The New Maid Anonymous 2011/08/21 (Sun) 05:56 No. 46128 ▼ File 131390620545.jpg - (87.41KB, 772x1193 , 7025880.jpg)
Pain...I could finally feel pain, just like a real person. The large shard of glass piercing my chest produces a warm stinging sensation. At the same time a cold chill started to creep over me and I knew it for what it was, the soothing hand of death. I do not have the strength to thank the kind woman for this gift so the most I can do is use the last of my waning energy to smile. I hope she finds what she is looking for. With that everything fades to black for a time. Suddenly I hear a far off voice and feel the sensation of falling. It ends quickly and surprisingly gently. My vision returned to me and was surprised to find I was not at the castle.
[x] Check self.
[x] Check surroundings.
[x] Check inventory.
This is my first time so please be gentle.
Anonymous 2011/08/21 (Sun) 06:08 No. 46129 Check self.
I mean, dude. You just had a giant chunk of glass in your chest. You kinda have to know if it's gone. The fate of your future parlor tricks depends on it.
Anonymous 2011/08/21 (Sun) 06:56 No. 46130 [x] Check self.
[x] Check surroundings.
[x] Check inventory.
Everything.
Anonymous 2011/08/21 (Sun) 07:19 No. 46131 [x] Check self.
[x] Check surroundings.
>Be gentle.
Nope.
Anonymous 2011/08/22 (Mon) 02:55 No. 46143 [x] Check self.
[x] Check surroundings.
No point checking the inventory. The only things that are ever in there are annoyingly vague plot devices.
Anonymous 2011/08/22 (Mon) 06:04 No. 46145 Calling vote for [x] Check self. & [x] Check surroundings. Writing.
Anonymous 2011/08/22 (Mon) 06:43 No. 46147 Deciding to forgo an inventory check go straight to a physical exam(Not like I have anything very useful on hand anyways.) and am surprised to find the would be gaping hole in my torso is quite not present and a somewhat crude scar in it's place. I will of course have to get my dress mended at some point. Overall I am in what I considered to be good condition for what I am. Taking a moment to observe my surroundings it would appear I am on an island of sorts in the middle of a lake. A good size European-style mansion of a distinct crimson color is the only noticeable structure aside from a small shack not far off near the wall. No doubt the guardhouse. A woman in strange green attire seems to be sleeping near the gate. It is pitch dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Course of action?
[X]: Wake the sleeper.
[X]: Attempt to enter the mansion.
[X]: Rest. Perhaps the morning will shine some light on the situation?
[X]: Write in.
Anonymous 2011/08/22 (Mon) 22:50 No. 46153 [x] Walk around the rest of the island. Get a good lay of the land.
--[x] Then, wait by the gate until the woman in green wakes up by herself.
Because every other option has already been chosen by other /sdm/ stories in the past.
No offense meant, new writer, but in my opinion you should consider trying to ?up the ante? a bit. I don't know how much you know or don't know about the general format of the stories on this site, but one-paragraph updates and generic wake-up-in-Gensokyo starts to stories are in general a thing of the past; we're less about writing quick-action CYOAs now, and more about writing legitimate stories with voter participation. it's hard to get a good feel for the story when updates are short and bland; perhaps consider fleshing out your updates with more material to give the readers something to look at. Also, I don't mean to be rude, but blatantly referencing old jokes like ?you are likely to be eaten by a grue? will probably garner the scorn of readers very quickly unless you're trying to make a funny story, and even then it's not exactly the best caliber of joke. Make a story that has good content by itself, and not just good content taken from older works.
I don't mean to be judgmental; merely pointing out a few things I believe could be improved in my own opinion; take them or leave them as you will. The intro paragraph has promises of a deeper concept that could be interesting given time, and I'd hate to bash a story too early based on too little evidence.
Anonymous 2011/08/23 (Tue) 05:43 No. 46161 [X] Use your powers to perfectly replicate the strange green outfit the sleeper is wearing.
--[X] attempt to gain entry by pretending to be her long lost younger brother(sister?)
Anonymous 2011/09/05 (Mon) 23:58 No. 46305 [X]: Wake the sleeper.
I wonder if we could defend ourselves were we to be attacked by a lesser Youkai.