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File 135603835219.jpg - (147.34KB, 1401x690, Ludolf_Bakhuizen_-_Ships_Running_Aground_in_a_Stor.jpg) [iqdb]
35188 No. 35188
This is my first CYOA, and as such, I'm probably not going to be able to hold a candle to most of the writefags here, but if I'm doing something wrong, feel free to tear me a new one if you find it necessary.

Anyways, I'll get started.

Your head. It feels like someone took a lead block to your skull, and then tried using a torch to repair the fracture. You try getting to your feet, only to slump back to the ground. With all your might, you lift yourself off the ground slightly, and open your eyes, reveling an unfamiliar setting. Strange, you were on a steamship earlier, weren't you? You spy a building not unlike the ones you've seen on your voyages from London to Shanghai to Tokyo. Your pain-addled mind somehow makes the connection between the architecture of the building, and the Buddhist temple near your temporary home in Guangzhou. You can't manage much more mental activity, and you let your mind slip back into blissful unconsciousness.

A sharp jab to the stomach makes you shift in your sleep. A sharper jab rudely rouses you. Your head hurts relatively less now, most of the pain has shifted to your side. A golden haired girl is hovering over you, head tilted to the left in confusion. Odd, her hair has stripes that vaguely remind you of a tiger's, that's not something you see often. She holds a spear, probably the accursed object that awoke you. She starts speaking, it takes you a few seconds

"Are you alright? You're not hurt are you? We should head to the temple, it'll be dark soon, and some pretty strong yōkai are going to be coming out" It takes you a few seconds to identify the language as Japanese, a single word sticks out to you. Yōkai. Similar to the demons back home. Similar to you. You nod at the girl and rise to your feet.

[x]"Who are you?" Follow the girl.

[x] Try to find your way to the temple.

[x] Genuflect.
Expand all images
>> No. 35189
>She starts speaking, it takes you a few seconds

... to... ? Think ya lost something there.

[x]"Who are you?" Follow the girl.

No other alternative that makes sense, really.

The writing seems a bit... off. First CYOA, or first foray into writing? Not being snippy, honest question.

Story is intriguing because of the alternate romanization and the unusual era the protagonist seems to hail from. Waiting warmly.
>> No. 35190
>>35189

I'm more used to writing papers, rather than writing stories, so yeah, it'll be choppy and strange in some places.
>> No. 35191
[ ] Genuflect. Haha no.
[X] "Who are you?" Follow the girl.

Will stick around and see how this goes. What is your stance on write-ins?
>> No. 35192
Try to find a proofreader or another writer and try getting some tips from them.
>> No. 35193
Some additional stuff I forgot to add in the OP, I'll be updating every day at 2 P.M EST, circumstances permitting. I'll be on at 6-7 A.M, to answer any questions.

As for write ins, I'll accept them, as long as it isn't too crazy.

I'll wait for a few more votes and then update.
>> No. 35194
[x] Who're you?
I'd recommend just taking whatever votes you have by the time you're ready to write. /shrine/ is very slow on the best of days so it may take a while to get enough readership.
>> No. 35195
[x]"Who are you?" Follow the girl.
>> No. 35200
File 135619834826.jpg - (204.60KB, 850x746, sample-f03c2f0c2797e4649f9133272cee5368.jpg) [iqdb]
35200
[x]"Who are you?" Follow the girl.

You follow the golden-haired girl down the brown dirt path. The cacaphony of various insects and other creatures is doing nothing to help your persistent, albeit mild, headache. You're rather curious as to who this girl is; in all your travels to the Far East, you haven't seen anyone like her.

"Who are you?" She doesn't respond immediately, apparently deep in thought, staring at the path before her. After a moment, she glances back up at you and smiles warmly before answering.

"I'm Shou Toramaru, tiger youkai and Avatar of Bishamonten!". Huh, an avatar of some strange-sounding God. This is rather intriguing. You've never seen any holy being before, even when the barrier of Eden was still intact. Angels and the like tend to make your flesh tingle and burn. Oddly, Shou doesn't have that effect.

"I'm interested in you as well! If you were any normal human, youkai would be swarming out for a quick meal, but I haven't even seen one. Who and what are you?" That last question could damn you if she has a particular dislike for the undead.

You wrack your brain trying to answer the first part of her question, but come out of it drawing a blank. Impossible. Surely you'd remember your own name...? But that doesn't seem to be the case; the harder you think on it, the worse the headache becomes.

You stumble and Shou steadies you, a look of concern on her face.

[x] I'm a merchant
-[x] (Lie) I'm a human, I guess we're lucky to not have been attacked yet
-[x] Write in

[x] I'm a mage.
-[x] (Lie) I'm a human, I guess we're lucky to not have been attacked yet
-[x] Write in

[x] Write in
>> No. 35202
[X]I'm a super soldier cybord created to fight world war 2 snd kill nazis. I flew my super plane into the bermuda triangle and ended up here. have you seen it, it's not hard to miss it runs on whale urine
>> No. 35203
[X] "I decline to answer, on the basis that - from past experience - my response may be disagreeable to you, and your reaction to such equally so to me."
>> No. 35204
[x] I'm a product of Nazi Science
[x] [Lie]I'm a human, I guess we're lucky to not have been attacked yet
>> No. 35205
[x] I'm a mage.
-[x] (Lie) I'm a human, I guess we're lucky to not have been attacked yet
>> No. 35207
File 135638902089.png - (163.71KB, 256x361, Amnesia-The-Dark-Descent-Cover-Art.png) [iqdb]
35207
[N] I can't remember exactly who and what I am.
>> No. 35208
[x] I'm a product of Nazi Science
[x] [Lie]I'm a human, I guess we're lucky to not have been attacked yet

You had me at "Nazi". Besides, it isn't quite a lie this way. Genetically-engineered humans are people too!
>> No. 35211
>>35188
Nazis don't exist in this setting, genetic augmentation won't be invented for another few centuries.

So the Nazi write ins aren't valid, "I decline to answer, on the basis that - from past experience - my response may be disagreeable to you, and your reaction to such equally so to me." However, is valid.
>> No. 35212
File 135666717275.jpg - (151.33KB, 500x560, tumblr_lzelsacOG71qi9c7a.jpg) [iqdb]
35212
>>35211
>Nazis don't exist in this setting
>> No. 35215
>>35212

>steamship

It's probably too early in history for Nazis to exist is what he means.

[x] I'm a mage.
-[x] (Lie) I'm a human, I guess we're lucky to not have been attacked yet

Now we just need to see what the writefag's definition of "mage" is.
>> No. 35219
[X]I am but a humble merchant, a purveyor of all things mystical and arcane! Come, beautiful lass, have a look at my wares! I'm sure there's something to interest you...
[X]...Is what I would say if I had my stock. I seem to have lost it going from steamship to ground. How bothersome.
[X]As for why the yōkai aren't attacking... Well, you don't wander much without making yourself unpalatable to them.

Lying directly to the avatar of a god is probably a bad idea. Particularly when she's armed, perhaps indicating that she's the avatar of some kind of war god. Outright revealing we're some kind of undead abomination against God is probably not a good idea either.
>> No. 35225
File 135776712074.jpg - (36.17KB, 500x462, 390933_317049874991647_574445332_n.jpg) [iqdb]
35225
Unfortunately, I'm probably going to be dropping this for a while, if not permanently. I need to work my way through some nasty writer's block, and then figure out some way to progress the plot.

Until then, stay thirsty, my friends.
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