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File 137018357591.jpg - (121.25KB , 450x657 , Purty.jpg ) [iqdb]
50340 No. 50340
It's been a topsy turvy sort of a time, recently.

Your name is 'White Coat', a moniker granted from your street-orphan days, when you ended up being distinguished from a few other pieces of gutter-trash as 'That kid in the white coat'.

You also go by Hakui, which you're pretty sure means the same thing in Glorious Nippon, and makes a bit of sense since you're told that some of your features are vaguely asian in origin. You don't speak any other languages, though, so you're just relying on the google here.

In any case, things started out basically as bad as they could get, what with your first memory being the inside of a dumpster. You don't really have any idea how you got there, but that's how it is. Starting out from a bad place, life was a series of ups and downs, but in a very general sense, there was only one way to really go when you started from absolute rock bottom. Though you were re-introduced to it a couple of times along the way.

It's how life has gone. Picked up for a bit, get reliably employed, have income, and then suddenly the manager's girlfriend needs a job and someone has to go, or you make an unwise bet, really in hindsight almost any bet at all, and lose everything all in one shot, or there's a downswing in customers and someone has to go, or the whole shop just mysteriously burns down in the night after a couple of people comment about how it's such a nice place and Wouldn't It Be A Shame If....

Well, you'd thought that things had evened out, though.
No. 50341
File 137018362710.png- (36.40KB , 652x366 , Hanging out to dry.png ) [iqdb]
........... When it came down to it, however, your house exploding put paid to that theory.

You're not really sure how to classify this latest twist, though. On the one hand, while you've lost all of your stuff, you seem to be basically set for free room and board out here on this farm for life, now.

On the other, well, there's this.

"Your coat? There's a little technical difficulty with the dryer right now. It's hanging out on a line with some other things that didn't finish drying."

And that means you have to wear this?

What is this, anyway?

"Byakuren cosplay, in leather and silk." Yuka answers, without hesitation.

No, you guess that wasn't the question.

Why did they even have something like this, was more like....

"You object? Well, your coat is out on the line, but it's still pretty sodden now. You'll definitely catch a cold." Yuka points out.


You guess, in an objective sense, it's better than yesterday.

The skirt covers just slightly more, anyway, and even if these socks are basically skin-tight, it's not bare skin. The shoes aren't as bad either. They're raised heels, true, but you can still move all right.


[ ] ???
No. 50343
[x] Stop suffering or her S levels will get to the stratosphere (whatever they are)
No. 50344
File 137019257729.png- (1.20MB , 850x1253 , sample_3db8296b6a7f9a8b8e00ba369c896ed9.png ) [iqdb]
[X] Stop suffering or her S levels will get to the stratosphere (whatever they are).
No. 50345
[x] Go wander around the farm, staying well away from anything that might tick off the locals.
No. 50346
[x] Compare the markings on the lighter to the markings on the cigarette case.
No. 50347
[x] Summon the wandered.
No. 50349
[X] Fetishwear.. again. Might as well get used to it.
[X] Stop tempting Yuuka and go hunt down Flandre.
- [X] See if she needs help with anything. She is propably still impaired from her crucifixtion.
- [X] Pump her for information - especially about Yuuka. And how to stay on her good side.
No. 50351
[X] Fetishwear.. again. Might as well get used to it.
[X] Stop tempting Yuuka and go hunt down Flandre.
- [X] See if she needs help with anything. She is propably still impaired from her crucifixtion.
- [X] Pump her for information - especially about Yuuka. And how to stay on her good side.
No. 50355
[X] Fetishwear.. again. Might as well get used to it.
[X] Stop tempting Yuuka and go hunt down Flandre.
- [X] See if she needs help with anything. She is propably still impaired from her crucifixtion.
- [X] Pump her for information - especially about Yuuka. And how to stay on her good side.
Isn't Flandre still feeling weird?
No. 50357
It's like you guys want Flandre to take advantage of poor White Coat.
No. 50358
File 137021172164.png- (33.64KB , 639x358 , Are you all right.png ) [iqdb]
Yeah... yeah, you'd better get used to it. She's pretty obviously screwing with you at this point, and if there's anything you've learned about this sort of a situation, it's that it goes by faster if you just ignore it, focus on something else, and maybe bite the pillow a little.

... No, that's the tactics for the other thing.

But it still doesn't amuse people as much if you don't react the way they're pushing for. Though, at the same time, it means you're just sitting back and letting people take advantage of you.... Catch-22.

Maybe you should ask the other one about this sort of thing.

Flandre's grown her legs back, at least, though you hear that there's some work going on in the 'toes' area, and her wings haven't even begun to grow back. Still, that they're going to grow back at all is pretty impressive, you would think.

You're not exactly sure what she does around here, except that it doesn't seem to be 'farming', but maybe she needs some help with that.

And maybe she can pass on some information on how to handle Yuuka.


.... uh?

.... Flandre? Helllooo....?
No. 50359
File 137021179215.png- (111.69KB , 869x576 , Council of Flan.png ) [iqdb]
Meanwhile, in the depths of Flandre's mind:

"Order. Order I say. Call to-"

"Good sir, examine my mustache, is it not most luxuriant and-"

"Look at those legs, look, look, at-"


"-Human looks just so adorable, you just want, you know, to eat it all up~"

"Give it a fondle, if you so desire, to examine the soft lushness upon its own merits-"


"-The incredible combination, miniskirt and tall socks, a miniskirt and tall socks, it's an absolute territory that demands your attention-"


"I said order, if you would all just take five minutes-!"

"But Chewbacca lives on Endor, and so-"

"Isn't she obviously just blatantly fucking with-?"

"Just look at that narrow strip of bare skin, going to hold you down until you LOVE me-"


"Serve it a hand-made dinner, cooked with love and tenderness, and it can eat it off of our navel."

"Pip pip and all of that cheerio, I do believe my mustache requires a further careful grooming, wherever did I leave that tiny, tiny comb? Indubitably."

No. 50360
File 137021188351.png- (43.78KB , 649x344 , What my what now.png ) [iqdb]
........ Flandre?

"YES I AM PAYING ATTENTION!" she barks, suddenly shooting bolt upright. "I'll happily absolute your territory with lotion! Or sweet honey, or chocolate sundae topping."

.... What?

"I was not paying any attention!" Flandre admits freely, having immediately been caught out in the white lie. "What was the question again?"

You're having serious second thoughts about this.

.... But it's not like you've got many other options for learning to handle Yuuka.

"She's obviously screwing with you." Flandre replies, without the slightest moment of polite thought or hesitation. "It's not like there's anything you can do, though. Maybe she'll eventually get bored."

.... It's not what you were hoping for, but okay?

Speaking of, was there any help that she....?

".... Are you any good at running things down and pulling them apart until they die in your bare hands?" she asks, thoughtfully.

You.... you can't say that that is exactly a skill which you have acquired, or put much thought into learning, so....

"Pass, then. Maybe there's something that needs sweeping...? Or polishing. You aren't a maid right now, though..."


[ ] ???
No. 50361
[x] Keeping the house clean can't be THAT difficult... can it? Ask where the cleaning supplies are.
No. 50362
[X] Sooo where did your dead master keep his cell phone charger?
[X] Experiment with the banana, find out once and for all if it has cell phone properties.
No. 50363
[x] Keeping the house clean can't be THAT difficult... can it? Ask where the cleaning supplies are
Better than getting fucked in the ass and it probably involves less pain too.
No. 50376
File 137027835996.png- (47.38KB , 757x445 , Fly a little lower down.png ) [iqdb]
There was a charger in the dead guy's bedroom.

..... It did not fit your cell phone model. So, that's still dead. On the plus side, there was a computer, even though it was ten years out of date, so you could unwind looking at pictures of cats and updating your twitter so that none of the people you don't know can care about what is going on in your life today.

Grand total of three views, one of which is you, and neither of them give enough of a shit to post a reply! Yep. That sounds to be about par for the course.

... You guess you'll just figure out where the cleaning supplies are. Kitchen floor could probably use a mopping. Kitchen and bathroom floors always need another mopping.

..... Meanwhile, you are now Flandre.

The human sort of wandered off while you were trying to determine the best way to suggest it polish your... well, never mind that.

At the moment, you're doing your job. Killing intruders. And usually eating them.

At the moment, there isn't much, except for a single Aya, hereafter to be referred to as Lunch, taking advantage of your currently flightless state to float mockingly inside of the farm boundaries, even if it is far above the ground.

Come on down, then. Come a little closer, lunch. I didn't notice you at all, you can definitely come down into the range of a flung rock. Of a running leap.

Stupid wings. You'd already be up behind a wisp of cloud and diving from above if you could fly right now.


[ ] ???
No. 50377
File 137027983170.jpg- (248.33KB , 800x800 , 9149c628727ea62cdeb2d15cb912d82d.jpg ) [iqdb]
[X] Offer Aya a snack, patpats, and gossip~ :>
- - [X] wait for it to come near, yeah~
- - - - [X] Lunch~
No. 50378
[x] Tempt her with a snack
[x] She won't come down? Coward~ Coward~
No. 50383
[x] Aya is part crow, right? So jangle something shiny, like keys.
No. 50385
File 137029409491.png- (37.59KB , 586x369 , Dont notice you at alllllll mwahaha.png ) [iqdb]

If you can't get up there, then the only way is to lure it down here. And the best way for that....

Well, you don't have candy on hand or anything, but there's plenty of fruit from the orchards. And unlike those passing by, you live here, so you're allowed to snag a piece or two now and again. You'll just have one, and take a bite out of it. ... No, a second bite. Maybe three.

Okay, yeah, better stop. Can't catch a fish if you eat all the bait yourself, and Aya are more delicious still. Chocolate. Coffee flavored milk chocolate pudding.....

You quietly wipe the drool away, and turn your back to the bit of fruit, left blatantly out on a rock.

You're not watching. You're definitely not looking. And an Aya is fast, definitely fast enough to eat and then be gone when you turn around.... Hehehehehe~

You can already taste-

"Problem at the gate." One of the little Yuka grumbles at you, then slouches off back to work.

.... But the....

... Alright, fine. You guess that they don't really want to go away from farming to deal with little things like this.

..... You'll be right back~
No. 50387
File 137029414867.png- (50.31KB , 570x553 , WELCOME TO MY PARLOR.png ) [iqdb]
".... Pardon."

This smell.

The hood's up, but the jacket front is open, and this smell...

Ah. Patchouli. It's definitely a patchouli. A walking mass of delicious and rich raw cream inside of a pastry puff shell, and it's just standing right in front of you and waiting for....

"... will rain tonight. Patchouli is just passing through, but if there is an empty space with a roof..."

Smells so good.

You want to eat it. You want to eat it now.

Just take a few steps forward, and the two of you can discuss the Patchouli's important thing three more, maybe three and a half more, steps this way....

".... Patchouli will wait outside for now. If Flandre could ask someone more important to come and talk, then Patchouli would be grateful."


..... But you can't just indiscriminately eat things outside of the property line. If you could just get it to step inside, that would be one thing, but...


[ ] ???
No. 50388
[x] Go find human pet, have it lure it inside.
-[x] But don't tell human pet your future plans, it seems to be squeamish about such things.
No. 50389
File 137029478560.jpg- (135.22KB , 647x900 , 15fe08fb29e67884ae0d0443059f89f0.jpg ) [iqdb]
[X] Flandre just needs to use her smarts!
- - [X] Go get the "wife" to invite the Patchy in~
- - - - [X] Watch in horror as Yuka joins the human pet "wife".
No. 50391
[x] Go find human pet, have it lure it inside.
-[x] But don't tell human pet your future plans, it seems to be squeamish about such things.
No. 50395
[x] Go find human pet, have it lure it inside.
-[x] But don't tell human pet your future plans, it seems to be squeamish about such things.
No. 50435
File 13705382821.png- (68.89KB , 617x581 , Crowded.png ) [iqdb]
==> Apply to this task the cerebral cunning of an intelligent carnivore.

Hey, you're an omni-vore, get it right. Technically, you can eat anything that you can chew up and swallow.

Some things just plain don't taste good, though. Or object too strenuously to being eaten to be worth the bother.

Patchouli are physically very weak, and so usually don't object too strenuously at all!

But while you're being a watch-dog, you can't go hunting outside the property boundaries. You can't eat the Patchouli, even if it's just a few steps away. If it was even close enough to grab and drag in..... urgh.

You think deeply on this.


.... Technically, the human doesn't have any authority here. So if it's the one to invite the Patchouli in, and if she takes the bait, then the second it turns its back you are free and clear.

You just have to go find the human, then. The patchouli can wait here for a few more minutes...

Conveniently, when you arrive, it's being tackled out of a window by Yuuka. A few moments later, smoke starts wisping out of the broken window.

".... Yuuka can't remember." She says, either annoyed enough for her diction to slip, like falling into an accent, or deliberately putting it in as annoying a way as possible. ".... Maybe you know, what is in mister porcelain cleaner?"

"....... Ammonia."

"Oh? And maybe the human can tell Yuuka, yuuka doesn't remember.... what was it in mister bucket, again?"

"....... Bleach."

"And what happens when these are mixed together?"


"Could it be.... 'death', maybe? Hm? Yuuka doesn't remember at all~"

Her smile is wide and unpleasant. The human laughs weakly, and she rises up from it, only then seeming to notice you.

"Ah.... Flandre. You should keep an eye on your things.... it would be a shame if it accidentally killed itself~"

The human twitches on the ground. Right, you just need to get the human away from....

Ten minutes later, or thereabouts, you are holding back tears and chewing on your bottom lip as Yuuka talks with the patchouli.

"Well, even if it's going to rain, you have that overcoat. It looks like it's designed to keep water out." She points out. "And really, expecting up to take you in is kind of..."

"Patchouli understands. But Patchouli doesn't need to be taken into your home. Merely a building that can keep the rain off will be enough."

"..... Well, that aside, allowing you in to where our food or things are stored is also out of the question. We can't take the time to have someone watch you all the time, and be sure that you don't get into the preserved fruit or jellies or anything when you get hungry."

"Patchouli doesn't need to. Patchouli has some food, dried vegetables and meat, granola bars, a tin of fudge...."

"Fudge, you say?" Yuuka interrupts, demeanour shifting a full hundred and eighty degrees from coldly disdainful and standoffish to warmly welcoming and inviting.

"Yes. Patchouli has fudge, with caramel glazing and streaks of white chocolate..."

"It would be unforgivable if we let a lost traveler go without showing hospitality." Yuuka decides on her own, blatantly drooling. "We can arrange for another portion at meals, and at least until the rain dies down.... Is there a couch or a chair that can be slept in?"

"Ah.... the floor is fine."

"No no, well if it comes to it, one of these can just share the others' bed for now."


Don't just decide things on your own, Yuukaaaaa...... Your delicious raw cream pastry snack is, it's....

You sulk, a little, as the interloper is invited in and Yuuka clutches greedily at the sweet treat.


[ ] ???
No. 50436
[x] Demand... nay take half of the treat. The Patchouli was your find after all!
No. 50438
[X] Well, nothing to be done about it now. You can have a.. chatwith Yuuka later.
-[X] But wait! Just because this Patchoulli is safe, for now, doesn't mean you have to go without!
--[X] Hunting time~ let's take a walk through the woods. And if something tasty happens to cross your path.. accidents happen all the time and it would be such a waste..
---[X] And if you go around the perimeter, you're actually still patrolling the farm, proactively seeking out potential intruders and driving them away before they have a chance to become trouble.. my, look at how mature and responsible you are.. surely that deserves a reward..

In this post, I've used more italics than in all others I've made on THP, combined. Hopefully, it was worth it.

Editted. Bloody typo.
No. 50451
[X] Wait a second...how the heck can a damn yukkuri afford all this sweet shit?
-[X] Tell me your secrets, sweet cream puff
No. 50453
[x] Wait... the harem slave might have to share a bed with you tonight. Perhaps we should make...preparations?
No. 50460

Or maybe Yuuka wants a hug pillow for those cold, lonely nights.
No. 50466
[X] Wait a second...how the heck can a damn yukkuri afford all this sweet shit?
-[X] Tell me your secrets, sweet cream puff

I don't think we're supposed to go hunting outside boundaries.
No. 50468
File 137064251797.png- (144.20KB , 640x480 , tell you a tale.png ) [iqdb]
==> Proactively and pre-emptively exterminate potential threats to your domicile before they have the opportunity to become threatening.

Yeah, you could do that, you guess. As long as the world doesn't change around you while you're hunting, so that you end up miles away, anyway. That aside, you can take a break and go play in the woods, sure.

It's not like you have a boss to yell at you for it. Unless Yuuka counts, you guess. You don't think so. It should be fine.

.... Maybe a little later.

==> Demand your share of the unexpected bounty.


.... No worries there. Yuuka will share some for dessert. She'll probably share it. Probably.

More importantly, if you try to snatch some right now, you're pretty sure you're going to be stuck growing limbs back again, and you still don't have your wings yet.

==> The possessions displayed are illogical. Demand explanations.

.... Hey, yeah.

She's Yukkuri, right? And with no collar, she's not 'property', which means she's got no rights at all, right? You can kill all the wild Yukkuri you want, carve a sticky swath through the fields, and there's nothing to be done, but legally you can get in trouble for damaging property....

So how did she get this stuff? The jacket is kind of old and worn looking, but still in good condition, with no obvious defects that would get it thrown away, and the food is in packaging, so it had to have been bought somewhere.

Even if she had money, it's even odds that a shopkeeper would just take it and then tell her to get lost without anything in return. So what gives, here.

The Patchouli chuckles.

".... It's a long story. Shall Patchouli tell you inside? Patchouli would feel better in taking a bed, if Patchouli were an 'itenerant storyteller' instead of 'wandering vagrant'. A better exchange."

...... Well you guess, yeah.

Yuuka mutters something about how the poison vapor has probably dispersed by now anyway.

Inside the house, the Patchouli spins a long-winded yarn of monsters and captivity, being held by fey captors as livestock, and of escaping a grisly fate by selling herself into apprenticeship of a bearded sage, for whom she would toil for a year and a day in exchange for lessons.

You sort of zone out and only pick up the highlights, but Yuuka seems fairly entranced by the fanciful tale. You just keep waiting for the 'I stole it' or similar confession that would give you an excuse to snack...

"You look much older than just a few years, but you mentioned that you had only learned a few little things by the end of it?" Yuuka asks.

"Ah... Patchouli is a slow learner." She admits, rubbing the back of her neck. "So... it would sometimes take several lessons to understand. Also, Patchouli becomes tired very easily, so actually practicing is...."

She shrugs.

"Patchouli is thirsty from talking. Could Patchouli have some water?"

There's a tap-

"Could I ask you to get some water for me, Flandre?"

The words wind sinuously through the air, and they're perfectly reasonable. Patchouli is an old friend, after all. And you've been sitting here and enjoying her afternoon story, so it's really not much trouble.

You go ahead and fill a cup, before bringing it back, and seating yourself to once more listen with interest.... to....?

"Demonstration." Patchouli says shortly, looking flushed with exertion and tired, as she guzzles at the water. "Better to do some things only when really needed."


Hey, wait. She can't just use you in weird magic shows without asking, first-

"Sorry. Best target, for a demonstration. Weren't really hiding your unhappiness."

The human seems to have started deliberately ignoring things, and wonders if there's something to do before dinner.

"Sweep up broken glass, you aren't allowed to use anything more than soapy water for cleaning things from now on." Yuuka says. "Nail a sheet of plywood over the window, it can be repaired later, you'll find the wood, hammer, and nails out in the shed. For now, dinner is Cheese Raviolis in a marinara sauce."

Oh. You love mariner sauce! Actually, you pretty much just love sauces in general.

The Patchouli looks mildly nonplussed about something.


[ ] ???
No. 50469
[X] Patchouli discovers that the yukkuri have no master and own a human?!?!?
No. 50471
[X] What nonpluses you, cream puff?
-[X] Tell me of your travails, o delicious one. I too have a bit of an adventurer's spirit in me.
No. 50491
[X] What nonplusses you, cream puff?
-[X] Tell me of your travails, o delicious one. I too have a bit of an adventurer's spirit in me.

I like the wording of this vote?
No. 50495
File 137080862880.jpg- (125.37KB , 850x680 , mild relation.jpg ) [iqdb]
==> Make further inquiry.

".... Patchouli thought there would be more interest." the patchouli admits, looking a little discomfited at the immediate abandonment of her storytime in favor of thoughts of dinner.

You're kind of interested, though.

Vaguely. In the sense that if you're listening to stories, you can keep sitting here, staring, and wondering what she tastes- No, you tell a lie. You know full well what Patchouli taste like. But wishing you could eat her.

".... Well, for a little while, then Patchouli will be Scheherazade."


No, that doesn't even begin to make sense. Patchouli is Patchouli. She can't just decide that she's going to be someone else all of a sudden. You're pretty sure that that is in no way how it works.

Patchouli chuckles.

"Patchouli will just tell stories, then."

She takes a deep breath, and then launches into the winding tale of a place her Master passed through, plagued by a great evil, and the travel to defeat it by casting a piece of jewelry into a deep chasm of fire, aided by the haughty arrogance of the tall forest-folk, the dour swarthiness of the mountain lords, and the dinosaur cavalry of-

Wait, wait wait wait, some of the details are kind of off, but isn't this story....

Familiar, now that you think of it? Like, really, really familiar?

"Hm? Who knows. Patchouli only speaks from memory." She says.

She's either very good at hiding shiftiness, or she really doesn't know what you're talking about.

Well, this way or that one, the pounding of nails stopped a while back and you can smell some nice things starting to come from the- dammit.

.... As expected, when you get back out to the farm, the bait is taken, but the Aya is long, long gone. You grab another piece of fruit from one of the large sitting baskets and eat it to sooth your frustration.

That aside, dark storm clouds are rolling in. You aren't sure how she predicted the weather, but it looks like Patchouli was right about that. The Yuuka are quickly finishing up their work and retreating to their own little homes to wait out the rain, making an early night of it.


[ ] ???
No. 50496
[Jk]Eat the patchy.
No. 50497
[x]Don't eat the Patchy. Instead, offer to let her stay here, as yet another subject for your growing empire.
No. 50500
[x] Go eat dinner. Make no offers of permanent residency to the Patchouli.
No. 50501
The patchouli was sent by a rival Farm Lord to sabotage the Yuuka's houses, allowing the rain storm to kill them all and wipe out a big source of competition to him.

Nice try Kahi, but I know how your CYoAs work by now.

[X] Call all the Yuuka inside the main house for a mass sleepover.
No. 50505
File 137083648160.png- (16.30KB , 500x450 , 16430ecfe1af1e46eedb4c4dc4fab5cd.png ) [iqdb]
==> Simply intake sustenance.

Yeah, with everything else out of the way, you guess it's just time for dinner.

Yuuka's cooking is great, as usual. Way better than little wriggling bugs and bits of grass and dead leaves, by any metric.

".... Well, with only a few meals to measure, I definitely can't beat you in the kitchen." the human grudgingly admits. "I do good sandwiches, but..."

"Well, it's hard to be less inclined than Flandre, at least. Though to be fair, she prefers her food live. And screaming."

That is a totally unfair and entirely accurate accusation.

"... Screaming, huh."

Oh yeah. It's how things taste the best. Not so good when they can't, but you can always imagine it instead, and pretend that what you're eating is screaming and struggling and sobbing and begging.

Yuuka, more than familiar with this quirk of yours, continues eating, and cleans her plate to begin sipping at her tea while the newcomers stare down at their plates.

"...... I imagine that's hard on your hearing." The human says, trying to make further conversation.

Not really, though.

It's about quality, more than volume or shrillness. Like, the best screams? They're the ones where your dinner has been howling so consistently, and for so long, that it's just gone hoarse and its prolonged screams are soft and weak, producing only a soft whistle or silently expelled air mingled with desperation.

The Patchouli carefully puts her fork down, and drinks water instead.

The human, for its part, looks disgruntled, but eventually starts eating again. Yuuka let's out a short scream, watching raptly, as the fork punctures a ravioli.

The human nearly drops its fork. After composing itself, it begins eating again.

"Hurts... it hurts, don't.... please, there are little ones I need to care for, you can't, p-please." Yuka says, in a soft and lingering tone, gaze completely focused. The human chews very slowly, and swallows.

"..... Noooo, dwaaddie, uhwhyyyy...." Yuuka continues, pushing a little further.

The human stands up, chair grinding backwards, and lurches out of the room, plate left half-eaten. A few moments later, you hear a wet and splattering noise nearby.

"You know where the buckets are!" Yuuka calls cheerily, mood seeming ot have improved.

"..... If it's okay to finish eating later, Patchouli has lost her appetite." the guest says, weakly.

You don't get it at all.

In any case, you would suggest a sleep-here sort of a thing to keep an eye on the new face, but the fact remains that there's only so much room in the house before you have to default to the barn and silos and such. Besides, there's back-up plans, in case one of the houses end up suddenly becoming leaky enough to be dangerous.

The back-up plan is generally a cheap umbrella and a reminder of which way it is to the crop storage, which can't get really leaky or things will spoil, and the basements, which don't generally let water in, but it's not like they've ever really been needed either. The farmers are usually pretty good about not ignoring little drips, and know how to put a new layer of sealant on the roofs.

..... More importantly, as the rain starts to fall, it's bed time.

And judging how the Patchouli is apologizing for taking up the human's bed, it's sleeping in yours.



"So I guess I'm sleeping in your room tonight..."

.... Sleep?

Hufufu, who said anything about sleep.

".... Eh..?"


Get ready human.

Tonight, you aren't going to sleep until you pass out from anemia.

"Wh-, you don't have blood, can you even get-"

You're going to find out, aren't you!

Hoho. Hora. Horarara~

"Wait, slow, slow down, alright? I'm not ready. I mean, it's not like... just slow down-"

If you hate it, then resist. Ufufun~

"I'm resisting-"


A fully grown human is a lot stronger than a Yukkuri. So if the human really hated this, it could throw you off, break your grip.

That's just common sense.

Gahaha, that's just common sense, and it's not struggling free at all~

"You really have some bad misconceptions about-"

There's a crashing noise from outside, and you can hear frantic thumpings at the front door, below. Oh, for crying out loud....

The human exhales slowly, face flushed and holding its pajama top together, and you can't help but feel incredibly frustrated.

This better be something important.

If this isn't something crazy important, you're going to kill something, Yuuka's children or not.

This better be of extreme importance.

Your orchards' fruit baskets are being stolen, under cover of the heavy storm.

Yeah, you guess that's kind of important.


[ ] ???
No. 50506
[x] Do your job: destroy thiefs.
-[x] But not before covering from the raing with something. A coat?
No. 50519
[x] Do your job: destroy thiefs.
- - [x] But not before covering from the rain with something. A coat?
No. 50520
[x] Do your job: destroy thiefs.
-[x] But not before covering from the raing with something. A coat?
-[x] Have the human wake up Yuuka.
No. 50529

>wake up Yuuka.

Is dis nigga serious?

[x] Do your job: engage and destroy the enemy in close combat.
-[x] But not before covering from the rain with something. Swipe Patchy's sweet threads and use one of the emergency umbrellas.
No. 50531
[X] Confront intruders
-[X] Acquire rainproof garments
No. 50537
File 137099321916.png- (37.50KB , 775x479 , Axe you a question or two.png ) [iqdb]
==> Prioritize intruder retrieval and elimination.

Of freaking course.

..... Though, it's pouring down really hard right now. Even with the umbrellas, the Yuuka that came are.... well, little wounds are a part of it. But you guess trying to fight with one hand and hold an umbrella with the other is tricky, when getting wet from the rain puts you at even more of a disadvantage.

There's stuff that might be better, thoroughly waterproofed tarps for covering goods for transport, but they're all big, and taking the time after just getting them out to cut them down to size and such would be impossible, before the intruders escape. Trying to use them as-is... no good. They're just too huge. If you were just going to wrap yourself up in a cocoon or make a quick and dirty rain shelter with a tree, that would be one thing, but trying to keep the water off with those and fight at the same time... it's the same problem as umbrellas, only worse, because of how much extra junk you have to keep moving. No time to learn how to fight while blowing a rain-shield in the wind, either.

No question about it. You'll also take an umbrella, just in case, but....

You need the Patchouli's coat. She should take it off right now.

"Eh..? As long as Patchouli doesn't have to go out in this, it's fine as long as Patchouli gets it back, but... aren't there any coats here?"

Some. Not really water-resistant, though. Fluffy and they'll keep you warm in the wind and temperature, but get even a little wet and water will go through like it's not even there. Also, he hated raincoats and ponchos. Apparently a poncho killed his parents and tried to turn him into a mariachi violin playing vigilante or something at least three hundred percent less interesting, you never cared to get the details.

When it rained, you just wouldn't go out.

Oversight. Nobody should be crazy enough to seriously rob a massive-scale Yuuka farm like this, if they knew, but it was still an oversight. A glaring weak-point.... hindsight is burning. But when it comes down to it, it's not like there's ever been a really serious attempt at robbery anyway. Sometimes stupider herds would try to move through, but in general.... they were really stupid mobs, and easily dealt with.

Look, just take the damn jacket off.

".... Just don't root around in the pockets. Some of the things inside are unpleasant." she says, sliding her arms out and handing it over. Then she takes a moment and dips fingers into one pocket for a moment, draws out a small, bleached mouse skull, and crushes it into powder in her hand. That done, she blows the dust over your back.

"..... Water-repellent mystic charm." She says. "Doesn't last long. But it should be plenty. For one reason and another, it's something Patchouli practiced more, and harder, and so it comes easier...."

"Do you have another like that prepared?" Yuuka asks politely, maybe squeezing just a little too tightly as she rapidly tends to the Yuuka's wounds, small glasses of orange juice prepared. "The impertincence of guests to just waltz in unannounced, without bringing gifts and helping themselves to the pantry.... I myself would like to go out and greet them properly."

"Ah.... It's Patchouli's last reagent though, so Patchouli was in a bind. A long rain would have been troublesome." she says, looking away. "If you find even another live mouse..."

"I'll check the cellars and see what I can find."

Okay, seems like they have things well in hand.

Time to play a fun-fun game of hide and seek with the uninvited guests. As always, little Flandre will be the demon.


The boat is pretty big.

Not unreasonably huge, of course, but big enough to cross an ocean, if stocked with enough food and warm bodies to manage the trip. And built well enough to survive it.

Yeah. Normal-types, with no bodies, are unusually dextrous, but you would have been more surprised if you hadn't seen bodied types moving things along and smoothing them over when needed.

Their rain protection is more like what you might have expected. Ancient and stained tarps, probably rummaged from a waste pile somewhere when it was noticed that they shed water, cut crudely and without skill into the right general shape, and tied together with lengths of vine.

Six bodied types. Of those six five seem to be general workers, handling movement and dealing with getting the ship ready to sail off... damn, just going to beach it somewhere off in the distance and unload?

Still, one....

Definitely the overseer of the project. Probably guard as well. Armed with a single tarnished machete, probably lost in the woods somewhere, and with a broken horn sticking out from the shoddy hood.


Not Yuugi. Not right. What you can see of the hair between the ancient strips of cloth bandages is black, and the clothes are all wrong.

Now that you look closer, incredibly heavy scarring everywhere you can see, to the point where hair doesn't grow through the bandages any more, only one arm.... either she was born defective, or she lost it somewhere along the way. On the same side, bandages cover where an eye should be. Just one eye, then. All in all, the left side should be a weak point, then.

Well, the machete is somewhat worrisome, though. Unlike Yuugi, which are typically brawn over any sort of skill, she's holding it more like a Youmu who knows what she's doing.

Assume the worst, then. All the strength of a Yuugi, all the instinctual skill of a Youmu. If you're lucky, the truth will be less than that.


This'll be fun, then.

You leap and land on the deck, hatchet already in hand. It's just common sense to take out the shepherd first, and then devour the sheep at your leisure.

"..... Tch." the guard grunts. "Slightly early, huh?"


[ ] ???
No. 50538
[X] Nice boat you got here. I'll be taking it.
[X] Remember the basics of axe to sword combat, all that training has finally lead to this moment.
No. 50541
[X] Fight smarter and harder.
-[x] She looks like she's used to fight with a sword with rules and whatnot. Show her the brutality that comes from being a natural born predator
No. 50545
[X] Fight smarter and harder.
-[x] She looks like she's used to fight with a sword with rules and whatnot. Show her the brutality that comes from being a natural born predator
-[X] Machete looks longer than your axe. Be careful of its range.
No. 50546
File 137101272846.png- (10.03KB , 775x479 , simply put.png ) [iqdb]
==> Analyze battle implements.

Well, to begin with, the machete has the advantage of having a much longer striking edge, like a knock-off sword, compared to your hatchet. In a direct comparison, the head of your axe is much smaller. There will still be damage even if you hit with the wood, of course, but it doesn't have the same sort of cut-right-through effect of a sharp edge.

.... On the other side of it, though, the blade of the machete is thin and weak, while your hatchet is comparatively sturdy, with a much more solid head

Simply put, there's a vast disparity between the effective ranges of your weapons. Ignoring the actual lengths involved, the machete is much wider. You need to break it first, and cut down the range to... no, that isn't it either. Already, she'll need to get inside of your own range to use her own weapon to best effect, but getting into too close of a range makes a longer weapon harder to use. Shortening it could be considered doing her a favor, if she gets inside of the dangerous zone without being hit....

Well, it's not like it matters anyway. This is all just information you picked up along the way. You don't train specifically for one situation or another. You don't really train at all.

You kill things~
No. 50547
File 137101278412.png- (550.21KB , 680x966 , 3dd2835bbe4e6e516d80750dd52ee1eb.png ) [iqdb]
.... So, hey. What's all this, then? Showing up in the night and the rain to throw a party on someone else's boat, with so-


A sharp ringing noise, of metal glancing off of metal sounds. The next is obscured by the rumblings of overhead thunder, but the third sings again.

What's that? From left, right, and then above in almost the same blow?

Not bad, for a whelp younger than you are. If you were slow on blocking those, you could have lost an arm, or gotten your head split into two. Well, it's still not on the level of skill of a Youmu, though.

Still, you have to grin. What's this? What's this? Attacking while someone else is talking, huh? Whatever happened to that swordsman's honor thing that gets namedropped here and there.

"....'Honor', you say? Did this one ever claim to have such a useless thing?"


Coming from belo-!

No! At the same time as the swing for your legs, that broken horn!

Gunk splatters down your face a little as you're forced back a couple of steps from the headbutt.


"... Do you have some objection?"

There's a thunk, and... that was it. The whole point of the assaults, just to get you clear enough that she had a spare moment to cut through the rope tying the boat to the docks. You can feel your footing getting a little more unsteady as the boat starts to drift out to the lake.

"If it's a wingless Flandre, there's no chance. You can't just fly away and come back. But if you jump, you might make it back to the docks. Then you can crawl back to your master and whine like a kicked dog, human's housepet."

Ho? Those are big words, for some hybrid knock-off.

She shouldn't get you wrong, either. You just said it was dirty.

You grin, and drop a handful's length of shredded tarp to blow out onto the water.

You like dirty. And your head is already healing over, while she.... isn't she starting to feel a little damp near that hole? Ufufun~ Your fingers didn't sink deep enough to wound, but there's no way you could have forgotten that a knife lies on the end of every finger tip. Going to melt in the rain?

".... Fine then." she says, temper seeming to fray more than a bit. "If you are a lapdog that thinks itself a hunting hound, then this one will become a rabid boar for you. When you reach hell, know that the name of your death is 'Konngara'."

There's only going to be a split second before the fight resumes in full.


[ ] ???
No. 50548
[x] Don't rely on your regeneration; dodge. Otherwise you'll get holes in your coat, and you can't regenerate through rain.
[x] Wear her down, keep her at range. Exploit small distances if she gets too close~
[x] ...this boat is covered, along with the food and rest of her companions. Deal collateral damage if possible; see if it distracts her.
[x] Be wary of a full-body tackle. It wouldn't do to lose if she decides to kill you both when the fight became unwinnable.
No. 50549
File 137101379395.jpg- (311.47KB , 600x800 , 38b6bc72904d7a2f6cb44f9755e9d88e.jpg ) [iqdb]
[X] Target her hand first! With no hand to hold the machette~
No. 50551
[X] Flip the umbrella open twords her as a split second visual shield.
[X] Equip the gun and blow her brains out.

Sorry, but an epic pre-battle one-liner doesn't automatically entitle you to an epic fight. This ain't Devil May Cry.
No. 50563
File 137108965628.gif- (79.50KB , 300x204 , Not indiana jones.gif ) [iqdb]
==> Just shoot her.

You flip the umbrella forward. Obviously, she just cleaves through it, note: you'll have to get ahold of a new umbrella now, but it gives you enough time to switch off from the hatchet to the revolver.

You fire, almost point blank into Konngara's face.

It looks like you miscalculated, too. You thought the recoil would blow your hand straight off, but- Oh, oh wait, no, there it goes, your hand sloughing off as it very slowly explodes outwards and into mush across the deck.

Well, that aside, time t-!-

You're caught off guard enough that you don't guard quite in time, and the machete grinds past the hatchet to pierce your stomach and slide up, opening a long hole.

"Kuh... kuhuhuh." Konngara chuckles, stepping back and out of range of the hatchet again, hole right through her head... affecting her, sure, but mostly ignored.

"... What's that? You've been a human lapdog for too long, if you think 'getting your head punctured' is really 'a fatal injury'. Were you going to blow my brains out? So sorry. This one doesn't possess such a useless organ."

Tch. Damn. But it put a hole in the hood of her tarp-cloak anyway, so that's more water sinking in there. Tick-tock. Your hand will grow back, and though some gunk spilled out, your torso is already sealing.

"This one is not impressed. As far as regeneration goes, for a Flandre, you are.... merely average. A truly gifted regenerator would have all but trapped this horn as fast as this one gored with it."


Doesn't matter. Your hand is still already starting to grow back, and you aren't going to let her get away with this.

"..... 'let'?"

Konngara grins.

"This one has already won. It is too far now, for you to make it back without the boat. You are trapped here, until it can be brought back to the docks, floating on a sea of death and unable to fly."


You are going to kill everything on this boat.

"You will try. Perhaps you will succeed. This one is prepared for either option. There is not one here who did not know in advance.... 'it is likely we will not return'."


An upward slice with enough force behind it to cleave you entirely in half is just narrowly dodged.

You swing for her hand, but she moves, and knocks the butt of the machete against the wooden handle-!-

Another narrow miss.

"The fruit. The boat. They aren't this one's goal. They are merely... a bonus, possibly."


[ ] ???
No. 50567
[X] Distraction, eh?
-[X] Countertroll: She really think you were the only defense the farm had?
--[X] Hope they DID find a mouse back there.
[X] Get her arm and finish her already. Then see if you can terrorize the others into getting the boat back to shore. Before killing them.
-[X] Lie to them of course. Make them think they could live if they do it.
-[X] If they can't, kill them all. Then try to see if you can focus on yoru wings regrowing first. Maybe eating will help?
No. 50568
[x] Focus. This one is strong, time to go all out.
No. 50569
[X] You think you have won? Fool! Even as we speak, my loving wife is no doubt assembling a crack team of rescuers to come save me. I suggest you make peace with your god.
No. 50571
[X] Distraction, eh?
-[X] Countertroll: She really think you were the only defense the farm had?
--[X] Hope they DID find a mouse back there.
[X] Get her arm and finish her already. Then see if you can terrorize the others into getting the boat back to shore. Before killing them.
-[X] Lie to them of course. Make them think they could live if they do it.
-[X] If they can't, kill them all. Then try to see if you can focus on yoru wings regrowing first. Maybe eating will help?
No. 50626
Is Kahi updating his 27 other CYoAs again? dammit....gunna have to check all his other stomping grounds
No. 50657
I know of SB, Questionable and FF.net, is there more?
No. 52789
File 137540833028.png- (1.29MB , 1920x1080 , Lazy scenery pic.png ) [iqdb]
It's... a little hard to believe. Impossible, nearly.

This is all pretty well planned out and choreographed to incredible timing to begin with. There's like, easily a hundred times more thought that has obviously gone into this than most idiots trying to raid for food here.

... And she's saying that it's all just a show, to get heads turned where they want them?

"To ensure that the threat is in a position where it can be, if not neutralized, at least accounted for."

..... Haaah.

So all of this mess, it's just to get you out of the way. And they think this is going to be enough? You're flattered, for sure. But they have to be pret-ty dumb to think that you're all there is to worry about, here.

After all, you're about to kill everyone on this boat. And then eat them. Om-nom-nom. Best thing you know of, to speed healing. Then either you'll run this ship into the ground, or just ditch it and fly back when your wings are back.

So. You have to ask.

What's her filling taste like, huh?

"Roofing tar and hate."

Sounds delicious.

Lightning flashes as your weapons ring against each other again.


Thunder crashes above you, again Hakui in your once-white coat.

They tracked down a mouse in the basement, but the problem is getting it out of its hole in the wall. While they're both working on that, you....

.... Get to shuffle out in the rain and mud.

You can't dissolve in water, is the reasoning.

You can catch freaking pneumonia, and suffer the effects of hypothermia, and a whole lot of other fun stuff! .... Which admittedly aren't so rapidly fatal as all that.



Oh good. There's definitely something going on in the barn. You still haven't come around the side yet, but you can hear muffled movement and thumps coming from within.

Guess it wasn't pointless to send you out here in the wet after all.

.... So what are you supposed to do about it?


[ ] ???
No. 52793
[X] Get a grip! You're a human. What's out there are probably yukkuris. They're far more fragile than you! Grab a stick or something then see what's going on.
No. 52794
[X] Peek around the corner. Be careful since most of the Yukkuri you've met thus far could probably kill you.
No. 52795
It's raining. So long as we stay in the rain, we're relatively safe.
No. 52798

Not true sir. They are clearly robbing us. As such, they would obviously have some way to circumvent the rain in order to transport the goods out of the barn.

Meaning they are either humans themselves, or they have backup waiting nearby. Either way it would behoove us to err on the side of caution.
No. 52872
File 137553240738.jpg- (8.89KB , 300x300 , stick.jpg ) [iqdb]

That's right. You're human. You're a human, and so....

If hit, your flesh will bruise and your bones will break, rather than your skin rupturing as your internals fly out. If stabbed, then you will bleed instead of oozing foodstuff.

You have mixed feelings about this all.

But you're human. So if worst comes to it, you can outsmart them. Because Yukkuri are dumb.

Without exception.

.... they haven't seemed really stupid so far. They've actually seemed pretty.... Yuka has seemed pretty smart, rather.

Now is no time to hesitate in your doubt, though.

The rain is starting to fall even harder, which you hadn't believed was really possible before it did, and combined with the heavy cloud-cover and the fact that it's well after sun-down by now, visibility is cut to barely anything. There's some fallen sticks in the grass here and there, though.... you won't question how they got here, with the nearest trees a fair way off. Wind, perhaps. There's quite a bit of it, howling up and dying down both. ... You won't focus on what could happen if you got nailed with a hap-hazardly windswept branch, even if it would likely be a small one.

You just don't want to be out here. Still, you go ahead and pick up one of the less splintery bits of wood. Probably better than just remaining bare-handed. You'd get a tool or something, but it seems that everyone is quite good about putting everything away in the shed and going that far would give enough time that whatever's going on here could be finished and the culprits gone by the time you get back.

And then coming out here in the wet would have just been completely pointless.

You creep, well, squelch in any case, around toward the barn door. You try to squelch as softly as you can, but with the sounds of the rain and wind you hope that it doesn't matter too much. It means you can't make out what's being said inside, though, if anything.

The door is slightly ajar, and with the dim light inside, you can see a standing figure for a moment.... then it's left the narrow field of vision, and you can hear more thumping.

It would be great if you had help from, oh, any of the dozens of Yuka on this farm..... well, no, that's not quite right. You're sure that if it was just night-time you probably wouldn't need to be out here at all, they'd be up in force and howling after the trespassers. It's raining hard enough that just running directly from their places to the large house had left them slightly injured and in need of recovery, trying to make them stay out for much longer with just little umbrellas would probably be a death sentence.

You're chilled to the bone yourself, and you wouldn't be at all surprised if you suffered for this tomorrow. Damned inconvenient, this weather.


[ ] ???
No. 52873
[X] Remove clothes to enter non-squelchy stealth mode.
[X] Turn the lights off/disable the dim light in some way.
[X] Engage in a deadly game of cat and mouse, knowing you have the advantage of silent movement while you opponent's cloths will give him/her away.
No. 52875
[X] Remember: even if there are more full-bodied yukkuris stronger than you iside, remember the rain is you ally here. You may be sick tomorrow, but it will be even worse for them to step out in it.
[X] Go get a look, but be careful. The figure you saw may stay near the door.
[X] If it gets too bad, remember the rain: if you destroy whatever they use to protect themselves from water, they will be trapped here.
No. 52876
[X] Remember: even if there are more full-bodied yukkuris stronger than you iside, remember the rain is you ally here. You may be sick tomorrow, but it will be even worse for them to step out in it.
 [X] Go get a look, but be careful. The figure you saw may stay near the door.
 [X] If it gets too bad, remember the rain: if you destroy whatever they use to protect themselves from water, they will be trapped here.
No. 52877
[X] Sneak inside, get ready for trouble.
-[x] And make it double.
No. 52889
[X] Remember: even if there are more full-bodied yukkuris stronger than you iside, remember the rain is you ally here. You may be sick tomorrow, but it will be even worse for them to step out in it.
[X] Go get a look, but be careful. The figure you saw may stay near the door.
[X] If it gets too bad, remember the rain: if you destroy whatever they use to protect themselves from water, they will be trapped here.

So this is like, what, an organised invasion of our property for the intent of establishing dominance and a food supply?
No. 52907
File 137561120252.png- (195.42KB , 600x600 , evening.png ) [iqdb]
You get close to the door, and peer through, disregarding the momentary impulse to take your clothes off, because of course that will make you stealthier and won't just mean you're squelching through ankle deep mud in your bare feet instead of shoes.

Inside, there doesn't seem to be electric lighting. It's basically just a barn to keep the rain off of stored crates and... the truck, that crates are getting loaded into. The source of light is from a candle-lantern hanging from a hook on the wall.

It's difficult to make the specific details out, beyond that there are two humanoid figures inside, loading up the truck. One of them is wearing plastic. A disgusting and faintly-crinkling set up of small drawstring-style garbage bags pulled up over their legs and a large sheet of the kind of paint-stained plastic sheeting you set over your carpets while you paint the ceiling and then throw away, adjusted to something very faintly resembling a hooded cloak. It looks like they're trying to sneak into a renaissance fair unnoticed with a wizard costume half-assed together from bits and pieces from a landfill and just at the moment you would give serious thought to strangling a nun for one of your own if it keeps water off as well as you suspect it does.

The other, strangely enough, doesn't seem to have any protective garments unless they've been taken off and set aside somewhere out of your field of vision. They do have a lot of frills, and bluish-purpley hair.

It looks like-

Your thoughts are cut short as you make out a soft squelch behind you, followed by a sharp crack, which the blossoming pain reveals to have been from something impacting the side of your head.

The edges of your vision are greying as you splash down in the, thankfully shallower here by the door, mud. You can distantly hear the door sliding open and, after a moment, and in the last few before everything goes black, feel your face sliding along the muck as you are grabbed by the ankles and drug inside.


It is dark.

You can smell freshly sliced fruit and roast meats nearby.

Distantly, you can hear the chiming of bells. Your phone is ringing in your pocket.


[ ] ???
No. 52908
[X] Great. You've been kidnapped by yukkuris. How low is your invisible luck stat at now?
[X] May as well answer that phone. It's not like you have many options, since your captors can apparently outpower you.
No. 52909
We screwed now. Should never have trusted our puny human musculature against yukkuri.

[X] Answer the phone.
No. 52911
That's precisely why we should answer the phone!
No. 52913

Why waste time having a chat with unknown strangers when we could be calling the police? There honestly can't be that many windowless places next to a large bell in a single city.
No. 52915
Changin my vote.

[X] Realize that isn't your phone,seeing as your phone ran out of batteries sometime in the dark forrest arc.
[X] Don't answer it. It's obviously a wrong number seeing as nobody you know has the number to this mystery phone.
[X] Call the police, give all relevant info regarding your location, and hope they rescue you before you run out of this delicious freshly sliced fruit and roasted meats.
-[X] Or until whomever was here most likely less than an hour ago returns to check on the status of the fruit/meat they left in a dark room.
No. 52916

Who said we were in the city? And not just another part of the forest?
No. 52917
File 137562077984.png- (388.14KB , 1024x1054 , phonewhowasthen.png ) [iqdb]
It's at...

.... No. No, you aren't looking.

It's not there. It's not real.

Only crazy people see things that aren't real!

... And you aren't crazy. You aren't, you aren't, you're not.

Something like laughter echoes through the darkness as enticing scents fade away into a faint, unpleasant stench.

You answer the phone. Wasn't the battery dead?


There's nothing on the other end except dead air, and after a long moment, a dial tone. You're about to hang up when it breaks off and reconnects... you aren't quite sure that's how phones work?

"I've done, and will do, everything I can for you." A gravely voice sounds over a bad connection. "You deserved that much, at least. But damned if you haven't made it hard on me. I always joked that in the end it would be how polite you were that.... I always meant it as a joke. Damn it all. You said 'thank you'. You said it, and everything went right to hell. I warned you before, but I guess you forgot, or just couldn't help yourself. But if you thank someone, it's because they've done something worth gratitude. I fucking TOLD you, if you had to be impolite that was fine, as long as you weren't rude! But you gave them the opening. And with the slightest opportunity, or the flimsiest excuse, THEY will take everything and then some. You... wouldn't believe what it took, just to save-"

The connection goes dead again, and you're left staring at the phone in your hand, incomprehending, but feeling slight tickles around the inside of your skull as in the darkness surrounding you, as the stench intensifies slowly, great movement of.....

You open your eyes, almost desperately.

Your hands are bound behind your back with a length of rope, and your ankles are tied together, as you sit slumped in the corner of the barn, trying to get your bearings. There's a ringing in your ears, as faint laughter fades, or no, it could never have been there to begin with. It looks like you were perhaps only unconscious for a few minutes.

From the snatches of conversation you can make out through the ringing in your ears, really only the most intense and heated portions of the debate, the figure in blue with the rusted pipe wants to finish you off so there are no witnesses, and either dump you somewhere along the way out, or... you can't make out what.

It seems to greatly offend the figure wearing a trash-heap, though, who insists that they came here to take what they needed, but not to kill humans. Great. So you have at least one on your side. Or at least as far as 'not haphazardly killing you' counts as being on your side. To be fair, of course, that goes quite a long way in this situation.

Ruffles doesn't seem to have an opinion one way or another, but seems urgent that, whatever the decision is about you, they need to LEAVE.


[ ] ???
No. 52920
[X] Try to clear your head?
[X] So... You probably can't move as you are. Meaning you can only buy more time by talking.
[X] Should they reach a decision (hopefully not in favor of killing you), speak up. Ask them how exactly they hope to avoid payback once they're tracked down.

Come to think of it, with all that rain, a truck will make very obvious tracks, no?
No. 52921

Check out this badass. Antagonising a dude who's already seriously contemplating murder.

[X] Chill until they leave or kill you.
-[X] While they are busy arguing, sneak a better look at the two of them. In a city where everyone is recognised by their distinctive clothing, this is probably all the info you need to ID the culprit.
-[X] Speaking of distinctive clothing, you need to beg your wife for a new white coat.
No. 52923
Check yourself instead. They're yukkuris wearing things to protect themselves from the rain. Apart from what kind they are, no one is going to be able to ID them. Thus, you simply vote to stay useless.
No. 52924
File 137562626839.jpg- (39.21KB , 309x400 , only 29_95.jpg ) [iqdb]

The figure in blue with the rusted pipe was obviously the one who snuck up behind us, in the rain. He isn't wearing protection over his clothes.

I think we can safely assume not everyone present is a yukkuri.
No. 52928
There IS a kind that doesn't melt in water, remember. Nitori.

Then again, purple mixed with blue? Crossbred or something, maybe, if it's a yukkuri?
No. 52930

That's news to me, actually. Just because I read this story doesn't mean I'm particularly knowledgeable about these crazy doughnut monsters Kahi loves so much.

Guess we just gotta wait and see.
No. 53434
File 13759789162.jpg- (89.15KB , 850x945 , Close_Enough.jpg ) [iqdb]

You may be a little concussed. Not surprising, considering you got knocked in the noggin with a metal p....

You squint.

That isn't a pipe. It looks like it was some kind of rifle, once, before being left out in the wilderness to slowly weather and rust away until it became useless for any purpose but bludgeoning.

So, that's one mystery solved, and you've gotten distracted. Focus. Focus through the vertigo and trembling world, a little concussion isn't going to-you want to vomit.

You close your eyes and focus on breathing for a few moments. When you open them again, it's a little better. A little wriggle shows that you aren't tied to anything, just tied up.

Their clothes won't help in identifying them, though. Partially because the reason you got known for yours was because you were a backstreet gutter orphan with literally no name or recollection of what your name could have been, and with nobody interested in giving you one of theirs, and partially because now that you can focus your eyes, they're pretty obviously yukkuri and those almost always have clothes that just come with them and are so nearly identical as to be almost impossible to tell apart. Leaving aside unique damage or extra bits that they felt the need to work into their outfits.

It doesn't seem like they're going to quickly come to a conclusion. Trash-heap looks like, though you can't identify them, they're supposed to be the one in charge. On the other hand, the Nitori with the gun is getting obstinate and rhetorical, and the frilly one seems to lean more towards what she says.

".... Nitori's family and friends are... why is Nitori supposed to care if one human lives or dies? None of them would ever think twice about killing one of us! Why not turn it around. Let one of them die for once!"

"Do you think you're the first with that kind of idea?" Trash-heap asks scornfully. "It does not end well. Humans hate the dog that bites them, even if they make a point of kicking that dog whenever they meet. Even if it is a terrible monster that preys upon them, humans will drive themselves into madness and charge to their doom until they destroy it or die trying. When our kind are... not considered threats, not even jokes, but simple vermin to be dealt with and then thoughtlessly dismissed, do you think that there is any hope for survival? Killing a human doesn't just mean your own death, but that of everyone with you, everyone known to you, everyone related to or resembling you, until they grow bored of the slaughter and look for some other game to amuse themselves."

".... Then they can't find out. All that means is that there can't be any evidence left behind." the Nitori says, darkly. "Humans in the forest.... all the time, they disappear. Who is to say Yukkuri are to blame? Who would believe Yukkuri are to blame."

"Who would care? Whether or not humans find the culprit, when a human disappears, humans set out to kill." Trash-heap counters, arms crossing beneath the plastic.

"If they don't know one has gone?"

You can hear someone's teeth grinding. Either way, this conversation doesn't seem to be going well.

".... Do." You croak, tasting a little bit of blood when you open your mouth. Along with a lot more mud. Fun. "Do you think.... How do you plan to get away with this?"

".... Tch. The human's awake." the Nitori says, lifting the bludgeon.

"Stop it." Trash-Heap says sternly, grabbing her by the shoulder. "Hit it again, and it might die."

The Nitori glowers darkly, then shrugs.

"... Whatever. We can finish arguing about this later, for now we really do need to get out of here." she says, stepping away and working at the truck door until it opens. ".... Iku. Taze it and throw it in the back, with the rest of the cargo."


The frilly one, and now you recognize it when there's little glittering arcs darting between her fingers, reaches for your face.

"Sorry." She says, though more than anything the word just seems to carry relief that they're leaving, finally.

You try to shift and shuffle your body backwards, but you aren't moving fast enough....

There's a noisy bang, a whoosh of wind and increased noise of rainfall from outside as the door crashes open, and then a discordant and jumbling cacophony of chords as Yuka, face smeared with blood and mousy bits, swings a guitar to meet trash-heap's blocking stick, solid-looking and snatched up from the ground the moment she made herself known.

"... What, leaving so soon?" Yuka asks, eyes glinting. "But I'd be a bad host to let you go out in this storm!"

There's a yelp from the Iku, who pulls her hand back, undecided, as the guitar smacks solidly into a stick again.

"By all means, you must be tired. Stay awhile. Stay forever! Let me draw you up a hot bath. Nice hot bubbles, with salt and pepper, you'll never have another one like it!"


[ ] ???
No. 53436
File 137597933744.jpg- (151.71KB , 850x850 , sample-8daa53a87d67adc1f4ba1b62cd78297c.jpg ) [iqdb]
[X] Yuka shows why she's a yuka! She's got her S meter maxed out, got her guitar with her... and she's all out of cheese cake to eat. The farm's new pet is also hurt... time for a sweet harvest~
No. 53452
[X] Yuka shows why she's a yuka! She's got her S meter maxed out, got her guitar with her... and she's all out of cheese cake to eat. The farm's new pet is also hurt... time for a sweet harvest~

Eh, it's not on my level of amazing write-in abiity, but it'll do. For now I suppose.
No. 53464
[X] Kill any who resist, take prisoners when applicable.

I think talking to the Iku and finding out the story behind this invasion is a good idea.
No. 53586
File 137617607578.jpg- (488.60KB , 650x811 , not_exactly_how_it_went.jpg ) [iqdb]
==> Full power. Maximum overkill. Zero Defense

You are Yuuka.

And it's always a bit of a tingly rush, when you look at three very.... very.... dead intruders, like these.

They're still breathing, of course. They always are when you first come across them. They just haven't figured out their dead yet, the poor things.

You're going to smash their arms off and boil their heads. Sounds like fun!

"So.... the only question is who goes first?" You muse aloud, before you raise a finger. "Eenie... meenie.... min-YOU."

If the Iku could make voltage at range, it would have done so already. The Nitori is on the other side of the truck and can't reach you without throwing the only available weapon it seems to have. That leaves...

Your guitar crashes down like a thunderbolt towards the plastic-wrapped intruder, who narrowly avoids being mashed into paste. A string of c-notes and a couple of off-tune b's erupt as the strings grind against the bark of the stick, and you have enough momentum going to step to the side, pivot, and swing the instrument around in a full circle.

You hear a funny noise, but ignore it as the stick smashes and you advance.

"Sorry. If there was another option, we wouldn't be here." the trash-heap sighs.

You're not looking for an apology. Not with words, anyway. She can say 'sorry' with her life.

She bends backward just far enough to miss being splattered with the guitar, then surges in forward, as out of the concealing layers of plastic comes half of a rusty knife, digging in and splitting you open from hip to shoulder. A further heave sends you falling away as the engine of the truck starts up, crashing into a crate, trying to hold yourself shut...

The lid shifts, revealing bottles inside. You smile.

You can hear crackling electricity and the trash-heap barking for Iku to leave the human, as you smash the top off of one of the bottles of orange wine, a highly acidic, in the citrus sense, fermented drink that the farm is somewhat known for.

It doesn't have quite the healing effect of just straight-juice, and you can feel a rush of heat to your face with a false flush, but it's more than enough to knit a line back together.

And then you're good to go again, and disregard the fallen instrument for a moment as you smash apart the bottom of the bottle to make it into a more dangerous makeshift weapon.

Iku stares back from the back of the truck, wide eyed and white-faced into your grin, as..... the truck smashes out through part of the door, wheels spinning and spraying mud everywhere as they fail, for a moment, to find traction before the vehicle goes into full motion.

Leaving you behind, holding an empty and broken bottle in one hand, your guitar muddy on the floor, and a quietly twitching and foaming at the mouth human tied up in the corner.


This was not how this was supposed to go.



[ ] ???
No. 53588
[x] Grab the human and put her someplace where you can properly... express your displeasure at the current proceedings later... Then go find where that good-for-nothing Flandre has run off to, so that she can join the human in being enlightened.
No. 53594
[X] They will pay. The truck will leave an obvious trail in the ground with this rain. When the rain stop and Flandre return from wherever she went, the hunt is on.
No. 53596
[X] Make the human lick your guitar clean. The maid/slave owes it's life to gita, the least it can do is make sure every inch of his polished hardwood is squeaky clean.
No. 53752
[x] They will pay. The truck will leave an obvious trail in the ground with this rain. When the rain stop and Flandre return from wherever she went, the hunt is on.
No. 53787
File 137635370220.gif- (953.11KB , 330x300 , 1375725307012.gif ) [iqdb]


You feel like you are burning with a sort of intense and partially-drunken furor as you realize that somewhere along the way, everyone slipped up, and this whole series of events has led to the entire farm being played like a fiddle.

Your fury knows no real bounds. The only thing stopping you from charging after the truck right now at full tilt is... if they were in such a hurry as to smash through the door, or were poor enough drivers to smash through the door, then the gate at the end of the drive probably isn't going to stop or slow them down either.

And then you're just running through the rain like a moron, or a dog chasing after something too fast to catch.

Damn it.

That door is trashed. You might, you think, maybe be able to nail some of it back on, but... no, no. It's no good. You're going to have to take the hinges and bolts out, and then put them on a new door.

Which is probably going to have to be built from scratch, since this one is fairly well splintered.

Which means you'll probably have to cut down a tree somewhere and process it slowly into wood bits of the right size and shape to make a door from.

God damn it.

And your most reasonable outlet for murder-based stress relief just left at speed, too.

They're still going to die, of course. Painfully. Messily. It's just going to take you longer to arrange it now, and you have more immediate matters to attend to.

You look around the barn for a minute, eyeballing stores, and...

.... actually you're still set. You had lots in the way of surplus foodstuffs, so considering how much still remains, all the robbery currently means is that you might not wind up eating as much in your meals as you could have before, until the next harvest comes, and at worst those crates are going to have to be replaced along with the fucking door.

And maybe the gate.


This does not please Yuka.

In a black mood, you heave the human over a shoulder and toss the broken bottle aside to pick up your guitar. You haul both back into the house, tracking mud all over your clean floors before dropping them in the bathroom, human in a tub and guitar propped up next to a sink.

After a moment's thought, you turn the shower head on, and the rain of warm water seems to rouse the human from consciousness.

You'll deal with all that later.

For now, you just head out to the dock, where you loom with a dark cast over your features, lit up by the storm, watching the distant and churning surface of the lake until you can start to see the boat coming back in.

It misses the dock by a couple dozen feet, driving itself up and through the partially-liquid shore and into the ground before it comes to a shuddering stop.

It's going to have to be towed back out onto the fucking water somehow, does she ever think about these things before doing-

Your thoughts are interrupted by a tinkle of chimes, and Flandre drops down onto the dock, grinning widely and smeared head to toe with various sorts of fillings. You get the feeling that she did that on purpose, just on the off chance that it would make the Patchouli uncomfortable when she got her coat back.

"So, 'sup?" she asks.


This means that she succeded on her side of things, where you somehow failed.

God fucking damn-!


[ ] ????
No. 53792
[X] I'll tell you what's 'sup. While you were off playing roger the rainbow butt-pirate, we got robbed and humiliated.
[X] The least you can do is introduce me to the crew that was driving the ship so I can meet our new slaves.
No. 53793

You realize Flandre ate everyone on that boat?
No. 53794
File 137635941238.gif- (1.59MB , 320x240 , ttj.gif ) [iqdb]
No. 53795
The problem is that Yuka is probably too pissed of to make that joke I think. She obviously know where the crew is too.
No. 53803

You misunderstand. The joke is more along the lines of dramatic irony, seeing as we the readers know the exact fate of the crew while Yuka does not.

At this current point in time, Yuka would have no idea of both the dramatic and situational irony her casual request would represent, thus the joke.

Which of course isn't amusing anymore now that I had to explain it to you.
No. 54171
File 137660554652.jpg- (17.50KB , 259x194 , images (2).jpg ) [iqdb]
[x] Just... Just.. Ask her what happened. And make sure she remembers that for every minute she spends on the explanation, she will have one less extremity.
No. 54181
File 137661833581.jpg- (251.92KB , 500x600 , about_how_it_went.jpg ) [iqdb]
A long silence grows after you speak. You know what she's going to say, of course, but this is really just a convenient excuse. Well, she doesn't need to know that, though.

"... So, you uh... you wanted those guys alive this time...?" she asks, slowly.

If you were forced to describe what happens next, it is that her head explodes around the interruption of your fist, in every direction.

She stays standing of course, but she can't really find her way inside when she's stumbling around like a chicken with... well, staggering blindly, with arms outstretched. And silently. Blessed silence, all too rare when she is involved in anything.

You're in a slightly better mood, though, so you go ahead and lead- okay, none of that claw swinging-, you go ahead and twist her arm behind her back, tangled up in confusion with her wings, and walk her to the house instead of leading her there.

Then you sit her down at the table and pour a cup of orange juice where her head should be. That Patchouli walks in midway through it growing back, makes a full one hundred and eighty degree turn midstep, and walks right back out. You think you can hear distant vomiting. She's probably fine.

"..... That really hurts, you know that?" Flandre complains once her mouth has formed back enough to allow speech.

You're sure it does. That's sort of the point.


She fell perfectly into the lure, got sent out to the deep blue on a floating deathtrap with the delicious distraction suicide squad, huh. Just ate them all and completely missed the real problem, right?

"... Well, that's not quite how it happened..."


You are Konngara. And today, you will probably die.

It's fine. You've come to terms with that, and you've been prepared to die for a long time. You've basically been stewing in your own hatred and a lukewarm deathwish, for...

Up and down. With only one arm to grip your weapon, you can't get as tight a grip as the Flandre has on her axe. Your strength doesn't and cannot match up completely. Clash too many times, and she's just going to smash her way through your guard.

Fighting a Flandre head on is generally accepted as being one of those means of suicide where your friends and loved ones come by to try to talk you into at least going with something less protracted and horrifically agonizing. Like boiling yourself in battery acid. Bitches be crazy.

You've got a bit of crazy to go around yourself. And you're fine with playing dirty.

You've only got one arm to you, but you've got a perfectly good pair of feet, and even a couple of toes, still. You also have, after you trip her on the next pass, a broken horn and a mouth full of teeth: those all grew back.

So you bite off most of her left wrist.

You have to back off quickly after that, since with only the one eye, you have to be really careful of your field of vision. But for the moment, even if it doesn't look like that hand is going to flop all the way off, you're on equal footing as far as number of usable arms go.

If you are lucky, then you might even be able to finish off the human's pet murderer somehow. Maybe by cutting her into enough pieces that she can't grow back, or something involving decapitations and leeks....

It's at around this point that the universe pipes up with a quiet reminder that it still hates you with every fiber of its being, as your footing shifts in a way you weren't expecting, even with the boat heaving on the top of frothing waters, and the slick wood betrays you.

You only stumble for a moment.

But a moment is long enough, as she doesn't just press the attack, but flat out tackles you over the side of the boat.

"Bull rush'd!" She cackles, before you both hit the waves, and she forgoes speech to instead rip out your throat with her teeth.

She's not dissolving.

She grins, traces of your insides floating away from both your throat and her mouth, then waves as the enveloping and protective layers of plasticized and treated water-resistant sheets drag you deeper beneath the waves. With the storm overhead, it's only a moment before it's too dark to see anything at all, and you can only tell which way is up when a bubble pops out.

So this is how you die. You can already feel your body starting to lose substance. You can take a little splash of water, and some dripping, but full and total submersion is just beyond...

You think they were joking when they said your life would flash before your eyes when you died. It doesn't, really. But you can reminisce.

Nothing from the start really stands out, your youth. You think you were... innocent, or something, back in those days. There was hunting for grass to eat, and the occasional more tasty bit of grass or your favorite of the time: a bit of grass that still had some manner of insect crawling on it to eat, and you played with... others, you don't remember. Memories are foggy. Clouded. Like the water is, with liquified bits of you.

What isn't clouded so much is when you grew up and moved out, decided it was a smart idea to just pass quickly by the city, got caught in a rainstorm but were invited in by a kind young human who turned out to not be kind at all and kept you in a cage in the basement with a dozen other tortured animals.

It was a horrific eight weeks of agony that you sort of wish didn't stick out so vividly in your memories at night when you're trying to sleep and wake up screaming at the possibility that you're back there again.

Looking back, you think it might have been ideal to wait on escaping until you'd reached one of those points where you could almost convince yourself that this time, maybe this time, you'd be allowed to actually die instead of being dumped into a vat of magic healing bullshit juice. The dogs and cats and such at least only had to deal with a few days of happy-fun vivisection amateur hour before they died, you should be so lucky.

In the end, though, one arm and eye, a few toes, and the possibility of sexually bearing children was more than acceptable losses when an opportunity to get the hell out of there came up.

You'd planned to come back and avenge yourself, but discovered that he had apparently moved on to human children in the meantime and then suddenly people cared enough to nail boards over his windows and doors and burn the house down with him inside. It was impossible to describe how infuriating that was, to have your life boil down to the razor-edged focus of killing one single person who really needed to die, only to get there and find that others had beaten you to it.

What you're saying is, basically, fuck humans. And their houses and pets and allies and friends and families. Fuck them all forever.

You feel the last vestiges of consciousness leave you, and you must be hallucinating, because it almost seems for a moment before it goes like there's a great big eye opening up-


"So, yeah, I'm pretty sure she drowned and melted or something and will never again be any cause for concern forever." Flandre affirms, arms crossed over her chest.

You have a headache now.

"You tackled her... into the lake. Where all the water goes. That didn't seem... like there might be better plans, to you?"

"Oh yeah, I realized that would probably be a bad idea, about... yeaaaah, about half a second before splashdown. But on the plus side, that magic anti-water bullshit works way above expectations! So anyway, I clawed my way back up the side of the boat and spent the next bit picking boat hijackers off one by one in a delicious game of Yautja."

"I can promise you, that was never an actual game."

"Well there were no film crews so it couldn't have been a movie, right?" Flandre wonders. "But yeah, the last one kind of crazy-freaked from terror and sort of set herself on fire to try to keep me away. Turns out, ninjas can catch you when you're on fire, so all's well that ends mutilated and messily devoured."

".... Just go to bed. Go to sleep. Stop talking, please." you sigh.

"'K. Growing back the thinky-stuffs makes me pretty sleepy anyhow."


You're forgetting something.

Oh right.

You go and turn off the shower water, and ignore the human's bondage complaints before you head off to bed yourself.

Good night, all. It will be an unpleasant morning.



You are Patchouli.

And when it comes down to it, all told, you think that perhaps stopping here for the night was not exactly among the top ten best ideas you have ever had.

Still, with the sun dawning through the clouds and the last scattered patches of rain blowing along on their merry way, you should be able to leave soon. Probably.


[ ] ???
No. 54184
File 137661958329.jpg- (51.98KB , 850x638 , sample-aaa367c69e649d88bdf43e47982035ec.jpg ) [iqdb]
[X] Free the human from her bondage thing?
- - [X] It's obvious that the human was the pet and the Flandre and Yuuka ran things here... well, more the Yuuka. She scares you.
No. 54187
[X] Try not to look so plump and delicious.
[X] Free the human. It's the only sane creature here....even if it does have some sort of maid/slave fetish.
No. 54219
[x] Free the human. It's the only sane creature here... even if it does have some sort of maid/slave fetish.
No. 54311
[X] Free the human from her bondage thing.

Patchouli better watch out for Flandre.
No. 54546
File 137716932134.jpg- (352.39KB , 680x680 , Morning.jpg ) [iqdb]
If at all possible, you should adhere to rule... not even one, but rule zero of interacting with and cohabiting with things that prey on you, as best as you can recall from your previous instruction.

In short, be as unappetizing as possible.

That.... that's going to be tricky right from the start. You're a Patchouli, after all. 'Plump and delicious' is, it's basically your default state of existence. Changing that is going to be tricky.

.... Not impossible. Just... unpleasant, kind of. Basic precautions that he went through... Don't be slathered in barbecue or Worcestershire sauce at any- no no, that's not going to matter at all, and it might actually help you. Doesn't go properly with raw sweet cream, and all that. But, no, still... there are better, or rather, worse things to be slathered in to ward off appetites.

Wait three weeks without bathing or changing clothes, before meeting....

... uh, but that doesn't help so much. External debris and grime, maybe, but when... actually, even sweets left alone become unpleasant, it's just...

Hrm. That's.... it's a conundrum.

Things that would work for one situation, might not quite be the same. It would be a shame to pointlessly put yourself through that.


But it's not just making yourself distasteful. That's one part of three.

Second part.

Make it more trouble to eat you than it's worth, just to eat you.


There's... a couple of things you can do. Of course, direct combat is foolhardy. It's stupid. Physically, you're just no match. If something can tear off one of your limbs with barely any effort, then of course, trying to get in a fist-fight with it can only have one ending.

There's no way to compete, physically. So, it has to be other ways. There's a few... you didn't learn much. Focused on some things over others, that seemed more important.

Well, it could help, you guess. Though, in the end, tricky... botch defending yourself, and it's a bad end. Slip up and give an opportunity, getting caught off guard, that's also a bad-end. It's a real problem, especially since even if you set her on fire or something, a Flandre can take an unreasonable and unfair amount of punishment, comparatively, even in the most feeble case. And you would think that setting things on fire would be a pretty good deterrent, but once they're actually on fire, it only works part of the time that they stop and try to put themselves out. If they panic and start flailing, or go berserk, or just don't care, then it can be a whole lot of trouble. Basically, fire isn't a good option for offense on the low intensity you can bring to bear: extended damage over time is okay unless it's put out, but total damage doesn't cut it, usually. Setting an angry boar on fire results in a Furious Hell Boar and a six-month recovery period for wounds and broken bones after an escape was managed by jumping off a cliff and riding a fallen log over a waterfall. This is sort of the same. So that could fail.


.... Yeah, you'd have to get psychological about it. Use fear of harm, and a show of flash over substance, to sow uncertainty. Create the illusion of greater power than you actually have, and under the assumption of that power being present, then....

Uh, but...

.... She doesn't seem that bright. So mind games might work, but for this sort of a situation, it's possible that she just doesn't think enough to worry about or be afraid of things, so things could easily turn out with her saying something like 'Ahahaha~! I don't care about the consequences! Chaaaarge~!', like that other situation from before, which results in a nine month injury recovery period for wounds and broken bones and getting glass surgically removed after escaping by jumping out a closed fourth story window and then getting side-swiped by a surprised and screaming driver on their cell phone swerving wildly and a perfect ten out of ten point rotating spiral swan dive down an open man-hole into the sewers.

.... Come to think of it, you wonder if he's still even alive, when you bring all of the myriad ways things would sometimes go horribly wrong all of the time in mind.

Though, in the same breath, being nearby gave you serious cause to consider your own odds of survival from day to day. Bystanders weren't immune to fringe damage, after all. That driver, for example, might have suffered possibly as much as hours of indignation from the dented fender and cracked windshield that her car came out of things with.

Well, in any case, you have to consider your own safety first and foremost over anything else, just at the moment.


The third part.

Have something around more delicious and more easily accessible than you are. When all else fails, in case of things going wrong, always have a hapless tag-along that runs just slightly slower than you do and that, if it comes down to it, won't see the sudden but inevitable betrayal of your tripping them up coming.

You don't need to run faster than the bear possessed by a bloodthirsty axe-murderer's ghost, after all. You only ever needed to run faster than the other person running did.

Or wait. No. That's backwards. You're pretty sure that he was planning it, but in the end, you got to the inevitable betrayal first and weren't the one to get left behind. But in any case, you got away clean and after a thirteen month convalescence period of recovery and physical therapy he figured out walking without a cane again, so it all ended fine.

Still, it's not like this is an impossible situation. The Yuka seems, to one degree or another, to be somewhat on your side as a guest and is keeping the Flandre in line well enough, and so it should be fine until she stops caring, or if she forgets, or if there's a bluff that 'oh, yes, she left earlier today' that passes muster, and so there's that much. Still, it should work out.

In any case, you just have to keep on your toes. Be careful. Get too worried about it, that leads to slipping up, but get too confident and start saying things like 'it's okay, there's no way I'm going to die, I'll definitely make it out of here alive', and that's a death flag, isn't it? You'll definitely start raising death flags, a whole field of them.

Maybe you should just burn the house down while everyone's asleep and run.

No, she still has your coat. You need that. Even if it's smeared all over with stuff that makes your insides roil unpleasantly to look at them, that'll wash off, and you'd like to get the coat back, which you can't do if everything is on fire. So setting things on fire is still a bad plan, you might burn something you don't want to.

Damn, you're getting a headache. Over-thinking things?

Well, and in any case, there's the human. It seems sane. Reasonably. Relatively. In any case, you've seen far worse in terms of bizarre and inexplicable fetishes that people insist on rubbing in the face of strangers specifically so that they have an opportunity to defend their chosen way of life if anyone complains about it and drag the offending complainer over hot coals for being petty and small minded and needing to relax and accept that some people just want to put on rainbow colored horse masks and violate and be violated by barnyard animals and equipment on live television for an audience of penal inmates that are manacled to their chairs and incapable of leaving without chewing off their own limbs.

Some bizarre enslaved-housekeeper routine barely blips.

In any case, you should probably untie it. Now that you've stopped vomiting and have spent a whole night sleeping peacefully behind a locked bedroom door with no windows and safe, you can't imagine that the bottom of the shower stall is comfortable for slumber.

You grab a little knife from the kitchen and cut the ropes, before thoughtfully considering the human unconscious below you.

The word is.... androgynous, you guess? You think that's the one. You really can't tell if it's male or female. Humans have two genders, that's right, but they usually do the favor of having distinguishing characteristics like facial hair or bulging chests to tell the two kinds apart. Maybe it's ironic that you can distinguish between individuals given far more fantastically miniscule differentiation than this, but when it comes to it, you can't-

You're still deep in thought when the human's eyes open, revealing deep and yawning abysses that reach out to captivate and entrap your very mind, dragging you screaming into an infinite depth of voids which you will rail and claw against as whispers echo merrily and cruelly in your ears but you can never, will never, ever escape from and what the fuck.

You clench a little tighter on the knife as it all disappears in an eye-blink.

Normal eyes. Human eyes. Tinted just a bit with sleepy confusion, slowly clearing up as it comes to awareness from the slumber.

".... Why do you have a knife?" it mumbles, and you realize that the way you're holding it might be a little threatening, since there's now also some very real concern dawning.

You try to explain that, really, you just aren't that good with knots and so just cutting them seemed more efficient and simple, but your voice doesn't seem to be responding quite properly just at the moment. You do manage, however, to croak the word 'ropes', which turns out to be just enough of a reply that the concern gives way to sudden comprehension and understanding that, sudden jump-scare terror impulses aside, you weren't planning to stab the human, or slit its throat, or anything.

There's a noise from the kitchen, as you get the ones around the human's ankles. It looks like someone's starting to get things ready for breakfast.


[ ] ???
No. 54552
File 137718306365.jpg- (132.71KB , 850x1170 , sample-a4699c089aa197b701f58b848c586993.jpg ) [iqdb]
[X] Free the human pet.
- - [X] Have breakfast after cleaning up.
- - - - [X] Volunteer to help the Yuka, or find ways to help the Yuka with the repairs and such.
No. 54594
Haha what the hell was that? You havin some sort of mid-life crisis as a writer? Pretty amusing at least.

[X] Free the human pet.
[X] Make sure the human understands you would like it's co-operation in retrieving your magical cloak, if Flandre is still wearing it.
No. 54598
[x] Have breakfast after cleaning up.
-[x] Volunteer to help the Yuka, or find ways to help the Yuka with the repairs and such.
[x] Wait, why were you wandering by this house in the first place? Do you need to be going, or was this your destination?
No. 54840
File 137763197974.jpg- (186.71KB , 748x564 , 8e4f9698998d61415dbf5223474daca6.jpg ) [iqdb]
Wandering by...?

Well, it's not like this was your destination in mind. Or, really, it's more that you didn't actually have a destination in mind, and you were just passing through and it was lucky that someone lived here, when it started getting obvious that it was going to rain later, and hinting that it was going to really pour.

.... Well, you could probably have holed out in a proper hollow tree or hole in a cliff-side, maybe.

But after enough years of usually sleeping underneath roofs, actual houses start being what you default to looking for first, when you try to find shelter. You guess that you could still remember how to buld shelters, with lots of sticks set up in the right way and covered to let water run off, but... that sort of thing built in the span of an afternoon or so is never guaranteed totally safe or leak-proof, especially on a storm like last night where the dirt it was set on could have gotten sodden and slid away, and you'd need muscle to do the digging and wood-dragging anyhow.

Yeah, in comparison, finding a decent farmstead... well, it wasn't surprising, lots of people have farms. There's lots of farms around. With you having gotten into a sleeping-under-roofs habit, and even usually on a bed or couch, it just seemed like the thing to do. Obvious.

Though you're going to admit, you were expecting more in the way of humans, and for the guard dog to be a dog, and not... well, misgivings weren't enough for you to call the whole thing a wash and try your luck with the rain, were they?

You might have been better off, at that.

Still, can't go back and change your mind there any more than you can go back a bit further and invent some reason to extend your contract again, rather than admit you'd learned everything on your really-important list of things, so that you wouldn't have been wandering around this backwater flying chunk of rock to begin with when there are so many more interesting places you could have been right now.

Places where people would, in fact, bat eyes if you were to be killed. Because... to put it in different terms, there's a filter, where even if people do automatically and instinctively hate a kender or goblin, as long as they're minding their own business and at most just demonstrating absolute and total incomprehension of the concept of 'personal property', you're still not allowed to just drag them into a cellar and murder them, or the paladins catch wind of the miscarriage of justice and come to smite and cleave you in half with masterwork bastard katanas. And subconsciously, people know this, and so it takes more for them to risk it.

It's when they know that there will usually, almost never, be any consequences whatsoever for doing whatever they want to something they hate that problems start picking up, because that filter is suddenly gone.

Hindsight. Your thoughts are digressing. You're a bit flustered, because the human's eyes were black fucking holes for a second there. And that's not something normal, not something you often see, there's definitely something strange going on there.

Like the basement of this house.

.... Who the hell has a sealed entrance to, it looks like burial chambers from what you saw of it, in the basement of their house? Especially when the house obviously has electricity, but you haven't seen any power lines to supply it, or anything resembling an electrical generator when you glanced through, and the voltage has to come from somewhere.

The most reasonable explanation is that the power supply for the house is down there.

.... But then why is the entrance so thoroughly sealed? It doesn't look at all like the sort of casual lock that keeps people from accidentally fiddling with things but is easily moved when you need to perform maintenance, instead... actually, it looks more like all of it was set up in a hurry, to keep something inside from getting out. You can't think of a reason why things would be set up like that, to provide electricity to lights and appliances and such.

You'd have to check the actual wiring to be sure of any of that, though. It could well be you are mistaken, and... the electricity just works, 'somehow'.

And there's another tangent your brain has merrily shot off along without waiting for your approval. Capital. In any case, there is a great deal to be concerned and alarmed about in this situation, you would think, between bizarre basement sepulchres, odd ocular illusions, and of course Flandre.

So. One step at a time.

You would really like to get your coat back. It's a nice coat. Water resistant, lots of nice pockets, warm and breaks cold winds well, comes with a hood. Not perfect, especially in Weather conditions that are worth a capital letter, but if it's just a light rain it's very helpful. Before the rest of anything, you'd like to get your coat back.

Also, breakfast would be nice.


The head Yuka looks annoyed when she sets out bacon and eggs all around, though the Flandre just looks rumpled and semi-conscious.

"... There's a laundry list of new things to do, on top of normal farming. The main gate out has been knocked completely off in the intruders' escape. There's some damage to the hinges and surrounding woodwork, so it's going to be a bit troublesome to get that back up and properly secured. There's, of course, the door to the barn that needs some serious repairs, and it'll have to be taken off in order to perform them, and then put back on afterward. The boat needs to be moved back out on to the water.... somehow."

The disgruntled look shows that she doesn't really know where to begin on that one.

"... fortunately, with the boat having been secured, we won't need to replace any fruit barrels. Those are all accounted for. On the other hand, the truck is quite clearly missing in action, and with it nearly twenty crates worth of provisions. Needless to say, this makes some dent in the surplus, but not a particularly concerning one. Still, we need to track down the truck. It's unlikely that they'll try to move it through the forest and undergrowth proper, so they probably stopped some distance away along the road to unload it and abscond with the ill-gotten goods once they were assured that we could not pursue."

She grits her teeth.

"... unfortunately, this means that we have two issues of immediate importance. If the gate is not repaired immediately, then there is a wide and open hole through which just anything could casually walk through, from packs of wild hounds to who knows what. As such, it needs to be right at the top of priority lists. However, fixing it will take time, and given how strangely professionally this entire scenario played out it's likely that there are already movements underway to confuse and muddy the trail to prevent pursuit from beyond wherever the truck found itself. Most likely, if there are any delays then capture of the intruders will be vanishingly improbable. At the same time, it may well already be too late to pursue them effectively, and if delays occur in repairing the gate, then there arises the possibility of having to find some way to remove a bear from the orchards, or somehow deal with whatever takes the opportunity to wander in."

For a few moments, there's only the sound of Flandre, eating noisily and not really listening.

"... Regrettably, it seems like they've gotten away clean, as priority has to be put on re-securing the farm from normal intrusion-"

"Hey, now. Just letting them get away?" Flandre complains, bit of egg caught on her face. "Doesn't sit right, nope."

"Rankle as it might... the first order of business is securing the farm's gate. Then we can follow after to find the truck... though it is most likely that there won't be anything left of the trail to follow after finding it. On that note, the crates will also have to be replaced, but that will be a lower priority."

The Flandre grumbles at this, clearly vexed at being denied the opportunity for mass carnage, and then gives you a look that leaves you with an unpleasant feeling trickling down your back. It could be just paranoia, though. You'd likely feel uncomfortable with just about any sort of unusual look from a predator.

"The rest of it can be done in any order, but I don't feel like convincing bears to go away. The gate first."


{{Repairing the Gate}}

[ ] Be Flandre. Perform heavy labor.
[ ] Be Yuka. Overseer and handle fine repairs.
[ ] Be White Coat. Lumberjack and it's O-K!
[ ] Be Patchouli. Investigation and odd-jobs.
No. 54841
[x] Be Flandre. Perform heavy labor.
I work hard for the money, so hard for the money!
No. 54843
[x] Be Flandre. Perform heavy labor.
-[x] Fantasize about White Coat's cosplay.
No. 54844
[X] Be White Coat. Lumberjack and it's O-K!

Because maid cosplay and large axes go well together.
No. 54879
File 137773229281.jpg- (221.35KB , 850x621 , Absolutely_Forbidden.jpg ) [iqdb]
==> Perform manual labor


Well, who else is going to, anyway? Yuuka, maybe, but she's kind of the boss and didn't hesitate to snag the part of the job working with fiddly little bits and little actual direct effort. Definitely not the Patchouli. In between helping tie off rope taut above where the tree got chopped at and looking around for, heh, that coat, she could do little fetch-this, bring me that, go plug this in to charge the battery things, and be clearly caught flat-footed everytime something got shoved in her hands to handle, but still. Not the sort that can manage the heavy lifting.

Obviously the human could do it, of course. After all, you're Yukkuri, and that means that if you can put one end of a six foot length of three foot wide tree-trunk and drag it inside the farm fencing, a solid three or four football fields away, then it's not hard to reason that the human could clearly take two that distance at a time, no sweat.

Of course, if you swapped places, that means that you would be the one with the chainsaw and you've been forbidden to touch that ever since you watched that movie with all the massacres, the one set in Texas, done by a guy with a chainsaw. You can't remember the name, but that much sticks in your mind, as well as how you are Absolutely Forbidden to mess with the chainsaw or, after consideration and deliberation and watching Saw, any of the farm's power tools under any circumstance.


If you did swap, it would mean you were leaving the eye-candy to do the heavy labor. And that just doesn't sit right. Not when the human is all dressed up and dem legs, unf. That big old baggy jacket just doesn't hang right. Fits, but not fitting to show things off. More like it was made to conceal things, and for someone a good size or two bigger besides.

... If you were a shade younger and with less than your, admittedly, remarkable and stellar self control, you would right now be latched on like a barnacle and fornicating with dem calves. Hiding them behind an ankle-length jacket is just criminal.

Come to think of it, you were excited enough from all the stuff on the boat that when the bottom of that all fell out at once, combined with exhaustion from growing your head back, you fell asleep pretty quickly and didn't have the opportunity to get to the sexy-times.

That line of thought is cut off with the next section of trunk, though, and with a hoomph you heave the far end up and start dragging it away. Not much else to focus your mind on.

When you come back, the human is facing away, chainsaw set quietly aside as it stares out into the deep woods. It only takes a moment for this to become alarming, as your approach isn't responded to. Even noticed, almost.

You clap the human on the shoulder, startling it out of it's fascination with the leaf-cast shadows.

"So, 'sup?" You ask pointedly, as the human blinks rapidly, as though suddenly roused from a waking dream. "Can't see what's so interesting out that way myself. Someone drop their wallet? Wanna point it out?"


It takes the human a couple more moments to seem to realize that a conversation has started, before the daze is shaken off.

"No, it's just... I was wondering which tree to start with next. How deep to go. I mean, this one was pretty big, but the rest near here are a lot smaller. Some a little into the woods are a good size, but the deeper ones are even bigger... but if they come down, they might take other trees with them, and there'd be too much fallen. Maybe if... I'm not sure, I think I can see a clearing that way? It would work better to cut a tree from there."

"Why?" You interrupt, pointedly.

The human pauses, mulling over the word with a vague sort of uncertainty that bodes nothing good.

Maybe there'd be a better tree from the clearing. More importantly, however, if there is a clearing you can't make it out from here, and it would mean that there would be a big mess of trees and foliage between the human and... well, anyone who might see if anything happened.

Whatever 'anything' might turn out to be. The forest is dangerous. Not just for humans, though for humans in specific, yeah. Even if it was just a bear or a boar or something, if you were caught unexpectedly, there's always a chance that you could get torn up and eaten faster than you grow back.

You're pretty sure humans don't grow things back, even with orange juice.

.... And you're pretty sure that, given how the human looks right now, if it's allowed to go in the forest alone it won't be a bear or a boar or even a pack of wild dogs that it runs into. And it probably won't come back out again.

"I mean, why cut down another? We've got the wood now. It isn't like fixing the bits around the hinges is going to take all of it." You point out, carefully and slowly moving between the human and the forest, wings still. "Probably got enough for the rest of it too, once it's been cut up into the right shapes. Even if we don't, we can cut down a smaller tree later."

The human seems uncertain, but unconvinced.

".... Besides, that needs to be charged again, right?" You point out, finger angled at the electric chainsaw. "Been using it for a while, and the charge isn't going to go forever. Be kinda dumb to bring down a tree and then have it die on you before you can cut it down into bits, right? Then have to go and charge it for a few hours to full again."

Slowly, Hakui seems to decide this makes sense.

"... I think I'm thirsty. But..." the human pauses, squinting, and frowns. Just starting to realize that something isn't quite right. "... No, I don't want water. I think I'll have a cup of tea. Tea doesn't run in brooks, so I'll have to go back to the house."

"Yep. Y'go right ahead and do that."

"... I think I might sit down for a while."

You smile, and wave the human on, and stay deliberately in place until they've gone back inside the fence.

Then you turn and make a very rude gesture into the forest.

For a few moments, you can almost hear something like a snake hissing nearby, but it sulkily leaves when you pick up the last bit of wood and start thinking about pitching it at something.

By the time you've hauled it back, Yuka's finished with the hinges. In the end, there really wasn't much damage to repair or replace at all, in a relative sense. Means that you've got a nice pile of wood to work with for other things, and now you get to help heave the gate back up to where it belongs.

Well, and watch that Patchouli go snooping around here and there, trying to figure out where that coat got left. Heh.

It's pretty funny to watch.

You'll have to decide, later, whether to give it back and wait for her to leave the farm. You're reasonably sure she will, once she decides there's no more reason to stick around. Which, to be fair, she has reason to be uncomfortable here. Considering that she's stupidly delicious and all.


.... Well, maybe you'll just keep track of where she's already looked, instead. So you know where to move it to.

Not as much fun all at once, but then, you can't eat the same apple twice.

You retreat to the roofs as the sun sets, humming the Saw theme to yourself. You went and thought about it earlier, and now it's been stuck in your head for a while. After a bit, the angle of the light catches in your wings, and shines a rainbow.

You go inside before it's totally dark. Dinner tonight is normal spaghetti in spaghetti sauce, but with surprise-me meat balls. You aren't sure about the details, but she takes chicken, turkey, beef, and lamb meat and makes identical-looking meatballs out of the different types of meat.

It's delicious, is what you're trying to say.

.... Somehow you aren't really in the mood for anything more than just sleeping tonight, though. Could be how the forest looks out that window, branches waving in the wind like a bunch of angry fists, shaking in the air at being denied.

Yeah, well the forest can go ahead and suck your dick. All of the forest. Just go ahead and form a line, queue up nice, you have all day, slurp-a-fucking-durp.


[ ] Truck
[ ] Door
[ ] Boxes
[ ] Boat
[ ] _______
No. 54880
File 137773285112.png- (310.59KB , 680x850 , 01a444bf600d72ed43f4671bb482486e.png ) [iqdb]
[X] Door.
No. 54881
[X] Truck
No. 54883
[X] Truck

We got a four party members, I think they should go on a quest to find the Demon Queen and ask for a wish.
No. 54898
File 137779974199.png- (448.70KB , 762x762 , not quite.png ) [iqdb]
==> You must reclaim the combustion-engine vehicle.

Yeah, the truck. Other stuff seems less, y'know, immediate.

It's not really a great truck, but it does its job, and it's farm property. You have to get that dealt with. You don't know when exactly it might rain again, but that truck is the sort that'll rust all to hell if it's left out in the weather for too long. Probably going to have to give the whole thing a once over and oiling when you have it back. Ah, that'll be a pain.

... Well, it's not really heavy labor though, so maybe you can shove it off onto the Patchy or human. Yuka seems more than interested in taking up the quiet little game of keep-away, so she'll definitely still be at the farm when you get back.

White Coat doesn't want to leave the ground. But it seems like the human is coming along anyway, after Yuka talked for a while about there maybe being an ambush to catch pursuit off guard before they can go over their tracks with erasers and a big pot of white-out.

You weren't really listening. Seemed kind bullshitty anyway, since if there's an ambush set up that would handle you, they've probably got it set up well enough that having a human along would only make momentary difference.

So you're slow about it, just floating along a bit above where the human walks.

It seems like the forest is sleeping, today. Well, it's not as though the beaten roads are usually unsafe, though. In the middle of the day, you'd have been a little more surprised if something did happen.

It's actually not too far, only a few miles at a stroll, before you find where the truck got ditched. Yeah, it looks like they didn't take it off the road at all, just....

.... you have to take a minute and look closer at this. Something more to here, like those magic whirly dizziness paintings where you focus and unfocus your eyes for an hour and give yourself a huge headache before you suddenly see where oh-hey-there's-a-puppy, and then blink and it's gone.

"They even left the keys in the ignition?" White Coat mumbles, looking inside.

The door doesn't open, though.

"... Correction, they left the keys in the ignition, and then locked them inside."

The human sighs, and starts looking around for something to jimmy the lock or slide a window open with.

Meanwhile, like a bloodhound on the scent of a particularly and unmistakeably ripe and cheesy-smelling frenchman, you move a bit away from the truck and start poking around the underbrush.

.... They were waiting, here. A big assembly. So... the truck parked, and got shut down, but it didn't matter because everything was in the back so locking the keys inside wasn't important any more. They unloaded the crates, and moved them here, then....

You pace around the area, sniffing a little and wishing your nose worked better.


Something sweet.

There was an injury here, at least. Someone got hurt. There was a fight? Over...

... you don't know, no point in guessing, maybe someone broke wind or there was a dispute over who got the last plate of nachos. Doesn't matter. Okay, fight. Then...

.... most of them go that way. The trail doesn't go on much further though, so at least in this direction, someone's covering tracks, and they're probably not set up and living in that direction at all, they just went that way before turning off somewhere.

The other way... only a couple, two or three, maybe four at the most, break off from the group and go a completely different direction.

Got to think about this one.

.... If anything, that would be the trap, ambush, obvious bait because it just makes more sense to go after the smaller and in theory weaker group that's split off from the main bulk. If there's a trap at all, it's in following that, and....

Oh, your banana is ringing.

By this point, it's starting to get a little brown and spotty, and squishes a bit in your grip, but it still works fine when you bring it up to your ear. You're not in the immediate mood to entertain callers, though.

"Who gave you this number?" You ask, crossly. "This is a restricted line. I'll have your badges for this if you're just taking the piss, you-"

"It's coming. The time draws near." a crackling, static-y voice sounds from the banana. "Be prepared, for there will be anguish and ruination in the calamity to come."

With a sharp click, and then a sounding tone, the line goes dead.

... The fuck?

Well, this definitely sounds like a thing that is in no way shape or form your problem.

In the meanwhile, as you loop back you can see a clear footprint left in the mud at the side of the road and leading away. More immediately, though, Hakui's climbed up into the back of the truck and started poking at the rear window.


[ ] What do?
No. 54912
[X] Call a random number and repeat the message you just heard, gotta keep the chain going.
[X] Tell your maid/sex-slave to check the window and car interior for traps, and also to be a little ways away when you start it up.
[X] Drive to the nearest police station and get the steering wheel and passenger seat handles dusted for fingerprints. There's gotta be at least one human involved here.

Assuming the car doesn't immediately explode. If it does explode, please change my vote to

[X] Attempt to regenerate before sundown and the sentient black cloud finds you.
No. 54917
[x] Tell your sex-slave Hakui to check the window and car interior for traps before starting it up.
[x] Was the footprint headed in the same direction as either of the scent trails you found? If so, follow that one. Otherwise, go after the larger group. It will be moving slower, so it's more likely that you'll catch up and the trail will remain stronger.
-[x] In either case, let Hakui know what you're doing. Also, don't go so fast that you can't find your way back, and turn back before dusk sets in. Being left outside in the night is a bad idea.
No. 54918
Why not both? Flan-flan can follow the trail, and No-longer-white Coat can talk to police to try to ID the suspect. Hakui did manage to get a visual on the culprit(s).
No. 54919
Because of course, there's only one bodied Iku and Nitori in existence...
No. 54921

Of course not silly. But it is safe to say there is probably only one bodied nitori/iku crime duo in the city.
No. 54922
...Pretty sure, I think, that it was implied that they live in teh forest, not the city.
No. 54978
File 137798414992.png- (0.96MB , 801x1203 , fc37abb3bbb3f9cec2d5d32d525aebe8.png ) [iqdb]
==> Pass forward the harbinger, warning of dooms ahead.

Yeah, you guess that's fair. Makes sense.

Your finger goes through the banana skin and into the fruit at one point, so it's not going to be good for much longer. One last call, though.

You quickly, and in a hushed tone, pass along the dire portents of what is to come after someone picks up.

From the other end of the connection, there arises a confused and alarmed chittering, like a hundred million spiders rousing to anger at a sudden disturbance all at once. Then the line goes dead.

That done, you peel the banana and eat it. Kind of over-ripe. Pretty mushy. Could be worse.

As far as 'scent trails' go, though... no, no your nose really isn't that good. If you were a Momiji or something, maybe. Like dogs, you're pretty sure they hunt by smell, and pick off lone stragglers here and there, and target only individuals smaller than themselves, unless they're hunting in packs.

Much like Remilia, your kind tend more towards a sort of 'Shock and Awe' approach to hunting, though the details are different. Remilia generally make a big, huge deal about where they are at all times, and it drives prey on the ground nuts knowing that they're there and they won't leave until they've found something to eat and it was probably going to be them. Sooner or later, someone breaks from hiding and makes a big fat target of themselves, if you go at it like that. Not everyone's got nerves of rubber.

For your part, the traditional Flandre hunting methods is more along the lines of finding a big gathering place where a bunch of targets might be sleeping or napping or milling around and then just crashing into that like a fucking meteor. Tactical hunting in the same sense that you can launche a 'tactical' nuke.

But, no, your sense of smell isn't as great as all that. You can pick up sweet smells pretty well if it's from something nearby, so if there was a spill of some sort, bleeding, or soiling themselves maybe, you can pick that up when you get nearby a bit better than a human would. In all other respects it's pretty much the same. Mostly, what you were looking at was the big mass of differently-sized footprints and clumsily broken bush branches.

In any case, either way, going on one side of the road or the other, both sets of trails lead into the wilderness. So most likely....

... You look at your hands thoughtfully. Lines, where they bend, but otherwise smooth. Yeah. There's no way that there would be fingerprints left, because there's almost definitely no way that any humans were involved in this at any point. They're driven by money, and when it comes down to it... a human stopping here to unload dried vegetables and farm surplus to cart out in the woods is incredibly stupid, more so when you figure that in total all the stolen goods couldn't possibly have added up to.... even at very most, a quarter of the value of even an old and beaten-down truck like this one. For humans, that wouldn't live out in the middle of nowhere and want a road going right to their doors at all times, it doesn't make any sense.

But what the hell are yukkuri from the forest going to do with a truck, huh? Only so much gas in the tank, and there's no way they can refill it. It'll only go on roads, won't make it far off of one and through the wilderness before it breaks down, so once they've used it as an escape plan and a means to transport the swag to somewhere out of reach, where they could have a bunch of conspirators waiting to carry the rest through the woods and home....

The food has value. They can eat that. The truck, on the other hand, has served its purpose and nobody would think twice about just discarding it, leaving it behind, where if the point of it all was for human values, money, then the truck wouldn't be anywhere to be found, at very best you might see someone else driving it someday with a new coat of paint and finish, with the license plate torn off and replaced with something else.

So yeah. No question that there's not really going to be any fingerprints left. Still.

"... Hey, be careful of traps, right?" You call.

Hakui stops short with a grumble, peering thoughtfully through the window. It's not even that likely that they had the proper combination of time, inclination, and ability to set something like that up, but still.

"Maybe you would like to pry this open, then?"

Eh, maybe later.

For the moment, you wave it off and follow the tracks... well, as far as 'tracks' qualify, here, another footprint on the other side of the road, then nothing for another thirty feet into the forest before a deep footprint and broken branch where someone... you would guess, stepped wrong, sank into the mud, and tried to snatch at something to steady themselves. Makes sense.

Of course, after that there's totally nothing, right up until a creek. You'd guess it's a dozen feet wide, no way of telling how deep it is just now, but probably deep enough that you don't want to get too close to the edge, in case something comes up from under the opaquely muddy water and drags you in. Yeah, it rained the other day, so probably deep.

Not a good jumping distance, when slipping could easily mean death. Unless they could fly, then...

...So this was probably the way that Nitori went, and anyone else that came along were the water-tolerant sort.

And that means that they didn't bother to cover their tracks this way because the creek was sure to be handling it for them. They could come back out.... really, just about anywhere on the length of this thing, up or downstream, and it could take you days to figure out exactly where. Probably weeks if they picked a good spot, or you missed something on the first pass, which was pretty likely.

Either way, trail's dead Jim. Beam us up Scotty, nothing more to see here. One more demonstration of, frankly, unnerving competence from a bunch that lives in holes in trees and caves in the freaking woods. The usual level of forethought is much closer to 'maybe if I run really fast, nobody will notice me jump the fence, grab a couple of vegetables, and run away.', though to be fair, the only ones that are usually both hungry and desperate enough to try are less than a month old.

And you've been killing trespassers for decades, so yeah, teensy bit shooting-cake-in-a-barrel levels of unfair that we're talking, here. Unfair, totally. But fun. And-

Your train of thought grinds to a halt as you leave the trees, and find yourself at what might be just the most perfect viewing angle, with Hakui squatting, leaning over, and making soft noises of effort in the attempt to move something back and forth.


No. Stop it, boner. What are you doing? This isn't the time or place. Settle down, and behave. You'll think about this later.

For now, you want to go take a closer glance at the other.... well, for lack of a better word, trail. It still stops just there, someone made a point of following behind more slowly and carefully to deal with traces, but maybe there's something...

A little hope rises at rustlings in the tall grass, only to be dashed when a young deer pokes its head out and, seeing you, spooks and darts away.

Nothing, huh.

Damn it, Yuka is just too smart for her own good sometimes. Yeah, she knew by yesterday morning that today would be too late.


.... Well, if you have reason to go flying over the forest, you'll have to keep an eye out for a pile of crates. Well, assuming this whole competence thing doesn't mean that the evidence will be disposed of in some way that they can't be found. You're not sure you want to think too deeply about what whoever plotted this could get up to if their attention was turned to more than just pilfering a couple of boxes of dried carrots and stuff. Though you guess that if a split-up wasn't part of the plan, then it's not like they're a perfect tactical genius.

When you get back to the truck, Hakui is sitting back and sucking on a finger in annoyance, glowering at the rear window.

"Trouble, sunshine?" you have to ask.

"I'm not used to this sort of window, but it looks like if we can get it open then it goes right inside. We just have to-"

You reach down and stick your nails in the seam, then wrench the sliding window open with a loud 'snap'.

".... Just have to jimmy the catch, on the inside." the human finishes, weakly.


Yeah, right. You guess that would have been why it was taking so long. Well, you think there's some glue or something back at the farm to fix that. Well, anyway, now you just have to get through....

You squint a little at the tiny hole.

.... You're pretty sure your wings aren't getting through there. Even folded up tight, that's pretty small. Teeny. Of course, for sure you could just rip 'em off, but it seems like kind of a pain to go through just to get through a window hole.

Instead, you step back and wave at it. Go on then. After you. And the human seems distressed, and mutters, but in the end goes ahead and starts wedging itself through the gap, headfirst. One shoulder, then the other in a wriggling motion, shifting through. Chest, torso, and waist.

And there it stops, squirming this way and that in all sorts of interesting shifting motions, stuck until you step in to give a helpful shove.


You relay this... not quite a discovery but instead observation, when the door opens. Grinning and wiggling your fingers the whole time. Obligingly, Hakui's face slowly turns very red.

It's not long after this that it's chalk, bone white, as you press down hard on the Going-Fast pedal and move the wheel enough to stay on the road.

"Slo-Tree, slow down, you, treetreetreeROCK, you're going to kill us b-deer!"

You fail to miss that last one, and there's a spray of red across the road and windshield alike followed by a crunch from behind you as the deer lands in... in the bed of the truck? Nice Shot~"

"Slow down, pull over, stop." Hakui insists, desperately. "Hit the brakes for the love of-"

There's a screeching and mud kicks up from the road as the truck bumps over a stone and goes into a spin before coming to a complete halt. Hakui breathes deeply, fingers white on the dashboard.

"Trade seats. Just.. switch, here. I'll drive."

And Hakui does. At a much slower and less harrowing pace than you would have gone, but still at enough speed that you're back long before you would have been by walking.

Plans for dinner change immediately in the face of the accidental roadkill unexpected hunting bounty, and the truck is locked up with the keys to be kept, from this point, in a less convenient but more secure desk drawer in the house, and you get to pass the buck on most of the cleaning and oiling of the thing. Meanwhile, Yuka gets all covered in blood from processing the meat, and after cleaning up starts wood-grilling the deer ribs outside over a rack and bed of glowing lumps of charcoal. Some fresh vegetables are set down among the coals to cook and occasionally get a splash of meat grease on them.

Shapes up to be delicious, though that Patchouli doesn't seem to have the stomach for turning a large beast into manageable and cookable chunks.

In the end, it's tasty, even though it's more annoying than it could be to chew the meat off of the bones.

.... Still, though, something strikes you as odd. You weren't aware that the human knew how to drive. In fact, you're pretty sure that when asked before...

And when brought up in passing, there's a confused and uncertain look on its face, like it didn't know it did either.


[ ] Door
[ ] Boxes
[ ] Boat
[ ]_E_E___
No. 54979
So, that word in black... what could it be.


5 letters missing...
No. 54981
>there arises a confused and alarmed chittering, like a hundred million spiders rousing to anger at a sudden disturbance all at once

Well that's just fucking fantastic. Hopefully whatever eldritch horror we woke up doesn't have the means to backtrace our number.

[X] Boat
[X] Too bad about the banana. Good thing you're due for an upgrade anyway.
No. 54984

No. 54985
[ ]_E_E___

It's been spoilered, it can only be good.
No. 54996
[X] Boat
[X] Too bad about the banana. Good thing you're due for an upgrade anyway.
No. 55008
[x] Boat.
No. 55027
Time to upgrade our banana phone to an Apple Ipad.

Hue hue.
No. 55101
File 137854667760.jpg- (135.45KB , 720x500 , Could_be_worse.jpg ) [iqdb]
==> Secure Aquatic transportation vessel.


Another day, another job to focus on. Might as well get to the obviously huge one.

But still, with it shoved way up past the shore while it was wet earth, and with it dried out so much now, gonna be a pain.

"The one who made the mess isn't allowed to complain about cleaning it up." Yuka snorts. "There's a reason you're supposed to slow down as you come near the dock. Not supposed to beach it at all."


She sure likes to complain.

You tune out whatever she was going to shoot back with as the human drops a load of shovels and digging tools from the shed nearby, and then stares at the boat, looking a little lost and uncertain.

"The best way to do this is to just dig it out." Yuka grunts. "Starting from near the shore... the lake is large enough that a little trench won't really lower the water level at all. Dig a few inches around it, below the water-line... and as the water saturates the dirt it'll slowly slide back in on its own."

The human stares at the boat, itself the size of a good house, and cringes a little bit.

".... There's got to be some better way than that." Hakui mumbles, instinctively shying away from the labor involved with that sort of effort. "I saw... lots of rope, actually, a whole lot inside of that storage warehouse you're calling a 'shed'. Instead of digging all that time, wouldn't it make more sense to set up a rope system and tow the boat back into the water? Tie the other end of the rope off on the back of that truck, and add that to the mix. I mean, if you're just digging, doesn't that risk the boat just falling over?"

"Not much, but there's a chance. If it does, though, it will still right itself when it slides into the water. Right at the shore is not so deep. And then we just have the waterproof human pump out the belowdecks bilge. Besides, it's possible for it to fall over even being towed with ropes, and there's a new chance of accidentally breaking more things."

.... Hrm.

Well, one way or another, as long as it gets done it's fine, right? Seems that way to you.

Still, it looks like the Patchouli isn't going to be much help. The look on her face is...

Well, sort of a mix between 'why am I here again' and 'deep thinking'. Still, for a puny sort, it's not like she'll be any help either way. Pulling lines gets nothing, only two or three shovels full before a rest break... yeah.

You munch the last pear set out for breakfasty things, then snag a banana and put it away for later.

So, let's see.


[ ] Let's get digging. Yuka's right, no point in just putting it off for a little longer. The sooner you strike the earth, the sooner you'll find a coal vein, and then you can get to... something. Lost your train of thought, there.
[ ] Maybe the eye-candy has something going, here. You don't even know why there's hundreds and hundreds of feet of rope and such in the shed, but might as well put it to use. A pulley system is too complex to fail.
[ ] Or maybe the Patchouli has an idea, huh? Hows about it, then. You got some kind of magic-bullshit solution here? Because it's not like you're really eager to get to digging or hauling rope yourself, comes down to it.
No. 55102
File 137854720429.png- (391.60KB , 444x600 , magicexplaining.png ) [iqdb]
[X] Or maybe the Patchouli has an idea, huh? Hows about it, then. You got some kind of magic-bullshit solution here? Because it's not like you're really eager to get to digging or hauling rope yourself, comes down to it.
No. 55105
[x] Let's get digging. Yuka's right, no point in just putting it off for a little longer. The sooner you strike the earth, the sooner you'll find a coal vein, and then you can get to... something. Lost your train of thought, there.

Eh, a little hard work never hurt anyone.
No. 55111
[X] Let's get digging. Yuka's right, no point in just putting it off for a little longer. The sooner you strike the earth, the sooner you'll find a coal vein, and then you can get to... something. Lost your train of thought, there.

Hopefully we find enough coal to get us through the harsh winter.
No. 55186
[x] Let's get digging. Yuka's right, no point in just putting it off for a little longer. The sooner you strike the earth, the sooner you'll find a coal vein, and then you can get to... something. Lost your train of thought, there.

Digging is best solution.
No. 55216
File 137910836990.jpg- (65.19KB , 600x750 , interruptions.jpg ) [iqdb]
Hakui collects tool: Shovel.
Yuka01 collects tool: Shovel.
Yuka07 cancels Farming: getting a drink.
Flandre collects tool: Shovel.

Yuka04 cancels Farming: Interrupted by vole.

"A what? Just kill it. Or just throw it over the fence."

Yuka04 resumes farming.
Hakui cancels Digging: Interrupted by trout.

"That's a big one. Get a bucket, we'll have fish later."

Digging paused.
Re-structuring dig parameters.

"You're going too wide! Go too far out, and it'll fall over. And you are digging too deep, we only need enough to wet it down and get it slippery. Get it together!"

"Yeah, yeah...."

It is now NOON.

Hakui cancels Digging: Food.

"Bring some of those granola bars..."

A dire hooting arises from the East.

Flandre cancels Digging: Lunch.
Yuka cancels Digging: Food and Water.

Patchouli cancels Search: Interrupted by rhesus monkey.


Yuka04 cancels Farming: Interrupted by rhesus monkey.
Yuka12 cancels Farming: Interrupted by rhesus monkey.
Hakui cancels eating: Interrupted by rhesus monkey.
Yuka07 cancels Farming: Interrupted by rhesus monkey.
Yuka03 cancels Farming: Interrupted by rhesus monkey.

"Where the hell are they coming from, did it suddenly turn into monkey migration season!?"

Flandre cancels eating: Interrupted by rhesus monkey.
Yuka01 cancels eating: Interrupted by rhesus monkey.
Yuka02 cancels Farming: Interrupted by rhesus monkey.
Rhesus monkey cancels poo-flinging: Interrupted by Flandre.
Hakui cancels retreat: Interrupted by rhesus monkey.
Yuka11 cancels Farming: Interrupted by rhesus monkey.
Rhesus monkey cancels rhesus monkey: Interrupted by baboon.


.... To make a long and incredibly annoyingly improbable story short?

The boat eventually got back into the water that day. And nobody took any permanent injuries.

".... I think I hate monkeys now." Hakui grumbles softly.


[ ] Door
[ ] Boxes
[ ]GE_E_I_
No. 55217
So now it's GE_E_I_...

Generic? But what would that mean... Can't be that.
No. 55218

No. 55219
File 137911143463.jpg- (445.54KB , 850x1200 , 181785e7cf1a25b26097b7163b52b840.jpg ) [iqdb]
[X] Door
No. 55221
[X] GE_E_I_

No. 55222
[X] Door
No. 55230
[x] Door.

Keep intruders out.
No. 55231

The door was originally built in an effort to contain the Yuuka. needless to say; it failed.
No. 55287

Thats what I figure it is, and I say we go for it. Word cruncher programs seem to indicate we covered all the possibilities with generic, genetic, and genesis. Generic makes no sense, genetic is obtuse and doesn't sound like a suitably foreboding choice.

Thread Watcher x