Anonymous 2010/01/04 (Mon) 06:27 No. 24049 THE BLUE BLAST-TASTIC ADVENTURE BEGINS.
Our glorious hero stands in front of a cave's tunnel. No ordinary tunnel. He feels a very real sense of importance at the sight of this tunnel. He knows this is the path to greatness. This tunnel will change who he is, what he is, and his life will never be the same. He turns to his companion, the other Touhou Champion he has allied with. Out of a lack of feelings he suddenly feels a brotherly bond. The gravity of this moment is hitting him, right in the face, neck and shoulders. He vows, then and there, to put his dick inside this life and fuck it, as he will forever transcend time and history with this mission.
It is time (which he hasn't yet transcended).
He walks forward slowly. There are monsters in this cave, but they are of no consequence. He knows they are powerless to stop him now. Letting the Blue Touhou guide his actions, his thoughts, and his passion, he walks forward. He hates and loves the stones around him, knowing they are his enemy, until such time as he posses and champions the powerful, stone touhou. The very air of this cave is his enemy, and he masters it with his powerful, ox-like lungs, ripping nourishment from it, leaving it feeling used and dead.
“This is a dangerous land. I will think no less of you if you turn back” said the levitation champion. His size is big, but his heart is small. The blueness of his extremities make it clear that passionate life blood has never reached them.
“I will think far less of you if I turn back now. We end this tonight.” Walking forward, our rippling hero walks forward, proud, joyous, and drunk. Battling monsters of the body and the mind constantly, he purges ahead. Soon, he sees a small opening in the tunnel, to a larger cavern. Inside, he sees a small village of Gen-so-q. “Goblins!” he snarls, recognizing their stench. Firing Touhou blast after touhou, he disables the guards. They stand motionless and defeated, seeing the face of true power.
“Su-to-ba! Chiung cha, kna kna!” they shout in their moonspeak dialect.
Attempting to communicate in the native tounge, our hero takes out his trusty feather headress and loincloth, and speaks in their language, rapidly shouting a tongue flapping sequel, while slapping his hand against his mouth. Accepting his dominance, they flee. Apparently, they had a prisoner. A sensual looking blonde woman, with the rack of a god with enormous breasts. She has the slender jaw-line of a modern homo-sexual. She gazes at our hero gratefully, with a slight twinkle of orgasm in her eyes. Our hero knows immediately that this, this woman, is the source of his passion in this mission, and she is totally down for like, anything. He steps forward, offering her help up from the ground, and says to her:
“hey um...you don't have to like worry about goblins anymore, I did that. I mean, I'm sorry if you didn't want me too. It's just, I don't usually do this.” The Golden Touhou translates his shitty words into the most beautiful poetry this world has ever heard. He hates her for making him uncomfortable, but he forgives her.
“Thank you so much! I have so many sexual ways to repay you!” she says, embracingly.
“My fair lady” says the levitiaion champion. “there is no need for that. Were here to help, to save this world. We ask for nothing in return.” He keep saying all these faggy things, but our hero is far more concerned with the tunnel leading out of the cavern, where he feels the power of the earth Touhou. He must have the Stone power, to be able to plow the earth, and probably plow her too.
They move forward cautiously. He attempts to make small talk with the woman. “So, what fetishs do you have? I'm....I have lots of them. Just, tons. Their all pretty intense stuff, some are basically impossible.” he says, in a fawning tone, rubbing his hands together slowly.
Before she has time to answer, (she's totally into feet) they had found the Stone champion. He stood alone, meditating, lifting huge rocks in the air, forming very exact lines with them,. And taking them apart, for they weren't “just so”.
“Champion!” Our hero exclaims. “I'm here to commandeer your Power Touhou!” the Stone Champion moves to go wash his hands quickly, licks his lips, wipes his mouth, licks his lips slower.
“you'll have to pry it from my cold, dead, completely clean, FILTHY” he washes his hands again. “HANDS!”
Our hero sees his weakness, and sets to work. As the large breasted woman flees for cover as is the habit of her flighty sort, and The levitation champion flies into the air for the duel, Our hero expertly shoots a strong blast of blue directly at his witless opponent. The stone champion fixes his rock formations so their perfectly aligned, and then begins blasting them at his new enemies, in very exact patterns. The fight lasts a while, and they all pause wearily, the woman's breasts just jiggling with anticipation.
“Three Power Touhou will NEVER be enough to stop me. I'm the greatest champion in all of Star Wars!”
“What? Three? I posses two, you fucking clown shoes!”
The stoney one quickly washes his hands perfectly and builds the remaining rocks into an isosceles triangle. You know its perfect because he includes stone notations of his numbering for it. “Your ally is the wind champion! Tell me your not that oblivious to the obvious!”
Not listening even a little, our hero blasts him using his Touhou and the ground itself, leaving the dirtiest water known to man or Touhou strewn across his obsessive compulsive opponent. Bleeding mentally (from the ears) from the attack, Our enemy slowly opens his mouth and lets off a piercing scream, as he melts to death. Quickly, the Stone Touhou flies to our hero, its new leader. He now has Three Power Touhou!
“And you!” he bellows at his ally. “I saw right through your clever erection! You'll pay for this one!”
“You saw through it when he told you” Said the Wind Champion, in his dying words, as mix of blue and stone rip him to pieces.
“That may be so, but you're dead! Who's fat now?” Our hero has now championed 4 Power Touhou, although one isn't really for fighting, and he deems it pretty sucks. And yet, our hero feels empty, for he has never tasted the flower of a woman. He's not really sure what that even means.
1! Go after the Green Touhou, we have all the elementals now.
2! Master the Power Touhou we have, as we are a mastering sort
3! Deflower the woman. Do it imitatively before someone cooler shows up. So, real quick.