Archived Thread

File 126607814034.jpg - (37.64KB , 528x600 , gilgamesh.jpg ) [iqdb]
25050 No. 25050
Your name is Masami Darkness Fairy Princess Blargh Chocolate Dagger Rapémachine the Sixth. Or just Rapemachine. Also you are not Gilgamesh. Just his daughter. Because he can totally have daughters in this current day and age.

Using your super special Fairy Princess Clash powers, you appear in Gensokyo. Just because you played the games and beat it really really easily and it made people like you too much. Such is the curse of being perfect.

There's a very annoyed girl, predominantly clothed in sanguine and alabaster. Her ochre orbs convey annoyance. You seem to have destroyed her religious domicile.

What do you do, Masami Darkness Fairy Princess Blargh Chocolate Dagger Rapémachine the Sixth?

>> No. 25051
Your name is too long, ask the girl to give you a better one
>> No. 25052
[x]Your name is too long, ask the girl to give you a better one
Sounds good. Goddamn.
>> No. 25053
"My name is too long, give me a better name, girl."

The girl (you wanted to call her a maiden, but she was so indecent with her exposed armpits and sideboob) blinks at you oddly.

"I don't even know your name and I don't ca--" She attempts to speak, but you cut her off.

"My name is Masami Darkness Fairy Princess Blargh Chocolate Dagger Rapémachine the Sixth."



"Well? Give me a better name."

"How about I call you 'Fix my goddamn shrine or I'll cram your name up your ass.'"

Oh no, the foul wench is being belligerent! Whatever will you do now, Fix my goddamn shrine or I'll cram your name up your ass?

Hm, that's actually not a good name.
>> No. 25054
[x] Reenact the French Revolution.
[x] Kick her in her girly parts.
>> No. 25055
>[x] Reenact the French Revolution.
Which part of the French Revolution?
>> No. 25056
[x] This unworthy creature dared to insult you.
[x] Show her your gates of Babylon.
[x] Afterwards loot the place and sell her into slavery at the local village.
>> No. 25057
This unworthy girl dared to insult you.

"You dare insult me? I, Rapemachine, will rape the shit out of you! Here, have some Gate of Babylon!"

Countless ripples in space appear behind you, and the background of the scene changes as swords pull themselves out of the distortion in space. Also spears. With a haughty gesture, you direct your bladed wrath towards that rude ebony-haired teenager. Countless swords and far less spears fire themselves at her, and then loop around to try it again.

The impudent girl just dodges them over and over, instead of losing with dignity and submitting to your will. It looks like she's not even trying hard. How rude! Back where you came from, you were the metaphorical shit, the bee's knees, the head honcho, the grand poobah, the big cheese. You were also great at martial arts (as to be expected), so in frustration you call off your attack and charge at her, flying through the air on your fairy princess wings.


Your swift (and impossible!) defeat is swift, and embarrassing. You had no idea she was that good at fistfights. Did it even count as a fistfight when you disappear and do a teleporting drop kick?

She sits on you, and moving your arms is difficult. You can't possibly lose!

What do you do, loser?
>> No. 25058
[x] Copy her powers. Because clearly anything she can do, you can do even better.
>> No. 25059
She obviously can't affect you with her witchy magic! You move your arms, and then copy her teleporting drop kick. Before your foot slams into her head, she teleports above you and tries to kick you. And then you teleport. And then she teleports.

You have no idea how far both of you are up in the air, but you can see a bunch of houses looking all tiny-like, and it doesn't appear either you or the heathen are giving up your teleporting wankfest.
>> No. 25060
[x] Grab her by the foot as she tries to drop on you and execute a spinning piledriver.
>> No. 25061
You teleport, and wait. How very PREDICTABO, she's about to kick you in the head. You grab her leg, and then shift your grip slightly. As you drop, you use your powers to spin, and spin fast. Like a missile, you impact the stone ground of the heathen's shrine and create a massive crater from your implausibly high spinning piledriver.

You leap off her body and strike a pose! You are... victorious!

You cop a victory feel.

Now what do you do?
>> No. 25062
[x] Head to the village. Enlist help to erect a new shrine over the ruins of the old one. The patron goddess of it would be you, of course.
>> No. 25063
You head to the village and attempt to enlist help to build a new shrine over the other shrine that you inadvertently obliterated along with the whoever it was up there.

Nobody seems to take you seriously, even considering your elegant charm, graceful personality, and overwhelming power.

What do you do, Masami Darkness Fairy Princess Blargh Chocolate Dagger Rapémachine the Sixth?
>> No. 25065
[x] Head back to the shrine, find some rope to bind her and ride her to the village to show your glorious triumph that shall make those peasants bown down before you.
>> No. 25066
Bunch of backwater bastards. Nobody here can see talent even if it walked into town and told them talent just piledrivered someone from a mile up.

Using your other charms, you ask who the leader of this craphole is. They seem to point you to a woman with long hair and an extremely funny hat. Her name seems to be Keine.

Now what? Your "must cop a feel" meter is going haywire.
>> No. 25067
[x] Demand that she hand over the leadership of the village to you, because you're far more capable than she is. You'll allow her the grace of being your personal assistant, thought.
>> No. 25068
You make it very clear that you demand ownership of this... charming village. Because you're far more beautiful and smart than she is and will ever be. Although, she seems reasonably intelligent, especially if she acquiesces to your query.

She refuses. Is this any way to treat someone such as you?!

You repeat your request.

She denies.

You repeat your request.

She denies.

You repeat your request.

She denies.

This is getting very, very tiring. Your "must cop a feel" meter is going haywire, again.
>> No. 25069
[x] Surprise headbutt.
>> No. 25070
You headbutt her.

She headbutts you back.

Both of you headbutt each other, and then back off.

All-powerful as you may be... this woman, no, Keine. She had a headbutt to rival the gods themselves! Well, god. You don't have any serious mental problems.

You prepare to headbutt again. How much force will you use, dear Rapemachine?
>> No. 25071
[x] Replace yourself with a solid block of steel as she tries to headbutt you again.
>> No. 25072
Both of you enter combat again, but this time you use a clever trick and replace yourself with a block of steel.

Your worthy (barely) opponent smashes through the steel and lets loose a roar of triumph. She's heading for you like some sort of invincible headbutting juggernaut.
>> No. 25073
[x] Ole!
>> No. 25074
You do that rodeo thing the matadors do, complete with new fancy outfit and red cape thing. It doesn't take, and Keine headbutts you.


You feel woozy, which is impossible. Or is it?
>> No. 25075
[x] Okay, enough screwing around. Gate of Babylon, make her your servant, etc.
>> No. 25076
"Enough games!"

The air behind you shimmers and ripples, blades coming out point first. You really won't lose this time!

"Ahahahahaha, once you lose, Keine, I'll make you my servant! And then we'll see who's better at headbutting!" You take a few seconds to laugh maniacally while the law of villain speeches covers you.

You raise your hand and are about to drop it to signal fire, but that girl from before (now you know her name as Reimu) teleports out of nowhere and kicks you in the face.

You're out like a light.

Which should be impossible.

Utterly impossible.






Awful lot of thought for a teenager that got shitfucked.

... Would you like to rampage?
>> No. 25077
[x] Throw a shitfit.
>> No. 25080
You throw a hell of a shitfit, and you've thrown a hard enough shitfit that you can't think nor see, just lash out and see occasional images.

That heathen girl's neck at an odd angle. Keine's head burst open like a melon. So many people cut in half. A sterotypical witch, headless. A mansion. A gate guard torn in two, a mashed up maid. Lungs torn out of a magician, two vampires staked together. A girl with dolls, you strangled her. So many rabbits, you collected their ears. One fiery girl who wouldn't die, you buried her far underground. To a house in the middle of a forest, only more immortals, now perfectly encased in steel.

A woman with butterflies, how beautiful... ghostly essence fades away nice, along with her sword servant. A girl with two tails, a woman with nine. It doesn't matter, more for your collection.

A woman you cannot describe...

Reality crumbles around you. Good job, Masami Darkness Fairy Princess Blargh Chocolate Dagger Rapémachine the Sixth, you never got a better name.


This was fun to fuck around with.
>> No. 25081
File 126609158786.jpg - (68.26KB , 600x850 , revya.jpg ) [iqdb]
Hooray for genocide end.
>> No. 25089
>> No. 25090
>Good job, Masami Darkness Fairy Princess Blargh Chocolate Dagger Rapémachine the Sixth, you never got a better name.
That's because it is impossible to improve on this name.
>> No. 25091
File 126611747769.jpg - (334.43KB , 643x900 , c9e78444623ffedad4eae0093e81bb05.jpg ) [iqdb]
>Your "must cop a feel" meter is going haywire.
>> No. 25097
Poor thing. All she wanted was to cop a feel ;_;
>> No. 25108
...Is that Madotsuki that's talking to Byakuren, there?
>> No. 25112

Nope. It's Shino/Ponjiyuusu, the artist of the image. She started illustrating a comic all about her experiences playing the Touhou games a while back, and that evolved into a series of comics in which she takes the place of the player characters, and faces off against each of the bosses. Despite being a self-insert series the comics are pretty good, mostly because everything in them is played for comedy. Shino isn't the best player in the world, which translates into her getting her ass beat all over the place; she's also an enormous pervert, and spends most of the confrontations trying to cop feels, flirt, or molest every girl she encounters.
>> No. 25113

Here's the pool, folks

it's mostly translated (save for a few pages), but most of the gags should be evident. One rather epically funny match up is when she faces Satori.
>> No. 25162
>mostly translated
>(save for a few pages)

...No. I'd say somewhere between a third to half of it is still untranslated. This is a great goddamn shame, as it seems funny.
>> No. 25165
I looked through the whole thing recently and realized that; you have my apologies. Not sure if she even had a section on EoSD at all or not. I'd have to check the pixiv account. Shino vs Satori is hilariously one-sided, for mind-reading can be a double edged sword.
>> No. 25242
File 126655580856.jpg - (71.84KB , 500x800 , gilko.jpg ) [iqdb]
To be honest, YAF's Gilgamesh stand-in was doing pretty well, until he decided against the vote to rip out Satori's (second) heart.

Someday I will have my Gilko in Gensokyo.