Groggily, you part your eyelids to a thin squint, the annoyingly bright morning sun shining in through the shrine entrance. It takes a few forceful blinks for you to be able to fully open your eyes, turning your face away from the blinding light until you can properly adjust to it. To make matters worse, the damned birds outside are chirping up a storm, each tweet sending a low pulse of pain through the back of your skull. A quick glance about the room reveals the cause for your relatively unpleasant morning - empty bottles scattered all about the floor, the evaporating remnants of their contents unleashing a presently nauseating bouqet of alcoholic scents.
Yeah, no wonder you feel like you'd rather die than wake up.
Wearily getting up, you sigh to yourself in mild frustration as you begin cleaning up last night's mess. Naturally, most of these aren't actually yours - you could never afford this amount of liquor even if you saved up three months' worth of donations. Hell, you can barely afford your daily meals. Speaking of meals, it might be a good idea to get some food and drink in your belly to fight off this raging hangover...
You tuck the bottles into a sack and hide it in a closet - even though you didn't buy most of those, you can probably make a few yen off them at the local recycling center. Assuming Gensokyo has one of those. In any case, you try to make yourself look at least somewhat presentable - or at least, not obviously hung over. After pulling on your sleeves with your teeth while simultaneously trying to wipe a stain of unknown origins off the floor with one leg, you decide to step outside, basking in the bright warmth of a brand new summer day in the fantasy land of Gensokyo, clear blue skies and the cheerful song of birds welcoming you with open arms.
It's kind of annoying. Trying to ignore the beating in your head, you walk to the lake behind the shrine and lean down for a drink, lazily closing your eyes - gotta fight off the dehydration with lots of water, right? Just then, your lips press against something hard and rough, prompting you to open your eyes.
"Sorry, I'm neither a frog nor a prince," a large, bearded old turtle says in a slow and tired manner as it surfaces from the water, staring back at you with black, half-closed eyes.
"It's nice to know you still care, though."
"Oh, be quiet, Gramps." Ignoring Genji's uninvited sense of humor, you move to the side and have a drink. The water, rushing down your throat, only serves to make your stomach rumble loudly, reminding you of just how hungry you are; peeking at Genji from the corner of your eye, the thought of turtle soup briefly enters and exits your mind. Giving you a bit of a judgmental stare for a moment, the turtle sighs softly and submerges once again, off to do whatever it is wizened old youkai turtles do underwater. Standing back up, you look at your reflection in the water, gazing at the yin-yang symbol on your flank absent-mindedly, before moving back over to the shrine, stopping to dig at the ground in a certain spot with one hoof, pondering ways to fill your belly this morning.
 Go pay a visit to Marisa. That freeloader shows up to 'share' your food all the time, so she might as well return the favor every now and then.
 That grass is looking mighty appetizing right now...
 Dig up your super-secret savings and go see if you can buy a meal at the village.
Why did you save this thread? As nice as the OP was, and as unexpectedly welcomed it was, bumping a year old troll story is just stupid. Even if you wanted to troll by bumping this, there are better (real) stories to bump and troll with.
That said, I was kinda let down this was just a troll story. I wouldn't feel bad if it was a regular story.
>>45555 I bumped it because there are a lot of fanworks putting the touhou and the ponies together, and I wanted to see a good story based on this.
And also because I wanted to see people rage, but mainly because it seemed interesting.