly coming near the wall.
CRUSH THE GODAMN SON OF BITCHES FLY! DON'T LET IT GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE!
“Lady Satori, why is he moving his arms like that? Is he applauding you or something?”
“... Utsuho, this is getting tiresome, can you knock him off and lock him in a guest room, please?”
“I can easily!”
OH NOES! ANOTHER MAGICAL GIRL COME TO YOU! THIS IS JAILBAIT, DON'T BE- uh? She's not a little girl!
“What the hell is that piece of filthy crappy shit?”
“I wanna have my little girl! Tits, get out of this body right now! I exorcise you!”
“Lady Satori, he's trying to spit on me.”
“Knock him off.”
You are facing: MAGICAL
CHICA MUJER RAVEN!
MP: this is not a RPG, idiot...
Level: you are doing it wrong.
Comment: the raven changed into a girl! This is an accident! You must investigate on that at once! But maybe after the dinner, you're hungry.
The magical evil woman walks to you, and try to punch you in the face! But you're not the godamn Eric, you know how to avoid a punch! Jumping and crouching at the same time, you manage to grae the deadly ubercharged punch!
Or not. Grazing your hair, the punch didn't damaged you, but stunned you. Doing your best to not fall, you don't pay attention to the girl whereabouts. Until she rise her leg, giving you a free pantyshot, and crushing your head with her granite boot.
You lost … some HP, but you're not dead yet! You're almost unconscious, but since that girl gave you a good look of her panties, that means she wants you to get into those panties! This is obviously the only explanation. Either that, either she was dancing at Le Moulin Rouge before it was ruined.
Trying to imitating Bruce Lee in Operation Dragon, you fall on your knees, grabbing both her legs, and you throw them toward the sky- ceiling, I mean.
Too late, you remember that it wasn't Bruce Lee who used that special move, but The Dragon. Don't matter, it worked either way, and the woman completely fails at landing fair, falling head first on the ground, leaving her bottom totally exposed.
Not wasting a single second, you quickly push her dress (she wasn't wearing anything when she was a raven, thinking about this... where did she hid those clothes), you managed to lay a hand on her panties before a fur ball lands- my apologies, crash on your back, scratching everything on sight, “sight” meaning in this case “you poor and bloody back”.
You're not a hero anymore, you're just a guy being defeated by a spitting sharply furball. How could this happen? Who's to blame? There are some, of course, who could be blamed more than other, but if you wanna be frank, if you're looking for the guilty, just look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you're afraid. Who wouldn't be? Magic, mind-reading little girls with red thingy hanging in front of their chest, women changing into raven...
This is just too much for you! There's only one thing to do in this situation!
Use the forbidden magic “Deux Ex Machina”. With this forbidden magic, you can avoid any explanation, and it will give you more time to explain why you tried to molest an innocent raven!
You pass out. Too many events, added to the blood loss, finally defeated your iron will.
When you finally regain your sense, you're in another room. A very nice room, by the room. Look like everything here is made of jewels. If you had a pickaxe instead of a whip, maybe you could gain something nice. Like jewels to trade, for example.
After a while, the door finally open, and the '''mind-reader'''' (you'll have to find another name, because this is impossible to read minds) enters. With a loving, or maybe hating glare, she speaks words of logic.
“Why did you tried to molest my pet?”
 “I was kinda hungry.”
 “The last female I saw who didn't tried to kill me was half-eaten.”
 “I wanted to see if she was really like a woman.”
 “That was self-defense. Don't blame, that's how I was trained.”
 “Obi-Wan Kenobi.”
 “As it may sadden me to recognize it, my body is still working according to human standards, which means that I'm still moved by my basic needs, like eating, drinking, sleeping, and of course fucking. About this, are you free tonight? What about a pizza-sex evening?”
 “You're the pet.”
 “Anon did it!” (write-in)