#039;m kind of Insane and Dumb | THP - The Destination for Touhou fans
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174887 No. 174887
Humans are pretty scary, if you stop to think about it.

By all logic, we all should be dead.

Our upper body strength is, at best, abysmal. Our speed…not too great, compared to the felines, equines, and the canines. Our claws and teeth are rather fucking pathetic, and overall, there are a lot of things in this world that want to murderize us into extinction.

But, as you might be able to see by yourself, humanity is not only able survive, but thrive. If you see a patch of dry land, you can almost be sure that it has been stepped on by a human. Or two. Or ten. or ten million.

So, how can this be? How can a creature that is, for all intent and purpose, naked apes like us could outlive the mighty knives-fanged tigers and the lumbering Brachiosaurs?

Well, we don’t have the sky dropped on our head, for once.

There’s also the matter of human intelligence. But that, if you asked me, is only the secondary factor in our survivability in this world.

The main factor is what I would like to call, The Murderboner.

You see, for all our hubris about using logic to deal with the cruelty of this world, there’s one piece of logic that has been planted firmly in humanity’s mentality since the first time we gained sentience.

If we kill it first, it can’t kill us.



A land further to the east than most human would be able to travel.

It is a magical land, where fantastic and forgotten creatures dwell, a land full of pretty things that can murder you six ways to Sunday, five ways to Saturday, four to Friday, three to Thursday, two to Wednesday, and one if the shrine maiden decided to be a dick.

It is a world of its own, separated by a magical barrier from our world. Which is a good thing. Because if modern human encountered a leprechaun, he wouldn’t hold him for ransom. He would put him to sleep, put a tracker in his flesh, let him back to his civilization, and proceed to murder every single leprechaun in existence.

Alternatively, we could make some leprechaun porn.

Anyway, my point is, humans is kind of fucked up.

That is why the barrier was erected in the first place. Because the inhabitants of Gensokyo feels threatened by humanity. So they choose to live in seclusion. So we can avoid killing each other too much. Well, it didn’t happen exactly like that, but that was the official version.

The barrier that separates us from them…it has some flaws. Especially because the one lady that supposed to do maintenance job is extremely lazy. So, once in a while some stragglers from both our world and their world would be able to pass through the imperfection.

These imperfections are usually small, enough for a small everyday object like phone and computer, and sometimes even a full grown human. And certainly not a broken Boeing 737 full of panicking passengers.

You are passenger number #37 .

You’re just about to come back home from doing some vacationing in a remote island near the equator, when suddenly the plane you’ve boarded make some strange noises. You look out of the window (because of course you’ve picked the window seat) and see that the beautiful blue skies of the Caribbean has been replaced by a dark background covered here and there by gigantic, yellowish, shining, blinking….eyes.

Holy shit Houston we’re all fucked.

You’ve heard of GPS failure, but how bad of a pilot you have to be to get lost in a route to hell??

You pray to all the gods that you believe and don’t believe, asking to be spared from the pilot’s surprisingly bad navigating skill. Your praying is answered by a loud, creaking sound of tearing metal. You look out the window again and see that you’re now only have half of a plane. The entire right wing is gone.

The screaming and crying of other passengers around you annoys you greatly. But there are currently only two things in your mind besides the concept of inevitable death. One, is your twelve years old sister sitting beside you, over-inhaling and in the edge of collapsing. Two, is your pet, stored in a cage in the baggage compartment.

More creaking sound of overstressed fuselage told you that this plane is in the middle of rapid unplanned disassembly towards a lithobraking in overspeed.

In layman’s term, we’re going to crash. Hard.

What would you do?

[] Nothing. If you’re gonna die, dying inside a metal coffin engulfed in blazing inferno of overheated avtur is not such a bad way to go.
[]Calm down your sister.
-Appeal to your brotherly instinct
-Appeal to your manliness.
-Appeal to your insanity.
[]Go down to lower deck and check your pet.
[]Plane hijack.

No. 174891
[X]Calm down your sister.
-Appeal to your brotherly instinct

What a way to start a story. This is going to be quite a ride.

That said, you might want to find a proofreader.
No. 174895
[X] Calm down your sister.
-[X] Appeal to your brotherly instinct.
No. 174896
[X]Plane hijack.

I knew all those long hours playing flight simulator on a floppy disk would come in handy.
No. 174901
[x] Nothing. If you’re gonna die, dying inside a metal coffin engulfed in blazing inferno of overheated avtur is not such a bad way to go.

Whatever happens happens
No. 174902
[x] Calm down your sister.
-Appeal to your brotherly instinct

I doubt we can do much with the panicking passengers, that and since it seems we are all caught already, hijacking wont do much good.his is the least we can do
No. 174904
[x]Plane hijack.


I suggest this, because Yuugi will be able to catch the plane in drunken stupor and save us all because sexy Big sister oni muscles and supernatural phenomenon manipulation.
No. 174905
>Other passengers
>Dumb dwindling passengers in need of faith and guidance at their wits in end a foreign land full of monsters
>And we're the only one who can speak Japanese

Guess we're going to be leading them out of hell, out of Gensokyo Jewish Prophet style, whilst getting as much pussy as possible because we're gonna gain max faith and accidentally give YHVH access to Gensokyo again, and get away with fucking our sister.

Here's to hoping Sariel isn't too angered about what Raymoo did to her in TH1. Then again, Sariel did destroy her shrine with her in it, nearly killing her and then attempted to kill everyone else in Gensokyo so she kinda had it coming
No. 174906
[X]Calm down your sister.
-Appeal to your brotherly instinct

I'm kind of worried about the pet, but you can't really leave your sister when she's right there.
Like hell you can't. Save the pet! Humans are all insane anyway!
No. 174907
[X]Calm down your sister.
-Appeal to your brotherly instinct

Hijack the plane to land it with only one wing? This isn't an F-15.

There's no indication we're heading to Hell. The MC thinking gapspace is a path to hell doesn't count.
No. 174912
[x]Plane hijack.

Going to die for your faith so soon?
No. 174913
[X]Calm down your sister.
-Appeal to your brotherly instinct.

In my mind also the manly option. For is it not a man's duty to protect his little sister? to be there in her hour of need? To confront the boogeymen that scare her? To beat the stuffing out of said boogeyman in a 75 round boxing match?

If that's not manly I don't know what is.
No. 174916
>Not being a siscon and double teaming your sister with the boogeyman, who is dreadfully sexy.
No. 174922

Though a bit crude, there is some truth in this Anon's words. Most imouto routes I've seen are amazing.
No. 174927
[x] Murderboner option

Kill absolutely everything.
No. 174928
[X]Calm down your sister.
-Appeal to your brotherly instinct.

This is either going to wind up crazy fun or crazy bad.
No. 174936
I'm insane. Plus, i learned English from Cracked.com.

Problem: i have no friend. how do i get beta reader?

What's a floppy disk?
No. 174937
And then i forgot to use sage...my apologize.
No. 174938
You either Pirate Microshit word from many a torrent, or get open office.
No. 174940
Ah yes; this story shall be most amusing.

[x]Calm down your sister.
[x] Appeal to your insanity.

As it pleases me.
No. 174976
For some reason now, I really want to play Hurley in Gensokyo. This really reminds me of lost.

[X] Calm down your sister.
-[X] Appeal to your brotherly instinct.
No. 174983
[x]Plane hijack.
We have to save all the imoutos!
No. 174984
[x]Plane hijack.

inb4 2hu hijack is my logic.
No. 175004
[X] Calm down your sister.
-[X] Appeal to your brotherly instinct.
No. 175014
Eh. calling it now. what a conservative killjoy.
No. 175042
You were a simple minded man. You take your entertainment wherever you can get. Half air-worthy metal coffin in the middle of disintegrating doesn’t exactly provide much entertainment.

You look at your sister, sitting at your left. You look at her face, and see how much she reminds you of yourself before puberty, but with more feminine bone structure and longer, well maintained hair that doesn’t looks like someone tried to glue a live honey badger to a child’s head.

You remember the time she finally took her first step.

You remember the first time she fell.

You remember the first time she cried.

“Don’t cry.” You remember you said, “Crying makes you look ugly.”

You remember the first time you learned that calling a girl “ugly’ will not accomplish anything except being smacked in the face.

You remember, when she reach first grade, right after the entrance ceremony. She walked into your room and say; “Brother, do you hate me when I’m crying?”

You remember being confused and answered “yes” without thinking.

“Then, I promise that I won’t cry anymore.”

You remember, ever since then, each and every times she would lock herself in her room, breaking that promise, trying really hard not to be seen by you.

You know though. You know that something has caused her distress, and you remember taking care of each of those ‘something’ with your own bare hands.

And today, she’s with you, strapped to her chair with nowhere to go. inside an almost certainly about to be destroyed aircraft.

She looks pathetic.

You can hear her panicked breath every time the plane let out a tremor. You can see her knuckle whitened as her nails digging into the plastic arm rest. And at the lid of her eyes, a small pool of tears has formed.

“Do you want to cry?” you asked.

And as always, she answered “no.”

You sighed. What a stubborn little child…

You removed your jacket (Because air travel is cold as fuck) and drape it over your sister’s head.


You ignored her muffled protest, as you put her head in a hug, covering her face completely from the outside world.

“I see nuthin’”

You reach to your bag sitting on your foot and took out an MP3 player and an earphone set.

You browse over your list of playlists, filled with music that would make any man desires to make a tartare steak out of a live cow with their bare fist, and come upon one, special playlist you have reserved for those moments of cold, stormy night when your sister would snuck into your bed.

You carefully put the earbuds in your sister’s ear. Blocking the sound of desperate prayers and cries of babies clutched tightly in their mother’s embrace.

You feel your sister’s sobbing, and you feel anger.

You should be in fear. You’re about to die. But something or someone has made your sister cry.

You look out of the plane window, and see those giant yellow eyes are still there.

Then you clenched your fist, and with your sister out of sight, you give the giant eyeball the stiffest, straightest middle finger you have ever erected. You don’t even know if the eyes are looking at you, but you don’t care.

Somehow you know, that something or someone is the cause of this freak incident, and that incident has made your sister cries in fear in your arms.

You close your eyes, and with all your hatred you swear that you will survive, and that whoever, whatever is responsible for the tears of your sister, you’re going to find it.

And you’re going to kill it.


Ugh. Writing is hard…especially trying to write sweet stuff.

Anyway, pick a victim landing spot:
[] Scarlet Devil Mansion.
[] Kappa Valley.
[] Youkai Mountain.
[] Bamboo Forest of the Lost.
[] Forest of Magic Outskirt.
[] Near the Human Village.
[] Kamikaze-ing The Saigyou Ayakashi.

Also, I want to give my MC a name. I know people usually don’t give CYOA protagonist a name, but I figure that surname would be fine. Pick one:
[]Sir John Murdercannon XIII

I’ll apologize in advance for short chapters and scarce update. I’m a bit busy lately, and I have no idea for any overarching plot, I pretty much make shit up in the spot.
No. 175044
[x] Scarlet Devil Mansion.
[x] Winchester

I'll admit I picked the location at random. Good ole six-sided dice. The name though? All those gun references & no Winchester? Shame.
No. 175051
i knew i forgot something.
No. 175052
I'm not sure about location, but i am sure about the name

[X] Browning

The most influential gunmaker of them all!
No. 175053
No. 175061
[x] Scarlet Devil Mansion.
[x] Dresden

Saving sisters, one random act of destruction at a time.

but Sir John Murdercannon XIII is really appealing too.
No. 175062


But Seriously

>[] Scarlet Devil Mansion.
Flandre uses her power and blows us up mid air, or we land, get a warm welcoming, then start vanishing one by one, and find we are being turned into breeding cattle.

>[] Kappa Valley.
Curse goddess fixes our lives everlasting problems, and Nitori gets an Aeroplane wreck, win-win, and we don't have her fondle our Shikiriodama's.

>[] Youkai Mountain.
Picked off one by one by tengu for trespassing, have to solve misunderstanding with diplomacy and wit as to not be eaten, and get constantly harassed by Aya on Aeroplanes and speed shit in her newspaper.

>[] Bamboo Forest of the Lost.
Everyone in debt to Eiren for life for medical treatment and her old world medicine

>[] Forest of Magic Outskirt.
Eaten by Youkai, harassed by faeries, and Marisa hates guiding survivors around and such.

>[] Near the Human Village.
Everything beneficial and nice anyone could ask for, but little 2hu interaction lest the Byakugang show up. Provided we don't crash destroy and kill everyone in the settlement

[X] Kappa Valley.
It is then.
No. 175065
[X] Youkai Mountain

The plane always crashes into the mountain. Not near the bottom, where it'd be convenient to get to places; no, it crashes high up, slowing rescue and evacuation.

[X] Bandersnatch.

A name befitting the monster we otherwise know as a human being.
No. 175066
[X] Kappa Valley
No. 175067
[] Kappa Valley
No. 175068
[X] Scarlet Devil Mansion.
No. 175069
[x] Kamikaze-ing The Saigyou Ayakashi.
'Are we dead?'
'Where are we?'
'The afterlife'

I was about to vote the SDM just to see it destroyed again, but those characters are kind of overdone lately.
No. 175073
>Crash into the tree
>Uproot it and Yuyuko's corpse along with it
>Yuyuko's turns into a Zombie/ghost miux and is pretty much braindead because of it
No. 175098
[X] Kappa Valley
This can only go horribly right.
No. 175100
[] SDM
No. 175101
[X] Kappa Valley
[X] Browning
No. 175108
[X] Kappa Valley
[X] Gatling
No. 175109
[x] Near the Human Village
[x] Dresden

Because Fuego.
No. 175113
Changing to

Can the little sister's name be Molly if this wins?
No. 175115
[x] Booker
-[x] Elizabeth
[x] Moriya
No. 175145
[X] Kappa Valley
[X] Dresden

Name, eh. Don't really care that much. We have a name and that's good enough.
Landing in the Kappa valley, blacking out and waking up to discover that the plane has been painstakingly disassembled into it's component parts and is currently being rebuilt, bigger, stronger, faster (we have the technology), though. Yes please.
No. 175152
As an analysis of the names available:

>Shephard - Mass Effect
>Hawke - Dragon Age
>Dresden - The Dresden Files
>Bandersnatch - Through the Looking Glass
>Gatling, Garrand, Lee et al - Gun manufacturers/inventors

Does this imply that the choice of name will have an influence on the story beyond just being a name? Because that'd be sweet.

[X] Shephard

[X] Kappa Valley


>No overarching plot


I hope you can pull that off, man, but stories die painful deaths that way.
No. 175161
[X] Kappa Valley
[X] Dresden
No. 175172
[X] Youkai Mountain
[X] Bandersnatch.
No. 175173
Fun story; I started reading The Dresden Files a month ago after seeing Demetrious post some comparisons between Dresden and Wizanon. I'm now half way through book eight.

tl;dr: I don't care where he ends up, as long as he's named Dresden.
No. 175176

Nobody said that i'm a good writer.
I might have somewhatof an idea now, but i don't know if i can pull it through. it involves Loli!Yukari, Male!Mokou, and Mama!Cirno.
No. 175177
Anyway, calling it now, we are now Mr.Dresden, ass-first to Kappa Valley.
No. 175188

I, for one, am fine with all of those.
No. 175195
I am intrigued. I will be following this story to find out just what the hell is wrong with Gensokyo to create all that (wonderful) insanity.
No. 175239
They’ve said that there are three kinds of aces.

Those who seek strength, those who live for pride, and those who can read the tide of battle.

Well, I’m happy to tell you, that there is fourth kind of ace. Namely, one that doesn’t understand the concept of aerodynamics.

These are the guys that came to Mount Rushmore, look at Roosevelt’s mustache, and promptly say, hey, I could totally make that fly!

These are the pilots that you don’t want to be around in a flight test for a new plane, because when he’s flying, it as if law of physic doesn’t apply, so it’s impossible to get an accurate data, because all the instruments are basically screaming ‘These cannot be!” and then commit mass suicide.

These people, however, are the kind of people you want to be around on the commanding seat while you’re in a one-winged commercial jet strolling forward in a path to hell.

“More booster.”

Ex-fighter pilot Jebediah Kerman is one such pilot, to the dismay of his co-pilot, Jason Moreau.

“Careful, you’re straining the one engine we have left. We’ve already lost the right.”

“That was a horrible, horrible joke.”

“That because it wasn’t a joke. So, what now?”

If these guys sound a bit too calm to you, that because they are…special, so to say.

Jason Moreau has undergone the same training that let Neil Armstrong calmly said “Houston, we had a problem” instead of screaming “HOLY SHIT HOUSTON WE ARE DEAD!! DEAD!!”.

Still, as he looking at the cluster of giant blinking eyes, he thought, NASA doesn’t have to deal with this kind of shit.

Jebediah Kerman was even more special.

He was a mercenary pilot, with his own plane and all. Of course, he didn’t use his real name at the time, and use lots and lots of aliases, each one only used for a single contract. These names he picked himself, such as Shadowrunner[i/] and [i]Attano Skywalker, Assassin of the Skies, it is safe to say that he’s lucky that his piloting skill is better than his naming sense.

He was once hired to fight the US Air Force, and managed to take down a Raptor using a Skyhawk with no missiles.

He did that kind of stuff frequently.

Somehow, he manages to hide his history and get a job as a regular pilot in a commercial airliner.

Today, only his co-pilot knows about his mercenary background, as he has told him after a drunken bar fight in Alaska (long-story).

“You have a plan?” asks Jason.

“We keep this plane flying until we die.”

“I don’t like the ‘dying’ part.”

“Being alive is overrated.”


“Hey, look, there.” Says Jebediah.

“What? I don’t see anything.”

“Precisely. There are no eyes in that area.” Indeed, the streams of eyes seem to have ended, leaving a patch of black emptiness.

“You’re right. …And… I think I just saw a flicker of light…is it the sun?”

“Probably, or it could be a giant lightbulb. And if we try to approach it, were going to get smacked by a giant glass wall.”

“You and your stupid jokes.”

“Hey, at a time like this, you laugh, or you cry. Your choice.”

“I’d say…we go for it?”

“hmm…” Jebediah put a finger on his chin, thinking.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I’ve always want to say this.” Jebediah put his hand on the throttle stick.

“Uh-oh.” Jason Moreau gulped, he knows trouble when he sees it.

And then, with gusto, Jebediah went full throttle.

The one engine that left roars as if being gang raped. The small flicker of light previously only noticeable by the trained eyes of Jason Moreau constantly grows bigger and bigger, until it engulfed the entire view of our pilots and left them blinded, to the joy of the not-so-straight mind of one Jebediah Kerman.


Moments later…

“MOUNTAIN!!” scream both pilots in unison.


The world is on fire, and for once, it wasn’t your fault.

A nice change of pace, still sucks, though.

This is not your first experience waking up in an unfamiliar place to the smell of smokes. Though it really is something to wake up and the word “Satan’s butthole” spontaneously jumped into your mind.

It’s stink, hot, and black all over. You can’t even see your own hands. Your eyes stings and you know, that if you try to breathe, you’ll be dead in two minutes.

It took you a while to remember where you are and start punching the ceiling.

Finally, you cracked the light plastic barrier that separates you from a life-saving breathing apparatus, the one usually used when the plane experiencing decompression, and not when the plane is on fire. Because when the plane is on fire, people surprisingly tend to want to get out as soon as possible, and forgot about the little things like breathing, ignoring the fact that in a plane crash, smokes probably would kill you faster than the fire ever could.

Ignoring the flight manual, you assist your little sister first before punching the ceiling again and take out a second set for yourself.

Your sister was unconscious, but a series of small coughs tell you that she’s still breathing. Which is good. Your jacket and MP3 player are gone, though. Probably thrown away somewhere when we crashed into…wherever this is. You can’t see jack shit, the smokes are too blinding.

But even when you can’t see, you can still hear. The sounds of panicking passengers desperately trying to remember which way it is to the emergency exits, which they have no doubt ignored at the start of the flight. Some of them probably remember basic procedure and try to crawl, thus, dodging the smokes. You suspect that these people would be the ‘death by crowd stampede’ corpses you often read on a plane crash report.

Talking about plane crash report, you remembered that most corpses in a burnt airplane are found piled up near the doors and windows. Cause of death? Being stepped on.

So, you wait. This is too, was a dilemma, because, well, the plane is on fire. Though, you decided to take your chance and wait until most other passengers are dead so that you can have easier time to find your way out.

Then, you remember about your pet.

Well, shit. The cargo bay is at the bottom of the plane. She’s probably dead by now.


Suddenly, mixed with all the annoying ruckus of humans being roasted alive, you hear the sounds of metal clashing against metal.


No. not metal clashing against metal. It was sounds not unlike a Cadillac being hit by a pickaxe. It was the sounds of metal beating the ever loving shit out of another metal.


You have no idea what that sound was.

The thing you know, though, is that the other passengers suddenly become even more panicked, and you could also hear a strange, swishing and clanking sound that makes you think that a giant metal snake has invade inside the plane and now hungry for fresh human meal. You realized how stupid that sounds.


You felt your seatbelt being undone.


You have about a nanosecond to think before you feel you whole body being yanked forward, really, really hard.

Next time you know, you are already outside, flying. And falling.

You bask in what you suspect as a warm, morning sun, for about two second before splashing down into a river.

WHAT. Is the only thing that your confused brain can muster right now. That, and the fact that you are submerged.

WHERE. Is the next thing that comes out. You are inside a body of water, probably a river. Definitely not in the Mississippi, because you can actually see stuff in here, including the curious face of a girl next to you.

WHO. Your brain asked, and it cannot find any answer. At first, you thought the girl was bald, then you realized that her hair has the same blue tone as the water that surrounds her. Her eyes wide open, showing to you her blue eyes that reminds you of the deep sea.

For a moment, the two of you stay unmoving, locked eye to eye. You realized that the girl doesn’t seem to be holding her breath. In fact, she looks so natural underwater that you almost forget that you are also underwater yourself.

She inclined her head, again, looks nothing like being underwater. You’re pretty sure that long sleeved green dress she wore was also waterproofed.

You’re pretty sure it’s only about a second or two, but it feels as if you’ve been in a trance for a good long hour. That is, until you heard another splashing sound from nearby. You look, and you instantly recognized the limp body of your dear little sister.

You’re just about to do the most sensible thing and swim there to make sure she’s save, when the water girl grabs your hand and HOLY SHITE SHE’S FAST.

In no time, the water girl has covered the considerable distance between you and your sister, grab her, and then start to swim up, as easily as if she isn’t carrying two almost limp bodies with her.

You, for some reason, noticed that her swimming style reminds you of a dolphin, with legs conjoined and a lot of flowing movements.

When all three of you finally getting your heads out of the water, the serene, calm atmosphere are gone, replaced by utter chaos of screams and explosions (What else are new?) hitting your eardrums.

All around you, you see burnt, tattered, but otherwise alive bodies dragged out from the water by children wearing the same sort of clothing as the one girl beside you. And yes, you’ve just realized that the girl was, in fact, just a kid.

You hear more screaming from above, and see a couple dozen or more bodies, flying high and mightily as they go ass-first into the river.

It was less impressive than seeing the cause of their sudden ability of flight, however.

There, near the burning plane lying half destroyed in a plain, you see a little girl, probably about the same age as your sister, with four, clawed tentacle stuck on her back.

Some of you might remember Doctor Octopus from Spiderman 2. Now, imagine four of those long, prehensile arms, each about the size of a Boa, stuck to the back of a twelve years old. It manages to give you that sense of awe when at the same time nudging your brain to reminds it that something is clearly not right.

The prehensile metal arms shoot into the plane, through a hole that surely didn’t happen from the crash, and systematically throwing bodies inside the river like a giant, deranged baby and his toy.

After a while, it stops throwing people and start to throws boxes. Boxes you recognized as animal cages.

You stood still (well, swim still. You’re still in the water.), hoping.


There it is! A cage covered in black curtain!


It falls near you. Uh-oh. She doesn’t like being wet. If she’s alive, she would be in a bad mood.

“Are you okay?”

You realized that it was the water girl. Her voice sounds accented. You suspect that English wasn’t her first language.

She repeats her question.

“err…I’m fine, I guess…”

“Then please, take care of her.” She said rapidly as she hands you your sister and went for your pet.

You’ve decided that you’ve been in the water long enough and drag your sister’s unmoving body to the shore. Wish she didn’t take too many injuries during the fall.

As you reach the shore, you can feel the water from the river seeps into your clothes, weighing you down. You think of that waterproof underwear you once seen at the department store, the one that you though you would never need.

You quickly make sure that your sister is in fact, alive, and miraculously suffer no injuries besides probably a light shock.

After a while, the water girl came back, carrying the cage containing your pet. The black drape has been washed away, revealing the form of…

Yup, she’s pissed. Well, at least she’s alive.

Overall, the three of you have managed to get out relatively unscathed. Well, black from soot and overally wet, but alive. Good enough for you.

“Umm…excuse me? She’s mine.”

The water girl reluctantly gives the cage back to you. You quickly opened the cage before the thing inside gets anymore angry.


You opened the latch, and get awarded by a peck from a really, really hard beak designed to tear off flesh.

“Sheesh. There’s no need for that.”

Your protest answered by a loud, distinct scream of a Red Tailed Hawk.

Your pet quickly gets off from her cage, eager to spread her wings. She would wait until it dry off before trying to fly, though.

The metal tentacle girl has stop throwing things into the river, and now seems to be focusing on trying to put out the flame using some sort of hose connected to a pump near the river, with few others children helping. You watched absent mindedly as the other passengers trying to cope with what just happened. You are thinking, if you’re the kind of person who writes diaries, how much paper would you need to describe what happened today?


It seems that your sister has regained consciousness.

You quickly crouch besides her to make sure she’s okay.


“Yup, it’s me.”

“I’m dreaming”

“No you’re not, it’s me, your big brother…”



You look at the direction your sister is pointing, and you see a stereotypical witch with a very large hat riding on a broom zooming towards you.

“Mm…Marisa!?” The water girl beside you shouted, her voice a mix of surprise, embarrassment, and anticipation.

You know, your sister’s right. This is just a dream. A day this crazy can’t be real.

“~Yahoooo! Nit-Ori~!!….”

But still, that kind of stereotypical witch is kind of boring. If this was your dream, she should be more colorful…and as she get closer, and closer, and closer, you can see her monochrome…



You’ve literally been assed.

You don’t really understand, but your next memory is waking up sprawled on the ground with a woman on top of you.

Not too bad of a circumstance, eh? But as a gentleman, you politely ask the woman too move.


You push the monochrome witch off you, maybe a bit too forcefully.

“Whoa, sorry.” She apologize half-assedly, as both of you regain your footing on the ground. “But as you see, broom generally doesn’t have brakes.”

Now that you don’t have an ass on your face, you can examine her better.

She’s a young woman with long, blonde hairs, barely out of her teenage years. She’s wearing a set of clothing that screams “witch” at a single glance, with a black dress and white shirt. And did I mention her enormous hat?

“Marisa! What are you doing here?” The water girl shouted again.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m just flying round a bit, relaxing, you know? When I suddenly saw this pillar of smoke….”

Of course, you can’t actually understand any of this dialogue because they are speaking different language, which you recognized as Japanese.

Well, it seems that you are further away from home than you’ve initially expected. This going to be a problem.

“Umm…Marisa Nee-san?


Oh, right. You almost forgot. Your sister knows Japanese.

“Watashi…Dresden…” You managed to pick off a few words.

You don’t know Japanese, but you know enough of linguistic convention to know when people are introducing themselves. Apparently, the witch is named ‘Marisa’.

Then, your sister asks Marisa for something.

Marisa responded with a smile, and then clenched her right fist in front of her face. Then suddenly, her fist were on fire.

Your sister watches with an almost glowing excitement in her eyes.


“Uhh…what just happened?”

“Nothing. Your little girl here just asked if I’m a real witch. Stupid question, of course. So I gave her a little demonstration. And by the way, the right term is ‘magician’.”

“I see.”

You look up to the sky, and see that your pet has took off without you realizing.

“Uu…Marisa…” the water girl is talking again, and she and Marisa once again engaged in a conversation in a language you can’t understand. Your sister seems to pay attention though. You feel left out.

At last, Marisa switches her attention to you, and say:

“Well, shit.”

That can’t be good.

“Apparently, the Shrine Maiden hasn’t come yet. That only means trouble for you, with incident of this scale.” She jammed her thumb at the general direction of the now burnt carcass of B737.

You have no idea what she’s talking about.

“Well, anyway…” she stretches her arms and fingers. “…since I’m basically the second in command here…take me to your leader!!”

Wha huh?


“Take me to your leader, please?” she inexplicably said that while tilting her head and giving a very cute smile.

Confused, you pointed at the captain, which is easily recognizable since he inexplicably still wearing his hat.

You decide not to follow Marisa, so not to get too involved, but your sister inexplicably starts to follows Marisa, with looks of total admiration on her face. Seems like Marisa got a fan.


You hear a grunt. And see that the water girl is shooting a deadly glare towards your sister.
You make a mental note to keep an eye on the water girl. You don’t worry too much. After all, this is just a dream, right? But really, even in a dream, you don’t think anyone could hate your sister that much. I mean, look at her! She’s just so cute! When she grown up a little bit, you are sure even a woman like Marisa would fall for her.

When you arrived, Marisa and the captain have already starting a conversation.

“So, I’ve noticed you came here on a broom.”

“Well, yes.”

The captain is a tall person, with short brown hair, mostly concealed under his hat. Fair complexion, and green eyes. He somehow neither black with soot nor wet. Seems like he managed to get out without the help from giant metal tentacle.

“Doesn’t that hurt? I mean, a woman’s body wasn’t exactly designed to ride on a thick, long…err…you know what I’m talking about.”

Marisa gives a stifled laugh. “Ha! In both circumstances, you’ll do just fine with enough practice and lower body strength!!”

“Of course.” The captain says flatly.

“I don’t think that’s a relevant question right now.” Says another man wearing similar uniform to the captain, though a bit singed on the arm. He’s probably the co-pilot. “Say, miss, where are we?”

Marisa gives a pause, you can basically hear the gears moving in her head.

“Hmm… this going to take a while to explain…so, u…we might want to get comfortable first.”

So you, your sister, the pilots, the flight attendant, and few passengers that isn’t too busy tending to their wounds or being dead, sit in a circular fashion with Marisa standing in the middle.

“Hm. There are a lot of you.”

“Seats were fully booked. Plus the pilots and flight attendants, I’d say we have about two hundred people.” Explain the co-pilot.

Marisa confident face now turns sour.

“Not considering those who died.” You morbidly add.

“Indeed.” Says the captain.

“Damn. This is big. Where’s that girl when you need her? Ah, umm, anyway…as the second best incident resolver in Gensokyo…I think it is my responsibility to explain the basic to you guys, huh? Dammit Reimu.”

You didn’t really catch that last part. But anyway, Marisa, under the watch of one hundred plus pairs of eyes, starts explaining…stuff.

[Girl is explaining, please wait warmly until our head asplode]

Alright. You weren’t dreaming. Your dream can’t be this crazy. This is the kind of dream you would expect a Japanese Tolkien would have.

The crowd wasn’t exactly pleased with her explanation. Your ear hurts as torrent of questions are directed at Marisa, which she can’t possibly answer.


The crowd went quiet. Somehow, that one order from the captain carries enough authority to punch a bear in the nut.

“So,” the Co-pilot stands up. “I don’t know about all this fantasy thing, but It doesn’t change the fact that we are stranded in a foreign place, with no means of communication. Miss Marisa, you are a native. What is your suggestion on this? I understand that this is not the first time an outsider has come to Gensokyo?”

“Well, usually, outsider that came to Gensokyo would have two choices, stay in the human village, or go to the Hakurei Shrine.”

“Hakurei Shrine?” Inquire the Co-pilot.

“It’s…like a gateway, between Gensokyo and the outside world. But with two hundred of you, neither of those options is viable, at least, not immediately.”

“so, what do we do?”

“I’d say, we divide your group into two. I’ve already had my friend talk things out with the Kappas. They said that they can’t accommodate more than fifty people right now.”

“I see. That fifty people taken care of. What about the other one hundred and fifty?”

“Some of you might have to camp out here.”

You can hear some people groans at the prospect of being one with nature. Can’t blame them. Camping sucks.

“Me and the captain would need to go to the human village to make some arrangements. We could probably secure some lodgings. And then we could go to Hakurei Shrine and try to get you out of here as quickly as possible.”

And…that’s it.

After few hours of arranging, it is decided that fifty of children, old, and wounded would stay in the Kappa’s village. And the rest of you would camp out near the crash site, which has been cleared out by the Kappas.

Unfortunately, this means that you need to be separated from your sister.

As you stand there in the plain, surrounded by tents, you think.

There was a lot of things going on today, and although you are recently bathed from the portable shower erected by the Kappas near the river, you feel like you’re standing waist deep in a pool of shit worthy of six servings of Taco Bell.

You can hear your pet mighty scream from above you. She has found some dinner at the nearby forest, it seems. Talking about dinner, the sun has set for a while now.

You’re not that hungry though. Besides, the community kitchen is probably full at this hour.

You know knows how it feels to be a refugee of a natural disaster.

What would you do??

[]Go and check on your sister.
[]Grab some food.
[]Wander around, try to make some friends.
[]You’re stressed. You need to punch someone. Wander the nearby forest for victim.

Also, need a name for our pet bird. (And yes, I do enjoy naming things.)
[]Enola Gay.
[]Write Ins.

GAh! Can’t believe I used up so much time writing a fanfic! Now I need to get busy and catch up with things I’ve postponed. If this chapter looks rushed, well, that because it is! Sorry!

Anyway, 200 outsiders is practically unlimited OCs potential. So this would probably be OC heavy, for better or worse. Any advice?

Also I sometimes pictured Harry Dresden with the personality of ACE VENTURA.
No. 175240
>Jebediah Kerman

No wonder the plane crashed
No. 175241
[X]Go and check on your sister.
[X]Wander around, try to make some friends.

Let us be an responsible big brother~ Oh and also actually make a good impression on the natives.

[X]Enola Gay

This just sounded hilarious
No. 175242
[X]Wander around, try to make some friends.

>take down a Raptor using a Skyhawk with no missiles.

Pic related.
No. 175247
[X]Go and check on your sister.
[X]Wander around, try to make some friends.

[X] Altair

Fuck Ezio, let's have a hawk named Eagle.
No. 175248
[X]Wander around, try to make some friends
[X]Go and check on your sister.

[X]Maku (Our name is Daniel)
Alternate suggestions: Blitzkreig, Danger, Kant, or Veritas.
I apologize for my terrible names.
No. 175256
[X]Go and check on your sister.

Well, we are apparently the responsible big brother, so...

And I can't think of what I would name the bird, so I'll just leave that to everyone else.
No. 175257
[X]Wander around, try to make some friends.

No. 175262
>>The world is on fire, and for once, it wasn’t your fault.

It was actually the monkeys' fault. Them and their flaming shit.
No. 175264
[x] Wander around, try to make some friends.

[x] Mouse.
[x] Mister.

May as well go full Dresden.
No. 175265
[x] Go and check on your sister.
[x] Wander around, try to make some friends.
[x] Mister

>The world is on fire, and for once, it wasn’t your fault.
While I love the reference the suggestion that he's woken up before with everything on fire multiple times were it was his fault is somewhat troubling.
>Also I sometimes pictured Harry Dresden with the personality of ACE VENTURA.
What is I don't even.
No. 175266
[x] Go and check on your sister.
[x] Wander around, try to make some friends.
[x] Mister

Overweight hawk!
No. 175267
Mister is a terrible name for a hawk.

Plus I don't want fucking everything to start getting named after Dresden things.

Please count >>175248 as a vote for anything other than Mister, if that doesn't complicate voting too much.

I suppose I'd also settle for Mister Daniel Maku. I have terrible taste in names too.
No. 175272
You see these are things you should probably, you know, tell readers beforehand otherwise you're going to get people thinking it's just, as shown, a pet. They're not suited as pets anyway unless you're involved with falconry.
No. 175275
indeed. My fault. Sorry.
No. 175276
>You know what? Mister is fine.it's funnier that way. While we're at it, let's give our sister a big ass rideable tiger named mouse.
Okay. So when do we learn magic, get the magically toughened leather duster, staff and/or blasting rod that helps with focus & control, start being pressured into making deals we really don't want to to protect those important to us along with the general populace and even as a fan of the series I think anything beyond the surname and pet's name and, perhaps, learning magic is a bit much. Mouse is closer to a bear anyway.
No. 175281
I'll try to resist influencing this story into a full Dresden insert.
No. 175342
Don't try. Do
No. 175495
Switching to first person POV. See if this works better.
Pic related.
The Anatomy of an Angel

Well, son of a bitch.

In this utter clusterfuck we so called life, sometimes there was a time when you wish that you could just have a fucking cup of tea. No, I didn’t mean that I want my China to breed. I meant that I need a drink, and I can’t.

According to my wristwatch, just 24 hours ago I was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and relaxing, getting tanned at a remote Caribbean island.

Now? I’m wearing….whatever this thing is. A kimono? Certainly not a yukata, because I remembered clearly when my sister laughed at me for mistaking a kimono with a Yukata.

Sheesh. I could never understand Japan.

The moon shines brightly tonight, big and circular, reminds me of a doughnut. I want a doughnut, but I can’t because the nearest coffee shop is probably a dimension away from here.

But if you’re going to be trapped in some sort of isolated dimension, it might as well be a pretty one. And damn isn’t it pretty tonight.

The light from the moon illuminates the sky, casting a silhouette of a majestic mountain on the north. Namely, the one we’ve crashed into. Me, and about two hundred others. The reflection of the moon in the river looks like a big, juicy pancake that I could just pick up with a fork. The clouds cast shadows on the ground, and with the grass being blown by the evening wind, it makes the land seems to be weaving and twisting like an ocean. A bit further apart from where I stand, I can see a bunch of plastic tents and makeshift houses that the kappas has set up for us, the outsiders, the stranded, the refugees. People who don’t know anything about the place they are in.

The kappas has shown nothing but good will so far, providing us with shelters, food, and I’m pretty sure, security as well, from these…[i[youkai[/i], that roams the night. Heck, they even provided me with this cool-looking leather spaulder so Mister could have a place to rest while still being close to me. Showing a sign of distrust after all they have done would just be impolite, which is one of the reasons why I’ve let them taking care of my sister. I mean, I am protective about my sister, but I’m not unreasonable. The kappas have no reason to harm my sister, and I’ve already confirmed that they weren’t some human eating monster in disguise. (Asked one of them to open their mouth for me.) Overall, the accommodation isn’t so bad. I think I might even going to take this as some sort of second vacation!


Trapped in a fantasy land may sounds awesome for you, and I know some people who would gladly switch place with me, but for me?

Well, to be honest, I’m actually feeling somewhat indifferent about being trapped in a fantasy island. I mean, it’s just like everything else, you see? If it happens, it happens, and if that ‘happens’ just happen to be a nuisance, I’d punch it to death, like I’ve always do.

I’m a killer, you know? I’ve ended lives. Sometimes barehanded, sometimes with knifes, or the good old ballistic, or even a farming equipment once. Though, it’s not like I’m a total psycho. If I suddenly murdered someone for no reason, I’d feel bad about it. That’s why I sometimes lurk in the darker part of the city, looking for drugs dealers, drunken wife-beaters and some particularly nasty pimps so I can beat the shit out of them. Sometimes I let them live, so they can spread words about me, or so I can beat the ever loving crap out of them again later on. Whichever.

But I’m no Batman. I did what I did not because it was right, but because beating people, hearing them begged for their lives in your hand feels great. The feeling that you are doing something for the betterment of this world is a bonus, but it was mostly the feeling of satisfaction from caving in a dude’s skull with my bare fist.

So yeah, I’m a sociopath with a conscience. Sue me. Wait, on second thought, don’t. I have a sister to take care of, you know?


I want to punch people.

Maybe I can find some of these supposedly dangerous Youkai in the nearby forest? Test my strength against them?

Nah, I’m not the kind of guy who seek enemies for no reason.

After a few minutes of deliberation (and punching the shit out of a particularly evil looking tree to harden my knuckles) I decided that I’m just going to take a nice, evening stroll along the coast of the river. And apparently, there’s another man having just the same idea as me.

The man that walks with me wears the same clothes as me. The fabric is a bit too thin for this cold night, but beggar can’t be chooser, right? Besides that, he has, as I can see in this bright, full moon night, a mid-length blonde hair, blue eyes, and a face that can almost be considered feminine.

“Evening.” I greet him, I might be a violent bastard, but I’m a polite violent bastard.

“Evening.” He greeted me back, kind of cheerfully.

We walked together at an even pace for a while, getting further and further from the main encampment, just two men admiring the view of this strange, new world we are trapped in.

“So,” I finally said, eager to start a conversation. “Quite a crazy day, huh?”

“Indeed it is.” He responded, his voice isn’t too deep, with a somewhat thick accent, just enough to let me know that he’s of a German descent. It’s bit on the squeaky side, though it given the impression of a young, spirited person. “Though really, I don’t mind it that much. The moon looks nice here, isn’t it?”

He turns his head, starring at the bright white moon. It was indeed beautiful, too bad that humanity probably would never set foot there ever again. What happened to NASA, it was a shame, really, though it’s not like nobody ever saw it coming. The United States can’t be the leader of world economy forever, and sooner or later they got to cut the budget for some of their more ‘unnecessary’ endeavors. Landing a man on the moon is great and all, but still, it was ultimately pointless. There is nothing worth mentioning on the moon, only a barren desert with sand grains that are as deadly as asbestos.

“Actually, I like it better when it’s yellow from all the city smog.” I finally answered.

The man gives me an understanding smile.

“Ah, a city dweller, huh?”


“I heard that it’s dangerous, living in a big city.”

“No worries, I have her watching me.”

I pointed at Mister, still flying, circling around in the sky, riding off a leftover thermal stream from the day.



“Funny.” The man said. “I’ve never knew a red tailed hawk that enjoys their night flight so much. He wasn’t a natural, is he?”

The man stopped, I follow suit.

“It’s a she.” I corrected. “And you are right. She’s a special tube-bred, with an enhanced intellect so that she doesn’t require too much maintenance.”

“I knew it.” The man eyes seem to be locked straight at Mister, gleaming with curiosity. “It’s a bit too small for a red tail. May I examine her?”

“Excuse me?” I gave him a questioning look.

“Ah, my apologize. I haven’t introduced myself.” He offered a handshake. “Doctor Adolfo Mengeli, biologist.”

I took and shake his hand gently.

Freeman Norris MacGyver Dresden Xanatos Fowl Phantomhive Dresden, conjure that at

I’m Batman

“You can call me Dresden.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Dresden.”

“Same here. So,” I start walking again, with the doctor following close behind me. “You’re a biologist, what exactly are you doing?” I asked, out of curiosity.

“I have a project on strawberry cultivation.”

“Strawberries? I thought they were extinct?”

“Ha!” the doctor gave a hearty laugh. “That’s why I’m a biologist! Not a botanist!”

Right. Now if the world got overrun by killer mutant berries, I know who’s to blame.

“Now, about that hawk of yours…”

“It’s fine if you just want to look, but don’t hurt her, okay?

“No worries! I’m a professional!”

“Her name is Mister, by the way.”

“Eh?” the doctor’s enthusiasm was changed to that of utter confusion.

“Mister Mouser, to be precise. My sister was conflicted between naming her Mister or Mouse. I offered a compromise.”

The doctor gives me that look that says that he thinks I’m stupid.

“It’s a female…and you named it Mister.”

“Yes.” I answered flatly.


I put two fingers in my mouth, and let out a whistle. Long, low note, followed by short, high note, ended with declining long whistle.

“She didn’t react.”


Maybe she didn’t hear me? Or did I play the wrong notes? That was supposed to mean “come here”.

I tried whistling once more, louder this time, but Mister still didn’t show any reaction.

“Weird. I’m sure that was loud enough.”

“Her flying pattern is kind of erratic, don’t you think?”

Indeed, Mouser is currently flying in a zig-zag pattern, instead of circling. It as if…she was following something…

Finally she let out a scream, in C minor. Twelve o’clock. Up.

Aw. Crap.

“That doesn’t sounds like a hawk scream.” Point the doctor.

“Indeed it was. We got something else up there.”

“What something?”

“I don’t know…”

You see, another advantage that Mouser has over other Hawks is that her voice box had been modified when she was still but an embryo. She’s probably better at making tunes than your average teenage pop star. Granted, a shitfaced Cicada is better at making tunes than your average teenage pop star, so there’s that.

Twelve distinct tunes represent the twelve directions in a twelve hours circle, 2 tunes means up and down. While others could mean ‘danger’, ‘be careful’, ‘save’, ‘I’m hungry’ and other practical, single word means of communication. C Minor could either means ‘Spy’, or ‘Assassin’.

Another scream. 2 o’clock.

Another one, this time, 6 o’clock.

The routine continues. 8, 11, 3, 6. Whatever it is, it’s circling us, and it’s fast.

“Look.” The doctor pointed. “Over there.”

At first, I saw nothing, but then I squinted and see, under the moonlight, hiding under the shadow of the clouds, was a dark, fast moving object, just shooting past my field of vision. Its speed is ludicrous, faster than any contemporary attack drone I’ve ever seen, and I’ve just managed to get a single glance before I lost sight of it. It was…a human? With wings?!

“What. The. Fuck.” I speak out my mind truthfully.

“Was that…an angel?” asks the doctor.

“Fuck if I know.” I say honestly. Though, we are inside a fantasy world, so it might as well be.

“I got to see it up close.”


“I’ve always wondered how those wings got attached, Just as an academic curiosity.” said the doctor, with a bit too much of an eagerness for my liking.

“Well, biblical creatures generally don’t follow law of physic and common senses.”

“Still, I got to take a closer look. Can you use your bird to get its attention?”

“I don’t know man. How can you be so sure that it’s not hostile to human or something?” Not like I’m afraid or anything, just being cautious here.

“This could be a once in a lifetime chance!!” the doctor suddenly lashes at me, his calm, intellectual demeanor completely broke apart, washed away by manic rant of a mad genius. “Tomorrow morning the captain could have been done talking with this Hakurei girl, and we all are going to be sent home! And I will have this memory stored inside my core, unable to forget, and the realization that I would probably never see it again will drive me crazy! Come on, man! I need help here!”

This sign of obsession starts to disturb me.

“Che, fine.” I finally give in.

“Oh, thank you! I won’t forget this I swear.” The doctor takes my hand with both his hands and start shaking it vigorously.

Hmm…this is kind of risky… but what the heck. Let’s just hope that this wasn’t one of those ‘evil’ angels they often show on TV.

“Do you have a paper and pen?” I ask the doctor.

“Well, I do, in fact.” From somewhere under his clothes, he produced a small notebook and a pen.

I took the notebook; it was filled with notes in German that I couldn’t read. I ripped out an empty page and return the notebook back to the doctor. Then, I took the pen and written down a few words.

Can I meet you?

Then, I return the pen.

“Now, I need something eye-catching.”

“How about that flower?” the doctor suggested, pointing at the river bank, to a bright, white flower with five long petals and a yellow center.

I wrap the paper around the stalk of the flower, and then I let out a loud, even whistle, this one mean less ‘please come’ and more ‘retreat!’. This time, the bird of prey instantly reacts, diving straight down before gently landing on my shoulder. The leather spaulder that the kappas have given me protects my skin from her deadly razor sharp claws.

“Beautiful thing, she is.” The biologist gives a comment. “Must have been well maintained.”

“Well, she takes care of most of her necessities by herself, though. Smart little girl.”

I firmly secured the paper and the flower inside her beak.

“Be careful. Just drop it in mid air and quickly go for a dive, okay?”

Having listened to my command, Mouser flaps off and took to the sky once more.

“She can understand human speech?”

“Sometimes I don’t know about that myself.”

She keeps on gaining altitude, while me and my new friend here watches in anxiety (well, the doctor is, anyway).

Finally, she reached a relatively equal level with the unidentified object, and dropped her package.

I can see the silhouette of flower wrapped in paper falling slowly towards the earth with the full moon (I think the moon looks larger here) as the backdrop. For about two seconds, before the unidentified object, until then content with simply circling around us (relatively) slowly, suddenly jumps into top gear and went for my notes at an even more ludicrous speed.

Moments later, Mister Mouser is once again perched on my shoulder, and she wasn’t alone.

In front of me, there was a girl. The first thing I noticed about the girl were the big, raven wings folded neatly on her back, I guesstimated that, if in full spread, those wings would span about twice of the girl’s height. And she’s by no means short, probably about a head taller than me. If I would describe her wings in a single word, it would be “Majestic”. The second thing I noticed is her eyes, big, dark eyes framed in short black hairs, a pair of beautiful orbs that draw all attention away from the rest of her face, gleaming with aura of youthfulness. The next I noticed is her clothes. A dark, wind breaker jacket covered with dark camo pattern, keeping her warm and almost impossible to see even in a full moon night. A dark slacks (which is somewhat reasonable. If you’re going to fly in high speed, skirt would be impractical. I don’t know what Marisa was thinking) covered her thin, narrow legs that somehow reminds me of a crane. Her hands are covered in black fingerless gloves, revealing a full digit of dainty long fingers, and are carrying a device that I suspect to be some sort of image capturing device, judging from the lens. Other than that, she also wears a weird (by my standard) hat and shoes that was definitely not designed to be used on the ground. It probably serves for some advanced aerodynamic factor that I would unable to fathom. Her body, from what little I can see, is lithe and strong, a perfect flying machine, if you ignored a few base laws of physic.

“You called?”

As she said that, she tilted her head and gave me a playful smile. Her voice is high, a bit sultry, coquettish, and playful at the same time, yet still giving a hint of childish innocence inside. For a moment, both me and the doctor we’re paralyzed. Not by beauty, although the girl certainly is beautiful, but by a pure sense of awe.

“Come on, you don’t call a girl and then proceed to ignore her, that wasn’t polite, you know.” She opened her hand, showing me the note that I wrote, and the white flower too.

“Now, although the flower is nice and all…” she walks closer to me, and press a finger against my forehead. Mouser is eyeing her fingers as she moved it from my temple to my chest. She doesn’t like that at all. “Sorry, but I’m just not that interested. Maybe if you treat me to a dinner first?”

The raven girl withdraws. I don’t know what to say. Unfortunately, the doctor knows exactly what to say. Exactly what to say to make an utter buffoon out of himself.

“Can I examine your chest?”

I subconsciously smack the doctor at the back of the head, causing Mister Mouser to fly to a nearby tree in surprise from my sudden jerking movement. The raven girl took a few steps back, looking a bit shocked. But then, she put a hand in her mouth, and gives off a laugh worthy of a mistress. “Ohoho! pretty boy! Quite bold, aren’t you? I like that!”

“Way to go to break the mood, doctor.” I sneered. “I’m sure that the locals would think highly of us now, judging from your attitude.”

“Eh?” The doctor blushed, seems to have just realized his mistake. “Ah! Tha…that wasn’t my intention at all! Honest! I was just wondering if she could be categorized as mammal or avian! Ah! I know!” the doctor snapped his fingers, forgetting about his mistake as quickly as he had realized it, drowned in his thirst for quasi-perverted knowledge.
“That big lump on your chest is a special musclemass used for flight, right?”

I’m about to smack him again in the face, when the raven girl suddenly pulls up her jacket, revealing white, untarnished skin and perky abdominal muscles. “Hmm…I’m not sure myself…Why don’t you check for yourself?” she gave us both a teasing wink.

You know what?

I think I’m about to punch them both unconscious just to make the crazy stop. And coming from me, that means a lot.

“Okay! Time out!” I shouted. “To be honest here, I’ve already forgot what we are doing. So, let’s start with the basic!” good. That seems to catch their attention. “My name is Dresden, I’m just some random man who has recently fall from the sky. It is a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”

The doctor look at me for a moment, before catching my drift and follow suit. “Ah! How rude of me! Adolfo Mengeli! Biologist! It’s a pleasure to meet you!” he then gave a bow, that 90 degree back breaker bow you often see given by martial artists in cheesy kung-fu movies.


“And that was my partner, Mister Mouser.” I introduced for Mouser.

“Hmm…” she inclined her head, and put her hands on her hips, her eyes focused, as if examining our worth.

“Aya Shameimaru.” She finally said. “Journalist.” She offered her hand, which the doctor gladly takes, tough I’m a bit suspicious…

If you’re just a journalist, why was it that your flying pattern then reminds me of some sort of high-speed stealth reconnaissance aircraft?

“Right. Now that we’ve introduced ourselves, let’s move on. Why are we here again?”

“Why?” Aya smirked. “You called me here!” Oh, right.

“Well, Miss Shameimaru, we were hoping to…” the doctor start to speak, but I interrupted.

“You, not us.”

“Ah, right. err…I was hoping to…uhm…”

“Whoa. You’re surprisingly shy, aren’t you? Come on, speak up.” Urged Aya. She seems to be the impatient type.

“CAN I TOUCH YOUR WINGS PLEASE! Oh meinn, I really said that.”

Well, at the first time then you said that you want to examine her chest, so this time was actually an improvement. Don’t know what you’re so flustered about.

And, to the surprise of absolutely nobody, Aya said “Sure. Go ahead.”

“Oh! Thank you!”

And then the doctor went and vanishes between the raven girl’s towering wings.

“So, how does this got attached? Ah, there’s some tendon here…the base is pretty thick…so this is how the support system works!”

I can’t see what happened behind Aya’s massive wings, but I guess the doctor has started the examination.

“Ah, hey! Watch where you’re touching!”

Whatever the doctor is doing, it’s probably wasn’t a pleasant experience, judging from Aya’s reaction.

“The bone structure is way more advanced than that of a normal ravens and crows…”

“Ow! Don’t touch me there!”

This is…strangely erotic. Maybe it’s actually a pleasant experience?

“Got to compliment your tailor. Must be hard to make holes this precise here. Wait…no, this can’t be…this arrangement is simply not possible in a humanoid body.”

“Ow! Hey! Ah…Aha…that tickles! Stop!”

Aya’s wings start to move around in discomfort. Mister let out a squeak, certainly displeased seeing the molestation of her fellow winged creature. I guess wings are pretty sensitive after all, which raise the question of why Aya would let anyone touching it.

“Hm…blood vessels. You must have an extra large heart and stomach to feed wings of this scale.”

“Ahahaha! I said stop it! Hey! Are you even listening?!”

“You got six limbs. Does that technically make you an insect?”
Ouch, wingslapped.

“How impolite.” Said Aya calmly. “Maybe I should just leave.”

“Oh, no! Please don’t!” The doctor said in desperate manner. “I haven’t even draw sketches yet!” he took out his notes and pen.

“Hmm. Maybe we can make a bargain.” Aya turns around, giving me a clear view of her back side. The wings are indeed enormous, but it is by far cumbersome. They actually have some sense of elegance in them. And indeed, whoever tailored that jacket deserves a compliment.

“If you would answer all of my questions, then you are free to touch my wings as much as you like.” Hmm…this is eerily reminds me of a transaction for a certain illegal thing...

“Of course! I’ll do anything!” …with Mengeli playing the part of the customer.

“Great!” she said. “I want to know everything there is to know about the outside world!”

“Of course!” said the doctor.

“Why?” said I. “planning on going out?”

“Oh. Nonono, nothing that extreme. I’m just curious. I’m a Journalist, after all. It’s in my nature.”

“Nature…curious…Ah! How can I forgot?!” the doctor perked up, his pen hovering a few inches above his notebook. “What species are you, Miss Shameimaru?” he asked, bluntly and far from a polite manner of asking somebody racialism, though it doesn’t seems like anyone noticed besides me.

“We are called the Tengus. Me in particular is a Crow Tengu.” Curious bird. Makes sense.

“Err…how do you spell that? In roman letters, if you could…”

“Sheesh, give me that.” She, kinda forcefully, took the notebook and pen from the doctor, and then she makes some fast and broad strokes on the notebook, and returns it to the doctor. (By the way, I still can’t pronounce his name very well.)


“It reads ‘Karasu’.”

I decided to take a peek. There are a bunch of letters that I don’t recognize, probably Kanjis (天狗 and 烏天狗), plus a romaji translation on how you’re supposed to read it. I can’t judge her Japanese writing, but her roman hand writing is kind of awful.

We spent the next hour or so talking about the outside world while the doctor busily drawing sketches of Aya in his notebook. We talked about various things, like the advancement of bioengineering (Wow, you humans really like to play god, huh?), the fall of North Korea, the worldwide riot at the release day of Half-Life 3 the bombing of a zoo in Australia by animal rights extremist (The bomb killed two bear and five bunnies. PETA claimed that these animals have voluntarily committed a ‘Jihad’ for ‘The Cause’. I don’t think they actually know what those words mean.). But Aya seems to be especially interested in the news of NASA disbandment.

“So, you guys won’t go the moon again?”

“Not anytime soon, no.”

“Tch. And I though the Moonsies would finally be humbled after that Armstrong guy handed their asses to them. Guess they are just too strong even for you, huh?”

“Me pardon?”

“Nah. Forget I ever said that. Seriously, you’d blow your own mind if you think too much about it.” I decided to take her advice to heart. “Anyway, it’s been a good interview, hey, are you finished?”

“Almost…just one more line…there!” the doctor finally declared.

“Good. Then I shall take my leave. It’s been a pleasure.” She stands up, took a few steps further from the riverbank and made a gesture signaling us to stay clear. And then, she spread her wing.

And I’ve guessed correctly. The wings are actually larger than her entire body. Aya must have some sort of super strength to be carrying that around.

“See you later! My friends! May we meet again!” she takes off, smashing us with strong gust of wind not unlike that from a helicopter. “If you ever feel the need of visiting the Youkai mountain, tell them that you are friends of Shameimaru Aya! The wolves shall then let you pass!”

She flapped her gigantic, muscular wings once more, and with that, she’s gone. And I think I hear a sonic boom.

“Whew.” I feel a hand on my shoulder. “Quite a day, huh? And to think that this is just the first day.”

Well, if everything goes well, we should be back home by the day after tomorrow. But I’d hate to pop his bubble. So I pick for the alternatives.

“May I see your sketches?”


He offered his notebook. Inside, I found a bunch of sketches containing detailed diagrams of muscle and bone structures. It reminds me of Da Vinci’s.

“You see here…” the doctor pointed out. “She basically has a second pair of arms, connected by a second shoulder to…”

Hoo dear.

“…second set of shoulder blades. With a specialized sternum in the back that allowed flight.”


“Sternum rises from the back, making her posture slightly hunched and accentuates her breasts. I think it was a feature to attract mates since she was definitely a mammal…”

Screw this I’m outta here.

“Now, due to fused metacarpals…hey! Where are you going?!”

“I’m going to visit my sister at the Genbu ravine.” I said. “Don’t worry. They already told me the way.”

“This late at night? Didn’t they tell you about the Youkai?” he sounds concerned. How sweet.

“I’ll be fine. Come on, Mister.” Mister Mouser jumped from nearby tree, and landed safely on her designated spot. Her grip feels calming on my shoulder.

“Well, I won’t stop you if you insist, but personally won’t think of that as very wise.”

“Go back to the camp, Adolfo. I’ll meet you tomorrow.” I said. “And I do insist.”

“Well, if you say so I guess…”

I walked quite a distance before hearing him calling my name.

“Remember! I still intent to get a closer look at your bird!”




I start to think that this might not be the best of an idea…

The moon, as I can see, still shines brightly, but this road feels particularly dark…unnaturally so.

I’m familiar with the feeling of something about to lunge at me from the darkness. But this is different. It as if the darkness itself is about to try to eat me.

“Mister. Go up. I need a scout”

Silently, the mighty bird of prey that has been my partner for years takes to the sky.

Not long after, she let out a familiar tune. Stalker, six o’clock, I’ve been followed.

Well, this is just dandy, eh?

Well, right now, I have three options.

If I feel like being a cowar-err…cautious, I could probably just go for it and outrun whatever it is that’s been following me, and went straight for the safety of the Kappa village. It should be close enough.

If I feel like being sneaky, there’s a forest a fair distance away to the left. With Mister direction, I could probably outmaneuver my pursuer there.

Or, I could just be my usual self and dive straight in towards the source of my problem, fist first.

“Hmm…what shall it be…?”

[] Cautious.

[] Sneaky.



I like birds, you know.
Anyway, tell me your opinion about the first person POV. I personally enjoy writing it better.
And about my yet another OC, Mengeli is basically my ideal protagonist for Eintei-based CYOA. Smart, curious, and a bit of innocent pervertedness.
No. 175500
[X] Sneaky.

Riiiight, for the sake of survival, as experienced Dresden is in beating up, if the stalker is a youkai, theres chance of being overpowered. So, lets be sneaky, and probably learn more about our stalker~ ...And ambush said stalker if needed.
No. 175502
[X] Sneaky.
No. 175503
[X] Sneaky.
No. 175509
[X] Sneaky.

Time to be the Darkness and the Night. Which means imitating [spoiler]Rumia~[spoiler] of course.
No. 175511
[x] Sneaky.
No. 175512
[X] Sneaky.

Please don't break the tables again. I had to copy and paste the update somewhere else to read it because it's too stretched for even a 1080p monitor. Why would you even do that?
No. 175516
Sorry. I'm not sure what you mean. What table? It looks fine for me.
No. 175517
In Firefox at least those long rows of Xs stretch the post out horizontally, so you either have to scroll back and forth constantly to read it or copy it somewhere else.
No. 175525
well,i am using firefox.
No. 175558
Second this.
No. 175562

Its not a Firefox thing, as Opera has the same issue. The massive 'words' of Xs cause the screen to stretch. Please halve their length in future posts so that doesn't happen again.
No. 175570
My apologize
No. 175578
[x] Sneaky.

Take a stand against the Darkness! Let's show Rumia who's superior in sneaking up on prey!
No. 175601

This is pleasing to me.
No. 175792
No. 175842

Thank you.
No. 175843
I keep forgetting sage...
No. 175894
Rumia VS Kogasa


There’s something about running that kinds of makes me unexplainably happy.

Each time I slammed my foot to the ground, I can feel my body flying a few paces forward. Leaning my body low, making the most of my center of gravity, I can see the ground seems blurred as I jumped pass the roots and slide under the low hanging branches of the forest.

As I focused my will towards an imaginary finish line, and pushing my body to its absolute limit, determined to reach my nonexistent destination as soon as possible, I feel…free.

Running is fun. I like running.

If I were to judge my running capability, I would score it about twice the ability of Ratonhnhaké:ton and about half that of a Tarzan.

So yeah, I’m pretty fast. I can’t fly though, which is seems to be quite of a disadvantage at the moment.


On a more positive aspect of my current situation, the one chasing me doesn’t seem to be too bright…since it also seems to be made of pure darkness.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Something made of pure darkness makes as much sense as something made of pure energy or a food made of pure delicious, but it’s not like this place has been making any sense ever since I’ve arrived here in a burning metal bird.

Sheesh, and I’ve only been here for less than a night. Pity the damned fools who have to take Gensokyo as a permanent residence.

I mean, a fantasy land is great and all, if you’re an over-leveled video game protagonist. For a modern day person like me, though? All I can think of right now is how soon I could have acquired an access to a broadband internet connection.


Oh, that, and how not to be killed by a seemingly blind blob of darkness which is currently chasing me, who inexplicably keeps slamming into a tree. I congratulate myself for choosing this forest as escape route, the hilarity is well appreciated.

I look behind me. The forest is well lit by the moon, except for a circular patch in the air which is unnaturally dark. I’ve decided to call it Blobdark, because it sounds funnier than simply ‘Dark Blob’.

Suddenly, Blobdark charged. I sidestepped just in the nick of time.


And then it crashed into a tree, really, really hard, basically exploding it.

This would be funnier if the damn thing doesn’t intend on making a tree out of me and explode my cranium into thousands of splinters.

In the utmost interest of not being dead, I ordered my legs to get moving even faster.

This forest probably wasn’t quite as good of an idea as I have initially though. Of course, the trees are doing an admirable job of slowing down my pursuer, but it still is fast. I don’t think I would be able to outrun it, especially because I don’t exactly know where I am going. Of course, Mouser is doing just fine as my living GPS, but it’s like a GPS who only telling you where the next thing that is going to kill you would come from. I’ve planned on climbing up and using the trees as a cover for a sneaky retreat above ground level, but I haven’t accounted the fact that my opponent could fly.

Note to Self: always assume everyone in Gensokyo could fly, except you.


Oh crap 8 o’clock.

I stopped on my track just moments before Blobdark went swooshing past through me, and crashed onto another tree. The tree got split right in the middle.

Blobdark doesn’t even seems to stagger, and quickly went straight for me, who has stopped dead I my track.

I turned my back and start running again, but I don’t have enough distance to build up speed.

It’s gaining on me. Closer…



And snap! My left hand got engulfed by darkness. I can feel, and hear, though I cannot see, the row of teeth grinding against my bones.

This is a good thing. Since now I know that it has a mouth, which means that there is a jaw that could be broken.

I sent up a strong uppercut in the proximity where I thought my left arm would be, and successfully dislodged Blobdark from me, sending it a couple paces away.

Talking about my left arm, it doesn’t looks particularly good right now, mainly because blood and torn flesh are fundamentally detrimental to one’s fashion sense.

I start running again. That punch then gave me a few extra paces to work with, though now I need t o worry about blood loss, so I can’t run as fast as before.

I ought to panic a bit more after nearly losing my arm, but eh, it’s nothing that I haven’t experienced before.

On a completely unrelated note, I fucking hate alligators.

This is not exactly the best possible situation. I’m unarmed (Almost literally), being chased by a possible eldritch horror, and wearing a funny looking kimono that doesn’t exactly designed for long distance running. Blobdark, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have a limited amount of stamina and keep on pursuing me with a relentless zeal. Going back and face my foe with dignity is no longer a viable option due to my injured arm. What is that thing, anyway? Some sort of Final Fantasy reject? Giant blob of darkness isn’t exactly creative. Really, if I’m about to be killed by a fantasy monster, can’t it be a badass looking dragon or something? This sucks.

Man, and this is already late at night. My sister’s probably asleep right now…or she would stand in front of the door, refusing to go to sleep, waiting for me, like that time when….

You know what?

I’ve been sidetracked long enough. I miss my sister. And I ain’t letting a boring ass monster created by the imagination of a retarded color blind stop me from getting to her.

I turn my head just a little bit and see a wave of darkness creeping closer and closer inside my peripheral vision. It’s right behind me, but I am not a bit afraid. The opposite, in fact. I feel excited.

Alright, Blobdark, it’s on. It’s either you, or me, and it certainly not going to be me.

Clutching my left arm with my right, I fastened my pace in a sudden burst of energy, leaving Blobdark in the dust. My heart is pumping, and blood starts pouring like a river from my open wound. I probably would need a medical attention after this.

I simplified my line of thoughts into a couple of main point; Find weapon, beat Blobdark to death, and find help presumably before death by blood loss. Simple.

First, I need to acquire weapon. In the meantime, I have Mouser looking for the closest route to the Kappa village.

I let out a whistle, which is hard to do when your breathing is ragged and you are suffering from major blood loss, but Mouser, being a true partner that she was, dutifully listen to my not-that-clear instruction and went away, presumably drawing a mental map of any possible escape route to the Kappa village.

meanwhile, I still can’t find any weapon.

The forest floor are surprisingly clear, there’s not even a big enough stone to be used for a bludgeon. I considered my options. I can either run until I get caught, or turn and fight with an injured arm. Either option would at best leave me with a missing limb, if I’m lucky.


Man, a gun would be quite useful right now.

Anyone there?

Or a big stick. Yeah, don’t know how good a stick would do me with only one arm.

please…I’m dying…


I banked sideways and dashed away. There was a voice. A little girl voice. She sounds injured.

Maybe I can use her as a bait? Distract Blobdark so that I can run away?

Eh, who am I kidding. I’m too much of a gentleman for that.

o…over here…please…

I keep running to the direction of that pleading noise. It sounds a bit strange, like it’s echoing inside of my head. But otherwise clear.


Is that an umbrella on the ground?

I vault over the ground and take it. It’s an old umbrella, but it’ll do fine as an emergency weapon.



Something just screamed literally into my ear.

But there’s nobody here…

“Over here!! Master!!”

I look beside me. All I can see is the umbrella that I’ve just picked up.

“Yes!! Here! here!”

What the fuck.

“Are you surprised? Oh, I wish that you are surprised! I’m starving!”

I’m crazy. I’m definitely crazy. I know I’m crazy, but I didn’t know that I am that crazy. A talking umbrella. I can accept a parallel dimension, but talking umbrella is just straight up American McGee. Too crazy even for me.

I’m so embedded in this bullshiterry that I don’t realized the entire area has went quiet, and that I once more have stopped dead in my track.


Oh, you’re back Mouser…Oh shit nine o’clock!

The foliage on my left bursted, revealing an orb of darkness, charging at me with the speed of raging orangutan. My poor overworked brain manages to muster enough common sense to register what about to happen, but nothing else.

I closed my eyes, embracing the inevitable.

Is it just me or is it suddenly got chilly here?

I opened my eyes and HOLY SHIT NUGGET.

“Ah! That was close, master! Good thing that I still have enough power to fly!”

“WHY! ARE WE! FLYING!?” I inquired in a scaredy high-pitched voice that can only be best described as “Post-castration Samuel L. Jackson”.

We are high. Higher than what I would like. I can see the entire forest from here, and the outsider encampment, and what seems like a big-ass village in the horizon.

Humanity has dreamed of unaided flight since time immemorial. Flight aided by sentient umbrella is on the other end of the spectrum. Nobody wants to do it. Including me.

“Get me down please!”

I can see Mouser circling around us, as if saying “What the fuck are you doing up here?”

We hovered there in mid-air for about a moment before the umbrella start to speak again.

“Ss…sorry…Master…but…I’m too hungry to stay flying.”

If you about to have a premonition, this is the right time.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” or whatever onomatopoeia you would use to describe a person who is falling off ten stories high without a parachute. The umbrella is evidently trying to keep me afloat, but I don’t think it’s actually doing much.


Tree branches don’t make for a very good cushion.


And so does the ground. Ow.

“M…master! Are you okay!?”

I apparently still clutching to that damn talking umbrella.

“Aw. I think I broke my ribs. All of them.”

Half a night and I’m already almost dead. Gensokyo is worse than Australia.

From afar I can hear trees getting demolished. Blobdark is on my tail. And I can’t move. My skeleton is now dust due to the misguided act of random magical flying umbrella from nowhere. Can you sue a magical creature? If you’re an American, then probably yes. They created Disney, after all.

“Eat me!”

Well that came from nowhere.


“Tear a piece of my fabric and eat it! Quick! You want to live, do you?”

Of course, but…eating an umbrella?

BAM! Something jumped out from between the trees.

Oh shit.

It’s Blobdark.

He’s here.

He’s coming for me.

What do I do?

“Master! Hurry!”

Blobdark is now only an arm reach away from me.

As anyone who ever attend college could testify, there’s nothing that can push you into doing stupid shit more than last minute panic.

So I ripped a piece of the umbrella and then shovel it down my throat. This is probably the most sensible thing that I do today.

The effect is immediate. I can feel my body contorted in pain, but in a good way, like bones being rearranged. I am mesmerized as I see the torn flesh on my left arm rearranges and skins knit themselves together. I can feel my muscle suddenly being rejuvenated. I don’t know what happened, but I think I’ve been healed.

At this point my brain went ‘fuck it, magic’ and now working in a way that doesn’t take common sense into account. Because that shit certainly doesn’t work here.
At least the insanity back home still has the decency to follow the laws of physic. Gensokyo in the other hand is like an asshole lawbreaker who just doesn’t care, and it probably has a rich dad and a lot of lawyers to prevent reality from kicking its ass. This analogy doesn’t make a jack-shit of sense, but at this point I can no longer give a flying fuck.

“Well.” I rose up, dusting myself. “That was surprising, isn’t it?”

I moved my limbs a little just to make sure they work fine. Then I give Blobdark the kindest smile I can muster.

“Wanna get dangerous?” I asked.

I stand about a couple steps in front of Blobdark. We’re in a clearing, so the moon is totally visible. The darkness surrounding my adversary are shimmering, fighting against the bright moonlight.

“Can I eat you?” it spoke. The girl-like voice only serving to enhance the fear factor of this eldritch horror from down below.

I tighten my grip around the umbrella. The umbrella squeals in protest in an overtly feminine manner.

“Try me.”

Blobdark charges. i sidestepped to the right and hit it square in the middle with my sentient umbrella.

For some reason my arms feels extraordinarily powerful. I managed to send Blobdark flying to the air. And it stays there.

Aerial attack incoming.


Lots and lots of orbs.

Orbs of various colors.

All filled with the intention to kill me.

I have the feeling that I should try to dodge it.

It’s not too hard. The bullet flies in a pattern, so it’s…well, I wouldn’t say easy, but my feet feels light…as if flying.

I decided to take the fight on my own ground.

I let out a whistle. A scream of genetically modified red tailed hawk fills the air, and then, Blobdark suddenly caught a clawful of slash wound to what I assume as its face, before the perpetrator escape once more to the sky.

It is clear now that Blobdark has a solid core besides the darkness exterior. A core that I can smash.

I jumped. I jumped surprisingly high.


I hammered Blobdark in an overhead strike, smashing it to the ground.

What happened next is a series of me delivering a one sided beatdown to a giant black ball. Giant black ball that had almost killed me moment before.

“YOU WANT TO KILL ME!?” I asked. Somewhat politely, considering that I can barely managed to think of anything at the time, only focusing about whaling out my umbrella to crush…whatever this thing is. “BUT IF I KILL YOU FIRST, YOU CAN’T KILL ME. THAT’S LOGIC!”I keep on barraging the ball of darkness with my umbrella like mad, Or maybe I am mad. I want to destroy, I am violence, I am unstoppable, I am force of nature, I am a typhoon of concentrated massive head trauma. “MUUUUURRRDEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRBBOOOOOOONEEEEEEEERRR!!”

I forgot what happened after that. The next thing I remembered, I assume it’s already past midnight. And Blobdark is gone. In its place, there is a little blonde girl wearing a black dress with white sleeves. Her hair is decorated with a big, red ribbon. She’s unconscious, lying on the ground, looking beat up.

“Yay! We won, Master! We won!”

WHAM! I slammed the umbrella against a nearby tree.


“I need some friggin explanation before common sense kicks in and my brain explodes.”

A short while later, I am standing in front of a tree.

Leaning against that tree, is the umbrella. A very, very weird umbrella.

It’s actually quite large for an umbrella. It’s look quite old too. If I stand it up upside down, the handle could easily reach up to my chest. I don’t know much about umbrella, but I remembered seeing this kind of umbrella in an old kung fu movie, where the protagonist beat people up with an umbrella just like this.

“Um…Master? Why are you silent? Can I do something for you? But it’s not like I could do anything right now…ehehe…I can’t even move…”

The simple fact that this umbrella seems to be capable of speech was not the only reason why I call this umbrella weird.

“Why did you call me ‘master’?” I asked.

“Eh? Isn’t it obvious? Because you are my Master, of course.”

“And since when did I become your ‘Master’?”

“Since you picked me up and used me. Oh! I’m so happy! It’s been too long since I have a Master!”

Her voice is actually quite sweet. A bit childish, hopeful, like a puppy that thinks she’s about to be adopted. Thus making it even weirder since it’s coming out of an umbrella.

Maybe I should become a nuclear scientist. They don’t have to deal with problems this complicated.

“So, what’s your name, umbrella?” I asked. I seem to have taken the umbrella by surprise.

“Ah! I…I am Tatasa Kogara! Ah! I’m Sorry! I mean, I’m Tatara Kogasa! Tatara Kogasa the karakasa!” I’m pretty sure if she has a hand, she would give me a salute.

I remembered reading about karakasa in Wikipedia. Japan is weird. I mean, umbrella as a horror story? Umbrellas are fundamentally not scary unless wield by your angry mother-in-law. Well, alright, I guess umbrella can be pretty scary sometimes.

“Okay, Kogasa.” I sat down on the ground, cross legged. “Tell me your story.”

“Eh? My story?”

“Yes. How did you ended up on the ground in the forest?”

“W…well, you see, I’m a Youkai that feed on people’s surprise.”

“You eat…surprise? As in the emotional response?”


I want to argue, but my brain is still in ‘Magic exists, accept all bullshits- ignore all logics’ working mode.

“But I haven’t been able to surprise anyone lately…so I starve.” I don’t know how an umbrella can form facial expression, but I can almost swear that she’s embarrassed.

“But then you came, Master! Oh! You are an outsider, yes? Your surprise when you discovered me talking was really delicious!”

“Don’t forget the flying part.”

“Ah! Yes! I haven’t had such a delicacy since forever!”

For a static umbrella, she sure seems cathartic.

“So, about that piece of…uh, you that I ate, what does that do? It makes me feels better all of a sudden.”

But if fairy tales ever taught me something, it’s that eating the flesh of a supernatural creature usually ended up badly.

“It’s a catalyst!”


“Uh…I don’t really understand it myself, but with a piece of me inside you, I could send some of my energy to you. In this case, my Youkai regeneration and some extra muscle strength.”

“What, so you like, over-charging me?”

“It’s kind of like that, I guess?”

This…I don’t even know. What?

“But healing you back then leaves me drained. I can’t even move right now! If I don’t have you taking care of me, I will soon die a horrible death, being food for one of the lesser Youkai. You’ll take care of me, right, Master?”

Did I just get guilt tripped by an umbrella?


“Che, fine. Let me take a look at you.”

I risen up, and take the umbrella by the handle, and hold it as if handling a two-handed sword.

Hmm…the weight is just about correct.

“Say, Kogasa, I think you are the perfect umbrella to be used to surprise anybody.”

“Eh!? Seriously? You think so?”

“Of course. You just need a few practice with me to not ended up starving again.”

“You’re going to help me?”

“Of course.”

“Yay!” Kogasa cheered. At least she sounds happy. A happy umbrella is good umbrella, so I’ve heard.

Kogasa is perfect. Experience dictates that the best way to surprise anybody is to smash him or her in the face with a big blunt object. Kogasa is heavy enough to do some damage, yet light enough to be used with finesse. The length is sufficient, I guess. As I said, perfect.

“Now, about that girl in black…”

She’s still unconscious, by the way, lying in heap where I left her. Most of her wounds, mostly blunt force trauma (though I’ve apparently bit off a chunk of her flesh at some point), has already regenerated, though it doesn’t seems like she’ll wake up anytime soon.

“I don’t think she’d wake up anytime soon.” Said Kogasa, echoing my thought. “You did hit her like five hundred times.”

I did?

Crap, now I feel bad.

I examined the blonde girl closer. She looks so defenseless. Kogasa shown concern on getting eaten by lesser Youkai in her weakened state, what if this girl is also…

What do I do?

[]Screw her, she tried to eat me.
[]Take her home.

Item acquired; Melee weapon: Tatara Kogasa. The Cathartic Umbrella of Absolute Bludgeoning
No. 175895
>[]Screw her, she tried to eat me.

Maybe it's just where I've been the past couple of hours, but I took that option a completely different way than intended.

Too bad I'm too nice to vote for just leaving her here. Oh well.

[x]Take her home

I suppose our sister could use a pet.
No. 175900
[X] She's a man-eating monster. Put her down.
No. 175901
[x]Take her home

This is Gensokyo. You won the battle, now it's time for tea and then you get a blobdark ally.
No. 175903
[X]Take her home.

I personally have no problem with your use of first person. MC soliloquies help to keep a story unique and interesting IMO.
No. 175905
[x]Take her home.
No. 175906
Where's girl-type Kogasa?
No. 175908
No. 175911
She did say she was hungry. Odds are that she doesn't have enough energy to manifest a human form.
No. 175912
[x]Take her home
No. 175914
[X] She's a man-eating monster. Put her down.

The only logical answer.
No. 175930
[x] Take her home
No. 175944
[X] Take her home.

The only logical answer.
No. 175980
[x] Take her home.
{x} Take her to dinner.
No. 175981
[x] Take her home.

No. 176057
Eff this. Too busy and too lazy for a 3000 words+ update. Invoking lightning story telling.

When they said that this forest was full of youkai, they weren’t kidding. Mr. Dresden has never before feels the need of beating up so many creatures in such little amount of time.

Fortunately, after the first two dozens of youkais barely escaped from being made half dead, the rest start to wisen up and begin to shy away from the strange man carrying an umbrella with a hawk and an unconscious body of their fellow man-eating monster perched on both of his shoulder.

And thus, Mr. Dresden enjoys a quiet early morning stroll in a road leading to the kappa village. He suspects that his dear little sister had already fallen asleep by now. He was wrong.

As Mr. Dresden walking closer and closer to the place that housed his dear little sister, which as he’s been told, belongs to a kappa named “Nitori”, he starts to hear a commotion, a sound unlike that of a…well, something flying about and knock over a bunch of stuff.

Concerned, Dresden breaks an entrance. And see that his dear little sister had been taught in the art of flight.

Mr. Dresden asks of Nitori, why his sister flies like a drunken parrot.

Nitori, shyly, answered that flight was a standard skill in Gensokyo, and pretty easy skill to learn considering the concentration of magic in the air. And since the memories of all the outsiders are going to get wiped when they are sent back to the outside world, Nitori think it would do no harm to teach her flight, since she asked so much.

Mr. Dresden asked again, why his sister flies like a drunken parrot.

Nitori, shyly, answered that she might have or have not mistaken alcohol with water.

Mr. Dresden was upset that he missed his sister first cup, but otherwise find the whole situation amusing. But as not to injure herself, Mr. Dresden convinced his sister to finally come down and go to sleep.

When she asked for a bedtime story, Mr. Dresden tells her the tale of a pink alligator and the flightless bird.

Then, Nitori apologized, but she does not has enough room for both Mr. Dresden and his black dressed companion, which must had been exhausted in the way here that she had collapsed and must be carried.

Mr. Dresden said, that this was not a problem, since the sky was clear and the night was warm, they shall take slumber on the rooftop. And so they did.

When the monster of darkness finally awakens, she was so overcame with fear at the sight of Mr. Dresden that she declares herself to be his loyal eternal servant, ignoring his pleas of “Seriously, just go away.”

And lo, thus Mr. Dresden had committed the act of slavery, and does he feel like shit.

Four hours later, in the morning, Mr. Dresden request for a bath, which Nitori provides.

That morning, Mr. Dresden learnt of the Japanese way of using a bath tub.

He realized that his sister had not yet awakens, for she must be tired from yesterday, which is understandably the longest day that Mr. Dresden had ever experienced.

And then, Nitori gave him bread. He realized that he hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday afternoon. He was grateful, that the kappas had shown such kindness to the outsiders.

He then asked of Nitori, Was there anything that he can do to repay such kindness? Nitori answered that she does have a package that must be delivered to the human village by afternoon, and that she would be busy all day. Mr. Dresden then offered his service as a courier.

Nitori agreed, and suggest that Mr. Dresden take her hover bike, the one she usually used when feelings too tired to fly herself.

Suddenly, little Miss. Dresden awake, and ask what is her brother up to this early in the morning.

Mr. Dresden tells of his intent on going to the human village. Little Dresden, being a curious little girl, says she wants to come too.

Problem was, the hover bike only has a room for one person.

[]Get hover bike, leave sister.

[]Walk with sister, leave hover bike.

I might try to focus on “Western King of Dreams” for a while.
No. 176060
[x]Get hover bike, leave sister.

Who the hell cares about her anyway?
No. 176063
Didn't sis just learn how to fly? Can't she just follow us?
No. 176066
I adimt...she was a bit...tacked on at the last moment without much thought...

She'll get tired.

I'm really not that good of a writer. If anyone competent could use the idea of 200 outsiders at once, go ahead.
No. 176075

I for one think you're doing a marvelous job! I've been a writer for two years now, and I for one think it would be difficult to find a good replacement for you. I know I for one wouldn't be able to capture your... unique sense of humor, I suppose I would call it. Don't put yourself down! You're a great writer, trust me. Although, the lightning storytelling version isn't quite as good as the more detailed version. Already you've proven to be a fantastic storyteller. Besides, I doubt I'm alone in thinking you to be skilled enough at writing to tackle this story. And, if you do feel as if 200 is overwhelming, you don't have to focus on them. You have a Kogasa-powered MC that's as interesting as interesting can be!

Just my thought on the matter.
No. 176076

Dang it, I forgot to sage and/or vote. Might as well sage this to make up for that. Also? Sister's tacked on? One of the best additions to the story, I for one think. She makes the protagonist a tad more realistic feeling.

[X]Walk with sister, leave hover bike.
No. 176082
[X] Walk with sister, leave hover bike.
[X] Introduce Tatara Kogasa, The Cathartic Umbrella of Absolute Bludgeoning.
No. 176086
Thank you.
No. 176090

Fuck that self-pity shit broski. I like your writing too.

[X] Walk with sister, leave hover bike.
[X] Introduce Tatara Kogasa, The Cathartic Umbrella of Absolute Bludgeoning.
No. 176095
>[]Get hover bike, leave sister.
My intuition tell me that this is for Rumia points.
>[]Walk with sister, leave hover bike.
And this is for sister points

[X]Get hover bike, leave sister.
Anthropophagic Eldritch moe is best moe.

Yeah, you are awesome, don´t sell yourself short.
No. 176096
Change my vote to stop the tie so we can have an update sooner.
[X] Walk with sister, leave hover bike.
[X] Introduce Tatara Kogasa, The Cathartic Umbrella of Absolute Bludgeoning.
No. 176113
[X] Walk with sister, leave hover bike.
[X] Introduce Tatara Kogasa, The Cathartic Umbrella of Absolute Bludgeoning.
No. 176144
“So, you didn’t get much sleep last night.”


“You were drunk, and tired.”


“Now you had your very first hangover, ever.”


“So why did you insist on coming with me?”

I feel her nose snuggling against my back. It’s kind of ticklish.

Sleepily, she answered.

“You can’t speak Japanese, right, nii-chan? It would be a problem for Kawashiro-san if you get lost.”

Can’t argue there. And what did she just call me?


“Y…Yes, Master!”

“I need some shade, if you don’t mind.”

“R…Right away! Please don’t hit me again!”

I’m not going to..! Ah, whatever.

Moment later, we are surrounded by darkness, away from the hot morning sun.

“Uuu… Master? Why don’t you just use me instead?” protested Kogasa in Rumia’s arm.

“Do I look like I could hold an umbrella right now?”


Now she’s sulking. Great. Just great.

Now, I am an ordinary man, carrying his sister on his back, with a genetically engineered red tailed hawk circling above him and telling him that his way is clear. Beside him, he has an eldritch abomination in the form of little blond girl that had sworn to be his eternal servant without his consent after he beat her up with an intelligent (relatively speaking) umbrella, that is now angry because he can’t hold her since his hands are occupied carrying a paper bag full of things that he has to deliver to someone in the human village as a favor to a certain turtle people.

And somehow I’m pretty sure that I am not the strangest human being around right now.

Gensokyo is weird. I don’t want to be here longer that I need to. I hope the captain had already contacted the Hakurei miko, so that we could all be home by the time of sunset. Ha, I wish. Seeing my luck lately I would probably need to kill at least a dozen more people before I am allowed to go home. Not that I mind, really.

Hmm, it would be hard to kill anyone with my hands full like this…Eh, I’ll figure something out. You don’t always need a hand to kill a man.



“Where did you find a talking umbrella?”

“I just kinda found it lying on the ground, you know? This place is quite fantastic, eh? The ground just littered with amazing things, like a talking umbrella.” Well, it is fantastic, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like it.

“Hmm…I guess. Rumia-san?”

“Eh!? Yes!” Rumia answered, surprised. Cue pleased purr from Kogasa.

“You’re my brother’s new friend, right? I’ve never seen you before. How did you two met?”


Quick thinking could save the day, especially if you are a liar like me.

“Well, apparently she’s a half British-Japanese that was about to visit her grandma in the states when our plane got sucked in. I met her in the forest when I was on my way to visit you.”

Usually my sister would be sharp enough to know when I was lying, but she’s half drunk, so I’m lucky, I guess.

“Then how come she could control darkness?”


“Err…just like how you learnt to fly, apparently controlling darkness is her special affinity.”

“Oh, I see.”

Close call. My sister wouldn’t take it kindly if she knows I’ve accidentally beaten up a little girl and made her my pseudo-slave. Besides, I don’t want her to tell Kawashiro that we brought a man eating youkai inside her house. She’ll probably kick us out.

In any case, I need to distract her from the subject.

“Say, you are already twelve, aren’t you ashamed being carried around like this?”


“Soon, you would be too big, and I would be too old to carry you.”

“Umm, don’t wanna.”

She’s in the brink of sleep. I can feel her check leaning against the back of my neck.

“I promise, brother. That I will grow up to become a healthy young woman. Not too fat, but not too thin, so that I could take care of you. You would be healthy, and you can keep carrying me on your back like this.”

There are few flaws in that logic, considering the one who uttered it was half-drunk and half-asleep. But either way, that was oddly sweet.

“Just go to sleep. We’ll be there in no time.”

And so she did. And at the distance, I could hear Mouser caught a sight of a prey.


Damn. This is a big ass village.

Well, they call it village, but it’s actually having more of the feelings of a capital Japanese city pre-Commodore Perry giant gun-dick-boat era.

The place I’m looking for is not too hard to find. Apparently it was pretty popular hang out among the locals. And good riddance that some of these people actually speaks English, because my ‘translator’ is fast asleep.

The place was called…well, I’m pretty sure it was named something dignified once upon a time, but the fallen letters make it so that now the placate reads’ McAnal’. Yeah. Apparently, it was a bar of some sort.

I called Mouser back on my shoulder, and walk in.

It was…well, the one word I would use to describe this bar is ‘Noir’, something you would see in an old detective movie, only a bit more eastern, with people wearing kimonos and such. Also, I don’t want to imagine what kind of people usually come here, since a man just came wearing a hawk on his shoulder, yet no one seems to react.

I approached the bartender.

“Delivery from Kawashiro.” I said.

The bartender doesn’t look like a nice guy. Bald, sweaty, beady eyes, short, and fat to the point of being almost spherical. He also has that curve on his face that makes his mouth seems locked in a frown.

So yeah, he looks like a Japanese Winston Churchill.

The bartender walks out from behind the table, and approached me in silence. He took away the paper bag from under my finger, somewhat unnecessarily roughly, and checked the content.

Satisfied, he took the bag and put it on the table. I never did check what it is inside.

“Good, you can leave now.”

“What about the payment?”

“I’ve already paid Kawashiro when I made the order.” He starts to walk back behind the counter.

“No you haven’t”

“Excuse me?” The bartender looks back at me, somewhat looking pissed off.

“Kawashiro distinctively told me to subtract this much amount from you.” I said, showing him the receipt Nitori gave to me.

The bartender walks to me. Well, less walking and more charging. He then points his fat stubby finger at my face.

“Listen, kid. I don’t know what that damned Kappa told you, but I’m not paying you anything. Now leave before you and your little lady friends get into more trouble than it is worth your pay.”

Ah. Perfect. This is just perfect.

“Excuse me sir, did you just threaten me? And my tiny little girls?”

“Yes.” The bartender then brought his face really close to me, and smiles. His breath stinks. “What would you do about it?”

This is perfect.

I start to walk out from the bar, with my sister, somehow still asleep, clutching tightly on back, followed by Rumia and Kogasa.

Behind me, I could hear the bartender shouts “Ha! I thought so!”.

Perfect. This is just perfect.

Outside, I speak to Rumia.

“Could you take care of my sister for a bit?”

She nodded.

“If you try to eat her, you are dead.”

She gulped, “Okay”.

“But after this, you are free. I don’t need servant anyway. Seriously. Go away. I won’t beat you.”



“Even if I go, when we met again I would already forgotten about you and I would try to eat you again. And then you would beat me up again. If I am your servant, you won’t beat me up, and you would protect me as my master, right? That means I don’t need to worry about being shot by the witch again.”

There was…logic, in her words.

“Quite a sly bastard, aren’t you?”


I then shake my sister for a bit.

“Oi, wake up.”

No reaction.



“Wake up please.”

“What is it?” she finally said groggily.

“Can you get down?”

Hesitantly, she climbed down from my back.

“Now, Kawashiro gave me a few coins for lunch, since we wouldn’t make it home before nightfall. So, could you and Rumia find us some good food stand or something? I have some business to take care of.”


“Great. Now git.”

So, Rumia and my sister went to look for a restaurant, while Kogasa stays with me.

“Alright, Kogasa, ready to cause some surprise?”


“great! Now, sorry Mouser, but you’re not of much use indoor.”

Snorting (or whatever the hawk equivalent is) Mister Mouser take off to the sky.

I walk back inside the McAnal, where the bartender from before is in the process of cleaning up some desk.

This is perfect. This is really perfect. I was worried if that everyone in Gensokyo is nice people. I wouldn’t be able to murder anyone without feeling remorse. But lo, I found an asshole. Perfect. This is just perfect.

“You again? I already told you that I’m not paying anything.”

I shift my weight onto Kogasa, trying to look as relaxed as possible. It’s good for intimidation you see.

“Of course, sir! But since you’re not paying, I need to warn you about something.”

He charged again at me. And point his finger straight at my face.

“Are you threatening me? I warn you. Unlike you, I have some powerful friends.”


“Well…uh…let just say this. You are about to feel a small prick…hitting you with a very large stick.”

[] The High Road : Smash a dick in the head.

[] The Low Road : Smash a dickhead.

A/N: so, I went to IRC to ask for a proofreader. But since I live in Asia, most of the people there is either really sleepy, or already asleep. So yeah.

Anyone manage not to laugh when they read about McAnally in Storm Front?
No. 176145
[x] The Low Road : Smash a dickhead.

Make him double over in pain.
No. 176149
[x] The Low Road : Smash a dickhead.

No. 176151
[X] The High Road : Smash a dick in the head.
No. 176152
[X] The High Road : Smash a dick in the head.

Always take the high road.
No. 176154
[x] The Low Road : Smash a dickhead.
No. 176155
[x] The High Road : Smash a dick in the head.

Saint's Row, bitches.
No. 176157
[X] The High Road : Smash a dick in the head.
No. 176160
To be honest, I must have skipped over it. But I giggled at it here. I also feel bad about beating up Asian Douche Mac.

[x]The High Road: Punch a dick in the head.
No. 176163
[X] The High Road : Smash a dick in the head.

Heh. I always love seeing a choice like this.
No. 176170
[x] The Low Road : Smash a dickhead.

I can't avoid any opportunity to smash an arsehole in the nuts.

I wonder if Kogasa will enjoy his surprise?
No. 176175
Hopefully MC will use his legs/fist for this. I don't wanna see Kogasa's innocence stolen from her because some jerk forced her upon another guy's balls.
No. 176179
This is actually a valid point. What do you say? everyone? use Kogasa?or not use Kogasa?
No. 176180
[x] The Low Road : Smash a dickhead.
-[x] Use Kogasa.
No. 176181
-[x] Don't use Kogasa.
No. 176182

Isn't the high road (hitting him in the head) winning anyway?
No. 176233
[x] The Low Road : Smash a dickhead.
-[x] Use Kogasa.

I'm sure this option will give her plenty of surprise! She'll probably not even care about to if it pays off for her.
No. 176247
You guys cannot reach a consensus whether to punch an asshole in the dick or in the brain. I found this oddly hilarious. The very next choice will determine between a lot of people getting concussion or a lot of people getting sterilized. in the meantime, I'm going to update King of Dreams for shits and giggles because apparently it made some dude from /blue/ really mad.

Also,i think i found a proofreader.
No. 176251
[X] The High Road
No. 176252
No. 176299
Mostly battle scene. Special thanks to that one guy on IRC that intriguingly knows a bit much about murdering people to death. Please don’t come near me.

Also, what do you think of my new friend’s first work as a proofreader?



And then, I stabbed him in the face with the pointy end of Kogasa. Because simply bonking him over the head would be boring.

The bartender fall on his butt with a satisfying thud, his hands grasping around his mouth, I think I broke a few of his tooth. The surprise on his face amused me, and I can feel Kogasa shivering in my hand.

The bartender slides away from me before standing up, hands still over his mouth and a furious glare boring into me. It might be meant to intimidate, but really, I just find it funny.

“You know, even if you have a strong friends or something, you should never antagonize a person carrying a very large stick when he’s in the immediate vicinity. Because at that exact moment, there’s nothing stopping him from breaking your nose, like I did just now.”

Master, did you just called me fat?

No, Kogasa, you’re soft and fluffy and easy to handle. Now shut up for a moment, yes?

The bartender then raises one of his stubby fingers and points at me. He really likes to point at people, doesn’t he?

And then, with a gurgling voice that’s undoubtedly caused by him starting to choke in his own blood, he announce;

“Free drinks for a week for anyone that can bring me his head.”

My, my! What a bargain! Maybe I’ll even decapitate myself!

I can hear weapons being brandished around me. I can hear the sounds of blades uncovered from their sheaths before I can see their gleams under the dim lighting of this place.

Of course, when you live in a place full of man eating monster, carrying a weapon at all times would be the norm. but damn that’s a lot of sharp things pointed at me.

“Huh? You guys like swords, huh?”

Basically everyone in the bar, all that don’t immediately scurry out from the place the moment they sense trouble, are now gathered around me, protecting the bartender from my reach.

It seems like the bartender had regained his confidence, for he is now grinning in victory, showing some bloody teeth, absolutely convinced that he has turned the table on me.

“No need to worry about the spell card rules. He’s just an outsider. I’ll take care of his body later.”

He’s wrong though. I am more than capable of handling this many instruments of death pointed at me. Oh, there’s one guy carrying a hammer. Must be the hipster of this group.

They start to closing in on me. Intending to gang up and stab me to death without giving me a chance to retaliate.

Unfortunately for them, I won’t wait. Let the mass murder begin. Now.

This bar is pretty spacey, so the men are kind of spread out, positioned so that they form a circle around me. That’s a 360 degree radius of murder right there. The ceiling is a bit high too, allowing for some acrobatics. Perfect.

Well, granted, when you are me, every environment is a perfect killing ground.

I throw Kogasa high into the air, freeing my hands. And when the attentions of everyone are fixated on her, I punched the nearest man in the face. With him disoriented, I find no trouble flinging the man across the room with a judo throw, hitting one of his friends on the other side.

I grab Kogasa as she falls, and run to the other side of the room, where I jump, plant my foot on some dude’s face, and use his body like a skateboard as he slides along the floor.

This take less than seven seconds.

“W…What?” I can hear the exasperated gasp from the bartender. Surprised, aren’t you?

He starts rambling in Japanese. Probably encouraging the men to kill me faster. Good. Come faster. I need to fulfill my murder quota for this week.

One of the men, a bald dude with a scary beard, swings his sword at me. I parry it with Kogasa, leaving him open for counter-attack. I punch him hard in the sternum, making him bended in two, a perfect position for an overhead strike from Kogasa straight to the atlas bone, separating his skull from his vertebrae. Instant death.

I sway the lifeless body to the side.


The mooks all charge at me at once. But there’s a gap in their formation made by the chairs and tables.

I slide Kogasa across the floor, distracting the men as she passes between their legs, and jump the table, ending up on the other side of the wave of men.

I grab Kogasa from the floor, ready to start the carnage anew.

I back up a little, creating distance between me and the lot of murderous men.

I pointed Kogasa at them, and say, “One of you which is the least of a pussy, may try to strike me first.”

Angered, they all charge at me. Bad choice.

You see, the reason I backed up a little to create some distance is the fundamental fact that no two men have the exact same running speed. Combine that fact with distance, the bar environment that is full of obstructions, and angry testosterone filled brain that clouded their judgment, means that no two men reached my position at the exact same time.

They are effectively standing in line. A murder line.

Like pigs to the slaughter.

I want bacon.

The first to reach me took a facefull of Kogasa, dislocating his jaw. With both hands handling Kogasa, I use my elbow to drive the man’s jawbone deep inside his skull, stabbing his brain with his own mouth. Instant death.

The second man, the one with a hammer, is slow. I easily side step him and hit him hard on the side. His shattered ribs puncture his lungs and heart. Almost instant death.

The third man gets his eyes quickly and systematically gouged.

The fourth, a simple bash to the head. Instant death.

The fifth is more complicated. He’s a big guy. So I made him fall to the floor, and proceed to sandwiched his skull between Kogasa and the floor tiles. Instant death.

A continuous movement, constant stream of dead bodies, ever arising body count, and before I know it, we down to the last man.

This man, a thin young man, doesn’t look like a bad people at first glance. Heck, he looks like one of those Bishonen I often hear about. Totally non-threatening except for a single short knife he’s holding.

He’s shivering; his back planted firmly on the wall that made the corner of this place. His eyes teary and his mouth is moving in stuttered fashion, yet no voice is coming out.

“P…Please, spare me…I have a sister back home, waiting for me…please…I beg of you…spare me.”

Hmm…that got me thinking…

As I glance over the floor of the McAnal, now filled with corpses I think that all of these men are someone’s son, some are someone’s brother and father. And they are all dead by the promise of free booze.

A sudden wave of guilt burdens my heart…

HA! Just kidding! They were trying to kill me so now they are FUCKING DEAD. That’s only logical, right?

I kneeled and picked the knife from the boy’s hand, and hold it just close enough to his face that the tip hovering just mere inches from his eye.

“eep…!” the boy yelps like a little girl. Kind of cute, really.

Well, being a major psychopath doesn’t mean that you have to be an asshole about it.

“You want to live?” I ask.

“YES!” he practically shouts.

“Don’t. Get up. Until I leave. Capiche?”


Oh my, he really is cute.

“Don’t piss yourself.” I tease.

“Wha…I won’t!” My, he’s angry now. And blushing. How cute.

Haha…wait, where’s the bartender?

Just as I think of that, the door to the establishment burst open. From it, the pudgy bartender comes back in and apparently, he brought back up.

Five huge, bald men come through the door following the bartender. These men, unlike all the others I’ve killed, don’t seem to be carrying any weapon…

Only five unarmed men? Something’s wrong here…

“HA! I’ve told you I have some powerful friends! You’re in over your head, boy! Don’t think that you…oh.”

He looks at the scene before him and sees that his bar has become a graveyard.

His gusto is washed away like tissue paper in the high tide. He quickly backs away, as the five big men slowly approach me and pass between all the cadavers without as much as a single word…there’s something wrong in their eyes…but I can’t pick up what.

Be careful, Master! These people are Youkai!

“They look like human to me.”

Though seriously. There’s something wrong about their movement. It seems…erratic, like they want to move and lunged at me, but for some reason restraining themselves from doing so.

Their glamour is almost perfect… They are strong, Master!

“Why would high level Youkai protect a run-down joint like this?”

I don’t know, but they are definitely stronger than me.

Well, damnation.

“Hey, you.” I say to the one boy I spared. “Keep your head down, and try not to get killed.”

The boy only nods.

From the far end of the room, I can hear the bartender taunting.

“You’re going to die! You hear me!? Even if you escape, I will chase you down! You and those little bitches you bring with you! They too will pay for your insolence!”


There’s absolutely no reason to bring up the girls in this. He only did that to spite me.

“You know, may be if you get on your knees and kiss my feet before you die, I will spare the girls…though that little one you carried back then looks pretty mature…”



This man…

This man…


“Hm? Oh, you still want to fight? Ha! You misguided fool. Maybe you though that you have a chance because there are only five of them? I have you know that…”



[] I can kill these guys as easily as any others. So start running.

[] Who said I need to deal with them? Right now, the only one I want to kill is you, mister bartender.

[] Write Ins: Badass one-liner.
No. 176301
[x] I can kill these guys as easily as any others. So start running.
No. 176302
>I slide Kogasa [...]
>I grab Kogasa [...]
>I back up a little, [...]
>I pointed Kogasa at them, and say, [...]

You should stop that.

[x] "Fuck you."
-[x] Hurl that knife into his face.

Regardless of what wins at least he's pretty much surrounded by weapons. Dude just can't be pure human though, not after all that.
No. 176306
Can Kogasa pull off that energy transfer trick again? If she could it would be a good idea to ask her. Also don't forget to get the money before killing bartender guy.
No. 176307
Whoops. sorry. should have seen that.
No. 176331
Sorry, I should have told him to change that. I was more interested in trying to keep everything in the same tense and having sentences sound less awkward/redundant. If he has me proofread again, I'll keep an eye out for it.
No. 176349

... Is the MC part of the special forces?

[x] "Fuck you."
-[x] Hurl that knife into his face.
No. 176352

I'm not sure if "Fuck you" counts as a badass one liner. Oh well.
No. 176355

I can work with that.


No worries mate. I should have read it first before giving it to you.


Nope, still human.

Also, if any of you a writer that's currently looking for an idea, go to /gensokyo/, on the story ideas thread. I've put some of my ideas there. I've got a lot of great ideas, but inadequate writing skill. so far, I've contributed the ideas of;

>Putting the Spanish Inquisition in the religious war of Gensokyo.

Buddhist, Taoist...this is only logical. sorta.

>Orangutan VS Remilia.

YAF actually counter this idea with 'Orangutan VS Patchouli'.

>Hieda no Akyuu Love Story on the Verge of Death.

People seems to like the idea.

Also, judging from the lack of votes, is this story dying..?
No. 176359
[x] "Fuck you."
-[x] Hurl that knife into his face.

This is a story about some guy who is practically Shiki, it will never die.
No. 176360
The cheap shit doesn't deserve one.
>story dying
I can promise as long as this keeps being entertaining I'll keep reading & voting.
>Orangutan VS Remilia.
I don't-
>YAF actually counter this idea with 'Orangutan VS Patchouli'.
Yeah. I don't even.
No. 176361
[x] I can kill these guys as easily as any others. So start running.
No. 176362
Your post made me read the story. Thanks.
Speaking of which...

[x] "Fuck you."
-[x] Hurl that knife into his face.
-[x] Then grab it in the air and use it to slit his throat.

No. 176363
[x] "Fuck you."
-[x] Hurl that knife into his face
No. 176364
[x] "Fuck you."
-[x] Hurl that knife into his face.
-[x] você já está morto

No, this isn't dying. But readers sleep too.
No. 176368

>It's 2013

There are STILL people who waste time sleeping? Come on man...in an era of super caffeinated energy drinks and sugary foods, I'm sure we, as a species, can finally do away with the pathetic need for sleep.

[X] There is no fight. There is only the Murderboner A murderboner so great it's length pierces the heavens and it's girth blocks out the sun. Five people or five thousand people, it doesn't matter, because my Murderboner's loud roar tells me to do one thing: Fuck you.

Also, on the subject of awesome one-liners, I would like to submit this one for greatest one-liner of all time.

No. 176369

One of the joy of writing in THP is seeing your reader coming up with crazy shit like this.
No. 176506
Sind sie das Scheide? Nein, wir sind die Schwanz!


You know.

Sometimes, you just really want someone dead that you can’t be arsed to think of anything to say. Well, except maybe for…

“Fuck you.”

I launched the knife from my hand, certain that it will end the life of yet another person.

It does not.

The knife was caught in mid air by one of the five men. Not with his hand, but with his tongue. A really long, thick, meaty, and disgusting tongue that reminds me of Rasputin’s fermented schlong.


That’s about all I can say before another of the five men leaps, no, rocketing towards me at a breakneck speed, which is to say, he smashed my neck with his elbow.

I got launched. Rammed straight past the bishonen survivor and continue through the wall. I then found myself flying, too bad that I know jack shit about landing.


I fell on the street unceremoniously.

Good news. The wall was wooden, not concrete.

Bad news. I just got launched through a fucking wall.

And I think my windpipe got broken. I can’t breathe…

As I lay helplessly on the street, I see that the villagers around me, instead of helping, are running away, as if they don’t want to be a part of whatever is happening.

But more than that, my attention is taken by the figure looming ominously above me, floating above the ground, wearing an all-concealing black robe, and holding a scythe.


I tightened my grip around Kogasa, which is thankfully still attached to my hand. Almost immediately I start to feel strange warmth building up around my stomach, where the fpiece of the Karakasa lies undigested. I hear a loud ‘crack’ as my neck bones get rearranged.

I gasped and coughed as my now functional throat snapped open and draws as much air as possible down inside my lungs, through my bloodstreams, and into my brain, kick starting my mind into ignition.

“Thanks, Tatara.”

‘Master, that was some heavy injuries you’ve suffered. I won’t have enough energy to heal something like that again anytime soon.’

“Ah, sorry for troubling you, I was careless…”

‘Geez, I told you they were strong, Master! Didn’t you listen at all?’

Looking around, I can no longer find that black clad figure with scythe.

That, my friend, was waay too close. Dying here would be anticlimactic too much of a cop out. I should be more careful.

“Okay. I promise, from now on, I’ll assume that everything around me have the potential to kill me. Should bring down my hubris a bit.” I said, more to myself than anyone.

I stand up and dust myself. Across the street, I can see the five men standing in front of the wall they have made recently using my body as a battering ram. They stand in a uniformed manner, like a row of mass produced statues. Until one of them sprout out their unnaturally long tongue and licks his own eyeballs.

Well, balls.

“Tatara, any advice?”

‘I guess running away is not an option?’

“If this ‘powerful friend’ of his is influential enough that he could afford sending these high level Youkais to protect a bar, then I don’t want to deal with him. Not right now, anyway. If possible I don’t want to leave any reliable witnesses.”


That means anyone that got a clear look at my face needs to be silenced. Good thing that the villagers ran away. Maybe they were used to this kind of thing?

“What do you know about them?” I pointed at the group of men. Well, ‘men’ wouldn’t be the right term at this point.

‘Umm…seeing from their behavior, I guess that these are frog Youkais…’

Crap. How do you kill a frog again? Should have paid attention in biology class. If only the frogs then didn’t come pre-killed…

I got no more time to think as the five frog youkais leap at me. All five of them at once. Their strong legs launch them high into the air like a catapult.

Oh shit.

Move it legs!

Dashing past them right under their feet, I run back towards the bar. These frogs are fast. Maybe if I have a roof over our heads, it would give me some chance.

Unfortunately, they seem to have anticipated this.

I feel something coiling around my legs and pulling me into the air. It feels like my entire stomach got left behind.

My vision went blurred as I’m being swung like a sling, and then…


I found myself at someone’s bedroom.

Oww. There’s no reason for a traditional Japanese house to have a glass window, right?

I feel another tug at my legs, and before I realized, I’m in the air again. I held on to Kogasa knowing well that she might as well be my only way out of here.


Ouch. Paved road. Roman style solid linoleum, I guess? It hurts like…well, hurts like being smashed against a solid surface after being swung around like a whip.

I feel another tug at my legs.

This time, I was slammed against the roof of a house. Straight through to what I assume is a living room, and then pulled back again.

It’s painful.

It’s really, really painful.

They threw me high into the air, and then released me, leaving my body spinning like a rag doll before crashing hard back to the ground.






I’m lying on the ground motionless. It feels like they broke my entire skeleton. I also suffer from some laceration from the window glass.

My left leg, where the frog youkai’s tongue were before, is sprained. The pain would make a normal human consider the benefit of death. Fortunately, I’m not your usual human. I am Dresden. And I am very, very angry.

I look at the men that had driven me into this pathetic state. Looking at me without any emotions, without remorse, steadfast like a brick.

I want to make those emotionless faces tremble before me. I want their body to cower. I want to teach them fear.

And in death, they shall learn it.

Focusing my weight on Kogasa, I stand. I can see a hint of surprise on the frog youkais faces, as if questioning why I am still alive.

Answer? I want them dead. That’s why I’m alive.


‘Master, are you sure you still don’t want to run?’

“No. I hate losing when I can clearly see a chance for victory.”

‘What are you going to do?”

“Can you heal me for a bit?”

‘It’s only a few fractures and minor laceration… I might be able to spare some energy…’

“Focus on my arms and legs. I need to move fast and hold on tight.”

‘Do you have a plan, master?’ I can feel Kogasa’s healing aura swirling across my body, especially concentrated around my sprained ankle.

“I have a plan of attack.”

‘What is it?’


I let out a loud whistle. And by letting out a distinct scream, a brown and red hawk descended from the sky. Into the fray, Mouser does not hesitate, immediately going into the middle of the group of frogmen (that’s it! That’s what I’m going to call them from now on.), aiming for their eyes.

Distracted, they do not notice when I begin my counter attack.

I notice that one of the frogmen is about to catch Mouser using his tongue. Fortunately, they didn’t notice me closing in.

“Oh, no you don’t!”

Bracing my feet on the ground, I hit the first frogman at the side of the head, sending him to the ground.

But I know that I won’t be able to face them all at once when they are grouped tight like this. I need some distance. So I continue to run past the group, until I reach the end of the street a couple paces later.

I mention Mouser to get away. These frogmen are too fast to risk the little-bodied Mouser at. Once she gets captured by that muscular tongue, she won’t be able to escape.

So now, all five of them focused their attention to me.

The next few events would happen so fast that it would be impossible to narrate them in real time.

Like before, they all charge at me at once. But this time, I’m ready.

I see them leap into the air. So high that their forms are covered by the sun.

I took a one step back.

The earth in front of me explodes as the first of the frogmen landed. Immediately, he tries to punch me in the face.

Using a standard Wing Chun practice, I deflect his punch and spin around him until I ended up facing his back. And then, I go for his neck, holding him in a choke hold.

Another four explosions tell me that his friends have landed nearby. I need to act quickly. First, I need to isolate them and deal with them one by one.

I stab the frogman in the eye with my index finger. Howling in pain, the frogmen jumps, trying to shake me off. But my hold is strong thanks to Kogasa’s healing, and we both take into the air away from the other four frogmen.

In the air, I continue to beat him up with the pommel of Kogasa, intent on giving him a solid concussion before we reach the ground.

We both land hard, but I recover faster because I don’t have my head beaten up all the way down. While the frogman still lies on the ground, I drove the pommel of Kogasa down his eye socket, the one I poked with my finger earlier, and proceed to crush his brain.

‘Eww. Brain matter.’

“Sorry, Tatara. I’ll clean you up later.”


Standing victorious over my fallen foe (and desperately trying to wipe off brain matter from Kogasa), I look at the rest of my foe, and realize that they have taken a more careful stance. They are no longer emotionless. Instead, they are posed with calculating precision and pre-meditated motion. They are serious now, knowing that I might be more dangerous than I seem to be.

“One down.” I speak softly to myself. “Four to go.”


This is the first time I had so much trouble killing a single living being.

Four more?

Aaahh…this is going to suuuuck….

Oh, damn it all. Nec aspera terrent, allons essayons, attaquez et conquerez, virtutis fortuna comes, celer et audax ducemus, deus le vult dieu et mon droit.

Or whatever. I don’t speak dead language. Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur and all that shit. And I’m pretty sure I mixed in some French in there.

Fuck it. VOLVO!

“Hey, Tatara.”

‘Yes, master?’

“Can you make me fly? Not for too long, just a quick burst enough to launch me into the air.”

“I guess I could…?”

“Good! Hey you amphibians!” I pointed Kogasa at the frogmen. “Just two days ago I accidentally stepped on one of your sibling! Her guts splattered all over the pavement! But she was still alive at the time, so I decided to eat her while she still fresh! Her thigh was really fucking delicious!”

They didn’t react.

Well, guess that kind of persuasion won’t work on every…oh, wait. Here they go.

The charged at me again. But this time, I won’t simply wait as my enemies come for me.





Let’s do this.


I charged.

The street is long, but as the two sides run at a full sprint toward each other like a mad Russian ice cream truck on crack, that distance is nothing. Soon, we will collide, and that collision will define the outcome of this story…

“Tatara! Now!”

…Or not.

A blast of air launches me to the sky. High above the roofs of the village, and keep on rising, until I was at the same height when I first time discovered Kogasa.

Below, I see the group of frogmen, as tiny as …toads, standing silently while looking up, considering their next action.

Now, on the earth or in the air, where would you prefer to be killed at?

Ah, they jumped. So air, then.

As the form of the frogmen got bigger and bigger, I myself start to fall.

Mors ab alto.

“Mouser, lend me your wings.”

I call upon my loyal guardian by letting out a whistle.

Mouser wraps her claws around my shoulder, and then she spreads her wings just a little, marginally slowing down my fall, just enough for a precise control.

“Tatara, guide me.”

I feel a tug on my arm, guiding my fall. Towards my enemy.

Fast. Gravity is my friend. And she is your enemy. We move towards each other at a tremendous speed. My momentum will crush you, and then you would be dead.

The nearest frogman launches his tongue at me. But while ascending, his own momentum makes it lose it’s speed. Kogasa easily dodges it.

“Mouser, dive.”

Mouser closes her wings. and we fall. Faster.


Second one’s dead. Just like that.

The law of momentum has tripled the impact of my hit. His skull cracked like an eggshell.

It is good to know that even in Gensokyo, Sir Isaac Newton is still the baddest motherfucker around.

Rinse and repeat, another two down.

…something’s wrong. the count didn’t add up.

With the help of Kogasa and Mouser, I landed safely on the ground, right in front of the hole that the frogmen have made earlier using my body as a makeshift industrial hammer.

At the distance, I can hear the lifeless bodies of my fallen foe crashing into some poor bastard’s rooftop.

There’s one more left.


‘Master! Behind you!’

Oh fuck.

A long thick rope of meat suddenly wraps around my hand.


There, at the other side of the street, is the last frogman.

Where did he get that sword?!

He’s closing in on me. And I can’t move. He’s going to stab me with that sword without me able to do anything.

Mouser tries to distract him, but he’s ready this time, and almost manages to swat her out of the air with his sword.

I punch and pulled, but the tongue is too soft and elastic for a blunt force damage to take effect. I need something sharp, like a knife.

Fate answered my request in the form of that boy from before, the one I spared.

Standing there at the edge, watching in horror as I struggle for my life for who knows how many times after I came to Gensokyo.

He’s carrying a knife.

“Hey kid!”


“Can I borrow that knife? Please?”

“I…I don’t”

He’s scared. I can see it in his eyes. He won’t be able to come any closer.

“Just throw it here!”

“OI! I’m dying here!”


Surprised, he threw the knife at my face. Fortunately, I still posses enough agility to catch it before it makes a hole on my skull.

With finesse, I cut off the tongue that’s holding my hand, and by extension, Kogasa, accompanied by the gurgling agonized scream of the frogman.

Alright, some advice about killing stuff.

In any given object, alive or not, there are certain places you could hit to make it…broken.

These places could either be a spot, which can be hit by a blunt weapon, like Kogasa…

…or lines, which you could trace with a sharp object, like knives.

And with that in mind, I cut off the last frogman’s head.

Simple yet effective. I don’t like to do anything too fancy like cutting someone into 17 pieces.



So Gensokyo has them too, huh?

That tune just then could either mean ‘Piece of Shit’ or ‘The Police’.

And judging by the fact that I’ve just depopulate half of the nation, it’s probably the latter.

There’s nothing like a mass murder to kick off relationship with another newfound culture. Seriously, go ask the Spanish.

Yet another nation that wants me dead. Perfect. All the more reason to GTFO from Gensokyo as quickly as possible. Maybe I should visit the shrine, making sure we get the first spot.

Of course, the Bartender is already gone…sheesh, I’ve never had so much trouble just killing five living creatures before. That was then took waay too much time. Of course the boss had already escaped.

No. not the boss. He was talking about ‘powerful friends…’

“hey, kid?”

“Ah, yes?!”

“There’s something suspicious about this place. Do you know anything about it?”

“Well, I…”


“Shit. We’ve got no time. Do you know anything, or you not?”

“I know about…”

“Good. You’re coming with me.”



Where to?

[] Should seek to it that we get out of Gensokyo as soon as possible. (Hakurei Shrine)

[] I kinda feel bad for the boy. I’ll take him to his home after I done questioning him. (Temple School)

[] I’m hungry. (Mystia’s)



Yeah, not proofreaded. Just want to get this out as soon as possible after getting caught in IRC trap.

Beside, end of the year in college suck major donkey ballsack. Update would be more sporadic from now on.

Maybe, I’ll see you again next year.
No. 176507
How would you get away from the police?

[] Ezio Auditore.

[] Solid Snake.

[] Agent 47.
No. 176508
[X] I kinda feel bad for the boy. I’ll take him to his home after I done questioning him. (Temple School)

Considering those were frog youkai, I'd bet we need to get in touch with the religious side first...as for the Hakurei shrine option, I would think that we'd try to reunite with Rumia first before we do that.

As for options on getting away..

[X] Ezio (Le Parkour) + Solid Snake (Sneaking)

Come on, they have quite some overlaps. I doubt the Agent 47 (Disguise) approach would work given that being a foreigner means that we might stick out even with a disguise
No. 176509
[X] I kinda feel bad for the boy. I’ll take him to his home after I done questioning him. (Temple School)

[x] Solid Snake.

We might have a massive murderboner but we're a decent guy under all that blood and gore... I think? Hell. I don't even know anymore. Hail Kogasa!
No. 176512
Hey, Agent 47 disguises are always foolproof until you get within five meters of someone. (Or, lately, if they wear the same clothes as your disguise.)

Doesn't matter that you're two feet too tall, bald, have a bar code on the back of you skull and are a man: until someone comes within five meters of you you're Bernadita, a 50 year old Mexican immigrant woman hired eight years ago to be the housekeeper.
No. 176521
[x] Should seek to it that we get out of Gensokyo as soon as possible. (Hakurei Shrine)
[x] Solid Snake.
No. 176522
[X] I kinda feel bad for the boy. I’ll take him to his home after I done questioning him. (Temple School)

[X] Ezio Auditore.
No. 176542
[X] I kinda feel bad for the boy. I’ll take him to his home after I done questioning him. (Temple School)

[X] Ezio Auditore.

Seems like a fine plan. Besides, it might be interesting for them to see us getting along with Rumia of all people, at least if we pick them up first. Otherwise, we're still at least getting along with Kogasa.
No. 176544
[X] I kinda feel bad for the boy. I’ll take him to his home after I done questioning him. (Temple School)

[x] Solid Snake.

I think we might be a bit too battered to start free-running everywhere and I don't think we can risk getting into another fight. Seems to me that this is a sneaking mission Snake Anon.
No. 176548
Wait. When you think of temple school, you think of byakuren or keine? Honestly I coulwork with both...or make keine teach at myouren temple...
No. 176572

Whichever you prefer. Your story bro.
No. 176594
I for one like the idea of both.
No. 176595
Anonymous 2013/12/14 (Sat) 01:37 No. 176544
[X] I kinda feel bad for the boy. I’ll take him to his home after I done questioning him. (Temple School)

[x] Solid Snake.

The way of the box allows for more than one person in a single box.

We have no idea if our sidekick is any good at parkour and we're kind of covered in blood due to both our own wounds and cutting off the tongue of a frogman so subtly sneaking out pretending to be a bystander is going to be... difficult.

Also I still want to know how the hell we learned to kill so well. Are we spetznaz?
No. 176598
yeah i don't think leaving is option anymore. he's become to attached to the land now with his partnership with kogasa and rumia I don't think yukari would let him leave now.

(x) take the kid home
No. 176609
Begi says, "the temple school is just where they teach the edicts of their religion to the younger devotees" Make of that what you will.
No. 176646
xperiment 1
No. 176647
xperiment 2
No. 176648
xperiment 3
No. 176649
Guess I'll go with this one. what do you guys think?

Also I think that I might just screwed myself when i decided to do that 'Lightning storytelling' thing,, especially regarding Nitori and Rumia characterizations. I'll try to fix it later, but try not to think too much about it, yes?
No. 176651

Sure thing bro.
No. 176656
We all know that kind of protagonist, the one with a sad background story, a character who is strong and independent - yet distant, because by experience, he knows that anyone that gets close to him tends to die.

I’m kind of like that too. People that get close to me tend to die. The only difference is that I get to choose who dies, as evident from this mountain of corpses.

“Come on, let’s go.”


The boy is, understandably, hesitant to follow a man that just killed half of the village.

“Listen, you can reason all you want, but I don’t think you want to be standing alone surrounded by dead bodies when the police arrive.”

The boy doesn’t respond.


“You know what? It’s up to you. I’m running out of time and I seriously need to go now. Bye.”

I start to walk away. For a second, the boy stands still, but then…

“W…wait.” He starts to chase after me.

“Good. I have a few question I need to ask you.”

We walk together for a while, following Mouser directions and away from the scene of that random act of mass murder. The boy walks a bit far from me. Again, understandable.

“Now, no need to worry. I’m not going to kill you.”

“You… I saw you cut that frog youkai’s head like it wasn’t there…”

“Ha! Believe me, kid - train enough, and you can do a lot of things with a knife. By the way, here yours.” I give him back his knife. It’s a pretty unique knife. The material is pure black; obsidian, I’d guess. Probably handmade.

“Now to the question… excuse me for a moment.”

I walk to the nearest house, and knock on the door. The door opens, and I’m greeted by the face of a nondescript Japanese man.

“Sumimasen! Or whatever you guys say around here.”


Stealth, motherfucker.

I sock him in the face, giving just enough shock to his frontal lobe that he will wake up after three hours with a massive headache and a minor memory problem.

“Sorry to intrude…”

I walk into the house, but the boy stands still at the doorframe.

“Come on, what are you waiting for?”

Carefully, the boy steps past the unconscious body of the random man that was unfortunate enough to have his house picked as my escape route. It took only a small amount of time for me to find the back door of this house.

We emerge at a completely different street at the other side of the house.


Police on the right.

“We’re going left.” I turn, and the boy follows suit.

“Now, about that bar then. Is it normal for that kind of run down joint to have such high level youkai as guardians?”

“No…” he answered simply. Heh, I kinda like his voice. It’s sweet.

“Then, does it have something to do with those ‘powerful friends’ the barkeep mentioned? Is the McAnal a part of some big chain of business?”

“No… I don’t know…”



“Quick, to that alleyway.”

I pointed at an alleyway between two houses.

“Okay, then. Do you know anything about that place at all? Is there any reason so many armed men would meet at a single place, or is it normal for your people to carry that much weaponry at all times?”

“I… No, but maybe I know something…there’s this rumor…”


I break a window, and jump straight into another house.

“Come on.”

I help the boy get in. This time, he’s surprisingly obedient.

“So, about that rumor…”

We meet a woman on the way out. Must be the owner of the house. She started to scream, so I socked her in the face, too.

“Well, there’s this rumor about someone recruiting people for a high paying job at the McAnal.”

“Recruiting for what? Whoa.”

I pull the boy inside another alleyway. In the road near us, there’s someone wearing a uniquely patterned blue kimono. From experience, I know a cop when I see one.

Then another man wearing the same uniform lands near him…

Great, flying police. And I thought helicopters were bad enough. Well, at least these guys ain’t going to shoot Hellfire missiles at me anytime soon.

With skill honed over the years, I manage to eavesdrop on their conversation. Good thing the road is mostly empty; it would be considerably harder otherwise.

“Did anyone pass on this road?” Said the second officer that had just landed.

“Absolutely nobody. Whatever was causing that report, it’s not going this way. How’s the scene?”

“Messy. There are at least a dozen of bodies that need their paperwork done.”

“We’ll be busy tonight. You think it’s a wild youkai attack?”

“The report said that there’s only a single perpetrator, so it can’t be human. No human can cause that much death in such a short amount of time.”

“Sheesh. First we’ve got that accident at the shrine, then this. These two days have been hectic.”

Hmm. Seems like they have discovered my exploits. And there’s something about the shrine, too. I can only assume that it’s the Hakurei Shrine.

Of course, I don’t understand any of their conversation, because they are speaking in Japanese. I have to relay it to the boy and get him to translate it for me. Speaking of the boy…

“What’s your name, boy?”

“uhh…I’m Hyun.”

Hyun? A Korean?

“Let’s get moving.”

As we walk deeper into the alleyway, I continue to question Hyun.

“About that recruitment - what kind of men are they recruiting?”

“People who know how to fight, mostly. But also people who know how to make weapons and such, like me. I’m a craftsman.”

That explains the knife. But honestly, Hyun doesn’t look like blacksmith material. His skin is too smooth. His child-like face seriously does not fit someone that makes weapons for a living.

And while I’m describing Hyun, I might as well say that he has short, flowing dark hair and brown eyes. Pretty standard for an Asian. Still, I wonder why a guy like him would do something so shady for money. Financial problems?

So obassically, someone is recruiting an army for some reason, and I pissed him or her off. Usually in a situation like this I would try to strike first, but now, after fighting those frogmen, I start to consider the option of simply get away from Gensokyo as fast as possible. By now, the captain should have finished dealing with the Hakurei Miko already.

“Say, kid, have you had any of these… ’outsiders’ come into your village lately?”

Hyun seems to think hard for a bit, as if he confused whether to answer or not.

“Well, yesterday we did have two men in strange outfits coming to visit the Hakurei shrine with the witch of the forest.”

The captain, the co-pilot, and Kirisame. Those were the people that were supposed to make a deal with the Hakurei to get all of the 200 passengers out of Gensokyo as soon as possible.

“But then something weird happened. This morning I tried to go to the shrine to make an offering, but the shrine was blockaded by the village’s security guard, who were saying that the miko is in the middle of a complicated ritual and can’t be disturbed.”

Complicated ritual? That makes sense. Dimension hopping can’t be an easy process, after all.

“You said ‘something strange’ happened. Has that never happened with other outsiders before?”

“No, usually, outsiders just simply walk to the shrine and get sent out through the border. There haven’t been any that required a ritual large enough to warrant the shrine closing down for the villagers.”

Hm… So I’ve learned two things.

One, someone is building up an army, and that someone is probably really pissed off at me right now.

Two, something strange happened at the Hakurei Shrine, which so far is our only known way out of Gensokyo.

Either way, I should check the Hakurei Shrine - after I take this boy home, of course.

“Where’s your home, kid?”

“Uh… At the Myouren temple. North of the village border…”

Oh? Living in a temple? Might explain the financial problems.

“Neat. We should be far enough from the… uh, scene, that we won’t be immediately associated with it. Are there any crowded places around here to blend in?”

Good thing I’m skilled enough with the knife to not get any blood on myself.

“If I remember it right, there’s a marketplace nearby.”

True enough, there’s a bustling marketplace just outside the alleyway. It’s fairly typical. One big road with lots of wooden stalls on the side selling various stuff, packed almost solid with people on every inch of ground. Just remember some of the more famous Ghibli movies and you’ll get the idea.

“So, you’re an outsider, then?”

His voice is a bit hard to hear due to the crowd, but I can still sense fear in his voice, mixed with a bit of curiosity.

“Yes, I am.” I answered simply.

“Is that why… you can kill people so remorselessly?”


“I heard that people from the outside world are really... strong. That’s why the border was erected, because once upon a time humans hunted youkai to near extinction.”

“Is that so?”

“Uhh… well, that what I’ve been taught, anyway.”

“Do I look scary to you?”

“Honestly? No. Just by the eyes, you seem like a nice guy. But seeing you in action back then…?”

“Believe what you see, not what you’re told.”

“Sounds like a recipe for trouble.”

“If you meet trouble, just punch it away. It works for me.”


We walk in silence for a bit. Well, as much silence as walking in the middle of crowded city allowed.

“So, how is it? Living in the outside world, I mean.”

“I don’t know. Every individual lives differently. I can’t possibly generalize what living in the outside is like.”

Except “Lots of Death”, of course.

“Oh, I see.”

Finally, we reach the outskirts of the village. We continue along a dirt path until we encounter a big, traditional looking structure that I assume is this “Myouren Temple”. One thing that strikes my attention is that this building somehow reminds me of a big ass ship. Also, it’s so big that even from the outside it’s clear that this temple is at least a football field in size. So much for the ‘financial trouble’ theory.

“You okay from here?” I asked Hyun.

“Y…yes, I’m fine.” Said Hyun, probably relieved that he can get away from this madman.

Suddenly, Kogasa, who had been staying dormant in my hand all this time, sends a vibration through my arm.

“Psst. Master. Hey, Master.” Whisperd Kogasa.

“What is it, Tatara?”

“Pass me at him!”

“Hmm?” By ‘him’, I can only assume it was Hyun, who is just starting to walk away from me towards the temple.

“Just do it!”

I don’t know what she’s planning, but if it can help her gain a few more surprise point…

“Well, okay. but don’t anything dangerous. Oi! Hyun!”

The boy turns his back.


I throw the umbrella at him, which he not-so-gracefully catches. Suddenly…


A long, thick tongue unlike those of the frogmen launches out of the umbrella, wrapping itself around Hyun. Needless to say, the boy screams in fear.

What Kogasa didn’t count on, though, is the person who would respond to that scream.

Out of nowhere, a figure spawned beside Kogasa and Hyun. No, not out of nowhere. It moved so fast that it almost looked like a teleport. Next thing I know, Kogasa is being thrown at me at an incredible speed. I catch her, but it knocks the air from my lungs.

The figure was a big man…or is it a woman? I honestly don’t know with that short hair and pretty-boy face. I did notice her/his clothes. Some sort of fur… Tiger?

Oh, and also, s/he’s carrying this big metal pole that looks heavy as fuck, with bumps around the points for maximum damage.

The tiger person orders Hyun to go inside the temple, or so I assume, since s/he speaks Japanese.


“Yes, Master?”

“This is your fault.”

The tiger person, after Hyun moved to a safe distance, pointed her(?) metal pole at me, ready to bash my head into fine paste.

“Err… come on… I didn’t mean anything hostile. Could you… uhh, not trying to kill me?”

“You can’t fool me, demon.” Oh, s/he speaks English. Her(?) voice is a bit…growly, but also kind of high pitched, like a cat. Which doesn’t help for identifying her (English language is stupid about this kind of stuff) gender.

“Your glamour is near perfect, but no human ever had such a stench of death about him! You can’t fool the senses of a tiger!”

Ah, yes. Gensokyo, where you’ll have on average at least two inhuman creatures trying to kill you. PER DAY.

[] Fuck this, I’m too tired. (GTFO).

[] Here we go again… [Take battle stance].

General note: Fuck massive donkey ballsack.
No. 176658
[x] Fuck this, I’m too tired. (GTFO).

I didn't come here just to get my race isulted by you. I'm outta of this shitstand.
No. 176663
[x] Fuck this, I’m too tired. (GTFO).

Half expecting him to literally say 'Nah, fuck this' before just casually walking away.
No. 176665
[X] Fuck this, I’m too tired. (GTFO)

heh this is more amusing.
No. 176678
Proofer here, didn't even realize that what I read was an update to an existing story.

Disregard most of what I said concerning story elements, since apparently we went over those in previous posts; plus, it wasn't the first post of a story like I'd thought.

Some background in the future would really be appreciated.
No. 176679
She just said she's tracking us by smell. Do we have anything to deal with that? If so:
[X] "Fuck this, I’m too tired." (GTFO).
No. 176869
Merry Christmas everyone. Happy birthday Jesus.

Also, just want to make sure if you guys really want to forfeit the entire Byakugang's route.
No. 176870

Of course we don't. I voted to GTFO because Human Vs. pissed off avatar of a god sounded like a bad idea.
No. 176872

Oh. I wasn't certain, which is why I didn't vote. But with that clarification:

[x] Here we go again… [Take battle stance].
No. 176873
[X] Here we go again… [Take battle stance].

Changin vote. Echodog is best dog.
No. 176876
[X] Here we go again… [Take battle stance]

Let's piss against the tide.
No. 176884
[X] Here we go again… [Take battle stance]
No. 176885
[X] Here we go again… [Take battle stance]
For a pacifist temple, they sure like to fight.
No. 176896
[x] Here we go again… [Take battle stance].
No. 177200


Anyway, back to third person narrative.



When you think about it, this entire story has been driven forward by random shit coming out of nowhere and then trying to kill you.

Guessing that this time wouldn’t be any different, you take a battle stance, preparing for an incoming blow.

From what you have observed, this tiger lady/lord person posses some agility in face breaking velocity.

That’s a fancy way to say that she/he could wreck your shit in a very fast manner.

So you take a general defensive pose, holding Kogasa upside down in front of your body at a diagonal, prepared to parry attacks from any direction.



“I’m scared. Can’t we just run?”

Run? Yeah? Running away would actually be a good idea at this moment. Maybe you could just…you know, point your ass at her/his direction and run the opposite waaAAYYYY!!


Well, guess it’s too late to consider that as an option. The tiger person has taken the initiative for a preemptive strike, which you manage to block, barely in time, using Kogasa’s shaft. She was fast, faster than anyone you faced before. She’s not faster than bullets you have to constantly dodge back in the outside world, but still, she’s fast. More than that, the blow was strong. No, if there’s a word that could describes the attack that you have just experienced, that would be “explosive”. You would know. You’ve been exploded a few times in the past. You have enough commentary to give the tiger person to fill an entire paragraph, but all that comes out of your mouth is;


In fact, you are so surprised by the speed, momentum, and overall ferociousness of that single attack, that you forget entirely about moving.

In a blur, the tiger person quickly moves for your head. You try for a parry, but the tiger is too strong, you only manage to awkwardly block hir steel pole. You can feel yourself losing grip of Kogasa from the sheer force of the strike.

The tiger person’s attacks are relentless. He or she is not giving you any sort of chance to break through his or her defense. He or she does not giving you a chance of taking a breather, or even to reaffirm your grip on your weapon.

If you to voice your mind out loud right now, it would be just a long string of ‘fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck…”

You don’t know how long you’ve been busting your shit from trying to block all of the attacks, but you sure that it doesn’t take long until you lose your grip entirely. One hit from the tiger’s, and Kogasa get flung away from you, leaving you with only your fist for defense.

And now that you look at the tiger’s up close, you feel that you might as well be naked.

She’s tall, about a head taller than you. And that clothes leaves a lot to the imagination, but you sure that he or she is pretty muscular under that, judging by the sheer size of his or her silhouette.

You look upon his or her face. She or he has a short blond hair with some black stripes. Definitely not a human, if that’s the natural hair color.

Also, it almost a common knowledge that eyes could tell you the intention of the owner, and that pair of golden eyes with feline like pupil clearly send the intention that this person is about to wreck your ass.

“I’m boned, aren’t I?” you asked.


A single swing from that big metal pole to the side of your head said ‘yes, you are boned.’

But a single earth cracking blow to the skull by a giant metal pole that should belong to a main battleship is not enough to bring you down.

It takes three.

As the world becomes a white blur and you feel your consciousness fades away, you collect the remains of your strength to step towards the tiger, and grabbed on her or his clothes. The tiger doesn’t react as she can feel that the reaper, once again, is upon you, and that she doesn’t need to waste energy to make faster of the inevitable.

With what is possibly your last breath, you put your middle finger at her face, and say;


And then everything fades to black.


HAHA! Just kidding! I can’t write a bad end! I don’t know how! I’m too idealistic and naïve! Heck! I don’t even know how to write a proper conflict! (Ideas would be appreciated.)This is actually…BACKSTORY TIME!



“It was a dark and stormy night…” you mumbled to yourself as you run across the empty road that makes the central intersection of the downtown. There’s no one here but you. And looking at the skyscrapers looming above you, you feel truly alone.

You look at your wrist watch. 8 PM. This place is not supposed to be this empty at this hour. There was a road block installed somewhere along the four branches of the intersection. It seems that whoever calling you here has quite the influences, at least in the traffic department.

You keep on walking, following the mental map based on that hand written map on a piece of paper left at the front of your door this morning, alongside some notes offering you a special job with a special pay. You just wish that the time of the meeting doesn’t have to be the time when the weather forecast said to be the worst storm of this month.

Fortunately, you have just the tools to help you keep dry even when being shoved down the corpse of The Titanic. First, is your special made leather duster. Although you called it leather duster, its base material is actually not leather at all. No, leather won’t be bulletproof enough for you. and no, it’s not Kevlar. Second, is your very reliable unbreakable umbrella you got from the internet. And yes, it is literally unbreakable. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bO8G5zsQohg)

You keep on walking in a relaxed pace under the heavy torrent of rain, enjoying the sound of each water droplets hitting one by one on the fabric of your umbrella. You try to make out every single one of them to no avail. So, you decided to hum the song of Gene Kelly instead.

“…I'm laughing at clouds, so dark up above, the sun's in my heart, and I'm ready for love…”

It doesn’t take long until you reach the place mentioned on the note, a generic, derelict building about five stories tall, sandwiched between two much bigger skyscrapers. It seems to be an old abandoned hotel, with two big, old style wooden door at the front that you assume would lead to the lobby. Standing at guard at the front of the doors is a man. Big, burly bald Russian, wearing an expensive black suit. A pretty stereotypical ex-KGB character, if you ever saw one.

You approach the man and fold your wet umbrella.

“Pardon me? I believe that I was expected?” you asked in the most polite manner possible. Even the most ruthless ‘problem solver’ need to have standard, after all.

The man does not answer your question. Instead, he asks another question for you.

“Are you packed?”

“If you meant whether if I am armed or not, I have enough firepower to occupy Somalia for two months, or to survive in Detroit for two seconds.”

“And that means..?”

“I own a Glock.”

You give him your gun. Well, actually, you throw it at his face, distracting him long enough for you to just walk past him and go through the doors, unaware that you actually have a second handgun tucked in behind your leather duster.

You walk into the lobby. It looks surprisingly well furnished for an abandoned hotel. You can see that the small receptionist table still have some of that little pen that is attached to the desk by a string. And you can see the remains of a red carpet on the ground. There are also a few comfortable looking chairs around, and couch and a sofa.

The man in black does not follow you. you guess that he was assigned to guard the door.


You screamed, but you get no response. You sense no presence other than yourself in that dark room.

“There’s no need to shout.”

Surprised, you turn on your heel and point your folded umbrella at the source of the voice. You see…a woman?

This is not just any woman. You did not sense her presence before she announces it herself out loud, and with a skin that light, it should be hard to sneak around in this dark room…

You look again at the woman, no, more than a woman, it’s better to say that she’s a girl. She’s a Caucasian, with short red hair trimmed in a bob cut. She’s wearing a business suit, with pants and a pair of sneakers. Overall, she looks like a tomboy, with a lithe body and short stature. If her suit weren’t that thigh fit you wouldn’t even recognized her as a lady.

But what interests you most is her face. That electric blue eyes…she looks so familiar…you sure you saw that face on TV before…

Then, a wave of realization hit you like a brick fired by the third Reich at Stalingrad, and you can’t help but move your mouth and say:

“Holy shit.”

Far back before the world war one, then exist a clan of Russian nobles called The House of Putyanin, descendants of Prince Mikhail of Tver, a Russian Orthodox saint and Mediaeval potentate. To evade the watch of communist Moscow back in the era of the cold war, they abbreviated their name.

Nowadays, they go by the name ‘Putin’.

“It is nice to know that my father’s name has a meaning to someone such as you, Mister Zero.” She said in thick Russian accent. Russian accent usually gives you a feel of exoticism…but this time, it just feels..friendly, like she’s been my neighbor for years.

Mister Zero… she’s going to use that name, huh?

Zero, by the way, is your nick name in the underworld. You see, United States Armed Forces’ alert state, The defense readiness condition (DEFCON), goes like this;

DEFCON 5, is the lowest level of readiness. DEFCON 4, means that Increased intelligence watch and strengthened security measures are needed. DEFCON 3, means Increase in force readiness above that required for normal readiness. DEFCON 2, means that nuclear war is possible. DEFCON 1, means that nuclear war is inevitable.

DEFCON 0…is you.

Having nothing else to say, you decided to complement her taste in clothing.

“Nice suit.”

“Thank you. Yours too.”

“Pardon?” There’s nothing exceptional in your clothing right? It’s just a functional duster…

“It’s generic enough not to attract any attention, yet unique enough to make a…let just say…your trademark, letting you build your fame and reputation in the underground while at the same time remaining anonymous. Isn’t that right, Mister Zero? Or should I say…Mister Dresden?”

“You know my name?”

“Of course! You should not underestimate our modern intelligence, Mister Zero, especially our facial recognition camera. We know everything about you…”

She burst into a smile, revealing a row of well maintained teeth.

“…including your sister.”


You feel a mixed reaction from this. Your initial panic makes you regret that you ever get into this line of work in the first place, endangering your only family left. On the side note though, you know that there’s nothing you can do to fix that mistake right now, if you can even call it a mistake. The only thing you can do is trying to fix this problem with every available resource you have right now.

“I suggest that you stop talking now.”

“Oh? And why I would to that?”

Faster than the eye can see, you pull your spare Glock from its holster behind your duster. And point it at the Russian.

“Because I have a gun.”

Surprisingly, she did not react, she keep on smiling and snapping her right index and thumb together.

And faster than you can perceive, men start to pour inside that lobby. From doors in the back that you didn’t notice before, from behind the receptionist table, from a hidden panel on the floor and wall, men wearing a full military uniform completed with N-Vision goggles and MP5s starts closing in at you, pointing their weapon at you.

You look back at the girl. She still has that smile on her.

“I have fifteen guns.” She widened her smile.

“huh, Spetnaz?”

“Not exactly. They are just my personal bodyguards. Technically, I’m on vacation here. Now, would you put down your weapon and listen to me?”


Now she looks surprised.

“I would like to remind you that I still have my pistol pointed at your head, Lady Putin. At this range, the amount of guns doesn’t matter. What matters is who pull the trigger first. My bullet might as well reach your brain before anyone of your bodyguards even considers turning off the safety of their Heckler and Koch.”

“You wouldn’t dare. The best possible scenario if you do shoot me, is that we’re both dead.”

“Maybe. But you know of my reputation, lady Putin. I’m batshit crazy. Do you think that I would not dare to take a risk? Well, maybe I wouldn’t. But would you dare to take that gamble?”

Oh, you always wanted to say this.

“Do you feel lucky, princess?”

The princess, to your surprise, only shrugged.

“So what? Do you want to maintain the status quo and talk while we both point our guns at each other’s head?”

She raises her fist while at the same time pulling out her own gun from behind her suit. A small revolver. You don’t know what it is, so it’s probably a new model made in Russia.

As she raised her fist, the men lower their arms. Now it’s only you and the girl pointing your muzzles at each other’s eyes.

You manage to maintain that position for about 10 seconds. And just when you considering to use gun kata (Basically Wing Chun with guns), the girl too, lower her arms. And as sign of politeness, you do too. After all, professional have standard.

“It seems that the rumor is true about you, Mister Zero.”

“What rumor?”

“That you are not human.”

“But I am human.”

“’Human’ does not hold hostage of an entire squad of well trained, fully armed men with a Tupperware gun. ‘Human’ does not destroy an entire ecosystem just to get to a single target, ‘human’ does not depopulate an entire village just because he got paid. And most of all…”

She walks closer to you.

“…’Human’ does not use the remnants of the International Space Station as a substitute for a nuclear warhead.”

“Well, technically, it just a module.”

“Yes, five of them, welded together.”

“To be fair, it’s not entirely my fault. The ISS has been in course to de-orbit for months since NASA abandoned it. I just nudge it a bit to a desirable direction.”

“By ramming it with a space shuttle.”

“Okay. What’s your point?”

“My point was, that you’re crazy. And I need someone crazy to pull off a very difficult job.”

You tilt your head to the left.

“So, what does the princess of the Russian Federation need of a man like me?”

The Russian bows her head, trying to steer her gaze away from you. She seems hesitant to say the next few words. You can see conflict is ablaze in her bright blue eyes, but finally, she takes a deep breath, and say what she wants of you.

“I need you to kill my father.”



You wake up with the worst headache you ever remember you had, though with this headache you can’t remember much.

You are lying on a futon, inside a room with wooden paneling making up for most of the wall. At your left you can see a paper sliding door. That and the light smell of grass tatami tells you that you are somewhere in Japan.

This is probably will be your worst case of hangover yet. How did you ended up in Japan again? Oh, right. Plane crash.

But this is not exactly Japan, right? You don’t face the risk of death every six hours in Tokyo, even if Godzilla is real. No, Gensokyo exist, and it wants to kill you.

You realize that your clothes have been recently changed. It still a kimono, but when you examine it, you see that it has shorter sleeve. Does that mean that someone changed you while you’re asleep? Well, that’s embarrassing…

You also notice that your head is bandaged thigh. Quite a professional job, if you have anything to say about it. You see this kind of binding on people who have their skull cracked on an accident.

Wait, where’s Kogasa?

Suddenly, a wave of pain stings your brain. Clutching your head, you try to think of the next course of action without making the pain worse.

[] See if you can find Kogasa, maybe then you can either…
-Sneak my way out of here.
-Fight my way out of here.

[] Your head is splitting. I think that your skull may actually split. Probably should just stay in bed for now…

[] This place probably has an owner, a master, someone you can ask of why your head feels like it has been trampled by Hannibal’s entire cavalry. OF ELEPHANTS!

A/N: Looking for a proofreader on the ASEAN region, because last time, time zone is being a bitch. Also last time, my proofreader is a bit of a dick.

I was on something when i think of this plot, but I can't remember WHAT>
No. 177203
[x] See if you can find Kogasa, maybe then you can either…
-Sneak my way out of here.

Well. I'm at a loss.
No. 177206
Just a confirmation. whichever option you choose, we will inevitably meet Byakuren, only in different way. as they said, first impression is important!
No. 177210
[X] This place probably has an owner, a master, someone you can ask of why your head feels like it has been trampled by Hannibal’s entire cavalry. OF ELEPHANTS

Huh, I wager that the protagonist is at least a part of Navy SEAL Team Six or DEVGRU...or you're going to reveal that he's too crazy for them. Anyway, oh how you remind me of Total War Rome 2's Hannibal trailer
No. 177254
[x] This place probably has an owner, a master, someone you can ask of why your head feels like it has been trampled by Hannibal’s entire cavalry. OF ELEPHANTS!
No. 177261
[X] Your head is splitting. I think that your skull may actually split. Probably should just stay in bed for now…

He should be aware that his skull was smacked.
No. 177288
I am aware that my choices tend to be vague and unclear, so just to clarify....

-Sneak my way out of here.beautiful, singing Echodog
-Fight my way out of here.Break Murasa's fist with your face.
Your head is splitting. I think that your skull may actually split. Probably should just stay in bed for now…Waking up to nurse Ichirin tending our wounds.

[] This place probably has an owner, a master, someone you can ask of why your head feels like it has been trampled by Hannibal’s entire cavalry. OF ELEPHANTS!Look for kind Buddhist monk, get re-owned by naked tiger.
No. 177289
[X] Your head is splitting. I think that your skull may actually split. Probably should just stay in bed for now…

Ichirin route go?
No. 177290
[x] This place probably has an owner, a master, someone you can ask of why your head feels like it has been trampled by Hannibal’s entire cavalry. OF ELEPHANTS!
No. 177299
In that case, Changing my vote(>>177254) to []-Sneak my way out of here.
No. 177440
[X] Your head is splitting. I think that your skull may actually split. Probably should just stay in bed for now…

If I didn't have my own story to worry about, I'd offer up proofreading services to you. Then again, it's probably for the best that I don't; I'm not terribly thorough with my checkings. Just one and I'm done. I feel that it does the job well enough. Most don't agree with that, and go over their story a number of times that I for one consider insane. I can't even imagine going over it over five times. Just sounds excessive...

Also, a touch of advice that I'm not sure what the usual of is. [ ] looks better than [] for options in my opinion. Just the way I'm fairly certain that I usually see it done. Do with that what you will.
No. 177697
Whew! What a busy start of a year! And expensive too! Feels like my bank account just got carpet nuked!

Anyway, Have a 5000+ words update. I’m a very slow writer so this took an entire week. And again, sorry for the bad grammar. I’m trying to fix it, honest! I’m planning on taking lesson and everything! You know, when you pay people to teach you stuff.


You try to stand, but as soon as you remove your blanket and raise your head, a sudden wave of pain assaults you. And it’s not a normal pain either, you’re used to that. No, this pain feels different, more intense. It reminds you of the aftermath of that time when you tried to drive a super car upside down inside a tunnel after Richard Hammond said that it could be done. It was stupid idea, just like trying to fight something that is clearly not human.

But you’re used to making stupid decisions. This is not the first time your poor judgment has you end up feeling like Miley Cyrus has twerked her way through your skull and then having a wild sex party with Justin Bieber on top of your grey matter. And yes, it was a terrible analogy, and I am sorry for giving you that mental image, but it does accurately describe how terrible you are feeling currently.

You decide to fuck it. Whatever happens can be taken care of after a nap. Though, you do have one thing in your mind that you absolutely must take care of no matter how many Miley Cyrus sex is in your brain…ugh, I think you might have lost some of your higher though process.

No matter what though, you can’t let your sister worries. It has always been your top priority. No matter what you do, or where you are, you always take it upon yourself to make sure that your sister will always remain blissfully unaware. For all she knows, you are simply some sort of a businessman, having meeting all over the world. When you are actually almost getting killed by the governator of California, or being hired by Google to mess up with the Chinese black market, or sneaking to the core of the NSA to plant a flash drive in their server farm.

It doesn’t seem like you would be able to return to her before sunset, so at least you should give her a message. This is not the first time that you suddenly have to come home late, so to say. Some of your rivals in the underworld often hire people to spy on you, following you around, trying to find your weaknesses. Of course, you can’t let them find your home. And killing people in the middle of the city is always way more complicated than in a jungle or in the middle of a mountain range, which makes eliminating them often takes considerable amount of time. Also, strangely, phone tends to be the first thing that breaks whenever you get into a fight, which is actually a good thing, because otherwise they might take a peek at your call log and track down your address. You have developed some sort of code with your sister, just in case, a code that would tell her that ‘I’m going to be late, but don’t worry, just go to sleep. In the morning I promise you that a gift would be waiting for you under your bed.’ You’ve added promise of gift as an incentive for her to go to sleep, because otherwise she’ll just be waiting for you in the doorframe, and then you arrive home covered in blood and then you would have a shit ton of explaining to do.

You force yourself on all four and crawl towards the sliding door. When you open the door, you are blinded by the sun coming through the little slit you just barely manage to make.

You let out a whistle, calling upon your loyal partner. Not long after, a familiar sound of flapping wings arrived inside your room and land on the floor near you.

You switch into sitting position. Then, you stare deeply into the sharp gaze of the red tailed hawk. And you start to sing.

You shall have an apple,
You shall have a plum,
You shall have a rattle,
When papa comes home.

Of course, you don’t expect the avian to actually chant the lyric. Just the tone would be enough.

Already knowing what to do, the noble beast of the sky comes out from the way she came, and takes off to find your sister.

Satisfied, you decided to go back to bed. Retreating into your blanket, you count up to ten until your eyes grow heavy, and it doesn’t take long until you are sent into deep slumber. You dream of, strangely, not of explosions, but of a woman in red and white.


You wake up to a gentle sound of splashing water. That, and a truly massive headache.

“What did I drink?” you asked to nobody in particular.

Still under your blanket, You examine your surroundings. It’s dark, but not too dark. Probably just slightly past sunset. The room is lit only by a single candle suspended on top of a tall pedestal at one corner of the room. Candle, not an electric lamp. Man, Gensokyo would suck for most anyone from the internet era. It’s not even a modern candle, just a simple fuse and a little bowl that you presume is filled with some sort of oil.

“Ah, you’re awake.”

You heard a voice. It is of a woman. It’s soft, and motherly. Like ice cream. You like this woman already, even though you haven’t seen her face.

You turn your head, and you look at her face for the first time, and indeed, you have a good feeling that you’re going to get along well with this woman. But ‘look at her face’ wasn’t exactly the correct wording, since she’s wearing a heavy looking hood that covers most of her face. Really, the only part of her that you can actually see is the bit around her mouth, and a little piece of a perfectly shaped nose. That is fine, since as been proven by the likes of Batman, Judge Dredd and RoboCop, the only piece of skin you need to show off in order for people to love you is a chin, a fact that seems to goes over the head of most modern young girls with their lingerie and microbikinis.

“Do you understand me? You speak this language, yes?” the woman asked.

“Yes.” You answered clearly. “Were foreign people getting lost here a common occurrence? So many people speaking English here.” you asked a question that’s been bugging you for a while.

As a response, the woman gives you a smile. A very warm smile emphasized by the fact that her mouth is the only thing that you can actually see.

“When you’ve been living as long as most of us, you are bound to pick on some new skill.”

‘How old are you exactly?’ you’re about to ask, but you’re too much of a gentleman for that.

Other than the remarkable hood, the woman wears a simple looking robe, the same kind that the saints of old would wear, and a simple rope that she wears as belt. Overall, her outfit feels very…ascetic.

Then you noticed the thing that made the splashing noise that woke you up. The woman is sitting kneeled on the floor not far from your bed (bed, futon, whatever. Thing you sleep on.). On her lap lays a simple steel bowl, presumably filled with water, and you just noticed the piece of wet cloth that the woman holds in her hand.

You wonder what the wet cloth is for. You don’t feel like you have any fever.

You try to sit, and your blanket falls off.

Then is when you realized that you’ve been naked all along.

Oh, so that’s what the wet cloth is for.

You feel the temperature of your face suddenly jumps up.

You also feel the one emotion that you haven’t feel for ages, the one emotion that you thought you had discarded years ago after doing thousands of things that society would deem immoral; you feel…shy. And embarrassed beyond anything. For some reason, being with this woman makes you feel vulnerable in more ways that just being plain naked.

Hurriedly, you slam your back to the futon and cover yourself up again with the blanket. You wonder what your face looks like right now. It probably looks ridiculous.

The woman let out a stifled laugh, not quite a mockery, but she is clearly amused by your mishap.

“Don’t worry, child.” She said with a cheerful smile. “I’m old enough to be your great-great grandmother.” Well, then she aged up nicely. Even through the loose robe and the dim lit room, you can see that she has a good posture, at least by your standard. Though To be fair, your standard is more about the effectiveness of cracking skull open with your bare hands instead of aesthetics.

A moment of pause, and then the woman added;

“Huh, can’t believe I just said that.”

“Right. Never mind that. Can I have some clothes, please?” you asked, focusing to the most important matter right now. Namely the fact that you are naked.

“Oh, of course!” the woman half-shouted, like she just now remembered something important. “I just finished washing you up. Your clothes is right there.” She said, pointing at a spot near your futon. There is a pile of neatly folded clothes there. It doesn’t look like a kimono though, it’s something else made out of white fabric.


“Go ahead. Change. Don’t be shy.” Those words actually make you face feels like a crematorium. Even when her eyes covered, you can tell that she’s starring intently at you.

“Not meaning to be rude…but, can you…uh, move?”

“Hm?” the woman tilted her covered head to one side, obviously not sure what to do.


The woman slapped her head in a surprisingly comical manner. “Oh! Right! Human decency! Sorry!”

And then she scurries off towards the door.

“Call me when you are done!”

And the she’s gone.

Human decency…are you not a human yourself, miss?

You rise from your bed, standing up, you examine yourself. Your body is mostly fine, only minor bruises here and there that seem to have been treated by some kind of ointment. What makes you worried most is your tightly bandaged head. Do you have a concussion, you wonder? You don’t feel like yourself when you’re with that lady.

You take another look at your body. For a serial killer, your body is actually quite unassuming. A bit ‘too clean’, so to say, some might even say ‘feminine’. Even after being shot and stabbed numerous times, somehow there are only a handful amount of minor scars on your skin as a testament of that.

Not like you care, though.

Rummaging through the pile of clothes the woman left behind, you come across a set of underwear. The design is surprisingly modern, with…no, just wear the damn thing. A man should never think too much about the underwear he’s going to put on.

Next is a pair of white short with blue lining. Pretty standard. You put it on without hesitation.

The next item though, caught your attention. It’s a white shirt with blue lining just like the short, but the collar design feels peculiar. Is this…a navy uniform?

You put it on anyway. Now fully clothed, you decide to call the woman back.

“Uh…lady? I’m finished…”

The door opened suspiciously fast. And the woman in hood walks back into the room. Standing at the center of the room, very close to where you are currently standing, she turns her gaze at you. And since she’s taller than you, it feels a bit…intimidating?

“That looks good on you.” she commented.

“Thank you. But what’s up with the sailor outfit?” not like you mind, but you can’t see any reason why a place like this would have a navy uniform just lying around.

“Well, we don’t exactly have many spare clothing here, so we have a friend made that for you. She really like that design, apparently it’s her specialty.”

“Made…how long did I sleep?” you’re bit worried. You have someone to take care of, after all.

“About a quarter of a day, at most.”

Ah, that’s relieving. But…

“Six hours? This friend of yours must be a really fast tailor.”

“I could say that she has…an unconventional method.”

You move around a bit, trying to have a feel of the material that makes your new apparel.

“These fabrics are peculiar. It feels warm…”

Not just warm, but it’s a specific level of warmth that almost makes it feels… organic?

“And it’s so light, too…”

“It also can’t be dirtied.” The woman added.

Hmm, some sort of hydrophobic property? You have that too with your old leather duster. It makes your clothes untouched by any sort of liquid. Very practical. But why a place like this would have something like that? Or maybe it is magic?

“What is this made of?” you asked.

“Mostly ghosts and water, or so I’ve been told.”

“What?” you pretty sure you misheard that.

The woman reacts to you confused expression with a simple subdued smile.

“My advice? Don’t think too much about it.”

You know what? You think that you’re going to heed that advice. Gensokyo is already confusing enough, there’s no point on straining your brain even more for matter as trivial as clothing. The only thing that matters is that you’re not naked and being stared at by a woman. Now you’re just being stared at.

“Why are you staring at me?” you asked bluntly.

The woman put a finger on her chin.

“That sailor outfit really suits you, you know.”

You are confused by the obvious repeated statement.

“You already said that.”

“I know. But I think it’s worth it saying it twice.” She declared, while still presumably starring intently at you. Though there’s no way to be sure. How does she see with that hood covering her eyes?

You’re just about to ask her that, and her name, when suddenly, without warning, another wave of pain assaulted the centre of your head.

The pain is even stronger than before. If you would describe it in one sentence, you would say that your own brain is trying to kill you, punching and scratching the inside of your skull until it’s about to explode. It feels like something that’s been dreamed up by H.P Lovecraft is sealed inside your cranium. The pain is so intense, it sucked all rationalization and demolished your train of thought until there’s nothing left but smouldering pile of instinct, desperately seeking even the slightest of comfort.

But your pride as a man stead fast, preventing you from screaming.

Instead, you go for the closest thing that is likely to provides sanctuary from this debilitating endless stream of hurting; The woman in the hood.

Without a sign, you encircle your arms around her neck, practically hugging her, and burying your face in her shoulder.


You can’t see her face, but from her voice, you can tell that she’s confused.

You grit your teeth, desperately trying to block the pain, but this is the kind of pain that no human should be able to suffer without reverting to the mentality of a seven years old.

Unable to bear the pain, your knees buckled, and you fall to the floor dragging the woman with you.

Somehow, both of you have ended up on top of each other, with you on top. If your head isn’t about to explode, you would have noted of how cliché this situation seems to be. But since your head is about explode, you cannot care.

Supporting your weight on the floor with your fore arm, you press your forehead against the woman’s chest, trying to subdue the beast that is trying to burst your skull open.

You held on, but the pain is rising, hurting more and more every second. You feel like you’re just about to cry, when you feel a pair of delicate arms on your back.

The woman…is she hugging you..?


You can feel her tiny dainty chin pressing on the top of your head. Somehow, this has a calming effect on you, as you can feel the pain subsides.

“Everything is fine…I’m here, okay? Nothing is going to hurts you. I can make the pain go away.”

That voice…so reassuring, like an orbital nuclear bombardment. It makes you sure that all your troubles would be completely wiped away, and that you are safe.

And then, you can hear the woman sing.

No, not singing. Chanting. It sound familiar. It reminds you to those mantras used by the Tibetan monks. But unlike their chants that sends chill down your spine, the woman’s chant have an opposing effect. Every note that comes out of her mouth makes you feel like a heavy burden is being lifted. Not just from your head, but from your very soul. It’s like that feeling when your teacher suddenly postpone an exam that you haven’t studied for.

The woman keeps on chanting, and with each syllable, you feel the pain gets lighter and lighter, until all that is left is a small tinge at the back of your head. And then you can’t even feel that either, leaving you with only the feeling of being tired.

It takes no time before you are sent into a state of dreamless sleep. The last thing you hear before you rest your tired self, is the calm voice of that woman, calling on someone that you do not recognize the name of.

“Unzan, call Byakuren.”

No. 177699
The ghost of Bruce Lee has risen from the land of the dead, sustained to the mortal realm by the sole purpose of flying kick you in the face. And so he did.

Well, alright, maybe he hasn’t. But it’s sure feels like so.

Ah…you feel terrible. Do you even want to open your eyes?

Hesitantly, you put some energy into your eyelids. It feels like trying to lift a Sherman tank.

When you manage to open your eyes though, the sight that you see makes you sure that you either have brain damage, or in the middle of overdosing on LSD.

Various two dimensional shapes of similar sizes, dozens of them, are suspended in the air seemingly by nothing, interlocking with each other about a meter away from your face. These shapes are glowing with various color of light, but mostly a small variations of purple, making all the shapes look even more connected with each other, forming a single long sheet of light that is moving about like an aurora borealis.

The sheet of light keeps on moving like it has a mind of its own, like it is alive, giving off the illusion that you have a flying snake ghost dancing around in front of your face. Not quite what you would call a comforting visual.

However, before the sheet of light can give you motion sickness, it’s gone. It disappeared so fast, leaving you wondering whether you were just dreaming about its existence.

“I’m done. He should be awake now.”

Another woman voice, but unlike the one in hood, this one’s voice is a bit heavier, older, and overall, she sounds much wiser, judging just from that sentence alone.

Just like before, you examine your surroundings. It’s a bit darker now, but not by much. You probably passed out for just a couple of minutes, at worst.

Sheesh. One day and you’ve already passed out twice. Gensokyo is definitely not the best vacation point in the world.

Which remind you, leaving your sister alone in the care of man eating youkai that has almost killed you before is probably not the best of idea.

But really. Rumia doesn’t seem to be that smart, and she really seems to be the sort that honors promise, judging by your experience.

Your sister is basically your only weakness. The only reason that you afraid of death. Maybe if she no longer here…


You continue your examination of the room. The ceiling looks the same, the floor feel the same.

Wait, the floor? You’re not on your bed? So why is it that your head feels so soft? And…warm?


You feel your face reddened for the second time this day, and almost by reflex trying to pull your head away, causing your brain to jiggle inside your skull and gives you yet another sting of headache, almost enough to makes you shed tears.

You feel a gentle hand on your shoulder, pulling you back to the soft, warm, and generally comfortable lap of the hooded woman.

“Hey, don’t push yourself. You still aren’t stable yet.”

You can feel the texture of her legs touching your head. You can feel the smooth musculature, and all the subtle movement it does….such as the ticklish twitch that she makes every time you move your head ever so slightly, and even the little waves made by minor movement of her blood vessels…

Oh nononononono.

You can feel your heart beating like a stallion boosted up by bull shark testosterone. For all your dealing with human trafficking and prostitutes (and ‘ProstiTots, as you like to call the under aged ones. Beating up their so called ‘organizer’ is especially satisfying.) you honestly have very little experience with actually interacting with the opposite sex. It’s not like you’re James Bond that balances the act of ending lives with the act of making lives, you’re mostly just deal with making people dead. And also unlike James Bond, you’re actually an effective killer, you usually don’t even talk to your victim, and that leaves very little time for any socializing.

“Your face reddened.” Said the new voice. “Do you feel hot? Hmm…did I do the healing spell wrong, I wonder?”

Well, you do feel a bit hot. For all the wrong reasons.

“I…I’m fine!” you half-shouted, carefully turning yourself into sitting position.

And then you come face to face with a goddess.

The first thing you noticed is, of course, her eyes. No one can miss an eye like that. It’s brown, not the first color most people would associate with words like ‘dazzling’, ‘hypnotizing’, or ‘so beautiful you would die for it’. But her eyes are exactly just like that. They said that eyes are the window to one’s heart. Then, this woman must have a heart so large, because when you look at her eyes, you feel like you could just drown in her deep gaze, and you would a happy man.

Next, are her lips. Why would you be looking at her lips? Because no matter how hard you try, you cannot avert your eyes from it. It’s a pair of plump flesh comparable to the ripest of fruit, opening ever so slightly revealing two tracks of well groomed teeth.

The rest of her face is just as beautiful. A skin so smooth and bright, reminding you of the marble statues of roma and Greece, and a nose so perfectly angled as if it was formed by the hand of the greatest of artisans. All of these glorious features are perfectly framed by long, wavy hair, flowing with grace as she nudges her head to the side, examining you curious stare with the aforementioned eyes.

And her face is only a couple inches away from yours.


Kicking yourself out of a trance, you quickly retreated to your bed, away from the two idiocy inducing vixens. You don’t know why, but you simply cannot think straight around them. You’ve never felt anything like this before. Not by a long shot.

“He’s panicking.” Said the woman in hood.

“Ahaha. My, quite an active young man, aren’t you.” said the other woman. Her voice sent a jolt of electricity down your spine. It feels like an anchor has been placed at the back of your heart. What is this feeling? You’ve never felt this insecure before in your life. Usually you are brimming with confidence. Standing, not charging at life, taking everything as easy as possible, doing everything at your own pace and smashing any and all adversaries that stand in your way. Yet now you are left speechless just by two women.

Ah, right. Ever since you came to Gensokyo, various things have tried to kill and eat you. These women must be some kind of sirens, using hypnotism, trying to get to you!

“He’s probably thinking that we are some sort of monster right about now.”

What the fffuuuu…they are mind readers too!? You must get out of here! ASAP!

Caring for nothing else, you take a mad dash towards the door, only to be blocked by the second woman that fucking flies towards the door just before you can reach it.

“Don’t worry, child. Everything would be fine…”

Yeah! That’s what Glados said!

“We are not going to hurt you. now please. Calm down.”

true. Panicking solves nothing. Panicking is stupid. You know this as a fact. You should act on it. Indeed, you need to calm down. Take a deep breath and think of England. Maybe.

Right, now you are calmed.

“Can you at least tell me your name?” the woman asked.

“Dresden.” You answered.

“Very well, Dresden. I am Hijiri. Byakuren Hijiri. I’m the head monk here. and that one there is my friend, Ichirin.”

“Hello! Kumoi here! Oh, that’s my last name, by the way.” Squeed the woman in hood.

“Right. Hijiri and Kumoi. Got it.” You confirmed.

“Can we have a seat?” the woman requested.


Hesitantly, you move to sit on the futon, and the two women are taking a seiza (that’s what they are called, right?) just in front of you.

“Okay, first. As the head of the establishment, please let me apologize for the act of our friend Shou Toramaru.”


And suddenly, without any warning whatsoever, she bows down to you.



“Would you forgive us?” she said, with her head still planted against the floor.

You responded with what is basically an utmost hysteria.

“Oh Nonononono! Rise! Wake up! Up Up!” you screamed, accompanied with hand gestures that would look clownish to any outside observer. You grabbed her shoulders, and force her to get up.

“You’ve forgiven us?” she asked you. Her eyes is directly pointed at you in a hopeful gaze.

Oh, giving you that looks is just not fair!

“Okay! Okay! I’ll forgive yo..her! I’ll forgive her! Or him! Whatever! Just please…”

And then you said something that you would probably regret later…or not.

“..never put something so beautiful in a place so low ever again.”

It feels like an eternity of silence, before Hijiri breaks it.

“Excuse me, what?” Hijiri asked.

You want to die.

Your face turns as red as a ripe tomato. That’s it. You’ve hit the lowest point of your life with those words. You can’t believe you actually said that. That is the cheesiest line you ever heard uttered by human being ever. Why the world doesn’t just finish you up right now? With spontaneous human combustion maybe? Or a giant sink hole, or just straight up makes you explode for no reason whatsoever. It’s better than facing the consequences of…whatever you’ve just said.

You’re just about considering breaking your own neck when you hear a very hysterical, very loud, very unapologetic laughter from one certain hooded woman.

“AHAHA! No need to get so red faced, boy!” Kumoi approached you and slap you in the shoulder. “That’s just a normal reaction for a young healthy man like you after their first time seeing Byakuren. To be honest, I’m surprised you manage to hold on to your sense for so long!”

“What are you two talking about?” Hijiri inquires with an unexpectedly innocent tone.

“NOTHING!” you basically screamed. “We talk of nothing! So let’s talk about something, shall we?”

You quickly think of something to redirect the conversation.

“How bad is my wound?” you asked, all the while Kumoi keep on showing you her teasing smile, the kind of smile that makes you feel like an absolut jackass.

“Oh!” Hijiri responded. “…I think I managed to fix most of the fatal damage…”


“Well…I am ashamed to say that I’ve never focused too much on healing magic, so I can’t fix the most complicated cracks on your skull. Shou hit you pretty hard. Apparently she didn’t think that you’re human…for some reason.”


“So…would it just healed up on its own?”

“I don’t know…as I said, I’ve never been that much of a healer. I know some advanced healing magic, but your entire head was in really bad condition back then. So…sorry, but I really cannot tell…”

“That’s so, huh…”

You think of anything else to talk about. When you find none, you conclude that your business here is done.

“Well, guess I’ll be leaving now…” you stand up, and start to walk to the door.

“Eh?” Hijiri And Kumoi uttered in unison.

“Well, I can do nothing else here.” you turn to face both of them. “You guys already done everything you can for me, and I am grateful. But it’s not like I can sue the one that smashed my skull. Because I doubt that Gensokyo runs on the same kind of law as my country. There’s simply nothing else to do here. Besides, I promised someone that I would be home by midnight, with a gift.”

“But you’re wounded!” Hijiri runs up to you, and grabs you by the shoulder. “At least stay here for a while. The night is young, you still have enough time to rest before midnight. Maybe have some dinner with us, and maybe even a bath? After that, one of us could escort you back. You are one of those outsiders that crashed near the foot of the Youkai mountain, correct? You’re staying at a camp near the Kappa Valley? ”

“Actually, I’m staying at a Kappa village near the Genbu Ravine…but we just arrived here basically yesterday. News really travels fast here, huh?”

“I have my source, a little clever source.” Hijiri said with the closest thing to smugness that kind of face can muster.

“Besides, it’s hard to ignore giant metal bird that flies powered by exploding ancient beast.” Commented Kumoi, still seated near the bed.

That’s a fancy way to say that humans like to go from point A to point B by way of controlled combustion of dead dinosaurs.

“So, how is it? Would you stay?” Hijiri is looking at you with the same hopeful looks on her face that she showed you before.

And again, giving you that kind of looks is unfair!

“Er…sure, I guess I can stay for a while…”

“Great!” Hijiri clasped her hands, you can basically feel the sincere triumph and happiness imploding from within her. “So what would it be? Bath, Food? Oh! Maybe I can give you a back rub? My friends said that I’m pretty good at it!”

You feel your face blushing for who knows how many times this day.


[ ] Bath sounds pretty inviting. (Minamitsu)

[ ] Now that you think about it, you’re kind of hungry. (Futatsuiwa)

[ ] You would like to have a small talk with the one that smashed your head. ( (Toramaru)

[ ] Maybe a relaxing walk without anyone trying to kill you would calm your Nerve. ( (Kasodani)

[ ] “Do you know where my umbrella is? It’s kind of important.” ( (Tatara)

[ ] “I need to find a gift for someone, but I’m unfamiliar with this land, can you help me with that?” ( (Nazrin)

[ ] You can let your sister worries. Ask for a hat, helmet, something to cover your bandaged head.” ( (Houjuu)

Item acquired: Light Armor; Murasa’s Cured Spirit Hide.
Description: Haphazardly made by the ghost captain Murasa Minamitsu on the sudden request of her good friend Ichirin Kumoi, this vintage looking sailor outfit is nonetheless the result of centuries experience in the art of soul manipulation. Using a very small portion of her own spirit, the ghost captain had willed this set of attire into being. Made from 30% spirit, 20% sea water, 26% pure manly guts, 24 % rampant badassery, and 100% adorable, the cured spirit hide that makes the fabric of this armor inherits a tiny bit of the creator’s versatileness. Although the armor rating is miniscule, its nature as a ghostly object renders it intangible to most kind of mucks and dirt, this light armor also posses some limited ability to self repair, just like a ghost cannot be cut by a regular sword.

Injury added: Massive Cranium Fracture.
Description: Faced with impossible odd, the MC foolishly let his pride gets the better of him and stand his ground, resulting in massive damage to his temporal and parietal bone. Until he finds treatment, the MC will randomly suffers from debilitating headache, rendering him almost useless in battle. The likelihood of this happens increased when in a situation of high stress.

A/N: feel free to ignore some factors in the last update if you happen to find it too silly. I just thought that it would be cool to give the MC some kind of backstory as a hired assassin. Btw, the setting, if you haven’t caught on already, is a couple years in the future. We’re not fighting against that Putin. That would just be silly.

PS: The MC is an inexperienced virgin.
No. 177700
[X] “Do you know where my umbrella is? It’s kind of important.”

More loyal MC
No. 177702
[x] “Do you know where my umbrella is? It’s kind of important.”

We'll find it in the place we least expect it.
No. 177703
[x] “Do you know where my umbrella is? It’s kind of important.”
No. 177705
[X] “Do you know where my umbrella is? It’s kind of important.”

We should probably see Eiren at some point too.
No. 177707
[X] You can let your sister worries. Ask for a hat, helmet, something to cover your bandaged head.”

I think it's our lack of headgear that is angering the Touhous.
No. 177708
And...another embarrassing misspelling for me.

Also, adding description for the spirit hide armor; "Although the Cured Spirit Hide is quite a dependable attire, a single whimsical hijinks from one certain phantom might ends up with the MC completely naked in the middle of the battlefield. either that, or in the middle of rather rough scene of reverse rape.
No. 177714
[x] You would like to have a small talk with the one that smashed your head.
No. 177718
[X] “Do you know where my umbrella is? It’s kind of important.”
No. 177719
>Nobody proposes Tobias as the name of our Red-Tailed Hawk
I am disappointed in all of you.
No. 177722
>Nobody proposes Bloodwing
No. 177723
Dammit i love that series when i was like, 14. completely forgot, dammit.
No. 177727
[ ] “Do you know where my umbrella is? It’s kind of important.”
No. 177749
So yeah, as I said, I kinda screwed up myself with that ‘lightning storytelling’ I did in a moment of extreme laziness. Sorry about that. It was a perfect chance to build up some characters, and I didn’t take it.

So, I’m writing an extra chapter, detailing our first night in Gensokyo.

Few things will be retconned. Mainly our relationship with Rumia, simply because our current relationship right now doesn’t make any sense at all. If it’s all about strength, then why Rumia didn’t become a servant to the likes of Marisa, or Reimu?

Again, sorry for this inconvenience. And as always, my grammar ain’t the best. I learnt English mostly from the internet. I am especially confused with the letter ‘s’.


You sit cross-legged on the rooftop of Kawashiro’s workshop. On your lap lies Kogasa. She hasn’t talked for a while, so you’re guessing that she is sleeping. Can’t blame her. It’s been a long day.

Though you admit that a sleeping umbrella is kind of weird.

At your left side, the little blonde girl that had tried to eat you a mere hours before, is still unconscious. Though most of her bruises have already fade away. A Youkai gimmick, you guess.

On top of you, the moon still shines brightly, though not as intense as before.

What a pretty moon.

Or maybe not. Maybe the moon has always been this beautiful, it just that you’ve never noticed. Being a city boy, you’re used with the smog of the industrial era hindering you of any clear view of the sky, and the moon, at the best of times, never looks any more beautiful than a piss colored orb on the unforgiving black sky.

But here? Well, let just say you finally understand for the first time why it’s often being called ‘The big blue cheese of heaven’.

Because it shines blue. Quite obvious, if you think about it.

It’s not just the moon either, but also the clouds and the stars. Back in the city, you can’t see any cloud at night, because it becomes impossible to tell where the clouds end and the pollutions begin. Here, the white clouds are perfectly visible, reflecting the moonlight, serving you with one of the most impressive visual you have ever witnessed. Oh, and the stars! It almost looks like somebody accidentally dropped a giant can of very fine sugar onto a giant black sheet!

The skyline is so different from what you are used to, that you start to wonder if it is even the same sky. The way you understand it, Gensokyo is located in an isolated piece of earth separated from the rest of the world with some kind of magical border. So, is this the same moon that Neil Armstrong had stepped on? Is this the same one that had witnessed your many, many kills that you have committed when it was at its fullest? Are those the same stars that were there when you were born? The same constellations that have become your source of directions?

Your musing is interrupted by the sudden appearance of a certain flying Kappa.

“Good evening friend! I brought you some tea!”

Kawashiro lands on the rooftop near the place you sit on. She carefully drops her tray, filled with a very practical looking tea pot made of cast steel and some clear glasses. And then, she proceeds to take a seat on the far side of the tray, away from you.

“Good evening, Miss Kawashiro. But judging by how low the moon is, I suspect that we are proceeding towards sunrise.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think that this is already morning.”

“Oh! It’s already this late?”

Kawashiro checks her watch. A modern looking wristwatch, with a casual style that kind of contrasting with her light blue sleeping gown.

“You were planning on going to bed early?”

“Well, yeah.” She lifts the tea pot and starts filling the glasses. There are three glasses total. You assume that one is for you, one is for Kawashiro herself, and one is for the sleeping blonde girl on your left. “But then you came.”

Apparently, you have disturbed a lady’s sleep. How ungentlemanly.

“I’m sorry. That was very inconsiderate of me.” you apologized, genuinely feeling at fault.

“Eh, don’t worry. It probably would be impossible for me to sleep with your sister flying around like that.” She makes a handwave with her free hand, the one that isn’t currently holding a steaming cup of tea. “I’m actually kind of grateful that you managed to put her to sleep. That was a nice lullaby, by the way. You have a great voice.” Kawashiro smiled, a very suiting smile to accommodate her sudden compliment for you.

“Ahaha…sorry for her being such an annoyance…” only half joking, you apologized again,

“Oh, no! it’s not a problem at all! I like human children. They are very…un-adult like.”



“Well, I often get nervous around adult humans…so I…” Kawashiro’s tone is all over the place, so I guess that this is isn’t exactly a subject she’s fond about.

“So…are you nervous around me?” you asked, picking up your own cup of tea and start to drink.

“Hmm…no, curiously no.” Kawashiro stares at you inquiringly, tilting her head with her fingers on her chin. “I don’t know why, but I have no trouble speaking with you…it feels like you’re not an adult…or even a human at all.”

“But I am an adult human.”

“I know. That’s why it so weird. Maybe it’s your face?”

“What about my face?”

“It’s kind of looks like a child.”


“I’m…going to take that as a compliment.”

“It is.”


A calming silence surrounds you as you two enjoy your tea, until you remember that you want to ask something about the Kappas.

“Say, why do the Kappas so kind to the outsiders?”


“Well, when 200 people suddenly pop out of nowhere on your doorstep, you usually don’t just simply take them in just like that.”

“Is that how people in your world do it?” kawashiro said, somehow, she sounds insulted.

“Well, most people.”

“That’s not how we do it here. Just because a Kappa looks similar to human, please, don’t equalize us like that.”

“Right. sorry.”

Great. You just claimed to a member of foreign culture that your own culture is full of egotistic bastards. Wunderbar.

But the awkwardness went away instantly as Kawashiro gives you yet another smile.

“Also, the Kappas have always been interested in outsider’s technology. So I guess we’re even.”

“Are you talking about the plane?”


“But the 737 model is actually rather ancient. I’ve seen your workshop, Kawashiro. There’s absolutely no reason for you to be interested in our technology.”

Kawashiro responds with another handwave.

“Oh? Those junks? They are nothing. Most of them are magic based. What we find interesting about the outsider’s technology is how they use pure ingenuity to solve problems that could be easily taken care of with magic. For example, flying.”

Well, actually, the first and second generations of airplanes are mostly used for us killing each other. And the first jet engine was invented by Hitler. But hey, you get the point.

“Also, correct me if I’m wrong…but did you really send people to space using rockets?”

Okay…that is a strange question.

“Well, not anymore. But yes, we used to send people to space using rocket engines…isn’t that normal? I mean, how else would you practically go to space without using rockets?”

“Pfft.” You can see Kawashiro holding her laugh.

“Uhh…what is it?

“Outsiders really considered that strapping what basically a giant missile the size of a tower just to send three people to the moon as ‘normal’?”

“Well, yeah. How would you do it?”

“Magic.” Kawashiro winked at you mischievously.

Okay. You guess that strapping explosives the size of a skyscraper under the crotch of three oblivious men and sending them into what basically a crash course with a celestial object just to exclaim “FIRST!” at mother Russia is indeed a bit excessive.

Kawashiro suddenly finished the rest of her tea in one big gulp.

“Well, I guess I’m going to sleep now.” Kawashiro stands up, prepareing to take flight. “I’ll leave the tea here, just in case your friend there suddenly wakes up feeling parched.” She said, obviously referring to the little blonde girl currently sleeping peacefully beside you.

You brought her here because you are too kind to think about such a cute face getting devoured by random Youkai in the forest. But of course, you can’t tell your host that you are bringing man eating youkai to their door. So, you told Kawashiro that she is simply another outsider from the crash site. Similarly but to less extent, Kawashiro also though that Kogasa is just a regular umbrella you accidentally came upon at the forest.

“Sorry for not having enough rooms inside. I don’t have many regular visitors.”

“It’s okay. it’s quite a novel experience, sleeping under this sky.”

“You sure you don’t need a blanket?”

“Nah. It’s a pretty warm night…or morning.”

Kawashiro just hovers there for a while, seems hesitant. But finally, she decides to just simply accept your words.

“It’s been nice talking to you, friend. See you next morning. I mean, later.”

“Of course.”

Kawashiro flies away, leaving you together with two sleeping ladies. One is not human, and the other is an umbrella

Alright, this been a strange day, there’s no denying that. But if you’re going to bring a man eating monster to someone’s house, you could at least make sure that she’s relatively safe. Or at least, not a Keter-class dangerous.

“Hey.” You nudge the blonde child with your finger. No response.

“Oi, wake up.” you said, a little bit louder.

“Mmmm…” well, at least it was a reaction. But still not enough. You decide to be a bit rougher.

Balling up your hand into a fist, you slam the girl’s face as hard as you can.

And as expected, it feels like hitting a solid rock.

“Yadaoww!” you screamed in pain. That was a stupid move.

“Are you okay up there?” you hear Kawashiro yelling from down below.

“It’s fine! I accidentally banged my head against the roof. Ow.” You yelled back. It seems to be enough to convince her, since you don’t hear any more reply.

Although your fist feels like it’s been shattered, your punch does have an effect. The blonde girls is now awakes. You watch silently as she blinked her eyes a few times, sit up, and yawned, stretching her arms.

“Here, have a tea.” You pour a cup of tea and give it to her, which she accepts absent mindedly. From the movements of her eyelids, it is clear that she’s still half asleep.

She daintily sips the steaming cup of tea you given her, before averting her gaze to you.

The two of you stare at each other for a while with dull expression.

Suddenly, the girl’s eyes went wide, as she just realized who is she looking at. And then, she falls backward. Her mouth opens and closes without letting out any words, and her expression shows emotion of intense fear. She dropped her cup, making quite a mess. It’s a wonder the cup didn’t break. You pick up the glass and put it back on the tray.

Uh…how bad did you beat this girl again? Strangely, you can’t remember.

“Umm…hello?” you call out to the girl. But the girl starts to makes strange movement with her arms, hands and fingers, like she’s trying to form a sign. A…crucifix?

“Aaaa…” she begins to chant very rapidly in a language you don’t understand. It’s not Japanese…it sounds like Latin. Maybe.


Latin chanting and strange hands movement? Is she trying to perform an exorcism on you? No, at you? This is some kind of demon repelling ritual, isn’t it?

Oh, now that is just RUDE.

“Oi!” you half screamed.

“Hii!” the girl whimpered.

Alright. Let’s follow the basic strategy of war and form a communication line first.

“Do you understand what I’m saying? Do you understand English?” well, if the only language she knows is Latin, then this could be a pretty disastrous discussion.

Fortunately for you the girl nodded. There’s a little bit of tears at the corner of her eyes. Seriously, how bad did you beat this child!? Back in the outside world you probably would be sued, self defence justification be damned.

Though you got to admit, you find that her tearful face is kind of cute.


She sniffled.

Okay, you take your word back. She is really cute.

“So…uh, what’s your name, kid?” you asked gently, trying not to break into massive laughter.

Because cute things tend to do that to you, and holy shit, this girl is cute. And you think of that not in a romantic way, of course. You’re not a pedophile. But who knows? This girl could be several centuries old for all you know.

“Rumia.” The little cute blonde girl answered faintly.

“That’s it? No surname or anything?”

She shook her head.

Heh. This is new. You are used to refer to someone with their last name, after all. Maybe she has no parents so she took that name herself? How would the Youkai raise their children? Maybe they are like turtles that just abandon their child after giving birth? Fuck if you know.

“So…uh, Rumia, is it?” you asked for confirmation.

She nodded.

“Alright…” you try to use the softest tone that your throat can muster, which somehow ends up at seven octaves. “So, Rumia. I don’t know if you remember this, but…you were trying to eat me.”

“EEP!” she whimpered again, this time while crawling one step backwards, away from you.

“Oh! No need to worry! I’m not angry! Please don’t be afraid of me.” you smile as kindly as you can. “Please?”

The girl does not move, though she does look a bit calmed now.

“So, um…hey! I’m Dresden!” you waved, smiling as wide as you can. You probably would call it corny if you see someone else do it.

“I’m Rumia.”

“I know. So, Rumia, why did you trying to eat me?” you asked an obvious question, just to get the conversation going.

“I was hungry.” She answered. Now that you take notice of it, her voice is pretty gentle to the ear. Soft and high, like a fountain, with a good bit of innocence in it. Quite jarring that you remember this thing when she was just a giant black blob hovering in the air.

So she was hungry…

“Yeah, I figured as much.” So she was doing it just to survive. Pretty natural. It just that you’re not used being at the lower level of the food chain.

But still, you need to ‘tame’ her if you want her to stay with you. Why do you want her to stay with you again? Because fuck, man. She’s a fucking monster that could control darkness! If you can make her somehow less ‘wild’, you sure that she has a lot of uses you can exploit.

That was totally the reason of why you want her to stick around, and not because you have a rather significant weakness against cute things in general.

“So, Rumia, is human your favorite food?”

Surprisingly, she shook her head.

“No. humans have very little meat and too many bones. And most of them only have very little spiritual energy. They are not satisfying at all!”

Huh. So, the same reason Lions don’t tend to eat human. Well, except for the end bit about spiritual energy.

“Youkai’s meat is much better! They are more powerful than humans! And a lot meatier, too!”

You can’t help but noticed that Rumia is no longer acting scared. As soon as she starts talking about food, it feels like all her fears just simply evaporated.

Well, ‘Youkai’ is a catch all term referring to varieties of species, so you guess this isn’t actually cannibalism, just like insect eating insect. Not like you’re going to compare them to insect, of course. Except if you meet a cockroach youkai or something.

“So, why don’t you just eat Youkai, then?”

“I can’t eat them.”


“Because I can’t kill them.”

Cannot kill…? Some kind of restriction..? Or simply…

Is Rumia a low tier Youkai?

“Are you saying that you are not strong enough to hunt them down?”

Silence. Rumia’s head droops, like she’s embarrassed about something. Her short blonde bangs covering her eyes, making for a very depressed looks. Her mouth is shut so thigh that it’s shivering, and you can see her knuckles vibrating against the rooftop.

You wonder, just like many other societies where the forest law still applies, is the Youkai society also runs on the value of strength?

Sheesh. You actually feel pity for her.


“Ung?” with her head still bowed down, she looks up to you.


“Say, Rumia. What do you think about partnership?”

“Hmm?” she lifts up her head. Clearly confused, yet curious about your offer.

“So, listen. This is about my sister. You haven’t been properly introduced, but she thinks of Gensokyo as a fairy tale world, flying around like a drunkard old flamingo, expecting a wonderful world full of adventure.”

You pause for a bit, thinking of what to say. Meanwhile, Rumia has already switched to a more proper sitting position.

“Now, judging by the fact that I already almost dead just by staying here for few hours, I am aware that Gensokyo is not all fairies and candies. But my sister is not aware of that. So, here’s my proposal…”

Rumia leans her body towards you even further that before, somewhat eager to hear what you’re going to say next.

“…As long as I am here, every night I would accompany you to hunt for Youkai to eat.”

“REALLY?!” she perked up. Dashing towards you on all four. You can see hunger in her eyes. And that wide smile and those relatively huge fangs aren’t quite a comforting sight.

Also you’ve just noticed. Her eyes shine deep red under the moonlight. Well, that always a good sign.

“Whoa. Calm down. I’m not finished yet.” you raised both palm, she stays put, but still look quite hungry.

“Now, in exchange of that, I want you to protect my sister from anything that tries to eat, attack, or generally trying to harm her. Can you do that?”

She nodded faintly, waiting until you finished talking.

“We are not planning on staying here long, when the pilots finished their deal with the Hakureis, we should be able to start sending people out. But I don’t expect that sending two hundred people through an interdimensional portal could be done in a blink of an eye. So, until It comes time for us to leave, I want you to stay by her side.”

“Are you finished yet?”

“No, I want also want you to stay from eating human while I am here. I can provide you with youkai, that’s enough, right?”

“Hmm. Sure.”

You aware that you might making an empty promise here, but at least you can provide your sister with some semblance of security.

“Great. Now, in order for you to be able to use your power without my sister knowing that you’re a youkai that just tried to eat her brother,
We’ll need some kind of fake identity for you…”

You take a moment to think…

“I’m just going to tell her that you’re a witch from the outside world that is somehow capable of manipulating darkness. How’s that?”

“But I hate witches.”

“Oh just pretend, okay?”

She seems averse to the idea, but she nodded anyway.


“Fantastic! So how about it Rumia? Partner?”

You reach out your hand, offering a handshake. She’s not taking it.

“Uhh…I’m fine you being my hunting partner…you’re pretty powerful…but can you do something for me first?”

“Well, of course! What is it?”

“Can you take off my ribbon?” she points at a red ribbon that you just noticed is tying her hair.

That’s a weird request.

“Can’t you do it by yourself?”

“Nope. I want you do it.”

Well, you guess it’s only fair to grant her wish at least this once. You do ask a lot of her, even though you find this particular request to be quite strange…

“Sure. Here, come closer.”

Rumia moves closer to you. A bit too close, remembering that she tried to eat you before. But you noticed that she is indeed, quite small. Sitting directly in front of you, the top of her head barely reaches your chest. You can look down clearly at the ribbon that you supposed to remove. The knot looks easy enough…


You reached down for the ribbon, but when your fingers is within a few inches radius, you feel a jolt of electricity striking your hand, alongside an invisible force that pushed you away.

You jumped back quite a bit from Rumia. Good thing you didn’t wake Kawashiro with your scream.

“What was that?!” You shakes your numbed hand.

“Damnation. So you can’t do it, huh?” Rumia sounds disappointed

That…is weird. Rumia looks different now. You mean, she still looks the same. But somehow, you can feel some weird aura emanating from her. something different than the bumbling idiot youkai you talked with before. Something wise, strong, and…trapped?

“What are you?” you asked, a bit weaker than you intended it to be.

“Nevermind.” Rumia stands up, and walks away to the corner of the rooftop.

“I’m tired. I’m going to sleep.”


You want to ask her questions, but before you realize it, she’s already asleep. Well, seems to be asleep, anyway.

“Oh, whatever.”

Screw this. It’s already late, and a human body can’t function properly without at least four hours of sleep.

You lay your back against the rooftop. The roofing is made from strange material. Some kind of metal, but it’s not cold at all. In fact, it’s quite warm, a really good insulation for a house.

As you gaze upon the moon, you think;

A lot of things happened today. Strange things. Most of them can’t be explained by logic alone.

But you have decided since long ago that you’re not going to let life takes you down. And you will not let circumstances control you.

You are free spirit, and no danger in the world, both magical and mundane, can keep you from doing whatever you like. Like getting a good night sleep.

And thus end your first day in Gensokyo, with you promising to yourself…that you’re going to take it easy.


A/N: So that’s it. Rumia is no longer our servant, but a hunting partner. In exchange of us hunting food for her every night, she would protect our sister’s innocence from the more…’Low Fantasy’ aspect of Gensokyo. Reading some of the darker Touhou fic, I am aware that Gensokyo, by modern standard, is dangerous as fuck. At least an Euclid class.

But it mostly just because the MC though that Rumia is super adorable

Again, sorry for the inconvenience.
No. 177751
>Again, sorry for the inconvenience.
no problem, story was a little bit too crazy. glad you're fixing some parts.
No. 177767

Not that I'm upset with this story or what not, but does anyone other then me thinks that hunting youkai stronger then Rumia would be a big issue?

Not like we can find other frog youkai to murder and feed Rumia, right?

Just a little worried this action will put us against another named character.
No. 177769

Im sure AX1 can whip up a few un-named schmucks for us to grind.
No. 177829
Ah, excuse me. was testing something and forgot to sage.
No. 177935

Crap on a cracker, you almost forgot about a rather important thing.

“Did any of you see my umbrella?”

Kumoi is the first one to respond.

“Your umbrella? Well, it’s a bit broken.”


“You didn’t just throw it away.” You said, unable to hide a bit of irritation in your voice.

“Of course not! We won’t throw a karakasa away! That would be cruel!” Shouted Hijiri.

“You knew?”

“What? You don’t expect us to live in Gensokyo and not know what a karakasa is, don’t you?” Kumoi said, half sneered.

“Of course I’m not. Can you tell me where she is?”

Huh. It feels a bit weird calling an umbrella a ‘she’.

“Well, as I said, she’s a bit broken. So we sent her to our quartermaster to get fixed. Oh! But don’t worry, our expert said she’ll be fine.”


“Where to?” you stand up.

Now that you are used to the presence of these two siren-like beauties, you find your tongue finally working properly.

“Err…just out of this room, go left, and keep going until you find a steel door.”

“Thanks. I’ll check her out.” You start to walk to the door, just before Hijiri calls on you.

“Wait! I’ll go with you. You are still injured.”

To be honest, you prefer being alone when you are exploring a new place. It gives you more freedom. Granted, it also gives you more chance on falling into a hidden death trap. But what kind of Buddhist temple is equipped with death trap? A shitty one, that is. And judging by the head monk alone, you sure that this isn’t a shitty temple.

“Pardon my loose tongue, but before Miss Kumoi called lady Hijiri here, doesn’t lady Hijiri has something else she was doing? I’m sure that the head of a temple would be a busy person.”

“It’s not something that can’t be postponed.”

“Still, I would feel bad if someone like me keep someone as important as the head of the establishment where I’ve been imposing from her duties.” Damn, that was a mouthful.

“No, it’s fine, really.” She seems determined. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea after all. She said herself that it’s okay to impose. So might as well take advantage of their hospitality.

“He’s right, sister. You’ve done enough. Let me take care of this, you just go get some rest.”

…or not.

“But, I…” Hijiri is not given any chance to finish her sentence before Kumoi grabs both of her shoulder and look at her straight in the eyes.

“Please. You’ve done so much for us. This time, let me do something for you. Even if just a little.”

And then Kumoi start speaking in Japanese. It seems like she’s trying to convince Hijiri about something. You can’t help but feeling left out.

When their conversation ends, however, you also can’t help to see how close these two women are.

Kumoi is giving Hijiri a hug.

And in return, Hijiri is hugging Kumoi.

They keep on hugging each other for what you believe to be a few minutes.

Meanwhile, you just stand there, unable to fathom what the sod is happening in front of you.

Sheesh, maybe you should ask Kawashiro to build you a universal translator or something. Otherwise you have the feeling that random shits will keep happening around you without you knowing anything. Well, not like they haven’t yet

Finally, both Kumoi and Hijiri let go of their embrace on each other. She stands up and approaches you, while Hijiri seems to be a bit calmer now.


The fuck

“…was that about?”

“Oh, nothing much. Just reminiscing.” Kumoi smiled as she walks past you and put her hand on the sliding door’s handle. “Now, let’s go get your umbrella.”

You look back at Hijiri, she’s still sitting on the floor. She gives you a smile and waves. So you wave her back.

Kumoi opened the door in one swift motion that somehow makes no sound. Impressive considering the fact that it is a sliding door.

You expect to see a courtyard or something similar once the door is opened fully, but strangely, all you can see is white. Like a large blank sheet is covering the entire doorway.

“A fog?” you speculated. But isn’t it too thick?

You see that Kumoi’s face is looking a little bit irritated. You wonder why.

“Oh, Unzan. Come on old friend, you’re blocking the way for our guest.”

And then she starts speaking in Japanese again, seemingly to no one.

And then, without warning, you feel a ridiculously strong gust smashing against your entire body, your ears popped from the sudden change in air pressure, and your vision is suddenly turning white. It’s just like entering a thunderstorm in an airplane, only a little more intense.

“Aw! Not that sudden, you clumsy old fool!”

You feel a soft hand grasping yours, and you’re quickly dragged straight through the door.

Before you know it, you’re standing on what seems to be a terrace, overlooking a large atrium. And when I said large, I mean enormous. It’s a large open space that could easily accommodates hundreds of monks practicing kung fu. A relatively small opening at the middle of the ceiling, the same one you presume Mouser flied through, gracefully letting in some moonlight to lit a small part of the large courtyard, with flooring made of abnormally long series of plywood.

Wait. Roof? We are still indoor? How big is this building exactly?

“Sheesh, sorry about that.” When you look back, Kumoi had already closed the door.

“What was that?”

“Not ‘what’. Who.” She wiggles her finger in front of her, like she’s trying to lecture you.

“Okay then. Who was that?”



“A friend of mine.”

“Your friend’s a cloud?”

“Why? Do you have anything against cloud people?”

“No. it’s cool.” You’re about to add ‘some of my friends are cloud’, but then you realized that it’s too much effort just to make a joke about racism.

“So…about my umbrella…”

“Okay. Follow me, please.”


“No. left. I said that, didn’t I?”

Right. Smartass.

Kumoi starts walking to the left. You followed closely. The two of you keep on walking until you enter what looks like a tunnel. It’s actually a corridor. A closed corridor with no windows, like a setting for a horror movie.

At the left side of the corridor, you see a series of doors, similar to the one you just went out of. From inside you can hear people doing various kind of activity. The dim light from the candle inside casts some menacing looking silhouette through the thin rice paper that made the traditional Japanese doorway. These shadows, though, are clearly not those casted by human beings. Because you can at least recognize one person with a dog head. An Anubis?

“Are they…youkai?” you asked, a bit hesitant, yet fascinated.

“Yup.” Kumoi answered. With an almost obvious sense of pride. Not for herself, but for the group she belongs to. “The Myouren temple accepts everyone.”

“Even when they eat humans?”


“Are you going to give me more answer than just ‘yes’?”

“No. maybe later. But it involves some very long history lesson that can literally bore you to death.”

Fair enough. Every religion has its own reason to do things they do. Even when those things include ‘Catastrophic plane crash’ (I’m looking at you, imperial Japan.). You yourself usually don’t care about that kind of thing or at least tolerate it as long as they are out of your way.

“So, mister Dresden. What brought you near our temple?”


“As long as we know, the outsiders that fell recently supposed to stay near the valley under the protection of the Kappa, correct?”

“Well, yeah…but…”

What brought you here again? Oh, right. One of their disciples was trying to get recruited into a secret army formed by who knows who in a shady looking bar. Then you came and killed everyone.

Yeah, like you can tell her that.

“Well, I thought that the Kappa have been helping us so much…so I decided to help a little bit, doing delivery and…d’oh.”

Once again, your palm is getting intimate with your face.

“Hm?, what is it?”

“I forgot to collect the payment for the delivery…and it’s already this late…man, Kawashiro going to chew me over…”

“Is this because you were unconscious?”

“Could be. If I were awake, I could probably rush back to the human village…maybe I can still manage if I go right now…”

“Don’t even think about it. You are injured. We can just compensate for you later.”

“You would?” You tilted your head, looking suspiciously at Kumoi.

“Just think of it as our way to apologize.”

For some reason, you think of Hijiri, bowing her head to the floor in front of you.

“You have already apologized more than enough.”

“One of our people almost smacked your skull open.” Kumoi said in a flat tone.

“It’s not that bad…maybe. But it was a bit strange…did he, err, or was it she?”

“Toramaru Shou.”

“That’s not exactly helping.”

“She’s a girl. Don’t worry, many people also got it wrong the first time around.”

Heh, manly women. On your face, patriarchal society!

“so…Miss Shou, wasn’t it..?”

“If you’re looking for surname, it’s Toramaru.”

Grrah. Why do the Japanese keep doing things backward?!

“Haa…whatever. Did she say the reason of why she attacked me?”

By the way, how long is this corridor anyway? You feel like you’ve been walking forever.

“I don’t know. Shou can be persistent sometimes. She just insisted that you are some kind of ‘danger to the temple’ and that she was just ‘doing her job’.”

“She thinks I’m a danger?”

“Yeah. Well, if it’s up to me, I wouldn’t trust you so easily either.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes. Shou is a tiger youkai and an avatar of the god of war. Her sense of danger is one of the best in Gensokyo. But Hijiri said we should take you inside our home. And if Hijiri trust you, then, I trust you too.”

“Is Hijiri that great of a person?”

A contemplated smile appears obviously on Kumoi’s face.

“She’s the best.”

Really? She didn’t seem that mature for the short time you two have met. Well, not mature in a behavioral sense, anyway. If you’re talking biologically, she was definitely been ‘mature’ for quite some…

Don’t think about boobies.

You just think about boobies, didn’t you? Perverted jackass. You’re supposed to be a gentleman character! Well, granted, a gentleman that in occasion could reenact the battle of Bunker Hill by himself, given the right condition. That condition being ‘be in either Texas or Alabama’.

Anyway, you really should not judge people by their appearance. You once met this very cute girl in Thailand, she was simply the sweetest girl a man could ever imagine. Then it was revealed that she was a he, and he kick-ass, your ass, specifically. My point is, even if Hijiri looks like an easy going girl next door type, the fact that she is a superior of a crazy tiger lady that had just cracked your skull open means that you should not forego the possibility that under her granola girl personality she is in fact an ultra super mega badass that could choke Chuck Norris to death with her pubic hair. You know, just a theory.

“Mr. Dresden!”

“Eh? Yes? What is it?”

“You’re mumbling to yourself.”

“Ah, right. Sorry. Old habit.”

“Are you delirious? Is your head okay?”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Just an old habit of mine, thinking out loud.”

Kumoi looks at you with a suspicious expression.

“What were you thinking about?”

“Random things. It is much easier to adapt to every possibility when your mind doesn’t go in a straight line. And by my neck I would need every ounce of adaptability I have after this place had clearly shown its intention of wanting me dead.”

You see that Kumoi is about to question your relatively bizarre statement, when a tiny, high pitched voice calls out to her from behind the two of you.


Both you and Kumoi turn around at the same time, and the next thing that glazes your eyes is probably one of the most saddening things that you have ever seen next to babies getting slammed against a tree back in Africa.

Well, not like you’re actually capable of feeling sad. Most of the time it’s either complete apathy or just pure rage.

Standing in front of you is a little girl, wearing a tiny kimono. She looks nothing unusual, with shoulder length hair that you would like to consider ‘puffy, big brown eyes, small nose, and all other features that you would find on an average ten year old lady. Well, except for some tidbits here and there.

First, she has rabbit ears. Just like those Hugh Heffner’s girls, but less likely to make you popular among your peers in high school and more likely to send you to jail for pedophilia. It’s big, and fluffy, and you actually want to touch it really bad right now. But no, that’s not the most interesting part about her. You wouldn’t describe something as ‘sad’ just because it has rabbit ears, yes?

Well, maybe if you’re at comic con and the one that wears the fake bunny ears is a really fat virgin dude wearing fluffy bikini because he wants to get attention. That is sad. And horrifying.

No, what makes you giving this tiny rabbit girl more attention than you have ever given a playboy centerfold is the fact that she…she…well, there really is no nice way of putting it.

The girl looks botched.

Her face…her entire body, even, judging by the look of her uncovered arms and bare feet, is full of haphazardly made stitches that healed poorly, creating unsightly ridges and valley upon the girl’s flesh. From the base of her hairline to the tip of her big toe, you can see tiny holes in various places, and by overlaying their position with your knowledge of standard blood circulatory system in mammals, you know that those holes are the result of dozens of recent injections (or retrieval) directly to the girl’s veins. You can also see some remnants of surgical threads as tiny knots hanging here and there, clumped together with dried blood or stuck between flesh ridges.

What disturb you more is that you know that these stitches, no matter how unsightly, were made by a highly trained and professional individual. Whoever did this must has an adequate skill to make fine enough stitches to be nearly invisible to the naked eye after just a little period of healing.

But she or he obviously didn’t. It’s like they didn’t care about how this girl would look like later in life, or worse, that they expected her to die on the operating table. It as if keeping the subject alive is just an afterthought…

You throw a questioning look at Kumoi, but she is not looking at your direction. And if you know any better, you would think that she’s doing it purposely, as if saying “Don’t ask.”

The girl and Kumoi start talking in Japanese, and once again, you are being left out of the conversation.

After a while feeling like a fifth wheel, Kumoi finally returns her attention to you.

“Hmm…unfortunately, something just came up. Can you find the way to the armory by yourself from here? It’s just straight from here.”

“Probably. But what came up?”

“Shou spotted something sneaking in inside the temple ground.”

“Did she bust his head too?”

“No. It was too fast. She thinks it was some kind of Youkai.”

“What kind of Youkai?” you just realized that the word ‘Youkai’ doesn’t really roll naturally on your tongue. Maybe you should invent a new name for these creatures that have either been very helpful or trying to make you their dinner.

“Amphibian of some sort. It jumped pretty high when she tried to tackle him.”

“Amphibian? Like a frog?”

“Probably. Or it could be a newt. Who knows? Nowadays you can find youkai version of everything. Since basically all you need to do to become a youkai is living long enough.”

Well, balls.

“Anyway, I need to check this out.” Kumoi starts to walk the opposite direction from where you two were walking before, followed by the Frankenstein-esque bunny girl. “Remember, just follow this corridor until you find a steel door. I’ll call you when it’s time for dinner.”

[ ] Wait! I’m coming with you!

[ ] Oh, well, better keep on walking.
No. 177936
Well, thats a problem...though i reckon they would have sent more frog youkais considering he murdered a gang of them. Maybe this one is a highly trained one, and we are kind of in no condition to fight. Though we may luckily meet somebody else after we retrieve Kogasa

In any case, I'm voting for...
[X] Wait! I’m coming with you!
No. 177937

Which is why we should retrieve Umbrella Weapon before investigation.

[X] Oh, well, better keep on walking. As hurriedly as possible
No. 177938
[X] Oh, well, better keep on walking.

So did we equip our Rumia before headin out here? I kinda wanna feed her that spirit hide.
No. 177944
[X] Oh, well, better keep on walking. As hurriedly as possible.

We don't want to be caught without at least some protection. Besides, we need our loyal umbrella! I don't want to risk abandoning her. That would be really sad...
No. 177969
[X] Oh, well, better keep on walking. As hurriedly as possible.

We must reunite with the best umbrella.
No. 178023
[X] Oh, well, better keep on walking. As hurriedly as possible.