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In which a Wizard doesn't take any shit.

Thread 1: >>123033
Thread 2: >>124226
Thread 3: >>124917
Thread 4: >>125518
Thread 5: >>126187
Thread 6: >>126955
Thread 7: >>127594

[X] Business first. We’re here for the library, and the resident witch hasn’t so much as looked at us twice. Let’s try and draw her out.

You decide to try your luck with Patchouli. The strange magical texts you ‘borrowed’ from Marisa’s house were truly baffling, and if you’re ever going to understand them- or get home again- you’ll need help.

“Hey, Patch-e-ooley. Um.”

“Patchouli,” she corrects you quietly, not looking up from her plate.

“Right,” you say absently. “I’m given to understand you’re a mage?”


“Yeah. Right.” You don’t seem to be making much headway. “Well, in case the hat didn’t give it away, I’m a wizard. I was hoping we could talk shop. I’ve got this-”

“I’m sorry.” Patchouli says, finally putting her fork down and looking up at you. “I’m technically Miss Scarlet’s private tutor, so I don’t have time to give lessons.”

Lessons. The word ricochets around your skull, gaining volume with each rebound. Lessons. After nearly losing your life in countless fearsome battles, after facing down bloodthirsty Orcs on multiple occasions with naught but a Grease spell and some quick reflexes... this purple-haired bint proposes to give you... lessons.

You open your mouth, a biting retort on your tongue- and you let it die when you feel a hand gripping your knee, hard. Glancing to the side, you see Keine giving you a subtle Look. Patience, she mouths silently.

You hold her gaze for a moment, then look back at Patchouli. She noticed the silent exchange, and is regarding you placidly, quite bored.

You sigh, and take a second to reign in your emotions before continuing. “I’d hate to interrupt your terribly taxing task of sitting around in pajamas all day,” you say to Patchouli in Draconic, “but it wouldn’t take long. I understand that magic as practiced here is some sort of elemental/evocation based thing that can be modulated as it’s cast, but there’s some things in here I’ve never seen before.”

Now you have her attention. “Wait, what?” she replies in Draconic.

You reach into your enchanted pocket and produce one of the texts you swiped from Marisa, the one in the painfully archaic dialect of Draconic. “In this. I understand parts of it, but it seems to reference elemental energies I’ve never heard of-”

“That’s mine!” Patchouli exclaims in Japanese. “How did you get your hands on that!?” She shoots a dirty look in Meiling’s direction.

“I- he- no!” the redhead sputters, confused.

“Relax,” you interject. “I borrowed it from Marisa.”

Patchouli’s mouth opens, and her tongue flutters for a moment, but no syllables are produced. “You- you.” she manages at last. “You’re in league with that thief-

“Not exactly,” you interrupt. “Marisa stole some books from me, too, so I retrieved them. And this.”

“He smashed into her place and kicked her ass,” Cirno says matter-of-factly, standing up in her chair to snag the corner of a jello platter.

“I knocked politely!” you object.

“With a log!

“I wanted to make sure she heard me,” you grumble. “Loud and clear.

You’re the one that did that?” Meiling nearly squeals from the other end of the table. “Ohmygod when I heard about that I couldn’t stop laughing!

“I take it Marisa ‘borrows’ from your library regularly,” you say dourly. “Well, in any case, here’s your book back.” You pass the tome over the table, and Patchouli snatches it away eagerly, rubbing her loose sleeve over the cover fussily as she examines it for damage. “Now,” you say, “is that at least worth a chat?”

Patchouli turns the book around in her hands thoughtfully. “Maybe,” she allows. “But a thief that steals from thieves is still a thief, so-”

“Patchouli.” Everyone present turns to look at Remilia. “Let him into the library. In fact, give him a tour.”

Patchouli looks surprised. “But Mistress-”

Remilia simply fixes her tutor with her red-eyed stare, and the pale witch gets a little paler. “As you wish,” she says softly, and lays the book down by her plate.

Remilia gives you a cold little smile. “The library is quite large. Patchouli’s been adding to it for close to a hundred years now.” She stretches languidly, her leathery wings flexing outward along with her arms as she arches her back. “I imagine you’ll want to stay the night, and take your tour in the morning? I’ll have Sakuya arrange...” Remilia lets her gaze play over Keine’s satin-draped figure slowly- “-a room.”

Rooms,” Keine interjects firmly.

“Rooms, then,” Remilia says nonchalantly. “So Keine, my dear- how are you, ah, enjoying your new friend?”

“I wouldn’t know how to explain it to you,” Keine returns, a slight edge in her voice. Remilia cocks her head and smirks with amusement, idly swirling more wine about in her glass. (Given its viscosity, you’re starting to wonder if there’s any added ingredients.)

“I imagine,” Remilia says. “Must be... exhilarating...” Keine narrows her eyes, and her composure remains resolute even as a faint blush touches her pale cheeks.

’What are they talking about?” Cirno whispers in Sylvan, standing on her chair to reach your ear.

“They’re talking about...”

“The knowledge,” Remilia continues casually, watching the thick red wine slosh in her glass as she talks.

“Knowledge,” you whisper back to Cirno, relieved. “And stuff.”

“Excuse me?” Keine says, caught off-guard.

“The knowledge, of course,” Remilia says. “A man from a completely different world. All the fascinating things he must know, the grand tales. And you get him all to yourself.”

“I’ve got all the knowledge in Gensokyo in the palm of my hand already,” Keine points out, a bit briskly.

“Mmmhmm...” Remilia says, letting her rubescent gaze slide over to you. “And when the moon waxes full once more...” she raises her wineglass, which she’s cupping in the palm of her hand, and takes a long, slow draught, never once taking her eyes from yours. She sets it down upon the polished wooden table with a distinct clink!

“But that’s then, and this is now,” Remilia says after a long moment of silence. “Pass the buns, Sakuya?” Next to you, Keine’s slight blush has vanished, and her visage is strained and pale. She locks her gaze on her plate, and keeps it there, even when you try to catch her eye. In your peripheral vision, you notice Sakuya keeping you under carefully casual watch. Patchouli is staring at her plate, but has stopped eating entirely, and you suspect she’s listening intently. Meiling and Cirno are still eating heartily, apparently oblivious.

You stare at Remilia, your face utterly neutral, as you take a moment to consider your options. You need it, because thinking clearly-

fucking arrogant devil-loli slumbitch

-is getting hard. There’s no mistaking what Remilia just tried to do: damage your trust in Keine. And that’s probably just round one.

[ ] “Oh Flandre~! We should play a game tomorrow!”
[ ] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
[ ] Let Remilia think it worked. We can always make up with Keine after dinner, in private.
[ ] Write-in?
[ ] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It's time for a Boast.

Patchouli learned the hard way that nobody patronizes Wizard.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It's time for a Boast.
[X] “Oh Flandre~! We should play a game tomorrow!”
Wizard Mcspellsalot- 17th Level Wizard

AC: Unknown?
HP: 53
BAB: +8/+3

Fortitude: +7
Reflex: +8
Will: +11

(Note- a Permenant Resistance spell is in effect.)

Spells Per Day: (From 0-9:)
0|1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9 (Level)
6|6|5|5|5|5|3|3|2|1 (Spells/Day)


For those who don’t play D&D much, substitute the following (in order) to decipher the nerd-ese: THUMPABILITY, TWICHINESS, BEEFINESS, CRANIALNESS, OTHER CRANIALNESS, SEXINESS.

STR: 13 (+1)
DEX: 15 (+2)
CON: 12 (+1)
INT: 21 (+5)
WIS: 11 (+0)
CHA: 10 (+0)

Known Feats:

Spell Mastery
Eschew Materiels
Explosive Spell
Transdimensional Spell
Improved Initiative

Known Areas of Skill:

[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.

Word-hoard wat? Don't care what it is, sounds awesome.
I think Remilia may have done something to Keine just now. She's not that weak, and everyone at the table is suddenly acting like Remilia just stabbed your mother when she's being no more offensive than when she came to the table. We already know she's a were-cow, so I can't rationalize moving from indignation and mild embarrassment into deathly mortification. Maybe we should use one of those Mind Blanks on Keine?
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
Revenge is best served cold, or with a slice of dragon. A chunk of which is still in his extradimensional robe pocket.
[X] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.

Subtlety is fine and all, but I think it's time we use the verbal equivalence of excessive brute force because Remilia is getting a little bit to comfortable.
I say we take the wizard's approach to physics on this one: If you don't like the rules of the game you're playing, break them and write your own.

As a side note: The Flandre option would make more sense if we had already talked to her a bit.
Right now it just seems as a desperate lunge for some sort of support from what we think is a possible ally, just because there seems to be a strain on her relationship with Remilia.
Whether or not there is, you should never trust first appearances when it comes to manipulative fuckers. Like vampires or demons/devils. Or, in this case, both.
[X] And here I thought that you would much more of a lady miss Scarlet then to go insulating somebody I consider a dear friend right in front of me once again.

Or something like that. Remilia takes pride in her 'upper level' status, and yet has blatantly insulted both Crino and Keine in front of us after inviting us to come have dinner with her.



I'm sorry, but could you at a bare minimum do us all the favor of briefly checking over your words so they don't look like a the byproduct of a baboon's meal?

Nonetheless, it is a somewhat decent option, and though I will abstain from any vote myself, I have taken the liberty of translating your write-in into readable English.

[ ] And here I thought that you were much more of a lady, Miss Scarlet, than to insult somebody I consider a dear friend right in front of me again.
[X] “Oh Flandre~! We should play a game tomorrow!”
I foresee much FUN down this path.
Sorry about that. I wrote that shortly after getting up so I blame sleepiness.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a [Badass] Boast.

Oh no bitch, you didn't. Bitch did not just insult our wife dear friend Keine and try to damage our trust in her. I told you all that Remilia was fucking evil! I was right! I was so right! she's trying to break our trust with Keine and Cirno to leave us vulnerable and alone. WE WILL NOT BE BOUND BY THIS PARASITE!

Time to make a detailed and inclusive list of our accomplishments. Be sure to explain in great detail just how many high level vampires we fucking ended for lesser insults then that.

Also call her on her so-called "subtlety". We've seen the Tarrasque and it was more subtle then her.
Hey. That were-wombat was planing to consume us at the night of full moon. Remilia is only trying to save us from her. And Cirno is fey. No one should trust fey. Ever.
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[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
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This. Especially the line about the Tarrasque!
You are overdoing it.
Its a PC. Do you think that 'overdoing it' is in their dictionary?
383. It is not ok to use 10,000 rounds to kill two sentries.
589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.
901. In the middle of the Black Ops a diversion is not blowing off the top twenty floors of the building.
1016. Even if spells are use them or lose them, I will not waste Meteor Swarms on a goblin.
1167. I can stop rolling at 7x dead.
1257. No, the answer to the problem is not to make a gatling gun out of bazookas.
1357. Preliminary saturation carpet bombing is not automatically Plan A.
1517. Checking to see if the Mad Slasher is dead is ok, dismembering him with a shotgun is overkill.
1606. If my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit.
Not my idea, but not really. Once you have some reliable method of flight, the Tarrasque isn't much of a threat. Wizanon could probably kill it by himself by now; it's less of a threat than that dragon was, since he can just hover out of range and summon angels to shoot it with their magical bows and lob whatever Save-or-Die/Save-or-Lose spells it's not immune to down at it.
She's manipulative and devious, yes.
Evil, no.

She doesn't really care about Keine or whatever relation Wizardnon has with her. She just finds him interesting because he is new and different.
Basically, Remilia's acting like a stuck-up little brat that wants all the toys for herself until she gets bored with them and throws them away for the next one. And she just realized that another girl found the new toy first.

Then again, that's pretty much par for the course with vampires. Their logic usually boils down to "if I want it, it's mine. Everyone else just hasn't realized that yet."
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.

>“Let him into the library. In fact, give him a tour.”
Called it.
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Flight, you say?

No, but really. I agree that the Tarrasque is shit compared to, say, dragons. It's just a dumb beast that happens to be huge.
And it actually immune to save-or-die spells (unless they are rays, cones or lines which are deflected by it's carapace), it's just that it won't stay dead without a Wish spell. But there are so many other ways of dealing with it.
Hell, just Imprison the fucker and be done with it.
>it's actually not immune to
Herp derp.
Finally, char sheet!

[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
I never said he killed the Tarrasque, just that he had seen it. And then ran like the wind.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a [Badass] Boast.

We have slain men and monsters; dragons and demons. Made the hosts of heaven shake and challenged the gods themselves. None so wise would dare underestimate MC Wizard.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It's time for a Boast.
Also call her out for being a poor host.
Hold it. We have two extra cantrips and one less 6th level spell than we should have.

And I'm surprised we didn't go for max CRANIALNESS at char creation. That's one whole INT modifier point we could have had since level 16, along with two more spell slots. Screw the anti-powergaming mentality, we're a fucking wizard!

Then again I'm satisfied with the stats overall. It looks like the Gauntlets of THUMPABILITY are included right now, making this a flat 30-point-buy build. This would mean that Cirno weighs between 27 and 50 pounds if she weighs us down at 8 str but can be lifted with extreme ease at 13 str. I expected her to weigh a bit more, even if she is a "Faerie Queene", but hey.
[x] “Oh Flandre~! We should play a game tomorrow!”

Pissing against the tide while making Remillia jealous.
[x] “Oh Flandre~! We should play a game tomorrow!”
[X] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a [Badass] Boast.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
[x] “Oh Flandre~! We should play a game tomorrow!”
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a [Badass] Boast.
[X] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
[X] “Oh Flandre~! We should play a game tomorrow!”

IN THAT ORDER. Blow Remi out of the fucking water with a verbal fusillade of exceptional magnitude, then ruin her night by inviting flanflan to "play" around the SDM tomorrow. ONE-TWO CUNTPUNT.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
Expounding on my post. I'm all for subtlety. Normally. But when that scarlet tart starts insulting Keine, THE KID GLOVES COME OFF.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast
Or beat it down to negative HP, chain it to the bedrock, and then just have people constantly carve off pieces of meat to stop it from waking back up again. Then the world's most terrifying monster becomes a city's main food supply!
That can't be healthy for the people in the long run.


This table, and the one in my PHB, says I'm okay. I personally added two extra cantrips- call it a house rule. It strikes me as pants-on-head-retarded that you get bonus spells through 1-5th level, but no extra cantrips.

As for INT, he started with 18 and put his 3 stat points from 5th, 10th, and 15th level into INT. STR score does not reflect his magical Gauntlets.
I'd have thought he'd put a little more points into WIS, rather then STR.
But would he have been able to throttle a dragon without them extra STRs?
I agree with you, not so sure if the other people realize what this option would imply. That and playing with Flandre is a very dangerous thing in general.
You get raises to one of your ability scores every four levels, not every five; he's have gotten +1 Int at 4th, 8th, 12th, and 16th level.
We should still have 4 slots per day for 6th level spells at Wizard 17. There will be no bonus spell slots for the 6th level spells anyway.

And I'm more familiar with ability score increases every fourth level, so I based my stat assumptions on that. If this is another in-house rule, then I apologize.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
Errr... You get ability score increases at 4/8/12/16/20, not 5/10/15/20.
Actually because Demetrious forget to add another skill bump we would actually have 1 extra 6th level spell. Also Eschew Materials is pretty useless feat in 3.5. We would be better served with some form of item creation feat or another metamagic feat like Chain Spell.
Eschew Materials is certainly one of the less useful feats but it doesn't half make it easier to write magic when you're not reaching for your belt for grasshoper legs and guano.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.

I think this is the first time it's a premeditated Big Honking Monologue rather than just rage spewing out from the brainmeats through the facehole though so it's gotta start small and build. Like, start off with "were-hakutaku: probably not as big a deal as everyone things... blah blah blah lycanthropes... yadda yadda aberrations. I'm just worried that I'll finally get to see Keine transform and just be, well, underwhelmed. Disappointed, even."
That might actually be a good thing, a genuine "wait, that's -it"-" reaction could smash all of Keine's worries to pieces.
Followed by consensual sex with a shifted and sentient cow in the missionary position, right?
>>consensual sex
>>missionary position

You sick bastard.
Short question regarding the first battle: Do the 98-100 roll effect of two opposed spell Turning spells overlap the effects of Dimensional Anchor?

You're both terrible perverts. How dare you even suggest something as outlandish as consensual missionary position sex! That's absolutely inconvivable - not to mention an outrage!
Why does everyone feel the need to joke about this?
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Yeah, you guys are right. I typed it up at 3 AM, so I was herping a derp. My original sheet was for a 16th level wizard, which is why the sheet still had a 16th level wizards spells/day on it. Probably should've checked it, but people were clamoring for it, so...

According to my sheet here, original stats were 13, 15, 11, 18, 11, 10. MC put an 11 into CON, and sank a point into it to get +1 HP/level and +1 FORT save. He's got insane Will save anyways, and who needs Spot checks? Setting off traps are what the bait hirelings are for.

The other three went into INT, obviously. So if (When?) MC levels up, you can get a +6 INT bonus.


What are you going on about? Pic related.

>Eschew Materials

It's highly situational- in other words, what kind of DM you have. Some will let you prepare anything in the PHB and never make you pay upkeep costs on your spellbooks; others will roll for damage to your books whenever you fall in water.

Eschew Materials + Spell Mastery = a paranoid Wizard. Which happens to be MC, to a degree.

So a revised spell progression would be:

0|1|2|3|4|5|6|7|8|9 (Level)
6|6|5|5|5|5|4|3|2|1 (Spells/Day)
Sakuya's INT must be in the triple figures...
>Short question regarding the first battle: Do the 98-100 roll effect of two opposed spell Turning spells overlap the effects of Dimensional Anchor?

I'd imagine so, yes, because one of the percentile roll results for that is "Spell effects both caster and target equally." Which means that you are rolling to see IF Dimensional Anchor affects anybody- it's effect could either work properly on one or both parties, or just asplode.
>Word-hoard wat? Don't care what it is, sounds awesome.

Shamelessly lifted from Beowulf.
Yeah, when you've seen a few creatures listed as Aberrant in the Monster Manual nothing will make you go more more than "huh, that's new. Never seen that before."

I think Beholders would probably be a good creature to bring up. They're totally fucked up while still being respectable monsters.
I mean, they may look retarded but just by glancing in your direction it subjects you to three save-or-dies, slow, telekinesis, inflict moderate wounds, fear, charm person AND charm monster. Oh, and anti-magic field.

"It looks like a giant ball with a huge eye, and lots of little eye stalks on top.
If it looks at you, you are dead."
"It must be quite a ferocious beast."
"Well, that too. But I mean it literally kills you, three times over, by looking at you funny."
"Oh, so it's like Flandre then?"
>"Well, that too. But I mean it literally kills you, three times over, by looking at you funny."

Time to rebuff the host with a boast by the mage with the most, and so, while we coast:

[x] "If you offer Keine another verbal toasting, I'll offer you a literal roasting you pompous sub-demon. I arrived here by chance while ripping the very fabric and space and time apart with the same effort a child might use tearing up cheesecloth.

I have waded through the remains of worse than you in my time, I have walked across continents in single steps, I have attended courts hosted by both the highest and lowest powers, I rode the whirlwind and broke it to my will, I have given wise rulers counsel and destroyed kingdoms ripe with corruption, most recently I killed a powerful dragon by my own power and the worst I suffered was a ravenous appetite, I am companion to some and friend to fewer and most dire of enemies to those who would harm those I care for.

I have bested fairy queens and quashed powerful magics unfamiliar to me every moment of my time here, and as I have shown you my reasonable face so far, you seem to forget that I may also be quite mad from my time trafficking in souls and ether.

I assume Sakuya has already mentioned the great and powerful ZUUL.......

Should he come visit? Or perhaps you would like me to send you to HIM."
Then make with the illusions like a fiend.
Outright threats, may I point out, are unwise with a timestopper nearby. Very unwise.
I knew you guys would have fun with that option!
Remilia is a VAMPIRE illusion shit will never work. unless she is exceptionally weak and lacks a psychic 3rd eye. (oh lol i just noticed the relation between vamps an satori.)
outright attack is out for various reasons, being in her home, how it'd look to others, etc.
ummmm I'm all for verbal beatdown, but THREATENING her is fuckin' stupid. Sakuyastop comes to mind, not to mention general unnecessary trouble; if we get kicked out, how are we going to investigate the library or learn more from Meiling or spend time with Flan? There's a different between standing up for ourselves and our Keine, and being retarded, writing checks we can't cash.

Epic speech? Great. Acting like egotistical dumbshits? no thx.
So if the difficulty is the presence of a time stopper, then why not take away whatever it is that grants her access to her power? I think that is what the author has been hinting at whenever she's seen using her power when she puts her hand in her pocket. Pass her on the way to start making the badass boast and steal her gadget from her, or better yet while in the process of giving your speech for added "Oomph".
Telekinesis maybe?
Let's just go for the verbal chokeslam and avoid open threats and physical violence.
>she's seen using her power when she puts her hand in her pocket.
Not sure if it's the case here, but most stories usually have her use the pocket watch as a focus, not a device.
That shit won't work. As a wizard, we may have a surplus of skill points due to a high INT modifier, but our Pickpocket skill level will never be that much higher than half of our char level due to it being a cross-class skill. We can be certain that Sakuya keeps her artifact VERY closely guarded, else Marisa or someone else would have taken it by now. That would suggest a completely ridiculous Difficulty Check that we can never even hope to surpass even with a perfect roll. We attempt to steal it, "Pickpocket Attempt Detected!", and everything goes to hell as all of the neutrals in the mansion turn hostile.

Don't you guys start coming up with any more bright ideas like this.
what about hold monster on Sakuya and casually walk over and snag the device? Or telekinesis the object out of her pocket during a suitable distraction and float it under the table to you so you can examine it, and maybe make it work for you? There's always the danger of activating magical objects you don't fully comprehend......
She's human... we think.
She might also just play a level higher and simply pretend to use her watch to stop time, so when anybody takes it from her, she knows they are up to no good and can stick some knives in them. Having an obvious fake weakness can be useful.

And as soon as we cast it, Remi gets pissed and we lose our chance...and probably our life. That's assuming that Sakuya fails her save.

And she would notice if we tried stealing it a magical way.
Admittedly, Hold Monster works on anything that's living. Though, yeah, why not Hold Person?
Hold Monster functions like Hold Person, with the caveat that it can be used on any creature.
You cast Hold Monster on her, she becomes hostile, and you get to add another +10 DC to try to pickpocket her on top of already impossible success.

gg guys
Not only is Sakuya completely human, but the rest of your post is utter shit.

>casually walk over and snag the device?
Are you high? Absolutely no one at that table would recommend or tolerate that.

>maybe make it work for you
Yes. We will get a completely magical device, that may or may not actually be magical, to work at our whims. In seconds. Covertly. While people are trying to rip our heads off.
On the off chance she's not actually a "person"?

If only because things nominally in the "person" category don't usually have timestop powers?
Folks, Wizardanon is a WIZARD. None of this thief stickyfingers shinanigans, and anyway does he even know that Sakuya uses an artifact?

No, what is needed is the wizard's brute force approach: time to research a new abjuration spell, call it "Temporal Anchor" or something like hat.
Why are you even humoring the faggots who want to start a fight with Sakuya of all people?

Just let her be, she won't harm us until prompted or provoked, and we should have no reason to provide either situation.

Anyway, shit write-in is shit, and all these attempts to justify it by fucking stealing an artifact that we likely don't have the Lore skill ranks to identify or use just compounds the stupidity. Justifying that by actively using magic and wasting one of our spells for the day is even worse.

It's only been one day but I'm dieing already.
Why are people so focused on getting round Sakuya's Time Stop?

Even if we did come up with a way of doing that, we also have Flandre who can save-or-die us without the save, Patchouli who is a powerful mage, Meiling who will "just" kick our ass halfway to the moon and back and, of course, Remilia herself. A five hundred year old vampire who can manipulate fate.

This entire train of thought is heading towards BAD END unless someone can come up with an idea for dealing with all of those problems, at the same time.
And wizardnon would probably prefer something that still gets him that tour of the library, too.

My solution:
Just don't throw out obvious threats.
Weave some subtle threats in there.
"Shut up, or else" is way over the line, but he could mention to her how much he likes that Keine has a nice tan.

See what I did there?
That is a threat, and she would know that. But since we're not saying "Bitch, I'll stake you and fry you like an egg if you don't shut up!" there won't be any major repercussions from anyone.
Hell, half the people at the table won't even notice it.
Nice. I'm all for it.
After seeing the write in and having the first few lines jump into my head I felt I needed to write it all out. Though snap decisions and ignoring social norms in favor of crazed flamboyance does not seem particularly ooc for Wizardnon. Sorry for sowing discord through ignorance.

Poster brings up a good point, why make enemies when you could make friends? Especially when much of Remilia's opinion of us may be strongly colored by Sakuya's experiences interacting with the avatar of ZUUL.

But then keeping in character,as the introduction to the thread states:
'In which a wizard takes no shit'

[X] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.

I update daily (or try to, anyways,) and my posts usually go up after 12:00 AM. Frequently at 2 or even 3 AM. I'm in -5 GMT, so adjust accordingly.

And yes, updating tonight.
Your updating schedule is faster then many, friend Demetrious, and gives you great credit. Yet, it causes us to experience the pangs of starvation far sooner when the schedule is disturbed. Both a blessing and a curse, it seems.

Now, let us see tonight how shall our Wizard give voice to his anger. Will it be with a subtle and cold rage or with a storm of hot wrath, I wonder?
So long as we don't do anything colossally retarded I'm sure Dem can spin it into something fun to read, but I wouldn't envy him trying to spin something retarded like "I'll kill you all" into a non-bad-end snippet.
You sound as if people actually need a reason to argue on the Internet.

Snap decisions and ignoring social norms is very in character for Wizardnon, but at the moment it is a very bad idea to ignore all of them.
Tone down the threats and trim the theatrics a bit and the write-in isn't too bad.
Wizardnon will take no shit from Remilia, but he shouldn't needlessly stir it up just because he isn't taking it.

Most of all, we want to show Remilia that she can't push him around and she can't drive a wedge between him and Keine (or Cirno, for that matter).
What we don't want is for Sakuya to escort us out of the mansion. Minus a few important pieces, if we push it too far.
If we do bring up some of the aberrant races as part of our boast, then I think we should also bring up either the Aboleth or Illithid as well. Sure the Beholder is stronger one-on-one then either race but unlike the Beholders both races are capable of working with other members of their species, and tend to be far nastier and alien.

Gee... 5th level spell... if one of the undisclosed feats is Quicken spell, a Quickened Hold Monster is possible (it'd take up the only 9th level slot, we could use Hold Person to avoid that, though chances of success would be lower.) A Quickened Spell is a "swift" action (basically instantaneous,) and Wiznon took Improved Initiative, and has good reflexes (and that's un-boosted with Cat's Grace,) giving a +6 to initiative rolls.

He could certainly pull it off. Hell, he could "pull it off" against ANYONE in the SDM- alone. Not all of them combined, though. Which is exactly why the Spell Card rules were laid down; to avoid the hundreds of super-powerful beings in Gensokyo from wasting each other in petty squabbles.

Any conflict Wiznon initiates would be in the form of formal spell-card duels. Which he might still lose anyways, so that's not a plus per-se. If and when real fights break out, it's going to be fucking terrifying to behold. Seems a bit early for that, though.
Like it was said by many before, let's avoid open threats and open conflict. Hint at our true power and remain polite and courteous all throughout, yet also subtly hint that if Remilia continues badmouthing our friends or gets any 'hostile' ideas, very bad things will happen.

In other words, act like a Bentusi. Echoey voice optional (Bentus didn't need it in HW2).
[X] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.

Oooh, its times like this I wish we were a Sorcerer so we could cast Eagle's Splendor or something. But they are Cha based so we'd hardly need it anyway...
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
[x] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.
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[X] Unlock your word-hoard, motherfucker. It’s time for a Boast.

You try to remind yourself that deception is the basis of all warfare. You know that misleading Remilia would be the most sound tactical decision. You know that the more she underestimates you, the greater your advantage.

Glancing sidelong at Keine’s strained expression, you also know that you don’t give a damn.

“So, Remilia,” you say, leaning forward in your chair a little. “Would you like to hear some of those ‘grand tales’ of mine?”
Remilia waves her hand airily, as if your words are of little weight. “Of course, of course. We’re all curious, aren’t we?”

“Very well,” you reply. “What should I tell you about? The time I infiltrated a group of slavers, and buried a dagger in the ringleaders throat? Or about my exploits at the sea battle of Lepina, where I was forced to counterspell enemy attacks with a broken arm while trapped under a fallen mast, lest their fireballs ignite our rigging and doom the entire crew?”

Meiling leans forward to look past Keine at you, and Patchouli is looking up from her plate for a change. “Shall I tell you about the depths I’ve plumbed, the dungeons I’ve braved? What horrors I found in the Underdark? If the walking, invisible killer fungal colonies don’t kill you, the Drow or the Mind Flayers will.”

“Mind Flayers?” Meiling asks apprehensively.

“Mind Flayers,” you confirm. You make a squidlike motion in the air with your fingers. “A race of vile sorcerers with tentacles about their beaklike mouths. They wrap those tentacles around your face, under your chin, and the last thing you feel is their beaks cracking open your skull like a fucking walnut.”

Meiling’s face drops as she contemplates that.

“Or perhaps you’ll be eaten by a Gelatinous Cube- a huge creature that sucks you inside of it, where you’re slowly digested by acid, conscious for every agonizing, terrifying minute of it. I know what it’s like, because for a short time, I was in one.”

“Why were you even near one?” Cirno asks you, puzzled.

“I was with some Gnomish rangers. We were hunting a Beholder through a tower-cap forest.”

“Did you find it?” Meiling asks.

You pull your robe aside, and tug your undershirt down, revealing the scar of an old bite-wound on your shoulder. “It found me.

“How did you get away?” Meiling asks, leaning forward eagerly.

“We didn’t,” you reply. “We left it dead, and with its head-”

”Do describe this ‘Beholder’,” Patchouli says, somewhat dubiously.

“There’s no describing it,” you say. “I’ll just show you.” You cast Silent Image over the table, and the illusion of a Beholder appears- a huge floating ball of flesh, a gigantic, bloodshot eye over a razor-filled mouth, with eight eye-stalks springing outwards from it. You rotate it slowly so everyone at the table can get a good look. Cirno is pressed back in her chair, wide eyes riveted on the horrific spectacle.

“If this thing lays eyes on you, you’re fucked,” you state.

“It does look... formidable...” Patchouli admits quietly, staring at the hideous illusion.

“Well, that too. But I mean it literally kills you, three times over, by looking at you funny. Each of the eyes fires different magical rays, and the main one in the center can negate all magic.” Patchouli appears to contemplate meeting that creature without her magic defenses, and blanches.

You snap your fingers, and the illusion disappears. Now the entire table is paying close attention to you. In a low voice, you go for the kill.

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe,” you say softly. “Flaming ballista bolts burning through the dark near Tyrce. Githyanki airships on fire near the ramparts of the Citadel. I have strode through the perpetual screaming winds of Pandemonium to stand atop Howler’s Crag, so the winds might carry my whispered remorse to my lost friends. I have dueled with a vampire wizard atop the rain-lashed battlements of his dread citadel, trading wounds for wounds in the dark- and won. I have hunted another through the jagged slopes of Gehenna, and finished him in the blood-soaked plains of Baator. I have researched in the libraries of Mechanus, and fought my way out when my intrusion was discovered. And when I returned home from the edges of the universe, I accepted mortal combat with one of the most powerful dragons ever to draw breath.”


“And I have done all this by age twenty-six.”


Part 2 tomorrow. 4AM? Fuck.
hell YES
>Tannhäuser Gate reference
Isn't that a death flag?
Player characters are some seriously fucked up people. The shit they go through and manage to survive (or not) is pretty insane.
God, we're badass.
How's this supposed to help Keine or...do whatever it is we're trying to do?
Only if its raining.
But will those moments be lost in time, like tears in rain?

Also, I'm not sure how much of that speech any of these folks really got, without being there or with a more solid reference for what the hell WizardAnon is talking about.

Maybe silent image for the whole monologue, drawing from our MCs memories to provide the appropriate vistas for the scenes he describes.

Derp, I meant them, not me. I got what he said.
While from the title that isn't completely done, this part is seriously epic Demetrious. Though I was surprised that the wizard didn't mention how having your brains sucked out through your broken skull can actually be considered one of the luckier ways to die by Mind Flayers.
No kidding. Something posesses you to start adventuring - for whatever godforsaken reason - and if you don't get out or die (and many do both no doubt) everything just spirals out of control until what you've done and what normal people know are so far apart that not a soul will understand you. No wonder many high level wizards retire to towers and ask not to be disturbed.
He is well traveled. And definitively has some ranks in Knowledge : The Planes. He went to Mechanus? Interesting.

I, for one, am eager to see the result of our Badass Boast on both hosts and our wife and daughter friends.
Huh, I wonder if we're going to have to worry about a Lawful Stupid hunters?
>“We left it dead, and with its head-”
You went galumphing back?
I'm guessing the party fighter brought a vorpal blade with him for your trip to the Underdark, then.
I am merely saddened you didn't mention the idiot in your party who thought "oh, a gelatinous cube works like a slug, right? So salt will hurt it, right?"

I don't care what you say, the logic was sound dammit!
Heh. Modrons in Gensokyo?
I think these words sum it best: "Don't fuck with me, I'm the mightest sorceror in the lands"
So in my experience people refer to "Lawful Good" as "Lawful Stupid," but that's nothing. The real drags on the party are the players that have Chaotic Neutral or Chaotic Evil alignment that can be better characterized as "Attention-deficit Asshole".

As for Wizanon... he's probably NG or thereabouts. Maybe CG.
That, and it also implies to Remi that Keine's true nature won't really phase us.
>The real drags on the party are the players that are retarded, no matter the alignment

I agree that Wizardnon is probably NG, leaning towards CG. Which is kinda interesting, because wizards usually are more towards Lawful.
>“And I have done all this by age twenty-six.”
I am such a Failure.

Don't feel bad, anon, he's a fictional character. The only PCs from tabletop RPGs that haven't outclassed everything you will ever accomplish in your life are the ones who died on their first adventure.
And really, even they probably did.

That's just hot it is for 99.9% of us, man.
>I have strode through the perpetual screaming winds of Pandemonium to stand atop Howler’s Crag

Wonder if we could've met Shinki?

Seriously, the Silent Image was a nice touch.
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What is it that prompts people to go on all of these adventures anyway? Venturing into all of these foreign lands for what... do the riches and valuable goods really outweigh the risks? And after they accomplish whatever they set out to do, instead of just settling down, they jump right back into a new journey of life and death. What's so wrong with staying at home and becoming a social introvert, free from the troubles of unnatural death or disaster? Sure, you'll never actually accomplish anything in your life, but it's not like you need to accomplish anything either, when everyone around you does all the work for you to leech off of without a single worry...
In the end most adventurers are pretty much sociopaths. The vast majority leave relative safety to go kill things & have those things try to kill them for the possibility of a mere material (and occasionally non-material) reward.

tl;dr Yes, adventurers are incredibly fucked up people.
Except you're never free from unnatural death and disaster, even if you stay at home.
All it takes is for one little monster to show up outside your village, and suddenly your life is a lot more interesting.

Not all adventurers are in it for greed and pride. Some don't have a choice.
But, since they continue adventuring afterwards they're still completely fucked up.
>do whatever it is we're trying to do?

Dismiss Remi's fearmongering and take control of the conversation.
Valid point and I agree with Wizardanon's alignment. There's derp on both ends of the spectrum.
They don't have internet.
Which I think we're managing just fine. We've established that we have faced far, far worst then Remilia is prepared to be against us in the worst case. To deal with us as an enemy, she'd have to pull out her big guns, which means upsetting the power balance in Gensokyo and drawing in third parties, and she has no reason to do a pre-emptive strike because we're not interested in fighting her so long as she remains neutral at worst.

Now, we just need to establish that, not only are we a tough contender even for her, but we trust our family allies enough that we won't let her mind games divide us. Keine fears that we'd be disgusted/horrified/terrified of her hakutaku form, we must put that fear to rest. Cirno has a pure enough trust that we need not fear her having doubts, but Keine's fears are a dangerous opening in her emotional defences. An opening Remilia has just tried to exploit.

We have assumed direct control over this conversation, time to bring the blow home and rally our beloved wife Keine to our side.

Mayhap, to honour Remembrance Day, this could be in the form of tales of our comrades, of diverse origins and states, that fought and fell by our side and the trust we shared with them, forged in battle and tempered in blood.
The Lawful Stupid referred to Mechanus. Beings from that plane tend toward being lawful stupid to the extreme most of the time.
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>Keine fears that we'd be disgusted/horrified/terrified of her hakutaku form

Those aren't the right emotions at all.
>Those aren't the right emotions at all.
If she didn't love care for MC.
This CYOA has made me reinstall NWN2 again, going to play Storm of Zehir inb4shitstormforsomestupidreason

I don't remember what the limit is for party members, but I think I'll go for a party full of magic users, divine and arcane, maybe a druid and/or warlock too.
When this happens,
we are going to say that keine is more beatifull than ever, then kiss her.

Until she swaps back and slaps Wizanon for saying she's looked less than perfect every other time they've seen each other.
cast a spell to add to the moment then?
I actually already reinstalled the first NWN a while back because of this story, and I'm now playing through the "A Dance with Rogues" module which happened to get a somewhat significant update just last month. Sure the sex is gratuitous and lol, but its take on stealth-based non-combat gameplay is actually quite enjoyable considering how the base game and expansions are largely biased towards hack-and-slash, and the story is intriguing enough.
I doubt she'd be that petty; Keine's strikes me as one of the mature Touhous, mentally speaking.
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Silence reigns. You feel the eyes of all upon you, but only Remilia holds your attention. Her wine glass sits forgotten on the table, and that smug little smirk has been wiped clean off her face. You regard her with the same smoldering anger you delivered your boast with; your features set in granite.

After several long seconds of this, the sharp report of Keine’s hands slapping together breaks the spell. “Well, we’ve enjoyed the meal tremendously, but we’ve had a long day and could use some rest!” your companion says with brisk nervousness.

“So soon~?” Flandre’s voice fairly sing-songs. The blonde-haired vampire leans forward, elbows on the table, and cocks her head childishly. “The human was just starting to get interesting.” Though her mouth is smiling amusedly, her taught muscles and tightly balled fist tell a different story.

“Yes,” you say firmly. “Thank you for a lovely evening, Miss Scarlet.”

“My pleasure,” Remilia says, her words so clipped you can nearly hear the faint tunk as they fall to the table halfway to you. “Sakuya will see to your rooms.” Remila remains seated, stiff, as Sakuya silently rises. She gives you a brief glance lacking either anger or disdain before walking with measured tread to the door.

“This way, please,” she says in muted tones. You rise, and offer your hand to help Keine to her feet, which she daintily accepts. You turn to beckon to Cirno, and she looks at you uncertainly. For once, she’s not idly swinging her legs under her chair.

You reach out and tousle her hair gently. “C’mon, kiddo. Time for bed,” you say quietly in Sylvan. She blinks, and slowly, cautiously, slips off the chair and comes to your side, clinging to your robe with one hand.

With Cirno in tow, you head for Sakuya, waiting at the door- and feel Keine’s arm slip into yours supportively. With Keine escorting and Cirno in tow, you meet Sakuya at the large double doors. The maid turns and silently walks down the hallway, expecting you to follow. You turn and give the room one last glance. Patchouli and Meiling are staring at you as if you just surfed through the door on a battleaxe borne on a wave of kitten blood. Flandre almost seems to be pouting a little, and Remilia is still giving you that serious, deadpan stare.

With your free hand, you reach up and tilt your hat at all assembled. “Good night, ladies. Sleep tight. Don’t let the Mistress bite.”

With that, you take your leave.


“I’ve assigned some of the maids who can count without their fingers to this wing tonight,” Sakuya tells you at the threshold of your assigned rooms. “If you need anything, just call for them.”

“Understood,” you say.

“Have a good night,” Sakuya says formally, and leaves you, disappearing around a corridor corner.

That’s weird,” Cirno says flatly as soon as the maid is out of sight. “She isn’t talking at you like you’re a mean dog anymore.”

“A mean dog?”

“Yeah, you know. Dangerous but still a dog, you know?”

“Barbaric, I think you mean,” Keine says. “She is a little more respectful... I think Patchouli and Meiling are still trying to figure out how much of your little rant they believed. Not her, though.”

“A boast,” you correct her. “A formal declaration of why your ‘name is huge,’ as they say in the vernacular.” You plant your hands on your hips and sigh, shaking your head. “Keine, my dear, I’m fond of you, but I’m afraid you’d never cut the mustard in a northern barbarian’s mead hall.”

“Oh, like you could either...” she says, trailing off. You curse silently at her failure to wisecrack back- clearly she’s still preoccupied. “Cirno,” Keine says absently, “go see if you’re room’s the way you want it, okay?”

Cirno, enchanting in her new dress, scowls up at Keine and crosses her arms. Slowly, her head swivels to lock you in the beam of her suspicious gaze.

“You’re gonna ambuscade him, aren’t you!”

Keine gives Cirno a blank look. “Uh?”

“Oh what’d Letty say it was...” Cirno frowns as she tries to remember. “You’re gonna jump his skeleton!”

Keine blushes furiously, and grabs Cirno by the arm. “ComeonI’llputyoutobedgoodnight!” she tosses out quickly, and swiftly hauls Cirno into the nearest guest bedroom, shutting the door behind her quite firmly.


Alone in the hallway, you feel justified in sighing a long, dramatic, gusty sigh. You push open the door to your room and wearily tug off your hat, tossing it onto the mahogany nightstand sitting beside the large bed. Collapsing onto the bed, you groan, and rub your forehead.

“It’s been a looong day,” you say to yourself. And it’s about to get longer- in a few hours you’ve got an appointment with the Secret Society at the edge of the village. You wish you could get a few hours sleep before that, but with nobody to wake you up...

A knock sounds at the door. “Can I come in?” Keine’s voice asks through the door.

“Sure, sure,” you say, surprised, sitting up quickly and smoothing out your robe a bit. Keine enters, still in her new gown, and closes the door behind her quickly.

“I, uh, wanted to talk to you.”

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you, too.” You pat the bed next to you, and Keine takes a seat. You have a pretty good idea what she’s about to launch into, and decide to save her the trouble. “Now listen-”

“Are you really twenty-six?” she asks, cutting you off.

You blink. “Well, yeah.”

Keine tilts her head, and her eyes glisten with- pity!? “When did you start adventuring?”

“Nineteen is when I graduated from the Academy.”

“I didn’t ask when you graduated,” Keine says, raising her eyebrow skeptically.

“Weeell,” you drawl “I might have done some field research before then...”

Keine smiles knowingly. “So what else do you do?”

“... what?” you ask, mystified.

“What else do you do? Play an instrument? Write books? What do you do when you’re not dueling mind-warping aberrations?”

“Well,” you say, “I’m a master alchemist, and I... research. And stuff.”

“And ‘stuff’,” Keine says, sarcasm dripping from her tone, and you squirm uncomfortably. “You’ve pretty much done nothing but adventuring and magical studies your whole life, right.” It’s not a question.

You shrug. “Well... yeah.” You’re not embarrassed of the fact, but for some reason you can’t name, you feel uncomfortable admitting it.


“Well, uh...” you trail off, making a windmilling gesture with your fingers as you think. “I’m just driven like that, for one. And... well, just when you think you’re done, that all is right with the world, it’s ale time- you turn around and there’s something else.”

“Something else?”

“Some warlord stomping all over the territory next door. Or an illithid cult kidnapping people for the snack trays at their next ‘Evil Fuckers Fraternity’ meeting. Or... anything. There’s so much petty cruelty in the world, Keine, more then you could imagine, but when I see those sumbitches, those wellsprings of evil, I just- can’t-” you realize your hands are balled into white-knuckled fists, and you hastily release them. You huff, and avoid Keine’s eyes. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Well, it’s just... that’s it?”

“IT!?” you say, incredulous. “That’s it!? Who the hell are you? Because I could have sworn the real Keine was sitting right next to me when I-”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Keine says calmly, completely unfazed by your outburst. “And you know it, so shush. I just mean...” She reaches out and pushes aside your robe, then tugs open your undershirt. She rubs her thumb across the scar on your shoulder. “I mean it hardly seems fair you come out the other end of all that with a bunch of scars and not much else.”

“The ability to stick your hand down the Universe’s throat, grab its asshole and turn it inside-out is a pretty good consolation prize,” you mutter dourly.

Keine regards you sadly. “How many of your friends didn’t get an apology from atop Howler’s Crag?”

You bite your lip, and struggle mightily to lock down your emotions. The burning sensation in your eyes tells you you’re failing. “That’s... shut up.”

“I- I’m not criticizing you,” Keine stutters. She’s still rubbing your bare shoulder. “It’s just- it’s sad, is all.”

“No shit,” you grumble, your voice not quite as gruff as you’d hoped it’d be. “Listen, I, uh, midnight, society secret meeting. Secret meeting with society of secrets. Society. That’s very distracting,” you huff.

“Oh. Sorry,” Keine says, taking her hand from your shoulder. “You’ve got to go meet that shopkeeper. About the ghosts. Yes. Uh.” She shakes her head briskly. “Sorry. Let me change into my normal outfit first.”

“You can’t come with,” you say. “They’re nervous about you. The shopkeep specifically forbade it.”

”Well screw him,” Keine says with uncharacteristic vehemence. “You shouldn’t walk into that alone!”

“I can handle myself.”

“That doesn’t make it any less stupid to go in alone,” Keine says, exasperated. “I- I’ll- see to my room.” She stands, and hustles out of the room.

You wait a few seconds after the door latch clicks, then snatch your hat and slip out of the room. Storming down the hallway, you try to bear down on the maelstrom of emotions and memories swirling in your chest, and find that you can’t. Keine reached right past all your defenses.

“Gods damn it,” you say, pausing in the hallway to lean forehead-first against the wall. “Dammit.”

And you thought she was going to be the defensive one, desperately reassuring you she’d never be a threat to you like Remilia was suggesting. What a laugh.

You shake your head violently, frustrated. You’re in no condition to kick cultist ass, not like this. You need to clear your head a bit. You need...

[ ] A walk.
[ ] A stiff drink and a dragon steak.
[ ] An act of old-fashioned anti-vamp espionage to get back on your game.
[ ] An awesome write-in.
[X] A walk.
[X] A stiff drink and a dragon steak.
[X] An act of old-fashioned anti-vamp espionage to get back on your game.

All of the above.
[x] A stiff drink and a dragon steak.

A drunk wizard? This can't possibly go wrong.
>“You’re gonna ambuscade him, aren’t you!”
>“Oh what’d Letty say it was...” Cirno frowns as she tries to remember. “You’re gonna jump his skeleton!”

Oh dear gods. Our child is just the most precious thing ever.
[x] A walk.
Better take Keine with you. He needs some company to make himself not forget himself and drift off.
[x] A walk.

The other provided options are irresponsible, since we shouldn't be setting up situations for ourselves where we won't be at maximum capacity and functionality come midnight. We may be able to explore the grounds by walking around anyway, and possibly find our way to the library where we can drown our troubles amidst a sea of texts and knowledge rather than dregs of ale. But even the whole library thing can afford to wait until the next morning after the secret society meeting, so we don't find ourselves losing track of time. So I say we can just explore the mansion halls and get a feel for the mansion's floor layout, at which point we should probably notice some oddities at the size of the building's insides being strangely larger than initially expected from seeing the outside.
[X] A stiff drink and a dragon steak.
[x] A walk.
With Keine of course.
[x] To have Keine jump your skeleton...bones...bon- I'll just stop there.
[X] A walk.
[x] An awesome write-in.
Kein's comig with? this can't be good.
looks like were gonna have to ask a favour from the SDM, if we can delay or distract keine from coming it will help us in the long run.
[X] Find Patcholi
inquire about sleeping potions/spells.
[X] Ask Remilia about upping the security in keines room.
[x] A walk and a dragon steak.
[x] Or maybe the company of books in a silent atmosphere would be calming. Research is such a nice and familiar activity after all...
[X]Chess with Flandre



[X] Moonlit danmaku to clear his head. Or get his face beaten in. Depends on who he meets.
[X] An act of old-fashioned anti-vamp espionage to get back on your game.
[X] A stiff drink and a dragon steak.

In that order.


Slowpoking > horrid grammar and spelling.

If you're going to write in something, at least look respectable enough in your post to make people take you seriously.

Wait. Wait. You're suggesting that we drug one of the two people who actually give a god damn about us in this place and have stuck through us by thick and thin? Ignoring their wishes, and rather than trying to reason with them or treat them as equals, we're supposed to drug them or put them under house arrest?

Okay I can see worrying about Keine and trying to convince her not to come, that seems in-character for Wiznon, but blatant abuse and complete disregard for her as a person is NOT going to help anything. She already seemed a touch uncomfortable with us even having mindcontrol powers, USING that kind of thing would be a huge BAD KEINE ENDING flag.
(adding on to my link'd post)

Not to mention we're talking getting the DEMON VAMPIRE CHICK WHO JUST TREATED KEINE LIKE ASS to put her under house arrest?

I see nothing that could possibly go wrong with this plan of action.
I'll just go right ahead and say what this guy couldn't. You are retarded. Your vote is terribly written, and you should feel bad.

[x]To return back to your room and lie-down.

Lying down and thinking about whatever comes to mind is surprising calming.
I would agree with that. We're in no emotional shape to wander around and risk letting slip something.
[x] An act of old-fashioned anti-vamp espionage to get back on your game.

Spying on hot loli Remi? Why the hell not. Still for Keine but not like we cant look at least...
[x]To return back to your room and lie-down.

Go take it easy. You can't be doing crazy shit all the time.
This is quite possibly the worst thing we could possibly do. No joke. What we need right now is to take a walk to clear our head and hammer things out with Keine.
[X] A walk.
on further reflection it would be best for us to lie down for a bit.
>voting with a name

Don't do that.
[x] A walk.
[x] Warm milk and cookies
[x] A bedtime story
[x] Are you still awake? Go to sleep already!
[X] A walk.

Let what slip? Usually the point behind a mind-clearing walk is to be quiet and enjoy the scenery, not mumble everything on your mind.
Me thinks that our wizard forgot that Keine can easily accompany him so long as he has a Invisibility spell handy.

[X] A walk with Keine to hammer things out and calm our minds.

Both Wizard and Keine have a lot to say and discuss.
Invisibility has a time limit of 1 minute per level. Greater Invisibility has a time limit of 1 round per level. I don't think that's enough. Is there another spell that might work?

Well, if I remember correctly he cast an extended tongues spell after he rested so he has that feat, but whether or not he prepared an extended invisibility is the issue, unless he doesn't have the invisibility spell, which could be possible though I'd say unlikely, but that could be an issue as well. Anyway, an extended invisibility spell would go for 34 minutes, which seems like a good enough amount of time. Also, I wonder if he has any magic items for invisibility, couldn't be that hard at his level to have some item with invisibility that Keine can use.

Adding a
[X] Inventory/Spellbook recollection to my vote.

Derp, just looked at the character sheet again while typing this. No extend spell feat, then I guess there was no Extended tongues spell casted. So a magic item with invisibility would be our best bet here.
We have a rod of extend spell if that works.

Actually, he does have a metamagic rod of Extend Spell.
So we could give Keine 34min of invisibility? Not bad, but I'm not sure it's enough. And somehow I have this feeling that telling her to leave before it wears off might not work...
You are not thinking craftily enough. Outright tell the Secret Society that you'll be casting spells during your meeting. Anti-Scrying spells to make sure you aren't being watched.

And then use that excuse to re-cast Invisibility on Keine as needed. It's not like they'll be able to tell the difference.

Thanks for the info, I've never done much research into spellcasters till this CYOA, rods are rather convenient aren't they. I'd ask more questions about them, but that would derail the topic. Do we have anything that Keine might be able to use so she can cast invisibility on herself?
this is a brilliant idea. Go for it.

Seriously, unless you intend to write or something, drop the name.

Also, [x] A stiff drink and a dragon steak.
Help! Help! I'm being repressed.

And we don't need a stiff drink right now. Not until the night is over, then we can have a stiff drink and be miserable in peace.

Invisibility can be cast on oneself or others, (range of touch,) and he probably has a potion of it.
[X] A walk.
Enough with the multivoting. And this option is better because all the other are reckless.
[X] A stiff drink and a dragon steak.

Just one drink, not enough to get drunk, or even buzzed. Something to slightly mellow us out.

We are now a hard-bitten, hard-drinking, wizard private eye who doesn't give a damn what the odds are, he's doing the right thing.

Hell's Bells.
Why are we eating a steak..."Didn't we just eat?
Dragon steak is a euphemism for masturbation.
[X] A walk.
[X] A walk.
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The act of chewing a motherfuggin dragon's meat to shreds with our teeth prevent us from doing the same with loli devil slumbitches.
[X] A walk.
[X] An awesome write-in;
Didn't we prepare Mass Invisibility at the start of the day?
[X] Go apologize to Keine, tell her you'll cast Invisibility on her so she can cover you incognito.
[X] A walk with Keine.
Probably a bit late for my write-in to get a majority, but what the heck.

[X]Sigh, and walk over to Kiene's room.
-[X]Kiss her.
--[X]"Not all of my adventuring companions died. Some of them got married and retired. One of them got pregnant and decided she didn't want to risk a sword to the gut."
---[X]Push her backwards onto the bed. "I don't know how fast you want our relationship to go; if you feel uncomfortable, tell me to stop and I will."
----[X]Fade to black.
[ ] An act of old-fashioned anti-vamp espionage to get back on your game.
>We are now a hard-bitten, hard-drinking, wizard private eye who doesn't give a damn what the odds are, he's doing the right thing.
>Hell's Bells.

I do believe that is a path best left for others to tread. Others with friends that can yank old Soviet satellites out of orbit.
And I'd rather the MC not get shot.
Woah woah woah, this is taking things too quickly. The tone isn't right for that right now.

I don't see how you can want to vote for a (forced) sex act and a fade to black. It boggles my mind.

Also, fuck these write-ins that explicitly spell out (read: hijack) the character's activity for such an extended length of time.
[x]Something else: Summon Morality Pet VI

Wizanon needs to talk about his FEELINGS; fortunately there are creatures on the Summon Monster spell list that have good alignments and an OTHER CRANIALNESS of 14-16 range. Blowing a 5th-7th level spell for peace of mind will be worth it to not have a -2 circumstance (early midlife crises) modifier on concentration checks when getting in a mid-spell punch out later tonight. Time for a heart-to-heart with a hound archeron or something. A Planar Binding of some kind would probably be better but one of those probably aren't prepared.

At lvl 17 a summoning would last for what, almost two minutes? But that's okay because talking is a free action.
>Summon Morality Pet VI
But Cirno already went to bed.
Huh? If you didn't notice, my write-in was explicitly about *not* forcing her to do anything. Also, just because they're having sex doesn't mean we can't be tasteful about it; this isn't the NSFW board.
[X] A walk.
We haven't actually made any headway on this scrying business, and if Keine comes tomorrow, keeping the appointment isn't worth dirt. With that in mind, it probably doesn't matter if we wake up late tomorrow, and we still have plenty of unused spells.

[X] A walk.
[x] Set up some perimeter defenses around the guest rooms.
Is it not said "There is no paranoia if they are out to get you"? Two multicentennial and completely inhuman (and thus by the standard of humanity insane) vampires with a grudge/too much curiosity does not equal a good night's rest nor continued health.

[x]A Walk
[x]An act of old-fashioned anti-vamp espionage to get back on your game.
Solid Snake wishes he had Invisibility. We don't have to wish, we do have it. Tactical Vampire Espionage is Go?
[x] A Walk

preferably with Keine, firstly to have someone to talk to and we should leave Cirno sleep, secondly to look less suspicious.

The other options are not appealing me.
[x] A walk.

The name thing applies to you, too.


[x] a walk
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Yeah, she's gonna ambuscade him.

[x] A walk.
[x]Something else: Summon Morality Pet VI

[X] A walk.
[X] An awesome write-in;
Didn't we prepare Mass Invisibility at the start of the day?
[X] Go apologize to Keine, tell her you'll cast Invisibility on her so she can cover you incognito.
[X] A walk.
[X] An awesome write-in;
Didn't we prepare Mass Invisibility at the start of the day?
[X] Go apologize to Keine, tell her you'll cast Invisibility on her so she can cover you incognito

Hush, now.
slowpoke here, but can some explain the whol e "ambuscade" thing to me? im feeling herpish this evening and stupid for not getting it
It's an archaic term for an ambush.

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I have no idea if I already voted yet, but if so, changing vote to this.

This is glorious.

I'm changing my vote from taking a walk, to this.

Demetrious, add this to the winning vote if you must. Talking about our feelings with some kind of celestial hound dog or whatnot NEEDS to happen.
[x] >>129149
Now you're thinking with portals
[x] >>129149

This sure as hell better win.

Quick notes.

If you're going to change your vote, remember that your first vote was probably ANONYMOUS (if you did it right), as in, the writer has no clue which vote to not count. The best option is to select all of the votes after the said update that might have been yours, and try to delete them all at the same time. The board will only delete your vote. Then feel free to revote.

No really, that works.

Afterwards, remember to explicitly include your vote for the different option. Don't just say "I'm voting for b instead of a," just do

[x] option b: maim and rape

Sage for useless post and repeating information you might have already known.
[x]Something else: Summon Morality Pet VI
[x]Something else: Summon Morality Pet VI
[x]Something else: Summon Morality Pet VI
[X] A walk
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[x]Something else: Summon Morality Pet VI
[X] A walk

Does it really matter which vote is mine, so long as I mention what I'm changing it from?

It shouldn't matter which of a dozen walk votes I am, just that there is now one less, right?
[x]Something else: Summon Morality Pet VI

Because I want to see Wizardnon confiding in a hound archon. Or some other good-aligned summon creature. On that note, if I'm not mistaken these spells can be used to summon specific creatures as well. So even better if it's an old drinking buddy or something.
[x] Summon Morality Pet VI

If you have a name or some other way of singling out your target, you can summon specific creatures.
I thought about this as well. It would make more sense for him to summon someone he knows rather than just a random Good-aligned outsider.
This is a rather sensitive topic so he needs someone who understands him, not just whoever happens to pick up the extra-planar phone first.

(D&D rant incoming, feel free to just ignore it.)

A summoning spell would last roughly three and a half minutes with a Rod of Metamagic: Extend, assuming it still has daily uses left.

I'd go with Planar Binding, myself. Lesser Planar Binding is enough to get a Hound Archon (6HD), 5th level spell. The spell is highly situational but potentially extremely useful, mostly for gathering extra-planar information, or for "hiring a hit man". Which means it's the kind of spell no one prepares, unless casting it during downtime, but almost everyone has a scroll or two of it lying around.

Such scrolls are dirt cheap anyway. A scroll of Lesser Planar Binding cast as a 9th level wizard (lowest required character level for 5th level spells) costs ~600 gold to prepare.
Hell, if the scroll is scribed to be cast as a level 17 wizard, which is pointless overkill, it costs roughly 1150 gold.
There is a little table in the DMG called "Wealth by Character Level" that can be used to equip characters who didn't start at level 1. A 17th level character is assumed to have, if they liquidate all assets, 340,000 gold.
He could wipe his ass with 5th level scrolls and it would barely make a dent in his economy.

Lesser Planar Binding scrolls are useful and cheap as dirt, so everyone has one.
This would be one of those things that you just do. It makes it easier on everyone in the long run.
[x] Summon Morality Pet VI
sure is getting pretty fancy here, and this makes me think such a thing would backfire more than help.

>A 17th level character is assumed to have, if they liquidate all assets, 340,000 gold.
He could wipe his ass with 5th level scrolls and it would barely make a dent in his economy.

[x] Summon Morality Pet VI

and then go for a walk
[x] Summon Morality Pet VI
[x]Something else: Summon Morality Pet VI

It streamlines things. Reduces confusion in case their might be vote spam, and there's no sudden need for subtraction. Also, I didn't see if you mentioned you were originally for walking or not.


Didn't see this before typing this out. But yeah, it's just a general board etiquette thing. I'm not sure if it's entirely necessary, it just seems like something you do to keep a thread from filling up too much.

And here I've posted 2 non-vote/non-discussion posts...
The new compilation of short stories (IIRC it's called 'Side Jobs' or something similar) has a bit that occurs 30 minutes after the end of Changes.

[x] Summon Morality Pet VI
This is too interesting to choose anything else.
I feel as though I am missing something. What is being referenced here?

[x] Summon Morality Pet VI

The Dresden Files

Also [x] Summon Morality Pet VI
[x] Summon Morality Pet VI

Gotta go with this option if only because it's something only a Wizard could possibly even think of doing. Who needs a heart to heart with some shrink when you have an Archon bro to talk to.
[x] Summon Morality Pet VI
[x] Summon Morality Pet VI
Where the hells is Demetrious?
Aftermath (The short) answers no questions. It just raises more.
The series is actually over?
he probably had to rewrite a good bunch of the update due to the sudden influx of votes for this write-in
It isn't
Oh thank fuck.
What's the local equivalent of archons here, anyway? Eiki's helpers...

Lily Black?!
Archons are Outsiders from the plane of Celestia, meaning that the Touhou equivalence of an Archon would probably be Tenshi.

Yes, and no.
"Give them what they ask for, not what they want."
All this talk about summoning extraplanar creatures sort of made me realize something.

The whole reason we're claiming that we're still here is because we don't know if we can actually leave safely, if at all, because of the nature of the Border.
We're still assuming that the nature of our ability to even wind up here in the first place was a total fluke of magic.
Part of why we've been so hesitant to try anything is because we "don't know how magic works here."

However, not only has every spell we've used so far worked exactly as intended, as far as we can tell, but one of those spells was actually summoning a Hippogriff. Hippogriffs are definitely not something from this world, which means it would have to have been brought from another plane. We managed to pull off this summoning spell, and have the beast arrive all within the time frame it would normally.

Previously, when we attempted to bring something extraplanar here, our magic chest, it was supposed to take longer than usual.

And now we're talking about summoning another extraplanar creature just to have a chit-chat with us?

Perhaps I'm nitpicking, but in a story that is basically revolving around the mechanics and science of how magic functions, this is a pretty huge plot hole, in my opinion.

MC understands that magic follows fundamental principles, and the ones that govern traveling from one plane to another are generally working off of the same mechanics, though they're being applied in different ways.
So if we can summon a Hippogriff or or any other Planar creature, have them arrive on time, and then have them dispel normally, exactly as planned, what the fuck is the problem with getting our own ass back out?

I could buy that it's something as simple as "because the spell we used to get here doesn't have a duration", but that's metagamey and rooted in game balance rather than the functional principles of magic within the setting.
This isn't even our home plane, so we're technically an outsider, here, and any kind of banishment should, in theory, shunt us back to where we're supposed to be as easily as a regular summon would dispel at the end of its duration.
The answer to all of those things is pretty much:
Because it makes it a good story.

If you want some "real" arguments.

Right now, Wizardnon isn't thinking 100% clearly so he might not realize that "maybe this won't work", because he really needs someone to talk to about all this.

Fireballs, magic missiles, flight, even teleport aren't related to planar travel so just because they work doesn't mean that he can go home.
He could see it as a chance to test just how much resistance there is to planar travel between Gensokyo and other planes.
His chest is a non-living object so it can "survive" things that would kill him because it can't really die.
Summon Monster spells are temporary and the summoned creature isn't really there.
You can't kill a summoned monster, it just poofs back to whence it came.

And most importantly:
So far he has only brought things into Gensokyo. He hasn't seen what happens if you try to send something out.
In fact, since Gensokyo was sealed off from the outside world it could work like the D&D setting Ravenloft.
Summoning spells work just fine there, but they are one-way only. If you summon an Outsider to Ravenloft with a spell that actually calls the creature there, not just Summon Monster, it will appear as usual but it can't leave without finding a permanent gate or some other point of exit.
You can't even Banish it from there, it will just "bounce back" into Ravenloft and reappear in a random location.
Yes, there are lots of Yokai who go to the regular world from Gensokyo, but in that case they would simply have access to one of those exits. Everyone else is stuck here, whether they want to or not.

All in all, Wizardnon could just cast plane shift and see what happens but that is rather risky.
It`s about our dear waifu Keine now.
Too bad Wizard didn`t act like one at all.
I was kind of hoping nobody would pick up on that.
Oh, and if you want a reason for why calling a celestial would be okay, but summoning his chest took extra time.
(Bit of a handwave, really, but still a reasonable possibility.)

His chest spell is a custom made spell that can't be more than a few years old. Lesser Planar Binding is a spell that has been in use for centuries and has been modified over time, by very powerful wizards, to take different circumstance into account.

I'm sure that, at some point, a wizard got plane-shifted to some other plane and he didn't actually know Plane Shift himself. He did know Planar Binding, though.
So he modified his spell to work from this different plane, called a creature that could send him back home.
The first thing he did when he got him was to buy a Plane Shift spell, which he used to travel to more planes where he kept working on his modified Planar Binding spell. Finally he found a way to make it work regardless of the plane the caster is actually on.
He then went back home and got filthy rich selling his universal Planar Binding spell to other wizards. Sadly, his career was short-lived as he was killed by enraged Outsiders after he tried to test the limits of his spell by plane shifting to one plane and then binding a creature that was diametrically opposed to that plane.
Luckily, Tenshi don't really have an impressive chest, so it's okay.
>Archons are Outsiders from the plane of Celestia, meaning that the Touhou equivalence of an Archon would probably be Tenshi.

Tenshi is one of those rare exemplars that is out of the normal alignment. She's probably not good and certainly not lawful. Iku would be a better equivalent.

>MC understands that magic follows fundamental principles, and the ones that govern traveling from one plane to another are generally working off of the same mechanics, though they're being applied in different ways.
>So if we can summon a Hippogriff or or any other Planar creature, have them arrive on time, and then have them dispel normally, exactly as planned, what the fuck is the problem with getting our own ass back out?

There's only one Celestia. However the number of separate iterations of the Prime Material Plane is infinite. Using a spell that summons an arbitrary outsider for a limited period of time from a set location is different than trying to permanently move a specific being from one specific plane to another.

Exemplars like the Archon we're trying to summon, even more than normal Outsiders, are intimately connected to their native plane (here: the mounts of Celestia). It should be expected that they are more able to return at the end of a limited summons.

>This isn't even our home plane, so we're technically an outsider, here, and any kind of banishment should, in theory, shunt us back to where we're supposed to be as easily as a regular summon would dispel at the end of its duration.

Dismissal has a significant (20%) chance of sending the target to a nonnative plane (which could be lethal; e.g., elemental plane of fire), and does not guarantee where in the plane the target returns to. We don't even know if the plane he's trying to return to is his native plane.

And the term is 'extraplanar'; 'outsider' is a primary creature type.

Normally, a person who travels to a plane he isn't native to is considered extraplanar. This means his existence is rejected by the plane on a fundamental level, leaving him open to spells like Dismissal and Banishment. However, it's possible that Gensokyo as 'a place that accepts all things' does not have this normal planar feature. Gensokyo is wrapped in countless borders beside the Great Border, which seem to be constructed to entrap extraplanar beings within its confines. >>129308 makes a good point: The mists in the Demiplane of Dread work this way. And there's other planes that greatly affect the workings of magic, like Athas of Dark Sun, so there is plenty of precedent for this. Someone versed in intraplanar travel should be expected to be very careful.

Oh you.
Hey, we have a thread for D&D/metastory discussion so it doesn't fill up this thread:

>257 posts and 12 images omitted. Click Reply to view.

Too late for that. Besides, it's annoying to have to jump to another thread just to read and reply to relevant and interesting discussion. It might not seem that way to you, but it is for us.
You know, concerning the Morality Pet VI thing, I suddenly have the image of the summoning spell working and the creature appears in a comfortable leather chair, dressed as Sigmund Freud and completely nonchalant about being summoned for this.

"Ze price iz az uzual by the hour, with an extra for the longer zummoning diztance. Now, tell me about your problemz."

while a total outsider to all this I nonetheless find it highly amusing that no matter what comes up it's basically just "oh yeah D&D has stuff like this, nothing new here acutally here are the rules for it" Though I suppose that's just what happens if you keep tacking on every bit of fantasy fluff you can find to your universe for a few decades...
>>129337 You do realize there have only been two story segments in here because of how much discussion, right? I love this story, but it'd be great if we weren't at 50 threads by the time it was over.
Roughly 100 of the posts in this thread are votes, i.e. has "[X] Blah blah blah" in them. Add maybe 50 to that for discussions about votes, which are actually very important to the voting process.

The posts that aren't directly relevant to the story, and could be moved elsewhere, are a small minority.
The real "problem" is that this story is very popular and gets a fuckton of votes after each update.
Well, I try not to post if the option I'd choose is winning by a good margin.
Maybe if more people did that?
>while a total outsider to all this I nonetheless find it highly amusing that no matter what comes up it's basically just "oh yeah D&D has stuff like this, nothing new here acutally here are the rules for it" Though I suppose that's just what happens if you keep tacking on every bit of fantasy fluff you can find to your universe for a few decades...

D&D has been around for a very long time. Most of the precedent for planar travel technically went out the window when 3.5 rejected the 'Great Wheel' cosmology. However, the mechanics of the new cosmology just aren't backed up by the fluff necessary to provide an immersive experience.

But that's much like how fanon includes characters from the pre-Windows Touhou games. There isn't complete agreement on their interpretation, but they're too compelling to simply ignore.
3.5 didn't drop the great wheel, that was 4.0
This is immaterial. The very premise of this story is a 3.5 D&D character, so his understanding of the Planes is that of the Great Wheel.
Unless he happens to be from one of the campaign settings that uses alternate cosmology, like Eberron.
Thank god for that.

So far all indications point to not being from Eberron.
I was using Eberron as an example. It could just as easily be Forgotten Realms, or something else.
This is immaterial, friends. So long as he keeps referencing only vague facts common to all settings, we cannot draw a conclusion. We can only assume the basics and plan accordingly.
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Demetrious made a mention of Howler's Crag, which is a location within the Planescape setting, found in the Outer Plane of Pandemonium (Chaotic Neutral Evil on the Great Wheel).

Granted, this location may still be generic enough to exist in any other campaign setting. I just want to make note of this in case it happens to not be a coincidence.
Wait, re-reading the update in question:
>I have strode through the perpetual screaming winds of Pandemonium to stand atop Howler’s Crag, so the winds might carry my whispered remorse to my lost friends.

So yeah, Planescape campaign setting.
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