r characters or franchises mentioned in this story.
Tseng slumped in his office chair for what he felt was an unnecessary amount of time, stunned and highly annoyed by the claims being made by the woman who looked no older than twenty-two sitting in front of his desk.
Yet this woman sat, with a neutral smile on her face, hands folded neatly on top of the green beret resting on her lap, with an air of seriousness that he normally would have found invigorating, if the contents of this application weren’t so… odd. Checking the documents over again, he pursed his lips and began to speak.
“So let me make sure that I understand this properly. You’re saying not only that you have a clean drug record, but that you know thirty-six forms of hand to hand combat, and can stand for days on end, along with your claim that you have over seventy-five years of experience in your previous field of work?”
“Yes sir.” She replied, smoothing the wrinkles out of her green colored Chinese style slit dress without missing a single beat. “I can also provide a contact address if you would like it.”
Letting a smirk form on his features, he balked at the sheer audacity of what was going on, but decided to humor her one more time just to see if she would crack.
The woman’s bright blue eyes sprang to life, and he chuckled inwardly.
“That girl really thinks she’s going to get in!”
“Okay. The address is: 238 Scarlet Devil Mansion, Gensokyo, area code 112…”
Tseng had to admit, she had guts for getting this far in her little prank without getting nervous, but his patience was wearing thin, regardless of the thought put into it, a prank was a prank, and besides…
“You can’t just expect to make a mockery out of the Turks and expect to get off Scott free.” He let his palm slam against the hard wood table to help punctuate the last two words of his sentence. The woman jumped an inch out of the chair and let out a small squeak; more out of surprise than fear.
“B-B-But I’m not making this up sir…” she paused, made a thoughtful expression, then continued.
“I know! If you need a contact reference, I could always ask Patchouli-sama.”
She ferverently nodded, making the long locks of red hair that flowed down her back bounce as she did.
Tseng stood silent, deciding to let his next course of action hinge on the next few responses. Taking deep breath, he slowly reached his hand towards the little red buzzer underneath his desk.
“And what form of work does this Miss Patchouli do?”
“She’s the librarian, and one of the senior residents of the mansion.”
The hand stopped.
“Oh! And she’s also one of the best magician’s I’ve ever met!”
Tseng gave her a friendly smile, all the while mashing the buzzer like a madman. After a couple of seconds passed, two figures in dark suits similar to his enter the room before coming to stand directly behind the woman.
“Rude, Reno, please get this woman out of my sight, before I do something that I might regret.”
Tseng watched as the woman came to a slow realization of what had just happened, and met his eyes; not with the fear that he had expected, but rather with a look of disappointment.
She quickly rose from her seat before anyone could react, and strode out of the small office. Tseng let out a light gasp and stared on in a slight stupor, not because of how serious she had been about her claims…
But rather at how easily she had flung Rude aside on her way out.
That’s the only way Uzumaki Naruto, young blond boy who started his last year at the Academy since a few days ago, could describe what he was feeling while eating his lunch. He also knew it wasn’t the first time it happened, but he never found out who watched him.
Since morning, Naruto threw a glance behind every ten minutes until Iruka caught him and told him to concentrate on the lesson. That still didn’t stop the uneasy feeling. He also decided it might be the reason he hadn’t tried any pranks that day. After all, it wouldn’t be good if someone warned the others of a prank he made.
“What the heck is wrong with you?”
Naruto turned to see who had spoken. Kiba was looking at him, with Akamaru perched at the top of his head.
“Don’t you feel like someone is watching us somewhere?” Naruto asked. Since he couldn’t pinpoint where that person was, he decided to swallow his pride and ask someone else to help. No sense in staying uneasy for the rest the day.
“What are you talking about? Akamaru, do you smell anything?”
The dog lifted his head and sniffed the air twice. He knew his master wasn’t speaking about that white-eyed girl hidden behind a tree at the moment since he said to find something unusual. After searching for a few more seconds, he barked his answer back.
“He doesn’t smell anything. Are you sure you didn’t hit your head or something or are you finally going to admit you’re crazy?”
“Shut up, dog-boy.”
“Oh yeah? Well, I’m not the one having a paranoia attack right now. If there was someone nearby doing something suspicious, Akamaru would have smelt him.”
“Say the one who walked around with a sign on his back for 4 hours.”
Kiba was going to say something, but held back his words, remembering the humiliation from last year. He still hadn’t figured out how and when Naruto managed to put “I love wearing skirts” on his back that day. Nobody had said a word and it wasn’t until he was a home that he finally knew something was wrong when he saw his sister on the verge of laughing openly at him. To make matters worse, the lesson that day was about being aware of changes in your surroundings. So he wasn’t surprised the next morning when Iruka told him as soon as he entered the class to pay attention to the lesson instead of goofing off.
It took around two weeks to salvage his pride from that prank. It wasn’t the first time she observed him.
She found him by chance, when she travelled to see if anything was worthy of her attention. She wondered for a moment why a young boy was being so cheerful one moment, when he was with someone else just to start being depressed as soon as they left, when no one else but him and her, hidden, was there.
She left then since nothing else was going to happen. Then she came back the next day, wondering how he was. She found him running from another man, a ninja she learned, that looked like a bucket of paint fell on him. Then she saw him deciding it he enough of running and transforming into a very… well-endowed girl which sent the ninja unconscious from a nosebleed.
She actually let out a chuckle at that. She wondered if that would work where she came from.
Since then, she came back once in a while to watch him. She, of course, saw how well he was treated by the others and she herself could sense something unusual about the boy. She gathered information about him and found out he was quite more interesting than what she first thought. She never thought before an human could be this interesting.
“After all, not everyone is the jailor of a demonic Nine-tailed fox.”
As soon as she learned that particular information, some things made sense to her while others didn’t. She knew humans could be silly in the way they glared at someone who was totally innocent about what happened when the demon attacked them. Not only the real target of the glare couldn’t see them, but she was sure it wouldn’t even be bothered by it. But she wondered why no one bothered to train the boy. With that much power inside him, the boy could be a living juggernaut.
But no one bothered to research the seal to strengthen it, to make sure the demon would never get out or avoid side-effects from using it or help the boy get past the trouble he had from his special condition. She knew humans wouldn’t dare mess with the work of a being higher than them, but the lack of attention was simply infuriating.
That problem was also something that was on her mind. The boy grew up alone, lived alone and, unless she missed some since she wasn’t watching him all the time, she could count on her hands the few persons who would actually care much if the boy went missing.
She knew of no human who could live like this, alone and being glared as if his existence was a sin, and not go insane. She knew that even she would be at the very least irritated if almost all the people she knew avoided or ignored her for as long as this boy had suffered.
So she decided, that day, to act that night. She was sure the boy would be a very interesting addition to her family. She also knew some persons who could help with his foxy problem. She wanted to see how strong he could become if someone intelligent, like she, took care of him.
And she doubted he would refuse. He wanted attention. He wanted to escape the almost permanent solitude he was living in. He wanted someone who would help him become stronger.
She was already grinning in anticipation of the meeting.
Once upon a time, a predator ship that was going to earth. It was that time of the year to make the preparations for the next ritual hunt and they had to increase the number of aliens to hunt.
Little they knew that a malfunction in their ship caused it to land in an unknown place where their instruments stopped working and was non existent in their map.
One of the predators checked the cargo bay and to his surprise, he found that the aliens inside had broken free and killed several predators.
That predator tried to warn the others but it was too late, all of them were dead and the ship was starting the self destruction program to erase the hazardous lifeform inside.
the predator quickly left the ship just at time to see how it slowly imploded into nothingness.
Now he was stuck in that strange land and he wasn't alone, one of the aliens had survived too.
Somewhere else, the surviving alien was moving at considerable speed after killing it's first victim (a nameless fairy) and entered inside a building that had outside hanging a sign that said: "Hakurei Shrine"
That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Intimidate" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Trolls deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine copypasta on 4chan for 2,400,000 internets (that's about $0.07) and have been posting it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my trolling.
NEETs spend years working on a single the game and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest rage known to mankind.
Trolls are thrice as sharp as normal insults and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a insult can piss off, a troll can anger better. I'm pretty sure a troll could easily bisect a tight knit community with a single post.
Ever wonder why other forums never bothered invading the chans? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined NEETs and their trolls of destruction. Even in World War II, soldiers targeted the man with the troll first because their disruption power was feared and respected.
So what am I saying? Trolls are simply the best form of posting that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Trolls:
(One-Handed Exotic Weapon) 1d20 Damage 18-20 x4 Crit +2 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork Abilty Damage: 2 Intelligence Abilty Damage: 2 Wisdom
(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon) 2d20 Damage 16-20 x4 Crit +5 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork Abilty Damage: 4 Intelligence Abilty Damage: 4 Wisdom
Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of trolls on the internet, don't you think?
tl;dr = Trolls need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.