Archived Thread
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You are Patchurri.

You live in a hole in the ground beneath a tree, alone. You used to live with a big family, but not any more.

You were born weird. Unlike mommy and daddy and your siblings, your body was funny. Not pleasantly round, like theirs, and cute, but shaped like a human or not-human person, with short arms and legs. Mommy and Daddy had to talk in circles for a long time when you were born, before they decided to keep you. It was obvious they didn't like you as much, though, as while mommy would share her treasured Mr. Book with the others happily, even though they weren't very interested, she would only grudgingly let you look at it, and never touch. Their hesitance to rub-rub with you, or lick-lick to clean you up, was picked up quickly and imitated by your siblings. Toddling on your legs isn't easy, though, and you would fall down a lot, before you got the hang of it. You can't stretch-stretch up to get at high things, so you never got any tasty bird eggs. You tried to climb up a tree, once, but the bark came loose a little up and you fell. It was a long time before you could get up again, after that, and stumble back home after the others. It hurt. You haven't tried again. You can't puff-puff right either. You tried hard, but your cheeks just swell out and you don't get much bigger. You can't help chase off bigger animals like that.

Every time you failed at something your siblings could do so easily, they would laugh, and Mommy and Daddy would talk in circles again, each time longer than the last. After the time you fell from the tree, you just woke up in the morning to find them all gone, leaving you to uneasily fend for yourself, without telling you where they were going. It's hard not to resent them for it, though they're probably having a much easier time of things, not having to look out for you as well as themselves.

You like to think that, anyway. It makes it easier to convince yourself that those were someone else's mister ribbons you found, not long after, and torn to bits by some big, uneasy animal's teeth, while you were looking for tasty berries. You don't think about how a moving family that ran across a really big Mister Animal would have nowhere to run to and hide nearby, until it went away.

It's harder to find food, without help, but Mister Bugs keep crawling out to happily make their way over to feed you, and there's plenty of flowers and grass, if nothing else can be found. Keeping safe is harder too, as you can't puff-puff right and you don't have siblings to attack from different directions until big Mister Animals go away. You figured out though, luckily, that if you hit something with a big Mister Stick, it will usually make a noise and then go away, and not try to attack you again for a while. Big Mister Sticks are heavy, though, and you get tired fast from swinging them. Only two or three times at once leaves you feeling like you want to spit up your insides. But if you get caught without one, then you'll get eaten by Mister Animals, so you carry it anyway. It took you a while to remember a picture in Mommy's Mr. Book, and figure out a way to use it to help you walk longer and easier.

You do okay, you reflect. You have food, and you can chase things away now, so you don't worry much about getting torn apart and eaten. But you can't really take it easy either. There's something missing. You want, need, a Mr. Book of your own, before you can.

For some reason, though, something in the air seems to have changed. There's a big house, where human and not-human people live, over that way. You somehow know there are many Mr. Books inside. You also knew they were guarded by big and scary people, who didn't leave them unwatched. But today... today, just a little ago, something changed. Felt different. The big and scary feelings left, one later than the other.

If you could get inside, you could take it very easy with the Mr. Books. You don't remember a chance like this having ever come before.

[ ] What do you do?
[x] Continue to live a life of mediocrity.

You'll never make it. You'll never get those Mister Books. Settle settle settle like the worm you are.
>Remi side quest

Now that would have been quite a pleasant surprise, unlike this one. I hope the golems find it and squash it so that it never appear again.
[X] Go find you good friend mister big rock.
--[X] Approach the house now that you are heavily armed.

--if questioned, blame Tewi for your current appearance
Deleted and reposted to fix the typo.

[X] Go find your good friend mister big rock.
--[X] Approach the house now that you are heavily armed.

I would have preferred a Remi side quest. Oh well.
Remi Quest would be bat shit insane.

[x] move to look at the big house but don't let the human and not-human things see you
[X] Go find your good friend mister big rock.
--[X] Approach the house now that you are heavily armed.

Mister Books can take it VERY easy!
I can't wait to see Patchouli's response to the yukkuri.

[x] move to look at the big house but don't let the human and not-human things see you
[x] Go take it easy with Mr. Books!
- [x] Don't get seen! Anyone who sees you will be more dangerous than Mr. Big Animals

I love Yukkuris.
I love them.
They are great.
>moving food items
>now in humanoid form
>deal with Yukari
Patchouli! What have you done!?
[x] Go take it easy with Mr. Books!
- [x] Don't get seen! Anyone who sees you will be more dangerous than Mr. Big Animals

I just-...what? I mean okay I expected plenty of things from Yukari, things starting with D and ending with auchery, but Yukkuris, just goddamn, you're a master at this exceeding expectations thing Kahi.

[x] Go take it easy with Mr. Books!
- [x] Don't get seen! Anyone who sees you will be more dangerous than Mr. Big Animals
[x] Go take it easy with Mr. Books!
- [x] Don't get seen! Anyone who sees you will be more dangerous than Mr. Big Animals
A Yukkuri invading the library? I hope the golems will handle this swiftly.
[x] Go take it easy with Mr. Books!
- [x] Don't get seen! Anyone who sees you will be more dangerous than Mr. Big Animals.

Onwards! For knowledge!
[x] Go take it easy with Mr. Books!
- [x] Don't get seen! Anyone who sees you will be more dangerous than Mr. Big Animals
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There's a few big Mister Rocks nearby. You crawl out of your nest and walk over to pick one up.


It is very, very heavy, and your arms are trembling after just a moment. You drop it again. It lands on another, and the Mister Rock splinters apart. You take a step back, instinctively wary of the sharp and pointy fragments, knowing that they'll easily poke through you and let your filling spill out. They just lie there, though, and after a minute, you pick up a fragment of pointy-rock, with an end that fits about right in your hand. You get the feeling you should take it along, so you put it carefully into a pocket.

That done, you collect your Big Mister Stick, and start walking. The big house is a lot further than you've walked before, but you can make it, even though you're a little unnerved at leaving familiar territory as you walk through the fields of low bushes.

After a while, you step into a space empty of bushes, just as a Remirya toddles in from the other side. She smiles widely, happy to see you, and begins toddling rapidly in your direction, arms outstretched.

You panic for a moment. But at the same time, out of habit from this situation, your body moves on its own and swings the stick, gnarled and knotty top end slamming heavily into the Remirya's face.

She stops, stunned at the action, even as paste drips down.

"... Yu hid Remirya!" She says, seeming more shocked than anything else before she reaches up to touch the gaping hole in her face, her fingers come away coated in paste, and she realizes that she's been injured. "... Id hurds!" She wails, tears starting to well up even as the hole starts to knit back together. She isn't attacking again yet, but that might change once the pain stops and she's whole again. Should be just enough time to catch your breath from the swing, at least.

[ ] What do you do?
>After a while, you step into a space empty of bushes, just as a Remirya toddles in from the other side. She smiles widely, happy to see you, and begins toddling rapidly in your direction, arms outstretched.

Well, if Remiriyas were less inclined to eat other yukkuri, I'd assume she was trying to be friends.

[x]Use Mr. Sharp Rock to cut up Mr. Hat! She'll never be able to take it easy without Mr. Hat!
[x] Oh god you didn't mean for this to happen you're sorry you're sorry you're sorry!

[x] Distraction! "Patchouli is not Mister Munch-Munch. But Patchouli knows that are many sweet-sweets in Mister Forest by Mister Big Tree."
[x] If that does not work, cut her hat up. When she cries (for Zaguya), ru...toddle the hell away.
[x] "Getting eated Hurts!"
- [x] Get moving. Peg her with the stick again if she follows.

Remirya deserves what she gets. If they were any less pitiful, I'd dislike them. But as it is, they're just too stupid to do anything else.
[x] Oh god you didn't mean for this to happen you're sorry you're sorry you're sorry.
--[X] She is, as of right now, unaware of the alliance between you and mister sharp rock, use this to your advantage if she attacks.

Remirya recruitin time.
[x] Distraction! "Patchouli is not Mister Munch-Munch. But Patchouli knows that are many sweet-sweets in Mister Forest by Mister Big Tree."
[x] If that does not work, cut her hat up. When she cries (for Zaguya), ru...toddle the hell away.

Who the heck is Mister Munch-Munch?

Also, Patchouli isn't even here.

Your votes make no sense.
Distraction successful.
[x] Say Sorry to Remirya
[x] Hug Remirya
[x] Recruit Remirya to adventure!
[x] Oh god you didn't mean for this to happen you're sorry you're sorry you're sorry.
--[X] She is, as of right now, unaware of the alliance between you and mister sharp rock, use this to your advantage if she attacks.
[x] Oh god you didn't mean for this to happen you're sorry you're sorry you're sorry.
--[X] She is, as of right now, unaware of the alliance between you and mister sharp rock, use this to your advantage if she attacks.
[x] Oh god you didn't mean for this to happen you're sorry you're sorry you're sorry.
--[X] She is, as of right now, unaware of the alliance between you and mister sharp rock, use this to your advantage if she attacks.
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You grip Mr. Stick tightly, the weight of Mr. Pointy in your pocket suddenly feeling much more reassuring than burdensome, if it comes to that.

"Sorry." You say, not really meaning it, but feeling it was the thing to be said. "But Patchurri isn't for eating."

"But Patchurri is tasty!" Remirya objects, a speculative look entering her eye as the last of the hole in her face seals over. She seems to have forgotten that she was ever hurt, and starts to lunge forward again.

Mr. Stick objects strongly to this. Remirya yelps and falls back again, holding her head together, as Mr. Stick makes his opinion known.

"Sorry. But Patchurri isn't for eating." You repeat, confidence rising a little as Remirya sobs.

"Bud Padchurry ij tajty!" Remirya insists again. She flinches back a little with a whining "uuu..." when you move Mr. Stick a little, though. A bit of paste drips off the knobby, hurty part.

"Patchurri isn't for eating!" You say again, and wiggle the stick a little. Remirya stumbles back a bit and falls to her bottom, still holding her head together as it seals up, tears welling.

"Bud! Bud Remirya ij hungry! And Padchurri ij ta-"

Her mouth snaps closed as you lift Mr. Stick, already flinching back in preparation for your swing. You don't, instead setting it back against the ground, and she peers suspiciously at you through squinty eyes.

Her head is mostly knit back together, and you aren't sure what to do from here. You want to go, but if you do then you aren't sure if Remirya will forget about you or about Mr. Stick first. You haven't ever heard about a Remirya cowed into submission, though. All that you know is about stories where Remirya attacked and ate an entire family. You recall, now, that some of those mentioned flying Remirya. You wonder if she can fly. You wonder, also, if she remembers that she can, if she can.

Her head is back together now, but she hasn't moved her arms or gotten up, still seeming wary of Mr. Stick, but also looking hungrily at you. Not hungry enough to brave Mr. Stick, yet, but still worrying.

[ ] What do you do?
Remirya confirmed for hostile target, requesting stick support, over.

[X] Channel the pain of all the families this Remirya has eaten.
[X] Mercilessly beat her with the stick until she is a fine paste on the ground.
[X] Eat the paste.
[x] Channel the pain of all the families this Remirya has eaten.
[x] Mercilessly beat her with the stick until she is a fine paste on the ground.
[x] Eat the paste.

Shock and awe; by eating her we shall become the new Remirya.
If we eat the paste, will a new Remirya burst out of our stomach? I don't want to risk it...

[x] Beat her senseless and run away.

I'm starting to wonder if you're capable of writing something I dislike. The halo effect is strong with this one~
[x]The place with the humans and not humans must have food AND Mister Books!
[x]Recruit minion
[x] Hit her again. "Patchurri is not tasty. Find actual food."
-[x] If no other choice, the only way to make sure she doesn't eat you is to keep an eye on her. Take her with you. She might prove useful as a distraction for anyone still at the big house.

People sure seem to want to either bring along or kill the Remirya.
[x] Hit her again. "Patchurri is not tasty. Find actual food."
-[x] If no other choice, the only way to make sure she doesn't eat you is to keep an eye on her. Take her with you. She might prove useful as a distraction for anyone still at the big house.

Imagine Patchy's face if she comes back and the library has a bunch of humanoid food items running around. Say an entire SDM worth of bodied yukkuri. It will probably be the end of Patchurri, but it will be amusing.
[X] Channel the pain of all the families this Remiya has eaten.
[X] Mercelessly beat her with the stick until she is a fine paste on the ground.
[X] Eat the paste.

>looking at you hungrily

Yea the recruting thing is a bad idea.
[x] Lick the paste off of Mister Stick.
-[x] "Remirya is tasty. Remirya is good for eating. Remirya should sit obediently and be eaten easily by Patchurri."

Intimidation factor x25.
[x] Hit her again. "Patchurri is not tasty. Find actual food."
-[x] If no other choice, the only way to make sure she doesn't eat you is to keep an eye on her. Take her with you. She might prove useful as a distraction for anyone still at the big house.
[x] Channel the pain of all the families this Remirya has eaten.
[X] Mercilessly beat her with the stick until she is a fine paste on the ground.

No! Remirya paste is bad for you!
The story is slow enough without this, wouldn't you say?
Their catchphrase "Yukkuri shiteitte ne!" (??????????) literally means "Do it slowly!", but has been more loosely translated as "Take it easy!" by the English-speaking Touhou community.
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You start to swing again, but Remirya is already yelping in fright and scrambling away through the bushes before you finish the motion to pull Mr. Stick backwards enough to get a lot of hurting behind it. After a moment, you set it back down, frowning.

You aren't sure whether you were going to hit her until she stopped healing, or just knock her once more to keep her in line, but it seems to have worked out the same either way. You aren't sure you could have managed the first, come to think of it. Mr. Stick is heavy, and Remirya heals fast. You might have tried, but you'd likely have gotten tired a long time before Remirya went down for good.

You somehow can't see that ending well.

After a long moment of silence, waiting to see if she had really left, you start walking again, keeping an eye and ear open towards the bushes around you, in the hope of noticing her before she comes back, if she does.

She does. But you only notice from a brief, flickering shadow before she slams down from above, just barely enough time for you to frantically get out of the way of the dive. Not enough time to pull Mr. Stick out of grabbing range, too, as it happens.

You figure out really quickly that in a direct test of strength against Remirya, you're going to lose. Your body just isn't as strong as hers, and every little tug she makes to try to pull Mr. Stick away pulls the whole of you along with it. It could be worse though, she's obviously more worried about Mr. Stick than she is about you, she could have simply continued on into a ripping assault with her pointy nails, and there wouldn't have been much you could do about it. But with her hands on Mr. Stick, they aren't pulling out your filling. And really, isn't that the important part of it all?

You let go of Mr. Stick. Remirya only has a moment to look pleased with herself, though, before Mr. Pointy comes out. Just a moment after that, Mr. Stick drops back to the ground, and Remirya stares blankly at the paste-oozing stumps where her hands were just a bit ago.

"..... it hurts!" She wails, suddenly swinging them widely about, tears welling up again. You pick Mr. Stick up off the ground and step backwards quickly before putting Mr. Pointy away. You find that it's a lot easier to get Remirya's hands off of Mr. Stick now that the rest of her isn't attached to them, and they plop lightly to the dirt.

You take another step back, trying to catch your breath from the brief struggle, and fighting to not spew up your filling from the exertion.

[ ] What do you do?
Man, yukkuris are kinda cruel.

[x] Hit her/ir again with Mr. Stick and then get away from Remirya. Mr. Book is waiting for you.
[X] Equip new weapon: Miss Claw Hand.
--[X] Omnislash

I have no regrets.
[x]She can't hurt you until her hands are back
[x]Say sorry and keep going. Try to not sound too mean

That's gunna be about 2 mins away. Plus she knows about Mr. Sharp Rock now, we need to finish this once and for all.
[x] "Patchurri is not tasty. Find actual food."
[x] Waggle the mister big stick at her.
-[x] "Patchurri is not tasty. Find actual food."
[X] Channel the pain of all the families this Remiya has eaten.
[X] Carve her up good with Mister Pointy while she is still stunned by the pain.
[X] Eat the paste.

[x] "Patchurri is not tasty. Find actual food."
[x] Waggle the mister big stick at her.
-[x] "Patchurri is not tasty. Find actual food."

Almost exactly what I would have said. How convenient!
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hungry, and Patchurri is food! Why doesn't Patchurri act like food?" Remirya whines, oozing from her stumps having come to a stop.

"Patchurri is not food." You deny crossly.

"Patchurri is tasty food!" Remirya insists again.

You lift Mr. Stick, and Remirya shrinks back.

"Patchurri is not tasty food!" Remirya agrees quickly, arms up in an effort to defend her head.

You lower Mr. Stick.

"Patchurri is not food. Patchurri is not for eating." You say sternly.

"Patchurri... is not for eating..." Remirya says slowly, clearly puzzling through the difficult concept as Mr. Stick and Mr. Pointy force her to re-classify you in her mind. After a moment, her eyes brighten, and she smiles.

"Remirya understands!" She declares brightly. "Patchurri isn't for eating. So Patchurri is for making babies! Remirya will make babies with Patchurri now!"

She begins happily toddling towards you, Mr. Stick forgotten in her eagerness. You aren't completely sure this is a much better situation. All things equal, it's better than being eaten, but you can't see yourself getting to the Mr. Books if Remirya makes you the mother of her children and drags you back to her nest.

[ ] What do you do?
[x] Start walking backwards toward your goal.
[x] "No, Patchurri is not for eating or making babies."

Hey you. Update your /forest/ story. and don't you dare end with a cliffhanger again
[X] Equip new weapon: Miss Claw Hand.
--[X] Omnislash

Holy fuck just kill her already. She doesn't want to join the party, and she isn't going away anytime soon.
[x] Start walking backwards toward your goal.
-[x] Use Mr. Stick if needed.
[x] "No, Patchurri is for forgetting."

Being neither food nor a mate will break Remirya's mind. She'll only understand one at a time, so it's best she forget about us. Mr. Stick can help!
[x] The quest for the kamasutra begins

She totally wants to join the party. Look at her coming toward Patchurri.
[x] Smite Remirya
[x] "No, Patchurri needs to see Mr. Book now."
[x] Keep moving
[X] Add her to your party. If she wants to make babies with us, she needs to fulfil for us a favor. What's wrong with having additional help for when we visit big house?
[x] "Patchurri will make babies at the big house. Not here."

Might as well just accept it. Training her seems to be a tough but fulfilling process.
[x]We need Mr. Book. Not time for Babies
[x] "Patchurri will make babies at the big house. Not here."
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It's not that you're completely opposed to the thought of babies.

Babies could be kind of nice, actually. You do want babies eventually.

You just don't really want Remirya to make you a mommy right now, when there's an opportunity you hadn't thought could happen at all before, and might not come ever again. You start carefully walking backwards, Remirya keeping easy pace with you, hands starting to form out of her stumps, the old ones left forgotten on the ground.

"Patchurri is not for eating or making babies." You try.

"Patchurri is not for eating, so Patchurri is for making babies." Remirya says without missing a beat, absolutely and immovably confident in her appraisal of the options.

That could have gone a lot better. You aren't confident that you can convince Remirya otherwise about it without accidentally switching her back to considering you as food again instead, though.

"Patchurri has to go to Mr. Books." You say instead, trying to put to words the overwhelming need that is driving you on. "Patchurri can make babies later? At the big house?"

"Patchurri can make babies now!" Remirya cheers, suddenly rushing forwards at full speed. You start to move Mr. Stick, but it's too late, she knocks it easily aside and it's sent twisting out of your fingers as it falls, and Remirya tackles you to the ground, surprisingly gently. It probably helps that you need to be more or less entirely intact to make babies, and not so much to be food.

Remirya has started fumbling eagerly at your clothes with stubby, half-formed hands, trying to pin you down in spite of your wriggling and trying to break out from beneath her. You manage to get Mr. Pointy half-out of your pocket, only for Remirya's fumbling to knock your hand away from it and send it to the ground, and the next heaving roll sends the two of you tumbling away from it, leaving Mr. Pointy well out of reach as Remirya nuzzles happily against you.

Her hands still aren't quite fully formed enough to pull properly at your clothes or hold you in place, but that won't last long. There's only a few more moments left before they're whole once more.

Mind working at the fastest speed you can manage, you think you can muster up the strength to roll over one more time, but it won't really help you to break free if you don't act fast. If you twist back again, you might be able to break free. Or you might break. It's a dangerous prospect, in any case.

There might be a way to turn the tables, and get the upper hand, though again you would have to roll over to pull it off, among other things. You would actually feel very slightly guilty about this one, but it's really her fault for pushing the issue like this, and you should definitely be able to continue on toward the Books afterward.

Or you can just give in, and hope that Remirya doesn't immediately carry you back to her nest and insist you stay there until the babies are born, as she hunts for food. If babies are made now, they won't come out until tomorrow at the earliest. By that time this golden opportunity will be long gone. You almost can't bear the thought.

Remirya's hands have started forming pointy nails, now, and she's making greater progress at moving hindering cloth out of the way. You have no more time to take it easy and think, if you are going to do something, you have to do it now.

[ ] Break free or be broken.
[ ] Turn the tables around.
[ ] Submit.
[X] Break free or be broken.

Remirya is outliving his/her/its usefulness. We're risking more damage to ourselves than will be gained if it joins.
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Whelp...you guys should have omnislashed when you had the chance.

Only God can save you now.
[x] Turn the tables around.

Enough of Remirya. If she doesn't listen, it's her own fault.

Hopefully, it's the last choice. Either failure and get broken or victory and finally get books.
[x] Turn the tables around.
Being a daddy is fine too.
[x] Turn the tables around.

Let's make our creepy food MC into a daddy. Apparently.
[x] Turn the tables around.
[x] Turn the tables around.
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[x] Turn the tables around.
- [x] Take her to the big house. Our babies are our babies.

WE wear the pants- well, no, we don't, but metaphorically, Remirya, you are OUR bitch. Not the other way around. Now we are going to take you home.
[x] Turn the tables around.

Patchurri is now the top. Someone's mind is about to get blown.
[x] Turn the tables around.
[x] Turn the tables around.
Well, its just a side-quest.
Even if we get a bad end, its nothing biggie.
Really good last words there.
[x]Break Free

You know, with how Patchurri seems to think turning the tables makes sure that she won't be bothered anymore, I think it's more about rolling on top and driving rock into face.
Patchurri can't reach Mr. Pointy.
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You stop struggling, and instead reach down to carefully help move fabric out of the way.

"Patchurri will make babies with Remirya." You say, almost sighing.

Remirya looks delighted, face filled with joy at your decision. It makes you feel just a litte more guilty as you grab hold and heave with all your strength.

Remirya looks startled as you shift positions, and suddenly you are the one pinning her to the ground. She could break your hold easily, of course, if she thinks to try. You have to move quickly. Her eyes widen as you do so.

"... B-but Remirya wanted to be the daddy!" She says, eyes watering just a bit at what you suppose is a tiny, but sharp pain.

"Sorry." You say. This time you really mean it. "But Patchurri has to go to Mr. Books. If Remirya wants babies, then Remirya will be the mommy."

She bites her lower lip, but doesn't try to break free. The next couple of minutes are a little tiring, but you feel very refreshed and invigorated by the end of it. By then, Remirya has forgotten her uncertainty in the matter, and stands a little away as you collect Mr. Stick and Mr. Pointy, hands on her midsection.

"Remirya can feel babies inside." She says, seeming a little awed about it.

[ ] What do you do?
[x]Tell Remirya to go to her nest
[x]Continue towards the big house.
[x] "Let's go home. To the big house. That's our home."
[x] "Let's go home. To the big house. That's our home."

Assertive Patchurri is only Patchurri.
[x] "Let's go home. To the big house. That's our home."

Let's take our family home.
[x] "Let's go home. To the big house. That's our home."
[x] "We need to find Mr. Book. Babies will need Mr. Book too."

How sweet. Is Patchurri's fatigue/physical condition improved?
[x] "We need to find Mr. Book. Babies will need Mr. Book too."
[x] Hook up with Mr Book and Remirya in her nest afterwards. Make sure to collect something edible on the way back, expecting mommies are hungry!
"Let's go." You say, after only the briefest moment of cons
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"Let's go." You say, after only the briefest moment of considering sending the Remirya off alone and not coming to find her later. You can't do that though. She's making your babies inside, and that counts for something, even though there would have been no babies if you'd had your way.

"Remirya sleep.... that way!" Remirya declares, pointing off into the uncultivated distance, after some moments of confusion. You aren't sure she actually has a permanent nest, come to think of it, with that display. It had looked a whole lot like she was just picking a direction that looked okay.

"We go this way." You say, pointing in a different direction. "Big house and Mr. Books this way. Patchurri needs Mr. Book. Babies will need Mr. Book too."

Remirya looks uncertain, but the words 'Babies will need it' work like magic, and she starts nodding.

"We go that way!" She agrees, following behind you as you make your way through the brush.

You run into a Mr. Animal not far away, grazing placidly on the grass until it sees you. Then it all but falls all over itself trying to rush at you, goring horns prepared to spill filling all over the area. A good, solid thump from Mr. Stick sends it to the ground for a minute though and Remirya quickly proves that while her nails do best at tearing others like yourselves apart, they aren't that bad at hurting Mr. Animals either. Another meeting of Mr. Stick and Mr. Deer's head, and some tearing and poking at its throat, and you pull Remirya back to wait for the young buck's thrashing to stop. It's not long before it collapses with a sense of finality, and the blood stops spreading only a little after that.

You've never actually managed something like this before. You've knocked down some bigger animals, yes, but they always got back up, shook themselves off, and left. The only thing you'd managed was to chase them off.

You realize, suddenly, as you look at it, that you're hungry. You definitely can't fit all this in your mouth like Mr. Bugs and plants, though, and your teeth aren't good at ripping. Then you remember Mr. Pointy.

Remirya is ready to move on, clearly, but you're the daddy. She waits, nose crinkled, as you poke and shift and saw at Mr. Deer until a piece comes off that will fit in your mouth. You chew on it thoughtfully as you work at the next bit. It tastes much different from Mr. Bugs. Not really better, some are very tasty, but not bad. It doesn't really seem like it would be worth the effort to do something like this regularly, though. You get another piece off and hand it to Remirya, who looks at it like you had just handed her a slimy rock.

"Eat." You order calmly. It's the daddy's job to keep the mommy fed, after all. She licks it hesitantly and scowls.

"Not sweet. Not tasty." She says, ready to drop it. "Not good food."

"Babies need food." You say, and she pauses. "Lots of food for babies. Eat lots now. Eat tasty later?"

She frowns, thinking this through for a while, before she starts chewing at the food, face pinched in clear disgust. It fades rapidly, though, and after a few more pieces she's started pulling and ripping at Mr. Deer herself to get at the baby-food faster.

Remirya decides very quickly that she likes the inside-bits best. You do what you can to get the hard, hard to chew bits out of the way for her to get at all of them, but she doesn't really need much help and you go back to eating other parts. There's still a lot left by the time you're both done, but you can't eat any more, and even with babies to feed Remirya looks daunted by the rest of the carcass. You aren't sure what to do, as you clean the blood from each other, because it's still too much to carry by yourselves.

Mr. Dog helpfully takes the decision out of your hands, sniffing his way out of the brush and to the other side of the deer, ripping a piece free with his pointy teeth and swallowing it, then howling to call all of his friends. You quietly lead Remirya away, keeping the carcass between you and it at all times, Mr. Pointy licked carefully clean and held tightly in your hand until you're well away.

It's still a long walk after that before you get close to the big house. There's a big wall around it. A very big wall. You won't be daunted at this point, though, there will be some way past. There's a metal door with lots of holes in it. You could slip through that easily, but a scary Ms. Red-Hair is standing in front of it.

"Is dummy China!" Remirya exclaims, pointing, until you quiet her down, not wanting to get her attention.

You remember that Remirya can fly. You could have her take you over the wall. There's lots of not-human things flying around here too, though. You don't often see so many, though you aren't unfamiliar with them. They're wearing funny clothes, though. The ones you know about are dangerous. They'll happily eat any of your kind they can find, and never seem to get full. Flying over the wall, in plain sight of them, would be scary.

There's something over in the tall grass by the wall though. The grass is rustling. You move to get a better look, and Remirya perks up as a Reimu crawls up through a hidden hole, bright, pretty, and tasty-looking flower held in her mouth. You don't think it's one that grows in the wild.

"Is Remuu~!" She says excitedly, drooling a little. "Remuu~ is tasty!"

"Wait!" You say, and Remirya grudgingly stops her motion to leap out of cover, settling back down into silence just as the big Ms. Red-Hair starts walking, moving around the corner and picking Reimu up just as she jumps completely out of the hole, but before she can start bounding away.

She sighs after a moment of inspection, and plucks the flower away, tucking it into her shirt. Reimu starts struggling at that.

"Mr. Flooower!" She wails.

"Oh, hush you." Red-Hair China says chidingly. You've been in the rose gardens, I see. I'll have to fill that hole you dug later. How on earth did you manage to do that without me noticing until too late?"

"Mr. Flooweeer!" Reimu continues to wail. "Give him baaaack!"

"Why?" China asks, holding Reimu up appraisingly as she frowned at her, then brushed off some dirt. "I take care of those roses, you know. I tend all of the gardens. It makes me very sad when you little things get inside the walls. You make such a mess of the beds, and rip flowers up by the root. Do you know how long it takes me to fix all of the damage that's left behind, when you tear up my flower beds? I'll be up late into the night making it look nice again, and if I fall asleep at my post tomorrow I might get in trouble for it."

"Reimu's flower ij Reimu's!" Reimu continues to wail, inconsolably, words starting to slur. "Gibe him back, or Reibu will ged angry!"

"You're just going to make a scene no matter what I say, aren't you?" China says, frowning.

"Gibe him back! Gibe him back, stubid old dummy!"

"Alright, fine. Have it." China says, some measure of disgust in her tone, but quickly fading as she puts the flower back into Reimu's mouth, where she starts chewing, still eying her suspiciously as she quickly eats her prize. "There was only small hope of getting it back on the bush anyway. Never had this problem on the bushes with thorns on them."

"Ij good!" Reimu declares, tear-stains fading as she grins smugly. "Big dummy knows her place now, huh? Quickly bring Reimu more sweets, and maybe Reimu will forgive you."

"... Yeah, okay. You know what? Let's go to my house." China says. "I have some candy in a drawer there."

"Mr. Candy! Sweet-sweets!" Reimu cheers. "Quickly take Reimu to her new easy home, and give Mr. Candy, okay? Reimu's new home will be very easy~"

"Yes, very tasty." China agrees distractedly, turning and walking back to the gate. Reimu blinks a couple of times at the use of the wrong word, but doesn't seem to think anything of it. China writes words on something, and hangs it up next to the gate before carrying Reimu inside. You move a little closer to get a better look at it.

something, but you just can't figure it out. All you can grasp is the little picture of the waving China. She seems to have left the metal door unwatched, though. It seems a little lucky, but is just squeezing through the front door really the best plan?

[ ] What do you do?
[X] No China means easy access to big house. We're going through the gate.
[x]We can get in now, but we probably can't get out later. Widen Reimu's hole so you and your wife can fit through.
[x] Go through the hole.

It's like an air vent! All stealthy infiltrations need air vents!
So fairies help lower that population's count? Great to know.

[X] Check between the bars to see if any not-human thing is flying around. If not, maybe Remirya can quickly fly both of you over the gate?
[x]We can get in now, but we probably can't get out later. Widen Reimu's hole so you and your wife can fit through.

Feel kinda bad for Reimu. Ah, well. Better her than us. But in the meantime, let's go while we still can!
Is...is Meiling going to eat her?

There is something that feels so, so wrong about that.
Yeah, it's not a healthy meal. She'll get a stomach-ache.

Apparently, yukkuri taste better than venison, but not as good as flowers. Take from that what you will.
[X] We can get in now, but we probably can't get out later. Widen Reimu's hole so you and your wife can fit through.

We'll need to come up with an escape plan later.


Yea I'm not clicking on that.
It's fine. Kind of amusing, actually.

Ok that was pretty funny. Was kinda skeptical cuz of all the Yukkuri abuse anon seems to be famous for.
[x]We can get in now, but we probably can't get out later. Widen Reimu's hole so you and your wife can fit through.
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No, it's too good. If you go up to the door, you can just step up and through one of the holes, they're that big, and then it's a straight walk down a long path of flat rocks before the door to the big house itself.

Right through the open, with flying ones playing above. There's no way you won't be noticed that way. You'd have to run, and then you'd be tired when you got to the door, and if it didn't open then you were sunk. You go instead to the hole.

Reimu was pretty big. Her hole will be a little bit of a squeeze, but you can make it through this way, and the dirt around it is soft enough that it doesn't hurt to crawl through. Moving Mr. Stick through takes some effort, though, and the tunnel is longer than you might have guessed. The walls are pretty thick.

You can hear muffled voices as you draw near the far end, light shining into the opening.

"Where is Mr. Candy? Stop playing with Mr. Pot and bring out your sweet-sweets!"

"Patience, patience." China's voice comes. After a wriggle further, you realize you can hear the crackling of fire, and the sound of something wheezing and blowing air. "I have to make the pot hot first."

"Stupid old lady." Reimu jeers. "Why do you need a hot pot to get sweet-sweets?"

"That's a good question indeed. But it's a bit of magic: the drawer is locked, and won't open until this is done."

"Then hurry up!" Reimu orders. "Make the pot really hot quickly, okay?"

"Oh, I think it's almost hot enough." China says. As you start pulling yourself out of the far end of the hole, you look around and see that you are between the inner side of the wall and a small... smaller, at least, house. There's a sudden, sharp sizzling noise. "Ah, the water evaporated off quickly. Very good."

"Yes, yes! Now Reimu can have Mr. Candy!" Reimu says, as you wiggle the rest of the way and sit up, peering back into the tunnel to see that Remirya is still a little ways down, but crawling steadily forward. "... Why are you picking up Reimu?"

"The inside of the pot is a very pretty red on the bottom, now." China explains. "Would you like to see?"

"No, Reimu wants... oh, pretty! Like cherries!"

"Yes, kind of like that." China agrees.

Remirya is almost to the end of the tunnel, but starts a bit when, after a moment, there's a shrill scream from inside.


"Ah? I'm afraid I lied when I said I was going to give you candy. I'm actually going to eat you." China answers cheerfully.


"Nope." China says again, as Remirya pokes her head cautiously out of the hole. As you peer around the corner of the house you see a vast expanse of flowers, carefully organized and very well cared for. A large swathe, several times bigger than the house you're hiding behind, has been trampled and torn up, somehow completely ruined without any of the fairies above calling attention to it happening.


"If you were sorry, you should have said so straight away. I might have let you go, if you did, and gave the flower back. As is, I've got a lot of work to do to fix this, and I might as well have a full stomach for it."


There's a sharp noise from inside.


"Sorry, but I'm in the mood for soup, not steamed dumplings. So I had to open you up first, to let it mix in a second. If you were even a little less demanding, I'd have killed you before doing this. Too bad."

"WHYYY!" Reimu sobs.

"Well, I've already said it. But why cruelty? I don't enjoy it much, to be honest." China says simply. "But the way it was explained to me, when you things are scared, your only real internal psuedo-organ starts reacting and making chemicals shift and combine. Basically, the more scared you are before you die, the better you taste. It sounds complicated, but as a youkai, I can really appreciate that sort of thing, and you've not really given me no reason to be nice about this. It's nothing personal, I was going to eat you anyway, once it was obvious you weren't going to apologize on your own. So please, become frightened and terrified and die quickly~" China finishes happily, a sharp noise suggesting she clapped her hands once.


"Yes... Reimu is alive." China chirps, making bustling noises of moving metal and things around inside. "But so are pigs, and cows. Birds, and horses, cats, and dogs. And humans. I've eaten every one of those things, and more. Do you think you are any more special than any one of them? Tell me, what makes you so sure of it?"


"Sorry. You just aren't very convincing. You're lucky, though. Beneath the maple tree? I think I know where that is. I'll be sure to return it to your family~"


Reimu's invecture comes to a halt with a pouring noise from inside, and an increase in angry bubbling, which steadily drops off as China hums to herself. You can easily imagine it trying to keep screaming from under the water, only to come to a halt as it runs out of air.

"One stir and two and three..." China says, inside. "... And pop! Everything's flowed out like a balloon. Just a few minutes on high heat, and it's a tasty bean soup~"

"Reimu getting eaten." Remirya says, interested and sniffing at the air. "... China give me some?"

"Don't think so." You answer, stepping warily away from the house and looking around to see how to best get to the big house. There's the big door in front, of course, but it also looks like there's a door on the side, towards the back. There aren't many of them, but some of the windows are open too, though they're too high up to normally get at, even on the ground level floors, you'll have to have Remirya fly you up if you try to get in through one of them.

China is still humming inside the house, occasionally talking to herself about whether or not to add a particular spice or seasoning.

[ ] What do you do?
[X]See if Mister Door will open.
--[X]If not, have Remirya fly both of you to an open window and get inside the big house that way

Mr. Door is currently being guarded by non-human flying things.
[X]Have Remirya fly both of you to an open window and get inside the big house that way.

We can't take it easy here, this is vampire bat country.
[x] Fly in through an open first-floor window

I feel so bad for Reimu.
So, so bad, even though I saw this coming.
[X]Have Remirya fly both of you to an open window and get inside the big house that way.
Who cares about Yukkuris? Had it coming and deserved it. Go Meiling!

[x] Fly in through an open first-floor window
[x] Fly in through an open first-floor window
[x] See if Mister Back Door will open.
-[x] If not, fly in through an open first-floor window.

This. Not the vote, though.
File 131959991376.jpg - (267.88KB, 1600x1200 , 359192683_2ff7013e31_o.jpg) [iqdb]
[x] See if Mister Back Door will open.
-[x] If not, fly in through an open first-floor window.
Guess this will be my last vote.

I disagree. I don't dislike Yukkuris, but cruelty against them is something I don't enjoy- specially cruelty against one that actually begs for his life in such a cute and thoughtful way.
Makes me think if that is what vegetarians think about. I don't think I could eat a deer or a bunny that speaks and calls for help while I try to cook it.

>"Please don't kill me, I have a name and brothers and sisters who like me and are waiting for my return. I like how I am and feel very proud of my fur and the color of my eyes. I'm a living thing, that feels pain and loneliness just like you and I don't want to die. Please, I want to live, don't kill me."

What about Remiu who devoured that helpless flower? or Remirya who slaughters entire families? Yukkuri are selfish and cruel monsters who deserve to die horribly. Don't think about it as cruelty, think about it as righteous retribution.
Except it would have insulted Meiling as soon as it imagined itself safe, pissed at the gate and went to say she 'showed mercy to an undeserving one' had Meiling let it go. So no, I don't think it deserved any mercy, unlike others things you mentionned.
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You pull Remirya along, though she only reluctantly leaves the place where the bean smell is now wafting freely, and take a moment to glance at the sky before hurrying to the side of the big building. Flying things flit occasionally in or out one of the higher windows, but lower ones seem safe enough. You point at one.

"Up!" You order.

It takes a little more than that to get the point across, as it happens, but Remirya isn't too slow to figure it out, and the two of you fit through the window easily.

The room inside is very big, and a little dusty. Cloth is draped over everything, and the room is dark. There's a door at the far side, though, and you move over to try it. You can't reach the knob by jumping, so you have to have Remirya come over and lift you up to get at it.

It turns a little, but doesn't open. Locked. The two of you move a little backwards.

"Is nice sleeping place!" Remirya offers, as you think rapidly about how to get past that door. You're so close now you can almost feel a book in your hands, just one door isn't going to keep you from your goal. Try as you might, though, you can't think of a way to make it open, and you don't think you would be willing to try battering it down even if you thought you could, having seen, or rather heard, the results of breaking things around here firsthand.

You're still considering as a sharp click comes, and the door swings open to allow a tall, graceful figure in, candle in hand.

"SAKUYAA~" Remirya squeals, immediately rushing forward to hug her long leg. She looks startled for a moment, eyebrows rising up nearly to meet her hair, but then a small smile crosses her face as she sets the candle down in a nearby candlestick, and pulls Remirya up for a better look. Her eyes pass over you as she glances over the room, but only as a footnote.

"And how did you get in, little one?" She asked calmly.

"Walk an' fly. Hungry. Sakuya gimme treat?" Remirya asked hopefully.

"Treat? Hm. But isn't there something very tasty already in this room?" Sakuya says.

Remirya squeals in delight and looks around, to see if she can spy it, but you have a bad feeling.

"Where tasty? Remirya can't see it..."

Sakuya gently takes hold of Remirya's head and turns it towards you. That bad feeling just got worse.

"You see? Very tasty, filled with yumminess." She says.

Remirya doesn't seem to get it at first, but then figures it out and laughs. Your hand quietly tightens around Mr. Stick, but loosens as she speaks.

"Patchurri not for eating, Sakuya." Remirya says, in an 'I-know-better' tone. "Patchurri is for making babies! Patchurri and Remirya have babies coming soon."

Sakuya is biting her lower lip, shoulders trembling as she chokes back laughter at the surprising announcement.

"... Is that the case?" She says in a moment, once she's gotten a hold of herself, though her smile stays wider than before. "Well, no help for it then. I'll just have to give you a treat~"

Remirya squeals, clapping her hands as Sakuya sets her on a table, then holds both hands up wiggling her fingers. Remirya watches expectantly, and Sakuya forms a pinching shape with one hand, and points at it with the other. There's still nothing in it, but then she moves the pointing hand slowly in front of it, and away, and she's holding the stick of a lollipop. Remirya crys out in delight at the show, and Sakuya graciously pops it in her waiting mouth, then takes a moment to carefully tie a lace ribbon in a bow around her neck.

"That should do. Just be a good girl and don't break anything, now." Sakuya says. "And you... hm, well I suppose it'll be fine too." She says, dismissing you without much thought. "Just remember to keep out of the kitchen and the basements, okay?"

With that said, she pats Remirya on the head and moves to open and fiddle with the workings of a large clock in the corner. You pull at Remirya, and start moving to the open door.

"Bye bye, Sakuya!" Remirya says, waving as she follows, slurping greedily at the hard candy.

You won't be distracted, though. This close, you can all but smell the books. This way. Down... no, not this hallway, the next, and through this door. Then further down, and again.

Your knees feel like they're trembling a little as Remirya pushes open and you step through the final door.


So many books, as far as you can see in every direction, left and right and forward and up, shelf after row of shelves full of books. Having had cause to compare the two, you think that the sight might be better than making babies, and you nearly stumble as you rush forward, Mr. Stick falling forgotten from your hands, arms outstretched to pull a book off the lowest shelf and turn the pages with trembling hands.

So many words. Written on paper and in a book and this is bliss, and you're being lifted into the air from behind. You keep hold of the book, closing it and doing all you can to wrap yourself around it, hugging the book with arms and legs both as the thing that picks you up starts making noise. You see nearby that something has picked up Remirya too, but you almost don't care, you could nearly die happy now, in this beautiful beautiful place.

"I don't suppose that you have any idea what this thing is, do you?"

"No. No, I don't. But they sort of look like-"

"Yes, I noticed. How odd. .... Do you suppose it belongs to her? Is it supposed to be here, maybe?"

"I don't know. Maybe not. But the resemblance is just bizarre."

"If they aren't, we might get in trouble for letting them in."

"..... If they are, we might get in trouble for keeping them out."

".... Hrm. Well, they aren't hurting anything for now. Keep hold of them, don't let them get away, and we can ask later. Be careful not to hurt them though."


Side-Quest: Complete. Booooooooooks~ End. You made it to the big prize. Mildly impressive, given all the ways things could have gone wrong.
Well that was fun

[X] Return to main menu
[X] Continue Patchy quest
YEEESSS, we can finally get back to regular quest!

Okay, so Patchouli will have to deal with this once she gets back, but it will just be one action then we can forget about it.
[X] Return to main menu
[X] Check to see if we unlocked any bonus material
-[x] If so, what is it?
-[X] Else, continue Patchy quest

Also, it looks like the Greeks are going to be shocked when they get told that food in the shape of their heads is likely to start appearing if they become even remotely well known in Gensokyo.
Well, Patchouli will explain those to the golems: an experiment only a twisted mind like Yukari's could imagine and do gone horribly wrong that resulted in living sweets. Then realize she gave Yukari more animated sweets and have a 'Oh God what have I done?!' moment.
File 131960595171.png - (278.57KB, 900x1360 , 533d4368afc70d97c1b7b00623f126fe.png) [iqdb]
I'm always surprised at that sentiment. Coming to Yukkuri from the Jissouseki fandom, I find them to be all around more pleasant, lucid, and way less disgusting.

Anyway, next time, we involve Mima!
The issue is that the people who made the standard yukkuri characterization made them as creepy and mean sounding as they could. They're too stupid to live, often reproduce via rape, made of food (this is an especially bad thing), have high opinions of themselves, torment those who are different or lose their accessories, and are prone to temporarily forgetting that smaller yukkuri are their kids before eating them and only realizing the problem with this afterward. It doesn't help that whoever made them designed them to taste the best when you torment them. It tends to bring out the little kid with a magnifying glass in all of us, apparently.
And yet they are still way more pleasant than Jissous, so if they were made to be as creepy as they could be, someone failed hard.

Every yukkuri in this story is either a rapist, murderer, thief, glutton, or some combination thereof. You don't think that's really creepy?

Well...I guess we all have our unique fetishes, sooo carry on good sir.
[X] Return to main menu
[X] Check to see if we unlocked any bonus material
-[x] If so, what is it?
-[X] Else, continue Patchy quest
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Speak for yourself. I don't want to forget this.
>Every yukkuri in this story is either a rapist, murderer, thief, glutton, or some combination thereof.

So you're saying they're identical to humans?
Everything went better than the expected.

Can't wait for Patchouli meeting the yukkuri. What will she feel when she discovers that her yukkuri copy is a daddy? Wait, you know what? We could have Patchurri as a pet, of sorts. She is the most intelligent yukkuri, and is easily satisfied with any type of book, so even a child's book could keep it quiet.
Were there any potential bad ends that weren't hinted in the text?
Lots. If you want, I can write up a list. Not all of them necessarily end in Patchurri's death, even. In the meantime though, I'm still revising the last touches on something.
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I'd like that, if it's not too time consuming for you.
>Every yukkuri in this story is either a rapist, murderer, thief, glutton, or some combination thereof. You don't think that's really creepy?
Compared to pretty much every Jissouseki being a cannibal, shit-slinging glutton, ready to give birth to litters at a moment's notice? No, it's not creepy. If you think a trash talking Manju is creepy, try something who's child stage is a talking maggot.
I don't see your point. Just because there's something more terrible doesn't mean the less terrible thing is not terrible. Or creepy.
My point is that I think

>Yukkuri are selfish and cruel monsters who deserve to die horribly.
>Don't think about it as cruelty, think about it as righteous retribution.

is a pretty laughable view to hold, simply by comparison.
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Alright, from the start.

If you hadn't tried to find extra equipment (rock) you would have been limited to the stick, and not had the stone knife available. This might not directly contribute to anything, but it's important. Moving on.

-If you had tried to run, she would have caught you from behind and eaten you.
-If you had tried to beat her to death right away, you wouldn't have been able to outmatch her regeneration. You would have gotten tired, she would heal before you caught your breath and started swinging again, and she would have eaten you.
-If you had tried to be friendly with her, or given her a hug, or anything of that nature, she would have been terribly confused, and then she would have almost definitely eaten you. There was a tiny chance of this confusing her for a little, however.
-When you tried to beat her to death with the stick after she had already become wary of it, she left quickly, and then attacked you from the sky later. You were fortunate enough to detect her coming, which staved off the insta-kill bad end. However, if you hadn't had a secondary weapon, the stone knife, then once she had the stick it would have been all over: She would have hit you with it in retaliation, and you would have been smashed apart.
-She could be talked out of eating you, or out of making babies with you, but only one at a time. Not both.
-If you tried to outright break free of her hold, there was a chance for her to pull you apart, completely by accident. If you had avoided that, however, you would have made it approximately 'just out of reach of the knife' before she grabbed you from behind and forced you back to the ground.
-If impregnated, she would not have been completely gentle about it. You would have taken some measure of injury, though not enough to kill you. It would likely be enough, however, to prevent you from protesting swiftly enough to prevent her from carrying you off and finding some place in the wilderness which she would then decide to be the nest for the two of you + babies. If you attempted to struggle while she flew away, there was good odds she would have dropped you and you would have burst on impact with the ground. If not, then upon being placed in the nest you could likely have tried to leave, but without any tools. from there, I'd have been forced to play it by ear. Likely a failure-end, bad but without dying.

The easiest way of dealing with her was to bully her into submission, and never let her out of your sight or forget you were holding the stick. Making her a mommy worked just as well or better, though. There was, as mentioned before, a tiny chance of confusing her, possibly to the point of pretending to be a Remirya dressed up as a Patchouli-type for hunting, but the odds of pulling it off were so very long as to effectively be unworthy of considering for more than a moment.

-If you had managed to lose the stick, and either lost or never picked up a secondary weapon as well, it was perfectly capable of goring and/or trampling you to death, with or without Remirya assistance.

-If you survived the deer, but didn't kill it or damage it enough for the dogs to sniff it out as easier prey, they would have found your trail instead, and ignored the deer, which could be expected to put up more of a fight than a pair of Yukkuri. One on one, you could drive a dog off, provided you have the stick. With Remirya helping, you could chase off two. There were, in total, five dogs.
-If you had elected, for whatever reason, to idle outside of the Mansion's walls, one of the dogs would have followed your trail nevertheless, as it does not take them forever to finish eating the deer, less when you've already had your fill. It would be too big to slip through the gate or the hole once you were already inside, though.

-If you flew over the wall, unless you were very specific to Remirya, you would have gotten the attention of the fairies, and they would have eaten you both as snacks.
-You would have shown up very well against the wide and empty expanse of the path to the front door, leaving good odds of the fairies spotting you if you tried to go through the gate. Not certain, though.
-Screwing around with the flowers would lead to upsetting Meiling. You could have tried to help fix them, of course, but it would have been really hard to keep Remirya from accidentally messing things up further in the process.
-You have enough time, once inside, to try one entry before Meiling finishes the soup and steps outside to assess the full extent of the damage as she eats the first bowl. If she spots you, then she would eject you from the premises. Gently, of course, but it bears some chance of attracting the notice of the fairies above, and once you're out of her line of sight you are free game. If it doesn't get their attention, then she will cover up first the inner hole of the tunnel, then the outer one, then return to guarding the gate. If you are in the tunnel at the time, you will be stuck. If you are outside, your only remaining point of entry will be flight. Basically, all but a failure-end.
-- The front door is locked. Higher-level windows have good odds of getting you into a room full of fairy maids, and the rear entrance leaves you with good odds of wandering directly into Remilia. That could have turned out any number of ways, so I won't go into full detail there.

-If you were alone, she would have tossed you out the window without thinking twice about it.
-If you had bullied Remirya into compliance, she would have grown confident enough with Sakuya's appearance to make another attempt at eating you. Sakuya would have prevented you from preventing her.

Aside from that, it's right to the Library, so unless I'm missing something I can't recall or find right now, that should be the full list of all the bad ends you could have gotten, but didn't.

Aight I see your point, how about a compromise?
Yukkuri are selfish and cruel monsters who deserve to die painlessly. Don't think of it as cruelty, think of it as long-awaited justice.

How bout that one?
Sure, works for me!
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From the private journals and notes of Patchouli Knowledge.

Re: Yukkuri

These seem to be a recent, but relatively widespread phenomenon. A brief word with the Child of Miare confirmed this, though it came with some cost and the conversation was kept short. As they had not ever been seen before during the seventh incarnation, but were noted to exist prior to the eighth, it can be assumed that either they were tremendously rare beforehand and only became known after breeding rates shifted and increased, or that they only first appeared within that time span. In essence, they are animated food items, filled with a soft and usually sweet interior held within a doughy shell. Their primary method of locomotion is by bouncing, which seems to give them some resilience and ability to endure blunt impacts, but only to a minor degree: if one falls from too high a height or if subjected to too much force, they will rupture and/or burst. This tends to involve messy clean-up afterward, and so is best avoided. As they have only one internal pseudo-organ, a core similar to that of amoeba and certain larger varieties off cavern oozes, they can survive a surprising amount of trauma without dying, so long as the core is not unduly damaged, and will slowly regenerate. I have made no effort to test the limits of this durability as yet, as it was discovered through fortuitous accident. Specimen in question attempted to leap to a stairway banister, only to find the surface ill-suited for landing on, and fell some distance. Following careful patching of its exterior with a mixture of damp flour and sugar, and intake of some quantity of dessert material, condition stabilized, though one eye seems to be permanently lost, and specimen now features heavy 'scarring'. Return of the specimen to the herd revealed immediate ostracization from the group, leading to the specimen's sullen withdrawal from the majority.

At best guess, they originate from magical interference. The most reasonable assumption would be that some young magician had to leave a meal abruptly to attend to some sort of business, and laid a spell to preserve the freshness of it, which either was botched and went horribly wrong, or went far too well, beyond any reasonable and logical expectations of it. It would not be unreasonable to expect that this error came from the random effects of putting Wild magic to this purpose, nearly unrestrained, although such would have likely been a flagrantly wasteful show of power indeed. In any case, none have stepped forward to claim responsibility for their existence, so it can be presumed that if this theory is correct, whoever this magician is is quite embarrassed by their existence, or desires not to be linked to them for other reasons. Previously noted specimen has exhibited traits of severe depression at its exclusion from the group, followed by an attempt to leap the banister again, deliberately. It has since been placed under closer observation for suicidal tendencies.

It seems that they are too slow-moving and, generally, too stupid, to hunt food normally but generally refuse to subsist indefinitely on mere vegetation either. To fill this hole in their diets, they appear to have somehow cultivated a mind-affecting aura, filling the heads of whatever views them with anger, such that beasts immediately rush out of the bushes to attack. In the case of animals smaller than themselves, this works out quite well, and the animal is promptly devoured. In the case of animals larger than themselves, it is a poorly thought out technique. Nearly all Youkai, and many humans, are capable of brushing this effect off without particular effort, however some find it more difficult, and some seem to simply delight in succumbing. In some measure of defense against this, they seem to pattern themselves, as years shift, after well-known and powerful figures, in an attempt at camouflaging themselves. This does not work particularly well against simple beasts, or humans, or more intelligent Youkai, but the duller sort are just smart enough to recognize the faces as dangerous, and avoid them. Currently, the most common sort are patterned after the Shrine Maiden, as they tend to be, and Kirisame Marisa, a witch of ordinary enough talent but decent power and effort. I secured a small number of both types to involve in my studies, as they were the most common and readily available, though 'most' common is a misnomer, as it took several days to locate a sufficient number to qualify as a reasonable sample of the population as a whole. Previously noted specimen's suicidal tendencies have been joined with homicidal ones. Specimen assaulted the herd as a whole immediately prior to feeding, with them at their hungriest. Its vicious attack apparently put them off momentarily, but upon return the situation had concluded: it had savaged two of the Yukkuri before being turned upon and torn apart beyond repair by the others. The two damaged ones seemed capable of pulling through with some intensive care, but with significant 'scarring' similar to the previous specimen. After some consideration of allowing the scenario to play out again or allowing them to return to the wilderness maimed, to play out a similar scenario under the different conditions should they be fortunate enough to locate another small herd, had them drugged and painlessly euthanized in their slumber. No further additions of wild specimens are necessary, population seems to now be sufficiently sizable, at two dozen.

They are most aggravating. Generally, it is not unknown for a specific individual to be reasonably polite and well-mannered, but they are every bit as likely to be horrible little unrepentant wretches, and upon addition to groups the worst of them influence the others, until they are all uniformly vexing. Any outliers are targeted by the troublemakers for being 'uneasy', and are generally ripped apart and devoured by their brethren. Peer Pressure at its most vicious, one supposes. Efforts have been made to prevent this from occurring, but the creatures do not take well to isolation when they can tell that others of their species are nearby, and will make every effort to free themselves and return to the herd. In combination with the fact that any contact will begin shifting them towards the behavioral norms of the most aggravating individual present, mere preventative measures do not seem sufficient. Removal and euthanization of the disruptive influences may be successful in improving standards of behavior, however upon reflection such an endeavor would have to be taken with care. Simple and blunt destruction of the problematic specimen may cause undue shock and agitation in the sample group, skewing results. However, tact is a difficult concept for the things to grasp, and covering the specimen's removal with vague words and half-truths may lead to other individuals acting out, having drawn erroneous conclusions as to what they might expect in return. For now, will continue observing natural state of behavior.

When agitated, distressed, or fearful, they become noticeably more active. Small samples taken with some risk of hearing loss from the creatures wailing, but harmless in the end, were most illuminating when put to chemical and alchemical inspection. Among other things, the filling extracted in moments of greater agitation, or while wearing a 'scary' mask, proved to have a significantly higher concentration of sugars and flavorful compounds, and a taste test was prepared using the gatekeeper as a guinea pig. She confirmed that the sample extracted from the specimen which was in distress was by far superior in taste to the one extracted with soothing words, excessive gentleness, and promise of a candy to follow. Following the cessation or removal of the catalyst of the distress, the extra compounds are metabolized with remarkable swiftness, and the filling returns to a state of normality within minutes. It is clearly a function of the core, activated in distress, and the compounds and sugars seem to serve a similar function as adrenaline would in a human, providing energy and easing weariness to aid in escape or in driving off the threat. It is simply unfortunate that they also serve the purpose of increasing the creature's overall flavor-quality. This would go some way towards excusing the excesses which those who allow themselves to succumb to the creature's aura exult in, if it were not for the fact that in general they do not eat the creatures at all once they have finished their play, merely dispose of them. A baffling display of pointless sadism, as they learn nothing from the creature's torment and do not even derive sustenance from its consumption. Youkai, at the least, have the excuse that many of them do not feed so much on physical substance as on the emotions and death they inflame and inflict. Humans have no such reason or motivation.

They seem unsuited to survive at all in the wild, but some study shows them to make up for their numerous shortcomings with truly monstrous reproduction rates. There are, at my last count, four separate ways they use to fertilize one another: Rubbing cheeks together, intercourse similar to that of animals, mounted rubbing of one from behind by another, and simple penetration and injection of fertilization filling through any point of the skin on the mother's body. Likely, there are other variations, as these are simply the means that I have personally observed. As they are uniformly hermaphroditic, once one is impregnated it can immediately turn and impregnate the other via any of these means. This aside, young can be brought to term through multiple means, mainly variations of the primary two: growing the infants on a plant-like stalk, from which they drop once fully formed into a child, and which is devoured afterward as a first meal, and a mimicry of mammalian birth. I am uncertain as to how either is accomplished, without more than the single pseudo-organ which seems to serve all required functions. In any case, there is typically only a very short time between initial impregnation and birth, generally between sixteen and twenty four hours. As such, with a maximum litter of six from the stalk method, and one dozen from pseudo-mammalian birth, it is not impossible to seclude a pair of yukkuri and the next day find that their pen has been filled with three dozen children. One assumes, of course, that both partners do not become pregnant in the wild at the same time, as one would have to provide food an care for the other in the short between-period, and the process is taxing enough to leave them ravenous afterward. However, they seem to have no issue with eating one another and even their own young, should discipline be attempted through the withholding of meals. Neither will they show any guilt in the matter afterward. It would be possible, then, that they could both bear a full litter via both methods, and then sate themselves in the consumption of infants, and only raise those which are sufficiently strong and fast enough to keep out of their way until the hunger dies down. Having come to the conclusion that they will be fed as needed no matter what, population of the sample has exploded, increasing near-exponentially with the time that would normally be spent finding food and avoiding predators amusing themselves: most frequently with mating. There are simply too many to keep under control, and I must frequently cull the population to within limits both large enough to study properly, and small enough to keep restrained. I find myself occupied more with euthanizing the things than anything else. Some occasional mutations seem to appear, but only rarely, most notably the chance for one to form a full humanoid body, in addition to simply resembling the head. It seems this is an advancement of their protective camouflage, making them more closely similar to the being they mimic. Some study should be undertaken there, but initial testing proved their appearance to be sufficiently differentiated enough that, after brief consideration, the herd rejected them as they do 'Scarred' specimens. Have concluded that they judge a number of things regarding the tiniest variation of superficial differences, as they show no difficulty in differentiating themselves from one another, and the breeds are, as a whole, near identical. In any case, specimens with bodies seem to more easily get into trouble, though that may only be to be expected with a greater ability to manipulate surroundings. Having left them alone in a room with what I had determined to be simple and harmless toys to keep them occupied, returned to discover they had still managed to somehow kill each other and themselves, one of which had spectacularly made its way up some drapes to look out a window, only to fall several stories to the ground.

Some measure of curiosity rises regarding their accessories. As they are formed and grow with the Yukkuri itself, it would be presumed that they are of the same material, but in testing it is quickly proven that they appear to hold none of the characteristics of the creatures themselves, and indeed appear to be only so much inert cloth. Further study is required to reach a conclusion about how both this and the accessories noted growth is possible. With them being simple cloth, of course, it goes some distance to explain the Marisa-type's ability to use their hats to keep the rain off and prevent their melting, and similarly to float on them in water, if need is desperate. Removal of accessories from their owners causes an outbreak of shrill fury, some further study suggests that they tie their identity up into the object, and taking it away is as shocking and traumatizing as if someone had reached into a human's body to pull out and then inspect its interior, but without causing actual physical damage. Have hypothesized that the creatures differentiate each other primarily by accessory details as well: thread count and weave, slight fraying, pattern of lace, etc. Have not, however, determined a means of testing this hypothesis without risk of causing undue mental stress and trauma to the herd.

Studies are currently on indefinite hold, as a particularly obnoxious Reimu-type led the herd on an assault against some of my books, to amuse themselves. None were particularly valuable or irreplaceable, but the sight of the creatures happily chewing away at the torn-free pages of arcane tomes caused anger the likes of which their piffling aura could not hope to match, and I found myself in the midst of a tranquil, almost zen fury. I led them all out to the lawn, with promise of a cake waiting there, and as they rushed forward to eat and fight over who got to eat it, I immediately crushed every single one of the specimens beneath a tremendous flat boulder, killing them all instantly. Temper cooled, I found some vague cause for regret in that, but what is done is done. In any case, these studies may resume at some point, but with, hopefully, a more sedate breed. I do not believe I will be willing to work again with these types unless they are exceptionally well behaved specimens. I am given to understand there is some manner of breeding-factory located somewhere in Gensokyo, established for purposes and by persons unknown, though I have been unable to pinpoint its exact location, and none I speak to will admit to either keeping Yukkuri as pets or to knowing where to find it. More direct means of transport there are also turned away: it can be presumed that this place does, then, exist, but they have a sufficiently powerful Youkai or Magician on staff to ward against such attempts at entry. Well, I am in no hurry, at any case. I am given to understand that the half-youkai shopkeeper also stocks the occasional Yukkuri, but in general only the more common breeds, and typically only until they aggravate him sufficiently for him to give into the Youkai portion of his heritage, or their purchase is negotiated and bartered for. It seems that he does not go out deliberately searching for them, but limits his stock to those he happens upon by chance. As previously mentioned, however, I am less than willing to return to study of the more common breeds.


Sakuya has briefly been the owner of a Remilia type, which seems less common than the others, but not sufficiently rare enough to satisfy the real thing's ego. However, following an incident which culminated in the destruction of a rather expensive set of fine china, she chose to chastise it with the denial of sweet food it craved. Following this, it threw a brief tantrum. Following the completion of that, it assaulted a maid unfortunate enough to have been in the kitchens and making sugary pastries, leaving her dusted in the sweet powder and on the way to the baths. She was thereafter punished for the destruction of Sakuya's pet, but it was also agreed that she could not reasonably have been expected to not defend herself, and so the sentence was lenient enough. In any case, Remilia types seem only mildly more suitable than the others, and the other type I have noted, patterned after the other notable magic user of the forest, are too interested in breeding to the exclusion of all else to be worth the trouble of keeping them. Painlessly euthanizing the many spares from the original attempt was troubling enough, I cannot imagine the hassle this type would bring.
Thread 7: >>48562
Interesting and different in certain ways from the more mainstream Yus. Good to know, in any case.

...Wow. With so many ways we could have been doomed, were you even expecting us to succeed?


Agreed, this is awesome.
With the odds stacked so heavily against Patchurri, I couldn't really justify 'Okay, and so you get back and this is sitting on your desk'. Not reasonably, anyway.

Also, I just recalled, but whenever you used the knife there was a small chance of an edge cutting up your fingers. Or cutting off your fingers. One of those.
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good stuff

Thread Watcher x